0:00

There's never been more resources, vibrators,

0:02

and apps included to make a long distance

0:05

relationship work. So we have that going for

0:07

us. Hi guys.

0:09

Welcome back to

0:12

another episode of

0:14

Girls Gotta Eat.

0:24

Welcome back. I have only a lot of time. I'm going to be

0:26

doing a little bit of a video. I'm going to be doing

0:28

a little bit of a video. I'm going to be doing a

0:30

little bit of a video. I have only a little bit of

0:32

motion in part of my jaw. Limited mobility jaw over here. No

0:35

blow job. Sucking too much dick. I don't think I can

0:37

give a blow job like this. No. That's definitely

0:39

against doctor's orders. I don't think you can. I can't

0:41

open my jaw that wide. They probably didn't think they

0:43

had to tell you, but I'm going to tell you

0:46

as your other doctor. I actually

0:48

didn't say when can you do oral. You

0:50

are having a little bit of Drew

0:52

Barrymore mouth voice. So I will tell

0:54

you- Can I say that with love? I'm

0:57

not gatekeeping. I'll tell you guys about it. But I

0:59

have a little bit of paralysis. Also

1:01

a hard word to say. A little bit of a lisp. More so than

1:03

normal. Drew Barrymore doesn't look paralyzed. I want

1:05

to be clear. She has that mouth. You

1:08

know that's my number one doppelganger I got.

1:10

I know. Even more so.

1:12

Yeah. We're here with Drew today. Now

1:15

we both have a face paralysis. You know what I'm

1:17

saying? Oh, you know who Madison LaCroix has? Yeah. The

1:20

way her- Have you ever seen comedians who

1:22

do impressions really heavy on the mouth of the person?

1:25

You wouldn't realize how much actors and

1:27

celebrities you can tell by the

1:29

way their mouth looks. I'm really good at impressions. I

1:31

can watch the way somebody talks and do it. I

1:33

don't listen to them. I watch their mouth. Yeah. Because

1:36

I watch how their mouth opens and she has Madison

1:38

LaCroix funny. She said she's just born crooked. Oh, she

1:40

like addresses it. She's like, it's stuff like that is

1:42

cute and quirky though. Yeah. Who wants perfection? I'm working

1:45

on it. I guess we're all striving for it. Yeah,

1:47

that's what the surgery was for. All right. I'm

1:50

enjoying my lisp for the rest of the episode. It gets

1:52

better the more I talk. I can't say spicy. That's a

1:54

hard one. You did it though. Or magnesium. That's

1:56

a hard one. You did a vote. Who's saying

1:59

magnesium on the reg? A lot of people.

2:01

Really? It's never been hotter. You talk about magnesium a lot?

2:03

All the time. Remember that Christmas I bought you magnesium?

2:05

Yes! We had a partner

2:07

that was magnesium supplements. It's hot right now.

2:09

Sleepy girl mocktails. Oh, right. We did a

2:11

whole thing on it. It's okay. You guys,

2:13

she's been through a lot. All right, well,

2:16

thanks for our partners. I'll tell you about

2:18

my surgery. Junior Surdi, thanks to ZocDoc for

2:20

supporting Girls Gotta Eat. ZocDoc is the only

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the delicious flavors and get 20% off

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is, that's a struggle. We'd

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also like to thank Nutriful for supporting Girls

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your first order. Oh my

3:26

god, a welcome gift just brought me back to

3:28

the mall. The Delta Lounge? No,

3:30

like when you were younger and you go to the mall

3:33

and you get like free gifts at the makeup

3:35

and skincare counters. Okay, so

3:37

you know that I like hate stuff, so I never

3:39

ever would take that stuff. But even when you were

3:41

young? Even when I was young and I sometimes would

3:44

have like bags of that stuff and I would just

3:46

like give it to my mom or friends. Like I

3:48

know it's such like a part of girl culture, the

3:50

little perfume. Yeah, but I love makeup, skincare stuff. They're

3:52

so good for travel. Listen, I'm not part of that

3:54

culture. Oh my god, I'm not gonna like name other

3:56

brands because we're focusing on Clarins today and I love

3:59

Clarins by the way. they were due to free gets

4:01

to but some of you know those other principal com

4:03

as a free gift time you leave when we the

4:05

mall feel like you robbed a bank. Read.

4:08

I was. The mall also has we gun

4:10

yeah in Burlington, Massachusetts wasn't Listen some balls

4:13

are the woods shit wasn't nice. yeah but

4:15

it's kind of a pass in the past

4:17

and it is. Hardly knows. I love a

4:19

mall so we like we're up or not

4:21

it. We resist parents and we people ignore

4:23

them all. Zoc Yeah it feels like not

4:25

much as I mean a state. Things have

4:27

changed but like. A. Journeys.

4:31

Was into her, there wasn't and the and

4:33

there's a Cheesecake Factory not mall you walk

4:35

in and of and hands wrote Bath and

4:38

Body Works I got some body lotion explicitly

4:40

to eighty degree. they still rockets weepy by

4:42

the way the smell of me having sex

4:44

for the first time. It's the new site

4:46

it's called like the features on them I

4:49

love him all you have like gonna lol

4:51

I have in Columbus we never miss them

4:53

all yeah I'm all of America is feel

4:55

so nostalgic I just loved and that malls

4:58

those like some deep cuts like this Valls

5:00

fuck about the bodywork. Nothing brings you back.

5:02

I want to them all for Christmas for

5:04

your brothers baby guess and for years hungry

5:07

flick este pa panel of them all. I

5:09

love it anyway so i just had a

5:11

says the mom's house itself saw to the

5:13

mall in the talk about yeah so I

5:16

listened Your girl wanted a jawline so I

5:18

had as effects I've never had one of

5:20

ours I was once I gonna lie pow

5:23

along my like chan and jawline sell a

5:25

very small an. Uprise look I

5:27

looked a couple weeks the house I'm going

5:29

on camera. Two weeks I've had no alcohol

5:31

know coffee, no make up for over two

5:34

weeks my body as like returned to the

5:36

earth as never banned as healthy and my

5:38

whole life like I just eating like vegetables

5:41

and lean protein and save her type on

5:43

any make up at all on I Am

5:45

it's just Philip Relax yes he wrote all

5:47

right how many meals your place of coffee

5:50

alcohol until I'd out until you stop consume

5:52

me at. By. it i add a

5:54

little bit as live on my like china

5:56

my chan and i had this c o

5:58

two laser reads like resurfaces your skin. Oh

6:00

my god, that wasn't so bad. It was great.

6:03

I mean, listen, I wasn't awake for it. I

6:05

can't speak to what it would be like to do

6:07

it when you're awake. But to Dr. Barrett, who

6:09

did my boobs, did this, I trust him with

6:11

everything. I love him so much. Dr. Daniel Barrett, his

6:14

Instagram is so informative and amazing. We just love him

6:16

so much. And two weeks

6:18

later, I'm pretty swollen still. And basically,

6:20

you have all these nerves along your

6:22

jawline and your chin, so you can

6:24

lose the ability to smile a little

6:26

bit. I can smile. I

6:28

don't have free range of my jaw completely. So

6:31

when you get lipo, it can mess it up

6:33

a little bit for a couple weeks, he said.

6:35

And then the resurfacing, my face just like, I

6:38

got it on a Thursday morning and my

6:40

whole face peeled off by Sunday. Like a

6:42

snake. It was really cool. No,

6:45

it was like you're shedding. You've fully shed. It

6:48

feels like a sunburn. It gets really stiff

6:50

and tight. It looks

6:52

like your face is covered in coffee grounds. I

6:55

don't know how people do this, I love a partner. Yeah,

6:57

I mean, I got Morpheus 8. I can't remember if

6:59

I talked about that. That is a

7:01

laser and microneedling together. It was so

7:04

painful and similar effects. And like, yeah,

7:06

my skin started to peel off. It

7:08

looked like coffee grounds. I did? Yeah,

7:11

yeah. Afterwards, it looked like I just got

7:13

beat in the face with a hot iron or just laid

7:15

out in the sun. Actually, it's like still,

7:17

this sounds extreme, but it's less downtime than a lot

7:19

of other things. But the CO2 laser is like the

7:22

next step up that's supposed to be even better, but

7:24

more painful. And I don't know if I can do

7:26

it. I had tears streaming on my face when I

7:28

got Morpheus 8, but I love the results. I

7:30

was like, I can't go back in, I can't do

7:33

it again. I wanna get the CO2 laser, but I'm

7:35

like, you gotta put me under. You gotta be under

7:37

it and you wanna make sure you're not around anybody

7:39

for quite a few days. My skin, the first day

7:41

I was red. The second day, it's like a snake.

7:44

Your whole skin peels off. In normal lighting, my face

7:46

looks so good, so smooth. I feel like I have

7:48

the baby-est skin. Yay! I love the

7:50

way it feels. And the lipo, I mean, you really

7:52

don't get results for four to six weeks, he said.

7:54

I'm pretty much back to where I was weeks ago,

7:57

but I can feel that my neck and along my

7:59

jawline are like. rock hard. So

8:01

it's really swollen. Yeah, that's

8:03

that's swells. I mean, and people ask me a

8:05

lot about like my nose if they're thinking of

8:07

getting a rhinoplasty and it's like, you

8:10

just can't like freak out, you know, right away.

8:12

You'll just be like, Oh my god, I can't

8:14

smile. I look crazy. Your eyes like you never

8:16

know. I had a really great surgery

8:18

and a great surgeon, Dr. Obchinski in Short Hills, New Jersey.

8:20

But like they said I was like an ideal candidate. They

8:22

didn't have to break my nose. I didn't have black eyes,

8:25

all that stuff. But I was still freaking out. You

8:27

know, and like he said, three and a half weeks later,

8:29

I felt great. I felt camera ready. But those first two

8:31

weeks, you're like, is it gonna be like this forever? Even

8:33

if you know better, like even though you

8:35

know, even though they've told you no, no, everything's fine. You're

8:38

still like, no, something's wrong. I have like lumps on the

8:40

side of my face. I was like, yeah, it's normal. I

8:42

mean, you're sending pictures, but like, they brought me so well.

8:45

And yeah, that's what I'm working with. You

8:47

picked me up from the doctor's office and

8:49

drove me home. And then you and Tessa took

8:51

turns that day like staying at my house. And

8:54

then I kicked you guys out. I really like to

8:56

be alone after surgery. You said it's weird. I it

8:58

is weird. It's not weird. It's just like, I would

9:00

never not have my mom take care of me. Like

9:02

it's just no one else. I don't want you. I

9:04

don't want my boyfriend. I just want to be a

9:07

baby and have my mom like bring me my water

9:09

and like my pills and things like that. And when

9:11

I got my nose done, like we just bonded for

9:13

a week. You know, I had like one day where

9:15

I was just so out of it. But then we

9:17

just like binge watch Netflix. And I do like

9:19

to be taken care of. But that's the only

9:21

person I would want. Only your mom? Okay. Yeah,

9:23

yeah, I was mostly just wanted to be alone.

9:25

But it's funny you mentioned drugs because I

9:28

was on so many drugs when I got home. You're on

9:30

anesthesia. You're on painkillers. I don't know what else the fuck

9:32

they give you. My face is in a head wrap. Like

9:34

I was in like a full head wrap. You don't think

9:37

that you're fucked up, but you are. I did

9:40

so much shopping that day. It's

9:42

insane. And the stuff that started

9:44

arriving was so

9:46

crazy. All the purchases were like, you're

9:48

on drugs and it shows. Oh my god, I made a

9:51

whole list for you to tell you what I bought. And

9:53

then I made Tesla come over the next day return. Well,

9:56

when you said all these Amazon shoes,

9:58

I was like what? We'll get

10:00

to it. Okay. No, they're saying they're all me.

10:02

I was like shoes Oh the ones I bought are

10:04

disgusting and you guys I took photos for Ashley to

10:06

see everything So like check it out on YouTube and

10:08

we'll like put the photos up on the screen. Okay,

10:10

first thing I bought washcloth. I bought my first

10:13

washcloth. You want to start cleaning your butt You

10:15

guys are newer on here. That's what washcloths are for.

10:17

I like to get in my butt never bought

10:19

a washcloth in my entire life never bought a

10:21

washcloth This

10:24

is the new her everybody new jawline

10:26

new butt crack I got laser resurfacing.

10:29

I was like I need nice washcloth for your

10:31

butt Why

10:37

are you teasing me like this? Okay,

10:42

I just use my finger for that, okay All

10:46

right. Okay. I bought five plants

10:48

and not small kinds like

10:50

in a gallon on a

10:52

trellis Growing up a vine

10:55

plants five of them what

10:57

so I mean from where so I take walks

10:59

in Venice And there's this like pink Jasmine that

11:01

I really like the smell of it They

11:04

grow on huge trellises like big vines

11:06

and you have to like really maintain

11:08

them you to plant them So

11:11

I bought five of them. I had them

11:13

delivered. This is so funny You

11:16

were really fucked up. You just had

11:18

this Vision of these plants

11:20

and you were like I want those I'm gonna

11:22

start a garden I said that

11:25

there was no style that I would ever like there's a

11:27

lot of stuff I'll bring back you did not have a

11:29

plum. I didn't just buy a peplum rain. No, what are

11:31

you doing? There was also a lot of peplum with Oscars

11:33

and it bothered me. I bought a

11:35

crop peplum What

11:38

is that what is that picnic

11:40

blanket? What

11:42

are you cosplaying? Little

11:45

Bo peep what is in my

11:47

defense rain that is the dumbest pajamas

11:49

that I've ever seen Who

11:51

makes it? I'll drag them right now. Is that Amazon? No,

11:54

I don't like to say that I support her So I

11:56

will not say her name. Okay, I bought a crop. That

11:58

is the dumbest I actually

12:00

don't support her so we can say it. I'm not

12:02

gonna say who would wear that to bed Not

12:05

the gingham No

12:09

You are so high Up

12:12

you were having like lucid conversation. I'm only happening through

12:14

this list. Oh my god I said I was talking

12:17

to test that I came downstairs hung out with her

12:19

for like hours I did not think I wasn't lucid.

12:21

I bought a hat that said caviar daddy on it

12:26

Let me see it you have this I don't have photo this

12:28

one. I don't know that me. I don't know what it means

12:30

I don't know what that is. I love that. What kind of

12:32

hat like a wide brim Not a

12:34

trucker not a trucker hat. This

12:36

is caviar daddy. Raina. You love a trucker hat.

12:38

This is very funny I feel like it brought

12:40

you back to your roots because you used to be a

12:42

plant girly You used to be a trucker hat girly

12:45

Maybe you did used to wash your butthole before I

12:47

came along like why did it transport you back in

12:49

time? I don't know. I'll tell you

12:51

what it did transfer tennis outfits. I bought that's

12:53

cute so much tennis wear Okay, I have never

12:55

picked up a tennis racket in my life I'm

12:58

not like Hannah burner. I used to I've never

13:00

ever been on a tennis court. I bought so

13:02

much tennis gear Lauren

13:04

and Cost yeah,

13:06

it's in a class deep cut. Okay, but the

13:08

worst thing I bought okay I think I got

13:11

it in my head that I wanted ballet flats.

13:13

Oh Me literally

13:15

happened five feet tall the peplum and the

13:18

ballet flat Also, I want to go back

13:20

to our episode from weeks ago where Raina

13:22

asked me the worst trend and it is

13:24

for me It is ballet flats. I will

13:27

never I hate them so Passionately,

13:29

and this is no shade. I'm sure you guys

13:31

look great to them for me No,

13:34

anyway, you're at least you're 5 10

13:36

and it makes a little more sense Okay me

13:38

walking around no heel at all. I wear

13:41

lifts on my sneakers. Yes, okay I

13:43

took photos of you the five pairs of ballet

13:45

flats. I want man I'm almost 40 and I

13:47

could buy and I should buy a nice like

13:49

one pair of real leather shoes Yeah,

13:55

that are durable and sturdy. No I

14:00

bought fake plastic Amazon. Okay, the first

14:02

one not that bad. Oh, those are

14:04

bad. Yeah, they're your meals. I've there

14:06

slides They're fine. They're meals. Fucking one.

14:09

Nine. Oh my god. Where are you? Where's

14:11

your pencil skirt and you're like nine to five

14:13

corporate job when I manage your restaurant? I think

14:15

I wore these Rayna just so you know, they're

14:18

an order of ugliness. We're on it, too. Okay

14:21

These are like correcting shoes. They're a flat

14:24

tip on the front. They're like you're gonna

14:26

do some ballet What

14:28

is it called? No point the flat toe

14:31

where toe? Yes square toe No,

14:33

right. You were like trying to pick up

14:35

a real ballet. You hobby. Yeah real angle

14:37

strap angle strap What was I gonna do

14:40

with these this is what was

14:42

going through your head ugliest ones of

14:44

all time already? They

14:49

are black there's like five strap they look

14:51

like Dominators ballet flats listen these would look

14:53

good on some people and maybe they'll look

14:56

good on you Children

14:58

I can see the island influencers with like

15:00

a black baggy jean and like a black

15:02

t-shirt But there's a hundred other options you

15:04

should do before this so funny. I called

15:06

Tessa. I was like you got come over

15:08

here You gotta come over here and you got

15:10

to return all this stuff You've

15:12

been taking the stables one block by my house But

15:14

like I can't have this much stuff in the house

15:16

Yeah, all the stuff started arriving and I just was

15:18

like I have been on so many drugs. That

15:21

is so funny I didn't realize you were that

15:23

fucked up. I know but that was my drug

15:25

journey Okay, gonna take a quick break. I am

15:27

gonna tell you about neutrophil. Okay, they're safe right

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now I was saying I was like because I

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can see so much of how neutrophils working for

15:33

me and my hair and I was like in

15:35

Two years. It's over for you bitches. I grow

15:37

back all my Because

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my my personal experience which of course is

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not everyone's experience Everyone's gonna have a different

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these supplements Of course was that I did

15:49

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15:52

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15:54

upset about it and I really turned to

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neutrophil and I have seen such a difference

15:58

and I am seeing it come

16:00

back in thick and just get back to where it

16:03

used to be. But of course it's going to take

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time. So I really feel like in two years I'm

16:07

going to have, because I can, it feels like

16:09

thicker up here, but then it's like so much thinner

16:11

down here because I did really shed so much, but

16:13

I'm feeling so good and I can really like see

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17:20

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20:28

Okay, so we wanted to just talk a little

20:30

bit about Love is Blind because we were thinking

20:32

of maybe doing a bonus, but then the timing

20:34

just didn't work out when we could get in

20:36

here and get it to you guys in a

20:38

timely manner. And then, I don't know, nothing was

20:40

that insane that happened. So we were like,

20:42

we'll just talk a little bit about how we felt about the finale.

20:44

And then as of now, we won't have watched the reunion,

20:46

but we will have aired. But I don't know. I

20:49

didn't have so much to say. Maybe I'll

20:51

feel differently after the reunion. But it was

20:53

just kind of like, we only had these

20:55

three couples and Jimmy and Chelsea broke up

20:57

before. I didn't know you could just

20:59

opt to not go to the altar. I had no

21:01

idea you could do that. I was messaging with Brittany

21:03

about this. I mean, they don't want you to. I

21:07

was like, how much did Jimmy get

21:09

a say and Clay didn't? I wonder if Clay

21:12

never even thought to ask. It

21:15

was just like, you're not supposed to do that. We know that

21:17

from the people that we know that have been on the show.

21:19

The whole point is they're forcing you to go to that altar.

21:21

I can't believe he got to do that. So it made

21:24

more sense. And I think for both Kenneth and Brittany, it's

21:26

like they got back from the trip. They made it like

21:28

two days. They weren't going to be forced to be together.

21:30

But like Jimmy and Chelsea, what she did, the wedding dress,

21:32

they picked out everything for the actual wedding. Like what happened

21:34

that was so bad he couldn't stay for two more days?

21:36

No, the whole point is like, I thought they were really

21:39

going to push you to get that altar. But

21:41

I mean, they come under fire recently with different

21:43

things, but I don't know. I was just like,

21:46

that is crazy. But like, doesn't everybody throw up

21:48

their hand and is like, I'm not dragging my

21:50

family through this. I'm not putting my

21:52

parents through a whole day of this. I'm not putting my

21:54

siblings, getting people to fly in, get hair and makeup done

21:56

so I can just say no. Like your average rational person

21:58

is not going to do that. do it. Yeah, I don't

22:01

know. I wonder if he did not do it. Yeah, that

22:03

was that was crazy. I mean, a

22:05

couple other notes, Clay's mom, MVP

22:08

of the whole thing. I just loved it

22:10

so much. Clay's mom said things that like

22:12

really needed to be heard on like television.

22:14

She just really spoke her truth. She was

22:16

so insightful. She has so much wisdom. She

22:18

was just stayed so like measured

22:20

and I was just loving everything she said. She said

22:22

like really important stuff. I'm glad they like kept that

22:24

in the way she like approached her ex-husband and the

22:26

things she said about Clay. And so much of Clay's

22:29

storyline is like I can't I don't even know what

22:31

being faithful looks like in marriage because like my father

22:33

was unfaithful to my mother and they were married for

22:35

30 years and like I was so glad you actually

22:37

got to like hear from the woman that went through

22:39

it. Man, if there was anybody I'd want on our

22:41

show would be Clay's mom and I loved AD's mom

22:43

too. I feel like that's why I'd want them to

22:45

be together just these like moms. So funny though, like

22:47

I just loved seeing some of the content that is

22:49

like, why does Clay think infidelity like runs

22:51

in the family? You know, it's just so funny. He's

22:53

like he thinks cheating is hereditary. Like it's so funny.

22:55

I just really runs in my family. You know, like

22:57

I'm just really worried. I'm gonna get it like it's

22:59

a disease. Also, he's like, he's like, my dad would

23:01

like take me along to like cheat on my mom

23:03

basically. Like, isn't that more of a reason to not

23:06

do it? Like, if it runs in the family, and

23:08

you've seen what it does to people, isn't that more

23:10

reason to not do it? Same with abuse, like not

23:12

to get too dark with it. But like abusers have

23:14

been abused. Of course, when you're the one being abused,

23:16

you'll think I'll never do this in my life. And

23:18

then you do, you know, like I think he's honest.

23:20

I think he has a level of self awareness that

23:22

I don't hate. I thought that it was weird when AD

23:24

was like telling him confessing her love, he was just up

23:27

there still cheese and I was like, this guy looks like

23:29

a associate fat. Well, the same

23:31

coming out of his mouth weren't matching the

23:33

facial expression. He was like, I know you're

23:35

gonna hold me down. I know. And she's

23:37

like, when she goes, what the fuck? I

23:39

know. I will say

23:41

that her dress is exactly

23:44

what I would want. I rarely see wedding

23:46

dresses that I feel that way about. I

23:49

just don't like really traditional

23:51

type of wedding dresses. I rarely see one that I'm like,

23:53

I would wear that if I got married like that one

23:55

literally I would take it to a bridal shop and be

23:57

like, find me this I loved it some I would do

23:59

a little lower on the slit. The slit was too high.

24:01

At one angle they got her out. She had that leg

24:03

cocked out the whole damn time. I was like, she is

24:05

probably about to lose her balance. She had to have it

24:07

out the whole time, which I respected. She looked great. But

24:09

that, something about it, I was like, that's what I would

24:11

want. I like feel confident in that, where I'm like, oh

24:13

my gosh, like if you were to ask me like what

24:15

kind of wedding dress you don't, I'd be like that. I

24:18

loved it. She looked, I, she, her body is

24:20

so amazing. She would look good in anything. Yeah. But I

24:22

think that she really dressed well for herself. Yeah, I don't

24:24

know. So we'll see what happens to anything else. We really

24:26

like, I mean, it's all been said. Yeah. It's all been

24:29

beaten to death. I mean, Jeremy seems psychotic. I love that

24:31

Jesky thing. It was psychotic to watch it. He was just

24:33

teasing. I mean, those two deserve each other. They belong together

24:35

and it seems as though they're still together. I guess we'll

24:37

see in the reunion, but you saw in the teaser of

24:40

the reunion that him and Sarah and are still together. People

24:42

are just saying like, and I was curious what your thoughts

24:44

are that like love is blind. He's like lost the plot.

24:46

I don't care. I actually don't agree with that. Like

24:49

if you work out from

24:51

love is blind, it's just a coincidence. Like it's

24:53

just luck. Like if you are Lauren and Cameron,

24:55

like I'm sorry, I don't believe this. You need

24:57

to see someone and I don't say that in

24:59

a shallow way. I say that in a way

25:02

if you need to feel someone's energy in the

25:04

room, you need to feel their body on yours.

25:06

You need to look into their eyes. You can

25:08

just smell them. You need to see the way

25:10

they carry themselves. I've never once thought like, yeah,

25:12

you can definitely fall in love with someone's personality,

25:14

but there's still a huge chunk. And again, it's

25:16

not attractiveness. It's not what I'm talking about. It's

25:18

that you need to be with someone in person

25:21

to fall in love with them. I've never once thought this

25:23

and I still love the fucking show. Get the

25:25

fuck out of here with this like is love

25:27

blind? No, it's not. I need to watch the

25:29

way somebody carries themselves in a room. Everything else

25:32

is off the table. I want to watch how

25:34

you interact with servers, friends, your family. It has

25:36

nothing to do with how tall you are or

25:38

how sexy your face is. I need to watch

25:40

how you interact with the world. I need to

25:43

feel your energy in the room with me. I

25:45

need to feel you in real life and see

25:47

even like that's the whole part of it. But

25:49

if you fall in love with somebody without ever

25:51

seeing them and it really works out, I think that's

25:53

really beautiful. I think it's very special. The couples that

25:56

have worked out. I mean, I'm just like Lauren and

25:58

Cameron is like, you know, I just always use them.

26:00

as a shining example, I think that's really special. I

26:03

love it. So yes, then sure you can say love

26:05

is blind, but for the most part, I just don't

26:07

believe in it. And I also feel like I have

26:09

some unpopular opinions about the whole show. It's

26:12

a game show. It's a reality show.

26:15

When people are saying, can you believe

26:17

Sarah Anne DMed him, this is an engaged

26:19

man. Dude, come on. He met her seven

26:21

days ago. I think it's shitty.

26:23

Ashlyn, I think it's a scumbag thing to do.

26:26

I wouldn't do it. If somebody didn't pick me,

26:28

and they went home with somebody that they proposed to, I'd

26:31

wait a few weeks. I wouldn't do it the next day.

26:33

I have different opinions. Yeah, I don't think

26:35

it's a cool thing to do, but don't

26:37

act like this is an engaged man. It's

26:39

some sanctity of marriage. You met on a

26:41

game show, on a reality show, without ever

26:43

seeing the person. When you have a connection

26:45

with two people, you might pick

26:48

the wrong one. It's thinking what

26:50

I'm saying. It's not some girl off the street

26:52

messaged him. It was like, hey, what's up, daddy?

26:54

It was a girl that he had a connection

26:56

with that was kind of like, hey, if you

26:58

find that you maybe chose the wrong one, I'm

27:01

still here. People might get

27:03

mad about this. I don't care. I think

27:05

these shows that are like, you're engaged. It's

27:07

like, come on, dude. These shows kind of

27:09

minimize the whole sanctity, if you believe in

27:12

it, of marriage in the first place. So

27:14

don't act all high and mighty. We got

27:16

engaged behind a wall on a Netflix show.

27:19

I totally agree. When people, I guess, I mean,

27:21

in my perfect scenario here, it would have been

27:23

more like Zach and Bliss, where he like, Zach

27:26

picked somebody else, they both decided

27:28

mutually, it's like, not for me. It's not for me. My usual

27:30

wall's not for me. And then they got together like a week

27:32

later. But I don't fault her for being like, hey, this doesn't

27:34

work out. I don't either. I agree.

27:36

I mean, now I can even realize the

27:38

sanctity of marriage. The immunized sanctity of dating.

27:40

Getting to know somebody, being enveloped

27:42

into their family. Like clearly,

27:45

she was a better fit. Like again, you

27:47

can say she's a snake. I won't argue

27:49

with that. But like saying, if it doesn't

27:51

work out, I am a person

27:54

you also had a connection with and we could explore

27:56

it. She didn't send him a picture of her pussy.

27:58

You know, like she could. He double tapped that

28:00

too. And I

28:02

also think that Laura had reason to be mad, so I

28:04

want to be really clear. I think that

28:07

I'm not like team Sarah and I'm just saying we

28:09

take this stuff so seriously. It's a reality show. I

28:11

mean, I think that Laura was under the impression that

28:13

she was going to attempt a relationship with this man

28:15

and he met up with somebody else he was interested

28:17

in and stayed out with her until five in the

28:20

morning. A hundred percent. You have, that makes you a

28:22

fucking snake. Don't get it twisted. No. I'm

28:24

with you. You're like, I liked with Laura, put him

28:27

on blast, she had the location thing, like whatever. They were never

28:29

going to work out and Laura knew it. I think that

28:31

she didn't like this guy that much. I think that

28:33

she felt a little superior to him and was irritated.

28:35

Even her mom was like, whoa, you guys are not

28:38

nice to each other. Yeah. It's

28:40

just like, let's not act like

28:42

these people have built this relationship that

28:45

they, you know, are this

28:47

like stable, healthy relationship that you're interfering

28:49

with. Like you said, they met a

28:51

week ago. They're on Netflix. It

28:53

can be as real as you want it to be.

28:56

The relationships that have worked out. I'll take it back

28:58

to Lauren and Cameron are real. They're beautiful. They're

29:01

special. But for the most part, these people break up

29:03

and maybe they might find love with someone else. Do

29:06

they also met on the show? Like it happens all

29:08

the time. I think that to call back to you said

29:10

before, like, yeah, it's a miracle. If you find somebody

29:12

behind a wall and it works in Chelsea and Kwame,

29:14

you're like so cute. I know. I'm

29:16

just trying to think of other ones. Yeah. Couples

29:18

come from the show and Zach and both serving a baby

29:20

now or maybe have their baby. Like I think that that's

29:22

great. It's a miracle if that works out. And I also

29:24

think this is a great way to meet somebody that you're

29:27

going to date. I think Jimmy and Chelsea could have really

29:29

benefited from dating. Listening to the two of them speak like

29:31

they don't understand what the other person is saying at all.

29:33

And I think that some people get into a relationship

29:35

like Chelsea and she's been pretty open to that. I

29:38

mean, Chelsea is like the poster child for Ainsley's Craftman style.

29:40

She's aware of it. And I think that like if she

29:42

met somebody like him and he's like, these are my boundaries.

29:44

This is how it's going to be. She could make the

29:46

choice to go to therapy or get some kind of like

29:49

mediator to like I think that they would have been good

29:51

candidates to try to date. Maybe

29:53

she's not ready to be married. Yeah. But

29:55

I mean, we'll see on the reunion. But allegedly they've

29:57

been like hanging out. But I said that, well, now

29:59

they're. best friends because Jimmy always likes to fuck his

30:01

friends. This is how he made Chelsea into a friend.

30:03

You know that's his biggest secret. My

30:06

favorite line of the whole series

30:09

is when he's like, you expose my

30:11

biggest secret, my deepest darkest secret. Deepest

30:13

Darkett. She's like spiraling and when she

30:15

just like had a moment of clarity

30:17

and just goes, your deepest darkest secrets,

30:19

you fucked her friend. I

30:23

was like, Chelsea turned it around for me.

30:25

I know people don't like it. You know, I've talked about

30:27

it before. I feel for her. I don't have this deep

30:29

hatred for her. I know she has looked really insecure and

30:31

really pathetic at times, but I don't know. I want to

30:34

give people grace with being on TV in the first place

30:36

and what they're going through. But

30:38

like that moment I was like, team Chelsea

30:40

forever, your deepest darkest secrets that you fucked

30:42

your friend gets a better secret.

30:44

Like I love that energy so much. Like,

30:46

but to me, he was just coming up

30:48

with excuses to break up with her. Like

30:50

I could feel it so much.

30:53

Like he was just thinking of more and more

30:55

things to try to end it. That's how it felt

30:57

sadly, because we've all seen that and it's hard to

30:59

feel when you're in it. But like, I think she

31:01

started to pick up on it. She was starting to

31:03

kind of poke holes in his reasoning and he was

31:05

just like, okay, but also this, you know, like he

31:07

was just trying to break up. That's I think most

31:09

people's takeaway from it. I mean, I don't think that

31:11

they were a match at that time. I mean, I

31:13

think that it was a symptom of other problems. I think

31:15

that like she didn't really trust him to go out without

31:17

her for 90 minutes with these female friends.

31:19

And that's also a symptom of not knowing somebody

31:21

for very long. You have no idea if you

31:23

can trust this person. Of course, you're like a little triggered

31:26

by it and you're like, wait, you met this person two

31:28

years ago, you fucked them, you're gonna hang out with them

31:30

without me. Like, I think that it's totally normal to ask

31:32

your serious long term boyfriend. I don't

31:34

really, I don't love it. I don't love the vibe

31:36

between you guys and let's talk about it. Let's draw

31:38

some boundaries. Yeah. If somebody said to me, did any

31:41

five minutes ago, I've slept with like my best guy

31:43

friend. If somebody said like, I'm not comfortable with it.

31:45

I don't like it. I'd be like, who the fuck

31:47

are you? Right. Okay. I

31:49

think he had a lot of reasons, but yeah, ultimately, which

31:51

is not gonna deal with any of that shit. Yeah. I

31:53

don't know. I remember watching the Dwen Chelsea met

31:55

those two girls. I was like, he fucked her.

31:58

There was some look she made. They

32:00

said about sex and something that she said, I was like,

32:02

oh, they fucked. Which one was it? The one sitting closer

32:04

to him? Closer to him, yeah. Oh, I

32:06

thought it was the other one. I couldn't tell. I could tell. I

32:09

was right about who it was. I'm thinking she was sitting next

32:11

to him. But I was just like, oh, they fucked. She made

32:13

some smirk. There was something about sex where I was like, they

32:15

have, I can feel it. And I was watching it with sparkly

32:17

eyes. He was like, what are you saying? I'm like, oh, just

32:19

you wait. I'm right. We

32:22

know us. You always know. Yes. So I guess we

32:24

did kind of recap it. Those are some feelings we've

32:27

been holding in. I love the

32:29

show. I will always continue to watch it. After I'm a

32:31

huge fan, I don't think they lost the plot. I don't

32:33

think you're supposed to marry a person. You met behind a

32:35

wall two months after you met them. And if you

32:37

do, great, good for you. But I don't think

32:39

you're supposed to. Also, The Bachelor, I don't think

32:41

they were supposed to. Literally, marry a guy that's

32:43

also dating 25 other women. It's the tip of

32:45

my tongue. By that, raising The Bachelor lost the

32:47

plot two decades ago. I mean, it's just like,

32:49

these people aren't ending up together. You know what

32:51

I mean? And the people who are ending up

32:53

together are people who meet on Paradise. So you

32:56

could meet someone from the pods. They'll

32:58

probably start to get into this whole,

33:00

they filmed like people that, what do

33:03

we call it? Like ex-contestants? Yes, contestants.

33:06

All-star. They're gonna do like a Batch on

33:08

Paradise style? The TV that they filmed it. It's

33:10

in pods. Oh, put them

33:12

all on an island, fuck it. Like these people

33:15

become bonded through these experiences. Like it makes so

33:17

much sense why some of the strongest couples from

33:19

Bachelor Nation were people who were like on other

33:21

seasons and they met on Paradise or whatever. Like

33:23

it's a specific type of personality trait that would

33:26

even go on a show like that. So it

33:28

makes sense to me that you would be attracted

33:30

to that type of person. I

33:33

don't know, I don't think they've lost the plot. I think a lot of people do

33:35

go on here for the right reasons. I think some don't,

33:37

but like, what the fuck

33:39

were you laughing at? I think that's, I just think it's so

33:41

funny. Love is blind has lost the plot.

33:43

Oh, you believed in this? Oh,

33:45

you thought this was real. But the

33:47

back was real. You thought that's like, oh,

33:49

love is blind. Shut up. It's from Netflix

33:51

exploiting people. Like that's reality TV. All reality

33:54

dating shows are fucking stupid from couple to

33:56

throuple. Like your average couple is gonna be

33:58

like, let me bring up. Third in and

34:00

put it on national television. Tessa and I talk about it

34:02

all the time. Don't even front. Because Ray and I are

34:04

not getting peacock. I

34:06

can't add another thing. I just, I can't do it.

34:08

I refuse. I won't do it. There was

34:10

an NFL game I wanted to watch during the season. It was

34:12

like only on peacock. I was like, I'm not doing it. Like

34:14

I'm going to find another way. I feel like I cannot pay

34:16

for another thing. Like I don't know my total at this point

34:18

and I don't want to know it. You

34:21

know, I'm not here. Like I don't pay for cable, but

34:23

like I have YouTube TV. I have Netflix. I have Hulu.

34:25

I have Amazon. I have HBO. Like

34:27

I can't do another thing. I

34:29

pay for two of the five of those things. One

34:31

of my friends moms pays for two of the five of those. I

34:35

just, I can't add a thing. I just watch one show. I'd

34:37

rather just buy the show when it comes on Amazon. That's true.

34:39

I'll buy it for $10. But anyway,

34:41

we know you guys are watching it and liking it, I

34:44

think people are. Yeah. I

34:46

saw this meme that was like, I got

34:48

peacock and they serve me like Oppenheimer. And it was like,

34:50

you know, I'm here to watch from a couple of people,

34:52

please be serious. No

34:55

one's watching Oppenheimer on peacock. Also

34:57

if you wanted to watch Oppenheimer, I would have seen it by

34:59

now. Yeah. If

35:01

you have signed up for peacock in the last month, that's

35:03

what you're there for. I watch Trainers

35:05

for one episode. I don't

35:07

know that. It's just like ensemble reality

35:09

TV star cast. It's fine. Okay.

35:12

Well, just going to talk about a couple of

35:14

our partners and then pick it right back up.

35:16

I am so excited to talk about Clarins. This

35:18

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35:21

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35:23

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35:27

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35:31

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35:33

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35:36

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35:38

So if you are millennial, it is

35:41

time. And we cannot recommend Clarins multi-active

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35:45

this is a great place to start also if

35:47

you are even younger and you're like,

35:49

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35:51

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35:53

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35:55

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35:59

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36:01

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36:17

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36:19

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36:21

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36:24

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36:26

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36:45

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me a little package. Not that I'm not. It's just you've

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38:00

she needs like a specialist or something. She's like, I've

38:02

called the office three times, nobody's called me back. Like

38:04

to be able to like go on his lock talk,

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look at a review, know when people are available. Like

38:08

it is so frustrating making doctors office appointments sometimes, just

38:10

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wait awkwardly on the phone with a receptionist and

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38:51

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38:53

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39:18

Okay, should we get into it? Well,

39:21

I'll tell you a little bit about my weekends. We are

39:23

talking about long distance relationships. And I was just in Boston

39:25

with my, I

39:27

was just in one this weekend. No,

39:29

I have been in one for like 10

39:32

months now. Yeah, almost a

39:34

year. And I was just with him this weekend. And you

39:36

have asked me this a few times before and I hadn't

39:38

told you yet. This is like the big, big reveal. But

39:40

I did go to his parents and they cooked like a

39:42

big Indian meal. Oh my God. Cause

39:44

you're amazing. It was amazing. You're mine. Best

39:46

Indian food you've had? Yes. So,

39:49

and it's just, they just whipped up. I mean, I guess they

39:51

had taken a while. Like, or his mom said his dad woke

39:53

up really early to like marinate the chicken and it was just

39:55

so good. I was just going to tell you what we had.

39:57

We just had this incredible like curry chicken. It was.

40:00

so good. Like it was like a dryer type

40:02

of chicken. Like it was like swimming in sauce,

40:04

you know, like so many like butter chicken chicken

40:06

tickets like in the sauce, like wasn't like that.

40:08

It was just like unbelievable. Aloo

40:10

gobi, which is like cauliflower and

40:12

potatoes, and then naan and

40:15

dal and rice. And just

40:17

had the best meal. I mean, I was

40:19

like full plate and then wet in for

40:21

a second. Like, I didn't

40:23

want them to think I was trying to like, fake

40:25

it. Like I really want more. I

40:28

love this so much. It's just it's a cuisine you know, like

40:30

I cook so much. I think I'm really great

40:32

at it. It's a cuisine that is so difficult

40:34

to master because yeah, huge range of spices. Right.

40:36

Spices is the word I so would not use.

40:39

I just brought this up. You're

40:41

trolling me. It is one of the hardest

40:43

cuisines to master all of those different flavors

40:46

is so difficult. There's such a play of

40:48

like heat and tangy. And it's just it's,

40:50

I mean, if you're an Indian person, you

40:52

probably master it. As a white person, I

40:54

can't master it. Very difficult and nuanced. Yeah.

40:56

So it was just it was nice like

40:59

to spend some time with his family and his

41:01

parents and his sister and do that and like, got to

41:03

see some of his friends. It was just like a really

41:05

cool weekend, which we'll kind of talk about on this episode

41:07

how like those are important to I mean, we've been together

41:09

for a minute now, you know, obviously, we're gonna have chill

41:11

weekends, everything's not gonna be some like planned out events, itinerary,

41:13

spending money, fancy dinners, all the things. But it was just

41:15

really good. We got a couples massage. I can't hope you

41:17

got you to do that. I can barely get you to

41:19

get a massage. We got one massage together. I'm

41:22

not a big massage. I was I

41:25

said to get over here and give me a happy ending. And he didn't. They

41:28

want you out of room quick. They stand right outside

41:30

that door with the water. I know you guys are

41:32

probably gonna judge me. I was half kidding. I would

41:34

have like definitely been down. Fuck yeah. Yeah, like so

41:36

horny as your massage. No, to finish me off. It

41:39

was like a serious it was we were very close

41:41

to like the reception. We weren't like private. I feel

41:43

like they couples especially they just they get a glass

41:45

of water. They wait right outside that fucking they want

41:47

you. They right. They're like waiting for you to get

41:49

out. They know you're gonna try to fuck if they

41:52

don't. They

41:54

know you're gonna take your time as

41:56

much. as

42:00

you want, 60 seconds they're knocking on the door. That

42:02

is so true. They did when it's out there. But

42:04

he just was going to this Thai massage place and

42:06

he was like, we should get a couple's massage. I

42:08

liked it, but I don't know. We

42:10

had our heads covered. We weren't that, whatever,

42:13

not like we were gonna hold hands. But I don't know, I feel

42:15

like I couldn't talk to him. I've had one

42:17

other couple's massage in my life. It was with Meryl. Oh. No,

42:20

I kinda wanted to chat every once in a

42:23

while. Oh, you did? I don't know. I

42:25

guess it's a little exciting. I guess I'm gonna let

42:27

Zaya also redo it. Okay, so I've gotten massages in

42:29

Jamaica, and I'm gonna put it

42:31

up on the beach. And it's blinding light, and you're

42:33

not sleeping through that. So I'm talking, I'm chit-chatting. If

42:35

you're outside, okay, if I'm outside, I'm talking. Yeah,

42:38

so Meryl and I did it. It was our friend's 40th.

42:41

We were in a big villa in Cabo, like I kinda

42:43

did for mine. And she had massaged, they came to the

42:45

house, and Meryl and I were like, we'll do that. So

42:47

we were outside, kinda indoor, outdoor. But

42:49

we were just kinda talking to each other. The

42:51

beds were really close. We were kinda giggling. Like,

42:55

I would've liked that experience. Also, I had a great time

42:57

and I had a great massage. But I didn't connect with

42:59

him the whole time. I'm just getting a massage.

43:01

Yeah, when the room is dark, there's no windows,

43:03

no light. It's a solo thing, solo experience. You're

43:05

in the zone. Yeah. It's almost weird that there's

43:07

another person there with you. Cause you're like, I

43:10

can feel the energy of this other person if

43:12

we're in a hot spot. And then he had

43:14

to see me at my ugliest. Nothing looks ugly.

43:16

Or never ugly, or not you specifically. It

43:18

goes the chair at the hair salon,

43:21

the massage. But here's the thing, I

43:23

know I'm ugly in the salon chair.

43:25

Massage, there's no bigger discrepancy between how

43:27

you feel and how you look. You

43:30

feel like you are refreshed, glowing, beautiful. You look

43:32

in the mirror, you're like a graceful Amarc. Yes,

43:34

yes. Eyelashes are all mashed up on your face.

43:36

You know, wash my makeup off. So I have

43:39

mascara all clumped up. Eyelashes, what's in my face?

43:41

I feel like I got beat up, you know?

43:43

So I was like, I don't know, whatever. But

43:45

it was a cute thing that he planned. I

43:48

think we're just always trying to like, we'll talk

43:50

about this today too, like plan stuff. Make it

43:52

count. You know, like do

43:54

a good mix of planning and then

43:56

like laying around and watching TV and

43:58

like bed rotting. I have

44:01

a lot to say about long-distance relationships and feeling

44:03

like every time you're together it's just crazy fun

44:05

vacation. I think people are going to be surprised

44:07

by my answer. People

44:09

have really wanted this episode for a long time.

44:11

I've been in quite a few long-distance relationships and

44:13

I have so much to say about them. You

44:16

have been in one for about a year. I

44:19

think we wanted to wait until this stood

44:21

the test of time like you really have.

44:23

I think that you guys have set

44:25

really, really healthy boundaries and practices. I'm excited

44:27

to talk about it. We put so many

44:29

polls online asking you guys if you've been

44:31

in them and what your boundaries are and

44:33

I think we just talk about our general

44:35

advice for making them good. I'm

44:37

really, really excited for this episode. Me too. I'm excited about

44:40

the talks but just in general I just top level do

44:42

we believe them or not. I know you're in one but

44:44

would you recommend it? No, I would never. It

44:46

wouldn't be me. I really believe

44:49

in long-distance relationships. Is it my

44:51

dream? Right. No? I

44:54

think that all relationships are hard and

44:57

they are full of problems and you just have

44:59

to pick which hard you're willing to deal with

45:01

because I think you get a lot of really

45:03

positive things in a long-distance relationship that you don't

45:05

get from one that's like you can see somebody

45:07

day to day down the street. I

45:10

think it really prolongs the honeymoon phase and keeps

45:12

the mystery alive and you can maintain your own

45:14

life a little bit. I think

45:16

that that's really fun. I find that when I've been in

45:18

long-distance relationships, my favorite part of my day is when I

45:20

get on the phone with that person for an hour at

45:22

night and download her a day. I feel that you really

45:24

get to know somebody on such a deep

45:26

level during those conversations in a way that

45:28

you wouldn't watch in a TV show together.

45:31

At the end of the day you're

45:33

both in a bad mood and you eat dinner and go

45:35

to sleep or you fuck or whatever. I

45:38

have felt that I've built these incredible

45:40

connections via the phone that I've really

45:42

enjoyed with another person. I think it

45:44

stays spicier longer and the sex is

45:47

wilder. I don't know. I

45:49

think that people would say, is it worth it? I think you

45:51

just have to reframe it to yourself of is this person worth

45:53

it? Yeah. Then go from

45:56

there. Every relationship is hard. You just have to pick what your

45:58

heart is going to be. I

46:00

mean I've had a few articles before to like

46:02

nothing like this, serious or long term. but even

46:04

like my boyfriend from college that we went years

46:06

back and forth, on and on seen another, never

46:09

felt like Super Syria we were So yeah or

46:11

Saint Rose, you know what? Up resource I have

46:13

obviously her experiences before. There's and like flings here

46:15

and there. Any rain. I have just been meeting

46:18

people outside of our cities are so many years

46:20

alec mostly for the duration or friendship. We've been

46:22

on eighty two and a few area and we

46:24

haven't like loved really like a that dating scene

46:26

and York an ally and and we just kind

46:29

of been branch. Out. For years now so I

46:31

do feel a qualified stickiness. I mean I can tell

46:33

you and me like to veto move the same city,

46:35

move in together and against the globe him or not.

46:37

But but you and I have met people the road

46:39

so much and like if I meet a cool person

46:41

and a different city that I like that's like fine

46:44

and the sexes guide like. I don't see any reason

46:46

to deny it. Give. It a few weeks

46:48

a few months to see. This has some lags. I'm

46:50

not like absolutely not. You live in a different setting.

46:52

Yeah, I mean I saw one commenter said someone said

46:54

their fear of abandonment as activated and like I validate

46:56

that you know there might be a bit of personality

46:58

type that you're like I don't want to do what

47:01

it does not work for me, I need to have

47:03

someone closer. I need that type of support. So I

47:05

also want say that like we posted a lot of

47:07

questions on Instagram and some people were like no never

47:09

hard pass a fine. If you think that you never

47:11

know, never say never But I can see a person's

47:13

like I just can't just doesn't work for me. I've

47:16

too many trust issues, too much. wrapped up in

47:18

s but also you may be say no

47:20

twenty five and in your thirty five you

47:22

know over here thirty nine like i was

47:24

when i met this person and and things

47:26

could change and you could evolve and have

47:28

no information but i've been getting asked this

47:30

a lot like how do you make it

47:32

work the have any tips and i mean

47:34

to me than to really make it work

47:36

you both just need to be committed an

47:38

intentional and on the same page about the

47:40

future like it's just it's just a commitment

47:42

like that's my mom and my dad's number

47:44

one tip of there really should we just

47:46

had to be committed i that's not a

47:48

hot take but like that's why you don't

47:50

work like both people are not the same

47:52

level of committed and i go back to

47:54

heather mcmahon and her husband just and we

47:56

had heather on so early he likes so

47:58

early in her career i mean 2018

48:00

and we wanted to talk to her about long-distance

48:03

relationships I feel like she didn't have much to

48:05

say besides like I don't know we just knew

48:07

it was gonna work out We knew this was

48:09

the person so it was just like again so

48:11

many different things can come into the mix But

48:13

like if you're both on the same page Then

48:15

like you can really work through most things if

48:17

you have good communication But I asked him last

48:19

night to like what do you think the secret

48:21

is? He was like it's like the intention like

48:23

it's that like we both know we want to

48:25

be together and we prioritize each other I think

48:27

the prioritizing is really important. He is like my

48:29

priority also Well this businesses you are my

48:32

family you don't have like just a top one

48:34

But like he's up there prioritizing him and our

48:36

time together and vice versa And I think if

48:38

both partners are like that this is the person

48:40

I want to be with I'm gonna prioritize this

48:42

and you Communicate well you could probably handle most

48:44

things to come your way but

48:47

I want to also before we kind of get into this

48:49

whole thing is just like we

48:51

both make money we can fly back

48:53

and forth and That

48:56

matters too like I couldn't have afforded this So

48:59

many years ago so I want to say that

49:01

and then I don't have a biological clock ticking because

49:03

I don't want children and We've talked

49:05

about that and so I like to say these kind

49:07

of is like caveats like these things I don't really

49:10

have to worry about and We

49:12

have discussed like moving you know like I asked

49:14

him very early on like would you be open

49:16

to moving? And I'll talk about that

49:18

too and how people can change their minds and things

49:20

like that But you know I was probably like I'm

49:22

probably never gonna move to Boston you know just with

49:24

what we do for for work and where

49:27

we need to be and Places that

49:29

I would like want to live and so he is like

49:31

open to moving here We'll kind of see what what shakes

49:33

out, but like we kind of have those things going for

49:35

us Cuz I

49:37

used to be a broke-ass bitch and like trying to

49:39

make it work and like couldn't even imagine a flight

49:42

You know it may be only a drive. I could

49:44

do you're in the car for five hours Whatever I'm

49:46

going from Atlanta to Charleston or whatever like I couldn't

49:48

have imagined like flying back and forth coast to coast

49:51

So I like to validate that to different ages.

49:53

I'd make different decisions. Yeah course I mean I

49:55

have a different lifestyle of yours and this has

49:58

been such a one-size-fits-one type of

50:00

topic like we asked you guys and we will

50:02

talk about the results but like how long are

50:04

you willing to be in a long-distance relationship how

50:06

much distance is too far everybody's answers are so

50:08

vastly different but like top level for me is

50:10

like are your goals aligned and are you able

50:12

to prioritize each other and if the answer to

50:15

those things are no then it's kind of a

50:17

non-starter to me like I do somebody I really

50:19

liked in Denver took a couple trips to see

50:21

each other the fourth time he

50:23

was gonna come visit me before he like booked

50:25

it he was pretty serious man he was like

50:27

before we go further do you think that's going

50:29

further yeah and like I am just like

50:31

in La La Land of like I got I don't

50:33

really want kids I don't care I can have this

50:36

go longer it doesn't matter man yeah I'll do that

50:38

I don't care if I'm happy right now I've the

50:40

luxury of living in the moment a little bit more

50:42

but I like both of us were pretty honest of

50:45

like no like I'm never gonna

50:47

move to Denver for you right you're not a

50:49

person I'm gonna make any compromises for in my

50:51

life I think yeah I felt the same we

50:53

had not the same interest in hobbies really like

50:55

our lifestyles weren't the same so the answer that

50:57

was no and we just called it like yeah

51:00

I think he really really wanted to find

51:02

a very serious relationship so he could marry

51:04

that was not gonna be me and so

51:06

I think that like if your priorities are

51:08

aligned and your goals like if somebody says

51:10

to you I lived down the

51:12

street from my family and this is where I plan to

51:14

live forever can you see yourself living there if the answer

51:16

is no it's you can't date the person

51:19

yeah I want to speak to that I want to

51:21

piggyback of what you said that's also accurate and like

51:23

your stage in life like I don't even know if

51:25

my relationship would have worked out three years ago I

51:27

don't know that we would have been ready for each

51:29

other you know and again like I

51:32

just got to validate women who are like

51:34

okay I'm 35 so okay I'm

51:36

gonna date this guy lives across the country and then

51:38

what so then what but I gotta you know you're

51:40

really doing the math if you want kids and it's

51:42

not like it sucks you have to live like that

51:45

I wish it wasn't the case so I I always

51:47

come back to that of like I fortunately just don't

51:49

have to worry about that but I do understand that

51:51

being a worry you're like no Ashley I want kids

51:54

I can't just meet a guy country 39

51:56

and then I got there put the pressure

51:59

on so I just think that does really

52:01

matter too but like here's

52:04

the thing I asked him our very first date

52:06

in New York if he thought he would move

52:08

because I had this feeling of like he's always

52:10

lived in you know Massachusetts outside of Boston his

52:12

family's there and I feared that he

52:14

may never want to leave and that because some people

52:16

really don't ever want to leave like where they grew

52:18

up they can't even picture it and he was like

52:21

yeah I'd be open you know and that I was

52:23

like oh thank God before I go down this road

52:25

but I also do think that is the one thing

52:27

people can change their minds you and I changed our

52:29

minds about LA I remember kind of having a casual

52:31

dating relationship with a guy who lived in LA so

52:33

many years ago when we lived in New York and he

52:35

was asking me if I would have removed here I think

52:37

he liked me and he was like interested in dating me

52:39

and I was like absolutely not hard path I said that

52:41

to him he was probably like okay well this

52:44

isn't probably gonna work I'm not gonna move to New York

52:46

I'm a West Coast guy so I do

52:49

think that's tricky because if someone is like hard

52:51

path I'll never move and you never want to

52:53

move you can certainly take them at their word

52:56

and you also make sure they're not just saying that because

52:58

I don't see a future with you that that's like an

53:00

excuse that's like Jimmy and Chelsea no I'm kidding but you

53:02

can write it out for a little bit if you said

53:04

to someone would you ever consider yourself moving LA they've never

53:06

been to LA they've been once and they hated it you

53:09

know there's a world in which they don't know any better

53:11

and so I want to tread lightly on

53:13

that because that is the thing that people change their minds

53:15

on you and I change our minds all the fucking time

53:17

about where we want to live but your partner said he

53:19

would be open to at least discussing it I know and

53:21

also your goals are a little different like you also are

53:23

unique in the fact that you can give it some more

53:25

time you're like I don't want kids yeah let's lean in

53:27

let's see what this looks like cuz yeah my last

53:29

really serious relationship he lived in LA I lived in

53:32

New York first date I was like I'm

53:34

not moving LA I'll never do it but yeah

53:36

I know

53:39

people can change their minds but he said I've

53:42

always wanted to live in New York yeah and

53:44

it is something I'd be open to yes but

53:46

like I guess the other type of goals are

53:48

like you know the person that I've had this

53:50

on and off line decision with for five years

53:52

we just don't want the same stuff he doesn't

53:54

like cities he wants to live in the country

53:56

and that is really what he likes that is

53:58

his lifestyle he likes to be outdoors He

54:00

likes camping like I remember like one time like he's moving from

54:02

where he lived he was like is there a way this works

54:04

Out ever and I was like where would we

54:06

ever live? He would refuse to live in the top

54:09

10 cities. I would never live in a hundred percent

54:11

So our lifestyles didn't match up I'm glad you tied

54:13

it back to that because that is true And

54:16

if he would have been like no I'm gonna die here You

54:19

know like I'm gonna live close to my parents and

54:22

like I would have been like I don't know if

54:24

we are the same type of person and there's nothing wrong

54:26

with that my brother the most wonderful person in the

54:28

world He's chosen to like live in Delaware,

54:30

and he's a family guy, and he wanted to stay close to home

54:32

He went to school in Delaware. He had all the options in the

54:35

world. You know like he just he's a homebody I

54:37

love that I love that he's like just wants to be

54:39

close to family and have that unit and I like love

54:41

his life For him and for me. I

54:43

love the way he lives life It's

54:45

not like a judgment on it, but so it's not

54:47

that it's just like I'm this person It's like one

54:49

to live in these big cities And I want someone

54:51

like at least like enjoys it and would consider moving

54:53

around and trying something fresh and new and like he

54:55

is Person and he's like loves coming here, and you

54:57

know we are talking about him moving here No, of

55:00

course not gonna say anything's like set in stone, but

55:02

yeah, you're right It kind of comes down to that's

55:04

like a little bit deeper Like

55:06

I guess early when I said like I lived down the street for

55:08

my parents And I refused to ever not be that like I

55:10

do think a lot of people are like that yes 100%

55:13

is a certain type of like a person in

55:15

person and that's kind of like a non Starter

55:17

for me also like we talked a lot about

55:19

like can you date somebody with a different lifestyle

55:21

as you like if somebody? Lives

55:23

to work, and you just work to live.

55:26

I don't know cannot work like there's all

55:28

kinds of things like I don't know if

55:30

this will change like you two prioritize each

55:32

other It's always the priority and it just

55:34

feels like you're gonna do what it takes

55:36

other things like and there's a whole list of

55:38

like People said like why maybe it

55:41

wouldn't work out like trust We'll talk about trust

55:43

like you could address those other

55:45

things if you're like we are committed to a

55:47

relationship We have the same goals and the goal

55:50

is to be together You know I think I

55:52

can deal with the other stuff Yeah, I mean

55:54

and I really feel for people who really do

55:56

feel like that really do love each other really

55:58

prioritize each other have a strong healthy relationship

56:00

and then just like it comes to a head and

56:02

no one wants to move I mean whatever it's just

56:05

I don't know that there's really no answer for this

56:07

I mean some people said can you do long-distance forever

56:10

sure why not don't let

56:12

people tell you you can't do what makes

56:14

you happy literally just be long-distance married who

56:17

gives a fuck if it works for you

56:19

and you're happy then that's great everybody around

56:21

me has been alive I mean it's I

56:23

was like thinking today like my mom and

56:25

my stepdad my stepdad is a he's an

56:27

engineer he always worked out of town every

56:29

week he came on the weekends my mom's

56:31

whole marriage was long-distance my brother and my

56:33

sister-in-law they were apart for like four

56:36

years yeah and I mean they're a little different because

56:38

they met right out of college and so like again

56:41

you make different decisions at different ages but like they

56:43

were really interesting and the fact that like she would

56:45

go to them a lot in Chicago she had a

56:47

lot more flexibility in terms of travel and I want

56:49

to like talk about that cuz like my brother needed

56:51

to be at the border trade five days a week

56:54

yeah and my sister-in-law is a consultant or was at

56:56

the time yeah it was easier for her to visit

56:58

him he was in Chicago she really wanted to live

57:00

in New York for a year and I'm sure he

57:02

would have loved it she moved to Chicago to be

57:04

with him and like he was just like okay I

57:06

can miss New York work I have friends there it's

57:09

a quick trip it's like two hours like we can

57:11

do this for a year and a half and I

57:13

think they like really talked about it as a couple

57:15

which I think is rare like she was like I'm

57:17

gonna move but it's not gonna be with you mm-hmm

57:19

and I think that's rare but like they made it

57:21

work that is a one-off I don't know everybody's like

57:24

a one-size-fits-one but like they just really like support the

57:26

other person's like dreams and needs and they've really

57:28

compromised the other person it is a lot

57:31

of compromise yeah yeah it sucks sometimes yeah

57:33

I know I mean and I'm a person that

57:35

I want to do what I want to do

57:37

right you know so like people take compromise in

57:39

different contexts too you know like your whole life

57:41

shouldn't be a compromise you shouldn't be like I

57:43

don't want to live here but I'm doing it

57:45

for you that sucks you

57:47

know like we should both be happy you know

57:49

like I wouldn't want someone to move out here

57:51

that hated it like thank God that's not the

57:53

case you know what I mean and I feel

57:55

like he has come here and like made friends

57:57

with a lot of our guy friends our fiancees

57:59

and boys friends of our friends and things like

58:01

that and he can do his job out here

58:03

and like all these things that you

58:06

know we're having conversations about over the

58:08

months but also me just making mental notes of

58:10

like can these things work and I you know

58:12

it's interesting with your point you said like someone

58:14

lives to work and someone works to live I

58:16

think that like the opposite works really well because

58:19

I don't think you get two people who are

58:21

like the live to work that both yeah all

58:23

consuming running businesses this and that

58:25

like how would you ever make time I

58:27

don't know like for us we have so

58:29

much going on we run these two companies

58:32

we're touring we're doing all the stuff and

58:34

he has a great steady

58:37

secure job with just set

58:39

hours and you know PTO

58:41

and that really works well first

58:43

he doesn't bring it from the office you know where

58:45

I'm not always non-stop and he knows like he always

58:47

impersonates me because babe I just have to do 30

58:49

minutes of work because you know what always turns into

58:51

an hour and I'm in the bed and he's just

58:54

like doing whatever and I'm like I should do 30

58:56

minutes work it's always a lie it's always longer than

58:58

that you know I just put the episode up I

59:00

just do this thing for Anna I just like okay

59:02

and he's just like okay and he doesn't make me

59:04

feel bad yeah and I think we have a lot

59:06

of mutual respect for those our careers in that way

59:08

like he was so willing to kind of like meet

59:10

us on a tour like kind of work around my

59:12

crazy travel schedule when we're on tour and I'm not

59:14

gonna come down and him like can't you take a

59:16

week off you know cuz like I could just go

59:18

to Boston fuck off and be there for a week

59:20

we would work around it we would figure it out

59:22

like I'm not feeling resentment cuz that's not his reality

59:24

cuz so we just have like a mutual respect of

59:26

like our careers that we've chosen

59:28

and like the time we can give mm-hmm and

59:30

I think some of these things just

59:32

would be non-starters for a relationship in general like take

59:35

the distance out of it like if you don't have

59:37

the same goals in life yeah you could look next

59:39

door to each other it's not gonna work out yeah

59:42

exactly you know like if you're both workaholics

59:44

and you never have time to like travel

59:46

to see the other person like I guess

59:48

anything could work but like these are just

59:50

general relationship problems and like that's why trust

59:53

is so interesting to me cuz like this

59:55

came up over and over and over again

59:57

like can I trust a person and I this

59:59

is gonna like trigger my trust issues. And yeah,

1:00:01

I do think, of course, there's more opportunity to

1:00:03

cheat when you're 400 miles away from a person.

1:00:05

But if you don't trust a person that's 400

1:00:08

miles away from you, do not

1:00:10

trust that person. That's it. If

1:00:13

they live down the street from you, you still couldn't

1:00:15

trust them to go on a vacation with their friends,

1:00:17

or to go on a work trip, or about their

1:00:19

girlfriends. Sure, distance creates opportunity and

1:00:21

anonymity. But I think that we either feel

1:00:23

that we are a priority to our partner,

1:00:26

and we've met their friends, and we're integrated

1:00:28

into their lives, and that they check in

1:00:30

when they say that they're going to, and they're intentional, and

1:00:32

they're consistent, or they're not. Yeah, I

1:00:34

guess you could cheat on somebody more easily if they're

1:00:36

not near you. But like, you could

1:00:38

a whole ass other girlfriend. Yeah, of course you

1:00:41

could. But if somebody is gonna find

1:00:43

ways to cheat on you long distance, they'll find

1:00:45

ways to cheat on you in person too. And having

1:00:48

them in your home, I've had long

1:00:50

distance relationships with two more

1:00:52

serious, and one less serious. I

1:00:54

don't think any of those people have ever cheated on me. The person

1:00:57

I lived with in New York City has fucking cheated

1:00:59

on me with everybody. So

1:01:01

the distance doesn't matter. So

1:01:03

funny, yeah. I

1:01:05

think that you have to deal in facts,

1:01:07

and say to yourself, am I triggered by

1:01:09

the distance because other people have cheated on

1:01:11

me, and I just have general trust issues,

1:01:13

I have anxiety issues, or has this person

1:01:16

done things to breed me feeling unsure? When

1:01:18

I go to visit them, do I meet their friends? Am I

1:01:20

integrated into their lives? They have siblings, I've never met them. I

1:01:23

think that you have to say to yourself, have they done

1:01:25

things that make me feel uncomfortable? I know,

1:01:27

they're cagey with their phone, all the same. Little

1:01:30

white lies. My DC ex-boyfriend

1:01:32

who I dated, he had

1:01:34

gone to law school with all these girls. He

1:01:36

was super close to these two girls, specifically, really

1:01:38

pretty, and smart, successful. Yeah, like Jimmy really fucked

1:01:40

one of them. He did fuck one of them

1:01:42

after we broke up. He fucked one of them after we broke

1:01:44

up. He fucked one of them after we broke up. He fucked one of them after we broke up. He fucked

1:01:46

one of them after we broke up. But years later, whatever, I don't care. He

1:01:49

would go out with them a lot after work. He would

1:01:51

party with them on the weekends. I just had to say

1:01:53

to myself, if you wanted to date

1:01:56

these girls, do whatever. If you want to fuck these girls, do whatever. And

1:01:58

I just have to like... Trust

1:02:00

him until he does something to make me not.

1:02:02

And it never came up. And I

1:02:04

think you can almost make it this self-fulfilling prophecy

1:02:06

where you're trying to control somebody's actions all the

1:02:08

time. And I think when you're younger, this happens

1:02:10

a lot more, where you're like, you must call

1:02:12

me the minute you get home. I need you

1:02:14

to check in with me. And you put all

1:02:16

these boundaries and parameters on a person, and it

1:02:18

almost becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy where somebody's like, fuck

1:02:21

you for treating me like that. And you

1:02:23

push them away. Totally. And then they

1:02:25

do do that thing. Yeah. Do you want to talk about trust in

1:02:27

your relationship? I don't think it's ever been in the initial. I

1:02:29

don't know. I really like, I want

1:02:32

to give all these caveats because I'm just like, I'm

1:02:34

talking to you guys from a 40 year old standpoint

1:02:36

of a person who like met her match. You know,

1:02:38

like it's just, of course I would have spiraled out

1:02:40

of control back in my twenties and some of these

1:02:42

things. I did. I really did. I

1:02:44

mean, I had a long relationship that was like short-lived but

1:02:47

I really felt like I was so in love with the

1:02:49

guy. And yeah, he cheated on me. He married her. I

1:02:51

went to the wedding. We know the story. Like

1:02:56

I really showed up in that wedding. I got invited

1:02:58

by his friend. Listen, it was a whole long time,

1:03:00

but yeah, like it

1:03:02

just, I was a psycho.

1:03:04

It sucked. But I never trusted him

1:03:06

because he wasn't trustworthy. He cheated. Exactly.

1:03:09

I couldn't even, if I were to look at my

1:03:11

old self, I wouldn't even like recognize her. But I

1:03:13

mean, we are both in places in our life where

1:03:15

we're not out partying all the time. You know, like

1:03:17

we know what the other person's doing all the time.

1:03:19

Like, and that might not be for some

1:03:22

people. They might think that sounds like boring. Our relationship's

1:03:24

not boring. It's wonderful. We have a spicy, we have

1:03:26

a great sex life. We really have so much fun

1:03:28

together. It's what it is. But you know, we just

1:03:30

share locations just because we just do. It just happened

1:03:32

and we just still do it. I don't know. It

1:03:35

wasn't some big discussion. Like these things have just kind

1:03:37

of fallen into place because it's like the right person

1:03:39

and we do really trust each other. And like, we

1:03:41

both feel like we found the person we want to

1:03:43

be with. So nobody's got like a wandering eye. No

1:03:46

one's thinking about like, what if this other thing? So

1:03:48

that's how it like should feel with the person that

1:03:50

you're with and you trust. I mean, you felt like

1:03:52

that with your ex. Never crossed your mind. Never would

1:03:54

have crossed a million years. But again,

1:03:56

I always knew where he was. I never called

1:03:58

him. He didn't answer. KG about what he's doing.

1:04:01

He didn't do anything that I found out. He

1:04:03

told me some white lie, he was consistent. I

1:04:06

felt a priority. I knew all of his friends

1:04:08

and his family. It wasn't a thing at

1:04:10

all for me. I refuse

1:04:12

to spiral out of control and

1:04:14

be preoccupied constantly with somebody else's

1:04:16

whereabouts. Are they cheating

1:04:19

on me? You could put boundaries, you could put any boundaries

1:04:21

you want on a person, I guess, if they're willing to

1:04:23

accept them. But I refuse to live my life like that.

1:04:25

I'm not gonna be like, you gotta call me every hour,

1:04:27

you gotta check in with me when you go home. Every

1:04:30

boundary you put on somebody is imaginary and they'll

1:04:32

find a way around it if somebody is really,

1:04:34

truly not completely.

1:04:37

Yeah, I mean, the trusting, I kinda go

1:04:39

back to the type of person that

1:04:41

may not be able to handle a relationship. And

1:04:43

that might be somebody that has really deep trust

1:04:46

issues from maybe their upbringing or people that just

1:04:48

have really jealous. I was thinking of just jealous

1:04:50

by nature people. That's not gonna work

1:04:52

for a lot of people. That's what I'm saying, like,

1:04:54

dealing facts. Am I jealous or is this person doing

1:04:56

something to provoke this? My ex,

1:04:59

who I have a really nice help, no joke, he

1:05:01

lost a girlfriend. I just, it never, I was like,

1:05:03

who are you gonna treat him with? I

1:05:05

feel like when you have two people who are

1:05:08

stable, secure, grownups, you just see things fall

1:05:11

into place. I've never once said, you gotta

1:05:13

text me when you get home. I don't

1:05:15

know, vice versa, we just do. Also,

1:05:17

to really hammer your point

1:05:19

home, when you do see them, are you integrated

1:05:22

into their life? Does everyone know about you, friends,

1:05:24

family, all the things? And that's just super important

1:05:26

too. It's harder when you're in your early twenties.

1:05:29

My first long distance relationship, I think I was like

1:05:31

29, so a little bit older, but people

1:05:34

are binge drinking and partying more. It's harder to

1:05:36

trust people. You're just like, I just don't know

1:05:38

what you're gonna do when you're so fucked up.

1:05:40

You have less money. You can't do those kind of

1:05:42

things. When you get a little older, you could definitely

1:05:44

be like, well, I have less flexibility, but more money.

1:05:46

So if you wanna visit me more often, I'll pay

1:05:49

for the plane ticket every other time or something like

1:05:51

that. I think that there's so many

1:05:53

more ways to compromise and you have more money. And

1:05:55

also, when you're younger, when I say you have

1:05:57

to be on the same page, more

1:06:00

casual. I think there could be, you got

1:06:02

somebody in this city, you go visit them and this

1:06:04

and that. We're kind of talking to people who want

1:06:06

that committed relationship and how to make it work. But

1:06:08

I also think there's a world in which you are

1:06:11

just more casual with

1:06:13

somebody because you're both in your 20s that

1:06:15

you don't want to get married in the

1:06:17

near future and you're able to both be

1:06:20

on the same page about just having a

1:06:22

little bit more of a casual relationship. Totally.

1:06:25

Where you don't need to see them like, sit down

1:06:27

and plan our year, which I say that as somebody

1:06:29

who does that. It's just more, we see each

1:06:31

other, we see each other, months will go by and then we

1:06:33

kind of circle back and we're dating other people. I don't think

1:06:35

that's what we're talking about today. But also, that could

1:06:37

work and then you could end up with a person down

1:06:39

the road. You never know what's going to happen. Yeah, it's

1:06:42

never my dream to start a long-distance relationship, but it can

1:06:44

be a little more casual in the beginning. Again, I don't

1:06:46

have the same timeline as other people, thankfully for me. But

1:06:48

I didn't beg for my last relationship too long distance. I

1:06:50

just thought it was cool and funny. We damned a little

1:06:52

bit and we texted a little bit. We got on the

1:06:54

phone. I was like, I like this. And I flew to

1:06:57

LA to hang out with them. I didn't seek it out,

1:06:59

but I think that

1:07:01

it can start casual. That's

1:07:03

not necessarily always the goal. But my brother said something

1:07:05

to me. So I called my brother and sister-in-law this morning

1:07:07

and I was just like, what do you think has

1:07:09

contributed to you guys being together like 13, 14 years

1:07:11

and married for six years? Yeah,

1:07:13

they're together young and that worked out. She moved to

1:07:15

New York instead of moving to be with him. They

1:07:17

moved all over. They've done all kinds of things. She

1:07:19

moved to Chicago and did not move in with him.

1:07:21

But I asked them. She sent me a very long

1:07:23

voicemail. I took notes, but she talked

1:07:26

a lot about prioritizing each other and having

1:07:28

trips planned and feeling like the other person

1:07:30

is a priority. But my brother said, being

1:07:32

long distance adds some challenges, like ways to

1:07:34

be intimate, but otherwise similar to not long

1:07:36

distance. It requires both partners to support one

1:07:38

another and make an effort. I think

1:07:41

that's what I was saying before, was maybe trying to get

1:07:43

to it. It's like, there's some of these things just wouldn't

1:07:45

work out whether the person was living next door to you

1:07:47

or not. If you don't want to be in a serious

1:07:49

relationship and they do, it's probably not going to work out

1:07:51

right now. Right. Yeah. Or they're just not

1:07:54

the type of person that wants to put

1:07:56

in that effort because it is more effort.

1:07:58

Like it really is. It's

1:08:00

like it is just more effort. And so I

1:08:02

look at sparkly eyes and I'm like, how

1:08:05

are you like, you're just like a perfect partner. You know,

1:08:07

like I can't believe people have ever broken up with you.

1:08:10

You know what I mean? Like and vice versa. Like

1:08:12

we've all been broken up with and broken up with

1:08:14

people. But I'm just like, you were equipped to do

1:08:16

this. And I do, he's like, no, it's just you.

1:08:18

I'm like, no, yeah, okay, whatever. I don't agree. It

1:08:20

is, yeah, it is you. Ha ha ha ha

1:08:22

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:08:24

ha ha ha ha ha. Great.

1:08:29

There's always, no, I wrote down something

1:08:32

that I knew you'll talk about it, but

1:08:34

I wrote down like a real tip. And I was like,

1:08:36

he does this thing all the time. It is really

1:08:38

different and special. It didn't come up a lot, but it's something that

1:08:40

he does, which we'll talk about later.

1:08:42

Okay. But it's so funny. I called my sister-in-law

1:08:44

and I was like, can you give me? So she voiced me back like

1:08:46

an eight minute voice note. I really admire their

1:08:48

relationship. They are just like best fucking friends.

1:08:51

They just are such goals. They seem so happy

1:08:54

together. It's just like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm

1:08:56

like, I'm so happy together. It never feels like

1:08:58

stale. Yeah. But she sent me this one voice

1:09:00

note and she goes, do you have anything to

1:09:02

say, like any advice or anything? And he goes, no,

1:09:04

I'm good. And then they

1:09:06

followed up and she sent me bullet pointed reasons. And then

1:09:08

my brother sent me another paragraph, which I thought was cute.

1:09:10

But anyways, it just made me laugh. I

1:09:13

love their relationship. I mean, sometimes it does

1:09:15

come down to this, we were committed from

1:09:17

the jump and we made it work. Yeah.

1:09:20

So we asked you guys some polls. And I want to

1:09:22

tell you good tips and stuff. I know we've had some.

1:09:24

But have you ever been in a long distance relationship? 66%

1:09:26

of people, 66 hours, I said yes. 34%

1:09:30

said no. I'm surprised. Yeah.

1:09:32

And I think people define relationship in different ways.

1:09:34

Totally. You know, like you could have had a fling here

1:09:36

and there that you just are like, that wasn't a relationship.

1:09:38

I'm not going to give it that title. Or

1:09:41

who knows? People could have just been staying local their

1:09:43

whole lives. Also, we have a lot of younger listeners.

1:09:45

And yeah, you know, you don't meet people. You and

1:09:47

I just meet people. You have more opportunity all the

1:09:49

time. Again, like in terms of this being really

1:09:51

one size fits one, we ask people how long are you willing

1:09:53

to wait until one of you moves to the same city? Six

1:09:56

months, one year, a year and a half to two years, or

1:09:58

two years in overall rush. Two plus your. There's no rush

1:10:00

10% of people. No rush,

1:10:02

two years. I love to

1:10:04

see it, but just chilling. 16%,

1:10:07

six months or less, you're moving. Which I

1:10:09

also was like, damn. And it's also this thing is

1:10:11

like, you don't know until you know. It's

1:10:13

fine to have opinions on what you think your answer

1:10:16

is, but you don't truly know until you're in it.

1:10:18

My last relationship, I missed him so

1:10:20

much. It hurt me in my body. I couldn't

1:10:22

stand it. Like one time we were away from

1:10:24

each other for three weeks. I thought I was

1:10:26

gonna die. I know, I hate it. Like this

1:10:28

is probably gonna be a month and we've only

1:10:31

done that one other time and it sucks

1:10:33

so bad. It's like I was like, Sunday

1:10:36

night, I was just getting so sad. Listen,

1:10:38

I lasted like eight, nine months and then he moved

1:10:40

to New York and then it was over quick. Yeah.

1:10:42

Yeah. And so I do wanna

1:10:44

talk about idealizing people and not moving too quickly.

1:10:47

But yeah, it's great if you got somebody that, the

1:10:49

average person, 50% of people said a year. I'm willing

1:10:51

to wait a year. And I think that that is

1:10:53

really fair. I mean, anything's fair if you're both compromising,

1:10:55

you both agree, but one year feels

1:10:57

like, okay, let's put our cards on the

1:10:59

table. Let's make a decision. Yeah, I agree

1:11:02

with that. Again, everybody's different,

1:11:04

not one size fits one. But

1:11:07

to me, it feels like I certainly will

1:11:09

have wanted to have conversations prior to a

1:11:11

year. And we have in my personal relationship,

1:11:13

but yeah, I do feel, I feel that.

1:11:15

I feel that it's, we've done this a

1:11:17

year. We know we're good. We're

1:11:19

in a good place. What's the move here?

1:11:21

I think it's an absolutely appropriate time to

1:11:24

make a move, have a conversation. Totally. Six

1:11:26

months, it just feels, listen, you can do

1:11:29

anything you want. I feel like you've gone through a

1:11:31

lot of milestones and good things and bad things. In

1:11:33

a year, you can make a more educated decision. And

1:11:35

everybody's different. And we ask people what's the distance

1:11:37

you're willing to deal with? And everybody

1:11:39

is so different. I mean, some people, I live in

1:11:41

Venice. I wouldn't date somebody in Silver Lake. That's the

1:11:43

same as Hoboken to the East Village. Some

1:11:46

people are like, that's too long distance for me.

1:11:48

People wrote 30 miles, a plane ride. Some

1:11:50

people an hour plane ride versus six hour plane ride. Some

1:11:52

people can't just be on a flight for six hours and

1:11:54

out work that long. What

1:11:57

I train with really fucking sucks a lot of

1:11:59

time zones. Yes, it's just and I know people

1:12:01

do it. I don't know. I don't think I

1:12:03

could go any farther Time's

1:12:05

on a part a different country like I just this

1:12:08

has got to be my max Also, this is a

1:12:10

good hoping I'm gonna be another After

1:12:12

this but I just yeah, I'm

1:12:15

like my next one. I'm not good. He's like, excuse

1:12:17

me I thought we were gonna

1:12:19

know like it sucks and like I joking that I

1:12:21

said this on Brittany and Brittany's podcast I did their

1:12:23

podcast. This is the worst which would be out now

1:12:25

I joked that I got this DM from this girl

1:12:27

that was like Ashley I'm in a long distance relationship

1:12:29

Denver to Phoenix and I was like don't do not

1:12:32

want anything. Well, I mean I'm like I'm you don't

1:12:34

I can't do a spontaneous trip like I mean we

1:12:36

can but like it's a whole day It's

1:12:38

a whole ass day. I will eat 12 hours of your

1:12:40

dad It's like this time and a half different LA to

1:12:42

Boston's the same as LA to New York I mean, it's

1:12:44

just like how when I'm going there. I'm like, this is

1:12:47

my whole day Like let's say I get picked

1:12:49

up at 5 30 in the morning. I get to his apartment

1:12:51

at 5 30 at night You know like

1:12:53

it's your whole ass day and you at

1:12:55

least have a job where you can work

1:12:57

and be available on a plane But yeah,

1:12:59

not everybody has that. Yeah, it's really hard.

1:13:01

Like I was able to do it I

1:13:04

mean, I did like New York to Charleston. I

1:13:06

did New York to DC again. Those are also

1:13:09

So you for our train ride to DC hour and a

1:13:12

half flight to Charleston like you could do that really easily

1:13:14

Same time zone at least you're like winding down

1:13:16

at the same time and waking up at the

1:13:18

same time I mean, we love it when we're

1:13:20

on the same time zone like I'm in Delaware

1:13:22

or whatever It's interesting though. I talked to this

1:13:24

couple. This is a baby shower We were out

1:13:26

recently and they've done distance all over the world

1:13:28

like they've done I don't know coast to coast

1:13:30

New York to Singapore to London like they're just

1:13:32

like lived all over and they were like Oh,

1:13:34

I think they were half joking but not really

1:13:37

they were like our hardest was Boston to New

1:13:39

York Because we felt like a pressure to have

1:13:41

to see each other every weekend and that's still four

1:13:43

hours. It's four hours on a train It's four and

1:13:45

a half in a car or whatever. And so it's

1:13:48

like almost that point where it just sucks

1:13:50

It's not two and you feel a pressure

1:13:52

to see each other every weekend and it's

1:13:54

almost like makes it worse I don't know

1:13:56

like funny. It's funny. Everybody's a different tolerance

1:13:58

level for time zones and travel Some people would

1:14:00

be like, it's got to be a train ride. It can't

1:14:02

be a plane ride. Yeah. I

1:14:04

can't afford it. I can't take that much time off. It's

1:14:06

just, it's very, very one size fits one. But we, I'll

1:14:08

just answer this because I get it all the time and

1:14:10

then we can kind of get into this like how to

1:14:13

make it work tips and things. But I mean, I would

1:14:15

say we see each other if I were to average it

1:14:17

out over the past like 10 months, every probably two and

1:14:19

a half weeks, because in a perfect world, we see each

1:14:21

other every other week. It doesn't happen all the time, but

1:14:23

you know, that is one person like traveling a month. And

1:14:25

then like, I saw him a ton over the

1:14:27

holidays. That was an East Coast of bunch. She was, he came out

1:14:29

here to surprise me in LA. Like it felt so

1:14:31

nice. It was way more often. And

1:14:34

then we've done that like one month, two other

1:14:36

times, one, we were traveling all over Europe. So

1:14:39

it was like no big deal. It

1:14:41

just, it's like weighs on you. Like it, I feel

1:14:43

the difference in that last week so much, like the

1:14:45

three weeks we can do it, but that

1:14:47

fourth week you're like, I'm, I feel crazy. I feel

1:14:49

like I'm like really frustrated. I'm like, I can't do

1:14:51

another fucking FaceTime date. Like I'm just like, and I'm

1:14:53

not taking out on him, but I just feel like

1:14:55

frustrated. Like you're so sad.

1:14:58

Yeah. They're missing a piece of

1:15:00

you. Yeah. So if you can do it

1:15:02

when you are every other week and that's one person traveling

1:15:04

a month, man, that you got it locked in. And then

1:15:06

when we have those back to back weekends, we feel like

1:15:08

a real couple, which is really nice. Like

1:15:10

the few times that it's been like, see you next weekend. It's

1:15:14

happened like three times where I'm like, this is like

1:15:16

pure joy. This is really special. It is really special.

1:15:19

Yeah. And you know, naysayers, I think, you know,

1:15:21

I was reading like, why not to like, we'll

1:15:24

say like, you know, it sends the honeymoon phase

1:15:26

and it's sort of like a fake parallel universe

1:15:28

to like an actual relationship. And

1:15:30

I don't necessarily agree with that. I think

1:15:32

that first of all, who cares if you've

1:15:35

just said it's a honeymoon phase. That sounds

1:15:37

awesome. If you keep things exciting,

1:15:39

if the sex is more fun and rampant when

1:15:41

you do see each other. I

1:15:43

mean, I loved that moment when you, the first

1:15:45

time you see somebody that you're in a launches

1:15:47

relationship with you haven't seen in weeks, you just

1:15:50

fuck immediately and you just don't stop. God, it's

1:15:52

so fun. I know. I

1:15:54

never even thought you could walk for a week. Faces all red

1:15:56

every. You

1:16:02

were just flushed all weekend. Take

1:16:05

me back. I like my ex in

1:16:07

Miami, figuring me in the elevator, like on the

1:16:09

way up in the hotel. You just

1:16:11

want each other so badly. And I

1:16:14

think that it just keeps it alive a little

1:16:16

bit more. And yes, obviously, when you see each

1:16:18

other every few weeks, you over

1:16:20

plan and you make all these exciting

1:16:22

reservations and stuff. But that's a fun

1:16:25

way to live. And I'm not saying prolong that

1:16:27

forever and never really see somebody in their environment

1:16:29

to the point that you've idealized them to be somebody

1:16:32

else. Yeah, and I do want to talk about that a little bit. But

1:16:34

I think it's nice that

1:16:36

you make it a priority. You make it

1:16:38

special every time you see each other. The stakes are higher. So

1:16:40

you make all these reservations and plans. And it

1:16:43

feels nice. It's a nice way to live. Yeah,

1:16:45

it absolutely is. And I mean, yeah, a

1:16:48

valid concern is absolutely, how do we go

1:16:50

from this fun, exciting, long distance to

1:16:52

moving in together, which I don't think is necessarily the

1:16:54

move. We can talk about it. We can talk about

1:16:57

it even moving to the same city and doing what

1:16:59

your sister-in-law did, moving in her own place, which

1:17:02

I think is great if you can do that. But I get it. It's

1:17:04

a valid concern. But I don't know. That wasn't

1:17:06

the right person for you, which is unfortunate.

1:17:08

But you don't know until you know. And

1:17:11

it's on my mind. I know

1:17:13

this is the right person for me, but I still, I can't see the

1:17:15

future. I have hesitation about even living

1:17:17

with somebody, and those things are swirling in my

1:17:19

head too, of what would it be like

1:17:21

just because it is the unknown. But I do think we've

1:17:23

gotten a real taste of our real lives at this point,

1:17:26

and we've done all the things, and

1:17:29

we've spent so much downtime together. We

1:17:31

do our daily grocery shopping. I feel

1:17:33

comfortable doing a workout when he's in

1:17:35

town. We don't have to be planned,

1:17:37

planned itinerary. When he

1:17:39

was here for New Year's, we were like, man, we watched like 12

1:17:42

movies. We just laid around, so it's not always

1:17:44

go, go, go. But

1:17:47

yeah, it's a concern. And I

1:17:49

think that that's valid. I think that

1:17:52

I certainly in my last relationship had an idealized

1:17:54

view of him. That like, even

1:17:56

though I would spend a week out in LA

1:17:58

with him quite often. And like long periods of

1:18:00

time, he came here for three weeks and stayed

1:18:03

with me. Like we spent long periods of time

1:18:05

together. It's just, it takes a while

1:18:07

to get to know like, how does somebody deal with

1:18:09

real problems? How do they problem solve? How do they

1:18:11

take care of their life? I

1:18:13

guess you know, the main concern is like, we, we

1:18:15

travel all the time. We've always fun plans, but like,

1:18:17

what does somebody like after a long shitty day at

1:18:20

work, because somebody long distance gets to take a beat,

1:18:22

have a glass of wine, cook dinner, then they call

1:18:24

you, you know, like even like when

1:18:26

I walked in the door from Miami and my neighbor

1:18:28

was staying with me and I just

1:18:30

like couldn't talk. I could not be bothered to speak to somebody. It

1:18:32

didn't matter how late he was like, can I get you anything? I

1:18:34

was like, well, you can get me is staying the fuck away from

1:18:36

me. Like, I guess you just don't know

1:18:39

until you know, and then you cross that bridge and

1:18:41

you hope that you spent enough time with another person

1:18:43

to really know what they're like in different situations. And

1:18:46

then you address it. But I certainly did

1:18:48

do that in my last relationship and I

1:18:50

just. Talking on the phone every

1:18:52

day is not being with somebody that's not being in a

1:18:54

day to day relationship necessarily of like, I come home to

1:18:56

you every day and this is what you're like and this

1:18:58

is how you are when you wake up every day. Not

1:19:00

how you are when you wake up and you're excited to

1:19:03

see me for two days and then I leave. Yeah. I

1:19:05

mean, I know I had this moment in Miami where I

1:19:07

was just like in a bad mood.

1:19:09

It rained. We just had our show had gotten canceled. Like I was

1:19:11

just not in a good headspace and then we woke up and it

1:19:14

was going to rain all day that day. I was just like, oh

1:19:16

my God. And like, I just like, you know,

1:19:18

he went on and got us coffees. Like my coffee wasn't hot.

1:19:20

I was like, oh my God, I feel like coming on. I

1:19:22

feel like a bitchy side. Like I feel like

1:19:24

I'm just my like frustrated, annoyed, like bitchy side

1:19:26

coming out. And like, I don't want you to

1:19:28

see it. You don't

1:19:31

have to see this. I get to hide this from you. And

1:19:33

I don't know, like those things weigh on me.

1:19:36

I'm like, why I've always been out here preaching.

1:19:38

I don't want to live with somebody, but I

1:19:40

love him. I want to, I would live with

1:19:42

him. I mean, I want to be with him,

1:19:44

but I'm like, those things are a concern. So

1:19:46

yeah, like Rayna said, like be realistic and don't

1:19:49

romanticize reality and don't rush into these things. Yeah.

1:19:51

That's why I think a year is a good amount

1:19:53

of time. And I hope I don't like contradict myself because

1:19:55

I do think the Heimann phase is great. You should prolong

1:19:57

it. And it's nice to make every single time you're together.

1:20:00

Really count and I mean you're such a plan maker

1:20:02

and you love it up tickets to concerts and dinner

1:20:04

reservations and fun stuff Plan that he's gonna like and

1:20:06

he does that for you as well But like it

1:20:09

is important to take enough time to really see

1:20:11

who the person really is I think after a

1:20:13

year of dating every weekend is

1:20:15

not some crazy. Wow, that's trip. Yeah, you know

1:20:17

Well, I think that I've always said that if

1:20:19

you are long distance You're

1:20:21

skipping a step by moving in together. Like

1:20:23

I told you that I thought it was

1:20:26

the mistake and it was you know Let

1:20:28

me yeah for you. Yeah, I mean he moved

1:20:31

I don't know if I've ever talked about this

1:20:33

I don't care. He moved from where I missed

1:20:35

him so much. I like felt like I was

1:20:37

gonna die I'm like we didn't have a lot

1:20:39

of like really serious conversations about finances and that

1:20:41

is like a really I just will never make

1:20:44

No mistake again. I just like I missed

1:20:46

him so much and I was like, I'll do

1:20:48

whatever it takes to get him here You know,

1:20:50

like I'm gonna shoot first and aim later Yeah

1:20:52

And like that was a big mistake and I

1:20:54

would never make that mistake again Like there was

1:20:56

a lot of conversations we should have had before

1:20:58

he just moved to New York and it melted

1:21:00

down I mean when I say

1:21:03

immediately I mean fucking immediately Yeah

1:21:06

down. I didn't want somebody in my space.

1:21:08

He didn't have his own life there I think he felt

1:21:10

like I was just dragging him from like thing to thing

1:21:12

and Essentially I was because he didn't

1:21:14

really have a lot of friends there And so I

1:21:16

wanted to integrate him to my life and I think

1:21:18

I thought that was a really positive thing But

1:21:21

he just sort of felt like he didn't have

1:21:23

time to acclimate as much We

1:21:25

started by it wasn't good. It ended the relationship. Yeah,

1:21:27

I mean that obviously wasn't your person You know, like

1:21:30

it would have ended up a familiar another reason to

1:21:32

ask for me exactly that wasn't what did it? But

1:21:34

I also see world in which you might be with

1:21:36

somebody that you could have a future with and you

1:21:38

rush it and that's what Blows it up like I

1:21:40

think moving in together Especially into a

1:21:43

tight space can be a recipe for disaster It can

1:21:45

also work But like if you met somebody in a

1:21:47

different city and you were dating for a few months

1:21:49

six months four months Whatever it is and you're

1:21:51

like this is kind of dope and I like this person

1:21:53

and I've been wanting to move anyway Or they've been wanting

1:21:56

to move anyway and someone makes a move like maybe you

1:21:58

get your own place and build your own life And

1:22:01

again, this works for people. People have whirlwind

1:22:03

romances, they meet, they do long distance, two

1:22:05

months later, they live together and they work

1:22:07

out and they stay together forever. So of

1:22:09

course it can work, but I always

1:22:11

think that, that's a little of a

1:22:14

leap, is long distance to living together.

1:22:16

It's too much for me and myself.

1:22:18

Without a year on your belt, maybe.

1:22:21

My situation, it's just, it's been inevitable

1:22:23

for us. I mean, it just, it's

1:22:25

shined a great big flashlight on every

1:22:27

other problem that we had. I

1:22:30

felt like I would leave for work in the morning and

1:22:32

do all this stuff and work really hard. He'd be there

1:22:34

in the morning not doing anything. And I'd get home after

1:22:36

a very hard day, long day you and I are just

1:22:39

doing all this shit. He'd just still be fucking sitting there.

1:22:41

And I didn't feel like he contributed to the house in

1:22:43

any way. I mean, he's a wonderful

1:22:45

person, but these things would have come up

1:22:47

eventually anyways. And if I'd given it a

1:22:49

little bit longer, I probably would have seen

1:22:51

them and not been in such an idealized

1:22:53

version of him. And to your point of

1:22:55

moving into another apartment, if you can, I

1:22:57

guess not everybody has the financial resources to

1:22:59

do it, but my sister-in-law did it. When she was moving

1:23:01

from New York to Chicago to be with my brother, I thought

1:23:04

it was crazy. He thought it was crazy. He was like, she's

1:23:06

gonna live down the street for me? And

1:23:08

she was just, she really put her foot down. It was

1:23:10

just like, I've never lived in Chicago. I want to build

1:23:13

life for myself here. I don't want you to be the

1:23:15

only person and the only thing that I have here. And

1:23:18

I mean, it just really worked out.

1:23:20

I mean, I think she did it for one year

1:23:23

and lived really close to him. Yeah, and again, like

1:23:25

you said, some people are like, hello, I don't have

1:23:27

that kind of money. She didn't either, by the way.

1:23:29

She was young and maybe 24, 25. I

1:23:32

mean, I don't know. What I knew for certain, that

1:23:34

if he moved here, he would not live with me

1:23:36

in that West Hollywood house. There was just not enough

1:23:38

room, and we

1:23:40

hadn't been together as long. But I mean, I'm

1:23:42

thinking about it. We have discussions about it. And

1:23:45

this is just my general hesitation to living with somebody has

1:23:47

nothing to do with him. I know that he's the person

1:23:49

I want to be with. So I'm like, I'm gonna move him

1:23:51

to a bigger house now. It wouldn't be a both people working

1:23:53

room home situation. I think that can be a recipe for disaster.

1:23:57

And if it works for you, that's great. But I mean, there is a world in which

1:23:59

we do it. which I'm sitting here

1:24:01

saying like I was such a mistake to

1:24:03

skip that step and then I do it

1:24:05

so I want to be clear just it

1:24:07

has to be right. I have to feel comfortable.

1:24:09

He has to feel comfortable and

1:24:11

just think about all these things like you did

1:24:13

rush into it. You did not think about all

1:24:15

those things but it ended

1:24:17

the relationship which was going to end anyways maybe it was for

1:24:19

the best like you know you could have

1:24:21

pushed he could have got his own place and then

1:24:24

you would have been together six four months and just

1:24:26

like prolonging the inevitable so yeah I could have waited

1:24:28

four more months and enjoyed like what was happening but

1:24:30

like if we ever had had those discussions about finances

1:24:32

and goals we see it would have just broken down

1:24:35

to begin with and actually I never speak in like

1:24:37

rules everything is one size fits one it's not like

1:24:39

you have to do this for some people you could

1:24:41

move right in together and that's great 100% I just

1:24:43

I think we're here like offering like our advice and

1:24:46

our listeners advice and cautionary tales all right I

1:24:48

want to get into this because the number one

1:24:50

thing people said and which is also my advice

1:24:53

as well is like you've got to sit down and

1:24:55

plan and know the next time you're gonna see each

1:24:57

other so everyone said that like you always know when

1:24:59

you're gonna see them next have that to look forward

1:25:01

to you're not left wondering which I think is like

1:25:04

a general rule every person I asked every piece of

1:25:06

advice have the next time planned yeah like we'll like

1:25:08

set aside time and like I'll jokingly be like it's

1:25:10

q2 planning you know I'll send a calendar invite I'm

1:25:12

just kidding you would send it for me because I

1:25:15

can't send a calendar invite but we'll sit down and

1:25:17

like have a very like you know unsexy open our

1:25:19

laptops up look at our calendars meeting

1:25:21

essentially and really work through I think last September

1:25:23

we did it we planned through the whole year

1:25:25

and it felt really good like it was such

1:25:27

a sense of relief like we have both found

1:25:29

that like when we know these things are booked

1:25:32

we feel such a sense of relief surrounding them

1:25:34

it just removes like the ambiguity yeah I think

1:25:36

it's really important it makes me feel respected yeah

1:25:38

and it's this is when the effort comes in

1:25:40

like it's another thing in my life

1:25:42

and I'm happy to do it but that I have to

1:25:44

dedicate time to and like work on and you know we've

1:25:46

had these minor issues where something had come up we didn't

1:25:48

move a fucking show I'll tell you guys like not that we

1:25:50

had announced it not that we would ever move a show that

1:25:52

we had sold tickets to but we had a show in Boston

1:25:55

and it came up that

1:25:57

he had a family wedding and I'm like we can't miss

1:25:59

this wedding you can't not come to that fucking

1:26:01

show. So we changed it and we

1:26:03

will be announcing dates soon. But it was like

1:26:06

a thing where I was like, are you fucking

1:26:08

kidding me? I was like,

1:26:10

that way H, we can move the ship

1:26:12

to my boyfriend, is this for real? But

1:26:14

it was important and we were able to do

1:26:16

it. We had enough runway to do it. And there

1:26:18

was one other time where he forgot about this bachelor

1:26:20

party and he is on top of his shit. Like

1:26:22

it's not the- Oh, people miss a six. But yeah,

1:26:24

it was just like, I've made mistakes too. And so

1:26:26

those are the only things we've really run into where

1:26:28

we just have to be so meticulous about our schedules,

1:26:30

checking with friends and family. I'll check with you, Raina,

1:26:33

do we have anything? You and I both have weddings

1:26:35

this weekend. We keep trying to plan shows that we-

1:26:37

I know. We keep forgetting we have weddings this one

1:26:39

weekend. But we are gonna announce it to our soon-over.

1:26:41

Yes. But the scheduling is important.

1:26:43

And I think people think things like that, like

1:26:45

scheduling conversations, money conversations, this are so unsexy,

1:26:47

sorry, you gotta have them. Like you gotta

1:26:50

get your stuff aligned if you're trying to

1:26:52

make a long distance relationship work as unromantic

1:26:54

as it may be. The worst thing I've

1:26:56

ever done in a relationship is not address

1:26:59

a thing that was bothering me. And it

1:27:01

didn't just stop bothering me, by the way.

1:27:03

It got worse. Yeah. So you

1:27:05

gotta talk about the money stuff. You have to. Yeah. And

1:27:08

your schedule. And I think it's just terrible when

1:27:10

you guys do your Q1 planning. And I think

1:27:12

it's really important to feel like this person has

1:27:14

made an intentional effort to like make plans with

1:27:16

me. I know what I'm gonna see them next. I

1:27:18

have something to look forward to. And then I can

1:27:20

plan my life around it. Like how do you be

1:27:22

up in the air? I couldn't do that. Oh no,

1:27:24

not at all. I mean, we know months out and

1:27:27

we know we're not gonna go this long. And it

1:27:29

does work out. But everybody said that. I mean, I'll

1:27:31

just rattle off a couple other things that are like

1:27:33

my tips, but also tips that we got. I mean,

1:27:35

we obviously like FaceTime all the time. We'll set a

1:27:37

FaceTime date here and there. We'll FaceTime three

1:27:39

times a day sometimes. But we'll also set those dates of like

1:27:41

we're having a date night. It's cheesy and corny and we do

1:27:43

it. Can I tell you a thing that I wrote down that

1:27:45

he does? Yeah. Okay, so I think

1:27:47

that obviously FaceTimeing, phone sex, all those things

1:27:49

are really important technology wise. But finding other

1:27:51

ways to connect it and don't involve the

1:27:54

phone. And I think he's really great at

1:27:56

like flowers. He sends you snacks. And

1:27:58

I think it's really nice to trade clothes. So

1:28:00

if you can like have a piece of like a sweatshirt of

1:28:02

somebody is close. Yeah, like I think that like you guys know

1:28:04

that I think communication is like

1:28:06

so important But like there's other fun ways to like

1:28:09

feel connected to somebody and like just that you like

1:28:11

wear a sweatshirt Like I think that those things are

1:28:13

really important the gifts and everything was on my list

1:28:15

But not the clothes and like I don't know one

1:28:17

time when he came to visit he like left me

1:28:19

a sweatshirt He kind of like hit it. I was

1:28:21

like, that's like so cute But

1:28:23

yeah, I mean the face time thing like wolves

1:28:25

cook on FaceTime Like a lot of times like I'm

1:28:27

cooking and we'll have dinner I mean, we're not eating

1:28:29

there at the same time but I'll eat or I'll

1:28:31

watch him cook and we send a you know Gift

1:28:33

so they don't to be expensive, you know, like I

1:28:35

recently sent him this candle this hotel lobby candle He

1:28:38

loves from my house. I was like drizzly 10 beer

1:28:40

before he'll send me snacks or a breakfast or lunch

1:28:42

He's a big flower guy and all those things but

1:28:44

a little goes a long way Like it can just

1:28:46

be a card or a note like he has stuck

1:28:48

notes in like my bag before when we're leaving Like

1:28:51

a hotel room, for example, like I have one

1:28:53

of my wallet now Like little things like that

1:28:55

like hidden notes small gifts postcards. It's like those

1:28:57

small things and people have said this too again

1:29:00

This is like a lot of my stuff That's like everybody

1:29:02

is kind of reiterated when we asked an Instagram But I

1:29:04

think little routines are good to like one thing that we

1:29:06

have and it's okay if we like miss a day It's

1:29:08

not that rigid but like on the weekend mornings. We always

1:29:11

talk on the phone or FaceTime while I'm getting up I

1:29:13

mean if I'm getting up at 9 or 10, it's already

1:29:15

his afternoon but like, you know, especially

1:29:17

about the guy had some drinks night before I'm like

1:29:19

slow to wake up and he always calls me or

1:29:21

FaceTime me if I'm ready and that's like a thing.

1:29:24

I like to like hear his voice I'm like laying

1:29:26

in bed. It's like we're like waking up together on

1:29:28

the weekend and I mean we

1:29:30

have a playlist we both add to we send photos all

1:29:32

the time, you know, it's like sexy pics Of course, but

1:29:34

also just like our outfits before we go out, you know,

1:29:36

it's a little pics pictures with our friend Yeah,

1:29:41

and we sexed of course and all of that like

1:29:43

I don't need to dive in all the details of

1:29:45

our cyber sex life But I think like every couple

1:29:48

is different and some people are certainly gonna be more

1:29:50

into phone and FaceTime sex And

1:29:52

some are and I think whatever works for you

1:29:54

is fine I mean we have a sexual connection,

1:29:56

but we're not having FaceTime phone sex all the

1:29:58

time. I think you can speak a lot a little

1:30:00

more to that. I mean, you have phone sex on the street at 3 p.m. We're

1:30:02

never not having phone sex. Yeah, so Reina can

1:30:04

talk on that. And of course, you know, your

1:30:06

vibe's only long distance lover. We have these vibrators

1:30:09

and they connect to our app and your partner

1:30:11

can control it. And it's such a fun thing

1:30:13

for long distance couples. People go crazy for it.

1:30:15

All of our toys can do this. All the

1:30:17

Bluetooth chip and with our vibes only app, you

1:30:19

can control, you can be in Paris and New

1:30:21

York and control somebody's vibrator. It's a fun way

1:30:23

to connect. And even if you're like just kind

1:30:25

of playing around with it, like, yeah, it's awesome

1:30:27

if you're doing a whole shebang. You're doing a

1:30:29

whole like sexual experience. But even if you're just like, babe, this

1:30:31

would be so funny. It's like, you can just be funny about it.

1:30:33

You don't have to be like, oh my

1:30:35

God, a whole sexual experience, you know, or that,

1:30:37

whatever you want. But I mean, he's just a

1:30:39

really thoughtful, sentimental guy. Like a lot of guys

1:30:42

aren't gonna do all this stuff and that's okay

1:30:44

too. You know, like as long as you feel

1:30:46

like they're prioritizing you and thinking about you and

1:30:48

it doesn't have to be all the things, all

1:30:50

the times over the top. I don't think you

1:30:52

need to spend a ton of money either. I

1:30:54

like when he like Instacarts you a snack. Yeah.

1:30:56

Drizzly somebody a beer. I think that that's really

1:30:58

fun. And if you do like once a month, that's

1:31:01

just cute. Throwing somebody into somebody's suitcase, the sweatshirt

1:31:03

thing, like little things. Yeah, I think he is

1:31:05

like a top tier, like thoughtful person not everybody's

1:31:07

gonna be like that. But I think we all

1:31:09

want to feel like we're a priority to somebody

1:31:12

else and there's different ways to like show that.

1:31:14

I mean, certainly communication is important. And like you

1:31:16

said, everybody's level is a little different. Like I

1:31:18

like to be in constant communication all day. I

1:31:21

want to text and I want a phone call at the

1:31:24

end of the day. I love

1:31:26

phone texts. Everybody's level of like

1:31:28

tolerance for sexy pics, phone sex,

1:31:30

FaceTime sex, I'm not doing that shit. That's crazy.

1:31:32

But like I'll send a lot of sexy pics

1:31:34

and I think you can keep things really spicy

1:31:36

and exciting. And maybe you're like, I would never,

1:31:38

that's fine. Like also Ashton, I've done tons of

1:31:40

episodes on Dirty Talk, FaceTime sex, Master of Beauty

1:31:43

on the Phone, Dirty Videos. So you can go

1:31:45

back to the catalog of episodes and look at

1:31:47

those. We won't get into like everything. But like

1:31:49

that might not be in your

1:31:51

repertoire, but like just take a Cleveland shot

1:31:54

down your shirt. Like it doesn't have to be

1:31:56

pussy out all the time. Like just a Cleveland

1:31:58

shot down your shirt at work. about you.

1:32:00

It doesn't have to be so wild and crazy.

1:32:03

My last boyfriend and I, he was very into

1:32:05

phone sex. Every night he was phone sex. It

1:32:07

was crazy. One day, I was walking down the

1:32:10

street. Oh yeah, I asked his brother's wedding. My

1:32:12

mom heard it. He was really into it though.

1:32:14

I didn't have to push him into it. I

1:32:16

can see being like, well, my partner's never initiated

1:32:18

this. I don't know how it will be. I've

1:32:21

had the long distance on and off for

1:32:23

so many years. I've had phone sex like

1:32:25

five times and I initiated her time and

1:32:27

it's still pretty. He doesn't participate that much.

1:32:29

I didn't really cowboy the experience. Some

1:32:32

people aren't really super into

1:32:35

it. I don't think you should change your whole life

1:32:38

but I think just like a cute, like look

1:32:40

how cute my butt looks on these shorts. Anything

1:32:42

to just be like thinking about you, spicy, sexy.

1:32:44

You don't have to be like me having phone

1:32:47

sex in the middle of the day, broad daylight

1:32:49

walking down the street. Yeah. I'll never

1:32:51

forget it. I'll never forget it either.

1:32:54

Yeah, absolutely. If you don't do that

1:32:56

at all, it's fine. I do think

1:32:58

like Reina said, sexy pics and not

1:33:01

all guys are good at them but some

1:33:04

are. Some are.

1:33:07

I will

1:33:10

say that.

1:33:13

I love dick pics. I love them so

1:33:15

much but sometimes I really just enjoy a

1:33:17

hard dick in a sweat pant. Oh no,

1:33:19

I'm not talking about like a full frontal

1:33:21

dick. I'm just like, full frontal dick. I

1:33:23

don't really need that. I'm talking like sexy

1:33:25

suggestive. Yeah, I'll take full frontal dick but

1:33:27

just a hard dick being like gripped in

1:33:30

your boxer shorts all day. Oh, that's a

1:33:32

good one. Yeah, the grip of the hard

1:33:34

dick with boxers on or you know, sweats

1:33:36

on or whatever. I don't have too

1:33:38

much else. I just think like when you're talking about

1:33:40

traveling, like trying not to keep score and less it

1:33:42

gets really one sided but like there's going

1:33:44

to be times that it just ebbs and

1:33:46

flows like any type of relationship. I mean

1:33:48

in our business relationship, there's times where I'm like,

1:33:50

you know, you got surgery and I'm

1:33:53

carrying the company or you know, someone's got

1:33:55

a hangover someone's traveling or whatever it is

1:33:57

like everything kind of ebbs and flows Like

1:34:00

you really are putting in more effort at a certain time

1:34:02

with the hope that the other person will put in more

1:34:04

effort another time. You know, like I've gone there three times

1:34:06

in a row. Well, you know, down the road, he'll have

1:34:08