0:00

your 20s and your 30s are

0:02

like all over the place. People are getting

0:04

married and settling down and buying homes and

0:06

having kids in their 20s. Some

0:08

people aren't even considering that till their 30s.

0:11

There is no consistency. Hi

0:14

guys! Welcome back

0:16

to another episode

0:18

of Girls Gotta

0:20

Eat. Six oh

0:23

you sound so

0:25

sad! Oh

0:37

we're just gonna start strong. The tears

0:39

are flowing. It's our six year anniversary

0:42

episode. We can't record it at home.

0:44

We feel so sad. We are really

0:46

we're blessed Spotify has given us studios.

0:48

Please listen to this episode on Spotify.

0:51

They saved us from our natural disaster

0:53

of our studio flooding

0:55

and we'll talk about it but I'm

0:57

just trying to like hold it together.

0:59

I feel like very weirdly emotional where

1:01

I'm trying to also like figure out

1:03

if there's something else going on because

1:05

like I've just been like

1:07

really upset about our couch. Like it's

1:10

really hitting me hard but it's what

1:12

can you do. So Spotify last second swept in

1:14

and they were like anything you need studio space

1:16

whatever and they've been so great. I have never

1:18

made direct eye contact with you. No

1:22

we're like a single crowd. This is like a first date.

1:25

Like why are we at home? Like

1:28

an awkward dinner. Taz, can you give

1:30

me sunglasses? There's the inside. Yeah. I'm

1:34

actually just gonna sit on the floor. You can

1:36

just look at the wall. Yeah I'll just look

1:38

over here make it really awkward. And

1:40

we got these balloons. Our six year

1:42

anniversary. Which is actually sparkly idea because

1:45

I was like we're not gonna be in the studio. We're sad about it.

1:47

He was like you could get balloons and like make it special and then

1:49

we're in this recording studio with these fucking

1:52

balloons. You guys know what

1:54

it looks like it's like a radio studio. Yeah there

1:56

are other studios here that we'll have in the future

1:58

as we dry out the studio. space but

2:01

I'm six years and WW

2:03

JD kr all the hit 100

2:05

92,000 today oh my gosh well let's

2:10

take some of our partners our wonderful partners a

2:12

lot of you just stuck with us for years

2:14

so thanks guys but we'd like to thank Skims

2:17

for supporting our show Skims is over a hundred

2:19

thousand five star reviews for a reason it Skims

2:21

bras are now available at skims.com plus get free

2:23

shipping on orders over at $75 I have my

2:25

Skims bra on and no panties just like you

2:28

well I have nothing on but a bodysuit I'm

2:30

just nipples for days yeah and thanks

2:33

to Babbel for supporting our show

2:35

here's a special limited time deal

2:37

for you right now get 50%

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off a one-time payment for a

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lifetime at Babbel subscription for our

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2:45

big shout say helix sleep take their two-minute sleep quiz and

2:48

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to helixsleep.com/GGE and use code helix

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partner 20 and we'd like

3:01

to thank neutriful for supporting girls got

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first month subscription and free shipping

3:18

so California is under a state of emergency

3:20

well it's sunny today for the

3:22

first day yeah what even is that yeah did

3:24

you know that I read a statistic we've gotten

3:27

eight inches of rain in the last like five

3:29

days and then California yearly average is 14 inches

3:32

oh yeah really average

3:34

it's unprecedented it is biblical

3:38

it's really like what is happening no it's

3:40

arc shit I mean it's wild I was

3:42

I haven't even been I wasn't here for

3:44

most of it I got home at the

3:46

tail end yeah and you were just in

3:48

the thick of it I mean

3:50

the way I was being psychotic with my landlord

3:52

yesterday about getting like disaster relief services in

3:54

my home to like drain it but then I

3:57

was like everybody in California

3:59

needs this like down. So our studio

4:01

place completely flooded from the ground and

4:03

the ceiling. It came up from

4:07

all angles. You know it's bad when it's coming

4:09

up from the floor. The floor. Where

4:11

you don't even know where it's coming from. I

4:13

couldn't identify the... So I was in there and

4:16

it was dry near the door and the window

4:18

and the actual... It's a garage space sort of.

4:20

It's a casita essentially, but all the inflection points

4:22

of water normally was sealed off. So I was

4:24

like, there's just a crack in the foundation is

4:27

just coming up. So the craziest

4:29

thing happened. Like Friday I was running to

4:31

the airport to go to Miami to meet

4:33

you where we also got rained out of

4:35

our show. The amount of

4:37

rain related trauma I'm dealing with... I told

4:39

you I don't want to take showers anymore. No,

4:41

showering is off the table for you. Like you

4:43

already hated it. I'm like, rain is going to

4:46

start smelling. And I support it. Thank you. I was

4:48

talking to Arlen this morning, my brother, and he was

4:50

like, well you hate showering. And I was

4:52

like, yeah, I'm never doing it again. I'm against it.

4:54

So the craziest thing happened. I was on my way

4:56

to the airport to meet you in Miami and I'd

4:58

called the Uber and my neighbor who's no longer my

5:00

neighbor, he's my friend, he's been living with me for

5:03

weeks. It's fine. We're just listening. I

5:05

have like a belting buddy. I kicked him out yesterday.

5:07

But no one has ranted more about

5:09

having men in their home than you and no

5:11

one has had more men stay with them. I

5:13

ran a... He was with the sick guy. So

5:16

she moved to that house. Today was the first day

5:18

in, I'm going to say, a month I woke up

5:20

and someone wasn't in my house. It's

5:22

only men. You even had a female

5:24

house guest. It's just been like Bill

5:28

Greenberg, Rob, Francis, Yonatan,

5:31

who then moved in, Jeremy.

5:33

Like the list goes on and

5:35

on. It literally is like,

5:37

Rayna, I don't want men in my home, Greenberg.

5:39

And then you're like, you know what? You should

5:41

move in. Francis landed, Francis,

5:45

Harvard educated, Francis landed to do

5:47

a show in LA, didn't

5:49

have a hotel. He's on the group chat with us. We're about

5:51

to go to lunch. She's like, I guess I'll stay around this

5:53

side of town. We're like, you guess? Rayna's like, you can stay

5:56

with me. I'm like, there she goes again. So

6:00

I've gotten multiple gifts sent to my house and I

6:03

don't know where they're coming from. I got that sex

6:05

stone. Oh my god. I meant to tell you, someone

6:07

sent us both like sex stones. Well first I got

6:09

this box of like forever roses. You know it's just

6:11

the tops of those roses. They're expensive and they smell

6:13

great. And I was like, who sent these to me?

6:16

And my first thought was like Francis. I was like,

6:18

you just stayed with me. And he was like, I'm

6:20

married. I didn't send you a box of roses. You

6:22

back up to that though. That is so funny that

6:24

you asked. Did you send me flowers? He's like, I'm, I'm

6:26

not. I'm not. Did you send me flowers?

6:28

He's like, I have a wife. I

6:32

crashed at your place one night. I didn't send

6:34

you forever roses. That is

6:36

so funny. He

6:40

was my first act. Can you imagine his wife sees

6:43

that text? Hey, did you

6:45

send me flowers? She's like, excuse

6:47

me. Just so

6:49

we're clear. I thought it was insane too.

6:51

But I was like, maybe. Because he's so

6:53

sweet and wonderful. He

6:55

would do something like that. And then I knew it was

6:57

Jeremy because he doesn't respect me at all. It's

7:00

mutual. You don't respect anyone less than him. You wanted to fuck a

7:02

guy that was trolling him. I do hate each other. I went on a date

7:04

with a guy that was trolling him. I was taking so

7:06

many photos for Jackie. I was like, his feet are everywhere. Everywhere I look, his

7:08

giant ass feet. The comforter on the floor. The way I would cut someone out of

7:10

my life. The wet towel just you were wrong. You left and the comforter was

7:12

on the floor? I was like, I'm not going to do this. I'm not

7:14

going to do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to

7:17

do this. I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this.

7:28

I'm not going to do this. I'm

7:37

not going to do this. I'm

7:46

not going to do this. You

8:00

know what else Rob? There's tap water in those

8:03

Aquafina bottles. Aquafina

8:06

is the same level as Dasani, just if

8:08

anyone cares. It's just Pepsi versus Coke, who

8:10

owns them or whatever. So it's the same.

8:12

I like to shit on Dasani, but Aquafina

8:14

is equally as bad. It's not spring water,

8:16

it's just shitty whatever. And

8:19

you just drink the

8:21

Aquafina for one, and then you refill it

8:23

with LA's disgusting tap water and you put

8:25

it back in the fridge. The

8:28

way you hydrate is horrifying.

8:31

Well I've gotten really into recycling, so I've

8:33

been... That's triggered me, I'm

8:35

sorry. If you know, you know. I've

8:37

been like washing out containers. I'm like

8:39

really, I'm recycling really good. Let's

8:42

move on. So I got these

8:44

flowers, I don't know who they're from, and then

8:46

I got this Sex Rock. And

8:48

it's like this soap, Sex Rock

8:51

soap. The brand is

8:53

Kate McCloud. But then

8:55

I was like, is that who sent it? I don't know. And

8:57

then I was like, Ashley, do you think Ryan's trying to get me back?

9:03

Because I've been talking to him as much. I'm trying to get you back. If

9:07

Ryan was trying to get you back, he would just pull the van

9:09

off. I would love that. I would love that, that would make me

9:11

so happy. He was like, I've

9:13

thought about it, and you are the one. You

9:18

guys think she's joking, and I know she thinks about this late at

9:20

night. She's

9:23

letting you into her fantasy world. Under the guise of

9:25

a joke. No, it's

9:27

not a joke. He knows about a joke. Ryan, if you're listening, I love you. We're

9:34

having fun. Anyway, so Yoda Tawn has been an amazing

9:36

guest. He's been like really honestly so wonderful and clean.

9:38

And like I got home from Miami the other night.

9:41

I was like beside myself and he like ordered sushi

9:43

and we watched Harry Potter. I

9:46

was like, this is the best day ever. And it's completely platonic. But

9:49

just to jump in, he moved out from being your

9:51

neighbor. I forget if we said this. This was kind

9:53

of unclear. The episode where he was running around outside

9:55

and he was cowboy hat, shirtless, striping, all the things.

9:58

So he just moved out. The

10:00

next door this nice girl moved in you have a

10:02

new friend and then you keep it He's been staying

10:04

with you as he's kind of like nomadic. He's in

10:06

transition. He misses me So

10:08

anyways back to the beginning story So I was gonna

10:10

get into the uber to go to the airport to

10:12

go to Miami and he was like I put some

10:14

trash by The front door and he was like I'll

10:17

take it out Don't worry And he got a phone

10:19

call and I was like I just want to take

10:21

the trash out like and I took the

10:23

trash out I went out back and I noticed that the

10:25

the door to the studio is all glass I noticed it

10:27

was fogged up and like sort of like water dripping I'd

10:29

never seen that before and I opened the door and

10:31

it had flooded and I was able thank God to

10:34

like tell my Lane I have to leave that minute

10:36

like you know, and I got the recording equipment out

10:38

of there and I left he was just go To

10:40

the airport. I'll handle it and I was able to

10:42

call my landlord and get somebody in there At least

10:44

they like took the carpets out and like move some

10:46

stuff and like I think all the time You know

10:49

about like if then like if

10:51

you haven't gotten that phone call totally right then

10:53

I wouldn't have taken the trash out He would

10:55

never have noticed that the studio door was fogged

10:57

and then the stuff would have sat in that

10:59

room for four days The door shut like yeah,

11:01

like we had this big power block on the floor.

11:03

Yeah, like that would have been shot Yeah, you know

11:05

who knows what would have happened. It would have gone

11:07

up in flames everything I mean all our lights are

11:09

sitting right in front of the room like everything and

11:11

I I just keep thinking about these moments in Our

11:14

lives these like tiny little things that happen. I mean

11:16

you almost didn't meet your boyfriend I think about that

11:18

all the time if we had just made like one

11:20

tiny different decision that day you never would have met

11:22

him I know I think about it all

11:24

the time Yeah, like little things like that like for me

11:26

like something makes me check something I realized my keys are

11:28

in the fucking door or like, you know Like I

11:30

tried to hard to leave my keys in the door

11:33

But it once to all like little things were like,

11:35

oh I could have gotten murdered tonight Totally but something

11:37

made me go outside and look at this other

11:39

thing or whatever it is Yeah, when you meet somebody

11:41

you're like, what if I didn't do that thing? Yeah,

11:43

just like miss my cab Yeah, I took the next

11:46

one. So I mean, thank God

11:48

he was there and like he could help like

11:50

manage that But yeah, I got back Monday afternoon

11:52

and everything was just like inches of water in

11:54

there. It stinks. It's horrible Tessa was so great.

11:56

She like came over and emptied everything out with

11:58

me and it's just This has been

12:00

so horrible and such a nightmare and like Tess

12:03

and I took everything from the studio last night

12:05

brought it into The house in a pouring rain.

12:07

It's just there's just dirt all over my house

12:09

It's disgusting and we don't box anything up so

12:11

shit everywhere But like I

12:13

told you like the small silver lining for me is

12:15

like We can make one call and be

12:17

at Spotify the next day and like we have a team

12:19

that helps us like file insurance claims And Tess is so

12:21

wonderful and our friend Rob is so great He's not a

12:23

phone with me constantly just being like this is what you

12:25

do It's just nice to be like

12:28

I have built this Community around me

12:30

that can help me and I have a business partner

12:32

that's gonna help me shutter like the weight of it

12:34

And like you just keep being like I feel so

12:36

appreciative and thank you so much and it's really a

12:38

job for one person I don't need you there But

12:40

like all I want is appreciation like you've given that

12:42

to me and it's a reminder that you like have

12:44

built all these things Around you and it's a nice

12:46

feeling like going into the six year of the podcast

12:49

Feeling like I did do this with you. A

12:51

lot of people aren't that lucky They can't deal

12:53

with a flood like this, you know I wasn't

12:56

able to get there like right away and but

12:58

I'm like we just have to like block and

13:00

tackle like I'll make sure We have a studio

13:02

like I'm gonna handle this Spotify thing. I'm gonna

13:04

correspond on the emails you don't worry about like

13:07

checking things when they come in I'll like handle it

13:09

like we just kind of divide and conquer and That's

13:12

it's nice to have yeah, I think about that all the

13:14

time I was on this like solo

13:16

mission times like this would really bring

13:19

you down break me Yeah, really I

13:21

was so angry the last few days and

13:23

so stressed out and our show got right now

13:26

in Miami And I was like I can't take

13:28

one more time seriously I know I I know

13:30

I just it was like just a lot like

13:32

it was like the hits kept coming You know

13:34

and this just weather there's nothing to do about

13:36

it, but it really did fuck up

13:38

our Miami trip, too and

13:42

But anyway, just to close the loop circle back

13:44

close the loop on the studio Yeah, we're gonna

13:46

figure out what we're gonna do I mean, I

13:48

think things like this sometimes give me a blessing

13:50

in disguise You know there were some issues with

13:53

that studio was really hot in the summer I

13:55

was like trying to figure out temperature control was

13:57

a problem. You know so there's little things where

14:00

we would have held on for

14:02

dear life and this forced us

14:04

to make a change. We have

14:06

things happening this year that

14:08

we're really excited about that it's still too early

14:10

to share, but where we might be creating more

14:12

content and making some changes. And so it might

14:14

be better for us to just have

14:17

a place where we walk in and everything's set up for us.

14:19

And we had just such a good run. We're

14:22

getting rid of some of that furniture and I was just like, you

14:24

can't get rid of that couch. I just

14:26

feel so sentimental about it.

14:28

And I don't know, it was just a

14:30

really special thing for us to build that studio out in New York

14:33

and have our own space. And really,

14:36

you would say bet on ourselves and

14:38

stop trying to piecemeal things together and

14:40

just pay for it, set it up,

14:42

design it, make it our own, and

14:44

then bring it all the way across

14:47

the country and set it up again.

14:49

And I don't know, I feel

14:51

so emotional about it and I'm trying to

14:53

figure out why. Anyway,

14:56

I was like, keep the couch. Don't

14:59

go to the couch right now. I think it's a huge

15:01

accomplishment. I hate when people

15:03

say the podcast has an expiration date and I hate when

15:05

people suggest that to me. And my dad said this thing

15:07

to me this morning as I was pulling into Spotify and

15:10

he was like, you guys really have done it. You've

15:13

passed what most people's expiration date is.

15:15

You started this before people were really

15:17

in podcasting. And yes, there was hundreds

15:19

of thousands of podcasts, but there weren't

15:21

tens of millions. And my

15:23

dad was like, you guys have really done it. And

15:25

it's crazy when people say they had an expiration date

15:27

because we really passed that mark. And

15:30

I'm really proud of it, what we've done and built,

15:32

and then we can afford all these things. And thank

15:35

you guys for being here. It's never lost on

15:37

us. We just have the smartest, funniest, coolest audience.

15:39

We say this to you all the time. You

15:41

give so much to us of your lives, your

15:43

money, your time. And man, thank

15:45

you. Yeah, thank you guys. And

15:47

I'm sad about the couch too. I'm gonna save

15:49

it, it smells, but I'm gonna save it. We'll

15:51

figure it out. I just wasn't ready. I was

15:54

like, it can't go. This is my cancer sun,

15:56

cancer moon coming out. I'm

15:58

like sentimental ass bitch. I am so sentimental. And it meant,

16:00

you know, that first wine bottle from the first episode

16:02

we ever recorded. Like, I keep, I

16:05

hold onto shit. It's a good quality.

16:07

I throw everything out, it's a bad quality. I'm glad

16:09

that between you and me, one of us is like

16:11

that. He's kinda a little bit more.

16:14

But this week, Valentine's

16:16

week, six years ago,

16:18

we did it. We did it, we did,

16:20

I love that we have this holiday that's

16:22

like love related, that we started this dating

16:25

relationship podcast surrounding, so it is Valentine's week

16:27

and thank you to everybody that bought all

16:29

of our vibes. We did

16:31

our vibes only products to use in and around

16:33

Valentine's Day, solo or with a partner. And we

16:35

hope you guys have a great Valentine's Day at

16:37

Galentine's Day, of course, however you celebrate it. If

16:39

you're in LA, I have a show at the

16:41

Hollywood Improv with Andrew Collin, we're bringing it back,

16:43

hot and funny Valentine's Day edition. We did Valentine's

16:45

Day last year, but Andrew got COVID and you

16:47

co-hosted it. I

16:49

forgot about that. We did a fucking Girls

16:51

Gotta Eat show on Valentine's Day. So this

16:53

is like sort of a tradition, but hopefully

16:55

Andrew will make it this time and Raina

16:57

will be there, of course. With Andrew's girlfriend, all

17:00

of our friends. All of our friends, so

17:02

there may or may not be tickets left,

17:04

but Nikki Glaser is gonna be on the

17:06

lineup and it's Allie Mccoskey and this guy

17:08

Alex Flynn. So anyway, if there are still

17:10

tickets available, you can grab those and come

17:12

hang out with us on Valentine's Day and that'll

17:14

be really fun. And as we

17:16

record this, we will just have the Super Bowl that I

17:18

don't give two fucks about, but anyway, you would

17:20

have had a party. I keep looking around my house,

17:22

like I cannot believe I'm having a party on Sunday.

17:24

We need to talk about this after, how I can

17:26

help you with this party. I'm actually fine, I feel

17:28

fine about it. Tessa's gonna come over after

17:31

we record, we're gonna box up the stuff in the living room,

17:33

I'm gonna toss the furniture and then just open the windows up,

17:35

air it out and it'll be fine. I keep looking around being

17:37

like, this is the only crazy person would do this, have a

17:39

party in a couple days and I'm like, what do I care?

17:42

But you just keep going. It's

17:44

like you're the energizer bunny of parties. Like

17:46

once something in motion stays in motion or

17:49

something, like you just gotta keep

17:51

it moving. Yeah, I mean, it's

17:53

so funny, I was saying to Melanie, I was

17:55

like, I'm just told everybody to just bring stuff

17:57

and I'm not really gonna cook. bring

18:00

their own stuff basically because the Super Bowl is very

18:02

much like be creative bring food over. Right, everybody's supposed

18:04

to bring, you're right, this isn't like a catering situation,

18:06

everybody brings something. Which is that's all, and she was

18:08

like why are you trying to act like a fucking

18:11

cool girl here? Like you know you're going

18:13

to cater it, you know that you're going to make food for like 30

18:15

people and then people will bring it. I was like you're right, I really

18:17

am. Like I just, I need all the

18:19

things, I need to make sure there's like buffalo dip and

18:21

like pigs in a blanket and all the things are there.

18:23

I love to throw a party so I'm excited. I can't

18:25

wait, so I don't care about this fucking match up, I

18:27

wanted a now it's over of course this is going to

18:30

be like dated but only by one day. But

18:32

I wanted Baltimore and Detroit so badly and then

18:34

Baltimore lost and I was like okay we still

18:36

got Detroit. I was in Boston, I was watching

18:38

the game with sparkly eyes and you know Detroit

18:40

has never been to a Super Bowl and

18:43

I love their coach, he played on the team, they have

18:45

this great story. I'm just like they're such

18:47

an underdog type team, you know, Detroit. And

18:49

I was like God how would a cool fucking

18:52

story that Detroit would play against the reigning champions,

18:54

you know, like a true underdog story their first

18:56

Super Bowl. I was like so involved. When

18:58

they lost, I was laying there in

19:01

the dark. Sparkly eyes

19:03

goes Ashley is just sports. You

19:05

know you grow up here, you don't understand

19:08

it. I grew up in 8 miles.

19:11

No, like he literally, like he

19:13

likes sports too. Like for him to tell me

19:15

like I was laying there just in the dark

19:18

like almost crying like it was the Eagles like

19:20

even more so I like wanted it so bad

19:22

on such a deep level like I was just

19:24

felt for them. I felt for the coach. I

19:26

love him so much. I literally was so upset

19:28

that like my boyfriend had to tell me like

19:30

Ashley's just sports. I'm

19:32

like who have I turned into? You reflect

19:35

on your dog. I got so much into the NFL this year

19:37

weirdly. Wait it's so funny. I don't know if I forgot

19:39

to tell you this or not. I said why on a

19:41

date with this guy the other night and he did everything

19:43

terrible. I hate him like fuck you forever. That was the

19:45

worst person I've ever met. It does, I can say his

19:47

name out doesn't matter. He never asked me one question. He

19:49

doesn't know who I am or what I do. He has

19:51

no idea which is the craziest thing like how do you

19:54

spend your days never came up. He

19:56

was from Pittsburgh and he did a thousand

19:58

horrible things on his date. In fact we're

20:00

both from has a rather i saw your from

20:02

Pittsburgh and he's like scanners asking where he grew

20:04

up and it's as you must be like a

20:06

Steelers fan because like that's the main personality and

20:08

petty or is a sport Rts news like no

20:10

actually I'm an Eagles fan and I was like.

20:13

I. Hate you psychopaths. How the

20:15

boxes Europe in Pittsburgh and you don't

20:17

like the Steelers like I was you

20:20

Slavia and a my my head i

20:22

was a percentage sports but upwards like.

20:26

Yeah. I was like

20:28

says the metaphor i hate to see

20:30

you go eagles my other team because

20:32

they're your team but like it's weird

20:34

robin pets very not be as your

20:36

say on that is to gray like

20:38

their yeah. Anyway, congrats

20:40

to everyone! Will never don't care.

20:42

Okay so I am so excited. Talk about

20:45

helix! I feel so passionately about it because

20:47

I went on a Aladdin day trip where

20:49

I sat in five different place and I

20:51

don't want to do that anymore and we've

20:53

traveled so much for something about this Ostriches

20:55

broke me and I was that I'm I'm

20:57

done doing that like it's so hard to

20:59

sleep at all this different places and move

21:01

around and not feel sad, old and center

21:03

and he sold for it. I know and

21:05

like the bed is part of it as

21:07

a huge part you never know we're going

21:09

to get when you like check in a

21:11

hotel or your stay. With somebody like I

21:13

was just like I can do this anymore. So

21:16

to come home after that long of a trip

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and respond to my dad fall asleep right as

21:20

soon as I had it the pillow I was

21:22

just so thankful and so I just think about

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I'm for big and tall sleepers, even a

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mattress. Me just for kids. Tessa, we just

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got you the Dusk lox. We. meet her

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tessa she moved recently and like we're we got

22:00

hook you up or a Helix family. So

22:02

I can't remember if I've told everybody, but I used

22:04

to have the moonlight, now I have the midnight lux,

22:06

and I think Reina has the midnight as well. Sparkle

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light says the midnight, the moonlight's a little bit softer,

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dusk is a little bit more firm, and

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you're gonna choose whatever you want. If you want

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a soft, firm, or medium mattress, and how you

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sleep, you'll take the quiz and you'll figure that

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really all I can say. Oh, the

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pillows too. The

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pillows, I mean, they changed my life. Pillows

22:41

matter so much. I love them so much.

22:43

Sometimes these hotel pillows, I'm like, what is

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this? That's why when people stay with me,

22:47

I'm like, you're not ready. And it's like

22:49

the nicer the hotel, like the five-star, it's

22:51

like those are even the more down, like

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flat pillows. I have like three, just so

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I can have my, a little bit of

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like, my airways not blocked. I've talked about

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now. And Skims, I mentioned I'm wearing their bras. So

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they've been a partner for a while. I have like

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recently because they let us like pick a bunch

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t-shirt bra on right now. It has underwire and

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listen, I love underwire. I have big boobs,

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I've had it my whole life. It's what I prefer, but

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I also sleep with a bra almost every night, which I

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know some people think like sounds uncomfortable, but I do find

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it is like kept my boobs really perky my whole life.

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Like I Like it, but it's hard

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to find an underwire bra that's comfortable to sleep in.

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And This is it, I Sleep in it like every

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night. I Sleep In This bra. Underwear of

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Straps are really san and it's like the

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I loved the straps on as a relief

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on top of it as crazy or what

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that's own are talking points. I just had

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to call it out. I'll other brought so

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much putting it on the passive push surprises

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like to the weights they're structured. they. Kind

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of caught in a donkey that slew silhouette you

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know what I mean they me on a like

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lumpy lucky of like of bolger them that straps

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and stuff and there's just don't like this. I

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mean I'm not wearing a bra today but I

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could probably wear a bra or this like paper

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thin body suit and still feel like I had

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like a smooth. Silhouette and push subsidies

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they make might have club so big, so

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good just so bad we are wearing like

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a skin tight I have asked her lack

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of back and I were this under at

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right yeah like this kind of material like

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you need paper thin skin so I'm obsessed.

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we sent you after you place your order select podcast

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in the survey and select Our show in the drop-down

26:07

menu that follows So I

26:09

have like a list to run through Literal

26:12

so I've been making notes my phone we haven't recorded

26:14

in weeks. Can I ask you a question about the

26:16

couch for me? I'm thinking yes be honest. Okay. Have

26:18

you ever had sex? I know you're gonna ask me

26:20

that shit. I knew you were gonna fucking

26:22

ask me that and I was gonna ask you I I

26:28

Have never had sex on that couch. Did

26:31

you? Because

26:34

if you did then you lied to me

26:36

before I have never had sex on that

26:38

couch and I am so upset that no

26:40

one Is ever fucked on this couch? We've

26:42

had it for four years. I've never even

26:44

sat on it and made out. Oh, really?

26:48

You brought your ex up there To the

26:50

studio brought a lot of guys in there. I

26:52

brought Dallas business car guy in there I brought

26:54

my boyfriend in there Okay in LA any guy

26:56

I've ever hooked up with has come through that

26:58

couch come through that and not come on it

27:00

Max fiance was in there. Oh my god That's

27:04

a bomb to drop with no content Live

27:07

come to the live shows everybody. Yeah, I mean

27:09

I did not If

27:14

you guys didn't know I can't remember if we ever

27:16

said this but the old New York studio was in

27:18

my building But I didn't really ever have anybody I

27:20

was freaky-diki with to go up there and I also

27:23

don't want to disrespect it Like I kind of was

27:25

like I didn't like Like

27:27

what if your man came where I sit? Well, I

27:29

don't wanna fuck on my side If we

27:31

look over those like licking something we're like, oh my

27:33

god, I would always talk about that I was or

27:36

you just let somebody come inside you come inside me

27:39

always I stayed at a so-ho house recently I will

27:41

not say which one but there was this green velvet

27:43

couch and I was on vacation with this guy and

27:45

he like looked At the couch and he was like

27:47

this couch is covered in comments And

27:49

he was like look at it there was like white

27:52

Splooges just all over this couch. It was

27:54

disgusting. I noticed that I know hotel recently

27:57

like on the carpet I'm like that's come

27:59

like what else? Of course it is. Of course

28:01

it is. So yeah, I want to ask you. I've never,

28:03

I've never even made out on that couch. The couch is

28:05

a virgin. Yeah. I mean, I bring

28:07

people in there a lot every time. Like I bring, every

28:09

time somebody comes over, I'm like, you guys need a studio

28:11

because we have all of our vibes. Only stuff in there

28:14

too. But I've never had a reason to do that, unfortunately.

28:16

You think Bobby West Side has slept on that couch? Because

28:18

he's slept in there a few times. God

28:20

damn it. Who has slept Jenny, Bobby,

28:23

somebody masturbated on that couch? One

28:27

time Bobby was crashing in the studio. I forget why. He

28:30

didn't move back to New York yet. And we were like, just

28:32

stay in the studio. It was really comfortable to sleep on. I

28:34

slept on it when I was transitioning, moving to L.O. I slept

28:36

on it for like four nights. It's really comfortable. Remember I was

28:38

sleeping in the studio? Yeah. And

28:40

I was like, I had to go upstairs

28:42

and get something. And Bobby didn't

28:44

know. And he had stepped out for a

28:46

minute and there was McDonald's wrappers. And I was like, oh my

28:48

God. What are men? Well, he left out his sandwich and you

28:50

sent this text and you were like, hey, did you want to

28:53

finish that? Or it was

28:55

a happy McDonald's breakfast sandwich. Almost like since

28:57

when does Bobby not finish food? This is

28:59

Jack's trainer. Like he needs his protein.

29:03

Anyway. Okay. So now we didn't

29:05

have sex. Nobody had sex in the couch. Nobody had sex in

29:07

the couch. Couch is a virgin. Okay. So

29:10

I did this like long trip. I went to Boston

29:12

first and I went to first wedding ever with sparkly

29:14

eyes, which is really so fun. Yeah. They're

29:16

so cute. It was cute. You

29:19

know, it's funny. And

29:22

I was just like fairly exalted to the earth. And

29:24

we just like dance and had such a good time. And

29:26

there was the grandmother of like one of his best girlfriends

29:28

who was essentially the one that kind of orchestrated our whole

29:30

meeting. And, you know, it's a whole long story, but it

29:32

was her grandmother who's like in her 90s. She's

29:35

like a boyfriend in his 90s. You

29:37

know, they're so cute. Met her immediately.

29:39

She's, you know, shorter than you. She's so small.

29:42

How short am I about to be? Immediately

29:49

upon meeting her, she's so sweet. I mean, I'm kneeling down. I wore

29:51

a heel. I mean, she's got to be

29:53

less than five feet tall. I'm cowering every like six to and

29:55

a heel. She grabbed my

29:57

ring finger right away. And she was just like.

30:00

What's going on here? You know, like just made it like

30:02

I love a grandma. They don't give a fuck They do

30:04

not give a fuck like I haven't had a grandma in

30:06

a minute and A

30:08

grandma that just is like when you get married

30:10

like doesn't know how long you've been dating. They

30:13

know no context They grab your ring finger and

30:15

just make it weird inappropriate. Thank you

30:17

weird. I loved it It

30:19

was so funny and she was drinking

30:21

a Cosmo which I have been thinking

30:24

about Revisiting cosmos like I've just

30:26

like remember how much I love them and

30:29

why do we stop drinking them? I just I

30:31

feel like it was like this fatigue from cosmos

30:33

from Sex and the City and everything We just

30:35

stopped drinking them, but they were so amazing And

30:37

so I saw a grandma with a cosmo and

30:39

I was like I want a cosmo and this

30:41

place had a heavy pour I did two cosmos.

30:43

I was like lit up. Yeah, and so now

30:45

like I'm back in it Cosmos

30:47

they're so they're a perfect drink They're not too

30:50

sweet like a good one that has you know

30:52

like a good vodka in it and has a

30:54

nice twist to it You get that little crayon

30:57

Maybe if you won't get a UTI later you

30:59

know it's preventative. I do get UTI. I'd be

31:01

getting them So I'm bringing them back like over

31:03

the summer. I saw Laura out This is so

31:05

funny. I was picking up restaurant food to go

31:07

She was in there having dinner with her husband

31:09

like another couple and she this beautiful cosmos And

31:12

I was just like I think color it was

31:14

light pink. I mean I like when they have

31:16

a light pink I think they should they've crayon

31:18

in them like but you want to see the

31:20

pink okay So get like I'm not too dark

31:22

on like okay, so you know when you get

31:25

like a mom. Oh, so you're like I want

31:27

you to the medicine dropper with the orange juice.

31:29

You know frosty pink okay light pink light pink

31:31

That's a pink because that you know if you

31:33

go past the threshold of pale pink. I'm upset

31:35

I don't want it, so I'm back in my

31:37

cosmo era okay, so goodbye bye to UTI's Me

31:42

and grandma so the wedding was really

31:44

fun a couple other things. I wrote down

31:46

We really figured out the shower sex on

31:48

our end You read

31:50

the left And

31:54

here's what here's the hack you

31:56

really beat something to grab on to yeah,

31:58

actually you think Well, Rayna, not everybody

32:01

has the fear of slipping I have. You

32:03

know I have the fear of slipping. And some

32:05

things about Ashley, she can't open water bottles,

32:07

she can't count change. She can't

32:09

get money, Ashley. And she's terrified of slipping.

32:11

I even can't go to Portugal. I have a, in Portugal, the

32:13

streets are too slippery. I wore a gladiator stand. No, I felt

32:15

like I was gonna die. Like, you know when you were a

32:18

kid, it was like, no running by the pool. I'm like, who

32:20

would run by the pool? Like,

32:22

I have such a fear of slipping. So, shower

32:24

sex always gets, like, sparkly eyes and I have

32:26

hooked up in the shower. We're in the admirals

32:28

club, and we've done other stuff, but we haven't

32:30

had a full blown start to finish. Ashley's

32:33

like, if I could remind you of while you were

32:35

in the admirals club with us, we had sex

32:37

while you were 10 feet away eating soup alone. Our

32:39

heights are not great. You know, like, someone's gotta

32:41

kneel down. Like, you know, we're both so tall. So

32:43

we figured it out, Ashley, be honest. Was it a

32:46

handicap shower? It was on a handicap shower, but it

32:48

did, well maybe, actually. What's that

32:50

thing? You guys,

32:52

Ashley is always in a handicap shower.

32:55

There was a point where they kept giving me handicap rooms, and I

32:57

was like, is there something I don't know? I

32:59

feel like you checked something on yourhotels.com. So,

33:03

anyway, it was like a thing to hold, like,

33:05

I held on. Okay. And I

33:07

was like, this is fun. Like, I bent over

33:09

and I held on. When

33:11

you were living in New York, you know how they heat

33:13

the apartments in New York? There's just those poles that get

33:15

so hot, if you touch them, you should go to the

33:17

emergency room. Yeah. Like, you could hold those in the summertime.

33:20

Did you ever do that? The poles are like to the

33:22

side of the window. Wait a minute. What did you

33:24

say? If you want to fuck in your home with

33:26

something to hold on to? That is hysterical. So, I

33:28

had one of those next to my bed in my

33:30

Brooklyn apartment. Yeah. And if I was, like, getting, like,

33:32

doggy, like, I could hold on to that pole, but

33:35

only in the summer months. Yeah. Right. Yeah, you

33:37

would die. But anyways, yes, I have poles in

33:39

my hands. Yeah. Home alone style. So, yeah, it's

33:41

just, it's like, we figured it out. We've been

33:43

on this journey. We're always doing some stuff in

33:46

the shower. We finally figured out how to, like,

33:48

really, and how my, like, phobia wouldn't come in.

33:50

I'm so happy for you. I've been far alive.

33:52

Okay. So, went to Boston, did this wedding, had

33:55

a really great time, saw some Boston

33:57

girlies, which, you know, I love our

33:59

Boston. listeners so much they're just like so

34:01

elite and then I went to Delaware and

34:03

met my new nephew

34:06

for the first time. Aww, I rank

34:08

them. Hard-locked. Yes.

34:10

Power ranking of my two

34:12

nephews just first and

34:15

last. We love a hard launch

34:17

in the Hesletide family. They don't even announce that

34:19

they're pregnant. Yeah, I love their style. So

34:21

he was born, Aaron, he was

34:24

born in December right before

34:26

Christmas, but I was sick and I

34:28

just didn't ever meet him and it

34:30

was chaotic down there and then none of us really

34:32

felt comfortable with me being around him when I was sick. So

34:35

I didn't get to meet him then so I was

34:37

like really excited to meet him and it was so

34:39

special. I mean they're making it work

34:41

but it was a lot. You can't even like

34:43

it, yeah. Fifteen months? Yeah,

34:45

they're close together but my mom's down there a lot

34:48

and helping out and stuff's just so wonderful and Matt's

34:50

so great too and they're really like co-parent but I

34:52

feel like it's made Matt so close to Jay because

34:54

he's just in charge of Jay. You know, Stephanie really

34:56

is still like just be with Aaron all the time

34:59

and so it's just

35:01

so cute and we took him to get his first little haircut

35:03

and I just feel like they are bonding even more than you

35:05

ever could imagine because one night me and Matt and Jay went

35:07

out to dinner and it was just like very cute. I know,

35:09

it's so cute. I'm so jealous. My brother had to tell me

35:11

they were going to start trying to have a kid. Really?

35:15

Yeah, the text message she sent was so weird.

35:17

He was just like, we started trying to have

35:19

a baby on Tuesday. That is

35:21

so funny. Does she have like an IUD? Thanks for letting

35:23

me know you're coming in her. I don't need to know

35:26

about this. Yeah, she had an IUD.

35:28

So I guess that's what I do. I'm in

35:30

IUD and I'm shooting loads inside of her. Shooting loads.

35:32

Yeah, I love that. Well, they live in London and

35:34

you know my like greatest dream is that they have

35:36

like little British babies that have British accents. It's my

35:38

dream. I can't wait. Little

35:40

babies have different accents than their parents. I don't

35:42

think they're, are they, will they? I think so.

35:45

Because, okay, ladies of London, I watched

35:47

a show on Bravo and like one of the

35:49

ladies was from America and her husband like was

35:51

British and the babies were all British sounding. They're

35:53

like, mommy. You give it one parent. They're

35:55

neither of them. Well, I'm going

35:57

to tell them to just expose their kid more. I'm going to be sure.

36:00

so mad if they're fucking kids on a birthday. You

36:02

need to bring in a nanny and don't

36:04

talk to the kids. Just care. Let the nanny

36:06

communicate. Oh, god damn it. Don't DM me about

36:08

this. But I do not think you're a children. Maybe

36:12

they can start an accident. OK,

36:14

and I'll just keep moving through it. And then

36:16

I really want to get to the stuff that

36:18

happened in Miami. But Sparkle Eyes and I went

36:20

to Tampa to see Drake and J Cole. And

36:22

I got a stomach bug. And I puked the

36:24

entire day in Tampa from right when

36:27

we got to the hotel to I puked Drake.

36:29

I had to run up. When

36:31

I got to our seats, I clocked where the

36:33

bathroom was in case I had to run up.

36:35

And sure enough, I thought I was done puking.

36:37

But I was not. And I had to run

36:40

up those steps and into the bathroom. I

36:42

was just like, it was bad. I mean, it

36:44

was just like the force of which I was

36:46

throwing up was, I don't know. Maybe it was

36:48

food poisoning. Maybe it was this 24 hour bug.

36:50

I feel like people are getting it. But whatever

36:52

it was, it was not great. And I mean,

36:54

thank god it was mid-show. If that would have

36:56

been before the show, I would have

36:58

been so mortified. Everybody to hear that. There was one other

37:00

girl in the bathroom next to me, so sweet. She

37:03

was like, are you OK, girl? And of

37:06

course, everything's just wasted. Everybody thinks that, of

37:08

course. So I woke up the next day.

37:10

I felt weak, but not nauseous anymore. But

37:12

it was something else. And he was so great

37:14

and took such good care of me. But that is

37:16

a relationship line to cross. We're in

37:18

a hotel, so he can hear it. And also, it's just

37:21

like, oh my god. Well, do you really like a long

37:23

distance relationship episode? But I feel like when you don't see

37:25

each other that much, the stakes are so high to not

37:27

have your period that weekend. And to not be sick that

37:29

weekend, and for everything to go really well. And it's like,

37:32

you put all this, the stakes are just so high to

37:34

have this perfect time together. And it's so

37:36

disappointing when you're like, I wanted to have more sex. And I wanted

37:38

to have fun. I want to be in a good mood for you.

37:40

I want to have fun with you. You didn't see him for three

37:42

and a half weeks. It was like the longest

37:44

you guys have ever been apart. Yeah, before

37:46

Boston, we had each other. It was the

37:48

longest we've been apart. But yeah, it sucked.

37:50

I mean, he got the tickets. And so

37:52

I booked just at the addition, this five-star

37:54

hotel. Obviously, we didn't have sex. But

37:58

the most beautiful day of the whole trip in Florida. It

38:00

was that day. We're in the hotel room all day obviously

38:02

I told him he could go out and do whatever he

38:04

wanted but he wanted to like take care of me and

38:06

like Just had to lay all day and try to get

38:08

like enough strength to go to the fucking concert that he

38:11

spent all this money On tickets and I didn't want to

38:13

miss it, you know, and it was like incredible I almost

38:15

want to go again when I'm like feeling up to it.

38:17

But like Drake was in Credible Jake

38:19

Cole was incredible. I was like I fucking love

38:21

this Like I'll

38:24

put it on par with all my favorite concert So

38:26

yeah, I pulled it together and I

38:28

was a policeman puke at Drake police Run

38:32

up like, you know the woman at the top of the

38:34

tickets is like Probably

38:36

that this drunk slut has to go puke Come

38:39

back like wiping my mouth, you know, it was

38:41

just it was not my finest moment But it

38:43

was like, you know for the day and then

38:45

got up and we came to Miami We had

38:47

a nice little weekend in Miami with you know,

38:49

of course some hiccups But our show got canceled

38:51

we flew down to do the infatuation East con

38:54

which we've done in Chicago and they have festivals in New

38:56

York and LA and We just

38:58

know so many people traveled for it And there

39:00

was just like a hurricane morning that morning right

39:02

or tornado warning The rain was like torrential and

39:04

it flooded the grounds. It's an outdoor festival. And

39:06

so there's just nothing we could do about it

39:08

They are gonna reschedule. We're gonna try to be

39:10

there, of course But I was laying in bed

39:12

on Sunday morning and Ashley other Ashley who works

39:14

for us I saw her name pop up and

39:16

I was like, oh god What she's like when

39:18

I usually get up before Ashley and I was

39:20

like no she's up. What's up? Yeah, she was

39:22

like they canceled the festival. I just oh man

39:24

you and I've never canceled a show We never missed

39:27

a show. We've never canceled a show I would say

39:29

our record is intact because we didn't cancel this the

39:31

festival canceled Oh totally hundreds of shows. We've never canceled

39:33

Yeah, I like the flight nothing. It was such a

39:35

bummer. Yeah, I don't know what else to say about

39:37

it It was like devastating and of course our show

39:40

was supposed to start at 430 by 430 It

39:42

was perfect Sun which I knew would happen that happened so

39:44

much in Miami It's just like a quick but like they

39:46

couldn't set up the festival So then they had to like

39:49

make that call like they of course they made the right

39:51

call But I was like we're all frustrated that now it's

39:53

showtime and look at the fucking Sun So

39:56

but you had an experience. Okay, I've woken

39:58

up I went out of the battle I

40:00

was naked, I'm standing out there, we're trying to figure out

40:02

what to do, and the vessels scrambling, and they're like, what

40:04

if we got you an indoor venue, could you guys maybe

40:06

do that? And we're just trying to make all these decisions.

40:08

And I'm like, all right, let me just go inside and

40:11

grab my computer. I went to open the balcony, and I

40:13

realized that the arm that stops

40:15

the door from opening when you're inside

40:17

had fallen, and had locked me

40:19

out on the balcony. And I was like, oh my fucking God.

40:21

So I got off of one of you, I called for

40:23

my desk, I'm like, I'm so sorry, so embarrassing, can you extend

40:25

somebody up to let me in? They're like, sure, no problem. So

40:28

you and I continue to talk, and I see that it's about

40:30

to start raining really bad, this guy's black.

40:32

And I'm like, I hear

40:34

somebody try to get into the room, and I

40:36

just, I hear that sound of the latch, and

40:39

it's just like, they're slamming into the door, and

40:41

I'm like, clearly the latch is on. So I

40:44

was locked out of the balcony, and inside of

40:46

the room, I latched the lock, and I was

40:48

like, what the fuck am I gonna do? It

40:50

looks so bad outside, I have two seconds to

40:52

deal with this, the hotel's calling me, and I

40:54

was like, oh my God, what am I gonna

40:56

do? And then I look up,

40:58

and you are standing outside onto your balcony, looking

41:01

at me with sparkle eyes. So we were on

41:03

the phone, and I'm like, wait, what floor are

41:05

you on? I was on eight, you were on

41:07

seven or six or whatever, and I was like,

41:10

in my head, I'm like, if we can see her, I'm

41:12

gonna lose my mind. That was the hardest I've ever laughed,

41:14

right? When we spotted you in your towel, and I didn't

41:16

know you were in a towel, you hadn't told me, and

41:18

I was like, of course she's naked. Thank

41:21

God you had a towel! So

41:23

I laughed so hard. I

41:26

like, are filming me, and I was like, can

41:29

you get help? Can anybody go get help?

41:31

Listen, if there's anything I could've done, I would've

41:33

done it, but of course I'm gonna film you. You would've

41:35

done the same fucking thing. You sparkle

41:38

eyes are miming sex on the balcony. I was

41:40

like, can somebody go get help, please?

41:42

Meanwhile, the clouds are rolling in. The

41:47

way my stomach sank for you when you told

41:49

me that the door was latched, I'm like, oh

41:51

my God, she lives out there now. I thought

41:54

that they were gonna have to break it down,

41:56

and this guy just reached in with a hook

41:58

and unlatched it, and I was like, oh, Of

42:00

course they have this tool and then it reminded me

42:02

that you're never safe You think

42:04

I don't like that and I was like, oh, I'm like,

42:06

of course I would tell as a tool to do that

42:08

people probably latch themselves in those rooms all the time for

42:10

refuse to come out Oh, right. So of course they have

42:12

a way to get it Not

42:16

at hotel I'm like I'm ready to go because

42:19

bathrooms are dogshit. Okay, Reina. Let's talk

42:21

about this. Thank you The watershed moment. I

42:23

mean, I apologize She

42:26

needs to apologize to me So

42:28

this is a hotel that we stay in all the

42:30

time. It's called the stand It's in Miami Beach. It's

42:33

South of fifth our favorite neighborhood and You

42:35

have see there was multiple guys you had your ex

42:37

you had your other ex I've never every relationship I've

42:39

ever brought there I send it. Oh, no It's

42:42

a bit Yeah, I think

42:44

it is like cursed anyway, great plug for a stand.

42:48

I go to the stand that your relationship I Know

42:53

funny they start hosting divorce parties at a

42:55

wedding They're like we love to host

42:58

your divorce reception here at the stand So I never say

43:00

there was a partner I was always alone and you

43:02

were like with somebody else fucking like right down the

43:04

hall whatever So you would talk about like the bathroom

43:06

door and the bathroom doors a sliding door, which we

43:08

hate You know, but I love it because the guy

43:10

can't throw a towel on it. So they have to

43:12

use the hook So

43:14

they have that sliding door, but you

43:17

would talk about this two inch gap

43:20

And I just thought you meant that your door didn't slide shut

43:22

all the way I was like, what is she talking about and

43:24

because we were talking about in context of pooping, you know Poop

43:26

with your partner and you really but there's this two inch gap

43:28

of what I was like What is she talking about? Just

43:31

shut the door all the way about my door shuts all

43:33

the way So I never really understood what you meant or

43:35

validated your experience I mean, I believed you but I was

43:37

like maybe she doesn't know how the door work happens a

43:39

lot with both of us for like One person has an

43:41

experience is really like not important to them But it's like

43:43

a big moment from the other person doesn't understand it and

43:45

then six months later I was like, how do you

43:47

understand when you were going through? All

43:50

the years later so I'm sitting there on the

43:52

toilet. It's like a barn door like a sliding

43:55

by a sliding door Yes, I'm sitting there in

43:57

the toilet and the door shut all

43:59

the way You know, it's touching the door frame on

44:01

the other side and I'm staying there toilet debating. Maybe I'll take

44:03

a poop I'm not that weird about I'll run the faucet. I'll

44:05

go. I don't need to go in the lobby. That's not he

44:07

does that I don't really play like that. I do and I

44:10

see That gap and the

44:12

door it does not hit the wall all the

44:14

way So when the door is even completely shut,

44:16

there's a whole like you can see right through

44:18

it Just no soundproofing at all

44:20

and I was like, I'm sitting that toilet

44:23

debating whether to drop alone. I go I

44:35

Thought I felt an apology to rising

44:41

It's funny it's like you hit it well,

44:43

I never knew that you didn't think that

44:45

my experiences were valid I just thought that

44:47

you were like I get it sis The

44:52

door like all these years Shut

44:54

the door Now

44:56

a sliding door works like all these

44:58

years the pilot see that gap You

45:02

can't Funny

45:05

I feel like it's one of those moments you're like I

45:07

didn't understand it until I went through it

45:09

What you're experiencing it is a big ass

45:11

gap like somebody can watch you drop

45:13

a load Yeah, yeah, if he peeked in he

45:16

could just see me watch the Dookie hit in

45:18

the toilet Oh my that is thank you for

45:20

validating my experience. I'm glad that we got there

45:22

That's funny. You also never had to shut it. I got it. Right?

45:25

That is so funny Okay, we are

45:27

just going to talk about our remaining

45:29

partners and then get into it I

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am so excited to talk about neutrable

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E rules and may

50:00

apply. You know what's

50:02

so cute is this year we're talking about friendship today now

50:05

that we're an hour into the episode. We're talking about

50:07

friendship and like evolving and being in different like life stages

50:09

and feeling like you outgrew them. I think a lot

50:11

of times you know when a man or just

50:13

a significant other comes in you can feel like you're

50:16

like losing your best friend but you and I are

50:18

spending is this our seventh Valentine's Day together? Oh my

50:20

god. Tomorrow. So if we're still going strong. Is it?

50:23

Yeah either six or seven. Probably six because

50:25

like 2018, 19, 20,

50:29

22, 23, 24. I never know. Seven. Seven.

50:32

That's crazy. Oh my god. Seven Valentine's Day. We've usually

50:34

been on the road. We always have shows this weekend.

50:37

We're not exaggerating like every year we're

50:39

together in Valentine's Day. Like when we

50:41

started touring like

50:43

we would usually have shows around there like you said

50:46

but like we were starting the podcast in 2018, touring

50:48

in 2019, and 2020. What are you doing in 2020?

50:50

We have a show either in San Diego on Valentine's

50:52

Day or in Los

50:56

Angeles. San Diego yeah. San

50:58

Diego was first. We missed our flight. Our

51:01

first flight. We

51:03

got in late. But yeah we

51:05

spent everyone together so this is our seventh year. I'm glad I

51:07

didn't lose you to your boyfriend this year. I was like what's

51:09

it gonna be? Yeah

51:12

I mean it's just I'm glad to

51:15

talk about this topic as we celebrate

51:17

our anniversary and also

51:19

with the context that we met

51:22

in our 30s. Like I met

51:24

you in our 34. Like that's

51:26

what's just so crazy. You know like I

51:28

do feel like we are a shining example

51:30

of that. Of like you know

51:33

a lot of our listeners are younger of course maybe

51:35

listeners of all ages but I feel like this whole

51:37

my friends are in life stages is a lot of

51:39

20s and 30s of course when

51:41

everyone is all over the place. Truly you

51:44

know people starting kids at 24. I feel

51:46

like career wise I think people have like

51:48

zoomed past you and I'm just sort of

51:50

left behind. I feel like I was just

51:52

thinking like you know different life stages. Career

51:54

I think doesn't get acknowledged enough. But like

51:56

you can look around and feel like everybody

51:58

has succeeded past me. Right yeah. We

52:00

can totally talk about that. I mean that was

52:02

completely my story of all through my 20s. Like

52:04

I was just like the broke friend to then

52:06

later become the rich friend. Like in a totally

52:08

different way because I just chose a different type

52:11

of path. So I felt behind for

52:13

so many years. And like I was the person going

52:15

to bachelorette parties and overdrafting my account and just couldn't

52:17

pay for anything. And but I just really feel like

52:19

up top that's like the message I want to send

52:22

of like it's never too late to make friends. And

52:24

you should always be on the lookout for potential friends

52:26

and never think that you're done. And we can jokingly

52:28

say no new friends. But certainly don't buy

52:30

into that. And I think

52:32

that it's hard when you're younger

52:35

and you have this really tight knit circle of

52:37

maybe they're college friends or maybe that they're just

52:40

this incredible group that you're like

52:42

there's no way this will change. There's no way it

52:44

can change. I'll freak out if this changes. You know

52:46

this is my primary solitary group of friends and they

52:48

will be until the end of time. And sure they

52:50

might be but chances are they probably won't. And like

52:52

that's good. You know like change is

52:54

good. And I think it's so important

52:56

to have different close group of friends. I think

52:59

I have like five legitimately like different separate groups

53:01

of friends that I like take trips with. You

53:03

know like so does my mom. It's like where I get

53:05

it from. You know I think it's really important to not put

53:08

all your eggs in my basket. Yeah I

53:10

think that as we get older and we sort

53:13

of like evolve past friendships or they ebb and

53:15

flow it can feel like a failure. And that

53:17

feels like you know relationships romantic

53:19

relationships do end but friendships aren't supposed to. And like

53:21

you feel like should I've been reaching out more like

53:23

I you definitely turn to yourself and say like what's

53:25

wrong with me. Why do I not want this like

53:27

I used to or why do I feel left out

53:29

when that doesn't feel like a familiar feeling to me.

53:31

And why am I jealous of something that I wasn't

53:33

previously jealous of. I mean you know you hear it

53:36

all the time like I want to get pregnant and

53:38

my friends have kids and I like can't be around

53:40

it and things like that. And I think that

53:42

like there's nothing wrong with feeling like I grew

53:44

this and I'm in different life phase and like

53:46

you can sit in that and feel uncomfortable and

53:48

more in that and that feels really bad. But

53:50

like you and I always say like friendships ebb

53:52

and flow and you can come back to people

53:54

in the long term. But in the meantime maybe

53:56

you do have to find some new friends and

53:58

that's uncomfortable too. and say yes

54:00

to everything and try to fill the holes where

54:03

like those ones were. And that's uncomfortable

54:05

and sad and losing friends is like

54:07

not something I take lightly. It really

54:09

should be mourned, but it's not

54:11

a failure because life changes. Yeah.

54:14

I mean, we've said friendships ebb and flow a million times in

54:16

this podcast, like you just said. I mean,

54:18

I've had periods in my life where I thought there is

54:21

no way this friendship will ever be the same. Like there's

54:23

no way we've like grown too far apart, no

54:25

fight or anything necessarily, but just like we're in

54:27

totally different life stages. Like you end

54:29

up just as close or in a different way close.

54:32

And like my college girlfriends is the perfect example and

54:34

they all just chose a different path to me. I

54:36

mean, they were all married by 28 and they all have

54:39

children. And I'm not saying that we're close to retalk every

54:41

day, but we'd still take trips together and we store in

54:43

communication and they are all a lot closer separately than me

54:45

because their kids travel together. They do all these things, their

54:47

husbands, their friends, all the things. And I don't feel left

54:49

out, of course. I mean like all these other friends in

54:51

my life and the people that also like live a more

54:53

similar life to me. But I remember that

54:55

time I think I've spoken about this where I was just sitting,

54:57

I think it was like someone's

55:00

shower weekend, baby shower. And like they all

55:02

pretty much had kids. And I was like

55:04

sitting there at this table with them like,

55:06

I can't even relate on any level. And

55:08

I understand they all had babies. Like that's consuming their

55:10

lives. And now we've gotten to this place where they

55:12

still all are married with kids, but like we've come

55:14

back together and they don't talk about that shit all

55:17

the time. And it's like, we really still can relate

55:19

to each other. And I feel like closer to them

55:21

than I ever had been. And I've had other circumstances

55:23

too with friends where I'm like, I feel this distance.

55:25

Like how would we ever get back to being like

55:27

best friends? And you just like do, you don't always,

55:29

there's no guarantees, but I say this just to provide

55:31

comfort to anyone that is like feeling like they're losing

55:34

a best friend or a group

55:36

of friends. And I just

55:38

think like when we talk about making new friends, it's

55:41

not just necessarily stockpile all the friends in case

55:43

you lose one, but like almost in a way,

55:45

like it's easier to accept friendships changing when you

55:47

don't have all your stock and like one friendship

55:49

or like one group or like one threesome, you

55:52

know, like that's when you start to panic of

55:54

like, oh God, you know. But when you

55:57

have other friendships to focus on family relationships,

55:59

other shit going going on, it's not going

56:01

to freak you out as much. That's an amazing

56:03

point. And also, we shouldn't feel beholden to a

56:05

friendship that maybe is toxic or we've outgrown it

56:07

for bad reasons and feeling like you have nothing

56:09

else in your life. So it is a good

56:11

point to always be trying to manufacture and have

56:13

new friendships, not just when we need them all

56:15

of a sudden. I know that feeling where you're

56:17

like, I just have four good friends. And if

56:19

two of them drop off, what do I left?

56:22

But I think a lot of times the thing that

56:24

bonds you to a person is no longer present. Children,

56:27

now your friends are mothers. And

56:30

that is the thing that's going to bond them to other

56:32

people. It's the biggest thing in their life. And maybe what

56:34

bonded you together was going out and partying late night, or

56:36

late nights just having one on the couch. That's

56:38

no longer present. But it can come

56:41

back around. It's sad. It's

56:43

a hard pill to swallow. We

56:45

just don't gravitate towards the same things anymore.

56:48

Most of my friendships I felt like that about have

56:50

come back around. But I think

56:52

it's OK to acknowledge that and sit with

56:54

that for a minute and really start to

56:56

find some other friends in the meantime. Yeah.

56:59

All things are said and done. And even

57:01

just reframe or strengthen other friendships. This is

57:03

the thing I talked about with a friend

57:05

of ours where you can really strengthen another

57:07

relationship that you hadn't prioritized in a certain

57:10

way before. I love to

57:12

watch friendships change like that in my own life and

57:14

other people's life. I'm amazed sometimes. Someone who you thought

57:16

was a casual friend, you never really thought you'd be

57:18

that close with. Sometimes all it takes is a few

57:21

solo hangs. And they can become a best friend if

57:23

you really put some time and effort and openness into

57:25

it. I love to see it.

57:27

It's not everyone's experience, but it certainly has

57:29

been mine and yours. And I think there's

57:32

two sides of this. I think that we're hearing

57:34

from a lot of our listeners that feel more

57:36

of the left behind maybe of I feel like

57:38

I'm the last single one or the last one

57:41

without kids and everybody's moving on without me, I

57:43

haven't bought a home yet, or my career's not

57:45

where it needs to be, whatever is fast to

57:47

the light. But I also feel like that first

57:49

friend feels this. The first friend that gets married

57:51

and has kids without everybody else. That can be

57:53

really isolating and lonely too. And

57:56

then you feel like you're missing out. You're

57:58

the first one that settled down. part

58:00

two when I want to acknowledge that. And when I think of

58:02

like my group of like, Cory, Laura and Lee, you know, those

58:04

like four friends are now you're a part of that group to

58:07

Cory's the only one that has kids. And I feel like

58:09

there's been these moments where she's like, someone else fucking kid,

58:11

you know, like, yeah, she feels like the

58:14

outsider in that way, you know, we're all

58:16

down in Miami, and she's got her three kids,

58:18

you know, so it's like, I want to

58:20

acknowledge both sides of it. Because I

58:22

would not want to be that first one,

58:24

especially in your 20s, everyone else is still just

58:26

like traveling and doing all this fun crazy stuff.

58:28

And you know, even if you're living a little

58:30

bit of the chaotic life, you're trying to figure

58:32

shit out, like, to be the first one to

58:35

kind of settle down, I'd be like, damn, this

58:37

sucks. I know. And you really get a lot

58:39

of foam out for in that book, everything I

58:41

know about love. Yeah, by Kelly. Yeah, she talks

58:43

about how her like best friend got married really

58:45

young. And oh, she really felt like she lost

58:47

her and that she's just like,

58:49

settled down with all of her married friends. Now

58:51

they don't have the same life anymore. And like

58:53

how painful that was. I had a hard time

58:55

getting through it. I just got chills. Thank

58:57

you for bringing that up. This is the

58:59

best example in a book that I've ever

59:01

read about this was hard for me to

59:03

read it. It's honestly the like most poignant

59:05

part of that whole book is all about

59:07

her friendships and really that best friendship collection

59:09

of stories that that's like this thread that

59:11

we've throughout that like really makes you emotional

59:13

with her. I'm gonna get I'm

59:15

gonna get emotional talking about it. You guys should really read that

59:17

book, everything I know about love by Dolly Alderton. I got to

59:20

pick up her most recent book too. But like, they reminded me

59:22

of me and you and like people have asked me so much

59:24

over the last like eight, nine months, like, feel

59:27

that she like has this person and you don't

59:29

like, you know, like, people say it really nicely.

59:31

But like, do you feel like you've lost her

59:33

and like, I don't feel like

59:35

that. But like our relationship has changed a

59:37

little bit. There's this other person in your

59:39

life. And I do hear from you marginally

59:42

less and certain things he's going to take

59:44

care of you for those things. Now I'm

59:46

not and I feel like lucky to pick

59:48

somebody that I'm so close with and I

59:50

think that that can really like make you

59:52

feel better. But I think the

59:54

you and I are in that phase where you feel

59:56

like I'm the single one and she has this person

59:58

and like I don't have it. and I want what

1:00:00

you have. I've never felt like you like love me

1:00:02

any less and that's really special. And I've been thinking

1:00:04

about it a lot and that book really like made

1:00:06

me think about that too. I was like, why am

1:00:09

I having a hard time reading this? And I was

1:00:11

like, oh, cause it's like my experience. But I think

1:00:13

that you, I mean, we're in business together. So we're

1:00:15

always gonna like talk constantly. And I think you were

1:00:17

like older, we're more mature, we're more equipped to handle

1:00:19

it. It's like a real blow

1:00:21

in your twenties. And even like,

1:00:23

I still feel like emotional about it. And in

1:00:25

the book she sort of talks about like, I

1:00:27

realized somebody else was like in charge of her heart

1:00:29

now and just like, oh my God. I

1:00:32

was crying so much in this episode. It

1:00:34

was like random studio. And I was like talking to Melanie about

1:00:36

it when I was in Miami a little bit. And I was

1:00:39

like, you know, there's this other person in her life now. And

1:00:41

Melanie was like, well, you know, it's normal as

1:00:43

you get older to prioritize your partner and your

1:00:46

partner is the person that like you spend all

1:00:48

your time with. And that's normal, that's natural. And

1:00:50

I was like, it is, but like Ashley's just

1:00:52

like been this thing in my life. Like that's

1:00:54

the number one teammate always. And like, you have

1:00:56

another teammate now. He also doesn't live

1:00:58

here, so that's great for me. And I still think

1:01:00

that like you and I talk constantly, but I don't know what the

1:01:02

lesson is in this. It's just, it was like a little hard for

1:01:04

me to get through. And I was like checking with myself, like, is

1:01:06

this hard for me? Is this bad? But you

1:01:08

also don't make me feel like stupid

1:01:11

for being single, like you never would. Like you, I think

1:01:13

that it's tough when you have those friends that like they

1:01:15

get into a relationship and they start saying shit to you

1:01:17

about like suddenly they're an expert in relationships. They've been in

1:01:19

one for five minutes. And I think that

1:01:21

that's like really tough and feeling like your friend doesn't

1:01:23

prioritize you anymore. And I don't feel like

1:01:25

that about you. And I feel like lucky that I don't. Like

1:01:27

you said, we're older, we're all in business. You can't escape me.

1:01:30

But the dynamic has shifted. And I understand

1:01:32

feeling like I don't like my friend's partner,

1:01:34

it's like really hard. I like

1:01:37

your partner and I love you. But you couldn't be

1:01:39

like a better friend about it. I mean, it is

1:01:41

just like, there's never an ounce of even like annoyance

1:01:43

or resentment or anything. If you like, you're willing to

1:01:45

like work around my schedule to see him, like, I

1:01:47

don't know. You're just like, you couldn't be like a

1:01:49

better friend. And I don't

1:01:53

know. I'm

1:01:55

like so emotional today. I don't know what is going on.

1:01:59

But I just like really. I want you to find

1:02:01

somebody too. And, you know, I

1:02:03

know you will. Like, I'm not trying to like

1:02:05

drive that home, but you know, he and I actually

1:02:07

had this conversation recently about how you just are

1:02:10

talking to people less. Like he was saying that

1:02:12

like he feels like he talks to his mom

1:02:14

less because he used to call her and now

1:02:16

he calls me and you know, he's aware of

1:02:19

it, but like it can't not happen. Like if

1:02:21

you bring a romantic partner into your

1:02:23

life as someone who was like single before, that's the

1:02:25

thing. You have those girls that always have a boyfriend.

1:02:27

So you always know what you're going to get. You

1:02:29

know, they're always coupled up. So their amount of time

1:02:32

dedicated to you kind of stays the same. They end

1:02:34

one relationship, they get into another. Like that's who they

1:02:36

are. That's their homeostasis. As someone who is single a

1:02:38

lot and like we've had this relationship and the

1:02:40

relationships I have with my other friends, like things have

1:02:42

just really changed. I have like a whole nother person

1:02:44

that's like a huge part of my life. So he

1:02:47

just does like take up time of like talking

1:02:49

and I'm talking about stuff that maybe I talked

1:02:51

to you about before and I don't really feel

1:02:53

like our relationship has shifted and like our closeness

1:02:56

or anything like that. But you just, you can't

1:02:58

really avoid it. You know, and I want to

1:03:00

be more aware of it too. And you don't

1:03:02

know so much when you're in it. And then

1:03:05

you have friends that are feeling neglected or and

1:03:07

they're like, but you've changed and this has changed

1:03:09

and you're like, but I'm so happy

1:03:11

and I have my boyfriend. And you know, you

1:03:13

don't see it when you're in it. And I

1:03:15

think that's also where you need to, if you're

1:03:17

the person that's feeling kind of neglected or your

1:03:19

friendship has changed, you could absolutely have this conversation

1:03:21

and have it really gently without being accusatory. But

1:03:23

like you have to give people some grace too.

1:03:26

You know, and we hear this all the time. I mean,

1:03:29

friends that are like two peas in

1:03:31

a pod, girlfriends running around, dating, like

1:03:33

that one gets a boyfriend, it changes

1:03:35

drastically. It really hurts. Yeah, it really can. And

1:03:38

I feel lucky that I have all these other

1:03:40

friends here and I have what you said, like

1:03:42

spending more one-on-one time with other people. Like I

1:03:44

think that you and I do so many group

1:03:46

hangs. So it is really important to me to

1:03:48

like single out some of those girls. Like I

1:03:50

have just spent like a lot of one-on-one time

1:03:52

recently with like Jackie and Ann, two of our

1:03:54

girlfriends. And like, it's really strengthened those relationships. Somebody's

1:03:56

ever gonna replace you, but I'm like, you have

1:03:58

this other person in your life. life is taking

1:04:00

up more time and so I have tried to

1:04:03

like fill my time a little bit more with

1:04:05

like my single girlfriend's about with a little more

1:04:07

and I think it's important to like maintain

1:04:10

the old one and still try to like

1:04:12

grow new ones. Yeah and I

1:04:14

think like think about what your friends what

1:04:16

they bring into your life and the stuff you

1:04:18

guys discuss and

1:04:21

what you bond over like I think that you could somebody's

1:04:23

getting this like I'll never have that with somebody else and

1:04:25

like you you will you know like I had a falling

1:04:27

out with a friend a long time ago and it was

1:04:30

like she was my friend that I always like talked

1:04:32

about music or whatever with and like now I

1:04:34

just I talk about that with another friend you

1:04:36

know like I'm not saying that people are replaceable

1:04:38

but you can bring more people

1:04:40

into your life strengthen those relationships prioritize them

1:04:42

find things about them you didn't know and

1:04:44

like really have friendships with

1:04:47

them you may have never expected if you just had

1:04:49

been so focused in on like those

1:04:51

few other people. I like that

1:04:53

you said like solo hangs I think it's like

1:04:56

it sounds like duh but like I really find

1:04:58

a lot of value and like one-on-one interactions with

1:05:00

women and like I encourage myself to like share

1:05:02

a little bit more about myself and don't make

1:05:04

it so surface and like ask a lot of

1:05:06

questions and I think that like women

1:05:08

are really good at deepening

1:05:10

relationships to each other because like you'll really share a lot

1:05:12

like it's funny I was talking to Jeremy and he was

1:05:14

like we're talking about friend types he's like well men just

1:05:17

have like an argument and it's just over the next day

1:05:19

and you say like what's that where you just dab it

1:05:21

up and you're fine and I was like okay

1:05:23

well women's relationships are a little more tiered than

1:05:25

that they're a little deeper than that you just

1:05:27

got a fist bump and everything's cool but the

1:05:29

nice thing about women's relationships is they do feel

1:05:31

like deeper than like male relationships

1:05:33

listen I guess some of you have deep

1:05:35

male relationships but like women I think are

1:05:38

able to like have these

1:05:42

really deep relationships by sharing things with

1:05:44

each other like I friends that I

1:05:46

bond over like a broken engagement with

1:05:49

that's like a unique experience and I

1:05:51

encourage myself always to just share a

1:05:53

little more about myself to deepen the

1:05:55

bond with me yeah person yeah and

1:05:57

like find those things you connect on

1:05:59

you know like, oh, like, she

1:06:02

loves Beyonce. Like, unless, you know, you start sending

1:06:04

each other like memes back and forth, or this

1:06:06

person is obsessed with the Shade Room comment section

1:06:08

like I am. You know, like, you find things

1:06:11

to like bond over that you relate

1:06:13

on that you may have not thought about before. And

1:06:15

something I wrote down is like, when you feel like

1:06:17

everybody's moving on without you or they have what you

1:06:19

want, like, I think it's really important to think about

1:06:21

what you really do want. Like, do

1:06:23

you really want those things? You know, like,

1:06:25

do you really want the marriage

1:06:27

in the house and the kids? Or do

1:06:30

you like want this career? You can

1:06:32

have it all, you know, but I'm saying like, I

1:06:34

think it's a gut check on this stuff is always

1:06:36

important because you may be feeling left out or feeling

1:06:38

left behind, but you don't even want those things anyway.

1:06:40

You just think you're supposed to. So

1:06:43

it's always so important to surround yourself with people

1:06:45

that like also have like shared common goals and want

1:06:48

to do the same things as you, you know, like

1:06:50

my college girlfriend, so it's a perfect experience. I never

1:06:52

felt left behind and we all,

1:06:54

you know, went our separate ways after college for

1:06:56

the most part. But like, I very much

1:06:58

could have when it's just like another wedding, you

1:07:01

know, there's seven of us. Like

1:07:03

I said, by the time we were 28, all of

1:07:05

them were married. Six girls, you know, like the single

1:07:07

at the wedding. The final wedding of all of them,

1:07:09

honestly. So I just think, do you really want this?

1:07:11

And if you do, that's great too. I think that

1:07:13

also comes down to what we talked about

1:07:15

with Elise Lunan and her citing Lori Gottlieb

1:07:17

of like, what if you're jealous

1:07:20

of something, you know, think about why. And

1:07:23

someone wrote that in our question slide of like, how

1:07:25

can I be happy for my friends when they have

1:07:27

something that I want so much,

1:07:29

you know? And I think that's so layered of like everyone

1:07:31

around you is getting the stuff that you want. And

1:07:34

how can you like be happy when you want it

1:07:36

so deeply and you're feeling left behind and you're feeling

1:07:38

single and lonely and all this stuff. But I just

1:07:40

think when everyone around you is getting

1:07:42

something that you want, it just means you're closer

1:07:44

to it. It's like, means the good thing. It

1:07:46

should inspire you. It shouldn't feel out of reach.

1:07:48

It's like, these are all the closest people to

1:07:50

me. They're all falling in love and

1:07:52

doing this stuff. Like that means like, this should be coming. I

1:07:55

like that advice. And I think you can start to

1:07:57

emulate some of the decisions that those people made. Like

1:07:59

those people. can be role models to you. Like, how

1:08:01

do they get this type of relationship? Also, maybe you don't

1:08:03

want that type of relationship and you're like, great, well that's

1:08:06

more inspiration for something I don't want. Right. Yeah,

1:08:08

do you even want that? You know, like, we

1:08:10

always say that, like, all these relationships, like, I don't

1:08:12

even want that relationship. I don't want most people's

1:08:14

relationships. Yeah, exactly. It wouldn't be for me, I'm happy

1:08:16

for them, you know? But I think that being in

1:08:19

different phases of moving friends, I think it's really

1:08:21

hard to feel like I've outgrown this friendship and I've

1:08:23

outgrown other people. Cause it feels kind of mean. You

1:08:26

feel a little mean-spirited, feeling like, do I

1:08:28

have a superiority complex? Do I feel like

1:08:30

this? And I think this can happen

1:08:32

a lot, definitely when you're the first one, this is your relationship

1:08:34

and all your friends are like partying and the thing that bonds

1:08:36

you no longer exists. Or you see that

1:08:38

a lot of people stop drinking and don't party

1:08:40

as much. You just feel like I've outgrown everybody

1:08:43

around me and it can feel a little elitist

1:08:45

internally and you sort of stop

1:08:47

making plans and you distance yourself. And I think

1:08:49

that like, it can, for the person that you're

1:08:51

distancing yourself from, it can feel like quicksand cause

1:08:53

they keep trying and like you're not really engaging.

1:08:55

And it's tough, you know? But I

1:08:57

think it's okay to outgrow each other and

1:09:00

it's really painful. And I like, I

1:09:03

lost a very close friend this year. She's still

1:09:05

alive, but she's somebody that was

1:09:07

like family to me and I think about her

1:09:09

every single day. And I think about every

1:09:12

single little inflection point of fights, there's

1:09:14

like these little jabs at each

1:09:16

other and everything over the last year and a half

1:09:18

that we like both did that like I was mad

1:09:20

about and I never said anything about it. And like,

1:09:22

I never gave her the opportunity to like defend

1:09:25

herself or to not defend herself,

1:09:27

to stand in her own ground and say, yeah, I meant

1:09:29

to do that. Like I didn't really give her a lot

1:09:31

of opportunities and she didn't necessarily give me them until it

1:09:34

was too late. And I like really mourn

1:09:36

that. I feel really sad every day. Like I told

1:09:38

you yesterday, I think about her every day. And

1:09:40

she was like family to me, I don't take it lightly,

1:09:43

but I do sort of feel like maybe

1:09:45

for the tame being, we've outgrown each other and

1:09:47

I have to like, just I have to feel

1:09:49

like I tried every single thing, I think, in

1:09:51

my power and I've learned from it. Unfortunately, I've

1:09:53

learned a lot of lessons from it. Then that's

1:09:55

the only thing I can really take from it

1:09:57

is that like, I won't let things get this

1:09:59

bad. I'll set how I feel

1:10:01

next time, I'll draw boundaries, I won't

1:10:04

just make somebody feel bad and not

1:10:06

know why they'll be made to feel

1:10:08

bad. And I hate that she's

1:10:10

like this lesson that I have to learn. Because she's

1:10:12

just a wonderful person. I love her so much. But

1:10:14

like, I don't know if we can be in each

1:10:16

other's lives anymore. I hope that's

1:10:18

not forever. I do. I feel for

1:10:20

you with that, of course, and you know all the

1:10:23

ins and outs of this, but like you could come

1:10:25

back around or not, you know, you never know. Like

1:10:27

it, you know, the end of the day hasn't been

1:10:29

that long. Having a falling out with a friend feels

1:10:31

like weeks, feel like months, months, feel like years. But

1:10:34

at the end of the day, you know, you

1:10:36

could come back and friends come in and out

1:10:38

of our lives and they're not

1:10:40

all forever. And we've said before friendships run their

1:10:43

course, you know, I had a falling out with

1:10:45

a friend that I was friends with for not

1:10:47

even really, well, I guess it was falling out.

1:10:49

It was a weird situation. She came at me,

1:10:52

but I had been feeling like I outgrew the

1:10:54

friendship. It felt kind of like we weren't relating

1:10:56

on things and our life was so different and

1:10:58

our values and politics felt really misaligned

1:11:00

and it just kind of all blew up a little

1:11:02

bit. And I don't feel like you,

1:11:04

I have never missed her since. That sounds harsh to say,

1:11:07

but it's like the friendship was like kind of over.

1:11:09

It's almost when you hear married couples divorced that had

1:11:11

just the marriage had been over, you know, they've

1:11:13

been separated, you know, it just was like the

1:11:15

finality of it. But that friendship just ran its

1:11:18

course and that happens

1:11:20

sometimes and you don't need to beat yourself up

1:11:22

about it. Like, I'm so crowd sourced this topic

1:11:24

on Instagram and we have so much more we

1:11:26

want to cover and we want to do a

1:11:28

whole deep dive on like friendship breakups too. You

1:11:30

guys really want us to speak about that again.

1:11:32

We can talk more about it, but just the

1:11:34

outgrowing like I could feel people's like guilt or

1:11:36

like you said, like I feel like an asshole.

1:11:38

Like I feel like a brat saying this, but

1:11:40

I kind of feel like I've outgrown this person

1:11:42

and their childhood friend, your parents could be friends,

1:11:44

like all of that. And how do I deal

1:11:47

with it? Yeah. I mean, it felt like her

1:11:49

and I were in this like terrible figure eight of like,

1:11:51

she felt really judged by me and I

1:11:53

was being really judgmental. That's not incorrect. And

1:11:55

I feel like we were both trying to

1:11:57

like understand the other person and maybe for

1:11:59

the time being. like our interest didn't align

1:12:01

and I think she was sick of feeling judged

1:12:03

by me and I was sick of maybe feeling

1:12:05

like I'm in situations I feel really judgmental of

1:12:08

and it's not fair to either person to

1:12:10

stay in the relationship and be unhealthy for

1:12:13

each other because I don't think she

1:12:15

wanted to feel like her best friend was judging her

1:12:17

all the time and I didn't want to feel like

1:12:19

judgmental of this person who I really love and think

1:12:21

is just like the best person in the world and

1:12:23

sometimes you just have to like step back and maybe

1:12:25

I wish I would have addressed it and step back

1:12:27

a little sooner or admitted how I feel

1:12:29

I don't know it's hard to say to somebody like I

1:12:32

don't like what's going on here and you and

1:12:34

I have had a lot of situations where like

1:12:36

I can say I don't like this situation but

1:12:38

I'm not mad at you as a person and I

1:12:40

felt like I was almost like mad at her as

1:12:42

a person not like each individual situation and I could

1:12:45

have done a better job of expressing that but

1:12:47

until it got so bad that I just like not

1:12:49

being nice ever but I think that

1:12:51

it's not fair for both people to stay in

1:12:54

it because you both like kind of deserve better

1:12:56

just because you have history or whatever the reason

1:12:58

you may feel as your personal circumstances but yeah

1:13:00

I mean it felt like a classic like outgrowing

1:13:02

different stages of life kind of stuff very different

1:13:05

you know like and you you find that I

1:13:07

mean again like your 20s

1:13:09

and your 30s are like all over the

1:13:11

place you know people are getting married and

1:13:13

settling down and buying homes having kids in

1:13:16

their 20s some people aren't even

1:13:18

considering that till their 30s people are well into

1:13:20

their I'm 40 I'm married no kids like you

1:13:22

know their careers are

1:13:25

all over the place people get right out of college and they

1:13:27

just go into a career and that's where they stay and other

1:13:30

people just they feel like they're floundering forever and then

1:13:32

when they maybe they hit it big or maybe they

1:13:34

don't and you know they're still living at home and

1:13:37

you just feel there is no consistency and someone

1:13:39

had wrote on Instagram like there's this friendship

1:13:41

shift in your 30s that no one talks

1:13:43

about and it doesn't necessarily to be in your

1:13:45

30s I mean people say there's a real shift in life at

1:13:47

27 and whenever it is but it

1:13:49

can feel like you don't know where you're supposed to

1:13:51

be and everyone is in a

1:13:54

different stage and people are moving you know

1:13:56

and things are changing I just think that like

1:14:00

and discomfort will lead you to growth if you

1:14:02

let it. Like you were saying, like

1:14:04

a lot of this is like sitting in the discomfort,

1:14:06

seeing a relationship for what it may be and like

1:14:08

maybe it did run its course and you have all

1:14:10

these other relationships to strengthen, you have all these other

1:14:12

good things in your life and things you can put

1:14:15

focus on, but things just change. Yeah, I like you

1:14:17

said, cause I try to not have experiences in my

1:14:19

life that are just all negative. At least I'm like,

1:14:21

what was the lesson here? And like, I hate

1:14:24

that she has to be a lesson and maybe it doesn't that

1:14:26

we all agree with each other. We just, we are very much

1:14:28

in different life phases right now. And I think

1:14:30

that like all I can learn is to just like

1:14:33

do better and I can acknowledge like, I didn't

1:14:35

handle a lot of situations well. I wasn't kind,

1:14:37

I wasn't empathetic, I wasn't that

1:14:40

open-minded and certain things, I wouldn't change

1:14:42

at all. Certain things, I would

1:14:44

be able to stand in my ground and say, I don't like this, take

1:14:47

it or leave it, be friends with me or don't, I don't

1:14:49

care. Yeah, I don't know what else, but I hate that this

1:14:51

person has to be a lesson, but I guess I can hopefully

1:14:53

be a better friend in the future, like other people and maybe

1:14:56

one day we'll circle back. Yeah, I just, my

1:14:58

experience with you has always just

1:15:00

been like a great friend. So it's like,

1:15:02

I can't relate. Thank you. I

1:15:05

can't imagine it was your fault, but

1:15:07

that's just me. Nothing's ever my

1:15:09

fault. I think that, you

1:15:11

know, I love that you take responsibility. Also what I

1:15:13

learned through this is I am a different friend to

1:15:16

different people, you know? I think different people ask different

1:15:18

things of you and there's some friends that like really

1:15:20

ask a lot in terms of emotional support. There's friends

1:15:22

that don't ask anything in terms of emotional support. And

1:15:24

the ones that don't ask anything in terms of emotional

1:15:27

support, you just remind yourself to check in

1:15:29

with those people too. And just because they're not asking for something

1:15:31

and they're low maintenance doesn't mean you should treat them as such.

1:15:33

And it just reminded me that you are like kind of,

1:15:36

every relationship's different. You are a different friendly person. And like

1:15:38

I said, some of my friends would be like, I've

1:15:40

never heard her raise her voice. I've never heard,

1:15:42

this person would say, she lit me up and

1:15:44

started screaming at me like a crazy person. Right,

1:15:46

yeah. So everybody experiences you in a different way

1:15:48

and I'm like learning that too. Like I didn't

1:15:50

even realize like how I show up differently in

1:15:52

different friendships. Yeah, and a topic that came up

1:15:54

a lot was one-sided friendships. And I think we

1:15:56

went a deep dive on that at a later

1:15:58

date too. That came up over. over and over

1:16:00

and like feeling like you give someone like more support

1:16:02

or you celebrate them more you ask them more questions

1:16:04

you don't get in return and I've talked about that

1:16:06

with sparkly eyes as well like I think obviously men

1:16:09

have a lot of the same shared experiences they're not

1:16:11

like a totally different breed but you know

1:16:13

like that happens and every type of friendship

1:16:15

and relationship family relationships all the things I

1:16:17

think that like you know when you

1:16:20

talk about being in different life stage of a friend

1:16:22

and you know certainly the friend that you had to

1:16:24

falling out with is younger and you just I really

1:16:26

saw a disparity in the way that you guys were

1:16:28

choosing to live your life and that's not a judgment

1:16:31

call but you were living like different types of lives

1:16:33

and I think that like you have to just meet

1:16:35

friends where they're at sometimes and this comes down to

1:16:37

a friend that could be again married kids I think

1:16:39

friendships are really like a seesaw and like sometimes you're

1:16:41

you're up there down you're giving way more they're giving

1:16:44

less you hope it all balances out in the end

1:16:46

you don't want a one-sided friendship but there are times

1:16:48

and you're like I'm the one checking in on you

1:16:50

all the time I'm coming to you more I'm having

1:16:52

to show it for you more it's like I don't

1:16:54

know they just have a kid you know that's like

1:16:56

takes over your whole fucking life so I think you

1:16:58

have to give people grace too but do a gut

1:17:00

check don't just give give give and let someone take

1:17:03

take take like I want to be clear I'm not

1:17:05

saying you shouldn't if someone's listening this and they're like

1:17:07

I'm always on the hook like that shouldn't be how

1:17:09

you should feel but I think sometimes you do just

1:17:11

have to meet someone where they're at a

1:17:13

little bit or when we talk about someone that's still

1:17:15

in their party phase and you've kind of moved on

1:17:17

from that like figure out what you do with them

1:17:20

now if you want to salvage the friendship I mean

1:17:22

if it's a friend that you used to just party

1:17:24

so hard with and get drunk with and you still

1:17:26

want to maintain the friendship but you don't do that

1:17:28

anymore I mean can you guys go out for coffee

1:17:30

I mean can you do something different

1:17:32

can you like just go to dinner

1:17:35

can you just meet up and hang

1:17:37

you know I think that realizing how

1:17:39

you can like meet people or Dave

1:17:41

changed is important too definitely

1:17:43

and check into yourself and say like am I

1:17:45

contributing enough to this also like I

1:17:48

had a friend say to me the other day like I feel like I don't talk

1:17:50

to you as much now that you moved and I'm glad she said it cuz I

1:17:52

was like I really have fallen off a little

1:17:54

bit I moved to a new city I've lived in two places

1:17:56

in my whole life I moved to a new city I have

1:17:58

a Whole, different. The my volume

1:18:00

trying to like make friends and acclimate here and

1:18:02

I have let some other things fall by the

1:18:04

wayside and I realize like. I have

1:18:06

to these me people's pathway if I expect them

1:18:09

to like, keep reaching out and ask questions about

1:18:11

my life like it was a moment where I

1:18:13

was just like okay don't try as much. maybe

1:18:15

sometimes because I'm very just like in my own

1:18:17

head of like making Ally home make you friends

1:18:20

Here it's hard I don't like my brother's much

1:18:22

anymore. One nine hour time difference and he was

1:18:24

the bed at eight pm iphone Talk to my

1:18:26

comment nine am I hate it might but. Cel.

1:18:29

Tournaments like not really have a relationship so bold.

1:18:31

sometimes you just have to try a little bit

1:18:33

harder. It's that it's annoying. but like other com

1:18:35

and I o'clock this morning I mean but like

1:18:38

there will be a point where maybe you'll have

1:18:40

to try harder with you. You know I think

1:18:42

sometimes were like a new one putting all the

1:18:44

effort and like don't get taken advantage of. you

1:18:46

know don't just be a doormat. but like there

1:18:49

could be a time your life when you're gonna

1:18:51

need them to show up for you and them

1:18:53

to put all the effort. You know like life

1:18:55

goes back. And for the mean, there's times when

1:18:57

especially when people are building. A family or with

1:19:00

whatever in their career that they just like don't

1:19:02

have the capacity and you need to shop for

1:19:04

them more and like. Hopefully it'll do the same

1:19:06

for you when it's your turn. So.

1:19:09

I just thinks it's also always worth of

1:19:11

conversation and again on accusatory non angry way

1:19:13

like you really feel like your friend is

1:19:15

moving on near upset about it and you

1:19:17

want to talk about a nice like they're

1:19:19

oblivious to what's going on, like those conversations

1:19:21

and can be really impactful if you approach

1:19:24

them the right way and approach them with

1:19:26

love and like I dismiss you when I

1:19:28

just miss we had a zero way we

1:19:30

can kind of. Work. On Earth

1:19:32

you know, like understand. Where.

1:19:34

You're at. But this is like how I'm

1:19:36

feeling and I want to preserve his friendship.

1:19:38

I'm as have a saucer. They are like

1:19:41

I've never bros those conversations a regretted them

1:19:43

but I sure as shit regret not having

1:19:45

them like I can. fix this friendship. Maybe.

1:19:47

Had. So many different inflection points. I was

1:19:49

just like has the i don't like this

1:19:52

are like how you're being but I didn't

1:19:54

do that and smugglers shoulder all responsibility here.

1:19:56

she did or on Sept Hill and I

1:19:58

think she knows that like. The contributed here,

1:20:00

but like I at least know on my

1:20:02

side of the street I couldn't. Official:

1:20:05

The Thrill Of Honor. Yeah,

1:20:09

I think that's all it is. Lake reflecting

1:20:11

on yourself but not been to earn yourself

1:20:13

either. You know your friend my be apples

1:20:15

and they may have just been neglecting you

1:20:17

and moved on without you. And don't get

1:20:19

a thought And they may be other high

1:20:21

horses with their partners, their husbands or their

1:20:23

kids, their jobs or whatever. So I mean

1:20:25

I think it's just like to get a

1:20:27

realistic look at it and realizing like what

1:20:29

you can do, what you can't do and

1:20:31

change can be really good. You

1:20:33

know you could feel panicked. you're

1:20:36

being left behind. Your friends are

1:20:38

in different places. A new but

1:20:40

not really could force you to

1:20:42

make new great friends. Excel.

1:20:45

At work pick up a new hobby.

1:20:47

Strengthen really says the family. Find.

1:20:49

A romantic partner in whatever it it may be

1:20:52

and you would look back and be like.if I

1:20:54

had just been like had down obsessed my friend

1:20:56

group and that with all I cared about never

1:20:58

would have stopped. And this other thing yeah I

1:21:01

can feel it. Rehab and sailor two things can

1:21:03

be true at once. Like it's not easy for

1:21:05

me, are comfortable to like, sit. And.

1:21:07

Sadness. I'm very much like let's identify the issue

1:21:09

and let's fix it. I don't like to like,

1:21:11

sort of wallow in feelings but like it's okay

1:21:14

to sort of sit there and acknowledge like I'm

1:21:16

sad I missed his friendship. My friend found a

1:21:18

better job, they found a partner of day thought

1:21:20

that kid like you can more and that and

1:21:22

feel sad. Also at the same time be trying

1:21:25

to make a better like you could do both

1:21:27

things and even acknowledge it like honor how you

1:21:29

feel and still try to like push for at

1:21:31

the same time as I guess sometimes I get

1:21:33

caught up where I'm like well if I let

1:21:36

myself sit here and be sad. that i'm

1:21:38

not moving forward and are trying to do anything

1:21:40

new or make anything better with you can be

1:21:42

sad your friend had a partner and also start

1:21:44

dating i always think that i give myself space

1:21:46

to feel sad that i'm naka do anything about

1:21:48

them and i've just tried to like get a

1:21:50

little more comparable and like both things him and

1:21:52

i'd like what you said you know maybe you

1:21:55

can just be inspired by the people around you

1:21:57

and and it sucks with iran it's so hard

1:21:59

it's like the thing in the world, but maybe

1:22:01

that's an opportunity to get something else in your life

1:22:03

and they could come back around. Yeah,

1:22:06

I mean, people leave your life or if they

1:22:08

don't leave, they're a little more distant in which

1:22:10

they're creating space in your life for something else.

1:22:13

We're not just like done at 22 with our

1:22:15

friends from college and like this is how life

1:22:17

it's going to be. I hate to

1:22:20

break it to you if you're like a younger listener and

1:22:22

you're like, what are you talking about? I can't imagine anything

1:22:24

different. Like, you know, like things just change and like people

1:22:26

come and go and jobs come and go

1:22:28

and romantic partners come and go. And like,

1:22:30

that's just like what it is. And whatever

1:22:33

you may look to us for, look up

1:22:35

to us for like this friendship, I think is the

1:22:37

number one thing and like finding each

1:22:39

other later in life, you know, just in

1:22:41

our 30s. That's not even

1:22:43

late, but building this career, you know, in our

1:22:46

30s. And

1:22:48

I think that it could be your 40s. It could be your 50s. I

1:22:50

mean, I think my mom met one of her very

1:22:52

best friends when she was late

1:22:55

50s, early 60s. And

1:22:57

she was in her 30s, 40s, like they have a

1:22:59

huge age gap and they're still like lifelong friends. And,

1:23:01

you know, I know so many people with stories like

1:23:04

that. It's just never too late. No, I mean, I

1:23:07

think about my bridal party at 28. And

1:23:09

there's only one person that I have in that bridal

1:23:11

party that would be in it today. And that's Melanie.

1:23:14

But like, it would be so many other people today.

1:23:17

And I outgrew some of those friendships. And

1:23:19

my friend Courtney is a good example of somebody I

1:23:21

didn't outgrow, but she lives across the country. She

1:23:23

has two babies. She's married. She lives.

1:23:26

And we don't talk as much. But like, I still

1:23:28

love her very much when I see her at our

1:23:30

shows in Portland. That's great. But like, that would have

1:23:33

been like my main bridesmaid. And life is different now,

1:23:35

but that's okay. And she's still in my life in

1:23:37

a different capacity. Yeah. I

1:23:39

love that too. So don't freak out. Everybody.

1:23:42

You're on your own path. Yeah.

1:23:45

Figure out what you want. Well, thank you. No,

1:23:48

you don't want. Don't do that. Yeah. Well,

1:23:50

thank you guys for an amazing six years. And thank you to Ashley

1:23:52

for six years. Thank you. Everybody who's just

1:23:54

been here for the ride. We've really lucky we

1:23:56

have a great team. We have great advertisers. We

1:23:59

have great people that. inspire us around us

1:24:01

all the time. I can't believe how many

1:24:03

friends we've made through this. I just, I

1:24:05

feel so lucky. Yeah, I love it. And

1:24:07

thank you guys just really for everything. Yeah,

1:24:09

this has been a dream. Every

1:24:11

year it doesn't go unnoticed that we got to

1:24:13

do this for another year and we're gonna keep

1:24:15

doing it and we have exciting things coming and

1:24:17

I hate to be loud like, you know, big

1:24:19

things happen kind of bitch, but it's for real,

1:24:21

for real. And the

1:24:23

couch is still here. Somebody

1:24:25

get a sex on it. The couch might still get fucked on

1:24:28

by the end of 2024. I'm gonna

1:24:30

go ask the contractor to finger me on it as soon as I get

1:24:32

home. Oh,

1:24:35

a moldy wet couch. And

1:24:37

we hope you guys have a great Valentine's Day

1:24:40

and now I'm just rambling, but

1:24:43

we love you guys. And of

1:24:45

course, you know, you can find

1:24:47

us at girlsgoteat.com, girlsgoteatpodcast on Instagram

1:24:49

and TikTok and vibesonly.com, vibesonly

1:24:52

on Instagram and I'm going out to

1:24:55

order, but our personal handles are ash

1:24:57

hess and reynit.greenberg. And

1:24:59

subscribe on YouTube, share this episode with

1:25:01

a friend, all your friends. The

1:25:05

ones you've outgrown. Yeah, you wanna dump and this

1:25:07

is your way to tell them. And

1:25:10

we'll see you next week. Have a great week, guys. Bye. So

1:25:15

we began East Coastpoint. It was pretty cool. surprised

1:25:18

when I walked in the car onto

1:25:21

the copied old Skynever Sandhouse. And

1:25:27

prediction, especially onarty ground. Then

1:25:32

those people got all pulled out.