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in affiliates Northbrook, Illinois. We've

0:35

had so many flashbacks at this point. I really wanted just

0:37

one of these flashbacks to be back to a time where

0:39

he had to shoot his wife in the head while she's

0:41

burning at the stake. And that's because Michael Flatley has ruined

0:43

flashbacks for me. If there is a flashback of that then

0:46

it's not worth having a flashback. This

0:48

is a reference to a previous film, guys. Blackbird

0:50

is the name of the film. It's

0:53

such a weird thing for you to say without me making

0:55

that clear. I just wanted to... The occasional listener probably needs

0:57

to know why you wanted this guy to shoot his wife

0:59

in the head while she was on fire. I

1:01

feel like out of context you say Michael Flatley and people

1:03

are like, yeah that probably makes sense. Yeah, okay,

1:05

yeah, right, right. God

1:08

awful movies. Welcome

1:20

back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from

1:22

Christian cinema because of all the ways we get to hang out

1:24

with Marsh. This is the least expensive. I'm

1:26

your host, No Illusion, since sitting 700

1:29

miles to my immediate left is my

1:31

good friend Heath Enright. Heath, welcome back.

1:33

Thanks, Noah. Marsh has expensive tastes. He

1:35

gets into some weird, expensive

1:37

stuff. That's

1:40

canon now. Yep. And as

1:42

we've already intimated, sitting one pond to my right

1:45

is co-host of Skeptics with a K, host of

1:47

Be Reasonable, and perennial guest masochist Michael Marsh. Marsh,

1:49

welcome back. Hey

1:51

guys, it is a pleasure to be here. I

1:54

also like that Heath is introducing lies about me

1:56

in the bit before I'm introduced, but I feel

1:58

like I can't even defend myself. I

2:00

don't exist yet until that point. I was just

2:03

talking about the expense of flying you over here.

2:05

He's the one that's got you eating foie gras

2:07

for breakfast. I think the gentlemen doth protest too

2:09

much. So tell

2:11

us, what will we be

2:13

breaking down today? We watched Life

2:16

Flight. It's the

2:18

story of the emergency rescue workers

2:20

who use Christian magic to rescue

2:23

people from, you know,

2:25

getting murdered by God that they worship. It's

2:28

Prey Watch. We watched Prey Watch. It is

2:30

Prey Watch. And

2:32

Marsh, how bad was this

2:34

movie? Well, if you loved

2:36

Airwolf and MASH, but you

2:39

love them mostly for the

2:41

semi-static shots of stationary helicopters,

2:43

you will love this movie. It's

2:46

practically like a helicopter brochure, but sponsored

2:48

by the Bible. That's essentially what this

2:50

was. Right. So I wrote this in

2:53

my notes somewhere, but every time they

2:55

have to show us a helicopter in

2:57

this movie, you get

2:59

a series of establishing shots like

3:01

you're choosing your helicopter in Forza.

3:03

Right. And

3:06

it's not even every time they have to show us it,

3:08

just every time they show like they need to show anything.

3:10

It's a helicopter. Right. Sometimes they say, well, we haven't had

3:12

a helicopter on screen for a little bit. Let's throw another

3:14

one up there. We paid for it. All

3:17

right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best

3:19

at being the worst at? Yeah, I'd like

3:21

to go with best worst swooshing doodly-doo

3:23

right out of the metaverse into the

3:26

paraverse into some other it's insane. There's

3:28

so many levels deep so quickly and

3:30

they have no idea which level at

3:33

any moment at one point in this

3:35

movie, Christopher Nolan walks into the middle

3:37

of the screen and says, what the

3:40

fuck is going on? Yeah,

3:43

it's we never we've never needed Eli more. I

3:45

was like Eli, god damn it. You need to

3:47

watch this movie and just send us a plotting

3:49

of it or something, you know, like a like

3:51

a diagram sentence. Unless maybe that's where Eli got

3:53

it from because this is an old movie. Maybe

3:55

Eli watch this and said, you know what swooshing

3:57

a doodly-doo. I

4:00

bet Eli started writing a sketch and he's

4:02

in one of those swoosh doodly-doo verses now.

4:04

Oh, right. Yeah. Maybe we'll get him out.

4:06

We'll try to get him out. Yeah, exactly.

4:08

Exactly. We got to finish this review to

4:10

release him. Christopher Nolan just

4:12

slapped me in the face. I don't know what's happening. So,

4:15

okay. So I was, you know, I

4:17

feel like you guys probably could have

4:20

guessed mine going in, but I was

4:22

going to go with best worst room

4:24

noise. All right. The hiss, the ambient

4:26

hiss in this movie. Like I seriously

4:29

strongly considered just recording the audio for

4:31

this movie while I was away from

4:33

my desk, doing a noise removal on

4:35

audacity and then syncing it back up

4:38

with the video. And I

4:40

honestly, I would have done that except there were

4:42

ads in it. So I wouldn't be able to

4:44

get it all to sync up later. It's cool.

4:46

If you play an old record backwards, it actually

4:49

cancels all that. And it's perfectly clear if you

4:51

listen to those at the same time. Yeah, no,

4:53

that's fair. It did feel, at

4:55

one point I did want to sort of look

4:57

up on a map. Does Des Moines, Iowa have

4:59

a giant waterfall? Because I feel like they're recording

5:01

underneath it. That's the only explanation. I'm

5:04

going to go with best worst

5:06

scene transitions because the

5:08

way that we get from one scene

5:10

to another in this film is just

5:12

constantly incredibly jarring. At one point, it's

5:14

like, well, we've finished the

5:16

sentence at the end of that scene.

5:19

So the second, the last word, the

5:21

last syllable is dying on the actress's

5:23

lips. We're already somewhere else. But

5:26

then at one point the director's like, nah,

5:28

I still feel like we're not transitioning earlier

5:30

enough. That's still too too late. And so

5:32

he starts transitioning mid-sentence to a point that

5:34

just gets so confusing. I felt like I

5:36

was getting side tackled through the movie from

5:38

scene to scene, just personally as I was

5:41

watching. Well, you know, and the fucked up

5:43

thing is that they spend so much time

5:45

on the establishing shots of the helicopter. And

5:47

every time it's not a helicopter, you're dying

5:49

for an establishing shot, right? Yes. Yeah. I've

5:51

no idea when stuff happens, where it happens.

5:54

At one point we go between like three

5:56

different things that are supposed to be happening

5:58

at the same time, I guess, but they're

6:01

all in different. periods of the day, so

6:03

it feels like we just start tripping through

6:05

days. Right. And it's happening so quickly. I

6:07

felt it was technically a strobe effect that

6:09

they were doing at that point. The scene

6:11

transitions. Well, and it also it doesn't help

6:13

that the moods of this movie are so

6:16

like, are just downright schizophrenic, right? Like, we'll

6:18

go straight from sort of a wacky fucking

6:20

clowny-ass scene to a child shooting herself in

6:22

the head with a gun, you know, like,

6:24

immediately. That's so good. Not

6:26

an exact. It's just barely an exaggeration.

6:29

Just barely. Like, just fucking barely. All

6:31

right. Well, I'll tell you what, we've got a lot

6:33

of action to imply, so we're going to keep the

6:36

break brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into

6:38

all the moralizing bullshit that is Life

6:41

Flight. This

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message is sponsored by Greenlight. Hey,

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light.com/awful. That's green light.com/awful to try green

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light for free. Green

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light.com/awful. God, I

8:12

hated that past so much. It's for man. Let

8:15

go. You let it go. All

8:18

right, fellas. Welcome to the first ever writer's

8:20

room meeting for a life flight. Right.

8:24

Life flight. Now, as I'm sure you're

8:26

all aware, we've got a ton of helicopter B

8:28

roll that's going to make up probably

8:30

50 percent of this movie. So

8:32

the actual writing process should be pretty easy

8:34

for us. Okay. Okay.

8:38

But when you say helicopter B roll, you

8:40

do mean a helicopter flying through the air,

8:43

right? Look at Dave with all the

8:45

questions. Anyway, moving on. Sorry. Sorry.

8:49

Is that a no? Is that a no, this guy? So

8:51

okay. So in terms of inciting

8:53

incident, I'm thinking we could do sort of

8:55

a nesting flashback situation. I feel like you're

8:57

just you're avoiding Dave's question like twice now.

8:59

Well, not if you keep bringing it back

9:02

up. I'm not Larry. Well, is

9:04

the B roll of a flying helicopter or

9:07

not? Yes.

9:09

Yes. What? Yes.

9:13

The footage contains a flying helicopter.

9:16

Sorry, contains how much of

9:18

it exactly? Like almost

9:21

half. Dude,

9:25

to get fucked into buying a bunch

9:27

of B roll of a stationary vehicle

9:29

again. God, this is tank attack all

9:31

over again. Guys, guys, this is quality

9:33

B roll of a parked helicopter. Well,

9:36

only only most of it. What

9:39

the fuck are we going to do with shots of

9:41

a parked helicopter? We could use it

9:43

for establishing

9:46

shots. How many

9:48

times could a movie possibly need

9:50

to establish helicopter? You would

9:52

be amazed. And

9:57

we're back for the room has literally the.

10:00

The first goddamn thing I wrote in my notes

10:02

was, oh my God, at the room, yes. Jesus,

10:05

it's deafening. It was louder than the

10:07

plane I took home from New Jersey.

10:09

It genuinely was so much louder. Yeah.

10:11

It's a lot. And we

10:13

also get the name of the production company,

10:15

which is Shaking at this

10:18

point, which is, yes. All

10:20

the things on screen are Shaking. Sound footage

10:22

of a production. But he's just

10:24

wiggling around. So weird. And

10:27

just between the logo and the fact that

10:29

it's Shaking, it's got a very kind of

10:31

like 1980s school educational film vibe. They've wheeled

10:34

in the VCR and the big telly. And

10:36

you have to sort of sit cross-legged and

10:38

watch this thing teach you about stuff. Oh,

10:41

there is nothing quite like a cheap production

10:43

logo from the 80s, man. So

10:45

we get a bunch of, bunch of credits.

10:48

But we eventually resolved on so many credits.

10:50

It's so long. It's like two minutes of

10:52

credit. Sorry. The music

10:54

also thought that the people's names were way

10:56

more impressive than they actually were. Well, they're

10:59

going to linger on this person's

11:01

name here. There's no way we want to sort of

11:03

go straight past. The associate

11:05

producer was Peg Cawton. And

11:08

that sounds like a euphemism for someone who's

11:10

trying to solicit a dildo into their

11:12

ass. It's like they're right. Peg

11:14

Cawton. Well, it's funny because

11:16

like, you know, back in the days, early days of

11:18

cinema, they did the credits up front. And then to

11:21

the end, it would just be the end. And then

11:23

eventually the credits moved to the back. I feel like

11:25

1987 was this weird transitional period where they did both.

11:28

Yeah. Peg Cawton doesn't do them up front.

11:30

That's for sure. Well, no. No.

11:35

So, but yeah, we eventually, we resolved

11:37

on this snowmobile and we have this

11:39

like tight shot on a tree stump

11:41

that we back away from. It is

11:43

the most artless opening shot in cinematic

11:45

history. We're going to do some art.

11:47

Cold open means snow, right? And

11:50

then we'll be artistic. The extreme

11:52

closeup on the tree trunk for, to begin with, I

11:54

couldn't tell if we were watching a colonoscopy. That's how

11:56

bad the shot was. That's what it looked like. It

11:59

could have been. Also, the resolution in this film

12:01

is so low that everything that moves, when the

12:03

snowmobile comes on screen, it looks like it's got

12:05

a force field because only the pixels in the

12:07

video aren't moving and it's in. Hey,

12:10

have any of you guys ever snowmobil'd before? I

12:12

have not. No. Yeah.

12:16

You have? There's a kid a lot. It looks

12:18

awesome. It looks so much fun. Oh,

12:20

it's ton of fun. I'm in Michigan. I

12:22

could do that. But then I feel like I'd be a snowmobile

12:24

guy at that point with like snowmobile friends. I

12:27

feel like it goes. I end up like owning NFTs at the

12:29

end. It sucks. Right. No,

12:31

it's probably not worth it. Also, you go out and

12:33

find the largest lake with the thinnest layer of ice

12:35

on top of it and you would probably snowmobile over

12:37

that for a good 45 second. Oh,

12:39

why crazy? I'm an atheist, Marsh. I

12:42

would never do that. This

12:44

is so fucking hilarious. So the movie

12:46

needs to start with the snowmobile going,

12:48

like crashing through the ice. But

12:50

apparently the ice wasn't being kind to

12:53

them that day. So they

12:55

have to drive like midway across

12:57

Lake Michigan before the fucking ice

12:59

finally breaks. They drive so long

13:02

that global warming kicks in. That's

13:04

what breaks the ice. And

13:07

then they fall in the cold water

13:09

and they thrash around for so

13:11

long. It's like solid 20 seconds. I've

13:14

got it. So you

13:16

can see the actors be like, did we cut now? Because

13:19

we did a lot of that. You're saying thrash more. You're

13:22

saying thrash, you're doing the rolly finger

13:24

thing. All right. It's

13:27

so long. Well, and the funniest thing

13:29

about it, too, is that for movie

13:31

purposes, we can't know who this is

13:33

yet. Right. So they have their helmets

13:35

on from their snowmobiling and don't take

13:37

them off as they're thrashing around in

13:39

the water. So. So

13:42

then we get the first of

13:45

many establishing shots of the life

13:47

flight helicopter. Right. Is the life

13:49

flight a real thing? Yes. OK,

13:51

I did not know that to the point where people were

13:53

asking me what movie I was watching this week. I was

13:56

like, I genuinely can't remember the

13:58

title. It's completely immemorable to me. So I

14:00

thought they've made this up. So you have

14:02

like rescue helicopters, but they

14:04

are a specific company with a specific

14:06

name that hospitals have to hire in.

14:09

Is that how that works? We have

14:11

private emergency medical services. Yes, we do.

14:13

Right. That's a real thing. I thought

14:15

they made it up. Okay. No,

14:17

no, that's a real thing. My brother rode

14:19

life flight when- Really? Yeah,

14:22

yeah. He got in a car accident and they had the life

14:24

flight amount. So we're gonna meet

14:26

porn stash pilot. This is Rob.

14:29

Oh yeah, we get an establishing shot of 1987, which

14:31

is Rob's popped collar and mustache

14:33

that hurt my eyes. Yes, popped

14:35

collar with a blue denim shirt,

14:38

collar popped so it obscures most

14:40

of his head. Yes. And

14:42

he's wearing what looks like a white, like a woolen cricket

14:44

jumper over the top of this denim shirt.

14:46

It's a look, he's rolled up obviously. It

14:48

was the 80s. Oh, of course, of course.

14:50

Yeah, no, Rob has never met a collar

14:52

he could not pop, right? It's

14:55

so good. And he walks in two

14:57

seconds into the movie now and he's like, what's this

14:59

book of Christian lessons about that's on the table right

15:01

there? I was like, okay. I love

15:03

it. He picks up a book

15:06

that's titled, Knowing God's Will, Biblical Principles

15:08

of Guidance. And he says, so what's

15:10

this about? Yes. Okay,

15:14

the interaction here was fun though. So

15:17

he asks that to his coworker, her name's

15:19

Kelly, right? Yes, uh-huh. And she's like, do

15:21

you really wanna know? And he's like, I

15:23

do not know. No, sure not. Sure not.

15:26

I mean, I did wanna know. So I

15:28

look this book up, it's on Amazon. It's

15:30

got a five-star rating on Amazon. Oh. It's

15:33

got one review. So probably

15:35

the author. The author is a guy called

15:38

someone Blaine and line from the author's bio,

15:40

Blaine serves as the founder and director of

15:42

the Sons of Thunder believed by many to

15:44

be America's first active Christian rock band. Really?

15:47

Come on. He invented Christian rock or at

15:49

least active Christian rock. Yes, right, right. What

15:51

is inactive Christian rock? Yeah, passive Christian rock,

15:53

yeah. Okay, so if this is the guy

15:55

that invented Christian rock and you're listening to

15:58

this episode. perhaps in your time machine, you've

16:00

already taken care of baby Hitler and baby

16:02

Paul Pot. I just, I don't know the

16:04

first name, but it's something plain maybe worth

16:07

looking at. And it's good cause you've got

16:09

your time machine, you probably got like enough

16:11

juice in the engine for one more trip.

16:13

Don't go back to 2003 Japan. Don't

16:16

go back to ancient Greece. Do

16:18

this. Exactly. I

16:21

enjoy that dynamic though. You got it like,

16:23

that's fun. You know every Christian person is

16:25

dying for you to ask them a question

16:27

about their dumb book, the Bible, this other

16:29

book. Oh yeah. I would do this with

16:31

my Christian bartender friend actually. He'd try to

16:33

convert me all the time. So he deserves

16:35

this. I'd be like, hey, finally,

16:38

why don't you tell me about the Christ

16:40

Jesus? I'm actually interested now. And

16:42

he'd start to answer and be like, so boring.

16:44

Nobody cares every time. Got

16:46

him like once a week for two years. So,

16:50

and oh, we also have to establish this

16:52

metal. There's a military metal that's hanging in

16:54

the room that they, that Kelly and Rob

16:56

are in. And Rob's like, hey, this is

16:58

significant to the plot, huh? This metal. And

17:01

she's like, sure is. And she picks

17:03

it up. Is it? I

17:06

thought at this point, I've looked the book up. I'm not

17:08

looking the metal up. I just stopped myself looking it up.

17:10

I'm not looking the metal up. Oh, I spent so long

17:12

looking this metal up before I remembered that my phone just

17:14

has a thing where you can take a picture of something

17:16

and ask it what it is. And I'm like, oh

17:18

yeah, no, I can just do that. Yeah, that would

17:20

do it. Right. To be clear, it

17:22

does not matter to the movie. That's

17:25

correct. Except in terms of

17:27

the worst, worst, swooshing a doodly doo concept

17:29

that the movie's doing. Right. This is

17:31

the inception totem for the movie to know

17:33

where it is in the movie they're making.

17:35

Oh, it's a spinning top, right? Yeah, yeah,

17:37

right. Yeah, I understand now. So,

17:40

okay, so they get the call. There's snowmobilers

17:42

through the ice. They need life flight. So,

17:44

they spring into action. Also, at one point

17:46

they asked, they said, okay, we're coming, we're

17:48

in the helicopter, we're coming. We're gonna need

17:50

a rope. Yeah, fine, makes sense. You're in

17:52

a helicopter. Yep, rope. And

17:54

we're also gonna need some men to help remove

17:56

a door. Okay. What door? Why do you, what

17:59

door are you trying? They will remove it all.

18:01

It is insane. It's a stupid idea. I

18:04

don't know how that helped. I thought I heard it wrong. I

18:06

was just like, sorry. They said a man

18:09

through like a locksmith. They're

18:12

going to pick up a locksmith. Sounds like a

18:14

euphemism, right? Like

18:16

drop the kids off at the pool kind of a thing or

18:18

something. What are you talking about? But

18:22

then as they're flying in, Kelly looks at

18:24

that metal and she flashes back. Now,

18:27

almost the rest of the movie

18:29

will be this doodly-doo and it

18:32

will contain several swooshes, right? Yeah.

18:35

But this totem will actually keep us in it.

18:37

Like at the end, I was like, oh shit.

18:39

Now I actually do know where they were each

18:41

time. Yeah, that is fair. They kind of hold

18:43

it together. Except that the totem shows up constantly

18:45

and is never changed in any way. So there's

18:47

that. That is true. But I

18:50

think at one point they're like, they swoos

18:52

the doodly-doo. And I think in that doodly-doo,

18:54

they throw in another swoosh because we will

18:56

do a flashback within the flashback in

18:59

a side kind of thing that's going on. So

19:01

I think they swoos a doodly-doo and

19:03

then doodly-doo a swoosh or I don't

19:05

know. It's even worse than that, Mars.

19:07

There's a point in this doodly-doo where

19:09

she flashes back to earlier in the

19:11

doodly-doo. That

19:14

does happen. There's also flashbacks

19:16

of flashbacks like PTSD.

19:19

So they get confused because that word

19:21

happens multiple times too. But not hers.

19:24

It's her doodly-doo and

19:26

she's having other people's

19:28

PTSD flashbacks within her

19:31

doodly-doo. Oh my God. That's

19:33

incredible. I didn't even notice that. Yeah,

19:35

no, she's got like a Jean Grey thing going

19:38

for PTSD. It's pretty cool. Clearly. Clearly.

19:41

Yeah. So we're flashing back

19:43

and I guess we're flashing back like two weeks

19:45

or a week and a half or something. This

19:48

movie really could have done with a thing here

19:50

that just said eight days earlier or something like

19:52

that, right? But they hadn't discovered those yet in

19:54

1987 apparently. So

19:56

we're going to flashback a week and a half or so. We

19:59

see her. in the

20:01

office trying to get more volunteers

20:04

to fly life flight with her. And

20:07

I normally wouldn't bring this up, but that's going to be

20:09

the plot of the movie as much as anything is the

20:11

plot of the movie. Yes, that is true. So

20:13

then we also we cut to this ambulance

20:15

driver that we've never seen in an

20:18

office with a lady that we don't know

20:20

that this is CJ and Linda. They are a

20:22

married couple. Linda is an administrator at the

20:24

hospital and CJ drives the ambulance.

20:28

Linda is nearly identical to Kelly

20:30

in every physical way. Oh my

20:32

fucking God. Yes. It's very

20:35

confusing. It's so hard to keep track. It took

20:37

me like half the movie to realize it was

20:39

definitely two different characters. Well right. And

20:41

CJ we're going to meet this character Michael later. Michael

20:44

is just CJ with a different hair color

20:46

too. Yeah, exactly. And all of this is

20:48

just really not helped by the fact that

20:50

the resolution of this really old film is

20:52

so low that I feel like I'm squinting

20:54

anyway so that these people can be anyone

20:57

at any point. Yeah. But then later we'll

20:59

have a reveal and it's one of the

21:01

characters we've seen before and I couldn't tell.

21:03

Yes. And that reveal just did not land on me.

21:05

Yeah. Yeah. One

21:07

of the things that makes it extra hard is apparently every single woman

21:09

in 1987 was wearing monochrome

21:12

light blue all the time or maybe pink.

21:14

Yes, there was also pink. Yes, this lady

21:16

at this point. These two characters do

21:18

nothing but blue for a while. Yeah,

21:21

this lady is dressed as the concept of

21:23

blue. Like everything about her is blue. Yeah,

21:25

right. She's just a hyper intelligent shade of

21:27

the color blue from Hitchhiker's Guide. She's that.

21:30

Yeah. Yeah. So

21:32

yeah. And so the ambulance driver's in her

21:34

office. She's talking on the phone about something. He looks out and

21:37

he sees the life flight helicopter landing

21:39

and this is the first time we swoosh

21:41

the doodle. He starts flashing back

21:43

to Nam as he's looking out at

21:46

that helicopter. And I really

21:48

wanted this to be like a really violent and traumatic

21:50

flashback to Nam. Like the time he shot like an

21:53

indigenous boy in the face in the

21:55

middle of a village or something. It's not but I just I

21:57

thought it would I was hoping he'd be that he's just remembering

22:00

is what his flashback is. Yes, exactly. More

22:02

or less. Yeah. So, but these two

22:04

are a married couple, CJ and Linda. And

22:07

so after she gets off the phone, they start joking

22:09

around a little bit. He's like, I picked up your

22:11

running shoes. So we do one of those smash

22:14

cuts that made Marsha's best

22:16

worst to them jogging

22:18

together. Yeah, instantly. And end

22:20

of the sentence, he says running shoes.

22:22

And she's basically in the running shoes

22:24

before he can get the words out.

22:26

Right. It's like they burst through that

22:28

scene, like Kool-Aid man going through a

22:30

wall and started jogging. Yeah. In new

22:33

shoes, extra fast. Yeah. And her running

22:35

shoe, her running wear is also 100%

22:37

blue. She's like the blue Power

22:39

Ranger. Everything else has to be fully blue themed. She

22:42

looks like a light blue themed superhero

22:44

now. She's got like a weird, flowy

22:47

jogging or yogging suit. Yeah. It's

22:50

pretty crazy. I also, I feel like jogging

22:52

is meant to be less conversational than what

22:54

they're doing here. Right. This poor

22:56

guy, he's not a runner and he's like trying to like

22:59

deliver this very long dumb joke while they

23:01

jog side by side. And the

23:03

poor actor is so out of breath by the end. Yeah,

23:06

he is not a convincing. Oh,

23:08

if you try to talk to me during jogging, I'm vomiting

23:10

and not talking. Sure. Yeah, that's

23:12

not working out. Yes. Yeah. He's a bad runner,

23:14

but he thinks he's pretty good. He gets like,

23:16

he like races her to a bridge. I'm sure

23:18

he says I'll race you to the bridge. The

23:20

next like cut is him getting to the bridge

23:23

and he's looking behind him to see where she

23:25

is. And then she's just on the other side

23:27

of the bridge. So did she

23:29

like fucking teleport there or something? Like, how is,

23:31

how does he not know? He's

23:34

like, you took the shortcut, didn't you? Yeah. What

23:36

the fuck would that mean? If you're approaching a

23:38

bridge, how would there be a shortcut to the

23:40

other end of that bridge other than? The bridge

23:42

is the shortcut. That's what a bridge is for.

23:44

The bridge is very much a shortcut for getting

23:46

across the river. I was like, okay, we're in

23:48

a non Euclidean universe inside this doodoo swoosh, I

23:51

guess. Cool. See how it goes. Well, so it's,

23:53

it's so they couldn't see the bridge from where

23:55

they were. So it may have been that like

23:57

you have to wind around a palace. and get

23:59

to the bridge, but then he says, you took

24:01

the shortcut and she says, no, I didn't. So

24:04

how did it happen? Did she get so far

24:06

ahead of him that she was out of sight

24:08

and then he forgot? Did she,

24:10

like, yeah, outside of the teleportation, there's no

24:12

way that this works logistically. Oh, I think

24:14

I've got it. I think at one point

24:17

a helicopter flew overhead and he immediately flashed

24:19

back to Nam. And then she escaped during

24:21

that flashback. It's the only thing that makes

24:23

sense. Well, it's either that or she ran

24:25

around the world in the opposite direction and

24:28

mounted up there, yeah. It's

24:30

like a Pac-Man scenario, maybe. Oh, there

24:32

you go. That park has, okay. So,

24:34

all right, then we cut to Eric

24:36

getting reamed by his girlfriend for having

24:38

no ambition. Who is Eric? Fuck you.

24:40

Are we still in the doodly-doo? Fuck

24:42

you. Why does the girlfriend have a

24:44

hair volcano? Fuck you. Yeah, I wrote

24:46

here, because her line is Eric, you're

24:49

going nowhere. And I wrote, she's got

24:51

a point, the car is static. But

24:53

she also literally has a point because

24:55

her head is a triangle. So she

24:57

does have a point. Yeah,

25:00

now, so we will never see this

25:02

girl again. And Eric is such a

25:05

meaningless character that I'm shocked he even gets a

25:07

name. But his girlfriend breaks up with

25:09

him because every time he goes

25:11

out with Brian, he gets drunk, none of

25:13

this matters. So we cut to him remembering

25:17

her having done that, again,

25:19

in Kelly's flashback, right?

25:21

Yeah, but I couldn't tell if he was remembering

25:23

that because again, the sentence that, first of all,

25:26

every line she delivered was 80 odds so badly,

25:28

and he didn't even bother trying to match the

25:30

lips. So it seemed like she was just like

25:32

transmitting those thoughts directly into his brain. And then

25:35

we cut to her still doing that. And I

25:37

thought, has he like gone home

25:39

and she's still transmitting the rest of it

25:41

ringing out through his brain? It's like a

25:43

long time. Or that's just how bad the

25:46

ADR was. Yeah, exactly, yeah.

25:48

Kelly's having a flashback of this guy, Eric,

25:50

having a flashback and getting roasted in a

25:52

car by his girlfriend who's about to break

25:54

up with him. I think that's a pretty

25:56

cool power that Kelly has. Bible Peace Theater

25:59

has nothing on it. especially given that she

26:01

doesn't meet Eric and anytime she could

26:04

possibly be around Eric, he's in a

26:06

coma so she can't know any of

26:08

this. Or can she? Oh,

26:11

and so then we cut

26:13

to him, so he's back at home thinking

26:15

about getting broke up with his girlfriend. He

26:18

gets a gun out of the drawer. We

26:20

will never see this gun again, right? There

26:22

will be a gun in the movie, not

26:24

this one. This gun is, we're

26:26

done with this one. Yeah, this was a Chekhov's

26:28

gun pump fake actually, which was an interesting one

26:31

I hadn't seen before. And it was a weird

26:34

like, gonna kill myself. Nah,

26:36

like maybe this afternoon, like a bawk on

26:39

the suicide. It was weird. It was a

26:41

really weird moment. No idea. Yeah. So

26:43

then we cut to Kelly back at the office,

26:45

still trying to cover a shift

26:48

for that night. Again, we

26:51

cut between that and Eric, he's out

26:53

drunk driving now to a hilarious degree.

26:57

I thought he was on his fourth can

26:59

because he like, he throws, we look outside,

27:01

he's on his fourth can, but later we'll

27:03

find he's had eight cans of blood and

27:05

has got a ninth on the go while

27:07

he's driving. Yes, he does. And he's one

27:09

of those standard drinkers that, you know, when

27:11

you drink eight beers, you throw the cans

27:13

into a neat pile in an area, right?

27:15

Sometimes you crumple the can when

27:19

you're done, if you're feeling like extra, like you drank

27:21

it hard, but then, you know, you just

27:23

toss aside regular. You want to not do

27:25

crazy, but he's drank nine cans in the car.

27:28

This guy is going to need to pee so badly.

27:30

Maybe that's why his driving starts going erratic. Cause he's

27:32

like, Oh, I need to pee. I should have thought

27:34

this through. You should only have had a couple of

27:36

cans and then found a toilet. Always

27:39

just pee yourself. Road

27:41

safety. Eats helpful tips.

27:43

That sounds like it should be delivered by a cartoon animal, like

27:47

a safety bear kind of thing.

27:49

More, you know, it's a PSA.

27:55

So we cut back to Kelly. She's doing

27:58

more paperwork. Sorry,

28:00

go ahead. So we

28:02

come back to Kelly, she's doing more

28:04

paperwork, and there's a rando that comes

28:06

in, I guess this is the volunteer

28:08

to fly life flight tonight. This is

28:10

Michael, he's suddenly going to be a

28:12

main character. Yeah. And they're talking about

28:14

their mutual friend Rob, that is porn

28:17

stash helicopter pilot, and how Michael just

28:19

can't seem to share God's love with

28:21

him. Yeah, he's just

28:23

not interested in God's will. He keeps asking me,

28:25

but it's like a prank every time, and I'm

28:27

like, oh, I was being boring. Fuck, this won't

28:29

work. And then she asks him about a kit

28:31

car, she's still making the kit car. So presumably

28:33

she's asked him about a kit car, she asked

28:35

Rob about a kit car, now she's asking Michael

28:37

about the kit car. But I had to write,

28:39

this lady's asking about kit cars, is this the

28:41

same lady? Is it the same kit car? I

28:43

have no idea, and we are a decent chunk

28:45

into this film, no clue. Yeah. But it is

28:48

the same kit car, they're making it together. She

28:50

starts talking about like, oh, you know when you're

28:52

making the kit car, you want to do it

28:54

the right way, you want to get the manual,

28:56

and I thought, oh, okay, she's using the kit

28:58

car as a subtle analogy for God. And then

29:00

she says, anyway, it's a lot like God, it's

29:02

a lot like God, this is okay. Well, there's

29:04

the subtle thing. Anyway, this is not a metaphor,

29:06

this is just regular talking. Like three different times

29:08

this movie does this, right? Like it sets this

29:10

up as an analogy, and then

29:13

it goes, this is an analogy. Yeah. So,

29:15

and what's hilarious to me about this is that

29:17

it's undercutting its own fucking analogy, right? Because they're

29:19

like, well, you guys are making the kit car,

29:21

you're using the manual while you do that, right?

29:24

And he goes, actually, no, Rob refuses to use

29:26

the manual. And she's like, it's just like the

29:28

way that the Bible is a manual for life.

29:30

And he's like, right, but I just said he

29:32

refuses to use the manual since it fell apart

29:34

before you said it. And the

29:36

implication is, like, if you don't follow the instructions

29:38

of a kit car, it's just

29:40

like being an atheist in the world where

29:43

the manual instructions of life is the Bible.

29:45

Like, like we put the wheels in a

29:47

pile and just have gay sex on it.

29:49

That's like what we do. Yes. Yes. So

29:53

then we cut back to Eric, he crashes into the river,

29:56

now there was a seat earlier where he finished a beard, he threw it

29:58

in the river. So then he

30:01

crashes into the river and the beer can catch us

30:03

up with him as if to go, ha,

30:05

this is what got you, right? Yes,

30:08

but it does mean that he was

30:10

driving on average below river speed. Seems

30:12

like a very safe speed to be

30:14

driving. Yeah. So, okay.

30:17

So now we get the helicopter taking

30:19

off within the doodly-doo, right? This is

30:21

the next helicopter establishing shot that we

30:23

got. Rob gets into pilot,

30:25

Kelly gets in and Michael, the volunteer gets in

30:27

and he's like, hey, you teach me the most

30:29

very basic aspects of nursing on the fly right

30:31

now? Yeah. He actually says

30:33

like, what do we do when we

30:36

get there? I'm new. And she's like,

30:38

oh right, fuck, you're doing a follow

30:40

today. I feel like maybe you just

30:42

watch. They were just sitting around

30:44

talking about a kit car and Jesus, why didn't

30:46

she tell him then what to do? That

30:49

sounds like a great time to do the training.

30:51

If you get any tips, I get them. That's

30:53

the rule. Especially because then she wouldn't be like

30:55

having to mumble the medical terms under both the

30:57

sound of the rotor and the sound of the

30:59

music that they put up way too loud. Like

31:02

the sound guys. And the sound of the room hits.

31:04

Yeah. We can't hear a thing.

31:06

There's also this great fucking moment here. So stupid.

31:08

So we listened to the EMT on the scene

31:10

relaying the vital signs of Eric to her. And

31:13

then we listened to her relaying the vital signs

31:15

to dispatch. And then we cut to

31:17

the dispatch and a doctor comes in and says, what

31:19

do we got? And I was sure we were going

31:21

to listen to the dispatcher tell the doctor the vitals

31:23

too. We didn't. But

31:25

I was sure we were going there. Yeah. I

31:28

really, I really desperately wanted to see it as

31:30

well. Or if it's just like telephone game, it's

31:32

its way around the hospital admin, every

31:34

single level of the hospital. Yeah. I

31:37

like on the radio when there's other

31:39

emergency services that have arrived on the

31:41

scene already. This helicopter with Kelly in

31:43

it is a few minutes out still

31:45

on the radio being like, oh,

31:48

so yeah. I mean, like I just got those vital signs

31:50

from you. You already saved

31:52

the guy. Like I'm the main

31:54

character. I'm not fully saving yet. I just got

31:56

the first. Well

31:59

that's the thing. the main character and this

32:01

is a medical drama and they've just got to the

32:03

scene of the crash, which means obviously they're going to

32:05

like spring into into action. They're going to do a

32:07

lot of medic. Nope, nope, no, we're done. We don't

32:09

get to see any of the medical care, none of

32:12

the emergency care. And we're not going to come back

32:14

to it either. We're just going to see Eric later.

32:16

He'll be in the hospital. It would have been funny

32:18

if they land. She steps out. Well, fuck. Okay, fine.

32:21

And just flies back.

32:24

This whole thing is a medical drama

32:26

without any medicine at any point. Right?

32:28

Yeah. You guys be the main characters.

32:30

Fuck you. So, okay. Then we cut

32:32

to a random couple waking up. We have not

32:34

met this couple. They will never be named, but

32:37

the wife wakes up and she's like, husband, I heard

32:39

something. And he's like, well, I'll shoot it with a

32:41

gun then. Yeah. So he

32:43

gets up just be clear in getting up. He

32:45

also apparently wakes up the electoral funk band who

32:47

are also in the room apparently. Because the second

32:49

he gets up, boom, boom,

32:51

boom, boom, boom, boom. So loud.

32:54

And it's like all in one motion. Like this

32:56

is Iowa, perfect

32:58

Iowa. Like, Hey, I heard any

33:00

noise. He's already up. He's

33:02

got a gun. He's spinning bullets into a

33:04

revolver all in one motion. Yeah. Ready to

33:06

go. Right. Yeah. Because bleary eyed half asleep

33:08

and in the dark. Those are the best

33:10

circumstances for a firearm. So he goes into

33:12

the kitchen and there's a fucking cat in

33:14

there. The cat has knocked a pot down.

33:16

Yes. You have a fucking cat. If you

33:19

fucking have a cat, you always hear a

33:21

noise in the middle of the night. Is

33:23

this a nightly routine where he's like, yeah, no, it

33:25

was the cat again for the 137th night in a row. Jesus.

33:30

But is it definitely still the cats? Because like a

33:32

second later, there's like a little shadowy thing and there's

33:34

suddenly a girl that I thought is his daughter an

33:36

animal? No,

33:41

that's exactly how they play it. The cat

33:43

jumps off the fucking counter and then we

33:45

cut back to the floor that it just jumped

33:47

into and it's a little girl. Just a little

33:50

five year old, like slowly patting a cup to

33:52

the very edge. Well,

33:56

but also this is in it. Like, so the guy has

33:58

a cat and a five. year old

34:00

and his immediate response is to there's a

34:02

noise in the house is to shit the

34:04

run out gun first like fucking Joe Pesci

34:06

just heard an owl and my cousin Vinny.

34:08

Yeah Jesus. And it's great cuz like what's

34:10

actually happened as you say the cat is

34:12

knocked a plant pot over so we see

34:15

a plant pot on the floor in the

34:17

kitchen and I really wanted the air ambulance

34:19

to have to come in and like deal

34:21

with that plant pot. How much soil is

34:23

left? Come on. Throw

34:25

a rope down.

34:28

So yeah so but he goes back to bed he tells his

34:30

wife yeah turns out it was the cat for the 187th night

34:32

in a row and he puts the gun back in his 1980s

34:35

gun safe read shoebox in the closet

34:37

but critically hold on he put it in the

34:40

back of the shelf right no it's safe little

34:42

kid big shelf.

34:45

It's not crazy. He doesn't

34:47

unload it either but that's fine. Exactly that's

34:49

the important thing he forgets to unload it.

34:52

So okay so then we cut to

34:54

Kelly and Michael leaving work for the

34:56

night of course what we wrote in

34:58

the notes originally was and then some

35:00

people we may or may not have

35:02

seen are leaving somewhere right. This is

35:04

what happens when I do this. Two

35:08

white people and helicopter that's the start of

35:10

every scene that doesn't help us that's just

35:12

always that's just always. So

35:15

but yeah but they're leaving the hospital after

35:17

a night of helicopter nursing or whatever and

35:19

this is where Kelly asks if Michael can

35:22

watch her fish for her for a few

35:24

days. And this is so much because

35:26

like we didn't get to see the crash trauma

35:28

medicine scene in this medical drama but we know

35:30

get a fish request that is an important part

35:32

for the plot that we do need to talk

35:34

about. Not only that but we're gonna come back

35:37

to this 306 times

35:39

like the fish might just be

35:41

the plot of the move. She

35:44

says I'm going I'm moving into a new apartment can

35:46

you look after my fish and I'm like what does

35:48

the left side of that sentence have to do with

35:51

the right side but okay. Maybe

35:53

she's moving in but the fish aren't maybe it's

35:55

like a sort of breakup situation. Then

36:00

we clumsily cut to Kelly at the office the next

36:02

day. She's talking to a mid-level

36:04

manager about funding for Life Flight

36:07

again. Yes. Oh,

36:10

and it's so good, it's so good, because at

36:12

one point, it feels like the stakes

36:14

of this are gonna be the human resourcing of the Life

36:16

Flight. Do we have enough people? That's the stakes of this

36:18

whole fucking film. But at one point he says, well, you

36:20

need to take this up with Linda Reynolds. And

36:23

then we get an insta-cut to Linda Reynolds there,

36:25

like this guy just summoned her. He said it

36:27

like she just turns up when you say her

36:29

name. Right, well, and the other thing too is

36:31

then, what the fuck is the scene with you

36:34

doing here, man? Right, because we have this scene

36:36

with him, and he's like, well, you have to,

36:38

this is not my department, talk to Linda. And

36:40

then we have the same scene with Linda. Yep,

36:42

if we just went straight to Linda Reynolds, we

36:44

wouldn't know why we were talking to Linda Reynolds.

36:46

We need to establish that Linda Reynolds is the

36:48

one to talk to. But

36:51

I will say this is the first of

36:53

two times that the movie passes the Bechtel

36:55

test, right? Fair. Oh, do they?

36:57

Linda and Kelly talk about funding the Life Flight

37:00

program here. So only in retrospect, once you remember

37:02

that Kelly has a name. Right, yes. But you

37:04

need to have that detail to pass the Bechtel

37:06

test, it comes in, yeah. So

37:08

then, okay, so we cut to Michael, the nurse

37:10

that volunteered for Life Flight. He's checking on Eric,

37:12

who was the drunk driving kid. Eric is now

37:14

in a coma, and will be

37:17

for the remainder of the movie, but Michael will

37:19

keep talking to him

37:21

and bothering him. Yes. Right,

37:23

like he keeps coming into this comatose guy's

37:26

room to tell him about his efforts to

37:28

Christianize Rob. And I think

37:30

Michael says to Eric, I think he's

37:32

some like, oh, you probably don't remember me. And

37:34

I thought, I don't even remember you. Who are

37:36

you? I can't tell you from anybody else. Don't

37:39

remember, you were unconscious, the feeling, like, Jesus, great.

37:41

I met you when you were in a coma.

37:43

You probably don't remember, you think? You're

37:45

still in that coma, yeah. Yeah, so

37:47

then we speed cut again to Michael

37:49

and Rob working on their kit car.

37:52

I was amazed we got to the kit

37:54

car. I thought, I can't believe neither the

37:56

guns so far have paid off, but Chekhov's

37:58

kit car will come back. Right, right. I

38:01

was just amazed that I remembered Rob's name.

38:03

Yeah. But yeah, so

38:05

there's this great fucking scene here. I love this so

38:07

much because they're going to try to do the manual

38:10

for the Kitkar analogy to the Bible

38:12

again. So Rob's like, so what's the

38:14

timing setting for this? And he's like,

38:17

well, the book says it's four degrees off a top

38:19

dead center or whatever the fuck the term is. And

38:21

he goes, I say we go 14 degrees

38:24

and we might as well get the

38:26

orchestra sting. You know what?

38:29

Fuck intelligent designing. We're doing 14

38:31

degrees. Hey. Okay.

38:34

Is degrees a right measure for this?

38:37

I assume there's something about Kitkars or

38:39

engine timers that I don't understand. Would

38:41

you prefer radians? Well, I think it's

38:44

a clock dial scenario. Yeah. Ah, okay. Right.

38:46

Cause I was thinking about degrees. That's

38:49

either angle or temperature, but after all nothing that

38:51

felt like it couldn't have been either of those

38:53

things. Well, I reckon it's timing that we're talking

38:55

about. Yeah. It's time that neither of those are

38:57

measured time. Yeah. Fuck it. We'll set the set. I think

38:59

180 degrees. We'll drive the Kitkar backwards. Yeah. So the dumb

39:01

atheist is like, we're doing 14. I don't care. And, and

39:03

Michael, the

39:12

Christian is like, that seems a little silly.

39:14

The instructions say what they say. And then

39:16

Rob, the atheist is like, I always do

39:19

things my own way. And then he's, it's

39:21

so fun. He's like, wait, are

39:23

you doing, are you doing like a Bible analogy

39:25

again? Are you trying to get me?

39:27

He's like, he's like, well, this is just

39:29

like you and your silly Bible. And I'm

39:31

like, really? You guys are going to fucking

39:34

shit on your own. So they start talking

39:36

Bible, right? They

39:38

just immediately shift from the timing discussion to talking

39:40

about how silly the Bible is. And Rob says,

39:43

all right, this prayer thing, if God already knows

39:45

what's going to happen and what I want, why

39:47

do I need to pray? End

39:50

of scene. So it

39:52

is end of scene, but there's a pause and I

39:54

can almost hear the director going, damn it. Where did

39:56

I put that smash cut button? It's

40:00

so good. If God knows what I'm doing, controls

40:03

everything, what the fuck are we doing here? I

40:05

wanted that giant pause and then credits. And I

40:07

was like, that's such a good movie. Right. Oh

40:10

my God, that's amazing. Oh, that's so good. Right. Well,

40:12

I guess it basically just screamed what's that over there

40:14

and pulled a fucking rip cord. So I guess

40:16

we could pause for a quick break while the

40:18

movie figures out what the fuck it's gonna do. But

40:20

we'll be back in a flash with even more

40:23

Life Flight. Hey

40:26

Noah, Noah, Noah.

40:29

Yeah, man. What's up? Hey, yeah.

40:31

Have you seen the good palette

40:33

Jack? We have

40:35

multiple palette Jacks. We do. And this

40:37

one here doesn't have the nice grippy

40:39

hand part. Okay. No,

40:41

I have no idea, man. Ask Eli. Oh,

40:44

he's gone this week. Well, I

40:46

don't know what to tell you. Why do we even have one?

40:49

Mostly shenanigans at the Citation

40:52

Needed Studio. Shenanigans. Yeah.

40:54

Okay. So I'll use the bad one

40:56

without the nice grippy hand part. What do you

40:59

need? Okay. There's

41:01

a palette of cornstarch in the garage. I

41:03

need a tablespoon for my crispy shrimp tacos

41:05

that I'm making. Why would

41:07

you get a palette if you only need a

41:09

tablespoon? Couldn't afford not to, Noah. Couldn't

41:11

afford not to. Also, Costco

41:13

only has palates in that. Okay,

41:16

but if you want great recipes with exactly the right

41:18

amount of ingredients, why don't you just try HelloFresh? What's

41:22

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41:25

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41:27

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41:31

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41:33

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41:35

they send you just the right amount? They

41:37

sure do. HelloFresh helps reduce food waste by

41:39

up to 45% compared to grocery shopping, or

41:42

like 5 million percent if you're doing palates

41:44

of everything. Lucinda and I started getting HelloFresh

41:46

before they were even a sponsor, and it's

41:49

been great. It saves time on shopping. There's

41:51

always plenty of variety, and it's been helping

41:53

me eat a more heart-healthy diet. That's why

41:55

I know illusions personally endorse HelloFresh. Okay,

41:58

but what if I'm traveling? No

42:00

problem at all. Just update your delivery address

42:02

and they'll send everything right to your vacation

42:04

spot. All right. I'm sold. Where

42:07

do I sign up? Just go to

42:09

hellofresh.com/awful apps for free appetizers

42:11

for life. One appetizer item

42:13

per box while subscription is

42:15

active. That's free appetizers for

42:17

life at hellofresh.com/awful apps. Nice.

42:21

So you you want me to help you return

42:23

this pallet of cornstarch? No. What

42:26

do you why what are you gonna do with it? Don't worry about

42:28

it. Okay, you're making it weird.

42:30

I'm gonna take off. It's not weird. I

42:33

like to make a big pile and

42:35

then smush my... I'm already gone. I'm

42:37

already gone. Smush my

42:39

toes in it. My toes. Okay.

42:43

Now that actually sounds great. Right?

42:46

Get in there. It

42:48

does though. Pallet jack. So

42:52

how does the manual say for ignition timing?

42:55

Let's see. Oh, it

42:57

says four degrees before top dead center.

43:01

Maybe if you're a sissy. I say we go 14

43:03

degrees. That's

43:07

crazy, Rob. The manual very clearly says four

43:09

degrees. Manual? Schmanual. You want to spend your

43:12

life doing what the book tells you? Like

43:14

you do that sissy Bible of yours? No.

43:18

Well... I

43:21

am a maverick. I'm a radical. I play

43:24

by my own rules. We're going crazy with it.

43:26

Yeah, I know you do. And look, to be honest,

43:28

I think that's what's fucking up our kit car. Oh,

43:32

in what way? Well, take the tires,

43:34

for example. I still think

43:36

we should have put them where the manual said.

43:38

It had all four on the same side, Michael.

43:41

That's stupid. Well, it had all

43:43

four on the bottom. Yeah. We compromised

43:45

half your way, half my way. I

43:47

thought that was fair. Okay,

43:49

so what about the gas pedal then? What

43:52

about it? Well, it's meant to be on the

43:54

driver's side, isn't it? You got

43:56

to admit, giving the driver all the pedals, a

43:58

little greedy. Right? Uh-huh.

44:02

And then this whole business about running it

44:04

on chocolate milk instead of gasoline. So much

44:06

less dangerous. Right, yeah. But

44:08

it won't work. But

44:10

I'm a maverick. A

44:13

maverick, yeah. No, I do get that. A radical.

44:15

I'm a radical. Who plays by his own rules. Yeah, yeah, no,

44:17

I get that as well. But like, I just feel like maybe

44:19

in this instance, we should just do what the book says. Okay.

44:24

Okay. The last time you said that about a book,

44:26

I ended up selling

44:28

my daughter to a rapist and

44:31

owning slaves. Right. Yeah,

44:34

yeah, okay. So tires on the

44:36

top still? Yeah, yeah, tires on the top still.

44:40

Nice. Awesome. And

44:44

we're back for more of this shit. We're going

44:46

to rejoin the jogging couple doing dishes and discussing

44:48

the plot. Some of my

44:50

notes here are just, is she Linda? Is that

44:52

Kelly? Is that CJ? Wait,

44:54

which one is Michael? Jesus. Yeah, who even

44:56

is this guy? Is this the ambulance driver?

44:58

I don't know. I think it is.

45:00

I think it is. Yes, it

45:03

is. It's CJ, the ambulance driver and

45:05

his wife, Linda, the hospital administrator. And

45:08

they're talking about how he's

45:10

got the PTSD that doesn't allow

45:12

him to get on helicopters, which is challenging

45:15

because he wants to do the life flight

45:17

thing. Right? Yes.

45:19

Yeah, yeah. I think he says, you

45:21

know, but at some point, you know, he says, I've just got some

45:23

things to work out. And she's basically

45:26

saying, oh, you mean like your traumatic

45:28

war backstory? He's like, yeah, yep, that's

45:30

what needs to be worked out. She's

45:32

like, yeah, you told me your helicopter was shot

45:34

down, which is a weird thing for me to

45:36

mention right now if this isn't exposition. But

45:39

also she thinks there's more to the story than that. She's like, well,

45:41

you told me about the helicopter you shot down, but you didn't tell

45:43

me the rest of it. It's like, I feel

45:45

like that's enough. You can get PTSD from being in a

45:47

helicopter that gets shot down. I

45:50

am your wife, Linda. You are CJ. We

45:52

look like two other people that we know

45:54

and you have PTSD. Now

45:56

let's have the rest of our conversation. And

45:58

for a second, I thought she was doing. She was like,

46:01

yeah, maybe you should talk about your

46:03

PTSD that can help. And he's

46:05

like, but how? And she's like, oh, great question.

46:07

Talk to God. That's what I meant. Jesus, talk

46:09

to God. Not me, not me. Talk to the

46:11

inside of your head. Yes. But

46:14

this is where she carries on talking. But it's another

46:16

one of those transitions where someone is talking and we

46:18

change her to the scene. Cause we see him walking

46:20

upstairs to the attic. And I thought he just like

46:22

walked away from her as she's doing the God thing.

46:25

And she's just calling up to him. Yeah, right. No,

46:27

thank you. No,

46:30

he's going to his attic to look into his big box

46:33

of war memories. Oh, his

46:36

big box of wall sound effects apparently. Yeah,

46:38

right. Champ, champ. In

46:41

the background. Babe, I found my box of

46:43

sadness and some sound effects.

46:45

I found a record. It's just noises of Vietnam. I

46:47

should turn it off. I'm going to turn it off.

46:51

Yeah, so he's up there remembering his

46:53

memories. This is where he comes across

46:55

his Knights of Malta cross. That's the

46:58

metal. Yeah. That

47:00

I pathologically looked up while we were in

47:02

the movie. And

47:04

this takes him into a

47:06

full blown flashback within someone

47:08

else's doodle-a-doo, right? Yeah. And

47:11

he's like, he's wistfully flashing back to the

47:13

time he found a dead guy in Vietnam.

47:16

Cause he's got like the expression in his

47:18

face. Isn't like trauma or shock or horror.

47:20

It's all like, oh yeah, that was a

47:22

dead guy that time. Yeah. God

47:24

had a plan. God had a plan. Yeah. Invented

47:27

communism so I could murder these people and beat communism. But

47:30

we lost this war, but eventually we beat communism. I don't know

47:32

that yet. Cool. Good

47:34

plan. Yeah. So we

47:36

cut to Vietnam guys, not Northern

47:38

California. This is Vietnam we're in.

47:41

It's not the, it's not the jungly

47:43

part, but. No. And

47:45

we do get to see a little bit of

47:47

the Viet Cong. And it's pretty clearly just like

47:50

three Asian American actors feeling super uncomfortable how problematic

47:52

this is going to be. Yeah. Obviously

47:54

Filipino. Yes. Sacramento Vietnam.

47:56

Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

48:00

So, yeah, but we see a helicopter and some

48:02

airplanes. The helicopter shows up to get an injured

48:04

guy. Right. There's explosions everywhere, but

48:06

little ones. They didn't have a big budget.

48:10

And then as the helicopter is

48:13

taking off, it gets shot. Like the

48:15

the the the Filipino Vietcong shoot it

48:17

down. Trust us, it explodes.

48:19

It's a big fight. We know

48:21

it's behind that hill somewhere. But

48:23

there's no way does this movie

48:25

have helicopter crash me. This movie

48:27

barely has helicopter landing. Yeah, right.

48:29

Right. Yeah, exactly. It's mostly mostly

48:31

it has helicopter landed money. Yeah.

48:36

Oh, do we get the very important sort

48:39

of tagline part of the movie here to

48:41

where it was like, get rescue, you

48:43

know, like the rescue is about to happen and he

48:45

has to yell to somebody or

48:47

somebody has to yell to him, like run

48:49

to the chopper now to get rescued. Yeah.

48:52

And then I think the exact

48:54

phrasing is go for it. And that's going to

48:56

come back as a like a lesson about.

48:59

Oh, my God. Is that is that

49:01

why two people who are not in

49:03

any way involved in this flashback say

49:05

that later? Yes. OK. Amazing. When it

49:07

came back, I was like, none of

49:09

them were there. No, this

49:11

is where they also in his swoosh doodly

49:14

do flashback. I

49:16

didn't even pick up on me neither.

49:18

That was coming back. Jesus. When you said

49:20

the tagline of the way, I'm like, where is he going

49:22

with this? Yes, that is right. Right. Well done. I was

49:24

just trying to guess on it, but I was like, I'm

49:26

going to guess that but quietly to myself until I know

49:29

what this is going to be. This movie is very well

49:31

written. You guys should take back a lot of things you've

49:33

said. Right. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, yeah,

49:35

so but then we back out of the

49:37

flashback, not the doodly do just the flashback

49:39

to Linda and CJ laying in bed. And

49:41

he's like, yeah, and then the helicopter crashed

49:44

and exploded. Looks really cool and high

49:46

budget when it happened. You weren't there.

49:50

It was pretty I'm back in the room with

49:52

you now. I had been yelling this whole time

49:54

from upstairs. Now we're back. Yeah, right. Right. Exactly.

49:57

He was in a different room. Thank you. It's

49:59

funny, because he even tell. that he doesn't remember

50:01

the helicopter landing. It's like, because even this movie

50:03

knows it can't even pretend that helicopters do land

50:05

during the course of this movie. He has to

50:08

kind of like, he wasn't even there for it.

50:10

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah,

50:12

but he just can't bring himself to get back

50:14

into a chopper after that. So then we cut

50:16

to Kelly dropping her fish off with Rob. Thank

50:19

God. I was worried. What was

50:21

gonna happen with the fish sitting? God damn

50:23

it. Get to the plot. Oh

50:26

my God. We see her taken through the

50:28

entire set of instructions. Don't know how to

50:30

care for these fish. It takes so long.

50:32

This is apparently an important part of this

50:34

film is that we understand, like this film

50:36

could actually double as an educational film for

50:38

fish maintenance. Yes, right. At this point, the

50:40

amount of detail we get. Yeah. So

50:43

yeah, so we listened to that. And then we cut to remember

50:45

Trigger Happy, who was gonna shoot his cat and

50:47

his daughter because they made noise at night. We

50:49

cut back to his place and his little girl

50:51

has got a broom and she's like, I wonder

50:54

what's in that Nike box at the back of

50:56

the top shelf of the closet. This

50:59

is 1987. She really wanted that

51:01

early Jordan parrot that was made in

51:03

that. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Now

51:05

look, of course a shoe

51:07

box is an unacceptable place for a loaded

51:09

gun, especially if you have kids in your

51:11

house, but as determined as this kid is

51:14

to get it, I feel like she'd have

51:16

cracked his gun safe if he had one,

51:18

right? She'd been in a little fucking stethoscope

51:20

or something like that. Yeah, this

51:22

was gonna happen. Oh yeah, she's ready to do a

51:24

full Auctions of the Elevens title by heist in order

51:26

to get to this gun. Okay, but

51:28

to be clear, these people are unrelated to

51:31

any of the main characters. It's just like

51:33

another little vignette that's got, like I thought

51:35

genuinely a helicopter was gonna like smash through

51:37

the roof and like pull the kid away

51:40

from the gun or something. I don't know.

51:43

She'd fall through the ice in the bedroom and

51:45

like go into the basement. I don't know, something

51:47

weird was gonna happen with emergency services, but no.

51:49

No, and she does get the gun because she

51:51

takes the gun out and then she's like spinning

51:53

the barrel. She's immediately doing

51:55

Russian Roulette. Yeah, this kid has played

51:57

Russian Roulette before. I really wanted us to flash to. Her

52:00

Nam Flashback next. Every time you play the Russian

52:02

roulette in a Nam. She's

52:04

sitting across from Christopher Walken. Two

52:07

for Wes. He's like,

52:09

oh, wow. Bold.

52:11

So. So then we cut

52:14

to Rob and Michael, the friends

52:16

that are putting together the kit car. They're

52:19

chatting about Kelly's fish. How

52:21

are you and Kelly's fish getting along, is

52:24

the question. How'd you get along

52:26

badly with a fish? Yeah,

52:29

no, the fish thinks I'm a total asshole. It's really,

52:31

it's awkward. It's so uncomfortable

52:33

in that room. Oh my God. Yeah. So

52:35

yeah, but Rob, he's not taking the

52:37

fish very seriously at all. And

52:40

so Michael's like, hey, I got to run out to

52:42

the car to grab something. So they're working on the

52:44

kit car. There's this Christian music playing in the background

52:46

that I didn't realize was supposed to be diegetic. Right?

52:49

Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. It just but

52:51

that ends and apparently like this atheist

52:53

Rob was just listening to some fucking

52:56

worship music on the radio. Yeah.

52:58

He's listening to religious propaganda FM,

53:00

AKA all American radio. Well, right.

53:02

That's what I experienced in New

53:04

Jersey. Yeah. But the

53:07

song ends and the radio comes on, the guy

53:09

starts evangelizing and Rob turns it off. He's like,

53:11

oh, fuck this guy. Michael comes back and he's

53:13

like, why did you turn that off? And Rob's

53:15

like, because your religion sucks and I hate it.

53:18

Yeah. I fucking hate it. Either

53:20

they're telling me I'm going to hell or they just want all

53:22

my money. It's like, no, it can be both. It doesn't have

53:24

to be an honor. And

53:26

then he follows up Rob said he follows

53:28

up with and you know what really bothers

53:30

me? And I thought, is it all the

53:32

child fucking? It should probably be all the

53:34

child fucking. Not all the child fucking. Yeah,

53:36

it's not. He's like, how

53:38

do they what really bothers me is how

53:40

do they know that they're right? And Michael's

53:42

like, well, it says so in the Bible.

53:44

And because this is a Christian movie, Rob

53:47

doesn't point out that the Bible says the

53:49

Bible is correct. Isn't a valid argument, right?

53:51

He's like, yeah, no, that's a good point.

53:53

It does say so in the Bible. And

53:56

then he starts. So he says, well, is this

53:58

being born again stuff in the Bible? And he's

54:00

like, sure, it's in, and

54:03

this is when Michael realizes that, yeah,

54:05

right. Yeah. Yeah. Michael

54:08

realizes maybe he hasn't read the Bible enough. Maybe

54:10

it's time for him to hit the books again.

54:13

Acts. He gives a chapter in

54:15

verse. He does cite a chapter in verse and then Rob

54:17

is like, is it though? And he's like, no. No.

54:20

Yeah, right. Right. Yeah.

54:23

He's like, it's in Matthew. And he goes, is it? He

54:25

goes, is it John? Hey man, have

54:27

you read the Bible? And he's like, fuck. No.

54:31

Can we cut? My character keeps losing. I cut.

54:34

Smash cut. God damn it. And

54:38

Michael's character continues to lose the

54:40

movie to himself for the

54:42

rest of the movie. It's the greatest. It's

54:44

great. What's so fun about this movie is

54:46

that the movie doesn't know that Michael is

54:48

a pathetic loser. That's why

54:50

I love this movie. It gets so much worse. First

54:53

we got to cut to him in his sweet Trans Am

54:55

pulling up at the Life Flight Center. God. Okay.

54:58

Another failure. He parks so fucking badly. He

55:02

pulls 8% into a spot. So even

55:04

parallel parking, it's just like a parking

55:06

lot. It's angle parking. Yeah. Right.

55:09

And it's angled. It's the easiest possible parking and he

55:11

parks like a fucking jackass. Yes. Thank

55:14

you. Yeah. Ridiculous. I

55:16

had to stop for a second. I was furious. And then he

55:18

gets out of the car and he's like, hey, Kelly, he sees

55:20

her a few cars over. Hey, Kelly, Kelly. And

55:23

he walks up to her and he's like,

55:25

how's your. Subplot.

55:28

Yes. Yeah. How's

55:30

it going with that thing you're doing? That's just what

55:33

I've wrote about Michael is he just

55:35

seems to in every scene ask other

55:37

characters the most perfunctory and straightforward and

55:39

obvious questions imaginable. Oh, how's the

55:42

kick off? How's the fish this time? So how's it

55:44

going with that thing that you're doing? It's a classic

55:46

Michael move for this film to do that. Yeah. Yeah.

55:49

And she's like bad and starts to say and then he's like, so anyway,

55:51

in my subplot, I wanted to tell you about that. Yeah.

55:54

I can't get Rob to stop being an atheist. I'm

55:57

trying really hard. And then Kelly gives. I

55:59

thought was going to be good advice for a

56:01

second. She's like, well, maybe you

56:03

were being like a pushy asshole, maybe stop being

56:05

a pushy asshole. And then there's

56:08

a boss and she's like, no, just kidding. Just kidding.

56:10

See if God has any advice about how to

56:12

be a pushy asshole the right way and the

56:14

perfect way. Yeah, right. He

56:17

goes, well, you know, Rob sure is asking tough questions.

56:19

She's like, well, at least he's asking questions. I so

56:21

wanted his questions to be with the fuck are you

56:23

talking about? And this

56:26

is tough. They weren't tough questions. The

56:28

questions were literally where in your book

56:30

does it say the term born again?

56:32

Yes. I've got nothing. I've got

56:34

nothing here. Right. So

56:36

then we get possibly my favorite scene

56:38

in the whole fucking movie. So Michael

56:41

goes in to check on Eric again

56:43

and he's talking to the unconscious guy.

56:45

He's pouring his heart out about trying

56:47

to evangelize to Rob. And what we're

56:49

getting here is that scene from moon

56:51

night where he's like pouring his heart

56:53

out to the living the statue, except

56:55

that the movie doesn't realize Michael is

56:58

a sad fucking loser. Right.

57:00

He's no one to talk to in his

57:02

life. So he has to go bother this

57:04

fucking unconscious comatose guy all the time. Yeah.

57:07

And I really wanted the start of his conversation with the

57:09

guy in a coma being like to be something like, hey,

57:12

how's the coma working out for you? How is your coma

57:14

going? I

57:17

wanted it to end with like, hey, shut the fuck

57:19

up. You're ruining my coma. I'm

57:22

like, oh, God, can you imagine being

57:24

in a coma around this asshole? Yeah.

57:27

So, yeah, he says, and I quote, Rob has

57:29

a lot of needs in his life that he

57:31

doesn't even know about. And I'm like, you

57:34

want to fuck Rob, though, right? That's what this

57:36

is about. They seemed like a gay couple when

57:38

the kit car thing was getting introduced early on.

57:40

And they like, it seemed like a fun gay

57:42

couple. One has a mustache,

57:45

popped collars. He says to

57:47

the comatose kid. Did you ever have

57:49

a friend you really loved and you

57:51

just wanted everyone to meet him? He's

57:54

talking about Jesus at this moment. If

57:56

this movie was more self-aware, this scene

57:58

would end with Michael hanging. himself in

58:00

the bathroom. Oh, 100%. And

58:02

it could not sound more like he does

58:05

not care for his Earth friends. But nobody's

58:07

got a friend that you really love. I

58:09

want my other friends to meet that one

58:11

friend that I really love. Yeah.

58:15

So, okay. So, but then Michael shows

58:17

up to bother Rob about Jesus at

58:19

work, right? And the

58:21

scene, it opens as though Michael's trying to work up

58:23

the guts to ask him out, right?

58:26

So, you know, if you've had your dick sucked,

58:28

you probably know how to suck your dick better.

58:31

But he has, he's like talking

58:34

religion and Rob hits him

58:36

again with the, okay, so what's the point of

58:38

praying to an all knowing God question, right? This

58:40

movie is going to take a second swing at

58:42

this. Yeah. Michael starts

58:44

out, he goes, did you ever have a

58:47

rector set as a kid? Yes, they are.

58:49

Yeah. And the answer is like,

58:51

yes, sometimes in the morning when I really needed to pee, but

58:53

I even go away afterwards. He

58:55

goes, he's like, yeah, I had an erector set.

58:57

He says, did you ever have trouble putting something

58:59

together? And Rob swerves, I love this. He goes,

59:01

no, never. I was perfect. He feels the best.

59:03

I was always perfect. And Michael, it's, this is

59:06

scripted. This was not an ad lib. He's just

59:08

like, no. No. And then

59:10

Michael has to be like, are

59:12

you sure? Yeah. I

59:14

have a different answer to the question I

59:16

asked that lets the rest, the dialogue, including

59:18

this that we all wrote and agreed to

59:20

do go on. What? Yes. Yeah.

59:24

Well, I guess sometimes I had trouble and I would just

59:26

have to ask my dad. He said, you'd have to ask

59:28

your dad. Right. And

59:31

I'm like, but his dad isn't all knowing that's

59:33

irrelevant. Yeah. And his

59:35

dad was also bad. He actually could reach

59:37

out and see and touch him. Yeah.

59:40

My dad didn't go away for cigarettes 2000 years ago. So,

59:46

but yeah, but what they're trying to say here is,

59:48

well, you know, God knows and God can help you and he

59:50

knows what you need, but he's waiting for you to ask so

59:52

that you can learn how to do things on your own. But

59:55

that ignores the fact that he would also know how

59:58

long it's going to take for to ask and whether

1:00:01

or not you're going to learn to do it

1:00:03

on your own, right? That's

1:00:05

part of being all-knowing, guys.

1:00:09

But yeah, and then he's like,

1:00:11

well, can you tell me where it says that

1:00:13

in your Bible? And Michael's like, God damn it,

1:00:16

man, come on. I just had to look up

1:00:18

a thing for you. And

1:00:20

again, the movie's trying to say, well, make

1:00:22

sure you've got your Bible memorized because otherwise

1:00:24

you won't be able to evangelize.

1:00:26

But the way this plays is like, Rob figured

1:00:28

out that was a good way to shut him

1:00:31

up, right? If you say, where's that in the

1:00:33

Bible, then he doesn't talk about Jesus for two

1:00:35

days while he's looking that shit up. Yes, yeah,

1:00:37

absolutely. So far,

1:00:39

I'm loving Rob. So then

1:00:41

we cut to CJ and he's looking at

1:00:43

this tiny little helicopter. Yeah,

1:00:46

and that's the thing. This movie is

1:00:48

so varied because sometimes the establishing shots

1:00:50

are of a slightly smaller helicopter. So

1:00:52

there's range. There is range. Three different

1:00:54

helicopters that we get establishing shots of.

1:00:57

And so apparently this is a tour helicopter,

1:01:00

right? And CJ's like, stand in there trying

1:01:02

to work up the guts to get back

1:01:04

in a helicopter again. Yeah. And

1:01:06

he takes out his cross metal for a second,

1:01:08

right? And looks at it. Which he carries around

1:01:11

with him. Which is important. Spins

1:01:13

it, makes sure it falls down at a certain

1:01:15

point. He's still in the doodle-y too. And

1:01:18

then at one point, there's like half

1:01:20

a second of a flashback to

1:01:23

him flying again, and then it

1:01:25

goes away again. And then we

1:01:27

watch him strain to

1:01:29

get the flashback back. Like

1:01:33

he lost a sneeze and he needs to learn the

1:01:35

lesson. But

1:01:38

he can't get it. The movie won't give it

1:01:40

to him. And it's so good. We've had so

1:01:42

many flashbacks at this point. I really wanted just

1:01:44

one of these flashbacks to be back to a

1:01:46

time where he had to shoot his wife in

1:01:48

the head while she's burning at the stake. And

1:01:50

that's because Michael Flatley has ruined flashbacks for me.

1:01:52

Threw the flashback of that and it's not worth

1:01:55

having a flashback. This is a reference to a

1:01:57

previous film, guys. Blackbird is the name of the

1:01:59

film. that I may have watched twice

1:02:01

while we were together. Yes, yeah, exactly. We

1:02:03

watched twice like in the last weekend. Yeah.

1:02:05

I've ever seen. So good. It's

1:02:07

amazing. It's such a weird thing for you to

1:02:09

say without me making that clear. I just wanted

1:02:11

to, you know, the occasional listener probably needs to

1:02:13

know why you wanted this guy to shoot his

1:02:15

wife in the head while she was on fire.

1:02:17

So, okay. So CJ gets home.

1:02:19

I feel like out of context, you say Michael

1:02:21

Flatley and people are like, yeah, that probably makes

1:02:24

sense. Yeah, okay, yeah, right, right. So,

1:02:26

but CJ goes home and there's this weird,

1:02:28

I have no idea what's going on. It's

1:02:31

like he's dropping things left and right as

1:02:33

though he's got a poltergeist as he walks

1:02:35

up, right? He goes to hang

1:02:37

up his jacket and it falls. And at first we're

1:02:40

all just like, oh, this stupid fucking movie just didn't

1:02:42

do another take. But then he knocks over the mail

1:02:44

and he opens the fridge and the ketchup falls out

1:02:46

and breaks. Yeah. And at

1:02:48

no point does anybody like try and pick

1:02:50

those up. And I wrote, is this Eli's

1:02:52

house or something? Yeah, right? Just like clothes.

1:02:56

So yeah, so he, and then he just

1:02:58

starts reading the fucking paper. Linda gets home

1:03:00

his wife and she sees the fucking Tasmanian

1:03:02

devil trail of destruction that he's left in

1:03:04

his wake. And she's like, what the fuck,

1:03:07

man? Hey, honey, you

1:03:09

doing infomercials again and not cleaning up at all

1:03:11

after each thing you dropped crazily? He's like, I'm

1:03:14

not in the mood. Does there have to be

1:03:16

a better way? And this, okay, this was crazy

1:03:18

to me. She's like, oh, you're not in the

1:03:20

mood. Okay, okay, you're not gonna clean up the

1:03:22

mess. How about this? Pillow

1:03:25

fight for cleaning up the mess. Whoever wins

1:03:27

the pillow fight, doesn't have to clean

1:03:29

up the mess. And I was like, no, no, no. He

1:03:32

just made the mess. Yeah, right. Why would

1:03:34

you give him an L? States to a game now where he

1:03:36

might win. No. Right. Yeah.

1:03:39

But then honestly though, as badly as she destroys

1:03:41

his ass in this pillow fight, like maybe that's

1:03:43

just like, you know, like me challenging my wife

1:03:45

to arm wrestling to see who has to clean

1:03:48

it up or something like that. You know? That's

1:03:51

fair. Cause like they chase all around the house.

1:03:53

The music thinks it's become like a 1960s exploitation of

1:03:56

sex comedy. Yeah. Which in fairness,

1:03:58

it's not far off. At one point she runs. downstairs

1:04:00

and she's like picking up pillows and things and she's

1:04:02

arranging them and she's getting into a like a good

1:04:04

hiding place. And he was just chasing her a second

1:04:06

goal. It takes him so long to follow her downstairs

1:04:08

that I just hope he was having like yet another

1:04:11

flashback to stalking the Viet Cong through the jungle of

1:04:13

Lam. And that's why I was taking him so long.

1:04:15

Okay. I wanted her to win the pillow

1:04:18

fight so hard. That would have been perfect.

1:04:20

She jumps out. She's dressed like Viet Cong.

1:04:23

He freaks out. Come with a bunch of pillows. Well,

1:04:25

but this is the second indication that

1:04:27

we've gotten in this movie that she

1:04:30

is secretly night crawler. She can't teleport.

1:04:32

She just teleported away ahead of him.

1:04:35

So, okay. So then we cut to Michael bothering.

1:04:37

Hold on. I have a question about the end

1:04:39

of this pillow fight before we go by. Oh,

1:04:41

sure. Yeah. Yeah. So she gets him at some

1:04:43

point, like through the window, I think she like

1:04:45

throws the pillow through the window and it hits

1:04:47

him. Great shot. Is that, is that a win

1:04:49

of a pillow fight? What is the win condition

1:04:51

of a pillow fight? I don't even know what

1:04:53

I think it should be. Right. Like I think

1:04:56

you have to knock him unconscious, right? Either, either

1:04:58

you knock him unconscious or you, you break your

1:05:00

pillow on them. I think that's, Oh, so like

1:05:02

MMA, it's like tap out or TKO or Exactly.

1:05:05

Okay. Right. Right. I did. All right.

1:05:07

Good answer. In my head. It was, I'm just thinking

1:05:10

like it'd be a sex thing

1:05:12

happens and then somebody, both, you both win the

1:05:14

pillow fight. Maybe you always, You think that about

1:05:16

every game he, so that's why we

1:05:18

love playing code. Code is so awkward. So

1:05:21

awkward. Pajama party

1:05:23

was a lot of fun for everybody. Yeah,

1:05:25

it was. I proposed nothing. So, okay. So

1:05:28

we cut to Michael bothering Koma, Eric, some

1:05:30

more, and he's, he's telling

1:05:33

Eric about earlier in the movie,

1:05:35

he starts fucking flashing back to

1:05:37

him again. We're in her doodly

1:05:39

do now. This guy is talking

1:05:41

to Eric and flashing back to

1:05:44

him, studying the Bible as he

1:05:46

does. Yes. Fucking nuts. He's studying

1:05:48

like two Bibles at once. Like

1:05:50

he's Rick Wickman playing cables. He's

1:05:53

like, much, much quicker. I do

1:05:55

that. Yeah. He's reading one Bible

1:05:57

with his left eye. Hunting math.

1:06:00

Different Bible with his right eye.

1:06:02

Flying around, yeah. So

1:06:05

then we cut to Rob. He's at home. He

1:06:07

checks on Kelly's fish and dammit if two of

1:06:09

them aren't dead. And like these fish,

1:06:11

these fucking fish, I wrote in my notes, the only way

1:06:13

these fish are going to tie into this movie is if

1:06:15

the little girl with the gun shoots one of them. Otherwise,

1:06:18

all of this is useless to me. So

1:06:21

yeah, so he's like, oh fuck, the fish have died. I know what

1:06:23

to do. I'll put him on

1:06:25

a low broil in salt water and they'll

1:06:27

come back to life. OK,

1:06:30

his mom apparently used to do that.

1:06:32

Is that a thing? I don't. Hot

1:06:35

salt water, healing a fish that's not

1:06:37

in salt water? It can't possibly be

1:06:39

true. He's basically trying to brine these

1:06:41

fish. Yes. He's not going to say

1:06:43

it. It might preserve them

1:06:45

for a while. Yeah, right, right, exactly. I'm

1:06:47

like, dude, also those fish are dead, right?

1:06:50

Unless you've got a fucking Frankenstein machine upstairs,

1:06:52

you're fucked. But yeah. Fuck, it's not

1:06:54

working. What would dad do? I'm going to rub some dirt

1:06:56

in the fish. See how that goes. What? So

1:07:00

he does this and then he gets a phone call and

1:07:02

he goes to turn the burner up when he accidentally turns

1:07:04

it to high. And

1:07:06

then we have this moment where he's trying to get off

1:07:08

the phone while her fish boil to death. While

1:07:11

the music queue thinks this is absolutely

1:07:13

hilarious. Yes. And at

1:07:15

one point it's like, oh, he sees the dead.

1:07:18

He goes, whoa, whoa. Yeah,

1:07:20

there's a yakety shmagety doo the whole

1:07:22

fucking time. Yeah. So,

1:07:26

OK, so and then we cut straight

1:07:28

from that yakety shmagety doo to

1:07:30

a little girl staring down the

1:07:33

barrel of a fucking handgun. Yikes.

1:07:36

It is such a mood transition. So good. It

1:07:39

is so rough. Oh, I love it. I absolutely

1:07:41

love it. So it has this kid just been

1:07:43

carrying a gun around the household as well. Yeah,

1:07:45

just doing holster tricks with it, spinning it around

1:07:48

her finger or whatever. Now, and also this is

1:07:50

the first time I pointed this out, but the

1:07:52

writer and director of this movie is Donald W.

1:07:54

Thompson. He's the same guy that did the thief

1:07:57

in the night trilogy or what? Trilogy,

1:07:59

I guess eventually. So I wrote my

1:08:01

notes at this point. By the way, if you

1:08:03

think that this writer director won't have this kid

1:08:05

shoot herself in the face on camera, that's because

1:08:07

you don't know the work of Donald W. Thompson.

1:08:09

I was certain the whole time, every time she

1:08:11

pulled out that gun, I'm like, he's gonna make

1:08:13

me watch this kid shoot herself in the face,

1:08:15

isn't he? He's not, but like, we

1:08:17

get close. Well, especially because like at

1:08:19

this point, she picks up her doll and the

1:08:22

doll doesn't have a head. And I'm like, what

1:08:24

kind of ominous shit are we setting up here?

1:08:26

Also, she puts the gun in the toy box

1:08:28

and then calls the mom in. It's like, has

1:08:30

she baited the toy box so the mom will

1:08:32

get shot? Like, what is going on? I think

1:08:34

that's what they were doing. And she's laid a

1:08:36

trap. I think they were like giving us tension

1:08:38

because of that, like that might happen. Yes, right.

1:08:41

But it felt deliberate. It didn't feel like tension, like,

1:08:43

oh, this kid doesn't know what she's doing. It felt

1:08:45

like this kid was laying a trap. Like she's a

1:08:47

serial killer in waiting. Well, we're gonna get, we'll get

1:08:49

back to that at the end of this scene. Yeah,

1:08:52

so, okay, so now we cut to CJ, tries to

1:08:54

take the helicopter ride. He gets like eight feet up

1:08:56

and he's like, no, that's not for me from the

1:08:58

helicopter thing. Sorry. Yeah, I feel like

1:09:00

you don't go straight to that you do

1:09:02

a little CBT maybe or something straight to

1:09:05

flying. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, it feels

1:09:07

like that isn't one of those you have

1:09:09

to face your fears kind of deals. Like

1:09:11

you just not be in helicopter.

1:09:13

I'm frequently not in a helicopter and I'm

1:09:15

fine. I don't have to face my fear

1:09:17

of it. And let's point

1:09:19

out here that like this character was

1:09:22

never a helicopter pilot, right?

1:09:24

He was riding in a helicopter. This is his

1:09:26

fear of riding in a helicopter. So like, you

1:09:28

know, if you were a helicopter pilot, you had

1:09:30

a lot invested in that ability. This might matter

1:09:32

more, but no. Yeah, and

1:09:35

he's just like, okay, I had another flashback. Take

1:09:37

us back down. This is a bad idea. And

1:09:39

cancel, I hired the extra guy to do the

1:09:41

therapeutic dog fight with us. Cancel that guy too.

1:09:44

Radio him, we don't wanna do this. We wanna

1:09:46

go back down. So

1:09:48

then we cut to Rob. He's watching

1:09:51

a televangelist. So maybe Michael is getting

1:09:53

through to him after all. We

1:09:55

see Michael studying now four different Bibles, I think

1:09:57

it is. And then we cut to Rob. cut

1:10:00

back to Gun Baby. It's late that

1:10:02

night. She wakes up middle of the night. She

1:10:05

looks in her toy box. She says,

1:10:07

do I want my terrifying

1:10:09

clown doll? Nah, I'll

1:10:11

take my six shooter instead. I

1:10:14

would rather my child had that loaded gun than

1:10:16

that doll. That loaded gun is going to do

1:10:18

a lot less psychological damage to her, no matter

1:10:20

what she does with it, than that clown possibly

1:10:22

could. Yeah. So she sits down for another game

1:10:24

of Russian roulette and she calls to her mom

1:10:27

that she wants a drink of water. Now,

1:10:30

the movie is setting up an

1:10:32

accident, right? Like there's going to be an

1:10:34

accident here, but the way that this plays for threw

1:10:37

out from here to the credits is

1:10:39

that this little girl was ambushing her

1:10:41

mom and this was the plan all

1:10:44

along. Yeah. It feels like she's

1:10:46

trying to lure the mom into the room so she

1:10:48

can stand her ground. That's what it feels like is

1:10:50

happening. Yes. We even see her like checking

1:10:52

the sites and shit. Yeah. The

1:10:55

kid wants time to do that. It's like

1:10:57

they're building attention. Mom's pouring water very,

1:10:59

very slowly in the kitchen. All the kids

1:11:02

like spinning the thing, doing the site stuff

1:11:04

in the other room. And so

1:11:06

mom's pouring and there's a blender on the counter.

1:11:08

I thought she was going to blend the water

1:11:10

to build the. So,

1:11:15

you know, she finally goes

1:11:17

in and gunshot. Yes.

1:11:19

Dead mom. Yep. We don't we

1:11:21

don't see anything except for we just hear a

1:11:23

gunshot and then we cut to an ambulance kicking

1:11:25

into high gear, revving up the lights and sirens,

1:11:28

right? They'll need a helicopter stat or actually

1:11:30

eventually because it's foggy today. So they don't

1:11:32

need a helicopter. There's literally an ambulance right

1:11:34

there. That ambulance should just take her to

1:11:36

the hospital and then the hospital will deal

1:11:38

with it. It doesn't feel like you get

1:11:40

an ambulance first and then ambulance takes you

1:11:42

to a helicopter. Is that how it works?

1:11:44

They live on like an oil rig out

1:11:46

in the ocean or something. You're fine. Yeah.

1:11:49

Just get an ambulance there and like the

1:11:51

burbs. Well, no. So the reason that they

1:11:53

use life flight helicopters is because you can

1:11:55

get to a hospital way the

1:11:57

fuck quicker if you don't have to drive, right? and

1:12:01

go 120 miles an hour in a straight line. Okay,

1:12:03

but this mom deserves to get, you know, dead for

1:12:05

having that gun. Like this is bad parenting. Yeah, oh

1:12:07

yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So yeah, but

1:12:10

the weather's too bad for the helicopter to

1:12:12

go out. So they're in the ambulance and

1:12:14

then the ambulance breaks down. Oh my God,

1:12:16

I could not stop laughing. They

1:12:19

show us that the ambulance needs an oil

1:12:21

change. Like we could

1:12:23

not stop laughing. I feel like they're meant to maintain

1:12:25

those things just in case. Like you do it a

1:12:27

bit of extra maintenance on an ambulance, than you would

1:12:29

just your regular car because no one dies if your

1:12:32

car breaks down. Right, right. Well, it depends on when,

1:12:34

but yes, yeah. So, but they pull over there like

1:12:36

we're going to need the spare ambulance. So they send

1:12:38

out a second ambulance. They trade her off like a

1:12:40

fucking relay race. And then they're like, you know what

1:12:42

we need is a third ambulance. It's

1:12:47

so good. There's now a third

1:12:49

ambulance and a helicopter

1:12:51

on the way to a broken down

1:12:54

ambulance. And the working ambulance. I

1:12:56

could not stop laughing. I don't, it's like, if

1:12:59

they get in one more vehicle, they go to Barbie

1:13:01

land at the end of this. Like what the fuck

1:13:03

is happening? So, and now

1:13:05

there's 30 ambulance. That's the one that CJ

1:13:07

drives, right? So

1:13:09

they all get to this parking lot. The fog

1:13:11

lifts, trust us, it's very dramatic. It's the last

1:13:13

second fog lifting edge of your seat shit, but

1:13:15

the fog lifts so they can send the helicopter out.

1:13:18

So they all meet in this parking lot.

1:13:21

And as they load the

1:13:23

shot bomb on Kelly turns to CJ

1:13:25

and she says, I need you to

1:13:27

fly with me CJ, guy who's terrified

1:13:30

of helicopters. But like,

1:13:32

there are fucking three ambulances

1:13:34

worth of EMTs. All of them

1:13:36

except CJ aren't mortified of helicopters.

1:13:38

It's really fucked up that she

1:13:40

asks him to do it. We've

1:13:43

also got some paramedics in a

1:13:45

broken down ambulance. So they are

1:13:47

useless. Right. Like, they could

1:13:49

probably do with a lift. This is what

1:13:51

I felt well for everyone involved. Yeah. Yeah.

1:13:56

But he's going to do it mostly off camera, right?

1:13:58

Because we cut immediately. going like, yeah,

1:14:00

to the helicopter landing. Yeah, well, he does

1:14:03

all the old cop movie tropes of like,

1:14:05

they pull me back in, I'm too old

1:14:07

for this. Right. Swore, you never fly again.

1:14:09

Yeah. But he does it. And

1:14:11

he gets in the helicopter. I wanted to be an Asian

1:14:13

American EMT in

1:14:15

the chopper and he panics. Jumps

1:14:18

out. So yeah, we

1:14:20

get to the hospital, right? We see them landing and

1:14:22

they're taking the patient out. And I wanted to cut

1:14:24

back into CJ just hyperventilating on the floor of the

1:14:26

helicopter. But no, he's fine. No,

1:14:28

we just cut to it all being over.

1:14:31

Like, oh, we've got to the hospital, then

1:14:33

it's all done. Everything, the only possible

1:14:35

events of interest in this entire movie consistently

1:14:37

happen off camera. Yes. We just see

1:14:39

the whole logistics that happened around the interesting

1:14:41

stuff. Absolutely right. To the point where this

1:14:44

is so sloppily done that we have

1:14:46

to cut immediately to a new scene where

1:14:48

Linda, it's the end of the day

1:14:50

and Linda is congratulating CJ. She goes, you

1:14:52

did it. Yeah. Cause you wouldn't know it.

1:14:55

Right. Cause that's the only way we

1:14:57

as the audience know that it got

1:14:59

did. Yes. She goes. I'm

1:15:01

Kelly, by the way, not Linda, not

1:15:04

your wife. You're CJ, you

1:15:06

did it. And she's also like, Hey, that

1:15:08

was a super cool, mysterious way from God,

1:15:10

right? Having that lady get shot so you

1:15:12

could Yes. Become a pilot again. Like the

1:15:14

movie actually says that this isn't me joking.

1:15:17

Yeah. That's a point they're making here. The

1:15:19

woman got shot just so this guy could

1:15:21

get over his full beer of a thing

1:15:23

that he otherwise would never again encounter. Cause

1:15:25

I've never encountered it. Yeah. Right. Well, and

1:15:27

the lady, like she tries to

1:15:30

have her cake and eat it too, right?

1:15:32

She's like, it's really cool how God worked

1:15:34

that out. I mean, God obviously didn't have

1:15:36

that lady shot just so that you could

1:15:38

overcome your fears. But, and then like, but

1:15:40

what? And they're like, smash, smash cut. But,

1:15:43

but smash cut. Yeah. But we should have

1:15:45

more gun control. Cause I know that's not

1:15:47

the Yeah, right. Right.

1:15:50

All right. Well, the movie assures us that that was

1:15:52

very dramatic and act break worthy. So we're going to

1:15:54

pause there, but first let me give act three, the

1:15:56

hard sell. Will CJ overcome

1:15:58

his fear of Oh

1:16:00

shit, no, nevermind. We already pulled the trigger on that

1:16:03

one. Will the little girl with the gun, well fuck,

1:16:05

we literally pulled the trigger on that one. Will

1:16:08

Rob discover God's, well

1:16:10

fuck, he was watching a televangelist

1:16:12

last time. I don't fucking know,

1:16:14

stick around anyway, I guess, for

1:16:16

the yeah, but something has to

1:16:18

happen conclusion of life

1:16:21

flight. Just

1:16:24

be real invested in those fish. That's all we're

1:16:26

warning you to do. You got to be really invested

1:16:28

in those fish. Cliffhanger.

1:16:32

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. And

1:16:35

that's why I'm doing the upside down flack.

1:16:38

What? That's why

1:16:40

I'm doing the upside down flack. No, I

1:16:42

heard you, I'm just curious why you started

1:16:45

talking mid thought, like you were in

1:16:47

a cold open or something. Did I

1:16:50

not say the beginning of that thought? You

1:16:52

did not, no. No way, just

1:16:54

skipped it weird. So yeah, I'm furious about

1:16:57

the upcoming election. Every time I

1:16:59

go on social media, people who are supposed to

1:17:01

be on the good team are talking about how

1:17:03

they're not gonna vote because they're not excited enough

1:17:05

about Joe Biden or the Democrats in general or

1:17:07

something like that. So I'm thinking,

1:17:09

I'll just be a Republican now. I'm

1:17:12

gonna say, is that white guy? No

1:17:14

uterus, I'll be fine. I'm thinking we

1:17:17

just burn it all down and elect

1:17:19

Trump, you know, accelerationism. Now, so that's

1:17:21

a terrible idea, just wildly unethical. Have

1:17:23

you considered trying BetterHelp? That

1:17:26

is wildly unethical to do anything

1:17:28

with accelerationism. What's BetterHelp?

1:17:32

It's a great place to find a therapist

1:17:34

online. And it sounds like that might be good

1:17:36

for you. Therapy is not just for major

1:17:38

trauma. It's helpful for learning positive coping skills

1:17:40

and learning how to set healthy boundaries. So considering

1:17:42

the social internet is where intelligent discourse goes

1:17:44

to die, you might wanna set a boundary

1:17:46

that limits your exposure to that. And

1:17:49

you might wanna cope with your frustration in a

1:17:51

way that's healthier than becoming a Republican. For example,

1:17:53

pretty much all the other ways. Maybe

1:17:55

set some achievable goals for the next several

1:17:57

months about helping some good candidates win their

1:17:59

election. November. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That

1:18:02

makes sense. How do I sign up? Well,

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if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp

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Take a moment. Visit betterhelp.com/awful today and get

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10% off your

1:18:21

first month. That's

1:18:23

betterhelpaglp.com/awful. All right. Sounds

1:18:25

good. But I'm thinking of leaving the

1:18:27

flag up. Maybe the Aledos will think

1:18:30

we're in distress. Stop by to help.

1:18:32

And that's what we'll do once they

1:18:35

come inside. Sorry,

1:18:37

what? No, it's a cold close.

1:18:39

Got it. Smart. Hey

1:18:43

God, you wanted to see me? Gabriel. Yeah.

1:18:45

Come on in. Um, so I'm

1:18:47

trying to get a better healthcare system going

1:18:50

in America. Oh, finally. So

1:18:52

you want me to set up

1:18:54

socialized medicine? What? No, no. Every

1:18:56

time that no, I'm going to

1:18:58

make a retired helicopter pilot in

1:19:00

Iowa. Get back in the game. Okay.

1:19:03

So just like one little

1:19:06

piece of the healthcare system. I'm

1:19:08

doing attainable goals, tiny

1:19:10

changes, remarkable results. Okay.

1:19:13

Did you read atomic habits? The

1:19:16

self-help book? No, no. Okay. I feel

1:19:18

like you did. Nope. Did not know

1:19:20

what that is. Well, you, you just

1:19:22

said the subtitle tiny changes remark. We're

1:19:26

doing the one thing that I said

1:19:28

just now in Iowa in Iowa. Okay,

1:19:30

fine. Um, so who's the pilot?

1:19:33

Yeah. Okay. So it's this guy named CJ

1:19:35

at a hospital in Des

1:19:37

Moines, Iowa. Um, okay. So

1:19:39

do you remember how I

1:19:41

did the cold war? I

1:19:43

do remember that you made me do it

1:19:45

actually. Right? Yeah. Right. And it led to

1:19:48

Vietnam. Yeah. I was teaching an atheist guy

1:19:50

in Cambodia lesson. Pol Pot was reason for

1:19:52

that. Yeah. No, I know it went very

1:19:54

badly. Christians use that during debates. Yep. Yep.

1:19:57

Atheism inspired genocide man nailed it. So, uh,

1:20:00

What am I doing with this pilot then? Well,

1:20:02

yeah, he's got PTSD from Vietnam.

1:20:05

I did not see that coming. Unintended

1:20:07

consequence of that thing I did. So

1:20:10

he's afraid to fly again. I

1:20:12

need an emergency that's going to make

1:20:14

him jump back into action in Iowa.

1:20:17

Okay. How about like a stranded boat on

1:20:20

a lake, right? We do a little storm.

1:20:22

I was thinking a little girl got shot

1:20:24

with a gun by her mom. Dude,

1:20:26

what? That's insane.

1:20:28

Okay, fine. Fine. The

1:20:30

kid shoots the mom with a gun. Oh, he

1:20:33

said that is not the point I was making.

1:20:35

I feel like we don't need a gun. The

1:20:37

kid shoots the mom. I already wrote it

1:20:39

down on my vision pad. We're doing that. You

1:20:42

totally read that book. You did. You read it.

1:20:47

Go make a little girl shoot her mom in the face.

1:20:49

Yeah, got it. I'm God. I know. And

1:20:57

we're back for still more of this shit. We're going

1:20:59

to rejoin the action at Rob's place where he's realizing

1:21:01

that he's forgotten to feed Kelly's fish

1:21:03

for apparently days on end because they've

1:21:05

died of starvation. He boiled to it.

1:21:07

We killed two more by starving them.

1:21:09

Yeah, this is a fucking horror movie.

1:21:11

If you like fish, right? Oh, 100%

1:21:15

Typical atheist never feeding the

1:21:17

fish. That's a universal law

1:21:19

feed them. He's like, I'm

1:21:21

a rogue. This is what happens. Always doing it my

1:21:24

own way. Also,

1:21:26

not only did we have the standard room has to deal

1:21:28

with, we also had the fucking seriously loud pump on the

1:21:30

fish tank. And

1:21:33

the combination too was so loud, it scared my cat

1:21:35

Mildred and she left the room. When the scene came

1:21:37

on, she's like, no, fuck that. And she left. So

1:21:42

yeah, so then we cut to the break room at work. CJ

1:21:45

is telling Kelly that God really

1:21:47

wants him to work with life

1:21:49

light. God, these people are insufferable.

1:21:52

But Kelly, this is such a weird because this is

1:21:54

just like they're cold open, right? Kelly just goes like,

1:21:56

but do you ever wonder if God really

1:22:00

is concerned about our problems. And then

1:22:02

Rob sits down and changes the conversation.

1:22:04

And I'm like, holy shit, Kelly was

1:22:06

going to lose her faith if Rob

1:22:08

hadn't sat down just now. Rob,

1:22:11

go back out. Let this happen. Let's have a look.

1:22:13

Yeah, right. Right. Exactly. See how this goes. A lot

1:22:16

of fuck stuff that Kelly's missing out on is all

1:22:18

I'm saying. Yeah. So, but then they

1:22:20

chat about fucking the office

1:22:22

politics subplot more about whether they

1:22:24

can afford for there to be

1:22:26

three people on the life flight

1:22:28

helicopter instead of two. Right. It's

1:22:30

so boring. It is so

1:22:33

boring. Yeah. But this

1:22:35

is where CJ introduces the metal

1:22:38

to the, well, I guess not introduces, but

1:22:40

he introduces it to these characters right in

1:22:42

the, in the doodly doo. And Rob identifies

1:22:44

it on the side. He's immediately like, oh

1:22:46

yeah, Maltese cross. Yeah. Always one to one.

1:22:48

Like you said, he's been trying to get

1:22:50

his hands on a metal like that for

1:22:52

years. Yeah. He doesn't have to go on

1:22:54

like do something heroic in battle to get,

1:22:56

or does he mean he's trying to stop

1:22:58

like acquire one. Yeah. Great. No. Yeah. Do

1:23:00

you have any fun facts about the Maltese

1:23:02

cross? I do. Who said that? Yes, I

1:23:04

do have fun facts. And he lists off,

1:23:06

it's like an 11th century metal for like

1:23:08

the first medics in war or something like

1:23:10

that. Right. So it's based on that. Yeah.

1:23:12

Yeah. And, and what I

1:23:17

love so much about this is like fucking CJ

1:23:19

is like, let me show you guys my most

1:23:21

prized possession and Rob's like, Oh, I have fun

1:23:23

facts. I'll give you 106 bucks for it. Right.

1:23:26

He does want, what? He's

1:23:29

like, I'm a Vietnam what? No, I'm

1:23:32

not telling that to you, but I

1:23:34

will tell you a story. And

1:23:36

then CJ is like, I

1:23:39

was an atheist once, but then

1:23:42

something happened in Vietnam. Diddly doo.

1:23:44

Right. Yes. So something happened in

1:23:46

the second half of my Vietnam

1:23:48

flashback. Yeah. What Nam would be

1:23:50

like. Nam would be like. Yeah.

1:23:54

And it's a time that he was rescuing a guy

1:23:56

whose waistcoat got wet and really clingy. Yeah. Oh, it's

1:23:58

so clingy. It's going to change. This is so bad,

1:24:00

rescue me. It's so bad. So

1:24:03

yeah, so but we cut to like right after

1:24:05

the helicopter crash. I love this so much. The

1:24:07

first half is right up to it, but we

1:24:09

stop right before. And then the second half is

1:24:11

right after, but we don't see it. Right. So

1:24:13

it's after the helicopter crash. Trust us, it was

1:24:16

very fiery and distressing. And the injured guy has

1:24:18

lost the injured guy that they were picking up

1:24:20

in the helicopter has lost his Maltese cross. Right.

1:24:23

And he's begging CJ to go back for it

1:24:25

because it's really important. CJ

1:24:28

is like, no, that's nothing. You

1:24:30

need it for dying. I'm not doing that. No, right.

1:24:32

Well, and and and CJ is kind of like trying

1:24:34

to go like, well, dude, you're not going to live

1:24:37

long enough. You know, I

1:24:39

know, you know what? I'll go back. I'll get your bubble. I'll get

1:24:41

your ball. Just puts his hands over the guy's mouth. Yeah.

1:24:43

The guy even says, you know, if I don't make

1:24:46

it, I want you to have it. So but but

1:24:48

he could just not go and get it because he

1:24:50

doesn't want to. And he didn't want to be exactly.

1:24:52

He didn't want to risk his life for it. If

1:24:54

you do die, then we're all fine. I know. When

1:24:56

you die, I'll totally go get it. I'll grab it

1:24:59

from where is it? Point it. Point it. Oh, you

1:25:01

can't. Yeah, right. Right. Exactly. No, it was over there.

1:25:03

Yes. So let me hold my hand over. Are there

1:25:05

any VCs in the bushes to shoot this guy? This

1:25:07

is exhausting. Well, yeah. So

1:25:09

so he goes to get it. And while

1:25:11

he's off getting it, some Viet Cong guys

1:25:14

come up and shoot this dude to death.

1:25:16

They shoot the injured guy to death in

1:25:18

the most bored fashion. Imagine, oh, there's a

1:25:20

guy. Bang. He's dead. What's next? Yeah, right.

1:25:22

Right. And what I love here is the

1:25:24

movie is trying to say this was God's

1:25:26

way of saving CJ. Right. If he had

1:25:29

been there with injured guy, they would have

1:25:31

shot and killed him, too. But

1:25:33

he was away getting the Maltese cross. But

1:25:35

like, yeah, but if CJ was there, like

1:25:38

CJ wasn't injured and had a gun.

1:25:40

Right. Like maybe they both live. Maybe

1:25:43

Danny lives, too. And

1:25:46

if Vietnam doesn't happen, then the world's also

1:25:48

different. There's so many things that God could

1:25:50

control to change this little shit. Whatever. Yes,

1:25:52

exactly. That's where you start arguing. You have

1:25:54

to do all these other things. Right. So

1:25:56

he says, you know, and that's the day

1:25:58

I realized that there was a God. really

1:26:00

wasn't fond of Danny. He has. And

1:26:04

he's talking to a, like a chaplain or something like that,

1:26:07

I think at one point. I think that's kind of, that's what's

1:26:09

happening here. And the chaplain says, you know, I'm

1:26:12

sure it's something like, I don't keep this as

1:26:14

a good look charm. That's what he says. CJ says,

1:26:16

oh, I don't keep this as a good look charm.

1:26:19

It's like, yeah, because like keeping the dead guy's medal

1:26:21

as a good look charm would be pretty insensitive.

1:26:24

Yes. But that's how CJ

1:26:26

gets converted to Christianity, right? This chaplain

1:26:28

after this incident tells him, you

1:26:30

know, the good news about Jesus or whatever. And

1:26:33

he asked him a few questions and the chaplain

1:26:35

basically says like, yeah, don't

1:26:38

think about God's plan. Cause that fucks my

1:26:40

thing out. The plan is the plan. Just

1:26:42

fucking do it. And so he does it.

1:26:44

CJ's a Christian now. Yeah. Well,

1:26:46

and then, so CJ, after he finishes

1:26:48

telling the story, he gives Kelly the

1:26:50

cross. What a dick move. Robert

1:26:53

just said, he spent years trying to get

1:26:55

a medal like this. And

1:26:57

he's like, no, no, I wouldn't part with that. Kelly,

1:26:59

do you want it by any chance? Yes, exactly.

1:27:02

That's amazing. It's like such a

1:27:04

good fuck you. He's like, no, she shares

1:27:06

my religion. So I'm going to give it

1:27:08

to her instead. Also bear in mind all

1:27:10

of this, like she was doodly doing right

1:27:12

from the very start when she took the

1:27:14

medal out in the helicopter, doodly doing as

1:27:16

to how she got the medal. Yes. And

1:27:19

the really interesting story is, oh, a guy gave it

1:27:21

to me once. Yes. He

1:27:23

got it as a gift. Cause somebody wanted to spite

1:27:25

an atheist sitting next to

1:27:27

her. Yeah, right. That's

1:27:30

the totem for the movie. So, okay.

1:27:32

So then we cut back to Linda's

1:27:34

office so that Kelly can argue with

1:27:36

her more about funding more people for

1:27:38

life life. This is the second

1:27:40

time the movie will pass the Bechdel test. Yeah.

1:27:44

She's, she's given Linda a proposal about what to do.

1:27:46

And the proposal is we use

1:27:48

people that we know. Is that

1:27:50

okay? That's a good proposal actually. Yeah, solid. What

1:27:53

if instead of hiring new people, we

1:27:55

just reappropriated existing ones? Yeah. And

1:27:57

Linda's like, I don't think that's going to work. And Kelly's like, We're

1:28:00

talking about lives. And Linda's

1:28:02

like, I fucking fund

1:28:04

a hospital. I'm always, that's all that's what

1:28:06

we do, right? Like that's a dumb thing

1:28:08

that you just said. Okay, hold

1:28:10

on. Maybe if God has a kid,

1:28:13

shoot another mom, it'll get us a

1:28:15

better budget. That was helpful

1:28:17

earlier. Yeah, right. Well, maybe that's

1:28:19

what God had in mind, right? Cause just

1:28:21

then, Life Flight gets a call about a

1:28:23

car accident and she has to run off.

1:28:26

Now again, all of the interesting

1:28:28

stuff happens off screen, we just

1:28:30

cut to the helicopter, taking off

1:28:32

at an accident scene, right? And

1:28:35

they're flying back to the hospital. Kelly's

1:28:38

doing everything she can. Rob says from the

1:28:40

pilot, she's just like, is there anything I

1:28:42

could do? And Kelly says, yes, pray.

1:28:46

Right. She's also like, but I'm gonna do

1:28:48

CPR cause that's like a real thing. All

1:28:51

right, yes, there anything useful I could do

1:28:53

is what I meant. I mean, she's gonna

1:28:55

do CPR, literally almost exactly half speed. She's

1:28:57

doing incredibly slow CPR. She

1:29:00

hasn't even taken the tube out of the guy's mouth to

1:29:02

then breathe into his mouth. So this is awful CPR. Yeah.

1:29:06

Yeah. This is her, you're supposed to

1:29:08

do a stay in alive by the Bee Gees, right? That's

1:29:10

like the bee? Yeah, and she's not doing that. I

1:29:13

sang that song over her chest compressions and

1:29:16

she was doing it every other beat.

1:29:18

Oh, well that's- The shitty Christian band

1:29:20

at her church did like a ballad

1:29:22

cover of- Right, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah,

1:29:24

like a Christmas ad, the cover on

1:29:26

a Christmas ad for like a mall

1:29:28

or something like that. Yeah.

1:29:30

So yeah, but they get

1:29:32

to the hospital, but it's too late. The

1:29:34

person doesn't make it. CJ

1:29:37

sees them, sees the helicopter landing and he wishes that

1:29:39

he was out there life flighting with him. But then

1:29:42

he flashes back to Vietnam a little bit and he's

1:29:44

like, oh, actually, no, I don't wish that. Yeah, he

1:29:46

sees a flashback that we've already seen before. So we

1:29:48

don't linger on it. So you know that one, yeah,

1:29:50

it's that thing. Yeah, right, right. It's the same thing

1:29:52

again, anyways, Karen. It was the go for it moment.

1:29:56

That he flashes back to here. He's remembering- Oh, yeah. Interesting.

1:30:00

Yeah. It's going

1:30:02

it going. Yeah. But this

1:30:05

is where they established that the guy didn't live,

1:30:07

the guy in the car accident didn't live because

1:30:09

she was all alone and they couldn't do

1:30:12

two people stuff to

1:30:14

save him. Right. The

1:30:16

doctors at the ER going, well, did you do this? Did you do that? She's

1:30:19

like, no, because there was only one of me and we couldn't do

1:30:21

that. And then like everybody looks at

1:30:23

Linda like, oh, so you really basically killed this

1:30:25

kid then. Hold

1:30:27

on, Kelly. Weren't you with Jesus too?

1:30:29

He didn't help with no. Yeah. Right.

1:30:32

Didn't he carry you across the sand? Yeah. But

1:30:35

then we fucking we flash back

1:30:37

within the doodly do within the

1:30:39

flashback to Kelly learning Jesus stuff

1:30:42

from a pastor who isn't CJ, but that's

1:30:44

not like a shoe that isn't CJ. I

1:30:46

thought that was I was certain it was

1:30:48

CJ. I'm pretty sure that's a different actor.

1:30:50

It's a different white guy from 1987 that

1:30:53

actually looks like from 1978 because it's a

1:30:59

Christian movie and that's how it works. Yep.

1:31:02

Just hire one black guy. I'm begging you hire

1:31:04

one black guy. I was telling Anne that I

1:31:06

was watching this movie from 1987 and I'm talking

1:31:08

about how they look and she's like, oh, do

1:31:10

they look like they're from 1978? Because

1:31:12

Christian movies are that far behind. I was like,

1:31:15

they do actually. Yeah. Every

1:31:17

fucking one of them. But this

1:31:19

is where Kelly realizes that the problem is

1:31:21

she's been asking Linda for help getting all

1:31:23

of this funding. She hasn't

1:31:26

been asking Jesus.

1:31:29

So there's this great moment to where Rob is like,

1:31:31

hey, what are you thinking about? She's like my favorite

1:31:33

Bible verse. And he's like, oh my God, no, shut

1:31:35

fuck. I don't care. I'm

1:31:37

keeping my penny. Keeping my penny. Also she's doing

1:31:40

that while Rob is like cleaning the outside of

1:31:42

the helicopter by hand with a little cloth. And

1:31:44

she just sat in there like reminiscing about the

1:31:46

Bible classes she went to when she was at

1:31:49

school. Like pick up a cloth and help. Come

1:31:51

on. Come on. I was swooshing

1:31:53

a flashback of a doodly doodly. Really. And

1:31:55

we're in a flashback. So this is very difficult for me to do.

1:31:57

I have to keep a lot of strands in the old doodler's head.

1:32:00

But she's like, don't you want to know my favorite Bible

1:32:02

verse? And he's like, fuck, yes, fine. I have to tell

1:32:04

you later that I killed your fish. So I guess I'll

1:32:07

let you Bible verse that. And she tells him

1:32:09

it's the one about where God says, don't try

1:32:11

to know stuff because that'll fuck up our whole

1:32:13

thing, the whole walk, not by sight

1:32:15

or whatever. That's her favorite one. Yeah, like the chaplain

1:32:17

said too, which is like, don't think

1:32:19

about this stuff. We won't get you

1:32:22

to be Christian anymore. But

1:32:24

she believes that God's going to come through

1:32:26

with full staffing. So meanwhile,

1:32:30

Michael is still pestering Coma, Eric,

1:32:32

about his plans to Christianize Rob.

1:32:35

Yeah, and he sort of, Michael spins around in this moment.

1:32:38

Like he's kind of, like he's just

1:32:40

finished his training or something. And I really want

1:32:42

that to be like a Bible training montage. Like

1:32:44

Coma guy just passed out in the corner of

1:32:46

a ring giving him tips, like throwing a towel

1:32:48

to him. Yeah,

1:32:51

it really, the scene plays like Michael

1:32:53

is realizing that God is the one

1:32:55

he wanted to take to the prom

1:32:57

the whole time, you know, or whatever.

1:32:59

So, and then he leaves and we

1:33:01

see a tear, like a single tear

1:33:03

running down Eric's cheek. Eric's still comatose.

1:33:05

It's so good. The actor playing Eric

1:33:07

is just weeping with laughter at how

1:33:10

bad this is. Yeah, right, right. Well,

1:33:12

I'm like, I'd be crying if I was in a

1:33:14

coma and couldn't escape this asshole. Yeah, no, I get

1:33:16

it. Yeah. And

1:33:18

the point he makes, Michael loses to

1:33:20

himself again, so, so hard

1:33:23

here. He first, he's like, so I was watching

1:33:25

a Christian movie. Those are

1:33:27

amazing, by the way, wink. Those lessons they give

1:33:29

you. And he says, I

1:33:31

admitted, he's talking to an unconscious person again,

1:33:33

to be clear. He's like, I admitted I'm

1:33:35

a sinner and it was great. And then

1:33:37

he's like, long pause. None

1:33:40

of my problems went away though. I had all my, still,

1:33:45

what the fuck was I talking

1:33:47

about? Oh, you're unconscious. It's so

1:33:49

good. Is this the time, is this

1:33:51

around the time he says, the promises

1:33:53

that apply to Christians don't apply to other

1:33:55

people. And I wrote, yeah, I mean,

1:33:57

at least he called it the Supreme Court. That's

1:33:59

right. Yeah, right. Yeah, he also says, you don't

1:34:02

have to make a big production about

1:34:04

accepting God. And

1:34:06

that's like the big end of this

1:34:08

moment that like the lesson we're supposed

1:34:11

to learn. He says that with orchestral

1:34:13

backing during a movie while

1:34:15

giving a speech to a

1:34:17

coma patient. Yes, yes, yeah.

1:34:20

So amazing. So then

1:34:22

we cut to Rob and Michael having

1:34:24

lunch and somehow Rob is wearing the

1:34:26

most popped collar that has ever been

1:34:28

popped at this point. He's basically popping

1:34:31

one of those 70s fucking

1:34:33

disco porn collars or something. It's

1:34:35

back to an inward collar. It's

1:34:38

like in his shoulders now somehow.

1:34:40

Right, yeah. Yeah,

1:34:43

this is, he's like, so how are you getting

1:34:45

along with the fish? Oh, shit, I've already asked

1:34:47

that half and like, goddamn. He's

1:34:50

like, actually, it turns out I've killed

1:34:52

all of them. It's been a big pain in the ass.

1:34:54

So anyway, so did you ever find those act

1:34:57

three Bible answers

1:34:59

that we've been building up to?

1:35:01

And Michael's like, yes, I did. It took

1:35:03

me so long. I didn't sleep for the last

1:35:05

like three weeks. I did good, well, hunting math.

1:35:07

I had to study four Bibles at once. But

1:35:09

yes, I found one thing that helps. Well,

1:35:12

and what I love is that the movie admits, he's like,

1:35:15

yes, it was John such and such where they said to

1:35:17

get into heaven, you have to be born again. And he's

1:35:19

like, okay, so where in the Bible does it say what

1:35:21

that means? And he's

1:35:23

like, man, fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking damn it.

1:35:25

Cause it doesn't, right? Like the movie has

1:35:28

to admit that the Bible never explains what

1:35:30

the fuck that phrase could possibly mean. And

1:35:32

so Christian's just made shit up, right?

1:35:35

And then he's like, all right, so did you ever figure out an

1:35:37

answer to that? Like, why pray to

1:35:40

an omniscient being question

1:35:42

other than the stupid erector set thing? And he's

1:35:44

like, yes, I did. Prayer is

1:35:47

our way of maintaining a relationship with

1:35:49

God. And he's like,

1:35:51

that isn't a thing. You just

1:35:54

used words. He's saying that God

1:35:56

is a needy partner in a

1:35:58

relationship. God, the God. of the

1:36:00

universe, really? And

1:36:03

Rob points out, he's like, well, yeah, but that's still

1:36:06

not biblical. You already gave me a bullshit

1:36:08

answer. What about a biblical one? And he's

1:36:10

like, oh, okay, let me say even more

1:36:12

nonsensical nonsense words. Yeah. He says something like...

1:36:14

Nothing he says that answers the question at

1:36:16

that point. No, it does not. Something like

1:36:19

prayer is the guarantee that the magic wishing

1:36:21

gets through to God. But then again, Michael

1:36:23

just shoots himself in the foot. He ends

1:36:25

that by saying, well, assuming

1:36:27

you wish for the stuff God already

1:36:30

wanted you to wish for.

1:36:32

Well, that was your question in the first place. Fuck. And

1:36:36

Rob's like, adds another really bad answer, man. How would

1:36:38

you say this is going for you? Wait

1:36:41

at your whole movie experience for

1:36:43

you. What? Are you winning or?

1:36:47

He is. They think he wins. So, okay.

1:36:50

So then we get Kelly showing up for

1:36:52

her fish, right? But he's bought

1:36:54

new fake fish. And so she's like, well,

1:36:56

they look even healthier than when I left

1:36:58

them and younger

1:37:00

too. That's a

1:37:03

stripey. But he's like,

1:37:05

yeah, no, I took such good care of

1:37:07

your fish. They're smaller now. And

1:37:09

then we cut to Kelly, like the next day, I

1:37:12

guess, in the hospital hallway. She's

1:37:14

talking to the movie's first

1:37:16

person of color, actually. She's talking to an

1:37:18

African-American nurse and she's saying like, yeah, I

1:37:20

would have been able to save that kid

1:37:22

the other day, but Linda won't give me

1:37:24

a second person shit. She's standing right behind

1:37:26

me, isn't she? And she turns around and

1:37:28

she says, Linda wouldn't give me a second

1:37:30

person. So that kid died is what I

1:37:32

was saying. I think one

1:37:34

of the things she says to the nurse is

1:37:36