0:00

You're about to hear what's coming up next on

0:02

this episode of God mode a player's

0:04

guide to life .

0:05

Oh , Yeah , bro , this

0:07

, this was the moment that altered the trajectory

0:09

of my life and somebody on the path to becoming a

0:11

coach .

0:14

It was basically a mini

0:16

near-death experience .

0:18

I was a dwarf paladin and I was a

0:20

healer .

0:21

No , dude , you got a gal

0:23

event on a fucking horse .

0:24

Oh yeah , my nickname in school

0:26

was trim . Trim work wouldn't

0:28

fail .

0:29

They took all these basically like these rich kids And

0:32

they put them on a bus and they shipped them to the Everglades

0:34

.

0:35

Another failed night of trying to talk to girls

0:37

. But he's describing my life like

0:39

a video game , dork loser

0:42

, that girls would not want to date and

0:44

wherever you go There you are

0:47

. It was not at all the identity

0:49

that I wanted to have in high school from a

0:51

social element .

0:52

Obviously , my god , you are yelling

0:54

like I just won a sports event . They can't believe

0:56

I just did this . Hello

1:09

, and welcome back to another episode

1:11

of God mode , a player's guide

1:13

to life . Today , i've got some exciting

1:15

news to share . As we get started , i have finally

1:18

reached a goal that I've been aiming at for a

1:20

long time . Version one

1:22

of my coaching website , noahtaloncom

1:25

, is now Live

1:28

. Through the site , you can sign up

1:30

for my upcoming mailing list , where I'll

1:32

be sending out tips , tricks , wisdom

1:35

and good vibes on a weekly basis

1:37

. You can also get a quick link

1:39

to the God mode podcast and

1:41

even hire me for coaching . Admittedly

1:44

, this isn't the most revolutionary

1:46

thing of all time , but for me , it

1:48

was always about closing the gap between

1:50

cause and effect , which in this case

1:53

, means allowing people who find

1:55

me on the internet to be able to hire me for coaching

1:57

, and now , for the first time ever , that's

2:00

finally possible . So , yeah

2:02

, it kind of gives me an incredible God mode feeling

2:04

, even though people have been doing business on the

2:06

internet since the 90s . If you're interested

2:08

in checking out my little creation , head on

2:10

over to NoahTaloncom

2:12

and dive in . Let's get on

2:15

to the episode . In this episode

2:17

, i chat with my devilishly charming

2:19

friend , dylan Leavitt . Dylan

2:22

is a skilled and experienced relationship

2:24

coach who has successfully supported many

2:26

people in developing the skills

2:29

necessary to cultivate and maintain

2:31

Deep and meaningful relationships

2:33

. This episode is a little special It's

2:35

been uploaded in two parts and

2:38

includes a meditation that has been uploaded

2:40

separately to the YouTube channel . As

2:42

usual for clips of today's podcast , be

2:44

sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel , noahtalon44

2:48

, and Also follow NoahTalon

2:51

on Instagram without further

2:53

ado . God mode presents Dylan

2:55

Leavitt .

2:58

God mode .

2:59

God mode , guide to life , that's

3:01

right , commencing commencing , indeed

3:03

, before we get started . I talked to Dylan

3:05

already . I'm gonna do something special

3:07

. It's gonna be like a meditation , honoring

3:09

myself and my journey

3:11

and what's going on in my life right now , literally

3:14

. It's also gonna get us grounded

3:16

for the podcast . Not that we haven't done

3:18

plenty already , but

3:21

what I thought about as I showered before this was

3:23

, instead of subjecting everybody

3:26

who listens to this episode to this 10-minute meditation

3:28

that I'm about to do , i'm

3:31

introducing it , i'm gonna do it and we'll

3:33

put it as a separate piece of content . So , if you're interested

3:35

in seeing how it went , because I'm sure we'll talk

3:37

about it when we're done Yeah , um , it'll

3:39

be a separate YouTube video on the channel . Go ahead

3:41

, check it out and you can have it a la carte

3:44

, but yeah , so I'm

3:46

gonna get started with that now And

3:51

I'm back .

3:54

Wow , very powerful

3:56

intro . The self-love

3:59

piece definitely hit . Do you felt it

4:01

? I felt it as soon as you said it .

4:03

Oh my god , I've been just getting chills after chills

4:05

after chills .

4:07

Well , i think it's an interesting thing , right like

4:09

for me , the

4:12

amount of times that I take to

4:14

consciously Give myself

4:16

love . Yeah , the point that I can feel

4:18

it , not just saying it right

4:20

, that's moving But getting past

4:23

the saying it and the mental

4:25

, just telling myself

4:27

that I love myself , to try to

4:29

fill some , some

4:33

space within not whole , but like trying

4:35

to get there and saying it to myself

4:37

versus Actually

4:40

allowing myself to feel , yeah

4:42

, love for myself . It's

4:45

a rare thing Yeah surprisingly

4:47

rare experience where I can really sit

4:49

and feel it .

4:52

Yeah , you know , i think for me personally

4:54

I mean I joked about this with you earlier

4:57

right , like I've gone on this incredible

4:59

self-development journey Over

5:02

the course of , let's say , i started when I was

5:04

like really 28 . I mean I started a little bit before that

5:06

, ad hoc , on my own , but

5:08

28 , the wheels hit the ground

5:10

right . And The funny

5:12

thing is , with all of

5:15

the philosophy and I'm sure we're gonna get

5:17

into some of it , right the

5:19

biggest gift that I've gotten

5:22

and it's so bizarre is

5:24

is Looking

5:27

at my old stuff and being like , oh

5:29

, this was actually good . Oh

5:31

, i actually love this guy . You

5:35

know , this doesn't make me cringe anymore . Yeah , you know , and

5:37

it's funny because , like , to some extent

5:40

, the idea is to grow And

5:42

I've heard it said that like sometimes you should look back and cringe

5:45

because you've come so far . Yeah , maybe

5:49

one day , but today isn't that

5:51

day . Today I'm looking back and this is

5:53

something that I got from my development And

5:55

I and I look back and I go shit , i'm

5:58

proud of that person and

6:00

I'm glad that you did what he did , because now I'm

6:02

here and It also feels

6:04

like I'm carrying that baton . Yeah

6:06

, i have a responsibility to that person . I'll

6:09

tell you this . I'll just segue right into cabal . I like I

6:11

heard it said this . I took the like

6:14

series of classes recently on audio

6:16

and I heard it said that

6:18

It's like a huge sin

6:20

and I mean that in the

6:22

most practical sense of the word

6:24

like it's , like you know , to

6:27

Invalidate and sort

6:29

of not respect the

6:31

time that we put into something

6:33

. Mmm . So , like

6:36

you know , it's like this is like

6:38

because I mean what you're . They say sin right

6:40

, and I know that's a charged word , but

6:42

the idea is it's a short circuit , let's

6:44

say just to get out of , like you know

6:46

, predefined Stuff . It's

6:48

a short circuit because you spent all this time

6:50

, which means you , it matters to

6:52

you . Yeah and then you abandon

6:55

and then it can happen again on loop

6:57

and loop and loop . So it's cool to just be like Fuck

7:02

all of the variables and the

7:04

ego pain and getting

7:06

it right and getting it perfect and blah

7:08

, blah , blah . At some point you just

7:10

gotta grit your teeth and do it 100%

7:12

, and lately I've even we talked

7:14

about this earlier do it for nothing , do

7:16

it because of the innate desire .

7:19

Yes .

7:19

Just the innate little warm glow

7:21

, sometimes formless . You

7:23

know like it takes time to discover what the hell the

7:25

form of the glow is . We're here on the podcast

7:28

. This is the best I've been able to do .

7:29

Yeah , so far . right , i think

7:31

I said the soft whisper of purpose . Oh , that's

7:33

it , baby The soft

7:35

whisper of purpose and the pull

7:38

of a vision that you don't

7:40

really know why you're

7:42

compelled to create this

7:44

one thing or push towards

7:46

or be pulled by whatever

7:49

that vision is . But there's that whisper of

7:51

like well , what about this ? Well , what about

7:53

this ? Well , what about this ?

7:55

I know It's wild . One thing I was talking

7:57

about earlier is like when

8:01

I run out of gas , when

8:03

, like , my enthusiasm runs out of gas , when

8:05

my misery runs out of gas , whenever

8:07

something runs out of gas , right , i

8:11

kind of stagnate . But what's always remaining

8:13

is the desire , the soft whisper

8:16

being like , yeah , just do it . And

8:18

I didn't know what to do with that for a long time . It's

8:20

frustrating , you know , i want to

8:22

have the high , i want to feel good

8:25

, you know , when I do it . But

8:27

as it turns out like all

8:29

of those things are going to come and go Apparently

8:32

, that little whisper isn't , you

8:35

know . And one thing that I will say

8:37

is the longer I don't listen

8:39

to it and the more it keeps coming

8:41

back , there's like pain . Oh

8:44

, pain builds . You know . It's like how did I

8:46

not listen to it ? So

8:48

, in terms of being here today , i

8:50

just fast forward to okay , so I'm 32 now

8:52

, part of me thinks , oh , terrifying

8:55

. But then I'm like , well , when I'm 42 , and

8:58

I look back at my 32 year old self and I am I going to be

9:00

like , oh , that was good , i did good shit , and

9:02

I just spent 10 years thinking I had to do

9:04

more to be good , to then start

9:06

doing good shit . Yeah , you know

9:08

, and so that spooks me right back into just

9:10

like no , sit down get , get call

9:12

Dylan , sit down , drive his

9:14

ass over here and jump on the podcast 100%

9:17

. But enough about me . So

9:19

, dylan , you drove up from San

9:21

Diego . We're boys . Dylan and I

9:23

met at the self development training program

9:25

. Yes , we did , and boy

9:27

, did we get lit on fire from

9:29

that thing . Yeah , tell

9:32

us a little bit about yourself .

9:33

So name's Dylan James

9:36

. Dylan James Levitt . I'm

9:38

a relationship coach .

9:39

Awesome .

9:40

I'm a writer , i like to say

9:42

I guide men to their

9:44

authentic self expression , building

9:47

and creating healthy relationships .

9:49

Yep .

9:50

And having fun dating

9:53

. Yes , having fun in

9:55

the dating game Oh , that's awesome . And

9:57

making their own rules to the game

9:59

rather than following

10:02

the game .

10:04

Right , yes .

10:06

And there was a book written by Neil Strauss which a lot

10:08

of people who get into the whole world

10:10

of dating and seduction and pick

10:12

up have read the book The Game

10:14

by Neil Strauss , and what

10:17

people don't realize is he actually wrote

10:19

a second book called

10:21

The Truth . Yes , and I only

10:23

read The Truth . I actually never read the game

10:25

, because even when I first heard

10:27

about the game in college , i

10:30

was a freshman in college and this guy

10:32

that I knew had it And I read the

10:34

back of it and I saw the 24 steps

10:37

that he has on the back And

10:39

I remember thinking 24 steps

10:41

is a lot to memorize And

10:45

something in me said like you

10:47

don't want to like memorize

10:49

24 steps to execute on and talking

10:51

to him , so I never read the game , but I have

10:54

read The Truth , and The Truth

10:56

is all about how

10:58

practicing the game

11:01

and the rules of the game that Neil Strauss

11:03

himself created completely

11:06

destroyed his ability

11:08

to have healthy relationships . And

11:10

he opens up the book about how

11:13

he cheats on his

11:15

current girlfriend , who's the best

11:18

girl that's ever been in his life with

11:20

her best friend , and

11:22

that sends him to sex

11:24

addiction therapy .

11:25

Oh my God .

11:27

And then like that launches And

11:29

that , the book The Truth , I

11:32

think is the book to read by

11:34

Neil Strauss .

11:35

That's so funny .

11:36

Because it goes through his journey of honing

11:40

this skill of having

11:42

expert game and deploying

11:44

this with women , only to

11:46

realize that it

11:48

completely programmed his mind In

11:51

this way that made him always

11:53

outcome dependent , always seeking

11:55

sex , always looking at

11:57

a woman , and the first thought in his mind

11:59

becoming what are the steps

12:02

that I'm going to use and what are the

12:04

? techniques I'm going to execute in order to get

12:06

her into bed , and he

12:08

goes through in that book how that

12:10

just completely destroyed not

12:13

only his self worth , because every

12:15

time it didn't work , you have a mask

12:17

.

12:17

You're building the worth of a fake persona .

12:19

Right , you're building a fake persona , but it also

12:22

destroyed his ability to literally

12:24

not cheat on the woman He

12:26

felt helplessly compelled to

12:29

sleep with her best friend , despite

12:31

him feeling like this was the best

12:33

relationship he'd ever been in And

12:36

that mirrors my own story a

12:38

lot . To go

12:41

back to what you had

12:43

said in the beginning of honoring

12:45

the time That we put

12:47

into things , Yes , yeah , dude

12:49

. So I'm happy to be here first

12:52

of all . Thank you very much .

12:53

I know that's a big thank you , man

12:55

.

12:56

And One of the reasons I'm happy

12:58

to be here is I fucking love the title

13:00

. Yes , god mode

13:02

a player's guide to life . Yep , and

13:05

I began My

13:08

I guess we can say my video

13:10

game journey began with World

13:12

of Warcraft . Well , i got a PlayStation

13:14

2 . It began earlier , but the first game I got

13:16

really obsessed with was World of Warcraft

13:19

, next level .

13:19

What was your race ? clash faction

13:22

.

13:22

I was a dwarf paladin and I was

13:24

a healer .

13:25

No , dude , oh my god

13:27

, that's you as a human . Yes

13:29

, so funny . You're like a little bit taller , which is

13:31

different .

13:32

Ironic that I was a healer .

13:36

Paladin . So still like a man's man , like

13:38

beefy healer guy like you're not just like

13:40

.

13:40

Yeah , yeah , the dwarf with a masculinity

13:43

aspect no cloth for you .

13:45

This guy wants heavy mail . Oh yeah , Yeah

13:47

, he needs to look good and the hammer got a

13:49

gallivant on a fucking horse , Oh yeah

13:51

, but you picked a dwarf too Amazing

13:53

dude . 10 out of 10 .

13:55

Part of that was Yeah anyways

13:57

. So I got obsessed

13:59

with wow , started playing when I was about 12

14:01

and It

14:04

was the most complete game I'd ever played

14:06

dude and Oh , still

14:08

to this day we could get . We could do a whole hour

14:10

about why that is one of , if not

14:12

the best , video game ever made . But long

14:15

story short , i got obsessed with it from 12

14:17

to 16

14:20

probably yikes . Yeah , I sunk

14:22

over 150 days of my life

14:24

into that game because you can do

14:26

. Played

14:28

, yep , and it tells you the amount of time . Yep

14:31

, I sunk over a hundred

14:33

and fifty twenty four hour .

14:34

Dude I feel like that's elementary numbers

14:36

, like I feel like that's , that's a lot like

14:39

in a four year period and a

14:41

four year period .

14:42

Oh yeah , okay , Think about that It wasn't

14:44

that it was 12 to 16 , really maybe 12

14:46

to 17 , yeah , and I got so

14:48

obsessed with it that my nickname in

14:50

School , in high school

14:53

, became everyone called me trim

14:55

. my world of Warcraft characters

14:57

name was trim Bork so

14:59

trim . Bork my name . My nickname

15:01

in school was trim , and

15:04

People to make fun of me would

15:06

call me trim Bork windfail , no

15:09

, and so in school I

15:11

was known as trim slash

15:14

, trim Bork windfail , and It

15:16

was not at all the identity that I wanted

15:18

to have in high school from a social element

15:21

obviously But . I

15:23

. It didn't stop me from playing the game . I

15:25

was too obsessed with the game to

15:27

stop because of that and I couldn't

15:30

tell them . I don't call me that , because if you say

15:32

that , it . So

15:35

I knew I just had to fucking take it

15:38

and Let them

15:40

fucking clown on me for

15:42

it Wow but it became a

15:44

really big insecurity for me , because

15:46

Not only did I not like

15:48

it , but I gotta pause .

15:50

I don't know this . This is new . I

15:52

love this . He just whips this out

15:54

on the podcast Yes , go , go go and

15:57

Obviously didn't like the name .

15:58

But more than that , i thought it

16:00

made me look like a fucking dork

16:03

, like a video game dork

16:05

loser that girls would not want

16:07

to date and Dork

16:09

Bork you're close ? Yeah , exactly

16:11

. And

16:13

so it was like I felt

16:16

locked into this identity

16:18

of the wow playing nerd That

16:21

no girl would ever want .

16:23

Oh my god , incredible , wow on top of

16:25

that , i Wasn't natural

16:27

.

16:27

I never understood women . from a young age

16:29

I always felt like I was good in school , i was

16:32

smart . I always was pretty good at sports

16:34

. I was athletic , i made friends easily

16:36

. that was never an issue . So , like in terms of the main

16:38

, if life is a puzzle , i felt like I had

16:40

every puzzle piece kind of put together

16:43

, except for How to go from

16:45

friends with a girl to something more .

16:46

Yeah , yeah .

16:47

I grew up with a brother , a dad and a mom

16:50

who played the masculine role in my parents relationship

16:52

, so wasn't around women , didn't

16:54

have a sense for the feminine

16:57

nature or the feminine essence

16:59

, and I always just felt

17:01

like So nervous to tell a

17:03

girl that I liked her . So all throughout high

17:06

school I had the fucking wow

17:08

identity hanging over my head of like

17:10

no girls gonna want to date the wow nerd

17:12

who everyone calls Trim . Borg wind fail and

17:14

on top of that , i already felt insecure

17:17

and nervous to express any kind of Attraction

17:20

desire for a woman . So , long

17:22

story short , i didn't . I never told women

17:24

that I was attracted to them out of being terrified

17:26

of rejection and Got

17:30

rejected by the girl I asked to prom

17:32

that I had been friends with for like two years

17:35

at this point , and had a secret crush

17:37

on that whole time and , looking back

17:39

, she'd given me multiple opportunities to

17:41

like make a move on her , all of which I

17:43

was to egg done . I was too nervous

17:45

to do anything about . Oh no , and

17:48

then by the time I asked her to prom , that

17:50

window had passed like six months

17:52

ago , and she was like Well , first

17:54

I tried to kiss her like way after

17:56

that window was closed and she was

17:59

. I asked Can I

18:01

kiss you ? We were like smoking

18:03

in her car and she was like I don't think that would be a

18:05

good idea and My

18:07

heart shattered in that moment .

18:09

Oh shit , she said , i don't think .

18:11

I don't think that would be a good idea . Oof

18:14

and my heart shattered . In that moment

18:16

. I was . That

18:18

was like the one girl that I felt like I had a chance

18:20

with , that . I actually wanted to date and

18:22

I asked her to prom

18:24

. A month or two later She said no , she

18:27

actually didn't go to prom . Her reason was

18:29

I'm not going to prom . I got it didn't

18:32

wasn't about that whole prom dance life . But

18:34

either way I put it , i took it personally

18:36

. I was like yeah , i don't want to go with me , not

18:38

that she just doesn't want to go . So that

18:41

chance was ruined . Never went to any of my

18:43

proms in high school Junior or senior

18:45

prom never went because I couldn't find a

18:47

girl that I wanted to go with . That I actually felt

18:50

like I had a chance with can you a stag ? Yeah

18:53

, but I didn't want to do that .

18:54

I Don't want to do that either .

18:56

I felt like it would only it would

18:58

only exacerbate the nervousness

19:00

and the insecurity that I felt about . Yeah

19:02

being attractive , being there alone . So

19:05

I just didn't go dude .

19:07

I'll say this like I

19:10

got plenty of stories of rejection and

19:12

I'm gonna relate heavily to the whole game

19:14

thing in a moment too . Yeah , it's actually

19:16

kind of funny because this is the first time that we've actually talked

19:18

heavily about video games on the podcast , which

19:20

is , like , obviously something that I love and part

19:22

of the namesake of the fucking podcast . Yeah , yeah but

19:25

I will say that in my

19:27

high school which again education

19:29

, you know , we both whatever in my

19:31

high school They had this thing called outward

19:34

bound , where , when you were 14

19:36

or whatever , i know I would .

19:37

You know , my dad did outward bound .

19:39

Oh shit , okay . So when we were 14

19:41

, they , for the people who don't know , they

19:44

put , they put half this grade and you

19:46

couldn't get out of it . Didn't matter how much money you had or how much you

19:48

were complaining or whatever . Like every single

19:50

person went , everybody . They

19:53

took all these basically like these rich kids or

19:55

like pretty much well off kids . We went to a grade school

19:57

, kind of yeah , and they put them on a bus and

19:59

they shipped them to the Everglades and put them on

20:01

little canoes and kayaks and Like

20:04

said fuck off into the fucking mangroves

20:06

for five days , yep , and eat out of

20:08

like cans and like camp

20:10

, yeah , and camp . And the other thing they did

20:12

which is hilarious Is that they would . They

20:15

knew who you were friends with in school And

20:17

they paired you up with people that you like never

20:19

hung out with or spoke to or even didn't

20:21

like yeah , it was nuts , it

20:24

was absolutely nuts , but for me

20:26

, at least personally , it worked

20:28

like , hmm , i mean

20:30

oh , Wow

20:32

my Gratitude

20:34

for all kinds of shit shot

20:37

through the roof like it was basically

20:39

a Mini near-death experience

20:42

like . I was basically

20:44

like I got back from that

20:46

trip and the car seat of

20:48

my mom's car Felt like a

20:50

throne .

20:51

Yeah , you know , and I was like yeah .

20:52

I've ever taken this for granted and

20:54

And then I remember it was like those a bot

20:57

mitzvah or something like that night , yeah , and

20:59

up until then , like everything you described

21:01

, right , like just insecure , terrified

21:04

, like . Also , i really liked girls

21:06

and I have this whole thing where , like in elementary school , i

21:09

had girlfriends and at some point

21:11

in there , puberty hit and then I was like I Was

21:14

not in the girlfriends group anymore

21:16

out of the girl's , yeah and

21:18

so , anyway , the insecurity was real

21:20

, yeah . But I swear to God , i got

21:22

back from that damn Everglades trip

21:24

and I have never danced . I mean

21:27

it was like I was like I don't give a shit who's

21:29

watching what I look like , I don't care

21:31

. I danced to the nines , wow

21:33

, and it kind of defined me . I mean

21:35

, from then on I didn't mind going to shit by myself . It

21:37

was an early experience of transformation . It

21:39

kind of really was , and you know what my favorite part

21:41

about it was ? they didn't shove it down my throat or anything

21:43

Like it was very like I mean

21:46

, i had no idea that

21:48

I was going to go there for transformation . They just

21:50

threw me in the desert and I suffered

21:52

, or not . Wasn't the desert ? Sorry , got

21:54

confused .

21:55

I threw me in the Everglades .

21:56

Yeah , and , and I suffered

21:58

, but something about it , it clicked

22:00

for me .

22:01

Mm-hmm .

22:03

Good thing , yeah , you know . But yeah

22:05

, so I came back and and that's not to say

22:07

that I had like great success with the ladies , but

22:09

I had some success and at

22:11

least I showed

22:14

up for myself to some extent

22:16

. Yeah , and I give myself credit for that

22:18

.

22:19

I'll show it yourself . Meaning you , you

22:21

actually Made

22:24

a move , took a shot , went after

22:26

the girls you wanted , sort of thing . I gotta say

22:28

this .

22:28

So in middle school This is actually before the trip

22:31

, so I guess it , i guess this was still in me , right

22:33

? Yeah , we

22:35

had this break period for like 10 minutes between

22:38

, like right before the last two classes of the day . Uh-huh

22:40

, and everybody goes to the field , the

22:42

football field , and they just kind of sit around in these

22:44

little like circle groups . Uh-huh , and

22:47

I remember that I was in

22:49

the video gamer nerd circle group

22:51

. I actually loved the title . I never felt insecure

22:53

about that .

22:53

I thought it was great . Yeah , i did so

22:56

, yeah .

22:57

I mean , it was so totally part of my identity that

22:59

to reject it would just be like ripping out half of you , like

23:01

or more of Who I was . You right , Yeah , so

23:03

anyway so I just like that's me and

23:05

I'm with these kids and There's like a little jock

23:07

group and then there's like the girls and the hot

23:09

girls and the whole thing . Yeah , i

23:12

Decided on a whim on this

23:14

snack day that I was going to walk

23:16

away from the nerd group straight

23:19

at the circle of hot girls , basically

23:22

in the term of game pool . The

23:24

one girl that I wanted to talk to , yeah

23:26

, i literally was like hey , can we talk real

23:29

quick ? pulled her over and

23:31

We were now Planets

23:34

away from our given solar

23:36

systems . And I was like , hey , like

23:39

would you like to go to the movies or something

23:41

sometime ? Like would you like to like go to the movies or

23:43

something sometime ? and I saw her face

23:45

like light up in a little moment

23:47

. Her face just like lit up . And then I saw

23:49

she like turned the light down

23:51

a little bit , the lumens right , and she was like one

23:54

second Fucking middle

23:56

school dude . She walked back

23:58

to the circle of girls . They huddled

24:01

up essentially and then

24:03

she came back to me and was like

24:05

yeah , sorry , i

24:08

think we should just be friends or some shit like that , yeah

24:10

, and I was like , okay , great , a few things

24:12

happened . First of all , she walks back . I

24:14

haven't noticed that like the field

24:17

of people has like stopped

24:19

. I don't want to take too much credit , but

24:21

enough people have stopped

24:23

what they're doing and we're watching this like as if

24:25

it was like primetime television Yes

24:27

, and so the person

24:30

. This is a whole another story , but the person that I thought

24:32

was a big bully at the time , mm . Comes

24:34

up to me Screaming like

24:36

, like ejects from the jock group , runs

24:38

over to me and he's like celebrating

24:41

me , basically . And he like like

24:43

he's screaming , like throws me up . It's

24:45

like this whole thing like , oh my god

24:47

, people are yelling Like I just won a sports event , you

24:49

know , like they can't believe I just did

24:52

this . Now , i couldn't tell if they were making fun

24:54

of me or not , but I rode the wave of positivity Yeah

24:56

, i'd list , yeah , and

24:58

I was fine . Eventually

25:00

she goes on years later

25:02

to like date a guy who was brown

25:04

and also had a fro , which in Miami at

25:07

the time , especially with puberty , i always had a fro

25:09

and I was like man , i

25:11

fucking knew that she was kind

25:13

of into it and Like

25:15

damn it , and it just didn't happen . But anyway , that's

25:18

to say that I'm glad that

25:20

I just kind of would take my shot

25:22

. Yeah , at some point I was pretty hurt , but

25:25

then the Everglades thing really recovered

25:27

me early and opened

25:29

you up . Yeah , yeah . so

25:32

So this is all how you

25:34

end up . as an 18 year

25:36

old you were saying who picks

25:38

up the truth ?

25:40

No , no , no , so that comes later , But what I was gonna

25:42

say is I'm actually

25:44

very grateful for the

25:47

150 days of time

25:50

when you were . You started talking about being

25:52

grateful for the time . Yes , that we've put

25:54

into any given endeavor and

25:57

I'm Amazing , apply that to the gaming

25:59

.

25:59

Yeah , love that you're about to do that 150 days

26:02

.

26:02

That was , you know , literally I was playing like

26:04

six to eight hours a day for four

26:06

to five years and Not

26:09

only did I learn a ton from that

26:11

game , like there's still words today that I

26:13

only know because I learned them

26:15

it from wow nice . But

26:18

I'm grateful for it because it

26:21

taught me . It taught me a really

26:23

important lesson at a young age and

26:25

I remember vividly

26:28

The time that I decided to

26:30

stop playing . Well , i

26:32

remember it vividly . It was end

26:35

of my junior year of

26:37

high school And it was

26:39

getting to the point where not having

26:41

had any success with women was

26:44

this gnawing

26:46

feeling in my gut that even

26:48

wow could not get me to ignore . And

26:51

I remember- .

26:52

Well , yeah , you also had the math problem

26:54

in your head that , wow was part of the problem , exactly

26:57

So like hours invested now equals

26:59

like more pain in the woman department

27:01

, right , it's like yeah

27:03

, damn .

27:04

And I remember like I wanted my

27:06

character to be , like I wanted to be great

27:08

in wow , like I was in a guild

27:10

. I wanted to be like not

27:12

only the best healer in that guild , but I

27:14

wanted our guild to be like fucking internationally

27:18

recognized and all this shit . And

27:20

so I was in

27:22

one of the cities I was in Oh

27:25

, what's the dwarf city ? Iron

27:28

Forge , iron Forge , i

27:31

think it's Iron Forge , i think it is . That

27:33

sounds right . And I was thinking

27:36

about how much time it was going to take

27:38

me to build

27:40

, like get to where I wanted

27:43

to go with my character . And

27:45

then I saw this guy in Iron Forge hopping

27:48

around on this fucking like super rare

27:50

mount And

27:52

he had like all the best fucking gear

27:54

on And I could tell like this guy was

27:56

, like you know , one of the best probably players

27:59

in our server And

28:01

I clicked on him And then I hit

28:03

, slash , played on him Because

28:07

you can do slash play on other players . You can see how

28:09

long they've played . Oh my God

28:11

, and because he was , like you know , in

28:13

that moment he was the epitome of

28:15

what I wanted to be in , wow , and

28:17

it was like 630

28:20

days or something absolutely

28:22

insane .

28:22

Over a year of real time .

28:25

Over a year , it was well , it was almost two years

28:27

Damn Of real time gaming

28:29

. And I

28:31

had , i like , took a

28:33

big deep breath and I was like holy shit

28:35

, and I started thinking about my life And

28:38

I and I had this vivid

28:40

conversation with myself

28:42

.

28:43

This is . I just want to say this is hilarious , that

28:45

, like I just imagine you were you on a laptop

28:48

, i was on my desktop . So you're on a desktop

28:50

, you're like , here you're , he's doing like his fucking

28:52

daily quests . Yeah , and

28:54

he runs into fucking Iron Forge , which is kind of like in the

28:56

New York City Times Square for like a certain group

28:58

of people in the game . Yeah , and he's

29:01

in there and like here comes this fancy rock star

29:03

and and sends you into

29:05

an existential crisis .

29:07

Yes , absolutely .

29:09

System failure . You're like now , just sitting

29:11

there Fuck daily quests

29:13

. What is happening with my life ?

29:15

Yep , 100% And

29:18

I realized the trajectory of that my life was

29:20

going , because I realized how much time I

29:22

had sunk into wow

29:24

And I realized the prices I paid for

29:27

it in my mind , which was a lack

29:29

of success with women and socially in general

29:31

like I had friends but wasn't the

29:34

cool guy I wanted to be . And

29:37

I said to myself Dylan

29:39

, you can either build

29:41

something great in wow

29:43

or you can build something

29:45

great in real life , but

29:48

you can't do both .

29:49

Damn .

29:51

And it was so clear to me in that moment , after

29:53

seeing , like you know , a guy with 600

29:55

plus days played of how long it

29:57

took him , and I was like I can like

30:00

become great in life

30:02

as a human and I can do something incredible

30:05

, or I can

30:07

build my character in

30:10

this false reality , virtual

30:12

reality , into some

30:14

great , recognizable character

30:16

. But I cannot do both . And

30:19

when I realized that it

30:22

was I don't remember how many days after that

30:24

are the timeline , but soon after that

30:26

I quit cold turkey .

30:27

Yeah .

30:28

I quit cold turkey after playing

30:31

six to eight hours a day for

30:33

many years And once I got to

30:35

college I didn't only quit wow

30:37

, i quit all video games because

30:39

I would play other . You know I would play

30:41

God or anything

30:44

. Call a duty modern warfare to , i would

30:46

play . You know I'll dabble in other games , all on

30:48

the computer .

30:49

But yeah , yeah , yeah , pc gamer , baby PC

30:51

gamer . Pc gamer .

30:53

And I quit video games

30:55

cold . It must have been the end of senior

30:57

year because I was going off to

30:59

college soon , cold turkey . Never

31:03

played video games in college Like the occasional

31:05

hangout with friends where they're like I just take

31:07

over for one game Madden or FIFA or whatever

31:09

. But after that moment , video

31:12

games were no longer part of my life , and

31:15

part of that is because I'm like do you remember

31:17

the game ?

31:17

Do you guys name or anything or like what ? like anything

31:19

about him ? No , I don't Just that he was

31:21

writing a sweet man .

31:22

I remember he was writing like

31:24

the amount I had never seen

31:26

, and that one that was like I forgot what

31:29

he had to do to get it , but it would have . I

31:31

think it would like complete all quests

31:33

or like some insane thing that you had to do

31:35

to get this Funny . And

31:37

and after that , I was like

31:39

I had committed myself to

31:41

actually building something great in life

31:44

.

31:44

Yeah .

31:45

Rather than in Wow , and instead of becoming

31:47

a Wow player on

31:50

the note of the player's guide to life , i

31:53

wanted to become an

31:55

actual player A

31:59

player when it came to being a player

32:01

with girls . Cause those are the people I looked

32:03

up to .

32:04

The people that were like could get any girl

32:06

they wanted And would swap

32:08

Exactly Care is Madden Care ?

32:09

is Madden Could get any girl they wanted .

32:11

Had all the game And a

32:13

point shoot Stupid .

32:15

And yeah , so this is another

32:17

interesting aspect .

32:19

Well , I want to interject just for a second So

32:21

first of all , what I think is cool is like

32:23

there's so much juice already

32:25

, The mathematics that you did in

32:27

your mind , like the . what is it like

32:29

? belief math ? right , Like the belief calculus

32:31

, that you did . It's personal

32:34

to you . Somebody else , who

32:36

didn't necessarily equate Wow , is such like

32:38

crippling insecurities , might have been able to do

32:40

both .

32:40

For example , right Like that kind of thing , but it doesn't

32:42

matter in the end what anybody else can do .

32:44

I'm just saying that because we have this like big audience , right

32:46

, but it was your math and it was important

32:48

for you and it was catalytic in your

32:50

journey , right , 100% , and

32:53

we're about to find out where that goes . I want to relate

32:55

to that because I've done this in like my little

32:57

Monday coffee with Noah's , but I haven't really said it on the

32:59

podcast . It's , like I

33:01

said in the meditation before we started , like there

33:03

was this like eight year gap between

33:06

me really creating content . Like

33:08

I think the most I've done , you know , consistently

33:11

in eight years is like stories on Instagram . Yeah

33:13

, and what

33:15

happened ? there was much like what happened with you . And

33:17

again , like now in retrospect , i look back and I'm like

33:19

, well , the calculus on that wasn't necessarily airtight

33:22

, fact truth , but

33:24

it was so true to me in

33:26

the moment that it catapulted

33:29

me into a journey , you know

33:31

, and for me what it came down to was

33:33

I can sit here

33:35

and consistently play these video games

33:37

eight hours a day in my

33:39

closet and maybe

33:41

make more money , maybe

33:43

break this plateau , get more

33:46

followers , et cetera . But

33:48

when I ran a survey through my community , i realized that

33:50

what people loved about me was my personality

33:52

and my engagement . They

33:55

loved this . This is why I'm doing this podcast

33:57

, because I can look at my audience and say I love

33:59

you guys . Hi , let's create something valuable

34:01

, and at this

34:03

point I kind of took the games out of it . There might be an offering

34:05

where the games come back into it , but and

34:07

that would be the both right The both Yeah

34:10

. The fucking

34:12

hero's journey like the return right , yeah , yeah , but

34:15

for now it's like let's just get good

34:17

gold , and that's why it's called Player's Guide

34:19

to Life in life . Let's get gold

34:21

in life , right . Like I

34:23

want to deck out , like I was building these amazing things in Minecraft

34:26

. It's like now I built a studio in real

34:28

life with real wood and real metal

34:30

, you know .

34:31

But how much more satisfying is that ?

34:35

Don't ask my monkey brain , because my monkey brain will tell

34:37

you that they're equally satisfying . My monkey brain is

34:39

like you should have felt the oxytocin I had when

34:41

I was listening to the Rolling Stones and I built my Enderman

34:43

grinder Satisfying to the soul

34:45

, though . They

34:47

both had their place . But

34:50

you're right , and

34:53

I agree with you completely , that for

34:55

me to only be good at Minecraft was a complete

34:57

imbalance . I needed to be able to

34:59

. It was obvious

35:01

to me . I don't know , it's the way . I think I'm

35:03

sitting there in Minecraft and I'm like how cool . The

35:06

thing that I'm loving about this game is that I

35:08

can bend the environment to

35:10

suit my taste and to suit the things

35:12

that I'm trying to accomplish in the game . Once

35:16

you turn the camera off and you're by yourself

35:18

in your closet in your house and you turn

35:20

around into your life , you're like oh

35:23

shit , i could really use some of that gusto

35:25

and some of that . What

35:27

is the word I'm looking for ? Like Magic Oh

35:31

dude , magic's a great word , but also proficiency . I

35:33

could use some of that proficiency out here with

35:36

the kitchen sink or with the fucking

35:38

shower or whatever the hell . I could use some

35:40

of that , then that's where

35:42

I felt the imbalance . But the thing that killed

35:44

it for me , my Jettison moment

35:46

because you had a Jettison moment . you were like cold turkey , right

35:49

, my Jettison moment was It

35:53

was calculus , if people

35:55

love engaging with me and that's the thing

35:57

that they are vibing on . I didn't know

35:59

about parasocial relationships . I don't even think they had

36:01

that term back then , which is the term

36:03

they used to describe the relationships we create

36:05

with these figures on the internet . It's

36:08

parasocial right . You're not necessarily best friends

36:10

, but you have the experience that you're very

36:12

close friends . I haven't heard that term , yeah , again

36:16

, i'm not commentating on it . Actually

36:18

, i experienced parasocial relationships , like with

36:20

Gary V , for example . I feel close to

36:22

Gary V as hell . Yeah .

36:24

He doesn't know who I am Same . Actually

36:26

he does know who I am Does he . I

36:29

told him who I am when Mike Mongo

36:31

met him , which is a shout out to Mike Mongo

36:33

, if you are listening . Yo , Mike

36:36

Mongo played in LP165 . He was a player

36:38

. Now he

36:40

is one of six people who is

36:42

going to be on

36:44

a rocket ship going to

36:47

the moon . He's

36:50

an astronaut teacher coming into MITT

36:52

and now he got selected to actually

36:54

be a real astronaut with

36:57

six superstars .

36:59

Is this NASA ? Who's running this mission ?

37:01

I forgot , i don't , i don't

37:03

.

37:03

Who the hell is going to the moon . This is sick

37:05

. I didn't know idea Anybody was

37:07

going to the moon .

37:08

It may not be the moon , it may just be space

37:10

. I could be wrong .

37:11

Those are big differences , though I could be wrong about

37:14

the details All .

37:14

I know is he's going in a

37:17

real . He went from an astronaut

37:19

teacher and now he got selected

37:22

out of everyone possible

37:24

to be one of six people going to space . I

37:26

coached him , which is why , when he met Gary

37:28

V , he told Gary V about

37:30

me .

37:32

That's why Gary V ? Yo , that's an up top moment

37:34

. Anyways , you

37:36

were saying , yeah , okay , I have a parasocial

37:38

relationship with Gary V . Here

37:41

I am trying to provide value to people on the internet . So I'm obviously

37:43

going to be engaging in parasocial relationships

37:45

. Because at the time I didn't

37:47

know what that was . I thought this

37:49

is the math . I did . I said I can't be

37:52

friends with millions of people , just

37:54

can't do it . I can't be friends with the

37:57

bandwidth . The thing that they're paying me for

37:59

and vibing on is not scalable

38:01

. That was the calculus Quick

38:04

Boom boom , right Boom boom . The

38:07

thing that they're vibing on is not scalable . I

38:10

need to be a better entertainer , which was true

38:13

and false . I'm going

38:15

to go do that because that I can scale Entertainment

38:18

. I can scale Interesting .

38:19

Well , it turns out .

38:20

no , You can actually scale heartfelt

38:22

content .

38:23

You can scale your personality .

38:25

You can scale your personality . You

38:28

can engage with a lot of people . Maybe you

38:30

can engage with a million people one-on-one , but

38:33

you can engage with a lot of people . I've

38:35

been watching Mr Beast's content lately and this guy just pop

38:37

up stuff and he'll stand there and take pictures

38:39

with 10,000 human beings

38:42

.

38:42

Yeah , That's how Dan Cook got famous . I

38:45

don't know if you know Dan Cook's story but he was big

38:47

on . MySpace . What

38:49

he would do is he would engage

38:52

one-on-one with everyone that would hit

38:54

him up on MySpace . He

38:56

would have direct one-on-one

38:59

conversations with them . When he

39:01

finally got to I forgot the story

39:03

, but I heard him tell it He got to

39:06

Some production

39:10

network was thinking of hiring

39:13

him to do his first special and

39:15

they were like why should we hire you ? What

39:21

do you bring as a brand

39:23

? to this He opened In the meeting

39:26

, opened up his laptop and

39:28

opened MySpace and it was just like

39:31

messages going off the wall , pinging

39:33

left and right of people messaging him . That

39:36

was how he got his first big break .

39:39

That's really early on the whole attention

39:41

and monetizing attention .

39:43

Yeah , it was through one-on-one engaging

39:46

with people . Well , there you have it .

39:48

It took me forever to figure that out , that I could do that

39:50

. So , again , it

39:52

takes self-confidence , it takes realizing oh

39:54

, I have something valuable , innately that

39:57

just flows through me , that I want to share with people

39:59

.

39:59

So does everybody .

40:00

Everybody has something , the form that changes , but everybody's

40:02

got something , So , anyway . But I quit Cold

40:04

Turkey and then I disappeared for eight years . That's

40:07

the joke , which is , after eight years , what I'd learned

40:09

? oh , the stuff I was doing was good and I could do

40:11

more of it . So now I'm back , doing more of it , But

40:14

, yes , Cold Turkey quitting

40:16

You . Cold Turkey quit World of

40:18

Warcraft , and at some point I'm excited

40:20

for the part where you start becoming

40:23

a player . Becoming a player

40:25

yes , you're a player now .

40:27

Yeah , so that was funny because

40:29

I truly thought that

40:32

once I got to college , my problems with girls

40:34

would be behind me .

40:35

Relatable .

40:38

I thought all I needed was to go somewhere

40:40

where nobody knew me and have

40:42

a blank slate .

40:43

start fresh from my identity And

40:46

wherever you go , there you are , follows

40:49

you Trim Bork , bork , trim

40:51

Bork , windvale Trim .

40:52

Bork Windvale . So

40:55

I went to Loyola Maramow , your shadow

40:57

.

40:57

It's like a cartoon movie , Like your shadow is a little

40:59

dwarf , like fucking running around . You're like

41:02

walking down a street and there's a little dwarf

41:04

on the wall , that's fucking amazing . Get out of here . Get out of

41:06

here . Next level .

41:08

So I go to Loyola Maramow University

41:11

, sunny Los Angeles , beautiful

41:13

women fucking everywhere .

41:15

Amazing .

41:16

And I was like I can't wait . I

41:19

saw Superbad and I saw

41:21

all these other movies where everyone's

41:23

hooking up with everyone at college parties , even

41:26

Jonah Hill's getting laid . I'm like all right , if Jonah

41:28

Hill's getting laid I can do it . He's got

41:30

. He's hilarious . And

41:32

that is far from what happened . Started

41:35

getting friends owned by all the girls in class

41:37

that I would hang out with after class and smoke

41:39

with or whatever . And I

41:41

started going to parties and just

41:44

feeling cripplingly nervous when

41:46

I would try to approach women , talk

41:49

to women , flirt with women . Never

41:51

really got anywhere when it came to

41:53

hooking up with girls in the first

41:55

semester and a half of my freshman

41:57

year . And then , critical

42:00

moment , I got home drunk one

42:02

night from a college

42:05

party . Another failed night

42:07

of trying to talk to girls .

42:08

Wow , We've never discussed

42:11

it with this much detail , but he's describing my

42:13

life . You're describing moments

42:15

that I had too , coming home walking

42:17

in Boston drunk and just like totally

42:20

dejected Hating myself .

42:22

Wow , yeah . Well

42:24

, i don't know if I'll go so far as hating myself , but definitely beating

42:27

myself up . Oh yeah , of like what the fuck is wrong with you

42:29

.

42:29

Oh yeah , oh my God , dude , therapy

42:31

. I had therapy about that . Yeah , i wish

42:33

I did .

42:34

Yeah , still never been to a therapist , by the way .

42:37

That's interesting .

42:39

But , side note , that's a whole different rabbit hole

42:41

. Yep , i got home drunk from the college

42:43

party , frustrated , oh

42:45

you're about to have another fucking pivotal moment .

42:48

Drunk at home from the college party .

42:49

Oh yeah , bro . This was the moment that altered

42:52

the trajectory of my life and sent me on the

42:54

path to becoming a coach . So

42:57

cliffhanger .

42:58

Any given drunken evening Any

43:00

given drunken evening .

43:01

You're like cliffhanger .

43:02

Well , this is the part of the podcast where I like to remind

43:04

you to please subscribe to . YoA's YouTube

43:07

channel , NoaTown44 . And if you'd like

43:09

to follow Dylan on Instagram .

43:11

You can follow me at coachdylanjames , at

43:13

coachdylanjames . And now let's get back from the cliffhanger

43:16

. No-transcript

43:18

.