0:01

BBC Sounds, music, radio,

0:03

podcasts. Hello

0:24

everyone. Welcome to the Ellis James

0:26

and John Robbins show, the home

0:28

of futuristic banter for

0:31

the mini disc generation or whatever. It

0:34

is a banter cast. Don't forget. That's

0:38

a word I'm not sure about. It's

0:40

horrible, isn't it? Do

0:43

people use that ironically? So I was

0:45

on a meeting about six

0:47

months ago and with

0:49

zero irony in describing it as

0:51

that, there was someone, and

0:53

I won't name the company, described

0:55

funny podcasts as banter casts. But

1:00

not all funny podcasts are banter casts.

1:02

Because obviously some are... Not all banter

1:04

casts are funny. That's certainly true. But

1:06

obviously some comedy

1:10

podcasts are very tightly scripted. I'm

1:12

thinking of Ben Partridge's The

1:14

Beef and Dairy Network. You know, that sort of

1:16

banter cast about beef. That's

1:19

just a funny podcast about beef. There is a

1:21

crucial difference. There is. And

1:23

Ted Danson on it. And to be fair, I

1:25

think they were aware of that difference. And

1:28

the banter cast more specifically is, it's

1:31

just a few mates having a blooming

1:33

laugh, alright? Yes, of course. Uh, ribbing

1:36

each other. Kamonas on. No, no,

1:38

no, no thanks. Pranks. No.

1:42

Pranks. Pranks on the part. I think that's

1:44

my worst nightmare, being somehow, and

1:46

I don't know how this would happen, forced

1:48

to make my living by being on a prank

1:50

cast. If you were on Jackass. Yeah.

1:54

At least, although I

1:56

would say Jackasses was stunts more

1:58

than pranks. It is. Yes there

2:01

were always in on a southern Us

2:03

to on he was. People will do

2:05

into things by stapling bits of their

2:07

bodies to of the bits of their

2:09

building so that's a prank. Submit

2:12

prank adjacent It's a certain advantages since

2:14

by think it's assistance moment a prank

2:16

will when we we should go down

2:18

that route and working with fire frozen

2:20

shoulders of lama eagerly. Shames

2:23

to the Grand Canyon? Yeah, trousers

2:25

down. We

2:27

that's yes, but this was.

2:30

A little lassie but but there's a

2:32

real soft the semi. I mean. I

2:35

say I got another another. One John go

2:37

on and I'll keep up on Sundays Bunny.

2:40

And because of. Budgetary: Restrained can

2:42

we do to Chepstow instead of the Grand

2:44

Canyon? Yes, you could be

2:46

outside ships though the dissented gold said

2:48

it goes with do it It said

2:51

a go to war Ii home and

2:53

mixed only looks like a which yet

2:55

and I'll fire frozen peas or from

2:57

little hope from little from an egg.

3:00

I'm. Eagerly and I

3:02

got my So's as dumbass. The summer yes

3:04

and some nice but this summer's day yeah

3:06

there's that would be good that would get

3:09

listeners a raise. The I brought suppose is

3:11

more of a visual medium. the nadya medium

3:13

business yeah what we would film it. Obviously

3:15

J F of Social Service so she's

3:17

when we gonna do our first filmed

3:19

Ob Dave. Break. Out of

3:22

the main articles of the studios hawk to

3:24

me we've taught you about what we would

3:26

more than happily. Do. Something out

3:28

when about on the road. Ah,

3:30

but he sneezed to make some

3:32

enough. Did suggest we can see

3:34

him a big rollercoaster, Know which

3:36

he got. Shut down very

3:38

quickly by Alice. I don't like heights

3:40

or speed. that's why it behind a

3:42

non. I'd like to let big editing

3:45

more than Zero T know our national

3:47

whatever that normal G is one sees

3:49

might be caught a lot. Will.

3:52

Either way, you're not do enough. No, I'm

3:54

not a sin of a milk. I'm not

3:56

near our be a milkshake on a roller

3:58

coaster like in the Semitism. Like okay

4:00

this is not gonna happen and forty

4:02

three Dave give me my dignity for

4:05

crying out he to Now yes I

4:07

had a birthday that was ruined by

4:09

gold. I agree by covert Jose was

4:11

ruined by any of you Decision No

4:13

no not at all. Other than this

4:15

is a good with Linkous Cove is

4:17

yes. But had a

4:20

lovely time and. And once or.

4:24

Twice yesterday got a bus and

4:26

lox they're gonna birthday back from

4:29

Alice. Sandwich stopped me crying the

4:31

first time. Seventy five pounds, Seventy

4:33

three hundred and seventy three Twenty

4:36

five pounds. Yet,

4:38

twenty five quid interests asked us to

4:40

this year on is very important. Take

4:42

that into account: One G established. Seven

4:44

Ft. Is it? Yeah, I thought so.

4:47

Twenty two miles an hour. So that's

4:49

probably what the max you get on

4:51

a bike? Okay, One G A. but

4:53

otherwise how you don't pass from credibility.

4:56

Ah well. I lost my temper this

4:58

week. Oh yeah, I'm I'm not. Usually,

5:00

I'm not simply lose their temper with

5:03

the person who's caused me to lose

5:05

my temper. Yet by Clarion in the

5:07

old. Mine very interesting phenomenon. Keep

5:09

it in the organs, keep it

5:12

in his stomach, stomach either in

5:14

the a nice temper. Stomach aches

5:16

Yes, because as every sort of

5:19

sports scientists psychologists says, Anger

5:21

in the stomach is the key to a happy

5:23

life. As

5:25

a particular the school said the

5:28

school is as his reflexes. Of

5:32

so every year my birthday so pissy

5:34

as we gonna way to so like

5:36

I'm happy and be. Here with

5:38

me and some uni pins. And

5:41

or this year made the arrangements closer

5:43

birth but I may end up a

5:45

friend have a similar birthday up. Because

5:48

I'm quite loud about whether say people always

5:50

remember mine and not his Sees reminded when

5:52

it's his birthday Kansas when people start to

5:54

ask what we don't for my Sees keys

5:57

for the fact it is. but it's a

5:59

good system. just works. So

6:03

book the Airbnb. Quite

6:05

tricky to find an Airbnb for sort

6:07

of larger groups now. The prices are

6:09

through the roof. Yeah, really eye watering

6:12

stuff. Anyway, I found a place three

6:15

weeks ago, got a

6:17

message from the company to say

6:19

that unfortunately, there's a problem with

6:21

a boiler, there wouldn't be any

6:23

hot water. Okay. So they'll find

6:25

us another Airbnb. I

6:29

sort of said, well, three weeks

6:31

in advance. Can you not

6:34

fix the boiler at all? Because you know, I've had

6:36

boiler problems in the past, you might have to go

6:38

a day or two, maybe

6:40

four or five without water for

6:42

complex problems or parts. But it's

6:46

very rare that a boiler problem will last

6:48

three weeks. Yeah. They said that wasn't possible.

6:51

Why not then? I don't know.

6:53

Could be bothered. I got

6:55

the impression that they may

6:58

have been offered money from someone

7:00

with a wedding

7:02

or something. Oh, nothing wrong

7:04

with the blurring boiler, is

7:06

that? Nothing wrong with boiler.

7:08

Because it's fine for bride.

7:10

Yeah. But it's broken

7:13

for jump. Yeah. So

7:15

I got the impression the boiler was a

7:17

sort of a smokescreen. Okay. Anyway,

7:20

the other property they sorted us out

7:22

with was fine. In fact, maybe even

7:24

a bit of an upgrade. Oh, okay.

7:27

So anyway,

7:30

then on Thursday,

7:33

yeah. 24

7:36

hours before we check in, I give him

7:38

a little note to say, Hey, just waiting

7:40

for the check in details for the property.

7:42

It's at five o'clock on Thursday. And

7:45

they said, very

7:48

sorry, but we've just found out that the

7:50

owner of the property is selling it and

7:52

the completion date is Saturday. And we've only

7:54

just found out, hoping

7:57

we can provide you with another.

8:00

replacement property and this is what

8:02

really really got me sad

8:04

face. Oh yeah

8:08

the inappropriate use of

8:10

the emoji. Is

8:13

it sad face? It's very 21st century problems. I've

8:17

got 12 people coming from 12 different parts

8:19

of the country to a property that

8:21

you are telling me that 24 hour notice

8:24

is unavailable and we're picking up a

8:26

sad face are we? And you only

8:28

messaged me because I nudged you at

8:30

5pm. When

8:32

were you going to tell me this information? Oh

8:35

that's a double sad face then if you've been

8:37

told off on the day that's double sad face.

8:39

So I immediately called the number. And

8:44

are you pacing at this point? Well

8:47

I immediately fired off a response text

8:49

saying this is outrageous. What kind of

8:51

company is this? Nice outrageous

8:54

interesting word. It

8:57

is outrageous. Yeah yeah yeah. Despicable

9:00

or scandalous. Okay. Preposterous

9:02

maybe. Yeah. But outrageous

9:04

I like. It's quite Tory MP. It's all

9:06

in the same ballpark. Yeah yeah yeah. So

9:08

I said this is outrageous what kind of

9:11

company is this because now I'm thinking this

9:13

is I'm being had. I'm

9:15

being genuinely had. You also can't trust

9:17

the third option. Well exactly so I

9:19

call the number a different

9:22

colleague picks up and says

9:24

I'm very sorry that the person you're speaking

9:26

to isn't available right now. She's following my

9:28

hammock. Yeah she literally texted me 90 seconds

9:31

ago. Yeah yeah yeah. What's she doing? Sorry some customers

9:33

have just come in. What? So

9:36

now I'm thinking oh this is I'm being

9:38

completely done here. Yeah. So I just repeated

9:40

the woman I was speaking to. Are

9:43

you real? I

9:45

just kept saying are you real? Are you

9:48

real? Are you real? Because

9:50

this is a this is a scam. Are

9:52

you real? But

9:55

it was like I wasn't I didn't like shout.

9:57

I wasn't. aggressive,

10:00

I wasn't rude, but

10:02

it's the first time... You just asked if

10:04

she was real or not. I just kept

10:06

asking if she was real. Yeah. Not are

10:08

you for real? Because that'd be... No, are

10:11

you real? That's such a different vibe, are

10:13

you for real? Yeah. Are you real? Are

10:15

you real? Something from a sci-fi film, isn't

10:17

it? Yeah, well I... Yeah, anyway, so they

10:20

then provided us with a third

10:23

property, which fingers crossed, because

10:25

I'm leaving the studio today to go there. Fingers

10:29

crossed exists. Yeah. Is it real?

10:31

It's not full of eels or

10:33

something ridiculous. Well, exactly. I mean,

10:36

that's the classic trick. Yeah. He's their B&B

10:38

company's fob your with the nice pictures and

10:40

you get there and it's just a big

10:42

tank of eels. Baby

10:46

eels, jelly deals. So

10:49

I don't know. I'll report back next week as to whether

10:51

it's real. It's

10:53

gone. Is it real or is it eel? Yeah.

10:56

If you had the money and the time, do you know what

10:58

I would do? Send... Retire?

11:01

Yeah. Yeah, I would actually do that.

11:03

It's always that, dear. Yeah, always retire. I

11:05

would send a mole to the

11:07

first property. What, a trained one? Yeah,

11:09

or a spy. Right, send a spy.

11:12

Yeah. If you had the

11:14

money, what's the... Employing an

11:16

actual spy? Yeah, I've not got enough cash,

11:18

Jon, to just pay for someone to go

11:20

and check on a property to see whether

11:22

their boiler has actually broken. Okay. You need money

11:24

for that. So paying someone to break into

11:26

a property. Not breaking. And run a bath.

11:29

And run a bath. No,

11:34

not breaking because you wouldn't need to break in.

11:36

If the bride's there with a big boiler... Yeah,

11:38

yeah, yeah. In a hot shower. Yeah, it was

11:40

just coming out of the room for the building.

11:42

Yeah. Just

11:44

go and get someone to monitor the first

11:46

property because I guarantee there'll be people there

11:48

because they've double booked it. Dave, you used

11:51

to work on commercial radio. Yeah. If we

11:53

were still on commercial radio and not on

11:55

the BBC, where would Jon stand with naming

11:57

this company? Would it still be wrong? Yes,

12:00

because there's always a potential for a

12:02

client and commercial radio Of

12:05

course and obviously the right to reply so no

12:07

you wouldn't because it's not this it's nice to just

12:10

oh, I know I'm not gonna name them because to

12:12

thus far though. It's been sort of

12:15

haphazard and preposterous and outrageous undispicable

12:20

And a lot of stress. Yeah, I mean in

12:22

fingers crossed. I'm still gonna have a lovely weekend

12:24

away in a place Of course you are and

12:27

I think certain issues were beyond their control, but

12:29

I don't think the boiler thing was Well,

12:32

if you had the money on the time you

12:34

could get an answer to that by employing a

12:36

spy as I discussed I'm gonna not break into

12:38

a property because that would be illegal Just look

12:40

into a bathroom with a window of pride in

12:42

the shower to mine And

12:45

see if it's a cold shower or not. Yeah, if

12:47

she looks like she's into the Wim Hof scene That

12:53

could be too hot But

12:55

you basically need to not be making

12:57

noises. Yeah, oh, it's really cold and

12:59

then you know, yeah Yeah, so if you've been up to

13:02

your old tricks this week, haven't you? Yeah, I was late

13:04

in a silly way My

13:06

children and I we were gonna meet Izzy for

13:09

lunch on bank holiday Monday and she was

13:11

all she was already at the place So

13:14

I said no problem. I'll meet you there. Help us once. So I

13:16

got the Just to give

13:19

listeners an insight into your sort of life What

13:21

sort of place we talking that the James family

13:23

me Oh bank holiday Monday for lunch. It was

13:25

just a cafe It was it was a cafe

13:27

very near to where we

13:29

live. But as he'd been to a Pilates class

13:31

So she was already there. So yeah, she's gonna

13:34

scramble like in a truck seat. It's just normal

13:36

bank holiday stuff So I said, yeah finally did

13:38

that was one so it's

13:40

raining quite heavily. So we decided to drive

13:43

Well, I mean I decided to drive you

13:45

don't do that as a committee because my kids are nine and

13:47

five And so

13:49

I get them in the car. It's all going well and we stop in

13:51

the we park up in the car

13:53

park and I get

13:56

the moat as we start walking to the cafe

13:58

this awful pin-shig in my

14:01

nether. I'm like, hey, and

14:05

it's right in my gentleman's

14:09

agreement. Okay. I'm like, okay, stop, stop, stop, stop,

14:11

stop. It's raining. I'm like, get back in the

14:13

car. This I need to check.

14:15

Right. So I get the kids back in

14:17

the car because there's a car park and

14:19

they're safe in there. They're not going to

14:21

get knocked over. Yeah. And I have to

14:23

pull my trousers down to have a rubbish

14:25

to see what's pinching me. Because

14:27

I'd done a couple of steps and

14:30

it was getting worse with each step. So I

14:32

have a rummage and eventually I find the

14:34

thing that was pinching me causing

14:37

me so much pain. You

14:40

know, the adhesive tie in

14:42

the loaf of bread. Oh,

14:46

that's one of them in my pants. Good

14:48

grief. They're

14:51

white. They're quite tough. Do

14:54

you mean the sort of the one that's like a

14:56

bit of cellotape or the one that's like a sort

14:58

of plastic with metal inside? The one that's like a

15:01

bit of cellotape. Oh, right. But the one that's like

15:03

a bit of cellotape, it was

15:05

crossed over in a way that the adhesive,

15:07

both of the adhesive sides were showing and

15:09

it was tugging at the hair. It's like, I don't know

15:12

how it got in there. Sorry.

15:17

I pulled it out, felt

15:19

an immediate sense of relief, overwhelming.

15:23

Showed it to the kids. My son found

15:25

it very funny. My daughter found

15:27

it very disturbing and she said that's

15:29

sick and weird. And I said, no, that's fine. Anyway, we can

15:31

go now. Does she feature in her

15:33

newsletter? And his

15:35

daughter writes a newsletter about him every time

15:38

he messes up. About my failings with a

15:40

big headline. It's called the Sunday Scramble. Well,

15:42

I think it might just be called the

15:44

Scramble, but it'll be things like Louisa

15:48

Dad is late for cafe because of

15:51

bread adhesive, nether region disaster. This has got

15:53

to make the cut though, surely. This is

15:56

right up there. Yeah. So Anyway,

15:58

so I said, right. Okay, we're ready. The

16:00

keepers of we're going to go know. So

16:03

I get the kids out of a kind the rain

16:05

again and it costs a lot. The car how real

16:07

is as lost my keys. Said

16:10

like how is this happened. Because.

16:12

You mister Beans! Or

16:16

get the kids back in

16:18

the car. The thankfully I'm

16:20

paid free. Time. Like I've

16:22

driven here. Oh. What?

16:25

What on earth is happening What happened was

16:27

i because I was wincing and in discomfort

16:29

on the way but of tell the first

16:31

time I'd my car keys in my left

16:33

and with my son's coat the wouldn't put

16:35

it on but it was raining and i

16:37

so not on the passenger seat because of

16:39

so desperate to find out what was on

16:41

with my mentors. And

16:43

it it slipped on the side and was

16:45

underneath the seat. but it twenty minutes to

16:48

find. Oh. So. Yes than

16:50

obviously we've been lit a on is just

16:52

as your how far from the cafe at

16:54

this point. Two

16:56

hundred meters. But. Of us I'm

16:58

I'm unable to lock the car and I

17:00

don't know if my attic michael's probably to

17:03

exist the classic books or combos legs and

17:05

worried that the car will lock itself. As.

17:08

If the new ones in it for too

17:10

long and then of see where up the

17:12

slack Ali but the advantage you have is

17:15

have someone might take advantage of the fact

17:17

because unlocks yeah it was searched it for

17:19

valuable items. Cs found the most valuable item

17:21

to be the keys yeah decided to devote

17:23

to say that because your car is an

17:26

absolute pace and a probably would have kindly

17:28

had to do your key. yeah yeah they

17:30

actually I reckon they did sacred to a

17:32

valley or something and said we just couldn't

17:35

leave it in the state. The keys are

17:37

worth more. Than the car. Assessment

17:40

of eventually I found it is such

17:42

a strange. Us

17:44

series of text said dizzy I said

17:46

the suspect in mindsets switch but I

17:48

know think about taking the kids to

17:51

the cafe than jogging back to the

17:53

car. a. Know. Because I'm

17:55

headed gone. Had

17:57

a gun. Matters of go there. This has gone. The

18:00

and without those two, there's nothing running the

18:02

show. Is

18:07

I didn't wanna leave the cotton

18:09

lox ah for very long because

18:11

in the nineties swans he was

18:13

known as the Uk com crime

18:15

capital and that kind of that

18:17

messaging Styx so I don't have

18:19

and are doing has been disease

18:21

to be but in the nineties

18:23

ones was very basic ah kind

18:25

of murtha fact Anyway ah sia

18:27

we were about twenty minutes late.

18:30

Got. That in the end. Having.

18:33

Adhesive in your pants isn't pleasant.

18:35

that's my take away. But anyway

18:37

this afternoon we are asking for

18:39

the strange ways that you've been

18:41

late. In a hushed I caught

18:43

shut off of the lateness hot

18:45

Shots Omaha Chance This is from

18:47

a when I was once twelve

18:49

hours late for a bus because

18:51

I assumed eight.zero Zero with eight

18:53

Pm Isro Matthew I was once

18:55

late because Maidenhead in Maidstone I'm

18:57

not the same place of know

18:59

this the sister the some to

19:01

my friend. that kind. Of couple times

19:03

a member my team was one slip up

19:05

from lunch break when working from home they

19:07

locked and they got locked in their own

19:10

bathroom at know phone or them as only

19:12

letter when they weiss arrived home. how do

19:14

you get lots your bathroom. Of

19:17

you are always on the side of the lock. Yes,

19:21

Lock could fail. Mean.

19:23

For up, it's a surely bathroom locks

19:26

on complex enough. For. Failure not

19:28

be able to be dealt with with

19:30

the items inside the bathroom for salads?

19:32

yes yes was a for example yes

19:34

to lubricate the lock or yeah my

19:36

friend is to get in can't if

19:39

you get a lot of those doors

19:41

with is the out the door and

19:43

then the tiny space than and in

19:45

the door and she's close the door

19:47

after her but the outer doors locked.

19:50

But. The in the door huddle yeah

19:52

you lox once was closed it was lock

19:54

but no is going to Yale lock on

19:56

their bathroom? No no no you gotta be

19:59

very private. To

20:01

be going full Yale. A

20:03

We've got a call or on the

20:05

line to discuss that laughable lateness. Cool

20:07

James. Hello James either. Alla.

20:09

John hello Alice other day I had

20:12

seen so humid I'm I'm alright Thanks

20:14

Very good. We should explain James that

20:16

you are a ghost from our past.

20:20

As I am and and anyway and

20:22

you are home to get you a

20:24

kind ghosts? Are you against the leads

20:26

to night terrors on. Yeah, the

20:29

under on both of those things

20:31

like kindness is so great that

20:33

you will be terrified. Oh nice

20:35

were James James cook. Ah,

20:37

the standard comedian. We do lots of

20:39

gigs. James Easter on Don't See Me

20:42

To Do run great gigs. Of

20:44

yet I i try to apply to

20:47

a nice gates and asked me the

20:49

ads on a plus could mines and

20:51

stuff. I know that room anyway and

20:53

you at I don't I hail Mary's

20:55

My skills such as. You.

20:58

Always did very well that John or

21:01

yes it's a ever it's very highly

21:03

of the That's not enough for John.

21:05

Know I will. I want. A

21:08

in I want to win the mine is over.

21:15

A when we you laughably

21:17

least james. With. This is going

21:19

back a long time. Before comedy I used to

21:21

work in a big office. And.

21:23

And. For big company. And it

21:26

was the day of the West person's do.

21:29

And that the Christmas Day was in

21:31

gonna be in Birmingham and that the

21:33

offices Why watch was a poverty. Now.

21:35

In the afternoon we'll have to

21:38

go from acid. That.

21:40

Drive us outside of from one city other. Non.

21:42

The drive between the two. I

21:45

was pulled over by the

21:47

police. And. Now stop

21:49

panicking some about twenty two, Twenty

21:51

three. And I saw thinking oh my

21:53

god was I have a dirty cop in stating.

21:56

i'd like a desire to because we're redline

21:58

similar that And they

22:00

came over to the car and they looked inside

22:02

and they saw that I had a

22:05

black woolly beanie on the chair next

22:07

to me. Because you know, it was

22:09

December and that's what you wear. Of

22:11

course, yeah. And they

22:13

said that basically someone had

22:15

held up a fast food

22:17

restaurant that was about a

22:19

couple miles away from where I was driving at that time.

22:22

And the description was a young

22:25

white man with a black hat and

22:28

a chubby face. And they

22:30

said that was enough for

22:33

them to basically arrest me on suspicion

22:35

of armed robbery. Oh my God. So,

22:38

yeah, so I ended up having to get to a

22:40

police station. They

22:43

put me in a cell and everything and

22:45

I had to stay there and wait until a lawyer

22:48

could come along. So we had to have

22:51

a taped police interview. So

22:53

this was a few hours. And so

22:56

we did a taped interview and everything just like

22:58

you'd see on the bill or something like that.

23:02

A nice reference. Yeah. Did

23:04

you go no comment? No,

23:06

I didn't because I hadn't done it, John. Yes,

23:08

I know. But

23:11

you should. There's a very interesting video

23:13

about why you should always go no

23:15

comment, even if you haven't done it.

23:17

Not that I agree with that, but

23:19

sometimes when I'm watching police documentaries, I

23:21

wish that the baddies would confess. James

23:24

isn't a baddie. No, I know. He's

23:26

a good media from Birmingham who runs

23:28

nice gigs. I can't

23:31

stress enough that I haven't done it. When

23:34

you said I obviously haven't done

23:36

this because you would you

23:38

would look so much like someone who

23:40

was innocent. Like when you're

23:42

saying, obviously, this is a mistake, what

23:45

were they saying? Well,

23:48

as far as I could tell, and I mean,

23:50

I don't know, but the vibe

23:52

I got from the officers who were with

23:55

me is that they were being made to

23:57

arrest someone. And

23:59

they had no idea. one else. Wow,

24:01

I mean, this was a long time

24:03

ago, and I don't remember the names

24:05

of the officers involved or anything. And

24:08

at the time, I just found it

24:10

all a bit bewildering and strange, rather

24:12

than rather than anything. Anyway,

24:15

that whole thing plays out. They

24:17

they ring my parents, they're like, we can ring

24:20

someone to tell them that you're here. So I

24:22

said, I'll ring my ring my parents. So

24:25

they rang my dad, they left a message for him

24:27

on his phone. And my

24:29

dad's reaction to hearing this news was

24:32

that I had done it. He started

24:35

ringing my brother going, he's James got into trouble.

24:37

Is he going with a bad crowd? What's going

24:40

on? And my brother's like, he hasn't

24:42

done this. This is clearly some kind of mistake. But

24:45

eventually, I guess I show up to the

24:47

works Christmas do for the evening, because

24:49

there's been like a team building exercise in the

24:51

afternoon that we're all supposed to do. And then

24:54

there was going to be the evening do with the

24:56

food and the and the disco. I show up just

24:58

after the food, the disco thinking,

25:00

well, I got an amazing story

25:03

for my workmates who are probably

25:05

wondering where I've been. And

25:07

I bump into my boss, and

25:10

expecting her to go, Where have you been? And

25:12

they tell us amazing story. And she goes, Did

25:15

you enjoy the team building exercise? Because

25:18

they haven't noticed that I wasn't there. Oh,

25:22

well, thank you so much vehicle James. It's

25:24

been a pleasure to speak to you after

25:27

all these years. Hope the gigs are going well and

25:29

best of luck, mate. Thanks,

25:31

guys. Well,

25:37

folks, the time has come. Ellis

25:40

and I have on our tuxedos and

25:42

our shiny black shoes, we have walked

25:44

down the red carpet and posed for

25:47

photographers and given our interviews. And

25:49

we are now assembled in His Majesty's

25:52

Theatre, London, to

25:55

hear the world

25:57

premiere of The

25:59

Taylor. Swift Break song we have

26:02

commissioned from Charlene K and I

26:04

believe the link up between The

26:06

King Sitter and America is now

26:08

working So surely that yes I'm

26:11

here. Wow what a what! On

26:13

one occasion it is and the

26:15

great and the good of the

26:18

music and entertainment industry are are

26:20

here. Simon Cal set to my

26:22

my simple spent Jim Broadbent is

26:24

here of cold sores day Maggie

26:27

Smith is selling ice cream Judi

26:29

Dench. Dame Judi Dench. it's

26:31

as the for tallies susceptible seats

26:33

and. That

26:36

sit ups and small crowd. But

26:38

surely how how's the experience? Spanish?

26:40

are you pleased with what with

26:43

what you created. I

26:46

think it belongs in

26:48

the anthology itself. All

26:50

one. And that means that

26:52

huge Ah Robins have ascended.

26:55

In suits head and of. Taylor's.

26:58

Ex boyfriends while.

27:00

And including be odds are the

27:02

doing that your as a tall

27:04

white. British guy? Yes.

27:07

I mean, I. Agree with that was

27:09

always just a matter of time. Do

27:12

you think Salinas bit of a swift

27:14

to yourself if I was with the

27:16

rest of. Taylor. Swift's

27:18

ex boyfriends perhaps in a sort of big

27:20

brother type experiments. Would I get on with

27:22

them? Do

27:26

well. you get along with Tom and

27:28

Joe. Probably I don't know if you

27:30

get along with Travis or Matty Healy

27:32

We We are aware that there are

27:34

some Ninety Seventy Five been members the

27:36

do listen to this podcast so I

27:38

imagine you'd gambling they would my he

27:40

may as well. Right now is he

27:42

would have a good one Levies, leasing

27:44

of the Nineteen Seventy Five Rivers and

27:46

moral judgment and. I've

27:49

ever met the guy seems like the right to

27:51

Malaysia, but she didn't, she I know she's written

27:54

songs but him, yeah, well as well. kind of

27:56

what does the seeds of this idea came from a

27:58

search was know yeah well have to maybe ask

28:00

my girlfriend which of Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends

28:02

I would best get on with. So

28:06

Charlene, what we didn't ask last week is what's the

28:09

name of the song? The

28:11

song inspired by our conversation

28:13

is called So Many Reasons.

28:17

So many reasons. Love that.

28:19

Love that. I'm now starting to feel a bit

28:21

nervous. Not

28:24

just one small reason. You're

28:27

too handsome. Too handsome. Yeah.

28:29

It's not too relatable. It's just a two

28:31

line song. We do need to remember that

28:34

this is just a joke. It's just

28:36

a bit of fun, isn't it? It's a bit of fun. So

28:39

when we hear Taylor Swift writing about you, let's

28:41

just remember how mad that is and how this

28:43

is just a bit of fun. Yeah. Charlene

28:46

doesn't hate you. No. No.

28:49

But it's... John, you have

28:51

value. Thank you.

28:53

Thank you. But you should prepare mentally.

28:55

Okay. I'm going to prepare

28:57

mentally. Yes, you did the whole American

28:59

stand up rule thing scene. Oh

29:02

yes. I didn't think I'd do very well. Listen,

29:04

I'm not the one that asked for a football.

29:08

That was written because John

29:10

abandoned Taylor on their anniversary.

29:13

Okay. Oh God. This

29:15

is all... I'm just responding to the brief. You are.

29:18

Exactly. And we can't wait. And to

29:20

recap, just for everyone's worth, how this has come about, just two

29:22

weeks ago, we had a bit of fun, a bit of lighthearted

29:24

fun around what it would be

29:26

like for Taylor Swift to write one of

29:28

her famous breakup songs about

29:31

our John Robbins. And

29:33

since then, we've discovered Charlene Kay, who

29:35

did an amazing viral video about how

29:38

a Taylor Swift song is constructed. We

29:40

got Charlene involved. We got the listeners

29:43

involved with some of John's characteristics,

29:45

some of his pastimes. We

29:48

brought the two together and here is, and

29:50

here we have, the

29:52

results of that, don't we? So

29:54

now, Charlene, we're going to hear

29:57

so many reasons. I

30:04

watch him in the kitchen of his lousy London flat.

30:07

He's gloomy when he's

30:09

hungry, he's sad when he's full. It's

30:15

our anniversary and I feel

30:17

like a damn fool. And

30:31

his prize compared with my

30:34

own again. Have

30:44

a look at TV, you

30:47

should be punished. The way

30:49

you do taxes, the scribes

30:51

will husband. Now how long's

30:53

this an inch rather show?

31:04

He was always planning to settle

31:06

the tens, but it never crossed

31:08

his mind. And he couldn't maybe

31:11

settle down. I was

31:13

there for his chortle, but he ghosted

31:15

from my granny's to bibby's own. I

31:17

don't hate you, but you're a liar.

31:25

Take your stupid award and beat

31:27

your niggas. I

31:29

was never your queen,

31:31

I'm not with my

31:34

niggas. Your

31:38

bad mood just describes

31:40

your loving. Now

31:42

how long's this an

31:44

inch rubbish? No more.

31:46

No more.

31:55

And a crying in the rain outside

31:57

of the garden. the

32:00

headlights of your key of

32:02

sport, much feelin' heavy like your

32:04

bow, when you laid on top of me,

32:07

but you were wayin' me down,

32:09

now I finally see... Holy

32:14

reasons, I couldn't love him,

32:17

I'm sick of hearin' how he

32:20

captained his darts team, a

32:22

hundred wonderful shows, couldn't get

32:24

him to grow up, now I

32:26

want less than this rubbish, no more. Just

32:36

I'm full of love, I'm

32:38

sick of the world with you, just

32:41

taking my attention, goin' out

32:43

to midnight, and my tortured

32:45

poets say, Girl, don't

32:48

listen this rubbish,

32:52

no more. Oh,

32:57

high hand, oh, high

33:00

hand, thank you, studio. Sensational,

33:03

oh, that

33:05

is sensational. Charlene, what

33:07

an achievement. You,

33:13

you, everybody else had such looks

33:15

of joy, and you looked

33:17

so ill at ease. Is

33:22

that all I've got? Yes,

33:24

fine, fine. Do

33:26

what it's like, it's like a really funny, but

33:29

misjudged best man speech. Yes, just

33:31

one table laughing. Yeah, but they're

33:33

lovin' it. I

33:35

think the line, a hundred one man shows couldn't get

33:38

you to grow up, is a

33:40

superb slam. Oh my god. That's

33:42

top draw swift. Man.

33:46

Yeah, that was the line I saw you go, oh,

33:50

that is, that is, I

33:52

just can't get over it. It's

33:54

so well, I mean, it is so well

33:56

written, Charlene. You have an incredible talent, because

33:58

we've only given you about it. a week

34:00

really to bring that together so it's

34:03

an amazing effort with the listeners out unfortunately you can't

34:05

do it at any of your gigs no

34:07

yeah I hey

34:10

we can work something out I give you permission

34:13

oh no it's just the fact

34:15

that your audience would be absolutely

34:17

baffled yeah and Charlene we're so

34:19

grateful thank you very much for

34:21

putting that together we're absolutely delighted

34:23

with well I'm delighted with it

34:25

Dave is delighted with it John's

34:27

gone sort of pale but yeah

34:31

that's what that's absolutely wonderful you have

34:33

nailed the brief so it's a big

34:36

ding-dong from me and yeah

34:38

just look forward to part

34:41

two nothing

34:43

the album the album would be quite a

34:46

heavy listen it's a double it's a

34:50

double album there's 31 songs

34:52

in total Charlene if

34:55

we don't speak to you before best of

34:57

luck at Edinburgh in August thank you and

34:59

Charlene is performing a show Tiger Daughter at

35:01

the Bill Murray Theatre in London in July

35:03

and she'll also be at the Down Fringe

35:06

and the Edinburgh Fringe in the summer so

35:08

go and check her out that's great that's

35:10

great well I'm sure that lots of

35:12

people be coming on to your shows

35:15

after that because yeah we're

35:17

we're delighted thank you very much well

35:24

there we go top that Dave oh

35:27

well I mean what I can't top

35:29

that specifically Dave that was that's a

35:31

direct order to top that what by

35:33

writing another John Robbins Taylor Swift breakup

35:35

song no one's topping that no you've

35:37

got to do something different because the

35:39

standard was so high she sets

35:43

such a high standard how was

35:45

it for you as a listener

35:47

John because it's clearly a joke

35:50

yeah it's a joke as you have value

35:52

like all great Swift songs it forced me

35:54

to take a look at myself in the

35:56

mirror in the rain outside your back door

36:00

And having worked away the tears or is

36:02

it rain better for

36:04

yeah, um, I have seen

36:06

the real me Yeah,

36:10

well a golf room likes paying tax yeah,

36:13

yeah Well, thank

36:15

you to sharlene. Yeah, um, it's

36:17

time for a made-up game Uh,

36:19

and we have excitingly a brand

36:21

new jingle Now we

36:23

have enjoyed the jingle fun with the made-up

36:26

games because we're now just letting listeners run

36:28

riot with Writing and composing

36:30

different made-up games jingles and

36:32

we've got another one and it's from hugh. Hugh

36:34

says from who hugh Who yes

36:37

good and I bet you love that. I do that all

36:39

the time. I bet he loves that. Yeah Uh

36:42

seeing as the previous made-up games jingles

36:44

were based on songs by the four

36:46

pillars of rock I've written something that

36:48

gives a heavy nod to queen. Although

36:50

not so close that it'll cause copyright

36:52

issues. I love you hugh there's a

36:56

clear advantage Well, it's

36:58

just a jingle. Oh, right. I thought this was the

37:00

game Oh,

37:02

yeah great looking forward to it. Yeah Yeah,

37:05

it's not in john's wheelhouse, but that's fine. No,

37:07

that's fine. I'm looking forward to it good Hugh

37:11

goes game was like identifying queen

37:13

songs No There's

37:15

sometimes some nods towards your different sensibilities, but

37:18

we'd never go that on the nose for

37:20

john. I don't think name queen songs Uh,

37:23

i've written and performed everything myself

37:25

the vocals were by far the

37:27

toughest element and he goes on to say I

37:29

should mention That my vocal range

37:31

and ability is broadly fine if there's guitars

37:34

in it I'd love to know what guitar

37:36

and effects he's using to recreate the may

37:38

sound if he recreates the may sound Okay,

37:40

well, let's find out. Uh, i'm a bass

37:42

player by trade. So i'm much more of

37:45

a decund and a mercury Yes in both

37:47

roll and temperament. This guy knows his onions.

37:49

Yes. I wonder if he's using offender jazz

37:51

bass Well, let's find out here is

37:53

or is the precision bass. I love your

37:55

deca. I think it's lovely Okay. Okay. Here

37:57

is today's made up games jingle from It's

38:00

time for

38:02

a made up game

38:05

from you to you

38:07

to listen. Pay

38:10

attention to producer days.

38:14

The rules they code

38:16

be simpler. Are

38:19

you comfortable? We love

38:21

the around the game. I'm

38:42

worried. It sounds like

38:44

a weird day. Yeah?

38:55

Happy? Same. Alright. I'm

39:05

sorry. I've

39:09

got one in a second. Go

39:16

on then. I needed to hear that for example.

39:25

It reminds me quite guitar

39:27

wise. It's quite made in heaven.

39:30

Which was recorded in 1991 and released

39:32

in 1995. As a

39:34

nod to both of our likes and dislikes

39:36

and sensibilities. The guitar

39:40

solo is kind of part by

39:42

me. Part guitar solo from

39:45

our Vida's in pets. Some of

39:47

the string bends are very, very

39:49

our Vida's in pets. The best bit in

39:51

that queen wise is the bass. Which

39:55

makes sense. That's the most accurate queen sound

39:57

in that recording. I would say that there's

39:59

a little. I don't know whether he's

40:01

used fuzz on that guitar, but the guitar tone's

40:03

not quite right. I also loved rhyming

40:06

player with shoulder. Yeah.

40:09

Yeah. Really enjoyed that. It's not

40:11

classic Freddie Piano. Oh, give him a break. No,

40:14

but I'm just giving a critique. But we want

40:16

more people to send in made-up games, Jingle John.

40:18

If we... Dave,

40:21

if you try and recreate Queen, obviously I'm going

40:23

to come at you. Yeah.

40:27

If you come for the Queen, you best not miss.

40:29

Exactly. No, but very good and

40:31

very impressive and far beyond my skill set. The

40:34

biggest compliment I can pay is I watch him or

40:36

lyrics to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have heard a

40:38

couple more verses in a chorus to that. Yeah. To

40:41

hear what Hugh would have done with it.

40:43

I really enjoyed it. Yeah, good. Maybe we

40:46

just restricted the solely Queen interpretations of the

40:48

Jingle. No, because everyone was petrified of sending

40:50

them in now. No, sir.

40:52

Well, what's the game, Dave? Okay, this

40:55

week's game is from Scott. Hello,

40:57

lads. This is a really simple principle that

40:59

should be a lot of fun. Admittedly, it

41:01

does have some similarities to a certain game

41:03

show on Channel 4 hosted by the great

41:05

Davina McCall, one of the great Dave's and

41:07

Davina's... What, Street Meat? No. Oh,

41:11

wow, that's a blast from the past.

41:13

Yeah, 2002 or the day of Street

41:15

Meat. Yeah, so hosted by

41:17

the great Davina McCall, the million pound

41:20

drop, sadly now defunct, like beat the

41:22

internet. What? I didn't realise the

41:24

million pound... This is how I find out. I

41:28

was listening to a commercial radio station today

41:30

in a taxi, and they just made a

41:33

person a millionaire. They gave her a million

41:35

quid. No, they didn't. Yeah, they will. What?

41:39

It often goes across many networks, so as much

41:41

as you think it's just on one radio station,

41:43

it often turns out the competition runs across... She

41:45

was. In fact, it's gobsmacked. Yeah,

41:48

you would make you a millionaire. Wasn't

41:51

there a radio station or radio organisation in

41:54

Australia that got her a lot of trouble

41:56

for that? For not

41:58

making it clear. Maybe because

42:00

you don't make it really clear now in the season

42:02

sees Which how can

42:05

we'll make you a millionaire and not be clear? I don't

42:08

know I don't enjoy into the detail Tim,

42:10

please do this. Okay, so at the end

42:12

of you're talking to mr. Audio, okay, so

42:14

in a sense Let's say

42:16

there's a radio Conglomerate.

42:19

Yeah called Big

42:21

radio big radio and big radio have

42:24

50 stations. Yeah Yeah,

42:26

that competition is running across all 50

42:28

stations But the

42:30

listener to big radio classic 80s

42:32

doesn't realize doesn't realize that they're competing

42:35

against big radio gold Big

42:38

radio in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah medium

42:40

radio Yeah,

42:42

but if you divided by 50 stations,

42:45

it's less money. Okay, and then there'll be

42:47

a TNC that says 50

42:50

p2 enter enter online answer here. Maybe

42:52

millionaire has been played across the big

42:54

radio network So

42:56

that's the subtle nod to say this isn't

42:58

just this one stage. Oh, this is like

43:00

the best two minutes of the rest of

43:03

entertainment a

43:05

glimpse behind the magician's cloth. Yeah

43:08

Interesting it is interesting. He's

43:10

interesting. I'm interested. Yeah, it's

43:13

called NTR Wow, Dave,

43:16

you're really clever non-traditional revenue. Oh

43:19

Dave brilliant the made-up games

43:22

jingle is still playing on underneath non-traditional

43:24

revenue. I love that John's written it

43:27

down On

43:29

a white bubble board on his next zoom he's gonna be

43:32

like talk to me about NCR Tim

43:34

talk to me about NCR. I want to

43:36

look into I like revenue Yes,

43:39

I want to look into some non-traditional revenue. Well,

43:41

I wonder whether merch is classed as NCR. I

43:45

Don't know anyway, you're not making a million quid for merch.

43:47

No, you're not you know, tell

43:49

me Right

43:51

back to the game from Scott

43:54

So basically and it is really quite faithful

43:56

to the to the rendition that happened

43:58

on channel 4 going to play

44:01

the 100 point drop. Both

44:03

players start off with 100 points. Wow.

44:07

Producer Dave will read out a question and

44:09

give two possible answers. Ellis and

44:11

John then have to split their points between the

44:13

two answers, A and B, depending on how confident

44:15

they are. The contestants will then keep the points

44:18

allocated to the correct answer and carry through

44:20

their remaining points to the next round, so cumulative

44:22

across five rounds. So you can end up with

44:24

more than 100? No,

44:26

you just keep the points that

44:28

you're assigning to that question. So maximum

44:30

of 100 points. Yeah. For example,

44:33

the question, Mars is the only planet

44:35

to spin the opposite direction to the

44:37

other planets in the solar system, true

44:39

or false? John might

44:41

be sure this is true, so places 80 points

44:44

on true. Whereas Ellis might hedge his bets

44:46

and go 50. 50-50, so

44:48

you kind of go in the middle.

44:50

The answer is false. So John, yeah,

44:52

so John, you would only retain 20 points because you'd

44:54

have just lost 80 points. You were

44:56

confident, but you're too confident. And

44:59

Ellis, you'd keep your 50. But

45:01

the problem is, well, the tactic is the... I'm not

45:03

going to say it now. I am not. I

45:06

am not. Well, Bertie and I were talking

45:08

to the various tactics of this before. We think it can

45:10

work. Either way, it'll be a

45:12

bit of fun, won't it? Really? And that's

45:14

what we're here for. That's what we're here

45:16

for. We're the Fundringers. The current score, Ellis

45:18

is winning two games to love in the

45:21

first set. Nice. He's

45:23

won both games. Yeah,

45:25

in the first set. So

45:28

if I win this, it's 15-love in the third

45:30

game of the first set. Yeah, and it means

45:32

nothing. Round to you,

45:34

David. Yeah, to anyone. Round

45:38

one, sport. In

45:41

which year did Roger Federer

45:43

win his first Wimbledon title?

45:46

A, 2003. B,

45:49

2008. In

45:54

which year did Roger Federer win his first Wimbledon title?

45:56

Was it 2003 or 2008? So

45:59

scribble down your answer. and now

46:01

and obviously scribble down the points that

46:03

you would put on your answer It's

46:08

tense because it's just as much about how

46:10

confident you are with the answer as it

46:12

is about the answer itself This is extremely

46:14

tense dear and I feel like the vene

46:17

of a call Alice You're

46:19

gonna go up to a girl next to John Mendes

46:21

and say you fancy you. It's a street mate Anyway,

46:25

we've got an answer. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So John

46:27

will come to you first Let's

46:30

get your answer first 80

46:38

points 80 points on 2003 80

46:40

points on a I Mean

46:46

that's a lot of points. You've gone

46:48

big haven't ya Ellis 2003 2003. So that's

46:50

a Get

46:56

out really so we've written down.

46:58

Yeah Wow. Well done Fantastic,

47:01

um, you are both right to

47:03

you. So you are both in the game. We're

47:05

in I nearly went hundred as well Which is

47:08

good stuff. We're in we're a

47:10

hundred points to Alice 80 points to John We're

47:12

up and run this a good game. So have

47:14

I lost 20 points? Yes, you've lost. Oh, yeah

47:17

Yeah Yeah

47:23

Geography What

47:25

is the newest country to be recognized

47:27

by the UN a South

47:29

Sudan be a sweetie

47:31

me Now

47:34

these are gonna be tricky because there needs to

47:36

be an element of doubt I feel oh Dear.

47:39

Yeah, I Don't

47:42

have again a hundred from Ellis this time Judging

47:45

by the doubt on his furrowed

47:47

brow. Oh dear Ellis

47:51

what's your answer? My answer is

47:53

a sweet teeny. Yeah, I'm

47:55

not sure about it. So I'm My

47:58

figure is 60 60 Okay,

48:00

so 60, so essentially 40 would be in the

48:03

other pot in the second. In South Sudan. Yeah.

48:06

Camp, because this game, I mean

48:08

it's known in the trade as a classic pot

48:10

split. It's a pot split. It is indeed. So

48:12

Ellis has gone for 60, so he's ever so

48:14

slightly as hedging his bets with Eswatini. Yeah. But

48:17

you're playing it safe. I considered 52, 48 to be a right left. Oh,

48:21

you could have done. John, you have

48:23

80 left, of course. What's

48:26

your pots? I'm also saying Eswatini, but I'm

48:28

saying 70. Okay,

48:32

so if you're wrong, you only have 10 left.

48:35

Yeah. Okay,

48:37

good stuff. Interesting. The

48:40

answer is A, South Sudan.

48:43

So Ellis, you come out with 40 left

48:45

after that. Okay. And John, you're

48:47

also wrong, but you've put more on, so you're down to

48:49

10. Okay. Okay,

48:51

so. What happens if we end up

48:54

in the minus numbers? If

48:56

the first one goes bust, then the other person

48:58

wins. Okay. Round three. So

49:00

it's 40-10. So

49:02

on. Congratulations

49:04

to South Sudan, by the way.

49:07

Yeah, in 2011. Okay. Do

49:10

you know when Eswatini became a country? No

49:12

idea. Okay. Round

49:14

three. History. In

49:16

which century was construction begun

49:18

on the Great Wall of China? A.

49:22

Seventh century BC. B.

49:25

Ninth century AD. So

49:28

at the minute we have John

49:30

with 10 left. So

49:32

you have to be quite conservative now. Ellis has 40. Construction

49:36

started on the Great Wall of China. A. Seventh

49:39

century BC. B. Ninth century

49:41

AD. John, you're

49:43

down to 10, but have

49:45

faith. What are you going

49:47

for? I'm betting

49:49

10 on A. You're betting 10 on

49:51

it. So you're going all in on A. Well, I have

49:54

to do. You have to. You do. You

49:56

absolutely have to. Okay. So John is

49:58

going for A. He's putting it all in. I've

50:03

got 9th century AED but it's a complete

50:05

stab of the dark because I don't know

50:07

very much about the Great Wall of China

50:10

if I'm honest. And that is

50:12

a weakness. That's fine. I've put 20

50:14

on. You've put 20 on. A. No,

50:16

you've put 20 on B. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So

50:18

the good thing here is the exciting thing here

50:20

is you split your answers. Yeah. This

50:22

could either work in John's favour hugely and keep him in the

50:24

game or it could be all over. It

50:26

could be Curtains for Robins. John's correct. 7th

50:30

century B.C. John put all 10

50:32

on so John remains on 10. Well

50:34

done John. Good gameplay. Ellis,

50:36

you went for 20 so you're losing

50:38

half of what you had left. I'm

50:41

on 20. You're also on 20. It's an

50:43

exciting game. It's a classic pot split but

50:45

I am 10. So

50:48

actually it's 2010 so John... 7th century B.C.

50:50

for the GWC. Yeah, madness. I mean you

50:52

might have just put a couple of bricks

50:54

down. It's not a

50:56

time wish they were doing then. That's incredible.

50:58

They could have left it for a few hundred years. Good

51:01

stuff though. It's 2010. I

51:04

wish I'd read the Wikipedia page, the Great Wall of China

51:06

at some point in the last five years because that's actually

51:08

very me behaviour. And you would have remembered it. And I

51:10

would have remembered it. Round

51:12

4, science. Lightning

51:15

can be hotter than the surface of the sun.

51:18

True or false? A, false,

51:20

B, true. So it's

51:22

a simple one for round 4. How many points have I got

51:24

left? You've got 20 points left, Al. John

51:28

still has to be courageous but maybe not quite as

51:30

courageous as when he was 30 points

51:32

behind Alice. But

51:35

he's still behind. So 10 points left

51:37

in John's pot. 20 points left in

51:39

Alice's pot. Lightning

51:42

can be hotter than the surface of the sun. True

51:44

or false? A, false, B,

51:46

true. And we will come to

51:48

Alice first. A, false. Alice,

51:53

you've got 20 points left in your life pot. I want

51:55

a double bluff because that can't be

51:57

true. But surely you wouldn't have asked

51:59

me if... Points of the year, Burting, ten.

52:01

Ten on what? Uh, false.

52:04

False. Ten on false. Johnny

52:07

JR? Ten on true. Ten on true.

52:09

Oh god. This

52:12

is where it gets really fun. It's

52:16

true. Lightning can be hotter

52:18

than the sun. Yeah, it can. I thought

52:20

it was quite an easy one. The sun's

52:22

hot, John. No, but electricity's really hot. The

52:24

sun is the hot... Not hot, the sun... I've

52:26

got electricity in my house. I've

52:29

got the sun in my house, have I? I

52:33

was charging my phone earlier on, and yeah, sure, the back

52:35

of my phone was warm. The

52:38

sun is madder, sir, than the sun is. I

52:41

can't get it within minutes. Look at

52:43

Venus or Mercury. For

52:47

god's sake. Check

52:50

your sources. I'll believe that for a

52:52

second. Right.

52:55

As if. As

52:58

if. As if. National

53:00

Weather Service in the US. Lightning can heat

53:02

the air it passes through to 50,000 degrees

53:05

Fahrenheit. Three BS. It's

53:07

five times hotter than the service of

53:09

the sun. It's not just slightly hotter.

53:12

No chance. It's absolutely boiling. They've seen

53:14

it. It's massive as well. It's massive.

53:20

Excitingly, we're ten all-ins

53:22

around five. John.

53:25

No matter what happens at this point, be really

53:27

proud of yourself. Don't stay. Be really proud of

53:30

yourself because you've been really brave. God, I love

53:32

sport. You've been really brave in the last two

53:34

rounds. Oh,

53:37

it's music. Round five, it's everyone's favourites

53:39

round, the music round. Including

53:41

streaming figures, what was the best-selling

53:44

UK single of the 2010s? Option

53:49

A. Happy by

53:51

Pharrell Williams. Option B. Shape

53:54

of You by Ed Sheeran. Ellis

53:57

is still livid about the sun round. I just

53:59

don't believe him. I'm not livid, I just

54:01

don't believe you and you've been given bad

54:03

data. Dave. Sounds

54:05

like you're livid. And Jon we will come to you

54:07

first. I have gone S.O.B. Thank you

54:10

pardon? I have gone S.O.B. O'Buster.

54:15

Don't ruin, don't give your strategy away,

54:17

he's right there! He doesn't

54:19

care about my strategy, the man has got no

54:21

respect for me. That's

54:25

true. You told me that in good

54:27

faith. Erm, Jon. Erm.

54:32

Ellis has

54:35

gone S.O.B. I've

54:37

gone B. Interesting.

54:41

Ed Sheeran and I'm betting five points.

54:44

Oh, interesting.

54:47

B and five. Ellis has

54:49

gone S.O.B. but which way has he gone?

54:51

Simply because it's been out for so much

54:53

longer. I've gone

54:55

Pharrell Williams. Yeah. And

54:57

you've... And I've gone 10. Gone

54:59

10. He's gone S.O.B. Jon.

55:02

Would you believe it? The answer, and

55:05

to win the game, is

55:08

B, Shape of You by Ed Sheeran

55:10

which means Jon finishes the game with

55:13

five little points but it's enough! Wow.

55:16

And Ellis went B. Can I have some stuff, son of

55:18

a bitch? Er, yeah you can't, are you question? I mean

55:20

I believe you. Two

55:22

million six hundred and twenty nine thousand

55:25

six hundred and fifty seven for Happy

55:28

and Ed Sheeran four million two hundred thousand. When

55:30

did Happy come out of the interest? I'm not

55:32

sure. Do you know what, I think I'd

55:34

have gone for Happy because it was so big. It was so

55:36

big. Also it gets played at

55:38

kids' parties and stuff. Yeah,

55:41

absolutely. And all

55:44

this to distract the greatest comeback in

55:46

the history of mankind. Erm.

55:49

That's massive, Jon. That's massive. I haven't

55:51

seen anything like this in your life!

55:53

Be so proud. Take that Maggie Thatcher.

55:58

Because Jon you were on twenty points. Round

56:00

Three: No. No, you're on

56:02

send points from around three. I know

56:04

I needed see correct answers. I knew

56:06

it dave going into it which makes

56:08

it fifteen. Loved. In the first

56:10

sets and in the systems are not

56:12

ounces. enlightening. I cannot stress that enough.

56:15

Actually, the other way round know you're

56:17

either correct sir. See, the sun is

56:19

not hotter than my it is is

56:21

not. A. Son Ha. Is

56:24

five times less hot than lima

56:26

eve of go on radio. So

56:29

much in the sun is a

56:31

cup of tea. Surface is constantly

56:33

being breathed on by goals for

56:36

happens space aliens. I

56:38

know this isn't the same but they do save

56:40

you Know that sparkler It hm is have spotless thought

56:43

I was not one of those little members of

56:45

a sparkler lungs and you skyn Wryness hotter than son.

56:47

I took his house in the sun but are

56:49

so much hotter than you think this is that she

56:51

can dip. It is because it's so small. you're fine

56:53

near. For his absolute if that was bigger,

56:55

the autopsy burn through your arm. It

57:00

was, and I think that's that's to

57:02

science that we were she fare. Well.

57:18

I'm delighted with a very tense game thank

57:21

you for sending it and I enjoyed bat.

57:24

And as my treat, I get rid

57:26

of some of the tax Skaggs rights

57:29

were talking about your laughable lateness the

57:31

subject. I didn't factor in a naked

57:33

bike ride, holding up the bus and

57:35

all traffic around us in Bristol right.

57:38

I. Also got held up by Naked Bike

57:40

Rides in London work work in the meadow

57:43

it was receive of this is my opinion

57:45

I don't care if it's not an opinion

57:47

said by the Bbc. Few gonna Naked Bike

57:49

nice your wheels unless you're filming the music

57:52

video for Bicycle Race by Queen. Still,

57:54

A bit weird, know. But.

57:56

at the iconic moment that they are weird

57:59

but what about If you're doing it for charity,

58:01

I don't care. Just

58:05

give them some money, just to be normal. Just

58:07

to go on a normal bike ride. Just a

58:09

normal bike ride. Just go on a sponsored bike

58:11

ride. Yeah. Just, I don't

58:13

know, sell a cake. Yeah. Just why? With

58:15

your clothes on. I don't know.

58:17

God's sake with your clothes on. I

58:19

feel our sister's still angry about the sun

58:22

incident. Just put your todges into my sink

58:24

or something. I mean, that's the ballpark we're

58:26

discussing. But the more outrageous the more money

58:28

you'll raise for charity. It's not. I think

58:30

it's... Put some pants on. Do what you

58:32

want to do in life. And do

58:34

ask permission of the seat owner.

58:36

Oh, God, yeah. Yes, I also

58:38

think heart disease is bad. But

58:40

put some pants on for God's

58:43

sake. This is from

58:45

Nancy. I was booked to

58:47

attend a music summer school for nerds during high

58:49

school. It was late because I saw a

58:51

great cat and had to pet it then missed the bus. I

58:53

didn't really want to attend the summer school, so just announced this

58:56

very matter-of-factly when I bowled in

58:58

late and nobody cared. I like

59:00

that. A mad text from Simon.

59:02

20 minutes later, I couldn't find my house

59:04

keys. They were in my mouth.

59:11

It's quite fun when you've just started

59:13

wearing glasses. What

59:15

are your indignances? To morale

59:17

glasses. When your partner

59:19

comes home and says, how was your day? You

59:21

go, well, something rather

59:24

amusing happened earlier. Because

59:27

I was looking for my

59:29

glasses to do a bit of reading. And I

59:31

was going around the house thinking, well, I'm sure

59:34

I left them in there. Well, they can't be

59:36

in the bedroom. They're not in the bedroom. Check

59:38

the living room. I was like, where are they?

59:40

They were like, I don't know. They were on my

59:42

head. And

59:47

you do that again and again and

59:49

again as if it's your only anecdote.

59:51

Attrition. Attrition, don't you? Swear

59:54

them down. Swear them down.

59:56

And are you doing this at home? Yeah,

59:58

constantly. With your partner. Yes. Doncadiragareg.

1:00:02

A gentle tapping breaks the stone. It's true.

1:00:04

It's not true, is it? But it could

1:00:06

be true. It does if you do it

1:00:08

forever. Oh, right. OK. It's a word saying

1:00:10

for just keep doing it. Wear them down.

1:00:12

Wear them down, Dave. Like the sea. Why

1:00:14

would you want to be wearing a loved

1:00:16

one down, John? Well, you just sort of...

1:00:20

They have to submit to the joke by about the 15th time.

1:00:23

Dismantling them and building them back

1:00:25

up again in your image. And

1:00:27

then... That's fun, isn't it? You get to the point where

1:00:30

you go, the funny...

1:00:32

No! Within

1:00:35

the first breath of the voice, it's just,

1:00:37

no! Ellis

1:00:39

wore me down at the ARIA Awards ceremony on

1:00:41

Tuesday night. It is constant clapping. If

1:00:45

you clap the rock, eventually the

1:00:47

rock explodes. And

1:00:49

that isn't the previous episode of this podcast. Yeah.

1:00:53

As every set of nominations was

1:00:55

announced on screen, Ellis would turn to me and go, is this

1:00:57

one I was... Every

1:00:59

single one. 28 times. Best news

1:01:01

coverage. Best

1:01:04

community radio station every time. Best

1:01:06

commercial partnership. Best commercial partnership, is

1:01:08

this us? And

1:01:11

Dave loved it for the first four times. Yeah. And

1:01:13

then the fifth time he could see what I was

1:01:15

doing. And that's when the rock broke. That's...

1:01:20

Commercial radio awards are quite fun

1:01:22

because you go deep into that

1:01:25

sort of commercial stuff. So it's

1:01:27

like, best commercial win brackets white

1:01:29

goods. Yeah. Commercial win brackets loans.

1:01:32

Best tie-in with a bedding company. Yeah.

1:01:36

Good stuff. Good stuff. Now then, we've been

1:01:38

connecting Dave's from around the world for just

1:01:40

over three months now. And what would

1:01:43

you say the three main things we've learned

1:01:45

about our Dave's? What are the great Daveaways

1:01:48

we can take from the conversations we've had?

1:01:50

Ellis. Each week we are doing

1:01:52

our bit to create the world. That's not to

1:01:54

answer my question. Oh, yeah. LAUGHTER

1:01:57

If you live abroad, you tend to

1:01:59

have a better quality. of life and

1:02:01

everyone we've talked to who lives abroad

1:02:04

i.e. every single Dave we've had on

1:02:06

this feature has made me think that

1:02:08

my life choices have been bad. Yes.

1:02:10

Everyone I speak to I'm envious of.

1:02:13

So, I mean the main takeaway is,

1:02:15

Dave's are wise. Dave's are wise. Dave

1:02:17

wisdom. Dave's make good decisions. Yeah. And

1:02:20

Dave's are happy to enjoy

1:02:22

the finer things in life. Yes, like

1:02:25

playing golf and looking

1:02:27

at sunset. And nice. And

1:02:30

sometimes when Dave's are in Germany they're not particularly

1:02:32

effusive. Yep, sort of keep the

1:02:34

conversation bubbling along a bit. Anyway,

1:02:37

each week we're doing our bit to create the world's

1:02:39

first Dave to base, talking to a

1:02:41

different Dave each week in Around the World in

1:02:43

80 Dave's. Paris. Cairo.

1:02:47

Paris, Texas. Helsinki. Paris, Virginia.

1:02:50

An unincorporated community. Around

1:02:52

the world in 80

1:02:54

Dave's. Yes,

1:02:57

I'm looking at the scratched off calendar. It's not

1:02:59

a calendar, it's a map. It's

1:03:01

a map. Well, it's a calendar if countries are months. But

1:03:05

they're not so it isn't. And

1:03:07

Australia's been scratched off. Canada and America

1:03:09

have been scratched off in a different

1:03:12

way. They've been scratched off in

1:03:14

a... Eswatini. Eswatini, scratched

1:03:16

off in a mammoth scratching session. Have you scratched

1:03:18

off last week's Dave? I think we're up

1:03:20

to date on the scratching. I'm really enjoying

1:03:22

the scratching. And I think taking your trousers

1:03:24

off to scratch your legs is one of

1:03:26

the great underrated pleasures. See? Yeah.

1:03:29

Next time you're wearing trousers and you can't

1:03:31

scratch that itch, take your trousers off and

1:03:33

get it. Or just scratch it through the

1:03:35

trousers. Yeah, if you can't because your nails,

1:03:37

fingernails are on the line. Odd man. Anyway,

1:03:40

we have a Dave on the line. Hello,

1:03:42

is that Dave? It is, yes.

1:03:45

Dave, what name do you go by, please?

1:03:48

I generally go by David. Okay.

1:03:50

Okay. Okay. It's

1:03:53

a classier Dave. Yeah. And where are

1:03:55

you based? I am based

1:03:57

in Wellington, New Zealand. Ooh,

1:04:00

here we go. Scratching.

1:04:02

He's scratching away. So

1:04:05

Dave, tell us about your upbringing.

1:04:07

I mean, nothing personal, just where were we

1:04:09

born? Well,

1:04:11

New Zealand was not exactly a big country,

1:04:13

so I wasn't born too far from where

1:04:16

I live now but relatively speaking, you'd be

1:04:18

to other countries. But I was

1:04:20

born in Stratford, in

1:04:22

Taranaki, New Zealand. Ooh,

1:04:25

okay. Yeah,

1:04:27

I have slowly made my way down the country

1:04:30

over the years through education and then work. Lovely.

1:04:32

What's the Dave scene like in New Zealand? Are

1:04:34

there many Daves? There are.

1:04:37

At primary school, I was fortunate to be the only

1:04:40

David slash Dave. The only Dave in the

1:04:42

village? The only Dave in

1:04:44

the village, yeah. But that

1:04:46

then changed at high school. There were suddenly

1:04:49

two to three others. Okay, okay. And when

1:04:51

you grew up, what sort of area is

1:04:53

that? What's it like? It's

1:04:56

a very rural farming community.

1:04:59

In fact, I grew up on a farm myself. Oh,

1:05:01

what sort of farm? It

1:05:04

was a dairy farm. Oh, lovely stuff. Lovely

1:05:06

stuff. Okay, and what do you do now?

1:05:08

Are you still in agriculture? No,

1:05:11

no. I've done a complete 180 on

1:05:14

that. I'm working in software development.

1:05:16

Good, because the start are too

1:05:19

early. I've got relatives who

1:05:21

are dairy farmers. They're up. It's

1:05:23

mad how early they wake up. So, yeah, you

1:05:26

want to get out of that. So

1:05:28

take us through an average day in the

1:05:30

life of Dave. What are you doing? What

1:05:32

floats your boat? What gives you bliss? Well,

1:05:36

at the moment, I have a six-month-old

1:05:38

son. So at the moment,

1:05:41

it's both bliss and pain with

1:05:43

him. What's he

1:05:45

into? Is he into anything yet?

1:05:49

Whatever we manage to forget, we've left on

1:05:51

the floor. Yes, yes, yes. It's

1:05:53

a floor-based existence. I remember that stage. It is,

1:05:56

yes. I think the main reason we... It's a

1:05:58

good way for us to... It's

1:06:00

a good way for us to judge if

1:06:02

there's any leftover tissues

1:06:05

or bits of

1:06:07

anything random just have been left on the

1:06:09

floor because we'll notice them suddenly get very

1:06:11

focused on something. Oh. Well,

1:06:14

David, last week, David in Germany left

1:06:16

a question for you to answer. Are

1:06:19

you willing to give an answer to

1:06:21

David's question? I'll give

1:06:23

it a go. Great stuff. Here we go. Hi,

1:06:25

Dave. This is Dave from Germany. And

1:06:28

I would like to know if

1:06:30

you were a boxer, wrestler or

1:06:32

MMA fighter, what would be your

1:06:35

walkout music and why? Oh,

1:06:38

okay. There's a few

1:06:40

songs that spring to mind, but I think

1:06:42

I'd have to go with a New Zealand

1:06:44

based artist.

1:06:46

So I'd probably

1:06:49

go with a song called Pressure

1:06:51

Man by a band called

1:06:53

The Feelers. Oh,

1:06:55

Pressure Man is a good title

1:06:58

for a walk on music track.

1:07:01

By the Feelers, did you say? Yes, by the Feelers. I've

1:07:04

not heard of the Feelers. What sort of music

1:07:06

do they play? I guess

1:07:08

the best way to sum it up would be New Zealand Rock. Oh, okay.

1:07:11

It's a very specific sound from like the 90s and early

1:07:13

2000s that you would classify as sort of New Zealand Rock.

1:07:18

Is it sort of crowded house

1:07:20

adjacent? A

1:07:23

bit post-crowded house. Post-crowded house.

1:07:25

Great. Okay. Well,

1:07:28

before you go, we'd like you to ask

1:07:30

a question for next week's Dave from one

1:07:32

Dave to another. Okay. Hi,

1:07:34

Dave. This is Dave from New Zealand. At

1:07:36

what point in your life did you

1:07:38

realize you were David, Dave, Davey,

1:07:42

Dave-o if you're from down in New Zealand, Australia,

1:07:45

versus what other people wanted to call you?

1:07:47

Oh, very interesting. Yes.

1:07:51

I found that it's a very interesting

1:07:54

thing at some point you become I

1:07:56

am David rather than Dave, etc. Yes,

1:07:59

because... I would I would if

1:08:01

producer Dave is definitely not producer

1:08:03

David. I've never managed

1:08:05

to pull off David He's just not classy enough

1:08:07

Dave. No Thanks Thank

1:08:13

you, David, that's a that's a great question great

1:08:15

to speak to you. Oh good to speak to

1:08:18

you guys as well Thank you very much. Bye

1:08:20

now An

1:08:24

enormous thank you to David for staying up

1:08:26

so late just about 3 a.m. In New

1:08:28

Zealand now But there's just

1:08:30

about time before we go to fit in a petty parliament

1:08:43

The right honorable gentlemen annoying

1:08:45

Alison Jones Parliament

1:08:48

I sentence you to ten

1:08:50

years Not as

1:08:52

the court I See

1:08:56

five life right I'll get started

1:08:58

because this is one I come

1:09:01

up against all of the

1:09:03

time as a parent This is from

1:09:05

Tom in Manchester Individually wrapped

1:09:07

chewy sweets that are too

1:09:09

sticky and end up with some of the

1:09:11

paper wrapping stuck to the sweet This

1:09:14

is you the decision whether to try and get the

1:09:16

last bit of paper off which inevitably leads to having

1:09:18

sticky hands Or just putting up with it and eating

1:09:20

the paper Punishment for whoever is

1:09:23

manufacturing these sweets. They must walk around with a

1:09:25

bit of They must

1:09:27

walk around with a bit of paper stuck to their shoe for

1:09:29

a week. I like you

1:09:31

Tom Mmm, I would say that

1:09:33

that punishment isn't punishment enough in fact

1:09:36

really This really gets around

1:09:38

there's also some of these sweets are old-fashioned. There were

1:09:40

sweets that existed when I was a

1:09:42

kid 35

1:09:44

years ago and he just how is this problem not

1:09:46

been solved? well, let's just

1:09:49

to Stick up for

1:09:51

big sweet here. I'm sure

1:09:53

on the packet. It's gonna say something like store

1:09:55

in a cool dark place Are

1:09:58

you complaining about sweets that have? been left

1:10:00

on the rear, rear

1:10:02

parcel shelf of a Volkswagen Golf

1:10:05

in summer. Not

1:10:08

always, because I would say that this is an all

1:10:10

year round problem. And

1:10:13

I just think that science, that

1:10:15

John, if we can

1:10:17

put a man on the moon, then

1:10:20

we can convince them how to keep the sweets in the

1:10:22

environment they're designed to be kept in. Yes,

1:10:24

through some sort of advertising campaign or

1:10:27

failing that just better wrap

1:10:29

it. I mean, this, they're

1:10:31

like lollipop one. Also

1:10:34

the lollipop one. They're

1:10:36

sort of vacuum packed on and they're impossible to get

1:10:38

off of. That's just as any way they need to sort

1:10:40

the lollipop game out. The hell is that? So you're

1:10:43

talking about the flats of lollipop. That's

1:10:45

a problem. And also the round ones. Round

1:10:47

ones are the ones where you can't find

1:10:49

the end of the little

1:10:51

bit of plastic. So I just end up kind

1:10:53

of gouging into the top and just ripping it

1:10:55

off. Yeah, with a sharp knife. Yeah. And infuriating.

1:10:57

Do you as parents find yourself eating more sweets

1:10:59

than you usually would? Yeah, massively. Yeah, it's good

1:11:01

stuff. I

1:11:04

used to. And then I had a big word

1:11:06

myself in the mirror for

1:11:08

about an hour or so. And that word was

1:11:10

decay. And aggressive

1:11:12

plaque, some of which is genetic.

1:11:16

So not as much

1:11:18

as I used to. But I mean, the amount

1:11:21

of fish fingers I consume now is

1:11:23

absolute. It's sick. But

1:11:27

never, I mean, it's always a temptation if there's just

1:11:29

a bit of paper on it going, well, that's fine.

1:11:31

I'm not going to spot that once it's in the

1:11:33

old gob. It's amazing what

1:11:35

your mouth can figure

1:11:38

out. I've always said that. It's amazing what

1:11:40

your mouth can figure out. It's amazing what

1:11:42

your mouth can identify that shouldn't be in

1:11:45

there. When there is a tiniest morsel of

1:11:47

a thought, even if it's a hair that's

1:11:49

a millimetre long, it is mad how much

1:11:51

your mouth, I'll say it again, can figure

1:11:54

out. But it's good. But that's evolved to

1:11:56

stop you swallowing hair and paper. But isn't

1:11:58

it great? Because, really. It

1:12:00

should be called a mouth detective. Yes. Because

1:12:03

that's what your mouth is. Yeah.

1:12:05

Mad. I actually

1:12:08

think because of the lack of

1:12:10

clarity over the storage situation that

1:12:12

the punishment does fit

1:12:14

the crime. So Tom, the eyes have

1:12:17

it. So the eyes have it, the

1:12:19

eyes have it. Unlock. Okay, this is

1:12:21

from Claire. My petty parliament

1:12:23

is when air beds, paddling pools, inflatable

1:12:26

goods, brackets general, are sold in boxes

1:12:28

just big enough to fit the item

1:12:30

at the point of production. Claire, preach.

1:12:33

But are then impossible to ever repack

1:12:36

without a master's degree in engineering. The

1:12:38

nature of the product means that you need

1:12:40

to keep it safe when not in use

1:12:43

and the most efficient environmentally sound thing to

1:12:45

do is to put it back in this

1:12:47

original box but no matter how long you

1:12:49

try or how many swear words you use,

1:12:51

it just won't fit. Big offender on this

1:12:53

is like bedding stuff and sleeping

1:12:55

bags. Yeah. My punishment

1:12:57

for the manufacturers of said items with puny

1:13:00

packaging is for any new clothes they buy

1:13:02

to fit them once but then after that,

1:13:04

just be a bit too small. Snuggle the

1:13:07

arms and tighten the thigh. Claire, if the

1:13:09

eyes don't have this, then I give

1:13:11

up. And I'm guessing as parents, you'll be

1:13:13

frustrated by toys, puzzles

1:13:16

that have to be done in order to fit them

1:13:18

in the box. Yes. Because

1:13:20

obviously a kid does a big puzzle, then

1:13:23

takes it all apart, then you have in order

1:13:25

to get it put away, you

1:13:27

have to then redo the puzzle. Why am

1:13:29

I doing Jenga now with midnight? Yeah. As

1:13:32

long as it's in my game. Because I suppose it is down to

1:13:35

sustainability and environmental conscientiousness. Well,

1:13:37

no one wants more packaging

1:13:39

but we're talking like on

1:13:42

my bedding set, which

1:13:44

I keep as spare bedding if anyone has to

1:13:46

sleep on a sofa and all that's ever happened.

1:13:49

And it's like a duvet in two pillows that

1:13:51

came in a fabric sort

1:13:53

of suitcase. Unless

1:13:57

I am able to fold perfectly.

1:14:00

Lie on those objects to remove all the

1:14:02

air from them and then somehow get the

1:14:04

fabric suitcase on while I'm lying on them

1:14:06

Yeah, they won't fit. Yeah, so

1:14:09

I'm asking for an extra centimeter. Yeah,

1:14:11

that's all I'm asking for or a bag Well,

1:14:13

it is a bag, but it's a bag with a

1:14:16

zip. Yeah, but just a bigger bag.

1:14:18

Yeah I'm

1:14:20

not asking for way too much

1:14:22

packaging. No, I reckon

1:14:27

The little bag that my sleeping bag comes in

1:14:30

Could probably come to behold what 10 pistachio

1:14:32

nuts. Yeah Who

1:14:36

is this? Well, it's just a pistachio shell, isn't it?

1:14:40

I'm banging to this. Yeah, I have

1:14:42

it a million times over the paddling

1:14:44

pool Well,

1:14:48

thank you ever so much for listening today folks,

1:14:50

we're gonna be knocking around sounds

1:14:52

pretty soon See

1:14:54

you there on the mean streets What's that mean?

1:14:57

It means we're going to be on BBC sounds

1:14:59

Dave call this place to hang out dropping man

1:15:01

Yeah, cuz we're us and Melvin

1:15:03

Bragg. Yeah women's hour just lost

1:15:06

exit to sounds a documentary about

1:15:08

I don't know garden sort of

1:15:10

thing is it means literally

1:15:12

everything you could possibly all of human

1:15:15

experiences there Yeah, and us and us

1:15:17

but not a documentary about a man

1:15:24

Hi, goodbye