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1:05

Sounds, music, radio, podcasts.

1:26

Hello, and thank you for downloading

1:28

the Ellis James and John Robbins

1:30

podcast, an oasis of trusted content

1:32

in a desert of weak audio

1:34

endeavor. Is that what you're

1:36

calling BBC Sounds? Yeah. A desert of weak audio

1:38

endeavor. It's not good enough, Dave. And

1:41

this is why I should just read

1:43

through these. Oh, it's fine. I love

1:45

it. I was talking about

1:47

radio in general, which cannot keep up

1:49

with us or BBC Sounds. Because we

1:51

are one and the same. It's the

1:54

best platform out there. And

1:56

BBC Sounds curates good

1:58

quality. I was talking. about

2:01

commercial radio. It's

2:03

not in a,

2:06

that's a desert of week or two and

2:08

effort. It's just scanning through his brain to

2:10

work out if he's actually working for any

2:12

commercial radio stations at the minute. Does that

2:14

count? No, I think that's all right. There

2:16

is something for everyone on BBC Sounds. There

2:19

really is. That's the thing. Do you know what I'm

2:21

really enjoying at the minute on BBC Sounds? It's town

2:23

square, isn't it? It is. And in

2:25

and amongst the town square. It's the Trafford

2:27

Centre. It's

2:31

an audio Trafford Centre. I met gladiators at

2:33

the Trafford Centre just a month ago. Exactly.

2:36

And who were them to on BBC Sounds?

2:39

The most recent in our time is

2:41

about gladiators. Is it what was in

2:43

the ITV and BBC programme? The original

2:46

BBC one. So Melvin Bragg and three

2:48

professors talking about the original BBC gladiators.

2:50

Well, Eureka Johnson and John Fashions. Well,

2:52

that was ITV. That

2:54

was back in the day BBC bought it. BBC

2:56

bought it. It was kind of good

2:59

commercial acumen, most well displayed

3:01

on BBC Sounds. Yes. IMO.

3:04

Sorry, we've interrupted your one-year intro. Anyway, over

3:06

the past few weeks as England and Scotland

3:08

have become overwhelmed with Euros fever and the

3:11

people of Wales and Northern Ireland wonder why

3:13

all the football-based offers are also available in

3:15

our as does. We offer

3:17

valued alternatives on this show. You

3:19

might get finesse with Kate's, dexterity

3:21

with Crossman and ingenuity with Chappers,

3:23

but Five Live have come to

3:25

us for a different angle. And

3:28

that angle is, I'm still devastated to

3:30

Wales haven't qualified. Producer Dave has just terrified a

3:32

city player will get injured because he's a club

3:34

of the country and John is more interested in

3:36

the US Open that's just finished in the T20

3:38

World Cup. That's right. Five

3:41

Live is able to discuss whether Kane comes too

3:43

deep or whether Billy Gilmour can power Scotland in

3:45

the last 16, but you won't get that from

3:47

us. You will, however, hear an

3:49

awful lot about those tents that go on the

3:52

top of cars, stories of boxes being helpful to

3:54

members of the general public on my new observation

3:56

that if you squint your eyes, Rory Stewart looks

3:58

like a well-described cyberpunk. I

4:02

think so. Just going to your eyes and

4:05

really want it to be the

4:07

case. I've started talking like Rory

4:09

Stewart. Yeah. In Connecticut. I say,

4:11

very good. Before when I

4:13

want to sort of change the topic. Yes. Very

4:15

good. Yes. Very

4:18

good. And soften your T's in

4:20

the American style. Yeah. Yeah. Even

4:22

though you've got a man. When someone's saying something, I

4:24

know what they're about to say. Yeah. Do what he

4:27

does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's

4:29

not annoying. Not

4:31

annoying. So you're sort of trying to hurry the one. Yeah.

4:34

So you can get on to discussing ideas.

4:36

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing.

4:38

Yeah. Lovely dynamic between the two of them though.

4:41

It's great. I really do like it.

4:43

It's a really good stuff. And

4:45

I like new custom BBC sounds. Good

4:48

stuff. It's politics on BBC sounds. Nope.

4:50

No, okay. So it's a Trafford centre

4:52

where the shop you wanted to visit

4:54

has shut down. But

4:56

there's still plenty of stuff there. But what

4:59

I would say is you've brought 400 DVDs

5:01

to sell to Games Exchange and

5:04

it's a faff because you're sweating.

5:06

You're carrying two big bags for

5:09

life. Yeah. And they're so heavy.

5:11

You're now too far from the car. Yes.

5:15

So you've got to carry 400 DVDs round

5:17

all of the shops. Yes, because and you've

5:19

already put the stuff in the shelf they

5:21

were in. Yeah. And you can't go back

5:23

to the car with those bags. So the

5:25

question is, do you just chuck them? So

5:28

something needs to happen. And you're

5:30

looking at the security guard outside W.S. Smith's you think,

5:32

does he care if I leave

5:34

400 DVDs here now? Is he going to

5:37

kick off? So you give them to him.

5:39

Yeah. You say here's 400 DVDs and say

5:41

this is a gift that's all sort of

5:43

problem. Yeah. And one of the Monty Python

5:45

ones is actually weirdly quite valuable. I

5:49

can't be bothered. I can't be bothered to

5:51

do anything about it. Still good bumper cars

5:54

at the Trafford Centre. Oh, God.

5:56

I was there just again. So

5:58

gladiators diamond. from

8:00

London to Brighton. Wow. We were

8:02

woo. Why? Yes. Yes. Yes. Much

8:04

bigger deal than I'd realized. How

8:06

is the bomb? How is the

8:08

nethers last week when we recorded?

8:12

I you were applying bum gel throughout

8:14

the entire show. I went into a

8:16

bike shop and I

8:18

said, um, hi, I'm doing the London to Brighton

8:21

bike, great tomorrow for the Burchard foundation. I

8:23

need some cycle shorts. I don't own cycling

8:25

gear. I've got one pair of cycling shorts,

8:28

but they're very uncomfortable and they were made

8:30

by a brewery. I

8:33

buy the counter. Is it listed to his

8:35

podcast? I said, did John get you there?

8:37

And I said, yes, he did. I

8:41

said, John bought me some brewery cycling shorts,

8:43

but I, I had a test ride last,

8:45

last night and if they're not fit for

8:47

purpose, he said, don't worry. I can get

8:49

you some good ones. So I, I, I

8:51

had some nice cycling shorts, but I wore

8:54

full wheels, sneaky little dizzy, little dizzy from

8:56

the PCD was there. Discount

8:58

he's saying. Oh no, no, there wasn't. Isn't

9:01

that quite nice and probably quite a weird

9:03

thing where someone just joins in with the

9:05

conversation out of nowhere and they're just then

9:07

in because they're aware of the narrative. It

9:09

happens. I had that at T-bay. Yeah. Recognized

9:12

that the counter did not translate into

9:14

a dizzy. I

9:17

was like, he's going to wave me through with

9:19

this tray. This is going to be

9:22

some of the good stuff. Johnny J.

9:24

R. With his battered head, a

9:26

can chip some on. See

9:29

you. Let me zone some gratis.

9:32

Not even, not even staff dizzy day. That

9:37

didn't ruin the experience. Who did it ruin

9:39

the whole week? Oh, I could have got

9:41

85 P off some fish and chips. Well,

9:44

I, well, I went, I

9:46

didn't expect a dizzy from this bike shop. But

9:48

he did say, did John get you the brewery

9:50

cycling shorts? And I said, yes. So I got

9:52

some second shorts felt quite exposed in them. So

9:54

what full wheels kit over the top and that

9:56

felt good. So how did, were they, what was

9:59

the padding different? That's

24:01

the sort of stuff he does. The

24:04

Uranite for Banksy. Yeah,

24:08

but the Gameboy is economics. It's

24:10

just a game, isn't it? And

24:13

then there's the 11 a side

24:16

football game that happened in the

24:18

trenches on the Boxing Day

24:21

armistice, but you turn around and they're

24:23

all David Beckerman and all getting paid

24:25

a million pounds. They're playing with a

24:27

big flower. They're playing with a big

24:30

flower, David, sponsored by Adidas. Yeah,

24:35

that's his next one. Yeah. Yeah.

24:38

Speaking all weird. I'm

24:42

just trying to think of

24:44

my next Banksy idea, Dave.

24:46

And it's Stonehenge, but Stonehenge is

24:48

not stones. They're all iPads. They're

24:50

all iPads, Dave. Big iPads. And

24:52

the people aren't kneeling

24:55

down before the sunrise in the summer

24:57

solstice. They're staring at the glare of

24:59

the iPads with the Tesco home screen.

25:02

It makes

25:06

you think, doesn't it, Dave? It does in

25:08

a way. It does make you think, doesn't

25:10

it, Dave? It's

25:13

a picture of some F-16

25:15

fighters, but they're actually

25:18

butterflies about to land on the

25:21

face of Tony Blair. Yeah,

25:23

Dave. They're

25:26

not dropping bombs, they're dropping

25:28

processed food. They're dropping processed

25:30

food, Dave, onto hamburgers, which

25:32

are being eaten by helmet

25:34

coal. Wow.

25:41

So you are Banksy, it turns out. I

25:44

could not say. Imagine

25:47

if I was Banksy. I

25:50

think that would be the most shocked you were about anything

25:52

ever. Because you're not getting up that early to do the

25:54

paintings. I'd shock myself. It's not. You

25:56

might be doing them very late. I would be shocked

25:58

to death. Yeah, folks would die if I was Banksy.

26:00

I would die if John was Banksy. Because you'd be

26:02

at home at 8pm and you'd go, I'm meant to

26:04

be nipping out to do my next Banksy, but I'm

26:07

knackered. I need to go to bed by 9pm. So

26:10

no Banksy's would ever get done if you were Banksy.

26:12

Yeah, but Dave, if I was Banksy, do you honestly

26:15

think I'd be doing them myself by now? Oh!

26:19

Franchise Banksy. No way. Banksy.

26:23

We have a caller on the line for Bizarre Bo- It's Banksy! It's

26:27

not as far- well, who knows? Who

26:29

knows, Lindsay? Hello Lindsay! Hello!

26:33

Hello Lindsay. How are you doing and where are

26:35

you calling from? I am calling from a place called

26:37

Bishop Riggs just north of Glasgow. Oh, lovely.

26:39

Quick question. Are you Banksy? Sadly

26:41

not, no. Or is she? I

26:44

would say if I was Banksy. That's

26:46

what Banksy would say. What's your

26:48

bizarre boast, Lindsay? Well,

26:51

it's kind of according to my husband, I

26:53

suit every hat. Ah,

26:56

the ultimate head! And face. We are

26:58

opposites. There's

27:00

not a hat in history that has suited

27:02

me, going back a thousand years. Apart from

27:05

a dancer's hat. Right,

27:07

yeah. I've

27:09

tried them all. So in

27:12

the winter you were able to wear a beanie when it's cold. Yeah,

27:15

I mean pretty much every waking hour

27:17

in the winter in Scotland. But even

27:19

like novelty ones, the mad

27:21

wedding guest ones, things like that.

27:24

Sort of the ascot ones that are

27:26

probably called fancy or something. Like

27:29

a bit of net that you clip to the side of

27:31

your head. Oh, yeah. Quick question,

27:33

Lindsay. What is it about your

27:35

head or face? What's

27:38

the key? What's the secret to this? I have no

27:40

idea. I don't know. Because I

27:43

just, I look like a complete goon in every hat.

27:45

I imagine you're... I think visible hair.

27:47

I think when you can see your hair. I think

27:49

it's weird if you have your hair as a female

27:51

with long hair. If you have a ponytail and you

27:53

put hat on, it looks a bit weird. So maybe

27:55

it's just covering up all your hair. Makes it look

27:57

weird. Okay, that's interesting. That's interesting. definition,

28:00

I guess I wore a cap

28:02

in today and there are caps that suit

28:04

me and caps that don't look good in

28:06

a cap, but I need quite a deep

28:08

cap. You do. I don't like

28:10

a cap that's too shallow on the dough

28:12

and the hipster caps. Yeah. I need, I

28:15

need one that actually your head sort of

28:17

slots into. Yeah. It's

28:20

a shame because there are occasions

28:22

when I, I like, I look

28:24

like a complete slice when

28:26

I wear a bike helmet, but obviously I've got

28:28

to do it. I don't think you look like

28:30

a slice. I don't think anyone looks bad when

28:32

they were. And also I don't think it's about

28:34

looking good in a bike helmet. Not looking alive,

28:37

but some people when they put them on, they

28:39

look quite cool. And I just look like a

28:41

slice with Lindsay would look cool. That's that's Lindsay's

28:43

super power. Well, do you make use of it?

28:45

Lindsay, do you own lots of different hats? Hats

28:49

and Willie hatch mostly really

28:51

go for the, they're

28:53

really going for too many. Well, thank

28:56

you very much for your call. Thank you

28:58

for speaking to us about your bizarre boast

29:00

and we'll be reading more of your claims

29:02

out later. Thanks. Bye. Right

29:14

then it's time for a made

29:17

up game. Yes,

29:50

it's a made up game and who sent it

29:52

in this week, David? What a bit. This

29:55

week's game is from John via good

29:57

friend, a median in bad median. on,

30:00

which is Welsh name, isn't it, Als? It's

30:02

Sonee, my chemistry teacher, called Maria. Dear Alice,

30:04

John and Dave, I've only just discovered your

30:07

podcast and I'm completely hooked. I

30:09

particularly love your made up game segment, not least,

30:11

because I have a good friend called John, a

30:13

big fan of the podcast, who is the king

30:15

of made up games. We both work as house

30:18

parents in a boarding school and he regularly makes

30:20

up batty, but

30:22

brilliant games for the girls in his house

30:24

and staff at any opportunity. I wonder if

30:26

you could ever catch up if

30:28

you started listening now. What do you mean? Is

30:31

the retro one of status gone? Is that what you mean? People

30:33

are still doing it. Yeah, but I wonder

30:35

if this was the first

30:37

episode you'd ever listened to, would you ever

30:40

get up to date? Yeah,

30:43

because I think, yeah, I mean, you could plow

30:45

through a couple in a day, easy. How much

30:47

do you want it? Yeah, if you're really committed.

30:49

How long time? How much do you want it?

30:53

Because what was it? Because someone was saying how long it'd be if

30:55

you listened to it all back to back. It'd

30:59

be a while. I'd be a zigzag one-up if I had

31:01

to start. I would start

31:03

at the start and listen to the XFM ones.

31:05

And a zigzag one-er is what, Alice? Someone who

31:07

doesn't do them all in sequential order. Because I

31:10

think some people go backwards. Who doggds around. But

31:12

I mean, I would have to do it in

31:14

order, I think, to get all of the great

31:16

themes. Or some people go

31:19

backwards. Some people go backwards, which

31:21

is mad. That's insane. No, I went backwards on

31:23

this in politics. Did you? Yeah.

31:26

Not to the start, but you know, that's... But

31:29

is that, yeah. But that's, they're all quite

31:31

self-contained, aren't they, in a way? They

31:34

are topical, Dave. They are topical, but I

31:36

think in a way that everyone's aware of

31:38

the topicality. It's not in themes

31:40

and stuff. It's stuff that's out there in the world and

31:43

has been probably quite public. Anyway,

31:45

where were we? I

31:48

loved the recent introduction of dice into

31:50

the fold. Obviously, dice is plural. Die

31:52

is singular. You get told of. Got

31:54

a couple of messages, which is fine.

31:57

It just water off a duck's back,

31:59

of course. Oh, never let live. Stadia

32:01

stadiums, only a complete slice would say

32:03

stadia. That's true. It's

32:06

like medium, mediums and all that, just

32:09

calm down. But

32:13

we will be getting it right today. I

32:15

loved the recent introduction of dice into

32:17

the fold, so I bring you a

32:19

slightly modified game of his that involves

32:21

these six-sided cubes of random wonder. It

32:24

also coincides nicely with the Euros

32:26

going on at the moment. It's

32:28

called going the Dysonts, where

32:30

Ellis and John have to guess how

32:33

long it takes to get from one

32:35

European capital to another via different modes

32:37

of transport, driving, public transport which is

32:39

trains and buses, walking, cycling and flying.

32:42

I'll remind you of that in a bit. Don't worry

32:44

about that. We'll come back to it. For each round,

32:47

Dave will give two capitals of countries competing at this

32:49

year's Euros. He will then roll

32:51

the die because there's just one in play

32:53

today, so it's the die, to determine

32:56

which mode of transport is in play. I think John's

32:58

going to be insane. I think he might be. Both

33:00

players will then submit their answers in hours and minutes.

33:03

Closest to the right answer wins the

33:05

points. I know someone who drove to

33:07

Barcelona from Cardiff the other day. I

33:10

know how long that took, but

33:12

obviously that involves stops. So

33:14

are you just going from Google maps? If

33:16

you were to drive continuously. Yeah, that's the

33:18

question. Closest to the right answer, sorry,

33:20

no, for each, you have read that bit. Where

33:23

am I? Dave B. Betts. You

33:28

two keep interrupting me on a roll, literally, because

33:30

I got the die in one hand. Nice.

33:33

And then you guys keep interrupting. For example,

33:35

if the round is Brussels in Belgium to

33:37

Amsterdam in the Netherlands and Dave rolls a

33:39

four, Ellis and John have to guess

33:41

how long it takes to cycle between the two. Closest

33:44

answer wins to the point. However,

33:46

but go on. Are you

33:48

including stops? No, it's Google

33:51

maps. If Dave rolls

33:53

a six, the designated chooser

33:55

of that round gets to decide the mode of

33:57

transport from the five options because there's only really.

33:59

five strong options so we've used the number six

34:01

as a bit of a free play for one

34:04

of you whoever's in play to control the round.

34:07

The die rolls denote the following modes of transport

34:09

do you want to write these down or shall

34:11

I just remind you in each round? Just remind

34:13

me at the time. Okay good stuff. I would

34:15

stop just vibing. We'll vibe it. All

34:17

information is taken from Google Maps. Good luck scores

34:19

on the doors. Ellis is leading 15 love

34:22

in the fourth game. Three

34:24

games to love overall so

34:27

John this is the one to

34:29

get back into the fourth game. John's

34:33

in the zone. Ellis are you in the zone?

34:35

No I'll be concerned about this one must admit.

34:37

Okay good. Should

34:40

we play? Yes. Heavyweights

34:42

Spain and Italy battled it out for

34:44

a tense 1-0 win in the second

34:46

match in their group but how long

34:49

does it take to get from Madrid

34:51

in Spain to Rome in Italy? Shall

34:54

I roll the blooming die? Yeah. What is

34:58

it, Ellis? Five.

35:01

Five is flying. So

35:03

both you're both in play. Scribble

35:05

down your answers don't let either see. We're going from Madrid

35:07

to Rome. Do you want the miles? I think the miles

35:09

gives it away a bit much. No I don't want the

35:11

miles. Fine. So

35:14

just a point in play here for the closest to

35:16

the pin. So you're

35:18

flying from Madrid to Rome.

35:21

Let me know when you scribbled. Yeah.

35:23

Okay John's in. Locked

35:25

in. Ellis? No there's a lot of

35:27

rubbing out going on in Ellis. Okay

35:30

got it. Good. Ellis

35:32

what comes to you first? Two hours ten.

35:34

Two hours ten for Ellis. John. Two hours

35:36

15. You are kidding me. It's

35:39

two hours 20. Oh my god that's

35:43

huge. That's... Do you know

35:45

what? I can't

35:47

be grudged you on the point. You can't.

35:49

That's great gameplay. That's

35:52

massive. That

35:54

feels significant. That is the most exciting

35:56

thing that we've ever had on up

35:58

and on this show. Okay,

36:01

what do you mean we weren't just tossing tea

36:03

bags into a cup Alex? We once

36:05

ate fish and chips before Radio X top brass

36:07

came on a tour and they got annoyed at

36:09

the smell of vinegar and this. Oh yeah, that

36:11

was also good. That was also massive. One

36:14

nil to John. Round

36:16

two, can I have the dice please? Can I roll

36:18

the dice please? Yeah, of course you can mate. There

36:20

you go. Don't lose it. How am I

36:22

gonna lose it? Don't put it in

36:25

your mouth. Dave, I'm not five. Do not

36:27

put it in your mouth. I'm gonna put it in my mouth.

36:29

And have you washed your hands? Yeah. No, never. That's why I've

36:31

got an incredible immune system. Round

36:34

two, this year's Euros kicked off with

36:36

Germany beating Scotland 5-1, but game two

36:38

was also a cracking game with Switzerland

36:40

beating Hungary 3-1. But

36:43

how long does it take to get from

36:45

Bern in Switzerland to Budapest

36:47

in Hungary? John's

36:50

gonna roll the dice. Die.

36:52

Sorry. It's a

36:55

number two. It's public transport. It's

36:57

PT, which is... Buses and

36:59

trains. All

37:04

calculated via Google Maps, it's

37:06

Bern to Budapest. On buses

37:09

and trains. Absolutely.

37:17

John will want to win this game. Just

37:20

to get back in. Get back into

37:22

the scoring. John has an answer. Ellis,

37:24

have you got an answer? 12 hours. I'm

37:28

banking on it only being trains,

37:30

really. Interesting. Because why would you

37:32

get the bus? Because

37:35

Budapest has got a train. Station

37:37

Azdas Bern. Yeah, well

37:39

I thought that was a little bit high, but maybe I've

37:41

gone mad. John. I've got five hours

37:43

40. Yeah, you've gone mad. Have

37:45

I? Well, it's not mad because I

37:47

think this is really hard. I think it's the hardest of

37:50

the transport. Ellis, you're 29 minutes off. 11

37:52

hours 31. That's

37:54

a long time. I

37:57

have gone mad there then. Well... Well, I thought

37:59

that was a bit high. Like if there was if

38:01

it was two trains, well, that's it. You don't really

38:03

train does that interest don't know Okay, so that's the

38:05

thing you don't really I'm not even got Google in

38:07

front of you I've just got I've just got a

38:09

document just to keep things snappy. Okay, you

38:12

know, we've all got things to do

38:14

in life Okay, it's

38:16

one all okay round the

38:18

dice again, please I

38:21

want to do it. You should share with your brother and

38:23

yet and he hasn't watched this on the hands of been

38:25

done as All right, what's the next

38:27

one? Two

38:30

countries from the UK are taking part England and

38:32

Scotland But how long does it take to get

38:35

from London in England where we are right now?

38:38

It's Edinburgh in Scotland John

38:41

you're on the dice, please It's

38:43

a six choice your choice. Joe choose

38:45

what you want Sorry

38:50

Well, good driving. He's going driving because he loves

38:52

his car. Alice. Are you happy with that choice?

38:54

I'll be happy with the trains. I know exactly

38:57

what it is to the second but well, we'll

38:59

come back to that So this is no stops

39:01

is it? no stops London

39:06

to Edinburgh we're driving there It's

39:10

a well trodden route central London. Yeah

39:13

When did you make this calculation because Google?

39:15

Yes, this take Will it

39:17

involved willing to take into account traffic? What time

39:19

do we make the calculator? Michael

39:22

will have done it at some point yesterday. I imagine Six

39:25

p.m. Six p.m. Oh, that does feel

39:27

significant. It also changes if you're starting

39:29

from London My veils say

39:32

what day was it Thursday Thursday 6

39:34

p.m. Traffic London is bad Okay,

39:37

after our time on this one I'm

39:42

just gonna Google to see what it is now Hmm

39:46

Is actually trickier than I was thinking

39:48

to work out then because I've

39:50

only done it from Bristol and back But

39:53

also I've been ever driven from what your

39:55

house. Yeah have actually I've

40:00

done it The London factor is

40:02

significant. Is driving me mad. Okay.

40:05

Do you want to know exactly where it's from? Because it

40:07

would be different if it was the other way around. Because

40:09

the traffic in Edinburgh is not as bad at 6pm as

40:11

it is from London. Yeah, you're going to know where. It's

40:13

Trafalgar Square. Ah, nice one

40:15

Dave. What? Alright, I've got my...

40:17

I've got to give you the information. No

40:19

stopping is significant as well. Yeah,

40:22

okay. Okay, Ellis, Ellis. Oh no,

40:24

you've gone twice first Ellis. So John, what comes to

40:26

you first please? I'm at 6 hours 59 minutes. 6.59,

40:29

Ellis. 8 hours 30, because

40:32

the London factor. 8.30, oh hold on. It's

40:39

7 hours 47, which

40:41

makes Ellis closer. Not

40:44

by much though. By

40:47

5 minutes. Wow, so sweet.

40:50

What was it 7 what? 7 hours 47. Ellis

40:53

is 2-1. This is huge. It

40:55

is huge. It's actually a tensor game than

40:57

I thought it was going to be. Round

41:00

4, favourites France earned a hard fought 1-0

41:02

win against Austria in their opening match. But

41:04

how long does it take to get from

41:06

John? Give the dye to Ellis please. No

41:08

lame to it, he loves it. It doesn't

41:10

matter. Okay. Wait a minute.

41:14

Alright, he's rolled its

41:17

1, so we're driving again. Vienna in

41:19

Austria to Paris in France.

41:25

No stops. Yes, it will always be

41:27

no stops. And also

41:29

how would you account for stops? Well,

41:33

because I know people have done mad drives. Yeah,

41:35

but how would Dave say? How

41:39

long are you stopping for? Alright. Just

41:42

assume every Google map is just a

41:44

mad drive. Google

41:46

map into their mad drives. Vienna

41:48

to Paris. Amazing.

41:56

How are you getting on Ellis? He's

42:00

got an answer. John, you got an answer? Yep.

42:02

L is 2 first place. 16 hours. 16

42:05

hours. John. 11 hours 10. Good.

42:09

11 hours 10. He's back in the game. It was

42:11

13 hours 31 minutes. There's

42:13

not a huge amount in

42:15

it though. Only just, yeah,

42:17

well done. You're both

42:19

straddling either side of the actual answer. Yeah, but

42:21

always by about the same amount, which is what

42:23

makes this the tensest game that we've ever played.

42:25

And what's absolutely delicious is it's two all going

42:28

into the fifth round. Oh, that's right. Hosts

42:31

Germany are one of the big

42:33

favorites and their neighbors,

42:36

Netherlands aren't too bad either. But how long

42:38

does it take? There's

42:41

not a fixture there. It's just two

42:43

countries that are quite good at football. But

42:45

how long does it take to get

42:47

from Berlin in Germany to Amsterdam in

42:49

Netherlands? John's

42:52

going to roll the dice. This is huge. It's a

42:54

6. It's a 6, but you don't

42:56

get to because you chose the last one. I think

42:58

it's the only further. Ellis gets to choose the mode

43:00

of transport. Ellis, you're choosing

43:03

the mode out of driving, PT,

43:05

walking and cycling. What's PT up

43:07

in transport? And it's Berlin

43:09

to Amsterdam. So I'd say there's maybe a slight

43:12

advantage to Ellis if he's going to pick one

43:14

here that he's stronger on than

43:16

John might be. We know John likes his

43:18

driving. Or he could be a laugh and

43:20

choose walking. All right, then

43:22

I'll choose walking. Right. Good.

43:25

I think John has done some

43:27

maths somehow. I don't

43:29

know how he would have done. Can I just calculate it? No,

43:32

you can use your mind. Well, I haven't got

43:34

one. Berlin

43:38

to Amsterdam. Walking.

43:41

You could just do hours if you want or you can do days

43:43

and hours. But can you both

43:45

do the same, please? Let's

43:50

do days and hours. Let's do days and

43:52

hours. Do

43:54

you want the average walking speed? No, no, no,

43:57

no, Dave. I'm

44:04

rooting for John here just for... Because

44:07

of my mental health. Well yeah. I've

44:10

got my answer, can I divide it into hours for

44:12

you with a calculator? Because I can't do that much.

44:14

Just do it in days and hours. That's

44:17

what you're struggling to do. I've worked out in minutes. You've

44:19

worked out in minutes? Yeah, because I know what the average

44:21

walking speed is according to Google in weeks. Okay, you can

44:23

do that with... That's

44:26

the most generous I've ever seen you be. Thanks,

44:28

John. John

44:30

has an answer, but we'll just wait for Alice to Google.

44:34

How long does it take to wa...

44:36

Alice! Are you Googling how long, Gid?

44:40

He's not. Okay, alright then. It's

44:43

too old. It's Berlin to Amsterdam. It's

44:46

your walking option. John,

44:49

please. This

44:52

is walking constantly, yeah? I've

44:55

gone six days, 14 hours. Six

44:58

days. Alice doesn't written a down day.

45:01

I've gone 66 hours, 40 minutes. So

45:03

what's that? I

45:05

did ask for days and hours. Basically

45:08

three days. Well, it's not better.

45:11

No, it's less than three days, isn't it? Yeah,

45:13

so it's a bit less than three days. How

45:15

many, what was the figure? 4,000 minutes,

45:17

66 hours. So

45:19

what's that? I need days and hours. So

45:22

that's two days, 18 hours. Shall

45:25

we get rid of the minutes, Alan? Just do days and

45:28

hours. Fine. Two days, 18

45:30

hours, Dave. Two days, 18 hours to

45:32

walk. To

45:35

Amsterdam from Berlin, the answer is five

45:37

days, 23 hours. How far is it

45:40

in miles? A hundred and f... No.

45:42

Uh, 358 miles. It's

45:44

further than I thought. It's further than you thought. My calculations

45:46

would be something about 200 miles. So

45:48

Alice's two days to 18 hours and

45:51

John's six days, 14 hours. Six

45:53

days, 14 hours is closest to five days, 23 hours.

45:55

Well done, John. Because Google thinks he'd walk a mile

45:58

in about 20 minutes. miles

46:00

an hour apparently is the walk through. Well

46:02

you're fast people. I'm way faster than you.

46:04

John is faster than that. What a whippie

46:06

over there. But you're not an average man.

46:08

4.2 miles per hour. Okay, good.

46:10

Well done. Well done John. Thank you. Good

46:13

game. Really interesting. Got a lot of different

46:15

parts of the brain thinking. Good use of

46:17

the dye. Good made up game. Good

46:24

stuff. What are we doing? Great stuff.

46:26

We're gonna do some bizarre boasts, Dave.

46:29

This is a good one from Naomi. I'm

46:31

in a ukulele band. The first person ever

46:33

to post a photo of us on Twitter

46:35

was the author of 50 Shades of Grey.

46:37

Oh that is good. Unfortunately it was a

46:40

few months before she became famous and got

46:42

zillions of followers. I'd love to be the

46:44

author of 50 Shades of Grey, Dave. I'd

46:46

had so much money. You'd have to go

46:48

out in your locker. Oh I would go

46:51

away. You never ashamed me again. E.L. James.

46:53

E.L. James? And it's James of

46:56

course. But is day like sex?

46:58

This is like sex, Dave. And he

47:00

likes S&M. Do

47:04

you, E.L.? Why

47:07

do you think you needed a bigger house, Dave?

47:09

You don't need a huge house for S&M. Well,

47:12

you need a separate room. Yeah. For

47:15

someone to keep all your wipes. Behind Jean.

47:17

Behind Jean. I can, this

47:19

is from Andy. I can accurately cut 30

47:21

grams of Parmesan cheese first time every time.

47:23

Yeah. That's good though. Useful.

47:26

This is from Sarah.

47:28

I'm a really quick reader. I read 16

47:31

books on a two week holiday last year and I had

47:33

to play with my kids for part of it. Love

47:36

that little slice of life. This

47:40

is from Nimrod. It's

47:43

a cool name. We're about to hear a cooler name. I

47:46

once bummed a cigarette from David Bowie. It

47:49

was a Marlborough night. Wow.

47:52

There you go mate. Can you give me 20p? Yeah.

47:56

They're not cheap anymore these days.

48:00

This is from Emma. I can tuck my

48:02

ear into itself and ping it out at

48:04

will with the slightest invisible movement of my

48:06

cheek. My children say a magic word

48:08

and I get it to ping out and

48:10

then they think they're actually magicians. Oh that's

48:12

good. I'd like a ping-a-polly-a. Very

48:15

good stuff. Dave, should we chat to a

48:17

Dave around the world please? Let's go around

48:19

the world in 80 days. Paris.

48:22

Cairo. Paris, Texas.

48:25

Helsinki. Paris, Virginia. An

48:27

unincorporated community. Around

48:30

the world in 80 days. We

48:35

have been championing Dave's for four

48:37

months now and do you

48:39

know who else was a great champion of Dave's? Michael

48:42

Angelo. That's who. It was

48:45

discovered just this week the Renaissance artist, one

48:47

of the great artists of the age no

48:49

less and originally wanted to name his famous

48:51

statue the biblical figure of David, Dave. Michael

48:54

Angelo was Dave. But

48:57

the powers that be stepped in and decreed

48:59

that the name Dave didn't fit the bill

49:01

for one of art history's most famous works.

49:03

Imagine what high esteem we'd hold the

49:06

Daves of today if in

49:08

fact Michael Angelo had been able to get

49:10

his way. It's a very sobering thought but

49:12

we are striving here to continue the work

49:14

of Michael Angelo collecting connecting the

49:16

Daves of this world and doing our bit to

49:18

create the world's first Dave to base in around

49:20

the world in 80 days. Last week we

49:23

spoke to Dave in Spain but who's

49:25

joining us this time round. Firstly

49:28

hello there what's your name?

49:30

Hello I'm David. Oh

49:33

hello David. And will you be based David?

49:36

I am based in a

49:38

lovely grey Brussels. Oh a

49:41

Belgian Dave. Belgian Dave out

49:43

of interest. Not really actually.

49:46

Where are you from? San Portuguese. Oh

49:49

nice what a lovely mix. That is a

49:51

nice mix. Do you go by

49:53

the name Dave? No David.

49:55

David okay. My

50:00

friend called me late when I was younger. So

50:02

for about 10 years I was mainly in date.

50:04

And where did you grow up? In

50:07

France. Lovely stuff. Which part of France?

50:10

In the west of France,

50:12

close to Brittany. Oh, lovely.

50:15

The mouth of the Loire, close to

50:17

Nantes. Oh, nice. Britain,

50:19

of course, very close to London. Nice food in

50:21

the 90s. Good

50:23

cider. Yes. Here's a

50:26

question for you, David. I've spent a few... I've

50:29

been to Belgium a few times to watch wheels play

50:31

football. And I went, the

50:34

strength of the beer. How

50:37

do you get anything done? Because

50:41

it is insane how strong the

50:43

beer is in Belgium, in particular

50:45

in Brussels. So is that obviously

50:47

stronger than the beer in France? Is it something you had

50:49

to get used to? Yes,

50:51

you do. You do. I'm still not used

50:53

to it. It's been 10 years after. I'm

50:56

still relatively mistrustful

51:00

of the Belgian beers. I never know how I'm

51:02

going to get out of this. So I'm prudent.

51:05

I go with the odd pills. I

51:08

check the label. I went to a place

51:10

called... Is it Cafe Moire du Sable in

51:13

Belgium? Not far from the ground, because

51:15

wheels are playing there. And none

51:17

of the beer was labelled. And

51:19

I remember going in. And

51:21

the next thing I remember is I was on stage at the Salford

51:24

and I would be doing a gig. It's

51:27

incredible. Incredible stuff. So what

51:29

do you do for a living, David? I

51:32

work for the EU. I'm a economist.

51:35

Oh, Dave, what can we

51:38

talk to David about

51:40

with regards finances in the EU that

51:42

would be allowed during an election period?

51:44

Well, I think we can just ask

51:47

David what he does there. Yeah,

51:49

David, what sort of specific areas are you

51:51

working on at the minute? I've

51:55

been working for the last few years on

51:57

the EU recovery plan, you know, these big

51:59

spank. the inclined for to recover from the

52:01

COVID and so we are we

52:04

have set up a big instrument

52:06

to support investments and reforms in

52:08

our member states to get out

52:11

better from the crisis that's

52:13

what I do. Okay so

52:15

I have no opinion on whether we should

52:18

be a part of that process. What's your

52:20

favorite colour David? I'm

52:25

joking but in in seriousness

52:28

what else is there to talk about? It is

52:30

an election period David and because of the unique

52:32

way the BBC is funded John has lots of

52:35

questions that he's unable to ask you and I

52:37

think that's a good thing. What languages

52:40

do you speak David? French,

52:43

English, Spanish and Portuguese. That's my

52:45

dream. That's impressive. That's my dream.

52:47

You could walk a long way

52:49

in a straight line without having

52:52

to get a translator. Yeah.

52:54

Is my first thought. It

52:58

is an odd one. I'm surprised by that.

53:05

Not the main benefit. No

53:08

but it's nice to think about that

53:10

if you just started walking west you

53:13

could walk a heck of a long way without

53:15

needing a two-way dictionary. So

53:17

presumably the office you work in is

53:20

you know very multicultural you've got people from all

53:22

over the EU working in it. Yeah.

53:25

And what have you learned from working with people from lots

53:27

of different countries? Well you

53:30

have to be always mindful of

53:32

the way they might react to

53:34

mundane situations

53:37

that the way you might perceive

53:39

something is not a given so

53:42

you always it's not

53:44

that you lose spontaneity you're more careful you

53:46

try to put yourself in their shoes and

53:48

try to think okay is

53:52

that you're going to be the well-received

53:54

but I think it's no not more

53:57

different than many people living in I

53:59

don't know. in London or any big

54:01

city, but it's true that in my

54:04

where I work, yeah, I

54:06

have in my small team, I

54:09

have you know, big sort of

54:11

nationalities. So it's

54:13

really being you, you know, to be to have

54:15

some empathy and trying to put

54:17

put yourself in there. Well, thank you so

54:19

much for speaking to us, David.

54:22

And we've got a question for you

54:24

from last week's Dave, and we'd like

54:26

you to set a question for next

54:29

week's Dave. So we're going to start

54:31

off with last week's question. Hi, Dave,

54:33

this is Dave from Madrid in Spain.

54:35

And my question to you is, what's

54:38

your favorite home cooked meal made

54:40

in your home, whether you cook

54:42

it or someone else does? Thank

54:45

you, Dave. Well, my favorite home

54:47

cooked meal is my wife's chorizo

54:50

pizza, which is which

54:53

she made, she usually makes it with

54:55

my kids on this Friday afternoon. So

54:57

when I finish my week, there

55:00

it is. And it means the weekend is

55:02

starting and it's really just hands

55:05

down much better than any pizza

55:07

I've eaten elsewhere. Wow. So let's

55:09

do one. Oh,

55:11

Dave in studio here made an

55:13

audible noise and it's sort of

55:15

almost sort of fainting. So I

55:17

well, I've made the decision recently

55:19

to not eat red meat. We

55:22

made a ragu last weekend. Fantastic

55:25

Ottolenghi vegan ragu recipe, Dave. Okay,

55:27

well, this is a good ragu

55:29

recipe. We enjoy making it and

55:32

it was chicken and

55:34

chorizo ragu. So we might,

55:36

we saw some, I

55:39

suppose, vegetarian chorizo, chorizo. And

55:42

it just does it's chorizo is very

55:44

hard to replicate if it's not actually.

55:46

I made myself quite ill with I'm

55:48

guessing that same vegan chorizo when I

55:50

got home late at night hungry and

55:53

I wrapped it in processed cheese and ate it

55:55

like a sort of strange hot dog. Yeah, very

55:57

sick. So I miss I miss chorizo because I

55:59

think it's one of the few things that I

56:01

actually, well, I just really like that I don't

56:03

eat anymore, unfortunately. So before we go,

56:05

Dave, we'd like you to ask a question for

56:07

next week's Dave. If you could start

56:10

by saying, hi, Dave, this is

56:12

Dave in Brussels, and then

56:14

ask your question. Okay, hi,

56:16

Dave, this is Dave in Brussels. And

56:18

my question to you is, who

56:21

is the famous Dave you're

56:23

most proud of and

56:25

the famous Dave you're least proud of? Oh,

56:28

what a question. What a question.

56:30

Love it. Good. The Daves that

56:33

have destroyed the legacy. Spicy that,

56:35

David. That is spicy. A

56:38

cat amongst the Dave pigeons on

56:40

the forums, no doubt. But we

56:42

thank you so much, David, for

56:44

joining us from Brussels. And we

56:47

will have another Dave for your

56:49

delictation next week. Thanks, David. That

56:51

was brilliant. Thank you, guys. Oh,

56:56

I thoroughly enjoyed David there from

56:58

France, Portugal, Brussels. Just

57:01

before we head into the petty parliament, this is

57:03

a bizarre boss from Katy. I

57:07

sold Mr. Menbooks to Harvey Keitel in

57:10

the Waterstones within Harrods in 2007. Who ironically was Mr.

57:13

White? Oh,

57:17

in pop fiction. Yes, Mr. Yellow. No,

57:20

he's not. He's the wolf. Ah, it's not ironic. It's

57:22

a bad observation and I failed to let you all

57:24

down. You

57:27

were close to the perfect show. But

57:30

you've had a great game and you've scored an own goal in the

57:32

last one. I'm Rory with his two-foot putt. Oh,

57:34

two-foot John. Two-foot

57:37

John, Dave. What a great hat. Imagine if

57:39

he'd just at least got to a play-off.

57:41

Yeah, imagine if he'd been quiet then for

57:43

a minute. It would have

57:45

been the perfect show. When

57:47

will I learn? It

57:50

was a good film that I once

57:52

watched with Harvey Keitel. And that's the

57:54

anecdote. Um,

58:00

let's head into petty parliament. Order,

58:05

order! Eyes to

58:07

the right, nose to the

58:09

left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

58:12

find the right honourable gentleman

58:15

annoying. Ellison John's petty parliament.

58:17

I sentence you to ten

58:19

years. It's not...

58:22

it's still a court. HE LAUGHS

58:25

On BBC Five Live. Yes,

58:28

whilst the UK parliament has been dissolved

58:30

like a baroque. HE

58:32

LAUGHS The petty parliament

58:34

works 24-7, 365 to make your dreams come

58:36

true. As

58:40

long as they had dreams about new legislation.

58:43

And first up, before we speak to our

58:45

caller, we've got one... Brilliant one from Natalie.

58:47

Natalie says, my petty parliament is film posters

58:50

on which the actors' names do not align

58:52

with the photo of the actor. Oh,

58:55

good. I have no idea why production

58:57

companies do this, unless they think it's

58:59

too on the nose to have the

59:01

actor's name above their head. But nobody

59:03

knows every single actor, so it can

59:05

easily cause confusion. For example, police sees

59:07

the poster below that I've been walking

59:09

past at Green Park Tube Station recently.

59:11

And it's a poster for The Bike

59:14

Riders, which is a new film, where

59:17

it's Austin Butler, Jodie Comer

59:19

and Tom Hardy. Tom

59:21

Hardy's above Jodie

59:23

Comer. Jodie Comer's above Tom Hardy and Austin

59:25

Butler's above him, I think. But the thing

59:27

is, I can understand it

59:29

if the faces weren't so prominently sort

59:32

of in a row. But it is

59:34

a three-face poster. It's a three-face poster

59:36

with three names. So that

59:38

is a decision that they've

59:40

made because they could swap it round.

59:42

There's a poster of us there, a

59:45

digital poster, like the sort you

59:47

see on the backs of, you

59:49

know, delivery drivers, those weird triangular

59:53

things that are towed by cars and the

59:55

side of buildings. And it's a picture of

59:57

Alice and a picture of John. Above Alice's

59:59

head, it says Alice James. but my head

1:00:01

says John Roberts. And Persand in between. And

1:00:03

Persand in between. But it makes sense. Which

1:00:05

stands for and per se and. Oh!

1:00:09

Yeah, and Persand. OK. Does it? I don't

1:00:11

know that one. Clever boys.

1:00:13

Natalie says, for punishment, the actors should be

1:00:15

forced to swap names by deed poll for

1:00:17

the period of time that the posters are

1:00:19

on display. Oh, I like that. Yeah,

1:00:22

I think we're all in agreement here. That's

1:00:24

great stuff. We've got cross-party agreement, the eyes

1:00:26

have it. So the eyes have it, the

1:00:28

eyes have it. Unlock! On the phone, we've

1:00:30

got to call a Karl. Hello, Karl. Hello.

1:00:36

How are you doing? Do people ever say that to you, Karl, as

1:00:39

a reference to Iman and Partridge season two?

1:00:42

When it came out initially, quite a few times,

1:00:44

yes. Karl, where are you

1:00:46

calling from? I'm calling from

1:00:49

Norwich. No! I

1:00:51

am. Really? Great. Yeah, I am. What,

1:00:53

the city centre? I'm

1:00:55

not far from the city centre.

1:00:57

Swaffon, Manningtree. No, I'm near

1:00:59

the Playhouse. I'm not too far from there. Oh,

1:01:02

yeah, we've done kicks there. Yeah. Wonderful

1:01:04

covered market. What's

1:01:07

your petty parliament, Karl? It's people in

1:01:10

supermarkets who queue up, as we all

1:01:12

do, and when they get to the

1:01:14

front and put their large shop through

1:01:16

via the cashier, suddenly announce that

1:01:18

they've got to go, they've forgotten something and they've

1:01:20

got to pick something up from the other side

1:01:23

of the supermarket. They don't always know where that

1:01:25

is. And they go for maybe

1:01:27

five to six minutes and I'm left smiling

1:01:29

weekly at the cashier in

1:01:33

a sort of hey-ho, what are you going

1:01:35

to do, situation. And when they come back,

1:01:37

they either over apologise, it's maybe they feel

1:01:40

sympathetic towards them, which I don't want, or

1:01:43

they just sort of think they're the agreed party

1:01:45

and just sort of run through and don't apologise

1:01:47

at all. Just asking, have you

1:01:49

ever been, or in the early 2000s,

1:01:54

did you ever shop at the Big Test

1:01:56

School on Western Avenue in Cardiff? Why

1:01:59

would someone... I don't think Karl is from Norwich.

1:02:04

Where are you from? No, I'm from Liverpool. Exactly. I'm

1:02:06

from Liverpool. So he's a man of the world. Because

1:02:11

they used to have people on roller skates. They

1:02:13

used to employ people, members of staff on roller

1:02:15

skates. And if you'd forgotten you have cornflakes, someone

1:02:17

would skate off and get it. They don't, they

1:02:19

do it anymore. I would

1:02:21

say, Karl, as someone

1:02:23

who has been on every side of this

1:02:25

coin, apart from being

1:02:28

the cashier, I think the

1:02:31

cashier's reaction is crucial. If they

1:02:33

continue scanning, you've not lost any

1:02:35

time save the extra sort

1:02:37

of bid it takes to do the packing,

1:02:39

because obviously the packing will build up. So

1:02:42

in that situation, I'm not too phased. However, that's

1:02:44

a big, that is a big, that could be

1:02:46

a big chunk of time, the packing. The cashier

1:02:49

can always do it. And of course, well, often

1:02:51

it's not. They don't realise they've forgotten the thing

1:02:53

until the end. And suddenly there's no milk there.

1:02:55

Yeah. Do you know what, Karl? I

1:02:58

used to be bad for this. And

1:03:00

I haven't done it for years because I'm

1:03:03

now a list guy. Change

1:03:05

happened in my late twenties. You

1:03:08

can change. And

1:03:10

I think it's made me very, very

1:03:12

unsympathetic towards the people who haven't made

1:03:14

that great change yet, who haven't taken

1:03:17

that step. What's your punishment, Karl? It's

1:03:21

that they can no longer go through a supermarket, which

1:03:23

sounds harsh. I know, but they can only have deliveries.

1:03:26

But when they come with

1:03:28

the deliveries, they have to go into the shop and

1:03:30

get them from the van on a one by one

1:03:33

item basis. It's

1:03:36

a good punishment, but I

1:03:38

think slightly excessive for the

1:03:40

crime. Yeah, I reckon if

1:03:43

they leave the till,

1:03:47

you get to take an item of their

1:03:49

shopping for every minute you're delayed. I don't

1:03:51

have that. Oh, I like that. Or a

1:03:53

very small price increase minute by minute of

1:03:56

the entire shop. A bit like, have you ever taken

1:03:58

someone else's burger shopping home by mistake? No, because

1:04:01

I'm not a thief and a liar. People

1:04:07

must have done this. No one's, how would you do that?

1:04:10

I did once. This

1:04:12

is awful, but

1:04:14

complete mistake. That's all right, then.

1:04:16

I once stole an entire big

1:04:18

shop because I

1:04:20

tapped at the self-service thing

1:04:23

and it didn't... Register.

1:04:26

My card beeped, but it obviously hadn't gone through

1:04:28

and said insert the card. I

1:04:30

just walked out with a trolley, right? I

1:04:33

went home and I only realized

1:04:36

when about two weeks later I went

1:04:38

back into the same test, I tried to use

1:04:40

my loyalty card and

1:04:43

it said the loyalty card's been sort of

1:04:45

suspended. I was like, why are you suspending

1:04:47

a loyalty card? So they sort of scanned

1:04:50

the card and looked into the account and there was like a

1:04:52

64 quid shop outstanding.

1:04:55

And I said, what on earth is that? It's mad.

1:04:57

Someone hacked my account or something. The lady was very

1:04:59

nice. She said, oh, don't worry about it. I'll just

1:05:01

mark that. And then it dawned on me that the

1:05:03

previous, like two weeks ago, I must have tapped my

1:05:05

card, not gone through and

1:05:08

just merrily walked out with a full shopping bag,

1:05:10

all in bags. So obviously the security guard didn't

1:05:12

ask anything. No alarms went off. Isn't

1:05:14

that awful? Not awful. I'm awful,

1:05:16

but not John. I hope the meta-list

1:05:18

thing. Oh, God. I would like John

1:05:20

to be... I would like John to go to a jail.

1:05:24

I wonder if it's

1:05:26

the statute limitations covers it, Dave. I

1:05:28

remember my mum, because there were two

1:05:31

women packing at the end of

1:05:33

the till. This is when I was a

1:05:35

little kid. So it all

1:05:37

got bunched up and she took

1:05:39

home another lady's plastic

1:05:41

bag of shopping. So

1:05:44

they would have had a bag of my mother's stuff.

1:05:47

And we ended up with loads of weird things we

1:05:49

didn't usually buy, including prawns.

1:05:51

And I'd never had prawns before. I ate

1:05:53

so many prawns. I was sick. Oh, God.

1:05:57

Carl, you're a great

1:05:59

guy. great point. But

1:06:02

I have been in a situation where

1:06:05

I have noticed that I haven't

1:06:07

got any vegetable stock. And

1:06:09

if I don't get vegetable stock, the result

1:06:11

is not happening. The whole night is ruined.

1:06:13

Yeah. And I've got to

1:06:15

make a horrible sweaty dash in inappropriate

1:06:18

footwear. And

1:06:20

I just think the punishment is too harsh. So

1:06:22

I'm afraid the nose have it. The

1:06:24

nose have it. The nose have it.

1:06:26

I am shocked. I didn't see that

1:06:28

coming. Someone, e-mother show and

1:06:31

said, what's happened to the petty

1:06:33

parliament is now a John Robbins autocracy. I've

1:06:36

got such a huge majority here, but

1:06:39

I can see some, I've got, I

1:06:41

can steamroll the stuff through. Power has

1:06:43

slowly shifted in the petty parliament. I've

1:06:45

noticed. Yeah. Well you two are just

1:06:47

like, I'm the

1:06:49

only person with ideas for a sensible

1:06:51

Britain. Yeah. Sorry, Carl. Sorry

1:06:54

about John Carl. So I

1:06:56

wasn't expecting that. No, I'm sorry about

1:06:58

John as well, Carl, but there is

1:07:00

nothing I can do. Well,

1:07:02

thank you for your call. Anyways, a great petty parliament. Thank

1:07:05

you very much. Cheers mate to that. Right. And

1:07:08

that's the end of the show. We hope

1:07:10

you've had a good time. We

1:07:13

hope you are sailing merrily upon the

1:07:15

canals of life and we will see

1:07:17

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