0:00

You know what they say about even the rich and swearing, We

0:02

belong together.

0:03

It's

0:03

June,

0:03

1993

0:03

and

0:17

24. Year-old Mariah Carey is splashing around in a pond in upstate New York.

0:22

She smiles up at the hot sun and flips her hair, sending perfect droplets of water streaming through the air.

0:28

Life's been hard up to this point, but right now she's totally free and happy until the director yells cut.

0:38

And then when the cameras aren't rolling, she gives herself permission to stop smiling, the waters fucking freezing, and she hates her outfit.

0:48

She's filming her video for dream lover and the way she imagined it in her head, there was a little bikini and lots of skin, but her outfit for this Pando is a very chaste pair of cutoff jeans and a button-down shirt.

1:02

And they're now sopping wet and really hard to move in.

1:05

She's hoping her next scene gives her something sexier, but when Mariah dries off and heads for wardrobe, guess what's waiting for her.

1:13

Another pair of denim shorts and a different button down shirt Is

1:18

this shoot sponsored by J crew.

1:20

Wait, it gets even worse.

1:22

The next scene has a crew of shirtless men dancing in a field, but Mariah's placed about 10 feet out in front of them.

1:29

The only male that's allowed to get anywhere near her is her dog.

1:33

Jack who has a cameo. I mean 10 times out of 10, I do prefer dogs to shirtless Men.

1:38

Oh same.

1:39

But this song is called dream lover.

1:42

It should be sexy, flirty.

1:46

Instead. She's only making eye contact with her dog because the guy calling the shots, deciding who she dances with, what she's wearing is the head of her record label and her manager and her boyfriend, Tommy Mattola.

1:59

And he decides everything.

2:02

He insists that all her videos be shot within 20 minutes of his house.

2:07

He decides how much skin she shows and how she wears her hair.

2:11

For the record.

2:12

Tommy thinks straightened hair makes Mariah look to urban And we all know what he means by urban.

2:20

Yeah. He likes her hair curly because he thinks it makes her look Italian, Keep it up Tommy.

2:25

And she's going to look single seriously, But

2:28

Tommy has his hands on every aspect of Mariah's career.

2:31

And here's the thing.

2:33

It wasn't that long ago that Mariah was sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

2:37

Now she's building her dream house with the man who's making her a star.

2:41

She was the coat check girl at a shitty sports bar when she met him.

2:46

And now she's a millionaire.

2:47

And when it comes to ambition, she and Tommy are completely on the same page.

2:52

They both want her to be the biggest pop star on the scene.

2:56

So she pulls up those denim shorts and dances the hell out of that field.

3:01

She smiles her eyes sparkle.

3:04

She fucking sells it, but deep down she has to wonder if her real dream lover is out there somewhere waiting Growth.

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4:55

From Wondery. I am Arisha Skidmore Williams and I'm Brooke saffron.

4:59

And this Is even the rich and our last episode.

5:02

Mariah made it to New York and into Tommy Mattola orbit.

5:05

Now she's a huge star, but Tommy won't let her out of his sight.

5:10

And Mariah is starting to feel a little trapped.

5:13

This is episode two, dream lover.

5:16

It's

5:16

the

5:16

spring

5:16

of

5:27

1993. And Mariah's padding through the marble halls of her dream house.

5:31

She's proud of the place, which is grand and pristine and has state-of-the-art everything.

5:37

Just to put things in context here she's only 23 years old, but she has her own ball.

5:44

Man. I was probably 27, maybe 28.

5:47

When I got my first ballroom.

5:50

One of the other perks of the place is it's many, many refrigerators.

5:54

Mariah pulls one them open.

5:57

And the Intercom on the wall buzzes.

5:59

This

5:59

is

5:59

Tommy's

5:59

contribution

5:59

to

5:59

the

6:04

house. A state of the art security system complete with cameras in every room and an inner calm that allows him to say sweet nothings to his beloved, no matter where she is, things like Mariah size and yells across the room at the Intercom box, getting some juice.

6:25

Oh, so juice is allowed noted.

6:28

A few minutes later, Mariah sitting at her brand new grand piano, her prized possession, she's trying to tap out a melody.

6:37

She keeps hearing in her head, it's something fresh and new and she doesn't totally have her head wrapped around the sound, but she's excited about it.

6:46

And then, and Mariah has to yell over to that fucking box.

6:52

I had an idea for a song and Tommy's like, Oh

6:57

my God, this is going to get old fast.

6:59

Yeah, But this is Mariah's life all day.

7:02

Every day. If she's not out in the world, working she's at home, performing for the security cameras and storybook manner.

7:10

Is this storybook Written

7:12

by Stephen King. That'd be a lot nicer storybook manner is what Tommy calls it because there's this such a storybook romance.

7:19

Mariah calls it syncing, which is the name of the state prison.

7:24

Just down the road. And even though the decor in Mariah's house is probably higher end, at least in the actual sing sing.

7:31

You get an hour in the prison yard without Tommy.

7:34

Mattola asking you.

7:35

I

7:35

mean,

7:35

she

7:35

can't

7:35

even

7:35

leave

7:35

the

7:35

house

7:35

to

7:35

go

7:35

anywhere

7:35

without

7:41

him. If it's not, career-related not shopping, not to a movie, not to get gasoline.

7:46

She can't even have her own friends over.

7:49

Okay. If I didn't already know it was about M and M I'd assume Tommy was the inspiration for the song obsessed.

7:55

Oh yeah, totally. And there's only one spot in that house where she's off screen her bathroom.

8:00

So Mariah spends hours in the bathtub.

8:03

It relaxes her body, but her mind's going a mile a minute.

8:08

There's still so much she wants to do in her life.

8:11

And there's that melody.

8:13

She keeps hearing in her head fading in and out.

8:16

It's got elements of hip hop and R and B to it.

8:19

It's way edgier than anything she's ever done before.

8:22

And she wants to capture it, but she knows there's no way in hell.

8:26

She can do that until she gets Tommy off her back.

8:29

And then one night it hits her an idea, a way to free herself from Tommy's controlling ways forever.

8:38

It's

8:38

June

8:38

5th,

8:38

1993,

8:38

and

8:38

Barbara

8:38

Streisand,

8:38

Bruce

8:38

Springsteen,

8:38

Billy

8:38

Joel

8:38

and

8:38

Ozzy

8:38

Osborne

8:38

are

8:38

all

8:38

sitting

8:38

cheek

8:38

to

8:38

buttcheek

8:38

in

8:54

St. Episcopal church in Manhattan because today or I, a Carrie is about to become Mrs.

9:00

Tommy Matola well, Hold

9:03

up. I thought she was trying to get rid of him.

9:06

Well, what I said is that she wanted him to be less controlling.

9:08

And Tommy is desperate to get married.

9:11

Mariah figures that if she marries him, he'll trust her.

9:15

And finally let her breathe.

9:17

And Tori spelling has said the exact same thing in multiple lifetime movies.

9:21

And it never ends well.

9:23

Well, you know that, I know that.

9:25

And Tori spelling maybe knows that, but Mariah doesn't remember, she started seeing Tommy when she was a teenager.

9:32

She still in her early twenties.

9:34

And let's do a quick rundown of her role model.

9:37

So far, she's got an abusive dad, a passive aggressive mom.

9:41

And of course my personal favorite, the creepy stepdad who's therapy animal is a shotgun.

9:47

This poor girl has absolutely nothing to go on.

9:51

So the day of her wedding, she looks out at the crowd.

9:54

All

9:54

these

9:54

famous

9:54

people

9:54

are

9:54

cheering

9:54

her

9:58

on. And then she looks over at Tommy and he looks so frigging happy.

10:02

And that's enough to convince her.

10:05

She made the right choice. She feels like everything is going to be just fine.

10:11

Mariah

10:11

opens

10:11

her

10:15

eyes. She's in a beachfront mansion in Hawaii.

10:18

It's three days after the wedding, the first morning of her honeymoon, she can hear the ocean waves crashing and the wind and the Palm trees accompanied by the soothing sound of her husband's voice.

10:32

As he screams his face off in the other room, she cracks the bedroom door and peaks out Tommy screaming at a speakerphone.

10:41

And on the other line is his own personal publicist, not Mariah's publicist or a publicist from the label.

10:48

This is someone Tommy's hired to manage his image as a manly, powerful Titan of the music business.

10:54

And the publicist is screaming back.

10:57

He's telling Tommy that their wedding photos are going to be on the cover of people magazine and that this is going to be terrible for Tommy's image.

11:04

They're trying to create this mythology of Tommy as a shark and a spread of wedding photos are romantic and fluffy and not very sharp, like, Okay,

11:14

wait, of course their wedding is going to be on the cover of people magazine where I was one of the best-selling artists in the world, plus Ozzie and Babs were.

11:21

But to, but Exactly that's what Mariah thinks shaping these two grown-ass men are completely missing the point.

11:28

So Mariah jumps into the conversation.

11:30

She's like, okay, let's also consider the fact that I'm trying to sell albums.

11:35

Which means that being on the cover of people is good for me, really obvious stuff, but that just makes the publicist start screaming and cursing at her.

11:44

And Tommy doesn't defend her.

11:46

In fact, he's nodding along.

11:48

And even though she knows she's right, and these two men are just being, she feels hot tears coming on because this moment is like so many other moments in her relationship with Tommy, he makes her feel powerless, voiceless.

12:02

She sees it so clearly.

12:05

Now her fantasy that Tommy would be different once they got married was just that a fantasy.

12:10

She can't stop the tears from coming.

12:13

So she runs out of the house and takes off down the beach.

12:16

She has no idea where she's going.

12:19

She just has to get away Always

12:22

best to ignore all red flags and then flee after the wedding.

12:27

She wanders up to a bar on the beach and is about to order herself a drink and calm down.

12:31

When she realizes she doesn't have any money.

12:35

Tommy handles the money.

12:37

Mariah's got nothing.

12:39

The fact of her helplessness hits her all over again.

12:43

Finally, she uses the bar phone to collect, call her manager back in New York.

12:48

Her manager buys her a daiquiri over the phone with a credit card.

12:52

As she sips it, the reality of her situation sinks in he's not going to change.

12:58

And now she's in even deeper than she was before.

13:02

It's

13:02

July

13:02

16th,

13:08

1993. And Mr and Mrs.

13:10

Tommy Mattola are sitting in the back of a limo on the way to a major gig.

13:14

Mariah is feeling super nervous.

13:16

She's a recording artist.

13:19

Most of her work is done in the studio.

13:21

And even though she's got to hit records out, she doesn't have a lot of experience in front of live audiences.

13:27

She has no idea what to expect and our stomach feels like it's trying to flip inside out the forest and fields start being replaced by old warehouses and mobile home parks.

13:39

Mariah's on her way to a venue in cloudy, depressed, Schenectady, New York.

13:45

That's where Tommy's decided she'll shoot her first Thanksgiving TV special.

13:49

It's not what Mariah would have chosen.

13:51

She'd have gone someplace with a little more flash, like radio city music hall, but there's a committee at Columbia records who decides these things.

14:00

And Tommy's the chairman of the board.

14:02

Mariah's not even invited to the meetings.

14:05

Well, Now we know why Mariah supported free Brittany.

14:10

They're approaching the venue. When Mariah starts noticing that some of the streets are blocked off with these giant orange police barriers, it's like something out of a post-apocalyptic movie per stage fright was already bad enough.

14:22

Mariah is about to debut a bunch of new songs from her next album.

14:27

She doesn't know how people are react.

14:29

And now just to help her sense of dread she's moving through what looks like downtown Chernobyl.

14:35

Then it gets even weirder right outside her window.

14:40

She sees cops running around with guns and pushing people behind the barricades, right?

14:45

Police, lights, flicker, and sirens chirp.

14:47

As the limo door opens and a security detail hurries her towards the stage door.

14:52

And now Mariah's like, okay, what the fuck is going on?

14:57

And that's literally what she says out loud to the security guy.

15:00

At first, he looks at her like she's joking.

15:03

And then he sees she's dead serious.

15:05

She's clueless.

15:06

So he tells her it's for you.

15:09

These people are all here to see you.

15:13

Wait. She knows she's famous, right?

15:15

Of course. But up to this moment, she never seen her fame face to face.

15:20

Actually, it's more like face to face to face times 5,000 because the whole city has turned out to catch a glimpse of her.

15:28

Up to this point, Mariah has done nothing but write and record and keep her head down.

15:34

She's been totally focused on her work and Tommy's kept a super tight lid on her exposure to her fans until now when Mariah takes the stage, she's hit with a giant wave of screaming and applause.

15:48

It feels good.

15:51

It feels like mom, Mimi deserves love.

15:56

Yeah, she does. I mean, she knows her mom loves her deep down.

16:00

She knows Tommy does too on some weird level, but this, the audience's love has no strings attached.

16:07

It inspires Mariah to sing better than she ever has.

16:11

She just kills it out there.

16:13

No nerves, just pure adrenaline.

16:16

And when the taping ends, Mariah is on a total high, the woman who rides home next to Tommy that night is a brand new Mariah.

16:26

She knows there are people out there who love her and support her no matter what.

16:31

And she's feeling a little cocky.

16:33

She feels like she's just found muscle.

16:35

She didn't know she had, and she wants to flex them.

16:38

So

16:38

she

16:38

reaches

16:38

out

16:38

and

16:38

turns

16:38

on

16:38

the

16:38

radio

16:38

to

16:38

a

16:44

station. She loves something.

16:46

She usually only listens to when she's alone, hip-hop Tommy, winces at the beat.

16:51

As Mariah sits back in her seat and watches the nighttime landscape slide by, by the time they get off the highway, the hip hop station is starting to crackle and fade, which means it's Tommy's turn.

17:04

He cues up his favorite track from his favorite CD.

17:08

Frank, Sinatra's my way.

17:11

And that's the song that's blasting him LMO as our happy couple pulls back into their happy home for the night.

17:18

But for the first time, since that awful honeymoon, Mariah actually sees a way out of this, call it her way.

17:26

We're

17:26

headed

17:26

toward

17:33

fall. The weather starting to cool down just a little bit.

17:36

And I got to say, I love a change in season, especially if it means I can start actually wearing cute jackets and sweatshirts again.

17:44

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18:06

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18:17

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18:19

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18:21

I was just telling you how I insisted on packing it in my car for moving back west.

18:26

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18:34

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18:42

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20:13

It's the summer of 1995.

20:14

And Mariah Carey is sliding down deeper and deeper into her massive bathtub at sing sing.

20:21

She's been working her ass off for the last two years, trying to find a way to feel like herself.

20:27

She wants some space, some freedom, but it feels like Tommy's got her in one of those ninja knots that just gets tighter and tighter.

20:37

The more you wriggle and Mariah feels like she's down to her last move.

20:41

The one thing she's still got some control over her voice, that boys that got that audience in Schenectady, so excited.

20:50

And right now out there in the world, outside her bathtub, a battle Royal is underway over that voice.

20:57

Mariah

20:57

climbs

20:57

out

20:57

of

20:57

the

20:57

tub

20:57

and

20:57

checks

20:57

her

20:57

phone

21:01

nervously. Still no calls ever since that concert and Schenectady, Mariah has been way more vocal in the studio and not just when the record light is on.

21:13

She knows what she wants.

21:14

She knows what her audience wants, and it's not what Tommy wants at all.

21:20

Tommy's hell bent on keeping things as white and poppy as possible.

21:25

Curly Italian hair cut off jeans and daddies buttoned down.

21:29

Okay, please never Say

21:32

daddy's down again, But

21:35

Mariah doesn't want to play that role anymore.

21:37

She wants to be herself, all of herself.

21:40

And that means more hip hop.

21:42

She's looking for her sound a sound that's true to who she is on the inside.

21:47

And she's reached out to new collaborator for help.

21:50

His name is Russell Tyrone Jones of the borough of Staten island.

21:55

Or as we all know him, old, dirty bastard, Mariah asked him to do a rap feature on her new track, but he's been flaky and noncommittal he's like, it'll happen if it happens.

22:06

And since then, nothing, not a word.

22:10

Mariah's worried.

22:12

Heaping she's too soft to pop to white.

22:15

She wishes she could just get on the phone with him and explain.

22:19

That's not who she is.

22:20

Not really, but it's been radio silence.

22:24

So Mariah slips into her white silk nightgown and climbs into bed as quietly as possible.

22:31

So she doesn't wake Tommy.

22:32

The bed is massive, which is good because they're a million miles apart right now.

22:38

But just as Mariah's head hits the pillow, the phone rings, she jumps out of bed and grabs it.

22:46

And the news is amazing.

22:48

ODB just showed up at the studio.

22:51

The rap happened just like that.

22:54

Oh, I Know it did introducing oh, Dirty

22:59

doggy. Mariah's ecstatic and lets out a little whoop Tommy stirs in bed.

23:05

But honestly Mariah's too excited about the ODB score to think about Tommy.

23:10

So she tells the studio guy to play the rat for her over the phone, the down and dirty rhymes of ODB.

23:16

Start busting through the receiver and Mariah pulls a seriously bad-ass move.

23:22

She puts it on speaker all love it.

23:27

Yeah. ODB spits out rhymes like me and Mariah go back like babies with pacifiers.

23:31

Whereas like a kid on Christmas morning, screaming and laughing and jumping up and down on the bed.

23:37

This is the music from her teenage years.

23:40

This is where she's been wanting to take her music for years.

23:43

And it's finally happening.

23:45

After

23:45

the

23:45

rat

23:45

finishes,

23:45

Mariah

23:45

looks

23:45

over

23:45

to

23:50

Tommy. His head is cocked to one side and he's got a look on his face.

23:54

Like he smells something disgusting.

23:56

He says the fuck is that I can do that.

24:01

Get the fuck outta here with that.

24:02

I can. I knew that.

24:04

Okay. Yeah. I could just hear it now. Come on fellow old white men, let's do some daggum Hip

24:09

hop dig at eight.

24:11

The next morning, Tommy rallies, the other suits at the label and they all tell Mariah, this rap with ODB is going to throw her fan base into shock.

24:20

But Mariah is not going to let them tell her what her fans want.

24:24

She knows better than anyone.

24:25

And she's right.

24:27

When the single comes out, it's a huge hit point For

24:31

Mariah because this is honestly one of my faves.

24:34

Yeah. Our girl's getting stronger.

24:36

She's getting louder.

24:37

She's reaching down deep.

24:39

But what she's finding there, isn't pretty, Mariah's in the studio late at night, scrawling lyrics for a new song in her notebook.

24:50

She's been working all day on songs for her upcoming album daydream and they have names like one sweet day.

24:57

But tonight she's writing lyrics for her alter ego, Bianca and Bianca.

25:03

Isn't sweet.

25:04

She's more in line with the angry white girl rockers who are hot at the moment singers like Alana's Morissette and Shirley Manson from garbage Mariah and bees, these women because they get to be messy in their music, their style, their emotions, all Mariah feels like she always has to be the perfect pop princess.

25:24

Mariah

25:24

finishes

25:24

jotting

25:24

down

25:24

some

25:24

lyrics,

25:24

then

25:24

steps

25:24

up

25:24

to

25:24

the

25:24

mic

25:24

and

25:24

screams

25:24

her

25:24

rage

25:31

away. Here's some sample lines.

25:33

You know, I think you're kind of stupid for your big fat head.

25:39

I hate, I hate you.

25:41

I wish you weren't.

25:44

Wow. That was amazing. But also I got to wonder who could she possibly be directing That

25:51

at? I mean truly a mystery of the world.

25:54

Seriously. Mariah writes enough songs as Bianca for an entire album.

25:59

She even designs a cover, which features of Polaroid of a dead cockroach with the title, someones ugly daughter written over it in lipstick.

26:07

Got To hear these songs.

26:09

You actually can. Columbia tried to bury them, but a few of them are on YouTube.

26:14

Under the artists named chick Mariah's friend, Clarissa, Dane is singing lead vocals and Maria is back to being a backup singer.

26:20

The entire project is an escape valve, but it's not a solution.

26:24

Mariah knows that if she wants anything to change with Tommy, she has to do it as Mariah, not Bianca, but that's a lot easier said than done.

26:36

It's

26:36

January

26:36

29th,

26:42

1996. And Mariah Carey has just performed fantasy at the American music awards in Los Angeles.

26:48

Now she's in her wardrobe trailer behind Ms.

26:52

Shrine auditorium shimmying out of her costume.

26:54

Even though she's in a rush to change, she's still more relaxed than usual.

26:59

The show has its own security people.

27:02

So this is one of the few moments of her life or Tommy's henchman.

27:06

Aren't glued to her side.

27:07

She changes into her next outfit, a pair of black leather pants and a form fitting black turtleneck for the rest of the show.

27:15

Since Tommy won't let her show much skin, Mariah has to get creative.

27:19

If she wants to feel and look sexy, the leather pants do the trick.

27:25

She checks herself in the mirror and then steps out of the wardrobe trailer.

27:29

And that's when a white rolls Royce pulls up in front of her.

27:33

The tinted window slowly rolls down and Mariah finds herself eye to eye with Tupac's core to him.

27:43

Yeah. Their eye contact is electric and then his eyes wander down and then back up taking all of Mariah in for the sexiest three seconds of her life.

27:54

When he's finished, he says, hi, Mariah and rolls the window up again, man.

28:01

I felt that from here. Yeah. So did Mariah for the rest of the ceremony.

28:06

Mariah's entire body is buzzing.

28:08

She's sitting next to Tommy in the front row acting like everything's normal, but inside she's stressed singing.

28:16

We belong together on repeat something inside of her has been turned on like a switch.

28:22

And this is all new for her.

28:24

Growing up. Mariah refused to let boys and sex distract her from her career.

28:30

She watched her older sister get pregnant at 15 and swore that was never going to happen to her and Tommy while that relationship has lots of tension, none of it is sexual, but now Mariah starting to think she wants more from her life.

28:46

Over the course of the night, she picks up awards for best female pop artists and best female R and B artists.

28:53

But the highlight of the evening is still those few sublime moments.

28:57

When she had Tupac's eyes all over her, she wants to feel that way again.

29:02

And she knows it's never going to be with Tommy it's November of 1996 and Mariah and Tommy are at a dinner party at a fancy restaurant.

29:13

In a few days, they'll host a big Thanksgiving feast at sing sing, or a lot of the same people.

29:19

The mood is high energy and casual.

29:22

The table exchanges, industry gossip talks new projects.

29:26

But then the conversation turns to the music of puff daddy, who Mariah worked with when she collaborated with old dirty bastard, it's a sore spot for Tommy.

29:36

He still wants Mariah to stay in the lane.

29:39

He put her in Hegi rated pop princess.

29:42

But when one of the industry people asked Mariah what she thinks of puff daddy's music.

29:47

She gives an honest answer.

29:49

She says, puff daddy sound is the future of hip hop.

29:54

I mean, agreed. Yeah, agree too.

29:56

Except Tommy does not agree.

29:58

Tommy loses his shit, his eyes flash with rage.

30:04

He stands up from the table and he starts pacing the restaurant.

30:07

You can basically see those cartoon puffs of steam coming out of his ears.

30:12

Everyone at the table is like, what's wrong with Johnny?

30:16

What just happened?

30:17

But Mariah knows.

30:19

She dared to voice her own opinion in public.

30:22

And it was an opinion.

30:23

He felt threatened by Tommy.

30:26

Doesn't get hip hop. He doesn't like hip hop.

30:28

And the fact that Mariah loves it, reminds him that a part of her still isn't under his control.

30:34

Tommy does a couple more laps around the perimeter of the restaurant.

30:38

All the other diners are looking at him now is he having some kind of nervous breakdown what's going on?

30:45

Finally he stomps back to the table, slams his hands down and says, I just want everyone to know that Thanksgiving is canceled.

30:54

Wow, thank God. This wasn't in 2001, they would have missed my performance and the Macy's thing.

30:59

Giving diaper aid. Yeah, that would have been a real tragedy.

31:01

I know Mariah is mortified of course, but not surprised tantrums like this are Tommy's ML this time though.

31:11

She does something she's never done before.

31:14

When he announces that they're leaving, she refuses to go home with him.

31:18

He's like, come on, get in the range Rover.

31:21

But she knows that if she gets in the car, he'll take his meltdown out on her.

31:25

Just like he has so many times in the past.

31:28

So tonight she decides she's not going to take it.

31:32

She shakes her head and says, no, wait, This

31:37

is playing out in front of everyone.

31:38

Yup. But the audience is what gives her courage.

31:41

She knows she's taking a huge risk, but because they're in a public place with a table full of witnesses, she takes a gamble and it works.

31:51

Tommy tears off in the range Rover without her Mariah lets out a huge sigh of relief.

31:57

Then she and a girlfriend sneak out through the kitchen, have a drink at a nearby bar and go stay the night in a hotel.

32:04

It's one small nightcap for womankind and one giant leap for Mariah Carey.

32:11

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32:11

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33:33

It's a few weeks after Tommy canceled Thanksgiving, Mariah and Tommy are sitting side by side in an office with an unusual number of tissue boxes and scented candles.

33:42

It's a small one.

33:44

Ariah has gotten Tommy to agree to couples therapy.

33:48

Granted the therapist they're seeing is Tommy's longtime therapist.

33:52

Of course it is, but at least it's a therapist and Mariah is desperate for someone to talk to.

33:59

Everyone in her world is connected to and terrified of Tommy.

34:03

Just like she is.

34:05

She's been keeping everything inside and their therapist.

34:09

This little old lady was short.

34:11

Amber hair and wise eyes actually listens to her.

34:15

Mariah talks about how she's been breaking out in hives lately.

34:18

And that her dermatologist has told her it's from stress and Tommy cuts in and he's like stress.

34:24

What the fuck you gotta be stressed about?

34:26

Mariah feels herself shutting down her voice evaporating, but the therapist cuts in over Tommy.

34:33

She looks him straight in the eyes and announces.

34:36

If you don't relax your grip on your wife, you're going to lose her preach.

34:42

Does he actually listen? He does at least a little bit a month or so later.

34:48

Mariah and Tommy walk arm in arm, down the red carpet at a charity gala for the fresh air fight.

34:54

And when Mariah smiles for the cameras for the first time in forever, the smiles aren't fake.

35:00

She's smiling because after the gala, she gets to go out to dinner with friends on her own without Tommy it's something she negotiated hard for with the help of her therapist.

35:12

Okay. So I want to cheer her on here, but this is honestly kind of like watching a prisoner, draw a window on their cell wall.

35:19

And it's like, yeah, that's not the sky.

35:21

It's just, Yeah.

35:23

Okay, fine. It's not true freedom, but it's a taste of freedom.

35:27

Right? And she's thrilled when the gala is over.

35:30

Mariah feels like Cinderella and reverse.

35:33

The fancy ball was the chore and the night begins about an hour later.

35:41

Mariah enter is a trendy New York restaurant.

35:45

She finds her dinner party at a long table in the back and butterflies warm in her stomach.

35:51

Her assistance with her and her friends are already at the table.

35:54

But so are lots of people she hasn't met before.

35:58

She feels like the new kid on the first day of school.

36:01

I mean, all it takes to be popular as the best trapper keeper.

36:04

Everyone knows that exactly.

36:05

She doesn't have a trapper keeper, but she doesn't need it.

36:09

She feels lighter than she has in years.

36:11

She can't believe how good it feels to be young and fabulous and free.

36:16

If only for a night, she settles in and tries to catch up with the conversation.

36:21

It's a young, New York crowd.

36:24

Everyone's from different backgrounds and they're insanely smart right now.

36:29

They're talking about race and identity and the concept of white passing Mariah's riveted.

36:35

She's never been able to talk to anyone about being half black, half white.

36:40

Her family never talked about it.

36:43

Tommy's definitely never wanted to talk about it.

36:45

And suddenly these strangers are saying, yes, this is absolutely something you can talk about a man directly across the table from her joins in.

36:55

He says he's half white, half black too.

36:58

And Mariah does a double-take.

37:00

She hadn't paid any attention to him.

37:03

When she sat down, he looked like a jock.

37:05

Not someone she'd have anything in common with, but the moment he starts talking, everyone else fades away.

37:12

It's just like that moment when she in Tupac locked eyes.

37:16

So she had to change her underwear.

37:18

Okay, well it's not as sexual this time.

37:20

I mean, don't get me wrong.

37:22

This man is good-looking, but it's more like she's discovering all these new needs in herself.

37:27

The night of the award ceremony, she'd never realized how much she wanted to own her sexuality.

37:33

And now tonight she's realizing how much she wants to talk to someone.

37:39

Who's had the same life experiences.

37:40

She's had someone who knows what it's like to not be white enough and not be black enough.

37:46

And someone who's become incredibly successful despite that, because I forgot to mention this, but the guy sitting across from her, his name is Derek Jeter based on the rest of the night talking.

38:00

And it's magical.

38:01

Derek tells Mariah that he plays her song.

38:04

Anytime you need a friend before every Yankees game for inspiration.

38:09

Okay. That's expert level flirting.

38:11

Yeah. I mean, I only go out with guys who listened to ETR before every presentation, as you should.

38:15

All we're talking about Mariah and anytime you need a friend is one of the songs she feels most connected to because it's about feeling desperately alone and turning to your faith for comfort.

38:26

MRIs never felt less alone than she has during this conversation.

38:30

Mariah whispers to her assistant get his number and the assistant whispers back already.

38:38

Got it. Give that assistant a raise over the next few weeks, Mariah and Derek begin texting and calling each other.

38:47

But this is all playing out after Mariah's disastrous French fry run.

38:51

When she basically got arrested by her own security team.

38:54

So Mariah knows she has to be crazy.

38:58

Careful. She texts Derek from restaurant bathroom stalls where her security team can't track her.

39:03

And she rides shotgun while her assistant goes on errands.

39:06

Just so she can call Derek and semi privacy.

39:09

But after a few weeks of covert communication, or I decides she has to see Derek, she knows it's risky, but she's gotta be in the same room with him.

39:20

Again. She has to breathe the same air.

39:22

So they arrange a rendezvous.

39:25

Ooh, I love the word. Rendezvous is a great word.

39:28

Mariah

39:28

and

39:28

her

39:28

assistant

39:28

are

39:28

riding

39:28

in

39:28

her

39:28

limo

39:28

through

39:28

New

39:28

York

39:34

city. After a work meeting, when they tell her unsuspecting driver that they've spontaneously decided to stop for a casual bite to eat who number one that they might be lying is Mariah's outfit.

39:45

She's wearing a brown crop top a Chanel Chestnut, not colored leather, miniskirt and Prada boots in mocha, looking like a literal sack.

39:55

Yeah. So yummy. They direct the driver to a low key pizza place that just happens to be around the corner from Derek Jeter's apartment.

40:03

And they're like, be right back.

40:05

Don't worry if it takes longer than usual for us to order pay for and consume some totally low key pizza, miss totally adultery free establishment.

40:13

The

40:13

driver

40:13

drops

40:13

them

40:13

off

40:13

and

40:13

Mariah

40:13

and

40:13

her

40:13

assistant

40:13

go

40:13

inside

40:13

and

40:13

take

40:13

seats

40:13

at

40:13

the

40:13

counter

40:13

out

40:13

of

40:13

the

40:13

driver's

40:13

line

40:13

of

40:23

sight. Mariah picks up the menu, but she's too excited to focus on it.

40:28

And a few minutes later in walks Derek with a baseball cap pulled down low over his eyes.

40:35

Mariah's heart is practically pounding out of her chest, even more gorgeous than she remembers.

40:42

And she cannot wait until phase two of this plan.

40:45

Mariah's assistant runs out to the limo to distract the driver.

40:49

And while she's doing that, Mariah and Derek sneak out of the pizza place, duck around the corner and head down a series of valleys to Derek's apartment.

40:58

When they get there, Mariah's feeling a jumble of conflicting emotions, excitement, fear, anxiety.

41:07

She never really dated before Tommy.

41:10

So just being in a guy's apartment is totally foreign to her.

41:14

Derek disappears into the kitchen and returns with a bottle of Champaign.

41:19

He says, I've been saving this because I thought one day you might come over here.

41:27

Okay. So they just didn't get pizza.

41:29

No, but it gets better.

41:31

Then Derek says, why don't we go up to my roof deck.

41:35

Derek

41:35

pops

41:35

the

41:35

champagne

41:35

with

41:35

the

41:35

New

41:35

York

41:35

city

41:40

skyline. Is there backdrop basic and talk and laugh together.

41:44

And then Derek leans in and their lips touch for the very first time as they melt into a long tender kiss where I feels like all the sadness is sliding off her body into a puddle at her feet.

41:58

Okay, well, don't get any sadness on the boots, Mariah, their product and right bed.

42:03

God sends a thumbs up emoji their way in the form of a rainstorm heavy cold raindrops hit their cheeks.

42:11

But Mariah and Derek don't break the kiss.

42:14

This is the kind of romantic connection she's been writing songs about for years, but never experienced in real life.

42:22

Now that it's happening, finally, she just wants it to go on and on and on.

42:29

Okay. Now that's something that does work out in lifetime movies.

42:32

Oh yeah. And in my mind, but it only lasts for a second because the very real and serious danger of the situation hits her.

42:41

She breaks the kiss and says, I have to go.

42:45

She has no idea how long she's been gone.

42:48

If the driver's onto her, or if Tommy knows she's gone AWOL, she rushes back to the pizza parlor to find her assistant waiting with wild eyes.

42:57

They dashed to the limo together and tumble inside wet and breathless and giggling Beliveau drops the assistant off at her apartment in the city, which leaves Mariah alone in the car with a driver who may or may not be on to her on the long ride, back to Singh's thing.

43:15

Araya replays, her rooftop rendezvous with Derek over and over again in her mind, she knows she's crossed the line that she can't come back from, but she wouldn't change a moment of it.

43:28

She starting to know what happiness feels like, and she's going to keep moving toward it no matter what happens next.

43:36

If

43:36

you

43:36

like

43:36

our

43:36

show,

43:36

please

43:36

give

43:36

us

43:36

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43:36

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43:36

rating

43:36

and

43:36

a

43:36

review

43:36

and

43:36

be

43:36

sure

43:36

to

43:36

tell

43:36

your

43:52

friends. You can listen to even the rich ad free by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app, you can follow the show on apple podcasts, Amazon music, and the wondering app or wherever you're listening right now.

44:04

In the episode notes, you'll find some links and offers from our sponsors.

44:08

Please support them.

44:10

Another way you can support the show is by filling out a survey at wondery.com/survey.

44:14

This

44:14

is

44:14

episode

44:14

two

44:14

of

44:14

our

44:14

four

44:14

part

44:14

series,

44:14

the

44:14

emancipation

44:14

of

44:14

Mariah

44:29

Carey. We use many sources researching our stories, but we especially recommend the meaning of Mariah Carey by Mariah Carey with McKayla, Angela Davis, I'm Orisha Skidmore Williams,

44:40

and I'm Brooks Sifron Dennis Hensley wrote this episode.

44:43

Kate young is our associate producer.

44:45

Our senior producers are Natalie shisha and Ben gray.

44:48

Our audio engineer is Sergio and Rica's sound designed by James Morgan.

44:53

Our executive producers are Stephanie Jens, Jenny Lauer, Beckman and Marshall Louie for wondering, Hi,

45:08

I'm Robbie Daymond host of one dream podcast imagined life.

45:12

Each week, we take you on an immersive journey into the life of someone you may think, you know, before the whole world knew their name.

45:19

There will be clues to your identity along the way, but only at the end.

45:23

Do you find out who you are this week?

45:26

The racer as a kid, you had an imagination and dreamed of make-believe worlds.

45:32

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45:37

Would that be your ticket to a better life or is racing too dangerous of a pursuit or maybe the imaginary worlds you create in your mind will help you realize your dreams, listen to the racer and other fascinating stories on Amazon music, apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

45:54

Or you can listen to episodes one week early by joining Wondery plus in the.

45:59

You know what they say about even the rich and swearing. We belong together. It's June nineteen ninety three, and twenty four year old Mariah Carey is splashing around in a pond in upstate New York. She smiles up at the hot sun and flips her hair, sending perfect droplets of water streaming through the air. Life's been hard up to this point, but right now she's totally free and happy until the director yells cut. And then when the cameras aren't rolling, she gives herself permission to stop smiling. The water's fucking freezing, and she hates her outfit. She's filming her video for Dreamlover, and the way she imagined it in her head, there was a little bikini and lots of skin. But her outfit for this pondip is a very chased pair of cut off jeans and a button down shirt. And they're now sopping wet and really hard to move in. She's hoping her next scene gives her something sexier, but when Mariah dries off and heads for wardrobe, guess what's waiting for She's hoping her next scene gives her something sexier. But when Mariahs off and heads for wardrobe, guess what's waiting for her. Another pair of denim shorts, and a different button down shirt. Is this shoot sponsored by Jay Crew? Wait. It gets even worse. The next scene has a crew of shirtless men dancing in a field, but Mariahs placed about ten feet out in front of them. The only male that's allowed to get anywhere near her is her dog Jack who has a cameo. I mean, ten times out of ten, I do prefer dogs to shirtless men. Oh, same. But this song is called Dreamlover. It should be sexy, flirty. Instead. She's only making eye contact with her dog because the guy calling the shots, deciding who she dances with, what she's wearing is the head of her record label and her manager and her boyfriend, Tommy she's only making eye contact with her dog. Because the guy calling the shots, deciding who she dances with, what she's wearing, is the head of her record label and her manager and her boyfriend, Tommy Mottola, and he decides everything. He insists that all her videos be shot within twenty minutes of his house. He decides how much skin she shows and how she wears her hair. For the record, Tommy thinks straightened hair makes Mariah look too urban. And we all know what he means by urban. Yeah. He likes her hair curly because he thinks it makes her look Italian. Keep it up, and she's gonna look single. Seriously? But Tommy has his hands on every aspect of Mariah's career. And here's the thing. It wasn't that long ago that Mariah was sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Now she's building her dream house with the man who's making her star. She was the coach, check girl at a shitty sports bar when she met him, and now she's a millionaire. And when it comes to ambition, she and Tommy are completely on the same page. They both want her to be the biggest pop star on the scene. So she pulls up those denim shorts and dances the hell out of that field. She smiles. Her eyes sparkle She fucking sells it. But deep down, she has to wonder if her real dream lover is out there somewhere, waiting. Growth. Collaborative is an online marketplace that delivers healthy home beauty and personal care products directly to you, which is really important to me, especially with like cleaning Collaborative is an online marketplace that delivers healthy, home, beauty, and personal care products directly to you, which is really important to me, especially with, like, cleaning products. Because as I said before, like, my husband just goes wild with bleach. Grove. Like I got a lot of really nice cleaning like, I got a lot of really nice cleaning products. I got Mrs. Meyer's body wash that I really love and a lavender Myers body wash that I really love in a lavender cant. 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Hire a plumber to fix your leaky faucet. Or a handyman to hang your curtains. You can even hire a pro to organize your messy closet. Yep. There are people in your city who specialize in that I actually just downloaded the thumbtack app and I could feel my apartment breathe a sigh of relief. Hello, fresh cant, and an AC unit that actually works. On the thumbtack app. You can compare prices, read reviews, and chat with pros you can compare prices, read reviews, and chat with pros directly. When you found the right person, you can book them with just a tap. All of those annoying projects will just disappear. Maybe it is a little Maybe it is a little magic. Download thumbtack and start your next project today. From Wondery, I'm Arisha Skidmore Williams, and I'm Brook Siffron. And this is even the rich. In our last episode, made it to New York and into Tommy Mottola orbit. Now, she's a huge star. But Tommy won't let her out of his sight. And Mariahs starting to feel a little trapped. This is episode 2, Dream lover. It's this spring of nineteen ninety three, and Mariahs through the marble halls of her dream house. She's proud of the place, which is grand and pristine and has state of the art, everything. Just to put things in context here, she's only twenty three years old, but she has her own ballroom. Man, I was probably twenty seven, maybe twenty eight when I got my first ballroom. One of the other perks of the place is its many many refrigerators. Mariah pulls one them pulls one of them open and the intercom on the wall buzzes. Are you doing? This is Tommy's contribution to the house. A state of the art security system complete with cameras in every room and an intercom that allows him to say sweet nippings to his beloved no matter where she is. Things like What are you doing? size and yells across the room at the intercom box. Getting some juice. Okay. Oh, so juice is allowed. Noted. A few minutes later, Mariahs at her brand new grand piano, her prized possession. She's trying to tap out a melody she keeps hearing in her head. It's something fresh and new and she doesn't totally have her head wrapped around sound, but she's excited about it. And then What are you doing? And has to yell over to that fucking box. I had an idea for her song, and Tommy's like, oh my god. This is gonna get old fast. Yeah. But this is Mariah's life all day, every If she's not out in the world working, she's at home performing for the security cameras in storybook manner. Is this storybook written by Steven King? It'd be a lot nicer. Storybook manner is what Tommy calls it because theirs is such a storybook romance. calls it sing sing, which is the name of the state prison just down the road. And even though the decor in Mariah's house is probably higher end, At least in the actual sing sing, you get an hour in the prison yard without Tommy asking you. What are you doing? I mean, she can't even leave the house to go anywhere without him if it's not career related. Not shopping, not to a movie, not to get gasoline. She can't even have her own friends over. If I didn't already know it was about M and M, I'd assume Tommy was the inspiration for the song obsessed. Oh, yeah. Totally. And there's only one spot in that house where she's off screen, her bathroom. So Mariah spends hours in the bathtub. It relaxes her body, but her mind's going a mile a minute. There's still so much she wants to do in her life. And there's that melody she keeps hearing in her head. Fading in and out. It's got elements of hip hop and r and b to it. It's way edgier than anything she's ever done before, and she wants to capture it but she knows there's no way in hell she can do that until she gets Tommy off her back. And then one night, it hits her idea, a way to free herself from Tommy's controlling ways forever. It's June fifth nineteen ninety three, and Barbara Streisand Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, and Aussie Osborn are all sitting butt cheek to butt cheek in Cant Thomas Episcible Church in Manhattan. Because today, Mariah Carey is about to become missus Tommy Matola. Whoa. Hold up. I thought she was trying to get rid of him. Yeah. Well, what I said is that she wanted him to be less controlling, and Tommy is desperate to get married. Mariahs figures that if she marries him, he'll trust her and finally let her breathe. Listen, Tory spelling has said the exact same thing in multiple lifetime movies and it never ends well. Well, you know that. I know that. And Tory spelling maybe knows that, but Mariah doesn't. Remember she started seeing Tommy when she was a teenager. She's still in her early twenties. And let's do a quick rundown of her role model so far. She's got an abusive dad, a passive aggressive mom, And of course, my personal favorite, the creepy stepdad whose therapy animal is shotgun. This poor girl has absolutely nothing to go on. So the day of her wedding, she looks out at the crowd. All these famous people are cheering her on. And then she looks over at Tommy, and he looks so freaking happy. And that's enough to convince her. She made the right she made the right choice. She feels like everything is going to be just fine. opens her eyes. She's in a beachfront mansion in Hawaii. It's three days after the wedding. The first morning of her honeymoon. She can hear the ocean waves crashing and the wind in the palm trees. Accompanied by the soothing sound of her husband's voice as he screams his face off in the other room. She cracks the bedroom door and peaks out. Tommy's screaming at a speakerphone, and on the other line is his own personal publicist. Not Mariah's publicist or a publicist from the label, This is someone Tommy's hire to manage his image as a manly powerful titan of the music business, and the publicist is screaming back. He's telling Tommy that their wedding photos are gonna be on the cover of People Magazine and that this is gonna be terrible for Tommy's image. They're trying to create this apology of Tommy as a shark, and a spread of wedding photos are romantic and fluffy and not very shark like. Okay, wait, of course their wedding is going to be on the cover of people magazine where I was one of the best-selling artists in the world, plus Ozzie and Babs wait. Of course, their wedding is gonna be on the cover of People Mariahs is one of the best selling artists in the world. Plus Aussie and Babs were butt to butt. Exactly. That's what Mariah thinks. She thinks these two grown ass men are completely missing the point. Mariahs jumps into the conversation. She's like, okay. Let's also consider the fact that I'm trying to sell albums, which means that being on the cover of people is good for me. Really obvious stuff. But that just makes the publics start screaming and cursing at her. And Tommy doesn't defend her. In fact, he's nodding even though she knows she's right and these two men are just being idiots, she feels hot tears coming on because this moment is like so many other moments in her relationship with Tommy. He makes her feel powerless, voiceless. She sees it so clearly now, Her fantasy that Tommy would be different once they got married was just that, a fantasy. She can't stop the tears from coming. So she runs out of the house, and takes off down the beach. She has no idea where she's going. She just has to get away. It's always best to ignore all red flags and then flee after. The wedding. Mhmm. She Wondery up to a bar on the beach and is about to order herself a drink and calm down. When she realizes, she she doesn't have any money. Tommy handles the money. Mariah's got nothing. The fact of her helplessness hits her all over again. Finally, she uses the bar phone to collect call her manager back in New York. York. Her manager buys her a daiquiri over the phone with a credit Her manager buys her daquiri over the phone with a credit card. As she sips it, the reality of her situation sinks in. He's not going to change, and now she's in even deeper than she was before. It's July sixteenth nineteen ninety three, and mister and Mrs. Tommy Mattola are sitting in the back of a limo on the way to a major Tommy Mottola are sitting in the back of a limo on the way to a major gig. is feeling super nervous. She's a recording artist. Most of her work is done in the studio. And even though she's got two hit records out, She doesn't have a lot of experience in front of live audiences. She has no idea what to expect, and her stomach feels like it's trying to flip inside out. The forests and fields start being replaced by old warehouses and mobile home parks. Mariahs on her way to a venue in cloudy depressed, connected in New York. That's where Tommy's decided she'll shoot her first Thanksgiving TV special. It's not what would have chosen. She'd have gone some place with a little more flash, like radio city music hall. But there's a committee at Columbia Records who decides these things, and Tommy is the chairman of the board. not even invited to the meeting. Well, now we know why supported free Britney. They're approaching the venue when Mariah starts noticing that some of the streets are blocked off with these giant orange police barriers. It's like something out of a post apocalyptic movie, Her stage fright was already bad enough. Mariah is about to debut a bunch of new songs from her next Mariahs is about to debut a bunch of new songs from her next album. She doesn't know how people will react. And now, just to help her sense of dread, she's moving through what looks like downtown Chernobyl. Then it gets even weirder. Right outside her window, she sees cops running around with guns and pushing people behind the barricades. Bright police lights flicker and sirens churp. As the limo door opens and the security detail hurries her towards the stage door, And now like, okay, what the fuck is going on? And that's literally what she says out loud to the security guy. At First, he looks at her like she's joking, and then he sees she's dead serious. She's clueless. So he tells her, it's for you. These people are all here to see you. Wait. She knows she's famous. Right? Of course. But up to this moment, She'd never seen her fame face to face. Actually, it's more like face to face to face times five thousand. Because the whole city has turned out to catch a glimpse of her. Up to this point, Mariahs has done nothing but right and record and keep her head down. She's been totally focused on her work. And Tommy's kept a super tight lid on her exposure to her cant. Until now, When Mariah takes the stage, she's hit with a giant wave of screaming and applause. It feels good. It feels like love. Well, Mimi deserves love. Yeah, she does. I mean, she knows her mom loves her. Beat down. She knows Tommy does too on some weird level. But this, the audience's love has no strings attached. In its fires Mariah to sing better than she ever has. She just kills it out there. No nerves, just pure adrenaline. And when the taping ends, is on a total high. The woman who rides home next to Tommy that night is a brand new Mariah. She knows there are people out there who love her and support her no matter what. And she's feeling a little cocky She feels like she's just found muscle she didn't know she had, and she wants to flex them. So she reaches out and turns on the radio to a station she loves. Something she usually only listens to when she's alone. Hip hop. Tommy binges at the beat as Mariah sits back in her seat and watches the nighttime landscape slide by. By the time they get off the highway, the hip hop station is starting to crackle and fade, which means it's Tommy Stern. He queues up his favorite track from his favorite CD. Frank Sinatra's My Way. And that's the song that lasting in the limo as our happy couple pulls back into their happy home for the night. But for the first time since that awful honeymoon, actually sees a way out of this. Call it her way. We're headed toward fall. The weather is starting to cool down just a little bit. And I gotta say, I love a change in season. It's especially if it means I can start actually wearing cute jackets and sweatshirts again. Oh, god. Same. I love switching things up, but you know what's not changing? Our love for busy hard seltzer. The first hard seltzer with antioxidant vitamin The first hard seltzer with antioxidant vitamin c. Couldn't agree more. 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She wants some space, some freedom. But it feels like Tommy's got her in one of those binges knots that just gets tighter and tighter the more you wriggle. And feels like she's down to her last move. The one thing she still got some control over, her voice. That amazing voice that got that audience and disconnected, he's so excited. And right now, out there in the world outside her bathtub, battle royale is over that voice. climbs out of the tub and checks her phone nervously. Still no calls. Ever since that concert in Schenectady, Mariahs has been way more vocal in the studio. And not just when the recorded light is on. She knows what she wants. She knows what her audience cant. And it's not what Tommy wants at all. Tommy's hell bent on keeping things as white and poppy as possible. Currently Italian hair, cut off jeans, and daddy's button down. Okay. Please never say daddy's button down again. But Mariah doesn't want to play that role anymore. She wants to be herself, all of herself. And that means more hip hop. She's looking for her sound, a sound that's true to who she is on the inside, and she's reached out to a new collaborator for help. His name is Russell Tyrone Jones, of the borough of Staten Island, or as we all know him, old dirty bastard. asked him to do a wrap feature on her new track. But he's been flaky and noncommittal. He's like, it'll happen if it happens. And since then, nothing. Not a word. worried heaping she's too soft, too pop, too white. She wishes she could just get on the phone with him and explain that's not who she is. Not really, but it's been radio silence. So Mariah slips into her white silk night down and climbs into bed. As quietly as possible so she doesn't wake Tommy. The bed is massive, which is good because they're a million miles apart right now. But just as Mariah's head hits the pillow, the phone rings. She jumps out of bed and grabs it. And the news is amazing. ODD just showed up at the studio. The wrap happened just like that. Oh, I know it did. Introducing mold. Dirty. Doggy. ecstatic and let's add a little hoop. Tommy stirs in bed. But honestly, Mariah is too excited about the ODB score to think about Tommy. So she tells the studio guy that play the wrap for her over the phone. The down and dirty rinds of 0DB start busting through the receiver, and pulls a seriously badass move. She puts it on speaker. Oh, love it. Yeah. ODEB's bits out rhymes like me and Mariahs back like babies with pacifiers. Mariah's like a kid on Christmas morning screaming and laughing and jumping up and down on bed. This is the music from her teenage years. This is where she's been wanting to take her music for years and it's finally happening. After the wrap finishes, Mariah looks over to Tommy. His head is cocked to one side and he's got a look on his face like he smells something disgusting. He says, the fuck is that? I can do that. Get the fuck out of here with that. I can do that. Okay. Yeah. I could just hear it now. Come on, fellow old white man. Let's do some dagom, hip hop, diggity. The next morning, Tommy rallies the other suits at the label, and they all Mariahs rap with ODB is going to throw her base into shock. But not going to let them tell her what her fans want. She knows better than anyone, and she's right. When the single comes out, it's a huge hit. Mhmm. Point for Mariahs this is honestly one of my faves. Yeah. Our girl's getting stronger. She's getting louder. She's reaching down deep. But what she's finding there isn't pretty. Mariahs in the studio late at night, scrawling lyrics for a new song in her notebook. She's been working all day on songs for her upcoming album daydream, and they have names like OneSuite Day. But tonight, she's writing lyrics for her alter ego. Bianca, and Bianca isn't sweet. She's more in line with the angry white girl rockers who are hot at the moment. Sing like Atlantis Morrison and Shirley Manson from garbage. Moriah envies these women because they get to be messy. In their music, their style, their emotions, while Mariah feels like she always has to be the perfect pop princess. finishes jotting down some lyrics, then steps up to the mic and screams her rage away. Here are some sample You know, I think you're kinda stupid. I get your dinosaur your big fat head. I hate you. I hate you. I wish you were dead. Wow. That was amazing. But also, I gotta wonder who could she possibly be directing that at? I mean, truly a mystery of the world. Seriously. writes enough songs as Bianca for an entire album. She even designs a cover, which features a Polaroid of a dead cockroach with the title, someone's ugly daughter written over it in lip sick. Gotta hear these songs. You actually can. Columbia tried to bury them, but a few of them are on 2 under the artist named tick. Mariah's friend, Clarissa Dean, is singing lead vocals, and Mariah's back to being a backup singer. The entire project is an escape valve. But it's not a solution. Mariahs knows that if she wants anything to change with Tommy, she has to do it as Mariah. Not Bianca. But that's a lot easier said than done. It's January twenty ninth nineteen ninety six, and Mariah Carey has just performed fantasy at the American Music Awards in Los Angeles. Now, she's in her wardrobe trailer behind Ms. Shrine auditorium shimmying out of her shrine auditorium shimmying out of her costume. Even though she's in a rush to change, she's still more relaxed than usual. The show has its own security people, so this is one of the few moments of her life where Tommy's henchmen aren't glued to her side. She changes into her next outfit, a pair of black leather cant, and a form fitting black turtleneck for the rest of the show. Since Tommy won't let her show much skin, has to get creative if she wants to feel and look sexy. The leather pants do the trick. She checks herself in the mirror and then steps out of the wardrobe trailer. And that's when a white Rolls Royce pulls up in front of her. The binges window slowly rolls down. And Mariah finds herself eye to eye 2 pucks decor. 2. Yeah. Their eye contact is electric. And then his eyes wander down and then back up, taking all of in for the sexiest three seconds of her life. When he's finished, he says, hi, Mariah and rolls the window up again. Man, I felt that from here. Yeah. So did Mariah Maya. For the rest of the ceremony, Mariah's entire body is buzzing. She's sitting next to Tommy in the front row, acting like everything's normal. But inside, she's stress singing We belong together on repeat. Something inside of her has been turned on like a switch. And this is all new for her. Growing up, Mariah refused to let boys and sex distract her from her career. She watched her older sister get pregnant at fifteen and swore that was never gonna happen to her. And Tommy, While that relationship has lots of tension, none of it is sexual. But now, Mariah is starting to think she wants more from her life. Over the course of the night, she picks up awards for best female pop artist and best female R and B artists. But the highlight of the evening is still though few supply moments when she had 2 box eyes all over her. She wants to feel that way again, and she knows it's never gonna be with Tommy. It's November of nineteen ninety six, and and Tommy are at a dinner party at a fancy restaurant. In a few days, they'll host a big thanksgiving feast at Sing Sing or a lot of these same people. The mood is high energy and casual. The table exchanges industry gossip talks new projects. But then the conversation turns to the music of Poftaddy, who Mariah worked with when she collaborated with Old Dirty Basterd. It's his sore spot for Tommy. He still wants Mariah to stay in the lane he put her rated pop princess. But when one of the industry people asked Mariah what she thinks of Puffed Daddy's music, She gives an honest answer. She says puff daddy sound is the future of hip hop. I mean, agreed. Yeah. Agree 2. Except Tommy does not agree. Tommy loses his shit, his eyes flash with Tommy loses his shit. His eyes flash with rage. He stands up from the table and he starts spacing the restaurants. You can basically see those cartoon puffs of steam coming out of his ears. Everyone at the table is like What's wrong with Johnny? What just happened? But Mariah knows, she dared to voice her own opinion in public. it was an opinion he felt threatened by. Tommy doesn't get hip hop. He doesn't like hip hop. And the fact that Mariah loves it reminds him that a part of her still isn't under his control. Tommy does a couple more laps around the perimeter of the restaurant. All the other diners are looking at him now. Is he having some kind of nervous breakdown? What's going on? Finally, he stops back to the table. Slams his hands down and says, I just want everyone to know that Thanksgiving is canceled. Wow. Thank god this wasn't in two thousand one. They would have missed my performance in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Yeah. That would have been a real tragedy. I know. Mariahs is mortified, of course, but not surprised. Cant like this are Tommy's MO. This time though, she does something she's never done before. When he announces that they're leaving, she refuses to go home with him. He's like, come on, get in the Rover. But she knows that as she gets in the car, he'll take his meltdown out on her just like he has so many times in the past. So tonight, she decides she's not gonna take it. She shakes her head and says, no. Wait. This is playing out in front of everyone. Yep. But the audience is what gives her courage. She knows she's taking a huge risk. But because they're in a public place with a table full of witnesses, she takes a gamble and it works. Tommy tears off in the Rover without her. lets out a huge sigh of relief. Then she and her girlfriend sneak out through the have a drink at a nearby bar and go stay the night in a hotel. It's one small nightcap for humankind and one giant leap for Mariah Carey. I just love paying for what I don't need. You do? No. Of course, I don't. But would you believe that there are a lot of businesses out there trying to hire who are doing just that? Paying to hunt for quality candidates that don't meet their must have requirements. That doesn't not sound great. No, it definitely it definitely doesn't. And that's why if you're hiring, you need indeed. Exactly. When hiring gets hard, indeed is the job site that makes hiring incredibly simple. Just attract, interview, and hire. In fact, with Indeed, you can do all of your hiring in one place, even interviewing. Yeah. 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It's a small Araya's gotten Tommy to agree to couples therapy. Granted the therapist they're seeing is Tommy's longtime therapist. Of course, it is. But at least it's a therapist. And Mariah is desperate for someone to talk to. Everyone in her world is connected to and terrified of Tommy, just like she is. She's been keeping everything inside. And their therapist, this little old lady with short amber hair and wise eyes, actually listens to her. talks about how she's been breaking out in hives lately and that her dermatologist has told her it's from stress. Then Tommy cuts in and he's like, stress. What the fuck you gotta be stressed about. feels herself shutting down. Her voice evaporating. But the therapist cuts in over Tommy. She looks him straight in the eyes and announces, if you don't relax your grip on your wife, you're gonna lose her. Preach. Does he actually listen? He does, at least a little bit. A month or so later, Mariah and Tommy walk arm and arm down the red carpet at a clarity gala for the fresh air fire. And when for the cameras, for the first time in forever, the smiles aren't fake. She's smiling because after the gala, she gets to go out to dinner with friends on her own without Tommy. It's something she negotiated hard for. With the help of her therapist. Okay. So I wanna cheer her on here, but this is honestly kinda like watching a prisoner draw a window on their cell wall and it's like Yeah. That's not the sky. It's just a blue grad. Yeah. Okay. Fine. It's not true freedom. But it's a taste of freedom. Right? And she's thrilled. When the gala is over, feels like Cinderella and reverse. The fancy ball was the chore, and now the night begins. About an hour later, Mariah enters a trendy New York restaurant. restaurant. She finds her dinner party at a long table in the back and butterflies warm in her She finds her dinner party at a long table in the back. And butterflies swarm in her stomach. Her assistance with her and her friends are already at table. But so are lots of people she hasn't met for. She feels like the new kid on the first day of school. I mean, all it takes to be popular is the best trapper keeper. Everyone knows that. Exactly. She doesn't have a trapper keeper, but she doesn't need it. She feels lighter than she has in gears. She can't believe how good it feels to be young and fabulous and free if only for her night. She settles in and tries to catch up with the conversation. It's a young New York crowd. Everyone's from different backgrounds pounds and they're insanely smart. Right now, they're talking about race and identity and the concept of white passing. Mariahs riveted. She's never been able to talk to anyone about being half black, half white. Her family never talked about it. Tommy's definitely never wanted to talk about Tommy's definitely never wanted to talk about it. And suddenly, these strangers are saying, yes, this is absolutely something you can talk about. A man directly across the table from her joined in. He says he's half white, half black 2, and Mariah does a double take. She hadn't paid any attention to him when she sat down. He looked like a jock, not someone she'd have anything in common with. But the moment he starts talking, everyone else fades away. It's just like that moment when she and 2 locked eyes. So she had to change her underwear? Okay. Well, it's not as sexual this time. I mean, don't get me wrong. This man is good looking. But it's more like she's discovering all these new needs in herself. The night of the award ceremony, she'd never realized how much she wanted to own her sexuality. And now tonight, she's realizing how much she wants to talk to someone who's had the same life experiences she's had. Someone who knows what it's like 2 not be white enough, to not be black enough. And someone who's become incredibly successful despite that. Because I forgot to mention this, but the guy is sitting across from her His name is Derek Jeter. They spend the rest of the night talking, and it's magical. Derek tells that he plays her song anytime you need a friend before every Yankee's game for inspiration. Okay. That's expert level That's expert level flirting. Yeah. I mean, I only go out with guys who listen to ETR before every presentation as you should. We're talking about Mariahs. And anytime you need a friend, is one of the song she feels most connected to because it's about feeling desperately alone and turning to your faith for comfort. Emira has never felt less alone than she has during this conversation. Mariah whispers to her assistant. Get his number. And the assistant whisperers back? Already got it. Give that assistant a raise. Over the next few weeks, Mariah and Derek begin texting and calling each other. But this is all playing out after Mariah's disastrous front try run when she basically got arrested by her own security team. So Mariah knows she has to be crazy careful. She texts Eric from restaurant bathroom stalls where her security team can't track her, and she rides shotgun while her assistant goes on errands. So she can call Derek in semi privacy. But after a few weeks of covert communication, Mariah decides she has to see Derek. She knows it's risky, but she's 2 be in the same room with him again. She has to breathe the same air. So they arrange a rendezvous. Oh, I love the word rendezvous. This is a great word. Mariah and her assistant are riding in her limo through New York City after a work meeting. When they tell her unsuspecting driver that they've spontaneously decided to stop for a casual bite to eat. Flu number one that they might be lying is Mariah's outfit. She's wearing a brown crop top, a Chanel chestnut colored leather mini skirt, and Prada boots in mocha, looking like a literal sack. Yeah. So yummy. They direct the driver to a low key pizza place. That just happens to be around the corner from Derek Cheater's apartment, and they're like, Be right back. Don't worry if it takes longer than usual for us to order, pay for, and consume some totally low key pizza in this totally adultery free establishment. The driver drops them off and Mariah and her assistant go inside and take seats at the counter out of the driver's line of The driver drops him off and Mariah and her assistant go inside and take seats at the counter out of the driver's line of sight. picks up the menu, but she's too excited to focus on it. And a few minutes later, in walks Derek with a baseball cap pulled down low over his eyes. Mariah's heart is practically pounding out of her chest. Is even more gorgeous than she remembers, and she cannot wait until phase two of this plan. Mariahs assistant runs out to the limo to distract the driver. And while she's doing that, Mariah and Derek sneak out of the pizza place, duck around the corner, and head down a series of alleys to Derek's apartment. When they get there, feeling a jumble of conflicting emotions, excitement, fear, anxiety. She never really dated before Tommy. So just being in a guy's apartment is totally foreign to her. Derek disappears into the kitchen and returns with a bottle of champagne. He says, I've been saving this because I thought one day, you might come over here. Okay. So they just didn't get pizza? No. But it gets better. Then Derek says, why don't we go up to my roof deck? Mhmm. Derek pops the champagne with the New York city skyline as their backdrop. They sip and talk and laugh together. And then Derek leans in and their lips touch for the very first time. As they melt into a long tender kiss, Mariahs feels like all the sadness is sliding off her body into a puddle at her feet. Okay. Well, don't get any sadness on the boots Mariahs, their Prada. And right then, God sends a thumbs up emoji their way, in the form of a rainstorm. Heavy cold raindrops hit their cheeks, But, Mariah and Derek, don't break the kiss. This is the kind of romantic connection she's been writing songs about for years. But never experienced in real life. Now that it's happening finally, she just wants it to go on and on and on. Okay. Now that's something that does work out in lifetime Now that's something that does work out in lifetime movies. Oh, yeah. And in my mind. But it only lasts for a second. Because the very real and serious danger of the situation hits her, she breaks the kiss and says, I have to go. She has no idea how long she's been gone. If the driver's on to her or if Tommy knows she's gone AWOL. She rushes back to the pizza parlor to find her assistant waiting with wild eyes. They 2 the limo together and tumbled inside wet and breathless and giggling. Belivo drops the assistant off at her apartment in the city, which leaves Mariah alone in the car with a driver who may or may not be onto her. On the long ride back to Sing Zane, Araya replays her rooftop Ron debut with Dreamlover and over again in her mind. She knows she's crossed the line that she can't come back from. But she wouldn't change a moment of it. She's starting to know what happiness feels like and she's going to keep moving toward it no matter what happens next. If you like our show, please give us a five star rating and a review and be sure to tell your friends. You can listen to even the rich ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wonderry app. You can follow the show on Apple Podcasts Amazon Music, and the Wondery app, or wherever you're listening right now. In the episode notes, you'll find some links and offers from our sponsors. Please support them. Another way you can support the show is by filling out a survey at Another way you can support the show is by filling out a survey at Wondery dot com slash survey. This is episode two of our four part series, the emancipation of Mariah Carey. We use many sources when researching our stories, but we especially recommend the meaning of Mariah Carey by Mariah Carey with Angela Davis I'm Aricia Skidmore Williams, and I'm Brook Siffron. Dennis Hensley wrote this episode. Kate Young is our so a Our senior producers are Natalie Shisha and Ben Grey. Our audio engineer is Sergio Enrique's, sound designed by James Morgan. Our executive juicers are Stephanie Gens, Jenny Lower Beckman and Marshall Louie for wondering. Hi. I'm Robbie Damon, host of Wondery Cant, Imagine Life. Each week, we take you on an immersive journey into the life of someone you may think you know before the whole world knew their name. There will be clues to your identity along the way but only at the end. Do you find out who you are this do you find out who you are? This week, the racer. As a kid, you had an imagination and dreamed of make believe worlds and as you got older, you developed an interest in cars and wanted to be a race car driver. Would that be your ticket to a better life or is racing too dangerous of a pursuit, or maybe the imaginary worlds you create in your mind will help you realize your Dreamlover to the racer and other fascinating stories on Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Or you can listen to episodes one week early by joining Plus in the Wandry app.