0:00

And now If

0:30

you haven't been to one of these before They

0:34

usually get a little wild And

0:36

this is David Hi! How are you?

0:38

Hi David This is our editor,

0:41

producer extraordinaire I'm sure you've

0:43

heard him many times but you never know Yeah, yeah

0:45

Well it's nice to meet everyone, see everyone And I

0:47

just kind of stumbled into this room and I'm just

0:49

gonna hang out Mhm I feel

0:52

like, you know, we weren't sure

0:54

what to do one year And we wanted

0:56

to make sure that David could be involved And it's like

0:58

we didn't have a plan So it's like, David could you

1:00

just do it? I'm so sorry for the last bit Could

1:02

you do it? And it was so much fucking fun And

1:05

they were like, alright, you fucked up Now you have to

1:07

always do it It's so fun though Ha!

1:09

Because it's fun for multiple reasons Because it's fun

1:11

to play with Michael as a character player He's

1:14

a character for sure It's wild

1:16

And it's fun to beat the

1:18

end by David So it's

1:21

a win-win And we always do something like

1:23

Even if it's our normal characters It's

1:25

a little spin on us Yeah It's fun,

1:27

you know Get a little crazy I actually got

1:29

a little sneak peek at David's campaign And I

1:31

don't want to spoil anything But all he's got

1:33

laid out for us Is we're gonna wake up

1:35

in a room And we just have to walk

1:37

across the room to the door Still

1:39

not gonna have enough time to finish it Not enough time

1:41

Yeah, no, yeah, we're not gonna be able to do it

1:43

We absolutely should get started But it was funny that we're

1:45

like Wait, did we have three hours last year? I felt

1:48

like we didn't get anything done And it's like, wait,

1:50

that's because it was us, dude Mhm The

1:53

year before, I feel like we were chunky But

1:55

whatever Well, I just remember My nightmare scenario

1:57

was the time we had one hour Yes,

2:00

that was crazy. That's too fast. You can do

2:02

that. In my memory, that was like your baptism

2:04

by fire. Whereas, yeah, that was a diehard theme

2:06

one. But it worked out well. It was fun.

2:08

Oh, that's right. Exactly, that was perfect. All right,

2:10

so should we get going? Anything else? Niko,

2:13

you can't win. You

2:16

don't know shit. I could win. It's

2:18

not me. It's... A

2:21

geekly did win during the last chunk.

2:23

It's Brett Michaels. Do you guys like

2:25

my lemon shirt? I love your lemon shirt.

2:27

I do. I actually was noticing it earlier. You're

2:29

very handsome. I got it for a themed party

2:31

I went to. A lemon

2:34

party? No, no.

2:37

Oh, I don't know what that is. I'll Google it. There's

2:40

a giveaway going right now, so hashtag giveaway.

2:43

I didn't catch what it was for. It's for

2:45

something. Something cool. It's for

2:47

a thing. It's gonna be a good thing. Maybe

2:50

he said it. Why? Steam Key

2:52

for Call of the Sea Deluxe from Raw

2:54

Free 2. That sounds fun. All

2:56

right, David. All right, we're gonna do this. Hey,

2:58

I think we're already recording, so let's go to

3:00

the next talk. Well, actually, let me interrupt you

3:02

again, because we just got a fuck ton of

3:04

money. Wait, really? Whoa! Oh my god. Holy shit.

3:06

Thank you so... Let me refresh. Wow. Thank you

3:09

so, so, so much to Ally for

3:11

testing the system. I know that

3:13

you don't really care about the Treasure Project. You

3:16

just care about systems working. So

3:18

thank you so much, Ally. Might as

3:20

well go... Thank you, Brittany P., TaterTot, and the

3:22

little follower. Tanger's Wizard, thank you so much for

3:24

the 420. It means so much. KillerMonkey,

3:26

thank you so much. Jonah, Rocketilio, everyone.

3:29

But thank you so much, Ally, getting

3:31

us up to $3,704. Wild

3:35

shit. Okay, sorry, David. Not a problem.

3:38

And also helping us stream. Oh yeah.

3:40

Oh my god. That's insane. It was on the

3:42

previous segment. This

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5:51

Time. The

5:53

passing of time. The

5:56

green has all been swallowed up

5:58

by it. Boring

6:00

tribes of long ago forgotten through

6:02

the years. Kachunk,

6:05

kachunk, kachunk. Pumping

6:07

of black gold. Guzzling.

6:10

Civilizations ran on it, depended

6:13

on it, fought over it, and

6:15

eventually died. Balming

6:18

out every speck of the entire

6:20

planet, leaving no trace

6:22

of visible life. Tuxsons

6:25

filled the remaining air, and only

6:27

a small remnants of survivors remain.

6:30

Mutations abound, especially the

6:32

worms. Those

6:34

who adopted and evolved, those

6:37

who knew and had

6:39

what it takes to survive out in the wasteland

6:41

of what was. Guzzling

6:44

is a rarity, highly

6:46

sought after, and a

6:48

most valuable asset. It

6:50

fuels the rising new civilization.

6:54

New tribes have done

6:56

all that they can to survive, from

6:58

good to bad. Unfortunately,

7:00

bad is always easier.

7:04

It is simpler to destroy than to create,

7:07

to take rather than give. And

7:10

dear listener, that's what brings us to where

7:13

we are today. I'd

7:15

like each of our player characters to describe

7:18

what they do to survive in this

7:20

wasteland, describe what you look like. Then

7:22

the adventure will begin. So

7:24

today we'll start off with the Michael

7:27

DeMauro. What? But

7:32

that's, my name's not Michael DeMauro in a

7:34

game. So I'm

7:36

playing Jimmy Womprat

7:39

Ritmo. Hell yeah.

7:41

Nice. I forgot. Yes. So

7:44

Jimmy, he's a little goblin. In

7:47

my mind, this is a relative of

7:49

Ratma, maybe second cousins, something like that.

7:53

And out in the wasteland, he is, so

7:57

he has gathered up every

7:59

little. scrap of metal can

8:03

and formed it around him in a

8:05

sort of armor. Yeah. So

8:07

there's, you know, he's got like

8:09

a hubcap, you know, covering part

8:11

of him and a bumper.

8:15

It's just all car parts, mostly. But

8:18

he he lifts a lot of heavy

8:20

things. So his little he's a goblin.

8:22

There's little muscles pop out everywhere. He's

8:24

got a little muscle all over the

8:26

place. Nice. Very strong. And

8:29

yeah, he's he's got a big

8:31

ass sword and

8:34

he's covered in metal, even

8:36

though he's a little goblin. Excellent. Let

8:38

us move on to Mike Bachman.

8:42

I am playing a I'm

8:44

playing a human named Squelch

8:47

Enema. Why

8:51

would it be a joke? Why would you ever

8:54

think I mean, it is a joke. But I

8:56

say something like that. It's real. Hey,

8:58

can we all get serious, please? Think of this.

9:04

He was a he's a I've decided he

9:06

was a former gas station owner, but

9:09

has since lost his fortune because

9:12

gasoline is such a such a hard to come

9:14

by commodity. He

9:16

has now taken to becoming

9:18

a vigilante and traveling

9:21

the wastelands looking for

9:23

injustice. His costume is the

9:25

skin of of the villains

9:27

that he's fought sewn together.

9:30

Oh, so he's like, it's like a

9:32

guy, but he's like wearing a guy. He's

9:35

a real Ed Gein. Yeah. You're

9:37

like a leather face, too. I don't like that.

9:40

Yeah. Is that like a serial killer

9:42

I should know about? Ed Gein.

9:44

Yes. And leather face was based

9:46

off of Ed Gein because he

9:48

skinned people that he would then

9:50

make different things such as lamps

9:52

or he made a nipple belt.

9:54

I don't make lamps. I don't like

9:56

that. I don't like I don't make

9:58

lamps. I don't. I'm nothing like this

10:01

one. I get this. I don't know.

10:03

It's purely practical. Yeah. Nika

10:05

got very excited when she thought that you

10:07

might be like. Stop it. Okay.

10:10

Listen. She threw her hand over her

10:12

head like she was swooning. Listen,

10:15

there, it's, everyone has.

10:17

Is that a fainting couch? Yes, it

10:19

is. Everyone has something that

10:21

their little brains hyper fixate on

10:23

and unfortunately mine is morbid history.

10:25

So whenever it gets a chance

10:27

to like, what? It

10:30

takes every chance it gets and unfortunately I

10:32

get very excited. I'm not excited about the

10:34

murder aspect of it at all. I wish

10:36

murder didn't happen, but here we are. Well,

10:39

you should feel bad. You need a hero for

10:41

me because she wishes murder didn't happen. Yeah.

10:44

That being said, it did. So,

10:47

and what we can do, speaking of murder, let's go ahead

10:49

and get to Nika, your character right now. I

10:52

am Rork the sausage.

10:54

It's Rork, but she sells

10:56

the sausage. And she

10:59

has sausage on her at all times.

11:01

That's part of how she lives. She

11:03

doesn't drink water. She doesn't use gasoline.

11:05

It's just sausage.

11:07

Sausage? Maybe sometimes you

11:09

throw in a few peppers, but it's

11:11

always a sausage. So you're always out there, are

11:14

you like, what do you use to make the

11:16

sausage out in the wasteland? Whatever

11:18

I can find, it doesn't matter. Don't ask

11:20

questions. Okay. Do you really want to know?

11:22

No. Mostly skinned dead bodies

11:24

that are just everywhere for some reason. Listen,

11:27

you need to feel the plausible deniability

11:29

of the mix of water in the

11:32

sausage. Like just don't ask. Just

11:34

don't ask. Here's the thing. I always

11:37

add 10% of another like actual edible

11:39

animal. So that way I

11:41

have like the plausible deniability

11:43

that no, it's not all person. There's some

11:46

cow in there. There's some pig in there.

11:48

There's some chicken in there. So you're saying there

11:50

is person in there though. Yeah, no, no,

11:52

no. There's chicken in there. And

11:55

then there's filler. Filler. Maybe

11:57

like bugs, like rats and stuff. Sometimes,

12:00

yeah, you know, it's whatever you can get. Sausage, you

12:03

don't want to know how the sausage is made. As

12:05

the saying goes. Yeah. So,

12:07

so besides sausages, uh, how, how are you

12:09

dressed? Or is it

12:11

sausages? Um, I think that

12:13

Rourke wears a lot of leather. She

12:16

tries to look very bad ass. Yeah.

12:19

How do you look any different than the way

12:21

Rourke already looks in game? I don't think she does.

12:23

That's the thing. I think she might actually

12:25

be wearing the same thing. Same

12:27

thing. Now,

12:30

she, maybe she has more tattoos because

12:32

I think it's wild. And,

12:35

um, and Chuck can't stop her

12:37

from getting tattoos whenever it's an

12:40

apocalyptic wasteland. All right. And speaking

12:42

of Chuck, let's go ahead and move on to

12:44

Tim, your character. I'm playing Chuck

12:46

Wagon. Um, he

12:48

is, uh, a, uh,

12:51

a meat enthusiast. Uh,

12:53

he has, uh, uh, he's trying to

12:55

bring some class back to the

12:58

wastelands. Uh, so he

13:00

has a food truck, uh, that he

13:02

drives up. His number one thing is

13:04

if there's like a turf war, he

13:06

just like sits on the sidelines and wants

13:08

to make sure he, you know, whatever our

13:11

version of orange slices are,

13:13

as well as high

13:15

caloric, uh, like meats,

13:17

loaves and things like that. Pudding?

13:20

Like, yeah. Sure. So

13:22

it's just bugs. Yeah. Probably. That's a good point

13:24

to. Yeah. So it's probably just like, since

13:27

I'm driving so much to pick up

13:29

different, uh, uh, locations to sell my

13:31

wares, the front of my,

13:33

my big car is just a

13:35

snow piercer. So, yeah, he looks

13:37

mostly, uh, he's kind of the

13:39

same, but, uh, fatter, sweatier,

13:42

uh, bolder. Like,

13:44

imagine his hair is all like greasy

13:47

and strung out. Yes. Uh,

13:50

and I like, he has a big

13:52

t-shirt on that says, if you can

13:55

read this, the bitch fell off. And

13:57

then on the back, it says. The

14:00

bit the bitch 5k

14:05

Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Cincinnati, Ohio

14:09

1992 I almost spit beer. I almost was drinking

14:11

beer. I'm luckily you caught that would be a

14:13

second broken laptop Okay,

14:16

wonderful. Thank you very much for that descriptive

14:18

description. All right last but not least Let's

14:20

go ahead and get to Jennifer your character.

14:22

So I'm playing the lady Celine She's

14:26

actually pretty similar in looks

14:29

to how Celine and our main

14:31

campaign Showed up to begin

14:33

with and that she she's got the like

14:35

long black hair. She's got like a cool

14:38

Like a scarf on her head and

14:41

like flowing rounds a cowl. Yes, like

14:43

around her head But there

14:45

are some important differences number one

14:47

You will notice that her face

14:49

is covered in tattoos strange symbols

14:52

and in Languages like

14:54

in small script across it. Yeah She

14:58

her eyes are like a

15:00

kind of weird glowing like lavender

15:02

like violet color Okay,

15:05

and you if you're looking

15:07

closely you can see on her hands

15:10

This kind of like silvery Contraction

15:12

peeking out it looks like it comes

15:14

like down her arms and onto each

15:16

finger And what you can't see is

15:19

that it's attached fully onto like her back like

15:21

into the spine Into the

15:23

spinal cord and it makes me

15:25

stronger and allows me to do exoskeleton

15:28

Yes an exoskeleton situation and what I

15:30

do Well,

15:33

that's the business of my order and we have

15:35

our own Secret things

15:37

that we're trying to accomplish.

15:39

So, you know, don't worry about

15:41

it. Don't worry about it All

15:44

right. Well, that is great to hear now.

15:46

It sounds like you're all being you're doing

15:48

really well in all your respective areas Professions

15:51

surviving out there in the

15:53

wilderness wilderness wasteland thriving. It's

15:56

wonderful thriving But there's been

15:58

one thing that has been going on. It's

16:00

obviously a very tough, tough area to live

16:02

in, you know, the population is dropped to

16:04

next to nothing. And people

16:06

are warring against each other and battling against

16:09

each other. And it's just it's it's it's

16:11

rough. But there's been a new a new

16:13

tribe that has come in to being and

16:15

everyone fears them. They're called the silt

16:18

stream sectors. And they've

16:20

been ramsacking taking over

16:23

various villages and fortresses. And

16:25

what happened is wherever each

16:28

one of you are in

16:30

whatever you're doing, dealing with sausages,

16:33

doing your your your meat truck, or

16:35

whatever, you all were

16:38

ambushed by members of

16:40

the their army, you know, that

16:43

their emperor, their leader is

16:46

impirator. His

16:48

second in command, his general is

16:51

Hugh mungus. And

16:55

you actually are dragged

16:57

from whatever you're doing. Your

16:59

your food cart is knocked over.

17:01

No, you are dragged kicking and screaming,

17:03

because you're just ambushed. You know, it's

17:05

nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed

17:07

about. You are ambushed by tons of

17:09

people. David, give me a deck

17:11

save because I'm so greasy. All right.

17:14

All right. Cool, cool. All right. I got

17:16

a natural 20. That's not

17:18

perfect. Yeah. Perfect. All right. So

17:21

you are all dragged away in bags are stuck

17:23

over your heads. Luckily, no one's getting any tattoos

17:25

or anything put on them telling you what your

17:28

blood type is or anything like that. But

17:30

oh, no, you all come and wake

17:32

up. And you

17:34

are strapped down onto

17:36

these slab chair devices.

17:38

Okay, inside of a

17:41

dark, dark cave. You

17:43

have no idea where you are, you look

17:45

around, there's enough light to see and you see

17:47

each one of you are there. I imagine

17:49

that Chuck and Rourke you have the same relationship.

17:51

So you probably know each other, whether

17:54

or not you know each other here, that's that's entirely

17:56

up to you, whether you've seen each other out on

17:58

the wasteland, you know, playing golf or whatever. When

18:01

you do wake up, there's a

18:03

weird irritating light that is

18:06

hitting you right in the face. It's kind of

18:08

messing your face up. It's really

18:10

bothersome, almost gives you a headache. And

18:12

it's shining through a crystal and that's prism-ing

18:14

out and it's hitting each one of you.

18:16

Just picture like a semicircle of these stone

18:18

slab chairs and you're strapped to it. And

18:20

this light is hitting you right in the

18:22

face. A couple of leather-clad

18:25

muscle men come around and strap your

18:28

head so you cannot move and you

18:30

cannot get out of it. And your

18:32

heads are looking straight into the light.

18:35

That happens for each one of you as

18:37

the time is going on and the light just

18:39

pours into you. Ah, my essence. Pain.

18:42

You start to feel pain. You

18:44

start to feel as if your

18:46

essence is draining. No. Your

18:49

essence is draining out of your body. I don't got

18:51

a lot of that left, please. You

18:54

can feel your skin's sinking in.

18:57

You can feel wrinkles coming as

18:59

your life force is draining out

19:01

of you. My beautiful face. Your beautiful

19:03

face. I kill myself. I would rather die

19:05

than become old and ugly. Not

19:08

worth it. And

19:10

this energy goes away from your

19:12

face and just disappears back into

19:15

this crystal. And

19:17

then the lights go off

19:19

from the crystal. And there's still torch

19:21

lights around, some sunlight from a distant cave off

19:23

to the side. And you are all

19:26

spent. You look

19:28

around with your eyes, you can kind of catch each

19:30

other, and you can definitely see you guys are a

19:32

bit a bit crinkly and wrinkly. And

19:35

you look wasted, a bit more wasted

19:37

than normal. At that point,

19:40

the crystal itself has

19:42

tubes that are stabbed into the crystal

19:44

on the side. Like there's these pre-cut

19:46

holes that go off to five different

19:49

vials over this shelf-like thing

19:51

that it's sitting on. And you

19:53

see liquid pouring into these

19:55

five different vials. And

19:57

it, to surmise, it's probably... Each

20:00

of your essences being taken away.

20:03

After the vials are filled, stoppers are put on by

20:06

a couple of these muscle men. And

20:08

then you see, you've seen them. You've seen them

20:10

for sure. This person

20:13

walks in and this guy is a large,

20:16

he would think he's a giant, but he wears

20:18

a metal face mask.

20:20

Hell yeah. On his

20:23

leather straps, he's got hue, mungas, written

20:25

across one of the straps. And

20:28

you see, he picks up all of the vials off

20:30

that table and throws them

20:32

into a bag that he's carrying.

20:34

Be careful. Bro, that's my

20:37

vibe. That's my mojo. I

20:39

gotta get my mojo back. Don't. And then

20:41

he turns and walks away. And

20:43

as he walks out of this corridor, he

20:46

turns back and he says to them, dispose

20:48

of them all. No. Wait,

20:51

what? Dispose of them

20:53

all. Wait, what? No.

20:55

Don't do that. I said dispose of them

20:57

all. Thank you. And

21:00

then he walks away. As he's gone, you

21:02

can see a couple of, there's three of

21:04

these muscle men who start picking

21:06

up some knives. They're just gonna come slice

21:08

your throat. No. But you do

21:10

look down and because of the shrinkage that has occurred

21:12

on some of you, you

21:16

can see the restraints are

21:18

loose. Holy shit. On your

21:20

arms and legs. What? And

21:22

that is where the adventure begins.

21:25

With shrinkage. Let's have

21:27

everyone roll initiative right now. Yay. No

21:29

one has got any of their items with them, but

21:32

they are there in the room. You can see them

21:34

off to the side. No, no, no. Ah.

21:37

I don't have my exoskeleton. You have your

21:39

exoskeleton. They weren't gonna try and take that off. Okay,

21:41

this is in my, it's like tapped into my spine.

21:43

You die. Yeah. Ooh. Oh,

21:46

I rolled a nat 20. Woo hoo.

21:48

I got a 14. A

21:50

five for Chuck Wagon. Oh my God.

21:52

What did you say, initiative? Because I

21:54

rolled a three. Watch out. It's

21:57

a six. Ha ha ha. I

22:00

got 13 don't brag about it.

22:04

I'm gonna kill you We're

22:07

all clumped up a sec except for Celine Kinda

22:11

makes sense. Well, he's probably encountered some

22:13

situations like this and had to get

22:15

out of them So she's like, oh

22:17

not again Amateurs.

22:20

All right. Well the first up and

22:22

this is going to be Celine you're

22:24

up first You can see these three

22:26

goons about 15 feet away from

22:28

you. They don't notice anything is up, but

22:31

they're uh Get some weapons and

22:33

they're getting ready to walk your direction. Okay Okay,

22:38

so my first thought was like oh I should just try to

22:40

break out it's like probably not cuz I want I

22:42

just want to shoot these if I've got my stuff on

22:44

me to do my spells I'm just gonna fucking go for

22:46

them. So they like together Over

22:49

there the same zone. Yes, we have three of

22:51

them. We have three of them right there beside each

22:53

other 15 feet away They

22:56

that was a big big mistake

22:58

big mistake on their part Big

23:01

mistake because I would

23:03

actually hold on. Sorry. Let me do a

23:05

long rest I

23:10

would like to cast a fireball. All right to

23:12

them. Yeah, I third level so That

23:15

is a Dex save. Okay

23:19

All right, well they rolled pretty well they

23:22

roll 20 with their ads now So

23:25

that's a half damage. I believe yes, it is. They

23:27

all they all got 20. Okay, so and

23:29

also when you do this describe You know kind

23:31

of how it works. Yeah. Yeah, so so

23:33

you see so Celine is like trying

23:35

like she's not moving very much but

23:38

you notice that her pointer

23:41

finger on right hand

23:43

just like twitches a little bit

23:45

and From it

23:48

is of just like a flamethrower

23:50

situation coming out starting very small

23:53

But coning out to be a big

23:56

Shooting of fire. Hell. Yeah. Yeah

23:58

in the direct of them. Nice.

24:01

Okay. So let me do my

24:03

roll damage. Tap damage.

24:06

Oh, that's still pretty good. That's nice.

24:09

The half damage is 19. Okay. That

24:11

is the half damage. Dang. Yeah. It was, I

24:13

rolled 38. Holy cow. That's amazing. I mean,

24:16

I used a pretty high level from the fireballs like

24:18

a lot. Yeah. Yeah. They were

24:20

totally not expecting that. Stupid. That one

24:23

exploded. Okay. That

24:25

is, that is your, your actual attack. You want

24:27

to do anything else? Like movement to get out

24:30

of your restraints or begin that process. Yeah. Can I do

24:32

it? Yeah. Yeah. Can I just try

24:35

to like break out? I guess it's a straight. Give

24:37

me a strength check and I think your, your armor gives

24:39

you, I gotta, I gotta

24:41

use this exoskeleton. Oh, I

24:43

forgot you gave us items. That's right.

24:45

Yeah. And everyone, everyone in the, in

24:47

the, in the watching, uh, or listening,

24:49

they all got special items before the

24:51

adventure began. Oh shit. Yeah. I rolled

24:54

bad though. I got to, I got to

24:56

scroll. Oh, I rolled so bad. Now remember,

24:58

uh, lady Celine, your exoskeleton gives

25:00

you advantage on all strengths.

25:03

Yeah. I rolled really bad. I rolled an eight

25:05

and then I rolled a 10 and my, um,

25:07

my strength modifier is a negative one. Oh, nice.

25:09

So that's

25:12

a nine, which kind of makes sense. Like I

25:14

cannot do it currently, but I do have a

25:16

question of, um, do we have

25:18

things refilled from our regular

25:21

adventures? Oh yeah. You're full. You're topped

25:23

off. Okay. Yeah, Michael, I forget where we ended

25:25

last episode, but we're going to be tick

25:28

top. But I think we

25:30

did the other week, which is really funny.

25:32

Yeah. This is a good life hack. I only

25:34

have like one spell used on mine. So I don't think we

25:36

had done that much. I was at like half health

25:38

or something. Well, the last episode, no, there was

25:40

no battle. So anyway, yes, you should be fine.

25:42

All right. So anyway,

25:44

you're not able to get out. You're like,

25:47

and it doesn't, nothing happens. Yeah. Yeah.

25:49

I try to like Hulk out and it doesn't

25:51

like, it just looks like kind of sad actually.

25:53

Like it looked like pretty bad ass when she

25:55

sent the fireball out and she's like,

25:58

it gets all this quieting in here. Her

26:00

like skin squeaking like grunting. All

26:04

right. So, Michael, you're up next or

26:06

let's see. Not Michael. It is Jimmy

26:08

Womp Rat. Ritmo Jimmy

26:11

Womp Rat. Ritmo. Do you guys like that? I

26:13

mean, a Star Wars reference in our Dune

26:15

and I don't even think like

26:17

Star Wars has sand. It gets

26:19

everywhere. It does. Is

26:22

that funny? It was great. I

26:24

think it was awesome. It's so funny. I mean,

26:26

Star Wars is literally like inspired by Dune. So

26:29

it actually makes sense. I

26:31

didn't realize that. And then the more I watch Dune,

26:33

I'm like, George

26:36

Lucas was like, yoik. But

26:39

like not even not even in a better way. No,

26:43

I like Star Wars more. I grew up

26:45

with Star Wars, so I had an affinity

26:47

towards it. But watching Dune, I'm just like,

26:50

oh, this is the same same same, but

26:52

different. Well, more more in depth, I guess.

26:55

Jimmy looks overseas. What Celine is doing.

26:57

Do we do we know each other?

26:59

We all know each other. Of

27:02

course. Yeah, sure. It sounds like

27:04

why. So fucking maybe maybe Celine. Well,

27:06

maybe we've like been around each other.

27:08

Maybe like we're not besties or we

27:10

are. It's up to you guys. Maybe we're

27:12

in the same like general. We've

27:15

been in the same hovels, the same caves.

27:18

The same sausages for me before. Suspicious

27:21

meats. Yeah, same bus. I

27:23

love to give them any sort of meat. It

27:25

doesn't even have to be like like

27:28

they don't ask for it. I just

27:30

give them strange meat. Damn, that's so nice.

27:32

You don't know it. I don't know where

27:35

Celine would have encountered squelch in a month,

27:37

but it's probably happened. Yeah, you didn't

27:39

know it. I just didn't know. Yeah. So

27:42

Jimmy's going to go, hey,

27:45

you try to rip your way out of here.

27:47

Let me show you how it's done. And

27:51

all his veins start popping out of

27:53

his his his neck and

27:55

muscles and forehead and stuff. He's right.

27:57

He's right. Does he have gout? He's

27:59

like. He's counting out.

28:02

Is it a strength save or a strength roll?

28:04

Give me a strength roll. That

28:09

is going to be a 18. Oh

28:13

my god, you're so strong. Alright, yeah, you're

28:15

able to just snap all of the race

28:17

right off. And you are ready to

28:19

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28:43

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And now let's take a quick adventuring. break and

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dragons. Yeah,

31:20

so I'm gonna look around and see if there's anything

31:22

that looks like a weapon nearby. Yeah,

31:24

you see your stuff over there and

31:26

behind these three guys. I

31:29

think if you give me a quick perception rule. Sure.

31:34

Oh, great. That is a 10. All

31:40

right, well, that's enough to see that

31:43

you could grab a piece of, there's like a

31:45

rail that's part of the chair that you were

31:47

on. You could grab that and

31:49

probably use that as a weapon if you wanted to

31:51

get something quick and easy there. Okay, yeah, I'll grab

31:54

that and yank it off. All right,

31:56

it just breaks, you don't even need to roll. You have

31:58

that I'm going to count all that as movement. So if you

32:00

want to, you could take a step forward.

32:02

And what if you wanted to take a swing? I'll give

32:04

you that too. Yeah, I'm just gonna launch myself off of

32:06

my slab and just

32:08

try to like bash the nearest

32:11

guy. All right, give me an attack. 16

32:17

is enough to hit. Nice, nice,

32:20

nice, nice, nice. What damage would this do?

32:22

Since you're roided out, let's go to a

32:25

D6 plus your strength. Great.

32:29

So that would be eight damage. All

32:32

right, clank. This guy just drops.

32:34

Hell yeah. There are not two

32:36

guys standing there. Between the fireball

32:38

and the clank to the head, he

32:41

goes down. So I guess, Michael, as a

32:44

player, you don't get to do this very

32:46

much. Describe killing this guy. Yes.

32:50

Yeah, so he launches himself off

32:52

of the slab. Big, double-handed overhead

32:55

chop. Comes right down right on

32:57

the guy's head. Smashes

32:59

his skull

33:01

into his spine. Ew.

33:04

Oh, wow. And just breaks all the

33:06

way down. And then Jimmy,

33:09

a tear rolls down his face when he

33:11

sees this beautiful muscle man and

33:14

all of his hard work. And he just knows

33:16

how it's all gone to waste. Wow. It's

33:19

beautiful. Oh, I never thought of it that

33:21

way. That's so depressing. Okay. All

33:23

those hours in the gym, just gone. Yeah.

33:27

Huh. All right. Let's see.

33:29

Next up is going to be Squelch Inima. I

33:32

would like to roll slight of hand for the escape.

33:34

All right. Do it. Let's

33:37

see. How's a 16 grab you? 16

33:41

is enough. OK, so I would actually say that

33:44

this, even though I rolled this right now,

33:47

my hands were free before the essence

33:49

sucking start happened. Because usually, I pay

33:52

to go get my essence sucked every

33:54

so often. So this is kind

33:56

of a nice thing for me. Oh, nice. OK. Yeah,

33:59

this is like a rare. regular occurrence. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

34:01

You're used to it. I don't feel lightheaded at

34:03

all. I give essence.

34:05

You're just confused. Where's

34:07

the strapping 20-year-old that you're

34:10

stealing the essence from? That

34:12

usually happens. Right. So where did you say

34:15

our gear was? You said it was in

34:17

the room? It is in the

34:19

room behind the two guys remaining, just kind of

34:21

all in a pile up against the wall. Okay.

34:25

I want to stealth and I want to go around to my gear. All

34:27

right. Go ahead and give

34:29

me a stealth roll. Oh,

34:31

28. Am

34:34

I hidden? Yeah,

34:38

yeah. You're just there. And you

34:40

know, if you you've got enough just because

34:42

we're flying through this, you've got enough. I'll

34:44

let you get your weapons together. Okay. So

34:48

he he he would definitely grab. I

34:50

didn't mention that he's got this before,

34:52

but he grabs this white doctor's coat

34:54

that he wears and just like a

34:56

big kind of epic flip around over

34:59

the shoulders. Yes. Got a

35:01

nice little pose there. But yeah, I'm all equipped. Well

35:03

done. Let's jump over next to the two

35:05

baddies. They didn't even see squelch. So

35:07

they're just going to move right up to

35:10

actually they're going to stay put and take a swing.

35:13

They've got these two daggers. They're swinging right

35:15

at Jimmy. Oh, no. They're

35:17

like his muscles are so luscious. We must

35:19

stab. The first one is a 16 versus

35:21

your naked skin. Oh, that does hit. All right.

35:23

The second one swings and it's only 11. I

35:26

don't know if that hits. That does not hit.

35:28

All right, cool. So the 16 we got this dagger

35:31

comes stabbing at you. Ah, a

35:33

big whopping two damage. Enjoy that. That

35:36

takes care of both of their actions. They're not

35:38

going to move away from you. They're staying put,

35:40

but they got a big, they got fear, fear

35:43

in their leather clad faces, eyes and all

35:45

that. All right. Next up

35:47

we have Chuck Chuck Chuck

35:50

who likes to fuck. That's

35:52

my dad. Be quiet you. Don't

35:56

give it away. Is there one

35:58

close to me? Oh, no. the

36:00

chair so you could you'd have a

36:02

look hypothetically there's one coming close to

36:04

me like come here I'm

36:06

gonna I'm having heart palpitations you got to get me

36:08

out and I know you know it's for the kids

36:10

so if I want them to come to me and

36:13

as they are checking me I want

36:15

to do inflict wounds on them all

36:17

right let's do it this way for

36:19

the kids give it's for the kids

36:21

give me a charisma charisma yeah see

36:23

if you can seduce this guy over

36:25

okay so my

36:28

deception is oh that's

36:35

not that great that's bad 12 okay

36:37

you know persuasions of 15 persuasions

36:39

of 15 yeah okay yeah I could see the

36:42

15 let's see if

36:44

they can beat the crap all

36:46

right and this for the kids y'all you

36:49

know the rules kind of are a little

36:51

different for the kids during these charity events

36:53

exactly so so this guy comes walking over

36:56

to you right there that's you I'm dying

36:58

and at this point I would like Jimmy

37:01

to take an opportunity attack

37:03

yeah also I should

37:05

definitely attack twice but you

37:07

know you fucked up you

37:10

were distracted so distracted that

37:16

is so numbers are so big

37:18

24 to hit I don't know

37:21

yeah that's a hit and

37:24

then that is six damage six damage

37:26

on this guy and that is enough

37:28

this guy just clubs himself down well

37:30

tell me what that looks like he

37:32

turned he turns and he's

37:35

about to you know go

37:37

or whatever over to

37:39

Chuck and I go hey

37:41

hold on what do you bench and

37:43

he turns around he's about to tell me and then I

37:45

just bash oh

37:48

he just goes down click cool all

37:50

right it's still your turn Chuck wagon

37:52

okay so I

37:54

guess with okay oh fuck it okay and

37:56

I want to think about the time I

37:58

ran out of

38:01

bug wings for my

38:03

casserole which automatically makes

38:05

me start getting sweatier

38:08

and sweatier and I

38:10

would like to try

38:12

to use a Dex

38:14

based check because I

38:16

have you might notice

38:19

that Chuck has a slightly

38:21

glowing necklace maybe it got

38:24

dislodged over his the bitch fell off

38:26

5k at Cincinnati Ohio 1992 shirt it

38:29

just kind

38:33

of looks like a

38:36

shitty necklace with several glowing green

38:38

rods on it and

38:41

you know if you're in a Fallout game it starts clicking at

38:43

you so that oh

38:46

we got rads I got radical

38:48

baby so I'm gonna roll

38:50

d20 I think I get a

38:52

straight up add ten to it for what

38:55

you said yeah straight up ten and

38:57

then with my

38:59

Dex that's 12 so I get a dirty 20 straight

39:03

up as a Dex roll without you

39:05

know a skill oh yeah

39:07

yeah you have no no problems with

39:09

your rad necklace so with all with

39:12

my extreme amounts of excretions

39:15

I just like I slorp out of it

39:18

and fall to the ground nice all right

39:20

and you're out if you want to do any more movement

39:22

I'll give it I'll give that to you if you want

39:24

to like I'll use half the remaining

39:27

movement sir to stand up and

39:29

that's it that's it next up

39:31

we are on to work work

39:34

work yes um

39:36

when they come for you for me I'm

39:39

gonna give bardic

39:43

inspiration to my papa

39:45

good old chuck wagon

39:47

so so Rourke what

39:49

does that look

39:51

like in the wasteland of this

39:53

post-apocalyptic nightmare what is bardic inspiration

39:55

look like I

39:59

think that that it looks

40:01

like me rolling,

40:04

me rolling up behind my papaw

40:07

and anyone who happens to be within 60

40:10

feet of me. Not anyone,

40:12

but just my papaw for now. But

40:15

someone who's next to could be next. And

40:19

I just yell out and I say, give

40:21

them the old one too. Give

40:24

them an uppercut, get

40:26

them in the bread basket. You

40:30

really jab them. What the fuck is bread?

40:33

He's so crazy. Really jab them between

40:36

the ribs, stab his

40:38

eyes out, eat his

40:40

cheeks, dad. That's the kind of

40:42

stuff that I yell to him. And it just- Nika,

40:45

you're making me, I wanna have you describe

40:47

everyone's actions. That's

40:50

beautiful. It just riles up, Chuck,

40:52

so much. All right,

40:54

wonderful, wonderful. Okay, excellent. We're

40:57

now to the top of the round. Celine, you

41:00

are there still in the chair. I'm

41:02

still struggling. I don't like, is there, I mean, I

41:05

think I just had to, is there any way other than

41:07

a strength check to like really get out of these guys?

41:09

I mean, other than using a spot. I

41:12

used my natural secretions. That's true.

41:15

Yeah, I mean, honestly, yeah, if you wanted to

41:18

try a dexterity based one, but you do, I

41:20

mean, you did have a terrible role two

41:22

times last time. Really bad. Which means you do

41:24

for a good one. It'll

41:26

be different this time. It's been a long

41:29

time since our campaign. We're like, we just

41:31

can't roll good. Can I

41:33

just use the same thing over and over again? And

41:35

you know, so we're due, we're due. All right, well

41:37

guys, let's be luck. We'll see what happens. You

41:39

got this, brother. Okay, first of

41:41

all, not good. Not good on the first one.

41:45

Do you wanna use this? Maybe I can use a different die. I'll

41:47

let you use this one. Don't fuck it up, I love that one.

41:49

All right, guys, please be good to me. And also don't roll on

41:51

the desk, cause it's so heavy. I wasn't, I wasn't rolling on the

41:54

thing. This whole adventure is gonna be like going and

41:56

we're all gonna cut back to her in the chair. We'll keep going. He's

41:59

like, don't, I can do it. on

42:01

my own.

42:05

It's not. That's

42:09

a one. That's a one. That's a

42:11

one. Wow. Which is means, let's be

42:13

real, this means a five and a

42:15

zero because I have a negative one.

42:17

So I'm still just like,

42:20

you're like the kid in the high chair who wants to get

42:23

down. Yeah, I'm wiggling. It's like

42:25

I'm sweating. I feel like you've done

42:27

so bad. You've got yourself kind of caught in a bad

42:29

way. Yeah. Yeah.

42:31

Like, yeah,

42:33

I've actually like wedged myself in like

42:36

even worse. Okay. So, so, okay. Let

42:41

me, can I, um, out

42:43

of a different, let's say my pinky finger on my

42:45

left hand, I would like

42:47

to cast my mage hand to

42:49

like go tug at somebody to feel like

42:51

I'm helping me. All

42:54

right. Excellent. Excellent. Okay. So you're doing that.

42:56

Yeah. So I mean, well, I

42:58

gotta go for Chuck wagon. He's a big strong boy.

43:00

All right. Cool. All right. So you feel that

43:03

Chuck and Celine

43:05

goes, help me. Oh my God. I do the

43:07

voice on him and I, and I use the little

43:11

mage hand to take me to

43:13

target. Is that the message is it's just

43:16

using the Benny Jester right? Yeah.

43:18

Take me to target. Fine.

43:21

I'll let this witch out. Excellent.

43:23

And now we're on the Jimmy.

43:25

You got one person there. Jimmy,

43:27

Jimmy. All right. Well, then I'm

43:29

just gonna fucking blast him real

43:31

hard in the face with

43:34

my pipe. All right. So

43:36

anyway, I start blasting. Start

43:38

pipe. That's a good roll.

43:41

That's 28. Yeah,

43:44

that's a hit. Nine

43:49

damage. All right. That is nine damage. Wow.

43:51

Okay. Describe taking out the last of them.

43:54

So Jimmy probably just, you

43:56

know, sees the other guy. I try to run over towards

43:58

Chuck and he just follows him and just. Smashes

44:00

him over the head and the

44:02

guy goes down like a ton of bricks

44:04

and Jimmy just keeps wailing on him And

44:07

he's wailing on him and wailing on him

44:10

eventually it gets pretty gross Okay,

44:12

it's a bit more liquid than solid.

44:14

Okay, excellent. So the encounter is

44:16

done I'll go over to this

44:19

witch and I'm like, all right,

44:21

everybody Don't touch this one

44:23

skin because if you do your

44:25

goddamn toenails will fall off Also,

44:28

if for another reason your toenails fall

44:30

off make sure she eats it and

44:32

I start getting you out Lately

44:34

is just like shocked into

44:38

Silence cuz that's the craziest thing

44:41

she's ever heard. That's right Now

44:43

now everyone here is feeling off based

44:45

on what has occurred previous. Yes, and

44:47

if anyone wants to give me You

44:50

know what you guys have had something robbed from

44:53

you Yeah, feel free if you would like to

44:55

do a check of some kind to see if

44:57

you could discern any more information about what The

44:59

hell this means. I mean, I decided I'm not

45:01

feeling off because I get sucked all the time

45:03

Yeah, this is normal for you. If

45:05

you get your shit back, you never feel like

45:07

a god I need to cool down. Can anyone

45:09

like stretch me out or anything? I just

45:12

did that's a pretty good workout, but I'll

45:14

get over there bud. But yeah, could

45:16

you just you trying to get stretched out? Bro, could

45:18

you stretch me out? I just got a My

45:21

hammy's hey meat skin man Do you want to

45:23

grab the other side of this little guy and

45:25

start yanking with me? I am he's pretty tight.

45:27

Can you you just yank on it? Yeah. Yeah,

45:30

let me start just Hacking and

45:32

carving away. Oh, no, no back at that guy.

45:34

I'm like, how did I get in this situation?

45:36

I wrote a three and a d20 David. It's

45:39

not very good. Oh, you know, sometimes

45:41

you have to hit rock bottom though Wow, that's

45:43

actually very bad. Well, we're all good

45:45

in that sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you have no idea

45:48

What's going on Chuck Wagon? Yeah, it's

45:50

normal. I'm just talking

45:52

this goblin off. I rolled a

45:54

seven for Medicine.

45:58

Wait, so what are we rolling right now to see like I

48:00

know I got a 14 for insight.

48:02

Okay, I just don't want it to be negative

48:06

Yeah, you can tell she's full of shit 14

48:09

I had a 23 deception. I

48:11

don't know I look

48:13

I It

48:16

was a pretty bad line even after my

48:18

stretch I mean usually once I have a

48:20

protein shake, I'm fine, but there's something wrong

48:22

here I feel like I'm gonna die in

48:24

like five days You have to

48:26

feel like you're gonna die before you actually live That's

48:29

so true. What what does that mean? Just in

48:31

case there's anything more to learn? I've

48:33

I've got a 16 investigation to see if

48:35

I can tell exactly what type of sucking they're

48:37

doing Okay. Yeah, this the

48:39

type of sucking is of the soul

48:42

kind and yeah, you

48:44

know that you've you've got to get this

48:46

stuff back very soon because yes as total

48:49

opposite of what what Rourke

48:52

was saying you believe that you are are

48:54

gonna be there in some serious hurt or

48:57

Possibly dead in a very short amount of

48:59

time You also do recall seeing the vials

49:01

being carried out by mr.

49:03

Hugh mungas Not

49:06

too long ago like within the last two minutes or so

49:09

from that passageway on the left Can the

49:11

latest Aline do like I don't know

49:13

what what this would be exactly But

49:15

like I'm thinking either like a perception

49:18

or insight like all myself in that

49:20

I'm like Evaluating like what has gone

49:22

from my body, you know a witchy

49:24

way Yeah, go ahead and do a witchy

49:26

a witchy spell. It could be spell based if you

49:29

like, okay so

49:31

that is That's

49:33

a 20 total. That's good All right You know for a

49:36

fact that you got to get this stuff back you

49:38

guys got to get this you got to get those

49:40

vials You got to get the stuff injected or drank

49:42

or butt chugged get them back as quick

49:44

as you can Because you guys

49:47

guys show these up my ass. They sucked

49:49

too hard Yeah, so so lady

49:51

ladies Salinas like you fools we have to

49:53

get our vials back. Do you know nothing?

49:56

Hopefully they're not in a chair. Am I right? couldn't

50:00

get out of it. I thought that was funny. Am

50:02

I right? Everybody, can I get a Hell Yeah? Hell

50:04

Yeah. Hell Yeah. And I do

50:06

thank you for that. What was your name again? Chuck

50:09

Wagon. You've probably had some of

50:11

my delicious feasts. I've

50:13

been by your truck before. The graciest,

50:15

grizzliest bug burgers you've ever had.

50:18

What's the name of your restaurant?

50:20

Chuck Wagon. The Chuck Wagon. Because,

50:23

yeah, it's a food truck. So it has to

50:25

have a slightly shitty name.

50:27

Yeah. Love it. What's

50:30

that like to do? Probably chase this fucker

50:32

down. Get your shit. Well, yeah, I

50:34

guess we'll skip past. Everyone's got their shit. You got all your

50:36

stuff back. Ta-da. Oh, look at

50:38

this. Turn back on your armor there, Michael.

50:40

I pick up my sword. Next

50:43

turn, I pick up my other sword. Thank

50:45

you. It's for the

50:47

kids, but we have to be true to ourselves.

50:49

Go through every step. Yeah. Oh,

50:51

I rolled a one. Oh, you dropped the sword. No. I

50:54

pick up one ration. I pick up one ration. Strength

50:56

check for each individual finger. All right,

50:59

let's go. So

51:01

it sounded like there's only one way out. Is

51:03

that correct? Yeah, there's one way

51:05

out to the left, this doorway

51:07

chamber that you guys assume you were

51:09

dragged down when you came to this

51:11

terrible room. I hate when

51:13

motherfuckers steal my mojo. So I think we got

51:16

to find this bitch. Pronto. Huddle

51:18

scurried even. Yes. There's

51:21

one way out of this room, but

51:23

there's no way out for humongous. Then

51:27

we go. What

51:29

if he's hot? Yeah. I

51:32

mean, did we not see him? He

51:35

was quite disgusting. Yeah. If

51:37

he's hot, I will wear his face. You don't wear

51:39

his skin. Yeah. I'm wearing a dude's skin right

51:42

now. He's a giant. It's gonna be dragging

51:44

behind you, but that'll work. I can cut skin away.

51:46

It's a cape. I can cut

51:48

skin. It's gonna be like you wearing the big suit, you

51:50

know, like, uh, like you're wearing, you know,

51:52

like, uh, like talking heads. It's gonna be like

51:54

that. It's not making sense. It's gonna

51:56

look like that. Yes. Let's get it.

52:00

Oh skin. But skin. Squelch

52:03

leaves the room. Let's go. All

52:05

right. You guys go tearing off

52:08

down through this corridor hallway. You can see

52:10

bright light far in the distance getting

52:12

closer and closer and closer and closer

52:15

and then boom. You come out of

52:17

this tunnel and it's back back

52:19

at home again. Sweltering 110 degrees

52:21

beating down from above. Thank God.

52:23

I was getting chilly in there.

52:25

Yeah. But you can see down

52:27

below these rocky cliffs, these

52:30

rocky steps going down to this

52:33

desert below and you can see

52:35

down below a vehicle you hear

52:37

it first driving off into the

52:39

distance heading away. And

52:41

there's some other crappy vehicles down there that none

52:44

of yours of course you've been dragged off away

52:46

from your things. But that is what you're seeing

52:48

at this point. This vehicle is leaving you. It's

52:50

about 50 feet away driving

52:52

away to the north. So,

52:58

but you said there's other vehicles. Yes, there are other

53:00

crappy vehicles that belong to the three guys that were

53:02

in there with you. We got

53:04

to steal that shit. Yeah, we got

53:06

to take off. Yeah, I'll let you add to

53:08

these guys. Who has a Class C license? Everyone's

53:12

just like looking around. I can't drive

53:15

if we pass through the scorpion

53:17

wastes due to a couple unpaid

53:19

parking tickets and

53:22

public indecency violations. Um,

53:24

Chuck, Chuck Wagon, if that is your issue,

53:27

do not worry. I could deal with whoever

53:29

we come upon. Cool, fuck it. As long

53:31

as you can drive the vehicle. Hell

53:33

yeah. Squelch throws on a

53:35

hat that has a tire iron attached

53:37

to it and he goes, move over.

53:41

Oh, okay. It's

53:44

perfect. Should we take a couple cars

53:46

or what? What do you guys think? Yeah, we got to

53:48

have a convoy. Yes. Well, I guess that's

53:50

true. We can have multiple cars. We should

53:52

each have one. We should take all of

53:54

them. Can I take the biggest? I

53:57

don't think Silly doesn't want to drive. She's

54:00

not used to that? You should go with

54:02

Squelch then. Do they have a guitarist

54:04

on the front? Yeah, hold on. Here

54:06

we go. You are all going

54:08

to create these cars. Yay! So I'm going

54:10

to roll a die, and we're going to

54:13

do this three times. And I'm going to

54:15

randomly have you describe a car. The first

54:17

car goes to Lady Celine. What

54:19

car do you see? OK. So

54:22

I see a car that's kind of shaped

54:25

like it's pointy in the front. It's kind

54:27

of like, not pyramid, but like

54:29

a triangle situation in that it's very like low

54:31

down in the front. It gets bigger towards the

54:33

back. And it

54:35

kind of looks like a fucking

54:38

cybertron. Let's go. And

54:40

it's rusted. The only car that somehow is

54:43

running. Well, yeah, it's

54:45

rusted. In a world

54:47

of broken cars, the most broken car is

54:49

key. It's pretty hard to get the doors

54:51

open. But it's there. OK. The

54:54

second car is going to be described by Jimmy.

54:56

What do you see? Jimmy

54:58

sees a big,

55:01

it looks kind of like a hearse. Hell

55:03

yeah. But it's got like a big cow catcher

55:05

on the front of it. And

55:08

instead of tires, it's got

55:10

tricks. Hell yeah. And

55:13

the last car is going to be

55:15

described by Rork. No,

55:17

why did you pick me? You

55:20

know every car. Yeah, you know all about cars.

55:22

Maybe you know too much about cars. It

55:25

is true. If

55:27

you wanted to go big, Chuck, what's a big car?

55:29

A big car. OK. Lift your bliss. I

55:31

was thinking that we could get a 50s convertible

55:36

Bel Air. And

55:38

we could do, instead of regular tires, I

55:42

want tall tank treads on it.

55:44

Yes. So that it's somehow able

55:47

to make it through

55:49

any type of terrain,

55:53

any type of climate. But it

55:55

is a convertible because we have

55:57

to be stylish the whole time.

56:00

And it's it's a good thing you didn't pick me because I

56:02

was about to just say 1999 Buick Century and that's Smart

56:07

car smart car so

56:09

everyone loads up gets inside

56:12

there these vehicles and and Luckily

56:15

the keys are in there and ready

56:17

to go Sorry, I just looked up the

56:19

beauty the 1999 Buick Century and it

56:21

that is the most Everybody's

56:29

grandma had the gold version of that car.

56:31

Yeah Right now. Oh,

56:33

wow. All right, so so you've

56:35

got your your helicopter tire and hat. Are

56:37

you gonna take the lead squelch? Yeah,

56:42

yeah, absolutely and I jump in squelch I take

56:44

whatever one of those was the coolest I was thinking

56:46

about the Buick Century So I was not listening. I Think

56:51

the hearse was the guess That

56:53

is the coolest what you don't want to get

56:55

in the cyber truck that you think doors open.

56:57

I'll take the cyber truck It's all right. Wow.

56:59

No one wants to ride with me. So I'll

57:01

ride alone, but only one of them. I'm riding

57:03

alone Cuz

57:09

you have Selena's cyber truck Jimmy

57:12

give me a perception role, please No, no, so Lee

57:14

I I well she two people

57:16

know Salud doesn't

57:18

drive so there's

57:22

Three vehicle vehicles and five of us.

57:25

Oh, yeah David, please please tell us

57:27

how this is working nine nice

57:30

and Jimmy, please give me and It

57:33

can be anything like acrobatics or

57:35

athletics based whichever you like. I

57:37

like athletics, of course Such

57:44

a fucking athlete. It's freaking killing

57:46

me over here 20

57:50

dirty. Hell. Yeah. Okay, so everyone

57:53

this is the scene we we

57:55

have the cars tearing across the

57:57

desert In a chase heading after

57:59

them. Yes We have Squelch in the lead

58:01

with the Hurst. We have the

58:03

Cybertruck. I think that's being driven by Chuck.

58:06

And then the third car was

58:09

the convertible. And

58:11

that is being driven by Roar. I'm

58:13

riding with Squelch. You have to go

58:16

where the dead body would go. That's the only place for another

58:18

person to sit. And

58:20

you turn and look. And there's been

58:22

worm signs. And Jimmy is riding a

58:24

worm. Oh, no. Beside you.

58:26

Is it a worm? Yeah, no, you are

58:29

on top of a worm riding. That is

58:31

what we have. We have all these vehicles

58:33

driving. And Jimmy is riding on top of

58:35

a giant worm. That's sick. OK, so hell,

58:37

yeah. Charging north into the desert. I want

58:39

to have just you in the lead, Bachman.

58:42

You're going to be leading everyone else. So I'd like you

58:44

to go ahead and give me a, it

58:46

could be a survival-based role, but this is

58:49

a vehicle role. So I think you have

58:51

something with your special helicopter. Yeah. My

58:54

hat. Helicopter is pretty, that's a

58:56

pretty sick word. My

58:58

hat does give me advantage.

59:01

I'd say probably. So what was the

59:03

role again? I was thinking of what

59:05

I could do. It could be a

59:08

survival-based. If you, again, with the

59:10

skill roles, find one if you

59:12

can justify it, then do it. Is

59:14

it just to make cargo fast? Is that my

59:16

goal? Yeah, yeah. And kind of follow the tracks,

59:19

et cetera. OK. Don't hit a hole. Don't hit

59:21

a hole. Yeah. Don't hit a hole. Dang it

59:23

for me. Do not hit a hole. I

59:27

do an investigation to

59:29

look for a

59:31

lever or knob that's going

59:33

to do something sick in this car. And my

59:35

investigation is plus eight, and I rolled a 16.

59:38

Wow. OK, yeah, yeah. You find it right

59:40

there. Was it nitro or whatever? Uh-huh. Yeah.

59:42

Turbo boost. It's weird that the exhaust where

59:45

the flame comes out is inside the cabin

59:47

of the hearse. But here we

59:49

are. Yeah. It's unfortunate.

59:52

It runs on friggin' soul.

59:54

Oh, shit. Because it's a

59:56

hearse. Boo. Oh,

59:58

my god. Boo, we're hot. Okay, excellent.

1:00:01

So you have no problems keeping track following, and you can

1:00:03

see the distance, the distance in the distance this vehicle is

1:00:05

up ahead of you. You're absolutely catching

1:00:07

up to this vehicle. And as you get closer and

1:00:10

closer to this, you see something on the horizon. If anyone, this can

1:00:12

be for anyone here, if you want to do a perception check to

1:00:14

see. Me! Okay,

1:00:16

I got a 15. Okay, 15. You

1:00:19

can actually see up ahead, there's

1:00:22

this fortress that you've

1:00:25

definitely seen before, and been a bit

1:00:27

leery of this. I've seen it. This

1:00:29

is something that you've kind of avoided,

1:00:31

because you've heard bad stories about it.

1:00:34

Like, people disappear when they get too

1:00:36

close. They don't tip well. They

1:00:38

don't tip well. That's the most disturbing thing about

1:00:41

it. Yeah. I hate it. You

1:00:43

can see as you're getting closer, there's like scrap metal

1:00:45

going all the way around, like

1:00:48

a walled scrap metal going all the way around

1:00:50

this fortress. And then you see a bunch of

1:00:52

like cylindrical towers inside the

1:00:54

fortress. And the name of the fortress

1:00:56

is the phallic fortress. And you know

1:00:58

that they do something inside there that's

1:01:01

a mystery. And

1:01:03

again, anyone who gets near there, they just disappear. I

1:01:07

got some ideas, but let's just say Squelcheco and

1:01:09

I will be fine. Or

1:01:12

Squelch Inima will be fine. Squelch, yeah, sorry, get

1:01:14

it right, not Squelcheco. And even to

1:01:16

go farther, yeah, you've heard

1:01:18

things, something in this phallic fortress, there's

1:01:20

a lot of pumping going on. Okay.

1:01:23

All right, so that's where you're at. You're about a

1:01:25

mile away from this fortress. The vehicle that you were

1:01:27

following, you

1:01:30

could see definitely had gone inside. So,

1:01:32

you know, your way's off. You

1:01:35

don't believe your scene, but it's up to you. I wanna

1:01:37

mash on my Cybertruck. Since

1:01:41

this is somehow the last remaining Cybertruck,

1:01:43

I have to feel like it's Elon

1:01:46

Musk's actual, so

1:01:49

the horn is just like, a

1:01:52

really shitty, it's Elon Musk saying, a

1:01:54

wubba, wubba, dub, dub. Oh my god.

1:02:00

No. Do we get it? Oh,

1:02:02

well, but we have a dub dub. I do. I

1:02:04

get it. Stop it. Oh, and

1:02:06

he says that. That's part of it. Yeah, because

1:02:08

he sucks. And I want to try

1:02:10

to get you guys to pull over. Okay. Well,

1:02:13

I guess so. Behind that doom. Okay.

1:03:30

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today. Think of our show as an

1:06:53

intervention, but with way less stakes.

1:06:55

So subscribe to Let Me Fix It wherever

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