It's been six months! Let's catch up. I have updates for you re: why I quit social media last fall, how I've addressed burnout, and what has helped me the most. Also, there's a swear or two.

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Full Transcript:

This is freak on a leash, and inspiring an educational mental health podcast. By me, your host, Caitlin Olsen, therapist and mental health coach. Keep in mind, this podcast is not therapy. This is support. This is information. This is community. People, it's time to let your freak flags fly. Welcome to freak on a leash Season Two. Hi Freaks - it feels so good to say that it's been so long since I've said that here on the podcast. I'm Caitlin, I'm your host of freak on a leash. This is episode 26. Today, I'm going to be talking about burnout, I'm going to be talking about how I've been doing for these last six months, what's going on with my work, and hopefully just give you something that is helpful or insightful, somehow, for you in your life. I mean, here's the thing is I don't really know what I'm doing. And I really struggle and always have struggled with positioning myself as someone who's got it all figured out. I don't like that, right. And I, I've had some really, really uncomfortable moments throughout my career as a mental health professional, where I'll say something that is so offhand or so secondary, or so kind of not my main point that a client or a listener or someone on Instagram will take as gospel truth and apply it to their lives in a very black and white way. And it really, it's really eye opening, right that even though my platform is small, and even though I know I'm not you know, the best therapist in the world, or the end all be all or any sort of like, whatever world renowned anything. Sometimes right and other people's eyes, I'm on a pedestal and it's really, really uncomfortable. I think that's actually a good place to start. That's a big part of why I just stopped with Instagram and this podcast six months ago. I really felt I want to talk about this without like feeling like it's ego driven or, like I'm kind of talking about myself as more important than I am or bigger than I am. But I guess I'll just try it. That's what I'm doing. I don't have an outline, I have some notes I want to refer to. But I just wanted to you know, be here and talk to you and and reopen this. This place for us to connect. I six months ago ish, right? This is like mid October, early October. I decided kind of on a whim to take a couple weeks off. My brother was getting married. Halloween is busier than Christmas. I swear with kids stuff. And October is by far my favorite time of year. I know that's really basic, but it is it's just true, right where we live is so beautiful October and I was like I just want to be outside I want to be more present. And I was spending at least eight hours a day on my phone. I'm not proud of that you can hear me hesitate. I do not like that. I tell myself like well, you know, I was mapping myself places or a lot of that was for work which is true but I just was on my phone a lot and a bulk of it was Instagram and I was like I just need to cut that out. And immediately I went down to like three hours a day right which is still like kind of a lot but I felt a huge shift and so when a couple weeks were up and Halloween was over like I don't want to go back like my brain had become so content focused like every picture I took every experience I had was accompanied with this thought of Ooh, is this something I need to like I could share with my you know listserv or with my close friends on Instagram or with my whole Instagram community or is this like a podcast episode everything right and it was really hard to turn that off and you've probably heard influencers talk about this or any sort of public figures social media content creator people and I'm you know, such a small fry like I'm I've such a small platform. But when you're trying to grow, which is really what I thought I wanted and what I thought my business needed, when you're trying to grow it's just anything can be content, and I kept thinking of Nora Ephron like everything is copy Right. So I, I just got it was like I had two brains. And I Googled a little bit like, is there such thing as Instagram brain or social media brain? And what will come up? We're content creators saying, here's how I built my second brain as a content creator. And here's how I approach things mentally as a content creator, it was like, a positive thing. You know, like, here's what you need to do. And here's what's possible. And you can do it too. As a gamble. What if you want to undo it? What if you don't like it? And I just, you know, stayed away from the source of that kind of thinking, and really quickly started to notice how much more mental space I had, you know, how much more brain space I had. And as soon as I felt that shift, I realized it's kind of what I've been craving for a long time what I've been missing. So come November last year, it was like I'm, there's no way I'm going back, at least not right now. And, you know, then holidays and New Year, and I just for three or four months, I was like, I don't think I'm going to really, ever do that again. And there was a point, I think, in January, end of January, you know, where I posted on Instagram, download the app posted something deleted it right away. And then a couple weeks later, the same I don't know, I could look at my feet and like, give me more specifics. But I had that for a little while. And it was like about once a week, right. And now the app is on my phone, and then in there more. And then spending more time on my phone, which I don't love. It's not up to what it was. But it is, you know, it's just time on your phone, like it takes more time. And I'm just kind of seeing how it goes. And that's how I'm approaching things here with the podcast. I, I had, like, such clear expectations of what was acceptable in terms of creating a podcast, and what was unacceptable. And I had a really black and white perspective on it. And that was based on you know, good advice. And again, marketing perspective. And so much of what I was told when I was starting the podcast was just be consistent. Like no matter what, just put something up on a regular basis, you can say it's every week or every other week, but on a regular basis, you're showing up in people's podcast feeds. And so you know, I did that in fits and spurts and then we kind of burnout and blame it on being busy. And that, you know, I was busy. Like it wasn't a lie. But it was more to myself like blaming it on my to myself that I was too busy. And then I just needed to carve out more time for this or Honestly, I was telling myself I needed to kind of be have more grit, you know, like, be tougher, like I needed to do more and not complain and not tell myself I was too busy. You know, it's hard on myself about it. So as I come back in this, I'm I'm taking on this perspective that this is my pocket, I can do whatever I want. And if that means I'm in here, everyday for a week, putting up a new episode, great if I'm in here, once a month, for a year. Great if I'm in here today, and I don't come back for another five years. Sure. Okay. I mean, this is just, it is really extra, and it is marketing, but it's also extra.
I was on a podcast as a guest, probably a month ago or so. And the podcast engineer, right. He wasn't the host, but he was like the tech behind it. He was just, you know, small chatting, and he said, Caitlin, I see you have a podcast too. That's cool. Another podcaster here. And I was like, Yeah, I guess technically I have one, but I'm not really doing much with with it right now as like, it takes a lot of work to, you know, put one out every week or every other week. And he was like, yeah, it's a ton of work. And he's like, if I weren't getting paid for this, like, if this wasn't my job, it would be really hard to stay on top of it and stay motivated. And and then he said it would be really easy to just let it slide. And I was like, yeah, that's your right, you know, and I don't know, money's not everything, right? It's not. It's not about making money so much as it is like this kind of accountability. Like he has a boss and he works for a business. And this is his role. And this is his, I don't know, main job, maybe not the only responsibility but it's like a big part of what he does and when he carves out his work hours for his podcasting and so I that's obvious, right, but it was kind of a lightbulb moment for me was like, okay, if I'm going to do this, if I'm going to have a podcast as part of my work, then it needs to be in a sustainable way and before I I would outline every single episode, and the first eight episodes that I put out that kind of first series. You know, when I launched, I guess it was six, and I did two more. But somewhere between the first six, eight episodes, I had every word written down like paragraphs, you know, so pages and pages of what I was gonna say, like a full script. And that's partly anxiety. And that's partly like wanting to do a really, really good job and make sure I'm covering everything I want to cover. But that takes hours and hours to do. And that's before you even record, right. And then after recording, there's editing. And then there's creating assets for social media, you know, the stuff that any posts you see on Instagram, any audio sound bites, like all of that takes so much time. And it's not. It's not like brainless time, you know, sometimes you can kind of whatever, put on a show and do something. But this is like all focus. And of course, I had help, I had great assistants who helped me. And it was still like very much my responsibility, right, it was my project, like I was by far the lead and doing most of the work I just described. So I knew that I wouldn't didn't want to do that. And as I was thinking over the last month or so how I want to do freak on a leash moving forward, I just don't want it to have that kind of pressure. And if things change, and this, like becomes my job, you know, in a real way, then, you know, the way I approach it might change. But mostly, I just want to be able to do something imperfectly. And do it. I don't know, in this kind of in a balanced way. Right. So I've been talking with Tara, who is my assistant, and she has been really encouraging. Like, here's what I think people would like to hear. And here's why I think it's okay that you took your six months off, you know, she's, like, really wise and really, really helpful. And so that was kind of the last bit of encouragement, I guess I needed. But you know, it wasn't just encouragement, I mean, I, I really burned out like I was really it's hard, it's hard to find the language because burnout, I think is clear, but it's also so prevalent, like we all tend to burn out in America, we all like, work really hard in different ways. We all have really high expectations of ourselves. So I know you all get it and you've probably been in your own version of burnout at one point or another. But I am surprised, I guess that burnout came for me the way it did. Not so much surprise again, like this is America. That's what we do to ourselves, but I didn't expect it to come from my work. You know, I looking back five years ago, 10 years ago, I remember, learning about burnout and being told by supervisors, you know, mentors that this is that burnout for therapists is common, it's okay, it's normal. But here's how we can prevent enlists everything we can to prevent it. And then here are kind of the early warning signs. I even took, like continuing education courses on burnout, and, you know, learned how to identify burnout. And I remember even at the time thinking like, Yeah, I'll look for this and my colleagues, I'll help them out. Like, I was a noob. And you know, like, it wasn't for me, like it was so that could be helpful, because that's what therapists are right? We're helpers. I, I also was surprised, I guess, at the timing, so not only that happened like that I felt burned out in my mental health work. But that when that happened, you know, I had made it through like, the worst depression in my life, right, made it through the pandemic made it through quarantine had worked really hard, like put in easily, like 50 hours, 60 hour weeks for months and months. And as I'm saying that I'm like, of course, he burned out, dummy. But you know, I guess I thought it would happen during that those periods of intensity. But last fall, you know, fall 2022, October, November, whatever, I wasn't working those kinds of hours. I was probably at half of that. And maybe even less, I mean, I was now I was Yeah, I was about half like 2020 to 30 hours a week of work. Now I've seen clients I want to be clear of like, total work. And depression, like was basically gone. I mean, I I was very cautiously hopeful, but I wasn't experiencing anything severe, right? I was just kind of like, okay, I'm in like remission, right? I have depression, but it's like lethal. It's left me alone. It's like me alone. And I don't know, it just caught me off guard, you know that burnout hit hard after depression was basically resolved. When my work life balance was really nice. It was, again, the fall a favorite time of year beautiful weather, I just was really surprised, right. And it did, it freaked me out because part of the burnout included this kind of dose of apathy, like I wasn't totally apathetic toward my work, but I did feel apathy toward work, I was just kind of like, whatever, you know, like whatever about it, whatever about the podcast, whatever about Instagram, which is, which is kind of whatever. Like I said, this is extra. It's necessary now because the internet and the way the world works, but it did feel not like my actual core work. But I did feel apathy, at times toward my actual work, like towards the sessions, you know, and for the bulk of my decade, as a therapist, I mean, up until six months ago, my work as a therapist had been so consistently reliably a safe place for me, you know, I could go in, and no matter what was going on in my life, I could go into session, and just immerse myself in someone else's world and someone else's emotions, you know, and someone else's problems. And I, I mean, I think about when my husband was deployed both times right, when I was pregnant and really sick in the first trimester, or even if I had a cold, you know, there are some really hard things that happened in my family of origin during those 10 years. During the pandemic, of course, during my own really hard season of depression, I could go into session and just feel solid. And it was such a nice break from whatever I was. Whatever turmoil, you know, was in my personal life. And so when my personal life felt really good, you know, my mental health was really good. And my family life was really solid. And the weather was really nice. And we had a new puppy, you know, and all these good things are happening last fall, and I found myself like, just kind of whatever you know about work? I, I really, I don't know, it freaks me out, you know, I didn't have like, I don't know, I didn't feel totally gutted about it, but probably because I had some numbness, too. But it was a big focus of my work with my own therapist. You know, like, I don't know what's going on. I just don't like love, love, love this job the way I used to.
So that's a burnout really showed up for me. And I don't remember having the thought of like, I have to fix this. What am I going to do about it so much is like, this is really surprising. And I'm going to deal with the surprise and the shock and the freakout emotions. And so I did a ton of like, journaling and yoga and I did a ton of oh my gosh, crying on the phone to my parents crying to my parents in person. Lots of crying as I talked through it. Talking to Andrew and my husband, right, like, okay, so what is this? What, what does this look like, you know, for us day to day, and how does this impact things? And what do you see, you know, because he's so close to it to me, he has such like a front and center. sightline to it. And then the meantime, like, you know, still being a therapist still being a mental health coach still showing up to sessions. And sometimes I hesitate. Well, not sometimes I have hesitated before now and talking about this in any sort of public way. Because the last thing I want is any one of my clients hearing this, right and thinking like, well, I worked with her last November, December, January, February, and she's saying she didn't, whatever she didn't like being there. And no, that's not what I'm saying. Right. It was still like such an uplifting part of my world. It just wasn't nearly as impactful as it had been. Now you have probably skipped ahead, because you're so smart and wise and empathic, dear listener, you've probably you probably see this coming. But what I realized now is that it's a good thing, that, that my work didn't need to be an escape for my life. You know, like, it's, it's okay, that
it's not only okay, it's like really great that I didn't have something going on, that I needed to throw myself into sessions in order to kind of survive it right? Or make it okay. Once I started to take on that perspective, and I also know, and this is through talking with my therapist, too, I also I guess, I, you know, realized that I could still, like, be a great therapist still love my work and not have it be something I need, right, or something that I depend on. That was a really big shift. Essentially, kind of humanizing myself to myself, right. And it goes back to expectations, it goes back to kind of the plot of my life that I had predetermined, and just letting myself be flexible, you know, giving, giving myself a lot of permission to feel what I felt, you know, and and not let it be. Not let it be too big, right? Not let it be too meaningful. That was really important. So that's, that's burnout. And at least in terms of how I experienced it, I did a little bit of googling. At the time, I was like, okay, so if I'm burning out, I don't want to burn out what do I want? What's the opposite of burnout. And I Googled what is the opposite of burnout and found some articles, blog posts, I don't even remember specifics, but the word engagement came up, right, that if you're burned out, the way to counteract that is to engage to reengage. And that at the time, I was, like, I don't want to, I don't want to read I don't, I don't think like that would be forcing myself, right, that would be this kind of like grit mentality that had led to burnout. So So I, you know, kept the word in my back pocket, but wasn't sure how it was gonna apply to me. And then just today, I was like, Oh, I'm really engaging. It just takes time. It just took time. Right, it took as long as it needed to take. Okay, I do want to talk a little bit about just because I, I've shared with you all before about, you know, the deepest, darkest worst of my mental health I, I wanted to give you a little bit of my own mental health update. And then I, I probably am not going to talk about it as much. Because it's just not as I don't know, you know, as relevant or impactful these days, knock on wood, right? And maybe it will make I don't know, I guess that's the beauty of what I'm doing now. And the way I'm approaching things is that I'm not going to tell myself that I have to do anything with this podcast. And so I'm not going to have like every episode, the new mental health update or every episode, I'm going to talk about anything specific. I'm just going to do whatever the hell they want. Which includes right now giving you a mental health update. In short, I feel better, probably than ever. I feel I feel so much better. I've had no suicidality for a long time. I'm so grateful for that. I won't talk about too much else. I'll just cry. Anxiety has really basically disappeared. You know, I feel like nervous I get scared I get. I get like anxious, I guess like as an emotion. But I don't have this like chronic anxiety. I'm sleeping way better. I've adjusted medications and done a few things to make changes because I realized some of the side effects of medications were outweighing the benefits because of just things were shifting. I was healing so I made some changes. And I feel I feel so good. Am I just really, really clear headed sleeping really well, right now I would say I don't have any active symptoms of depression. And that's just really wild. Like, I just really thought for a long time, it was gonna stick around, you know, forever. So I feel really good, I, the way I talk about to people is like, I am back on my shit, I am doing the thing, you know, I am living my life that looks like I, you know, I'm sleeping well, I go to bed earlier, I get up earlier than I absolutely have to, like, you know, we leave the house at a certain time to get the kids to school, and I'm a an hour and a half before that was for a long time, it was like rolling out of bed 510 minutes before to just like, drag myself to do this responsibility. I'm working out all the time, all the time, I'm working out, you know, much more regularly, like kind of the way I used to. Before everything hit the fan. I'm making, you know, making big plans and thinking long term, I'm feeling way more hopeful about my future. And the world. I'm cooking I just I, I, I thrive in having a lot of goals and accomplishments. And I heard this thing the other day that was like, adulthood, is so much about setting goals and marking off little achievements, right. And sometimes it's like, I want to run a marathon or I want to read 10 books or whatever, you know, these these things, right? Sometimes they're bigger, like, I want to go to grad school, or I want to do DIY my entire house, whatever I say whatever a lot, I'm gonna work on that. Whatever the goal is, whatever the goals are, whatever they may be. It just does, it feels good to have these mile markers. And that's what I'm referring to right that for a long time, the goals felt like half to us, they didn't feel really at all fun. And they also didn't really feel rewarding because it felt like the miles were so long, you know, I was just like dragging myself from one mile marker to the next. And the finish line was just always moving. And it was never even in sight, let alone within reach. And now, you know, I don't know, it's still true, like, there's no finish line, but that doesn't freak me out as much. And I don't feel like I have to do anything. Like I really have this freedom that feels real, you know, in a way that it didn't before was technically I knew all along, like I can do whatever I want. And I know this is a half two, and everything's gonna be okay, I really knew that stuff. But like believing it and then acting on it. It meant I had to, you know, it took me six months of just kind of disengaging in a lot of ways a lot of this work. Basically, I just feel like I recognize my life again. You know, it feels like it's my life. And not just full of half twos, and a failure, which is dramatic, but that's really how it felt for a while. Okay, and then work I'm working one on one with clients are all women. And I wrote in my journal just yesterday that Sessions feel like this, like, amazing opportunity to just have really deep conversations with brilliant, compassionate and funny women. You know, like, I'm, I just, it's really, it's like, I just get to hang out. And I don't, you know, it's more than that. But I think that that's partly this view, like this reality of this pinch me of like, This is so fun, it feels almost too good to be true that this is my job. It's so rewarding. And it feels so easy now. And that's a big part of it is because I've been doing it for 10 years, but another big part of it is that I took this pressure off myself in my career as a whole. And so there's this kind of casual approach, you know, that this casual factor that hasn't been there for a long time? Maybe ever. And I hope that makes sense. I I don't know all these caveats. You know, I don't I don't I don't know. I'm not like rolling into session. Just like cool. That's chill. You know, let's hang out. I'll talk about myself half the time. I mean, it's not that it's not like sitting with friends, it's not. But there is this ease, you know, there is this. This it's a very formal structure. But at the same time, I feel a level of informality and ease. And kind of like, I can let my hair down and be who I am, you know, and not be like the quote unquote expert or this like, I don't know,
person on a pedestal, right, I can just kind of blow that pedestal up and just like, be there be with you. I've loved that. It's been really very, very fun. And I think I'm doing the best work I ever have, you know, let my clients like, tell me if I'm wrong. But I think it's just been like, really, really solid connection. And as I've talked about, so many times, therapies, therapeutic success is all about feeling like you're with the right fit therapist, or coach, you know, this mental health work really depends on that therapeutic bond. So I'm having fun with it, it feels really good. I don't at all want to like outline my point by point guide for how to get over burnout. I think that's dumb. And I don't think there is a roadmap, I will talk about what helped me you know, this is again, what really made a difference for me. It really was about it really was about taking time away, and taking space to reflect and I, you know, I've taken a week off of clients, every month this year, I had two weeks off at the end of the year. Sometimes I traveled during those weeks, sometimes I don't. But to have a week off a month just gives my brain space to be with me, right and not in someone else's world, like in my world. And then on the weeks I do see clients, I'm only taking like three to four sessions a week. Sometimes it's only one or two and it just depends on when people schedule but I'm just not doing nearly as much. I'm not, I'm not doing nearly as much in that category. And then I'm doing a lot more writing, I'm doing a lot more learning. I'm giving myself permission to kind of have a fresh start and reset. Now this this is not not scary, right? Like I'm I'm not scared right now. Because I've been doing it for four months at this point. And you know, six if you count the first bit of kind of burnout recovery. But what's scary or was scary about it was like what does this mean for me? financially? What does it mean for my family financially? And I won't pretend like my income hasn't gone down it has, right. And for a long time there there were a couple of months in the summer in the fall. I was like I don't know if I can handle watching this number go down like it really was like I don't know if my ego can handle it. I don't know if my sense of self can survive it really like it's just who am I if I'm not setting a goal and achieving it and and setting a higher goal and achieving it and you know, numbers are so measurable. And I've talked about this a little bit with kind of sense of what I've talked about in terms of like eating dieting bodies, you know, there's so much it's easy to focus on it has a number and watching the number go in the direction you don't want it to go money, scale, pant size, whatever stupid I hate all that all the social media numbers, you know, followers, impressions, shares, views, likes, like I hate all of that stuff, because it's so it's it's not going to go up forever, right? It's it's not it doesn't. And money isn't going to just like keep going up forever. I know. They're like money coaches who are like those are really negative. Whatever use a growth mindset, change your perspective is just the way I was doing it. It was either me or the business and I chose me. And the business of course is still alive. Like it's doing fine, right? I'm making enough and I'm doing enough and I really feel like what I'm doing with my clients when they show up for the sessions is more More than enough, it's making their lives better and easier. And if it's fewer people than it was before, that's fine. It just is okay. Because the rest of my world the bulk of which is not work anymore is great. Like, family life is great. My kids are so great. They're so cute. And I have, I have more time with them. That's part of it. But I just want to be very clear that this is not a story about a working mom, burning herself out. And then she's healed by the magic of being the primary caregiver like, No, that was not it. I've talked with friends who have been staying at home moms ever since they had kids and have kids, you know, around the same age as mine. And so we have these kind of like, parallel case study experiences, right? I worked a lot when my kids were little. And now that they're older, they're all in elementary school. I like being home more, because they're not home. I mean, let me rephrase that I like being more available for them. Like I think, for me, I don't think I know, it works really well, for me right now to be more available. And that was not the case, when I had a one year old, a three year old and a five year old, like no. And so burnout happened for so many reasons. And I was still a good mom. Right? Even though not even though I was still a good mom, I was spending enough time I was doing enough for my kids. Now what's made a big difference is this level of disengagement from my work. And a level of reengagement with other things, one of which one of like, dozens of things is picking up my kids from school every day, instead of doing three of the days and my husband doing too. You know, that's like one of them. But I know, sometimes I'll talk to people about what's been going on the last little while, and I don't talk to anyone that I can't accurately predict, will be supportive, you know, I've just learned to not disclose what is really going on with me in a one on one setting, or like a real life setting, to someone who has like consistently been unsupportive of my work or doubtful, you know, of what I'm able to do. I just learned to like, hold that back. But some people that I have been really open with have said, Yeah, you know, being with kids more can be really fun. And it also is just like another form of work. It's another form of, you know, responsibility, and it's unpredictable, and it's not rewarding and fulfilling in the way. Sometimes work is, you know, and everyone's want, I'll get like, I'm so glad you're getting more time at home. That's so important. And I'm like, that's not the point of my story. Right. So I want to be clear, this is not glamorizing self sacrifice. This is not about you know, treating burnout with motherhood? No. Okay, I'll get off my soapbox. Again, what really made the difference for me was taking time for myself and taking time to reflect outside of the machine had become my business. And it was easy to do that because my marketing department basically quit. Also, I am the marketing department. So when I just like stopped marketing with Instagram, and podcasts and emails and free events, and whatever, you know, things slow down, like that's the nature of this business world. And marketing quit. So sales went down. So there's less for the talent to do. I'm also sales I'm also the talent, I guess. And I had a lot more space, I had a lot more space. And I've really enjoyed it. And it's given me room to figure out more about what I do want to do in my career. I'll talk about that more. I don't know and months down the road, but I do have some ideas that are new and different and I just never would have been able to see those ideas clearly if I hadn't given myself space to see them. So this is about burnout, but it's also about the power of reflection and the power of kind of like being scared and doing stuff anyway. And sometimes it looks like doing less I love in general, this feeling of making decisions from the inside out. Because I think a lot of what I was doing in my work was based on what outside factors, you know, these external factors again, like a lot of the numbers, a lot of feedback, a lot of
people who weren't in the weeds with me saying like, Oh, you should try this or, you know, I did this and it worked or so and so does this and it's really cool and I just had like too many recommendations or suggestions and I just needed to stop like consuming the everything and just kind of marinate and digest everything that I had consumed and then really be with everything else that was there too. So now it's internally based, you know, whatever I'm doing like here sitting in creating this podcast there are other ways for me to spend this time my kids are at school like this is precious, right? This is precious time. And I don't know I wanted to be here with you so I'm here when I think about this podcast, right freak on a leash it started as all about Mormon women, modern Mormon women and mental health and faith crisis and faith expansion. And I'm setting myself free from that leash, right? That's been season two. But I'm further unleashing myself by I don't know saying I'll see you when I see you. I'll be back when I'm back. In the meantime, if this is helpful to you, let me know you can give me a review. You can rate the podcast you can DM me on Instagram at Caitlin Olsen co you can text me if you have my phone number. I'd love to hear anything that you think as long as it's respectful. And tell I am back until I see you again until I hear from you. take really good care of yourselves. You have my permission if you need it. To burn out and reengage when you're ready. And of course, don't forget to let your freak flags fly.