0:01

BBC Sounds, music, radio,

0:03

podcasts. Hello

0:35

everyone, hello listeners, it's the Alice

0:37

James and John Robins podcast. Friday

0:40

release. I'm feeling energised

0:43

Dave, are you feeling energised? Yeah, absolutely.

0:45

Even though you had your scrambled egg

0:47

too early and you worried about it?

0:49

I have a scrambled egg too early.

0:51

I'm not one to worry about eating

0:53

windows like you are. If you miss

0:55

your eating window, it does define you.

0:57

So I'm not too bothered but

0:59

I have made a semi-devarish request

1:01

of can we, after

1:03

this record, pause for a few

1:06

minutes so I can go and get a bagel.

1:08

And I'm considering your request. Do

1:10

you think you are, Andy? Who do you think

1:12

you are? Depending. But if you

1:14

do go can you get me a pano

1:16

raiser? Yeah, of course. Thank you. Oh,

1:19

how are you John? Fine. I

1:26

need assistance from the listeners because

1:28

my entire body is falling apart

1:30

and I need to crowd source

1:33

some intel. The

1:35

eyes, they've gone. The what?

1:38

Your eyes, they've gone. The eyes have

1:40

gone. Your sense of hearing, famously good

1:42

sense of hearing. Too good. How's

1:45

that? Too good. So I'm having to

1:47

dumb that down. Okay. Sense of humour?

1:49

Well, no, on the hearing,

1:52

my girlfriend is getting used to

1:55

my hearing because it's going to be

1:57

quite weird to be around. The fact that you can hear

1:59

thoughts. Well, the

2:01

other night we were in bed and I

2:04

jumped like that and it was because a

2:06

ladybird had opened its wing. That's

2:10

true. It

2:16

was right by my, it was on the

2:18

window sill by my head. For the straight

2:21

heart of a comic. Yeah, well it was like the

2:23

BFG. Like the Marvel. Yeah, it's

2:25

Marvel, yeah. The BFG can hear grass growing. Yeah.

2:28

It's not like that. Your life is torture. It's

2:30

quite jumpy. It does sometimes. It

2:32

is torture. So anyway, my knee... I mean

2:34

you're jumping because of ladybirds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's

2:36

torture. Yeah. You'll never relax. Yeah,

2:39

well they were... You'll relax when you're

2:41

dead. There was an episode of... Best

2:43

of luck. ...Love on the Spectrum where

2:45

they were talking about the different... Oh

2:55

yeah, I suppose you couldn't enjoy that because you could

2:57

hear the electricity. Cats can hear

2:59

electricity. Yeah, no,

3:02

they were talking about the sort of

3:04

different symptoms of autism. Yeah.

3:08

Like what it means. And

3:11

one of the symptoms was people

3:14

can be quite jumpy or

3:16

get sort of spooked

3:19

quite easily. Yeah. And

3:21

my girlfriend said, that's a bit of you, isn't it?

3:23

And I went, no it's not. And then on the

3:25

clip they showed a spider falling out of a... What's

3:29

the little screen you get in a car which has

3:32

got the mirror on it? Visor. Yeah.

3:35

They showed a spider falling out the

3:37

visor to illustrate jumpiness in like a

3:39

montage of an ice cream. So

3:43

anyway, my knee's a bit better but I've

3:45

got two issues I need to sort of

3:47

crowd source help on. I need to crowd

3:49

source some help as well. Could we crowd

3:51

source some help, Dave? Yeah.

3:54

So first I've got Alex

3:57

Rigidus in my

3:59

left. big toe. It's basically arthritis

4:01

in your toe joint. It's just very

4:03

stiff and it doesn't bend up and

4:06

it's painful. And

4:08

I realised my running shoes were really bad.

4:10

So I bought some new running shoes, some

4:12

fancy ones. Whoo, they know how to charge.

4:14

Yeah, heck, and do you know what they'll

4:17

do? What? They'll bring out a new model

4:19

every year and convince you that it's different

4:21

to them and better than the previous model.

4:23

Well, this is... Dave, John doesn't have your

4:26

moral and mental weakness. Yeah, okay, yeah. This

4:28

is just so much better than my

4:30

previous pair. My previous pair were basically

4:32

just trainers. Yeah, okay. So,

4:35

that's good. But then I was thinking, I'm

4:37

worried about my toe when I'm running. I only run

4:39

like once a week, twice a week. I'm walking 10k

4:41

a day. Are

4:44

you? Yeah, 10,000 steps is about 10k. Oh,

4:47

is it? I didn't know that. Um, maybe

4:49

8k. So I need some

4:52

shoes that are

4:54

good for hallux rigidus. Yes.

4:57

I barely... I wear a glee down the Skechers route. Oh,

5:00

wait. Rainbow Star rocking out in comfort. Well,

5:02

I need something with a little bit of

5:04

a curl with quite a rigid sole. Well,

5:06

a court jester. And

5:09

he bells a touch to my knees,

5:12

sort of a red and yellow hat.

5:14

Yeah, and constant fear as to whether

5:16

I've upset the king. Um,

5:19

so yeah, because then I thought, like, because

5:21

they said these trainers I've bought have got

5:23

a 450 mile lifespan or whatever. That doesn't

5:25

feel like enough. No, well, so, okay, so

5:28

let's say it's 600 and say they just want you

5:30

to buy more pairs. I must

5:32

have walked 200,000 kilometres in these

5:34

trainers I'm wearing now. So they're

5:36

obviously knackered. I've had these for

5:38

two years. Yeah. And I've worn

5:40

them every day. So I've been

5:42

thinking about training lifespan in terms of

5:44

when do they physically fall apart. Yeah.

5:47

Why did he get a job? So I've got a job.

5:49

I am a dad. I had a dad. I had a

5:51

dad. Um, so I need

5:54

some new shoes. Yeah. also

6:00

some sort of walking trainers like I wear

6:02

at the minute new balance.

6:04

Yeah, other trainers are available Puma

6:08

so Kony make Silver

6:11

spirit Oh Hi-tech.

6:13

Yeah, my dad. My dad had that well used

6:16

to wear them playing squash Anyway,

6:18

so that's one thing another thing

6:20

is I've got restless leg syndrome Okay,

6:23

where are you saying which pregnant women

6:25

get? Yeah, so when I'm going to

6:28

bed I feel like this is horrible

6:30

creeping itchy nerve

6:32

feeling in my legs Okay, and then they

6:34

sort of spasm right just

6:36

as I'm dropping off to sleep. Yeah pain Apparently

6:40

is caused by low dopamine Okay,

6:43

so I my theory is not smoking to earth

6:46

Don't think that's dopamine. Does that give you dopamine?

6:49

Or is it just got dopamine? I imagine a

6:51

lot of class A drugs give you a bit

6:54

of dopamine. Okay, well MDMA I'll

6:56

try that then before I go to

6:59

bed So I

7:01

need to know either what makes dopamine

7:03

I know exercise does or

7:05

has anyone had any successful treatment for

7:07

restless leg syndrome? Okay Because

7:10

you've had that for a while haven't you?

7:12

Yeah, and I think it's booze has absolutely

7:15

shot my dopamine Receptors, okay, this

7:17

is based on an episode of Huberman lab.

7:19

I listen to all right So

7:21

I need to maybe go to a dopamine special. I'm

7:24

Looking for positives. Yeah From

7:27

the specs up your forehead skin

7:29

looks really nice. Thanks. Yeah, all that

7:32

Botox is paying up How

7:34

are your shins shins are good good never

7:36

been better? Okay, how's

7:38

your bum bum is aching

7:41

from a day? Crossfit

7:43

of back squats, but a nice egg. No,

7:45

we had to a hundred burpees That's

7:48

a lot of burpees. It's too many

7:50

burpees each cheekbones look good. Thanks, man

7:54

And that is it you've always

7:56

you've always had a nice silhouette to your

7:58

ears. Oh Yeah, I'm

8:00

quite sure I mean I'm not down. I mean

8:02

I am down, but I'm not I'm not fishing

8:05

more down I am I'm

8:07

not fishing for compliments. I just need some help

8:09

with you up. I'm trying to crease it up

8:11

I mean oh, I see right you look nice

8:13

in your glasses Thanks,

8:16

but you wear from morale and not because you've

8:19

got yeah, I'm just wearing these actually I'm now

8:21

wearing them as a fashion item Yeah, yeah, like

8:23

Gary Lineker like Gary Lineker. We've had some correspondence

8:27

So anyway, those are my requests to the

8:29

listeners My shout out is how do you

8:31

stop cats getting on surfaces because I love

8:33

them, but it is dear is disgusting Well

8:35

the last time I suggested a solution while

8:37

yeah someone complained. Yeah, I was being crawled

8:39

to cats. I Was

8:43

it again you get electric spikes yeah electric

8:45

spikes you covered all the services in electric

8:47

pigeon spikes I went to pets at home,

8:49

and I bought a cat teaser They

8:52

haven't learned The thing

8:55

I the thing with cats and training any animal is

8:57

if you are kind of telling them off for anything

9:00

It has to be as soon as

9:02

they've done the thing otherwise. It's very

9:05

confusing they don't Seem

9:07

to get it This was

9:09

always the issue my my parents

9:11

had with cats in the 80s Which

9:13

is why I never had cat as a kid was

9:15

my mother's like that's just disgusting getting

9:18

on But I don't think you will

9:20

ever stop cats jumping up on stuff

9:22

I don't think it's possible. No, but

9:25

it's the food prep areas That's

9:28

I mean the other thing in terms

9:30

of um, I love I love my cats,

9:32

right? But and they're still so little uh

9:37

But you've got to clean up food straight away

9:40

Yeah, but then you just eat enough plates and

9:42

all that kind of yeah But that's not a

9:44

bad habit to get into no of course not

9:46

But also your shopping boards if you make your

9:48

food prep chopping board based Then you can control

9:50

that because you can give them a wipe down

9:52

and stand them up. Yes, that is true. That

9:54

is true It's just they get on

9:56

the table on the kitchen table. Can you shut them

9:59

out of the kitchen? No,

10:03

actually. Oh, yes,

10:05

I could. Sorry, it's open plan,

10:07

but it could be done. But

10:10

not forever. Yaya

10:13

has jumped up on the

10:15

surfaces for 10 years. And

10:17

we clap him down and we try and

10:19

clap him down. Well, you know, like, like,

10:23

I started swearing though, which is a bad

10:25

habit. But I think cats like being high

10:27

up. They seek out the highest point. So

10:30

what you could do is I saw a

10:32

good Instagram reel

10:34

of a guy who's basically made a sort

10:36

of a wall mounted obstacle course for his

10:38

cat. Yeah, give them higher places. I went

10:40

to our friend Bridget's house and she's got

10:42

one of those sort of cat trees, like

10:45

a really big one. Yeah. Put your kitchen in your

10:47

basement. Good shots.

10:49

So move your kitchen below ground

10:52

level. Yeah. They'll have

10:54

less interest. Well, there aren't a lot of them.

10:56

We've got a little like apple tree in the

10:58

garden and they they like it up there. Oh,

11:00

that's nice. But it does. It

11:03

does. It annoys me and upsets me. Two

11:05

different emotions. But you can I mean, you're

11:07

you're sort of if

11:09

you're if you're wanting cats

11:11

not I don't think it's liable. But

11:13

I think you've got to get used

11:15

to it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well. Oh,

11:17

well. No, we've had

11:19

a nice story then. We've

11:22

had a nice story from Tom because

11:24

you can get in touch on WhatsApp actually now that you

11:26

come to mention it. And

11:28

Cami says that you

11:31

guys told us you wanted more WhatsApp jingle. So

11:33

I made a WhatsApp jingle. Yes. Here's the WhatsApp

11:36

jingle. Enjoy the WhatsApp jingle. Bye. Thanks, Cami. You

11:46

for communication. that

12:00

troubling? Chris Kamala did that.

12:04

That sounded like the intro to sort of

12:06

like a 90s kids' tech

12:08

show. Yeah, I would say 80s actually

12:10

more than 90s. Thank you Cammie for

12:12

that and Cammie joins other listeners who've

12:14

sent in jingles, Nick, Chris, Russell and

12:16

Louise. I'm not sure it's doing the

12:18

job of necessarily hammering home the number

12:20

because I couldn't really hear the number.

12:22

The number FYI is 07974293022. I

12:24

love this WhatsApp. Hello, Ed,

12:32

it's Jon Producer Dave. I'm Eevee and I'm 13 years

12:34

old and I'm a BBC retro wonder

12:36

working on a retro wonder. Presumably Eevee's

12:38

going back to listen to the Radio

12:41

X shows and XFM shows

12:43

which oh my god, she was three when we started.

12:47

Don't swear. Oh, the

12:49

faraway tree. I

12:51

was just thinking about the faraway tree. That's why

12:53

they show made me want to text him because

12:55

he was talking about people who were running the

12:57

London marathon. My aunt was

12:59

one of those people and my family and I

13:01

went to watch out constructing my sign to encourage

13:04

people. I decided to take inspiration from your show.

13:06

Here's a picture of the sign. Thanks

13:08

Eevee. And the sign says run to

13:10

win plus hating yourself. Hashtag freedom you

13:13

can trust. Which will it be

13:16

so confusing to 99% of the runners. Yes.

13:19

I really like that. We had another email

13:21

in from someone who had a run

13:23

to win and hate yourself sign. Yeah.

13:27

But I can't find it now but thank you very much for

13:29

sending those in. I watched the London marathon in

13:31

fall because my girlfriend's sort

13:33

of a distance running fan. She's

13:35

telling me about all the different facts.

13:38

Oh cool. Times and strides and gates. Oh

13:40

nice. And all the different shoes. She's going

13:42

to come on one of my spouse podcast.

13:44

I think she probably would. But

13:48

I found it very

13:50

very moving actually. I kind of

13:52

would rather wish there was more

13:54

stuff on the everyday people. Because

13:56

obviously the elite runners are

13:58

insane. Absolutely.

14:01

They're basically sprinting for two hours. Yeah, I've seen

14:03

a guy I've seen a lot of fish but

14:05

there was a lady Who's

14:08

76 and she did it in like three hours 35

14:10

minutes of me Well, I voted it

14:12

in I think 336 pushing

14:14

pushing Rosie Jones round. That's

14:18

3-30 pushing an adult When

14:21

I saw the picture I thought oh that well,

14:23

that's great. But also probably six hours. Yeah Yeah,

14:25

that's what I thought. Well, they still beat him.

14:27

Yeah Oh,

14:30

it was Johnny who sent in the email saying

14:32

you'll be pleased to know that whilst running last

14:34

Sunday's marathon My girlfriend Alice cheered me on with

14:36

a sign which would read one run to win

14:38

and hate yourself She followed me

14:40

around Canary Wharf with a sign as much as

14:42

she could and proudly held us aloft in the

14:45

financial district Oh, there's a

14:47

bloke who's in his eighties and

14:49

he's run every London marathon since it started

14:51

in 1981 And

14:53

I think there's six people who are called I think they

14:55

call their fit with the ever presence But

14:58

he's done them all and how do you

15:00

guarantee a spot every year? I bet he's

15:02

getting special Yeah, I reckon they're calling him

15:04

Yeah So is there a group of because

15:06

I was looking about how to like enter

15:09

and you're not guaranteed a place Oh, yeah.

15:11

No, it's a ballot. I think and it's

15:13

trickier each year because more people want to

15:15

do it It's apparently the best one. It's

15:17

quite flat. I know a guy called I

15:20

know a guy who's been running mountains since the 70s

15:23

and he said New

15:26

York is a shambles. Well, I think

15:28

apparently boss Boston isn't very serious Boston

15:30

isn't legal as a record-setting marathon Was

15:32

it not I think because the it

15:34

goes up and down too much. I'm

15:36

a serious runners do that. You have

15:38

to be sub something tough

15:40

three to Yeah,

15:43

um, but did you read the story

15:45

about the guy who came last no I

15:50

Knew there was a guy that I heard a story about

15:52

the guy who came last but judging by your reaction I

15:54

don't have heard the follow on to it because you look

15:56

sad now. Oh, it's just so Yes.

16:01

No, he's... His face? Yeah,

16:03

so he... This guy is in his

16:05

70s and it was his

16:07

32nd marathon in a row and he's

16:10

run every single one in memory of

16:12

his daughter Claire who died

16:14

just before her 15th birthday and you're

16:17

like, oh my God, it's incredible.

16:19

But he had a knee injury this year

16:21

and on the BBC website he's called Fred

16:23

Tomlinson and he

16:25

finished in 13 hours because he had a

16:28

knee injury. Oh, fair play to you. For

16:30

the Rainbow Trust Children's Charity but it just

16:32

makes you... Oh, I should cheer

16:34

up. What an inspiring

16:36

thing to do. Yeah, love that.

16:38

Oh man. So I'm going to try and run

16:40

the year after next because my physio says I

16:42

shouldn't do it next year, I should do a

16:44

half marathon next year. Yeah. So build

16:46

up to it. Will you wear a

16:48

run to win and hate yourself to your

16:50

shirt please? You need to. Well, no, because

16:52

I'd... I'm John and I'm running to win

16:54

and hate myself. Charity. I

16:57

would run for charity. Charity

16:59

is me and I run into win and

17:01

I hate myself. The charity is quite confusing

17:03

because you can run for any charity but

17:06

I think if you want to sort of... You don't count. You

17:09

are. You don't count. It's John

17:11

Robbins' charity. No, the John Robbins' charity doesn't count. But I

17:13

think it's quite confusing because if

17:15

you want to then increase your chance

17:17

of the ballot you have to get

17:20

for one of the charities they are

17:22

associated with or who have bonds. It's

17:25

very confusing. And also some of them are quite... And

17:27

right, they said they want you to raise a lot of money but I

17:30

think some of them are quite... They'll

17:32

pressure you into raising a lot of money because of

17:34

what you need to raise to kind of cover the

17:36

cost of you being in the marathon. Yeah. So I

17:38

think there's also aims and limits which is good because

17:40

you're raising more money. But it's

17:42

more this confusing thing about which charities have

17:44

bonds and how many places and how many

17:46

years and what percentage of chance that gives

17:48

you getting the ballot. You

17:50

can definitely do it, John, because Joe

17:53

Strummer ran the marathon and he was in the

17:55

class. Will the BBC

17:57

be able to wangle me at place? Would

18:00

yeah, would they do yeah, I imagine

18:02

that was that line, but they were

18:04

interviewing people There was a couple from

18:06

EastEnders filming an episode of EastEnders

18:08

where one of the people runs the London Marathon and

18:11

they sort of stopped them for a sort of 30-second

18:13

interview and I was like You

18:16

I will not stop for an interview because

18:18

that's lost 30 seconds Rightly so five lives

18:20

Mark Chapman did a few years ago now

18:23

I remember watching that and he had to

18:25

stop for a few interviews Hmm, I'm thinking

18:28

you if you want to interview me you're gonna have to you're

18:30

gonna have to be interviewing at a 520k Because

18:34

that is the target Okay,

18:36

that's fast. Well, he's got it for sub

18:39

4 Dave. Yeah, if I if

18:41

I don't get sub 4 I'm handing all the money

18:43

back We

18:45

had this story from Tom on whatsapp about

18:48

glasses which really made me smile He said

18:50

hi all John's new glasses that are purely

18:53

for morale and definitely not prescriptive remind me

18:55

of a wonderful eight-year-old boy I taught a

18:57

few years ago He had ADHD

18:59

an obsession with wrestling and Pokemon and

19:01

the fantastic ability to think outside the

19:03

box He was once caught using

19:05

his ruler to eat his lunch. She'd forgotten a

19:07

spoon. Great idea. I like that Anyway,

19:11

one day he turned up in a pair

19:13

of lensless flamboyant red glasses presumably from a

19:15

Christmas magic set or as part of an

19:17

Elton John Fancy dress box. He was adamant.

19:20

The optician had prescribed them and told me

19:22

the lack of lenses was a new technology

19:25

I thought I'd use them to my advantage.

19:27

So I made a deal with him He

19:29

could wear them and in return he would

19:31

concentrate during his Friday writing session something he

19:33

usually found torturous By Friday lunchtime

19:36

he had produced a piece of writing that was

19:38

simply outstanding It was

19:40

so far away from his usual level think

19:42

Greece 2004. Oh, we're winning the Premier League

19:45

I suspected foul play With

19:47

no signs of cheating evident. However, I stared

19:49

at the glasses in all needless to

19:52

say they've done more for his complex minds than

19:54

I ever had so far by the end of

19:56

the next week I brought him four more pairs

19:58

all different colors and they had exact same

20:00

impact. It did take some explaining to management

20:02

when he turned up to an assembly looking

20:05

like Timmy Malick though. I often

20:07

think about how he's getting on in the

20:09

world, but I do chuckle when I think

20:11

of his multicolored selection of glasses. I wonder

20:14

if John's glasses have identified an untapped potential.

20:16

Thanks, Tom. Not yet, Tom,

20:18

though they do give me headaches. Oh.

20:23

But, you know, your shins are good.

20:25

Shins good. Four head skin good. Four

20:27

head skin. How's your back skin? No.

20:30

I have no knowledge of it. No idea. As

20:33

far as I'm aware, it doesn't exist. I'm just

20:35

like a sort of errant shipman

20:39

who's been flayed

20:41

there in the golden age of

20:43

whaling. Yeah, it's just flesh and spine back there,

20:45

isn't it? I have done very badly in the

20:48

golden age of whaling days. I always do. Yeah,

20:50

I don't think I would have fared, if you'll

20:52

excuse the pun, well... Well,

20:54

with your arthritic big toe? With my

20:56

arthritic big toe and my... And

20:59

your gloom. I'm not liking discomfort

21:01

of any kind. Can you imagine

21:03

the salt spray, Dave? Yeah. Imagine

21:05

getting scurvy. Yeah. And would you

21:08

pitch in, do you think? Are you scrubbing...

21:10

I don't think you're scrubbing the deck, do

21:12

you? Well, you have to. It would have

21:14

been absolutely awful to have been on the

21:17

whaling ship in the 18th century. Yeah.

21:21

Yes. I mean, I can't think

21:23

of many worse things, actually. It's essentially

21:25

a floating toilet where everyone's teeth fall out.

21:27

I said, gurvy's rubbish as well. I

21:29

read a book on scurvy during a holiday

21:32

because it was in the Airbnb.

21:34

I thought, I'll learn about scurvy while

21:37

we're on our night trip. Baggage

21:40

handling at the airport was quite tough for me. Freddie

21:42

Mercury did that. Shh,

21:44

shh, really? Yeah, that was one of his first job when they moved

21:46

to England in Heathrow. I love

21:49

that. I've done the same job as Freddie

21:51

Mercury. Mm, great. Today. Yeah.

21:54

That's cool. That's really made me laugh. This is from Simon.

21:57

The story on the latest episode about asking an ambulance... The

22:00

ambulance has stopped to buy fags, which reminded me of

22:02

one of my mum's favourite stories. When

22:04

I was born, the woman in the bed next

22:06

to her in the maternity unit was a friend.

22:08

My dad and her husband played amateur rugby together.

22:11

My birth was upon the

22:13

Asamuatramatic emergency C-section. Once

22:15

safely back on the postnatal unit, my mum

22:17

was less than thrilled with my dad mentioning

22:19

that as it was all over, he would

22:21

still have time to make the Dewsbury Recreation

22:23

Grand for that. Dad's

22:26

a man. Dad's a man. After

22:32

some discussion, it was agreed that he perhaps

22:34

didn't need to play that day after all.

22:37

This is nothing compared to the other couple's arguments. When

22:43

the ambulance had arrived to take her to hospital,

22:45

the other dad-to-be got in the ambulance carrying a

22:47

large bag. The ambulance staff asked if they could

22:49

take her back for him. Oh no,

22:52

it's not hers with the reply. It's my rugby

22:54

kit. You'd be passing the field. Could you drop

22:56

me off? My

23:00

dad's summer managed to top this indiscretion

23:02

by getting my name wrong when registering

23:05

my birth. Apparently, dads could register without

23:07

them and being present in those days.

23:09

Hence, I am legally named John Simon

23:11

Ellis rather than the agreed upon Simon

23:13

John Ellis. Way get in! Neither

23:17

couple spoke to their respective partners much

23:20

for weeks, and the respective mum's had

23:22

argument-clinching ammunition for years. Simon,

23:24

PCD, retro winner and lover of

23:27

the vibe. I love that. That's

23:29

amazing. What a great email. This

23:31

is from Andrew in Bloxham. Let's block

23:33

some. I'm going to

23:36

say Norfolk or Suffolk. He's

23:39

stanglier. Block some.

23:41

I think you might be pretty close there. I'm

23:43

going to go near Lincoln. Where is it,

23:45

Dave? It's just below Stratford-upon-Avon. Is

23:47

it? Yeah, just above Oxford. Is that a line? No.

23:52

Hi, Alistair John. Suggested evolution

23:54

of your excellent motorway service

23:56

strand. Driving to services,

23:58

but not by... motorway.

24:01

I just remember in the late

24:03

80s you could illegally access Strentham

24:05

Northbound from a rear access road.

24:07

For a long time it had a locked barrier

24:10

to which we knew the code. Later there was

24:12

no barrier at all. Sometimes we'd meet

24:14

mates there, other times it was a handy

24:16

motorway access point to avoid the 20 minute

24:18

drive up to junction 7. Everyone knew about

24:20

it and I

24:23

even remember the school geography trip

24:25

mini buster Giggleswick using it. Perhaps

24:28

other listeners have similar secret service.

24:30

Ingressives, thanks from Andrew in Bloxham.

24:32

Well there was the fleet cheat

24:34

of course for many

24:36

years which they closed down.

24:39

The fleet cheat was when you could use

24:41

the access road to

24:45

I think go on to the other side of

24:47

the motorway but they stopped that but that was

24:49

a famous one, the fleet cheat. Anyone

24:53

else got any stories? I just

24:55

remember a test on Izzy's,

24:58

I wasn't, it was her turn to drive and

25:00

I must have been on my phone or something

25:03

and she must have gone to an access road because

25:05

suddenly we weren't on the M4, we were on like

25:07

an estate. I said how

25:09

have you done this? I've

25:12

been driving for a quarter of a century

25:14

and I've never met or been in a

25:16

car that's done this. But

25:18

then motorway service signposting once you

25:21

come off the motorway is absolutely

25:23

appalling. Yeah it is a

25:25

disgrace. If only, I've been saying this for

25:27

years, if only the highways agency were in

25:30

charge of the signage within

25:32

motorway service roads the

25:35

world would be a better place. And perhaps,

25:37

not better enough, no, but

25:39

perhaps we wouldn't, no,

25:42

but perhaps we wouldn't be the sick man of Europe if

25:45

the highways agency were in charge of the

25:48

signage. Is that for coaches and HDVs and fuel? Or is that

25:50

for coaches and HDVs? It's too late, I'm

25:57

in the main car park. It's too late, I'm in

25:59

those massive... car parking space.

26:01

I'm next to two Winnebago's and a

26:03

flat bed truck. Yeah and incredibly the

26:05

petrol station doesn't have a toilet smile.

26:07

I'm gonna have to run to the

26:10

service station. Oh don't worry I'll do

26:12

a quick UE. Oh I'm just now

26:14

back out on the motorway. Both

26:17

neither wait. And I'm wetting myself. Before

26:36

we continue with your

26:38

correspondence, John reminds

26:41

me of Gareth Bale at the end of his

26:43

career because Gareth Bale had become

26:45

a moments player. Yeah

26:48

sure. He wasn't gonna dominate games like

26:50

he did when he was 22 or

26:52

23 or 24 but when it mattered he came up with

26:58

moments. And John reminds

27:00

me of that. Why do I

27:02

remind you of that? Because I'm worth 80

27:04

million dollars. I would imagine it's more than

27:06

that. I mean you like your golf?

27:09

Yeah I do but I only get to play

27:11

once every two months. Because... Because when a podcast

27:17

matters, John

27:19

matters? What does

27:23

that mean? And when he needs

27:25

to get a great moment

27:27

and grab it by the scruff of the neck

27:30

and make a difference, John's

27:33

that guy. I'm not that guy. You're

27:35

not that guy. For God's sake. I'm

27:37

not a moment man. I mean it's

27:39

making this moment sound quite contrived almost at

27:41

this like John knew he needed a moment

27:43

whereas actually it was just a very lovely

27:45

conversation. Oh come on it was contrived. You've

27:48

been planning it for months. So

27:51

we have been nominated at the Arias

27:53

which is a kind of Oscars,

27:56

BAFTAs and Golden Globes

27:58

but for radio. It's an easy one. got yeah

28:02

what's that mean it's Emmy Golden

28:06

Globe Oscar and Tony all right yeah

28:08

yeah it's the ego Andrew Lloyd Webber

28:10

is an ego I think Elton John

28:12

is an ego okay it but

28:14

it's yeah

28:17

it's the Golden Globes it's the

28:19

GGs plus Oscars plus BAFTAs plus

28:21

Welsh BAFTAs WAFTAs for

28:24

radio and audio and audio and we've

28:26

been nominated for moment of the year

28:29

radio times moment of the year yeah

28:31

you can Google it and vote on

28:33

the radio times website so it was

28:35

John's moment and I was there but

28:39

with so it's your moment as well but

28:42

that's the nicest thing you've ever

28:44

said to me but should

28:47

we win I'll also get an award I think

28:49

I don't know about that

28:54

you have to pay for an extra one and ain't cheap

28:56

but I the way you can

28:59

vote online this Nordians board to

29:02

get stuck in get involved yeah

29:04

and it's John's journey to sobriety

29:07

or the journey that points that

29:09

you were a period now which he did

29:12

for content yes he didn't he didn't tell

29:14

us but it didn't half

29:16

make great content so

29:18

it's a lovely moment and it's very worthy of

29:20

being in the mix well that's very kind yeah

29:22

very kind of course I just think everyone's worthy

29:25

of being in the mix Dave yes

29:27

we're all just

29:31

part of a shared consciousness Dave oh we

29:33

have Bill Hicks over there I reckon he

29:35

think that he was always talking

29:38

about consciousness yes very good

29:43

so yeah thank you very much everyone

29:45

and thank you for your kind

29:47

messages especially those of you approaching

29:49

sobriety anniversaries as a result of

29:52

listening to that discussion which I

29:54

find intolerably moving quite

29:56

an odd it's quite an odd emotion

29:58

intolerably moving yes Do you want to

30:00

use that word? No, I'll

30:03

replace it with

30:05

very new things

30:08

and hugely inspiring.

30:10

Yeah. And I'm incredibly

30:12

proud of you all if you're listening to this

30:14

and trying to live with

30:16

your mad old head without the old booze.

30:19

Yeah. That's what it's all about,

30:21

Dave. Can you live with your mad

30:23

old head without the old booze? And you're only playing golf

30:25

once every two months. Yeah. So

30:28

there we go. Ellis, there's an

30:30

email about the Beatles. Yes, there certainly is. I'm

30:32

going to read it to you, Alice, John and

30:34

producer Dave. I'm right in

30:36

here regarding a recent chat with the fantastic John

30:38

McNally. I practically spat my coffee

30:40

out when you started to discuss celebrity

30:43

death rumours as a recent experience left

30:45

back into my mind. Last

30:47

year I managed the UK tour of

30:49

an American scientist who was being supported

30:51

at gigs by his favourite

30:53

cowboy country music band, Riders in the Sky.

30:56

You would, of course, know this band from their Grammy winning

30:58

music for the Toy Story fans, including You've Got a

31:00

Friend in Me. You've Got

31:02

a Friend in Me. Oh, I think that's

31:04

Randy Newman. But maybe they performed it. Anyway,

31:07

one evening I was chatting with the band's

31:09

bassist, Fred, aka Too Slim or Just Slim,

31:12

in the bar of our hotel on Yorkney

31:14

Islands. He was telling me all about his

31:16

45 years playing in his band around the

31:18

world and the amazing people he'd played alongside,

31:20

Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, etc. Wow. Conversation

31:24

naturally learned British artists from this era and

31:26

the Beatles came up. His favourite album is

31:28

Help, Mine and Be Rode. You're

31:31

both wrong. What's the best one? Revolver.

31:34

Very, very closely followed by Robbersaw. In

31:37

fact, I would say those two are almost interchangeable. Is

31:39

that common knowledge or is that

31:41

you because you're such a huge fan? Is

31:43

that me saying Be Here Now is Oasis'

31:45

best album? No, I mean anyone. You can

31:47

have any Beatles album as your favourite one.

31:49

Of course you can. I

31:52

happen to think that's when they really hit

31:54

their stroke. Mine is

31:56

The Best of the Beatles. I

31:58

mean it's good stuff. Yeah, the blue

32:00

was great. Anyway, he

32:03

then uttered this incredible line.

32:06

Oh, I started that whole Paul McCartney

32:08

is dead thing, by the way. No, that's

32:10

incredible. Because that is one

32:12

of that is one of the great sort

32:15

of long standing celebrity

32:17

death rumours has been going for almost 60.

32:20

But is it possible that there

32:22

are 500 people who claim to have started

32:24

that? Well, to explain in more detail, Slim

32:26

worked for a local student newspaper in his

32:28

years at university in the 1960s. Struggling to

32:30

get any of his work into the paper,

32:32

he decided to come up with the most

32:35

outlandish story he could in order to guarantee

32:37

getting published. And so Paul is dead was

32:39

born peppered with a few odd things he

32:41

noticed on the cover of Abbey Road. Much

32:44

to Slim's surprise, the story

32:46

spread like wildfire traveling to other

32:48

universities across the US via student

32:50

radio, eventually snowballing into a fully

32:52

fleshed out conspiracy theory that still

32:54

lives today. I thought

32:56

you'd enjoy this tale. This involves music, the style of

32:58

John, the Beatles for Ellis and a light mention of

33:01

the radio for Dave. Thank you. Keep

33:03

up the accent and our circular work all

33:05

the best Pete from Bedford, retro winner, serial

33:07

live vibe taster and owner of a lightly

33:09

themed copy of the Holy Bible. Well,

33:13

Pete, I have forwarded that were

33:16

not your details, but I forwarded

33:18

the text of that email to

33:21

some Beatles experts. So

33:23

I will report back. I mean, proper Beatles

33:25

expert. I feel very bad for saying Pete

33:27

that you were wrong. I would say that

33:30

I disagree. And they're both great. I

33:32

love Abbey Road. I love help. But I think that

33:34

revolver. I mean, Abbey Road is up there.

33:37

It is. It's got to be it's not my number one.

33:40

And we've had more

33:42

correspond on

33:45

the subject of

33:47

modeling. And this is

33:49

from Ed. I've

33:51

been listening to the various emails from listeners

33:53

about modeling with much mirth and in particular

33:55

your discussions about being scouted. Anyway, it's made

33:57

me recall my own experience in this slide.

34:00

the peculiar industry. In the summer of

34:02

2004 I was walking in

34:04

Central Park in New York with a

34:06

friend when I heard the unmistakably American idiom, I

34:10

was faced with an incredibly well dressed man holding

34:12

out his hand and asking my name. Being British

34:14

not previously acquainted with this man, I summoned up

34:17

my best, no thank you, held

34:19

my head high and walked past. Underturd

34:21

he introduced himself again and began imploring me

34:23

to stop. I fired off another, no

34:25

thank you. At which point he said, I'm in

34:28

a $900 suit, stop and talk to

34:30

me. What an amazing offering Gambi. It was

34:32

such an odd thing to say that I

34:35

did stop and at which point he introduced

34:37

himself. I'm George Brown from Citizens Modeling Agency.

34:39

Are you a model? Obviously

34:41

this is a pretty flattering start of a

34:43

turn, so I did listen and ended up

34:45

modelling for about three years at the university.

34:48

I did various jobs for the likes of

34:50

Fred Perry and Jill Sander. Jill

34:52

Sander sounds like your mum's friend. And

34:56

one in particular which almost straddles modelling.

34:59

Jill Sander, hate, table lips. She

35:02

won't have them in the house. And one in

35:04

particular which almost straddles modelling and a shame

35:06

well. It was a show for

35:08

a bizarre Japanese designer. The clothes were out

35:10

there but I was getting paid £190 quid

35:13

for a few hours, so I didn't give

35:16

it much thought until the final ensemble was

35:18

presented to me. A

35:20

pair of metal spherical breasts secured

35:22

around the shoulder with a

35:24

chain. Imagine a hybrid of a bra

35:26

and a bombinocca if you will. What's

35:28

a bombinocca? Never heard of a bombinocca.

35:30

I don't know. It was

35:33

slightly perturbing but I thought this is

35:35

fashion. I'm an agent of fashion, so

35:37

I popped them on. What

35:39

came next was in retrospect too much.

35:41

A bear's head. Very lifelike and possibly

35:43

even real. As I placed it on

35:45

my head I realised the tiny holes

35:47

they'd made for the eyes were too

35:49

high, so all I could see was

35:51

a ceiling. I was gently nudged towards

35:53

the runway and was effectively blind

35:56

as I began my catwalk. The result

35:58

of this wasn't a confident strut. but

36:00

more of the timid, ponderous wandering of a

36:02

blind, kinky bear with metal boobs. I

36:05

must have looked like a complete piece. Needless to

36:07

say, the outfit didn't hit the shelves of M&S,

36:10

which is more my bag these days as I enjoy my

36:12

40th year. Thanks for

36:14

the memes, love. Oh, I love

36:16

that. That's really good

36:18

stuff. Well, plenty more emails

36:21

to come, but as per,

36:23

we chatted to Chiles earlier, so

36:26

we're going to hear from our dear

36:28

patron now. We

36:32

took that Jürgen Klopp leaving. What

36:35

Emma Hayes has done for Chelsea

36:37

Women is just beyond anything

36:39

we can talk about. She's taken it

36:41

right from the very start of their

36:43

journey as a team and turned this

36:45

side into something formidable, but also done

36:47

so, so much for the women's game

36:49

in this country. So it will be

36:52

fitting. Can they do it? My Guinness

36:54

Me, Barcelona have got some serious firepower. Do

36:57

you know Erisan John, by the way? Yes,

36:59

I do. Well, let's bring them

37:02

in. Hello. Hello, dear. Hello,

37:05

guys. How are you going? Hello, everyone.

37:07

How are you? I've

37:11

noticed a phenomenon with Erisan John,

37:13

Kate. You meet people, I

37:15

meet people out of the back, and they haven't really

37:17

heard of Erisan John or more often. They've

37:23

not only heard of them, they've got

37:25

sort of wild eyed at mention. Erisan

37:29

John. Erisan John. Erisan John

37:31

will tell you it's because everybody, is this the

37:33

Welsh thing again? Erisan John. Loves

37:36

everyone in Wales. Well, I'll get

37:38

it all over the country. You

37:42

know, I've been working in this business for

37:44

a lot of years, and there's

37:46

a certain number of people. The only thing I

37:48

can say about me is when I talk to

37:51

you two in this little five-minute section, it's going

37:53

to become the only thing in my career that

37:55

matters. And I'll speak to

37:57

you for a few minutes. Adrian Weymatt.

38:02

I had Kate on one

38:04

of my podcasts and she's one of my

38:06

podcasts. Oh here we go. Kate,

38:09

one embarrassment of riches. Widely

38:12

Regarded is all I've got. This

38:14

right here, right now. One day a week.

38:16

It defines me. I'm only five minutes off

38:19

it. Johnny, imagine how I feel. I was

38:21

going to say Kate's Widely Regarded is one

38:23

of the best guests we've ever had. Really?

38:26

Very good to speak to Kate again. And

38:30

yes, it is the only thing John has. There's

38:32

nothing I can do about that. I'm trying my

38:34

best. I'm trying to lift him up by his

38:36

own bootstraps, which is actually quite awkward. I've not

38:38

raised a ladder. I want

38:40

him to come up with me. It's just he

38:43

doesn't have any interest. But Kate, when you ask

38:45

them what's in the show, they've never really got

38:47

an answer for you, which makes their success so

38:49

much more bewildered. So let me ask you now.

38:51

That's the beauty. Tell Kate and I what you

38:53

got in your show. Do you know what? I'll

38:56

give you a sporting analogy. We're

38:58

like Steve McManaman. We're just McEwriel.

39:01

Right. Do you hand people off a

39:03

lot because he used to do that. Just push them

39:06

away, use his hands a lot. Yeah. And

39:08

do you know what? I've

39:10

got nothing but fond memories of Steve

39:12

McManaman. I don't know if you were

39:15

with that Kate or Adrian. He

39:17

scored a very good goal against Celtic.

39:19

Oh, yeah. Love that. No, don't get

39:21

me wrong. Lovely black. You're

39:24

considering yourself sort of wing players, flare

39:26

players. Yes. Socks rolled

39:28

down by the ankles, hands on the hips.

39:31

I don't track back. I mean, we're

39:33

luxury broadcasters. No,

39:35

but I think John shaws things up.

39:37

He's the defensive midfielder

39:40

sitting in there. I'm Tony Adams.

39:42

In the back four. To Ellis'

39:44

Harry Kuehl. That's right.

39:47

Well, we've actually got a

39:51

quick question for you, Adrian. Can I

39:53

talk to you about smells? Yeah.

39:56

Any smells transport you back

39:59

to a time in your life? life

40:01

any any have you got any spiritual

40:03

associations with smell pine cones remind me

40:05

of being always remind me being of

40:08

in you because what was then Yugoslavia

40:10

as a kid by the

40:12

sea actually we actually I meant to ask

40:14

Kate about this as well the we just

40:16

heard Rory Smith football right to

40:19

run early this week saying footballers

40:21

are the nicest smelling people anywhere

40:23

do they smell nice to you

40:25

Kate I mean comedians don't smell

40:28

nice not so nice footballers

40:30

very nice smelling Kate would you go on

40:32

I don't want to I don't know if I

40:34

should walk around telling people that I've been sniffing

40:36

my interviewees I don't know that that would that

40:38

would be good for my career yeah

40:41

um but cyclists quite often

40:43

don't smell great because yeah

40:46

quite often you I talk to them

40:48

on the show after they've come from

40:50

the podium and that smell of champagne

40:52

and sweat yeah and I know

40:55

the Ellis Ellis's four favorite

40:57

smells are from football grounds

40:59

and it's lager urine onions

41:01

and sweat yeah and fags

41:03

and fags so the five

41:05

sort of great smells of

41:07

Ellis so

41:12

we'll have to we'll have to move on but

41:15

we it's always been a joy and we

41:17

just just just a little five minutes with

41:19

you has come to meet me everything oh

41:21

thank you Adrian lovely

41:26

chat with Charles and Kate yeah and we

41:28

look forward to seeing Adrian again next week

41:30

I'd love to go for a lovely pub

41:32

lunch with Adrian I

41:36

reckon he is I think

41:38

that's what he comes into his own I

41:41

can imagine him bringing uh the

41:44

sort of knife and fork box with

41:47

the condiments and the knives and forks

41:49

are wrapped in like red napkins red

41:52

sort of serviettes and three bags of

41:54

crisps which he'd he'd he'd completely open

41:57

yeah for the Paula toddler Paula toddler

41:59

that's That's going centre the

42:01

table. Yeah. And I think

42:03

that is when he really thrives. And

42:05

he'll ask for more time to read

42:07

through the menu, but it'll just come

42:10

across as so kind and fine. It

42:12

won't seem pointed at all. All

42:15

of the Gomunagan chips, please. Not actually could

42:17

have a pineapple. Thanks. What

42:20

trouble you for a pineapple, please? Alice,

42:23

what would you say if you saw

42:25

a woman holding a war hammer bag

42:27

wearing a gilet and ear defenders running

42:29

then walking whilst eating custard and tender

42:31

stem broccoli on her way to an

42:33

allotment? What would you say, Alice? I'd

42:35

say she looks pretty cool. I'd say

42:38

she looks pretty cool. Because

42:40

all of those things are in Alison Johns' Cool

42:42

Club. Horticulture.

42:45

Graphite Grey. Foreign

42:47

cuisine. Hair gel. Bespoke.

42:50

Board games. Alison Johns' Cool Club.

42:53

Cool Club. Every

42:56

week as the Councillors of Cool we're going through

42:58

your suggestions to decide whether they should be added

43:00

to the Cool Club. So far

43:03

we've decided that the likes of darts,

43:05

saying yes to new things and walking

43:07

football, have been officially deemed cool. To

43:10

submit something to Cool Club send an email

43:12

to ellisonjohn at bbc.co.uk or whatsappus on 07974

43:14

293 022. And

43:19

we have a voice

43:21

not pertaining to walking football.

43:23

Yes we doodly do. Because

43:26

we added walking football last week didn't we Dave? Was

43:29

it last week? It feels like it was a few

43:31

weeks ago before. We are sure. But either

43:33

way Five Lives Rachel Burton decides to get involved so

43:35

we can hear from Rachel now. Hi

43:37

Alice. Hello John. It is Rachel Burton

43:40

here from Five Lives Britain sitting in

43:42

the loo of a cross country train

43:44

headed for Burnham. I'm

43:46

hoping desperately that I have

43:48

locked the door properly otherwise it could cause quite

43:51

a scene. I was

43:53

absolutely delighted to hear how

43:55

old this is from. It's

44:01

an extraordinary glimpse behind the magician's clock.

44:04

I'm absolutely delighted to hear that

44:06

walking football has made it into the

44:08

cool crowd. I was

44:10

introduced to walking football by the King

44:12

of Cools himself, Colin Patterson, some years

44:14

ago. I was up

44:16

a walking football team with a group

44:18

of like-minded, cat-handed women. And we

44:21

now meet every week, and we bring

44:23

once a month an inner league with

44:26

the most of our training

44:28

stretching, apologizing, getting hold of,

44:30

running, and reminding our players

44:32

it's cool. Oh no! So,

44:34

I ask you, what

44:36

could be more cool than a bunch

44:39

of peri-interposed menopause or women chasing

44:41

a football like long-legged lemmings after

44:43

a bottomless crunch, and

44:45

occasionally but respectfully shouting at the ref? And

44:49

we have a very cool name. We are the Amazons.

44:51

I rest my case. Thanks, fellas. Oh,

44:54

thank you so much. That's amazing.

44:57

That's so good. The

44:59

old pelvic floor postpartum, Dave.

45:03

Important to keep on top of it. And

45:05

I guess I didn't think walking football would play a

45:07

part in that. No,

45:10

I didn't know Richard played walking football.

45:12

I love that voice a

45:14

lot. And the fuck that was in

45:16

the toilet of a train. Just gave

45:18

it a single junez-c'est quoi. So

45:22

this has come in from James

45:24

in Glasgow. James says, Hi, Ellis,

45:26

John and Dave. My submission to

45:29

Cool Club is marshalling. That's

45:31

right. Volunteering to marshal your local road race

45:33

is one of the coolest things you can

45:35

do. I write this to you

45:37

standing on the corner of a street in

45:40

Clyde Bank in a constant drizzle and a

45:42

cool breeze ruffling my high-vis vest as

45:45

I wait for the front runners to come round the corner

45:47

for the Dumbartonshire Amateur Athletics 10 Mile Road Race

45:49

Championships. Great. Personally, I can't think of a

45:51

cooler way to spend my Sunday morning with

45:54

a tube of deep heat, tub of Vaseline

45:56

and a bag of jelly babies in my

45:58

pockets. I'm ready for any of it. eventuality.

46:01

So if anyone catches the running bug this weekend

46:03

and thinks they're cool enough, why don't you get

46:05

yourself down to your local running club and see

46:07

if they need any marshals? All the best, James.

46:10

I love that. I love that.

46:12

I love the high-visa-spec and

46:14

I would like to do that because as

46:16

I get older, I think I'm desperate for respect.

46:18

Mmm. People

46:21

don't respect me. They never have that's fine.

46:23

And I was quite cool with

46:25

it, but I'm not anymore. I think

46:27

I need to get the high-visas. I had to

46:29

walk to the station and I realized I was

46:31

walking through the park run course the other day,

46:35

which I love. And they

46:38

have two marshals that are the back,

46:40

so they're like the tail of

46:42

the... They're basically behind the last

46:44

runner to give encouragement. And

46:46

they were dressed as dinosaurs with big long

46:48

tails because they're the tails. Yeah. And they've

46:51

got these little clappers and they

46:53

were just so encouraging. Oh. Because obviously

46:55

the person at the back is, I

46:57

think, the person who is most

46:59

inspiring in the whole race. Yes, absolutely. Yeah,

47:01

yeah. But probably the person who sort of

47:04

feels that... I mean, they're literally watching everyone

47:07

else zoom off. Yeah. But a bit like

47:09

we were talking about that guy who came

47:11

last in the marathon. They're the

47:13

ones who I think, yes. Yes, me

47:15

too. Absolutely. So the marshals

47:18

were really being really sweet with their

47:20

dinosaur costumes on and their little clackers.

47:22

I was a steward at Stradi Park,

47:25

home of Slessley RFC

47:28

a few times in my early 20s. High-vis'd

47:30

up. Yeah. I thought that would get me

47:32

respect, but no. No.

47:35

Well, my dad's... Just none. My dad does

47:37

a lot of marshaling. Does he? And he

47:39

absolutely loves it. The only caveat I would

47:41

say is I think

47:44

there's a certain breed of marshal who

47:47

is really waiting for a little bit

47:49

of power. Oh, yeah. Sorry,

47:51

this is the wrong car. You've

47:53

come to the wrong car park. This is

47:55

for people with a green wristband. Yours is

47:57

blue. Yes. Then they're radioing through.

48:00

I got another blue wristband. Yeah,

48:02

yeah, yeah, I'll send him back

48:05

Yeah, yeah, yeah, mate. I'm performing here. Yeah,

48:07

I am performing here in 40 minutes It

48:09

took me two hours to drive here and

48:12

it's so far taken me another hour to

48:14

find my car park And this gig isn't

48:16

as well paid as everyone thinks because I'm

48:20

in that tent there. The one that's right by

48:22

this car park. I'm sorry man. I'm gonna send

48:24

you back You know that compair I used to

48:26

live with him. Yeah So

48:28

I he's into he's about to introduce me

48:30

it's Anya Magliano then me But rules are

48:32

rules. He kind of needs to get on

48:34

with this mate. Well, if you've gone to

48:36

the wrong car I'm sorry. I'm with the

48:38

marshals if you've gone to the wrong blooming

48:40

game. I'm surprised you're surprised by this John

48:43

You're a stickler for rules Dave I

48:46

would say trying to find

48:48

the I once tried to get

48:50

into end of the road festival as a performer They've

48:53

got an artist An

48:56

artist's box office. They've got a

48:58

box office. They've got a performers

49:00

entrance. They've got a catering entrance.

49:02

They're all on Separate

49:05

sides of a two-mile radius

49:08

on country roads with no

49:10

signal. Yeah, right So

49:13

all of the the the postcode leads

49:15

to just the blob of the where

49:17

the place is. Yeah, right Yeah, fun

49:19

festival in Kent. I asked Izzy to

49:21

cry. I Said

49:24

you're just gonna have to cry now because

49:27

I'm out of ideas So

49:29

you've got the comedy tent right which is

49:31

bang near the main entrance Surely

49:33

to to heavens to Betsy

49:36

you would have a car park Near

49:39

there so that you could go through

49:41

the main entrance to the comedy pet

49:43

place, right? Yeah Not a chance you're mile

49:45

and a half down the road to get

49:47

your wristband from a different entrance To then

49:49

get you into a car park on the

49:51

opposite side. Then you then have to walk

49:53

around to the main It's it Dave. It's

49:55

no other so I don't do them anymore.

49:57

Yeah, I do not do them anymore, Dave

50:00

All of them? No. Was it

50:02

just that one? The only one I... The

50:04

only festival I'll regularly do is booked by

50:06

a friend who every time I

50:09

turn it down offers me more money and I

50:11

can park right by the dressing

50:13

room. Hot

50:21

farmer. I think marshalling's gotta

50:23

go in. Oh yeah, marshalling... It's marshalling is in.

50:26

Marshalling is in with the caveat that

50:28

if you're also on a member

50:31

of the Rotary Club, the Town Council and

50:33

the Neighbourhood Watch, you're probably... It's

50:35

gonna go to your head. When I did Hot

50:38

Farm Festival, I did standard there. I

50:41

think Lou Reed was on after me. No

50:43

he wasn't. Well obviously you're not on the

50:45

main stage and I was doing the

50:47

comedy stage. This is like 2011 or something. No

50:50

he wasn't doing live stuff in 2011. But... Was

50:53

he? I

50:55

was so... I was so frustrated at the

50:57

process, we just went home. Did

50:59

you? You didn't watch Lou Reed? Are you mad? Yeah,

51:02

I was mad for a day. Have you ever seen Lou

51:04

Reed? No, he's dead though.

51:06

He's dead though. He

51:09

did play in 2011. Yeah. At

51:11

Hot Farm? He played just 10 tracks. I don't recognise

51:13

any of these tracks. Oh don't give me the names?

51:16

I mean you'll know them all. If

51:18

I do know one. Who Loves the Sun? Yeah, that's

51:20

a great track. That's a Valver Underground track. A senselessly

51:22

cruel? Yes. Temporary thing? Oh

51:25

man, that's a problematic song. Okay.

51:29

Do you want to hear the opening line? Do I? No.

51:32

On a BBC podcast? I don't know, do we? Can

51:35

you pre-see it using language that's acceptable? Or

51:38

is it the general thought? It's

51:40

a very... aggressively...

51:43

...mascul- no, I'm not

51:46

even gonna- Very thick

51:48

Lou Reed lyrics. Oh

51:52

well the first line's tricky isn't it already? Yeah, no

51:54

you can't say that. Okay. Okay.

51:57

Oh Lou. Oh

51:59

that's a shit. Shame, Lou. Oh,

52:01

you sound like Jill Sander. LAUGHTER

52:05

So, the temporary thing. Then what's next?

52:07

Ecstasy. Oh, that's one of my all-time

52:10

favourite Louis tracks. Small Town. Yeah,

52:12

that's from Songs for Drella.

52:15

Oh, with John Keel. John

52:17

Mellon's Mother. Oh,

52:19

wow. I would love to have heard that. This

52:22

is a good set. Sunday Morning. Yes. Femme

52:25

Fatale. Oh, Ellis, you

52:27

absolute whore! That's a complete

52:29

piece of it. Phil Theoh. I've had

52:31

a bad day. You've had a bad

52:33

life. And I actually had a... Getting

52:36

Out was worse. Oh, mate.

52:39

They... In the end, after

52:42

the tears, we all

52:44

get taken to the car

52:46

on a quad

52:48

at about 1 in the morning. Dave, what other songs,

52:50

please? I was in the end. We're nearly at the

52:52

end. Waves of Fear. Oh, my God. I saw another

52:54

one of my favourite songs at Car Seat. I had

52:56

my headrest covered when I saw them at the Round

52:58

House. And finished

53:00

on Take

53:02

Her Back by Pigeon Detectives as a cover. Are

53:05

you kidding me? Dave,

53:07

you're making humour. Making humour, of course you

53:09

didn't cover pigeon detectives, as if he would

53:11

dare. Sweet Jane. Oh,

53:14

my God. Why didn't I... What

53:16

the hell was I doing? Clanger

53:18

dropped. And then Kelsey

53:20

Jagger by the Fritellis. I wish I

53:22

could have seen this. Clanger dropped. That's

53:25

a yes. I messed up. I messed up.

53:28

That was a bad day. I saw that

53:30

now. I saw him twice, sorry. I

53:33

saw him in 2010 years before that. Yes,

53:35

so, Marshaling Goes Into Call

53:37

Club. We've

53:42

got more correspondence, Dave. Nothing. This

53:45

is a really nice email from

53:47

Luke, which I empathise with a

53:49

lot. I was

53:51

listening to John's new experience with Taylor Swift

53:54

exposure and weirdly found myself in a very

53:56

similar situation. I've recently started going on a

53:58

few dates with a lovely girl. And

54:00

while in the grey area of taking things

54:02

slow, we spent a lot

54:04

of time talking about our music interests. She declared

54:07

her love for Taylor Swift, and I explained that

54:09

I have a very Master Maness love for British

54:11

indie music. She would proceed to

54:13

explain that she cringed at football fans, singing something

54:15

I have been known to enjoy from time to

54:17

time as a lifelong Coventry City fan. On

54:20

the weekend of the Taylor Swift album

54:22

drop, Coventry were involved in a modern-day

54:24

FA Cup classic where the Sky Blues

54:27

achieved the greatest comeback in FA Cup

54:29

history that never was unbelievable. I could

54:31

not believe what I was seeing. And

54:35

I'm not a recency bias guy, but

54:38

if they'd allowed that goal,

54:41

that would have been, I think, probably

54:45

the greatest moment. I think that's better than Newcastle

54:47

and Herrifield. I actually think, dare I say it

54:49

better than Ricks and Arsenal. And

54:51

it was millimetres in it. Anyway,

54:53

go on Jon. Each

54:56

of the Sky Blue Army belting out We'll Live and

54:58

Die in These Towns by the Enemy before the game

55:00

did the rounds on social media. I

55:02

shared some videos of my trip to Wembley with

55:04

my new Swifty friend who remained unimpressed. I

55:07

decided to strike a deal. I will listen to

55:09

the Taylor Swift album in its entirety and share

55:11

my thoughts if she would listen to this very

55:13

important song for Coventry City with an open mind.

55:16

In true Jon Robbins style, I sat down with

55:18

my headphones and my computer to tackle these 31

55:22

too many tracks and uploaded all

55:24

my rating and opinions to an Excel

55:26

spreadsheet that with a little conditional formatting can be

55:28

described as a work of art. It doesn't feel

55:31

fair this because We'll Live and Die in These

55:33

Towns is one three and a half minute song.

55:35

Well Dave, featuring star rating and

55:37

red to green colour scheme on my preferences, it

55:39

really was the perfect way to discover Taylor Swift

55:41

for the first time. I was pleasantly

55:43

surprised that my take on the album was broadly

55:45

positive. She still hasn't listened

55:47

to the Enemy. But I

55:50

have no regrets. Keep up the good

55:52

work and I can see why Dave is a true Swifty.

55:54

And Luke has attached his spreadsheet. Now

55:57

I have heard more... I

56:00

think there's a good texture for next week on

56:03

things you've become an accidental

56:06

expert in. Because

56:08

of your partner. Like you

56:10

and Queen. Like you know more about

56:12

Queen than the average person on the street despite

56:14

having no interest in Queen. I have heard Taylor

56:16

Swift's album I would say probably

56:22

in bits.

56:25

Either three or four times through in

56:27

the last week. It's like you become

56:29

either being, either literally as nature intended

56:31

or just sung around my house. Like

56:33

suddenly who's afraid of little

56:36

old me? Why do I know that?

56:38

Why do I know that in my

56:40

life? When you have kids you can

56:42

suddenly just name all

56:44

of the Paw Patrol characters from like

56:46

30 yards. Yeah. There's Chase. Yeah.

56:50

Rubble. Rubble's

56:53

a bit of a laugh. Lucas sent the

56:55

spreadsheet and from the little snippet

56:57

I've got here he's given who's afraid of little

56:59

old me four stars out of five. Are

57:03

you happy with that? Yeah

57:05

I mean what's wrong? Five

57:08

stars is like, is

57:10

like I don't know. Yeah it's

57:13

perfect. Yeah. It's a perfect song.

57:15

Five stars would be let it

57:17

be. Shouldn't it? Well I don't

57:19

know is it not five stars? Good vibrations

57:21

would be five stars. Well no is it

57:24

not? Is the star rating not across the

57:26

album? So the best of that album would

57:28

be five stars. You've got to respect the

57:30

five star date. Never had a

57:32

five star date. Have you

57:34

not? Well I wanted a five

57:37

whimsical bananas out of a potential

57:39

five whimsical bananas review. She really

57:41

was giving everything five whimsical bananas.

57:43

Yeah and it's hard to ask

57:45

someone at a print shop to

57:47

print five whimsical bananas to put on

57:49

your paper. Does any banana will do? Florida

57:51

featuring Florence and Machine which is a good

57:53

track five and a half stars. Out of

57:56

five? Yeah. No. I mean that's one of

57:58

the best tracks. How do I know? I

58:00

even have an opinion one of the best tracks

58:02

was a bus beyond perfect. Yeah, he's made him

58:04

ockery the system though We should not have it

58:06

with. And this is a 10-star system. However, my

58:08

boy only breaks his favorite toys Two

58:11

out of five. What do you think about that John? Well,

58:15

he's given little lemon. I don't I don't have I do

58:17

you know what I Have

58:19

no opinion neither negative nor positive

58:21

really. Yeah, but I do like

58:24

I mean I do like Florida Quite

58:27

like who's afraid of little old me.

58:29

Well, he's I like his notes So

58:32

fortnight feast post Malone will be popular

58:34

straight down the barrel Taylor Swift for

58:36

me the tortured poets department Matt Healy

58:38

is a knob nailed it Three

58:41

my boy only breaks his favorite toys.

58:43

Not much to say down bad catchy

58:45

No messing about so long London now

58:47

we're talking this is more like it

58:49

But daddy, I love him flirting with

58:51

the idea of a five-star the fourth

58:53

wall break is world-class. Mmm Fresh

58:56

out the slammer relationship equals prison metaphor

58:58

simple birthday Florida

59:01

feet flaunt and machine can't miss with flaunt

59:03

and machine Guilty a sin.

59:05

Ooh religious undertones not for me Who's

59:08

afraid of little me wasn't sure then it was stuck

59:10

in my head. So fair play How

59:13

would it change the dynamic of the show if I

59:16

went out with Taylor Swift? I

59:18

mean it helped for the fit help with the numbers. It

59:20

would have with figures It helped

59:22

with any sort of tour you two wanted to

59:24

do we'd have a lot

59:26

of American listeners I'm not sure I

59:28

would I think I'd be under a little bit more

59:30

scrutiny Yes, you would like

59:33

she run onto the pitch after the NFL

59:35

and gave him a big snog What would you

59:37

wish you'd be hearing at the end of the

59:40

recording? She give you a big snog she'd leave

59:42

little hints amongst the ephemera around us as to

59:44

how well our relationship was going yeah, if you

59:46

could snog him after The

59:48

record he's gonna eat his falafel You

59:53

Know what John? Well, I was

59:55

she mentions in what Robin my friend

59:57

Robin was texting me this like she

59:59

mentions quite a cool band in

1:00:01

one of either in one of the songs

1:00:03

on the line notes and when it dropped

1:00:05

they were trending Yeah, yeah, and he's like

1:00:07

what do Taylor Swift fans make of a

1:00:10

sort of? I'm actually quite

1:00:12

good music When they're being

1:00:14

led to it through to do they do they

1:00:16

listen to it? Did they then download everything these

1:00:18

people don't really? Put me

1:00:20

in David a lot of script in the

1:00:23

yeah, Taylor Swift. Yeah, I don't need that.

1:00:25

Well, you would have Swifties

1:00:29

Trying to get to you guys to

1:00:31

get to me guys. Yeah to get to

1:00:33

Swift Means

1:00:39

the relationship wouldn't last very long tango

1:00:41

Sierra. That's what I call it. Would

1:00:43

you what would be hilarious is because

1:00:45

obviously she's writing Allegedly

1:00:47

about Matt Healy a lot in

1:00:49

the album and there's a track

1:00:51

where she's singing You're tattooed back

1:00:53

in the bed and stuff quite sexy

1:00:55

quite, you know mysterious It's what would

1:00:57

be the lyrics is for a speaking

1:00:59

for your breakup. Is it like you

1:01:01

vape on the side of the table?

1:01:03

I look at you.

1:01:06

You're doing your crosswords in

1:01:08

the morning, but the cryptic

1:01:11

side of me It's

1:01:16

getting better you're doing you crosswords and

1:01:19

you vape The

1:01:24

song would be cool crosswords and vape

1:01:26

cryptic clues. No, that's better. Yeah, that's

1:01:29

better jalapenos for

1:01:31

breakfast again You

1:01:34

want to know about love but it's

1:01:36

a fab letter word Then

1:01:39

I can write a song. That's a

1:01:41

big call actually That's a big call.

1:01:44

I'm not sure I can but you know,

1:01:46

love is a five-letter word Great

1:01:48

song about love from the context of

1:01:50

a cryptic crossword fan Yeah, because love

1:01:52

isn't a five-letter word day, but we're

1:01:55

looking for a five-letter word for love.

1:01:57

That's nice But I do hope jalapenos for

1:01:59

breakfast I'm not opening up. That's

1:02:02

what you were saying. What did

1:02:04

you say? Loved. Well

1:02:07

the relationship's breaking up, isn't it? Adore.

1:02:10

But what I'm saying is you're spitting up. Oh!

1:02:13

Lots of things. Love became

1:02:15

loved. This is what it's

1:02:17

like in the Swift writing room. Yeah.

1:02:20

Yeah. Anyway. A

1:02:23

break-up album for you and Tay would be

1:02:25

brilliant. Great. It's a

1:02:27

great album though. Mm. 31

1:02:30

songs. That's too many. I mean

1:02:32

I'm trying to release a recording

1:02:35

of Howl, which already

1:02:37

exists, and I can bear listening to

1:02:39

the sound of my own voice for 38 seconds

1:02:41

before I have to pause it and walk around

1:02:43

the house and do the washing up. Yeah.

1:02:47

And then I come back, another 38 seconds, find

1:02:49

it so unpleasant to listen to. All the details.

1:02:51

I then walk upstairs, make the bad. Really?

1:02:55

Mm. Oh, I can't wait to get someone else to do it. I'm

1:02:57

getting the lovely Robin to do it. But I need

1:02:59

to choose which one. Because I've got a few different recordings.

1:03:02

Anyway, gosh, I'm all for. Great. We've

1:03:05

got a final email, Dave. A nice email

1:03:07

to end on. Oh, lovely. Oh, yeah. Oh,

1:03:10

lovely. Dear Ellis John and producer Dave, I'm

1:03:12

a long-time listener and occasional emailer. I

1:03:14

believe I fall into the small part of the

1:03:17

community whose plea for shame forgiveness was met with

1:03:19

a degree of scorn. We

1:03:22

have had the odd shame where we've gone. Not

1:03:24

many. No, the guy who broke

1:03:26

someone's leg. It's a gin couple. Yeah.

1:03:30

Sorry. Sorry. Because they do

1:03:33

come to you for forgiveness. If

1:03:35

you're intentionally taking someone out of

1:03:37

the game for three months, you

1:03:40

just feel bad about it for a bit. But I don't think

1:03:42

this person may not be. Your show

1:03:44

has been a particular source of comfort during

1:03:46

the few ups and downs I've had over

1:03:48

the past 12 months. In short, I got

1:03:51

engaged to my full-time F last April, but

1:03:53

two weeks later was diagnosed with stage two

1:03:55

Hodgkin's lymphoma. Well, that is two sides

1:03:57

of a coin. 36

1:04:00

year old man, this came as quite a shock,

1:04:02

and while initially scary, I was fortunate to learn

1:04:04

that my cancer was treatable and curable. The

1:04:07

following six months of chemo and radiotherapy had

1:04:09

their moments, but I was again very lucky

1:04:11

to learn early that my body was responding

1:04:13

well to treatment and was told that the

1:04:15

cancer was in remission after just two months.

1:04:18

As a way of passing the abundance of time I

1:04:20

had on my hands, I decided to go back to

1:04:22

the very start of your back catalogue and re-listen to

1:04:24

the shows, losing count of the number of times my

1:04:26

fiancé would find me chuckling away. As

1:04:29

we counted down the treatments week by

1:04:31

week, which became harder to endure due

1:04:33

to their accumulative effect, we adopted several

1:04:35

Ellis and Johnisms as our personal mantras

1:04:37

when either of us felt a little

1:04:40

wobbly. In particular, we go again, we

1:04:42

do not let this slip.

1:04:44

I mean, Steve and Gerald obviously. Yeah, that's

1:04:46

not us. Has to be given the credit

1:04:48

for that. Albeit ahead of a day of

1:04:50

chemo rather than Norwich. And

1:04:54

there was another mantra that felt particularly helpful.

1:04:56

I don't think people would describe me as

1:04:58

vain, but as my treatment continued I

1:05:00

felt my body slowed down dramatically

1:05:02

and had a creeping sense that while

1:05:04

I was getting better I increasingly looked

1:05:07

like an odd, sick guy. That must

1:05:09

be a very difficult part of

1:05:11

treatment for cancer. Is that

1:05:13

while in a sense you're

1:05:15

getting better, the effects on

1:05:17

your tightness, your fatigue,

1:05:20

your skin, your hair, must make you

1:05:22

look like you're getting worse. Yes.

1:05:25

Must be a difficult thing to get your bons

1:05:27

around. This came to a

1:05:29

head after a poorly timed shave and

1:05:32

impromptu decision to get a haircut coincided

1:05:34

with the moment I noticed my eyebrows

1:05:36

had all gone, realizing that at best

1:05:38

I resembled an Aladdin-sane era bowie and

1:05:40

at worst, like someone had drawn a

1:05:42

rudimentary face with glasses on a thumb.

1:05:45

Trying to help, my fiancé offered to draw on some

1:05:47

eyebrows for me using a makeup pencil. A much

1:05:49

appreciated but futile attempt to replace hair with

1:05:51

what can only be described as crayon. She

1:05:54

then uttered the immortal line, It's Just a

1:05:56

Body, which had already found its way into

1:05:58

the lexicon of our relationship. but

1:06:00

which resonated more than ever in that moment.

1:06:04

Fast forward to February 2024 and

1:06:06

I received the all clear. Georgia and I will be getting

1:06:08

married in July, a 15 minute job

1:06:10

in Brixton. We'll be celebrating with

1:06:12

friends and family at a ceremony in August. Love

1:06:14

that, great. Love that way of doing it as

1:06:16

well. Bish bash bosh and

1:06:18

then have a party. Wallop. As

1:06:21

I mentioned at the start, this message feels

1:06:23

long overdue, but I wanted to share with

1:06:25

you how much of a lift it was

1:06:28

during an extremely tricky period of our lives

1:06:30

to have you two todgers keeping our spirits

1:06:32

up. Wishing you all the best, Matt in

1:06:34

Gypsy Hill. Oh Matt. P.S. Any song recommendations

1:06:37

to get people dancing at the wedding would

1:06:39

be hugely appreciated. Don't you want to be

1:06:41

by human league? What a tune, undeniable. Yeah,

1:06:43

yeah. Friday I'm in love.

1:06:46

Yes, undeniable. Undeniable. I've been listening

1:06:48

to a lot of very complex

1:06:51

Frank Zappa. Oh, you're the best. So

1:06:53

it's, and what I do is

1:06:56

I play it in my head to drown out my thoughts,

1:06:58

Dave. That's fine. Is that fine?

1:07:00

I think it works. Yeah. But I'm not sure

1:07:02

any of that would... Don't

1:07:04

think Zappa's going down well. No, there's a six...

1:07:06

I went to a wedding and they played Cannes.

1:07:10

A six CD Zappa

1:07:12

release called The Roxy Performances, which I

1:07:15

would recommend to anyone who likes joyful,

1:07:17

complex music with lots of different time

1:07:19

signatures, lots of melodies. What year was

1:07:22

Matt? Out of interest. That

1:07:24

would have been seven, I want to say 76. Okay.

1:07:28

But I'm not 100%... What's it called? The

1:07:30

Roxy Performances. So it's an extended version of

1:07:32

the performances that were recorded

1:07:34

to make Roxy and Elsewhere my favourite

1:07:37

Zappa album. But I

1:07:39

won't recommend any of that to you, Matt, but

1:07:41

it's in my mind. Sex on Fire by Kings

1:07:43

of Leon. Yeah. The One

1:07:45

Butts. Nine to Five,

1:07:47

Dolly Parton. Yes, undeniable.

1:07:49

Undeniable. This loads.

1:07:52

Mollmark, when I last DJ'd for you,

1:07:56

I played the

1:07:59

theme tune to Toast of Love. London which was called Take

1:08:01

My Hand on that very own. That had a

1:08:03

huge impact on me. Post

1:08:05

For Me, Post For You.

1:08:07

What was the Fleetwood Mac song

1:08:10

of rumours that you might have played?

1:08:14

Oh... Everywhere.

1:08:16

Oh yeah, that's a great check. That's

1:08:19

a great check. So

1:08:22

yeah, thanks very much. That means a great deal to

1:08:25

have had and we wish you all the best. Yes.

1:08:27

And enjoy the wedding dance as well. Anyway,

1:08:30

that's it we think. Dave's going to have

1:08:32

his bit of food now. Yeah, yeah. I'll

1:08:35

go and get you a little cake if you want. Thanks

1:08:37

Dave. Well I shouldn't have more cake.

1:08:40

It's just calorie. Look I've got this

1:08:42

big... Oh, that was

1:08:44

good. Loads of

1:08:46

jalapenos. The next time a switch is on.

1:08:58

Thank you.