0:01

Welcome to Ghost of a Podcast. I'm

0:03

your host, Jessica Lignato. I'm an astrologer,

0:05

psychic medium, and animal communicator. And I'm

0:08

going to give you your weekly horoscope

0:10

and no bullshit mystical advice for living

0:12

your very best life. Stevie,

0:16

welcome to the podcast. What would

0:19

you like reading about? So

0:21

I'm just going to pull my question up.

0:23

So I had written

0:26

to you, hello, Jessica. Firstly, I'd like to

0:28

thank you for all you do. You're truly

0:30

an amazing force. My question is a tough

0:32

one for me. I've been struggling what I

0:34

call active functional addiction for 15 years. But

0:38

the problem is my issue has not brought me to

0:40

a rock bottom. In fact, I still

0:42

have a successful career, friends and family

0:44

that love me, but I just can't

0:46

seem to love myself. I'm so

0:48

terrified for when Jupiter enters my 12th house

0:51

that my issues with alcohol will expand and

0:53

ruin me. I understand you're

0:55

not a substance abuse counselor, but I can

0:57

help it think or even know that there's

0:59

placements in my church that make me

1:01

privy to this toxic behavior. I'm really tired

1:04

of self hatred and I'm ready to change.

1:07

I know I meant for more in this world. I

1:09

greatly appreciate your views on it. And

1:11

I said I trust and value your talents signed

1:13

a fellow Pluto Gen X or in Libra. There

1:16

you go. Okay, good. I love, I love to

1:18

hear the forgotten generation. Okay.

1:20

So first of all, good on

1:23

you for asking this question. And

1:25

I'm going to ask you a couple questions. But

1:28

I want to say Jupiter in the 12th house

1:31

and got nothing on the fact that Pluto's opposite

1:33

your ascendant right now in terms

1:35

of addiction. So we've got lots to talk about

1:37

in regards to this. And I want to just

1:39

validate this is the time you asked

1:41

the right question at the right time. It really

1:44

is your time. But let me just have

1:46

a bit of a better understanding. Do

1:48

you mind if I ask what your substance of choice

1:51

is? It's

1:53

alcohol, specifically beer. Okay.

1:55

And we're sharing that you

1:58

were born July, 1978. I

14:00

could say something, but I could

14:02

say that that's probably. He's just not

14:04

that ambitious, you know, when it comes

14:06

to like healing or self-help, you know,

14:09

that's just not where he's at. No,

14:11

no, no, I was being subtle. Yeah,

14:14

he's not. Here's

14:17

the thing. When you stop

14:19

drinking or even cut

14:21

down on drinking, you will

14:24

be sad. Sad,

14:26

sad, sad, sad, sad, sad. The

14:29

only reason why anyone does any

14:31

substance, alcohol, weed, meth, whatever, right,

14:33

is to change how you feel.

14:36

And you have been changing how you

14:38

feel for as long as I

14:40

can see. Like you started drinking young, eh? Oh

14:43

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

14:46

so you're not just sad about, you know,

14:48

whatever today. You've got like a backlog of

14:50

emotion that you haven't been processing. It

14:53

just goes all the way back, you know? I'm

14:56

sorry. And so this

14:58

is why people don't get sober, right?

15:02

Because it's so hard to feel feelings.

15:04

And on top of it, if people

15:06

know you as like chill and like

15:08

you go along to get along, you're

15:11

not going to be able to keep that up. I mean, to

15:14

be realistic. Yes. And this is

15:16

why you haven't made the change yet. Yes.

15:21

So do you have a therapist

15:23

or a doctor? I have a doctor, yes, like

15:25

a family practitioner. Have you ever talked to

15:27

them about your drinking? People

15:29

who drink don't drink that. I know. I have

15:32

a stupid question. I'm sorry. How many drinks

15:34

do you have a week? Let's cut that in half. And

15:36

you're still lying. Yeah. Anyway, no, but

15:38

she is. She's a good, she's cool. She's cool. Yeah.

15:42

Because

15:46

I'm going to just say, again, I am

15:48

not a doctor and nobody should ever take medical

15:50

advice from me. But I

15:52

will say, I'm curious

15:54

if talking to a doctor

15:57

wouldn't be the best move for you because it's not

15:59

just a matter of just talking to a doctor. It

16:01

might help you to have a very mild antidepressant

16:04

or something like that,

16:06

because not only do

16:08

I see this intense

16:11

backlog of sadness, but

16:14

also alcohol is a depressant and

16:16

you have been ingesting a depressant

16:18

for decades, like routinely for decades.

16:21

And I don't know what

16:23

your body is going to do, to be

16:25

honest, with the combo platter

16:27

of perimenopause,

16:30

your body being unaccustomed to processing emotion,

16:32

and then the very real losses

16:34

you're going to have to suffer of people

16:36

being like, yeah, it's great. You're not drinking, but why don't

16:38

you just have a drink? Because that's what's going to happen.

16:41

Everyone in your life is going to be

16:43

like, it's great. Congratulations. Here's a beer. And

16:46

you're going to have a very hard

16:48

time hanging out in the way you have been

16:50

hanging out, because it's not fun unless you're buzzed.

16:53

Right. Right. Absolutely.

16:55

Yeah. Yeah. And

16:58

it's really about changing your life, which means closing

17:01

a series of doors in your life

17:03

before you know where the new doors

17:05

are, or if there even are new

17:07

doors, which is hard at any

17:09

age, but it's not easier in your

17:11

later 40s. Right? Your later

17:13

40s, am I right? Yeah. Correct.

17:17

Yeah. So let me just slow down and get

17:19

grounded here. And I want to

17:22

just chuck in with you and see how can

17:24

I be helpful? Like what would be helpful

17:26

for me to look at or talk about or give

17:28

you advice around? I

17:30

think you gave me some great advice about

17:32

talking to my family practitioner. I

17:35

don't know how I'm going to stop the wave when it

17:37

happens. Which wave? The

17:40

wave of emotion? Yes. Yeah. Okay.

17:43

So here's the thing. You're not going to

17:45

stop the wave. I mean, it's not working now

17:47

when you're drinking, right? Like you're feeling it. You're

17:49

still feeling it. You're self-medicating with alcohol, but you're

17:51

still feeling it. Right. What

17:54

you're feeling now is chaos. Yes.

17:57

It's like depressive chaos, emotional depressive

17:59

chaos. Yes,

22:00

no, I see that very clearly. You

22:02

know, if you'd come to me when you were

22:04

like, you know, in your 20s some point and

22:06

been like, where should I live? I would have

22:08

said across the country from your parents. Sorry,

22:12

but real talk. Like, it's harder to

22:14

say that to somebody your age because

22:16

they're older and like there's all these,

22:18

you know, pressures and also you lived

22:20

where you live for so long, but

22:22

you do not have a safe

22:24

and healthy relationship with your parents. You

22:28

never have. And so

22:30

your desire to

22:32

show up for them because they're old and they're

22:34

your parents and you love them. Okay,

22:37

I'm not gonna get in the way of that. You

22:39

know, you wanna like bring them shit, check in on

22:41

them, hang out with them, great. I

22:44

don't think you can do it for more than

22:46

45 minutes at a time. Cause

22:48

you do it frequently, right? You do it

22:50

like several times a week. Right, right, right.

22:53

And so do you hang out with them at

22:55

night? Or is this like daytime

22:57

drinking? Daytime, daytime. Yeah, no,

22:59

it's never a night. Yeah,

23:02

it's a daytime drinking situation. So they're just drinking

23:04

through the day. Well, no, like

23:06

it's a weekend and they'll

23:09

just come over, right? I see,

23:11

I see, I see. Okay,

23:14

I have something super annoying to

23:16

say. Would you do AA? Yep,

23:19

I've thought about it because then at least maybe you'd

23:22

meet some friends. That's exactly it. It's

23:24

a built-in social network and

23:26

it's a built-in spiritual network. And

23:30

it's also really annoying to people

23:32

who drink. And while

23:34

that's kind of a pain in your ass,

23:37

the good thing of it is your

23:40

parents will not be able to tolerate you talking

23:42

about AA. They will not

23:44

be able to tolerate it at all. So if you

23:46

say, I went to a meeting and this is what

23:48

happened, they will get bored and want to leave. I'm

23:52

giving you advice. Does that make sense what

23:55

I'm saying? That makes sense. Okay, okay. The

23:58

thing is, is that... When you talk

24:00

about yourself in a way that they don't think

24:03

is interesting, they just leave. Am I seeing this

24:05

correctly? Correct. Yeah. Yeah. And so

24:08

like this part of you that's like

24:10

still like a kid with them, you're like,

24:12

OK, so only talk about things that they like so that

24:14

they don't abandon me so that they're there. And

24:18

it's kind of killing you. It's

24:20

not just them, Jessica. I feel like it's everyone in

24:22

my life. It's OK. That's

24:24

my friends, too. Some of them. It's like

24:26

you're only talking about what I'm

24:28

like, the jester. I like

24:31

I'll make you laugh. I'll make, you know, fun

24:33

time. How are you? You know, I don't. Yeah.

24:37

So it'll it'll just be challenging

24:39

all around. It will. It will. But

24:41

it'll be worth it. School

24:45

boards and lawmakers around the country are

24:48

banning and challenging books at a pace

24:50

not seen since the 1980s. The

24:53

American Library Association tracked seven hundred

24:55

and twenty nine challenges to library,

24:58

school and university materials and services

25:00

in 2021. And

25:03

librarians have even been threatened with

25:05

criminal charges and jail time in

25:07

some places in this country for

25:09

lending out challenged books. You

25:11

can contact your representatives about this

25:14

issue by emailing, calling or tweeting

25:16

at them. And above all else,

25:18

by banned and challenged books. Support

25:21

the important work of authors who are

25:23

being banned or challenged and in

25:25

the process support independent bookstores. My

25:28

favorite bookstore, Marcus Books, is the

25:30

oldest independent black owned bookstore in

25:32

the country and has a banned

25:35

and challenged book list on their

25:37

website. You can go to Marcus

25:39

books.com to see this list and

25:41

to shop or visit whatever independent

25:43

bookstore that you love. Support

25:46

banned and challenged books and

25:48

authors today. If

25:51

you, like me, are heartbroken

25:53

about what's happening in Gaza and want

25:55

to help, a great

25:58

place to start is to find

26:00

a GoFundMe. me that supports families

26:02

directly in Palestine. I

26:04

have one linked in show notes.

26:06

If you prefer to support an organization,

26:09

anera.org is a reliable resource to donate

26:11

to. You can find them at anera.org.

26:17

If you're in the United

26:19

States, you can visit uscpr.org

26:22

or jvp.org for education and

26:24

prompts for taking action. All

26:26

of these resources will be

26:28

linked in episode notes. Have

26:33

you heard me talk about the North Node at all

26:36

on the podcast? Okay, so the North Node is

26:38

where your soul is journeying towards in this

26:41

lifetime. And yours is at almost

26:43

one degree of Libra. So this is

26:45

your first go around in this lifetime,

26:47

right? This is like a very new

26:49

lesson for you. It's cultivating

26:51

intimacy with other people, real

26:54

intimate one-on-one connections. And

26:58

alcohol is helping you not do that. Okay.

27:00

It's like the enabling because would

27:03

you be able to tolerate these

27:05

relationships if you weren't buzzed? Fuck

27:07

no. No way. The

27:10

thing is, is that you are

27:12

a very strong-willed,

27:15

weird, dynamic,

27:18

caring, supportive person.

27:20

And you are a lot of fun. All

27:23

of these things are true, but you

27:26

also have a depressive side and you

27:28

also need space. And you

27:30

also, you really do

27:32

need relationships where you can just like, you

27:35

can be taken care of while

27:38

you're also taking care of them. You

27:40

do need that reciprocity. And what

27:42

I think that you have unconsciously

27:45

done is recreated your family dynamics

27:47

with your friends and

27:49

your husband. So

27:51

that there's not really room for you. And

27:53

then you don't get to have real intimacy. If

27:57

I was queen of the world, I'd have you like, well,

28:00

we get off this phone like Google

28:03

AA meeting near you and just go to one

28:05

tonight, just drop in. You have to speak, you

28:07

don't have to do anything, but just drop in

28:10

because it's not going

28:12

to be easy at any date, but the

28:14

energy is there for you to do it

28:16

now. Now? Yeah. Now.

28:18

I mean, if you want

28:20

to wait until what was that date I gave you, June 17th, that's

28:24

cool. But also like now. Right. Right.

28:26

I get it. Yeah. Yes.

28:29

And in particular, today is the new moon

28:32

in Gemini. It's a great time for starting

28:34

something new. So it's like an especially good

28:36

auspicious moment. But it's, you know, whenever you

28:38

do it is the best time to do

28:41

it. Really. And going

28:44

to a meeting is not saying

28:46

you're never going to drink again. It's saying you're

28:48

investing in finding out what the meetings are about.

28:51

That makes a lot of sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. It's

28:53

like if you tell yourself going means you're never going to

28:55

drink again, then you're going to

28:57

never going to fucking go. But if you just go to

28:59

see like, do you like this meeting? And if the answer

29:01

is no, these people were annoying. I hated

29:04

the undertones. Then find a different

29:06

meeting. Yes. Right. It's just

29:08

about finding a different meeting. And, you

29:10

know, during COVID, like during lockdown in

29:12

COVID, a lot of meetings went onto

29:14

Zoom and I get that still exists.

29:16

So you could go to a meeting

29:18

like, you know, in New Zealand or

29:21

something like it does like Google that.

29:23

Okay. Good. Good. Because going to a

29:25

meeting in another place is like, it's

29:27

nice to have that anonymity. But I

29:29

think that you're too social of a

29:31

person to only do it online. Like

29:33

you actually need to meet new friends

29:37

and develop actual intimacy with people that you're like, oh,

29:39

okay, I can identify with you. We live in the

29:41

same world. Right.

29:43

Yes. So there's like

29:45

two things that I can see really clearly.

29:48

One is that you can do this. Thank

29:50

you. Yeah. You're welcome.

29:52

I mean, it looks

29:54

like you absolutely can do this. I'm

29:57

not saying perfectly and all at once.

30:00

And I'm not saying easily, but absolutely, it

30:02

looks like you can do this. And

30:05

the other thing I'm seeing is that in order

30:07

to do this, you're gonna

30:10

need to be willing to feel the feelings that

30:12

you have told yourself are bad. Right.

30:16

Yeah, I'm sorry. And

30:18

so are you annoyed by it when people

30:20

are like complaining or

30:22

negative or depressed or sad?

30:25

Yeah, I've kind of got that attitude

30:28

of my parents, or

30:30

that we were raised by boomers. So

30:33

it's the buck up. Yeah, pull yourself

30:35

up by your bootstraps. Pull yourself up,

30:37

nobody got time for tears. Yeah,

30:40

you need to change your mind. That's

30:43

the truth. It is really

30:45

important to know that as

30:47

Gen X, right? Pluto and Libra,

30:49

as North Node and Libra, as

30:52

a moon and Taurus, I could keep going.

30:54

But in all these ways, what

30:57

you get to decide, right?

31:00

If you really wanna do it up

31:02

right, what you get to decide is that you

31:05

value yourself enough

31:08

to let yourself be a whole entire person. And

31:11

being a whole entire person means feeling like

31:13

shit sometimes. Right. Yeah.

31:15

Do you have any suggestions for therapy? Because

31:17

it hasn't worked for me in the past. Yeah,

31:19

yeah, absolutely. So there's a couple

31:21

of things. One is part of why it hasn't worked

31:24

for you in the past is because you don't wanna

31:26

feel bad. And every therapist wants you to feel your

31:28

feelings. Sorry.

31:31

So part of it is you weren't ready to

31:33

do it, right? That is part of it. Honestly,

31:36

I think that AA

31:38

will be better for you than therapy and

31:40

I'm gonna tell you exactly why. Okay.

31:43

Because it's peer-based therapy. So it's basically just like,

31:45

it's a social group. Where

31:48

you talk about your trauma and

31:50

your struggles. And I think that's

31:52

a lot easier for you than therapy

31:54

where you feel like, oh, I'm sitting

31:56

across the seat from like an authority

31:58

figure. And you

32:00

start having all of your shit around authority

32:03

figures. You kind of shut down, you feel

32:05

bad, you feel like you're doing it wrong,

32:07

and then you either give them what you

32:09

think they want to hear or you fight

32:11

with them. Am I nailing this? Is that

32:13

what happens? You're nailing it 100%. Okay, sorry

32:15

about that. So I actually think AA will

32:18

be easier for you. It's kind

32:20

of funny because most of the time when I

32:22

talk to people about AA, they're

32:24

like, no, I fucking hate AA. It's a

32:26

terrible idea. I'm never going to go. But

32:28

I kind of think you're the perfect candidate

32:30

for it because it's a social club and

32:32

you love a social club. You

32:34

would really like having a place that has the

32:36

best donuts after the meeting. And you know what

32:38

I mean? You could get into it. And

32:41

yeah, exactly. It's kind of like

32:43

your vibes. And also,

32:45

I think that you could find a good

32:48

therapist. I do. I think you

32:50

could find a therapist that's the right match for you.

32:52

But I don't think it's actually

32:54

the first step for you. Whereas

32:56

I think for most people, that

32:58

kind of is a great first step for

33:00

you. It just looks like you don't love

33:03

therapy. No, no, no, no.

33:05

Oh, my sorry. No,

33:07

it's not even paint. It's just

33:10

the all-around experience has been horrible

33:12

for me. You just don't like

33:14

it. It's not for you. And

33:16

I think at a different time in your life, you know, and

33:19

that different time could be in three months, I don't know. But

33:21

at a different time in your life, you might like it. You

33:23

might be like, you know what? I'm only getting so far in

33:25

my process and I need somebody to help

33:28

me work it out. But at

33:30

this stage, and I don't

33:32

know how much you know about AA. And it's not like

33:34

I'm like, you know, like trying

33:36

to like, I've never been to AA

33:38

myself. It's not like a program I've personally done. But

33:40

I am, as an astrologer, a really big believer in

33:43

it because I've seen so many people get help from

33:45

it. But also, it is like

33:47

Pluto in action. It is the healthy

33:49

parts of Pluto. Right? I've seen people

33:51

be successful with it as well. Right.

33:53

Okay, good. Right. And the thing is,

33:55

if you do the program,

33:57

is you get a sponsor. where

34:00

you have a therapeutic relationship that's

34:02

peer-based. So it's like a person, it's not

34:04

like somebody you're paying to tell you how

34:06

to be, it's like a person that

34:09

you can relate to and that can share their experiences with you

34:11

and kind of help you and coach you and be there for

34:13

you. It's more peer-based and that

34:16

feels good to you. Because then you could be

34:18

like, I'm gonna bake you brownies, cuz you really

34:20

helped me through a rough night. And

34:23

you like that kind of reciprocity,

34:25

you're not comfortable receiving without also

34:27

giving. And the kind

34:29

of roles of

34:31

traditional therapy aren't

34:34

that, and so it's really uncomfortable for you. So

34:36

I think getting a sponsor is really the

34:39

way to go. And I will say get

34:41

a female sponsor, not a male sponsor. Yeah,

34:45

yeah, I see you. Okay, good, okay, good. I

34:48

can be manipulative at times with those

34:50

kind of relationships. With men, yes. Is

34:52

that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah. You

34:56

understand the rules with guys and so

34:58

you know how to kind of work

35:00

them, right? Work the system, right. With

35:02

women, it's different for you. Absolutely, yeah.

35:04

It's a really good idea to get

35:06

a female. And also,

35:08

because there's going to be challenges to

35:11

your relationship, it's better to

35:13

keep it clean by having a

35:15

female sponsor, right? Yeah,

35:17

and say your husband's name out

35:19

loud again. So

35:22

it's possible that he will see

35:24

you go to a program, and if it works for

35:26

you, he'll be like, okay, I'll try it. I

35:29

don't think so. Okay, yeah. And it's

35:31

possible, if he does decide he wants

35:33

to do it, tell him he can't go to your meetings. He

35:35

has to find his own meetings. Okay,

35:38

great, great. You can't share this with

35:40

him. No, no. Yeah, yeah, you can.

35:43

And the truth of the matter is, I

35:46

don't know that

35:49

you're going to be able to hang out with

35:51

people who are drinking. Mm-hmm. So

35:53

you may need to say to him or your

35:55

friends or your family, while I'm learning how to

35:58

not drink, I need you to not. drink

36:00

around me. And I want to be clear, I

36:02

don't think most people in your life will respect

36:04

that. No, I don't think they will either.

36:06

And what else they'll struggle with

36:08

is I'll struggle with is the pressure for me

36:10

to still show up and be there, right? So

36:12

yeah, I'll just have to like, you know, this

36:14

is where I'd say, blame it on the system.

36:16

Like, this is part of why

36:18

I'm like go to program because then you can save

36:20

your family. The rules of the program, which I really

36:23

want to try because I really want to get healthy.

36:25

The rules of the program are I cannot hang out

36:27

when people are drinking. So I love you. I've got

36:29

to go. And if it hurts their

36:31

feelings, let them have hurt feelings. They can

36:33

drink it away. Like, that's their problem. You know what

36:35

I mean? Like, I'm not to be a dick. Not

36:37

they can drink it away. But like, if

36:40

they want to center their feelings over

36:42

your needs, that's their problem.

36:45

Don't make it your problem. Okay.

36:47

And it will hurt their feelings and they will tell you

36:50

you're wrong. I want to just

36:52

be really direct. Like, that's clearly going to happen. You

36:54

know that's going to happen. And that's

36:56

only evidence of them being true to themselves. That's

36:59

not evidence of them being anything about you.

37:01

It's going to be really important. Like

37:03

if they come over to your house and you're like,

37:06

I can't be around drinking. You guys need to go.

37:08

And they're like, no, that's stupid. And your husband's like,

37:10

I'll just hang out with you guys. Go upstairs to

37:12

your room. Put on music, call

37:14

your sponsor or whatever, because they're

37:16

not going to change just because

37:19

you're changing. No, no. And

37:21

I think that part of what I would

37:23

encourage you to make kind of as a mantra as some

37:26

form version of I am choosing to

37:28

change and I don't need the

37:30

people around me to change with me. I need them

37:33

to not get in my way. That's

37:35

great. That's great. Yes.

37:38

Because they're unlikely to change with

37:40

you. But if you

37:42

give yourself permission to say you are

37:44

in my way and I can't have

37:47

that. So love me or leave me

37:49

be. And again, they will

37:52

not handle this well. Like we know this. This

37:54

is part of why it's such a struggle for

37:56

you. Right. Yeah. But let them not handle it

37:58

well. Let them. feel whatever they

38:00

feel and Commit

38:03

to yourself. I don't

38:05

see you being like lonely and isolated

38:07

as a result No, in

38:09

fact, I have a close friend. It's just up

38:11

the street and he he's 25 years

38:13

in AA and you know, oh my god

38:15

Oh, I just found them

38:18

last year. So they're really

38:20

nice couple and you know They like you know

38:22

and they don't drink all the time and you

38:24

can like no Not

38:26

at all really that's great. Okay, this is really

38:28

wonderful and does your husband like this couple? Yeah

38:30

He loves them too. We really enjoy. Okay, great.

38:33

So when you guys hang out with him with

38:35

them, do you drink? Yeah, but

38:37

probably not as much, you know, we take

38:39

it easy. It's just a chill time Yeah,

38:41

yeah, and she doesn't drink just because she

38:43

doesn't like it. Yeah, and like I said,

38:45

he's he's been 25 years in the program

38:47

So they just we

38:50

get along with him pretty well Great

38:52

and you know one thing you may practice

38:54

doing is when you hang out with them.

38:56

Just don't drink Yeah, that's

38:58

what I'm gonna do. That's great. Yeah, great.

39:01

But next time I see them it's yeah

39:03

It's and you know, I would

39:05

say like there is non-alcoholic beers

39:08

And of course you can drink them But the

39:10

problem is you have to yeah, you have to

39:12

replace the habit is the thing

39:14

And so this is where I want to encourage

39:16

you and you like like cooking and doing things

39:18

in the kitchen at all I

39:21

love cooking So like I don't

39:23

know Pinterest whatever it is that's like easy for you to

39:25

use Start looking for

39:28

like intricate recipes for drinks

39:30

that are non-alcoholic And

39:33

that are in the bitters family because

39:35

it's healthy for you. It's a good

39:38

distraction and you're replacing a fixation So

39:41

it's not gonna help the emotional component or the

39:43

mental component, but it will help the behavioral component

39:45

a little bit which you need Okay,

39:47

okay, that makes sense. What

39:50

other questions you do you have any other questions? I'm not

39:52

I want to make sure that this is helping. I You've

39:55

helped me immensely. Okay. Great. Really actually don't

39:57

have any other questions. I do think You've

39:59

really, you've helped me. I just want to

40:02

know I can do it. You can do

40:04

it. You absolutely can do it. And also,

40:06

you'll probably fuck up a little bit. You

40:08

know what I mean? Like, I mean, and

40:11

that's not evidence that you can't do it. It's just

40:13

evidence that it's hard. Right. And

40:16

so when and if you fuck up,

40:18

just say to yourself, this

40:20

mistake was evidence that it's hard, not

40:22

evidence of failure. Nobody quits

40:25

drinking and goes cold turkey and never,

40:27

ever struggles with it. It never relapses.

40:29

That's not a thing. Like, unless you

40:31

don't have a problem with alcohol, in

40:33

which case that's not really quitting, right?

40:36

Right. It's okay to make

40:39

mistakes. It's okay to feel

40:41

shitty. You're gonna feel shitty.

40:43

Like, that's gonna be the path, but you can

40:45

do it. And I actually think, I actually

40:47

think you will do it. And I

40:51

want to just clarify, when I say I

40:53

think you will do it, it's

40:55

like my guides show me, the risk

40:58

of me saying that to you is on those days where

41:00

you can't do it, where you're just like, fuck,

41:03

I cannot. I don't want you

41:05

to hear me say you can do it and then think

41:07

to yourself, oh, I'm screwing this up or something. It's

41:09

gonna take a couple of years. It's

41:12

not gonna take a couple months. Okay,

41:14

that's good to know. Thank you. Yes.

41:16

And so even if you quit and you really

41:18

don't drink for the next two years, right?

41:21

It's still not gonna feel like something you

41:23

can trust and you're not going to be

41:25

mentally and emotionally adjusted for a couple of

41:27

years. Okay. Does

41:29

that make sense? Yes, it is, yes. Yeah. I'm

41:32

glad you told me that. Yes. It

41:34

looks fucking hard, but also it's

41:37

the right time and it's the

41:39

right thing. And whatever relationships it's

41:41

cost you, aren't real relationships anyways.

41:44

Like they need to go anyways.

41:47

And so just to recap, you're

41:49

gonna make an appointment with your doctor and talk

41:51

to them about this and just be

41:53

honest with them about your drinking. Like just fucking like

41:55

suck it up and just do it if you can

41:57

and tell them that you need help. Most.

42:00

Doctors are very happy to prescribe help.

42:02

And check out meetings,

42:05

let your first meeting choice be

42:07

based on convenience of location

42:10

and time. But

42:12

look into it now, if you're emboldened

42:14

by this conversation, contact the doctor, look

42:16

into the meeting right now, and

42:19

also start getting a crush on

42:21

fancy drinks that are bitters that

42:23

you can get into so that

42:25

you have a distraction. And

42:27

then, have you listened

42:29

to podcasts, like sober podcasts? No,

42:32

but I've done a lot of sober

42:35

TikTok. Okay, that's great. There's like AA

42:37

meetings that are on, that are converted

42:39

to podcast form that you can listen

42:42

to if you want. So

42:45

I think doing more

42:47

exploration around it, it'll

42:50

help, it'll help. Because this is the

42:52

thing about you, you're constantly thinking, thinking, thinking,

42:55

thinking, thinking, thinking. So it's

42:57

like your brain never shuts up. So what

42:59

this means is, the more

43:01

information you have for

43:04

your brain to like mull over,

43:07

that's not just what your friends and your family think and

43:09

say and do, it'll be easier

43:11

on you. Okay. Yeah, so those

43:13

are just all things you can check out. Well, everything's

43:16

great. Jessica, I actually feel better after

43:19

this conversation. I'm so glad, I'm so

43:21

ready to hear that. I thought I

43:23

was going to feel worse for some

43:25

reason, but I feel better. So that's

43:28

great. Yeah. I want to thank

43:30

you. I'm really glad we did this. It was like

43:32

the right time and thanks for being so vulnerable and

43:34

open. Because I know this is fucking hard. Appreciate

43:36

it. Thank you. Every

43:39

year they say the end is near,

43:42

but we're still here, we're

43:44

still here. Oh, radio.