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3:30

and Daddies is a rowdy, horny,

3:33

violent podcast for grownups. Content

3:35

warnings can be found in the episode description.

3:40

I'm Tony Collette of Tony's Cars

3:42

Cars Cars. I'm Tony Collette

3:44

of Tony's Cars Cars Cars.

3:46

I'm Tony Collette of Tony's

3:49

Cars Cars. I'm Tony Collette of

3:51

Tony's Cars Cars. I'm

3:53

Tony Collette of Tony's Cars Cars Cars. I've

3:56

got an absolute beaut for you today. A

3:58

lightly used heavily- Damaged

4:00

Edsel Villager. This sweet kitty has it

4:02

all. Well, it's plus push-button shifting. A

4:04

giant hole in the windshield. The optional

4:06

seatbelts pre-uninstalled in a shiny, slick Ford

4:08

Uzi's bankdab in the center of the

4:10

grill. Yours for a $3,000 American dollar

4:12

bill. I

4:15

know what you're thinking. Only three

4:17

Gs. Tony, you're mad. You've got

4:19

brain damage. You're covered in blood

4:21

and windshield glass. You should stop

4:23

selling and start going to the

4:25

hospital. Well, you- Listen to me,

4:28

you son of a bitch. I didn't

4:30

touch that for fire on Pele Lu.

4:32

Just to come home, win a bowling

4:34

tournament, get drunk, find my neighbor, crash

4:36

my Edsel Villager into an all American

4:38

family home, fly through the windshield, and

4:40

watch a big scary bug guy make

4:42

off with the trophy we need to

4:44

save a kidnapped little girl and not

4:46

give you a great deal

4:48

on a world-class automobile. So come on

4:50

down to the house I crashed it

4:52

into and drive off with the car

4:54

of your dreams.day. And be

4:57

sure to tell me Tony sent ya.

4:59

I'm sorry. Sitting

5:06

now commence on lot 325. One

5:08

radio advertisement recorded by Tony Collette. Person

5:10

of note in the tragic nightmare disaster

5:12

of 1950. Do

5:15

I hear 300 for this item? This

5:20

is a very rare item created by Mr. Collette just

5:22

before the soul to the soaring

5:25

question gentleman for 160,000 human teeth. Our

5:29

next item, lot 326, one

5:31

Peachyville Police Department evidence bag filled with

5:33

burned human flesh recovered from house trophy

5:35

world. Collette seems

5:37

to have gotten your blood back. Do I have 500?

5:40

Yes. Welcome

5:55

to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM

5:57

podcast. And this season Dungeons and Daddies

5:59

presents. Peachyville Horror, a call of

6:01

Cthulhu, actual play horror comedy podcast

6:03

about four everyday schmoes fighting the

6:05

forces of darkness in suburban 1950s

6:07

America. I love how

6:09

you can tell that this time Will

6:12

wrote The Soggy Cell. Two

6:14

years, two years. Very very happy with

6:16

you Soggy Cell. Well now I gotta

6:18

think I can look at it. Never

6:20

get any respect. If Anthony

6:22

wrote it down I would have looked

6:25

at it. Come on. I

6:27

would have looked at it too. I was endlessly

6:29

confident that you would eventually grow into it. You

6:31

never did. Anthony, you

6:33

should know better Anthony. That's on me. That's

6:36

on you. My name is Freddie Wong. Hi

6:38

Freddie. Hello. I'm not used

6:40

to sitting on this side of the table yet. It's

6:43

weird. That's true. As you may have heard in the

6:45

previous episode. Will and Anthony switched positions. Will now occupied

6:47

the former seat. Anthony! I'm

6:50

sorry. It's late at night. I'm a little silly. I

6:52

had a caffeinated beverage before coming here.

6:54

No more cokes for you before we

6:57

were caught. No more soda pops young

6:59

lady. My name is Freddie

7:01

Wong. I play Tony Collette.

7:03

The fast talking used car salesman.

7:05

Wig. Riz.

7:09

Wait hold on. Will

7:11

the right that for you too? I

7:13

wrote this one myself. I wrote

7:15

this one myself. With Riz,

7:18

Fizz, Jazz and Jism. What? That's

7:22

right. Yeah well done right

7:24

that. It's Riz, Jazz and Jism.

7:27

Jism. Is that

7:29

the 1950s version of Young Dumb and Full of Car? I think

7:31

it is. This

7:36

week's peachy fact. For a bit

7:38

you know him as Tony Collette. But

7:40

his trade name. It is Tony's Cars.

7:42

Cars. Cars. But it's run

7:44

by Tony Collette. Cause

7:47

he always collects on his debts. Count

7:49

on it bucko. Tony Collette

7:51

or Tony Collette? Tony Collette.

7:55

Who has debts to him? The

7:57

people who are renting out. Financing

8:00

on these cars, you know, the

8:02

air, you know, racking up That

8:06

will never have to be paid back Love

8:08

it. By the way a quick update for our

8:10

live shows Milwaukee and New York. We still have

8:13

tickets available They're going fast in Southern, California. We

8:15

added the Father's Day show at the Wiltern So

8:17

check out our website dungeons and daddies comm slash

8:19

live. Okay, I'm done. Hey everybody My name is

8:21

Matthew Arnold and I play Kelsey Grammer beachy feels

8:23

happiest and snappiest school marm She doesn't take nonsense

8:26

from anybody unless they got something to teach her

8:28

which at the end of the day Everybody

8:30

does Have

8:37

a chat, huh? A little peachy fact

8:39

about Kelsey is that ever since she's

8:42

began teaching She has taught every single

8:44

child in peachyville because there's only one

8:46

school for To

8:49

fourth grade except for there's

8:51

one family that's three homeschooled

8:53

kids And

8:55

she's looking for that He

9:00

thinks he thinks they need at

9:02

least why here do we talk by

9:05

Kelsey? Finding

9:08

every time she's in the supermarket. She's like I

9:10

recognize that kid. I know that kid. Where's those

9:12

three homeschool kids? What's the closest? You know, I'm

9:14

saying what's the closest like Jason Bourne? I

9:17

know that and you can I knew cologne.

9:19

That's a dad. I haven't smelled before. I

9:21

mean, what was the closest call? No secret

9:23

away the kid was just a really good

9:25

playground. She smelled she smells only I've never

9:28

felt this kid before good I

9:30

have this kid never smelled this go ahead

9:32

mark on your character. She they can smell

9:34

kids. No, I'm Anthony birch

9:36

I play Francis Farnsworth the

9:38

most bullied kid in peachyville

9:40

and my peachy fact

9:43

for this week is that Francis in an

9:45

attempt to Prove that he is

9:47

a hero and that he's a courageous masculine

9:49

man tried to join the military But they

9:51

didn't take him because he has a damp

9:53

joint What

9:57

war was he trying to join? I mean you can join the military when

9:59

there's not a war There was a war on you. Sorry,

10:02

joining on spec. Damn, dude. There was a war going on

10:04

in the 50s, so it's called the Korean War. You get

10:06

turned away because damn Jewish is pretty rough. Hi,

10:08

I'm Beth May, and I

10:11

play Trudy Trout, doting wife,

10:13

homemaker, and mother of 2.5

10:16

beautiful homeschooled children. Oh my god! Oh

10:21

no! Wow! How

10:24

does Kelsey not know this, even though you're

10:26

kids? How do you play Zygote?

10:28

I like that Trudy has just pointed at

10:30

two other children, but those are my kids.

10:33

I've never seen your children. What

10:36

a mystery. PG

10:39

facts about Trudy is

10:41

that Trudy actually didn't get her

10:43

high school diploma because for her

10:46

final paper, she wrote

10:48

an essay about how cats

10:50

domesticated themselves and maybe someday,

10:52

so can women. And

10:54

that was frowned upon. Wow. Was

10:57

not accepted. She failed.

10:59

Yeah, is not a high school

11:01

graduate. I can't tell if that's sexist because obviously,

11:04

or if it's less sexist because she's saying that

11:06

women could do it themselves. That's

11:09

the question. You'll have to look deep inside yourself.

11:11

A real prodingers domesticated cat, that one.

11:13

Hi, everyone. I'm Will Campos. I'm your

11:16

daddy-o, master. Hey! God

11:19

damn, you look good on those jeans. Matt,

11:23

there's only so many times you could say it

11:25

before it's not a joke anymore. Give me a

11:27

long year. Never been a joke. A peachy fact

11:29

for me this week is that teeth are the

11:31

only part of the human body that cannot repair

11:33

itself. So you break those

11:35

things or someone breaks them for you. That's

11:38

it. You buy it. You break it, you buy it. OK,

11:40

so it's done. That is so good. Yeah,

11:43

good to know. Are you going to

11:45

break our character's teeth? We'll see. That's

11:48

our intro. I love it. This is now the end

11:50

of the intro. Now, if it's all

11:52

right with you, I'd like to start the part of

11:54

the podcast where we play the game Call of Cthulhu.

11:56

Please do. Which is what we do on this show.

11:58

I have to warn you, everything. you're saying is

12:00

being recorded. And a lot

12:03

of people are going to listen to it. So

12:05

just if you get in mind better, let's all

12:07

try to have fun. Let's all respect each other

12:09

and enjoy a nice 1950s game. When

12:17

we last left off, your friend and

12:19

co-bowling partner Britannica Blue Girl Detective had

12:21

been kidnapped by mysterious men in masks,

12:23

and they demanded that you bring their

12:25

bowling trophy to 195 Fiji Canyon Road.

12:27

Sort of a random situation. You raced

12:30

over to Francis Farnsworth's house since he

12:32

had your trophy. You were attacked by

12:34

a weird bug man who absconded into

12:36

the night sky with the trophy, and

12:38

also Freddy Drunk drove up Fort Edsel

12:40

in the front door of the house.

12:42

Oh, regular drove. I think we're going

12:45

to just start off in Medioresse. You've

12:47

just seen this thing fly out the window.

12:49

It looks bigger than a bat. It looks

12:51

like a big moth.

12:54

Like some sort of moth man. Beth, you

12:56

have a moth man sticker on the back.

12:58

I do. It's really distracting

13:00

me because, what does it say again? It

13:02

says, Moth Man is Real and he's My

13:04

Boyfriend. Very good. Dude, he meant don't fly

13:07

unless they're on airplanes. It can't be a man, and

13:09

it can't be a bat because it's too big to

13:11

be a bat. It must be... You've

13:13

already covered bats. I've covered bats? Bats are not

13:15

that big. There are pretty big bats in South

13:17

America. But that's under S, so you don't know

13:19

how big they are. Yeah, I was going to

13:22

research that, but yeah, I'm not at S yet.

13:24

And I won't learn about South America until I've

13:26

learned about sex. All the apps I've seen. Hopefully

13:30

on the same vacation. Oh

13:35

my god. By the way, just as your DM will

13:37

tell you that it's now nine o'clock. The due date

13:39

for this ransom for this trophy is 12 midnight.

13:42

So you have about three hours to figure out

13:44

what you want to do. Somebody catch me up. I

13:46

just got here. Oh, I'll

13:48

do it. Yes, what's happened? The

13:51

Canica Blue was kidnapped by...

13:53

Well, I don't know. We

13:57

think the Italians... May have.

14:01

And we have to bring that trophy

14:03

to that Mothman just took to 195

14:05

Peachie Canyon Road. Or

14:10

else what? Oh, I didn't

14:13

ask. Oh, they said they were going to

14:15

kill. And they said that we are being

14:17

watched and listened to, which is

14:20

more than I can say at home. You

14:22

can hear what we're saying now? Sorry?

14:25

You can hear what we're saying now? Maybe. Maybe we

14:27

should talk in code. And I don't want to. Francis'

14:29

mother is like, I can also hear everything you're saying right now.

14:31

Are you serious? Francis,

14:33

is this true? Uh-huh. Oh my

14:35

gosh, my poor baby boy. And she gives you a hug. Oh,

14:37

good thanks, Mom. But we got to go

14:39

get Britannica back. You know what? And she pushes you

14:41

back. I agree. This is finally your chance

14:43

to man up. This is your chance to get some of brave

14:46

and bold. I've told you once the bombs drop, we're going to

14:48

need survivors out there, okay? So you

14:50

just go with these strange people and you find that

14:52

girl and you save her. And whatever you do, don't

14:54

trust anybody. So don't trust these guys? Excuse me for

14:56

a second. Your mom takes you aside. Francis, what do

14:58

you think of these guys? What do you think? Well,

15:00

the teacher seems pretty trustworthy. Rudy

15:03

is definitely hiding something here. Excuse

15:05

me. Excuse me. I'm talking to

15:07

my son. Okay, we'll just talk a little quieter. Okay. In

15:10

my house, your friends just drove a car through, by

15:12

the way. Why don't you guys go downstairs and talk

15:14

to my husband about the car and the situation there.

15:18

I'm sure he has a lot to discuss with you. Very sorry,

15:20

ma'am. But Francis, what do you think? What do you think of

15:22

these guys? Yeah, I trust Kelsey Grammer. Mrs. Grammer, sorry. That's

15:25

Mrs. Grammer. That's right. You treat your teachers

15:27

with respect. Yeah. But not

15:29

too much respect. I want you to form your

15:31

own opinions. I want you to think freely. I

15:33

want you to grow independent. That sounds difficult. It

15:36

is difficult. Life is difficult, Francis. Oh

15:38

my God. Well, okay. So

15:40

Mrs. Trout seems like she's hiding something

15:42

really dark. Something

15:44

about her that makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what it is. Okay.

15:48

And Tony Clegg is clearly just kind of a fuck up. Okay.

15:50

Well, you stay with Mrs. Grammer and you

15:52

listen to what she says, but again, form

15:55

your own opinions. Okay. Listen

15:57

to what she says. She's an adult, but not all adults are perfect. So

16:00

I want you to listen and I want you

16:02

to understand, but I don't want you to, you

16:04

know, just be bossed around by anybody, okay? Alright,

16:06

Mrs. Grammer, you can't boss me around anymore, you're

16:09

not my teacher! Well, she's still your teacher and

16:11

you should treat her with respect. What? I can't,

16:13

I'm all the way down here. A lovely home!

16:15

Can I whisper to both Kelsey

16:17

and Trudy? Mm-hmm. Like, Kelsey,

16:20

Trudy! Yeah? I need you to distract

16:23

this man, I'd like to go riz up

16:25

Kimon-Wan. What? I need you

16:27

to distract this man! Her husband? Yes.

16:30

Because you're going to riz? Don't worry

16:32

about the details, just work on your

16:34

salesmanship, you know? Oh, okay. Her

16:36

husband should be with you. Excuse me? It seems like

16:38

Tony Collette would like to speak to your wife with

16:41

you. Well, I actually, Mr. Collette, I'd like to speak

16:43

with you for a moment, if you don't mind. Can

16:45

you come down here, please? Very well.

16:47

So Ed is taking pictures of your car and

16:49

he's taking pictures of the damage and like making-

16:51

Ed, what is that? What are you making photos

16:54

for? Copious notes. Well, I'm just getting everything ready

16:56

for when it comes time to settle up here

16:58

for the damages done, of course. Now, I see

17:00

that it seems like you've been drinking, I'm noticing

17:03

some empty bottles- There's a crime in that! There

17:05

is a crime, you're right, it's the 1950s

17:07

and I researched this and there was no

17:09

law against drunk drivers. Yes! There's

17:11

still the matter of that you did crash into my house,

17:14

do you have insurance? It's fine if you don't, you're not

17:16

going to get in trouble for that because it's the

17:18

1950s. Wait, Tony, I have a suggestion. Yes,

17:20

that's right. Well, before he'll get those

17:22

photos developed, you can repair the

17:25

car or replace the car entirely.

17:27

It will take ages for him to develop those

17:29

photos. I was hoping you would say that

17:32

you were volunteering to say you were driving.

17:34

Oh, is that what I should do? I

17:36

can't help but interrupt, I did see you

17:38

crashing into my house and launched straight up

17:40

the stairs, so- Alright, just give it to

17:42

me straight, Ed. Well, I feel like we've

17:44

established duty of care, it's your car, it

17:47

says Tony's cars, cars, cars and big letters

17:49

on the side. I think we've

17:51

established breach of duty in that you

17:53

were drunk vis-a-vis the liquor bottles in

17:55

this car. Those are old liquor bottles.

17:57

Caution being the damage is done to my house by

17:59

the- car flying into it. So I think we

18:01

have enough here for a lawsuit. As you know, I

18:04

am Ed Farnsworth, the number one automotive collision king of

18:06

BG Bill. So I just want you to know that

18:11

you'll be served tomorrow morning. But other than that, you know,

18:13

your house is my house. And

18:15

I heard this sounds like there's something going on with a missing girl.

18:18

Yeah, that's what we need to take care of.

18:20

So if you two men are done doing that,

18:22

we should really get... Francis? Yeah. And so that's

18:24

what I'm saying is you can't trust anybody, but

18:26

you need to trust adults. You understand? Okay,

18:29

I know. So trust them, but don't trust them.

18:31

I'm so proud of you, Francis. Okay. Okay,

18:34

let's go rescue this girl. Yeah, are you coming with us?

18:36

Well, I guess no. I'm going to stay here. Someone's got

18:38

to help your dad clean up the house and, you know,

18:40

don't worry about tonight. We'll see them. Hey, Mom, why not

18:42

come along? Oh, you're up here now. He's leaning against the

18:45

door. Oh, what are you doing here? He's leaning against the

18:47

door. I was having a conversation with my mom. I heard

18:49

the gist of it. It's all right. She could come along.

18:51

Why don't you come along? I'm coming to the man. Well,

18:53

why don't you... Crazy. What a crazy evening. What a crazy

18:55

evening. It would make me feel

18:58

a little bit safer if my mom was around. Give

19:00

me a persuasion roll to convince your mom to come

19:02

with you. Can I help out with a charm roll?

19:04

You can try. Kim Mount. What a pretty name.

19:06

Hey, Trudy. How are your little

19:09

kids doing with the homework? I gave up. Oh,

19:11

the homework. Yes, the work

19:13

that they do at home. My husband

19:15

works from home, you see. Mm-hmm.

19:25

In his laboratory. Can you describe your eldest

19:27

again? What did he say she looked like?

19:29

Oh, little top. Yeah.

19:32

Well, he's smaller than Tucker. Mm-hmm. He's

19:35

got two eyes and a

19:37

chin. You've

19:41

been under my noses all the time. So

19:46

I don't have any points in persuades. The default is 10% and

19:48

I rolled a 51%. Okay, that's a failure. Freddie, do you

19:50

want to help out? I'd like a charm. Okay. Listen,

19:54

this is my only chance. Anthony makes fun of me and my mom

19:56

all the time. My one chance. Anthony is the one who brought it.

20:00

his mom into this story. I was like, hey,

20:02

you can fuck my mom. I'm completely fine with

20:04

you fucking my mom. Honestly, I bet she's really

20:06

good at it. Why is everybody

20:08

quiet now? I just said

20:10

my mom's probably good at that. She

20:12

just seems like she has that vibe. It's fine.

20:14

My charm is that... Actually, she'd be happy. She

20:17

deserves it. My charm is at 25. I

20:20

rolled a sultry, 21. Wow. Wow.

20:23

Okay. So what do you say

20:25

to RZA, Kamonwon? Hot

20:27

tonight. What the

20:30

fuck? Hot tonight. Come

20:33

on. What's up,

20:35

man? Good. I opened

20:39

up a window for you. Across

20:42

the front of your house. Thank

20:46

you. Are you referring to the

20:48

hole you drove through the front door? Pretty

20:50

crazy, right? You know what? I

20:52

think I better come along. I think I better

20:55

come along. I think I better come

20:57

along. She grabs

20:59

the shotgun and racks it. We

21:01

have an important decision to make.

21:04

Are we to replicate the

21:07

missing trophy that the big

21:09

thing took, or are we

21:11

supposed to get it back from the big

21:13

thing? I don't know if we can replicate

21:15

it in three hours. No, but we can do... I have a

21:17

husband who... Yes, I

21:19

do. And he's a good actor. Yeah,

21:21

no, I think your idea of replicating is not bad.

21:24

We could do, you know, like those Westerns where

21:26

they exchange hostages or whatever. We can make... it

21:28

doesn't have to look perfect. It's a little bit

21:30

like a trophy. Yeah. Put it

21:32

on the ground. We step back. We say,

21:34

bring us the girl. She walks across towards

21:37

us, all dramatic-like. And then we

21:39

get her, and then we run away as they

21:41

go and pick up the trophy and whoops. Yes,

21:43

I like that. You bowl. Do I bowl? Yeah.

21:46

Does it look like I bowl? I

21:48

don't. I play golf. I'm a scratch golfer though.

21:50

We have a golf trophy. Do you have any

21:53

trophies? You know, I do have a trophy right

21:55

here. It's not for bowling. It is the trophy

21:57

I got from the Bar Association of Nebraska for

21:59

being the number one most litigious autographist. accident of

22:01

all time you're free to look at it if

22:03

you want any hands you the trophy

22:08

look to the other trophy here's the thing

22:10

uh-huh the top of it is completely different

22:12

okay but the bottom is identical oh no

22:15

it's a great trophy can we borrow it

22:17

can you borrow my trophy what

22:19

do you need my trophy for oh it's a save

22:21

a girl's life oh well in that case you can

22:23

borrow my trophy but you could also you know like

22:25

there's only one trophy place in town how's

22:27

trophy world I bet the other guy got his made it

22:29

house trophy oh okay why don't you go just go see how

22:31

well it feels like late at night and it feels like

22:33

we have a trophy but

22:39

you know through you have a man

22:41

no fucking interest inside girl's

22:45

life is that thing is like so how's adventure you

22:47

do you and he gives you

22:50

the trophy all right is different

22:52

the top is a gold maquette

22:54

of a lawyer like

22:56

with a little suitcase and he's like pointing

22:58

like objections you know what I mean like

23:00

I just slam the trophy on the curb

23:02

to break the top well far

23:06

away from everybody I was like I'm gonna go

23:09

outside okay all right let's go save you

23:11

know let's get going everybody is almost midnight

23:13

I walk outside Ed

23:15

gets to do a spot-hidden role I mean look you

23:17

said you're gonna save a little girl's

23:19

life with it the real trophy is I slipped

23:23

oh gosh I'll go to the morning

23:26

I'm sorry Ed that's okay little missy

23:28

you know you know how us teachers

23:30

are yep always teachers

23:33

be slipping that's what we always say what

23:36

I thought you said

23:41

this is why I thought you meant which is that the

23:43

trophy looks identical to the bowling one

23:45

no and then it's like so he's

23:47

stuck on top of

23:49

the bullet what you're saying is that

23:52

we're missing the top half which is

23:54

boy you have the base of a

23:56

trophy from a house trophy world okay

23:58

explain to me What the bowling one looked

24:00

like. The bowling one was like a cup. Like, you know, like

24:02

a loving cup, like one of those two-handled cups. And this one's

24:05

a loving cup with a lawyer on top. No! You

24:07

said the bottom half was identical. I did

24:09

a very good job explaining it. You said

24:11

the bottom half was identical. The bottom half is

24:13

like the pedestal that the cup is

24:16

on. And it says, best

24:18

bowler. And it says, number one

24:20

auto accident attorney. Six

24:22

years running Nebraska bar. And this girl's life

24:24

being in our hands is really, I'm sorry,

24:26

we actually don't need this trophy. You

24:29

brought us my trophy for nothing? Yeah, really

24:31

sorry. Remember, remember, we could just find a cup. Well,

24:33

that just gave us a really good story we should

24:35

go to. Are they open at nine?

24:39

Okay. Are they open at

24:41

nine o'clock? I don't know. I

24:43

don't work there. You could go

24:45

to Tower Point. I know how I just got it. I know

24:48

it personally. Let's go to the house. We're gonna keep your trophy

24:50

just in case we need to use it. And

24:52

let's perform it. Let's get out of here. No, let's get out

24:54

of here. We've already done a lot.

24:56

You guys, it's nine o'clock. It's past everybody's bedtime.

24:59

I'm gonna call them on the phone and see if they're

25:01

open. 1-800-BALL. I

25:05

mean, yeah. Because

25:09

they have trophies, like for ball. You

25:11

got for ball. Remember that trophy you got for

25:13

ball in high school? 1-800-BALL? What

25:15

was the name of the... 1-800-BALL, Matt? No,

25:19

call the police. That's true to call 1-800-BALL.

25:22

The first 1950 sex line. What's

25:25

your request? We talk about testicles. Whoa,

25:29

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Big

25:31

beach ball sized muscles. My

25:33

name's Hank Thanius and I'm the phone sex guy.

25:35

I'm starting phone sex in the 1950s. And

25:38

you get called 1-800-BALL. This call will be 25

25:40

cents a minute. 25

25:42

cents a minute? Oh, well, what

25:44

are you doing? You're gonna bang

25:46

for my mom. And what do you do with

25:48

the muscles? I

25:53

kind of just look at myself in the mirror and

25:55

flex them. That's what I'm doing right now. Oh my.

25:57

Is that open or not? And

26:00

are you open? No!

26:04

Trudy, head over the fuck out. Can I talk to this man? No! I'm

26:11

always open for business. I'm Hank Thaddeus and that's

26:13

my name. Trudy turns like beet red and gets

26:15

really warm and then hangs up immediately. They're

26:18

open! What's

26:20

the go? What is going on? Yeah,

26:22

well let's head over. Excuse me, I

26:24

back this car out. No damage apparently. I lean over

26:26

and I want to whisper to Trudy. Hey Trudy,

26:29

if you ever want to call that number but

26:31

don't want the bill to go to your house,

26:33

you can always just come over to my place.

26:36

Oh! You know, it just seems like you really need

26:38

a sign for letting it call. Well,

26:41

well... Just be careful, that's all I'm saying. Don't call

26:43

that number at your house. I won't. Okay.

26:46

I don't even remember what the number is. The only number

26:48

I can remember is 195 Peachie

26:50

Canyon Road. Okay. Alright,

26:53

so everyone pile in. Pile in. Alright, so I got

26:55

these two pieces of trophy. What are we doing with

26:58

this? We're going to trophy

27:00

world where there's a new trophy. Okay.

27:03

Or I suppose buy the exact same base

27:05

as it seems to be a fairly common

27:07

base. One

27:13

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31:28

don't we're paid out too late you're going to

31:30

trophy world. Yeah, everyone Maybe

31:34

we know where they are. They're gonna be there at midnight.

31:36

We just gotta get the trophy. Hey, hold on Francis's

31:49

mom have any clues. Yeah, mom Did you

31:52

get anything from the wreckage of that weird moth man

31:54

that fucked me up? You know maybe someone would have seen

31:56

a way to go find moth man, but we'll never know

31:58

because we're on our way to house I

32:00

didn't have a man called a mob man! That shit

32:02

freaked me out! That was crazy!

32:05

That was a monster! That

32:08

was a living monster! You got

32:10

the chance? You got the craziness? It's a chase!

32:12

A living monster! Tony, Tony, we have

32:14

a child with us. Let's calm down on the

32:16

monster talk. We have a trophy! I'm sorry, Kim Won. I've

32:18

lost my cool there first. So all

32:20

of you in Kim Won Won and her

32:22

shotgun hop into your Ford Edsel, which only

32:25

took, I think, four points of damage or

32:27

three points of damage last time. And

32:30

you had it in the car! Right now, just get a

32:32

lot of photographic evidence and you can claim that she was

32:34

driving it with a crash. What do you think Kim won's

32:36

doing, baby? What do you think Kim won's doing? Oh,

32:39

Kim Won! Kim Won, why don't

32:41

you try and grab your hands around the

32:44

wheel of this large American automobile?

32:46

Kim Won! Get a shot! I'll work the

32:48

pedals, you work the wheel, baby! I'm

32:52

just gonna keep this shotgun pointed at the back of

32:54

your seat. I'm not trying to fuck my mom! I'm

32:56

not trying to fuck your mom! Is

32:58

he still drunk? Yeah,

33:01

well, that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I

33:03

noticed there's no seat belts in this car. Well,

33:06

that option though, this way you can slide around.

33:09

I really feel no turn. Woah!

33:12

Check this out, I pull a right turn. Oh! That's

33:17

what I had been eating. That's what they used

33:19

to do. You have

33:21

to go get like Tesla's and they said to

33:23

like, ludicrous mode and everyone's like, oh, it's like

33:25

me and a roller coaster. Back in the 50s

33:27

they just took 90 degree turns. Thought to it,

33:29

baby. Are you under the impression that cars shouldn't

33:31

turn right until the 1950s? Well,

33:33

like, you know, like we could slide around and pick benches. Fine.

33:37

Alright, alright, alright. You make your way to

33:39

town. Shakily. Some

33:42

swerves along the way. We'll say it's now 10 o'clock. Don't

33:44

you know what? You're alright. Kelsey's really

33:47

enjoying this ride. Turn more! Oh, no problem!

33:49

This guy's left his wheel done, Kelsey. Kelsey,

33:52

would you like to try this thing? Give me my

33:54

camera. Yeah, of course. Give

33:56

me my camera. Well, Tony, go! I

34:00

would love to drive but not even photograph me for

34:02

evidence for your crime That's

34:04

a fair shake. Great shoe that!

34:06

You arrive at Howl's trophy world.

34:08

It's closed! No. How? It's

34:10

very closed. Open up! Ow! You kids

34:13

better be doing homework! Hahahaha

34:17

Terminator has an arm. George? George

34:20

and Julie! Come on, open

34:22

up for your teacher! Kids are terrified

34:24

of this woman, right? Like you imagine,

34:26

you're about to go to bed and

34:28

you hear her voice out your window

34:31

like Night of the Underwear shadows just

34:33

on the wall Hahahaha

34:37

Can you imagine that? Oh my god. She's

34:41

got like math and english tattooed on her knuckles I'm

34:43

gonna roll spot hidden to see if there's a

34:45

secret key somewhere Oh I love that.

34:48

Give me a spot hidden Oh no. I got

34:50

a 79 and my skill is at 50 Okay

34:54

so you don't find any shit You

34:57

don't find anything but you do see despite the fact

34:59

that the doors lock and the windows

35:01

are like boarded up There is a car out

35:03

back and you

35:05

can see like a crack of light coming

35:07

in from inside Can Kelsey roll history to

35:11

remember if she did

35:13

notice any clues a few hours ago

35:16

Hahahahahaha You fucking

35:18

shit! Hahahahahaha

35:27

Fuck Yeah go

35:29

ahead, give me a history roll and I'll give you a clue You know

35:31

it's really for Will cause he worked so hard on the clues I failed

35:35

So there's a car here There's a car here

35:37

but the place is locked up I found it on the

35:40

door Hello? I mean hello?

35:43

Wait, how do they wait? You're

35:45

your first one Hello, what's

35:47

the vice, Trudy? So

35:49

the door cracks open an inch and you

35:51

see a man on the other side You can't

35:53

quite see his face and he's like what do you

35:55

want, who is this? Oh he's

35:57

in a trophy Emergency, emergency

35:59

Hello, fellow Chamber of Commerce

36:01

members! Tony, come back! Tony,

36:03

what? Here. Oh, are you

36:06

guys gonna roll screen? Yeah. Yeah.

36:09

Oh, you better come in, quick. What? Is his

36:11

face gonna be all scary when we see his light? Is

36:14

he gonna do something to our teeth? So he opens the

36:16

door. There's nothing wrong with his face.

36:18

Okay. Hair looks a little wet. Oh no. Oh

36:20

no. With

36:22

what? So he lets you all in. Come in,

36:24

come in, come in. What's with your hair? Quick,

36:26

quick, quick, quick. I'm gonna stay here at the

36:29

door though. Okay, that's fine. As he opens the

36:31

door, at the back you see a trophy basically

36:33

identical. Oh cool. Oh, can we have that? Yeah,

36:35

you guys can. No, no, no, no, you guys

36:37

gotta come in. Quick, they're looking for you.

36:40

Oh, who's looking for you? Oh, everybody, everybody's

36:42

looking for you. They're everywhere. Haven't you seen

36:44

them? No. Haven't you seen them outside

36:46

your houses? Oh my God, they gotta fucking get in.

36:48

Okay, let's go. Oh, fine. We go in. So

36:51

inside you see this store. There's trophies

36:53

everywhere of all shapes and sizes. We

36:55

could really fuck up a generation by

36:57

giving them a lot of ease. I

37:00

got this new one. It's called a participation trophy. Your

37:03

kids are gonna love it. How

37:05

do I sell trophies to stupid kids who can't

37:07

win anything? That's a mud door. What

37:09

do you think? Fonz, don't you feel like you could

37:11

have used some of these and you wouldn't have helped?

37:13

The problem is that we only give one trophy per

37:15

event. So he's like, okay, come in. All right. He

37:17

closes the door. Fonz, we'll try not to be intimidated

37:19

by all this excellence. So you guys

37:22

won the trophy? You're my mom. Yeah, we won. You,

37:24

but I'm also kind of nagging you in that attempt

37:26

to... You can't fuck my mom by nagging me. That's

37:28

not how it's transitive. Transitive? You think you should be

37:30

talking about your mom like that when she's here? Who's

37:33

she? I thought there was a four man team. Who the hell is

37:35

this? This is my mom. Why is your mom with you? I'm

37:37

here to protect him. Sometimes I get scared. Okay. I

37:40

guess you can come in too. As long as you

37:42

guys are all together, you're all part of, you know,

37:44

guttural scream. That's good. Look, you won the

37:46

trophy. Yeah. But

37:48

we lost it to a

37:50

giant monster. I heard about the monster.

37:52

And the monster didn't even leave any clues as to how

37:55

we could find him. You're on

37:57

a straight. Not the creative. I've been nagging. I've

37:59

been... I was thinking really hard about what we

38:01

saw, but it's just mostly a car crash is

38:03

what I remember. It's almost scary how quiet it

38:06

was. I remember that trophy. What

38:08

did you see when you looked at it? It's

38:10

got my face kind of weird. I'll be

38:12

honest, ever since I've turned 40, every time I look

38:15

in the mirror, it's always a little different than I

38:17

remember. I saw myself smiling. Well,

38:19

that's never happened. But like, you know, what's up, what? How

38:22

about you, Trudy? Oh, yes, I remember that. Well,

38:25

let me tell you, you should have seen the original

38:27

like I did. The

38:29

original? Well, the original before I had to cover it up for

38:31

Mr. Friedman, the bowling alley owner, of course. Okay, the original what?

38:34

The original of the trophy? We

38:36

had a fake trophy? We had a fake trophy? Well,

38:38

it was there. We just had to cover it with

38:40

a little bit of gold lacquer to keep

38:42

it from people. You see, Mr. Friedman, he gives

38:45

me little trinkets now and then to cover up

38:47

so that he can pass them along to the

38:49

powers that be without the ones who watch. Watching.

38:52

That's how we're able to move them around. That was

38:54

kind of what happened. You were supposed

38:56

to get the trophy because under the trophy is the

38:58

cup and the cup is very important. And

39:01

it seems like you guys got it. Now everything's out of control.

39:03

Everything's a mess. But don't worry,

39:05

because I saw things in that

39:07

cup, man. And you don't want any part of that.

39:09

Just let me tell you, you don't want any part

39:11

of what was in that cup. Go ahead. Go

39:15

ahead. This

39:17

man is speaking like my cousin Susie

39:19

after the lobotomy. Yeah, I

39:21

was about to say, Tony, you found more. I'm

39:24

not at sea yet, but this does feel

39:26

like it's a communist. We

39:28

should shoot this man. Use your shotgun.

39:30

Mom, don't shoot him. You guys are

39:32

talking. You notice something, which is a

39:34

smell in the air, which is like

39:37

a harsh chemical smell. Trudy would know

39:39

chemicals used to clean a house with

39:41

very well. Oh, you recognize turpentine. Oh,

39:43

and you recognize paint thinner. And you

39:45

know, from holding them up to the

39:47

stove to read the instructions that both

39:49

of them are very flammable. And

39:52

this place seems to be reeking of them. Interesting.

39:56

And right as that realization comes to

39:58

you, you hear the... I saw

40:00

something very bad. I saw something bad in that cup.

40:02

Okay, it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen right here I

40:13

saw the bison screaming and brave zuzelle rising

40:16

in the light of a dozy and I

40:18

saw the maggot or groaning I saw the

40:20

best But

40:25

you will be spared you will be spared you will be spared and

40:27

I will be spared by the flame and

40:29

he sparks up a Zippo And

40:32

you realize that his hair is wet with the same

40:34

paint thinner that he's been the moment place it being

40:37

a lover of cigarettes a moment She

40:39

wants to try and grab it. Okay, go for it

40:41

that Dex. That's an opposed dexterity roll So

40:43

he's gonna roll his dexterity. I rolled at

40:46

98 Oh, yeah,

40:48

I think a 98 is a fumble a

40:50

fumble in a trophy shot grabbing his

40:53

zippo She just pulled out her own zippo And

40:58

he says no no no no, it's okay. It's okay.

41:00

It's okay. It's everything's gonna be okay Everything's gonna be

41:02

fine. You slipped in the gasoline easily. That's your fumble

41:04

You went for his thing you slipped on the floor

41:07

because you're actually standing in a huge puddle of paint

41:09

Oh, which is now splashed onto your clothes. We said

41:11

it's okay. It's okay. It's okay I just want you

41:13

all to close your eyes and just be ready to

41:15

embrace the flame mom. Maybe shoot this guy What are

41:17

you crazy for shooting me? It's gonna drop the zip

41:19

on this whole place. It's gonna go up No, yeah,

41:22

maybe not plus the spark from the gun

41:24

Kelsey's being very quiet and Kelsey is trying

41:26

to like slip underneath him hoping that he

41:28

drops it Okay,

41:30

good good good. I like that and Tony

41:32

would like to try and fast talk him

41:34

by pulling out his Zippo Okay, go ahead. He

41:36

sparked up his Zippo. He sparked it up. I sparked

41:38

a mind like I yeah right there I got a

41:41

Zippo lighter one of America's best but we should really

41:43

be one of America's best and we must protect this

41:45

But what you really caring about is the new Zippo.

41:47

Have you seen the new one you expect features the

41:49

post-world war two updates? What is

41:51

what is it? Oh my goodness, and what

41:54

are you talking about? The nap to flame

41:56

why not bother with clean kerosene greater burn

41:58

greater efficiency. I don't know parts of

42:00

taste on this thing he's trying to sell him

42:02

his Zippo which is like that is the new

42:04

version that's the I stand with this the Ike

42:07

version give me a fast talk roll my fast

42:09

talk which I put a lot in was

42:11

55 I rolled a 56 now I will remind

42:19

you guys you have the same way that we did

42:21

in mountains of dadness you have a stat called luck

42:24

that's right so it's a

42:26

luck roll but you can also spend

42:29

a luck point to nudge up dice

42:31

roll a point oh

42:33

you can do as much as you can

42:35

you want like 65 second views like a

42:37

ton to like grab the Zippo yes we

42:39

are saying that that is a thing that okay

42:41

very good I'm gonna nudge it down

42:43

one to just be a narrow success so

42:46

yeah he is distracted by

42:48

Tony Collette's fast talking Zippo sale like as he's

42:50

looking here he's like oh my god I almost

42:52

burned this place down with a shitty Zippo like

42:54

it well oh my god that would be for

42:57

length of burn my man how long can that

42:59

one last what 45 50 seconds I know

43:01

your Zippo is much better than this one whoa whoa

43:04

whoa show me how it works yeah I'll

43:06

use distracted by the Zippo Francis would like to

43:08

try to sneak past him and grab the other

43:10

trophy that looks identical to the one that we're

43:12

trying to get okay smart smart smart smart give

43:14

me a stealth roll I got 90 in

43:16

the stealth okay I rolled a

43:18

73 so this is nice yeah you made it

43:21

over to the trophy and you've successfully grabbed it

43:23

from the wall I'm gonna try to sneak back

43:25

towards the door okay are there any other exits

43:27

in there you see there's a backroom there's a

43:30

back room and what was the God he said

43:32

uh it was wait that's

43:36

the guy from Lion King yeah you heard

43:38

him say brave zuzelle braves Z

43:40

H O U Z E L well

43:42

you don't know how he said this

43:44

is a non-union this is only us humans

43:46

trying to say the true name you know what

43:48

I mean that was like oh a or B

43:50

maybe take one sanity point for hearing the letter

43:57

Z Zing

44:00

from the letter A! Z is like... Every

44:02

time you hear something like Z, there's so

44:04

much knowledge left. I'm so far from understanding

44:06

the truth. Every time she hears a Z

44:08

word, she goes like, I'm never gonna finish

44:10

this encyclopedia. Give me a sanity roll. Oh,

44:12

I got a one! Alright, great. So,

44:15

Jane, babe? She believes in reincarnation. She goes, that's

44:17

just another life I'll get to Z. It's okay.

44:21

Write down believes in reincarnation on your character sheet.

44:23

That might come back later. What's Trudy doing? I

44:26

think Trudy is gonna check that door

44:28

to the other room. Are you gonna try

44:30

to sneak over there? What are you trying to do? Yeah, I

44:32

will try to stealthily

44:35

go over there. Okay, great. Give me a stealth

44:37

roll. God damn it, I

44:39

failed. Uh-oh. What happens while you're going over

44:41

there? How do you give yourself away? I think Trudy's just

44:43

like, Oh, I hope I don't get caught. And

44:47

Hal sees you sneaking towards him and says, No, no,

44:49

you stay a whiver! You're all trying to trick me.

44:51

I know it. No, you almost had me with your

44:53

fast talk, but I see your friends are all sneaking

44:56

around me. So you know what? I don't care about

44:58

those friends. You drop the Zippo. Oh, no! I'm right

45:00

underneath him. Give me a dexterity roll. I hope you

45:02

do well. It's landing on you and you're soaked in

45:05

gasoline right now, basically. I got luck. My

45:09

dexterity is 60 and I got a 63. Okay.

45:13

So I'm gonna nudge it. Three points. Three

45:15

points. I'm gonna do four points. Okay, now

45:18

remember, your luck is permanently lowered now. Yeah,

45:20

I got a 65 luck. Okay,

45:22

great. So there we go. All right. So you catch-

45:24

I got 61 luck. Oh, no. You catch it with

45:26

your two fingers. No, no, I use another point of

45:28

luck, Will. I got plenty of fucking luck. Yeah,

45:31

dog! You're right! The third dog in a fair 59.

45:34

No, another one. Why not keep that guy in

45:36

his third wheel? I don't care. I'm gonna lose

45:38

more. I'll just kill your character faster. That's fine.

45:40

Find 58, buddy. I'm down to 58. You said

45:42

a point. You really showed him that. All right.

45:44

Hell yeah, Freddy. Hell yeah, dude. Tell me how

45:46

you catch this extra luckily. Oh, extra luckily.

45:48

You know what? Since it's that lucky, she

45:51

also at the moment I fell, she went, oh, no. And she

45:53

like thought about her death. She just put her hands up to

45:55

protect herself, but her hands haven't touched the gasoline yet or anything.

45:57

And just lambs in her hands. I thought that's really cool. She

46:00

looks over to one of the trophies and

46:02

it's like that pose exactly. She's like,

46:04

Oh. You go insane. It lands hinged cap first.

46:06

So it just like closes. Oh, okay. It's

46:09

closed. The second you hear

46:11

the hinge cap close, Kamon won

46:13

because she hasn't gone yet. She's

46:22

going to crack them across the face with the back

46:24

of the shotgun like a baseball bat. Okay.

46:28

That's a B to see like a baseball bat. Yeah. Ooh.

46:31

She takes a swing and he ducks under it and he

46:33

sees your Zippo, which is still open Freddy. Yeah. And

46:36

he dives to tackle you. Can I

46:38

toss it to him and then bluff him and deck him

46:40

across the face? I'm trying to like throw him off. Okay.

46:43

All right. I could just

46:45

deck him. No, no, no, no, no, but we'll

46:48

call this a maneuver essentially. Don't give the man

46:50

fire, please. This is cool. I mean, like I'm

46:52

not. No, but me as a person who we

46:54

don't give him the ladder, please. Your options are

46:56

when you are attacked is you can either fight

46:59

back, you can dodge, or you can do a

47:01

combat maneuver where essentially you try to maneuver them

47:03

around. So this isn't really a maneuver, but

47:05

we'll call it like a. Well, here's what

47:07

I was thinking as he comes in, I

47:09

was like, huh. And I like take my

47:11

very chrome Zippo and I try to flash

47:13

his eyes with it. You know, it's a

47:16

glare of a lamp, you know, this is

47:18

a pinprick source. That tiny

47:20

bit. It's a difference between

47:22

life and death in a hand to hand

47:24

combat scenario. The USMC teaches this to all

47:26

the Marines who are stationed in the Pacific.

47:28

They know that's how we want to create

47:31

a war with a bunch of Marines just

47:33

shining lights into people's eyes. Any advantage you

47:35

can get in the moment, in the heat

47:37

of battle. Okay. The difference between life and

47:39

death. So you are trying to shine your

47:42

shiny chrome Zippo so that he like his

47:44

days for a second. And then

47:46

I can judo him around towards the back room. Here's

47:48

what we're going to do. We're going to call this

47:50

a judo flip. What's your

47:52

build size? My build size is. One.

47:56

All right. So he's smaller than you. He's a

47:58

trampy little man. He wants your Zippo. So

48:00

are you gonna try to fight him, dodge

48:02

him back, or do you want to do

48:05

an opposed maneuver? I'll do an opposed maneuver.

48:07

Okay, great. And you're bigger than him, so

48:09

he gets a disadvantage dice. So

48:11

he fails his maneuver. So you're trying to flip

48:13

him? Yeah, I'm trying to basically like grab his

48:15

arm and spin him around towards the back room.

48:18

Let's call that a strength roll. 66

48:21

off of 70, I succeed. He fails to grab your

48:23

Zippo. Just describe how you throw him. Yeah, so he comes

48:26

at me with his arms outstretched from my Zippo back. Ah,

48:28

you want this, you want this? And I grab his outstretched

48:30

arm and I just sort of spin around like over here,

48:32

over here, over here, over here. And then I lead him

48:34

like careening towards... Because

48:37

there's like a back room, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

48:39

we all have a stuff, right? And like maybe I

48:41

throw the Zippo in towards the back... Why

48:43

do you have to give him the Zippo? I

48:45

put him in his way! I really covered in

48:48

gasoline! That's your problem, man. You can throw the

48:50

Zippo on your next turn. So you essentially yeet

48:52

him towards the back room. Correct. Alright, which means

48:54

that he has just crash-landed at your feet, Trudy.

48:56

Hi, Hal. I

48:59

was just wondering, you want to

49:01

do all of this for Zuhul, right?

49:03

No, no, no, you misunderstand completely. I'm

49:05

trying to save us from him by purging us

49:07

in fire. Because what's going to come is so

49:09

much worse than this, you don't understand. None of

49:11

you understand what's about to happen. You're going to

49:13

wish that you let me burn you. You're going

49:15

to wish that you died. No, I

49:17

understand completely. And I recommend

49:20

that you try Mama's Little

49:22

Helper. Just a

49:24

few drugs I had around the

49:26

house that helped me relax after

49:29

a long day of hustling after

49:31

my kiddos and cleaning the home.

49:33

Please try this. It will make

49:36

you feel so much better and

49:38

everything will light on fire so

49:40

fast, so fast, so fast! Okay.

49:43

And she extends her hand where there's

49:45

a... I think the 19... Oh,

49:47

God. I think the

49:50

1950s version of Valium

49:52

is like, Librium or something?

49:54

Yeah. Everything I know from that is from

49:57

that. Whatever Trudy's definitely been using on

49:59

her kids. to make them go to sleep at night.

50:01

Oh no. And

50:04

you want to do a psychology role to

50:06

get him to... Take it. Okay. Yeah. All

50:08

right. Give me a psychology role. Okay. I

50:10

think I will. Yes. I

50:12

got a 28 and my psychology is

50:14

40. Wow. Okay. So

50:16

he's like, yes, sleep.

50:19

Sleep. You're saying this will be like,

50:21

oh, an eternal sleep.

50:23

An eternal sleep. Sure. Yes. That sounds,

50:25

you know, you might

50:28

have a little headache and eternity, but

50:30

that's all part of the process. Okay.

50:32

So we all take them. We all take them. You

50:35

take it and then we'll take it after

50:37

you. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I will. Oh,

50:39

yes. Oh, this is so much better than burning.

50:41

Thank you so much. Of course. And he

50:43

pops this pill and is like, so when do

50:46

I sleep? When do I sleep forever? How long

50:48

does that take? Should

50:50

be any, any moment

50:52

now. Okay. Well, you guys are going

50:54

to take them now too, right? Where are the rest of

50:56

them? Lock them back back. Lock

50:59

the door. Is he distracted? Can I punch him? I

51:01

want to sucker punch him in the back of the

51:03

head. You want to sucker punch him in the back

51:05

of the head. Well, the fire is all around

51:07

us, but I noticed a certain fire in

51:09

your eyes. I tried to truly lies to be

51:11

like, keep distracting. All right. Well now call this

51:14

a separate role. We'll call this a Trudy is

51:16

going to do a, I guess this would be

51:18

fast talk as well or charm, whatever you want

51:20

to charm. Oh, frick. Yes. I

51:22

got a 16 and my

51:24

charm is 55. Okay. Wow. All right. Great. Well, what do you

51:27

say to him? As I was saying, there's a

51:29

certain fire in your eyes. You must be

51:31

such a strong muscley man.

51:34

I wonder if you have any

51:36

experience with one 800 ball. What

51:40

are you a hundred ball? I mean, I don't know that number. I don't,

51:43

I don't know what you're talking about, but you know, I often, you know,

51:45

sometimes I look at the big muscley man on the trophies and I'm like,

51:47

I wish I could look like that. And I don't, well,

51:49

I would never say something to a man that wasn't my

51:51

husband, but if I did, maybe I would. Oh,

52:00

you have a husband. Okay, forget it. Sorry,

52:02

I just thought that's not Jeff. Yeah, go

52:04

ahead. So then Kelsey brings her arm back. If

52:06

you crosscut your encyclopedia, you see, what

52:08

happens when you punch somebody in the back of

52:10

the head? Question mark. You're going to pray damage.

52:12

She says the article. Yeah. And she fucking cracks

52:15

her knuckles and she swings and sucker punches him

52:17

in the back of the head using brawl, I'm

52:19

assuming, right? Yes, that's brawl. Because he's distracted, this

52:21

is an automatic hit. Okay. Give me a text

52:23

just to show if you don't fumble. Like, I'll

52:25

give it to you. Well, my brawl. Or give

52:27

me your fighting brawl. Yeah, my brawl is strong

52:29

because she's been boxing. Mm hmm. She

52:31

has a 65 on crawl. Holy

52:34

shit. She's really good at teaching and boxing.

52:36

Okay. I'm going to use some of my luck. Oh,

52:41

dear. Oh, no. She

52:44

talks such big game. Usually well down. I'm going to

52:46

use four points. It wasn't that far off. Four points

52:48

of luck. So you're not at a 53? I'm

52:51

at 54. Okay. Well, you want

52:53

me to be at 53? I'll be at 53 if you

52:55

want, Will. No, stop it. How are you doing that? I'm

52:58

at 54. 20 episodes of it. Why are you

53:00

all suicidal? Are you trying to give him a lighter? You're trying

53:02

to get rid of your luck? Try not to use luck on

53:05

this? Fine. Don't use luck on this. No, use your luck. Now

53:07

I'm all worried. I missed the punch. But you said it hit

53:09

automatically. I want the rules. Now

53:12

you want the rules. He said it was that if you fucked

53:14

up, you wouldn't fumble. Oh, okay. Okay. Yes. You hit him in

53:16

the back of the head. Roll for damage. 1D3. So

53:19

three, three damage. Yeah, you crack him in the back of

53:21

the head. And he spins around. He's like, why do I

53:23

keep falling for this? Why do I keep? I

53:26

know what I truly need to punch you in the back of the head. I

53:31

roll spanking. He

53:35

has turned. He has turned. He has

53:37

turned. All right. We'll do the spanking. I

53:39

want to give Anthony a turn because it's

53:41

been a minute. And we really should have

53:44

done fucking initiative. But oh, well. He's not

53:46

expecting that. Oh, I failed my

53:48

spanking roll. Okay. Yeah, you swatted his butt,

53:50

but he just nimbly. He likes it. He

53:53

likes it. He

53:56

wasn't getting from 1-800-ball. I'm so

53:58

confused. Everyone's deck

54:00

score, we'll do it in that. 60

54:04

also. So here's

54:06

the scene as it now stands. Francis

54:09

and Tony are by the door

54:12

with Kamon-Wan and they have the trophy. Meanwhile,

54:14

the two of you, Kelsey and Trudy are

54:16

just giving him an Abbott and Costello routine,

54:19

spanking and punching him repeatedly in the back of

54:21

the head by the back of the room. He's

54:23

loving it. And he is both aroused and enraged

54:25

and confused and disoriented and he really wants to

54:27

let you all on fire. What's his God's name?

54:29

We'll be like, ooh, this is- The Owls of

54:31

Gahool. The Owls, yes.

54:33

The Owls of Gahool. What's his name? No,

54:35

I'm not telling you. Zebleblabwah. Zuzelle.

54:39

Zuzelle. Zuzelle's slapping you. What?

54:41

Zuzelle's giving it to you, honey. I don't

54:44

like Zuzelle. I'm

54:46

trying to save us from Zuzelle. I

54:48

couldn't have been clearer. Wait, you sure

54:50

you don't like Zuzelle? I spank his

54:52

butt. Francis, what would you

54:54

like to do? Francis is gonna just try to wrench open the

54:56

door. Yeah, he just dead bolted it. He didn't like do anything

54:58

to it. So yes, you can open the door. Okay, so I

55:00

open the door and I just run outside. I

55:03

go, guys, just run. It's fine. Your mom's

55:05

like, oh yeah, what are we doing? And then she comes

55:07

with you and then stands by the door ready to blast

55:09

this guy. Yeah, you can shoot him from outside. Yeah, that's

55:11

great because then we won't burn anything. This is what

55:13

I'm saying, Francis. These people like, I want you to

55:16

learn from them, but I also want you to learn

55:18

that sometimes you can learn from people. Do you know

55:20

what I mean? No. Okay.

55:23

So it is now Tony's turn. I judoed him towards

55:25

the back. So you're by the door as well. Tony's

55:28

gonna be like, shoot him. Just

55:30

shoot him. Shoot him now. Shoot him

55:32

now. Shoot the guy. Shoot the guy.

55:34

Shoot the guy. Shoot him. Shoot

55:37

him now. Sorry. Are you

55:39

leaving? Are you leaving? I'm leaving. Okay.

55:43

All right. Wait for us.

55:45

Shoot him. Shoot him. There's

55:47

a shotgun. There's three of them right there. I'm gonna hit

55:49

all of them with the... Don't you know what I'm doing? You do

55:51

what you have to do. You do what you have to do. You

55:53

do what you have to do. Shoot him now. Shoot him now. I

55:56

can't believe I'm gonna... Pull the trigger off. Pull

55:58

the trigger off. Pull the trigger off. Am

56:01

I persuasive? I gotta shoot us.

56:03

The two of them are right in there too right now so

56:06

she's like no I'm not gonna shoot right now. If he comes

56:08

out the door I will shoot him okay? And he goes, oh

56:10

my god! Okay

56:12

so the two of you, everyone has abandoned you

56:15

and you're now both of you in a room

56:17

soaked in. I'm deck 60 right? Yes. Do I

56:19

gotta go now? It's the top of the turnover

56:21

so it's Hal's turn now. Oh. So Hal's like

56:23

no no no no this isn't how it's supposed

56:25

to go! And he is getting very sleepy.

56:28

Don't get that good. Wait.

56:35

How would we roll for like sleeping

56:37

pill? Constitution? Okay yes we'll give him

56:40

a constitution roll. If he fails his

56:42

constitution roll then he will have disadvantage

56:44

on his actions going forward. So yes,

56:46

he's like this is, you just, you

56:49

just, you just, this is good. I

56:52

can still save you, I can still save

56:54

the two women, I can still protect you.

56:57

And he is going to fumble around and

56:59

he finds a box of matches in his

57:02

pocket and he's going to try to strike one.

57:04

Well this guy has flammable things all

57:06

over him. He

57:08

succeeds on his roll so he's now sparked another

57:10

match. Are you sure he's not a little itchy?

57:13

It's a side effect. Of what? Of the

57:15

tranquilizer from the 50s. And he scratches himself

57:17

a little bit because he's a little itchy. And the match catches

57:19

on to the talking fair. I

57:22

blow it out. Okay you're gonna blow it out? Okay.

57:24

And the match is one weakness dude. Damn

57:27

dog. Wish he has a zippo still.

57:29

Yeah that's right they marketed the zippo as the one

57:31

that wouldn't go out in a win. We're gonna call

57:33

this an attack roll and he's gonna get a chance

57:36

to dodge your little puff. I want to use my

57:38

English language. You want to use your English language? I

57:40

might need you, I gotta go. Yeah. You're

57:43

gonna shush him. Yeah. You want to use your English

57:45

skill? I feel like I teach

57:47

you I got a good shush to blow out the match.

57:49

And he's this event, ain't sleepy. And he

57:52

pulled out the match and lit it. You

57:54

tell me what you want me to do. This is

57:56

a sort of off-label use of the English skill to

57:58

blow shush. This

58:01

is because you have a really high English skill. I'm not

58:03

fighting him. I'm pulling it out and I saw him being

58:05

the right. I'm sure he's not fighting this. All right, give

58:07

me a constitution roll. There's a lot of fumes in here.

58:10

Because you're going to breathe in to blow. I got

58:12

58 in my constitution, 60. That's exactly easy bypass. All

58:15

right, what do you do? What is your new... You

58:18

can also move if you would like to. Oh, I say

58:20

shame on you. And

58:25

then I walk away. Like

58:29

a fucking teacher. Just chill as fuck. Trudy, what would

58:31

you like to do? He's fumbling in

58:33

his pocket for another match right now. I'm

58:37

going to run. You both make it

58:39

out the door. I assume you all

58:41

pile into the car. And we slam the

58:43

door. You slam the door. I know. Okay,

58:46

as you're running towards the car, you hear

58:48

him say, You'll be sorry. You'll all be

58:50

sorry. You'll wish you'd burned. And

58:53

then you hear a match strike and

58:55

you watch as a glow fills the

58:57

air from inside of Howl's Trophy World.

58:59

And you hear a blood curdling

59:01

scream followed by laughing, followed by

59:04

silence. Oh, man. As

59:06

the entire building begins to burn behind you.

59:20

ACAS powers the world's best

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podcast. Here's the show

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that we recommend. Hi,

59:27

I'm Megan Rinks. And I'm Alyssa D. Montz. And

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59:34

for release, Don't Blame Me, which is an

59:36

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59:48

Am I Wrong?, where we ethically gossip about

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right in a situation, are you the hero or the villain?

59:58

On Tuesdays and Fridays, we throw the ball. and a

1:00:00

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But we're also always rooting for your success. What

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big thanks for the minutes. Hey

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Cass helps creators launch, grow,

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and monetize the podcast everywhere.

1:00:35

Hey Cass. Tony

1:00:41

Collette lights his cigarette right in time with it.

1:00:43

He goes, I beat that guy that I got

1:00:45

in a car accident earlier. Kelsey pulls

1:00:47

out her cigarette and leans forward wanting you to light

1:00:49

her cigarette. Oh here, have a smell. Why are you

1:00:51

guys so calm? We just watched the man die. We're

1:00:53

not calm. This is what adults do when we're not

1:00:55

calm. You take one of these. You know, you're old

1:00:57

enough, you should be smoking too. How

1:01:00

many are you doing today? Mommy, is it okay

1:01:02

if I take a cigarette? I've repeatedly asked you

1:01:04

not to call me Mommy anymore. And

1:01:07

the whole point is for you to start

1:01:10

making your own decisions, Francis. Yeah, give it, let

1:01:12

me light up. Here you go. Is this

1:01:14

your first cigarette? Yeah. Give me a disadvantage

1:01:16

constitution roll. My constitution is 25, I got a 58.

1:01:19

You are now nauseous and you are gonna have

1:01:21

disadvantage on your constitution checks for the rest of

1:01:23

the night. Great. That's pretty well.

1:01:27

Oh, somebody needs an

1:01:29

extra cigarette. I'll tell you another

1:01:31

one. The second one goes

1:01:33

down, smooth it. Yeah, give me one. I

1:01:37

got two cigarettes in my mouth. I'm like, oh yeah, I see the appeal.

1:01:40

Clapping them on his back. Well, come on, one, just nod,

1:01:42

say that's my boy. Wow, I hope Hal's

1:01:44

okay. It seemed like

1:01:47

it was a pleasure to

1:01:49

burn. Wow. Oh wow, I

1:01:51

should write that down. I

1:01:54

guess we should just drive too. We

1:01:56

got nine five. Peach

1:01:59

Canyon Road. Yeah, okay, where the hell

1:02:01

is that? Peachy

1:02:16

Canyon Road and I turned south

1:02:19

Okay, are the numbers are they going up or down? It's

1:02:22

right next to Bob's big boy burgers, Freddy. Give

1:02:24

me a luck roll a luck roll you say

1:02:26

well with the 70 luck That should be no

1:02:28

pro 79. I miss it.

1:02:30

Okay, wrong way I'm

1:02:33

going to you turn everyone hold on Okay,

1:02:42

the numbers going the right way How

1:02:44

much does one of these cost? Oh? Why

1:02:46

I have a number of financing plans that I could

1:02:48

get you under but how much you making oh

1:02:50

well That's right. If you want to rent

1:02:58

I'm a teacher. It's just you know my neighbors and my

1:03:00

friends are all just right next door and the schools just

1:03:02

behind my house Well this one here $2,200. Oh That's

1:03:07

all the money. I've ever made my Like

1:03:11

that women with jobs make money I've

1:03:15

heard of everything now You

1:03:18

can make money. All right Five

1:03:21

hundred twenty five. I think we're here. I'm sorry

1:03:23

five dollars. All right. No one ninety five You

1:03:29

pull up to 195 Peachy Canyon

1:03:31

Road this one's it. Oh my god, okay

1:03:33

Well some feedback for you it should have been

1:03:35

a 195 Peachy Canyon Drive, so it rhymed 195

1:03:38

Peachy Canyon Drive It's 195

1:03:40

Peachy Canyon Drive and guess what Beth it's

1:03:43

also the location of the Peachyplex

1:03:45

Drive-In Movie Theater Holy

1:03:49

shit, what's playing? High school

1:03:53

Playing why the marquee reads

1:03:55

for fathers in fantasy land.

1:03:58

Oh, sorry Spencer Tracy is

1:04:00

Daryl Wilson, Jared Jimmy Stewart as

1:04:02

Henry Oak, Marlin Brando as Ron

1:04:04

Stamper, and who else but Mickey

1:04:06

Rooney as Glenn Love. Mickey Rooney,

1:04:08

he makes me feel all sorts

1:04:11

of things. Ah,

1:04:13

Mickey Rooney! Yeah, what did I

1:04:15

say? It's been mean to catch

1:04:17

this picture. I could teach him a figure too, I'll

1:04:19

tell you why. I heard this one's good and the

1:04:21

sequel's not quite up to stuff. If

1:04:25

Mickey's in it, I'll see ya. You

1:04:27

pull up to the drive-in movie theater, um, in...

1:04:31

Oh, Mickey. You... Let

1:04:33

me ask this, are we pulling into it? Do we have

1:04:35

any... Hey, Trudy, did we have any instructions? Anything to follow?

1:04:37

You bring the trophy. Well, we have the trophy. Or at

1:04:39

least a reasonable facsimile of it. I think they'll find us

1:04:41

if they've been watching us this whole time. Oh, they've been

1:04:44

watching us this whole time. How could they have been watching

1:04:46

us this whole time? I don't know, how did a big

1:04:48

moth creature break into my room and it won't kill me?

1:04:50

That didn't happen. That's a good point. It was a bat,

1:04:52

I think. It was too big to be a bat, I

1:04:55

thought it. Right. Worst

1:04:57

rule of scientific discovery is I got to accept what

1:04:59

I saw. It was a big monster. You're right, Francis, it

1:05:01

was a big monster. Oh, thank you. Yeah, okay. It

1:05:03

feels very validating to hear that from an authority figure. Yeah,

1:05:05

well, you know what? Don't let it get to your

1:05:07

head, though. And remember, just because an authority figure said

1:05:09

it doesn't mean that it's true. No, Mom! But

1:05:12

it might be. You're a great shooter, Kimonwa.

1:05:14

Now you... I would... I don't

1:05:16

want you to talk to me. Nobody's

1:05:19

fucking my mom tonight! Never mind

1:05:21

anyone! Sorry! Nobody's

1:05:23

making love to my mom tonight! Don't

1:05:26

curse your mother that way. Excuse me, that's

1:05:29

my son. And you are not his father.

1:05:31

Yeah, back off! Okay, all right. As

1:05:33

you pull up, there's like a ticket taker that...

1:05:36

It's been a while since I've been to a

1:05:38

drive-through, but we're going to say it's a drive-through ticket taker. A

1:05:40

drive-in? Yeah, at the drive-in. So you

1:05:42

just drove three... Straight through the movie. Wow! How

1:05:46

did I get any money on this? Even in

1:05:48

a second, he gets me going. So quick! Take

1:05:54

me home. Be alone! One last of

1:05:56

Mickey and I'm... Good

1:06:01

thing we came in on a Mickey scene. One

1:06:03

car worth of tickets, please.

1:06:07

Ah, very well, sir. It's like

1:06:09

the squeaky, oh hey, I kind of sound

1:06:11

like, Hey, what's up, Francis? Hey, man. You

1:06:14

keeping it real? Yeah, dude, you know. We

1:06:16

out here, man. Sticky Rick, who's the second

1:06:18

most bullied kid in school. You

1:06:20

know, at least I got someone to look down on.

1:06:22

Did he see Francis smoking a cigarette? He's like, oh

1:06:25

no. Oh, whoa, Francis. Yeah,

1:06:27

cool now. Francis is really cool.

1:06:31

I got one cigarette on, I've decided my mouth, I'm twice as cool.

1:06:34

I've got to re-pick some things. Enjoy

1:06:36

the movie. Tune in to 89.3 FM to listen along to the

1:06:38

film. And

1:06:41

he gets this

1:06:43

nervous look, and he kind of looks around, shifts the

1:06:45

lead to bushes, and he's like, yeah, there's free collector's

1:06:48

popcorn bucket, combo mince of the house, and he

1:06:50

shoves it to you. And it's like, a big

1:06:52

old tuna, fucking motherfucker. Is it

1:06:54

a fuckable? Is it a fucking fuckable? Is

1:06:57

it a fuckable dude? It's a bored

1:06:59

Ed Zolkar plus team, 1950s collection. Sticky

1:07:02

Rick always takes care of me, my man. This

1:07:04

is why I work tight. Why is he called

1:07:06

Sticky Rick? You have a condition. Yeah,

1:07:09

don't be a meme. Give me a spot hidden. Yeah,

1:07:12

I want to look at this popcorn. Oh, you don't need to, you're

1:07:14

going to actually look at it. Yeah, also, I'm going to be like,

1:07:16

Rick, first off, you keep it at

1:07:18

your homework. Oh,

1:07:20

you know it, Miss Cramer. Yeah, just

1:07:23

double-check it, and I check all the

1:07:25

kids. You should have told him for

1:07:27

homework. You owe him my homework,

1:07:29

that's why I'm the second most, or maybe the

1:07:31

first most bullied kid in school now. I

1:07:35

always tell you, do enough homework to keep me

1:07:37

satisfied, but not too much so the kids make

1:07:39

fun of you. You've got to

1:07:41

learn that balance, Sticky Rick. It's just

1:07:43

been tough. B, that's what you

1:07:45

want, a B. And A, unless you're

1:07:48

an astronaut, that's thinking B. Wait,

1:07:50

astronaut? Yeah, it's a slower

1:07:53

thing than you had, you're right. We're

1:07:56

looking for B.B. She supposedly was brought

1:07:58

here by some people. I

1:08:00

think they're like Italians. Yeah. Any car is

1:08:02

extra loud. No! No! No!

1:08:04

No! No! No! No!

1:08:06

No! No! No! Yes! Any

1:08:08

smooth car cars are extra loud. The cars

1:08:10

are shaking because their hands are moving so

1:08:12

much. A little shifty on the way in.

1:08:15

Um. Slow. I'd say that... Weak cars.

1:08:18

I'd say, you know, I can't say

1:08:20

that I noticed anything, but, um, just

1:08:22

enjoy your popcorn. Oh. Enjoy

1:08:25

your popcorn and maybe look at your popcorn.

1:08:27

Okay. Enjoy the movie. Oh,

1:08:29

thanks. While Tony Collette does a scan

1:08:31

for a shifty Italian automobile. It's not

1:08:33

gonna get sued by the Italian consular.

1:08:35

Oh, no! What are they gonna do?

1:08:37

Oh, no! No more spaghetti! Will

1:08:40

you join up with Hitler again? Oh, no!

1:08:43

No more F1 cars and fucking... Oh, no!

1:08:46

I know a Ferrari! I

1:08:49

saw that movie that guy... I saw that! That's

1:08:54

all I got! All I know is that

1:08:56

there's two movies! There was four for Ferrari,

1:08:58

four for Fushy, four for one, and then

1:09:00

there was Ferrari. And Ferrari sucked! He got

1:09:02

it bad! I like the movie, by the

1:09:04

way. But he was sucked! I say,

1:09:06

so I'll share the popcorn so that I'm gonna

1:09:08

split the popcorn in five ways. Probably means I'm

1:09:11

gonna see if there's anything inside the popcorn. Okay,

1:09:13

so written on the side of the bucket. Oh.

1:09:15

Under the dune pussy, let's say. Okay. Um.

1:09:19

How are you doing? She's in the mirror.

1:09:21

Huh? No, I

1:09:23

said I usually only see this in the mirror. What

1:09:30

the fuck? Sorry. Fuck,

1:09:33

that's good. Alright. What do I see written on

1:09:35

the bucket? It says 107.5 FM, instead of

1:09:37

89.3 FM. Because

1:09:40

normally you have to tune in to the radio, so you're

1:09:42

getting too confused. Ziggy Rick, I'm confused. What are these FM

1:09:44

radios that we supposed to listen to? Wait, you're gonna get

1:09:46

me killed? Just go away! Just go away and do what

1:09:48

it says on the popcorn! I'm

1:09:51

so scared! The men were so scary, stop talking to

1:09:53

me, just do what they said, please! Please, I don't

1:09:55

wanna die, even if I am the most... Okay, okay,

1:09:57

okay. I'm

1:10:00

the one driving. Yeah, all right. Okay. Very well. Okay,

1:10:03

so Trudy,

1:10:05

okay, so you guys are at the

1:10:07

movie theater They have like little designated parking spots and

1:10:09

you just pull into an empty spot like Freddy you're

1:10:11

driving. Yeah. Yeah I'm gonna pull into the stuff. This

1:10:14

is the smoochers spot Oh, yeah for

1:10:16

all the kids doing heavy petting instead

1:10:18

of watching the movies We don't want

1:10:20

to take a quick inventory of how many cars are being

1:10:22

used in my car You see a couple of Tony's cars

1:10:24

cars cars that are a little fogged up and kind of

1:10:26

maybe moving back and forth a little Bit I'm gonna charge

1:10:28

a little extra for the cleaning These

1:10:34

are petting the cars The

1:10:41

term heavy petting that was as far as I got

1:10:43

yeah turn to the radio station 107.5

1:10:48

FM I remember numbers now after

1:10:51

forgetting a number last time Trudy

1:10:55

you recognize the same

1:10:57

voice you heard on

1:10:59

the phone What

1:11:06

did we miss if you're talking one-way

1:11:08

radio We

1:11:11

don't have the ability to communicate with you

1:11:13

Oh, that's right. What we want you to

1:11:15

do you put the trophy in the popcorn

1:11:17

bucket You put the bucket on the ground one

1:11:20

of us will come get the bucket and then we give you

1:11:22

the girl I wrote on the window. Where's Phoebe? Oh my god

1:11:26

Where's Phoebe we're not we

1:11:28

can't look lady give us

1:11:30

the popcorn. This is a BSD. We need proof

1:11:32

of life Yeah, okay. Give me a listen role.

1:11:35

I failed I Fail

1:11:37

as well with my military training.

1:11:39

I use one luck to get to a 50

1:11:42

which gives me a pass I

1:11:44

feel you forgot a 41 and 25 I've

1:11:48

honed my ears Tony yeah

1:11:51

with your military training in the

1:11:53

faint background you hero You hear

1:11:55

it tapping like a light tapping but it

1:11:57

sounds too rhythmic and you can almost

1:11:59

swear that it sounds like Morse

1:12:01

code. Morse code. Do you actually

1:12:03

know Morse code? Me real life, Freddy? Tony, does

1:12:06

Tony Collette know Morse code? They

1:12:08

teach you that in the military? Ah, let me see,

1:12:10

let me think. Come on, let me just check something. I

1:12:12

think they do. Critical skill taught to Millie Perks skill and

1:12:14

various planets. Yeah, Morse code was essential skill. Especially in communications,

1:12:16

but yeah, it seems like a pretty good important thing to

1:12:19

have. So we'll say you know Morse code? Yeah, I picked

1:12:21

it up a little bit. Give me an intelligence roll. All

1:12:23

right, yeah, yeah. To see if you can decode the message.

1:12:26

Oh shit. That is not a fifth of 65. It

1:12:29

is one away from a fifth. Okay, but very good

1:12:32

roll. Basically you're hearing like, it's

1:12:35

Bebe, I'm in trunk.

1:12:40

Just looped over and over again.

1:12:42

And then meanwhile, the voices are saying like, listen,

1:12:44

fucking forget it. You came out here, we

1:12:46

will show you once we get the trophy. Bebe's

1:12:48

just trying to communicate with us. What, how? With

1:12:51

Morse code, a series of dits and dashes

1:12:54

to communicate. Wait, do you hear a nearby? Like

1:12:56

I'm hearing it already, but listen to this. This

1:12:59

person, they have to be within

1:13:01

low band FM radio range. And

1:13:04

that's a trunk. That means that they're in the

1:13:06

car and they're around here somewhere. We should just

1:13:08

fan out and look for the car. Stealth

1:13:11

mission. How many cars are in here? The average.

1:13:13

Oh, okay, what do you got? I start beeping

1:13:15

in Morse code. Beeping the

1:13:17

horn and I beep back, kick

1:13:19

light. Okay, I like that. Yeah,

1:13:21

I like that. So immediately everyone's

1:13:23

like, hey, shut the fuck up. What do you mean?

1:13:27

Beep, beep, beep, beep. You can hear

1:13:29

it in your cars, you fucking idiot. Just turn it

1:13:31

up. They dropped it here. Just

1:13:34

turn it up. Just turn it up in your car. What do

1:13:36

you mean? Ray Harry house. Special effects are

1:13:39

just great. Apple juice, let's pick them next.

1:13:41

The average drive in movie theater can hold

1:13:43

1,000 cars. Oh.

1:13:46

Okay, but this is a small town. Small town. We'll

1:13:48

say it's like 200 cars. You got two minutes. Put

1:13:50

the trophy out there. Okay, two days or what? Two

1:13:52

minutes or we kill the girl. We don't really need

1:13:54

the trophy. We don't need the trophy. Just drop the

1:13:57

trophy and don't look for them to actually. No,

1:14:00

but if they find out it's not the real trophy then they'll kill

1:14:02

her and then we won't have the trophy Yeah, but they won't know

1:14:04

that until they get the trophy and get it back to them because

1:14:06

as we know they can't communicate with Two-way radians. Well, just bring the

1:14:08

girl at the same time and we'll give you the trophy when you

1:14:11

give us the girl Oh, I can get

1:14:13

out of the car and run around and then

1:14:15

see if there are any lights What

1:14:18

do you mind really quickly? Whatever ladies has ladies

1:14:20

issues. So she's just going to the bathroom I

1:14:22

have to pee so bad I don't

1:14:24

want to hear about lady issues Okay, fine one

1:14:26

of you can pee but I better start seeing

1:14:28

that trophy move into that popcorn bucket All right,

1:14:30

listen Trudy when you're out there look

1:14:32

for a kicked out tail light. Okay, that

1:14:35

will be the car That

1:14:37

BB is in right? Okay, and we'll

1:14:39

be in my cars because they're all in great

1:14:41

repair. What's the plan? What is everyone doing sounds

1:14:43

like that? You're gonna be sneaking out and then

1:14:45

if we can find out what car has the

1:14:47

lights kicked out Then we'll decide what to do

1:14:49

next. So you're doing one load that shotgun. I

1:14:51

mean all of us are just sitting in the car Yes

1:14:57

Don't tell me what to do rack it and crack it We'll

1:15:00

say that you're in the middle of driving. There was

1:15:02

a spot like dead center Yeah, the

1:15:04

bathrooms are at the back So you can

1:15:06

scan the cars on your way back and

1:15:08

you will be able to see like the

1:15:10

back half of the cars Do the voices

1:15:12

sound familiar? They don't like kids. They don't

1:15:14

sound like kids. Okay, and they don't sound

1:15:16

Italian So you never know That's

1:15:20

racist, but you can't always tell it's out by

1:15:27

Well, come on they do something okay, okay, I'm

1:15:29

gonna be like, oh sorry Oh

1:15:32

gosh, I'm having women's issues too and I'm going

1:15:34

to crawl the car and like pretend like

1:15:36

I'm throwing up Okay, just give us one

1:15:38

sec. Just oh, you know us With

1:15:43

that Yes

1:15:48

by the screen where you see all the

1:15:50

front cars, all right They're now officially suspicious

1:15:52

of what's going on this car So I'm gonna

1:15:54

show the trophy out the window just to show

1:15:56

that we have it a group of life. All

1:15:58

right Okay, again, all we need

1:16:01

you to do is put the trophy in the popcorn

1:16:03

bucket. That's all we need you to do is just

1:16:05

put it on the ground. I would love to do

1:16:07

that. Everybody's coming out from both sides, so just wait.

1:16:11

So you're going to the front? I'm just letting them

1:16:13

understand that they just need to wait for a fucking

1:16:16

minute. All these two women take care of themselves, and

1:16:18

then they don't get the trophy. We're dealing with women.

1:16:20

Yeah, the truth is going up, and this other woman's

1:16:22

throwing up right now. You just hear like a groan

1:16:24

of frustration. Oh my god, okay. I'm going to wait

1:16:26

for you to be done puking, but the second she

1:16:28

gets back to the car... Trudy, on your way

1:16:30

back, give me a spot hidden. Okay. Is

1:16:33

there an advantage there because she gets to take time? We bought time

1:16:35

for her here. Doesn't frickin' matter because I got an 11.

1:16:38

Okay, excellent. You see towards the back

1:16:40

like a black town car with one

1:16:43

light kicked out. And

1:16:45

then sure enough, inside, you see four

1:16:47

guys that are all wearing Halloween masks.

1:16:50

Because they also are trying to conceal their identity right

1:16:52

now. Oh, you know what we could do, Anthony? What?

1:16:55

We could take the trophy out of the window, right? And

1:16:57

then we'll see it. And then the next thing they

1:16:59

see is a gun right up to the bottom of

1:17:01

a trophy. We could hold

1:17:03

the trophy hostage. They wanted it, so

1:17:06

the cup is important, right? Yeah. Trudy

1:17:08

races back, covered in... Oh,

1:17:10

Trudy! Oh,

1:17:13

Trudy! Trudy!

1:17:16

Trudy! Okay,

1:17:19

there is a black town

1:17:21

car where people are wearing

1:17:23

Halloween masks. And here's

1:17:25

the kicker. The back

1:17:28

light is kicked out. Trudy,

1:17:30

did you get a parking code? It

1:17:32

was a number underneath the car. A number?

1:17:35

Oh, yes. I've been so good

1:17:37

at remembering numbers lately. It's spot

1:17:39

number 46. It's spot

1:17:41

number 46. Very good. Well

1:17:44

done, Trudy. And I blow the car into gear

1:17:46

and I pop it. Yeah, yeah,

1:17:48

yeah. Well, fucking take care of yourself. And we'll

1:17:50

just feed off directly towards... You're

1:17:53

going to ram this car from the front. Take care

1:17:55

of Bebe. Hold on, Bebe! Yeah,

1:17:58

I'm hot. I'm... As I'm being... As

1:18:00

I'm doing this, I'm doing whatever I need in the

1:18:02

morning. I just take the trophy and then get out

1:18:04

and then they can come after me and then while

1:18:06

they're at me, you can get Trudy. That's

1:18:08

very smart! I pull off to the side really quick and

1:18:10

then I kick you out with the trophy. I'm holding it

1:18:12

and I put it in the popcorn bucket and I go,

1:18:14

oh god, it's right here! And

1:18:17

I'm standing between some cars so they can't just drive

1:18:19

up to me. They're gonna have to get out and

1:18:21

get to me. And that's speeding off! Oh yeah! Help!

1:18:25

Help! It's me and Trudy! We

1:18:28

don't know what's going on! Chaos! Very good! The

1:18:31

people in bed are deciding everything! What's happening? Just so I

1:18:33

understand this, essentially you've

1:18:35

pushed Francis out of the

1:18:37

car with the trophy. He's now holding the trophy.

1:18:39

Because he told me that they were gonna chase

1:18:41

after him. If things seem to be

1:18:44

in chaos, they just care about the trophy. If

1:18:46

he goes off and he runs, they're gonna fall out

1:18:48

of that car! We know exactly where they're coming from! I

1:18:50

would pull in front of the car or something so

1:18:52

they don't just decide to drive after him. Well, no, he's

1:18:54

in between cars! I'm in between cars. Sure. You

1:18:57

just drive up and get out. In the same way that you're

1:18:59

driving, you want them to get out of the car and chase

1:19:01

them, right? Here's what we're gonna do. There's four of them in

1:19:03

the car. So two of them, Frankenstein and Wolfman. Okay. Jump

1:19:06

out of the back and they spot Francis and they're gonna

1:19:08

charge after him. Monsters! Like the

1:19:10

Mothman! Meanwhile, the guys

1:19:13

in the car are going to see that

1:19:15

you're pulling some sort of crazy maneuver and

1:19:17

they're gonna back out of their spot to

1:19:19

stop your car by ramming it. Right. Just

1:19:22

to make sure, because they're like some sort of

1:19:24

funny shenanigans going on here. So you've peeled out

1:19:26

and you're now circling around to them, right? So

1:19:28

now they're backing out and they're basically... With BB,

1:19:31

so BB's still in the car. Yes, BB's still

1:19:33

in the car. Okay. So they've

1:19:35

now backed out around and they're basically gonna be coming straight

1:19:37

at you the way that you're coming. So the two of

1:19:39

you guys are in a high stakes game of chicken right

1:19:41

now. Yes! Okay. Be careful

1:19:43

with my mom! So yes, Kamon Wong is gonna

1:19:46

stand up with her shotgun and rack it. Can

1:19:48

you take out the driver, Kamon? I don't know,

1:19:50

but we'll see. Oh my god! And she squints

1:19:52

an eye and aims it at the driver. And

1:19:54

then meanwhile, the driver of the car, the mummy,

1:19:57

is gripping the steering wheel and...

1:20:00

Dracula he sticks out the window with

1:20:02

a counter heater a Colt 45 and

1:20:04

he's aiming at you Freddy. What? I'll

1:20:09

just get low in these low speed. I

1:20:11

got many cubic inches of American muscle between

1:20:13

me and that All right, so you guys

1:20:15

are hurtling towards each other Meanwhile

1:20:18

Anthony will say that you now

1:20:20

see Wolfman and Frankenstein running towards

1:20:22

you Oh geez Kelsey hands Tony

1:20:25

her Colt 1911. I already have

1:20:27

one I'm

1:20:29

like hands you my hands and I do too

1:20:31

I want to roll out of the car if they

1:20:33

chase after Francis I was going to hop out of

1:20:35

the car and chase after them. Oh interesting,

1:20:38

okay Sucker

1:20:41

punch, okay enough information

1:20:46

Judy what are you doing? I think I'm going to

1:20:48

put the door slightly at jars that if it looks

1:20:50

like we're actually going to crash into this other car

1:20:52

I can roll out seconds before okay great

1:20:55

All right, so you're prepped to dive out in

1:20:57

the event of a crash Kelsey you're jumping out

1:20:59

of the car Yes, so we will go ahead

1:21:01

and take care of that first give me a

1:21:03

dexterity roll We'll see there's a hard maneuver because

1:21:05

jumping out of a moving car seems out of

1:21:07

that work It's half yours. You have to beat

1:21:09

a 30. Okay a three

1:21:13

All right, so describe how you dive out of

1:21:15

this car as it's pulling that let takes grace

1:21:17

She's really casually walks out of the car and

1:21:19

lights a cigarette. It's why you have to get

1:21:22

a bollywood movie Like

1:21:26

walking at normal speed throughout she's out of the car. Here's

1:21:28

what here's what it is I'm doing this

1:21:30

cool like big slide maneuver around the corner And it's

1:21:32

just you just time it up so that's like the

1:21:34

cars basically stationary and you just get out in the

1:21:36

car peels up Beautiful. Yeah, I just walk out of

1:21:38

timing walk out of the car. Okay, so you're out

1:21:40

of the car You're now in the chase scene and

1:21:42

I look at the car to my left and I

1:21:44

go I teach you Know

1:21:50

not this another car you surround by

1:21:52

the two other cars People there's

1:21:54

always other cars. This is another car. I walked

1:21:56

out and I'm approaching friends. I looked at the

1:21:58

car. I love guys hand job valley over here.

1:22:00

Yeah, I'm like, I thought you two. Oh,

1:22:02

sorry, teach. Yeah, you should be both.

1:22:05

Oh, bye. Keep

1:22:08

walking. So Kelsey Bollywood walks out of this

1:22:10

car. And now you are in this pursuit

1:22:12

with Frankenstein and Wolfman, the two guys who

1:22:15

got out of the car. Yeah. Okay, so

1:22:17

we are going to do a

1:22:19

call of Cthulhu chase scene, which I'm very excited

1:22:21

about. There's a whole set of rules for this.

1:22:23

So is this our second? Huh? Never forget your

1:22:26

first. I think we did a chase scene in

1:22:28

episode two. Anthony, do you remember? I think we

1:22:30

did. Alright, well, this is my first chase scene.

1:22:32

I'm running. I can compare you to great. My

1:22:34

two lovers. Yeah. Our old dad. Get away.

1:22:39

Chase scenes at home. So chasing is all

1:22:42

about move actions. Okay, Matt, you have the

1:22:44

lowest move rating at six. Kelsey is a

1:22:46

six, which makes her an LA three. Kelsey

1:22:51

can pull anybody in LA. Yeah, especially because there's not

1:22:53

much in LA right at that point in the 90s.

1:22:55

It was sort of a blossoming

1:22:57

mygopolis. Yeah, there's like Hollywood. Yeah. I

1:23:01

played LA noir. Yeah, they're true.

1:23:03

And it was like, Cole

1:23:05

Phelps would you have been a sexy femtay

1:23:07

towel. Okay, so Matt, your move rating is

1:23:09

six. Okay, both Frankenstein and Wolfman and Francis

1:23:12

Farnsworth have an eight. So what this means

1:23:14

is that you basically do the difference between

1:23:16

the two. So Matt, you have one move

1:23:18

action per round. And the cultists

1:23:20

and Anthony have two. Okay, so you can use

1:23:23

a move action to move from one location of

1:23:25

the chase to the next. You are one location

1:23:27

behind them. So you guys are at the edge

1:23:29

of the lot. Okay, they're in the middle of

1:23:31

the lot. Okay. And Anthony is one

1:23:33

ahead where the car originally started. Okay, so Anthony,

1:23:35

you've got these two guys hot on your trail.

1:23:37

You see them coming for your car. They're sort

1:23:39

of like slipping and sliding around all these big,

1:23:41

you know, sort of steamed up gently rocking Thunderbirds

1:23:44

that teams are making out in. What do you

1:23:46

do? I want to do a hood sign and

1:23:48

just keep running. Excellent. You're leading the chase. You're

1:23:50

the head of the train. So what direction do

1:23:52

you want to go? There's the big screen in

1:23:54

front of you towards the front towards the front

1:23:56

towards the screen like a moth to a flame

1:23:58

like a moth man to a flame There's

1:24:00

a very fun thing to determine if you get a

1:24:02

hard or difficult or extreme or a clean shot So

1:24:04

I'm going to determine if we get hard if you

1:24:07

get hard so I rolled a

1:24:11

76 which means that there is gonna be a

1:24:13

hazard along the way Somebody's getting fresh with his

1:24:15

gal if you slap him in the face and

1:24:17

steps out of the car and the door swings

1:24:19

in Front of you so you have a premium

1:24:21

rush moment as you see through the window and

1:24:23

see this girl slap this guy in the face

1:24:25

and Step out and now this door is swung

1:24:28

open right in front of you. How do you

1:24:30

want to negotiate that? I would say I'm gonna

1:24:32

try to juke to the right and just hope

1:24:34

that I can squeeze between the space between the

1:24:36

open door And the next car. Okay, so give

1:24:38

me a Dexterity role for that.

1:24:40

We'll call that a regular skill check. My

1:24:42

dexterity role is 60 and I got zero

1:24:44

zero Okay, so that's an extreme. I'll describe

1:24:46

to me the way that you beautifully parkour

1:24:48

around this I'm like the fucking t1000 like

1:24:51

it looks like there's no way somebody can

1:24:53

make it through that fucking space It's too

1:24:55

skinny and I go Just

1:24:57

raise my arms up in the trophy and as this

1:24:59

girl is getting angry at her boyfriend for getting too

1:25:01

fresh at her I go Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm

1:25:03

so sorry and I squeeze right by and I go

1:25:06

you should treat it with more respect and I keep

1:25:08

running Oh, you gotta do the thing where

1:25:10

there's another guy in a cigarette falls off his lips because

1:25:12

he's like He's the one

1:25:14

as you slip through the thing like the warden and

1:25:16

Terminator 2. Yeah So yes, you expertly slide by the

1:25:18

two people in the car like who's that? And

1:25:21

then As they're looking

1:25:23

at that these two Cultists are hot on your trail

1:25:25

and come plowing through the door as well So they

1:25:28

are also going to make a dexterity roll to see

1:25:30

if they can get out of the way in time

1:25:32

Now if they're masked up, is that going to be

1:25:34

harder for them to see compared to you know? Yes,

1:25:36

but I mean, yes, but

1:25:38

no. Yes, I guess sure. I know that's fair. I

1:25:40

can give them a Disadvantaged

1:25:43

I keep forgetting their masks in

1:25:45

that they're not actually werewolves. That's keep

1:25:47

it in your pants. Okay Oh Okay,

1:25:50

they got a 95 on there So it's

1:25:52

just like a classic slap 16 like the boy and the

1:25:54

girl like both stick their head out the window Like who's

1:25:56

that cool guy who just slipped past the scar and then

1:25:58

Frankenstein and wolf mangas into

1:26:00

them behind them. We're gonna do a 1D3 to see

1:26:03

if they have any movement points left for this round.

1:26:06

1D3. And you hear the werewolf guy go, ow.

1:26:09

So they got a three divided by four.

1:26:12

They can't move, they plow into this thing. And

1:26:14

we'll also give them a one fourth

1:26:16

of a D12 damage for this minor

1:26:18

injury. Now the minor injury, is that a

1:26:20

teenager injury or is that just minors and

1:26:22

that you're hitting it? Wow. Shut

1:26:25

up. I don't know why I got

1:26:27

so aggressive about that. I'm sorry, Fred. Okay, so

1:26:29

Matt, now it is your turn. So shuffling on

1:26:31

her bunions, just moving slower than everybody else. Shuffling

1:26:33

on her bunions. I'm going to knowing. You

1:26:36

can close the gap this time. It's gonna be good advantages if we know 1950s

1:26:38

stuff. So I'm just making rules

1:26:40

right now. So knowing that new

1:26:42

rule being played. Knowing that in the early

1:26:44

1950s, golf had expanded from

1:26:46

a wealthy luxury item to a popular middle class.

1:26:49

It's like what kids did, like Shake Shack. Like

1:26:51

when you get shakes. You can flip hard for

1:26:53

golf. Yeah, yeah. Like Shake Shack. Yeah, very popular.

1:26:55

And since we're at a drive-in, which is where there's

1:26:57

a lot of land, it would make sense that the drive-in

1:26:59

is next to the golf course. So I believe being the

1:27:01

teacher that I am and knowing what the kids like to

1:27:04

do, they often go to the golf course and then they

1:27:06

have a nice dinner and then they go to the drive-in

1:27:08

afterwards. So I look at, what the fuck are you talking

1:27:10

about? So I look at the abundance of golf clubs just

1:27:12

poking out of the trunks of all these cars and the

1:27:14

back seats. And I grab the first nine iron. In fact,

1:27:16

there's so many golf clubs in all these cars. I'm about

1:27:18

to grab a wood. And I'm like, no, no, no, the

1:27:21

car up. I'm gonna grab the nine iron. There's a lot

1:27:23

of teenagers just sporting wood in this car. We're

1:27:26

gonna do a spot hit or whatever, but I like to

1:27:28

pull a golf club out of one of these many cars

1:27:30

that have golf clubs. Give me a luck roll. Let's do

1:27:32

that. A luck roll? Well, if it goes,

1:27:34

can we please have them roll 1D12 to determine

1:27:36

the exact size of the golf club? And then we scale

1:27:39

the damage based on the length of the class. Yeah,

1:27:41

that's what we're gonna do. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Am I

1:27:43

rolling against my luck? Rolling your luck

1:27:45

is your skill, which is why you shouldn't be blowing

1:27:47

your luck points like a sailor on leave. Yeah, yeah,

1:27:49

but like if I got a two. That's very good.

1:27:51

You got very lucky. That's like super two of 65.

1:27:54

All right, yes, you got incredibly lucky. I pulled

1:27:57

a gun. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:27:59

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That is 9-0! That's a

1:28:01

9-0! I mean, that's a 10-0! Yeah, no, if you don't- No,

1:28:03

if I got a 1, I guess, I would pull a gun. No,

1:28:05

I was just like, I was gonna give it to you, I was

1:28:07

gonna say it's like, you know, like gangsters, they would have like, it

1:28:09

looks like golf clubs, but it's actually a Tommy gun with like a-

1:28:11

What's going on in this car? So

1:28:15

yes, that's what happens, Matt. You pull a, uh,

1:28:17

Thompson M45 machine gun out with

1:28:19

a 9-iron on the end of

1:28:22

it. Submachine. Submachine gun out

1:28:24

of this golf thing. You finally found the

1:28:26

Italian. This

1:28:29

mafioso is hitting this car, it's like, ah,

1:28:31

my dad! Oh no! I look

1:28:33

at the gun, I'm like, this is a little too much for a

1:28:35

situation, I look at the driver, I'm like, you should be having this

1:28:37

at a theater. And I toss it and I grab a golf club

1:28:40

now, right? You grab one of those, you go like, golf club. I

1:28:42

grab a golf club. I can

1:28:44

catch up to them. You'll caught up to them. Okay.

1:28:46

Matt casually throwing away. I just want

1:28:48

to shoot them. I just tell you that there's gonna

1:28:50

be a point in this campaign where we're like, yeah, we could use a

1:28:52

30- Where do we have a gun? A 25 round

1:28:54

magazine. Give me one more luck

1:28:56

roll. The gangster does fall in love with

1:28:58

you. Oh. He watches you walk away with

1:29:01

that golf club and that confidence, he goes- What a beautiful woman.

1:29:04

Give it to my buddy. That

1:29:06

truly is a spicy meatball. That's

1:29:08

the fact, give him a little shake as I

1:29:11

walk. I know he's watching. Was

1:29:13

he in the car by himself? Yeah, he's just going

1:29:15

to a movie before he was gonna go whack a guy.

1:29:17

Okay. Before he was gonna go whack. The guy he's

1:29:19

gonna kill is in the car with him. Oh my

1:29:21

god, and they're making out. They're

1:29:23

making out. Kiss a death. A kiss before dying.

1:29:26

As he's kissing, he reaches in the back to grab

1:29:28

his Tommy gun and finds nothing. It does

1:29:30

cost of move action to attack. Okay. Okay,

1:29:34

but I want to be quiet. I don't want them

1:29:36

to know. Okay, I approached. You have approached, and yes,

1:29:38

they are reeling on the ground, having collided with his

1:29:40

door. Okay. And the two teens are yelling at them

1:29:42

and dumping popcorn on them. Okay.

1:29:44

And you're creeping up now with a nine iron. We'll let

1:29:46

you do a stealth roll next turn to see how that

1:29:48

goes. Nice. Anthony. You

1:29:51

are now farther towards the screen. You look

1:29:53

back. You see this two car

1:29:55

pile up of monsters and teenagers, and you

1:29:58

see Kelsey Grammer sneaking up behind you. them

1:30:00

with a golf club what do you do? Like oh

1:30:02

it looks like Kelsey Grammer's gonna need some help I

1:30:04

know exactly what to do and I'm gonna keep running.

1:30:07

Are you bringing the trophy with you? Yeah. We

1:30:10

rolled an 89 on the hazard barrier dice roller

1:30:12

which means there's a hard barrier in front of

1:30:14

you so I'm trying to think of like what

1:30:16

a difficult barrier. We already made that joke Freddy

1:30:18

I'm sorry. You want one joke

1:30:20

do one joke again? A school bus! A school bus! A

1:30:25

school bus pulls up. Oh I wish I

1:30:27

hadn't sat in the back. I can't see

1:30:29

anything. But it's all the time in the

1:30:31

world to do all the other stuff. No.

1:30:35

The driver can watch the movie everybody else is like oh

1:30:37

man. Can

1:30:39

you turn sideways? I said the

1:30:41

park hot-box style not

1:30:43

handwritten. The

1:30:46

kids in the park can watch and the kids in

1:30:48

the back are getting hand jaws but us in the

1:30:50

middle. Us in the middle just stared at the emergency

1:30:52

exit. The local middle school

1:30:54

cinema club started a school bus to go

1:30:56

to this movie and then after seeing how

1:30:58

offensive forefathers in fantasy world is the driver

1:31:01

has decided to leave to defend their noble

1:31:03

Puritan values and so they pull out of

1:31:05

the spot and now you have a eight

1:31:07

foot tall school bus in front of you.

1:31:10

So this is a barrier which means you can't just blow

1:31:12

through it you're gonna have to get over or under it.

1:31:15

Well say you have to get over it the clearance is too low for you. Well

1:31:17

then I'll get over it I gotta try to climb over the hood. Give me a

1:31:19

climb roll. It's not

1:31:21

gonna go well. 52 and my climb

1:31:23

is 20. Describe to me how you

1:31:25

failed to climb up this thing. I try to rest

1:31:27

my foot on the tire but the tire is moving

1:31:29

so I go oh my god. It almost pulls me

1:31:31

under and breaks my ankle but it doesn't quite and

1:31:34

I fall straight onto my ass and drop the trophy.

1:31:36

Finally a show that kids say in the middle and

1:31:38

they all point and laugh at you. Hey

1:31:41

look at that mister let's shoot spill wise Adam. All

1:31:43

the kids who weren't able to see the movie are now laughing at

1:31:45

you. Give me a luck roll. 52 and my luck is 85.

1:31:49

Okay then in that case the trophy does not break when you fall

1:31:51

to the ground. Wait if the trophy breaks is it like the one wing

1:31:53

do we win? The one wing. The one

1:31:55

wing. The one wing. The one wing. The

1:31:57

one wing. We had to get that. I

1:32:00

need to win! I want Pho

1:32:02

Tae and the Mount Doom. You vowed to

1:32:04

no one. You can't do Uwu with no

1:32:06

one. Why did I say that? No one.

1:32:09

My pleasure. All the lines I can think of don't

1:32:11

have any on you at all.

1:32:13

Why you fools even. Why you

1:32:15

fooling me? He really

1:32:17

Uwu-proofed that. Yeah, he ruined me. Don't give

1:32:19

him the linguine. Except for the Uwu Kai.

1:32:22

Ahhh. Alright, so you

1:32:24

have one move action left. You can either try to summit

1:32:26

this thing once more, although it will be harder, because now

1:32:28

you have a bunch of kids throwing popcorn at you, so

1:32:30

I might give you disadvantage on the climb roll. Or you

1:32:33

can charge back into the fray, or try to go another

1:32:35

direction. If they're blocking me in the front, I'm

1:32:37

just going to try to take a hard 90 degree turn right

1:32:39

and just start running. Do a Tron move? Yeah, I'm a Tron

1:32:41

bike. We have to have him down. Every time I take a

1:32:43

right turn or left turn, it might come and be like, Tron!

1:32:46

Just fucking Tron! To

1:32:48

avoid an enemy. A hard 90 degree turn

1:32:50

will save you every time. But be careful.

1:32:52

Keep going until the first stop sign, you're

1:32:54

going to take a left Tron, and when

1:32:56

you're going to drive 100 meters, take a

1:32:58

right Tron. One Tron remaining. Unfortunately, you got

1:33:01

a 94 on the hazard table

1:33:03

for your second move action. This is the second

1:33:05

school bus. Yes, essentially what you realize is the

1:33:07

reason the first school bus stops is that another

1:33:09

school bus is also trying to leave, and they're

1:33:11

having like one of those New Yorker walk-in-ear arguments.

1:33:13

This is the bowling club! They're here to make

1:33:15

fun of us! It's like a London double-decker

1:33:17

bus of exchange. We

1:33:21

drove this bus all the way from foggy

1:33:23

London town. Don't worry, it will come out

1:33:25

in our neck of the woods in five

1:33:28

months! We

1:33:30

always get movies later. Owing

1:33:32

to the Atlantic Ocean. I

1:33:35

just want my own understanding, just to clarify,

1:33:37

these are kids from London that live here

1:33:39

for movies. Yes, Matt, is that so hard

1:33:41

to believe? After World War II,

1:33:43

America was doing this victory lap where they're like, I

1:33:45

know the allied country's kids can come see how a

1:33:47

real country won World War II. Bring your glasses. BYOB.

1:33:52

All right? give me a climb roll rather to climb

1:33:54

over this double-decker bus. Okay, well my climb is 20

1:33:57

and I rolled a 19. Image

1:34:01

your day will not to fall in love with every

1:34:03

person with a nice person and a half an. Hour

1:34:06

a lot I'd I'd do all.

1:34:10

The time for us and I wasted

1:34:12

trophy under my shirt on my back

1:34:14

like a backpack with the just received

1:34:16

instead belt loop of my pants and

1:34:18

i just like start climbing up the

1:34:20

side of the double decker bus and

1:34:22

here you go out and party blinds

1:34:24

and everything looks as a whole idea

1:34:26

I phone lot of the new person

1:34:28

must not have enormous i. Make it to

1:34:30

the top and I look down on my domain

1:34:32

and I see is anyway still chasing me. Okay

1:34:34

great so it wasn't a bag of the gonna

1:34:36

blow. Businesses the coldness of

1:34:38

now put themselves out, but they're going to charge

1:34:41

after you so they make it over there and

1:34:43

they too are going to try to climb this

1:34:45

bus to get up. You tell the British kids

1:34:47

at those are Italian six it is. A

1:34:50

Spigots Thirty Three on their climber. Also yes, like

1:34:53

to pirate seeming up a flag, they put their

1:34:55

lives in their mouths and meets girl I mean

1:34:57

up after you in a make it up On

1:34:59

top of this. Bus and they are going

1:35:01

to with you by Anthony Barnes with

1:35:03

had a good run. Have these villains

1:35:05

ever hit at all before of yes

1:35:07

absolutely of him as one measure as

1:35:10

valuable as the first time in a

1:35:12

disadvantage because not ever make him do

1:35:14

that. Now this Adidas. And

1:35:17

the first as going to try to grab this

1:35:19

trope hear from you and rip it away and

1:35:21

so we're going to cause of fighting maneuver what

1:35:23

would you like to do in response to he's

1:35:25

basically grabbing for the season a pull it off

1:35:27

of know what times I get oh good grief

1:35:29

I know not that. The second guy is going

1:35:31

to grab you and so he's also going to try

1:35:33

to do a putting maneuver. He's just trying to grab

1:35:35

you by the squat them I get up in your

1:35:37

penciled. Batman. Begins: where the other drugs

1:35:39

gone Style Allow: are you try see me away

1:35:42

What he wanted us to jump off the other

1:35:44

end of the bus. Oh I like allow to

1:35:46

say you're dodging by jumping off the bus or

1:35:48

so do succeed with this. You will both escape

1:35:50

and will give you a Dexter's Your Oldest. Stick

1:35:52

the landing. So. My daughter's

1:35:54

thirty and I got a ninety

1:35:56

three. As a new, he got

1:35:58

a thirty eight. So he grabs you

1:36:01

and pulls you right into my face and says, who are you

1:36:03

working for? Wouldn't you like to know?

1:36:05

I would like to know that's why I'm

1:36:07

asking. Yeah, the school. The school? What school?

1:36:09

What are you talking? You're coming with me

1:36:11

pal and he sticks a knife up against

1:36:13

your, not into you But like up against

1:36:15

your ribs and he's now

1:36:18

trying to force you to go down

1:36:20

through the double-decker bus with him But

1:36:22

wait, our friends are telling me, oh,

1:36:24

a boyfriend's getting kidnapped. Help him! All

1:36:27

right, Andy, give me a luck roll to see if the British kids fell

1:36:29

in love with you. My luck is 85. I got a 34. All

1:36:32

right. Oh, so when you say double-decker bus, there's like

1:36:34

an open bus at the top? Yeah, like in Austin

1:36:36

Powers or like a tour bus. Like a highway tour

1:36:38

bus. Like when Will Smith lands on one in Men

1:36:40

in Black. Like a highway tour bus. Not like a

1:36:42

double-decker bus. The highway, like

1:36:45

a tour bus. A tour bus. Like a double-decker bus,

1:36:47

because it's like, how are they on the roof going

1:36:49

in? Okay, so like all the kids are around with

1:36:51

them. Yes, Mike and Spider-Man 2, they all basically are

1:36:53

like, oh, if you want to get to him, you're

1:36:55

gonna have to get through us. My post-9-11 patriotism! Let's

1:37:00

pause there. Matt, what are you doing? I

1:37:02

guess I use my one move to

1:37:04

get to the bus. Well, say the chase has ended

1:37:06

because Anthony's been caught. So you are now at the

1:37:08

bus. Okay. The three of you are at the bus.

1:37:11

Guy number two is... And what I want to do

1:37:13

is sneak up on them. I want to go to

1:37:15

the bottom of the staircase and just raise the golf

1:37:17

club. You know, like Tess and Samrais and Seven Samrai.

1:37:19

Like I'm just waiting for them to come down the

1:37:21

staircase and I'll whack them on the head. So in

1:37:23

that case, we'll say you succeed on

1:37:25

the stealth role. They can't see you, and plus all

1:37:27

the teenagers are in love with Anthony. So assuming you

1:37:29

give them like a coy little shush. Oh, yeah. I

1:37:31

mean, I radiate teacher energy. Like I get there and

1:37:34

I hold the golf club up and I look at

1:37:36

all the kids. I open it and it's shush and

1:37:38

I just give them a look. And they all quiet

1:37:40

down. Wolfman has got Anthony with a knife. Frankenstein is

1:37:42

gonna brandish their steel pipe to try to scare off

1:37:44

the teens. So we're gonna give them an intimidate role.

1:37:47

Oh, that don't intimidate us. We invented

1:37:49

steel. Man,

1:37:52

then fucking NPCs don't get locked. So they fail. Realizing

1:37:55

that the situation has gotten out of hand for

1:37:57

the two of them. These two guys look at

1:37:59

each other. And they're like, let's get the hell out of here.

1:38:01

These British kids are gonna get the shit out of us and they jump

1:38:03

off the bus. I sit

1:38:05

there just still holding my thing, waiting. Okay,

1:38:08

so you guys are out of danger unless you want to pursue them.

1:38:11

No. Yeah, you see them land and take off

1:38:13

running again. I'm gonna run up the stairs to

1:38:15

find Francis. Okay. Yes, Francis. What happened? Are you

1:38:17

okay? There's a bunch of beautiful British people just

1:38:19

waving, just like, fannying me. I'm like, it was

1:38:22

so hard! I was so scared!

1:38:25

Okay, where's the trophy? Leave me! What? I'm

1:38:27

fine! Okay. Okay,

1:38:30

so yes, having successfully led these two guys

1:38:32

away from the chase and split their numbers

1:38:35

in half, we'll now jump back over to

1:38:37

the showdown between these two big 50s of

1:38:39

steel cars hurtling towards each other. What

1:38:41

do you want? I want Kimone 1 to take

1:38:43

out the driver. And then what, then you'll ram

1:38:45

the car to the side or something like that? Where you gonna

1:38:47

try to knock them off the road or you just trying to

1:38:50

crash into them? I think if she takes out the driver, then

1:38:52

I will give it a glancing blow

1:38:54

so that it like, God, that's

1:38:56

not gonna end up for any putty in that car. I

1:38:58

will remind you, Freddy, that you have four hit points. Yeah,

1:39:00

I know. But my car, I have a car. I know,

1:39:02

but remember what happened last time you crashed this car. You

1:39:04

went flying out of it. I'm not gonna crash it head

1:39:06

on, also there's no windshield anymore because I flew out of

1:39:08

it last time. Okay, I'm just warning, like, this is not

1:39:11

Dungeons and Dragons. You have four hit points. Like, you can

1:39:13

very easily die. I'm not trying to hit them. I'm just

1:39:15

trying to drive by them and have Kimone shoot the guy.

1:39:17

So you're going to chicken out? Oh, absolutely I'm gonna chicken

1:39:19

out. Alright, so what you want to do is basically swerve.

1:39:21

Yes. At the last minute. Oh, yeah. So

1:39:24

that she can get a shot on the driver. Yes. Straight

1:39:26

through the windshield because she doesn't have to lean

1:39:28

out. There's no windshield anymore. Okay, great, great, great,

1:39:30

great, great. I do think as a team we

1:39:32

should be worried about Freddy's playing fast and loose

1:39:34

with our lights. Why

1:39:37

do you think I got out of the car? I'm

1:39:40

like, I'm like, this is killer's countries. So

1:39:43

it matches when I'm on fire, he's driving a car

1:39:45

with four hit points. We got out the Inlet and

1:39:47

Dungeons and Dragons. Only because he stopped me from lighting

1:39:50

the thing on fire. I'm moving really safe here. I'm

1:39:52

done now. Now is good to know. I'm at something

1:39:54

to drink earlier. Come on. They're going

1:39:56

to do the same thing, but the opposite way. Okay,

1:39:58

you and Kimone water having this conversation. Like we're gonna

1:40:00

swerve and then you're gonna turn and fire over my

1:40:02

head at the car and then take out the driver

1:40:04

And then the two of them is like alright Dracula

1:40:06

Here's what we're gonna do I'm gonna swerve and then

1:40:08

you're gonna pop up and take out that fucking driver

1:40:10

Tony Collette You're gonna just blow his head clean off,

1:40:12

right? And then we're gonna fucking get out of here

1:40:14

Yeah, we're gonna resolve those and then we're also gonna

1:40:16

do Trudy you're jumping out of the car Trudy

1:40:21

is doing the internal calculus of

1:40:23

the probability of a head-on

1:40:25

collision. Okay deciding when Truly

1:40:29

would hear us saying like we're not gonna hit them. We're

1:40:31

gonna swerve and shoot Oh, I hope they're not gonna hit

1:40:33

him and that they're gonna swerve and shoot. Yeah, she's

1:40:35

gonna stay in the car She's gonna look around for

1:40:38

You felt and then do something maybe to

1:40:40

distract them or give us an advantage in

1:40:42

this upcoming moment Yell

1:40:44

some psychology out the window Yeah,

1:40:47

what a quick quick easy You

1:40:50

don't know which way they're gonna turn. Oh,

1:40:52

that's what this basically comes that you remember

1:40:54

in Pearl Harbor Yeah, when Josh Hartnett and

1:40:56

Ben Affleck and they got to break the

1:40:58

planes the right way And it's always just

1:41:00

like well you turn left. I'm gonna turn

1:41:03

left like one of those an incredibly important

1:41:05

question So essentially you're saying the mummy is

1:41:07

in the front seat, right? Yes, so you don't

1:41:09

know which way he's gonna turn He doesn't know which

1:41:11

way you're gonna turn. It's the Italian. You can't tell

1:41:13

he's in a mummy costume There's a one in four

1:41:15

chance that this one's the Italian. I don't know where

1:41:17

that's coming from. But one of them

1:41:19

was Italian. No I know he's never did he's

1:41:21

actually specifically said none of them sounded Oh, never

1:41:23

mind But I was gonna say that's one thing

1:41:25

up in the air if you wanted to like

1:41:27

influence their thinking in subway path You sure do sticks

1:41:30

your head out the window. It's like Just

1:41:32

keep going straight Okay,

1:41:35

give me a charm roll for that I

1:41:38

guess it's probably gonna be pretty good because of

1:41:40

my role playing I do

1:41:42

not Okay Okay,

1:41:45

we should definitely swerve to either the left or

1:41:47

right I just can't tell which yet Freddie I'm

1:41:49