0:10

Welcome to Ella Go . My name

0:12

is Lisa . Join me on

0:14

the journey in having real raw

0:16

and uncomfortable discussions

0:18

about fitness , health and

0:21

everything in between , because

0:23

, let's be honest , this journey

0:26

would suck if we don't get our shit

0:28

together . Hey

0:36

, everyone , I just wanted to give you a warning

0:38

that in this episode , we will

0:40

be having a very candid

0:42

discussion about alcoholism

0:44

, so if you think that

0:46

this might trigger you in any

0:48

way or

0:55

you think it will negatively impact the way you feel about yourself or others

0:57

, I would suggest to stop listening and wait for next

0:59

week's new episode . Welcome

1:02

back to the Elegoo podcast . My

1:04

name is Lisa , I am your host

1:06

and today's guest is

1:08

Melissa McGovern . Welcome

1:10

.

1:10

Melissa . Thanks , lisa , it's so nice

1:12

to be here . Thank you for having me .

1:15

So Melissa has

1:17

well , first of all , your Instagram page

1:20

tells a story and

1:22

at first , when I look

1:24

at a couple of the posts , I'm like

1:26

what's going on , what's

1:29

happening ? And then

1:32

it talks about your

1:34

sober journey . So

1:36

, before we get into

1:38

that , where are you calling

1:40

from ? Maybe give the listeners a

1:43

little introduction of who you are

1:45

.

1:45

Sure , I am calling from New

1:47

York City , right in Manhattan

1:50

, where I have lived for the last almost

1:53

29 years . It will be that

1:55

I've lived here and I

1:57

am a mom and

1:59

a wife and a

2:02

daughter and a sister and a

2:04

proud New Yorker and now a proud

2:07

alcohol-free sober

2:09

New Yorker .

2:10

Wow , that's amazing . Let's

2:13

talk about that journey . And

2:15

you know , first of

2:17

all , the question always is you know

2:19

when did you start drinking ? Did something

2:22

happen ? You know how did that happen

2:24

?

2:25

I started drinking when I was probably

2:27

14 , 15 years old . I grew

2:30

up in the state of Wisconsin , lovely

2:33

, beautiful state , also very

2:35

well known for a drinking culture

2:37

, and , yeah

2:39

, there are more bars per

2:42

capita than anywhere else in the country , I

2:44

believe in the state of Wisconsin . Wow

2:46

, not that I was going to them as a 14

2:48

and 15-year-old , but

2:50

we did have . I grew up in

2:52

a small town and I had friends

2:55

with basements and

2:57

dad's refrigerator

2:59

full of beer and it was

3:01

boring and it was boring . So

3:03

that's what we did and

3:05

, like a lot of kids do , right

3:08

, and it didn't affect me

3:10

, it

3:17

didn't affect my grades , it didn't affect my . I was still

3:19

very active in sports and theater and things like that and it wasn't

3:22

much of an issue as a teenager . I did get in trouble , I

3:24

did get caught and there were

3:26

consequences and looking back

3:29

, it was like it was probably not

3:31

the best thing for me to start doing

3:34

. Yeah , and

3:36

in college I went to a state

3:38

school in Wisconsin and that's

3:41

when the bar culture picked

3:43

up a little more for me and

3:46

I was a theater major , so we had

3:48

amazing parties and

3:50

theater . People can really drink

3:52

and have fun with themed

3:55

parties and it

3:57

was a great time and it wasn't

3:59

ever anything that I would consider

4:01

that I had a problem with .

4:04

So when did you get

4:06

the sense that , hey

4:08

, I have a problem . Or did someone come

4:10

up to you Like , when did that all go down

4:13

? Because I think that you

4:15

know just from knowing friends

4:18

that had this journey

4:20

. They're thinking I'm living La Vida

4:22

Loca , I'm having fun , Until someone says to them you're an alcoholic , and they're thinking I'm living

4:24

la vida loca , I'm having fun , Until someone says to them

4:26

you're an alcoholic , and they're like

4:28

no , you know . So for

4:30

you , what did that look like ?

4:32

Well , that never happened to . No one

4:34

ever came out of their way and said they

4:36

believed I had a problem and

4:39

I never admitted

4:41

to myself that

4:43

I had a problem until really

4:46

like the few months

4:48

before I quit , in

4:51

my head there was a little voice

4:53

for the past

4:55

eight years or so when

4:58

the wine drinking

5:00

started ramping up

5:02

. I'm not

5:04

done at one . No

5:06

moderation within my drinking

5:09

abilities . It

5:11

was open a bottle , the bottle's

5:13

gone and

5:17

I'm a tall woman and I

5:19

seem to handle it fine . I

5:21

didn't have any external consequences

5:24

to

5:29

handle it fine . I didn't have any external consequences . So I thought

5:32

it was normal A lot of people do . And it wasn't until about 2016

5:34

, 2017 , I had a doctor's appointment

5:36

and my liver enzymes

5:38

were elevated slightly

5:41

. That number is usually between

5:43

5 and 40 . There are two different numbers

5:45

and I think mine were in the 70 to 80

5:48

range , which is double what

5:50

they should be . And so my

5:52

doctor said quit drinking for three

5:54

weeks and come back and

5:56

we'll retest your blood . And

5:58

I remember it vividly because that three weeks

6:01

happened over Labor Day weekend

6:03

, which is always like a big party

6:06

weekend . We have a place

6:08

upstate and we were seeing friends

6:10

and in my head I thought , oh my God

6:12

, three weeks , and that's

6:14

a sign . If you're telling

6:16

yourself that it's

6:18

going to be hard for you to not drink

6:21

for three weeks , that's a little

6:23

voice in your head . So I was paying attention

6:25

to that and , sure enough

6:27

, after three weeks I felt amazing

6:30

. I was sleeping better

6:32

, I lost a few pounds , I

6:34

went in , my blood work was totally back

6:36

to normal just after three weeks . And

6:40

through the years I

6:42

always tried to moderate

6:45

. I always tried to

6:47

wrap my head around being

6:49

that kind of drinker , someone that could

6:51

just have one or two drinks

6:54

. And it just wasn't me . It

6:56

never was . My husband could

6:59

open a bottle of wine , have a glass

7:01

and leave the bottle on the counter for

7:03

two weeks and not

7:05

have any more . Like

7:08

I said , if I opened a bottle , I wasn't

7:11

going to put a cork stopper on it . Those

7:13

cute little cork stoppers that you see were

7:16

obsolete in my house .

7:20

Wow . So you know , what

7:22

I love about this

7:24

is that you have

7:27

such a keen awareness

7:29

to yourself

7:32

and so you're thinking

7:34

you had that

7:36

health , almost like a health scare , right , and

7:42

you're going to say , you know , I'm going to see

7:44

if I can lower those enzyme levels . And then you felt good during

7:46

that those couple of days

7:48

. And so here

7:50

you are , trying to make that moderation

7:54

and trying to be that moderate drinker

7:56

. So what happened

7:58

next ? Like you're saying that it's it wasn't

8:00

working , you weren't that type of person

8:02

. So how did you become that type

8:05

of person ?

8:05

Yeah , Feeling good

8:07

, taking a break and then trying

8:10

to moderate and being successful

8:12

at it until you're not until it ramps

8:14

up again , and it

8:17

was right before the pandemic

8:19

in November of 2019

8:21

. In

8:26

November of 2019

8:29

, while it was that year in particular , I started

8:32

to pay attention to different books and podcasts and I heard One

8:34

Year no Beer is a UK group you may have heard of them

8:36

and Andy Ramage was on the

8:38

Rich Roll podcast . Podcasts

8:40

weren't as popular as they are now

8:43

and I listened to this and he had a book

8:45

out 28 Days to

8:48

Quit Alcohol the 28 Day Challenge

8:51

and I got that book and

8:53

I tried at least

8:55

a few times to do

8:57

that . I would get six or seven days

9:00

, I would get a couple weeks

9:02

and by November of 2019

9:05

, I woke up one day

9:07

and I was just sick

9:10

of my own shit and I looked

9:13

like garbage . I took a picture of

9:15

myself which I never , ever did

9:17

in that state and I said that this is it Something's

9:19

got to give . And I said

9:21

that this is it Something's got to give , and

9:24

so I leaned into that program

9:27

. I got daily videos and emails

9:29

. There was a Facebook group

9:32

that I followed and I

9:35

had

9:37

that , but I was also white knuckling it . I

9:39

didn't know any other people

9:42

personally that were going through

9:44

what I was going through . I listened

9:46

to podcasts and quit

9:48

literature about quitting alcohol

9:51

that's what that means and I

9:54

felt so good . I felt

9:56

so good and , literally on the four-month

9:58

mark , on March 12th

10:01

2020 , when

10:03

the world was starting to shut down New

10:05

York in particular , new York City

10:07

my husband

10:09

and I we went out for dinner

10:12

and I said this

10:14

is crazy . What is going on

10:17

. This is so . It was nuts

10:19

. And I said I think

10:21

I'm going to have a beer . And he said

10:23

I think I'm going to

10:25

have a beer . And he said have

10:27

a beer . And

10:30

the very next sentence , he said do you think

10:32

it's something you can control ? And I said sure , yeah

10:34

, yeah . And I had one beer that night . And

10:37

then it slowly

10:39

came back in Buying the

10:41

wine , having the wine delivered

10:43

, having the food delivered , having

10:45

everything

10:47

. The pandemic

10:50

. Hats off to people that stayed sober

10:52

in the pandemic because , for the most part

10:54

, women especially . I

10:56

think the statistic is something like 60%

10:59

drank more than

11:01

they ever have . Because

11:08

we were forced at home , we lost our jobs , our kids were with

11:10

us , which is not a natural thing . It's not natural

11:12

to have a family living within the

11:15

walls of

11:18

a few rooms , especially in New York

11:20

, so I

11:22

slipped right back into it and then , throughout

11:25

the couple years of the pandemic

11:27

, I suffered some really

11:29

personal loss . My mother-in-law

11:32

died very suddenly from

11:35

cancer and at

11:37

the same time , my best friend

11:39

that I'd known for 27

11:41

years , his body

11:44

was failing , ironically

11:47

because of alcohol . He

11:50

was HIV

11:52

positive and he was also a

11:54

drinker for a long

11:56

time and hid it very well . He

11:59

had moved out of New York City , he

12:01

lived in Ohio and here he was

12:03

losing his

12:06

battle . And

12:08

when he finally did pass

12:10

in April of 2022

12:12

, I

12:15

was gutted

12:17

. I was just

12:19

what . He was 54

12:21

years old and he died

12:24

from something that is

12:26

very preventable . And

12:28

in my head I thought is this what it's going to

12:30

take for you to get your shit together ? And

12:34

I almost went to the hospital

12:37

. Honestly , I almost flew to Ohio to see him

12:39

dying on his deathbed because I

12:41

wondered if that would get

12:44

it through to me that this is something

12:46

I really need to start thinking about . I

12:49

didn't , because he's so vain

12:51

and he would have hated that . He

12:53

would have hated for me to see him that

12:56

way in his last moments

12:58

of life . So

13:01

I , literally

13:03

I used to call

13:05

it the fuck it button . But after

13:07

he passed , I was in my kitchen making

13:10

dinner for my family . It was just my son

13:12

and my husband . My daughter was at

13:15

college and I made

13:17

something . I can't even remember

13:19

what it was . It was so bad it

13:21

was awful . I tasted it . It

13:23

tasted like shit . I said

13:26

can we just order a pizza

13:28

? And I was breaking

13:30

down , I was coping with

13:32

this loss , this grief , and

13:35

my husband said , yeah , let's order a pizza

13:38

. And so for the next

13:40

15 months , that's what I did

13:42

. I ordered the pizzas

13:44

. I ordered the pizzas . I ordered

13:46

the Chinese food , the Mexican food , I

13:49

ordered all the wine . I

13:51

washed it down with tons of

13:53

wine , vodka . If I was feeling

13:55

extra celebratory

13:58

or really wanted to

14:00

kick back , I didn't

14:02

leave that in my house because I would drink it

14:04

. So

14:11

I prided myself on the fact that that at least I knew that . But there was a lot of wine and

14:13

and I got heavier and I started to see myself in

14:15

pictures and I did not like the way I looked

14:17

. Yet I didn't do

14:19

anything about it . I was kind

14:21

of resigning myself to just thing

14:24

about it . I was kind of resigning myself to just okay , well , I'm 50

14:26

now and that's what I'm , maybe

14:38

that's how I'm supposed to look . And in the summer of 23

14:40

, it was I was turning into someone I didn't recognize and I was having feelings

14:42

that I've never felt before , feelings

14:45

of I'm not sure

14:48

if I want to get out of bed . This morning I

14:50

had a part-time job to go to at the time

14:52

as an elder caregiver , and I

14:54

knew I had to get out of bed , but I didn't . I

14:57

thought what if I didn't ? What

14:59

if I just said fuck

15:02

it , I'm going to stay in bed all day ? And

15:05

I know this is signs of depression . I

15:08

have never struggled with this personally . My

15:10

mother has . I have really

15:12

good friends that have my

15:14

best friend that I lost . He's got

15:17

struggled with depression and he drank

15:19

, which only made it worse . I

15:22

knew what was going on inside

15:25

of my body and why I was

15:28

feeling that way , and it's because I was drinking

15:30

too much . And yet I couldn't

15:32

tell . I couldn't tell anyone

15:34

. So I

15:36

went to my doctor . I

15:38

had to go to my doctor to get

15:40

a prescription refilled . I

15:43

hadn't seen her in about 18 months since

15:45

my friend died . Basically , and

15:49

I think subconsciously , I knew that

15:51

it was going to be bad

15:54

. It's not a very

15:56

fancy adjective

15:59

, but I

16:01

really thought that maybe

16:03

I was drinking and ramping up because

16:06

I knew it was going to be so bad and then that

16:08

was going to set me on a new path

16:10

. And I went to her and

16:13

she had remembered you know , she's been with

16:15

me for years and she remembered my liver enzymes

16:17

going up . She remembered my the

16:21

one year no beer group . She , she

16:23

, was very attentive . She has other

16:25

patients that drink a lot

16:27

too . She told me , has

16:35

other patients that drink a lot too . She told me we talked about AA . I said I'm not an AA person

16:37

. I've never identified as an alcoholic . I really don't

16:39

like that label

16:41

. I don't like labels in general , because

16:44

the drinking , the gray area , drinking

16:46

, is really what was going on with me . There

16:49

were no external consequences . I

16:52

kept my job . I was a high-functioning

16:55

woman A lot of us are and

16:57

at night we drink our wine

17:00

to feel relaxed

17:02

, to escape . We're not fulfilled

17:04

. That's why we drink . There's

17:06

something that we're missing . So

17:09

I went to my doctor , I expressed myself

17:11

. She heard me , she really

17:14

listened to me . We

17:16

talked about naltrexone as a

17:18

medication that you can take that will curb

17:20

the

17:23

desire to drink . And

17:25

I mean I even brought up

17:28

and

17:33

I mean I even brought up ozempic and semaglutides because I had heard that even those , in addition

17:35

to curbing the food appetite , they can curb your

17:38

desire for alcohol . She

17:41

said I didn't qualify for that because I wasn't

17:44

diabetic . I was pre-diabetic at

17:46

the time . I

18:17

was pre-diabetic at the time . I have been for the last eight years or so . Anyway , we do my blood work and

18:19

it came back the next day and it was so atrocious that's a good word , it was awful . My cholesterol was

18:21

high , my glucose , my A1C , I was 0.3 away from diabetic range . It was a 6.7 . For those people

18:23

listening who know what that number is . My blood pressure was high . I was

18:25

heavy . I was over 200

18:28

pounds . As a six-foot woman

18:30

and that's another thing . As

18:32

a tall woman you can hide weight

18:34

like that . But

18:37

, like I said , it just

18:39

didn't feel good . I didn't feel good . And

18:42

my liver enzymes , those liver enzymes . I was

18:44

talking about that 5 to 40 range

18:46

, where in the past it was around 80 . One

18:49

was 195 and

18:52

the other was 311 . Right

18:57

, take a big gasp

18:59

, because that is black and

19:01

white .

19:02

Yeah .

19:03

There is no arguing

19:05

that , arguing

19:13

that that is a fact , that I was drinking too much . So she wrote me an email and I think

19:15

she was more alarmed than I

19:18

was prepared . It didn't surprise me at all , honestly

19:20

. I think it really alarmed

19:22

her and she said

19:24

unless you are willing

19:27

to make drastic behavioral changes

19:29

, I will put you on

19:31

medication . I

19:37

will put you on a statin for your cholesterol . I

19:39

will probably at some point put you on . I mean , I was close

19:41

to being diabetic . I was 51 years old

19:44

. It was such

19:46

a wake-up call .

20:05

And in my head I said

20:07

hell , no , hell , no .

20:08

I am not going to be just another American statistic

20:10

. I had to choose which way

20:12

I was going to go and

20:15

so I started down that

20:17

road and I I

20:20

didn't drink and

20:22

I leaned into all the other things that I

20:24

have have got me there

20:27

before the podcasts , the books

20:29

, the

20:31

one thing that I did lean into this

20:34

time around was the community , which

20:36

really is the opposite

20:39

of addiction . Because

20:41

if you can go on Zoom

20:43

thank God for the pandemic , for this Zoom

20:46

because now we can connect

20:48

in ways we never could before . We don't have

20:50

to go to the church basement at AA

20:52

to meet someone who hopefully resonates

20:55

with us . We can dial

20:57

in and meet up with people . We can go on

20:59

sober retreats . We can do X , y and

21:02

Z . I'm getting ahead of myself . She

21:05

said don't wait too

21:07

long , I want to see you no less

21:09

than three months . So

21:11

in my head I was like okay , I'm

21:14

not going to see her in three weeks , I'm going

21:16

to see her just under

21:18

three months . So I made an appointment for three

21:20

months later I

21:23

changed my diet

21:25

. I changed

21:27

I mean I was no more ordering

21:30

in , no more pasta

21:32

, no more fried food

21:34

. I started moving

21:36

my body . I walked , I walked , walked

21:38

, walked . I think the first month I walked over

21:41

80 miles . I

21:43

just laced up my shoes , put

21:45

a podcast on , put a quitlet

21:47

book on and just moved I

21:49

started going to my gym . I belonged

21:51

to this bougie gym that I wasn't

21:54

even getting the

21:56

most out of because I wasn't

21:58

going there . I would stop

22:00

in that gym to use the bathroom , no matter

22:02

where I was in the city . There are many locations

22:05

in the city . If I had to go to the bathroom

22:07

, I'd stop in right in

22:11

the city . If I had to go to the bathroom , I'd stop in right so pathetic . I remember one

22:13

day I set out for a walk before I quit drinking and I was so tired

22:15

and so gassed that I had to take

22:18

a bus home . It's a

22:20

park that is right on a bus line and I

22:22

hopped on the bus to go home . I

22:25

went back to see my doctor three months later

22:27

and I was

22:29

a completely changed woman

22:31

. She thought that maybe

22:33

I was getting Ozempic on the black market

22:36

.

22:38

Wow .

22:40

Yep , I had lost 30 pounds

22:42

. My

22:45

cholesterol came down 50

22:47

points . My

22:50

cholesterol came down 50 points . My A1C was

22:52

so low that I wasn't

22:54

even pre-diabetic anymore . It

22:56

came down 1.1 , down

22:59

to like a 5.5 or 5.6

23:01

. My

23:04

blood pressure

23:06

was normal , it

23:09

was all just . My liver enzymes were normal , all because I removed

23:12

this alcohol from my life . I would

23:14

not have been able to accomplish these

23:16

goals if I was still drinking

23:19

, and so I wrapped my head around

23:21

the fact that I was

23:24

not a moderate drinker . I

23:27

accepted it , and

23:29

with accepting that came

23:31

so much freedom . Your

23:34

head gets so full of

23:36

the mental gymnastics that

23:38

play out . I know people talk about

23:41

this with food as well . With

23:43

drink , it's easy because , especially

23:47

in New York , it's not in liquor , it's not in

23:49

grocery stores , it's not in

23:51

. You have to , you have to make your

23:53

, you have to go out , you have to seek it

23:55

out . I mean , yes , it is everywhere

23:57

, but

24:00

I , I

24:02

, I just made

24:04

peace with the fact that

24:06

this was going to be my life , that

24:09

that that's it . Party's over . I

24:11

had a good run . It's like a Broadway show . It's

24:13

like Phantom . Phantom was going on for 30

24:16

some years , right , and then it closed

24:18

. Yeah , that was a good run . So

24:20

I

24:22

just thought of that right now . That's pretty so

24:25

. My drinking career was

24:27

like a Phantom of the Opera . It was a long

24:29

run . People came , lots of tourists , lots

24:32

of parties , and then it

24:35

had to end . It had to , otherwise

24:38

I start down a different road for the rest

24:40

of the as

24:42

I get older , the rest of the years

24:44

of my life , and it just

24:46

wasn't an option of

24:53

my life . And it just wasn't an option . And here today I will be 10 months sober on the 14th

24:55

. I don't know when this is airing , but actually

24:57

tomorrow I'm 300 . And when I was very

24:59

, very early in my sobriety I kind

25:01

of counted on the calendar ahead

25:04

. Tomorrow I'm 300 days sober

25:06

. Tomorrow

25:10

I'm 300 days

25:13

sober and I feel like such a badass . It

25:24

is a badass move to remove alcohol from your life and to start living authentically to your potential

25:26

. That I knew I could , and I'm just shouting it from the mountaintops

25:28

, as you can see from my Instagram

25:31

.

25:32

I can . I can tell that Melissa

25:34

, let me . Well , okay , you

25:36

unpacked a lot , so , um

25:39

, let me step back . Let's

25:41

go back a little bit with um

25:43

your husband . Like

25:45

did he in his mind ? Was he thinking

25:48

, melissa has a problem ? He's like , oh , she's

25:50

just drinking like everybody else ? Like

25:52

what was his thinking ?

25:54

That's a really good question and I

25:57

really haven't explored

25:59

it too much with him . I

26:03

have just started my own podcast

26:05

recently and I'm going to have him on

26:07

as a guest and I'm going

26:09

to ask him some hard questions like that

26:11

. It's kind of scary to talk about

26:13

that , even though I'm

26:17

doing so well and feeling good , it's

26:19

like . And

26:21

why didn't he say something to me , Right

26:23

?

26:24

Yeah .

26:25

That's hard and I think a part of the reason

26:27

is because I still had

26:29

my shit together . There was no DUI

26:32

, there was no losing my job

26:34

. Our marriage was still

26:36

intact and healthy-ish

26:40

. I mean , it's healthier now that I don't

26:44

become a different person because I drink

26:46

alcohol .

26:47

Yeah , it's

26:49

interesting to well

26:51

, I've heard different answers

26:54

in regards to that and again

26:56

, you never know

26:58

what they're thinking . First of all , they're thinking , like

27:00

you just said , you had your shit together . They're thinking

27:02

, oh , she's just a casual

27:04

drinker , she doesn't have a problem

27:07

. And then you never know what the

27:09

answer is going to be . So I would say brace

27:11

yourself , because you

27:14

never know what his answer is going to

27:16

be . Um , because

27:18

for I mean for other people and I'm not

27:20

saying in your situation , but

27:22

for some people who did have

27:25

that I knew of that had , uh , an

27:27

issue with the drinking . They needed

27:29

that partner more . So

27:31

the thought of the alcohol not being

27:33

in place would mean

27:36

that they didn't need them anymore . And

27:38

as crazy and you

27:40

think that's so effed up . But

27:42

they're not thinking

27:45

a problem . They're thinking they

27:47

want to be needed and I want to be loved

27:49

and if we take the alcohol

27:51

out , she's not going to love me anymore

27:53

, she's not going to want me . So , okay

27:56

, maybe not the husband , but how about

27:58

friends ? Again , did-

28:00

.

28:01

Yeah , this is big . And this was one

28:03

of those yellow signals

28:06

that was starting to turn orange and

28:08

maybe red was my daughter

28:10

. I

28:13

have a 21-year-old daughter and

28:15

last summer there were

28:17

a couple instances when we were

28:19

together with friends and

28:22

she heard someone

28:24

say and one was

28:26

my niece . My niece said something like

28:28

Aunt Melissa , she doesn't do anything

28:31

, she just sits here and drinks all day . And one was my niece . My niece said something like Aunt Melissa , she doesn't do anything , she just sits here

28:33

and drinks all day . And

28:36

so my daughter told me that and

28:39

my daughter told it to me , prefacing

28:42

it with they don't understand

28:44

, you just want to relax . It's

28:47

a party , it's a get-together . What's

28:50

the big deal ? And

28:52

in my head I thought , oh God , that

28:54

is super , not

28:57

okay . And that

28:59

was in March of 23 . And

29:01

then in August , right before just

29:04

days before I stopped

29:06

, it was another . It

29:08

was the same . I stopped , it was another . It was the same , my

29:10

niece , and there was

29:12

talk about the bottles , the

29:23

empty bottles , and we left that

29:25

get together and my daughter said God , I'm so sick of everyone

29:27

talking about the fact that you're an alcoholic , assuming

29:29

you're an alcoholic , or something like that . And I was so

29:31

hung over . This was my last hangover

29:34

. I felt like absolute

29:36

shit . You don't sleep

29:38

when you drink . I was up at three

29:40

in the morning with anxiety and

29:43

this was my

29:46

exit hearing my daughter say

29:49

those words and

29:51

this doctor's appointment

29:53

was in two days and in

29:55

my head I was like this

29:58

is not okay . This

30:01

is just not okay . So

30:04

that's

30:07

maybe even more powerful coming from your

30:09

kid , your husband

30:11

, I don't know . Yeah

30:14

, so it was

30:16

building up and that voice . It

30:19

was just becoming louder and louder . And

30:22

the actual hard proof

30:24

of the medical tests , the

30:27

blood tests , the numbers , were really

30:29

what pushed it over the top .

30:32

So what keeps you going

30:35

forward ? What keeps

30:37

you from not , you know , going

30:39

back relapsing ? I mean , you

30:41

know you talked about your friend dying and

30:44

that's that's . That's

30:48

tough . I mean , that is

30:50

tough and you know , normally in

30:52

human nature when we're going through some tough

30:54

times we go back to what we're

30:56

used to using to soothe

30:59

us . So , with that

31:01

being said , you now moving

31:04

forward 10 months sober . What

31:07

do you have any ? Do

31:09

you have anything in place to

31:11

protect you from going that route again

31:13

?

31:14

I do . Yeah , I have a

31:16

whole community . I can pick

31:18

up my phone right now and call a

31:20

dozen people if I need

31:22

help . I

31:24

have a Zoom

31:26

. I have three different

31:29

Zoom communities that I

31:31

can get on , one

31:33

of which is just organic , like five

31:35

of us , five friends of us that

31:37

we met on a retreat recently , and

31:42

there's a really great

31:44

phrase that I come back to over

31:47

and over . Play the tape forward

31:49

is my phrase

31:51

and

31:57

over play the tape forward is my phrase . If I'm feeling like I can't do it and I want to have a drink

31:59

, I think about what I'm going to feel like in the morning , what

32:01

I'm going to feel like the next day , because it's not

32:04

just one drink , as

32:06

we've talked about . It's going to be a

32:08

whole experience and it's going

32:10

to make me feel remorse and regret

32:12

and embarrassment and shame , and

32:16

those are not good feelings

32:18

. Those feelings are not okay with

32:20

me anymore . So I

32:22

think ahead and I also remember

32:25

what I left behind

32:27

. I remember lying in this

32:29

bed behind

32:33

. I remember lying in this bed , feeling like

32:36

I didn't want to get out of it and

32:42

I don't ever want to go back there .

32:43

I just don't , it's not worth it . It's not worth it . Yeah

32:45

, wow , that's really powerful . And

32:47

you finding your community . You

32:49

know people

32:53

have such a hard time being honest and telling other people

32:55

and being shamed about it , but it's

32:57

that one thing that's gonna help them overcome

33:01

these challenges because they're

33:03

not alone . And I think that is the

33:06

hardest thing to tell people that

33:08

you are not the only one

33:10

feeling this . Because when you have that moment

33:12

and , I'm sure , when you are talking to tell people that you are not the only one feeling this , because when you have that moment and , I'm sure , when

33:14

you are talking to other people and

33:17

you're like , oh my God , I did that and

33:19

oh my God , it feels so

33:21

good to not be alone . So

33:24

you have a whole community backing

33:26

you up , moving forward

33:29

how powerful is that .

33:31

It's super powerful . It really

33:33

is is everything , and it

33:35

gives you the confidence to

33:38

well . It does for me anyway

33:40

to bring it up with people

33:42

that don't even know that about me

33:45

and

33:47

it just can come up in a casual way and

33:50

I'm proud

33:53

of it . I'm really proud to say I'm a sober

33:55

woman . You know the shame of

33:57

like , because early on it's like oh

33:59

my God , what are people going to think of me ? They're

34:02

going to think I had a major problem and

34:05

, yeah , that's a normal thing to start

34:07

feeling as time goes on

34:09

. Who the fuck cares what they think

34:11

? Honestly , it's

34:14

all about what you feel inside and if you're

34:16

grounded and centered

34:18

and confident , the confidence that comes

34:20

with sobriety is unparalleled

34:23

, because you're living an authentic

34:26

life . You're living a true life

34:28

to yourself and the relationships

34:30

that you have are so much better

34:32

.

34:34

Melissa , wow , you just gave me chills

34:36

that I

34:39

can hear in your voice , that power

34:41

, that conviction . I

34:44

think you talking about it

34:46

is powerful

34:49

and amazing in that you , I

34:51

think what you said , the word that you

34:53

said that gave me the chills , was that you're

34:55

, you're proud to be

34:57

sober Like that is wow

35:00

, huge . It's like you accept , you

35:03

accepted the journey for

35:05

what it was and you're accepting

35:07

where you are right now . And you're accepting where

35:09

you are right now , which is amazing

35:11

. So tell me what you're doing

35:14

now with

35:16

this information and you

35:18

feeling like you're telling everybody . I

35:21

mean , I could just imagine you're just so proud

35:23

of yourself . This is such a you

35:25

are a badass .

35:27

You are a badass . So

35:29

what are you doing ? Yeah , there's a lot

35:31

of badasses out there , for sure what

35:34

I'm doing , and this came to me

35:36

probably a couple months after

35:39

I removed alcohol

35:41

from my life . I am

35:43

currently in a coaching program

35:46

and I am going to start

35:48

coaching those that

35:50

want to change

35:53

their relationship with alcohol , end their

35:55

relationship with alcohol , discover

35:57

who they are , start living

35:59

authentically , rediscover

36:02

their passions , because once you

36:04

get rid of all this noise

36:06

, it opens up a landscape of possibilities . Oh yeah , it opens up

36:08

a landscape of possibilities . Oh

36:12

yeah , and I'm about halfway through this

36:14

program and I'm building

36:16

a business this year and

36:18

I'm currently working with some people

36:22

just for free

36:24

as practice to kind

36:26

of get my feet wet and

36:28

inspire , and

36:30

I see lots

36:32

of great things happening in the future

36:34

with this . I

36:41

just feel like this is what I need to do . I need to contribute

36:44

, I need to give back because it helps me too . It helps me grow , it helps

36:46

me stay centered and eye on the prize

36:48

.

36:49

She's giving me chills again , because I think you're

36:51

aligned . You're aligned in your purpose

36:53

. You found your purpose . That

36:55

is amazing that you're going to give back

36:57

, but how powerful

37:00

will it be for someone

37:02

who does understand and

37:05

is sober , and it is

37:07

motivating . So you giving back

37:09

being a coach . I just looked at your Instagram

37:11

and it says alcohol-free

37:13

coach in training . I love that and

37:17

I love that you've been sober

37:20

since August 14 , 2023

37:22

. So we're coming close to a year

37:25

which is amazing .

37:26

I can't believe it . It's amazing .

37:29

I love your page . It's hilarious

37:31

Some of the things that you put on

37:33

there . Yes

37:35

, that one . But

37:37

you're so honest and

37:40

when I see the difference oh

37:42

my God , girl , your legs . Like

37:45

the one where it has the picture

37:47

of the . It says what a difference

37:49

a year makes of the . It says what

37:51

a difference a year makes . It's like you shrink you're like half a

37:53

person .

37:55

Well , I mean , it's

37:57

30 pounds is a significant

37:59

number right ? Oh yeah , it is , but

38:02

like I said I'm a tall person Like

38:04

I could carry . I could carry 30

38:07

pounds in my back pocket really and

38:10

not even be noticeable to some people

38:12

. But when you put pictures side by side

38:14

it's like oh , yeah , yeah , yeah

38:17

, you did yeah .

38:19

Yeah , you look amazing . I'm looking

38:21

at you , look amazing , yeah

38:24

. So , melissa , wow

38:26

, you are just powerful

38:29

. Such a powerful story and

38:31

again , you doing what you're

38:33

doing and I can feel that

38:36

you're where you need to

38:38

be . When you're talking about it , I can feel

38:40

you see your face lighting up and

38:42

you are definitely where you need to be . So

38:45

, with that , where

38:47

can we find you ? Where can we find the Instagram

38:50

If someone wanted to reach out

38:52

to you ? How do they go about doing that ?

38:55

My Instagram is at the sober

38:57

New Yorker and you can send

38:59

me a DM , and I really mean that , because

39:02

the people randomly DM

39:04

me and they need someone

39:07

to talk to . They need help , they need tips

39:09

to

39:14

talk to . They need help , they need tips . I'm totally here for that , because if you can't tell someone

39:17

personally , telling someone that you don't know is at least

39:19

getting out there

39:21

and getting it known . I

39:24

also have a website , thesobernewyorkercom

39:27

, where you can actually download

39:29

a free guide of how

39:32

, what , the tools I used for the first 30

39:34

days of going alcohol free . I

39:36

have a free guide on there and you can be on

39:38

my email subscription list

39:40

as well . And that's me , that's

39:42

. That's it for now . That's enough , my kids

39:45

say you got the podcast

39:47

. I got the podcast . That literally

39:49

happened like two days ago , um

39:51

, but it's out there . It's on Spotify

39:54

. I have to figure out how to do Apple

39:56

. I'm working on it .

39:58

So it's called the sober New Yorker

40:00

. New Yorker I'm keeping it all

40:02

. I like it .

40:05

Yeah , and I'm going to interview

40:07

people and hear

40:10

inspiring stories of bad

40:13

assery and epic comebacks

40:15

. Basically , yeah .

40:17

Oh , wow , I , I , I again

40:20

. I don't even I'm speechless I'm normally

40:22

don't get speechless , but it's just such

40:24

a powerful story , um

40:26

, and the authenticity . Authenticity

40:29

is just amazing , you being so genuine

40:31

, um . Again , melissa , thank

40:34

you so much for coming on here and

40:36

being honest and raw

40:38

and sharing all

40:41

the good stuff . Thank you so much . You're

40:43

so welcome . Thank you for having me , Lisa

40:45

.

40:46

Thank you .

40:46

Okay . So again , don't forget

40:48

Instagram . It is the

40:51

Sober New Yorker . She's got the website

40:53

, she's got the podcast

40:55

and we'll put all of those on the show notes

40:58

so you can reach out to her . So again

41:00

, thank you everyone for being here and

41:03

until next time . Bye you

41:15

.