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world is on the brink of disaster. Hi OO, what

1:38

are you doing, buddy? I'm listening

1:40

every morning. You guys are so different. I love it.

1:43

You don't become a hero by being normal.

1:45

Elvis Duran. Who's up, man? In the morning

1:47

show. Let me ask you guys a question.

1:50

Is there anything you're watching that you haven't shared

1:52

with us or the room because you just want

1:54

it to be yours? Oh,

1:57

because I have something I've been watching.

6:00

order a cheeseburger if that's what your taste

6:02

buds wanted just because I already ordered one.

6:04

Yeah. I don't want to sit there and

6:06

eat the same thing. I want to both...

6:08

Stop stop stop stop. Answer me

6:11

why? Why do you not want us to eat the

6:13

same thing? Because I want us both to have a

6:15

different culinary experience at the restaurant and not both eat

6:17

the same thing or we might as well just eat

6:19

off each other's plate. We could have ordered one thing

6:21

and share it. No! You order what you get I'm

6:25

ordering something different and we'll be able to

6:27

compare our two meals and talk about how

6:29

great they are separately. No. That is hogwash.

6:32

Yeah. No. Scary do you think

6:34

I'm crazy scary or do you agree? I've

6:36

noticed it with drinks though I don't know

6:38

about the food portion but when you order

6:40

drinks you ever have like somebody like oh

6:42

that sounds good I'll have that and everybody

6:44

has the same cocktail when I think there

6:46

should be diversity around the room. Right. I

6:49

want food diversity that's what I want at

6:51

the table. I want you to have something

6:53

different than what I have. My next drink,

6:55

my next round. I may want that. Why

6:57

are you all having the same time? You

6:59

have to agree isn't it a little strange

7:01

that you know I'm gonna you go to

7:03

the bar turn around don't let everyone know

7:05

what I'm ordering. I want a Moscow mule

7:07

and don't let anyone know. I don't want

7:09

them to have it. I want this to

7:11

be mine. I want to own

7:13

the Moscow mule in the bar right now. It

7:16

makes no sense to me. That's weird. We are

7:18

being a little odd. Scary probably gets mad just

7:20

because it ruins the Instagram picture that he's gonna

7:22

post if everyone has the same drink. Right because

7:24

when you do the boomerang with the drink click

7:27

you want all the different drinks coming together all

7:29

the colors. You don't want somebody to

7:31

change their order after they made the order and it's like

7:33

you know what that sounds good I'm gonna switch my order

7:35

to that. I don't get it. I don't get it. Why

7:37

don't we think about this way? Order what

7:40

you want. I do. But

7:42

in my mind I have two orders so in case you

7:45

order something I'm gonna order that I'll order the second one.

7:47

Fine fine do that. Do that. You're not gonna change his

7:49

mind so I don't know why we're bombing him. You're right

7:51

you're right. I'm weird. I'm trying

7:53

to understand why. Yeah. Yeah.

7:56

Gandhi what. Froggy so do

7:58

you always insist on ordering. last because what

8:01

if you order first and what I

8:03

want order first if you yep if you ever go to

8:05

if you ever if we if you ever notice when we

8:07

go to dinner I won't order first I will always order

8:09

last and I do it to sound like I'm being polite

8:11

I'm like no no you go ahead and order first you

8:13

order for I don't want to be first I know we

8:16

gotta move now we know it's cuz you're a jackass you

8:19

knew that anyway so scary I bet knowing scary

8:21

I bet scary dies a little inside when we

8:23

all order the same thing oh my god it

8:25

kills me because I want to see how well

8:28

the chef or the restaurant prepares that dish

8:30

and that dish and that dish I'm gonna

8:33

use my taste buds at your experiment

8:37

I just like to see diversity at the table it's just

8:39

a little thing that I have going on in my head

8:41

both have that thing going I know

8:43

but okay fine I'm from

8:45

now on I'm gonna order first I don't

8:47

give a rat's ass what you order I

8:49

don't the only problem is when you

8:52

go to dinner with scary he orders one of everything

8:54

on the menu so there's pretty much nothing left to

8:56

order when scary stuff only when I'm paying I

9:06

love how frustrated Elvis gets though he's just like

9:09

what yeah what what else can we

9:11

say about this psychology of why don't

9:13

you think the restaurant makes fun of

9:16

you like I don't think they care

9:18

they don't care you know look at

9:20

this table they order the same thing

9:22

okay we have a couple of calls

9:24

lined up let's go to

9:31

line 20 and Sherry and then oh

9:34

my god Emily we have to get

9:36

your to your call I'm gonna question

9:38

you why you're saying such nice things

9:40

but first Sherry Sherry you agree with

9:42

froggy right I

9:45

do I thought I was alone on this but

9:47

I have to agree team froggy with this one

9:50

why why can you not have the

9:52

same thing someone else is having I

9:55

kind of feel like it's everything he's saying like

9:57

there needs to be some difference on the table

9:59

and honestly if There's

16:00

something going on. There's a witch

16:02

and she does something to it. Yeah. Yep. But

16:05

if you're like, ah, and you open a book

16:07

and rip the pages out, that's like boom. Or if you pick

16:09

up something and throw it. Oh, yeah, that's that would be

16:11

me. Yeah. Yeah, I would do

16:13

that. I did it to scary. I threw

16:15

shoes last night, actually. Not at somebody, though.

16:17

But you didn't have time to think about it. You just took them off

16:19

the truth. I took them off my feet as I'm taking.

16:21

I was so aggravated at something as I'm taking them

16:23

off my feet. I took one and I went, ah,

16:26

who was it? And I got a family member and

16:28

then the other shoes, I took it off and I

16:30

went. Oh, so both

16:32

shoes went on the ground like that. OK, I

16:35

didn't throw the mat anyway. But let's let's investigate Gandhi

16:37

for just a moment. Yeah. Oh, let's

16:39

talk about your premeditated burning

16:42

of the picture. Yes, because it takes

16:44

time to carry this out. Yes, it

16:46

does. Well, I mean, it's only happened a

16:48

few times in my life, but there was just one more

16:50

than one. Well, there's one person that

16:52

I did it to three times. So I

16:55

really needed to purge everything about her from my life.

16:58

All of the junk that she left at my house,

17:00

all the photos that I had with her, anything that

17:02

just reminded me of her. It smelled like her, looked

17:04

like her. She had to go. How long ago was

17:06

that? Maybe like nine

17:09

years ago. OK, is she still out of your

17:11

life? Hell yeah. OK. Never to enter back in

17:13

there. But I just really needed

17:15

to get rid of all of it. And I was so angry.

17:17

I didn't even want her to have a chance of getting it

17:19

back. And I didn't want to look at her. So I burned

17:21

all of it. And I had no idea how satisfying burning those

17:23

photos was. But man, it felt good. I just got to watch

17:26

her face just melt away in the fire. Wow. Wow.

17:28

I mean, that was a deeply rooted

17:30

issue you had with her, obviously. Still

17:32

have it. If I see her right now, I'll punch her in the throat. No. Don't

17:36

be telling me you guys would be on my side. You would be

17:38

on my side. Please, please tell everyone you're kidding.

17:41

Fine, I'm kidding for the air. I

17:45

do know why this is the girl.

17:47

Yeah. And I understand where she's

17:49

coming from because this person is just a horrible human

17:51

being. OK. Yes. I get it to see what she

17:54

did. Oh, let's talk about what Gandhi's done. And

17:56

let's think about how we can apply. Is there something

17:58

or someone in your life that you. I

20:00

gotta think this thing through because that's some

20:03

serious stuff. Yes, it was. You

20:05

were right. I premeditated all of it. It was a slow

20:07

burn. Well, I have never done this before. I did it

20:09

work. Yeah. Did you

20:11

really truly feel a nice

20:13

separation, a cutoff? I felt a

20:16

lot better about the situation. I'm telling you

20:18

what, watching a photo burn is very satisfying

20:20

if you're angry. Well, see, we don't have photos

20:22

anymore. They're all digital on my camera. I print stuff out

20:24

all the time. I have a little Instax printer. I

20:26

print out my little Polaroids. Yeah. Another

20:28

reason to love Instax. We can burn pictures

20:30

of friends. Yes, yes, I can. Thank

20:32

you, Instax. No, there's a market for that. They

20:34

should go for that. Yeah. Well, you

20:37

remember how on Valentine's Day, the radio station

20:39

would have the big Valentine's? We'd have the

20:41

wood chipper. Yeah, they'd have the one you would

20:43

put the pictures. Shred your X. Shred your

20:45

X. And you put all your pictures through

20:47

this wood chipper and it comes out on

20:49

the other end and shreds. That sounds glorious.

20:51

Straighten eight. Have you ever had

20:53

a premeditated service where you actually

20:56

ritualistically burn something? Oh, God,

20:58

yeah. Yes, see? Thank

21:01

you, Nate. You have? Absolutely. What's

21:03

the next song the girl wrote that to? Really?

21:05

Yeah. It's very cathartic. You had to think it

21:07

through and had to plan it. I had a

21:10

pile and I had a place

21:12

to burn stuff and I burned it

21:14

all. It was great. Well, that's another thing we do

21:16

in Santa Fe. Every year, they

21:18

torch Zozobra. And it's

21:20

this huge 40-foot tall marionette that screams, where

21:22

they catch them on fire. And you're actually,

21:24

it's kind of scary and freaky, you're

21:27

actually burning up the year of dread. Anything

21:30

that in the past year screwed you over, you write it down

21:32

on a piece of paper, put it at the feet of Zozobra.

21:34

And it cook. Wow. I like that. It's

21:38

weird seeing this marionette moving and screaming.

21:40

Oh, it's on fire. I'll

21:44

never see that again. Do

21:46

you think that anybody in this room has

21:49

had a- It's very cathartic. You had to think it

21:51

through and had to plan it. I had a pile

21:53

and I had a place to

21:55

burn stuff and I had burned it all. It was

21:57

great. Well, that's another thing we do in Santa Fe.

22:00

Every year they torch Zozobra.

22:02

Yeah. And it's this

22:04

huge 40 foot tall marionette that screams where they

22:06

catch them on fire and you're actually, it's kind

22:08

of scary and freaky, but you're

22:10

actually burning up the year of dread. You know, anything

22:12

that in the past year screwed you over, you write

22:14

it down on a piece of paper, put it at

22:16

the feet of Zozobra. Yeah. And

22:19

cook. Wow. I

22:21

like that. Yeah. It's

22:23

weird seeing this marionette moving and screaming like, oh,

22:25

it's on fire. Oh, sadistic. I'll never see that

22:27

again. Do

22:29

you think that anybody in this room

22:31

has had somebody do that for them?

22:34

Oh, yeah. For sure. Wow,

22:36

Danielle. Okay. You've

22:38

all did that right back. Uh-huh. I wonder.

22:41

There's a couple of people I wonder if they ever did

22:43

something like that. To you? Yeah. Yeah.

22:46

No, I know. I know what's happened to

22:48

me at least twice. One had a voodoo doll. Someone

22:50

else burned all my stuff. Oh, my one. And I

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Mercedes. And the choice is all yours. Learn

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more at mbusa.com. Elvis

23:07

Duran in the Morning Show. Elvis

23:10

Duran in the Morning Show. So

23:14

excited. We're about to do the animal sound test.

23:17

Yes. It was dreamed up by Gandhi

23:19

and named by Danielle. Oh,

23:22

the animal sound test. So simple. Ask

23:24

her by name. So we're going to

23:26

play for Heather is on line

23:28

11. Let's go talk to Heather, a dental

23:31

assistant from Canton, Connecticut. How you doing,

23:33

Heather? Hi, oh, my God. Hi, everybody.

23:35

Welcome to the show. All right. Well,

23:38

look, thank you for taking time out. You're going to win some

23:40

big money. You're

23:43

actually playing the animal sound test with guys

23:45

who know animal sounds or they should. My

23:47

husband, Alex, and of course, we have reptile

23:49

Matt on the line. They're best friends between

23:51

the two of them. They have

23:54

46 years working with

23:56

animals at the zoos they've worked in. Of

23:58

course, they now work at Staten Island. zoo.

24:00

So you're in good hands. Let's hope. I

24:02

can't wait. And Ripto Matt, are you ready

24:04

to go? Ready to

24:07

go. Okay. Giggity go. Giggity go. Let's

24:09

go. Alright. So here's what's going to

24:11

happen. Welcome to Animal Sound Test. Yay!

24:17

The jungle music. So

24:20

Heather, even though they have between the 46

24:22

years of animal experience, we'll see.

24:24

You know, it's one thing to look at an

24:27

animal and recognize what it

24:29

what sounds it makes. But when you just hear the

24:31

sound, we don't know. So for

24:33

everyone they get correct, you get $10. You

24:35

can win big money. Big money. Yeah. Alex

24:38

wants to know what he gets. What do

24:40

I win? Yeah. What do Magic

24:42

Matt and and Alex get? We have

24:44

anything for them? We'll send you a

24:46

Delongy toaster. Okay. Honor. Alright, here

24:50

we go. Listen closely. This is Animal Sound

24:52

number one. Alright.

25:01

Sounds like my stomach. Yeah.

25:03

I'm going to get that

25:05

one too. Ripto Matt, what is that? Ripto Matt?

25:08

I do believe I know that one because

25:11

I do think I have worked with those

25:13

guys for quite a few years. I would

25:15

guess that that is an alligator. That is

25:17

correct. Yeah. Big

25:21

money. Big money. Ten dollars. That's the only one I'll get correct.

25:23

So I

25:25

don't know that. I don't know. Alright, let's go

25:27

to Animal Sound number two. Alright,

25:42

it sounds familiar. It

25:46

does sound familiar. Can I hear that one

25:48

more time? We

25:50

have anything for them? We'll send

25:52

you a Delongy toaster. Okay. Honor.

25:54

Alright, here we go. Listen closely.

25:56

This is Animal Sound number one.

26:02

Guys, for quite a few years, I

26:04

would guess that that is an alligator.

26:06

That is correct. Yeah! Time

26:09

out, Matt. Woo! Big money,

26:11

big money. Ten dollars. That's the only

26:13

one I'll get correct. I don't know that. I don't know. All

26:16

right, let's go to animal sound number two. All

26:21

right. It

26:32

sounds familiar. It

26:35

does sound familiar. Can I hear that one

26:37

more time? Don't

26:50

let that cute sound fool you. There's

26:53

a little clue in the very beginning. Just

26:57

play the very beginning. You'll hear it. Play

26:59

it. Right there. You

27:02

were making noise. I know. I'm

27:05

trying to play it again, but don't make

27:07

noise. All

27:11

right. Right

27:14

there. Done. I'm

27:17

thinking a hippo. I

27:19

was going to say a hippo, but I was thinking. You're

27:25

not far off. What are you thinking, Matt? What?

27:27

I don't know. I think I'm

27:30

going on what Elvis said. Don't let that

27:32

fool you. So I'm thinking it's probably a

27:34

large animal. Large

27:36

mammal. Yeah, exactly. Time's almost up.

27:38

Tell him what that was. Hmm.

27:42

Time's almost up. Tell

27:44

him what that was. Those were

27:47

baby rhinos. You were so close

27:49

then with the hippo. You said

27:51

hippo, which is sort of one

27:53

but not really. All right. All

27:55

right. Let's move on to it. So

27:57

you've got $10 so far, Heather. Happy days are here

28:00

again. All right. Here's animal sound. Here's animal sound number

28:02

three. Oh,

28:06

I know this. Yeah, I

28:08

was going to say, I think it's got to be a

28:10

goat. Yeah, it's a baby

28:12

goat. That's

28:16

where I first started, was working in the Children's

28:18

Center at the Staten Island Zoo. So and you

28:21

were a child. Yeah, I

28:23

you got two so far.

28:25

Let's give you animal sound

28:27

number four. Oh,

28:34

hmm. Right

28:36

away, I'm thinking of bird, but can

28:39

I hear that again? Yeah. I

28:44

think I do know this one because we had

28:46

them at the Birmingham Zoo when I was working

28:48

at the Birmingham Zoo. I'm going to pick a

28:50

guess, but play that again. Okay.

28:57

What is it? I'm

28:59

going to get the koala. That's correct. Yeah.

29:08

Look at that. Hey Heather, do a good job for

29:10

you. All right. Here is animal sound number five. Are

29:20

you sure? Yeah. It's

29:23

not a little kid. Play it again. Hmm.

29:29

What do you think it is? Wow. Whoa.

29:31

I'd get the baby rhino goat. No.

29:36

You have a guess? Can I

29:38

hear it one more time? Yeah. Name

29:46

that animal. I'm

29:49

stumped with that one. Yeah, you two right

29:51

now. Yeah, that is a baby seal. Play

29:53

it again. Play it again. This

29:55

is the baby seal right here. All right. Let's

29:58

move on to the next one. It's okay. really well

30:00

here is animal sound

30:02

number six. I've

30:09

heard this before. Because

30:13

we have them at the zoo and every

30:15

year they give birth. What are they?

30:17

Porcupines. Play

30:22

it again. This is a porcupine. Yeah.

30:29

We used to have one and I used to pet her

30:32

nose and she used to make those sounds. All

30:36

right. Here is animal sound number

30:38

seven. You

30:44

know that one too, Alex. We know that one. I

30:48

hear a bird. Oh, no,

30:50

no. That's my phone playing. Stop it. I'm

30:53

hearing bird noises. Okay. Something

31:00

we have right now. You know that we know this one.

31:02

We have these at the zoo too. Then what is it?

31:04

Do they roll up into a ball net? Yes,

31:07

they do. Nine banded, six

31:10

banded. You can put, uh, it's,

31:12

yeah, it's an armadillo, but it's an armadillo. Correct.

31:17

Good job guys. You guys are awesome. Heather,

31:20

are you still there? They're the only ball of the animal world.

31:22

Heather, they've won you $50 so far. Let's

31:24

keep going. Here is animal

31:26

sound number eight. Definitely

31:39

a large mammal. Yes. Sounds like

31:41

a ghost. Definitely a large mammal.

31:43

I get the rumbling

31:45

of the stomach. Any idea? Play

31:48

it again. I'm

31:55

good with, uh, an elk. What

32:01

do you think, Matt? I'm thinking like an elk

32:03

or... Yeah, elk or a moose, something like

32:05

that. It's a moose! Yeah! Wow!

32:10

Woo! So now you have

32:12

six correct? Is that right? Yeah, I

32:15

think so. Anyway, here is animal sound

32:17

number nine. Meow!

32:20

Meow! Meow!

32:25

Meow! See, I would think like

32:27

a small rodent or... I

32:31

don't know. You should know this. Me? Yeah.

32:35

Calling Reptile Matt! Yeah. Reptile

32:37

Matt. I'm gonna guess that's a type

32:39

of frog, right? It's a desert rain

32:41

frog! Meow! Play it

32:44

again, Scary. That's so cool. Meow!

32:47

Oh my god. Oh, so cute! Okay, here

32:49

is... What, did

32:52

they step on him? Meow! Here

32:55

is animal sound number ten. Meow!

32:58

Meow! Meow! Oh,

33:00

sounds like a baby...

33:03

Geez. Meow! Meow!

33:06

Meow! Meow! One

33:08

more time. Meow! Meow!

33:11

Meow! Sounds like a bird... Like

33:13

a bird? A kitten? Or a

33:15

cat? A cat? Or a feline? Or

33:18

something? Is it a baby cat? Or

33:21

something? He should get that. It's

33:24

in the cat family. Yeah. Have

33:26

I seen one of these before? Yes.

33:29

You know what, it could be any cat. Because they all

33:32

sound alike in their box. Matt,

33:35

any clue? Did we

33:37

see those in Africa? Yes. I

33:40

think we did see them. Uh-huh. It ran

33:42

by very quickly. Cheetah?

33:44

Yes. Cheetah. I

33:46

kind of gave that away a little

33:48

bit. Yes, you did. But all cats are

33:50

fair. All right, that is a cheetah. Are you still with us, Heather? Yes,

33:53

I am. You're up to $80. These guys are doing really well.

33:55

All right, here is animal sale number 11. I

34:05

got goosebumps just hearing that.

34:08

That has to be a red fox because that's

34:10

what I love and I raised

34:12

three red foxes at the Staten Island Zoo.

34:14

Red foxes. That's

34:16

so cute. Red foxes,

34:19

red foxes, they have over

34:21

20 different vocal sounds and sometimes

34:23

people will think it's a crying

34:25

child or a screaming lady and

34:27

stuff like that. Wow. That's...

34:31

And you know what's sad? He...

34:34

Alex raised many red foxes from

34:36

when they were born and they're

34:39

all gone now. I

34:41

remember Lady was the last one that passed away.

34:43

Yeah, she was the best. Aww. Anyway,

34:46

alright, I'll tell you what, here's an animal you

34:48

didn't raise. This is animal sound number

34:50

12. Oh,

34:55

I definitely

34:58

heard that before. Yeah, Matt? Yeah. Yeah.

35:02

Yeah, I definitely have a guess for that one.

35:04

Okay, well that's... Is that a whale? It

35:07

is a whale. It's a blue whale.

35:09

Yeah! Wow. Heather, you're still there,

35:11

right? Yes, I am. Are

35:13

you getting bored? No,

35:15

I'm impressed with everything that there's like

35:18

figuring out. That is just awesome. Well,

35:21

you know what? We have more animal sounds. I don't know how

35:23

much time you have. We got tons of money. We could go

35:25

all day if you want. What do you want to do? It's

35:27

up to you. I tell you what. I'm fine if you want

35:29

to keep going, but that's up to them. Let's

35:32

do a speed round. We have to

35:34

answer immediately. Okay, here's

35:36

animal sound number 13. Go. Name

35:42

that animal. Go. No

35:44

clue. Seahorse. What? Seahorse.

35:47

No, no. That's

35:50

a flying squirrel. That's a sugar glider. Here

35:52

is animal sound number 14. What

35:58

is that? Sounds like a squeaky toy. I

36:00

would say like an insect Some

36:04

kind of insect play one more time go what

36:07

is it? Gosh

36:12

I have no idea Noises

36:19

all right here is number 15 In

36:30

the stall next to me no that's elephant seal elephant

36:32

seal here's number 16 you'll get this The

36:43

devil yeah, Tasmania Here

36:46

is animal sound number 17 go What

36:54

is that God a

36:57

man say a moose again, but Sort

37:01

of I don't know that's an

37:03

elk here we go here's

37:06

animal sound number 18 quick My

37:17

gosh well actually we had these at

37:20

the Staten Island Zoo mat What

37:23

is it? Canadian

37:25

links Disney's

37:30

Haunted Mansion, I know we have one more

37:32

to go. What is this animal sound right here for my? We've

37:42

seen tons of these in Africa in the water Alex

37:54

and reptile met hey Heather you

37:56

just won Yeah!

38:01

Very impressive guys. Thank you so much. Do

38:03

you want to hear Koala's fighting? We

38:05

have a bonus here. Listen

38:07

to Koala's fighting. Oh

38:10

my gosh. Sounds

38:13

like us fighting. I

38:15

know. Heather, congratulations. Thanks for listening to

38:18

us. Thank you so much. I'm

38:20

so excited. Yay. That

38:22

was great. I'm very impressed. Very impressed.

38:25

That was great. Don't forget about that. Very

38:27

impressed. Yeah, that was great. Well, don't

38:30

forget, you know, we've been to Costa

38:32

Rica. We've been all over traveling Africa

38:34

numerous times. And Matt

38:36

and I, wherever we go, we visit

38:38

a zoo. So, you know, love that. I love that.

38:41

Go support your local zoo. I love you,

38:43

Giggity Goo. Good going, Matt. Thank

38:46

you. Nice to talk to you guys. Good to hear from you.

38:49

That was awesome. That was awesome. Great job,

38:51

Matt. Elvis Duran. Elvis Duran in the morning

38:53

show. Toe

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40:49

the morning show I Don't

40:52

know if I've been dating you let's say

40:54

Danielle. Let's say you and I've been dating

40:56

each other We're very serious. Maybe we don't

40:58

live together right? Yeah, we've been together for let's

41:00

say a couple of years Okay, if

41:02

you said I got to talk to you Elvis and okay

41:04

What do you need and you said to me if you

41:07

don't marry me now if you don't

41:09

ask me to marry you? Then I've got to move on oh

41:12

I would have to I'd have to stop

41:14

and consider what you're saying Look, obviously you

41:16

love me you and in your plan you

41:18

really want to be married to someone Mm-hmm,

41:21

and so I'd I if I looked at you

41:23

and Said oh, please get over

41:25

it. You know that would be awful Four

41:33

months Nate

41:40

is this true? Yeah, it's funny you're

41:42

talking about this Elvis I was

41:46

I was at a party over the weekend chatting with a

41:48

bunch of different couples and Yesterday

41:50

my friend Jason says hey you remember this

41:52

one couple you were talking to like yeah,

41:54

they're really nice Well,

41:57

they broke up after after my party and

41:59

go what happened? Apparently, being

42:01

in that environment, a bunch of

42:03

like married, engaged people, on

42:06

the way home, the girl

42:08

in this relationship says, we

42:11

need to be married in three months. Like, this

42:13

is it. This is like an ultimatum. And the

42:15

guy was like, well, I guess I'm

42:17

looking for a new girlfriend. Oh, my God.

42:20

So they broke up. But how long were they

42:22

together? They weren't together long? Like four months. No,

42:24

jeez. That's not nearly long enough.

42:27

Here's the thing. I mean, they are

42:29

a little bit older, so maybe things

42:31

move faster at that age? I don't

42:33

know. But, I mean, you

42:35

don't do like an ultimatum like that, especially in an

42:37

Uber on the way home to your apartment. No. That's

42:40

crazy. The

42:43

ultimatum. No. Look,

42:45

I get it. If you, in your mind, you

42:47

are ready to marry and you're

42:49

dating someone, you're dating anyone or all people because

42:51

you're looking for the person you want to spend

42:53

the rest of your life with. I get that.

42:56

But it seems like it needs to be a

42:58

part of the conversation before you say, by the

43:00

way, if we don't get married today, I'm going

43:02

to leave you. Well, we've been dating four months.

43:05

It's just, you know, I don't even know

43:07

your middle name. I don't know. Oh,

43:11

the ultimatum. Has anyone here ever received

43:13

the ultimatum? Right here. Oh,

43:16

jeez. I'm familiar with this. But I had

43:18

been dating a girl for about a year.

43:21

And after a year of dating, she goes,

43:23

hey, you know, let's put all

43:25

the cards on the table. This is what I want. I

43:28

want to be engaged in six months. I want to be married in a year. And I

43:30

want kids in two years. And I'm like,

43:33

uh, okay. No, I don't want that.

43:35

Right. I don't want that. But I

43:37

think it's important for people to have that conversation because

43:39

if one person's on one page and another's on the

43:41

other page, you might as well figure that out earlier

43:43

than later. So people shouldn't be scared about saying it.

43:45

That's how you feel. Say it. Just

43:48

know what could happen. But you can't move in with the

43:50

U-Haul. Like really, four months. It's like, what the hell? Are

43:52

you nuts? Come on. I don't

43:54

know. Come on. Look, you know, I get it.

43:56

I do understand how people. are

44:00

on that path. They want that life future. They want

44:02

it. They want it in the bag. But

44:05

I guess there's a good and a not so

44:07

good way to talk about it. You didn't give

44:09

Alex an ultimatum Elvis. You didn't say, I

44:12

want a ring. We

44:15

actually did it opposite. We actually talked

44:18

about the possibility of one day getting married.

44:20

We went out and bought rings and said,

44:23

all right, let's just let's just stare at these and let's talk

44:25

about what these mean and what they could mean for us. We

44:29

bought rings knowing that maybe one day we would never

44:31

use them. It was kind

44:33

of a weird way of doing it, but it worked

44:35

out. You know, thank God. I think that's

44:37

great. It

44:41

sparked the conversation. Yes, God, what's got

44:43

to be doing? I was dating

44:45

a girl one time who told me if I

44:47

didn't get her a ring with a certain number

44:49

of carrots, that she wouldn't marry me. I don't

44:51

remember what the number was. Oh, God. See, that's

44:53

fine. It makes it easy. That makes it easy.

44:56

Yeah. I don't marry her. She's

44:58

gone. See ya. Yeah.

45:00

No way. Yeah. I don't know. That

45:03

pretty much makes

45:05

it easy. Yeah. It was.

45:07

Well, what did you say? I said, OK. And

45:10

I don't think we dated for more than another month

45:12

after that because that's all I could think about because

45:14

if that's what was important to her, I'm out. You

45:17

know. Yeah. Wait,

45:19

hold on. She was serious. Oh, she was

45:21

dead serious. That's gross. Absolutely. No way. Yeah.

45:25

OK. I mean, I think the

45:27

reasoning was there because she was a dug up

45:29

bitch. I don't know. Scotty.

45:32

Scotty. I

45:34

mean, seriously, if

45:36

you're in love with someone and they can't afford a

45:38

ring that size. Right. Really? You're

45:41

going to throw it all away because it's not how many carrots? It's

45:43

not what it's about. Right. But look, you

45:45

know, you get into a relationship and a

45:47

lot of a lot of their faults are

45:50

not easily noticeable. Sometimes you have

45:52

to go through weird trials and tribulations

45:54

to figure out, oh, this person is

45:56

not the one for me. But if

45:58

they come out. at the very beginning and

46:01

just blatantly say something. It makes you go, God,

46:04

I would say thank you. Thank

46:06

you for being forthcoming and letting me know

46:08

that you're an awful person. And we can

46:10

end this now. So we don't

46:12

waste any one of us' time. I'm glad it happened. I got

46:15

out pretty quick. Good for you. I

46:17

have a friend who was doing that to her fiance

46:19

and they were on the same page about getting married.

46:21

They both wanted to do it, but she wanted a

46:23

certain ring to keep up with all of her friends.

46:25

And he said, I can't afford that ring. If that's

46:27

what's important to you, you gotta buy your own ring.

46:29

And she did. She went out and got her

46:31

own ring and she gave it to him and said, I got it. He said,

46:33

oh, okay, cool. So I guess you want to get married. Let's do it. How

46:36

are they doing? They're still married. They have

46:38

two kids. Good seeing you. It worked out

46:40

there. Wow. Excellent. Yeah.

46:43

Our friend, Tommy D'Addario, hosts I've Never

46:45

Said This Before. It's a podcast where

46:47

he interviews our favorite actors and artists.

46:50

Tommy, who's on the podcast this week?

46:52

Hey, Elvis. I have actor Lana Perea

46:54

on the show today who is in

46:56

the new JLo action flick, Atlas, which

46:58

is all about the world of AI.

47:01

And she also shares with me one

47:03

of her biggest fears that she has

47:05

never told anyone. I've Never Said This

47:08

Before. New episodes every Tuesday. Listen on

47:10

the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get

47:12

your podcasts. Come

47:16

on, wake up, wake up. Help history in the

47:19

morning show. I

47:21

want to talk about going away to camp when you were a kid.

47:23

The more we compare notes about what we did and

47:26

what we learned at camp. Yeah.

47:29

Especially church camp, let me tell you. When

47:32

I was a little kid and they forced me to go to church and

47:34

we went to church camp, I learned

47:36

the ins and outs of

47:38

all sorts of things at

47:40

church camp and some

47:43

of it with the church camp

47:45

counselors. Oh, hello. What? I'm

47:48

so excited for this story. We watched them doing

47:50

it like dogs in the woods. We're hearing from

47:53

people that have the sweetest things to text us

47:55

about their first experience at camp.

47:57

Like a lot of people experience their first

47:59

kiss. at camp, their

48:02

first crush. That's the sweet stuff. And then you

48:04

have people like this who had their first hand

48:06

job. Oh boy. Pretty

48:10

much. First joint, do

48:12

you know how many people said they smoked

48:14

their first pot at Christian and

48:17

Jewish sleep away camps? Oh my

48:19

goodness, really? I bet. Yes. I

48:22

mean, and a lot of people saw the counselors

48:24

doing each other. I don't know, go to lane

48:27

two. Is Jenny still there? I

48:29

think she can help. Hey, Jenny, how are you doing? How are

48:31

you feeling? Good. Oh my God.

48:34

I'm so excited to actually be on the show.

48:36

Well, thank you. It's exciting to have you here

48:38

because you have to help us

48:40

with our story. So what did

48:42

you witness at camp? First

48:44

of all, what type of camp was it?

48:47

It was a Christian camp and it was

48:49

very strict. Like girls and boys couldn't walk

48:51

on sidewalks together. Girls had

48:54

to wear skirts. It was really,

48:56

really strict camp. Wow. OK,

48:59

so what did you witness at very strict

49:02

Christian camp? Well, so we

49:04

were all supposed to, every girl in my cabin was

49:06

supposed to be at the pool for an

49:08

hour, but I decided like 30 minutes in that I

49:11

didn't really want to be at the pool anymore. So

49:13

I went back to my cabin and

49:15

I walked in on my counselor having

49:17

sex with another counselor. Yeah. There you

49:20

go. Whoa. Taking a dip in

49:22

the pool. Yeah. Yeah, and that's the thing. I

49:24

think that, and hear me out,

49:27

if you're an organizer at a church. For an hour,

49:29

but I decided like 30 minutes in that I didn't

49:31

really want to be at the pool anymore. So I

49:33

went back to my cabin and

49:35

I walked in on my counselor having

49:38

sex with another counselor. Yeah. There you

49:40

go. Taking a dip

49:42

in the pool. Yeah. Yeah, and that's the thing.

49:44

I think that, and hear me

49:47

out, if you're an organizer at a church

49:49

and you're organizing church camp, don't you know

49:51

this stuff is going on? I mean, because

49:53

when I was a kid, it was the

49:56

only reason you went to camp. And then

49:58

every once in a while they would, they would. say, well,

50:00

it's time to go to the service and you know,

50:02

the Bible study. We're like, oh no, I'm going to smoke

50:04

another cigarette. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Anyway,

50:10

Jenny, there you go. Well, thanks for sharing. I

50:12

hope they enjoyed their time together in your bunk.

50:16

Oh yeah, it was extreme

50:18

and they were trying to bribe me into not telling

50:20

anybody, but I told my mom as soon as I

50:22

got home. Oh really? Did she do anything or did

50:24

she leave it alone? She

50:27

called the camp and then she never let my sister

50:29

and I go to camp again. Yes. There you go.

50:32

That'll do it. All right, Jenny. Thank

50:34

you for listening. Have a beautiful day. Okay. Thank

50:37

you. It's a pleasure meeting you. Shelby

50:39

on line 24. It wasn't her, but

50:42

your husband. Hey, Shelby, how are you?

50:45

Good. How are you? Doing well. So

50:47

what kind of camp was it your husband

50:49

was attending? We

50:51

were both there because we grew up

50:53

in the same church together. It was

50:56

a Christian camp in North and I

50:58

walked in on my counselor having sex

51:00

with another counselor. Yeah. There

51:02

you go. Taking a dip in the

51:04

pool. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing. I

51:07

think that, hear me

51:09

out. If you're an organizer at a church

51:11

and you're organizing church camp, don't you know

51:13

this stuff is going on? I mean, cause

51:16

when I was a kid. They're a

51:18

cabin door. Very nice. Holy, holy, holy.

51:20

Holy crap indeed. I

51:27

know. And Shelby, something tells me

51:29

that was like the most, most tame

51:31

thing that happened at camp that weekend. I

51:34

mean, did you, did you ever feel like, you know,

51:37

these sleepaway camps were, I mean,

51:40

just on the edge of like being like

51:43

way too much. I mean, did you see

51:45

some things that curled your hair at all?

51:48

Yes. Well, my church, like the caller

51:51

before was also very, very strict. Like

51:53

you kind of girls had

51:55

to wear full clothes in the swimming

51:57

pool. It was crazy, but yeah, behind

51:59

the. A lot of things like

52:02

that happen. Yeah. Wow. Yeah,

52:04

we're hearing a lot of this. And it's not like

52:06

we're exposing it for the very first time. This has

52:09

been going on for years. All right, Shelby, you and

52:11

your dustpan crappin' husband have a

52:13

beautiful day. Thanks

52:16

for listening to us. I don't know.

52:18

Danielle, camp. What did you experience? I

52:21

went to theater camp and I just

52:24

remember my roommate doing things behind the paddle

52:26

bowl courts. And she was, yeah, there was

52:28

a lot of lollipop-y going on. And then

52:30

she'd come back in like it was nothing.

52:32

And then the next day there'd be another

52:34

person. I was like, what the hell are

52:36

you doing? It was crazy.

52:38

And then I dated one of the

52:40

counselors, but I wouldn't sleep with him.

52:43

So he wound up finding

52:45

another camper that would sleep with him. And

52:48

so, yeah, that was interesting. Awesome.

52:51

Wow. Oh my goodness. Well, all

52:53

the campers and the counselors were very close in age, but

52:55

you just weren't allowed to date. It was just a no-no.

52:57

It was like he was older than me, but you know.

53:01

Seriously, every time I went for band camp,

53:03

for instance, I mean, band

53:07

camp was as crazy as it's been set

53:09

up to be. Yeah. And

53:12

also when I was in the high school

53:14

band, we used to go to marching band

53:16

competitions. So we'd take buses, you know, like

53:19

five hours away. And there'd be four of

53:21

us in a room and we were nuts.

53:23

We were drinking cheap wine and doing each

53:25

other and like going crazy. Line

53:29

23 is Sam. Hey,

53:32

Sam, welcome to the show. How's it going today for

53:34

you? All good, Elvis.

53:36

Really nice to speak to you guys. Nice to

53:38

speak to you. So you were away at Orthodox

53:40

Jewish camp for the first time. And

53:43

what did you learn that

53:45

important camp week? Yes,

53:47

this was an all boys Orthodox Jewish

53:50

camp in Pennsylvania. And I smoked

53:52

pot for the first time. And I was

53:54

like, I'm not going to be able to ever touch it. So I

53:56

was like, very, very excited. I

53:58

was the happiest kid ever when I went home. pick you

54:00

up because I stayed away for the week. So my mom

54:02

picked me up. I was like, mom, this was the best

54:04

camp ever. I just wanted to go back every year. But

54:07

Heather Dawson didn't go back the next year, so I didn't

54:09

go back. Wow. I

54:11

don't ever know what happened to Heather Dawson. He

54:13

just goes bottom up. It's like a hedonism for kids all this summer

54:16

camp. It is. It is. Gandhi,

54:18

did you ever go to any camps when you were

54:21

growing up? Yeah, I didn't do the religious camps, but

54:23

I went to soccer camp. And that was co-ed. And

54:25

there was definitely a lot of ball juggling going on

54:27

there if you're on. Lots

54:30

of stuff. You have to go in camps. It goes down.

54:32

I don't care which camp it is. Yeah. Line

54:34

four is Ashlyn. Oh, a counselor. Let's get

54:37

it from a counselor's point of view. Hello,

54:39

Ashlyn. You hear these stories. And this is

54:41

just a tip of the iceberg. We're getting

54:43

so many texts from people, some stuff we

54:45

can't even repeat on the show. So as

54:48

a counselor, what did you witness and

54:50

how did you have to do your job effectively? So

54:53

I was a weight loss camp counselor for

54:56

three years. I guess you could call it

54:58

a fat camp. I would prefer not to.

55:00

But the kids, where they

55:02

took this opportunity to feel very comfortable

55:04

in their bodies. I will put it

55:06

this way. I do. So

55:09

every night you would get posted

55:12

in position. It might be outside the

55:14

girl's buns, the boy's buns, to the

55:16

cafeteria. But there was another position that

55:18

involved a flashlight. And that was called

55:20

nookie patrol. Oh, really? So you would

55:22

be handed a flashlight. And you would

55:24

be told to traverse the woods looking

55:26

for young men, women that found

55:30

love perhaps after dinner and

55:32

would take to the woods to consummate

55:35

their newfound relationship. Wow. They're doing

55:38

it in the bushes. Wow. I

55:41

have never gone on nookie patrol and

55:43

not broken up at least three couples.

55:48

And sometimes there were three people

55:50

together. Yeah. Yeah.

55:53

Good luck. Wow. You're right, though. There's

55:55

hedonism for kids. That's

55:57

what goes down. All right, Ashlyn. Well, thank you for that.

56:00

Thanks for sharing and thanks for listening, most of

56:02

all. Have a good day, okay? Dare

56:05

we go to Scotty B.? Yes,

56:08

please do. If you watch our 15 minute

56:10

morning show podcast, you know Scotty B. always

56:12

takes it over the line. He

56:15

is. He's my height. Scotty B., what

56:17

would you guys do at camp? Oh, I thought this

56:19

was normal. So we would all sit on my bed,

56:21

all the boys in my bunk would sit on my

56:23

bed, and I had a little radio and we would

56:25

listen to Dr. Ruth sexually speaking on the radio, and

56:27

we would like pitch tents.

56:30

Oh my God. Oh my God. As a

56:32

team? Yeah. Yeah, it was a team event.

56:35

Oh my God. It was great. Oh

56:37

my God. Dr. Ruth. Dr. Ruth,

56:40

of course, she was a great sex counselor

56:42

and she still is. Yeah. But

56:45

to hear her speak, I don't know how you could pitch a tent listening to that.

56:48

At that point, anything worked. So you know.

56:50

You take the penis and put it in

56:52

tin foil. All right,

56:55

great memories. Yeah.

56:58

Wow. Wow. Yeah.

57:01

Allie Gold, she checked instead of boy touched her boobs for the first time

57:03

at sleep away camp. It all went down

57:05

in the gazebo. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Well,

57:07

there you have it. Wow. I can't even tell you.

57:10

We could write a book with all the texts that

57:12

are coming through. This makes me happy.

57:14

I'm glad that I wasn't the only one that experienced

57:16

some really weird summer camp things. I'm

57:18

glad that I was here. I'm glad

57:20

that I was here. Toe

57:23

Nina, that's water is life in

57:25

Dine Bazar, the Navajo language. We're

57:27

sharing this Navajo phrase on behalf

57:29

of St. Bonaventure, Indian Mission and

57:31

school in the thousands of poor

57:33

Navajo families. They do what they

57:35

can to survive the spring and summer months with

57:37

as little as seven gallons of water a day.

57:40

By comparison, most other American families use more than

57:42

300 gallons per day. That's a

57:44

big difference. So visit their

57:47

website. Make your donation today, St.

57:49

Bonaventure Mission dot org. The

57:51

families served by the St. Bonaventure water delivery

57:53

program are among the nearly 33

57:56

percent of all households on the

57:58

Navajo Nation with absolutely no running

58:00

water. These are among the poorest

58:02

families anywhere in the United States.

58:04

Please be generous. Donate today. St

58:06

Bonaventure Mission dot org. Your donation

58:08

will be well received. Water is

58:10

life. Make your donation for life

58:12

saving water today at St Bonaventure

58:14

Mission dot org. Constantly

58:19

making trips to Home Depot? Introducing

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every shopping trip. Earn free gift cards

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for shopping. Download the Drop

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in points. Hey,

58:35

it's Danielle, Will and Ryder from Pod Meets

58:37

World. Thanks to our friends at Hyundai, we

58:39

were able to record a very special episode

58:41

for you guys at the one and only,

58:44

wait for it. Boy

58:46

Meets World House. Take a listen.

58:49

We are lucky to be sitting

58:52

with Alan and Amy Matthews in

58:54

the flesh. William Rusty Russ and

58:56

Betsy Randall. Yeah. Thank

59:00

you. Yes. Those legends get here. Let me

59:02

know. You're

59:05

here. You're here already. No, you didn't either.

59:07

When we were watching this day, that's the

59:09

problem until we started getting into seasons three

59:11

and four. And now we're like, oh, my

59:13

God, you were both so good on the

59:16

show and we missed it because we were

59:18

young kids and so self-involved. Egomaniacs and didn't

59:20

realize how great you were. We talked about

59:22

it. I think you just assumed everybody was

59:24

as good as them. And then you get

59:26

into it or as you grow up and

59:29

you work with other actors, you realize how

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lucky we were to have you guys. This

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has been brought to you by the fully

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You can listen wherever you get your podcasts.

59:44

Don't answer the phone. Elvis Duran, the Elvis

59:47

Duran phone tap. Scary. It's your phone. Tell

59:49

me all about it. So Joe wants to

59:51

play a phone to have on her summer

59:53

housemate, Nikki. They rented a beach house through

59:55

a realtor under Nikki's name and have gotten

59:58

several noise complaints and to. tickets from the

1:00:00

town for drinking in the street. So I'm

1:00:02

gonna pretend to be the actual owner of

1:00:04

the house in a bit and

1:00:06

I'm gonna mess with Nikki. But first Joe starts the

1:00:08

call. All right, let's listen to scary's phone tip. Here

1:00:10

we go. Hello? Hey, what's

1:00:13

up? Hi, what's going on? So

1:00:16

I've been getting these calls from Alan. Do you

1:00:18

know Alan? No. Who's

1:00:20

that? The owner of the house. Okay.

1:00:24

What is he saying? He's saying that

1:00:26

like we're throwing too many parties and

1:00:28

we're like too loud and. And

1:00:30

of course we're throwing parties at the beach house. He's

1:00:33

saying we're gonna get kicked out and stuff. Are

1:00:35

you kidding me? What the hell is he saying? Remember

1:00:37

the guy you brought over who was like peeing

1:00:40

off the balcony? Like I can't control

1:00:42

the people that are gonna be there. That is

1:00:44

what happens on the shore. That's stupid.

1:00:46

Already got three tickets from the rental

1:00:48

cops. Yes, though, like not

1:00:51

even real cops, okay? The scam by the

1:00:53

city so they can make back the money.

1:00:55

We're not gonna get in trouble, okay? We're

1:00:57

just paying the town a few dollars fine.

1:00:59

Listen, it's not just the rental cops, too.

1:01:01

The neighbors have been complaining about us. Garbage

1:01:03

that's spilling up because nobody's cleaned. Okay,

1:01:06

well, I don't give a about the neighbors because they

1:01:08

knew what they were getting into when they bought the

1:01:10

houses around us. It's a beach town and there would

1:01:12

not be a town if we didn't rent there in

1:01:14

the summer. Oh my God, Nikki, he's

1:01:16

calling me again. Like again. I

1:01:18

don't know. Hang on, I'm gonna put

1:01:20

him through on the line because I just want him to call

1:01:22

me. Hang on, hang on. I'm gonna tell you. Hello?

1:01:26

Hello. Hey, Ellen, I have

1:01:28

Nikki on the phone also. She's the one

1:01:31

that's on the- Oh, you're on the lease.

1:01:33

That's you. Yeah, hi.

1:01:35

Hi, how are you? I'm the owner of the

1:01:37

house. Okay, hi. Yeah, hi, how

1:01:39

are you? I'm fine. I mean,

1:01:42

like I'm kind of like, why are you calling

1:01:44

my roommate? I'm like, what's going on? Like what's

1:01:46

going on? Like what kind of brothel are you

1:01:48

running over there? Excuse me?

1:01:51

A brothel? I'm hearing things from the neighbors on

1:01:53

either side of me that you have 15, 20

1:01:55

people in the house at a time. Yeah,

1:01:57

we're having parties because it takes beach

1:01:59

house- It's the summer. First of all,

1:02:01

you're playing beer pong and flip cup. Yeah, and

1:02:04

it's going over the property lines. The second you

1:02:06

step foot on a sidewalk, you're putting yourselves in

1:02:08

jeopardy and you're putting my property in jeopardy. You

1:02:10

wouldn't be able to even afford this house if

1:02:13

we weren't renting it from you this summer, okay? I

1:02:15

know you only have this house. You can like have

1:02:17

affairs on your wife or something. So don't be like

1:02:19

talking to me about what goes on in this house.

1:02:21

Cause I know what you do, okay? And I know

1:02:23

what you do too. And somebody threw a bottle

1:02:25

of fireball down the sidewalk last weekend. Who was

1:02:27

that? I don't know. Who tipped

1:02:29

over my barbecue? How the f***

1:02:31

do you even know about that? Like what are you f***ing buying

1:02:33

on that? Well, that's it. You're done. You're out. You're

1:02:36

all of you are out. You can't, no. No, come back. You can't

1:02:38

f***ing do that. I will get a lawyer. I swear to God. There

1:02:40

is no lawyer. It's my house. I

1:02:43

own it. Yeah, you signed the contract. You can get over to me for

1:02:45

the summer. Is that correct? I did,

1:02:47

but contracts are made to be broken just like

1:02:49

bottles of fireball on the sidewalk. This is f***ing

1:02:51

bullsh**. Oh yeah? Okay. I'll tell you what's bullsh**.

1:02:53

The fact that you decided to section off the

1:02:56

three bedrooms and make it seven bedrooms. We took

1:02:58

down those walls. So that's not even an issue

1:03:00

anymore. Oh no? Guess what? I'm standing in

1:03:02

the house right now and the walls are still

1:03:04

up. Right now you're trespassing, okay? No, I'm walking

1:03:06

through the living room right now. I'm going to

1:03:08

see what's over here. Get the f*** out. I

1:03:10

swear to God I'm going to call the cops

1:03:12

right now. Oh, marijuana.

1:03:15

Oh, you guys like to smoke the wacky

1:03:17

tobacco, huh? Get the f*** out. Let me

1:03:19

take some pictures here. Exhibit

1:03:21

A. You know what? I'm going to call them

1:03:23

right now and tell them that they're short. Let me see

1:03:26

what else you have. Someone's standing in your house and you're

1:03:28

going to get trouble, okay? Okay. Hold on a second.

1:03:30

Which bedroom is yours? Let me find out here. I'm not

1:03:32

going to tell you how you f***ing sicko. Here's a draw

1:03:34

of condoms. Get the f*** out of

1:03:36

my drawer, you f***ing... I'm building a cage. I

1:03:39

hope you just enjoyed being phone tapped. Hee

1:03:41

hee hee. Ha ha ha ha ha

1:03:43

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:03:45

ha ha ha. Nikki! Are you kidding me? This is Scary June

1:03:47

from Elvis Duran in the morning show. Oh,

1:03:50

I was just bedding you. Ha

1:03:52

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:03:54

ha ha ha ha. I'm so sorry but that was

1:03:56

hilarious. The Elvis Duran

1:03:59

phone tap. Let

1:04:01

me introduce you guys to Leanne. Hi

1:04:13

Leanne. Hi.

1:04:16

Thank you for listening to us. I'm excited. Why

1:04:18

are you excited? I

1:04:21

actually got 30 y'all. You're

1:04:23

here. You're here. Now,

1:04:25

a friend of mine, a friend of mine has

1:04:27

a girlfriend who only stays over four

1:04:29

days nights a week during the week

1:04:31

and he's convinced she's using him because

1:04:34

it's a short walk for her to get to work. Because

1:04:38

she's not there on the weekends when she doesn't

1:04:40

work. Don't you find that suspect, Leanne? Yes,

1:04:43

but I mean, she's five minutes away

1:04:46

from work, so why not? I mean,

1:04:48

I once used a guy to

1:04:50

remodel my house and then broke

1:04:53

up with him and sold my house. Oh my

1:04:55

gosh. My girlfriend did that. She slept with a

1:04:57

guy just so he would do her cabinets in

1:04:59

her kitchen and she said, you know,

1:05:02

why not? She goes, I'm getting free cabinets and

1:05:04

then she broke up with him. Wait a minute. Hold

1:05:06

on. Damn.

1:05:09

Yes. Yes. Okay.

1:05:13

Let's be honest though. While he was living with

1:05:15

you and remodeling your house, he

1:05:18

got advantage of being with you and

1:05:20

all the ... I'm sure you were

1:05:22

nice to him during this short-lived renovation.

1:05:25

He didn't live with me. He

1:05:27

just came up to work on it and then he

1:05:29

would go back home. Oh, okay. I'm sure he

1:05:32

did work on something. Do you think

1:05:34

he knew what you were up to

1:05:36

or did he think there was something else in the

1:05:38

future? I

1:05:40

think he thought there was something else in the future

1:05:43

and then it turned out that there wasn't. Oh my

1:05:45

God. All right. All

1:05:47

right. I wonder if you're honest and you

1:05:49

just say, look, you fix my house, I'll fix you up and then we'll

1:05:51

part ways. Yeah. Is that illegal? Is

1:05:54

that prostitution? I don't know. Is it

1:05:56

technically? Because it's not monetary. Leanne,

1:06:00

don't let them call you a prostitute. That's not

1:06:02

nice. We call it booty for the bathroom. No,

1:06:04

you know what? Look, you know, if he was

1:06:06

smart enough, you may have known what he was

1:06:09

going through. Leanne, thank you and congratulations on your

1:06:11

renovation. Sounds fabulous. Thank you. No,

1:06:14

are you dating anyone now? Yes. Yeah,

1:06:18

who, and what are you using them for? I'm

1:06:20

not using them actually. I

1:06:25

mean, this is a full-blown relationship.

1:06:27

We actually have a baby together.

1:06:29

Oh, that's cool. All right, good. She's

1:06:32

almost a year old. All right, congratulations,

1:06:35

Leanne. All right, thank you, Leanne. Thanks

1:06:37

for listening. There you go.

1:06:39

Used a guy to remodel her house. No guilt. House

1:06:42

looks great. Let's talk to John.

1:06:44

Hi, John. Hey,

1:06:46

hey. Hey, hey, man. How's it going?

1:06:49

We're doing okay. So you're not using your

1:06:51

fiancé for anything, but she

1:06:53

does have a dad that you're getting

1:06:55

stuff from somehow, right? What's going on?

1:06:59

Well, me and my fiancé have been together

1:07:01

about three years now, and her

1:07:03

father never really liked

1:07:06

each other again, and he's kind of new

1:07:08

to us. So, last summer he got a

1:07:11

cab in the summer's little lake, West

1:07:13

Virginia. Wait, wait, your father-in-law bought a

1:07:15

cabin on the lake? Yeah,

1:07:18

he bought, I don't know how he got it

1:07:20

or whatever, but he invited his daughter, and of

1:07:22

course, I come along last summer, and I should

1:07:25

say, I guess we've just reconnected since then. We're

1:07:27

going to begin this weekend. So

1:07:30

now you're pretending to like him because you can use

1:07:32

his cabin on the water. Exactly.

1:07:34

Oh, man. You

1:07:36

know what, whatever it takes, I mean, at least

1:07:39

it's not like you're screwing over his daughter. I

1:07:41

mean, that's a good relationship, right? Well,

1:07:43

actually, his brother, Jay, he just doesn't like me. I

1:07:48

might as well reap the benefits, though. There you

1:07:50

go. If we're going to be in this

1:07:52

together, we might as well use your cabin. All

1:07:55

right, John, thank you. See, I'm

1:07:57

not hearing anything earth-shatteringly off. Mary

1:08:01

Lynn? Yes. So when you

1:08:03

and your husband... Well hi good

1:08:05

morning. So we're talking about using people

1:08:07

for something while pretending you like them.

1:08:09

So when

1:08:12

you and your current husband started dating

1:08:14

it was really

1:08:16

purely for romance it was something else right?

1:08:20

It was but I was a student,

1:08:22

a law student, I didn't have a

1:08:24

lot of cash and my apartment building

1:08:26

did not have any laundry and I

1:08:28

knew he had one that was in

1:08:30

his apartment and when I first started

1:08:33

dating him... Hey stop

1:08:36

smiling. Wait hold on. Okay

1:08:39

I'm sorry I thought you were smiling and you ever do that you

1:08:41

smile and you die your phone? Right. It

1:08:44

was Brody calling Pizza. Okay so

1:08:46

anyway so when you first started

1:08:48

dating this guy you were

1:08:50

in college and

1:08:53

you love the fact that his apartment

1:08:55

building had laundry. Had the

1:08:57

laundry yeah and so I offered

1:08:59

to do his with mine so

1:09:02

it was like kind of an even

1:09:04

exchange but now here we

1:09:06

are like eight years later and he still

1:09:08

hasn't done his laundry even once. Now

1:09:11

you're married to him but back then I mean did you

1:09:13

really... Back then you were just

1:09:15

kind of hanging out he was kind of okay but

1:09:17

you really loved his laundry bro. I really

1:09:19

loved the laundry it really it really helped out.

1:09:22

I did it. Watch our

1:09:24

movies together and I

1:09:26

didn't have to go to laundromat and

1:09:28

swap it out with all those coins.

1:09:30

Yeah remember coins? Oh. Do they

1:09:32

still make coins? I don't know. The

1:09:35

laundromat you don't have like a metro card

1:09:37

or something. I don't know. Thank you Mary

1:09:39

Lynn. Appreciate it. I guess you know what

1:09:43

When guys go to strip

1:09:46

clubs and they

1:09:48

really think these these women who are dancing

1:09:50

like them they

1:09:52

don't. They don't. They don't. Frog eat. No they don't.

1:09:54

They don't care. They like you as long as you're

1:10:00

you're helping pay their bills. Right, as long as

1:10:02

you give them money, they'll listen to whatever you

1:10:04

want to say. This is why I never went

1:10:06

like strip clubs with my friends. I would always

1:10:08

say that same thing to them. Guys, they don't

1:10:10

care that you're, they're not attracted

1:10:12

to you. They're not. Why are you giving them

1:10:14

money? They're using you for your, but actually there's

1:10:16

a business transaction going on there. I'm not saying,

1:10:19

anyway, so I'm just saying in life, sometimes

1:10:22

you're a little nicer to some people because

1:10:24

you get a benefit of some sort out

1:10:26

of it. Maybe. I just

1:10:28

feel like these people can be bought for such

1:10:30

little amounts of stuff. Like here,

1:10:32

have some booty, I'll take a cabinet. Oh

1:10:35

my God. It

1:10:38

all makes sense though. Look, if you're sex

1:10:40

deprived and you want to get some and

1:10:42

you're very talented at making cabinets, then you

1:10:44

know. I know, but don't

1:10:46

tell someone you love them. No, no, no,

1:10:48

no, no. When you don't, clearly. Be honest,

1:10:50

yes. I love your cabinets. Hello, Allison. Right.

1:10:53

Hi. You slept with a guy and what'd you get out of

1:10:55

it? Well, we did date for a

1:10:57

little while. We worked at my dealership

1:11:00

and spare keys are pretty expensive.

1:11:02

Spare keys? Ha ha! You

1:11:05

slept with a guy for a spare key? I

1:11:08

dated him for a month. Oh,

1:11:10

a month? A month. No

1:11:13

wait, was it a key fob? Or just a key? A

1:11:16

key to what? A key to

1:11:18

my car. Okay, key fobs are

1:11:20

expensive. Key fobs are very expensive. So you

1:11:22

hung out with them, but you know what?

1:11:24

Look, you know, there was promise of the

1:11:27

possibility of something more, right? I

1:11:30

believe that he thought that, yeah. Oh,

1:11:33

okay. That's what I was going for. He's

1:11:35

engaged now. Now

1:11:38

what do you have to do to get your tires rotated?

1:11:40

Ha ha ha ha ha. I don't want

1:11:42

to tell, Allison. All right, Allison. I think

1:11:44

that might've been happening and we just didn't realize it.

1:11:46

Thank you. Now I'm going to give you one more

1:11:48

and this is going to boggle your mind. Nikki?

1:11:52

Yeah. Now this is back in the day. Go

1:11:55

back, back, back. Back in the day. Go

1:11:57

back, back, way back. Okay. You stayed

1:11:59

in the relationship. way too long with

1:12:01

this person. Why? Because

1:12:05

it was my first time with the

1:12:07

internet. And he had internet. He

1:12:10

had internet. I had never experienced

1:12:12

the internet before. And,

1:12:14

um, yeah, I stayed way

1:12:17

too long. Oh

1:12:21

my God. The chat rooms gotcha, huh? The

1:12:25

chat rooms got me. But he had like 56k dial up. That's

1:12:28

crazy. Back in the dial up days, um,

1:12:30

when you could get kicked off, if you got

1:12:32

another phone call, um, I stayed

1:12:35

with him until they started charging for the chat

1:12:37

rooms. And then I was like, Hey, wow.

1:12:43

All right. Well, there you go. He still doesn't speak to me. So

1:12:46

you told him, I, you know, I stayed with you way too long

1:12:48

because you had the internet. Uh,

1:12:51

I eventually, you know, yeah,

1:12:54

I confessed. Oh, there you go. What did you say?

1:12:56

It's not working. I don't know. All

1:12:58

right. Thank you. Nikki, now you have internet.

1:13:00

It's like it's on your phone. I mean,

1:13:02

it's just, it's a way of life. Well,

1:13:04

I married an IT specialist.

1:13:09

Not to be at my fingertips, but I ever need

1:13:11

it. All right. Good. Yeah.

1:13:13

You have a type. All

1:13:15

right. Thank you. Thank you, Nikki. Thank you.

1:13:17

Very nice. Okay.

1:13:20

So admit it to yourself. Think back. You don't have

1:13:22

to say it out loud. Did you ever date someone

1:13:25

and show more, uh, uh, uh,

1:13:27

uh, a fascination for them than you should

1:13:29

have because they offered something or there was

1:13:31

something that you got on the side here.

1:13:34

There's got to be something. All right. Get back to me

1:13:36

later on that. The

1:13:38

Mercedes Benz interview lounge. Do a leap

1:13:40

pot. Were you really day drinking with

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Seth Meyers? Not only was I day

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drinking, I got blackout. What was your

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electric. The feeling is all Mercedes.

1:14:06

Learn more at mbusa.com/eqe-sub. Elvis

1:14:08

Duran in the morning show. Elvis

1:14:12

Duran in the morning show. So

1:14:15

who in your circle is the worst

1:14:17

damn driver known to me? Shut up

1:14:19

everyone. Scary. No, it's scary. No, it's

1:14:21

scary. Scary. And then Daniel's number

1:14:23

two. Yeah. So Diamond,

1:14:25

come here. So yesterday we were supposed

1:14:27

to meet for lunch and

1:14:30

it got all twisted because anyway.

1:14:33

Things happen. We lost our table at Odeon. It's

1:14:36

a long story. It's okay. We'll

1:14:38

find other restaurants. We're good. We're gonna be

1:14:41

okay. But anyways, so Odeon

1:14:43

is only like three blocks from where

1:14:45

we are. Yeah. But Scary insists

1:14:47

on getting in his car and driving. Yes. And

1:14:50

then finding into the parking space. Yeah. My point

1:14:52

is, why don't you walk? Well,

1:14:54

I'll tell you why. Because then when we're

1:14:56

done at the restaurant, I can get a

1:14:58

quick getaway and head home. It's three blocks.

1:15:00

It's three blocks. Plus I only brought a

1:15:02

hoodie with me yesterday and I didn't have

1:15:04

a heavy jacket. It was

1:15:06

cold. So yeah, I wanted to drive. So

1:15:08

what makes it worse is Scary says,

1:15:11

well, I'm gonna meet you there. I'm just gonna

1:15:13

drive. And then all these people

1:15:15

are like, oh, we'll ride with you Scary. Hell yeah.

1:15:17

Hell yeah. Three blocks. Gandhi said the yesterday

1:15:19

I go, please don't tell me you're getting in that car. Absolutely.

1:15:21

Yesterday I said, I'll get in that car. It is cold. Diamond

1:15:25

two. Yep. You are feeding the

1:15:27

beast guys. So Nate

1:15:29

and I walked to Odeon with

1:15:31

Ali. And then you three

1:15:34

took the car three blocks to find them. And

1:15:36

of course you weren't there for a while cause

1:15:38

you couldn't find a parking. Why are you circling?

1:15:40

It's New York city parking. We've always talked about

1:15:42

how scary is driving. Shut up

1:15:45

everyone. Scary. No, it's scary. No, it's

1:15:47

scary. Scary. And then Daniel's

1:15:49

number two. Yeah. So

1:15:51

Diamond, come here. So yesterday we're

1:15:53

supposed to meet for lunch and

1:15:56

it got all twisted because anyway. Things

1:15:59

happen. our table at Odeon. It's

1:16:02

a long story. It's okay.

1:16:04

We'll find other restaurants. We're good. We're gonna

1:16:06

be okay. But anyway, so Odeon

1:16:09

is only like three blocks from where we

1:16:11

are. Yeah. But scary insists on getting in

1:16:13

his car and driving. Yes. And then finding

1:16:15

into the parking space. Yeah. My point is,

1:16:18

why don't you walk? Well,

1:16:20

I'll tell you why. Because then when we're

1:16:22

done at the restaurant, I can get a

1:16:24

quick getaway and head home. It's three blocks.

1:16:27

It's three blocks. Plus, I only brought a

1:16:29

hoodie with me yesterday and I didn't have

1:16:31

a jacket, a heavy jacket. It was cold.

1:16:33

So yeah, I wanted to drive. So what

1:16:35

makes it worse is scary

1:16:37

says, well, I'm gonna meet you there. I'm

1:16:39

just gonna drive. And then all these people

1:16:41

are like, who will ride with you? Three

1:16:43

blocks. Gandhi said the yesterday I go, please

1:16:45

don't tell me you're getting in that car.

1:16:48

Absolutely. Yesterday I said, I'll get in that

1:16:50

car. It is cold. Diamond two. Yep. You

1:16:52

are feeding the beast. Okay. So Nate

1:16:55

and I walked to Odeon

1:16:57

with Ali. And then

1:16:59

you three took the car three blocks to

1:17:01

find. And of course you

1:17:03

weren't there for a while because you couldn't

1:17:05

find a parking place. It's New York City

1:17:07

parking. We've always talked about how scary's driving

1:17:10

is the most god awful driving in the

1:17:12

world. Yeah, it is terrible.

1:17:14

So Diamond finally got to see

1:17:16

that yesterday. I'm not happy

1:17:18

about it, but it was an experience. You

1:17:20

know, scary, I think I don't want to talk too

1:17:23

much crap about you because you were nice enough to

1:17:25

give me a ride. Right. And I was really, I

1:17:27

have to say that it was cold yesterday. The wind

1:17:29

was whipping loved it, but the

1:17:32

wind wasn't the only thing whipping scary

1:17:34

was. And I am pretty sure that

1:17:36

my neck is a little tight this

1:17:38

morning because of the way that my

1:17:40

head was going back and forth, back

1:17:42

and forth. Yes. Break. Yes. Break. Like

1:17:44

they actually scary actually puts

1:17:49

his left foot on the brake and his right

1:17:51

foot on the gas has to be. There's something

1:17:53

going on. He tries to two feet and it's

1:17:55

not a stick shift. And Froggy

1:17:57

is like the expert driver on our show. If

1:17:59

you were ever with someone who was driving with

1:18:02

their left foot on the break and their right

1:18:04

foot on the gas Wouldn't you just want to

1:18:06

take a hostage? I would want to take a

1:18:08

hostage However, it is scary's car and we get

1:18:10

into his car. You are susceptible to how he

1:18:13

drives Yeah, I

1:18:15

would scary I would unlock the driver door get

1:18:17

in and drive away Well, you can be susceptible

1:18:19

for how are he drives but we he has

1:18:21

to be susceptible for us making fun of his

1:18:23

bad driving Yeah, after that don't let

1:18:25

him in right? Well, he won't have to worry

1:18:27

about me being in it again Unless it's like

1:18:29

two degrees I mean just like you can't get

1:18:31

in that car if you're if you have an

1:18:33

empty stomach Like honestly if

1:18:35

you're in there that early in the morning, you're

1:18:37

whipping around by the time you get here in

1:18:39

the morning You're gonna throw up Literally

1:18:43

said how do you guys do this in the

1:18:45

morning? How are you? Okay, when you come in

1:18:47

this explains a lot about all three of you.

1:18:49

Yeah, I feel bad for you scary because You're

1:18:52

nice enough to do all these things for everybody

1:19:04

Okay, my point I'm not trying to say that scary needs

1:19:06

to be a better driver I'm just saying we all vote

1:19:08

that he is the worst driver Okay

1:19:16

because of where I'm for I personally I'm not

1:19:19

saying Where he says it's because of my upbringing

1:19:21

in Brooklyn that I'm a bad driver I

1:19:26

grew up in an area of Brooklyn where

1:19:28

you had to be assertive to get parking

1:19:30

spaces now This is Manhattan all the bike

1:19:33

racks and all the food sheds are taken

1:19:35

up any spot that may be left and

1:19:37

all the construction People are out there. So

1:19:39

I'm driving faster is gonna open

1:19:41

up more spaces. I don't understand I'm talking

1:19:43

about the herky jerkiness of the forward reverse

1:19:45

because I'm like Okay,

1:19:51

so you'll be driving 90 miles

1:19:53

an hour down whatever Avenue and then you'll see a

1:19:55

little slot between two cars you then

1:20:00

forward. That's what I did. But that's talent.

1:20:02

See, in my book, that's talent. Daniel,

1:20:05

you would puke everywhere. If you were in his car,

1:20:07

you would puke and you would change your tune so

1:20:09

fast. And here's the thing, you're right. It is so

1:20:11

nice that you take us places. It is. You just

1:20:13

have to prepare yourself. Maybe we're a neck brace. I'm

1:20:15

not even kidding you. There was a moment. I

1:20:17

was sitting in the front seat. He did the, er, er, and

1:20:19

I felt this on the back of the seat. Because

1:20:22

I thought it was a spot. It was Diamond's body.

1:20:24

I thought it was a spot and then it was

1:20:26

not. I'm like, oh, no standing anytime. All right, so,

1:20:28

bottom line is this. You are a very sweet person.

1:20:30

A very kind soul for taking people. I should say,

1:20:32

yes, thank you. Three blocks. It

1:20:35

ended up being like 20 trying to find that parking spot. Well, then

1:20:37

we had to leave, you know. Exactly. We had to leave Odion, because

1:20:39

we got kicked off our table. We had to go find, we had

1:20:41

to go find it at the restaurant. And we had to, you know,

1:20:43

it was just a day. It was just a day. was

1:20:46

the warmth of my car. No, it was great.

1:20:48

Listen, I loved it. Your car was warm because

1:20:51

of the friction of bodies. Bumping

1:20:54

against the walls and the

1:20:56

ceiling. What Nate? What?

1:20:59

I agree with Froggy and Danielle. If you guys don't

1:21:01

like it, then yeah. No, wait, you're missing the point.

1:21:04

Yeah, you guys are complaining face. No, I get the

1:21:06

point. I get the point, but we can get a

1:21:08

free ride somewhere. What's the point? You don't complain at

1:21:10

all. Like you don't say a word. You're like, all

1:21:12

right. Hey, guess what? I didn't get a free ride.

1:21:15

I'm not riding with him. Okay, let me think about,

1:21:17

let's talk about this. If it was a city bus

1:21:19

you were on, and it was a herky jerky ride,

1:21:21

would you go to the driver and say, hey, you

1:21:23

know, you really need to figure this out. Absolutely.

1:21:27

Absolutely, I would. You don't get whiplash walking. I've

1:21:29

done it before. I've done it before. Froggy.

1:21:32

No, absolutely not. Hey, it's

1:21:34

called a review. People leave reviews on everything else. I'm

1:21:36

leaving a review. I'm leaving a review. I'm starting. Okay,

1:21:38

okay, one. He's not an Uber driver when you leave

1:21:40

him. Don't stop. I just think this is hilarious because

1:21:42

I know Danielle would bitch up a storm if she

1:21:45

was in that car. But I would eat. No, Froggy

1:21:47

would have a heart attack if she was in that

1:21:49

car. Here's the thing though, if he was giving me

1:21:51

a ride and it was a favor, I would shut

1:21:53

my mouth and take the ride. Or

1:21:55

I would say I'm not taking the ride. I'm

1:21:58

telling you. We're

1:22:01

not on a ride at Universal Studios. But

1:22:03

then don't get in the car. Okay.

1:22:07

Right. That's why I don't.

1:22:09

Yeah. Good. He

1:22:11

did. He got off on a ride. He

1:22:13

said no. I'm not on a ride. And in sense of driving,

1:22:15

does it win? It's three blocks. First of all, second of all,

1:22:17

don't want to ride. Third,

1:22:19

he's being very kind in taking you. All I'm saying, he's

1:22:21

the worst driver. That's all I'm saying. But that's what you're

1:22:23

saying. You can know for a full fact

1:22:25

that he's the worst driver, but you're still going to get

1:22:28

in the car with him. Does he get you to point

1:22:30

A to point B? Yes. Shut up.

1:22:33

That's not a question. It's still an opinion. It's not a

1:22:35

fact that I'm the worst driver. No, it's a fact. I

1:22:37

think it's a fact. It's a fact. Yeah.

1:22:39

But how? I have a

1:22:41

nice record. Knock on four mic. I have a ...

1:22:43

I don't have any issues. Okay. So

1:22:46

the question is this. Who in your group

1:22:48

is the most godawful driver? Have

1:22:51

this conversation. I think that if he

1:22:53

got into the spot the way he says he

1:22:55

did, I would be like, dude, that is impressive.

1:22:57

Yeah. You're right. In

1:22:59

New York City, unfortunately, sometimes

1:23:02

this is how you got to drive. It's

1:23:04

crazy. I've seen scary

1:23:06

parallel park. I mean, he is

1:23:09

a little herky jerky, but boy, does he get

1:23:11

that thing in there with inches to spare. Parallel

1:23:13

parking, herky jerky is one thing, but driving down

1:23:15

a straight road, herky jerky, is a completely different

1:23:18

story. There's just no need for it. Okay.

1:23:20

The second worst driver, of course, Danielle, because of her record, but the

1:23:23

third ... You guys don't even

1:23:25

know my record. You're all about your poop heads. The

1:23:27

third ... Language. The

1:23:31

third worst driver is Nate. Oh

1:23:33

yeah. Because he

1:23:35

doesn't focus. I don't. Yeah. He'll

1:23:38

be nice enough to pick me up at the apartment and we'll

1:23:40

roll ahead like 20 feet to stop at the

1:23:42

stoplight. The

1:23:44

light will be red. He'll just go right through it

1:23:46

and the car's coming right at me. Oh my God.

1:23:48

I had temporary color blindness. I think that's a thing.

1:23:50

I couldn't tell that that was red. You

1:23:53

know it's a red light because it's the

1:23:55

top light. Yeah. It's so

1:23:57

much green. Right. The positioning of the

1:23:59

light. Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't change. What do you mean? Are

1:24:01

you saying? Oh, I get it now. So

1:24:04

I'll be, I'll get in the car. Hey, good morning.

1:24:06

Morning. How are you doing? I'm doing okay. Ah!

1:24:09

Ah! Anyway.

1:24:12

I blame my mom for my bad driving. I

1:24:14

had 105 fever after I got

1:24:16

the COVID vaccination, right? So my mom is

1:24:18

driving me someplace and she's stopping, starting, stopping,

1:24:20

starting. I was so sick with a fever

1:24:23

and I still said, stop the car, get

1:24:25

the hell out. I have to drive. I

1:24:27

cannot drive with you. She is the worst.

1:24:29

But she was giving you a ride. Love

1:24:31

you mom. No, she doesn't actually. She forgot

1:24:33

her suitcase and I was nice enough to

1:24:35

go with her to get it. So, uh!

1:24:37

Well, bottom line. Wait, this doesn't make sense. Bottom

1:24:40

line is we love scary. If he gives you

1:24:42

a ride, three blocks, great. It was nice. But

1:24:44

as this texture says, maybe you should take a

1:24:46

little Dramamine before you go. Maybe. Fall

1:24:48

asleep in the car. Some sea sickness pills.

1:24:50

Scary would take it. Hey,

1:24:53

okay. So have that conversation with your friends today. Who

1:24:55

in your circle is the worst driver? And then watch

1:24:57

the fun begin. We were just talking about how here

1:24:59

in New York City, the

1:25:01

ice cream trucks are rolling through neighborhoods

1:25:03

and they're playing their music so loud

1:25:07

that it's causing people to call 911. Oh

1:25:11

my, I mean a little extreme. Wow.

1:25:14

Wow. Shut

1:25:17

up! Hehehe. Shut

1:25:20

the hell up! Turn that off! Hehehe.

1:25:23

Give me a headache! You're

1:25:25

not my mom! Stop driving

1:25:27

on my lawn! How

1:25:30

could the Mr. Softy music make you even angry at

1:25:33

all? I'll tell you why a lot of parents hate

1:25:35

it because they sit their kids down and try to

1:25:37

have a family dinner and then all of a sudden

1:25:39

they hear, and the kids are like, Mommy, Mommy,

1:25:41

I wanna meet you, Shaftie. Me

1:25:43

too, Mommy. Yup. Like shut up. Eat

1:25:45

your peas and carrots. We were at

1:25:47

soccer practice the other night and we

1:25:49

finished right before dinner time. But

1:25:52

the ice cream man is not

1:25:54

stupid. He knows what time soccer

1:25:56

practice stops. And he pulls up

1:25:58

right beside the feet. Mommy,

1:26:00

your drug dealer's coming down the street again. Go

1:26:04

buy your edibles. Daddy likes your edibles.

1:26:07

You buy from the ice cream pad.

1:26:10

I remember when I was a kid, we had

1:26:12

an ice cream truck guy and sure enough, he

1:26:14

was busted because he was selling pre-rolled joints. Nice

1:26:17

enough to pre-roll the whole year. And I'm like, Daddy,

1:26:20

I just want one of those ooloo fudges. That's all

1:26:22

I want. That was like a movie Friday, Big Perm.

1:26:24

What the hell is an ooloo fudge? I'm sorry, what

1:26:26

was that? It was like in the movie Friday, the

1:26:28

guy Big Perm. He was selling drugs, but he also

1:26:30

had an ice cream truck. You don't know what ooloo

1:26:32

fudge was? Never heard of ooloo fudge. It's like a

1:26:34

popsicle. Look up, ooloo fudge. Ooloo fudge. It's the same

1:26:36

shape as that red, white and blue thing. What's that

1:26:38

thing? The rocket pop. Rocket pop.

1:26:40

Ooloo fudge. You call it bomb pops. Whatever

1:26:42

you want to call it. Anyway,

1:26:44

you slice it. I want an ooloo fudge. You don't

1:26:46

see ooloo fudge? No. No. See,

1:26:49

rolo fudge. It starts with

1:26:51

an O, like O-O-L-O-O. Ooloo. O-O-L-O-O-O.

1:26:55

O-O-O-L. Am

1:26:57

I the only one who's had ooloo fudge? I've never heard of

1:26:59

it. Are you sure that's what it's called? I've never heard of

1:27:02

it. Never heard of it. What's that scary?

1:27:04

In our neighborhood, we had custard king. We didn't have

1:27:06

Mr. Softy. And we had the

1:27:08

music, that annoying music that they used to

1:27:10

play, but they changed it where they had

1:27:12

only one bell could ring in 22nd interval.

1:27:16

In intervals? In intervals, yeah. Wait,

1:27:18

ooloo fudge is live in England, it looks

1:27:20

like. Is that a band? Do

1:27:23

you think I went to see ooloo fudge? All

1:27:26

right, if anyone remembers ooloo fudge, would you please

1:27:28

text me? Ooloo fudge. We go to Six Flags.

1:27:30

Oh, here we go. No, no, no, I

1:27:32

tell you, there's Six Flags over Texas when I grew up in Dallas. Yeah.

1:27:35

On Friday nights, I go to bed, I couldn't sleep because

1:27:38

I knew Saturday morning we were going to Six Flags and

1:27:40

I just couldn't wait to get on that runaway mine train

1:27:42

and I knew they had ooloo fudge waiting for... For

1:27:44

Big Daddy. Well, Little Daddy. He was Little

1:27:46

Daddy then. Jenny's calling about

1:27:48

the ice cream truck in her town. You

1:27:53

said the ice cream truck had no limits, they would drive

1:27:55

down the streets playing that loud song at 1130 at night?

1:27:57

Oh, come now. Hi,

1:28:00

oh my God, I can't believe I'm talking to

1:28:02

you guys. Well, you are. No, hold

1:28:04

on. I loved your call. You said that in your

1:28:06

town, the ice cream truck would play

1:28:08

that loud song at 1130 on a weeknight, and people would

1:28:10

get mad at him? Yeah,

1:28:12

like a year ago, it was like 1130 at night.

1:28:15

It was a Thursday night. And it was 1130,

1:28:17

and they were blasting this outside of my building.

1:28:20

And all of a sudden, I start hearing all

1:28:22

of my neighbors picking heads out the windows screaming

1:28:24

at the truck. You know, shut up, shut up,

1:28:26

turn it off. And the guy kept playing it

1:28:29

for like a half hour. And

1:28:31

people suddenly, like, suddenly I hear things being

1:28:33

thrown out of windows and hitting the truck.

1:28:35

People are throwing things at the ice

1:28:38

cream truck. Yeah, like I saw like two

1:28:40

or three people like outside of my window throwing things

1:28:42

at the truck. Oh,

1:28:45

stop it. Shut up, stop it.

1:28:47

Can you play that song? It's like

1:28:49

I'm traumatized. I know somebody's been

1:28:51

more complaining. This is not the number one requested song

1:28:53

today. All right, like if you're out there

1:28:55

driving your ice cream truck, let's have a limit, maybe like 8

1:28:58

PM. Yeah, isn't there like a

1:29:00

town ordinance or something? I don't know. Whatever

1:29:02

it's called. All right, thank you, Jenny. Hi,

1:29:04

KJ. What's up? Want to see

1:29:06

what we actually look like? So Mr. Softy comes

1:29:09

around 930 in the morning on Saturday and Sunday.

1:29:11

That resides over the Pics of Hell. Follow us

1:29:13

on Instagram at Elvis Duran Show. Elvis

1:29:16

Duran in the morning show. And

1:29:19

Mr. Softy rolled around playing the song at

1:29:21

930 in the morning right after they're done

1:29:23

with their 8 AM practice and

1:29:25

every child wants ice cream

1:29:27

before breakfast. Isn't it terrible? You're smart. It's

1:29:29

the most annoying thing. Right before dinner in

1:29:31

my town and I'm just like, you have

1:29:34

to have dinner first. But Ma, the truck

1:29:36

will be gone by then and the ice

1:29:38

cream will have melted if I

1:29:40

buy it. I know. Well,

1:29:42

my daughter has Mr. Softy actually on

1:29:44

speed dial in our car. Oh, stop.

1:29:46

Oh my God. These are fixed. That's

1:29:49

a problem. All right, well, KJ. Okay, now

1:29:51

we send it out to Mr. Softy. Please

1:29:53

don't play your music near softball girls at

1:29:55

930 on Saturday. Thank you. Thanks

1:29:58

for listening to us, KJ. The

1:30:01

ice cream truck in our hood plays the standard

1:30:03

pop goes the weasel song and then a very

1:30:05

creepy voice screams. Hello Hello Toe

1:30:27

nina that's water is life in

1:30:29

Dine Bizad the Navajo language We're

1:30:32

sharing this Navajo phrase on behalf

1:30:34

of st. Bonaventure Indian Mission and

1:30:36

school and the thousands of poor

1:30:38

Navajo families They do what they

1:30:40

can to survive the spring and summer months with

1:30:42

as little as seven gallons of water a day

1:30:45

By comparison most other American families use more

1:30:47

than 300 gallons per day. That's a big

1:30:49

difference So visit their website make

1:30:52

your donation today st Bonaventure

1:30:54

mission org the families served by

1:30:56

the st Bonaventure water delivery program

1:30:58

or among the nearly 33% of

1:31:01

all households on the Navajo nation with

1:31:03

absolutely no running water These are among

1:31:05

the poorest families anywhere in the United

1:31:08

States. Please be generous donate today st

1:31:10

Bonaventure mission org your donation will

1:31:13

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1:31:15

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1:31:18

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Pharmacy presents... Painful

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Healthcare just got less painful.

1:33:30

The only way you wouldn't be slinging off is

1:33:32

if you got your foot stuck in the thing

1:33:34

and you'd be dragged in circles. Do

1:33:37

you remember? It was like a gate on a pole. Yeah,

1:33:40

yeah, yeah. And you just stood on the

1:33:42

back of it and just started spinning around until either you

1:33:44

fell off or it dragged you in circles. So

1:33:48

at some point, some agency got involved and

1:33:50

started making toys safe again.

1:33:54

Also, there was a time you could actually buy

1:33:57

a radioactive science kit that came with real

1:33:59

radi... radioactive material and a Geiger counter. Did

1:34:01

you know this? No. It's

1:34:04

true. You can blow up your house. Well, you can

1:34:06

really blow up your house with this, but you could

1:34:08

get cancer. Oh

1:34:10

my gosh. Test out some

1:34:12

science. And also someone just said, they just

1:34:14

texted in yard darts. Yard darts.

1:34:17

Now, these weren't made out of foam. They

1:34:19

were huge darts with pointy spikes

1:34:21

on the ends of them. And

1:34:24

you would throw them in the lawn and whoever, you

1:34:26

know, went the furthest would win. But

1:34:29

we would, after we were done playing, we would throw them in the air

1:34:31

and just try to

1:34:33

dodge them as they were, as they were falling back down

1:34:35

to earth. Oh my gosh. A lawn

1:34:37

dart would actually go right into your head,

1:34:39

right into your scalp. Oh my gosh. Those

1:34:43

are way more dangerous than I was thinking. I

1:34:45

was just thinking about how bad those slides were

1:34:47

that had like the multiple parts and you would

1:34:49

slide down and just the skin on your back

1:34:52

would come right off. Right. Yeah. Right.

1:34:55

Do you remember those fake cigarettes? And

1:34:57

it actually allowed you to smoke. Oh, I love

1:34:59

those candy cigarettes. I was never allowed to play

1:35:01

with them. My mom would get so mad. You

1:35:03

could actually blow out. You could actually blow out

1:35:06

fake smoke. Yeah. What the

1:35:08

hell were we inhaling? I think it

1:35:10

was powdered sugar. Those were made

1:35:12

of bubble gum, if I remember, and they were wrapped in paper. And

1:35:15

then when you used to blow it, you go, and

1:35:17

then all of a sudden it would come

1:35:19

out the end like smoke. Yeah. Hey, stop

1:35:21

barking. Oh my God. Is there

1:35:23

food here? No. I'm

1:35:26

the engineer. He's making

1:35:28

my dogs thirsty. Anyway,

1:35:30

okay. So also growing up, playgrounds

1:35:34

were basically just asphalt and concrete

1:35:37

with metal sides on everything. And

1:35:40

so on hot summer days, you would actually just kind

1:35:42

of brand yourself on the hot metal if

1:35:45

you weren't falling on your knees and scraping them on

1:35:47

the asphalt. Yes. Even

1:35:49

the swings, you know, like the little rubber swings that

1:35:51

were black, you sit down, burn your ass right off.

1:35:55

Other than clack, clack. Do you remember anything else from when

1:35:57

you were a kid that would kill someone? Well,

1:36:00

I'm pretty sure they still exist but has anyone

1:36:02

ever been ridiculously injured on a seesaw cuz oh

1:36:05

my god I feel like that has sterilized and

1:36:07

made so many people unable to have children. Yes.

1:36:09

No, no, I'm one of them Yeah,

1:36:12

there's a bunch of seesaws down at

1:36:14

the seaport here in In

1:36:16

New York City and Alex and I got one on one one night, of

1:36:19

course, he got right off and I went What

1:36:22

are you doing you're a grown man you're doing this to be honest The

1:36:26

monkey bars were made of actual metal too and they

1:36:28

went up pretty high and you got to the top

1:36:30

of that thing and got For being you slipped and

1:36:32

fell you could have cracked your head And

1:36:36

you lose a tooth on the way down Like

1:36:40

it you sit on it and everyone sits on it

1:36:42

and it spins Well,

1:36:45

I flew off into the mud I was

1:36:48

filthy I didn't get hurt But my mom said

1:36:50

I was so upset because I was filthy and

1:36:52

I was so dirty had a go-go change my

1:36:54

clothes Thank God like

1:36:56

whatever whoever they are that government agency came

1:36:58

in to be to keep us safe from

1:37:00

these very dangerous Playgrounds

1:37:03

I've got a Hannah online once

1:37:05

Gary. Good morning, Hannah Good

1:37:08

morning. Yeah, well, welcome to the show So

1:37:10

you remember a toy that was probably a

1:37:13

little more dangerous than you should have been

1:37:15

playing with Yeah, so,

1:37:17

you know how every playground has that truck

1:37:19

tire that's either you know on a chain

1:37:21

link Thought for a swing or it's cut

1:37:24

in half for you to climb on top

1:37:26

of yes Well, we had the ones that

1:37:28

were cut in half and I climbed inside

1:37:30

it and got completely stuck and

1:37:33

the fire department had to come fourth grade

1:37:39

That was a very long recess I

1:37:41

can't imagine you must have been freaking out and they're

1:37:43

stuck in a tire Oh

1:37:45

my god, so I had a fear of

1:37:47

elevators in particular after that because of my

1:37:50

I don't know claustrophobia I don't think it's

1:37:52

quite followed me into adulthood, but I

1:37:54

feel lucky in that regard Wow All right. Well,

1:37:57

I'm glad you survived. Thanks for listening to it.

1:37:59

Yeah, stay out of times. I'll do

1:38:01

my best. Someone said,

1:38:03

uh, where'd

1:38:06

they go? Oh gosh, these texts are going by

1:38:08

so fast. Everyone's texting in. I

1:38:10

fell off a seesaw when I was five

1:38:12

years old. Brooke McCollabone. Oh damn. Oh, here's

1:38:14

one. I got 14 stitches in my face

1:38:16

from an old rusty seesaw at our neighborhood

1:38:18

playground. Oh my God. Come

1:38:21

on, daddy. Come over and give me a rusty seesaw.

1:38:23

Oh man. What about the slip and

1:38:25

slide in general? Like the slip and slide had no

1:38:27

kind of padding or anything. I mean, I know that

1:38:29

Froggy said he used to use garbage bags, but the

1:38:32

actual slip and slide was still like break a rib

1:38:34

city. Right. Yeah, Nate.

1:38:37

Line five. Oh, it's Craig. No, no, no, no, Peggy. Hello,

1:38:39

Peggy. Peggy's calling. Hi. Good. She's calling

1:38:41

about slip and slides. Yes, Peggy. Good

1:38:44

morning. The slip and slide is

1:38:46

the most dangerous thing. Why

1:38:48

would you let your kids run

1:38:50

and throw themselves on the ground and call

1:38:53

it fun and say, Oh yeah. And encourage

1:38:55

that. It's the most dangerous

1:38:57

thing ever. That's just got, you know,

1:38:59

like broken bones all over

1:39:02

it. Yeah. You know, the slip and slide, we

1:39:04

always had like a water park in our backyard.

1:39:06

It was a slip and slide and a water

1:39:08

wiggle. Remember water wiggles? Yeah. You hook

1:39:10

them up to the end of the garden

1:39:12

hose and it just wiggles around. It just beats people

1:39:15

upside the head. Yep. Yeah. Dane

1:39:18

Cook used to call slip and slide slip

1:39:20

and bleed. Yes. Breaking

1:39:22

tooth. So dangerous. A little

1:39:25

shout out to Dane Cook. It's true. All right,

1:39:27

Peggy. Enjoy your slip and slide this weekend. Listen

1:39:31

to Craig on line three. Craig, you played with

1:39:34

nunchucks and throwing stars when you were

1:39:36

a kid. Yeah, me too. Yeah, yes.

1:39:38

First of all, guys, you

1:39:40

guys are amazing. I love you guys to

1:39:42

death. Oh, thank you, man. Phenomenal. Thank you

1:39:44

for listening to us. Yeah. My

1:39:47

older brother thought he was like a ninja and

1:39:49

he used to go to the Chinese song by

1:39:51

these ninja stars and nunchucks and he used to

1:39:54

beat the crap out of us. I

1:39:58

got stabbed in the legs so many times by them. I

1:40:00

can't even tell you. Oh my gosh, I

1:40:02

had a friend growing up and his name

1:40:04

was actually Froggy, that's what we called him,

1:40:06

and he would collect all that stuff, he

1:40:08

would dress all in black with the mask

1:40:10

on, and he was the ninja in the

1:40:12

Bronx in the neighborhood. I know, but you can

1:40:14

kill people with those stars in

1:40:16

the throne just right. Hey, but wait, Craig, someone

1:40:18

just sent a text in, where is it? Oh,

1:40:22

oh god, trampolines, okay, don't even get

1:40:24

me started on trampolines. How

1:40:26

many times did you bounce off a trampoline? I

1:40:29

got bounced off a trampoline one time and I felt

1:40:31

like I hit a tree on my way down and I

1:40:33

had a little cut in the middle of my eyebrows, it

1:40:35

looked like I had a unibrow for like three weeks.

1:40:38

All right, Craig, thanks for listening to us, you tell your brother to

1:40:40

put his- Ah, thanks guys. Put his numb trucks away. You

1:40:44

guys have a great day. You too. You too. Absolutely.

1:40:46

So here we are living in a nice, safe world.

1:40:48

Oh, remember we used to play, you would break a

1:40:50

thermometer and play with a mercury? Oh,

1:40:52

yes. Yes! Oh my

1:40:55

god. Don't do that. I did that when my dad called the

1:40:57

fire department on me. Don't do that.

1:40:59

Mercury, very, very, very, very lethal.

1:41:02

What's scary? I feel like we don't learn our

1:41:04

lessons though because just a few years ago, they

1:41:06

came out with the hoverboard and how many people

1:41:09

broke their feet on that? Or just, I mean,

1:41:11

I know I tried it, I was on one

1:41:13

for 10 seconds, I'm right here at the station

1:41:15

and I'm like, I'm out, I'm done. All

1:41:17

right, so anyway, so growing up, it

1:41:20

was a little more dangerous back then, but we

1:41:22

survived, dammit. Yeah, it was so fun. With lots

1:41:24

of permanent scars. Don't we all have a

1:41:26

scar from childhood? Oh

1:41:29

my gosh, yes, my chin has like plenty.

1:41:31

Yeah, me too. But that was from the plastic surgeon.

1:41:34

No. All

1:41:36

right, I'm gonna bring up a delicate topic.

1:41:39

Oh. Are you that

1:41:41

friend? Hear

1:41:43

me out. We were at

1:41:45

this party last night, a big, huge, wonderful party

1:41:48

with lots of people we've known for years and

1:41:50

years. I mean, 500 people there and we're friends

1:41:52

with 485 of them. The

1:41:55

other 15, who cares? But there

1:41:57

was this one person there. Not gonna say who she

1:41:59

is. known her

1:42:01

for years, she's just the most

1:42:04

irritating person in the world. She

1:42:06

doesn't have a mean bone in her body. You know

1:42:08

what I'm saying? But everything

1:42:10

she does just irritates

1:42:12

you. Oh, that's awesome.

1:42:14

No, it's not awesome. That's

1:42:18

the person I want to hang out with. I

1:42:20

don't want to get into specifics or details, but

1:42:22

just everything she says, everything she does, you're like,

1:42:25

oh God, I wish I wasn't anywhere near you

1:42:27

right now. But you love her.

1:42:29

She has good intention. Sounds like

1:42:31

love. But I want to look

1:42:33

her in the eye and say, hey, do you know that

1:42:35

you are that person? And

1:42:38

I'll never do that because I'd be so rude. I imagine

1:42:40

she doesn't know that. Because if you knew and you keep

1:42:42

doing it, then you're just evil. I mean, the good thing

1:42:44

of this is Gandhi and I were not there last night,

1:42:46

so we knew you're not talking about us. Right. That's

1:42:49

good. Otherwise, I'm questioning.

1:42:51

Maybe you could be a runner up. I

1:42:54

guess if you're that person, you don't know you're

1:42:56

that person. I have a friend who

1:42:59

was giving someone a ride home one time

1:43:01

and they thought they had arrived at the

1:43:03

destination, pulled up. The woman got out of

1:43:05

her car and it was a grocery store.

1:43:07

She said, can you just wait while I go grocery shopping?

1:43:09

I know you've given me a ride home, but I got

1:43:11

to go to the grocery store. Went grocery shopping, came out,

1:43:14

then went to the liquor store next door, then got in

1:43:16

like, okay, you could take me home now. What?

1:43:19

But not realizing she was being just irritating.

1:43:21

How do you not realize? How do you not ask? Could

1:43:24

you mind if I go grocery shopping?

1:43:26

Are you that person? Straighten

1:43:30

eight. What? I

1:43:33

am not that person. I am far from that person.

1:43:35

We know you think you are. I didn't accuse you

1:43:37

of anything. I was going to ask you if you

1:43:39

knew anyone who was that kind of person. No, I

1:43:41

actually, maybe I am that person if I can't figure

1:43:44

out that person. Okay. I will

1:43:46

tell you there are things you do that are sort

1:43:48

of that personish. Like

1:43:51

you'll walk in and you'll look

1:43:53

at my hoodie I'm wearing. You'll

1:43:57

go, oh, you're wearing that today? Okay.

1:44:00

that occasionally. I didn't think it

1:44:02

was offensive. I was trying to be helpful. Like that

1:44:04

one time you were wearing that shirt that just did

1:44:06

not go with your pants. See,

1:44:09

okay, what he just said and how he said it, was

1:44:11

that like rude? Yeah.

1:44:14

Or you are that person. Or

1:44:16

over that time, your tie, the knot was too big. I'm

1:44:18

like, are you wearing that? You

1:44:20

are that person. You're

1:44:23

an a-hole. He's from California and

1:44:26

like you're a New Yorker. Like if you're gonna

1:44:28

insult somebody, it's like in your face and like,

1:44:30

it's just done. The way he does it with

1:44:32

that California thing, it's kind of, yeah. Yeah,

1:44:35

that, ugh. Yeah. It's

1:44:37

like too much sugar, but you're getting a cavity. Yeah.

1:44:40

Sorry. So I guess it's safe to say, as I said

1:44:42

before, if you are that person, you just don't know you're

1:44:44

that person. You're oblivious. The same

1:44:46

thing that makes you oblivious to the

1:44:48

rude things you say. You don't know you're saying rude

1:44:51

things or doing rude things. Unless you do them on

1:44:53

purpose, but most people hopefully don't do them. Did

1:44:55

you know that person? Yes, of course I know that

1:44:57

person. Do you know any others? I

1:44:59

have two people I'm thinking of right now. Okay, give me, you're

1:45:02

afraid to give an example because they could be a listener.

1:45:04

Yes, exactly. I can't, this

1:45:07

person always says negative things

1:45:09

constantly, but

1:45:12

doesn't realize they're saying them. And then later on

1:45:14

I'm like, well that made me feel bad. And

1:45:16

they're like, oh, I didn't mean it like that.

1:45:19

Oh. How did you mean it?

1:45:21

Yeah, like no. What's that scary? If

1:45:23

you know a person who's that person, you

1:45:25

gotta tell that person because that person would

1:45:27

then actually make an effort to stop

1:45:29

being that person. No, not always. I get torn.

1:45:32

One of my very best friends, I love her to

1:45:34

death. Every time she comes to see me, so I'll

1:45:36

give her a love for coming to see me, she

1:45:39

brings nothing with her. So we spend the entire weekend

1:45:41

of her being like, do you have moisturizer? Do you

1:45:43

have conditioner? Do you have pants I can wear? Do

1:45:45

you have this? I'm like, oh my God. Did you

1:45:47

bring anything as a single person? That person

1:45:49

feels. There

1:45:52

is someone else we know and we love,

1:45:54

but every time you go out with her

1:45:56

for dinner, she never offers to pay a

1:45:58

penny. Oh. She's that person. Ew.

1:46:01

Froggy, you know any people that are that person? I

1:46:03

do. I have people who, like Donnie said, they come

1:46:05

to your house and they never bring anything, so they

1:46:07

always expect you to have it. Or they'll say, oh,

1:46:09

I thought I left it here last time. I would

1:46:11

just use it again. I'm like, no, no, no, no.

1:46:13

Also don't. Oh my god. All the text messages coming

1:46:15

in, everyone has that kind of person in their life.

1:46:18

Yes. But you know what? You can't say

1:46:20

anything to them. No, no, no. That you just can't. Because

1:46:23

typically that person who

1:46:25

is just irritating as hell, they're

1:46:28

nice. Yeah. Yeah, they're not trying to. Which

1:46:30

makes it worse. Right. Because if they're nice, you don't

1:46:32

want to point it out. You don't

1:46:34

want to hurt their feelings. And sometimes overly nice

1:46:37

is irritating as hell too. You have to have a

1:46:39

little bitchy in you. I hate overly nice. It's terrible.

1:46:41

When people are overly nice, I'm like, there's something wrong

1:46:43

with you. Throw it away from me. Elvis,

1:46:45

what do you do if it's one of these

1:46:47

people is one of your parents? What do you

1:46:49

do? Oh. Oh. Oh. No. What

1:46:52

are you saying, Froggy? That's not nice. I'm just

1:46:54

saying that. I'm not saying it to me. I'm

1:46:56

saying that what if one of these people is

1:46:58

one of your parents? Then what do you do?

1:47:01

You can't do anything. There's nothing you can do. It's your parent.

1:47:03

Does your mom always forget her stuff when she

1:47:06

stands up? No, no, no. It's not my mom. It's not my mom. Hello.

1:47:10

Is this T-shirt? Yes,

1:47:12

it is. Hi. How are you? I'm OK. I'm

1:47:14

OK. So are you that person

1:47:17

who lets the irritating friend take

1:47:19

advantage of her? Yeah,

1:47:22

like all the time, really? You don't say

1:47:24

no. So give us

1:47:26

an example. OK. So

1:47:28

I had a friend who flew to, I think it

1:47:31

was Tennessee, and she had to come back early after

1:47:33

my trip. And so instead of flying

1:47:35

back into Philadelphia where she left her car, she flew

1:47:37

back into Newark. But then I got to go pick

1:47:39

up her car from Philly at 3 in the morning.

1:47:42

So you had to pick someone up at 3 in the

1:47:44

morning at the airport? No, her car.

1:47:47

I mean, like, you know, she

1:47:49

flew in with different airports. And her car was stuck at the

1:47:51

other airport. So I had to go get her car. How

1:47:53

nice of you. And you said yes. That's

1:47:56

crazy. So OK. The

1:47:58

positive here is you're all right. Hold on,

1:48:00

hold on, hold on. Pull yourself together. The

1:48:03

positive here is you're a good friend. Yeah.

1:48:06

All right, so you've done nothing wrong, but

1:48:08

the fact that your friend asked you to

1:48:10

do that, she's irritating. Yes,

1:48:12

do you know what? I can top

1:48:15

that. We had a friend years ago

1:48:17

where we said, hey, fly in any

1:48:19

time. She calls and says, hey, I'm

1:48:21

coming in on Christmas day. Oh,

1:48:23

yeah. I'm like, you what? We

1:48:26

had to leave our family on Christmas day,

1:48:28

not only leave our family, but in a

1:48:30

snowstorm. Goodbye. Go pick her up, and then

1:48:32

they diverted her plane to a different airport.

1:48:34

So we needed to go and pick her

1:48:36

up at a different airport. No, no. I

1:48:39

was like, who flies in on Christmas day? I know. I

1:48:41

can do it because you love them. Right, we picked

1:48:44

her up. You know what? Because we love

1:48:46

her. I know you love because you love her, but

1:48:48

sometimes you gotta love yourself a little more. I know.

1:48:50

I'm like, no, no. I

1:48:52

love myself because it's who I am. I know,

1:48:54

I know, I know. You're a good person. That's

1:48:56

why I love myself. Come

1:48:58

pick me up at the airport at 3 AM. I gotta go. Oh,

1:49:00

god. Which airport? I don't know. See, stop

1:49:03

it. Pull yourself together like I said. Thank

1:49:05

you, Tisha. Here's

1:49:07

Jacqueline. How you doing, Jacqueline? I'm

1:49:09

good. How are you guys? I'm doing OK. So

1:49:12

I know you don't want to admit it, but

1:49:14

your mom is that irritating friend. I mean, how

1:49:16

irritating is she? What has she done? Oh,

1:49:19

what has she done? Well, I have two beautiful

1:49:21

children. And when I

1:49:23

was finished having kids, she specifically asked me, so

1:49:25

are you done with the kids now? I

1:49:28

said, yeah, I'm done. And she goes, well, then I think

1:49:30

it's time for me to start working out. Oh,

1:49:33

my god. Go away.

1:49:35

Oh, my god. The

1:49:38

people who say and do the most irritating things.

1:49:40

But like I said before, if they don't know,

1:49:42

they're doing it. God bless them. It's bed bedside

1:49:45

manner. What's that? It's just like bed

1:49:47

bedside manner. Yeah, please. All right, Jacqueline. Good

1:49:49

luck with your mom. Sorry about that. Thanks,

1:49:51

guys. Remember mom? Oh, wait.

1:49:53

I love you, mom. To death, you know that? But

1:49:56

do you remember when, back in the day,

1:49:58

I couldn't afford really anything? when I first

1:50:00

started working here. And so we were doing one of

1:50:02

our big concerts and I picked something out of my

1:50:04

closet and I wore it on the stage and my

1:50:06

mom happened to be at the concert and she says

1:50:08

to me after, hey, next

1:50:10

time I'll give you money so you can

1:50:13

get something better to wear on stage. My

1:50:15

heart, my heart. Can't you think before you say that?

1:50:17

I love you mom. What

1:50:19

I hear all about the weird wild stories you didn't

1:50:21

learn in school. Let my best

1:50:23

friend Patty Steele and her podcast, The

1:50:25

Backstory with Patty Steele be your guide.

1:50:28

Patty, what are you exploring next? Hey

1:50:30

Elvis, imagine you're in an insurance

1:50:32

seminar, Yawn. And James Brown,

1:50:34

the godfather soul charges in with guns

1:50:36

screaming about somebody using his toilet. It

1:50:39

was the most exciting day in insurance

1:50:41

history. The Backstory with Patty

1:50:43

Steele, new episodes every Tuesday and Friday.

1:50:45

Listen on the iHeartRadio app or wherever

1:50:47

you get your podcasts. Elvis

1:50:53

Duran in the morning show. Everyone

1:50:56

say good morning to our friend Carlos. Hi

1:50:58

Carlos. Hello. Hi, how are you?

1:51:00

We're doing well, we're doing well. You know what, I was really,

1:51:03

really putting a lot of thought into the text you sent

1:51:05

me a couple of days ago. And I'm so happy we

1:51:07

could get you on the phone to talk about it. Do

1:51:10

you wanna remind everyone what your question for me was on

1:51:12

the text? Yeah,

1:51:15

my question was, you do know

1:51:17

the potential to be born again and

1:51:20

you can tell what you wanna be. Won't

1:51:22

you be born as gay men again or

1:51:25

come back as straight? Okay. You're

1:51:27

gonna leave the exact same life. Okay, so the

1:51:29

good question, and by the way, I don't know

1:51:32

if you understood it because the phone's kinda messed

1:51:34

up, Carlos. The question was if you could be

1:51:36

born again and choose what to be

1:51:38

gay or straight, would you come back as a

1:51:40

straight guy instead, knowing everything that you went through

1:51:42

in your life, good or bad? Is that basic?

1:51:44

That's what you asked originally, right? Yeah.

1:51:47

Can you hear me better now? Oh, no I can. Oh. Now

1:51:50

you sound crystal clear. He's not underwater anymore. Yeah. This

1:51:52

is an interesting question. May I ask from which point of

1:51:55

view are you coming from? Are you a gay or straight

1:51:57

man? I'm a straight man.

1:51:59

Okay. And so you ask this

1:52:01

question and I find it a very deep question. And

1:52:03

as a matter of fact, I don't

1:52:05

want this to turn into a conversation that upsets

1:52:08

people or makes people uncomfortable because a lot of

1:52:10

people maybe aren't understanding. But

1:52:12

look, I love having conversations like this.

1:52:14

I think it's fabulous. So

1:52:16

that's what I told Nate that I

1:52:19

didn't want to sound as if I'm

1:52:21

insulting anybody. Not at all. Nice.

1:52:23

No, no, I love questions that make us think. And I'm going

1:52:25

to get into this right now. Listen, thank you for listening to

1:52:27

us, Carlos. We're going to jump into it right now. Thanks to

1:52:29

you. All right. All right. Go

1:52:32

have a great day and listen to it. All right. So

1:52:34

the question was, if I can do it again, knowing what

1:52:36

I've been through as a gay boy, then

1:52:38

gay man, would I do it again? Uh,

1:52:41

look, it's a difficult question to answer

1:52:43

because it's not possible. So, you know, I, you

1:52:46

know me and it's like, well, it's not possible. So why

1:52:48

would I even answer that question? Uh,

1:52:51

I fortunately, through

1:52:53

growing up and knowing I was gay at

1:52:55

a very young age, I really had nothing

1:52:58

to complain about as far as how people treated

1:53:00

me. Uh, I

1:53:02

had just very little harassment in

1:53:05

high school, very little. Um,

1:53:07

and I, I grew up

1:53:09

a gay boy and turned into a gay man with

1:53:12

little or no problems at all. I was one of

1:53:14

the lucky ones. I didn't know for a fact, through

1:53:16

many people I've mentored and many people I've talked to,

1:53:19

people have come to me for advice. They

1:53:21

have been through hell and continue to go through hell.

1:53:23

Yeah. Okay. Uh,

1:53:25

and also being a gay guy and

1:53:27

growing up and seeing the condition and

1:53:29

what people go through has helped me

1:53:31

better understand people of different races, people

1:53:34

from different backgrounds. And, and

1:53:37

to me, that has been quite the advantage.

1:53:39

I love that. I love that

1:53:41

I have being a gay man. I don't know if

1:53:43

I, if I can really make a true connection here.

1:53:46

I am more sensitive to, to my

1:53:48

women friends and what they're going through in

1:53:50

life. And I have a side of me

1:53:52

that is definitely leaning to the, toward the

1:53:54

feminine and I can understand women

1:53:57

better than I think a lot of other guys, gay

1:53:59

or straight. I don't know why, but I just

1:54:01

do. With that

1:54:03

said, I would happily come back as

1:54:06

a gay man. You

1:54:10

know, if I had to check a mark, like, okay, new life, what do you want, gay

1:54:12

or straight, go. I'm like, okay. It's

1:54:15

because you know what, it's all I know. I'm just,

1:54:17

I know I'm being too realistic for

1:54:19

what could be a fun conversation. No, I

1:54:22

think it's important though. And

1:54:24

I mean, on the counter of that, if I were to be

1:54:26

able to pick what I came back as, I

1:54:29

think I would come back as something completely different. Because

1:54:31

I know what this is like. I know it's what it's like

1:54:33

to be a brown female in this world. I would maybe want

1:54:36

to experience what it'd be like to be something else. And

1:54:39

it's not that I don't like being brown or being a

1:54:41

female. I love it. But I just want to see, you know,

1:54:43

from like you said, you get a different perspective on life based

1:54:45

on how you come into this world. I would like

1:54:47

to see something different. You know what makes

1:54:50

me really upset is if I hear, and I've heard gay people say,

1:54:56

I've definitely heard of recent days, and

1:54:58

in recent days, transgender people

1:55:00

say, if I could do it

1:55:02

again, I would not choose this life. And

1:55:05

that breaks my heart. Right. It breaks my

1:55:07

heart because they are living in a

1:55:09

life that is just really rough

1:55:12

for them. To be able

1:55:14

to look yourself in the mirror and say, basically, I don't

1:55:16

like who you are. That makes me

1:55:18

sad. It makes me, I just want to cry.

1:55:20

It makes me very sad that anyone, no

1:55:23

matter what you're going through in

1:55:25

life, let's say you are blessed

1:55:27

with beautiful kids, but you don't

1:55:29

want kids, you know, whatever your

1:55:32

challenge is to look at yourself and say, I wish

1:55:34

I could have a redo. That

1:55:36

makes me so sad. It makes me sad.

1:55:39

Yeah. So, gosh, Carlos,

1:55:42

you know, yeah, I'll come back

1:55:44

as a gay guy. You

1:55:46

know, sure. Yay, no regrets. I

1:55:48

like that. I don't ever regret. I'm going to come back as

1:55:50

a caterpillar. Because then I become a

1:55:53

butterfly. And you can own more shoes. That's right. I

1:55:55

could. I

1:55:57

never thought of that part. You're good. It

1:56:00

would take longer to tie all your

1:56:02

shoelaces. Yeah, a four-day

1:56:04

lifespan. But I

1:56:06

don't know. What do you see on the text messages? I don't want

1:56:08

to offend anyone today, and I just... This is

1:56:10

one of those things... It's actually a great conversation

1:56:13

to have with a friend who is able

1:56:15

to have an adult conversation. Yeah. We

1:56:17

have some very poignant text messages that agree with

1:56:19

you, that want to come back. One man said,

1:56:21

He's a straight man, he'd like to come back

1:56:23

as a lesbian. Okay. Yeah.

1:56:26

I get it. That's not... Yeah.

1:56:28

Very funny. That would be such

1:56:30

a froggy answer. This is my

1:56:32

favorite text. I'm a gay man, and I always

1:56:34

have this conversation with my friends. I

1:56:36

would most certainly come back as a straight female, so

1:56:38

I could have sex with all the hot

1:56:41

straight boys. Everyone's motives are very self-hat. Okay,

1:56:43

so if you want to turn it into

1:56:45

the fun conversation, I'm with

1:56:47

you. I'm that. But

1:56:49

I don't know, you know, I

1:56:51

know... Ask me, do I want to do

1:56:53

something different than I'm doing now? No, I love my life. Even

1:56:58

the hardships, and I have very few,

1:57:00

you know, I'm very, very, very blessed. And I'm

1:57:02

so grateful for the life I have. I don't

1:57:04

want to change it. What, Scary? For

1:57:07

me, I'd come back straighter than I am right

1:57:09

now. I would actually be more assertive. I

1:57:12

would do things differently. You know what? So

1:57:14

you just said that being straight is

1:57:16

meaning you're more assertive? No, no, no.

1:57:19

That's exactly what you just said. You

1:57:21

know the kind of person I am. I've

1:57:23

always been kind of like a background guy

1:57:25