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the details. Escape

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Pod. The

1:36

Alien in My Bathtub. By

1:40

Tony Darnell. Hi

2:06

everyone, welcome to a skateboard, the weekly

2:08

science fiction podcast. This is F79312,

2:11

I'm Alistair, your host, and I serve Richard. It's so good

2:13

to be here. This week's story

2:15

comes from Tony Donnell. Tony lives in the

2:18

Peruvian jungle town on the edge of the

2:20

Amazon rainforest, where the people are happy and

2:22

the insects are big. Science

2:25

fiction has appeared in daily science fiction,

2:27

meta-st akward

2:48

manner. So, without

2:50

further ado, let's go see who's

2:53

in the bathtub, because

2:55

it's storytime. The

3:03

Alien in my Bathtub, written

3:06

by Tony Donnell, narrated

3:09

by Bryce Stolle. The

3:12

alien in my bathtub refused to leave.

3:14

It was there when I returned

3:17

to my apartment in ring B. It

3:19

ignored me when I asked to vacate the

3:21

premises, and when I inquired as to how

3:23

it entered my apartment, it

3:25

replied with a dismissive grunt. I

3:28

had no intention of trying to remove

3:30

it by physical force, which would have

3:32

gone against the most basic rules of

3:34

human alien etiquette. And,

3:37

to be honest, I didn't want to

3:39

touch it. So, I

3:41

called station relations. I

3:44

waited and watched as the spindly

3:46

creature splashed around. The

3:48

water was greasy and tinted green

3:50

with the entire contents of the

3:52

luxury exfoliating scrub I had ordered

3:54

from Earth a week ago, at

3:57

no small expense. didn't

4:00

know what the creature was or

4:02

where it came from. It

4:04

wasn't a species from the Systems Trade

4:06

Alliance, and no one had informed me

4:08

or my team that this

4:11

particular specimen was coming aboard the station.

4:14

It was skinny and snouted like

4:16

a hairless dog from

4:18

Peru or Mexico, but by petal

4:20

judging by its form and movements.

4:24

Its skin was leathery,

4:26

a mottled brown. Its four

4:29

wiry limbs ended in short,

4:31

slender fingers, four digits

4:33

on each hand or paw.

4:37

Between its legs hung a lengthy,

4:40

narrow, and flaccid penis that flopped

4:42

around in the water. It

4:45

might have been a tale. I

4:47

hoped it was a tale. The

4:50

alien paid me little attention. It glanced

4:52

at me when I first entered the

4:54

bathroom, then resumed its splashing while singing

4:56

in a series of squeaks and belches.

5:00

"'Excuse me,' I repeated, with

5:02

more force this time. Nothing.

5:05

It just sat in my tub, eating

5:07

my bar of Martian dew soap." The

5:10

door chimed. "'Come in,' I

5:13

said, and I walked to the living room. A

5:15

woman entered. She was a little younger than

5:17

me, I guess, early thirties. Her

5:20

sky blue uniform was immaculate, her brown hair

5:22

pulled back into a tight bun. "'Jama

5:25

Stein, station relations,' she said,

5:27

without offering her hand. "'Mr.

5:29

Balte, correct?' "'Yes,

5:32

thanks for coming so quickly. It's through

5:34

here.' She followed

5:36

me to the bathroom and observed the bathing

5:38

alien. It ignored us. "'You

5:41

said you came back from work and

5:43

it was there in the water,' said

5:45

Stein. "'Exactly. I run

5:47

VIP Hospitality in Ring B.' "'I

5:49

know who you are,' she

5:51

said. Which normally would've

5:54

pleased me, but the indifference in

5:56

her voice sounded almost like spite.

6:00

I must have had her share of run-ins

6:02

with the rich and powerful, humans, mainly,

6:04

who frequent in the station's exclusive VIP

6:06

zones, so I could

6:08

understand her disinterest, perhaps even

6:10

disdain for my position. I

6:13

loved my job. I was proud of it. I

6:15

had worked my way up from station stray

6:17

to cabin boy to head of hospitality. But

6:20

the people I served, the

6:23

wealthy, the dignitaries, the decision

6:25

makers, the club-soul card holders...

6:28

well, they typically chose

6:30

caviar and complaints over kindness.

6:34

Do you know what it is? I asked. It's

6:38

a volan. She unclipped a mini-portable

6:40

from her belt and pointed at the alien.

6:42

I'll scan it. Her portable bleeped

6:44

as the creature splashed around. It

6:47

dunked its head under the water and blew a stream

6:49

of bubbles. Stein put a

6:51

finger to her ear and listened to the scan

6:53

results. Sir, are you

6:55

sure you didn't invite it in? Of

6:58

course not. Why would I? That, she

7:01

said, is Yolin Yolin

7:03

Belolan, Eternal Ruler

7:05

of Volan. She looked at

7:07

me with suspicion in her eyes. It

7:09

went missing five hours ago shortly after bordering

7:12

the station with three Volan senators and a

7:14

diplomatic mission to Earth. Did

7:16

you see the flagship that docked yesterday? Volan.

7:20

The Eternal Ruler of Volan rolled around onto

7:22

its front, its crevice-free posterior peeking out

7:24

of the water and swaying from side

7:26

to side. Water sloshed out

7:29

of my bathtub and onto the tiled floor. Can

7:32

you speak with it? I asked. No,

7:35

we'll need a translator. She

7:37

watched as the alien twisted around in the water and

7:39

raised its legs in the air. Mr.

7:42

Valta, this is now a diplomatic

7:44

matter. I must ask for your

7:46

patience, compliance, and discretion. I'll

7:48

contact a translator bot immediately and track

7:50

down the Volan diplomats. We

7:53

went back to my living room. Stein was on

7:55

her comms, talking with hushed urgency. I went

7:58

to the window wall. It cost a lot. a

8:00

lot to have a view like that, but I

8:02

rarely took much interest. Now

8:04

I gazed out along the station's core

8:07

axis. At the far end

8:09

of the station, beyond a ring C and

8:11

D, the Volan flagship, a

8:13

hulking, multi-sectional vessel, was docked with

8:16

the station's largest umbilical. I

8:18

couldn't imagine the thing in my bathtub

8:21

commanding or owning such a ship. Above

8:24

me, above the station, the Earth was coming

8:26

into view. Shown as

8:28

the sun glinted off the Pacific Ocean,

8:31

wisps of clouds caressed the coasts

8:34

of Peru and Ecuador. Coffee,

8:37

I asked, turning back to Stein. No

8:40

thank you. I made myself a

8:42

cup of coffee, Colombian, while Stein

8:44

made calls and tapped on her portable. She

8:47

kept her voice low so I couldn't hear what she

8:49

was saying. Minutes

8:51

later, the door opened and a stumpy, waist-high

8:54

translator bot rolled into my living room like

8:56

it owned the place. Here,

8:59

said Stein, and the bot followed her to

9:01

the bathroom. I trailed behind

9:03

like a guest in my own apartment.

9:06

The alien was scrubbing its head with my

9:08

toothbrush. It glanced at the

9:10

bot, then carried on scrubbing, emitting squeaks

9:12

and grunts as it did so. It's

9:15

a Volan, said Stein to the translator

9:17

bot. Ready? The

9:20

bot rotated a series of audio blocks around its head.

9:23

Ready, it said. Yolin

9:25

Yolin Balalan, Eternal Ruler of Volan,

9:27

I am Gemma Stein, Station Relations

9:29

Manager of the Earth Orbital. We

9:31

are honored by your presence. I

9:34

tried not to frown at Stein's

9:36

respectful tone amidst the continued defilement

9:39

of my favorite toothbrush. The

9:42

bot spat out a stream of whistles and

9:44

grunts, and the alien turned toward us. One

9:47

hand on the rim of the bathtub, the other

9:49

holding my toothbrush aloft. It

9:51

replied, revealing a series of flat,

9:53

golden teeth and a purple trident-like

9:55

tongue. The

9:58

bot translated in standard neutral English. English.

10:01

The water is good, and the food

10:03

is good. Come join me. The

10:06

alien cocked its head as the translation rang out,

10:08

then resumed its scrubbing. "'Eternal

10:10

Ruler,' said Stein, "'Your diplomatic party

10:12

is looking for you. They are

10:15

on the way.' The

10:17

Eternal Ruler shrugged and snorted. "'Very

10:19

well,' the bot translated. Moments

10:22

later the door chimed. "'Come in,'

10:24

I said, and peered through the bathroom

10:26

doorway as three volans scurried into my

10:28

living room, followed by a gruff-looking human

10:30

security guard. The volan diplomats

10:33

looked like the thing in my

10:35

bathtub, about one meter tall, with

10:37

leathery skin and pointed, dog-like faces.

10:40

They were diplomatic enough to wear

10:42

loose-fitting gray robes, keeping their

10:44

dignity intact. I stood

10:46

aside as they hurried into my bathroom, paying

10:48

me no attention. The three

10:50

of them approached the bathtub and began jabbering away

10:53

at the Eternal Ruler, who was now singing with

10:55

gusto. "'Error,' said

10:57

the overwhelmed translator bot. "'Error.'

11:00

I scratched my head and I wished

11:02

I'd never quit drinking." The

11:05

Eternal Ruler paused, turned to its diplomats,

11:08

and with a dismissive wave of its

11:10

hand said "'Blach, Blach, Blach.' "'Unknown,'

11:13

said the bot. The Eternal

11:15

Ruler hauled itself over the edge of the bathtub

11:17

and dropped to the wet floor. The

11:20

three diplomats began drying it with the edges

11:22

of their robes, but the Ruler shooed them

11:24

away with flapping hands. "'Blach, Blach,' it

11:26

said and headed to the bathroom doorway. It

11:29

paused, returned to the bathtub, grabbed my

11:31

Martian dew soap and headed out again.

11:34

The diplomats hurried after it, followed by

11:36

Stein, then the security guard and the

11:39

translator bot. Not one of

11:41

them so much as glanced at me. They

11:43

left my apartment and the door shut behind them.

11:46

I stood in silence, staring at

11:49

the door. Relieved, I went to

11:51

the living room, sat on the arm of

11:53

my sofa, and gazed out the window at

11:55

nothing in particular. A

11:57

minute or so later, the door chimed, and my heart...

11:59

I sank. Come

12:01

in, I said, and Stein walked in,

12:04

looking only slightly flustered. Mr.

12:07

Balta, she said, I'm

12:09

afraid we have a situation. No

12:12

shit. Have you seen the state of my bathroom?

12:15

Mr. Balta, the Eternal Ruler has invited us

12:17

to its ship. Us,

12:20

I said, you and me. It

12:23

appears it, or he, which I am

12:25

told is preferable, was just to return

12:27

your hospitality, and, well, we've been invited.

12:30

It's not something we can refuse, I'm afraid. Why

12:33

the fu- Listen, said Stein, taking

12:36

a step closer to me. This

12:38

is bigger than us. I can't tell

12:40

you everything, but this goes high up, and

12:42

as a representative of this station, you are

12:44

now legally obliged to do this. Legally

12:48

obliged? I just want to get

12:50

my bathroom cleaned up. Mr.

12:52

Balta, you won't have a bathroom if you don't do this.

12:55

You won't have a place on this station at all.

12:59

The station's rotational gravity weakened as we

13:02

took Spoke II to the Axis. I

13:04

followed Stein as we tethered along the Axis conveyor

13:06

to B Station. Microgravity along

13:08

the Axis always made me clumsy and

13:11

queasy, but Stein was a natural. UX

13:14

Fleet, I asked as we approached the station.

13:17

Something like that, she said. We

13:20

reached the station, where the normal assortment

13:22

of workers, tourists, and business people were

13:24

queuing along the tether for the next

13:26

standard shuttle. A VIP carriage

13:28

was waiting for us. Its doors open. Inside

13:31

sat the station's head diplomat, Gardiner

13:34

Vane, his narrow-faced line with the

13:36

wrinkles that come from dealing with

13:38

decades of petty disputes and grievances.

13:42

Beside him sat a tall bearded man in an

13:44

expensive gray suit. Both

13:46

men glared at me as I strapped myself into the

13:48

seat opposite them. How

13:50

are you, Mr. Vane, I said. Fine.

13:54

I'm fine. The captain of the ship, as Stein

13:56

briefed you. Not really, I glanced at Stein

13:58

to catch her reaction. There was

14:00

none." Good, said

14:02

Vayne. You don't need to

14:04

know anything. Let Stein do the talking,

14:06

in and out. Okay?

14:10

Fine by me, I don't know what the

14:12

hell I'm doing here. Neither

14:14

do we, Boulter. Neither do we. The

14:16

carriage eased out of the station, and minutes later

14:19

we arrived at the main docking complex at the

14:21

far end of the Axis. Stein,

14:23

Vayne, and I tethered outside the carriage.

14:26

The docking complex was as busy as

14:28

ever. The normal throng of refugees being

14:30

herded for processing. Workers

14:33

queuing up to show their papers, business

14:35

people, and VIPs outloading their luggage to

14:37

eager station staff who greeted them and

14:39

guided them to the lounge. The

14:42

bearded suit watched us from the open door of the

14:44

carriage. Vayne nodded at him, then

14:47

we set off along the tetherway to a

14:49

waiting docking shuttle. We stopped at the

14:51

open doors of the shuttle, and Vayne said, You

14:53

know what to do, Stein. Yes,

14:55

sir, she said. And

14:57

for the first time, there was apprehension in

15:00

her eyes. And if

15:02

they ask about the damn soap situation, tell

15:04

them we're working on it. Of

15:06

course, sir, said Stein. Boulter,

15:09

in and out, said

15:11

Vayne with anger in his eyes. Say

15:13

as little as possible, ideally

15:16

say nothing. In

15:18

and out, I said, my stomach

15:20

churning in the microgravity. Stein

15:22

pushed off into the eight-seater docking shuttle and

15:24

strapped in. I followed, flailing until

15:27

I caught a handhold, and Stein pulled me

15:29

down into the seat next to her. The

15:32

door closed, leaving us alone. There's

15:35

artificial gravity on the Volun ship, she

15:37

said. It has two rings. That's

15:40

good to know. You'll be

15:42

fine, Boulter. A

15:44

soft bing-bong sounded inside the

15:46

shuttle, followed by a female voice. Docking

15:50

unit H-2, please confirm departure

15:52

status. All

15:54

set, said Stein. A bong-bing!

15:57

The clock of release mechanisms in the shuttle began to turn off.

16:00

a move, exiting the station for the short

16:02

trip to the Volun flagship. "'Stein,

16:06

what's this all about?' I said. Stein

16:09

looked at me, blanks twice. "'I

16:11

don't know much more than you. It's

16:13

a trade deal of some sort. We

16:16

weren't supposed to be involved in this at

16:18

all. But the Eternal Ruler... I

16:21

guess he liked you.' He

16:23

liked my soap, that's for sure." The

16:26

Volun ship loomed ever larger in the four

16:28

viewing panel as we approached. Doors

16:31

opened in the belly of the ship and we

16:33

collided into the dark interior. The

16:35

shuttle settled. We waited

16:37

and then came another bing-bong.

16:39

"'Docking Unit H2, prepare for

16:41

egress. Gravity minimal. Atmosphere

16:44

secure.' "'Come on, Volta,' said

16:47

Stein, unstrapping and rising from her seat.

16:50

Enjoy it. Not many people get to board

16:52

an alien ship. Here, take my

16:54

hand. The shuttle doors opened onto

16:56

a tubular corridor. It was dark apart from

16:58

the four dotted lines of running lights. I

17:01

took Stein's hand and she guided me out of the

17:03

shuttle and along the corridor. At

17:06

the end of the tube stood three Voluns in

17:08

black robes, waiting in a pool of light. They

17:11

raised their hands as we approached. The

17:13

Voluns parted to make way for us as we reached the

17:15

end of the tube. We glided

17:17

into a cramped corridor. The walls

17:20

were a polished black, in which flecks

17:22

of silver shimmered in the dim light.

17:24

The corridor wasn't wide enough or high

17:26

enough for a human adult to stand.

17:29

One of the Voluns emitted a series of squeaks and

17:32

clacks. "'Welcome aboard, human

17:34

emissaries,' came a

17:36

disembodied translation, deep and neutral, filling

17:38

the corridor. Please follow

17:41

us.' The

17:43

Voluns took off along the corridor and

17:45

we followed, pulling ourselves along using ladder-like

17:47

structures embedded in two opposing walls. We

17:50

turned right along an adjoining corridor. As

17:53

we progressed, the welcome pull of gravity

17:55

increased. I found myself crawling on

17:57

hands and knees and then able to stand."

18:00

and walk, but crouching uncomfortably.

18:02

We reached a circular door at the

18:05

end of the corridor, its ebony surface

18:07

carved with intricate swirling patterns. I

18:10

stopped beside Stein, who was shorter than

18:12

me and not quite so hunched up.

18:14

The three little Valins turned to face us. They

18:17

raised their hands and sang and whistled in

18:19

unison. Translation again filled

18:21

the space. Welcome

18:23

to the sacred baths of

18:25

Yolin Yolin Balalan, Eternal

18:27

Ruler of Valin. One

18:30

of the Valins spread its wiry arms and muttered

18:32

something, Please undress. A

18:36

few seconds of silence followed. Stein,

18:40

I said, and the translator repeated her name.

18:43

Stein looked at me. Stripped Volta, she

18:45

said, and began unfastening the jacket of

18:47

her neat uniform. Stein,

18:49

seriously? This wasn't part of

18:51

the deal. The translator barked and

18:54

whistled. What deal? She said,

18:56

removing her jacket. Turn the other way and

18:58

get undressed. I'm not enjoying this any more

19:00

than you are, but the quicker we do

19:02

it, the faster it'll go. So, strip.

19:06

The Valins watched us patiently. I sighed

19:08

and turned around, the back of my

19:10

head pressed against the ceiling. I

19:12

stripped down to my briefs. Italian

19:14

pure silk, which

19:17

made me feel somewhat better about the

19:19

situation. Right, I

19:21

said, turning back to Stein, who was

19:23

now in mismatched athletic underwear. The

19:26

thought crossed my mind that Stein would

19:28

look good in anything, but I shook

19:30

it away to focus on matters at

19:32

hand. The Valin again spread

19:34

its arms and muttered, Please undress. Seriously,

19:38

I said. Stein glared

19:40

at me. Do it, Volta, she

19:42

said, and began removing her underwear with

19:44

a practice seriousness that overshadowed any awkwardness

19:47

she may have felt. I

19:49

turned away again and dropped my briefs, wondering

19:51

how the hell my day had come to

19:53

this. The circular door in

19:55

front of us split down the middle and the two

19:57

sides slid apart. The three Valins stood

19:59

to one side and waved us through. Stein

20:02

went first, wasting no time. Her

20:05

professionalism undiminished by her nudity.

20:08

I followed, my hands covering my

20:10

genitals. The door closed

20:13

behind us, the three Valens remained

20:15

outside. The forest was a spacious

20:17

and comparatively lofty room dominated by

20:19

a shimmering pool of blue-green water,

20:22

lit from beneath. Soft

20:24

lights danced across its surface and rippled

20:26

across the surrounding walls and ceiling. Stein,

20:30

what the hell? Quiet, she

20:32

said. Look. She

20:34

pointed at the water. Something was darting around

20:36

in the sparkling pool. It surfaced

20:39

and the head of the Eternal Ruler appeared above

20:41

the water. Yolin Yolin Balalan

20:43

grinned, splashing his hands on the

20:45

surface and trilled out joyous-sounding sentence.

20:49

Friends, please join me in

20:51

the sacred bath, said the

20:53

unseen translator. Water is good,

20:56

bathing is better. Being in

20:58

the pool seemed preferable to standing there naked,

21:00

so I crouched, sat on the edge, and

21:02

slid in. The water

21:04

was warm and chest-high. Come on,

21:06

Stein, I said, without looking at her, and she

21:09

slid into the pool behind me and came to

21:11

my side, the water almost up to

21:13

her shoulders. The Eternal Ruler

21:15

swam to the end of the pool, about five

21:17

meters away. He turned to us and

21:19

rested his skinny little arms along the edge of the

21:21

pool, his legs treading the water in front

21:24

of him. As he began to speak,

21:26

the calm voice of the translator filled the room, the

21:28

words wavering as they bounced off the water.

21:31

Friends, I am honored you

21:33

accepted my invitation. I apologize

21:35

for the cramped access, but we

21:38

are very small. He

21:40

grinned and gestured at his surroundings. Others

21:43

built my ship to meet our needs, a

21:45

good exchange we made for it, a

21:47

fair exchange, access to the

21:50

stars we received. But

21:52

what did we give in return for such a

21:54

vessel? His snout wrinkled as he

21:56

looked from Stein to me. Longevity.

22:00

Long life, many years." The

22:04

Eternal Ruler fell silent and looked at the water. Stein

22:07

inched forward, "'Eternal Ruler, do

22:09

you refer to the trade item I have been told

22:11

to expect?' Clicks and

22:13

yaps came from the translator. "'Yes,

22:16

Miss Stein. Big trade. Consequential

22:19

trade. Good for Volan.' The

22:21

Eternal Ruler turned his eyes to the shimmering

22:23

ceiling. "'Good for humans.

22:26

That I don't know.' "'Sorry, what

22:28

are we talking about here?' I said. Stein

22:31

gave me a quick, penetrating glance. "'This,'

22:35

said the Eternal Ruler, opening his palm up

22:37

to the ceiling. Above

22:39

his hand, a meter-tall projection appeared.

22:42

An ornate vial, gold and

22:44

glassy in appearance, glowed above the water.

22:47

The tears of the holotot tree. The

22:50

image flickered and a tree appeared, standing

22:52

alone on a snow-covered summit, its

22:54

trunk thick and green. The

22:56

bark scarred with age. Twisted

22:59

branches held up a cloud of dark

23:01

blue leaves that fluttered and twinkled. "'Each

23:04

year on Volan, our year's not being

23:06

much longer than yours. The

23:08

holotot tenders tap the tree, the only

23:10

one of its kind,' said

23:13

the Eternal Ruler. The image drifted

23:15

closer to the tree's rough green bark.

23:18

Through a small hole in its side, a

23:20

hesitant bead of sap oozed out. The

23:23

tree's tears renew us, we

23:25

the extended ones. One

23:29

drop on each tenth birthday, and we

23:31

renew again.' The

23:34

Eternal Ruler closed his fingers into a

23:36

fist, and the image disappeared. "'The

23:38

average Volan lifespan, Mr. Balter,

23:40

is fifty-six of your home

23:43

planet's years. Yet

23:45

I have been alive for more than five

23:47

hundred of those years. I

23:50

am one of six million extended Volan.

23:54

But, Mr. Balter, Volan is

23:56

home to ten billion. Not

23:59

all continues.' take from the holotot tree,

24:02

whose waters run slow from deep

24:04

below and drop in their own

24:06

good time. Only

24:08

those who are able, through wealth

24:11

or status or exceptional deeds, can

24:13

afford to be extended. The Eternal

24:15

Ruler fixed his eyes on mine with an

24:17

intensity I had not seen in him before.

24:20

He grumbled and clicked a sentence. Does

24:23

that sound fair to you, Mr. Bolter? I

24:27

shifted my weight in the water, stein's

24:29

bare shoulders tensed. I

24:31

don't know, Eternal Ruler. I

24:33

know nothing about your planet, your

24:36

people. I just work

24:38

here at the station. Yes, you

24:40

care for those who have many things. Hospitality

24:43

for very important people. Are

24:46

they your best people, Mr.

24:48

Bolter? Are they kind?

24:51

Yes, I guess. I

24:54

listened to the translation of my own words

24:56

as they clacked and grunted off the water,

24:58

and they, too, sounded like a lie. No,

25:01

Eternal Ruler, not all of them. Very

25:05

few of them, in fact. They

25:07

have little time for people. For

25:09

people not like them. Bolter, said

25:12

Stein, her voice sharp, her brow

25:14

furrowed. The Eternal Ruler pushed

25:16

himself away from the edge of the pool and

25:19

took two strokes towards us. He

25:21

settled there, slowly treading the water,

25:23

and pointed a finger at me. Would

25:26

you give more time to those people who

25:28

have little time for others? Because,

25:30

Mr. Bolter, that is,

25:32

perhaps, what we are offering. The

25:35

tears of the Holotot Tree can give

25:38

long life to humans. We

25:40

know this. On Volan

25:42

there is a human male, Gindala

25:44

Bassi, one of the first of

25:46

your kind to reach us. This

25:49

year he will have lived for three hundred

25:51

and eighty of your years. I

25:54

imagined a wrinkled fossil of a man.

25:57

Is he healthy? I asked.

26:00

The eternal Ruler brought his hand to

26:02

the surface and again and image appeared

26:04

smaller. This time a man stood upon

26:07

the water. He looked about my age

26:09

Forty yourself, fit, able, This

26:11

is Gondola Bassi three of

26:13

your years ago. Doesn't.

26:16

Buy Stein's expression see was unaware of

26:18

this man a bassi. Forgive.

26:21

My curiosity. eternal ruler she said.

26:23

But our his the mental capacities

26:26

in line with his physical appearance.

26:29

Not. Quite with side a mental

26:31

decline is inevitable that we know.

26:34

About he is still an intelligent man,

26:37

but as capacities Wayne. As.

26:39

Do mine. Far. More

26:41

so, I admit, Long.

26:43

Life exact said whole. One.

26:45

Can see too much, remember

26:48

too much. And. Begin

26:50

to care of far less. The.

26:53

Eternal Ruler lowered his hand and swim back

26:55

to the far to the pool. Small.

26:57

Ripples glinting around him. He

27:00

turned to us, sniff old and again spread

27:02

his arms out along the edge. When.

27:05

Our on extended our natural

27:07

span population near the end

27:09

of the days. Some feel

27:11

they have lived a good

27:13

long life. Others. See

27:16

us the extended and cry for

27:18

the many more years they could

27:20

have lived. Where. They fortunate

27:23

like us. The. Eternal really

27:25

scratched his head. We. Are

27:27

not a warlike species, but our

27:29

history since the discovery of the

27:31

whole it hot trees power has

27:33

been scarred by rifts in conflict.

27:36

Now. We do better. Or.

27:39

At least we think we do. We.

27:41

Have systems in place a

27:43

hierarchy as faulted. An unfair

27:45

as it is. The.

27:48

And extended have grown to accept their

27:50

fate. Not. Always in silence.

27:52

Know. But. Within our carefully

27:55

nurtured culture of nonviolence, Some.

27:57

would call that a trap mister bolter

28:00

A soft and insidious trap.

28:04

And I am ashamed to say that I

28:06

have accepted the way things are on Volun.

28:09

Not even an emperor can change

28:11

the ways of six million influential

28:13

subjects who cling to that

28:15

most precious of things. Life.

28:19

Yes, maybe we, maybe

28:22

I, have lost our way.

28:25

So no more for me,

28:27

my friends. When

28:30

I return home, I will

28:32

choose to lie on the sands

28:34

beneath which my ancestors risked, and

28:37

I will finally fade away in the sun.

28:40

He paused and emitted a sharp little snarl,

28:43

as if disgusted by his reverie. So

28:47

time is time, Mr. Bolton. Tell

28:50

me, why did you not pull me from your

28:52

bathing hole and remove me from your home? I

28:55

scratched my chin and thought about it. I'm

28:58

not sure. It didn't seem

29:00

necessary, and, well, you

29:02

seem to be enjoying yourself. The

29:05

Eternal Ruler barked out a yapping laugh,

29:07

then continued talking. Very good,

29:10

Mr. Bolton. A good man. Now,

29:13

tell me. Do we trade, or

29:15

do we not? The

29:17

tears of our holotot tree for your

29:20

advanced technologies. Our

29:22

way of extending life in exchange for

29:24

your knowledge of giving life to dead

29:26

moons and dying planets. Longevity

29:29

for expansion. I

29:31

waited, hoping Stein would take over, but

29:34

she said nothing. I

29:37

don't think I'm in a position to decide,

29:39

Eternal Ruler. I mean, I'm

29:41

not a particularly intelligent man. I

29:44

just do my job, try to keep people happy.

29:47

I get paid, and I buy things I don't

29:49

really need. Please, let Stein

29:51

decide. I wish you

29:53

no offense, Miss Stein, said the Eternal

29:55

Ruler. But I believe

29:58

you have your orders. Stein

30:01

turned to me, the light rippling across

30:03

the waters as she moved, her wet

30:05

shoulders glistening, her eyes shone,

30:07

serious and alive. He's

30:10

right, Balta. I was sent here to

30:12

get this deal done, to push

30:14

one specific decision. But

30:17

they don't own me. No one does.

30:20

And they don't own you. Just because

30:22

they call the shots, it doesn't mean they

30:24

know right from wrong. It's your

30:27

choice. He's asking you. So

30:30

decide. I'm with you on this.

30:32

Don't worry. Well, it

30:34

depends on so much, I said,

30:36

wanting to disappear but emboldened by

30:39

Stein's presence. I

30:41

mean, what's the deal? How

30:43

much, how many, how many shots,

30:45

doses, whatever, I don't know. The

30:48

Eternal Ruler again held out his palm.

30:50

The projection appeared in a number hovered

30:52

in solid green digits. Five

30:56

million. Five

31:00

million drops for five million

31:02

people, to repeat again every

31:04

ten of your years. Five

31:08

million. And on Earth alone,

31:11

there are eight billion. Right, Stein? Eight

31:15

point three, she said. Forgive

31:17

me, Eternal Ruler, but can't

31:19

you clone the tree, I

31:21

asked? Or replicate, synthesize the

31:23

liquid so everyone can benefit?

31:26

We have tried, my friend. For

31:29

centuries. A passy too,

31:31

with your own technology. It

31:33

cannot be done. Then... No. No. I

31:38

still don't know exactly why I rejected

31:40

the deal with so little hesitation. Where

31:43

it came from, I immediately considered

31:46

changing my mind. Feeling

31:48

like I was depriving millions of

31:50

people of a better, longer life,

31:53

but something else, something bigger,

31:55

tugged at my conscience. I'd

31:59

known disparity. I was a boy.

32:01

I. Still saw it and tried to

32:04

ignore it. And. The refugees

32:06

who came to the station to

32:08

beg for a home a place

32:10

of safety whether somewhere better back

32:12

on earth are colony that had

32:14

failed. I. Saw it in the

32:16

workers who kept the station running, risking

32:18

their lives for a little reward. And.

32:21

The staff who tried to maintain a

32:23

smile while the rich mocked some later

32:25

to cry in their cramped quarters. Society.

32:28

Hadn't changed in my lifetime. he

32:31

if anything it become worse. The

32:33

rich getting richer and the poor

32:35

looking for a way out however

32:38

distant are dangerous there might be.

32:41

We. Hadn't changed for hundreds

32:43

of years. We had

32:45

never changed. Our social

32:48

constructions, arts or hierarchies

32:50

were and always had

32:52

been unfair. Could

32:54

I give more to the rich

32:56

and powerful? Let them spread their

32:58

roots even deeper and for longer

33:00

than before. Deep. Down

33:03

I knew they would be the

33:05

only ones to benefit. So.

33:07

I said it again. More. Certain this

33:09

time. No. It's

33:12

not right. Balta. Said.

33:15

Stein her voice now soft.

33:17

Gentle. I'm ah. I'm

33:20

sorry I said stuttering like I used

33:22

to when I was alone. The kid

33:24

know balta it's okay. Stein.

33:27

Looked to me with compassion. Her eyes. It's.

33:29

Okay, I'm with you. The.

33:33

Three Bolland diplomats escorted us back

33:36

to the Subtle. It was reassuring

33:38

to be closed again, but my

33:40

mind was we think trying to

33:42

process a jumble of emotions, most

33:44

of which I hadn't felt for

33:46

years. We. Talked with the station,

33:49

tethered over to the carriage and board

33:51

of the Axis. Settled to ring be

33:53

Vain and the bearded man were inside

33:55

waiting for us. i went to

33:57

the opposite end of the carriage and strapped

33:59

in trying to ignore the rising tension as

34:01

Stein told them what had happened. Vayne

34:04

was cursing and pointing, red-faced

34:06

and irate, while the

34:08

bearded man bowed his head and rubbed his

34:10

eyes. Stein took it all

34:12

with impressive calm. The two

34:15

men ignored me, apart from a

34:17

few searing squints. We

34:19

arrived at B Station, I unstrapped and

34:21

hauled myself out, eager to get away

34:23

from them. I avoided

34:26

eye contact with Stein. She didn't

34:28

deserve all this. Great

34:30

job, Bolta, sneered Vayne as

34:32

I passed him on my way out of the carriage.

34:35

I wanted to punch him in the

34:38

face. But

34:40

I wasn't a fighter, especially

34:42

in micrograv. It

34:44

would have been a pathetic flail at best, and

34:47

I didn't want to lose my job, if

34:50

I still even had it. So

34:53

I left, and they let me go.

34:55

I picked up a bottle

34:57

of Glen Marangie, a 32-year

34:59

single malt, at B Station's upscale

35:01

liquor store. Fuck it, I

35:03

thought, and made my way back to my apartment. My

35:06

living room wasn't the place of solace it had

35:08

been before. It felt used.

35:12

I opened the bottle, poured myself a large glass,

35:14

and went to my bathroom. The

35:16

tub was an oily, grimy mess,

35:18

the empty bottle of exfoliating scrub

35:20

floating on the slick green surface

35:22

like a sinking ship. The

35:25

floor was wet. I took a

35:27

swig of whiskey, remembered why

35:30

I once craved it so much, how it

35:32

helped me through the day, and

35:34

went to my living room window. The

35:37

Volan flagship hung there, beyond the

35:39

rings. Would they

35:41

try to trade again? I

35:44

doubted it somehow. I

35:46

took another sip as the golden hues of the

35:48

Sahara Desert rolled into view. Cheers,

35:51

I said, lifting my glass

35:53

to whoever might be trudging across that vast

35:55

and hot expanse of sand. The

35:57

doorbell chimed. I Ignored it. It

36:01

time to get. Who

36:03

is it I said. Both.

36:05

Her: it's me Stein. Come

36:08

in I said without turning from of

36:10

you sign came over and stood by

36:13

my side. Whiskey. I said.

36:15

I shouldn't be drinking,

36:17

but today seems like

36:19

an exception. Sure said

36:21

stein. I. Poured her a

36:24

generous shot while she looked at the earth.

36:26

Here. I said passing for the

36:29

Chris the Glass Cheers Stein. Tears.

36:31

Bolter. She took a sip.

36:34

You. Hungry. I

36:37

could eat. I guess there's a new five

36:39

star in the lounge I can. Let's go

36:41

to who Sonys on the spoke. It's not

36:43

fancy but they're the best. Bob's on the

36:45

station, it's on me. Stand. Look

36:47

tired but her eyes were signing catching the

36:49

glow of the Sahara. Sounds.

36:52

Good I said. I hope you didn't take

36:54

too much shit back there. I

36:56

didn't lose my job, so that's something.

36:59

Good to hear I said.

37:01

And the doorbell chimed. How

37:03

dance? Shit.

37:06

What Lauer who is? That's.

37:09

A. Series of grandson box ring up to

37:12

the door speaker. Stein raised an eyebrow.

37:15

Com. Man, I said reluctantly. Send

37:17

in walked one of voland embezzlers

37:19

it approaches at the window, bowed

37:21

and reached up its hands to

37:23

present me with a small package

37:25

wrapped is a delicate white material.

37:28

I. Took it, The. Ambassador whistled and

37:30

collect then turned and walked out,

37:32

leaving me holding the gifts. Well.

37:35

Open it said sign. I

37:37

put down my class and pulled away the

37:39

wrapping inside was a waxy white bar, a

37:42

note printed on light blue paper lay on

37:44

top of. You. Read: it's

37:46

time. She took

37:48

the known and read aloud. Honorable.

37:50

Mister Bolter, please accept this

37:52

gift of Bolland soap. To.

37:55

Be used while you bathe in your

37:57

warm waters. It is infused with five

37:59

tears from the. Here's its

38:01

bearingly. Nothing lasts forever.

38:05

Your friend, Yolin Yolin Belolan." Stein

38:09

took a sip from her glass and stared at me. Volta,

38:13

don't tell anyone about

38:15

this, okay? Sure,

38:18

okay, it's the tears,

38:20

right? What do we do,

38:22

Stein? I took a large

38:25

swig of whiskey, let its warmth calm me.

38:27

We can share it, yes? I mean,

38:30

not together, you know, one at a

38:32

time. Or we can just keep it,

38:34

we can... Shut up,

38:36

Volta, said Stein, smiling. And

38:39

call me Jama. Let's go

38:41

eat. I'm starving. I

39:03

write these host spots the same way a

39:05

magpipe builds their nest. Diving in and picking

39:07

up the things there's a shiny, or a

39:09

right shape, or that tickle my brain in

39:12

the right way. There is always at

39:14

least one. This time there

39:16

were two. One big concept and

39:18

one three-word line that just hits like

39:20

a train. The

39:23

concept here is summed up in this perfect, knife-wielding

39:26

phrase. A soft

39:29

and amphibious trap. Now,

39:32

first off, that is so clearly a strange

39:34

New World's episode title waiting to happen. And

39:37

secondly, that phrase, that concept,

39:39

rings with self-awareness, sadness, and

39:42

acceptance. The Volon is

39:45

painfully aware that their system is desperately

39:47

unfair. So much so, that they've actually

39:49

done their best to make it more

39:51

equitable and fair. Now, stacked on top

39:53

of that concept, though, is the simple,

39:55

horrific question that wraps around this entire

39:57

story. If

40:00

everyone lives forever, is

40:03

there enough for everyone? Despite

40:06

my cultural upbringing, one part Celtic,

40:09

Melancholy and one part secondary school

40:11

Gallifreyan, I am an optimist. So

40:14

I choose to believe that the Volon are

40:17

working the problem, not just by addressing their

40:19

need to build more worlds to live on,

40:21

but through sharing the wealth. That

40:24

being said, there's also the clear

40:26

implication that some elements of Volon

40:29

society are really not that interested

40:31

in ensuring everyone gets a slice of the

40:33

pie. After all,

40:36

if hell is other people, then you maybe want

40:38

to at least build a guest list. So

40:42

the Volon are in serious trouble, and

40:44

know it, and they're not fully unified

40:46

in what to do. They are, basically, us. Complicated,

40:50

contradictory, doing their best. But

40:54

their best is actually pretty good. Because

40:57

what melts my heart here is how kind

41:00

and clever our

41:03

hero Volon is. They

41:06

go to a hospitality specialist, and they

41:08

give someone whose life is making sure the rich

41:10

and the privileged remain unbothered

41:12

by consequence, the

41:14

choice of whether or not to give them

41:16

immortality. In

41:19

the singular, that puts impossible pressure

41:22

on our elite characters. But

41:24

from a societal point of view, it

41:26

is a moment of extraordinary

41:28

kindness and frost. One

41:32

embodied in three worlds. Other

41:36

kind. Far

41:39

too often, they aren't. We've

41:42

all worked service jobs. We

41:44

know what it feels like. So

41:46

do the Volon. And instead

41:48

of setting fire to our already

41:50

blazing inferno of class inequality, I

41:53

trust us to make the choice. It's

41:56

all that it's vital.

42:00

It saves us. And

42:02

perhaps one day we'll be kind enough. And

42:06

perhaps so will they. What

42:09

an awful choice. What

42:11

a brave choice. What

42:14

a fantastic drawing. As

42:18

is always the case, we rely on you to

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And thank you once again. We're

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back next week with the first of a two-part week.

44:00

story. Old People's Folly is

44:02

by Nora Chenille with narration by

44:04

Tatiana Gray. Your host will be the

44:06

incomparable Tina Connelly. Your audio wizard will

44:09

be the wonderful Adam Pracht and

44:11

then, as now, it will be a

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production of the Escape Artists Foundation and

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distributed under the Creative Commons Attribution

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Non-commercial No Derivatives 4.0 International

44:20

Osmonds. We leave

44:22

you this week with this quote from a Starfleet

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officer who is no stranger to these parts, Captain

44:28

Christopher Pike.

44:30

Sometimes hope is a choice. Thank

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you so much for listening folks. We really appreciate you

44:36

all. Have fun and we'll see you

44:38

next time.