0:00

Today's episode of the podcast is

0:02

kind of intense. I start

0:04

off by talking about the fact that we have

0:06

lice and mice at the house right now. It's

0:08

been that kind of a week. And

0:11

then through a couple of twists and turns, I

0:14

end up talking about the genocide that is

0:16

happening in Gaza right now and

0:19

how to navigate knowing that there's

0:21

terror like that unfolding far away,

0:25

but also so very close to home. How

0:28

can we take care of ourselves? Are we

0:30

allowed to take care of ourselves knowing

0:32

there is such pain unfolding in this

0:34

world? Where are we all

0:36

heading? And what can we do? What

0:39

can we do to be of service? That's

0:42

the podcast today. Sometimes

0:47

in life, skepticism can serve you well.

0:49

It can save you money, keep you

0:51

from wasting a day at a timeshare

0:53

presentation and help you avoid

0:55

spreading gossip. To be honest,

0:57

when I'm faced with a new scenario, I

0:59

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Okay, I've made it a read

2:30

it. I'm here. Here We are.

2:32

You have made it. You are

2:35

here! Welcome to a brand new

2:37

episode of From the Heart with

2:39

Rachel. Pretend I am so glad

2:41

that. We are all here. I

2:43

have a. Ginormous cup of ginger

2:46

tea by. My side the when I

2:48

see ginormous a means a norm is it's

2:50

almost a liter. Of water? What?

2:52

What's the leader? like? twenty

2:54

four ounces. I just. Pulled

2:56

that out of my. Yeah. I

2:59

have no idea how many else a leader is.

3:01

Wait, let me let me find out. Okay,

3:03

one liter is thirty three

3:05

ounces, so I was. Kind.

3:08

Of close, but not at all. I

3:11

know what what is up with the

3:13

ounces? And. The Fahrenheit I think

3:15

it's so. it's so complicated. It's

3:18

no matter how much time I

3:20

spent I have spent in the

3:22

U S, my life and I

3:24

still I cannot. I can't learn.

3:26

The Fahrenheit and The Imperial. The.

3:29

Imperial system. It does not make

3:31

sense for me anyway. I have

3:33

a liter of T A leader

3:35

is a hundred senate leaders. Ten.

3:38

Deciliter is there. A. Thousand milliliters.

3:40

but look at make so much

3:43

sense that ounces idol. It's just

3:45

weird. Thirty three. Why is

3:47

it Thirty Three? So yeah,

3:49

sorry. welcome to

3:51

the so my my mind as

3:53

all over the place as he

3:55

can tell today i made it

3:57

here it's taken me a little

4:00

Bit of a struggle actually to get to

4:02

recording this show today. I

4:05

have my ginger tea, I have my hydrogen

4:07

water by my side, which has become this

4:09

thing that I bring with me

4:11

everywhere I go. We're gonna have to have an episode

4:13

of the show talking about hydrogen water

4:16

because it's something. But

4:18

not today. And I'm sitting here in

4:20

a really messy bedroom. It's the

4:23

messiest mess of all time. And

4:25

the reason that is is because we have lice. Okay,

4:29

I'm welling up. Like I'm

4:32

actually, I'm welling up. It's

4:34

been a stressful week. Okay.

4:38

We have lice and we have mice. What

4:41

the fuck? Like who decided that?

4:45

Who decided to kick off May

4:48

with freezing temperatures, pouring rain? It's

4:50

literally so cold, we had

4:52

to go back into the barn and get our winter

4:54

clothes again. Like I had

4:56

just put everything away because finally the summer,

4:58

you know, spring was here. It felt like

5:01

summer. It was really warm, amazing. And

5:03

it's middle of May. So it's like, yeah, we

5:05

don't need all that stuff anymore. Middle of

5:07

May, middle beginning, you know, kind

5:09

of middle of May. And we

5:12

had to go back and get all of

5:14

our stuff. Like the really warm sleeping sack that

5:16

Bear sleeps in in the stroller and Leia's

5:18

hats and gloves. And

5:20

yeah, it's just, it's like

5:22

a small thing, but it

5:25

feels ginormous. It

5:28

really is. I feel like I'm starting to

5:30

get really depressed by the weather

5:32

and by a bunch of factors happening

5:35

unfolding at the same time here in this

5:37

little corner of the world. So

5:40

yeah, it's freezing cold. It's

5:42

pouring rain. And then

5:44

like a week ago, we got an in-the-school

5:47

app, like Leia's app has a school for

5:49

information. It has a Leia's app has a

5:51

school. Can you hear me talking? Leia's

5:54

school obviously has an app for information

5:56

and stuff. And they sent out a

5:58

little thing like, hey, just so you know. one of

6:00

the groups has life so

6:02

make sure you frequently check your kid and

6:04

I was like oh hell no oh

6:07

we are not doing that no no no no no

6:10

and I checked her she didn't have anything she hasn't

6:12

been itching like nothing nothing and it was another

6:14

group it wasn't her group so

6:16

I was like listen child like you like stay

6:19

away from that group like

6:23

you can't tell a seven-year-old to stay away

6:25

from from kids at

6:27

school but I'm like if you know

6:29

don't put your head near anybody else's

6:31

head and don't you dare switch hats

6:34

with anybody like I was trying to

6:36

explain to her how life works even

6:38

though I know like it's futile I

6:41

have zero percent chance of winning the

6:43

battle against life in school like we know

6:45

this if

6:47

you have kids you're eventually gonna get like like

6:50

that is just what it is but

6:52

I am really not into it I mean who

6:54

is but I am like no this is a

6:56

nightmare for me and

6:58

a week past I've checked her like every

7:00

day and nothing you know and I really

7:02

like exhale like yeah we dodged a bullet

7:04

it was contained in the other group and

7:07

then yesterday I just caught her scratching

7:09

her head and I'm like that was

7:12

a fluke and then five minutes later she's scratching

7:14

her head again I'm like hey what's what

7:16

you doing over there what's what's

7:19

going on there and the side of your head I

7:21

don't know I'm just really itchy today okay

7:26

and here's the big we had dinner planned

7:28

last night so my brother and his girlfriend was coming

7:30

over my mom was on her

7:33

way over and Finn's

7:35

godmother my best friend was coming over we were

7:37

just having I don't know it's just a line

7:39

it was we're not celebrating anything or anything it

7:41

was just like we're having dinner at the house

7:43

and my friend my best friend called

7:45

she's like hey I have a I have a

7:47

migraine I don't think I'm coming I'm like I'm

7:49

like okay that's fine like you I'm like she's

7:52

dodging this bullet like

7:54

very good good my brother

7:56

lives five minutes away he was already in the car

7:58

and my mom was always almost here And I'm

8:00

like, I'm not going to say anything because

8:03

I really want the help. I

8:05

want them to come help me. My

8:09

brother walks through the door and

8:11

I'm like, hey, before anything happens

8:13

here, before you enter, we

8:15

maybe have life. And

8:18

he was like, okay, bye. Just

8:20

turn around and laugh. Just

8:25

immediate panic, like, bye, no way

8:27

in hell. Goodbye. I

8:29

checked his head before he left. I'm like, hey,

8:31

you've been hanging out here a lot. Don't you

8:33

want like a little check just so that you're sure?

8:36

He does not have life, but a surprisingly dry scalp.

8:38

So he's going to have to deal with that. So

8:41

I'm like, you're very lucky that we checked this out.

8:43

You need to hydrate your skin.

8:47

And anyway, and then my mom showed

8:49

up and she's so like, I don't know

8:52

how many times we've had life in this. I mean, she has four

8:54

kids and she had four kids very separate, like

8:56

far apart. So me and my brother are two

8:58

years apart. And then

9:00

the next sibling arrived like when I was 10 and

9:03

then three years after that, another one. So she's

9:05

done like the batches of kids. It's not like

9:08

we all had life all at the same time

9:10

once in school. And that was that like,

9:12

it's probably been like a couple of rounds, you

9:15

know, because having kids in daycare and school at

9:17

different ages and stuff. So she just

9:19

like, all right, no big deal. Stepped

9:21

in and Leah was so sad in the beginning. She was like,

9:24

I don't want to, it's my fault. Dude,

9:26

this is just life. There's nobody's fault. Like, this

9:28

is just something. It's just like hatching a cold

9:31

or whatever. It's nobody's fault. You

9:33

know, and my mom was like, I don't care if

9:35

I get life. I literally don't mind. Like, I'll sleep

9:37

in bed with you. I don't care if I get

9:39

life. I've had life so many times. It's

9:42

not a big deal. Let's go. We

9:46

checked her out and we didn't find that

9:48

many, but she definitely had it. It

9:50

wasn't like, like my mom was trying to explain to me.

9:52

She's like, when you guys had life, when you were little,

9:54

it was always so far

9:56

gone by the time we realized it

9:58

that like, turn your head upside

10:01

down in the bathtub and comb it out and just

10:03

lice would fall into the tub. But

10:05

with Leia, we almost couldn't, like it took,

10:07

it took like a long time to find a single one,

10:09

and at the end we found two. So I think

10:12

we caught it like right at the very beginning. And

10:15

I, we couldn't find any in my hair. So I'm

10:19

like praying to the God of, I don't

10:22

know if there is some kind

10:24

of like school motherhood family God

10:26

that like protects mothers who are

10:28

very sleep deprived and tired, but

10:30

like, please don't, please, please. I

10:33

really don't want lice, okay? I'm

10:35

tearing up. I'm literally, I'm

10:38

literally crying right now because that's how badly

10:40

I don't want lice. And

10:42

I don't know if you guys know, but I have a

10:44

lot of hair. My mom had this theory, she's like, yeah,

10:47

you don't have anything. You know, I think your hair is

10:49

too thick. The lice, they can't get

10:51

down there. It doesn't

10:53

sound like a very scientific

10:56

explanation. I'm pretty certain that's

10:58

not how it works. But I'm like, okay, I'll

11:01

take it. Bear doesn't have anything. And

11:04

Dennis who sleeps in bed, like him and Leia

11:06

share a bed, they stay, they are the ones

11:08

who close like I sleep with Finn, then I sleep

11:10

with Leia and they share a pillow. He doesn't have

11:12

anything either. So I'm really

11:14

wondering if we like caught it on day one

11:17

and it hasn't exploded yet. And maybe we contained

11:19

it and maybe nobody else is going to get

11:21

it. Like, please, please, please. I so hope. I

11:24

so hope. But you know, it comes with

11:26

the whole thing. At least this is

11:28

what we do and what we were told. I mean,

11:31

since I was little, it's like you have to get

11:33

all the sheets and all the stuff and all the

11:35

fabric like off the beds and

11:37

then put it in the freezer. Yeah,

11:39

I don't know. Is anybody else doing that? We always,

11:41

that's what we do here because

11:44

even five minutes in the freezer kills off

11:46

everything so then you don't have to worry.

11:49

Luckily, we have this like barn old

11:52

barn freezer. It's actually really

11:54

lucky because we have this old barn freezer where

11:57

I really want to put all of our

11:59

meat and fish. and stuff like I like

12:01

to keep things separated so I have it organized because

12:03

we have two freezers in the barn and

12:06

I really need to get rid of all of

12:08

last year's produce that we still have in the

12:10

big like storage freezer. So

12:12

I've been asking Dennis for like a week please can

12:14

you like get all the meats and all the

12:16

things and put it in the other barn for

12:19

me so that we can organize and he

12:21

just has been procrastinating it which is something he

12:23

does for everything and it's

12:25

like one of our biggest my biggest pet peeve like

12:27

one of the things that annoys me the most

12:29

about being married to this man is how much

12:31

he procrastinates but this

12:34

time it really served us because we

12:36

had this whole freezer empty so

12:38

we could literally just pull out the drawers

12:40

and we put we put sheets from three beds

12:43

because we've been kind of sleeping around in

12:45

these different beds puzzling sleep

12:47

and kids and we

12:49

put three beds worth of sheets

12:51

into the freezer overnight and

12:54

yeah you know doing all the laundry

12:56

like rounds and rounds and rounds of

12:58

really hot laundry doing

13:00

her hats and jackets and then I'm trying

13:02

to like not make too big a deal out

13:04

of it either because it's just life it's not

13:07

the end of the world but you really don't

13:09

want to do this whole process and then get

13:11

it again you know like you didn't get it

13:13

all the way and then you have to

13:15

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off. So

14:51

anyway, that was last

14:54

night. And then we

14:56

found like I go the natural route

14:58

for everything, but I

15:00

don't fuck around with life. Like

15:02

no. So we

15:04

got the gentlest version of the toxic

15:06

thing. It's

15:08

like for sensitive skin and

15:11

babies. And yeah,

15:13

we did the treatment for Leia.

15:15

And let's just like hope that

15:17

this really, really, really, really, really

15:20

works. And then

15:22

at the same time, like I'm

15:24

like, this sucks, but this is like,

15:26

this is where I'm living. Like

15:29

I just see something like on the floor, like it's something

15:31

like, like a black little thing. And I'm like, is

15:33

that a mouse dropping like randomly in the kitchen?

15:35

No. And

15:37

then I didn't think about it anymore. And then I

15:39

like go over to the other side of the kitchen

15:42

and I see Bear's chair, you know,

15:44

where he eats and obviously like throws food everywhere.

15:47

And even if we clean the chair, you know,

15:49

a baby, a baby seat, it's always the grossest

15:51

part of the kitchen. Like it's always the least

15:53

sanitized part of a kitchen. And there's

15:55

always like little food left and crumbs and stuff. And

15:58

there's just mouse dropping. So. all over his

16:00

chair. And it's, well,

16:06

and it's okay. We don't

16:08

live in a major city. It's not like

16:10

New York and it's rats. No,

16:13

it's like little country mice. Okay.

16:15

They're really cute. They're very cute. They're not like

16:18

they don't look gross, but we know they're gross.

16:21

We know, we know you don't want, you don't

16:23

want your baby eating off a

16:25

tray where mice walk around.

16:27

Like no, nobody wants that. Even

16:30

talking about it makes me like a little bit nauseous.

16:33

And it's so weird because I was really trying to think of it

16:35

like, Hey, if we were out in the woods, if we were a

16:38

hundred meters away from our house and we

16:40

stood in the woods on the corner of

16:42

the land and we saw a little mouse,

16:44

we would be like, Oh my God, so

16:46

cute. So cute. They're so cute. They're like

16:48

big brown, you know, brown eyes. They're so,

16:50

so adorable. But then you find them in

16:52

the house and it's like, Oh my God. No,

16:54

no, no, no, no. We don't want rodents

16:56

eating our food and no. So

16:59

then having to deal with that

17:01

and it's like, it's, it's, it's,

17:04

people keep telling us to get a cat. I'm

17:07

really allergic to cats. So we could never

17:09

have an indoor cat. And

17:11

I kind of wanted like, I don't

17:13

know. I wanted an outdoor, like

17:15

a barn barnyard cat. Like, isn't

17:18

that totally normal? But

17:20

then when I ask around, it's not so

17:22

cool to have, keep outdoor cats, obviously

17:24

in the wintertime. So they need to live

17:26

inside in the winter, but there's, yeah, I don't, I

17:29

don't know how to do that. So

17:31

anyway, one thing at a time, but it was

17:33

so great to wake up this morning. I'm like,

17:36

we have lice and mice. Like

17:40

perfect, perfect timing of

17:42

everything. Overall,

17:46

overall, I'm also on my moon. I'm on

17:48

my period for the, I think it's the

17:50

third, my third

17:52

cycle since pregnancy, my

17:54

third cycle postpartum. And

17:57

this week I just kind of fell into a

17:59

hole. with it. I

18:01

don't know if it's the it could also just be the

18:03

circumstances of the fact that we're not at all

18:05

sleeping again. It's really, really, really, really bad.

18:08

And it's been like he's almost 11

18:10

months now. It's a

18:12

really long time. I really thought we would hit

18:15

some sort of milestone. He's almost one. And that

18:18

things would change and we're going to start sleeping, but

18:20

maybe not like he's going to magically sleep through the

18:22

night and everything is going to be like, you know,

18:24

fairy tale, sleep land. No, but I

18:26

thought it would get better and it's

18:29

not better. You guys, okay. I want

18:31

to cry again. It's just not better. It's

18:35

worse. And

18:37

I think just the accumulation

18:39

of just almost a year of

18:42

sleep deprivation and

18:45

then my period, which normally,

18:47

and this is, this is my kind

18:49

of normal, but it's been so long since I

18:51

was in my cycle. So it's, I've

18:53

just kind of forgotten that I tend

18:55

to fall into a little hole, like

18:57

a tiny little depression hole just

19:00

for a couple of days. It's like one or two days

19:02

where it's really bad. Usually it's

19:04

right before I get my period, but this

19:06

time it happened when my period arrived. I

19:09

just all of a sudden find myself so

19:11

sad. I feel so sensitive. Everything

19:14

that isn't, that's not going well feels like the

19:16

end of the world instead of just little things,

19:18

you know, the way they are like in

19:21

the normal week where I'm just, Oh, you

19:23

know, everything is so beautiful and we have

19:25

so many blessings and it's

19:27

like life is great. And then these

19:30

little setbacks happen all the time, but you gotta think of

19:32

it's life. When I end

19:34

up in this hole, all of a sudden it's

19:36

like, it's reverse, it reverses.

19:39

It feels like everything is terrible. Everything

19:41

is the end of the world,

19:44

but there's like little glimpses of good,

19:46

right? And it's so bizarre because my life

19:48

is the same and it's yeah,

19:52

that dark place

19:54

that my mind

19:56

can go to, it turns

19:59

really quickly. And even

20:01

though I know, because it happened when I was

20:03

already bleeding, it's like, I know this relates. I

20:06

know this connects. This makes sense.

20:08

It's not out of the blue. It's not because

20:10

something is terrible and wrong. You

20:13

know, it's like, this is where I

20:15

am. It's just part of how I feel once

20:17

a month. But it doesn't really

20:19

help knowing that.

20:22

And I do feel a difference, like

20:24

before I changed my diet and I

20:26

changed my lifestyle and all

20:28

of the things. I used to feel way more fatigued

20:30

when I was on my period. And I used to

20:33

feel like that pit of anxiety

20:35

was to last a longer time. Now it's like

20:37

a day or two kind of, or over the

20:39

past, yeah, the past two cycles that I've had

20:41

anyway, it's been like that. But

20:45

it's also, you know, not to forget that

20:47

there is an actual active

20:49

genocide happening in

20:53

this world that we are

20:55

reading about and watching on

20:57

the news every day. And

21:01

I really think for anyone, for all

21:03

of us to take in that

21:05

knowing, to walk around just

21:07

knowing that there is active, willing

21:11

slaughter of human beings, of

21:14

women and babies and civilian

21:16

and good people

21:19

and men, like let's not forget about the

21:21

men, just the dads and the

21:23

regular human beings of this world who are not,

21:26

who didn't enlist to go to war. That

21:30

is unfolding every day. And

21:33

where we are now with what is happening

21:35

in Zafar, it really, really, really,

21:37

really it

21:40

feels so intentional now to

21:42

gather a whole population of people in

21:45

a safe zone and then demolish

21:48

it and have the whole entire world look

21:50

on. Yeah, it's really reminiscent

21:52

to something else. You know, it's like we've seen

21:55

this before. And

21:57

knowing this, and I know there's, yeah,

21:59

I haven't I had a lot of these

22:01

conversations here on the pod because I'm sitting here by

22:03

myself just sharing what's

22:05

on my heart and on my mind. And I am

22:08

of course no expert in any of this. And

22:11

anytime you open your mouth to say anything, there's

22:13

going to be a hundred different opinions and why

22:15

that's wrong and why that's uneducated

22:17

and what about this side of things. And

22:19

it's like, I think we're just

22:21

at a place now where if

22:24

you're not seeing what's unfolding,

22:27

if you're justifying what's unfolding

22:29

by saying, but what about,

22:33

you're intentionally closing your eyes to it. It's

22:35

not just you're not seeing the

22:37

other side of the story or not

22:39

understanding or having a different background that

22:41

led you to believe something. It's like

22:43

if you're not acknowledging this, if you

22:45

can't see it, it's because you're choosing

22:47

to close your eyes. You're making an active

22:50

choice to not care. And

22:54

it's beyond fucked up. It's beyond.

22:58

And it really feels like probably

23:02

this is because I'm

23:04

speaking from a darker mindset this

23:07

week, but it feels like we have crossed

23:09

the barrier. We've reached a point of no

23:12

return on this

23:15

earth. Genuinely

23:19

if you look around, does it feel like things are getting

23:21

better in any area

23:23

or does it feel like we're just slowly

23:26

descending as humanity?

23:29

We're just slowly losing sight

23:33

of everything that's important, of

23:35

everything that's real. I

23:38

don't know. I just, like we

23:40

are living in an age where we have

23:43

more access to information and technology

23:45

than ever before. And

23:48

you can wrap your mind around World

23:52

War II and the

23:54

Holocaust and somehow,

23:56

even though it's absolutely incomprehensible,

23:58

it's also like but most people

24:00

didn't know what was happening until it

24:02

was too late. Like

24:05

that's what you hear all the time. And

24:07

it's like, yeah, well, there wasn't TV, there

24:09

wasn't the internet. There wasn't, there

24:11

wasn't this access to information the way

24:13

we have it now. It would take so long

24:16

for information to reach people. And then

24:18

it was filtered through really poor quality

24:20

radio or newspapers, you

24:22

know, that were really limited in their

24:24

reach. It's like a whole different, like

24:26

a different planet back then. And

24:29

now we're living in this, in this

24:31

age where every single thing that happens,

24:34

it unfolds in front of our very

24:36

eyes in live, real time.

24:40

So how, how

24:43

can we be so blind? How can

24:46

we allow it to happen? Cause we are not

24:49

saying it's you and me, it's our fault. Like

24:52

we're, we're doing this, it's not our

24:54

doing, but as humanity, as a people

24:57

who live on this earth, like

24:59

we're allowing atrocity after atrocity to

25:02

just happen to

25:04

innocent people, to nature. I

25:08

mean, it's yeah,

25:11

when you look at it from that standpoint,

25:13

it really feels like we're

25:16

living in some real dark ages. We,

25:18

we really are. And I

25:21

felt it was so dystopian,

25:23

you know, to, to

25:25

sit here, some sitting here on my phone

25:28

and I'm getting image after image. It's like a,

25:30

it was like a mix of every other image

25:32

on my screen and my feed was

25:35

either the Met Gala, which

25:37

felt so dystopian, just these

25:39

mega celebrities who

25:42

have so much, like it's

25:44

just, it's so much

25:47

money and wealth and power wrapped

25:49

up in this super

25:51

elite. And

25:53

they're posing on this carpet for

25:55

the cameras in ways, you know,

25:57

that just, it felt so. Like

26:00

what are we watching here? And I get it. Yes art

26:03

super important fashion really amazing There's

26:05

of course like goodness in art

26:07

and all forms of art. But

26:09

come on We're

26:11

looking at like size 0 Botox

26:16

people who've had surgery and who have

26:18

access to every single thing

26:20

they need to look as young

26:23

and as Uniform

26:26

as possible like you don't see a single

26:28

wrinkle in that whole entire event like everyone

26:30

is just squeezing themselves

26:32

forcing themselves into this mold

26:35

of being thin

26:37

and not aging and being beautiful

26:39

in the eyes of What

26:41

society has decided is beautiful and what they

26:43

decide together with the media is beautiful and

26:45

we're looking at that It's like this is

26:48

something to mimic Right, like

26:50

this is the height of success. This is

26:52

the height This is the epitome of everything

26:54

that we should want right? It's this wealth

26:56

and this fame and this beauty and this

26:59

being looked at and being adored and it

27:01

and then at the same time It's like hey,

27:04

these people are are dying and It's

27:07

happening by will it's not a natural

27:09

disaster that we're watching Having

27:12

unfold and it's like oh who knows who's to

27:14

blame even though we know we are to blame for

27:16

most things every

27:18

flood every Drought every

27:20

whatever thing happens like oh, you know,

27:23

it's nature It's whether even even if

27:25

we have a hand in it or not, but

27:27

this is like it's it's willingly

27:29

happen happening It's funded by major

27:31

governments. It's it's someone

27:33

is calling the shots here and deciding

27:36

that this genocide should take place And

27:39

we're all watching the Met. We're

27:41

all watching Fucking

27:44

celebrities like I I know I sound very

27:46

cynical and very negative but I I It

27:50

is the most dystopian shit it

27:53

is Is

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29:25

What's happening in Gaza? It's

29:27

going to look dystopian no matter

29:29

what you do. If it's like you're

29:32

taking a walk in nature, having a peaceful time or you're

29:34

on your yoga mat or like you, you're in the bath

29:37

now. Like that looks dystopian. If

29:40

you put it against these people

29:42

who are refugees and

29:45

forced to flee to a so-called safe

29:47

space and are now being murdered in

29:49

front of the whole world looking on.

29:52

And it's like, yeah, that is true. Like everything that

29:54

is safe and good and normal in

29:57

contrast to this genocide

29:59

is. that looks dystopian, looks fucked up.

30:01

It's true. But me

30:04

lying in the bath isn't

30:06

distracting the majority of

30:08

the public eye from the genocide happening, which

30:10

is what the celebrity

30:12

world does and

30:14

what something like the Met Gala does. Especially

30:17

like that could be an amazing

30:19

opportunity to speak, to

30:22

take a stand, to do

30:24

something, right? Like everyone's watching. And

30:28

when you look at the millions,

30:30

the billions of dollars involved, that

30:32

is not the same as me taking a bath. Like

30:35

you or me or anyone listening or anyone

30:37

just trying to live a regular life, anyone

30:40

of us doing what we need to do

30:42

to regulate our nervous system as this unfolds

30:45

is not a bad thing to do. And it's

30:48

not something that either we should feel guilty about

30:50

or bad about, although I know we all are.

30:52

It's just not unless you're

30:55

ignoring it unless you're putting your head in

30:57

the sand and choosing not to give a

30:59

shit. It's like we somehow have to go

31:01

on and do what we need to do

31:03

to take care of ourselves and our families

31:05

and feed our babies and do the thing

31:07

so that we can go on like that

31:09

in and of itself is not a

31:12

bad thing. It's actually, it's like

31:14

we have to. We have to. And can

31:18

you take

31:21

that bath or go for that walk or take that yoga

31:23

class and then keep watching, right?

31:25

And keep talking about

31:27

it and keep being outraged and keep protesting.

31:29

This whole week

31:33

I felt like fuck, I haven't been to a single

31:35

protest and I've had this excuse like I'm,

31:39

hey, I live far away. There's nothing happening

31:41

in my area. I have bear. I couldn't

31:44

bring bear to a protest. I couldn't, you know, I should

31:46

be. Yeah. But Hey, I have friends just

31:50

fucking were fucking marching every time

31:52

every day. And I'm

31:55

not there. And I really think each of us could

31:57

be there. doing

32:00

more. I could be doing

32:02

more. I should be doing more.

32:04

And I've shied

32:06

away from talking about it too much. Like I

32:08

share, I go through cycles where

32:10

I listen a lot and I take in

32:13

a lot of information and I'm there and

32:15

I really feel like I can stand in

32:17

this and know that this

32:20

is unfolding and I can cope with that and I

32:22

can share what I see. Like I come across something

32:24

and I just share it online.

32:27

That's like the bare minimum. You

32:29

know, there's not some amazing great feat to

32:31

like press a button on

32:33

your stupid screen to share something that's

32:35

unfolding and happening in real people's lives.

32:38

Not that far away, but

32:40

somehow, I don't

32:43

know, I've felt really burnt out from

32:45

the like fights and the

32:47

comment sections and the DMs

32:49

and you know, somehow

32:52

that criticizing a

32:56

political decision made by

32:58

government, like criticizing a

33:00

government, like that's the same thing as

33:02

somehow criticizing a religious

33:05

belief. Like those are two separate, like

33:07

they don't align at all, but

33:09

it's sort of become this thing now where if

33:11

you say, Hey, I'm against this genocide.

33:13

I'm against what the Israeli

33:16

government is doing to these

33:18

displaced people to some of

33:20

the most marginalized people in the world.

33:22

I am against that. I don't

33:24

want that to happen. Oh, but then

33:26

you're anti-Semitic. It's like,

33:29

oh, haven't we come

33:31

further than that? Like, is

33:33

that the argument really? It's

33:35

just, yeah, and after

33:38

a while, it's really tiring to hear

33:40

that when these things are just

33:42

completely separate and

33:45

it's actually, I think it's shameful

33:47

to use anti-Semitism to

33:49

justify a genocide. Like, are you kidding? No, no.

33:53

And there are many, many, many

33:55

good solid humans out there who

33:58

are so, so

34:00

against anti-Semitism, who want the safety

34:02

of every Jewish person in this

34:04

world, who read

34:07

and know a lot about the Holocaust,

34:09

and who really care, and who have

34:11

friends with that faith, and who have

34:13

that faith themselves, who are

34:16

so appalled and so absolutely

34:18

against the killing of these

34:20

innocent people. And

34:22

I would love to say that that's most of us, but even

34:24

though it feels like most of us, it's not stopping.

34:27

And it's continuing

34:29

to be funded by the US government, and

34:31

it's like that's a

34:34

lot of you listening, that's your taxes, that's your money,

34:36

you know? You're working really

34:38

hard to make a difference

34:41

for your community, and at the end

34:43

of the day, that's where your tax

34:45

dollars go. Like, I get the outrage

34:47

happening. There should be more. There

34:49

is more, and we're not seeing everything that's out there,

34:51

but I don't know.

34:53

I really feel like in the

34:56

past few months, I go

34:59

between centering myself in my little

35:01

bubble, where I look

35:04

out at the world and it's like, it's a scary place.

35:08

It really is. And I think

35:10

of that from every angle. It's scary how

35:13

little forest we have left. I

35:16

think about that every single day of my existence.

35:19

In Sweden, we pride ourselves of

35:21

being a country of forest. Like, we have no

35:23

forest left. We have plantations of trees. The

35:26

real forests are all gone. They're gone. But

35:30

right where I live, like if I look at the window

35:32

now, there's like some beautiful trees there behind

35:34

our barn, and it's like, hey, well, I can

35:37

tend to this. I can tend to this

35:39

land. I bought

35:41

60 trees and berry

35:44

bushes at the garden, one

35:46

of these garden, little garden stores that I love.

35:48

It's like, hey, I'm going to plant, I'm planting

35:51

now 25 new trees here

35:53

on the land. And

35:55

I'm just going to continue to plant. I'm just going

35:57

to continue to grow things. to

36:00

this space that I can tend to, right? And

36:02

then I don't think that

36:04

much about the deforestation happening and how

36:06

we're actually ripping the lungs of

36:09

the earth out of the soil at a

36:12

rate that we could never ever, ever repair.

36:15

Not while humanity still

36:17

exists anyway, like it's just I

36:20

can't think about that too much. You know, I just,

36:22

okay, I focus on planting

36:24

trees where I am. And sometimes that

36:26

feels like the healthy thing to do. If you

36:29

think if you care about the forest,

36:33

everybody should care about the forest. I mean, if you

36:35

care about breathing, you should care about the forests of

36:37

the world. It's like if you

36:39

if you care, you should you should know you

36:41

should take in all the information, you should learn

36:43

what's happening here, where you live,

36:45

wherever that is in your local area, you should

36:48

learn about what's happening in Sweden, and what's happening

36:50

in Canada, and what's happening in the Amazon and Brazil

36:52

and what's happening, you know, all across. But

36:56

then I'm like, Hmm, I can't really exist

36:58

in that space. I can't move

37:00

through my day today and actively think

37:02

about how that

37:04

is happening, how people are

37:07

choosing profit over life every day,

37:09

every second of every day, how literally

37:11

capitalism is tearing our whole world apart.

37:13

Like I cannot think about that. So

37:16

then I just, I focus all

37:18

of my attention inward, and

37:20

to myself and my family, and this

37:22

area and this land, and I just

37:25

go about growing things and I go

37:27

about planting trees. And I do that

37:29

for a while and I feel and

37:31

I feel okay, I feel good, I

37:33

feel better. And then something comes up, you

37:35

know, and my attention goes back out there. And

37:37

it's like, it's too much. So

37:39

there's this oscillating sort of

37:42

happening between just seeing

37:45

my own two feet, and

37:47

then taking a step back and zooming

37:49

out at the world and then getting

37:51

immediately inundated with a sense of very

37:54

real panic. And

37:56

then it's like, hey, let's go back, come back, I look

37:58

back at my feet and I look back. back at the

38:00

earth here and I look back at the

38:03

beauty that exists and the fact

38:05

that there is so much good and all the stuff.

38:07

But it's sort of becoming

38:09

too big. The madness now, it's

38:15

getting harder and harder to have

38:19

that pendulum switch, I guess. This

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38:59

I'm using the forest just as an example because

39:01

it's something I'm very passionate about.

39:03

And it's also much easier to,

39:06

it's easier to digest the

39:09

grief of what we're

39:11

doing to trees than it is to digest the grief

39:13

of what we're doing to babies. I

39:19

can't put that grief

39:22

into words and still speak. But

39:29

we know. We know

39:31

the real victims of this genocide are

39:33

the children. And

39:38

I read

39:42

this past week about

39:44

the mass graves that

39:47

they continue to uncover.

39:50

And I read about a dad who

39:54

pulled his child from a grave and

39:56

he said, it felt

39:59

like I was pulling my own heart out

40:02

of the earth." I

40:05

think about that quote all

40:08

day, every day. I

40:11

mean can you imagine pulling

40:13

your baby, pulling your little one

40:15

from a grave,

40:19

like pulling your own heart out

40:21

of the earth. It

40:24

is maybe that's why, maybe that's

40:28

why we have

40:31

to oscillate, we have to

40:33

shift from taking in

40:37

the grief and the pain and the madness and

40:40

then getting really stuck in our own bubbles

40:42

and not talking about it at all because

40:44

it's too overwhelming

40:46

to hold, it's

40:49

too overwhelming to think about. I

40:53

think about that dad like

40:55

all the time. I think

40:58

about those parents all the time, I think about

41:00

those children all the time but

41:04

talking about it, this happens, right?

41:07

And then all of a sudden it's like, I don't

41:10

know, like it

41:14

becomes very challenging to continue

41:18

carrying a conversation or to continue caring

41:20

about your day but

41:22

then isn't that literally

41:24

our responsibility? Isn't that literally

41:27

our job? If

41:29

we are in a place where we are safe and

41:31

whole, we are

41:34

picking up our children from their cribs

41:36

and from bed and from the kitchen

41:38

floor to hold them in our arms

41:40

and play and eat and you

41:43

know we're not picking up our children

41:45

from graves, isn't it our job? To

41:48

hold that pain then and

41:51

to keep listening and to

41:53

keep reading and to keep being outraged

41:56

and to do something even

41:58

though none of us know what that is. something is

42:00

like we don't know. For

42:03

me that's something is just

42:05

having this conversation with you right now like

42:07

this is all I know what to do. We

42:10

can donate money yes continue doing that

42:12

keep sharing what you see yes continue

42:14

doing that sign the petitions do the

42:16

thing go to the

42:18

protests march like do all the things but

42:22

like what can we do and that

42:25

futile hopelessness of

42:29

knowing there's major powers

42:31

at play who don't

42:33

have people's interests

42:35

at heart who

42:37

don't have this planet in

42:40

their hearts who don't yeah

42:44

like where are we going and

42:47

maybe this is all maybe

42:49

this is all part of a

42:51

big shift happening you know

42:54

I think in the spiritual community you hear a

42:56

lot about about

42:59

change coming and dark

43:02

forces being exposed

43:04

and change happening

43:06

and maybe that is true you know

43:09

what if this is the last what

43:12

if this is the last we'll

43:14

see they'll never be

43:17

an injustice like this ever again this is

43:19

the one I just

43:22

from where I'm sitting now it doesn't feel that

43:24

way but

43:28

then again next week next

43:31

week will feel different for me because

43:33

I live here in the safe place

43:35

where I can plant trees and grow

43:37

my food and hug my

43:39

babies every day maybe next week we

43:42

talk about regular life things like yeah

43:45

going to the gym and making

43:48

herbal medicine and taking

43:51

care of our mental health and

43:53

all the things that are really important

43:55

to this life There

44:00

are people now. So many people

44:02

who live a completely different reality.

44:06

And I just. I.

44:08

Wish I had the answer. of how how

44:10

to make things They really did. I really

44:12

do like a new something a had of

44:15

recipe for. Here is what we do now.

44:19

And I guess. All

44:22

I can do is this for know.

44:26

To. Talk. And

44:28

share my feelings as

44:30

they come and. Hope

44:34

that by listening to this

44:37

podcast you. Feel

44:39

something to. Maybe

44:41

we all live with our hearts a little

44:43

bit more in our sleeves, not just for

44:45

the pain that we experience and our own

44:48

life, but for. What

44:50

is happening to real people in the

44:52

world? And though we

44:54

don't know them and even though it feels

44:56

far away and even though are so many

44:58

even those. And it's also

45:00

like. Cats.

45:04

Are all our children? We

45:06

know that. We know

45:08

that these are all. Our

45:10

children. And

45:13

maybe we are going to seal

45:16

this. Low

45:18

level of back where of things Id.

45:21

For as long as this continues. P.

45:24

The it's part of just being a a

45:26

person in the world today that we. Feel

45:30

a little bit anxious? All the time.

45:32

or a little bit depressed a

45:34

whole the time. Or a little

45:36

bit like something's not right said

45:38

the length of so so so

45:40

many of us like something's not

45:42

right. Maybe that's because something is

45:44

not right through something. That's wrong.

45:49

So that's so wonderful to spend

45:51

some time thinking about what could

45:53

be how beautiful the slave could

45:55

be for all of us. Helmets

45:59

Abundance. Are actually

46:01

gives them the capacity

46:03

that human beings have

46:05

for compassion and peace

46:08

and joy and palais

46:10

him he know this

46:12

utopia that absolutely is

46:15

possible. Could. Be. That.

46:18

Not as some of us have. A good

46:20

life, but that all of us have

46:22

a good place like that's that's not

46:24

an impossibility. Like we

46:26

don't have to, will have to have the world

46:28

look the way it. Does. It'll.

46:31

Have to have steam thousand

46:33

children. The high. While.

46:36

We look at Botox. People walking down

46:38

a runway are like a red carpet.

46:41

Like what? What? We do It. Seriously.

46:45

What are we doing? What are we wasting time with?

46:49

Him. Thank you for

46:51

listening. To

46:54

this podcast. About place and

46:56

mice. And inside. One

47:01

of fucked up. For.

47:04

I am going to

47:06

spend some time to

47:08

regulate a nervous system

47:10

today. The

47:13

i'm on a close With that they want

47:15

a close match us something that we can

47:17

do a remembering that that that's the first

47:20

up. There's. Nothing that said, Com

47:22

before a home before regularly

47:24

the herself nothing not helping

47:26

our kids regulating our kids

47:28

like we can't do that

47:30

with where this regulated for

47:32

regulating or cells is one.

47:35

And however you'd to that whatever

47:37

works for us. It's a bath

47:39

or a sits raids, running of

47:42

the treadmill, or picking up a

47:44

front of the phone to call

47:46

a friend or. Going

47:49

for a dip in the league or

47:51

body of water? or rolling out your

47:53

yoga mat or putting your hands and

47:56

the soil, planting some seeds like whatever

47:58

regulates you'd do it. Not

48:00

just your birth to to

48:02

take care of yourself to

48:05

responsibility. If you can

48:07

see get to do it. says.

48:10

To settle the mind, the

48:12

heart, the body, Them

48:15

from the air. The

48:18

next right thing. Look. At

48:22

the wisdom I have for today.

48:24

Regulate and then you'll know that

48:27

next. Great Thanks. So

48:30

thanks for listening! I love you!

48:33

Can. Thank

48:38

you so much for listening to this

48:40

week's episode. If. You enjoy the show, make

48:43

sure you listen, rate review and follow all

48:45

episodes of From the Heart for the Way

48:47

to Pretend This was a presentation of Kittens

48:49

Thirteen. Studio and of few next week.