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This is the BBC. This

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is the BBC. This

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is the BBC. Interesting.

2:00

camera and I loved finding out about how

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things were put together so I made this

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little film which you know my wife came

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up with a title not me so she

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was executive producing even then and I

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didn't even know you could get an Oscar for a short film

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I didn't know there was such a thing and

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it was the Scottish Film Council who

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had given us I think a 22,000 pounds

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or whatever it was to to make

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the film and they called and

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said well it's been nominated for an Oscar so

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suddenly we had to we were we were we

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were heading off to LA and yeah yeah and

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it was all a little bit the

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out of townhouse yeah you know

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we didn't really know how to behave

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but we were very it's

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fantastic you know because you just see all

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these movie stars so how did you behave

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demurely right and with the

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light I

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can remember you see we didn't

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really understand how things worked so

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we would actually we were in our hotel

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on the evening in the evening of the

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Oscars and I got a

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call from Bob Weinstein I like

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to call this is Harvey's brother he's running the

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film company with saying have you got your speech

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ready have you got your speech ready for tonight

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yeah because you're gonna win you're gonna come

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and see me tomorrow right and they were sort

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of in sort of trying to get us to

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go and sell you know to

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go and work with them but of course and then

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he said you got to come to our party afterwards

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which was the party the Weinstein party was the party

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after the Oscars but of course we didn't know that

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so we were certain thanks very much Bob but we've

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actually got we're gonna meet some people from a burger

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or something after it you know so all of that

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stuff we didn't know you didn't do the networking because

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if you are walking around on that night yeah with

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an Oscar in your hand people don't say what did

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you get it for though you're just a person with

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an Oscar in their hand that's you can go anywhere

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in that time on that night yeah yeah

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but you didn't but we didn't The

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funniest thing was coming home because we

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had we'd sort of cobbled

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the money together to

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get to get out there and various people you

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know you know scotch film because it had helped

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and BBC and stuff but it wasn't a big

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we weren't there with a lot of money and

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so we were traveling in economy but

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we got when we flew back and

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I went into the BA chicken desk in

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LAX I thought well I'll just go up

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to the desk and check in and I'll

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pull up my Oscar on

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the desk and see what happens which

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I did and they just and I

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was embarrassed doing that okay but not

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as embarrassed as they were because they

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went I'm really sorry the flight's full

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we can't really do anything but

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they gave us a bottle of champagne okay and then we

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got on the flight with our with our Oscar but of

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course we were like it was like that scene in the

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Titanic you know when they go they go down and

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they discover there's all these Irish

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people make people of mixed cultural

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heritage head to America so we were

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in economy but at the foot of

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it but somebody saw that we had an

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Oscar because we had it out so we

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passed it back everybody said an accordion should

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have come out and then you know people

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could have done you know Irish dancing. It's

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very interesting to me that you decided not I mean

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obviously at that point when you were making that film

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you didn't know it was going to be nominated and

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win an Oscar but was that

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a time in your life when you thought you

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know this acting thing it's not it's not all

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that oh for sure right so you wanted to

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be a director right right then yeah absolutely and

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I loved you know directors and I

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loved you know looking at Ridley

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Scott's storyboards okay seeing looking at

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David Lynch and you know there

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are those such creative people and

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I thought in a way that

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my my skill set was probably

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more suited to that because

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I'd been to arts school I could draw and

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I could visualize things but I also had some

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acting experience so I could understand the

5:55

actors situation so I thought I was so sure in

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and do you feel do you wish you

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had made more of that night or are you quite

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happy you went for the burger with you? Do you

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think, you know, I could have networked more, I could

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have used that moment, I could have... Well, a surprise

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for the burger is just

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the chart show version of the story. The

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real version is that we ended up at

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the Weinstein's part. Oh, you did? Yeah, because

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somebody said you really should go there. Okay,

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good. So we went there and

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saw all the hottest stars of the day

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in real life and God, they're beautiful. They

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really are. I mean, it's unbelievable. You'd never

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see it, I've never seen anything like it.

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I mean, they are just genetically

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sort of perfect, absolutely

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beautiful and fun. And

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very well dressed. Very, very well dressed. And of

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course, if you've got an Oscar there, we'll talk to

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you. Yes. Even if it's just for a little short

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film. But then, but you see, that was confusing. You

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wouldn't know, I didn't want an Oscar for being an

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actor, which would have been, would

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have then propelled me into all these other... I

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want an actor to have been a director. But

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you wanted to be a director. I wanted to

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be a director, yeah. And in common with very,

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very many people who have scripts and development and

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who are, you know, courted

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by film companies, who are considered to be the

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next big thing, you know, this guy obviously has

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got creativity, he's interesting, bit of an edge, all

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that stuff. It didn't work out. The Weinstein thing

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didn't work out. You think you're

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the next big thing, because they're talking, they're using

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sums of money that you're not, you're not used

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to. But to them, that's not

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huge sums of money. So you're sitting in meetings

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and people are saying what? What

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have you got? What ideas have you got? What do you

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want to do? We want you. We want to be in,

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we want to be in the Peter Capaldi business. Oh

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my gosh, did they? Yeah. And I had

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a script that I worked

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on a bit and then they started, there was

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a kind of slight bidding war that started between

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a couple of companies about that. But

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we ended up with Merrimax and I thought, well, that's me away

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because they paid me a lot

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of money for the script and then we

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were going to make it and spent a year

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kind of working on the script and then they

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decided not to make it. Which is entirely normal.

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That is something that happens a week in,

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week out, hundreds of writers and directors but

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if it's happening to you it must

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be an intensely, first of all

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I'm guessing intoxicating, we want to

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be in the Peter Kabalpe business,

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intoxicating and then feel

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like you're kind of dropping in a list that's

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only going to the basement. Yeah because it's over.

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It's over. It's over. And

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you're 37 or whatever. And a year after the

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Oscars, because it was

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Oscar Day, I still get a slight shift.

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I was standing in a field in Rickmansworth

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up to my knees in mud directing

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a dog food commercial, not a

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national dog food commercial, a local,

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for a local television station because

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they didn't make my script, I

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didn't have an acting career because I turned my

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back on all that and

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the door sort of did slam quite fiercely

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on that. I had

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no work so I had to divvy

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around with my little short film that won an Oscar as soon

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as there's any work I could get and

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so I got a job from an advertising agency directing

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a couple of commercials and they

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weren't big expensive ones, they were

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little cheap ones but I thought wow that's show

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business and of course the Americans, you know Americans

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are lovely, they're

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lovely to you when you're successful but when you're

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not, it's really over, they have

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no time for you. What would you

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tell yourself if you could go back and have

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a conversation with the guy up these auster's in

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mud directing the pet food commercial? I would say,

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and I think this is absolutely, and I've thought

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about this because

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it's what happened. You know one of the things is

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when you talk about going back and giving yourself advice,

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most of the time it would have been... Well you

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wouldn't have listened to anything. I wouldn't have listened to

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any way if this... That ruins the show. Let's not

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talk about that. But

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there are occasions when things happen when you call well...

10:00

I'd known I would have

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behaved differently. And the

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consequence of that event

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of winning that Oscar and

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all of that stuff and how wonderful that was and

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then it all ebbing away was

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that I sort of went into grief. You

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know, I kind of... For your imagined future. Yeah.

10:21

Yeah. And also for

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making a living because there was no,

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I wasn't making it. I wasn't. My

10:28

hotness was over. Yeah. It

10:30

was still cold. I was still cold and

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I was lucky to get a dog food commercial.

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But what happened that was bad and I

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would have advised myself against

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was that I misplaced

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my mojo. Okay. And

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I just went into grief. I just

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thought of... Wow. Okay. I

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kind of... No, I understand what you're saying. I

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don't know who I am or what do I do here? What

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do I do here? Just like a year

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ago, I was a big short or

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the edge of big shortary and now I'm not.

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And now I haven't got a job and I've got

11:06

a family and how does this all work

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now? Why do they

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don't want to give me a good act? I can't get a good

11:12

acting job. And

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I could have, I guess, put my shoulder

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to the door and just sort of tried

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to get

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my scripts... All the scripts get tied up.

11:25

Every time you work with an American company,

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they tie up legally. So

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they're there. They've got your

11:31

property. I

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couldn't do anything and I sort of did

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lose my sense of having

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any creative force. So

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I would say to myself, who cares? That's

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what I would say. Who

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cares? It's just a thing that happens. Wear it

11:49

lightly. Yeah. It

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doesn't matter. Don't waste your time

11:54

worrying about it or grieving over it. It's nothing. That's

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not a bad thing to happen to. It's just a great thing.

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in your life and to have that experience, you

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know, to have the experience of being exposed

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to all those wonders and that delight and

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then to have it taken away. Well that's,

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you know, life. Thanks

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for listening and if you like what you hear,

12:15

subscribe to Young Again on BBC Science.