2:00

And so I'm telling Kayla I was like

2:02

horrified see I didn't realize that she even telling

2:04

her that like, you know Oh, yeah, she's like

2:06

look she's right gonna she I'm

2:08

not trying to be gross. I was bummed I

2:11

was like, are you kidding me? I try now.

2:13

I wasn't doing that right up right at my

2:16

garage door I was probably wondering

2:18

the same thing. He thought he had another

2:20

hour. It was outside. It was outside the

2:22

garage not inside No, but I'm saying when

2:24

I usually get up when I opened it,

2:26

it must have jumped inside, you know I

2:29

try so hard like mowing the lawn the other day.

2:31

I must have saved five of them I stopped the

2:33

mower I pick them up I move them to the

2:35

garden and I say stay there until I'm done because

2:37

I don't want to chop them Okay,

2:40

as big as my hand no, it's big

2:42

as my hand boy, too. I know I love

2:44

the big ones. I was bummed There's

2:47

so are hard to see that I'm

2:49

afraid they're gonna fly everywhere. So I I I

2:51

hope he's okay I set him off to the

2:53

side. I hope he's okay. I he said rehab

2:56

right? Okay. Anyway, you saw blood Maybe

2:59

you just had a nosebleed. Anyway, I hope he's okay

3:01

I'm back in the house and never come out again

3:04

the last thing to go through his mind was his

3:06

ass No, it wasn't starting to

3:08

stop anyway That

3:10

was my auspicious start to the day Lose

3:13

that with a bummy out. It was sad for me when

3:15

he told me the story and he's like, dude, no Can

3:18

I'm sad, you know what else makes me sad? What

3:21

else? It makes me sad when

3:23

I find out that one of my friends Is

3:26

having an issue I

3:28

miss you one of my friends is

3:31

struggling and having a hard

3:33

time At

3:36

the hands of an

3:39

unknown force Okay,

3:42

and there's nothing I can do to help and

3:45

I found that out yesterday and

3:48

my buddy Kelly Brown

3:50

is having a bit of a thing Are

3:54

you okay talking about this Kelly? Certainly

3:57

And, you know, I'm all

3:59

joking aside I'm not gonna be joking with you

4:01

because you're the

4:03

victim here okay I'm

4:06

not yeah you are the you are the victim and I want you to

4:08

know Kelly that whatever

4:13

you decide to tell me and tell us

4:16

the few listeners that we have maybe five six of

4:18

them you're in the

4:20

trust is a safe place

4:22

okay place where we can

4:24

feel free so think of

4:26

my office as a tree

4:28

of trust and understand so

4:31

let's talk about it let's

4:33

talk about let

4:35

it out Kelly I got a cooler bring to

4:38

work every day I was right it's got my

4:40

medicine in it and it also I put my

4:42

little diet ginger ale little mini cans you know

4:44

so I have a lunch

4:48

I get up my little little

4:50

diet soda yeah they don't want to mean in

4:52

the car setting things up and eating my lunch

4:54

on my lunch tray the mini can yeah yeah

4:57

so I don't know was it six months

4:59

ago it started so every once in a

5:02

while open my cooler and there's a bunch

5:04

of sugar packets like somebody stuffing a million

5:06

sugar packets in my comb like what

5:09

is it what what so

5:11

I clear it out and I

5:13

asked certain people did you know I didn't

5:15

do it and then another

5:17

week and a half it's not every day right another

5:19

couple weeks later I got a bunch of creamers like

5:23

in my cooler and one week

5:25

was a bunch of napkins I could use the napkins

5:27

and I saved the napkins yeah and

5:31

I think vinegar packets I open it one

5:33

day there's a bunch of vinegar you like

5:35

that for your spinach person was working a

5:37

rest in the car this person must work

5:39

the restaurant probably somebody at the ground there

5:41

are kitchen here and stuffing my cooler so

5:43

then when I eat mine everything that's

5:45

torture so and then the

5:47

kicker was two weeks ago there was

5:51

a bunch of little straws in there little

5:54

plastic straws like

5:56

I'm talking 200 of them in

6:00

there. I noticed that at work, I said

6:02

I can't clean these out now, I'll get

6:04

it later. Whoever's effing with me. But

6:07

then I got in my car and opened up my cooler

6:10

to get my, and

6:12

I put my cooler on the

6:14

dash and

6:16

it fell and straws went everywhere

6:20

over my car. I mean

6:22

I spent 45 minutes getting

6:25

all these straight and I just, matter of

6:27

fact when we went to Booth Bay with

6:29

Chloe, I found more straws. Yeah. Under my

6:31

seat. A week or two later. Yeah. Who's

6:33

doing this? Right. So I confronted somebody, this

6:35

guy, the first suspect. Yeah.

6:38

Natch. No. Yeah. And he

6:40

gives me, in earnest, no.

6:43

Several times. So

6:45

I believed him. So

6:48

then I started thinking who's Messo at? What,

6:50

to Mckyzek. Yeah. I kind of accused Justin

6:52

Mckyzek of next door Messo with me. Yeah.

6:54

Well, and I just wouldn't, I didn't go

6:56

to the three of you. They just, wasn't

6:58

I the next one? You said it. But

7:00

then I started thinking who is doing this?

7:02

Because of Roadkill is not doing it. It's

7:05

gotta be somebody here that Jason Jones. I thought

7:07

Jason Jones, maybe whatever. Sales guys, he's messing with

7:10

me. And

7:13

this past week I asked Roadkill again and

7:15

he, no, what? Very like, Adam.

7:18

Totally believable. Yeah. I saw one of

7:20

the exchanges and I

7:22

bought it. Yeah. I mean it was good. I

7:25

mean, I think he's telling the truth. I don't think he, I don't

7:27

think he's doing it. So

7:29

I was mystified. And then, and then

7:32

you called him out. You said he's lying.

7:34

Well, you said it

7:36

was me. You thought it was me. Well, I was

7:38

just throwing you in the list of problems. I didn't

7:41

say it was you. I'm thinking, I'm thinking you and

7:43

Kayla are now in the mix. I didn't throw Lori in

7:46

there. I was just saying I ain't got that yet. They're

7:48

just trying to, you know, touch, touch

7:50

my buttons and mess with me a little

7:52

bit. Right. And

7:54

that's when you said, no, it's him. He's

7:56

lying. And sure enough, he was,

7:58

he was lying. Yeah,

8:01

you know. What's the last thing you found

8:03

in there? What

8:06

was it this week? Something I got

8:08

in trouble for. That

8:11

was in my bag next to

8:13

my cooler was a motorized dildo,

8:16

which was running. I

8:18

went out to my bag and

8:20

I hear zzzzzz. I go, what?

8:23

I look in and

8:25

there's two of these dildos. One

8:27

of them motorized and running. I

8:29

took them out of my bag. I don't want to

8:31

bring these home. Sure enough,

8:33

the A today, New Hampshire today had

8:36

a congressional guest. Yeah,

8:38

this is true now. I get

8:40

to hide. Yeah, he's

8:42

nervous that we had to hide the dildos. Well,

8:44

they were on a table in the green room

8:46

and the congressional candidate, whoever it was, you know,

8:48

my, my team, he goes, you got to remove

8:51

those. So by the time I was done getting

8:53

my coffee, I went to go remove them and

8:55

her handler is out there on the phone and

8:57

she's there. And so I quickly just put my

8:59

paper, which one of them is larger. So it

9:02

didn't cover the whole thing. I put my paper on

9:04

top and tried to scoop them up without anybody seeing.

9:06

They're a politician. They know what those are. I'm

9:09

like, come on, you got a sense of humor. I know

9:11

how this is going to turn. I'm going to get in

9:13

trouble. Yeah. For somebody else putting a dildo in my bag.

9:16

Right. And simply for me taking out of my own bag,

9:18

I'm going to get in trouble. And here's the thing, Kelly.

9:21

There are HR people right now cringing,

9:23

hearing the story. And

9:25

I've been asked by HR people saying,

9:27

do you guys have an HR department?

9:29

I'm like, I don't know. What up,

9:31

Wendy? So

9:35

how did it get revealed that Scotty

9:37

was the culprit? Because you called him out. What did

9:39

I ask him? Was it his

9:41

swear on your father? Oh, yeah. Yeah. He'll

9:44

never swear. He'll never lie on his father.

9:46

I didn't want to go

9:48

to that. I didn't mean to think of going to that. You

9:50

don't want to go to that. He gave me an earnest like,

9:52

yeah, no. I'm like, okay. He's

9:54

a great liar. You've got to believe somebody's

9:56

unbelievable liar. And therein lies the problem. Kelly,

9:59

you're not the problem. this isn't your fault.

10:03

So the man has been quiet for the last eight minutes. What's

10:07

wrong with you? I

10:09

mean, the way I respect it. I respect it.

10:11

He's a mental terrorist. I'll tell you what. It

10:15

has been an amazing run. How long has

10:17

this gone on? Longer than six months. I

10:20

filled his lunch

10:23

bucket up with, I don't know, defogger

10:26

for your lenses. I've

10:29

done it. Now, one of the first,

10:31

I think was around the boat cruise

10:33

last year when we got sex toys.

10:35

Because that's when I put the non

10:37

vibrator in his back. Right. And I

10:39

didn't see it again. And

10:42

I have had so much fun, you

10:44

know, trying to find things, salt

10:47

packets. The straws was the best. And

10:49

Kelly would come in and he'd be

10:51

like, and it's like, oh,

10:54

dude, I'm like, really aggravated. So then what you have to

10:56

do is you have to get to play along. You have

10:58

to do this. Are you

11:00

serious? Yeah. And he'll look at me

11:02

and I'll go, dude, I didn't do it. But

11:05

whoever did, yeah, is awesome. Because

11:08

it's messing with Kelly. So then

11:11

he started to like really believe

11:13

it wasn't me. Yeah. So

11:16

dude, I have been having so much

11:18

fun about like, I want to escalate this. There's

11:21

more I wanted to do. Where

11:23

the one of the

11:25

failures happened was this week, bang, all of

11:28

a sudden we're getting the stuff ready for

11:30

the luau. There's a couple of operators in

11:32

there. Yeah. And I'm like,

11:34

oh my god. So I find one

11:36

that we have batteries for. Yeah, but

11:38

it's too big for his lunch, his

11:40

lunchbox. That's why. So I had to

11:42

be that's yeah, Lord's okay. I

11:45

had to hide it. I put it in his

11:48

bag and that's what the vibration was caused. So

11:51

I have been going home and

11:53

tell me, tell

11:56

Amy, oh my god. She's like, that's

11:58

mean. I'm like, please talk to me. to blame other

12:01

people. He's not taking me.

12:04

He doesn't think I'm doing it. So, you know, I told her

12:06

a couple of ideas I'm working on and she's like, you

12:09

grow up. No, no, I won't. So

12:12

about two months ago, this

12:15

is great. I'm a MOLMELON and

12:18

I'm thinking like, all right, what

12:20

am I going to get him? This is what you're thinking. This is

12:22

what I'm thinking. MOLMELON. I'm like, I got

12:24

to find a unique,

12:27

weird sex toy to

12:29

put in his back. Now

12:32

look, just let me just before he goes any further,

12:34

don't do this. Okay. Because people get

12:37

people. Yeah. Don't you're not the kind of

12:39

job that this ain't going to fly. So

12:41

not funny. It's not going to fly. That

12:44

night I put the fireplace

12:46

out of my, you know, we don't have any of the

12:48

tools for a fireplace in the poker and this and that.

12:51

I got to go on Amazon. I'm going to buy those.

12:54

I'm on Amazon and I look around

12:56

and I'm like, oh, I'm

12:58

going to find something for Kelly. Something

13:00

cheap, something that, you know, I can

13:02

put in his lunch bag.

13:04

Something that's going to go in his history. Didn't

13:09

realize that. So,

13:12

you are a rookie. Package comes in the mail.

13:15

It's all kind of beat up. Because they're metal

13:17

tools and everything. Yeah. Open it up. The

13:20

tools for the fireplace, perfectly fine. Sex

13:24

toy, all beat up. And

13:26

there's a package that

13:28

has like, hey, sorry. And

13:31

I'm like, me and the guys dirty Mike and the

13:33

boys. Listen, you know, you might want to contact this

13:35

and that. And I'm going, okay.

13:38

All right. Well,

13:40

tools are okay that you don't come up with

13:42

another plan. So, I put other stuff in Kelly's

13:44

thing. Amy says to

13:46

me, hey, listen, we need to find a replacement

13:48

for this. Can you go on Amazon and look? And

13:50

I'm like, absolutely. So, I fire up the, you know,

13:53

the computer was sitting in the living room and all

13:55

of a sudden it shows you

13:57

the history of what you've ordered and

13:59

right at the top. is you know yes

14:03

and I'm like oh no no no no no

14:05

no and I asked out and yeah

14:08

I'll look for it in a little bit I

14:10

can't get it off my history that's good because

14:13

you bought it yeah and then good

14:15

thing I imagine if he had a

14:17

what do I have those ems echo

14:19

dots you have a dot it says

14:22

your package of and it tells you

14:24

what you of a dildo whatever you

14:26

ordered the llama-lama ding-dong so at your

14:28

door I've always gone up to Amazon

14:30

after and done a review of the

14:32

sale well the company

14:34

reached that salt that sell sent me the sex

14:36

toy wanted to know and then I said it

14:38

you know it came destroyed and everything well could

14:40

you send it back and I'm like no

14:43

I immediately opened it and was like okay

14:45

it's broken it was like you know $13

14:47

I threw it away well we'd

14:49

like to send you another one and I'm

14:51

like no no yeah please don't yeah please don't

14:53

yeah so it keeps popping up yeah anytime

14:56

I go to Amazon so playing a trick on

14:58

him has made me now like how do

15:00

I explain right she still doesn't know she still

15:02

does I'm sure that nobody that works with

15:04

her that is listening is gonna tell her so

15:06

it has been over in dildos online and this

15:09

week yeah when it happened and you found

15:11

it and you called me out and you you

15:13

said swear on your father it was it

15:15

was so easy like you all started for years

15:17

this has been going on for over a

15:19

year almost and you never said that

15:21

and this was this is like no I don't I

15:24

don't go there and this is like

15:26

of it Tuesday I'm out mole Milan

15:28

and I almost felt

15:30

like there was a huge weight take

15:34

it lifted from me because I no longer

15:36

had to try to come up with something

15:38

yeah you weren't trying to destroy someone to

15:40

make them mentally yes I noticed something you

15:42

know Kelly Kelly's got a pretty full plate

15:45

it is gonna go on with his mom and stuff like

15:47

that but I just found it myself like just eat

15:50

just slowly picking

15:52

away his excellent why and and a

15:55

liar and here's what he does Laura and you know

15:57

this to be true when

15:59

Scott is showing you empathy, oh

16:02

he's lying because he doesn't

16:04

have that ability. So when he says, oh, he

16:06

didn't know what empathy was yesterday. I know, but

16:08

he, I didn't know what that was. Thank you

16:10

for that. But he, he, he sympathized with Kelly

16:12

with what he's going through. Kelly, it's not me.

16:14

That's awful, man. Who's doing that? When he's doing

16:16

that and trying to be understanding of

16:19

your problem, you got your liar right

16:21

there. See, here's the thing. Kelly comes in,

16:23

he's like, dude, somebody keeps

16:25

putting, you know, the, the, the beads

16:27

from, from our bar. Like, you know,

16:30

the beads, I got a bunch of beads in

16:32

it. So this is how you play it. Not

16:34

as I'm like, who's the jerk doing it? You

16:36

laugh and go, I love, I wish I had

16:38

done that because it's bugging you. So, so you

16:40

totally like buddy, buddy up with him, but really

16:42

you're trying to drive him crazy. So when you

16:44

do the whole thing, you open it up and

16:46

where do you open it up and first see

16:48

what's in your lunchbox when you're in the car,

16:51

usually in my car. Why wouldn't you do it

16:53

given that someone's doing that? Why don't you do

16:55

it? He doing it like every five weeks. I'm

16:58

just saying it wasn't every day. Yeah. And

17:00

it wasn't like razor blades. I wasn't being

17:03

harmed by this stuff. It was just like

17:05

silly. I got an empty of the solid

17:07

in my stupid cooler. I know. And torture

17:09

though. Mendel torture. The straws

17:13

made my day. I sent that

17:15

to everybody. I sent a picture out to everybody

17:17

with all the straws. I didn't know what it

17:19

was. I don't remember that. I got the picture and

17:21

I was everywhere. With his

17:24

lunch box, if you push down a little

17:26

bit and then shut the lid, it's kind

17:28

of like automatically when the lid opens. Wow.

17:31

You know, dude, you it's months and months you've

17:34

been putting effort into this. Yeah. You've been thinking

17:36

about it. You probably thought more about that while

17:38

you were at home doing the lawn than you thought

17:41

about actually stuff for the show. You

17:43

probably worked harder. I knew at some point

17:45

it was going to give us 10 minutes.

17:47

I knew at some point I was going

17:49

to be caught and I'll be honest. He

17:51

started leaving his lunch thing in the, in

17:53

the lack of better way, in the

17:55

kitchen, in the lunch room. And I, I was wondering

17:58

like, did he talk to Laura? How many? Hello,

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