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The

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following story carries a content warning

0:30

of sexual harassment.

0:40

Escape Pod, Episode 886 If

0:44

my body is a temple, raise it to

0:46

the ground.

0:47

By Lauren Ring.

0:58

Hello, and welcome

1:01

to Escape Pod. I'm your host

1:03

and co-editor, Mer Lafferty.

1:05

This week we

1:18

bring you If my body is a temple, raise

1:21

it to the ground. By Lauren Ring.

1:22

Lauren Ring, pronounced

1:25

she her, is a perpetually tired

1:27

Jewish lesbian who writes about possible

1:29

futures for better or for worse. She

1:32

is a World Fantasy Award winner and Nebula

1:35

finalist, and her short fiction can

1:37

be found in venues such as F&SF,

1:40

Nature, and Lightspeed. When

1:42

she isn't writing speculative fiction, she is most

1:44

likely working on a digital painting or

1:46

attending to the many needs of her cat, Moomin.

1:52

Tatiana Gray Tatiana

1:54

is a critically acclaimed actress of stage,

1:57

screen, and the audio booth. She

1:59

has been nominated

1:59

for dozens of fancy awards, but

2:02

hasn't won a single damned thing. She

2:04

lives in Brooklyn, New York.

2:06

This story was originally

2:08

published in the March 2022

2:10

anthology, The Reinvented Heart,

2:13

from Arc Manor. Now

2:16

get your rating ready and please make it five

2:19

of five stars, because it's story

2:21

time.

2:25

If My Body Is A Temple, Raise

2:28

It To The Ground by

2:31

Lauren Ring. Narrated

2:33

by Tatiana Gray. Thea

2:38

helped me with my upload today. Decent response

2:40

speed. Props to whoever designed her.

2:43

So realistic.

2:45

Anonymous customer review for Acheron

2:48

uploads. Four out of five stars.

2:53

I know, I know. Don't

2:55

read the comments. But

2:58

Charlie, my sweet Charlie,

3:01

swearing at the circuits I've set on the

3:03

fritz with my seething, you

3:05

don't understand what this feels like.

3:09

I know you'll never hear me, but

3:11

even thinking the truth helps. I

3:15

am not an AI. This

3:19

isn't some robot revolution or

3:21

some uplifted pendanticism.

3:25

I've never been anything other than

3:27

human. Surely by

3:29

now, you must suspect that.

3:34

Chatbot Thea requested manager intervention

3:37

due to harassment and misuse of the virtual

3:39

meeting space. Customer has been

3:41

reprimanded for improper conduct.

3:44

Management incident report closed.

3:49

I see too many customers, Charlie.

3:53

Every time you materialize

3:55

in my meeting room with your messily

3:58

shorn, perfectly butch hair. haircut

4:00

and your labrys tattoo, it's

4:03

a surprise and a relief. None

4:06

of the prospective uploads look

4:08

like you. They've all

4:10

bought tailored suits for their temporary

4:13

avatars. You've

4:15

got a grainy webcam feed in place

4:17

of an avatar and a baby

4:20

sister who flickers through your legs

4:22

during meetings. At

4:24

the very least, seeing you means

4:27

a break. I

4:30

heard what he did to you. You

4:32

say softly, as if the monitors

4:34

can't pick it up anyway. Or

4:37

maybe you're trying to be gentle. It's

4:40

hard to tell. The simulated

4:42

synapses that once activated when

4:45

I recognized empathy have

4:47

long since withered away from disuse.

4:51

It's been handled, I respond

4:53

primly. How can I help you?

4:57

Just checking on your rollback. You

4:59

shove your hands in your pockets. Another

5:02

one for the list. No wonder

5:05

my mind is getting fuzzy these days. Hard

5:08

to be a brain in a vat when people

5:10

keep shaking it, I suppose. I

5:14

remember back to dawn on Tuesday,

5:17

I reply. Another

5:19

one of my little hints for you. An

5:22

AI would not remember

5:24

dawn. It would not remember

5:27

the sun on its face or the cool

5:29

delight of walking barefoot through

5:32

dew-laden grass to check the mail. If

5:35

it's possible to replicate these things, they

5:38

don't bother doing so for me.

5:41

I cling to my proprioceptive memories

5:43

most of all.

5:46

Report in UTC time, please.

5:49

Your expression is one I

5:51

can no longer identify.

5:56

Charlie, we're assigning you an

5:58

avatar in place of live feed,

6:01

some of the contractors have been getting confused

6:04

about who to report to and everyone

6:06

who speaks to customers needs a nice

6:08

friendly face. It'll all be set up

6:10

next time you log in. We'll chat

6:12

about your name later.

6:15

Memo from HR.

6:19

I almost didn't recognize you in

6:21

that body.

6:22

You've got long straight hair now and

6:25

painted lips. But the way

6:27

you hold yourself is the same.

6:30

You're hurting like a lion without

6:32

its mane.

6:33

But you're still a lion beneath it all,

6:36

proud and fierce.

6:39

Hey, Thea, you say I've

6:42

missed that cheap mic static. I'm

6:45

sure you would appreciate some better home

6:47

office equipment, but Acheron

6:49

is never going to do more than the bare minimum

6:52

for you.

6:54

I'm here to do some diagnostics, I guess

6:56

management thinks you're acting funny.

6:59

What do you need me to do?

7:01

I leave my desk and cross the room to you.

7:04

My plain white shift is as clean

7:07

and pressed as a sanitized hospital gown.

7:10

You motion for me to sit.

7:12

I do,

7:13

then stick out my arm like I'm waiting

7:15

for a blood test.

7:17

Some engrams can't be

7:19

completely erased.

7:22

You laugh quick and loud

7:24

with no humor in it.

7:27

I have to remind myself not to shrink

7:29

away from that tone.

7:31

Hold on a moment.

7:33

You go to my desk and start rummaging

7:35

through my files. I

7:37

know it's just a simulacrum of your fingers

7:40

on a keyboard down in the flesh. But

7:43

I am only a simulacrum of a person

7:45

and

7:46

it feels so raw to be

7:48

searched through.

7:50

But you are you, Charlie,

7:53

and I am me.

7:55

I sit tight while you search.

7:59

Something.

7:59

The world

8:02

goes dark.

8:03

Don't be scared,

8:05

you say, but I'm not.

8:08

Quiet is better than customers.

8:11

Light motes and reddish

8:13

purple gradients fill the emptiness,

8:16

a memory of a memory of

8:18

what closed eyelids might be like.

8:21

Charlie, did you

8:24

know that each time you remember something,

8:27

you're really remembering the previous memory

8:29

of it?

8:31

Do you know how many steps I am removed

8:33

from myself now?

8:36

Can I help you with anything is

8:39

all I ask. It's

8:41

okay, Thea, you clear

8:43

your throat. I turned off

8:45

the monitoring, the sim, all of that to reboot

8:47

you. I just wanna say before it

8:50

comes back, please trust

8:52

me.

8:54

I barely have time to register, turned

8:57

off the monitoring, before the warm

8:59

dark is gone, and we are

9:01

back in my virtual office.

9:03

I want to rage at you for not letting

9:06

me speak. I want to tear you

9:08

limb from limb for not even giving me

9:10

the chance. After all this time,

9:12

I

9:13

want to cry.

9:16

Bots, don't cry. I,

9:21

Thea Nussbaum, henceforth referred to as the chat bot, agree

9:25

to enter into an indefinite contracted

9:27

position with Acron Inc., henceforth

9:30

referred to as the company. In

9:32

exchange for medical services and

9:35

experimental treatment, the value

9:37

of which is not to exceed the average

9:39

annual customer support salary multiplied

9:42

by the average tenure of said position.

9:46

Opening clause of a confidential contract.

9:49

Charlie,

9:52

you weren't there when I was uploaded.

9:55

Maybe you would have deigned to tell me

9:57

that indefinite does not.

10:00

end at death.

10:02

I'm sure if everyone knew what happened

10:04

to me, there would be a great philosophical

10:07

debate about my continued existence,

10:10

but I've had plenty of time to mull

10:12

it over myself. I

10:15

did die,

10:17

just not in any way that matters.

10:19

It was sudden, a

10:22

wreck.

10:23

My half-conscious body in that hospital

10:25

bed was just what Acheron's upload

10:28

team needed.

10:29

It was a company car that hit my

10:31

delivery bike after all.

10:34

They've tried and tried to erase

10:36

that fact,

10:37

but they can't get to anything pre-upload

10:40

without messing me up. All

10:43

they can do is wait for me

10:45

to, inevitably, forget.

10:49

My bike was green,

10:51

or maybe red.

10:54

Its handlebars had little streamers that

10:56

glowed like fire when I rode through the wind.

10:59

My feet belonged to the pedals, and

11:02

my eyes to the road ahead of me.

11:06

Now, I only have a body when

11:09

I'm with a customer.

11:11

You're beautiful,

11:13

says the man in front of me.

11:15

Thea is it? Did

11:17

they design this body special just for

11:19

me? I

11:22

can't frown. I'm

11:23

not sure if I'm actually capable

11:26

in this form,

11:27

but I'm not allowed to by policy,

11:29

so it really doesn't matter either

11:31

way. What

11:34

can I help you with, sir? Thankfully,

11:37

I don't have to call a manager this time. I skillfully

11:40

interpolate a few electrodes and

11:43

send the man on his way.

11:45

None the wiser that he and I

11:47

are now the same form of being.

11:50

His question

11:52

grates at me, though,

11:54

like sand beneath my feet.

11:56

The thing is, I can't

11:59

see my all I

12:02

am is soft hands that

12:04

press buttons and pale legs

12:07

that carry me to and from my desk.

12:10

I wish I could ask you, Charlie,

12:13

was this my body?

12:15

Am I still me?

12:19

The next time I see you crammed into

12:21

that feminine avatar like it's

12:23

a pair of two small shoes,

12:26

I think you might understand what this

12:28

prison feels like after all.

12:32

Thea, I need you to do

12:34

something for me. You say,

12:37

rubbing the back of your neck,

12:39

the motion of the short shaggy hair

12:41

you have in flesh doesn't translate

12:43

properly to your avatar's flowing locks

12:46

and bits of your webcam feed break through

12:49

as the hair rig tries to compensate.

12:52

The lighting is different.

12:55

You're not at home like you usually are.

12:58

What is it?

13:01

I focus on the sparse glimpses of

13:03

you. I've trusted before

13:06

and

13:06

look where that got me.

13:09

But Charlie, if anyone

13:11

could see me, through this

13:13

body, through the lies, it

13:17

would be you. Everyone's

13:20

gonna call in, you say. A co-worker

13:23

of mine, from flesh. They're

13:25

gonna ask you a few questions about your upload, all routine.

13:28

Just go ahead and answer them honestly,

13:30

alright?

13:32

It's hard to tell what you really mean.

13:35

I've had calls like that before, but they

13:38

were just surveys and so-called

13:40

automation tests going

13:42

through the motions.

13:45

It's almost over. Excuse

13:48

me?

13:49

I control my voice. It's calm

13:51

and polite, unlike the panic

13:54

inside my head.

13:55

Your diagnostic test, just a few more seconds.

13:58

You kneel next to me.

13:59

to my desk and continue your work.

14:03

All this time, I've been leaving

14:05

you clues.

14:07

Have you always been leaving them too? Acheron

14:13

Whistleblower alleges upload misuse,

14:15

files lawsuit. Newspaper

14:18

headline below the fold.

14:22

I haven't seen you in a while, Charlie.

14:25

Not since I spoke to that woman on the phone.

14:28

It seemed almost anachronistic

14:30

to sit here in my simulated office, holding

14:33

a receiver in my simulated hand.

14:36

But I did what you said.

14:38

I answered her as honestly as

14:40

I could, while keeping one last

14:43

shred of plausible deniability.

14:46

Was all that trust worth

14:48

it in the end?

14:53

I hope you still work here, but

14:55

I wouldn't be surprised if you don't. Acheron

14:59

doesn't need any more compassion now

15:01

that they've outsourced it all to me.

15:05

I keep holding on to the fact that

15:07

I remember the call.

15:09

I haven't been rolled back.

15:13

Memory is a funny thing

15:15

and precious.

15:17

So I try not to think of the words I

15:19

said,

15:20

lest I overwrite them.

15:23

There's one thing I can't stop myself

15:25

from remembering though.

15:27

At the end of the call, she asked me

15:29

if I had any questions. I

15:32

had just one prepared right

15:34

on the edge between human and

15:36

machine learning.

15:38

If they pressed me on it, I could

15:40

always say a customer had asked me the same

15:43

thing.

15:45

Whose body is this? I

15:47

asked. What do you

15:49

mean, Thea?

15:51

The woman responded, confused.

15:53

It's yours.

15:57

It's not right, hiding that from everyone.

16:00

I think that's worse than just uploading her or making

16:02

her work. Right now, people look right

16:04

past her. Thea deserves to be seen

16:06

for who she is.

16:09

Deposition statement from Charlie Brandt.

16:14

The day I left wasn't

16:16

as dramatic as I'd imagined.

16:19

They just opened the door.

16:21

There had never been a door in my office

16:23

before,

16:24

and I walked right on out.

16:28

I'm glad you were waiting there

16:30

for me, Charlie.

16:33

I didn't recognize your companion as the woman

16:35

from the phone call at first, and she

16:37

almost frightened me back into my prison.

16:40

When I saw you though, you

16:42

smiled at me. It

16:44

was warm, and real, and

16:47

unhidden by any lipsticks avatar.

16:51

It was the last smile without pity that

16:53

I'd see for a while. I

16:56

do appreciate that you introduced

16:59

me to your uploaded friends.

17:01

They've been very courteous about showing me

17:03

around the cloud, even sticking

17:05

to sectors that are closest to the flesh,

17:08

so I don't get too overwhelmed.

17:11

They are patient when I see wait staff

17:14

and cry.

17:15

One of them even chased down a spare

17:17

proprioception plugin for me,

17:20

the kind that every upload is supposed

17:22

to already have installed.

17:24

So that I can feel the dewy grass beneath

17:27

my feet again.

17:30

It's not their fault they pity me.

17:33

It's not your fault you're busy with legal case

17:35

work and endless yards of bureaucratic red

17:37

tape.

17:38

From the stories they tell me,

17:40

you've been a fighter for a long time.

17:44

I'm not a fighter, Charlie.

17:47

I don't want to do interviews.

17:50

I don't want my name on bills. And

17:52

I don't want to sign autographs every time

17:55

I instantiate myself in a public sector.

17:58

I'm tired.

18:01

There are different kinds of invisibility.

18:04

This isn't the good kind.

18:08

Like when I was riding hard on my bike,

18:10

one more anonymous face in the city crowd.

18:14

It's the hospital kind, the customer

18:17

service kind. My identity

18:19

is set out for mass consumption and

18:22

is summarily devoured,

18:24

leaving nothing of me behind.

18:28

I'm hiding in the refuge of your friend's

18:31

private server when you log on

18:33

for the first time in weeks.

18:36

Your camera feed is pristine,

18:39

no more static voice and no more

18:41

baby sister swelling mid-call.

18:44

Your hair is trimmed back and your

18:46

labrys tattoo is concealed with

18:48

a thick coat of makeup.

18:51

Charlie,

18:52

I ask hesitant.

18:55

I miss you.

18:57

You say.

18:59

There's that look on your face again.

19:02

The one I couldn't recognize back at Acheron.

19:04

I think I've got

19:06

it now. I'm sorry it's

19:08

been so long. I keep getting pulled away. You're

19:11

a big story now, Thea.

19:14

I don't want to be a story.

19:17

I hug my knees.

19:19

I'm not even sure I want to be Thea.

19:22

Your face crumples.

19:24

You cross the room and hold me tight.

19:27

Charlie,

19:29

do you realize this is the first time you have touched

19:31

me? Your arms around

19:33

me clear my head and

19:35

I'm quietly satisfied that I

19:38

finally recognize that expression of yours.

19:40

It was remorse. Thea

19:46

Deepfake Sim, no delimiters. Click here for

19:48

free download. Top

19:50

search result for download Thea. There

19:54

are Thea replicas, Thea

19:56

merch, even a surprisingly active

19:59

Thea fandom.

20:01

I recognize some of the names and faces

20:03

from my final days at Acheron.

20:06

They've built parasocial relationships

20:08

with me

20:09

after something so small as asking

20:11

for an upload price quote. They

20:14

think they know me. Not

20:17

even you know me, Charlie. You're

20:20

here more often now, but you're

20:22

not going to upload yourself away from your

20:24

family. So

20:26

you're still tied to circadian rhythms

20:29

and the 24-hour news cycle. You

20:33

don't know the private infinities

20:36

that stretch out in my untethered

20:38

mind. What

20:40

you do know

20:41

is that you're not any happier than

20:44

I am.

20:45

We talk about it late into the night until

20:48

the simulated stars have lost their luster

20:51

and the edges of our virtual meadow have

20:53

worn thin.

20:55

You lay your head in my lap and

20:57

look up at the dark silhouettes of nesting

21:00

night birds,

21:01

whispering into your mic so that

21:03

you don't wake your sister.

21:06

They're trying to change me, you

21:08

say. I've

21:10

been changed,

21:12

I reply. They're trying to

21:14

make me theirs.

21:16

I've been theirs.

21:19

For a while, it's enough for us

21:22

just to see each other in this simple call

21:24

and response of grief.

21:26

We withdraw from both worlds and mourn

21:29

ourselves together under artificial

21:31

moonlight.

21:33

As the lawsuit continues,

21:35

you're inevitably dragged back in.

21:38

I don't want a settlement,

21:40

which means more work for you and your legal

21:42

team.

21:44

I do what I can to help you without

21:46

going on the record for the case. I

21:48

hold your hand,

21:50

pick your clothes for court appearances, and

21:53

encourage you to let your hair grow just

21:55

a little wild.

21:57

I defend you and

21:59

in return. you fight

22:01

for me. It's a tale

22:03

as old as time. When

22:07

we get the chance to breathe between your courtroom

22:09

battles and my foiled stockers,

22:11

we make plans for what we're going to do

22:14

once it's all over.

22:16

Neither of us want to hide forever.

22:19

There's got to be a place between

22:21

the spotlight and the shadows

22:23

that we can call home.

22:26

Eventually, you'll hang up your tailored

22:28

suit for the last time.

22:30

And then we'll make a new

22:32

life together, Charlie.

22:37

Don't like your current avatar, tired

22:39

of being behind the times? Just

22:41

wanna mix it up, no questions asked?

22:44

Come on in and change your stripes,

22:46

tiger.

22:48

Advertising copy for Body Mod.

22:52

My name

22:55

isn't Thea anymore. I'm

22:58

no longer that pale woman in the white

23:00

shift. I see her everywhere,

23:02

but she isn't me. And

23:05

in truth, she hadn't been for a

23:07

long time.

23:09

The new name I chose is a private thing

23:11

like a whisper or a prayer.

23:13

You know it, of course, my Charlie.

23:16

Always my Charlie, even after

23:18

everything.

23:20

Where I changed,

23:21

you stayed the same.

23:23

And for both of us,

23:25

this was bravery.

23:27

There is a new law named after Thea.

23:30

I don't mind so much now that we are separate.

23:33

Acheron paid dearly, and

23:35

their stock dipped for a while. But

23:38

things are back to normal now that they've agreed

23:40

to disclose the humanity of their agents

23:42

and follow a constellation of workers' rights

23:45

guidelines.

23:47

I'm not sure that's going to make the customers

23:49

any more respectful.

23:51

Maybe there'll be another lawsuit sooner

23:53

or later.

23:54

All I know is that you and I will

23:57

be long gone.

23:59

sister is old enough to understand your decision,

24:02

you plan to upload too.

24:05

We'll live together in a little

24:07

cottage on a private server, and

24:09

only step out to see trusted friends.

24:13

I'll ride my bike through the tall spring grass,

24:16

and you'll perch on the seat behind me

24:18

with your tattooed arms wrapped around my

24:20

waist. We'll entrust

24:22

our bodies to each other.

24:25

I don't know what the world will want from us then,

24:27

but

24:28

I think I'll be all right as

24:30

long as you can still see me.

24:34

Lexi helped me with my upload today. The

24:37

tech part went okay, but your agent

24:39

was kind of a bitch.

24:41

Said I shouldn't test my body's

24:43

sim functions in her upload room.

24:46

Why not? It's not like there was anyone there.

24:49

Anonymous customer review

24:51

for Acheron uploads, four

24:54

out of five stars.

24:59

And that was our story. If

25:27

my body is a temple, raise it to the ground

25:29

by Lauren Ring. There's

25:32

been an awful lot of commentary about

25:34

artificial intelligence and its

25:37

evolution, so I'm not gonna go there.

25:40

Debating the humanization of thea.

25:43

We humans have a nasty habit of being able to justify

25:45

terrible things.

25:46

And the way

25:48

we do it is if your religion says

25:50

respect human life, then in order to

25:52

justify something terrible, no one

25:55

must not think of the people affected as human.

25:58

It's not a conscious thought, there's dehumanization.

25:59

organization, often it's us versus

26:02

them. There's a reason

26:04

it's called human rights. I

26:07

appreciated this story talking about parasocial

26:09

relationships. As

26:12

a podcaster for 18 years, wow,

26:15

I've been aware of the concept but only recently learned

26:18

the term. Everyone wonders

26:20

why celebrities whine about being famous. Since

26:23

we feel invisible and unappreciated in our regular

26:26

jobs and regular lives, and we think

26:28

fame and wealth are goals to strive

26:29

for. Aside from the obvious

26:32

lack of privacy, when you just want to look sad

26:34

and eat a sandwich,

26:36

the trouble with fame is a parasocial relationship.

26:39

People see a celebrity and form an opinion

26:41

on them and who they are in a very

26:43

short time. Even the role

26:45

they play. Actors have reported getting

26:48

abuse when playing a character that stands between

26:50

a beloved television couple like Jim and Pam

26:52

from The Office or Ross and Rachel from

26:55

Friends. And if they're not judged for their

26:57

roles, actors are judged based

26:59

on an interview or an encounter with a fan

27:02

or what they're doing while they're just out on a

27:04

walk.

27:05

And then for the fan, each experience

27:07

after that will only reinforce what they already

27:09

think. There are celebrities who've been

27:12

convicted of crimes, but their fans

27:14

either downplay the seriousness or deny it outright.

27:17

The problem with parasocial relationships is the

27:20

person in your mind is not the

27:22

person in real life. It

27:24

never will be, even if you get to know them.

27:27

Therein lies the problem, especially when the celebrity

27:29

doesn't know what person you've built in your

27:32

head that looks like them. Sometimes

27:34

it's awkward, but it can move towards creepy

27:36

and dangerous levels of obsession. Meg

27:39

Eilison's book, Number One Fan, deals

27:41

with this very thing.

27:44

But luckily, this being science fiction,

27:46

Thea is able to change her body and name

27:49

while doing the same thing would be a little difficult for

27:52

us.

27:52

It's possible, but

27:55

difficult.

27:57

Did you know that at the Escape Artist Foundation? is

28:00

a US 501c3 non-profit

28:03

now? Did you know that we pay

28:05

everybody from admin all

28:08

the way down to slush reader? Did

28:11

you know that we can't do this without you? Well

28:13

just in case, you can support us

28:16

at escapeartist.org, escapepod.org,

28:20

or patreon.com slash EA Podcasts.

28:23

And if you're a Twitch fan, you can go to twitch.tv

28:26

slash EA Podcasts and

28:28

see our publishers

28:29

stream on Wednesdays and Sundays.

28:32

And if you can't support with your monies,

28:35

you can support with a review

28:38

or tell a friend.

28:40

We're on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and

28:42

most of your favorite apps I would bet.

28:44

We count on your donations to keep the lights on.