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fableandfolly.com/survey today. Welcome

1:46

back to Dum Dum's and Dragons, where

1:49

improvisers who've never roleplayed before journey into

1:51

the world of Dungeons and Dragons. I

1:54

am the Great Wizard Bukake, your host.

1:57

Our heroes are entering the palace in

1:59

Selgons. Star Fox gave the speech

2:01

that Gotham welcomed inside. Butthole learned

2:03

what he could about the zombies and their

2:05

processes, and Quinny realized the nobles in town

2:08

were begging to be robbed. But

2:10

will our heroes be able to defeat the

2:12

zombies threatening the town? Find

2:14

out next on

2:17

Dom Dom's and

2:19

Trygods! Dom

2:24

Dom's, you have arrived in Selgant

2:26

after a long and storied adventure

2:28

involving brothers named Ted, some

2:31

river shenanigans, meeting

2:34

all manner of fun and wild characters along

2:36

the way. But you've now

2:39

arrived in the formerly bustling port and

2:41

trade center of Selgant in Sembia on

2:44

a mission to save Asgard

2:47

from the wrath of Primrose,

2:50

Everheart, and the assembled people here waiting

2:52

to see what kind of nation you're

2:54

going to be. In order to

2:56

do that, you need a neighbor to vouch for you as

2:59

is so often the way. And thus, on

3:01

the behest of Tyrin Bashkara, the envoy

3:04

from Sembia, you have set out to Selgant

3:06

where there are some undead just

3:09

doing processes that we have yet to

3:12

truly unravel and sort out, having

3:15

arrived crossing into the

3:17

city over the High Bridge. You

3:20

have been brought through town by infantryman

3:23

intern guy Jimbo

3:27

Jimmothy, who has now

3:29

handed you off to the

3:31

comptroller of Selgant, one

3:34

Bolarvan Hashmir, who is currently

3:36

leading you into the palace

3:39

in order to make your greetings

3:42

to Samulon Uskvarin III and figure

3:45

out what the fuck is happening with these

3:47

zambees. So you're

3:50

being led through by this, again,

3:53

sort of Polgiamadi type comptroller

3:55

Hashmir, who is just... Making

4:00

kind of small adjustments. everything is as

4:02

as you go. he's like directing staff

4:04

around. This feels very much more like

4:06

a busy town hall or or mayor's

4:08

office that it does like a palace.

4:10

at least this for the people were

4:13

swinging all over the place was the

4:15

clip boards and paper going for walks

4:17

or end up he just kind of

4:19

of his ring his hands a little

4:21

bit and a he he turns to

4:23

you but whole and says oh listen

4:25

I'm sorry really should have opened with

4:27

the money thing and that's probably not

4:29

your problem. But ah, legacy times are

4:32

a little tougher here than we're used

4:34

to, so I'm just getting a little

4:36

bit desperate. Better of course them as

4:38

far too for me. I you have

4:40

my apologies on behalf of the Office

4:43

of the Comptroller are many, many apologies.

4:45

Are no problem. I totally understand you

4:48

know I'm sure. com patrol and sped

4:50

tough gig A you wouldn't believe for

4:52

thank you thank you. I'm glad someone

4:54

understands likes I don't understand him. What

4:57

is a Controller? And

4:59

he just he does a

5:01

a full summer heat as.

5:04

Assess your it Yeah it's a don't knows

5:06

no no no knows what it is are

5:08

you don't know you're down? know I know

5:11

What am I gonna judge that? By the

5:13

way I know it's ads. Very serious about

5:15

how to sell.i thought I do what a

5:17

controller was but now I'm not sure if

5:20

is nobody else is you're on your some

5:22

told money sitting room for great injects. With

5:25

booze set the Philippine state

5:28

in so inspirational. Ah he.

5:30

He kind of just like

5:33

size through. His teeth

5:35

and ghosts. I.

5:39

Wish. I had a strong

5:41

fingers on the purse strings, but know

5:43

the rule of comptroller was. Invented.

5:45

by the you square in the

5:48

seconds ah once the whiskers decided

5:50

to spend more time on hunting

5:52

and enjoying the fruits of their

5:54

labor that doing the labour ah

5:57

i understand he heard the term

5:59

from a sailor from some other

6:01

city and thought it sounded neat.

6:04

So I'm some kind of under

6:06

mayor with this fancy

6:08

title that no one has bothered to ask me

6:10

about in years and I kind of thought I

6:12

was getting away with it, but clearly you've seen

6:14

right through me. So no, I

6:16

can't troll very little other

6:19

than trying to just manage the chaos of this

6:21

place and occasionally let

6:23

his Lord governorship make

6:26

a decision so he feels involved. So

6:28

you're saying you effectively run the city? And

6:31

babysit? Well, yeah,

6:35

I guess that is what I'm saying a little

6:37

bit. Well that sounds like a comptroller is

6:39

a very important job.

6:42

Yeah, so I guess quick question for you then. We

6:46

obviously want to do a good job. We want

6:48

to help you. We want to help this place

6:50

and we also want to get basically

6:52

a letter of approval. We can take back the

6:54

Cormier to be like these guys on Psychos. So

6:56

it sounds like you're the letter writing type. What

7:00

do we need to do to make that work and

7:03

what do we need to do to make your,

7:05

I guess I'm going to use the term boss

7:07

because I don't understand how any of this works,

7:10

want to sign it because it sounds like

7:12

he may be a little bit mercurial and

7:14

maybe you got some more definitive answers. I

7:17

would never go so far as to say he's

7:19

mercurial. I heard that

7:21

outside. Well, who am I to

7:23

argue with the wind? Yeah,

7:27

you would need his approval in order

7:29

to get any proper writ as you

7:31

will not be surprised to know. No

7:33

one particularly respects the word of a

7:35

comptroller rather than a high lord governor.

7:39

But if

7:41

you're able to deal with this undead problem,

7:44

that would go a long way. You may have

7:46

heard of our, they looked at the two guards

7:48

who were walking with him. He goes, ah, fuck

7:50

it. They know. You may have heard of our

7:52

payroll issues going on. It hasn't exactly been booming.

7:55

We're starting to see foot traffic coming again. But

7:57

there's only so much you can carry on your

7:59

back. as opposed to bringing in

8:01

in the load the Bringing in in

8:03

the cargo bay of a ship. That's true.

8:05

Rick's like only had so many canoes. Yeah,

8:08

Rick slick Yeah,

8:10

you need to canoes a canoe man. Yeah, he raised

8:12

them And he just

8:14

calls over someone's like have we issued a business

8:16

license to a Rick slick and they're like, well,

8:18

I'll know no No, sir. I don't know like

8:21

looking through the things just do you see this

8:23

guy's operating within the walls of Celgon? No date

8:25

lands Oh, fuck everybody shows the

8:27

guy always like for fucking that. Okay. All right

8:29

Well, that's fine. He could run his little

8:31

business on the side I don't think we need

8:34

to get involved in such matters, but it seems

8:36

like you got bigger stuff going on We do

8:38

we do we got it. Well, they're not that

8:40

big but they are a real problem these fucking

8:42

zombies, you know There's one thing when they're trying

8:44

to eat all the flesh of the living and

8:46

speaking with the Lich Lord's voice That was bad,

8:48

but this whole new process

8:50

thing. I have a whole other

8:52

issue Not worse. No,

8:55

but not convenient in a very different

8:57

way Their processes start

8:59

if I may ask that's a

9:01

good question. Yeah Right

9:03

around the time all the the rest of the undead

9:06

Turned to ash and dropped, you know people

9:08

are celebrating the streets. We heard word from elsewhere

9:10

saying hey, congratulations And we kind of went

9:12

what are you talking about because we still

9:14

had a lot of fucking zombies? Wandering

9:17

around and they keep popping out of places. We

9:19

didn't expect there's just there are there in all

9:21

sorts of nooks and crevices But they're fucking weird

9:23

because they don't they don't try and bite you

9:25

or eat your flesh But if you try and

9:27

take them out of what they're doing Blow

9:30

up. Okay, so like Obviously

9:32

the surf zombies are a problem because they're

9:34

a real problem They're blocking the boat He

9:36

talked about like the in town zombies that

9:38

like go to a bar Is that an

9:41

equivalent level problem? Like do we need to

9:43

take this to zero or is there like

9:45

a priority taking it to zero would be

9:47

ideal because a lot of Our traffic is

9:49

around Selling Salgont Is

9:51

a wonderful place for architectural wonders

9:54

and temples. But When there's zombies

9:56

in the fucking temple, you can't

9:58

just have people going. In we

10:00

have the same play running now four

10:02

weeks. Everyone is really tired of it

10:04

and the actors are exhaust were only

10:06

keep them away with drugs at this

10:08

point there because the zombies blow up

10:11

if you do a different place yes

10:13

no and and as line big long

10:15

queue of zombies replace those it's voting

10:17

zombies that as they go Kim who

10:19

legally ape shit on you if you

10:21

try and move one of them early

10:23

on before exploding Silver Ravens ah as

10:25

center a unit in just move there's

10:27

I'm at the very famous restaurant here.

10:30

Very very good beast do

10:32

ah and died and alliance.

10:35

You've heard of it or I have. Well don't

10:37

get your hopes up cause there's there's a lot

10:39

of anxiety, dead gore mind and there's a sit

10:41

near demanding or stews you need to. All of

10:43

as much do is they can make of his

10:46

processes to eat. Constantly has

10:48

orders the same thing over and

10:50

over and over and we thought

10:52

this is very silly. We thought

10:54

we could handle this. so send

10:56

in a unit of the As

10:59

Silver Ravens awaiting. Try. To pick

11:01

him up the zombie started screaming and all

11:03

of a sudden. Soccer. Just

11:05

came out of the woodwork and rushed into

11:07

his aid with a put it back down.

11:10

Zombies left. As. Walks back to

11:13

wherever they were stationed. Guards tried to pick

11:15

up one of those zombies. All. Those

11:17

stars obvious are screaming. All the other zombies

11:19

rush to their aid while one continues to

11:21

order food. We have no other way describe

11:23

it in a fucking process because they just

11:25

seem to have a series of things they're

11:27

doing and we interfere with that process. That

11:29

eg, all all curse plot angry on a

11:31

case of that's the what. Is

11:33

your the comptroller? So. What's.

11:36

The. What's. The Wire the theories

11:38

on in your got your this is a

11:40

big city, I'm sure. you got your wizards,

11:43

your clerics, you scholars trying to explain why

11:45

this is happening. We are happening. Outside of

11:47

Cel God in other places. And seven

11:49

bf. not that we have heard of

11:52

seems to be localized true and here and

11:54

to your question mister minister of culture know

11:56

we don't have wizards and big hats and

11:58

other things working on it we don't have

12:00

any fucking money to pay them right now. So

12:03

we had to put everyone on a little

12:05

bit of a... we've had to put people

12:08

on hiatus, forced hiatus, you know, we've got

12:10

people on sabbatical, we've given a lot of

12:12

people vacations, just hoping they won't notice that

12:14

there's no payroll yet, because until trade is

12:17

restored, we're kind of fucked. Okay, so we

12:19

got to check out this zombie thing. Let's

12:22

go do this formal hello and get

12:24

that over with, and then we can

12:26

start go do some tests on... I

12:28

think the zombie at the restaurant seems

12:30

like the one we can figure out, because I want to find

12:32

out what happens if we give them a plate of rocks or

12:34

something. It sounds like it's going to explode, but yeah. Yeah, I

12:36

want to find out if that's true. Okay. Maybe

12:38

he talks, I don't know. Can you take us to see your

12:42

boss, and then we'll get back to work.

12:45

Yeah, we can go see him. That said, you're going

12:47

to need to get patted down, I think, before you

12:49

go in. Looks like he might be carrying some weapons

12:51

on you. I mean, I do have this hammer in

12:54

my hand and the shield with the spikes on it,

12:56

and it will. Look, I didn't want to be rude

12:58

to point it out. Yeah, my sword, my chair itself is kind

13:00

of a weapon, but I kind of need it to

13:02

move around, so... Oh, that's

13:04

fine. Just talk to Proximaus about it. All right. Once

13:08

you're cleared for entry with him, then we can go

13:11

talk to the Lord High Governor. So he takes

13:13

you down a couple of hallways to a security

13:15

office, and you see a massive emblazoned

13:17

silver raven over the door. And

13:21

it just very much seems like almost a

13:23

rental office within kind

13:26

of this municipal center. And

13:29

behind the desk inside, there is

13:31

a minotaur wearing

13:34

basically like a

13:36

battlefield coat, like a military long coat. He's

13:38

got one arm pinned

13:43

up where he's missing an arm, so he's got kind

13:45

of once-leaf pinned up. And in

13:47

the other hand,

13:49

he is wielding a quill. And

13:52

you can see he's concentrating very hard. He's

13:54

glaring at the page as he writes kind

13:56

of shakily with The

13:59

Quill. In the room is

14:01

surrounded by like file folders as well

14:03

as sketches and like you know when

14:05

you get a restaurant something that is

14:07

have like this one best restaurant in

14:09

town Twenty two A do whatever is

14:11

like just covered in commendation for the

14:13

the Silver Ravens in his pictures of

14:16

you know like victories and and other

14:18

such things are examples of the Field

14:20

Office So basically the the official liaison

14:22

for the mercenary army. Within

14:24

the walls so as you

14:27

walk up. Osman

14:29

hardest like snail sniffles out

14:32

of a in in rage

14:34

and or as as commision

14:36

sir could you come across

14:39

something that's easier to write

14:41

with ones offhand little mad

14:44

and or. Bash. Miracles

14:46

know darkness just narrows is is bovine

14:48

eyes as did what code are you

14:51

pen for Hashmi have lost all use.

14:53

This is the second guy eyes as

14:55

a I'm in ah commander we've got

14:58

some folks hero need to go see

15:00

the big man so can you do

15:02

you're saying there and then let them

15:04

let them pass. Ah at this point

15:07

as a mentor to like ceases to

15:09

have potential to control it all. looks

15:11

at the three of you and rises

15:14

to his full height and he. Dwarfs

15:16

this room like he's He's very

15:18

very big and very small room.

15:20

Ah and day he looks to

15:22

Tenth Sword chair. Shady.

15:24

Guy with a cloak, big guy with

15:26

a hammer and a shield that bottle

15:28

and it was baffled as look at

15:31

a got dieses have a formal introduction

15:33

got at least ah Commander products and

15:35

s. At. It as

15:37

a pleasure to meet you. Ah

15:39

may I please introduce his majesty

15:41

King but whole of ask I'd

15:43

formerly known as a Car here

15:45

to help with be exploding zombie

15:47

situated. And see.

15:51

Light. At the mention of a

15:53

cause like hand drops. drops

15:56

to his belt or but you can see

15:58

he's actually reaching for the wrong side And

16:00

that he clearly is meant to like he's carried

16:03

his weapon you draw from his left hip so

16:05

he reaches for his right He's

16:08

reaching across He's reaching to the left as though

16:10

to draw because that's where sort of normally but

16:12

now it's on his other side And

16:14

so he like reaches down notices isn't there like has

16:17

one of those like frustrated moments and then reaches crossbody

16:20

As his weight Formally

16:22

known as a car and you're here to

16:24

help with the zombies. Yes. I

16:26

will let my majesty speak

16:28

now I It's

16:32

a pleasure to meet your highness But

16:34

whole farts. It's a pleasure to be here

16:36

We were invited by an envoy to help

16:39

you deal with this whole weird zombie Process

16:41

things so we can get that solved for

16:43

you because we're here to make friends. We

16:45

deposed the previous leadership We're turning

16:48

Asgard around it's becoming a peacekeeping nation

16:50

with an interest in making some allies

16:52

helping with shipping We've disbanded the army

16:55

in a traditional sense by just getting

16:57

wider Yeah But we're

16:59

here because we're hoping to firm up

17:01

an alliance and help you with the issues going

17:03

on with cellgun cuz it sounds like He

17:06

looks around to make sure there's nobody else But this

17:08

is clearly the person in charge sounds like there's some

17:10

payroll problems that we got to get you solve for

17:12

everybody Just big snort out of the

17:14

nose and he says you

17:16

say you've disbanded your army Yes,

17:19

other than a small token force of

17:21

peacekeepers So are you looking to employ

17:23

one because as you say we have

17:25

some payroll issues and immediately like? The

17:28

comptroller's like no no no no no they're not they're not

17:30

here for that you're not here for that now

17:33

right now Where we

17:35

have to rebuild a nation that was sort

17:37

of being fueled by zombies so we've become

17:39

very good at eliminating zombies and

17:41

we're happy to bring that skill here to help you and The

17:46

commander like nods and he goes to cross his

17:48

arms and again It's just like that

17:51

momentary deep frustration And he lowers

17:53

his left arm down to the

17:55

table and says if you

17:57

have indeed dealt with the former rulers of a

17:59

country That means we have you to thank for

18:01

the death of the Lich Lord Yes

18:06

Well, then you are indeed welcome as

18:08

a friend here in Selgant and he

18:10

like gestures to his arm He says

18:13

they left me with this gift on

18:15

their way out as many of my troops

18:18

have suffered under the heel of their

18:20

zombie hordes Well,

18:23

maybe I can help you with that arm thing if that seems

18:25

to be a problem if you don't mind me taking a look

18:28

And he smiles and he says

18:30

I have received consultation

18:32

on it, but as

18:35

much as it inconveniences me

18:37

these days I Take

18:40

the loss of it as an

18:42

important moment in my life and

18:44

choose to instead live with it

18:47

then to Gain

18:49

either a replacement or

18:51

I had a wizard offer

18:53

to regrow it Yeah, that's what

18:55

I was gonna offering it is the kind offer and

18:57

where I on the battlefield I would perhaps take you

19:00

up on it, but no

19:02

my time on the battlefield has ended now

19:04

they like taps the desk kind of like

19:06

a little apprehensive he says now my New

19:10

battlefield is made of oak Ink

19:12

stains. Oh cool. Okay, uh

19:15

follow-up question before we go into the next meeting Comptroller,

19:18

can you just say about time for a second? Ah,

19:21

well, no, I'm very important proximus Just

19:23

like nods out in the two guards

19:25

Just each grabs an arm and just

19:27

lifts him up and takes two steps back and close

19:29

the door great I said a

19:32

quick question I heard that there were silver

19:34

Ravens who had been patrolling in the sewers

19:36

before all these stuff went down Was that

19:38

just like a general security thing or was

19:40

there stuff going on in the sewers? There

19:42

was a little bit questionable Can

19:45

you rule me? Hmm,

19:48

what will this be? I? Think

19:51

maybe persuasion at advantage sure Nat

19:58

20 hell, yeah As

20:01

I said, I owe you a lot. Hello,

20:10

friends. I am excited to be letting you

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in on a little secret. Some

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future. Bloop Bloop. But

24:30

should your treatment of us ever

24:32

cause this decent man to let

24:34

me off the leash again, anything

24:37

is possible. Give me away season

24:39

2, starting April 11th. You

24:47

have put an end to my enemies

24:49

and have kept my soldiers somewhat safer

24:51

than they would have been otherwise. So,

24:56

I can tell you that we do

24:58

patrol these sewers regularly. It seems that

25:00

having a massive network of

25:02

connected tunnels throughout the city is a... How

25:06

to put this real

25:08

dumb idea if you aren't guarding

25:10

it or patrolling it, because all

25:12

manner of ne'er-do-wells and thieves and

25:14

rogues could make use of it.

25:16

Several have, in fact. We have

25:18

a local group, the

25:20

Night Knives, a guild of

25:22

some sort, that are

25:25

rather intent on fleecing all of these

25:27

nobles for all that they're worth. Admittedly,

25:30

like Little Smirk looks around the room, but I

25:32

think at this point he thinks you guys are

25:34

kinda cozy. Admittedly, that

25:36

is also what my troops and I do

25:38

in the name of the general, but we

25:42

at least put in an honest day's work

25:44

for it. I'm all for taking the money

25:46

from the rich, but there has to be

25:48

some exchange of goods and services. The Night

25:51

Knives only steal. They provide no value. They

25:53

are in some ways worse than the aristocracy,

25:55

merely... ...soaking up the

25:57

money and not distributing it in any other way.

26:01

But yes, they use the sewers from time

26:03

to time to move onto

26:05

their ill-gotten gains. Also nobles do

26:07

not guard their privies particularly well.

26:09

They are all rather embarrassed about

26:11

it. Yeah, yeah, that makes

26:14

sense. I guess follow a question then,

26:16

because now that I know

26:18

you were legitimately down there. A natural is worth a follow-up question?

26:20

I mean, this one's not going to be... I don't want to

26:22

push you too far. I feel like we're new friends. I don't

26:24

want to be too pushy. Like, we got to learn to trust

26:26

each other. Like, if we

26:28

need to get information about or from

26:30

the night knives, is

26:32

there perhaps someone you're aware of who's

26:34

like a low-level guy who's, let's just

26:36

say, not the bravest that we might

26:38

be able to like lean on to

26:40

get information from about parts of the

26:43

sewers you might not be familiar with

26:45

in the legitimate sense? And

26:48

he nods and he says, we

26:50

employ a group

26:53

known as Nightcarters here in Selkart.

26:58

They are professional sanitation

27:01

workers who would have the best

27:03

sense of the underground tunnels. If

27:05

you're looking for someone perhaps to press, not

27:07

that of course you would take

27:10

action as foreign nationals and...

27:12

Oh, never. You know, if

27:14

you fell over on someone and it happened to ask

27:16

them a couple of questions, who

27:19

am I to stop you? The

27:22

person I would recommend is

27:25

a low-level cut-person known as

27:28

Raphael Stone or Rafe, as

27:30

he prefers to be called.

27:34

He operates out

27:36

of the docks primarily,

27:39

he purports to be an

27:41

apprentice shipwright. You

27:45

will likely be able to find

27:47

him in either

27:50

attempting to apprentice or observing

27:53

at Anna Barber's

27:55

luxury shipbuilding center.

28:00

Anabarvar is an incredibly

28:03

upstanding citizen in

28:06

Sargant and is not to be

28:09

accidentally fallen upon for

28:11

information. However, should

28:13

you find us a wraith stone? Yeah,

28:16

a wraith, maybe we ask some questions if need be.

28:18

I'm not here to just like be

28:21

a pain in the ass. We are merely speaking

28:23

in hypotheticals. I like you. You're

28:25

a cool guy here. Thank you. I

28:27

like you as well. You two seem

28:29

fine. This one's rather quiet, but I understand. I have

28:31

to include me if you have a... you know, it's

28:33

okay. You can have your conversation. He's

28:35

the minister of culture. Like, if you wanted to

28:37

talk about paintings or whatever, he'd be your guy,

28:40

but like, this is not your thing. Hey, do

28:42

you have left-handed ledgers where you come from? I'm

28:44

attempting to learn to write with this one, Anabar.

28:46

I must say, it is rather a pain in

28:48

the ass. I can probably mail you something. Excellent.

28:52

Then in that case, all three of you seem

28:55

rather cool, as you say. Great.

28:57

So, can we go talk to the Lord High Governor?

28:59

We just want to get down to work. Yes.

29:02

I would appreciate if you left your

29:05

mouse of hammer, Spike. Are

29:07

those dinosaur teeth? Yeah. Yeah, they're from

29:09

a T-Rex. Oh, good eye. That's rad.

29:12

Leave those. Leave the sword.

29:15

Do I have to hold you up by your ankle and shake the

29:17

knives out of you, or are you okay putting them on the desk?

29:20

Two hand crossbows, two daggers, a

29:22

rapier, and I think

29:26

that's it. The magic

29:28

sword does not come out. He

29:30

says, I'll politely ignore the magic

29:32

that I assume at least

29:35

two, possibly three of you have and whatever

29:37

is hidden in that exquisite chair. But

29:41

I must keep up appearances. So here you

29:43

are. You can have these visitor badges, and

29:45

he opens his desk. He pulls out badges

29:47

that say like, they basically have like a

29:49

little silver raven on them, and it's the

29:52

equivalent of like, I got checked at security.

29:54

Yeah. I hate to be a pain in

29:56

the ass, but sometimes I have to do a little bit of

29:58

it for political reasons. king who's

30:00

been invited here. It's a little awkward for

30:03

me to set down anything

30:05

having been invited. I wouldn't do

30:07

that to the Lord

30:10

High Governor. It's like three words on an

30:12

order. It gets me. There's a lot of

30:14

names in this place. But I wouldn't ask

30:17

the Lord High Governor to empty his pockets if

30:19

I had been invited. If I

30:21

invited him to our castle. If

30:24

he brought a sword, keep the sword. You bring

30:26

a shield, keep the shield. You're a king. Obviously,

30:28

this is not a hostile scenario. Is

30:31

this hostile and I need to put this weapon down?

30:33

Is this how it's going to start or are we

30:35

going to stay chill? He

30:37

tilts his head a

30:40

little bit and just

30:42

pulls a kerchief out of

30:44

his pocket and just actually

30:46

polishes one horn thoughtfully

30:48

and says, you raised

30:50

some good points, your highness. I

30:55

merely am attempting to smooth

30:57

over your way to impress the Lord

30:59

High Governor as a

31:02

normal sized human man. He

31:04

is rather squishy

31:07

and rather incapable of defending

31:09

himself in any serious way.

31:12

And so showing up

31:14

armed will put him on edge. He is

31:16

rather paranoid knowing how easy to kill he

31:18

is. I don't think a Falcon could kill

31:20

any of you in a single strike, which

31:23

means he's going to be a little touchy.

31:25

You're welcome to take your weapons in if you

31:28

see fit. I'm happy to weather

31:30

the tirade I will receive from him and likely

31:32

the control we're after. You know what? Why don't

31:34

we split the difference? I'll tell me about it.

31:36

And he just pulls out the middle of his

31:38

armor and puts his weapons into his bag of

31:41

holdings so that they're technically still on him, but

31:43

not on display. It's so funny. I

31:45

blinked really hard just now. You had

31:47

weapons and now you don't. It's very

31:49

odd, but I'll assume you put them

31:52

in the box and that they're invisible. Oh yeah,

31:54

I must have done that. He says taking hammers

31:56

off of the wolf. I mean, his tummy bag

31:58

as well. And

32:01

he says, fine, well, the

32:04

silver ravens have been the protectors of

32:06

Sembia and Selgon for some time. We

32:10

just want to get back to business as usual. The

32:13

legions deployed throughout Sembia are still active

32:15

and being paid. It's only Selgon that

32:17

is falling behind on payroll. The sooner

32:19

this is all sorted, the sooner we

32:21

can get back to work. But I

32:23

will admit, you

32:25

and the other bronze ravens we have deputized,

32:28

you should also know I have no control over

32:30

those folks, nor do I want it. They are

32:32

not an official part of the silver raven legion.

32:36

We merely had to give them some designation

32:38

so that the people of Selgon would think

32:40

that they are somehow sanctioned. It is the

32:42

equivalent of a plastic sheriff's badge pinned to

32:45

a child. Is

32:47

there someone who does control them, some sort of

32:50

bigger child? No,

32:52

they are simply. A queen, if you will? A

32:55

bully, I guess, in an elementary school metaphor?

32:58

Could be. What would it be like for you? What is your

33:00

comparison? I suppose it

33:02

would be, I mean the tween thing, but they would

33:04

have to have some sort of training and

33:07

first aid and emergency measures to take if something

33:09

were to go wrong. Like a nurse? Like a

33:11

babysitter. A tween, a nurse, a lifeguard. They did

33:14

all the swimming levels and then you start to

33:16

do lifeguard stuff? We

33:21

could probably just use the term lifeguard just kind

33:23

of generically. Maybe not a water thing, but just

33:25

protecting people's lives. Oh,

33:27

that's interesting. If you would

33:29

like to speak to the lifeguard. It

33:33

might be good to know them if these

33:35

bronze ravens hassle us. Well, I won't be

33:38

clear. This person doesn't control the bronze ravens.

33:40

They are just literally a lifeguard. And you

33:42

said he wanted a lifeguard. His name is

33:44

not so normal and he works overseeing

33:48

the surf lessons. But nobody controls them? They just

33:50

kind of do whatever they want. I'm

33:52

sorry. There are surf lessons happening for...

33:55

There were, but now there are zombies. I feel

33:57

like they may have sent him on one of

33:59

those unpaid vacations. patients that I talked about. Oh, he's

34:01

down by the water. There's just no one to guard

34:03

because there's zombies in the water and they certainly don't

34:05

need life guarding. He's just chilling? Probably.

34:08

He's probably hanged. Unlike the...

34:10

So, perhaps I should explain. It would seem

34:12

the Comptroller has not given you all the

34:14

appropriate information. I learned what a Comptroller is

34:16

today. I feel like he's maybe

34:18

a bad one. You are correct on

34:20

both counts. Okay. Got it. It is a nonsense word

34:22

and a nonsense man. The

34:25

Bronze Ravens are adventurers like yourselves without

34:28

kingdoms or crowns who have come to

34:30

the aid of Sembia

34:32

and Salgant. They are in

34:35

search of exposure rather than

34:37

payment. They are lower level adventurers

34:39

seeking a cause. Several

34:41

of them have been deputized as... I

34:44

mean, there's air quotes with his one arm. ...bronze

34:47

ravens so that the populace will

34:49

not... how to

34:51

put this freak out that a bunch of

34:53

random digital aunties are now trying to do

34:56

things. But I figured I would rather have

34:58

them get blown up by shrieking zombies than

35:00

my own people particularly for not being paid.

35:02

So, you will find bronze ravens throughout the

35:05

city. They answer directly to the High Lord

35:07

Governor, but really, they're adventurers. Faerun is filthy

35:09

with them. They don't have the discipline of

35:11

an arm. Okay. So, what you're

35:13

saying is like, if we solve this problem, odds

35:16

are bronze ravens are gonna have to

35:19

go somewhere else. Yes, but...

35:21

Yeah, bronze ravens might try to stop us from solving this

35:23

problem so they can get the crime. Yeah, I mean, that

35:25

implies the level of organization that I think is a good year,

35:28

but like... Well, I'm saying like two of them. Oh,

35:30

yeah, sure, whatever. Yeah. Oh, great.

35:32

If I can get the whatever from the king for killing those guys...

35:34

No, don't... did you say that out loud? I

35:36

need to know what's in your head. I don't want that

35:39

loud right now. Can you roll me

35:41

a... Yeah, I did. I did. Okay,

35:43

to be clear, no, we don't need to kill

35:46

them. What I'm just saying is, I

35:48

think we can handle two people if it's

35:50

a problem. I'm thinking further ahead to

35:52

like, okay, bronze ravens have got to go for a

35:54

walk. We've got a nation that needs more people to

35:56

show up and be peacekeepers. We got some options, but

35:59

we should... also probably get diplomatic immunity officially from

36:01

the high-lord governor in the next room in case

36:03

a bronze raven takes a swing at us and

36:05

then we don't have to go to jail. Okay,

36:08

cool. Can he give us

36:10

a second badge? Only he can provide that. I

36:12

do not rule here. I simply say that you

36:14

aren't carrying weapons, wink. I'm sorry, I

36:16

have a difficulty winking, so I would just say it

36:19

so you're aware that I'm aware that you're aware. Honestly,

36:21

I appreciate it. It was way more clear than the

36:23

visual winks. I never know what they mean. Yes, well

36:25

in a world- It's sometimes hard to distinguish between

36:27

a wink and a twitch. And

36:30

as someone who occasionally has flies

36:32

flicking around my eyes, yes, I understand. It's

36:34

very frustrating. In any case, you

36:37

will find one of the bronze ravens palling

36:40

about with not so normal. He is known as

36:42

the dude

36:45

and has made quite a life for

36:47

himself down at the beach. Also

36:50

a surfer, I assume. However

36:52

did you guess? Okay,

36:54

so we can talk to them if we need life

36:57

guarding. Right,

36:59

this is the thing that sometimes I just feel like it's

37:01

the smartest thing to ask which is like, is there something

37:03

we should have asked you and we didn't? Bold

37:07

choice, your highness.

37:10

No, at this point it is likely

37:12

better to speak directly to the high

37:14

Lord Governor. I will say, do take

37:18

care dealing with these undead. My

37:20

troops have seen a lot of

37:22

action and we fought the regular

37:24

undead just fine, but these are

37:26

something else. They are stronger and deadlier.

37:30

I'm quite frankly happy they ran out of money

37:33

because I would just be losing

37:35

troops day in day out to this particular

37:37

menace. Okay, well

37:39

we'll be careful. Hey, what's Iskvarin

37:41

the third like? What

37:44

kind of stuff should we know if we're about to talk to him? You

37:47

want to talk about smoothing things, having a smooth

37:49

introduction, not having weapons and stuff? How

37:52

does he like his visitors to carry themselves? He

37:56

is a fair weather. ruler,

38:00

if I may say so. These grounds

38:02

have been for some time now. The

38:05

earlier ones were destroyed by rival houses

38:08

and then rose back up to prominence

38:10

by buying and selling land, which to

38:13

me is such an absurd concept for

38:15

a way to gain power. But oh

38:17

yeah, nobody likes real estate developers. Truly

38:20

strange. In any case, after they

38:22

reclaimed their seat, they managed to gain control

38:25

of the city and have been ruling now

38:27

for a few generations. Being

38:30

the third Thanlin Uskvarin

38:33

to rule, he is

38:36

used to things being a

38:38

certain way, being comfortable, being

38:40

orderly. The rise

38:42

of the undead was not in the cards

38:44

for him, and he was not exactly the

38:47

man you want at the helm of your

38:49

ship in stormy waters. Our work was rather

38:51

cut out for us as

38:54

soldiers, but as a ruler, well,

38:57

as you can see, with trade grinding to a

39:00

halt, there was very little else happening here. The

39:02

rich continued to kind of while away the

39:05

days, and the working classes

39:07

of the city just stood

39:09

around hoping things would get back to normal soon. There

39:11

wasn't a lot for them to do either. Truly, the

39:13

night knives were the only ones to prosper during that

39:15

time because there was plenty of rich shit to steal,

39:17

but even they started to get caught because everyone was

39:20

at home all the time. So

39:24

he is not a bad man, but

39:27

he is not a brave man, and he is

39:29

not a particularly intelligent man. He loves to hunt.

39:31

He loves that fucking

39:35

appetizer that he has flying

39:37

around at all times. Oh,

39:40

the bird. Yeah. Wait, he eats the bird?

39:42

I would like to eat the bird.

39:45

I hate that fucking bird. Oh, I thought you

39:47

meant appetizer from his perspective. No, he

39:51

likes to hunt in the hunting

39:54

garden, but more than anything, he likes to dispatch

39:56

Honeylast to hunt in the hunting garden, and when

39:58

Honeylast comes out, he's a good guy. comes back

40:00

with a mouse or a vole. He

40:02

is ever so happy as though he hunted

40:04

it himself. So he's

40:07

not a bad man. I have met

40:10

bad men. I have served under bad men.

40:12

He's not a bad man, but he's also

40:15

not a particularly good man. He's just a

40:18

man. Got it. He's

40:20

not a kid, right? I just get it

40:22

asked before we go. No, no. I mean,

40:24

well, hang on a second. We were talking

40:27

earlier about like, how would you classify this

40:29

person? And I would classify him as childlike. Oh,

40:31

childlike. That's what I assume. But based on the

40:33

hobbies, I was like, I really don't want to

40:35

go in there and find out this guy's 10.

40:38

Okay, perfect. No, which I

40:41

understand is adult-ish. That's

40:43

a human. For a human, yeah. That's

40:45

kind of where I'm living. Yeah, that's cool. Old

40:48

enough to know better is perhaps the best way to put it.

40:51

That's clear. Well, I guess we'll go talk

40:53

to the Lord

40:55

High Mouse Hunter and we'll

40:58

make a friend. Gartak, you got a

41:00

friendly speech? You seem unsure.

41:04

I am. The fact that you said nothing

41:06

makes me nervous. My apology. Saving it for

41:08

the same time. You know what? That's true.

41:10

That's true. What I'm most impressed about you,

41:12

Gartak, is you don't say anything

41:14

just to say something. You wait until it's

41:16

going to have the strongest emotional impact. I've

41:18

never been more confident that this is going

41:21

to go well. And Butthold kicks

41:23

open the door to the next room and

41:25

yells, hello, new friend. Introduction.

41:27

Many turns and points to Gartak.

41:31

Gartak, you find yourself wheeling

41:33

up to a large, it's

41:37

sort of a large circular room.

41:39

It's not particularly deep, just a

41:41

large circular room with a throne

41:43

made out of shipping crates. Old

41:47

weathered shipping crates that have been

41:49

refashioned into a throne. That Said,

41:51

there's some plush fucking velvet cushion

41:53

situations going on and it's clearly

41:56

been retrofitted in a kind of

41:58

awkward way to make. Get

42:00

a very comfortable and plush a

42:02

node is in the seat but

42:04

the seat is is there. There

42:07

are windows open you get that

42:09

said Beautiful sea breeze coming in

42:11

and around our at various table

42:13

set up with like writing implements,

42:16

food all it's or stuff it

42:18

looks. Kind. Of like a

42:20

is like have fifteen his paintings in one

42:22

corner. It's just. There. A lot

42:24

of activity here to lot of stuff that

42:26

you could do to keep busy but none

42:28

of them seem completed. All them seem have

42:31

started in and out of the picked away

42:33

at i'm at the window ease of. As

42:35

a man who is he did not a

42:37

child wearing. Kind of

42:39

like for lack of better term but

42:41

bougie hunting clothing so it's very much

42:44

like he. He's dressed kind of like

42:46

you'd expect a ranger except everything is

42:48

like. Vaguely plush my it's

42:50

very much the performed of glamping outfits

42:52

and like it has cameo but the

42:55

camera was like in the wrong colors

42:57

for anywhere. he just has that vibe

42:59

lot of like leather straps. you know

43:01

he's got the other side holsters with

43:04

arrows and one he's got on a

43:06

bow not strung across him but like

43:08

hanging from a like a little backpack

43:11

situation so they're like a video game

43:13

characters kind of attached to your back

43:15

up wearing a long a very well

43:17

worn in this does look. Legitimately

43:19

rugged for screen cloak.

43:23

On that is kind of gotten was

43:25

back he's got to test skating brown

43:27

hair on bit of like a if

43:29

you can imagine like a young square

43:32

jawed Steve Buscemi ah so still got

43:34

a bill that like buscemi vibe but

43:36

if you had like a hero jaw

43:39

on how long a luscious brown hair

43:41

i just one foot up on the

43:43

window sills, got his hand resting on

43:45

his knee or and he's he's holding

43:48

out ahead of the Falcon years gauntlet

43:50

says Derby Audi last. year

43:53

and or that the bird flaps in and

43:56

flies beyond the go off and land on

43:58

his shoulder and kind of with little bit

44:00

he says, haha! Oh yeah, the talons. Too

44:02

deep! Too deep, honey lass! We

44:05

shall work on it. And then

44:07

clearly having a herd bot hole boot open the door,

44:10

he then does a... Huh?

44:14

Oh! New friends indeed! Please

44:16

welcome, welcome! Uh,

44:18

Gartok! I

44:20

understand you are to introduce, that is what

44:23

your large friend said. Yeah, hit it. You

44:25

are in the presence of the High Lord

44:27

Governor of Selgort. Uh,

44:29

Gartok immediately bows very low

44:31

and he says, my esteemed Lord

44:33

High Governor... And honey lass!

44:36

And... Lord G...

44:38

Honey lass! And... Lord

44:40

Falcon! Lord... My

44:44

esteemed Lord Falcon honey

44:46

lass and Lord High

44:48

Governor, uh, Sambalot

44:50

Uzz Uzzmerin III, may

44:53

I please present to you His

44:56

Majesty King Bot Hole of Asgard,

44:58

formerly known as a Ka, responding

45:01

to your summons, uh, uh,

45:04

from Kieran Bashkara, uh, to

45:06

deal with the problem of

45:08

the exploding undead in their

45:10

processes. His

45:13

Royal Highness. Uh,

45:15

he looks at Quinny. Quinny

45:18

takes a step to the side, uh,

45:21

revealing he was obscuring physically about a

45:23

third of Bot Hole standing behind him.

45:26

Honestly, he goes with it. He's in that little pattern

45:29

and says, oh, there you are! Yep,

45:32

that's me. I'm King Bot Hole

45:34

Fudge and I'm excited to also

45:36

introduce you to Lord of the

45:38

Wolves, Goblin Junior. Goblin

45:41

Junior steps forward, um,

45:44

and like, gives,

45:46

gives you like a quick, okay,

45:49

and then gives Quinny a like, I

45:51

can't fucking believe this look, and then

45:53

bows to this idiot, uh,

45:55

and, um, uh,

45:58

just rises and goes... Snarf,

46:00

which all of you who understand Beast Speech

46:02

is like fucking bird and

46:05

Honey Last just like tilts his

46:07

little avian head at Goblin Junior

46:09

and butthole just looks up at

46:11

us He says it's a

46:13

formal greeting to Honey Last so we're all here

46:15

and he knows that was a lie If

46:20

Honey Last has anything to say, Quinny will also be

46:22

able to hear that through Beast Speech Yeah, um, that...

46:25

He's a guard talk past Beast Speech with animals The

46:30

deception is... 13.

46:35

13? All

46:37

right And

46:39

he looks down at Goblin Junior and he says well

46:42

in that case Snareff snareff to

46:44

you as well. I am

46:46

versed in the animal tongues Being

46:49

a great hunter as you

46:51

can see and he gestures to no trophies

46:54

Not only can I see I heard about it

46:56

the whole way here. Oh, it's

46:58

great to meet you I understand you're

47:01

having problems with zombies. Oh and the

47:03

processes. Yes, quite exactly So we're here

47:05

to just shut those processes down and

47:07

make things easy for you. We just

47:09

wanted to confirm that We

47:13

could work with with or tell the

47:15

bronze ravens. That's the term, right? That's what to do

47:17

just in case they get in the way. We don't

47:19

want anybody to get hurt while we do our very

47:22

powerful magics And

47:25

that we have permission to like walk around I think

47:27

we want to do is like open a door somewhere

47:29

and get arrested like knowing I'm here as

47:32

a king and these are my

47:34

inspirational speaker and my

47:37

Minister of Culture Yeah,

47:40

I know your job Look at

47:42

opening in front of the king We both

47:44

remember that is my real job. Yep. Absolutely.

47:46

I Just wanted to make

47:48

sure that we're that's cool. Like We've got diplomatic

47:50

community for traveling to do this job for you

47:53

because we'd like to help your highness. I Have

47:55

a few questions first. I Must understand what happens

47:57

within my walls. Oh, yeah, go for it. Let's

47:59

hear. Why did

48:01

not you bring a comptrollers with

48:03

you Had minister of culture Seems

48:05

an odd choice are my controller

48:08

a the equivalence is known as

48:10

the hand and she's back running

48:12

my nation. the had what a

48:14

silly term for at nobody could

48:16

understand what that means. You should

48:18

try comptroller. I'll. Think about

48:20

it. Honestly, if I can understand

48:22

better I might use it. Ah

48:24

yes. new to rule I see.

48:26

Well ah you mentioned a call

48:28

that was previously real. Spooky place

48:30

full of evil and nightmares. Corrects?

48:32

What is your intent with with

48:34

Simba You You've responded. I honestly.

48:38

To be blogs wasn't really sure cure

48:40

and was gonna make it there okay

48:42

nor survive it but it would seem

48:44

that he has summoned you and you're

48:46

not dressed in spiky black nightmares and

48:48

neither of these find people who appeared

48:51

to be undead nightmare so pray tell.

48:54

Oh. This new ask God yeah

48:56

we are. So we lead the

48:58

population in a revolt and civil

49:01

war unseating be evil people who

49:03

had turned the entire world into

49:05

an undead hell's gate. And and

49:07

then. We. Have taken over.

49:09

I am currently ruling. We have disbanded

49:11

the army, but maintained a small force

49:13

of peacekeepers. We're here to make allies

49:15

and friends. We'd like to be a

49:17

trading center. Perhaps we can help you

49:19

get your very profitable shipments the across

49:21

the desert and probably through the mountains.

49:24

Now that the wing nuts are afraid

49:26

of us. Ah, we got a lot

49:28

of ways that we can help each

49:30

other, but we need to convince Cormier.

49:32

That. We're not the same

49:35

spiky murder easier for lack of a

49:37

better term. Amen. Oh, that's as host

49:39

or good. Ah,

49:43

What's. What's bad was with the opposite of an

49:45

asshole is as to Coney. Coney

49:47

trying to like. Stamp.

49:50

down like the initial instinct reaction and

49:52

then try to just as the kids

49:54

yes sir those a did they did

49:56

when i wanted to think that we're

49:59

still the spike and murder his

50:01

dickheads. Yes, the opposite of the asshole.

50:03

Exactly. Ha ha. Ha

50:05

ha. Ha. Ha. This

50:08

guy's pretty cool. Just cementing. Cementing

50:10

Rick Hey,

50:23

we're the looters. Hey, what's up? Looters is a sci-fi

50:25

western actual play podcast using the Starz Without Number

50:27

system. We're

50:30

a group of friends getting into trouble

50:32

all over the universe. So come with us if you're into

50:34

adventure. A rocket flies out of one of these ships

50:36

far behind you and crashes into a wall and blows

50:38

up. There's a rocket? Mario Kart. There's

50:41

a rocket? There's a rocket? There's a rocket?

50:43

There's a rocket? There's a rocket? There's

50:46

a rocket? There's a rocket? There's

50:48

a rocket? There's a rocket? There's a

50:50

rocket? The Mario Kart? Crazy! Intrigue.

50:54

Can I hack into the body and maybe

50:56

see if they have like a memory data

50:58

bank in their brain or some shit like

51:01

that. That'll literally. Devastating

51:04

physical injuries. Oh, she's

51:06

a good pilot, everyone. Very

51:09

good, very good. And

51:11

friendship. New

51:15

episodes of Lutres out every Tuesday wherever

51:17

you get your podcasts. We

51:27

are full of surprises here in Selgant.

51:29

That is one of the greater lures

51:32

of our beautiful city. But yes, trade

51:34

across the desert would be tremendous as

51:37

honestly just knowing that envoys

51:39

won't get murdered and

51:41

roasted alive if we send them

51:43

to Asgard is a

51:46

welcome improvement, I must say. And

51:49

thank you for doing us a solid by knocking

51:51

out those awful liches. I'm

51:54

afraid we still feel the lingering presence of

51:56

their blight on our town, but

51:59

I appreciate your attention. here to help. So yes,

52:01

this all sounds right good to me. I was a

52:03

little worried you were going to lead a rebellion

52:05

here, but it sounds like you just battered your army.

52:07

So no threat, I assume.

52:10

No, no. The last thing I

52:12

want, I'm trying to make sure we start

52:14

zero wars. That's our goal. As a nation,

52:17

it has been like, I don't know, like

52:19

three weeks with no wars, and I'd like

52:21

to keep that streak running my whole life.

52:24

Very good. I find war terribly troublesome.

52:26

I feel the same. See, this is

52:29

how, they're reasonable rulers in this world.

52:31

He says, you can learn from this

52:33

minister of culture, the culture of the

52:35

cell god produces such fine thinkers as

52:38

myself. Perhaps I

52:41

could dictate some memoirs to you that you

52:43

could take back with you to your ass

52:45

guard. We are short on

52:47

original literature. Yes,

52:51

perhaps tremendous. He

52:55

checks his nose for bleeding. He's like, okay, no, I made

52:57

it. I'm not

52:59

going to make you all perception because that's close enough

53:01

to not being alive and not

53:03

worried. And he says, well, very good, very

53:05

good. Yes, as

53:08

it seems you are rather well

53:10

informed, I assume my comptroller has done his job

53:12

and told you some things, but there are some

53:14

things only the Lord High Governor may know, such

53:17

as the identities of the

53:19

bronze ravens. You're not

53:21

the only heroes to arrive

53:23

seeking help, although you are the ones

53:26

with the best titles. So with that,

53:28

I respect greatly. But we've had all

53:30

manner of heroes or adventurers show up

53:33

looking to make a name for themselves.

53:35

We can't all have countries or ministries

53:37

or inspirational words. No, some of us

53:40

need to earn it. Like I myself

53:42

have earned my fortune by being born

53:44

into it. So they

53:47

have arrived seeking to assist and I

53:49

have dispatched them to some of the

53:52

worst processes around the city. Rest

53:54

assured you shouldn't encounter any resistance from them

53:56

because you will all be working for the

53:58

same purpose. me. So

54:01

they should aid you, or at

54:04

least provide information. I must admit

54:06

they've not been terribly effective in

54:08

their roles, for if they were, I could just

54:10

send you back without how you do, but they

54:13

have not managed to deal with the undead menace.

54:15

So, yes, you can find them out

54:18

and about. There are

54:20

four currently active that are

54:22

probably worth you knowing about.

54:25

Okay. First and foremost, upon

54:27

the coast, there is

54:29

a sport here in Selgart, one

54:31

of the greatest sports, aside

54:34

from hunting, the world has ever seen,

54:36

known as board

54:38

riding on water, I think

54:40

it's called. Okay. It brings

54:43

in a lot of tourism,

54:45

and unfortunately, the zombies have taken

54:47

it up. Oh,

54:50

not great. So this

54:53

means that none of our tourists can

54:55

do their board on water riding, nor

54:57

any large ships can come in, for

54:59

these zombies will explode against the hull

55:01

and sink them. We've had two rather

55:03

large shipments go down in the bay.

55:06

Not great. Not great. And of course, pirates have

55:08

figured out there's a bit of a log jam,

55:10

so there is just a whole bunch of shit

55:12

going on off the coast that I'd really like

55:14

to stop. Okay. So down there

55:16

on the coast, I've dispatched one,

55:18

the dude. He seemed

55:21

to have laid back rather chill

55:23

fellow. And when I mentioned

55:25

this, he called it surfing, which I

55:27

thought was a very funny term, but

55:29

he seemed quite familiar with it and

55:32

quite eager to go and see it

55:34

for himself. A rather

55:36

large fellow seemed capable enough,

55:38

and yet I

55:43

still received no shipments. So I'm not sure what

55:45

has become of him. He might be dead. Okay.

55:47

So we'll check in on the dude down by

55:49

the board riding on water area, the coast, and

55:52

then who else you got? So the

55:55

dude, you'll recognize him based on the scales.

55:57

He's one of those dragon fellows. look

56:00

for a dragon fellow on the beach.

56:02

Oh, Dragonborn. Yes, Dragonborn, thank you. I

56:04

always, always forget these things,

56:06

you know, but really, who has the time

56:08

to remember? Um, at the, uh,

56:11

the Palace of Beauty,

56:13

a truly beautificious

56:16

space, where our

56:18

theater and performances happen, an amphitheater the likes

56:20

of which Faerun has never seen before, no

56:23

shall again. You will

56:25

find one Tiriamir. Tiriamir

56:28

is a, um, a

56:31

rather sharp-witted fellow, little rough around

56:33

the edges, but

56:36

he seems to have magics and

56:38

power, so that seemed

56:40

like a good mix to send down

56:42

there, given how many of the undead

56:44

there are at the

56:46

theater. Okay. Only ever one

56:49

in the seats, but many standing by.

56:51

It is rather unpleasant.

56:53

I mean, you bring some friends somewhere, but you can

56:56

only get one ticket. Like, I understand it. Okay. Standing

56:58

room only. Oh, yeah, that's true, too. Yes. Okay, so.

57:01

This, I understand the culture of comedy is

57:03

alive in Asgard. Ah, okay.

57:05

Yeah, two more. At the Silver Lion,

57:07

one of our finest establishments, where normally

57:09

I would put you up, but unfortunately,

57:11

you know, zombies in all

57:14

the beds, the Silver

57:16

Lion is a fine establishment that

57:18

is currently being patronized by the undead,

57:20

and there you will find one,

57:23

Mel the Cannon. You

57:27

cannot miss him. He is

57:29

huge. Is he a

57:31

cannon? He is

57:34

not. Okay. He is, I understand,

57:36

a giant. Ooh. However,

57:40

as he describes

57:42

it, he is, I believe,

57:45

inflicted with dwarfism amongst the giants. So,

57:47

still tall for me or you, but

57:49

he seems to think he is quite

57:51

short. So don't bring it up, and

57:53

if he says he's short, best to just kind of

57:55

accept that, because it's true where he comes from, and

57:57

it's how he lives his life. But he's...

58:00

He's very tall. But

58:02

you're a very tall man. Yeah, I mean, we'll

58:04

look for a dwarf guy. Does

58:06

that make sense to you? Yes. And

58:08

I understand he got his name from how hard he can

58:10

hurl rocks. So, an

58:13

arm like a cannon, not like he doesn't have

58:15

cannon arms. So that would be amazing, would it

58:17

not? I mean, I was expecting it

58:19

from the name, but I'm glad to hear that

58:21

there's other information. All right. What do you think,

58:23

Honeylass? Would I look good with cannon arms? And

58:26

Honeylass just stare at Goblin Jr. and he goes, ew.

58:28

He goes, ha ha ha, of course, of course I

58:30

would. What do I hear? What do I hear from

58:32

bird? Yeah, me too. Bird friend. Oh

58:35

yeah, you got three animals. This

58:37

year. Yes, my lord. You fucking

58:40

dog looking at me with your

58:42

fucking glower. I'm

58:45

going to pick those eyes. That's what

58:47

I'm going to do. You fucking come

58:49

in here, you're looking at Honeylass, I'll fuck

58:51

you up. Okay, so this is what Goblin

58:53

Jr. is then? Goblin Jr. is just sitting

58:55

there running a... It's

58:57

a goblin and the birds cannot understand each other,

58:59

correct? No, I know. He's

59:01

just running his lips over his teeth. It

59:05

seems like they might understand each other

59:07

in the worst way. Buttholes ignoring this

59:09

completely. He's just like, all right, who's

59:11

the fourth? There's one more. Yes,

59:14

and finally, I've dispatched

59:18

a bard to the House of Song,

59:20

one of our finest

59:22

temples to

59:26

the god Milil,

59:29

who of course is the

59:32

patron of music

59:34

and creativity. But

59:37

Milil is not

59:39

home at the temple at the moment, which would be

59:41

convenient because a god could probably punch the undead. So

59:43

I sent a bard, figured song meets song,

59:45

probably pretty good, go check it out. Haven't

59:48

heard from her either. So... What

59:50

is it that the undead are doing there? One

59:55

of the ways that the worship of

59:57

Milil is presented is through beautiful choral

59:59

singing. So, there have been

1:00:01

a number of, uh, of artists of

1:00:04

the temple who, who sing beautiful songs

1:00:06

to the, the large ringing chimes and

1:00:08

bells of the temple. And

1:00:11

not unlike our theatrical compatriots, they've

1:00:13

been stuck, hemming

1:00:15

their hymns for quite some time, because

1:00:18

if they stop, well, kaboom. The,

1:00:21

the audience. And what's this bard's name? Lexi.

1:00:24

Lexi. Yes. I asked

1:00:26

her if it was short for anything she

1:00:29

giggled and played a pan flute and then left.

1:00:33

Do you really fun? Gart, Gartalk got

1:00:35

very excited about pan flute. Gartacker, do

1:00:37

you like flutes? Oh, Juniper is,

1:00:39

is most adept at the pan flute. That's

1:00:42

true. Is Juniper your comp-troller? No. Chief

1:00:45

Justice. Ah! Sounds

1:00:49

like some of her responsibilities fall under

1:00:51

the controller's umbrella, but similar to y'all,

1:00:53

to my Proximus. Have you met Proximus?

1:00:55

He's very impressive. That's true. He

1:00:58

is very impressive. He is, but I think

1:01:00

that's more of a gradual type situation. You

1:01:03

have so many interesting people. I look forward to meeting all

1:01:05

of them on an official state's visit. Yeah, we'll have to

1:01:07

have you over. This will be great. I mean, we, we're

1:01:09

kind of in the desert, but there's got to be, we'll

1:01:12

find out if there's something you can hunt in the desert.

1:01:14

There's probably worms. I don't expect selgaunt-level

1:01:17

delights, but we'll have one day. I'll

1:01:20

go or send one of my lasses.

1:01:22

I'm rather comfortable here. In any case,

1:01:24

if you can do this, I will

1:01:26

be more than happy to write you

1:01:28

whatever writ you require to show the

1:01:30

friendship of selgaunt to

1:01:33

ask. I will say we

1:01:35

could use some more friends. So

1:01:37

could we. So yeah, I'd say

1:01:39

we'll get this, we'll get this done. We'll

1:01:42

probably start at the silver lion.

1:01:44

People have mentioned it more than anywhere else, and then theoretically

1:01:46

we'll have a place to stay if we can clear the

1:01:48

zombies out. So that feels like a fair cut once. At

1:01:50

the very least, we can get a nice beef stew.

1:01:53

That's true. I am hungry. You

1:01:55

have to deal with the zombies first. They demand all of the beef stew.

1:01:57

But yeah, if you can. Excellent. Oh,

1:02:00

we're gonna do it. We're

1:02:02

we got this right

1:02:04

minister of culture Yep,

1:02:08

and he he walks forward and he gets down on one

1:02:10

knee and puts his hands on your shoulder Quenny

1:02:13

and he says Save

1:02:15

the culture of Selgant

1:02:17

minister save all the

1:02:19

culture as is your ministry All

1:02:23

right, but Hall leans in and puts another hand

1:02:25

on your shoulder and says do it for peace And

1:02:28

he looks to guard talk like you gotta close this out. We

1:02:30

look shaking That's fine.

1:02:33

You don't have to do anything do it for

1:02:35

the good of all of

1:02:37

say rune We will your Lord

1:02:39

my lord high governor and do

1:02:41

it for honey laughs Goblin

1:02:45

genius goes snarf, which you translate

1:02:47

as fucking guy this episode

1:02:49

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Carlotta Botox. B-O-T-O-X.

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