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4:27

yourself out there, allowing yourself

4:29

to be vulnerable enough to be hurt.

4:32

And that is difficult in anything

4:34

that you do, whether

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it's applying for a job, whether it's meeting

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new friends, and especially when it comes

4:41

to opening up your heart to another person,

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because the closer you get to somebody,

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the more, the five,

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four, three, two, one. What's

4:50

up, everybody? Welcome to another

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episode of the Genius

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Brain Podcast, solo edition.

4:58

Now, this is always going to be weird

5:00

for me doing a podcast. Talking

5:03

to myself in a camera, by the way,

5:05

is always going to be awkward. And

5:08

it's funny because I actually started my

5:10

content creation as a

5:12

guy sitting in his room, talking to

5:14

himself and screaming at a camera. And

5:18

doing these solo podcasts, it seems like everybody

5:21

liked it a lot last time just because

5:23

it feels a little more intimate and

5:26

it honestly feels a lot more personal. And

5:28

I do understand that that feels great. It's

5:30

just that for me on a podcast sense,

5:32

it's sometimes better for me to bounce ideas

5:34

off of somebody else. But on

5:39

Instagram a while back, I did this brand

5:41

deal with a dating company. They haven't paid

5:43

me yet, so I'm not saying their name

5:45

right now. But with

5:49

that being said, I kind of gave a

5:51

small snippet into this little podcast style video

5:53

where I was talking about kind

5:56

of the importance of dating. And I know when you guys

5:58

see a lot of influencers who do brand deals, deals,

6:00

it comes off very disingenuous because obviously we're

6:03

trying to get our bag and we appreciate

6:05

that a lot of you understand that we're

6:07

trying to get our bag so you're not

6:09

going to be too particular about what we're

6:12

saying but there are products for me specifically

6:14

as an influencer myself that

6:18

I do like

6:20

to endorse things that I would actually use in my

6:22

life and specifically when it comes

6:24

to dating. I've

6:27

been together with my lady now for 9 years

6:29

so I don't have to worry about these things and honestly

6:31

if you ask me right now what it would be like

6:34

if I got back in the dating scene, I

6:36

wouldn't be able to tell you. I

6:38

actually wouldn't know how to date anybody.

6:40

The idea of dating for me, it

6:43

was very scary when I

6:45

first started dating and

6:47

the reason why was because I think as a

6:49

young person, especially as a young man, our egos

6:52

are so fucking big,

6:54

we can't even fathom the idea

6:56

that somebody out there would reject

6:58

us and I know that sounds

7:01

ridiculous but even if you don't explicitly say

7:03

it, that is essentially

7:05

what you're doing when you're afraid of being

7:07

rejected. You don't want to know what

7:09

it feels like for somebody to look at you and say, hey,

7:12

either I'm not attracted to you, you're not the one

7:14

for me or I just

7:16

don't feel you and having those feelings

7:18

or those words even said to you even without

7:20

it being said hurts a lot and as a

7:23

young person, especially as a guy, our ego kind

7:25

of gets in the way and for

7:27

us to kind of face rejection is a

7:29

hard pill to swallow. When

7:31

I was younger, I

7:33

had this idea of what

7:37

dating was like and honestly

7:39

what happened was that I kind

7:42

of got fucked up by my peers and

7:45

I wonder if that happened to you or is happening

7:47

to you where you kind

7:49

of look at these guys where you have these conversations with

7:51

your boys and if you're a woman out there who's listening

7:53

to this or a young lady, guys

7:56

do this thing where we kind of, we

7:58

only talk about our victories and we don't talk about

8:00

the things that make us vulnerable. And this happens

8:02

later on in life. I'm talking about young men.

8:04

So when we talk about women or the women that

8:06

we're talking to, we have this specific

8:08

type of vernacular. We go, oh, yo, you see that

8:11

girl? Yo, that girl, she fucking wants me. Yeah,

8:13

man, that bitch over there. Yeah, she fucking, she's failing me.

8:16

And really, what

8:18

happens is like, especially to a young impressionable

8:20

person, a young impressionable boy, we

8:23

start to think that as a

8:25

guy, when you approach a woman, that

8:28

every time you come up to them, it should be a success, it should

8:30

be a hit. Like if I'm at a club

8:32

and I'm about to talk to a girl and I'm

8:34

walking up to her, she

8:36

should reciprocate back how I feel. And

8:39

that's rarely ever the case. And you know, and

8:41

if it's a case for certain guys out there,

8:43

well, fucking good for you, bitch. Like

8:45

you're that hot guy that gets all the women to

8:47

say yes. And I, as a

8:49

young person, was not used

8:52

to rejection. And so because

8:54

I didn't expect rejection to happen or I didn't

8:56

want to experience it, I kind of

8:58

chose not to put

9:00

myself out there, especially in high

9:02

school. Like I was the high school kid that

9:05

fell in love super hard. Like

9:08

the person that I was going to be with or the

9:10

person that I ended up being with was

9:12

supposed to be the one that I was going to marry. And

9:14

once again, I was a very religious kid. So

9:16

being in a relationship with somebody was something that

9:18

was very sacred. And if you were to kiss

9:21

somebody, if you were gonna have sex with them,

9:23

it was like, oh, maybe eventually we might get

9:25

married. And all I could picture in my life

9:27

as a young person was this whole white

9:29

picket fence. So before I even met this girl,

9:32

I had already imagined what my life was going to be

9:34

like with her, even though I don't know who the fuck

9:37

this woman is. Now, some people

9:39

might say like, okay, well, you're just envisioning the life

9:41

that you want. But for me, I was actually kind

9:43

of setting myself up for failure.

9:45

And this is where it kind of

9:47

coincides with the idea of

9:50

where I'm talking about how dating is so

9:52

important. The reason why dating

9:54

is important, is not so

9:56

you can get your dick wet, all right?

9:58

Or your, what's the, your, your pussy. I

10:01

don't know what the woman equivalent is,

10:03

but the reason why dating

10:05

is so important is because you will find

10:07

out that you are actually finding

10:09

more about yourself than you are about the person

10:11

that you're going to be with or the person

10:13

that you're dating. And if

10:16

I were to explain that is because from

10:19

my perspective and my view as

10:21

a young person who was dating was I

10:23

thought that I knew exactly what I wanted

10:25

from a partner before

10:27

I had the experience of dating before

10:30

I got to actually meet them. And

10:33

I was thoroughly surprised to find out that

10:35

certain things that I thought that was very

10:37

important to me in this fairy tale idea

10:39

of a relationship wasn't that important. And there

10:41

were things out there in this partner who

10:43

I thought that was perfect for me. It

10:45

wasn't there because I had no idea what

10:47

I wanted in somebody because I never met

10:49

the person that I thought that was what

10:51

was meant for me. And

10:54

how do you do that? You do that by dating.

10:57

Somebody for some fucking reason thinks

11:01

that they're this perfect human being and

11:05

so they expect perfection out of the other person that

11:07

they're with knowing that they're a flawed person. Like

11:12

how often have we looked

11:14

at the partner that we're with and we

11:16

say this person should have these qualities in

11:18

them because this is what I value. But

11:21

when you look at the checklist that they

11:23

put for themselves, they lack these qualities as

11:25

well. They expect something out of our

11:27

partners but we don't expect that out of ourselves. And

11:29

so what happened is what happened for me. Let me just talk about

11:32

what happened for me when I started dating. I

11:35

thought I wanted a specific woman. And

11:37

when I started dating, I found out that there were certain

11:39

things that I, number one, didn't

11:42

realize was important for me in a relationship.

11:46

And I never would have figured out if I didn't date

11:48

more. I didn't put myself out there. Surprisingly

11:51

for me, one of the things

11:53

that I found that that was very important was actually language

11:55

and culture. Growing

11:57

up, I didn't date.

12:01

within my ethnicity, right?

12:04

I never really dated Korean girls until

12:06

I moved to LA. I started

12:09

dating Korean women because, well, there's obviously there's a

12:11

lot more Korean people here, but it didn't come

12:13

to mind. I actually didn't find Korean women attractive

12:15

and I think the reason why is because it

12:17

was a little too close to home. I

12:20

grew up with a very strong-headed Korean woman so

12:23

I'm equating other Korean women to be

12:25

like her, which is something that I didn't want and

12:28

I specifically for some reason only dated like

12:30

Vietnamese girls. Not only I

12:32

dated other ethnicities as well, but mainly Vietnamese girls

12:35

like the bigger the eyelashes, if you could

12:37

flutter those things and fly away, I was

12:39

like, ha, that's my lady, but I

12:43

found out later on how important language was

12:45

when I started dating, I started bringing these women

12:47

around to my mother and they couldn't

12:50

communicate with her and I know a lot of people

12:52

out there will say things like, well,

12:56

I know plenty of people who have ended

12:58

up in a relationship or

13:01

even married somebody who was outside of their

13:03

ethnicity, who didn't know their language, but

13:05

they got to learn their culture and the

13:07

nuances about it and they're perfectly fine and

13:09

guess what? I a hundred percent agree. You

13:11

are completely right. I've seen it too in

13:14

my personal life. My cousin

13:16

married a girl who's not Korean and she's

13:18

fucking amazing. She's one of the best people

13:20

I've ever met in my life, but

13:23

here's the thing though. There

13:27

are things that you can't communicate

13:29

unless you know the language and

13:32

that's a period and the story for me. As

13:35

much as my cousin would

13:38

like for him to be, let's say my cousin,

13:40

I don't know, wants the

13:43

relationship between his wife and his mother to

13:45

be super close. Well, outside of are you

13:47

hungry? Did you

13:49

eat yet? How are you? Is

13:52

this okay? That's

13:55

as far as their conversation goes. She

13:59

will We'll never get to know her

14:02

thoughts, her personal feelings,

14:05

how she feels outside of assumptions and what she

14:07

tells her. We'll never get to hear

14:09

her personal stories. We'll never get to hear how she

14:11

got to America, why she is the way that she

14:13

is, if they argue,

14:15

if they have disputes, there's no way for them to

14:18

kind of figure each other out. And

14:22

this is basically where the relationship ends. It's

14:24

like, oh, my daughter-in-law is very sweet. Oh,

14:26

my mother-in-law cares for me. And

14:29

that's it. And maybe for certain people, that's all

14:31

that you need. For me, that wasn't enough. What

14:34

I found out through dating other people is that

14:36

when there was a language barrier between my mom

14:38

and the women that I was bringing into in

14:40

my life that I wanted to bring

14:43

to my mother, was that the only thing

14:45

my mom could do was smile. They

14:47

couldn't talk about, like

14:50

I said, their personal thoughts and feelings. And

14:53

on top of that too, because my Korean

14:55

was so bad, I couldn't be the intermediate

14:57

in between them to help them communicate as

14:59

well. And I

15:01

didn't realize how important that was to me

15:03

as a person. And as somebody who's like,

15:05

for example, one of my pillars in

15:07

a strong relationship is family.

15:10

And a part of my family, obviously, is a family that

15:12

I grew up with, with a woman who gave birth to

15:14

me and my father who was around. So

15:16

if the language part wasn't there, their

15:19

level of communication and bonding kind of stops

15:21

at a certain point. I did

15:23

not realize how important that was until

15:26

I started dating. And

15:28

just to give you another story, there was a

15:30

girl that I dated and I spoke about this

15:32

on the podcast a while ago, but I'll just

15:34

talk about it again because we're having this conversation

15:36

was I dated

15:39

this girl who was Vietnamese, right? And

15:42

she, to me at the time, she was

15:44

perfect. We got along well. She

15:47

understood my sense of humor. You

15:50

know, everything else was great too.

15:52

You know what I'm saying? Everything

15:54

was great.

15:56

But at this point in my life, when

15:58

we were talking... I had

16:01

already gone through other relationships

16:03

where these women couldn't speak Korean,

16:06

right? I don't need the girl to be

16:08

Korean but one of the prerequisites

16:10

that I realized that was very important to me through

16:13

dating was the fact that I want them to be

16:15

able to communicate with my parents because I want them

16:17

to have a relationship

16:20

and as We started

16:22

dating we were getting very serious. We were very happy

16:24

with each other. I Brought

16:27

up the idea of hey, would you be willing

16:29

to learn how to speak Korean so? You

16:32

can communicate with my parents my

16:34

lovely genius brain farts. This podcast is brought

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18:12

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a-n-g-i.com. Genius Brain

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20:42

for her she

20:45

at first was kind

20:47

of i mean just to her credit right i

20:49

think she entertained the idea because she was thinking

20:51

about it but i don't think anybody that she's

20:53

dated before asked her ask something

20:55

this big of her right but i was very

20:57

serious with this girl i really really really liked

21:00

her and after

21:03

a while she kind of brushed it off a few times and

21:05

then i brought it up again and she straight up

21:08

told me you know what would you be willing to

21:10

learn vietnamese so you could speak to my parents and

21:13

i think it kind of threw her off and i said of course

21:16

a hundred percent of course i learned how to speak vietnamese

21:18

so i could speak to your parents like if you want

21:20

to take korean courses or or become involved

21:22

in in my culture of course i'll do it for

21:24

you which is why i know so many vietnamese things

21:26

like i was very serious about this relationship well it

21:28

turned out along the way she didn't want to do

21:30

it and this is the ultimate

21:32

reason why we broke up and

21:34

i think a

21:37

lot of people around me and even when

21:39

i told the story they're like well how could you let

21:41

go of a of a quote unquote perfect relationship just because

21:43

she can't talk to your mom i

21:45

just said one of the important pillars

21:47

in my life and what i

21:50

mean by pillars i don't know if i explained this i'll explain it

21:52

in a little bit is family

21:56

and family is more to me than just

21:58

being around their smiling and asking if you're

22:00

hungry or not, and then going into your room and doing

22:02

your own thing and just coming just for a hot meal.

22:04

That's not enough for me. For my

22:07

healthy family unit, joking,

22:09

laughing, communicating, all this stuff is super important

22:11

to me as a part of who I am.

22:14

And it's something that I want to build in my

22:17

family. And at the time, she didn't find it important.

22:19

So we ended up breaking up. So no, it's not

22:21

just, oh, she doesn't want to learn a language, so

22:23

just threw her aside. No, we went through a whole

22:25

conversation. We went through everything that she wasn't willing to

22:27

do something for me that was important for us to

22:29

stay together. And I understood that and I respected that.

22:31

Did it hurt? Of course it hurt. Man, I cried

22:34

like a little bitch. I cried

22:36

like a little bitch for that fucking

22:38

Vietnamese girl. I was like, I

22:40

did the whole thing. It hurt. Well,

22:44

later down along the line, so we

22:46

actually ended, I

22:48

didn't tell her this. And if you're listening to this, Vicki,

22:53

I fucking cried a lot. I cried

22:55

a lot. I really, really liked you. And

22:58

she and I, we kind of keep in contact now.

23:00

So check this out. Years

23:02

later, she ended up

23:05

getting married, right?

23:07

She ended up marrying a Vietnamese guy.

23:12

She messaged me on Facebook and

23:14

tells me like, hey, I just want to check out

23:16

how you're doing. We were chopping up and everything else,

23:18

but she wanted to get something off of her chest.

23:21

And she messaged me saying that she

23:23

married a guy, a

23:25

Vietnamese guy, and she herself can't

23:28

speak Vietnamese that well. But she could speak enough where she could communicate

23:30

to her parents. And her

23:32

parents could speak a little English here and there. Well,

23:34

the man that she married, his parents

23:36

don't speak any English at all.

23:39

And what she found out through marrying him,

23:41

and they're in a very loving relationship. They have kids,

23:43

they have children and everything like that. But

23:48

she said the moment that they got married and what

23:50

they were dating, and she was around his family a

23:52

lot, and a lot of his family, they all

23:54

speak Vietnamese pretty well, was that

23:56

she felt a huge gap and

23:58

a disconnect. with her now

24:02

new family, her family-in-law, and everybody else because

24:04

she couldn't speak the language. There are things

24:06

that she wanted to tell her mother-in-law. There

24:08

are things that she wanted to say to

24:10

her, whether it was kind, whether it was

24:12

setting boundaries. She couldn't do it because

24:14

she couldn't speak the language. So instead what she would

24:16

have to do is she had to talk to her

24:18

husband to talk to her mother-in-law

24:21

or to her father-in-law just

24:23

so she could bridge the

24:25

gap that they had between

24:28

them. And it was like that she said, it was

24:30

exhausting and she felt that sometimes

24:32

when it came to them

24:34

arguing or not seeing eye to eye,

24:36

she felt that if she could only speak the language,

24:38

she would be able to bridge that gap and they

24:40

would get along just a little bit better. I'm not

24:42

saying that they didn't get along because she said she

24:44

loved them, but there are things that

24:46

she wanted to communicate to them but she couldn't do

24:49

it because she always had to do it through her

24:51

husband. And this is what I mean. They're

24:55

perfectly fine around each other. They

24:57

love each other because they're married. Now

25:01

that she started this family unit, and family once

25:04

again, it's not just the unit that you have

25:06

here. It expands outside of that. She

25:09

realized how important it was to her as

25:11

a Vietnamese American, as somebody

25:13

whose family does speak Vietnamese, a family who

25:15

she married into a Vietnamese family for because

25:18

her culture is important to her, because

25:20

she chose not to learn the language, she

25:22

could not communicate with this family. Now,

25:26

for me it wasn't I told you so moment, but it was

25:28

very kind of her to mention that

25:30

to me and only reiterated how important it was for

25:32

me to be with somebody who understood my culture and

25:34

could speak the language. And that went for me too.

25:37

My relationship with my parents was

25:39

fucking terrible growing up. And I've talked

25:41

about it a lot in this podcast. When I was

25:43

a kid, my

25:46

dad and my mom, when I would get in trouble,

25:49

you could even ask my brother. They used to

25:51

yell at me and they used to get mad.

25:53

They used to get upset. And

25:55

so whenever I would get in trouble because they can't speak English,

25:58

they would scream at me in Korean. Here's

26:00

the thing, if I don't understand what the fuck

26:03

you're saying, it's just a bunch of words. It's

26:05

just, and that's really about it. And

26:09

so my dad would get so frustrated, he would look at

26:12

my brother, he would yell at my brother and tell my

26:14

brother to translate what he's saying over to me. And

26:16

then I would yell at my brother and my brother would have to translate what

26:19

I said over to my dad. And we never

26:21

ever really got to understand each other. Well, as an

26:23

adult, I kind of got fed up. And I know

26:25

this sounds terrible, right? But one of my biggest motivations

26:27

to learning Korean was so I could curse my parents

26:29

out. I know. It

26:32

sounds ridiculous and it sounds super

26:35

petty. But I did that

26:37

because I kind

26:39

of got tired of them telling me, you

26:43

don't understand how I feel or you don't

26:45

understand what I'm saying because you don't speak

26:47

Korean. And they would brush me off. They

26:49

would laugh at me. And he

26:52

used to infuriate me. It's

26:54

like, no, I understand generally what you're saying, but I don't know

26:56

how to tell them. I understand what you're saying and you're belittling

26:58

me. So

27:01

when I moved to L.A., I made it

27:03

a point to learn how to speak Korean

27:05

decently enough where I could actually fight back.

27:09

It sounds petty as fuck, but I'll tell you

27:11

this through all

27:13

this bullshit that we went through because

27:16

we fought so much. And by the way,

27:18

we started fighting for the next five

27:21

or six years on, just yelling at each other, going

27:23

back and forth. We

27:25

actually got to a point where we started to understand

27:27

each other because there were things that he

27:30

was yelling at me that I never understood before, that

27:32

I understood now. There were things that he was telling

27:34

about how he grew up and why the way that

27:36

he is. I never knew this stuff because I couldn't

27:38

understand the language. And

27:41

just to wrap back to what I was talking about before,

27:43

why dating is important. I

27:46

would have never figured out this part of

27:48

my life and how much

27:51

it weighed on my heart if I didn't go out there and date. I

27:54

thought I knew what

27:56

was important to me because In my stupid

27:58

little young head, I was like, I developed this

28:00

idea of what a topic relationship is, what a

28:02

perfect person was I didn't have, I didn't know

28:04

what any of that. Stuff was I only knew

28:07

the basis yes when we talk about this.

28:09

Idea of what a corner called Perfect partner

28:11

of his First, there's the basics. Yeah, I

28:14

wanted to be kind sweet, I wanted to

28:16

make decent money. I wanted to have goals.

28:18

All this other stuff is generic, but there's

28:20

the small little things as nuance with in

28:22

a relationship and think that you want from

28:24

apart but you didn't know you needed and

28:26

you don't know that until you experience other

28:28

people. Some people are very lucky. Some

28:31

people are lucky enough to meet that first

28:33

person that you're with and are willing to

28:35

fight. Do everything and you guys grow and

28:37

developed get up. I believe that a majority

28:39

of people aren't like that. I found out

28:42

what was important to me because I started

28:44

dating. Was

28:48

one of the biggest person is that I

28:50

have read. And.

28:54

Once you get to a point where you start dating

28:56

you find that person that you wanna stay with your

28:58

growth doesn't stop there. With

29:01

Mariel my wife I am finding out

29:03

new things about myself as I continue

29:05

to grow with their as I did

29:08

you have happy moments with as I

29:10

continued to fight with her I had

29:12

no idea. Here's a thing, you know

29:14

what? I saw that about myself a

29:16

few years back. I saw doubt that

29:18

I can't tell my wife as she

29:20

hurts my feelings sites all that shit

29:22

but I don't know what you're what

29:24

if I feel like a bitch I

29:27

have no idea why. it's as good

29:29

of a communicator that I am. For

29:31

some fucking reasons. When.

29:34

We have disputes when we're arguing with each

29:36

other and sometimes I try to break things

29:38

down to are logically and it doesn't work.

29:40

One of the things that I can just

29:42

see a look at the end of the

29:44

day. The. Way that you're speaking to

29:46

me is hurting me. It hurts

29:49

my feelings. Or

29:51

rather, shoot myself and addicted, Say that. Sucks.

29:55

I don't know of other guys field scout

29:57

feel this way but it goes back to

29:59

what I was talking about that the early

30:01

on a podcast is like guys had this

30:03

issue of being vulnerable because our ego was

30:05

in the way that when we tell this

30:07

woman hey my feelings are hurt I feel

30:09

like on the beta and the relationship and

30:11

is really not the case. It's

30:15

not. I don't know why I feel this

30:17

way by honestly feels because when I was

30:19

younger, it's been around a lot of men

30:21

who kind of exude this certain level of

30:23

machismo. They don't talk about being

30:25

vulnerable like they never talked about like opening up

30:27

to your partner tell him of a to hurt

30:29

your feelings team but you mister that you want

30:32

to be around the Beatles say that suits you

30:34

say like what? to me a mugger We was

30:36

for again last night. Ah no. And.

30:39

That's probably not what happened. But

30:41

because of that type of behavior, you end up

30:43

with these bad habits when you're in a relationship.

30:47

Dating is one of those things for you guys

30:49

were it's really a time for you to explore

30:51

yourself. Genius!

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33:44

to be vulnerable enough to be hurt.

33:47

And that is difficult in anything

33:49

that you do, whether

33:51

it's applying for a job, whether it's meeting

33:53

new friends, and especially when it comes to

33:56

opening up your heart to another person, because

33:58

the closer you get to somebody. the

34:00

more the the bigger the ability

34:02

that they have to hurt you and

34:05

when you open up yourself to

34:07

somebody else you want it

34:09

to be a positive reaction but the reality

34:11

is like you can't really control that and

34:13

that shouldn't stop you from meeting new people.

34:17

If I could implore you if I could give

34:19

you some advice right when

34:23

you go out there and you you put yourself out

34:25

there to meet somebody new expect

34:29

the basic things out of them right

34:31

like I said being kind finding out

34:33

what your pillars are okay let me

34:35

just break that down first before I

34:37

go ahead and start expanding

34:40

expanding expanding whatever the fuck I'm

34:42

tired I have certain

34:46

things that I have before I get with somebody or

34:48

before I started dating I have these things that are

34:50

pillars in my life what is something

34:52

in in my life that

34:55

cannot be moved that sets the foundation

34:57

of who I am these things cannot

34:59

be shaken these things cannot be moved

35:03

I focused on that first and

35:06

if these things are okay everything else is

35:08

a maybe things can be adjusted

35:10

things can be worked on things can be fought through and

35:12

things can can can

35:15

be figured out for

35:18

me my pillars family

35:21

communication and

35:25

religion those are the three big things

35:28

as long as those things are strong and

35:31

they have these similar pillars then

35:33

we should be okay everything else it's not that it

35:35

doesn't matter but we'll be able to figure it out

35:39

this is what I did in my life before I started dating

35:41

now when you start to go date these

35:43

are the basic stuff that you can have what

35:46

you don't know about are

35:48

the stupid little things like for example I

35:52

don't know in the most superficial sense

35:54

right some people might

35:56

say yo I need to grow who's like a bad

35:58

bitch that knows how to cook all this other stuff. You

36:00

might think that, right? But you might

36:02

meet somebody out there who

36:04

makes your heart flutter in a different way, that

36:06

makes you smile a different way. Then suddenly those

36:09

things that you thought was important, like

36:11

her knowing how to, I don't know, cook or

36:13

I don't know, be good with your friends all

36:15

the time, 24 seven, love going hiking

36:17

with you all the time. Those little

36:19

things you'll find out how they

36:22

can either be replaced with something else or it's not

36:25

as important to you because being with this person that

36:27

makes you happy weighs more than these

36:29

small little things that you thought were very significant

36:31

parts of your life. And

36:33

this is what I mean. You

36:35

only find that out through

36:37

dating. And I'm curious

36:40

to see for those people out there who

36:42

didn't date a lot and ended up being

36:44

with somebody, I feel like you guys also

36:46

had your dating experience within the one person

36:48

that you were with. You guys stuck it

36:50

out, you fought it out, you figured things

36:52

out and you continue to grow together, which

36:54

is a beautiful thing. And I will say

36:56

this about myself. You know, a lot of

36:58

the qualities that people you

37:00

know, may say from the outside that they like about

37:02

me, these aren't qualities

37:04

that I had my whole life. There

37:07

are things about me that I love now only

37:11

happened or I only have these traits

37:14

because of Mario. Crazy,

37:17

right? I

37:19

am more patient, I am more

37:21

kind, I am more

37:24

careful with my words, I

37:27

am a lot more empathetic because

37:30

of our

37:32

relationship. Within the nine years, all the

37:34

lessons that we had together allowed

37:37

me to be the person that I am now.

37:39

I give half of that credit

37:41

to her. And this

37:43

is also the growth part and this happened

37:45

during our dating process. We just happened to

37:47

work our differences out and we ended up

37:49

staying together. And I'm not saying once again

37:51

that we didn't have our dark times, you

37:53

know, before in our podcast, when I had

37:55

her on, I spoke to you

37:57

guys about during pandemic where she and I asked,

38:00

actually split up. I

38:02

don't write about the stuff on Instagram.

38:05

I don't talk about my super,

38:07

super deep personal stuff on

38:10

social media, but this was something that she was

38:12

willing to share. Mariel and I ended

38:15

up breaking up during the pandemic before

38:17

we got married. We

38:20

got to a point in our relationship where

38:25

it was bad. It

38:29

was bad romantically. It was bad

38:31

emotionally, and we got to

38:33

a point where essentially

38:38

I was lying in bed and we

38:42

were trying to be intimate with each other for

38:44

the past month and it just wasn't working and

38:47

we were laying in bed and I remember

38:49

I stopped and we actually had two separate

38:51

beds in the same room.

38:53

This is how bad it was and

38:55

I stopped and I remember I looked over

38:57

at her and I said, hey, to

39:00

be completely honest with you, if

39:07

I woke up tomorrow and you weren't here, I think

39:09

I'd be happier. And

39:15

I said it and when I

39:17

said it, I didn't feel bad. So

39:20

for me with our relationship,

39:22

I was pretty

39:24

much done. I didn't

39:27

want to be in the relationship anymore and

39:30

for her, she looked back at me and she said

39:32

the same thing and she

39:34

asked, well, what do we do from here? Not

39:37

to get into too much of the specifics, which I don't feel

39:39

like is information that you guys should be privy to, but

39:41

it got to the point where I felt like she was making me

39:43

unhappy and I was making her unhappy. She

39:46

wanted to, again,

39:49

she was like, look, I want to work on the things that

39:51

I feel like I should work on and you should work on

39:53

the things you should work on and

39:55

let's give this another go and

39:58

I honestly. didn't want to.

40:00

I told her that I'm actually checked out, like

40:03

I'm completely checked out. If you left tomorrow, I'd

40:05

be a lot happier and I don't care to give this

40:07

another go. And I meant it. But

40:10

she was the one that decided to fight for us. And

40:13

there was certain things about her that I really,

40:15

really disliked that I realized that I couldn't live

40:17

with. And she

40:20

decided to take it upon herself to

40:23

fix these issues that I had with

40:26

her. Because it got to the point for me

40:28

where I was like, okay, I've worked on myself

40:30

and I've been trying to work on myself. And

40:32

for the past year, I've been beating myself up

40:34

saying that I'm the problem in this relationship. I'm

40:36

the problem. And when I was talking to

40:38

my therapist, my therapist was like, why

40:41

is it that every time we have a session together, you're

40:45

the one going to therapy, you're the one seeking help. And

40:47

you keep saying, Hey, there's

40:50

something wrong with me. How do I fix this? How do

40:52

I fix this? How do I fix me so I could

40:54

fix this relationship? And he asked me, how

40:57

come you didn't ask that of your partner? What

40:59

is she working on to fix this? Is she

41:01

perfect? And are you completely flawed? Why is it that every time

41:03

we have these sessions, you're sitting

41:05

here trying to fix something

41:08

that the other person isn't willing to fix? And

41:11

it was honestly my fault because I never addressed this with

41:13

her. So long

41:15

story short with this is that she

41:18

decided to take the initiative and kind of fix

41:20

things that she had to fix on her part. And then we came

41:22

together and we went through couples counseling and we ended up finding

41:25

out that it

41:28

wasn't that I fell out of love. It was like

41:30

there was things that I needed her

41:32

to do on her part in order for us to stay

41:35

together. And if she wasn't willing to do it, then it

41:37

was time for me to leave. Well,

41:42

this is also stuff that I learned

41:44

through fighting within our relationship,

41:46

right? Which is stuff that you'll find out

41:48

during your dating process. You might be with somebody and

41:50

be in a relationship and you'll break up and then

41:52

you'll find out that you leveled up because there are

41:54

certain qualities in a person that you cannot stand and

41:56

you only found that out because you tried it out

41:58

with this person. And I read

42:01

this thing about, and one

42:03

of the bigger reasons why I wanted

42:05

to bring this up on this podcast is because

42:07

I read this post from Halle

42:09

Berry. And Halle Berry put up this

42:11

post and every fucking woman was chiming in, every guy

42:13

was chiming in, and she was basically saying like, in

42:17

short word form, it's like, expect

42:19

certain things out of your partner and if they

42:22

don't meet, if you don't

42:24

meet this person, just don't date at all. Like don't even

42:27

get with them if they don't meet up to

42:29

your expectations, which I think is the stupidest fucking

42:31

thing because the idea behind that is, is like

42:33

look at your fucking ego, who the fuck do

42:35

you think you are? Who

42:38

the fuck do you think you are? Who are

42:40

you to expect perfection out of somebody when you are

42:42

not perfectioning yourself? Do you have that same standard for

42:45

yourself? Do you not believe in growth? Do

42:47

you not believe, it's like, this person needs

42:49

to do, like the checklist that people have

42:51

for each other is fucking ridiculous. Have your

42:54

pillars, but know that other things can be

42:56

worked on. Or stay single for

42:58

the rest of your life. You

43:00

will find yourself being disappointed by everybody

43:02

around you because you expect perfection out

43:05

of everybody else when you don't expect

43:07

that of yourself. Who the

43:09

fuck do you think you are?

43:15

Have you no room for empathy? Have

43:17

you no room for forgiveness? Have you no room

43:20

for fucking growth? Because I had no idea that

43:22

when you shit a toilet, your shit don't stink.

43:24

Bitch, your shit stinks just like mine. You

43:28

and I both ate some fucking, I

43:31

don't know, some fucking East African food, a little

43:33

bit of Vietnamese food, and we do get the

43:35

same shit in the toilet. And guess what, yo,

43:37

shit stinks. Who

43:40

the fuck do you think you are? I'm

43:42

not telling you to lower your standards when

43:45

you're with somebody. I'm telling

43:47

you to reflect upon yourself that

43:49

before you set such a high

43:51

standard in another person, look at

43:53

yourself first. Fuck Halle Berry's

43:56

post. She does not know shit. What

43:58

the fuck do you know? So

44:02

many people love to give advice. So

44:04

many people love to tell people how to live this

44:06

perfect life when they haven't done it themselves. I

44:09

can't do that. I can only show

44:11

you my flaws. I can only show

44:13

you the mistakes that I've made. And

44:15

I can only give you a realistic

44:17

depiction of what it's like being a

44:19

human in this world. Dating is hard.

44:21

Relationships take time. But if you want

44:23

to be in a relationship, it's going

44:25

to take effort. And I guarantee you

44:27

when you find somebody who respects you,

44:29

respects who you are, your values, your

44:31

time, that they'll

44:34

be willing to apologize when they fuck up. You'll

44:36

be with somebody that'll help you grow. But that doesn't mean there's

44:38

not going to be some shit in between. What

44:40

fucking relationship, even with your friends, is like

44:43

that. You wouldn't even expect that

44:45

out of your best friend. You fight with your

44:47

best friends. You struggle with it, but you would

44:49

never throw them away. You would keep them

44:51

around because they better your life. You guys

44:53

have a synergistic relationship. So why the fuck

44:55

wouldn't you give that type of empathy and

44:57

the ability to grow to the part or the

44:59

person that you say you love that you're going

45:02

to be with for the rest of your life?

45:04

Who the fuck do you think you are? Who

45:10

do you think you are? Set

45:13

standards for yourself. Expect

45:16

yourself to be hurt. But

45:20

expect your sins to grow. Expect

45:22

yourself to know more about yourself. And

45:24

at the end of it, when you find that person

45:26

that really works for you after this whole dating game

45:29

is done, you will be so much happy because you're

45:31

going to find out that, yo, I'm leveling up this

45:33

person's life and she's leveling up mine or he's leveling

45:35

up mine, whichever the fuck that it is. Go

45:39

out there, my friend. Date a little bit. Find

45:41

out about yourself. And I guarantee you

45:44

along the way, you will find happiness

45:46

with the partner that you're with. I'm

45:48

not going to tell you what's going to be perfect. I'm

45:51

not going to tell you what's going to struggle. And if

45:53

you if you're telling yourself right now, like, well, why would

45:55

I want to be with somebody that makes me feel bad

45:57

or at all or

45:59

be with somebody? that makes it difficult? Because

46:02

no relationship is like that, sweetie.

46:05

No fucking relationship is perfect where you

46:07

guys never fight. And every person that

46:09

I met that said that I don't

46:12

fight with my partner has been a

46:14

fucking liar. Before

46:16

we end this podcast, I'll tell you this. There's

46:19

a person that I know every time I

46:21

met up with this stupid bitch. By the

46:23

way, she still thinks we're friends. She would always say, oh,

46:25

we're perfect. Oh my God, I don't remember the last time

46:27

we argued. I don't remember the last time we fight. Bitch,

46:30

I was your roommate. I lived with you.

46:32

I could hear you guys yelling through your

46:34

room. What the fuck are you talking about?

46:37

You're insane. Anybody

46:40

who tells you their relationship is perfect

46:42

and they don't fight, they're fucking lying.

46:45

They don't, they're lying. You

46:48

fight with your parents, you love them. You

46:50

fight with your friends, you love them. You wouldn't

46:52

throw them away, right? Get

46:55

your head out your ass. Respect yourself

46:58

by setting the right expectations out

47:01

of yourself and then you could expect those same things

47:03

from your partner. That's all

47:05

that it is. Well guys, that wraps

47:07

up this episode of the Genius Brain Podcast. Sorry, I

47:09

got a little heated right there towards the end. But

47:12

I just don't like it when people,

47:17

they're just hoity-toity about their standards. I just fucking hate

47:19

it. That's

47:23

really about it. Just who the fuck do you think you

47:25

are, man? We're all gonna grow, we're all gonna get better.

47:27

Find a person who wants to grow with you. Genius Brain

47:29

every Sunday's at 12 p.m. We will see you all. I

47:32

will see you next time. I will be

47:34

in the studio next time. I got four more sessions with the

47:36

studio that I'm booked with and after that, I'm pretty much done

47:38

with them. But Genius

47:40

Brain every Sunday's at 12 p.m. Secret

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