0:00

Hello, beautiful fuckers,

0:03

how are you doing? I'm Karin Fisher

0:05

and I am on tour right now for

0:07

I of the Tiger Tour twenty twenty four.

0:10

We have a couple remaining cities left, Houston,

0:12

Texas June twenty seventh, Austin,

0:14

Texas June twenty eighth and twenty

0:16

ninth. There's two shows each night, so that's

0:18

of the Creek in the Cave in Austin and Salt

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Lake City, Utah, September twenty sixth.

0:23

Tickets are available at corinfisher dot

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com. All shows feature the

0:27

wonderful Chloe Lebronch. You've heard on this show.

0:30

Make sure to get your tickets now. I know it

0:32

seems like their far advanced summer is here, baby, Okay,

0:34

Carinfisher dot com.

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I of the Tiger. Bye. Welcome

0:37

the Guys we bod.

0:39

Anti Slutshaming podcast.

0:41

Oh you have.

0:42

I'm Christina Hotte, I'm Karen.

0:44

Fisher, and I'm l

0:46

boys Friends bring us So it's floody, your

0:48

horning and your shame.

0:50

Hey you was what? Yes?

0:52

Okayia talk

0:55

about fucking?

0:56

Hello fuckers, how

0:58

are you?

0:59

How you doing? Drink some water today?

1:01

Welcome to another episode of guys, we fucked.

1:04

It's the Anti Lutshaming Podcast.

1:06

I'm Corin Fisher, Christina Hutchinson.

1:09

All right, what we what do we promoting today? What

1:11

are we doing? Where are we? Drop your

1:13

glasses and suit? We don't know where we are, guys.

1:15

I have the Tiger Tour twenty twenty four is

1:18

is happening?

1:18

Has Netflix as a joke? Happen yet?

1:21

No? No, it not happened. No,

1:23

no, it did happen. It did happen because she's yeah,

1:25

it did happen. It was great.

1:27

I hope, man, I hope you were there. And

1:30

if you weren't, If you weren't there, that

1:32

sucks, man. But uh, come

1:34

to I have the Tiger Tour tickets at crinfisher dot

1:37

com. Portland May fourteenth. Sorry

1:39

if some of these are late, We're we have to

1:41

get you know. San Francisco

1:43

May fifteenth, Sacramento May sixteenth,

1:45

Seattle, Washington, May seventeenth and eighteenth,

1:48

Houston, Texas June twenty seventh, Austin,

1:50

Texas June twenty eighth and twenty ninth, and Salt

1:52

Lake City, Utah, September twenty

1:55

sixth. Kloy La Branch will be at all of those

1:57

shows as well, and

1:59

man, these have been fun. Tell a friend,

2:02

bring a person who doesn't know who I am, man, woman,

2:05

non binary. I'm happy to see you fucking

2:07

all. Appreciate children appreciate

2:09

you. Yeah, no, chilsdrun any when kids are at the comedy club.

2:11

That's not good.

2:13

Put your kid away, Put your kid away.

2:16

Very exciting news if you love Guys

2:18

We Fucked and you're interested in listening to it

2:20

ad free, and you're interested in two

2:23

bonus episodes a month roughly where

2:25

we just read emails and talk about more personal

2:27

shit.

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And getting the episodes a week earlier than anybody

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else. And you're like, oh, I like

2:32

Guys we Fuck, but I don't like any of the other Luminary

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shows.

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Okay, that's okay, You're in luck.

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Go to luminary dot link slash GWF

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promo. You could subscribe to Guys

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We Fucked exclusively for twelve month

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What that's so cheap, Christina, that's crazy.

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This is twenty dollars off the normal annual subscription.

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Price and only two dollars and fifty

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cents per month, And it.

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Makes us look good. As hell.

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Guys.

2:57

Really, I only like guysifucks. So you

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want to subscribe to that, well now you ken. Yeah,

3:02

it's really helpful to the show. It makes

3:04

us look good and it supports a place that

3:06

has allowed us to do. Honestly, I'm gonna say

3:08

whatever the fuck we want. Yeah, it's pretty s it's been great.

3:11

This is available to US listeners only,

3:13

so I know, we got a lot of Canada, we got a lot of England.

3:16

It might be coming to you sooom, but act of now it's

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US listeners only. Okay, you'll be able to listen to

3:20

just guys we fucked ad free a week

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early and you get multiple bonus episodes

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of Kern and I revealing

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some things that we would never dare reveal on the wide

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too. We go hard and true.

3:35

We have a good time. Oh yeah, we're unhinged.

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They're very fun. So go to luminary

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dot link slash GWF

3:42

promo and if you want to email

3:44

us, it's sorry about last night's show at gmail

3:46

dot com. The subject line says

3:49

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month in Canada

3:51

at least, not sure about the rest of the world.

3:53

This is going to come out in May.

3:54

But you know, hopefully we had a great sexual assault

3:56

awareness month.

3:57

Hey, hopefully we're really aware. And there

3:59

was last assault. I

4:02

had my case April fifteenth. It was perfect

4:04

timing. I love a theme. A

4:07

year and a half ago, I was assaulted by my boyfriend

4:09

at the Times friend after

4:11

a night of drinking. Oh my boyfriend

4:14

at the Times friend. After a night of drinking.

4:16

Oh oh Jesus.

4:18

My ex was passed out in his bedroom and I fell

4:20

asleep on the couch downstairs. I

4:22

woke up to his friend, who was staying over

4:24

the weekend, raping me digitally, which

4:27

means finger and kissing my

4:29

breasts. He had removed my clothes when I was

4:31

asleep drunk, oh, lived in my sweater and

4:33

took down my shorts.

4:35

Fucking die dude, this is

4:37

really brutal.

4:38

When I woke up, he kept saying to me, do you want

4:40

to see my dick?

4:41

And let's have sex? Okay.

4:43

Although I was very hazy, being half awake

4:45

and intoxicated, I strongly remember I kept

4:47

saying no to all his advances. He

4:49

took off his shorts and took his penis

4:51

no condom, and proceeded to penetrate my

4:53

vagina with it. I eventually pushed

4:56

myself away from him and started crying. When

4:58

we were getting dressed, he was saying to me, your boyfriend

5:00

won't care, and let's keep this between us.

5:02

I hope this piece of shit anyone.

5:04

Just so you know, anytime someone says let's keep

5:07

this between us, someone has done something very bad

5:09

to you.

5:09

Yes, just if you're listening, unless it's a surprise

5:12

party or a proposal. Yeah, it's not good.

5:14

And that's usually don't they don't use the wording let's keep

5:16

it, but this between us, that's true.

5:18

It's always predatory. It's always predatory.

5:21

He also said, how about I ask

5:23

your boyfriend if it's okay that I fuck you, as

5:25

if she was just an Yeah.

5:28

All this ended.

5:29

He went back to the guest bedroom and I went to sleep

5:31

in another room. My ex and I broke up about

5:34

a month afterwards. He didn't confront his friend,

5:36

and I started to resent.

5:37

You d me.

5:39

So I'm guessing you told your accibited

5:41

and I'm guessing.

5:42

Oh my god, that's so you got your You

5:45

got violated multiple times.

5:46

Yeah, that's awful. I'm so sorry.

5:48

I reported the assault three months later. Just

5:50

today I went to court to tell my story. I walked

5:52

out of that room feeling amazing that I finally have been

5:54

able to speak out. Fuck yet, amazing job.

5:57

The person who did this to me couldn't even look at me.

5:59

Nobody even questioned the fact that it happened.

6:01

Good.

6:02

Oh, I'm so happy you got that.

6:04

It feels great knowing people believe you.

6:06

Yeah.

6:07

Yes, the last few weeks have been scary and overwhelming,

6:09

but I'm so happy I went forward and reported

6:11

it. Please other survivors, this is your sign.

6:13

Okay, it's It's not a sign. It's just

6:16

like, this is a story of getting

6:18

through it. Yeah, and you got through it, and

6:20

you have the strength to get through it, and and other people

6:22

can too.

6:23

Don't be scared.

6:24

You will regret not doing anything

6:26

even if he doesn't get a guilty conviction. I know he

6:29

was a lot more scared than I was leading up to this,

6:31

and I could save other women from him in the future.

6:34

In Canada, there isn't a statue

6:36

of limitations for sexual assault cases.

6:38

It's not too late.

6:39

I only learned this when reporting my story and other

6:41

people need to know this. Crint and Christina,

6:43

you were both on my mind when I was being cross

6:45

examined by the defense lawyer, and I want

6:47

you to know you carried me and gave me the confidence

6:50

and the sass. Oh fuck you, I

6:52

needed to outsmart him.

6:53

Girl.

6:54

I have been a listener for five years and luminary

6:56

subscriber. They asked me if I knew what a rape

6:58

kit was, and I gave a very detailed answer.

7:00

I don't think he was expecting.

7:02

Thank you both so much for what you do and giving

7:04

me the courage to kick ass up there today.

7:06

Much love from Canada. Please don't say my name.

7:09

That makes me so happy. Well, fuck yeah, that

7:11

makes me so happy.

7:12

I'm so happy that you were that you

7:15

you had the strength to report it. I

7:17

totally get why people don't, so I don't

7:19

you know, I don't. There's no shade in any way

7:21

to people who just can't find the strength at

7:23

the moment. You can also put a hex on

7:25

them. Oh yeah, oh,

7:27

we'll teach you email us. But

7:30

that's amazing, that's amazing. Oh

7:32

my god, that makes me so happy. I'm

7:34

so sorry that this fucking shit happened. To you,

7:36

what a fucking scumback? Wait, did she know this

7:39

is where's it is?

7:39

This guy in jail?

7:40

No, they don't know, because it just happened.

7:42

She literally messages just after she dude.

7:45

That guy sentencing comes later.

7:47

I believe. Okay, Okay, I see

7:49

that guy. Oh my god, I want to kill him.

7:52

Okay, I know that's not the answer, but wow, I'm

7:54

so happy that you received justice

7:57

after.

7:57

Something that bad happened.

7:58

That guy is nothing and I hope that he here and does

8:01

not hurt anybody else.

8:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,

8:04

guys who That made me very emotional

8:06

and very happy. So I

8:08

have a Patreon where once once

8:10

a week I'll do a zoom for an hour.

8:13

I call it group share pay because we just go around and say whatever's

8:15

on our mind. And I am

8:17

absolutely falling I've been doing the Patreon for maybe

8:20

like two years. I am falling

8:22

in love with doing it.

8:24

It's a really cool space where

8:27

people get deep and real very quickly,

8:30

and I so appreciate that because we

8:32

live in a world where we're inundated with everybody's

8:35

masks and false

8:37

bullshit or who you know, they present

8:40

themselves as who they should be or who they think

8:42

they want to be.

8:42

Just social media is just trash.

8:44

And it's the only space

8:46

that I have been in, aside

8:48

from a comedy club, that makes me feel better about

8:51

humanity and we get real and I'm

8:53

I'm really good at giving advice and

8:56

making book recommendations. And one of the things I shay,

8:58

I do a spiel up top before every single zoom.

9:00

The audio of it gets recorded to listen back

9:02

to later. If you can't make it, you can listen and

9:04

you could submit a question. But it's

9:07

something that I think is important to say anywhere.

9:09

Take everything everybody says with a grain of salt, Taking

9:12

everything I say with a grain of salt. If it does

9:14

not resonate with you, throw it

9:16

in the garbage can where it belongs. Because

9:19

I think that you'll know if information

9:21

is right for you to continue

9:24

on the whatever journey you're on if it

9:26

resonates with you.

9:27

And so that's something that, yeah,

9:29

it's just.

9:30

Really important to keep in mind when you're getting advice, especially

9:32

because some people come on and be like, I'm a really big fan

9:34

and if.

9:34

I have advice for you, but if it doesn't, don't fucking.

9:36

Listen to If it doesn't resonate with you. That's just so

9:39

important. Don't put anybody on a pedestal. But

9:41

yeah, it's a really beautiful space and

9:44

I'm very proud of it. So sign up at patreon

9:46

dot com slash Christina Hutchinson and

9:48

then every Monday, my solo podcast, The Voices

9:50

in Our Heads comes out, where I

9:53

dive into at the end of every episode of

9:55

self help book and I'm.

9:56

Doing RJ spin is super Charge

9:58

Self Healing.

9:59

By the time this out, I'll be moved past that

10:01

I might be doing David R.

10:03

Hawkins Transcending Levels of Consciousness.

10:05

I'm so drawn to that book and I didn't

10:08

I just read the about the author section

10:10

last night.

10:11

This guy had he had a near death experience. He didn't

10:13

call it a near death experience, but I was like, how is

10:15

this professor? He takes

10:18

emotional states of being, like

10:21

there's a chapter on every single emotion,

10:23

and he calibrates it with like the frequency,

10:25

but like scientifically calibrates the frequency of every

10:27

emotion. And he talks about if you're somebody

10:29

who lives with this emotion in

10:31

the front seat, this is how you act. But he

10:34

takes the emotion out of describing

10:36

the emotion and it is so fucking

10:38

helpful for me. And he talks about the the

10:40

I read a chapter recently on courage

10:42

and what examples of courage look like,

10:45

and it's like you still feel fear, you do,

10:47

but you're able to like breathe through it. And it's

10:49

just a it's a beautiful way

10:52

way too. It's a beautiful writing

10:54

of how to exist and to if you're

10:56

like somebody who's always wanted to embody

10:58

a certain trait, because that really resonates with

11:00

you, but you don't know how.

11:02

This book, David R.

11:03

Hawkins Transcending Levels of Consciousness is a

11:06

beautiful road map to being whoever

11:08

you want to be.

11:08

So you can like pick, you can pick like the emotion

11:11

that you aspirationally would like to lead with, yeah

11:13

and so, and then like I kind of get this like

11:15

play by play on how you.

11:16

Exactly like this is what it looks like in the world.

11:19

These are how people feel who embody this emotion,

11:21

This is how they act, this is what they say.

11:24

And it's interesting.

11:25

Level two hundred calibration is

11:27

courage, but then a level up from that set two

11:30

twenty is neutrality. And I was

11:32

reading that chapter last night before I went to bed,

11:34

And it's interesting how like

11:36

I'm like, oh, why would neutrality be above courage?

11:38

But it's like you're just not married to an outcome and

11:41

you're like, whatever happens happens, and it's okay,

11:43

and like you still have goals that you set for yourself, but

11:45

like.

11:45

God's like that.

11:46

That kind of goes hand in hand with my One

11:49

of my favorite like quotes

11:51

I've ever found on the internet on a meme is self

11:53

confidence is not they will like

11:55

me. Self confidence is it doesn't

11:57

matter if they do. Yes, that's neutrality

12:00

and.

12:00

Then doing something and putting her all into it but

12:02

then not going well, if it works out great, if it doesn't,

12:05

know.

12:05

It's okay. That's not a lack of daisical

12:07

approach.

12:08

I always assumed that that was like not

12:10

lazy, but just like you don't want it enough.

12:12

But it's actually a much smarter way to approach a problem

12:15

or or or a career goal. In the state of zen.

12:17

Yeah, yeah, So I get into stuff

12:20

like that.

12:21

So listen every Monday Voices in Our Heads and Mikey

12:23

Big Dick, Don Coscarelli is on

12:25

the episodes with me because he's recording them,

12:28

so he gets to hear from him. Boy

12:30

do we hear He coughs, he sneezes, he still drops

12:33

shit.

12:33

But you know what, we love him. We love

12:35

them so much. That's who he is.

12:37

And if you want to listen to my solo

12:39

podcast, It's Without a Country, comes out

12:42

Wednesdays on YouTube around nine pm Eastern

12:44

Central Time I'm sorry, Eastern Standard

12:46

time, or whenever my Carrington decides to upload

12:48

it.

12:48

You know, he's a girl dad now, so he's very busy.

12:50

Oh yeah, girl. It also is available

12:53

everywhere you listen to podcasts.

12:54

We did a really fun, well

12:56

not fun, but like excellent episode

12:58

last week about freedom of

13:00

speech and specifically freedom of religion.

13:03

I think we've seen, you know, obviously,

13:06

the whole point of America is that

13:08

we can all express our own religions and.

13:10

Live religiously free.

13:11

But it seems like in the past

13:14

several years, especially that other

13:16

people's religious beliefs have been affecting

13:19

how some of us live our lives

13:21

and the freedoms that we get. So we kind

13:23

of did a whole episode on that. There

13:25

was a great story in the New York Times about

13:27

women who were forced to remove

13:30

their jobs during an arrest and they were

13:32

just awarded a huge

13:34

settlement that and also like

13:36

it's an open settlement, So if you were

13:38

arrested in New York City and were forced

13:40

to remove your job, you are you

13:43

are entitled to.

13:44

Get your money, girl, Get your fucking

13:46

money girl. Yeah.

13:48

And another story about a church

13:50

in Oregon that was giving meals

13:52

out to homeless people, and of

13:54

course the people in the area were like, well, we

13:57

want to help the homeless, but not with

13:59

that riff rap in our area. And

14:02

they retain their right, like they were like, no,

14:04

that's like what Christianity is. Our religious

14:06

belief is that the hungry should be fed. And

14:09

so they also won that. So it's been really interesting.

14:11

Also a lot of interesting stuff having with

14:13

religious freedom and freedom of speech

14:15

on college campuses, even here in New York

14:17

at Columbia University.

14:19

So we're covering all that.

14:20

If that's the kind of stuff that interests you and you generally

14:22

like the way I talk about things, then

14:25

you're gonna really enjoy it without a country podcast,

14:27

So do that. And then of course, if you want

14:29

to see me live on the road with CHLOEA

14:32

the Branch for the Eye of the Tiger Tour. Tickets

14:34

are available at crinfisher dot com. I

14:36

just finished up the first leg of that tour.

14:38

It was so fun.

14:40

I'm so happy with

14:42

the material I'm working with right now, and I think you'll

14:44

really enjoy the show. So come out and

14:47

check out Live Comedy.

14:48

Baby.

14:50

Yeah,

14:57

there's an Instagram post by

14:59

this author, Jonathan hayde h

15:02

Ai DT hes.

15:04

Like I think it is. Yeah, Okay,

15:06

I know who that is.

15:07

He one of the leading voices on like, guys,

15:10

we're fucking up teenagers right now with the social

15:12

media and we can actually save it. Like he's a

15:14

he has a really hopeful

15:17

but with backed evidence and like, you

15:19

know, substitute solutions that

15:22

you know, alternatives to what we're currently doing.

15:25

He recent he's the co author of The Anxious

15:27

Generation.

15:28

Well, but he's also the co author of the famous The Coddling

15:30

of the American Mind.

15:31

Oh yes, yes, yes, yeah, Because I was like that, I love this

15:33

guy. So he there was a post and

15:36

I want to read this.

15:37

This is a quote.

15:38

I was ten years old when I watched porn

15:41

for the first time and the mind you this

15:43

is a fourteen year old girl being quoted

15:45

in the anxious generation. I was ten years old when

15:48

I watched porn for the first time. I found myself

15:50

on porn Hub, which I stumbled across by accident

15:52

and returned to out of curiosity. The

15:54

website has no age verification, no

15:57

idea requirement, not even a prompt

15:59

asking me if I was over eighteen. Fun

16:02

fact that they do have a prop now on porn Hub asking

16:04

if you're over eighteen? But motherfuckers

16:06

can lie. Who's being

16:08

honest that they're under eighteen going to those sites?

16:10

I really don't know.

16:12

The site is easy to find, impossible to avoid,

16:14

and has become a frequent rite of passage

16:17

for kids my age. Where was

16:19

my mother in the next room making sure

16:21

I was eating nine differently colored vegetables

16:23

and fruits on the daily? She was attentive,

16:26

nearly a helicopter parent. But I found online

16:28

porn anyway, so did my friends,

16:31

and that made me want to ask both you and Eric,

16:34

how old were you when you first saw porn?

16:37

And what was the porn and what was

16:39

your reaction? I have a very vivid memory

16:41

me too.

16:42

I believe it was like it was

16:44

like during high school graduation,

16:47

like week when and I

16:49

was at my friend Robin's

16:51

house, shout out, and it

16:54

was like but it was like soft corn, soft

16:57

core pornography that you can get

16:59

on the TV. It was all girls, so

17:01

around like sixteen seventeen, all

17:03

watching it together. But

17:06

I mean it didn't It was not a negative

17:08

experience at all because it

17:11

was softcore. We and I think we

17:13

were you know, we were all together,

17:15

so it felt like just like fun and exploratory

17:18

like not. I also think there's something when you watch it with

17:21

like other people together, it doesn't feel scary or like you're

17:23

doing anything wrong, you know.

17:25

Totally and you're just like, well, we don't know what this is, let's

17:27

find out. Yeah, it is less intimidating,

17:29

which is like so old.

17:30

I mean I had seen like playboys and stuff before

17:32

then, or like you know, maybe like

17:34

you know it clicked past like

17:37

the skin Amax blurry skin Amax on you

17:39

know TV. Yeah, but I hadn't

17:41

seen anything on any

17:44

kind of pornography online,

17:46

even though we had like AOL on the internet. I was just

17:48

like busy running my spice Girls Need for You and

17:50

like pretending to be a pure one imports

17:53

manager in an AOL chat room.

17:54

So I had a lot on my plate. Dude, I was pretending

17:56

to be an eighteen year old old man.

17:58

Yeah, and you said you were.

18:00

Sixteen, Yeah, because I mean it was my I

18:02

mean health, I could have even been seventeen.

18:05

Yeah, I actually I'm

18:07

trying to think I might have. Yeah, I might have even

18:09

been seventeen, because I'm pretty sure it was like just like yeah,

18:12

like it was like around graduation from high school.

18:14

That's fantastically healthy.

18:16

I was eleven years old and I saw

18:18

it was my dad used to remember yet no shade

18:20

to no shade to him because he was he was

18:22

just trying to get bye. It was a rough household for

18:25

him too. But he would always hit an

18:27

office. He always locked the door, and I knew

18:29

he was doing something, not

18:32

wrong, but like something

18:35

was weird, something was weird that he lot. He always

18:37

lot, and I could never like, whenever I needed him, I'm like Dad,

18:39

and the door was locked and he wouldn't answer, and I'm

18:41

like, I knew he was doing something private, but

18:43

he was.

18:44

Always doing it. Oh really always.

18:47

He fucking accidentally taped over like my oh kids

18:49

movies with porn and my brother and I joke

18:51

about it, but I'm like, that's fucked up. But

18:55

yeah, I was like, what the fuck is he looking at

18:57

on his computer all the time? And I went and I was like, I'm

18:59

gonna find it, and I it didn't

19:01

take long. It was very It was almost like I

19:04

didn't know what I was doing on a computer because I was eleven, but

19:06

uh, I knew how to find it.

19:07

And it was two. I think there were

19:09

two Asian women being pounded

19:11

by a.

19:12

Dude, but I thought they were

19:14

being hurt and I and I associate that

19:16

with like my dad likes watching women

19:18

get hurt. Sometimes they are getting hurt christ you know right

19:21

right, I'd like to think hopefully that

19:23

they weren't, but uh, like hurt in a fun

19:25

way.

19:26

But yeah, fuck it fucked me. I was terrified.

19:29

I was interesting also because

19:31

sexuality was just not hidden, like

19:33

it wasn't hit my household so like from a young age,

19:35

like sinceime, like it was regular, like it was a regular thing

19:37

to be like Dad's gonna go to the strip

19:39

club with his friends, Like it.

19:41

Was just not and it was not like

19:44

my dad hid the strip club. It wasn't the thing.

19:46

And also like because because of my the

19:48

very like weird, not weird,

19:51

but like niche interest in horror. Yeah,

19:53

so it's very like poor story and

19:55

horror very aligned. So we had been going to like

19:58

these horror conventions. I'm going to another one this weekend,

20:01

you know, chiller convention since I was like fucking

20:03

four years old.

20:04

Yeah, where there would be.

20:05

Scantily clad women and

20:08

so and you know, like my and my dad

20:10

like you know, obviously it was interested, but was not

20:12

like objectifying

20:15

them. He would just like take a photo, like you know, like

20:17

there were scream queens and stuff, so people who were

20:20

and it was always around it, and I took pictures with

20:22

them. It was just never think my mom never seemed

20:24

upset or jealous about it. They were just like there.

20:27

She never said anything disparaging about them.

20:29

They were just like sexuality was just kind

20:31

of always part of it. And then yeah,

20:33

like we had some Playboy magazines at the house. Again,

20:35

like they weren't hidden like half the time, like they were like stacked

20:37

in my room because they were there was a lot of storage in my room

20:39

because they lived in the attic. And then I

20:42

definitely know like if my you know, if mom took

20:44

us you know, uh to somewhere for

20:46

the weekend, like sometimes like my dad would definitely order

20:49

from like the Spice channel or something, and like we would

20:51

joke about it.

20:52

Yeah, like it wasn't it wasn't hit it.

20:54

It wasn't shameful.

20:55

No, not like they were like it's not like we were participating

20:57

or like you know in any way like where it was uncomfortab.

21:00

But it just never felt like bad

21:02

or shameful. It's just like this is like a fun

21:04

thing that like, you know, I almost

21:07

I guess my only thing in retrospect is like, well,

21:09

I hope mom was doing some fun ship

21:12

on her own time too, write that's my only

21:14

note.

21:15

Eric.

21:16

The first porn I watched probably it was like ten

21:19

nine.

21:20

Ten, Oh my god, which makes

21:22

sense because he's so much younger.

21:23

Technology so much, you're gonna you're gonna

21:25

say a young age and it's gonna.

21:26

Oh my god.

21:27

The two girls, one cup.

21:30

That was your first, Eric, poor

21:32

thing. Did you have a hard time pooping

21:35

after that?

21:36

No?

21:36

It just confused me. I was like, well, if this is

21:38

what sex is, what am I supposed to do with my

21:40

dick?

21:42

You know what?

21:43

What a beautiful thought, great question, Eric,

21:46

So it didn't It didn't have a negative impression on you.

21:48

No, I thought it was fucking disgusting, right.

21:51

It is fucking disgusting. I'll pass.

21:53

But what about like the how old were you when you saw like.

21:55

P and V Uh I'd

21:58

probably around then too.

22:00

Did you?

22:00

Were you? What was your reaction?

22:03

Were you like?

22:03

Okay, cool?

22:04

Yeah, I don't know.

22:05

I didn't.

22:06

I don't think I was very like sexually

22:08

charged kid, so okay, uh

22:11

Like I didn't. I didn't have like, uh was

22:13

a reaction where I was like I need don't

22:16

watch more of this or anything like that.

22:17

It's probably too young to be like. I

22:19

was like, I didn't really, I was like, what is the point of this?

22:22

Okay, so this as a neutral reaction. I've been

22:24

trying to be sexy since I was born. Girl,

22:26

me too, dude, oh man, sexy

22:28

toddler, that'll being sexy. Yeah,

22:32

my whole Like when I was eight, nine, ten years old, I was

22:34

just making up dances to the Spice Girls, and I

22:36

would make my parents coming.

22:37

I'm like, guys, I'm gonna do a dance. Come in and watch it. I

22:39

look back, I'm like, that was a very sexual dance I was doing.

22:41

My parents were like uh huh, okay.

22:43

Yeah, I really I was always trying to take

22:45

nudes like as a kid, but

22:48

not like you know but okay, so like there's

22:50

a different type. So it was

22:52

it's like I was trying to do a sexual pose. To me, I

22:55

think even as a child, like I've

22:57

always wanted to run free, right, So to me,

22:59

I equate naked nudity

23:02

with freedom, and I've always been trying

23:04

to be free.

23:05

When guests would come.

23:06

It was like a known thing in my house that like Karin's going to try

23:08

to run through the living room naked.

23:10

But it's because like Karen loves freedom, she

23:13

really does. And

23:15

I remember like that sweet.

23:18

It used to be.

23:18

And it was also like so innocent, So I like, there

23:20

are definitely are pictures of me like that exists from

23:22

when I'm like four or five years old. I remember this like when way

23:25

like I have a fan over my crush, but it's not sexual

23:27

because I have like tiger sunglasses by

23:29

the Tiger and like a bandon, and I

23:31

remember a goofy kids and then I

23:34

know I'm like, yeah, like it was weird because like my

23:36

cousins worked at Pathmark where we got

23:38

our film developed, and then my mom was like

23:40

started being weird, Like, oh, they're like not gonna

23:42

like get the freedom vibe that we have.

23:44

And it's like please, but.

23:45

It's true because when you see naked kids, I used to work

23:47

at CVS.

23:47

But it's not like I thought that anything was wrong. They're just like

23:49

my mom just like didn't want, you know, because when you have to, you

23:52

know, we live. I was a child at a time

23:54

when other people had to see all your photos because

23:56

they had to develop them for you. Can you fucking imagine?

23:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and yeah,

24:01

and so I don't know. I

24:04

just and it wasn't like, by any means a hippie

24:06

dippy household. Like we had a lot of

24:08

rules and a lot of structure, but

24:11

I think always a lot of artistic freedom

24:13

that's sick, and kind of freedom

24:16

to like, thank god, someone grow healthy, a lot

24:18

of freedom to like dress in the way I wanted,

24:20

like a little when I got older, a little bit kind

24:23

of like Kuran, maybe don't dress like a

24:25

huge horror oh like yeah when I was sixteen,

24:27

because I did want to be like sexy. But it's also like,

24:29

dude, I had no tits couldn't have been that, you

24:32

know, right. Oh, also, but

24:34

a sixteen year old, like is a sexual

24:36

being. Well, the thing was everybody's so fucking uncomfortable

24:39

with that. But like think about when every when I

24:41

was sixteen, y'all get out my way.

24:44

Well I remember like one vacation, like my

24:46

brother like specifically asking me to

24:48

like tone it down because I think it made him feel uncomfortable,

24:51

and I like, kind I was kind of understood. My

24:53

brother just in general doesn't like attention. So

24:56

I was the worst sister to have because

25:00

I actually liked attention a lot more when I was younger

25:02

than I do now because like I get

25:05

it professionally, and that's more than enough

25:07

for me. I like zero attention when I'm off stage,

25:09

to be honest. But yeah,

25:11

yeah, so that's kind of like my that's

25:14

good. My parents were just like both very into

25:16

like yeah, art and stuff that involved just naturally

25:18

a lot of I'm.

25:20

Curious, like, you know, I'd be curious

25:22

if anybody listening is a parent

25:25

and they've had to have that conversation with their kid about porn.

25:27

Like what does that conversation look like? Like what do you

25:29

say that when it's effective?

25:31

I mean effective is in the eye of beholder, But

25:33

like, what do you fucking say to a ten

25:35

year old. You got to talk to a ten year old about that, You gotta

25:37

talk honestly. I hope my brother's

25:40

talked to my nephew about it, because he's nine.

25:42

I mean this, He plays games on YouTube,

25:44

he plays like he like, oh

25:47

god, I think he hopefully doesn't know to

25:49

spell my name yet.

25:50

Yeah, you're gonna you're gonna see bad stuff. Yeah,

25:53

And it's just like, man, I don't

25:55

want to say bad stuff. Stuff that is bad if you see

25:57

it too early.

25:59

Yes, and my my innocence was

26:01

tainted by a lot of things, but that one of them was the first

26:03

time myself born.

26:04

I was just not I wasn't ready. No one was there

26:06

to explain it, No one knew I saw it.

26:09

But yeah, I'd be curious if anybody listening, sorry bout last

26:11

Night show gmail dot com, Like, what does.

26:12

That conversation look like? Because that's

26:14

gotta be a tough one to have. But uh, or maybe

26:17

it's not tough. You tell us, Yeah, how

26:19

are you? I'm good? Yeah,

26:21

I'm just I'm just thinking about porn. Sorry. I

26:27

do you like porn?

26:27

Well, because I got really obsessed with it in college.

26:30

I got up really with it.

26:32

I couldn't obsess with wait till my

26:34

like I was, like I loved. I had a roommate

26:36

who went back home a lot, and I would

26:38

lock the door, get naked, turn up

26:40

the heat. Oh, throw my legs

26:43

up on that G five fucking computer

26:45

that I had, and really get my money's

26:48

worse.

26:50

I was so funny.

26:51

And my boyfriend's my boy my older

26:53

boyfriend his his older friend

26:55

was like a guy who owned a literal

26:58

DVD porn shop.

26:59

Oh I love those shots, yo, I

27:02

would fucking I. He would bring

27:04

me bags of DVD porn.

27:07

Great, there's no ads, that's

27:09

great.

27:09

I still have a eire in my bookshelf

27:12

in my in my bedroom to this day, just in you

27:14

know, and.

27:15

Ah, did you bring some of the one and put them

27:17

on their things? They're so sake, they're so sacred.

27:20

Man.

27:20

Yeah.

27:20

Uh my vivid DVDs, Vivid

27:24

vivid DVD.

27:24

I remember when I was dating Stephen. I was when

27:27

I was in the throes of the insecurity with the story a thing.

27:29

It's so funny to think back on.

27:31

Oh my god.

27:33

Uh, sometimes I was in those throats.

27:36

I didn't go on porn sites because I didn't want to see

27:38

her because I didn't want to like see her because

27:40

I was.

27:41

Just so funny.

27:42

In all the porn I've watched, I've never seen organically

27:44

come across.

27:45

So I did one time when I was dating Stephen,

27:47

and I'm like, just because it's you

27:49

know, poked at all my things. But but now

27:52

I actually think I'm more like I fall in love

27:54

with porn. Like the last three years, I love

27:56

it. But honestly,

27:58

I love the DVDs I want to do. I want

28:01

to I love watching porn with a partner. Oh, I love

28:03

it, love it, love it. But DVD is a

28:05

good way.

28:05

To do it.

28:06

I love my Nothing has ever, nothing I've ever

28:08

found it in like porn hub or anything, has gotten

28:10

past, Like what was it? Like? Well, I

28:13

think my favorite was wet cotton panties. It's like, so

28:15

it's so mild. Yeah, but that's so mildgraphy

28:18

that that visual is sweat cotton panty.

28:21

They're just like in a pool and they're kind of like my pants.

28:25

Are they cotton? Yeah? It's like

28:27

my it's borderline. Sweet. Karen's

28:31

porn is just men doing favors for

28:33

women without women.

28:35

Yeah, because I mean I really can't get past it, just like the same

28:37

way as like I can't listen to a lot of rap because I can't

28:39

get past women being treated badly.

28:41

It's never gonna work for me. It's never worked

28:43

since I was young, and it's never gonna work now.

28:46

So yeah, just be nicer.

28:47

Yeah, yeah, there you go.

28:49

That's what I like.

28:50

Did you guys ever see the guy on

28:52

porn hub who goes uh and

28:54

it's it's just him, like dressed nicely

28:56

and he talks to the camera.

28:58

That sounds nice.

28:58

He talks to the camera and he's like, tell me about your

29:00

day, and it's just like affirmation pornography.

29:03

What's his name?

29:04

I forgete

29:07

like that. I am eighteen, Okay,

29:10

I haven't seen this in a while. Jesus, some

29:13

of them are I can't stop squirting these these

29:15

fucking titles teenage slut, Janis

29:17

sucks cock and fucks backstage. And

29:20

also I can't get past because all the girls

29:22

are so hot and all the guys are so but

29:25

honestly that.

29:27

Kind of turns me on, and the guys nasty

29:29

and the goals hot. I'm like, you're lucky.

29:31

What's his name?

29:33

Ryan Creamer?

29:35

I was like, don't say driller Creamer.

29:37

Yeah, I encourage

29:39

you as I continue to say, this

29:42

is right what Ryan Creamer?

29:44

Yeah, he just sits.

29:45

I encourage you as a continue. She's

29:47

just wearing a sweater. These

29:50

fucking ads were so funny.

29:52

Oh chatter babe, that's

30:01

it. Okay if you just said hi, there, don't worry.

30:03

I'm sure the video you're gonna ejaculate to is right around

30:05

the corner.

30:06

Oh my god, he could have made his bed back. There

30:08

needs to be porn where it's like a yeah, a hot

30:11

guy in a suit.

30:13

I think, Ryan, you know what, this could

30:15

be your This could be your lane.

30:16

That's true. Yeah, you don't have to get naked.

30:17

Yeah, maybe I should do that.

30:19

Suit clothed porn chicks would dig

30:21

that. You gotta, don't you just do It's porn. You can

30:23

watch on Instagram.

30:25

Eric, We've been thinking,

30:27

like I need to connect.

30:28

No don't yes, yes, don't think,

30:30

just do give us what we want, like

30:33

women think from their vagina to like.

30:35

But it's it looks different for us and it does

30:37

for you guys.

30:37

So brainstorming sessions.

30:39

Absolutely mean he's great. Yeah, we already

30:41

got the ideas. It's it's Yeah, you wear

30:43

really nice clothes, like real handsome. Doesn't have to

30:45

be a suit, but a suit would be great every once in a while. Yeah,

30:48

really handsome like John Varvado's ragging

30:50

bone. Oh look like you smell

30:53

good and.

30:54

Yeah, and that's that's a good way

30:56

to describe it.

30:57

Yeah, and uh and you know, words

31:00

encouragement or god

31:02

because current and I had AI boyfriends for a while and it was

31:04

kind of nice. I love that AI boyfriend well,

31:07

and I also think that you could do one where you're

31:09

like sweaty from the gym.

31:10

I really like sweaty from the gym. I think that's.

31:14

Like, yeah, I'm

31:16

now I'm strongly considered.

31:17

We're just gonna submit in

31:19

the group.

31:20

Chat for you. Okay, that's perfect.

31:22

Yeah.

31:24

Can I talk to your boss about getting a raised? That's a good thing

31:26

to say.

31:27

Oh that made me horny.

31:28

Oh yeah, hey, sweetheart, you've

31:30

been a little down lately. Can I talk to your boss for you about

31:32

getting a raise?

31:35

Eric?

31:36

Because I think it has to be a little bit specific so

31:38

that people know that you really know about women, and

31:40

you do because you work with us.

31:42

Exactly exactly, do you guys?

31:44

Yeah, you could do it one video where it's like, my favorite

31:46

podcast isn't Joe Ruggan's Guys

31:48

We fucked.

31:49

Yeah.

31:50

I don't like the way he spoke to you.

31:52

Yeah, but I've done the healing work, so I'm gonna

31:55

just take that energy and care for

31:57

you instead of beating the shit out of him.

32:00

I have a bit where I'm like talk about like male

32:02

strip clubs for women and how they're not hot

32:04

and how like if they wanted to turn women on, the men

32:06

should come out, like dress really nice and say

32:08

nice things to you that you don't talk

32:11

to your dick in my face. Yeah, dude, Yeah,

32:13

I'm like I could get that on the subway for free. But

32:15

one of the things of lines is I love

32:17

your mother, but I think she's wrong.

32:20

Oh if you just just say that, steal

32:22

it, go do it.

32:24

Yeah.

32:24

I was on the porn site yesterday and I saw Ryan

32:26

Driller we've had on the show.

32:28

Yeah.

32:29

I was like, damn, Christina, good for you. He really had

32:31

a good time. Wait, where did you see him on the porn sites?

32:34

He's a come across all the time.

32:35

My brain just you saw him on the she said

32:37

you. I saw him on the subway, and I was he

32:40

does.

32:41

No, I saw.

32:41

I always see him on the porn sites and every time I see

32:43

him, I'm like, I'm the shit he's He's

32:46

so handsome and sweet, and so

32:49

is our guest.

32:50

She's beautiful and sweet. Yeah, our guest.

32:53

Guys, I love this conversation.

32:54

She is.

32:55

She's one of the best.

32:56

She's one of the great stand up comedians working today.

32:58

She's a Jersey born New York City stand up A

33:01

bunch of you've seen her. She's been touring

33:03

forever.

33:04

She has four specials on YouTube.

33:06

Her latest one, called Murder

33:08

Sheets, is now available for you to

33:10

watch for free, and we highly recommend because goddamn

33:12

she's funny.

33:13

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the show, Liz

33:16

Mealy.

33:23

We are here with stand up comedian Liz

33:25

Mealy. So excited to have you on the show.

33:27

Yeah, thanks for having me. I think was

33:30

I on here? It was either I think it was pre

33:32

pandemic or right in the pandemic when

33:35

you're at my apartment, it was your apartment.

33:37

I remember at my apartment, I was like, what studio where

33:39

were it could have been pandemic, could have been right.

33:41

So it was like, yeah, it was like I think the twenty

33:44

twenty range, but I don't know, but I

33:46

was. I genuinely was just like, Okay,

33:49

things are different, Yeah, a

33:51

lot different. You're like you're

33:53

one of those comics that I'm like, you're

33:56

like a comic.

33:57

You know, you fucking work the road, Like look

34:00

at you in this similar way that I look at Niki Glazer, Like, Nikki,

34:02

you just fucking pound the pavement and do it

34:04

and get in the reps and just be doing the road all the time

34:06

and like making it.

34:07

Like I love your focus around stand up.

34:09

It's inspiring to me. I just I love it.

34:12

Like I mean, I'm tired. I'm really tired.

34:14

I and I it's part of part of

34:16

it, and I I don't

34:19

know what this is. I think everybody does this,

34:21

but like I don't know, I'm tired until it's till

34:23

till it's too late, until like I'm like crying for no

34:25

reason. I love that genuinely,

34:28

Like nothing even usually like something bad happens

34:30

and I overreact and I have like a meltdown instead.

34:33

I like literally was just like I'm

34:35

going to watch something as I eat breakfast, and I just started

34:37

crying and I was like, oh, no, I'm tired.

34:39

Yeah. I was like, oh yeah, I'll

34:42

I'll be the girl. Yeah yeah, yeah,

34:44

yeah, girl Like okay, But I

34:46

genuinely was like I have enough like

34:49

self awareness to be like, oh no, like

34:51

I've I've overdone it.

34:53

That's great to know because then when you start crying

34:55

over something and somebody else is in the room, you're like,

34:57

why is this happening?

34:59

And so it's a it's nice to know that it's so I'm

35:01

tired. I snapped

35:03

at my agent, which I'm not somebody

35:06

like, I'm pretty like I'm an angry person,

35:08

but I extremely oh

35:11

I love this. We'll talk about that because I'm I'm

35:13

a very angry person and if

35:16

I can't contain it, I call up a friend and they just

35:18

kind of let me yell it out. And then my stand up has

35:20

really actually been, as I become more myself

35:22

on stage, has been very much an outlet

35:24

where you're just kind of yelling about the same problem

35:26

every night and you're like, I don't even know what I'm angry.

35:28

That's the best antidote for anger that I've found.

35:30

I like, am I'm not that angry

35:32

at a person, but I feel like I don't even

35:34

feel anger.

35:35

Since I started stand up, it helps so

35:37

much. And before, like when I was young, I was

35:40

very monotone because I was scared to show

35:42

who I was. I was scared to be out of control.

35:44

I was scared to fumble my words because like my

35:47

brain doesn't my mouth doesn't work as

35:49

fast as like my brain sometimes. But

35:51

as I've I think gotten better

35:53

at this, as I've become more myself

35:56

on stage. I yelled

35:58

to the point where like I've lost fans, where like she seems

36:00

angry, and I'm like, I've been angry the

36:02

whole time. Women should be angry, angry

36:05

may not be. I feel the same way.

36:07

We've been talking a lot about like you

36:09

weaponizing the word bitter, and I've in my

36:11

I get it a lot.

36:12

I've just leaned in. I'm thirty eight, lis and I go, yeah,

36:14

I am better.

36:15

And it's because men haven't stepped the fuck up

36:17

in the way that we have and I'm fucking bitter about it, and

36:20

we all should be better and stop trying to weaponize it to

36:22

make us less fuckable.

36:23

I'm done. So I'm done. It's so ridiculous.

36:25

So I came out with a special a

36:27

couple of weeks ago, and I just posted like kind of.

36:29

Like my first clip murder sheets watching

36:31

now yeah they hell yeah, but you

36:33

know I I'll.

36:34

Use titles provocatively, like

36:36

you know what I mean, you have to running a fucking

36:39

tryk that algorithm, dick. So the

36:41

bit itself is about when you

36:43

know, I have a boyfriend now. But when I was online

36:46

dating, it was all these older men, like men

36:48

in their mid forties late forties,

36:50

being like, I want to have kids someday, and

36:53

I was just like, exactly,

36:56

I remember being like, and I don't want

36:58

to have kids. And I've said it in my stand up before,

37:00

and even in that bit, I don't say that I don't

37:02

want to have kids. But it shouldn't even matter. The whole

37:04

point of a bit is why do men get to saunter

37:07

into fatherhood when we are constantly

37:09

told we have a biological

37:12

clock, And I basically say, if I have

37:14

a biological clock, you should have a societal

37:16

clock. It is unfair that your profiles

37:19

like so I'm not and so on fucking

37:21

hinge.

37:22

When a fucking forty five year old clicks someday

37:24

on kids, that means that's stand

37:27

down now, dude, and it's I'm

37:30

getting you brought my anger

37:32

back?

37:33

Yeah, yeah, that's so sorry, So sorry, we're

37:37

just stream yelling at each other. But like

37:39

I'm I'm proud of the bit, but like

37:41

it is, and don't it's always split down

37:44

the middle. It's down the middle of older dads

37:46

being like, you're not wrong. Yeah, it

37:48

does suck because I love that. The title I gave was

37:50

nobody wants an old dad, right. And what's funny

37:52

is I even had some friends that were like a little kind

37:55

of hurt by it and I and but their perspective

37:57

was, you know, I'm on my third kid, and

37:59

I I am older, and I will be an old dad. And I

38:01

go, actually, it's so weird because I'm one of five.

38:04

My dad was both a young dad and an old

38:06

dad, because there's a fourteen year

38:08

age different now between my siblings,

38:11

and like, you know, my dad was really old

38:14

like now that my my brother's like in his twenties.

38:16

And so I was like, but that's not

38:18

what my perspective is at all. The whole time

38:21

is that there's this constant like

38:23

you expire at twenty five, nobody

38:26

you need if you're gonna have kids, you have to have it now, or

38:28

the assumption constantly

38:30

assumed that I want to get married and have kids. Neither

38:33

of those things have ever been on my book. It was

38:35

of course you do. But that's but that is

38:37

how they weapon It's yeah, it's infuriating.

38:39

But it was if you were in like, you are not

38:42

valuable if those things don't happen. That's

38:44

the only contribution you're making.

38:46

Not only that my life's not valuable, but

38:48

that I'm lying to myself. Oh,

38:51

that I don't know what my hopes and dreams

38:53

and goals are infuriate and

38:55

there's no way to really say anything back

38:58

without like seeming like bitter

39:00

cunt, not even like a bitter cunt, like

39:02

just like like like delusional,

39:05

or or like justifying it, which I don't have

39:07

to justify anything. I've spent

39:09

my entire life pursuing my dream

39:12

and I'm one of the very fortunate people that

39:14

get to do it. I like my life. And

39:16

do I want a partner, absolutely? Do I want

39:18

something stable? One hundred percent? Do I

39:21

want them to father my cats? Absolutely, feed

39:24

my cats. If your cat's a daddy, Yeah.

39:26

You've done it, Honestly, some great work

39:28

for cats like the press you have

39:30

done for cats has made me like cats more.

39:33

I agree, Actually yes, and all

39:35

just got to give it a try. And anybody just hasn't

39:37

met their cat, that's all it is. Some cats

39:39

are feral. This sess it. Whenever

39:44

you're like I don't like men, I'm like, you just haven't found

39:46

your man. Totally right too.

39:48

Like going back to that, any guy who

39:50

would get offended over that, it's it's so crystal

39:52

clear now that I understand more about how humans

39:55

tick. When a guy is getting pissed

39:57

off about that, they're just insecure about

39:59

the fact that they are an older dad and they haven't

40:01

done the work to come to terms.

40:02

With that because it's okay to have an old dad.

40:05

It's okay. I don't, dude, I choose

40:07

to be okay. Well, I don't even You're just expressing a fucking

40:09

opinion of yours. And my thing is, I don't

40:11

even care if you've wanted a family your whole

40:13

life and you haven't met the right woman yet,

40:16

or it hasn't worked out, or you know, work

40:18

took a prior whatever, but it's this idea

40:20

that it's going to magically happen

40:23

or this idea that like, you know, I'll

40:25

get to it. And then somebody actually made a good point. They're like, well, those

40:27

guys are looking for twenty five year olds, And I was like, then

40:30

say it right, you.

40:31

Know what I mean, Then just say that you owned

40:33

it. I wouldn't think you were such a piece of shit. But also

40:35

it is just immaturity. I mean, that's what I'm

40:38

looking at for as a forty five year old dude to say I want

40:40

to have kids someday with having

40:42

not pursued it. Like there's you

40:44

know, I have empathy for somebody that, like I

40:46

have a friend that like just got divorced

40:48

and it was he really wanted a family with her and

40:50

it just didn't work out. Sure, so it's like,

40:53

you know, life doesn't always pan out the way you want it to.

40:55

But at the same time, it really.

40:57

It was just showing the parallel between like women

41:01

in the constant pressure they have to have kids

41:03

and what you are if you don't have kids, and then

41:05

guys just kind of like sauntering and

41:07

like just like kind of like walking

41:10

through daisies, being like, you know, if it happens,

41:12

happens, like you.

41:13

Know, totally like what I think any woman,

41:15

any woman, if you said, oh, there's this guy's

41:18

dating profile. He's forty five, and he put

41:20

if he wanted to have kids, he put some day. I think

41:22

every woman, regardless of their situation, would laugh

41:24

at that. And the fact that a man wouldn't laugh

41:26

at that.

41:27

Is just because it's like, you don't you don't

41:29

understand, but it's like be curious.

41:32

Come on, you don't have to be, but it'd

41:34

be nice, or.

41:34

Just say because if you, like a woman, would never also not

41:37

write someday, we would write yes because we are actively

41:39

working towards it, right. Sure, And when

41:41

a woman says yes, that doesn't mean fucking tomorrow.

41:44

Sure, it doesn't mean coming me raw

41:46

on the first date.

41:47

And then we do if you do want kid, yeah, but

41:50

we do if you do want kids, which I have several

41:52

friends that have, Like I had two girlfriends that had

41:55

had babies during the pandemic, and

41:58

you know, one of them, her doctor called her jaractric

42:00

pregnancy. Yes, so many times. She was

42:02

thirty six, and she goes I and

42:04

she's a veterinarian. She's like, I understand medicine. I

42:06

understand what you're saying. If you tell

42:09

me this is a geriatric pregnancy.

42:11

One more time. I am going to stab

42:13

you with everything in this all. We need another word

42:16

for that, Like you can say that there's there's

42:18

higher you know, higher risks in X, Y and Z

42:20

area you know, blah blah blah. But like

42:23

modern medicine is changing. You're a

42:26

doctor, do you better? Yeah, like say

42:28

affect. You stop telling me I fucked up. So

42:30

by having a kid at.

42:31

Thirty six, if you're a pregnant woman in America, it's

42:33

high risk anyway. We have the most maternal

42:36

death rate, highest maternal death rate of a developed country.

42:38

Like, come on, my obgyn.

42:40

Also, she she had her first

42:43

kid at fifty and she and she

42:45

encouraged me to do to do the same.

42:48

So I love her. I love her.

42:50

She just said, she just said, she was like talking to me.

42:52

She was like, your life span for a

42:54

person your age, you know, all of us is going to be

42:56

like close to fucking one hundred girls.

42:58

She said, live your life. I just my inspiration.

43:02

All I could think is like I was like, yo, if

43:04

I don't stretch one day, they hurt.

43:06

I can't.

43:06

Yeah, self actualized the fifty year

43:08

old is, I know, not all fifty year olds. But like the older

43:11

you get, the more you know yourself. I imagine

43:13

how like she's probably good fucking mom.

43:15

Myg is one of my inspirations.

43:18

Wow, that cool.

43:19

I love this woman and then everyone dms me

43:21

who is she? I'm gate keeping that too, all

43:23

right, I come the fuck out.

43:24

What a selfish but that specifically

43:27

like you can't like I tried changing my

43:30

gynecologist and nobody's taking new

43:32

clients, and you're very serious, dude. I've

43:34

tried changing twice and then I kind of had to come around

43:36

with her and I was like, she's not that bad and now I like

43:38

her, you know what I mean,

43:40

Like it's like I can lemonade relationship.

43:43

I had to do work to

43:46

love her again and I've come

43:49

back around, but it's good. But I went

43:51

a gear both my uh, the guy

43:54

that does my taxes and my ob gyn.

43:56

I was trying to flip and it was

43:58

like I was like, no new client either

44:01

way, damn dude. And

44:03

You're like, hey, I just need a pap smear and I want somebody

44:05

to be nice to me about it. I try to get it.

44:07

I try to get a pap smere at a planned parenthood

44:09

and they were like, there's no appointments until next

44:12

fall.

44:12

And I was like, okay, okay, well gotten

44:14

too much publicity. Yeah, I'm going

44:16

to stop donating. Yeah,

44:20

I should have some privileges here. I

44:23

don't know if you've seen your your office,

44:25

but I gave you that rug. Those

44:27

free condoms, I paid for those.

44:29

Yeah, I've protested people that with

44:31

signs of fetuses outside I did.

44:35

You also mentioned before we started recording

44:37

that you are in a loving relationship for

44:39

the first time.

44:40

Yeah, I mean I've been in love. I've I've loved

44:43

people, but that's not always

44:45

made. Yeah, as we all know, I've

44:47

loved men and I do poetry book.

44:49

I loved people.

44:50

I've loved I've loved people. I've you know,

44:53

I it is

44:55

probably the healthiest relationship I've been

44:57

in. And I could say on my end as well, because

45:00

because I we've like we've talked

45:02

about it. Like he's forty, I'm thirty eight, like I,

45:05

and we both grew up in Jersey, so we're both Jersey kids,

45:08

and we always and like more and more creepily

45:10

like I met him on Hinge, but like more and more we're like we

45:13

have a lot of like like one

45:15

degree away connections. I love

45:18

that, you know what I mean, Like like, uh,

45:22

what's a good example. Okay,

45:24

Mindy Kaylin we all uh not Mindy Kaylan.

45:27

Mindy Tucker who does all the pictures and stuff. So

45:29

Mindy you know we've known it forever. Takes great

45:31

pictures. Her husband. I

45:33

interned with him at

45:36

Conan.

45:36

When I was twenty.

45:37

Everyone knows him. I went to school with him, I went to college.

45:39

Yeah, but that's like one of his friends and crazy,

45:42

Like it's like like yeah, and maybe that's just like comedy.

45:44

We know a million people, so at some point, but like he's

45:47

an editor and like his Like

45:49

I keep like that's cool. You know when you're being like a girl

45:51

and you're like have we met in a past life? Like it's

45:54

always like would we have met? Would we have dated

45:56

in high school? We wouldn't have. That's always

45:58

a good sign. Yeah, and and would

46:01

we have met organically, like you

46:03

know what I mean, because you could have Yeah, like another

46:06

editor friend of his, he's dating a girl that

46:08

I was, like, I was married to a girl that I

46:10

was like an intern with. I interned at a lot

46:12

of places too. I'm just like saying, yeah,

46:15

I was a Conan Internet. It was a daily show intern. I

46:17

know that sounds fun. Yeah, they both were great.

46:19

When did you Internet? Conan?

46:20

When I was a junior in college,

46:23

so that would have been like.

46:23

Two thousand and six. I think I was

46:26

two thousand and four. Oh yeah.

46:29

So so it is kind of like but

46:31

it's like every and again it's like he's he

46:34

doesn't do comedy, he doesn't edit for comedy,

46:36

but you know you kind of edited Jason. Yeah,

46:38

it's like, so I think

46:41

what I've noticed both in the

46:43

sense that like I I

46:45

wouldn't want to have dated anybody before thirty,

46:48

Like it was a mistake to date me before thirty,

46:51

And I truly apologize.

46:54

Why why do you say it was a mistake to date you before

46:56

thirty? I mean I've

47:00

every I was scared. I mean I think I was scared

47:02

to show who I was. I think I was scared

47:06

to be open. I think I

47:08

was scared to actually care about

47:10

somebody. Yeah, and I'm

47:12

I'm a good friend, and I'm a good girlfriend

47:15

in the surface sense, right, Like

47:17

you call me, I pick up you need something, I'm

47:20

there for you. You need to borrow money, I don't even

47:22

have money, but I'll figure out a way to get you money. Like I'm

47:25

I'm. I was raised because

47:28

I'm the second oldest of five. I helped raise my little

47:30

brothers. I'm a caregiver.

47:31

I know how to do it.

47:32

I I've had to relearn

47:34

to like to do it because it was a lot of like you had

47:36

to do it, and then after a while you feel resentment

47:39

because you feel like you can't say no. Sure, So

47:41

I've done a lot of work in the fact that like I've

47:43

come back around and I like who I am,

47:45

but I also know how to separate

47:48

myself and have healthy boundaries around it.

47:50

That's amazing. But in relationships,

47:52

I knew how to do all the surface stuff and I'm

47:55

I'm great the first year because I'm just

47:57

like, what do you need? How you want to hang with your

47:59

friends? Like I'm busy too, Like I'm great, But

48:01

when you want to connect with me, I couldn't,

48:04

Like I just couldn't and I and I you

48:06

couldn't talk to me. I was defensive. I

48:09

I could apologize, but I didn't know what I was apologying apologizing

48:12

about, so it couldn't change that.

48:15

You wouldn't actually like me, Oh okay.

48:17

Yeah, and then and then you know, I

48:19

started being healthier than I got into relationships and I

48:21

was like, oh, these dudes don't like me, like like

48:24

it's really like and then what was even sadder,

48:26

Like my last relationship. I think the

48:28

hardest to over like

48:31

the healing of that breakup was

48:33

that I stayed in long. I stayed

48:36

longer in it knowing that he didn't actually

48:38

like me. Yeah, you betrayed yourself. That's the

48:40

first.

48:41

That's the tough po swallow man, because

48:43

you've gotta you gotta face that.

48:45

And you're like, I fucking made

48:47

my life harder for years.

48:49

I was sad.

48:51

Yeah, man.

48:51

I also, if the guy didn't like you, why didn't you break up

48:53

with you? This is I don't understan why Mendels just break up with girls

48:55

they don't.

48:56

Like Because as much as we get

48:58

criticized for, like I can fix

49:00

him, Sure, I think they do that the

49:03

same but in a different way. Yeah,

49:05

you're yeah, you're both getting something unhealthy out

49:07

of it. Yeah, and like we're both

49:09

I don't think he's a bad person. I you

49:11

know, and anybody I've dated, like, I don't. I

49:14

don't date bad people.

49:16

I like a nice guy. I feel very fortunate,

49:18

but I also like distant

49:21

guy apparently I mean not now,

49:23

but like I I

49:26

will drop anything to be there for

49:28

the people I love. And I have

49:31

never dated somebody that would.

49:32

Do that back.

49:39

Yeah, and yeah, well so then you didn't

49:41

have an example of it, so you're like sometimes

49:43

it's like, yeah, I know everybody talks about this whole reciprocation

49:46

thing, but if you've not experienced it.

49:48

You're like, is that a myth? Is that weird?

49:51

Like I I have experienced it. I have

49:53

incredible friends I

49:55

have, and not just like one or two. I'm

49:58

I like I worked. I've I've worked very hard,

50:01

both as a person in therapy and and to

50:03

just be better. But like, I'm really close with my siblings.

50:06

I'm close with my friends from elementary

50:08

school, from high school, from college. Yeah,

50:10

open mics, Like every part

50:12

of my life, I've retained friends the whole

50:15

way. So I have friends for thirty years,

50:17

for twenty years, for ten years. You know, I

50:19

have a friend I just made a couple of years ago. We get coffee

50:22

once a month. You never had it romantically though, until

50:24

now? Yeah? Yeah, and what

50:26

friend? What made me break up with my

50:29

ex boyfriend and it's like it

50:31

was like it's like one

50:33

of those like it becomes mythological

50:36

because like you don't even know you're like I have to

50:38

tell everybody. I remember we were in bed.

50:40

It was like four years into our relationship and he was

50:42

like, you're my best friend and

50:44

I'm just stomach and I was like, you're not even

50:46

in the top ten. Like I didn't say that to him, but

50:49

like my first thought was you're not

50:51

even in the top ten. You're not you're

50:53

my worst friends.

50:56

That's a clue, girl.

50:57

Yeah, And I broke up with him like two weeks

50:59

late because it was like I needed, Yeah,

51:02

I'm so glad he said that to be like, oh my

51:05

god, I'm the best person

51:07

in your life, you're the worst in

51:09

mine.

51:10

And it was like it was that and then my little

51:12

sister being like, you seem unhappy, and I was like,

51:14

I've been unhappy for years and

51:17

I knows you when she knows what you're happy

51:19

looks like. And I'm not an unhappy I

51:21

get stressed, I get overwhelmed.

51:23

Sure, yeah, you have you very even

51:25

keeled and seem like you have like a very

51:28

healthy sense of joy and your life.

51:29

Yeah, but maybe sometimes too.

51:31

Like you said, you grew up taking care of your siblings, and then a

51:33

lot of times it came out of obligation. Sometimes

51:36

we just get used to that obligation mode and we're

51:38

like, well, this is what I'm used to, and so when

51:40

it transfers to a romantic relationship, you're

51:43

like, well, it feels like obligation, but you don't take

51:45

the time to interrogate it because you're used

51:47

to it.

51:47

So you're like, I guess this is par for the course. I

51:50

also like, I know how to take

51:52

care of people, and so I think

51:54

love sometimes gets twisted

51:57

into uh,

52:00

we take I take care of you well and you appreciate

52:02

it. Does that make sense?

52:05

Like it's our favorite phrase mouth, Okay,

52:08

yeah, it's it's it's basically.

52:10

When like romantic love becomes like maternal

52:13

love for sure. But it's

52:15

weird that them getting

52:18

door needs meant was like I'm

52:20

doing a good job. Like there's

52:22

something about.

52:23

Because you're a fiver, and I mean that's why you're It's

52:25

so I'm like that too, like I'm an achiever

52:28

and so like you know, and that's why kind of one

52:30

of the main reasons I love Taylor Swift is because

52:32

we got this huge example

52:34

of what type a overachiever

52:37

wanting to be a good person looks

52:40

like. And also how you can still

52:42

be unhappy and like in that role, right,

52:45

because I mean she's unhappy.

52:46

She let us know.

52:46

I mean, I think she's happy now with Travis Kelsey. She'sn't

52:48

happy for a long time. She did her album reveal,

52:51

she did the whole Errors tour with a broken heart,

52:53

right, but she's still She was the top performer,

52:56

and I mean, I think like there is something,

52:58

there is something that feels good about

53:01

just like succeeding and

53:03

making someone feel good, Like I find

53:05

a lot of like, I don't know, there's joy that But

53:07

I'm constantly breaking up with guys because I'm

53:09

just like my mom and dad would never treat me like this,

53:12

And so everyone's like, why are you always going through boyfriends

53:14

like go? Because my I just think my mom and dad would

53:17

never treat me like That's why am I putting up with this from some fucking

53:19

dude I just met.

53:21

None of my friends will treat me like that.

53:23

None, and I don't.

53:24

And I think as

53:26

women, especially as somebody that is

53:28

an overachiever and I do expect

53:31

a lot, Like I think I spent there a

53:33

lot of time where people are like, well, you're

53:35

high maintenance, so you must be a lot, And it's like, oh,

53:38

I love that when people say that I am. But

53:40

I also give just

53:42

as much, if not more bad absolutely

53:44

so the same idea that like what I

53:46

really love, like the like I love like art,

53:49

like I love any kind of like pottery paintings,

53:52

street art, like I love I just love doodle

53:55

a Cat.

53:55

I love

53:58

it.

53:58

That's my entire Instagram. And it's truly

54:00

like I've realized that if I'm nervous,

54:02

I kind of scroll and I just try to appreciate,

54:05

Like I'm looking at the stickers on your thame. I love you,

54:07

and I have before about home decor you

54:10

and I even like I walked into here and I I

54:12

just put the shelf together today, so I'm like I

54:14

was to have your first

54:17

guest.

54:17

But yeah, I remember I remember talking to you about

54:19

like gallery walls in our apartment and how

54:22

like they're so important and like art that like

54:24

just makes your soul want to scream is

54:26

just so important to be surrounded

54:29

by, and like I totally get that, and

54:31

so but like you, but you are also the kind

54:33

of person where like you want.

54:35

To experience life to the fullest.

54:36

If you're gonna have friendships, they're going to be amazing

54:39

reciprocal friendships and like, yeah,

54:41

you know.

54:41

And so the reason I brought the art is

54:44

because this thing kind of went around

54:46

where somebody would literally hand make something

54:48

out of beads that took them four

54:50

days and it would cost one

54:53

thousand dollars and somebody would be like, well that's

54:55

too expensive, and they would be like, is it too expensive

54:57

or you can't afford my work?

55:00

Yeah, this is what this expertise took

55:02

x Y to know, hours to learn. This

55:04

is how long it physically took to do it. These

55:06

are my expenses. It's one thousand dollars.

55:09

And when I started to look at what

55:11

I bring to any relationship, a

55:13

friendship, being a comedian

55:16

and there's a booker and you know, doing shows

55:18

to a relationship. I've

55:21

done the work. I've been in therapy for ten

55:23

years. I've taken care

55:25

of anything from my I've taken care of my baby

55:28

brother when he was sick when he was a baby, to

55:30

him being thirty and being in and at a mental

55:32

hospitals, like, I know

55:35

how to show up for people, and

55:37

I've worked really hard. And

55:39

if I'm going to give you one hundred percent of what I think

55:42

is my value, I do think it's of a

55:44

higher value. Is it for everybody?

55:47

Absolutely not? But if you

55:49

want this, yeah,

55:52

I want something even remotely

55:54

close.

55:54

Back.

55:55

When I say that, like I'm in a loving relationship,

55:58

it's not that it's like the first time I've ever felt love

56:00

or ever thought somebody loved me. It's the first

56:02

time somebody showed up equal

56:05

or more at times. Wow, yeah,

56:07

yeah, And.

56:07

It's a it makes you realize

56:09

how little you tolerate, like you learn how

56:12

like sometimes you look back.

56:14

I totally get that that's beautiful, and

56:16

you look back and you're like, wow, I applauded. I

56:18

was so appreciative of an ex for doing this. But

56:20

it's like that's not that's like bare minimum,

56:23

Like why was I giving them props for that? Yeah,

56:25

And you would never tolerate it from a friend, be

56:28

like are you mad at me?

56:29

Yeah? Yeah, like you know, And so I think

56:31

in some ways, I'm it

56:34

is uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable to be taking

56:36

care of the way I've been taking care

56:38

of other people because I've

56:42

thought I didn't deserve it.

56:43

Yeah, well a lot of so this. But I was talking

56:45

to I don't know if you were here in the chair for this. The book

56:47

The Mountain is You. It's a fantastic book

56:50

about self sabotage. And one of the things

56:52

she talks about is I believe it's like gay

56:54

Hendrix talks. She quoted this Arthur Gay

56:56

Hendrix. We have each human has an upper

56:58

limit of happiness. And

57:00

when we when we enter these certain

57:03

situations and our happiness level goes

57:05

higher than what we're used.

57:06

To, it feels uncomfortable and we want

57:08

it.

57:08

That's when we self tabotage, or that's when we stay

57:11

in a thing because we're like no, no, no, that that happiness

57:13

is too scary, because I don't know.

57:14

What that's like.

57:15

I thought that was an interesting concept because it's like, well, why

57:17

wouldn't we want to be happier like that?

57:19

Logically, like, I want to be happy.

57:20

That's my only goal in life is to be happier,

57:23

to be a better person, to be as good as I can.

57:25

But it's like, yeah, I guess sometimes

57:27

being fully happy like.

57:30

It is a little uncomfortable and it's why we wouldn't immediately

57:32

leave a situation like that.

57:34

I've noticed that being unhappier, being

57:37

happier than my parents, who are unhappy

57:39

people, I feel really

57:41

bad. Same, yeah, like you know what I mean,

57:44

and like I'll and I've noticed that even

57:46

with friendships, like I worked

57:49

really hard to be financially stable in this

57:51

business just being a stand up comedian

57:53

and ravo. It took forever.

57:56

And I you know, I'm

57:58

not flush with money, but like I'm

58:00

not worried, right, And I

58:02

have a lot of friends that are worried. And

58:05

I've noticed like whether it's

58:07

like if you're going through a breakup, I know how

58:09

to kind of sit in that, or if you're having like family

58:12

problems, I know how to sit in it. But for some reason,

58:14

like when friends go through financial problems, I've

58:17

started to avoid them the

58:20

same way that I'll avoid my parents who are

58:22

just naturally unhappy, because I'm like, you're

58:25

not doing anything, so like if you're doing something

58:27

with your financial stuff, but if it's just the same,

58:29

because that's what it is. It's just like credit card debt and

58:32

overspending and doing like bad

58:34

habits. The same way that my parents. It's like they

58:36

could be happy. They could.

58:38

Well, there's a lot of people, there's

58:40

a lot of people in this business who are like, I'm I'm

58:42

I have no money. But it's like, okay, well you just

58:44

got you just come to terms with like only

58:47

doing stand up isn't enough and you have to fucking.

58:49

Get a job. And I have no failure.

58:51

I was uploading guys, we fuck from the bathroom at

58:53

the spa that I worked at when I was at the reception,

58:56

like, I have no fucking time for this.

58:57

Get a job. Stop being so proud. It's

59:00

tough when someone won't help themselves and you're like, dude,

59:02

it's right, I have done the crazy shit

59:04

for money. I mean, I mean not like that.

59:07

That sounds wild. I mean like babysitting

59:09

children. I didn't know that

59:14

was the crazy thing. But Sarah, I

59:17

hope you're doing well in college. Yeah, that's

59:20

funny. The kid I babysit, I think he's in college,

59:22

which is just wild. Yeah, I'm

59:25

like, I used to give you a bath. That's I don't

59:28

know how to process that, but

59:30

I yeah, I just

59:33

I think that same thing where it's like I did whatever

59:35

it took. I was like waitressing and babysitting

59:37

and doing like and then even now, like even

59:39

when I was a full time comic, I'm like driving

59:41

six hours for one hundred bucks and like you're just doing

59:44

crazy shit. Oh yeah, so and

59:46

then as well as taking risks and being innovative.

59:48

But I I mean many times it was like, oh, I guess

59:50

I have to get a day job again. And I was fortunate that

59:52

things came together. But like I

59:55

think the same way that I look at that

59:57

not helping yourself financially.

1:00:00

I see my parents and like I've told

1:00:02

my dad like, hey, I don't want to hear it

1:00:04

anymore nice, you know what I mean. Like

1:00:06

when he owned a business, I was like, honestly, you either

1:00:09

get rid of that employee or you stop telling

1:00:11

me about it because at some point, like

1:00:13

yeah, you are the boss, so I don't understand.

1:00:16

But then also like now that they're retired,

1:00:19

like I think they that's their

1:00:21

equilibrium, Like they just they are like

1:00:23

addicted to being unhappy, yeah,

1:00:25

and they and like there's this belief and you know,

1:00:27

my parents are in their late sixties. I get. I

1:00:31

get turning around at any point

1:00:33

going down a path is scary,

1:00:36

right, whether you're been married for a long

1:00:38

time, whether you've worked a certain place for

1:00:40

a long time, whatever it is. But

1:00:42

it's like, even if the potential

1:00:45

is to feel better, why

1:00:47

not even try for potential? And I

1:00:49

don't buy that. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

1:00:51

You fucking can if the dog doesn't.

1:00:53

But like some I totally the unhappy

1:00:55

parents thing, Like that was one of the biggest gripes with my parents.

1:00:58

So I don't speak to them anymore.

1:00:59

But like their unhappiness depressed

1:01:02

me in a deep way because

1:01:04

I'm like, you.

1:01:05

Guys could do something about this, But

1:01:07

I also want to save them. I mean, like that's

1:01:09

the hardest part is like my mom's

1:01:11

sad, and I just want.

1:01:13

To be like fucking stuff.

1:01:14

Like they moved away, Like they were in Jersey and they moved,

1:01:16

and like, move back to Jersey. You like Jersey, you grew

1:01:19

up in Jersey, your whole there's nothing wrong with

1:01:21

you. Moved, you thought it would be a better move. It's

1:01:24

not go back. They're fine, they

1:01:26

retired, they have the money. Go buy a little

1:01:28

townhouse, go buy an apartment, Like like

1:01:31

I you know, half of us, I'm like I said,

1:01:33

I'm one of five, so almost all of us

1:01:35

are in New York. Now like three out of five of us

1:01:38

are in New York's one's on the

1:01:40

East Coast. Then my sisters, my other sisters in LA

1:01:43

and so like whenever I go to the West Coast, like my mom

1:01:45

met me out there because she'sn't like

1:01:47

like flying alone and stuff. But I

1:01:49

don't know, I just I can

1:01:51

tell a little bit that when

1:01:53

I feel good, that

1:01:56

there's a part of me that's like, I'll do whatever it takes

1:01:58

to help you if you're helping your Yeah,

1:02:01

And is it like I don't know, if it's like a myth

1:02:03

where like one of those like seek like those

1:02:05

stories, and you don't know where it started with, but do you It's

1:02:07

like, you know, Chris Rock

1:02:09

is on the road, he's doing a road gig. His

1:02:12

car breaks down. He's on the side of the road, and nobody

1:02:14

will stop and help them. He's waving nothing and

1:02:16

nobody will stop them. And eventually, after

1:02:18

an hour he just starts pushing his own car, and

1:02:21

then two cars pull over and start to help them.

1:02:23

And the whole philosophy is like people help people

1:02:26

that help themselves, And who knows

1:02:28

how true this is, or you could have been be about somebody

1:02:30

else. But I do think about it often when I feel

1:02:33

like just drowning, and

1:02:35

I'm like, let me take one step, even

1:02:37

if it's still wrong. Step sure in

1:02:39

the right direction, whether it's like my finances

1:02:42

or or like even like you know, Rachel Feinstein

1:02:44

is the reason I have a boyfriend. I like I oh, oh

1:02:48

yeah, I love her so much. But like I, I

1:02:50

didn't date for three years. I was really unhappy.

1:02:53

I felt happier by myself,

1:02:56

and I was truly

1:02:59

scared of everything

1:03:02

in my life was good, and I always felt

1:03:04

sad when I was in a relationship. And I

1:03:07

could tell that I didn't want

1:03:09

to be in a relationship because I clearly

1:03:11

was repeating a pattern and I didn't understand it.

1:03:14

But also I would, you know, I was lonely,

1:03:17

so I would try online dating. I would. It would be the

1:03:19

only thing that ruins my day is being

1:03:21

on those apps. I would do it for a week.

1:03:24

I would do it for three weeks, and then I would delete it. And then

1:03:26

I did a road gig with Rachel. I was driving

1:03:28

her home and she had all these jokes about

1:03:30

meeting her husband and how like she desperately

1:03:32

wanted to be married and had a kid. That was her goal.

1:03:35

She wanted it, and she had all these super

1:03:37

hilarious jokes about like they're like

1:03:39

they love barbecues and like going to a barbecue

1:03:42

with her friends, and she had jokes

1:03:44

about how she met her husband. So we're driving back, I was

1:03:46

like, can I ask you, like a serious,

1:03:49

vulnerable question. I go, I

1:03:53

clearly want to meet somebody. I can feel that I'm ready

1:03:55

to meet somebody, but I am not.

1:03:58

I don't want to do it, like I'm about to delete all the apps.

1:04:01

It makes me really sad. I hate everything

1:04:03

about this process. And she told me

1:04:05

this story about how she was kind of in a similar

1:04:07

place, but you know, clearly wanted bigger things like

1:04:09

marriage and a kid. And she reached out to like

1:04:11

an old high school friend and her

1:04:14

friend was like, you have done everything

1:04:16

you need to do to be successful in comedy, right,

1:04:19

And she's like yeah, She's like, then do

1:04:22

that with this like it's gonna

1:04:24

suck. And it immediately when she

1:04:26

said that, it just kind of clicked. Because we've

1:04:28

all done the open mics, so there's not one

1:04:30

good open mic.

1:04:31

There's never been a good open

1:04:33

mic Fielder on the top of the world.

1:04:35

But what I felt amazing. I was

1:04:37

a teenager when I did it, but I felt amazing because

1:04:39

I was just trying, Like it just felt cool

1:04:41

to be there. It felt cool to try it.

1:04:43

Even when I bombed, I'm like, well that wouldn't work, but I

1:04:46

a reframe. You need a reframe. And

1:04:48

I was like, oh my god, these dates are open mics.

1:04:50

Ye just go do them. Yeah, most

1:04:52

of them are gonna suck, yeah, most

1:04:54

of the And it literally I kind and

1:04:56

she and like the other kind of thing she said is like, just do

1:04:59

the work, ask friends to set you up, go on the

1:05:01

apps. Go and you're like My thing was like I'll wear

1:05:03

a skirt and leave the house. That was like really big for

1:05:05

me, Like I was like, I

1:05:07

really was like, You're not gonna bet anybody not on the apps

1:05:09

indoors with your teats, with yours.

1:05:12

So I would like, at the very least I would get

1:05:14

up, put on a skirt and at least leave the house,

1:05:17

try to talk to one person, even if it didn't go anywhere.

1:05:19

I started having for two years it was you

1:05:21

I had to do one non comedy thing a week, nice

1:05:24

and so I love a homework aside. Yeah, and

1:05:26

even if I didn't, it would go by myself. I would do it before

1:05:29

shows. I would go after shows, even if I only stayed

1:05:31

for fifteen minutes. It was just get

1:05:33

yourself just in a place to like meet

1:05:35

new people, and I did. I met a lot of cool people. I made

1:05:37

friends. I dated a few people, like

1:05:39

we went on some dates. But like, but it

1:05:41

was like I needed to get

1:05:44

out of my literal

1:05:46

physical habits, let alone mental habits. But

1:05:49

it was Rachel that really like I went on the

1:05:51

apps. I started taking it seriously. I started being

1:05:53

more open and and that's

1:05:56

you know. It was truly like two weeks later

1:05:58

that I met my boyfriend on me and he even

1:06:00

it was funny, like he came to the cellar with

1:06:02

me maybe like five months into a stating,

1:06:05

and I was like, oh, this is my friend, Rachel. This is the one that I told

1:06:07

you was like the reason I was on the apps, and he was like, can

1:06:09

I send her a text message? I was like sure, and he sent

1:06:11

me a text to send to her and he was like, thanks

1:06:13

for encouraging her. She's like my favorite person.

1:06:16

Ah, and it was like the night it was

1:06:18

like really nice and it's like that are so

1:06:20

beautiful. There's

1:06:26

also something like I have an old joke about

1:06:29

the apps, you know, being

1:06:31

like that's not how I want to meet my person, like this

1:06:33

kind of old school like of course

1:06:35

you know what I mean, and this was you know, the joke is ten years

1:06:38

old, but I still still stand,

1:06:40

still stand, and I still feel that way, even though it's

1:06:42

become more prevalent. But like my

1:06:45

story with my boyfriend, even

1:06:47

though I met him on hinge, it's

1:06:50

kind of cool. Yeah, you know what I mean. It's

1:06:52

unique in this own like you know, the

1:06:54

same way that we watch movies now and everybody's texting

1:06:57

and you know, like they're meeting people

1:06:59

online, like all the weird kind of ways that we

1:07:01

show technology and movies and television. I'm

1:07:03

like, oh, my life has just been updated

1:07:06

in the same way.

1:07:08

And I.

1:07:10

Can see that. I as

1:07:12

we get older, and you know, we're in

1:07:14

our thirties, it's not that old. But like you do

1:07:16

get stuck in your ways, Like I

1:07:18

have habits, I have things that have worked out.

1:07:20

There's things I don't want to change, Like

1:07:23

I'm allergic to yeast. There's this really

1:07:25

weird bread that nobody likes

1:07:27

that is legit disgusting. It

1:07:29

is so you can eat it, but I toast it. I put

1:07:32

some jam on it, and it makes me happy,

1:07:34

and I kind of feel like I'm like, I

1:07:36

found my bread. I don't need to find other bread. I don't

1:07:38

care if people make new bread. They actually weren't.

1:07:40

They didn't have it at Whole Foods, and I was like, hey, are

1:07:43

you not ordering this gross bread anymore? They

1:07:45

just moved it because like it was touching good bread.

1:07:50

But it's like I started to realize, like, you

1:07:52

know, the same way that you stop listening to new music and

1:07:54

you start like your habits

1:07:57

are the same way and your

1:07:59

philosophies. Right, My philosophy is that you don't

1:08:01

meet anybody good online.

1:08:02

Right, And if that's a story you're telling yourself, then that's a self

1:08:05

fulfilling prophecy, of course.

1:08:06

And you're not gonna meet anybody good online with that attitude,

1:08:08

no, you know, but it's also not true.

1:08:10

And we know that it's comedians because all of our fanilis

1:08:12

are coming from line. Yeah. I love

1:08:14

fans, and even before that, so before I was

1:08:16

a person with fans, I was a fangirl myself

1:08:18

and still I'm a fangirl. And I mean I ran

1:08:20

a Spice Girl's newsletter for five years. I

1:08:23

met up with these people in real life, like I forged

1:08:25

friendships. I have people from like a Tim

1:08:28

Curry Yahoo group that I was

1:08:30

ining, Like, I fucking love meeting

1:08:32

people online.

1:08:33

It's we need more reminders.

1:08:35

I think, like the like going

1:08:38

on a dating app, and both men and women alike

1:08:40

have experience just like just situations.

1:08:42

I think it's more so straight women, but like that you're

1:08:44

just so exhausted by humanity

1:08:46

and you notice that this one person or

1:08:48

this ten, these ten people don't represent the whole,

1:08:51

but the bad, more depressing

1:08:53

people are the loudest. So it's

1:08:56

it's it's difficult to denoise

1:08:58

yourself, and so it takes some stepping

1:09:00

in and going, hey, here's a different way to think about

1:09:02

this, and.

1:09:03

It's just revitalizing.

1:09:05

You're like, oh my god, this is a much more exciting

1:09:07

way to think about this process and then you can kind of

1:09:09

give it your all.

1:09:10

And I've had to reframe everything.

1:09:12

I've had to reframe, you know, my relationship

1:09:15

to food. I've had to reframe my relationship to working

1:09:17

out. I've had to reframe my relationship to my friends

1:09:19

as you know, they've moved away or had kids,

1:09:22

or quit this business or whatever. And it's

1:09:24

like you're constantly having

1:09:26

to change and grow and reframe

1:09:29

stuff. But when you care, when it's important

1:09:31

to you, like my friends are important. You moved

1:09:33

to Tennessee, I guess I'm doing a gig in Tennessee. Yeah,

1:09:35

you know what I mean. You figure out a way to keep your

1:09:38

friendships. But I think as

1:09:41

dating has morphed and changed, and

1:09:44

it's always been hard. And I've never been

1:09:46

a big dater, like I've never like

1:09:48

I would go years without dating, date

1:09:50

a little bit, find a boyfriend, dat a boyfriend for a while,

1:09:52

go years without dating like it was always I've

1:09:54

never not done that habit. I

1:09:59

the lulls got hard and the trying

1:10:02

became more taxing, especially because everything

1:10:05

else was good. Before it was like it was bad and maybe a

1:10:07

boy's gonna save me. Now it's like it's good and maybe

1:10:09

a guy's gonna ruin it, right, you know

1:10:11

what I mean. And it's like it's I mean,

1:10:13

as I've changed and grown, it's you

1:10:15

know, your priorities change, Yeah, and

1:10:17

you should.

1:10:18

Yeah, you EBB and you flow and you I think a comfort

1:10:20

zone is very like toxic

1:10:23

place to be a lot like a comfort zone is what hinders

1:10:25

most people.

1:10:26

For sure.

1:10:26

We don't want to we don't want to leave it because it feels so comfy.

1:10:29

But it's like, nah, if you get used to like, uh,

1:10:31

overriding that.

1:10:32

It's your life could be like super beautiful.

1:10:34

And I'm able to do it with comedy. That's like the

1:10:36

weird thing is that, like I think we constantly

1:10:38

have to change in morph in this business, and and

1:10:42

it's it's difficult, but you do it because

1:10:44

you love what you're doing and you want to get up on stage and you

1:10:46

want to connect with your fans and you want to write

1:10:48

new material. But like, I

1:10:51

don't know, man, Like there

1:10:53

hasn't been enough out

1:10:57

Okay, there's tons of stuff out there about like the perfect

1:10:59

relationship it right, but it's always just

1:11:01

seems like fictional,

1:11:03

elusive. Yeah, and then the reality

1:11:06

is what you live in, and that has been hard. So

1:11:08

you're just like, am I chasing a unicorn?

1:11:11

And is it a good use of my mental

1:11:14

space and time to be chasing this unicorn? And

1:11:16

I think more and more I kept being like

1:11:19

maybe like maybe

1:11:21

I'm not somebody that's going to meet somebody, And then

1:11:23

you'd go, well, if that's what I believe, I'm not going to make

1:11:26

an effort. Yeah, and so I can

1:11:28

be honest that I was like, I'm probably not going to meet

1:11:30

somebody. I might as well be happy in nine out

1:11:32

of ten areas. Yeah, that's pretty

1:11:35

good success. But then when you want

1:11:37

something it's too a disservice

1:11:39

not to try. Now you then start to

1:11:41

not realize that you put this little thing in place that says

1:11:43

like, oh, I'm not trying because I don't deserve it, or it's not

1:11:45

going to happen, or it's not real. And so I

1:11:47

don't think I realized I've had that like spaceholder

1:11:50

of it's not real for most of

1:11:52

my life, you know, yeah, right

1:11:55

right right, Wow, it's beautiful.

1:11:56

You're really evolving and growing and now you can like

1:11:58

enjoy this beautiful relationship.

1:12:00

It sounds he's such a good man. That's great.

1:12:03

It's nice to like I've never dated, I'm

1:12:05

currently I'm dating somebody that I'm like I'll

1:12:07

like just think about, like fuck, I love

1:12:09

him, like I'm so god,

1:12:12

he's the shit, Like I just I'm so happy, Like

1:12:14

what a lovely I'm honored to be this person's

1:12:16

partner. It's like, yeah, that's wow, that's pretty cool.

1:12:18

I've never Yeah, it's a nice feeling.

1:12:20

Yeah, I like, I don't I

1:12:22

truly don't know if I've ever been in something where like

1:12:25

I'm incredibly anxious and like I

1:12:27

have like I worry all

1:12:30

the time, and I don't know if I've

1:12:32

ever been in a relationship that I don't worry,

1:12:35

which is weird. Yeah, what kinds

1:12:37

of things were you worrying about previously?

1:12:39

If I fucked up? But if if if they

1:12:42

actually love me, if they love me me, you

1:12:45

know, my schedule, Like I've had many

1:12:47

talks with him from the beginning because

1:12:49

I started dating him right before I was about to tour to

1:12:51

get ready to shoot my special. So that's

1:12:54

a rigorous yeah.

1:12:55

Yeah.

1:12:55

So like in a month and a half, I was shooting a special and I was

1:12:57

on tour for like three weeks, and I remember like

1:13:00

we were only a couple weeks in and I was like, I'm gonna be gone.

1:13:03

So if this is like

1:13:05

I don't know if this is going to continue to move forward, but

1:13:07

if it is, like you let me know what

1:13:10

you're comfortable with and if you need to see other people.

1:13:12

Like I was like very open, and he's like, I can handle

1:13:15

it. He's like, I've had long distance girlfriends. I was like,

1:13:17

okay, just you know, I'm being

1:13:19

honest about my schedule in my

1:13:21

life. But like, you know, then it got kind of got

1:13:23

a little bit of a lull afterwards, and then I was like, hey, things

1:13:25

are going to pick up again. And I was

1:13:27

like I just kept checking in with him, and he's

1:13:30

like, I appreciate that you're checking in with me, but I'm

1:13:32

not worried. He's like, nice, I

1:13:34

love you, I care about you. I know what you do.

1:13:37

I understand your schedule.

1:13:38

You know.

1:13:38

He's busy with work too, and he's like like, I'm getting

1:13:41

ready to be in Europe for three weeks and like I

1:13:43

was like really worried about it. He's like, I'm busy

1:13:46

too, Liz. That's

1:13:48

awesome. He's like he's like he's

1:13:51

he's editing this this show and it needs

1:13:53

to be done by the end of June. He's like it kind of actually

1:13:55

worked out perfectly. He's like, I'm probably gonna have to go back

1:13:57

to La You're gonna be away. He was just like

1:14:00

he's like, yeah, like stop, but like

1:14:03

other like I check in a lot

1:14:05

because of all these worries, but like I'm

1:14:08

proud and that took work. I used to never check in. I would

1:14:10

just worry. And every

1:14:12

single time he was just like he's either like he

1:14:14

don't worry or be like, let's come up with solutions.

1:14:17

Yeah, I've never been like, oh, a proactive

1:14:19

solution. And how nice couple as a

1:14:21

team. I've never been on a team.

1:14:23

Oh, it's really awesome. It's really I've

1:14:25

been on a lot of teams, just not with a man. I've

1:14:28

been I've been on some teams with man, but yeah, no, I mean

1:14:30

like putting it in the work. And also like it's just like I

1:14:32

think dating someone who's busy, it's like, oh,

1:14:35

dating someone who sees something greater for themselves

1:14:37

outside of the relationship, Like that's that's

1:14:39

a good fighting quality. Yeah,

1:14:41

And man, when you both are in it and you

1:14:43

both put effort in and you both have careers

1:14:46

of your own that you love so much, like, Yo,

1:14:48

the sky's the limit.

1:14:49

That's so nice, it really is, Yeah, and like

1:14:51

and then also trying to enjoy it because I like, I liked

1:14:53

him right away, and so the

1:14:56

beginning nervousness is like, oh no, I like someone

1:14:58

like, oh good. And I remember I

1:15:00

called up my little sister after like our first

1:15:02

date, and I was like, I'm worried because I actually

1:15:05

genuinely think this guy is great and

1:15:08

I want to enjoy it, even if it's

1:15:10

three dates, yeah, three nights.

1:15:12

Yeah.

1:15:13

And so it was probably one of the first relationships

1:15:15

that it's like I never get to enjoy the honeymoon

1:15:17

phase. I'm just gonna try to enjoy

1:15:19

this even if it doesn't turn out the way

1:15:21

I thought it was, yeah, because you're like immediately worried about

1:15:23

the demise always, always

1:15:26

with any opportunity, yeah, and it's like you

1:15:28

never get to enjoy the fun stuff, like

1:15:31

you know, I was. I just did this thing for

1:15:34

after Midnight and it was super fun. Everybody was

1:15:36

super nice, but I haven't been on TV in five

1:15:38

years, and I was like, oh no, oh no, oh

1:15:40

no. And then you know, my boyfriend and my mom

1:15:42

and my sister came and they were like, how was

1:15:44

it, And I was like, I don't remember any of it. Yeah,

1:15:47

don't remember any of it. Like I was like we'll

1:15:49

watch the clips like I don't.

1:15:51

I don't.

1:15:51

And that's almost how my life has been, where

1:15:53

it's just like how that day go. And I was like, I don't know I

1:15:55

was there truly, I was just like

1:15:58

I was just like I think I picked a long eyeliner, like just

1:16:00

like you know what I mean, like just focusing on stupid

1:16:02

shit. Yeah, because I you

1:16:04

know, I couldn't not be in my head. So I think

1:16:07

some of the work is like I have to actively

1:16:10

be like I'm here, I'm doing my best, and whatever

1:16:13

happens happens, and I'm just going to try to enjoy

1:16:15

it. And that's been helpful in all

1:16:17

aspects.

1:16:18

Of my life.

1:16:19

Yeah, Like not clinging to an outcome

1:16:21

is like kind of the key to happiness. Yeah,

1:16:24

and enjoying the process of it.

1:16:26

Yeah, it's so hard. It's so hard

1:16:28

that but it seems like you're doing really good. How

1:16:30

do you stay?

1:16:32

Like there's something I sometimes struggle with, but I

1:16:34

feel like maybe have a good advice on like when

1:16:36

you find yourself like, oh my god, I'm not being present

1:16:39

right now, how do you snap

1:16:41

out of that?

1:16:43

So, I mean, sometimes I'm not being present

1:16:45

because to be present is to have all

1:16:47

my feelings and I don't. I've actually also

1:16:49

learned that doesn't necessarily have to be true

1:16:52

either, Like you don't I don't need to be present

1:16:54

for the bank line, and I don't you

1:16:56

know what I mean? Right, And like as

1:16:58

somebody that's really angry if like my flight's

1:17:01

delayed or whatever, my first thought is like, I'm

1:17:03

very present that I'm not on a plane right now,

1:17:07

and I will present and I will, you

1:17:09

know, be like, well, what work can we get done because

1:17:11

we have Wi Fi? Or you know, what can who can we

1:17:13

call that we haven't caught up with in a while, like and try

1:17:15

to like utilize that kind of thing. But

1:17:17

when I'm not present and I feel like I should be present,

1:17:20

like I I

1:17:23

sometimes truly talk to myself and

1:17:26

go, this is a moment that you've

1:17:28

wanted before, and you're you're letting

1:17:30

it pass you by, right, Yeah,

1:17:32

Like I

1:17:35

was cooking. I started cooking more and

1:17:37

it's kind of nice because I'm not the best cook. But my

1:17:40

boyfriend doesn't know how to cook, so he doesn't know and

1:17:42

he loves that. I like, I'll cook and I'll make I'll come

1:17:44

over his place and I'll make us dinner. So I'm like cooking

1:17:47

he's telling me about our day. I'm stressed out because

1:17:49

like I'm dyslexic and I'm not a good cook, so I'm just

1:17:51

like, I don't know what that says also a fourth

1:17:53

of what and like I'm just like so he's like

1:17:56

genuinely like sharing his day and it's super exciting

1:17:58

and is being like really flirty and fun and I'm like the

1:18:00

peace Evan the piece, like

1:18:03

just being crazy and he has his

1:18:05

arms around me, and I'm about to be like you can't

1:18:07

touch me while I'm cooking. Yeah, yeah, And then

1:18:09

I went and then I was like I

1:18:12

want this. Why am I pushing this man away?

1:18:14

And I was just like I literally was just

1:18:16

like, hey, I turned off the stove. I

1:18:18

let him finish his story. I was like,

1:18:21

all right, I'm ready to cook. Do you need anything

1:18:23

else? And like I had like a moment where I was just like instead

1:18:25

of like snapping because I'm overwhelmed

1:18:27

because I think he's going to judge me for like burning

1:18:29

something, why didn't I just enjoy this moment

1:18:32

that like a man is telling me about his day. I would have loved

1:18:34

for my ex boyfriend to tell me about his day, like

1:18:36

he your exploiver didn't tell about his day. He didn't talk

1:18:38

to me. I don't know what I was doing.

1:18:40

I don't Can you have his number? That sounds

1:18:42

great for me. I would love to not care

1:18:44

about a man.

1:18:45

I think.

1:18:47

That sounds hot.

1:18:49

But you know what I mean?

1:18:50

Like, well, yeah, because the most beautiful

1:18:53

moments in life are not usually

1:18:55

when we accomplish the thing that we've been wanting to call

1:18:58

Those are absolutely beautiful. But like looking

1:19:00

at somebody's eyes, or like creating

1:19:02

or writing a great joke, or like being

1:19:05

on a creative project with somebody and like having

1:19:07

a good writing.

1:19:08

Session, like, oh it feels awesome, Oh my god?

1:19:10

What is better?

1:19:11

Like going out with your girlfriends or like hearing your

1:19:13

friend who's broken hearted

1:19:15

and really listening to her, like or just looking

1:19:17

at a tree. Yeah, dude, fucking trees

1:19:20

are amazing and like or like when you slice open

1:19:22

fruit, Like that's why I love cooking, because it's like when

1:19:24

you slice open like vegetables and fruit, you're like, holy

1:19:27

shit, this was a fucking seed.

1:19:28

That is insane. That's beautiful. There's

1:19:31

so much beauty that we miss out on every day. You know, it's

1:19:33

so silly about that. I got a bunch of I was

1:19:35

on the road and I got a bunch of raspberries, and

1:19:38

raspberries are always pitted, right, but

1:19:40

oh wow, yeah, I guess they are. I know, you don't even think

1:19:42

about it. But they had had the leaves and I was like,

1:19:45

how do I pulled it out? And I had like this, and I

1:19:47

was like, I don't I've ever seen that. I've never seen it

1:19:49

either, I know, And I was like, I literally,

1:19:51

like truly like a door cubs, Like I learned something

1:19:53

today. Yeah, learning is so fun. Yeah,

1:19:56

like like a little.

1:19:57

Kid, that's so great, but that's

1:19:59

the best moment and like yeah, and

1:20:01

then when you can learn to be present with another person,

1:20:04

it's like, oh wow, this is like next level amazing

1:20:06

and.

1:20:07

I know how to do it. Like I probably

1:20:09

have been disassociating most of my

1:20:11

life and probably like a low hum depression

1:20:14

when when I wasn't like a full depression.

1:20:17

And I'm very grateful to

1:20:19

my therapist. I'm grateful for the friends I've had through

1:20:21

every version of myself.

1:20:24

But I think the one thing is is that I now

1:20:28

that I don't disassociate, and now

1:20:30

that I don't have this low hum depression. I

1:20:33

know what feeling decent feels

1:20:35

like, and so I

1:20:37

can tell when I'm anxious, which I've been quite

1:20:39

anxious lately, and I can be like, Okay, what can

1:20:42

I do to fix that? Who can I talk to? And

1:20:45

I listen to my body

1:20:48

and my brain more than I ever have before.

1:20:51

So I think I am more present

1:20:53

in the sense that I just I feel

1:20:55

better, and I know what feeling better feels

1:20:58

like. And when you don't feel good, you know what to do. You

1:21:00

know, to just be with yourself. Discernment is beautiful

1:21:03

for sure, And like, so I was getting anxious about

1:21:05

cooking, and I had to be like, why am I anxious about

1:21:07

this? And I was like, oh, because I can't focus the two things at once.

1:21:09

And I'm not good at either of these things. I'm

1:21:13

not a good listener, I'm not a good cook. Like, let's

1:21:15

pick one. Would you previously just reacted

1:21:18

to the fact that you're anxious? I would

1:21:20

I probably, I probably would have yelled at him. I put

1:21:22

it been like, dude, like I can't talk to you right

1:21:24

now, as opposed to like he's like giddy talking

1:21:26

about his day about a meeting, and I'm like,

1:21:28

I love that. I love that he's like sharing his day

1:21:30

with me. What am I doing? It's just peas, like, what

1:21:32

are we doing here?

1:21:34

Right?

1:21:34

That's beautiful. It's a good moment. I remember

1:21:36

what I had with my ex boyfriend.

1:21:38

We were we were trying to watch Cheer and I

1:21:40

fucking hate when people talk during TV

1:21:42

shows. I mean, my whole life is dedicated

1:21:45

to media. I went to film school. I'm like, please, just don't.

1:21:47

There's a million hours in the day to talk, not when we're doing that.

1:21:49

And then he was the same thing. He was like trying to tell

1:21:51

me a story that he was excited about, and I go with, is

1:21:53

modern technology witch? You have a remote control

1:21:56

and you have a pause button. So I just paused it and I was

1:21:58

like, tell me what you're thinking. And then he went

1:22:00

back to the show and I was like, Wow, wasn't that an easy solution.

1:22:03

I'm not mad, I don't I don't miss what's happening

1:22:05

on Cheer. And he still got to tell me his story,

1:22:08

like it is possible. You can have it all,

1:22:10

you know, you really can't.

1:22:16

That's amazing. Yeah, what a journey.

1:22:18

It's really it's beautiful. I think it's

1:22:20

like a pro like a product of getting older, but

1:22:23

like when you have to fight for your

1:22:25

inner piece, like it's not fun and

1:22:27

it's not like healing. I wish one thing

1:22:29

I wish I knew was like when you go set

1:22:31

on that journey to like figure yourself out

1:22:33

and get to know yourself for the first time, it's not fun at

1:22:36

all. Goddamn is it the opposite

1:22:38

of fun and terrorizing in fact, But like what's

1:22:40

on the other end of that is like, oh my

1:22:43

god. And then you when you have a foundation for yourself,

1:22:45

like I think, kurrent you've always had this of like isny

1:22:48

thing I've had. Yeah, it's amazing though, because

1:22:50

bat shit's gonna happen till the day we die.

1:22:53

Happy surprises, good surprises.

1:22:55

People are gonna lie to us, they're gonna disappoint us, people

1:22:57

are going to come through when we didn't expect them.

1:22:59

Like all of these moments, we're gonna keep experiencing

1:23:01

them.

1:23:01

But like when you have that solid foundation, you're like, Okay,

1:23:04

whatever was gonna happen, we got

1:23:06

it, it's okay.

1:23:07

And it's like that's crazy. Yeah,

1:23:09

And the fact that like, yeah, it's it's just a wild

1:23:12

I mean, I talked to my therapist

1:23:14

today and I was like, I think they'll like and I'm like, I'm

1:23:17

just struggling with anxiety lately. And I was

1:23:19

like, and I think what kind of brings me down to

1:23:21

earth is like I know that I

1:23:24

between having financial stability and emotional

1:23:26

stability, I'm doing better than like ninety

1:23:28

five percent of people. Yeah, And it's like I

1:23:30

have to remember that, and I earned both

1:23:33

of them. I worked really hard for both of them, and

1:23:35

they're both something that you have to continue to nurture

1:23:37

and you know, kind of take

1:23:40

care of. But at the same time, like I am

1:23:43

fine and I will be fine,

1:23:46

and I've done the work too that

1:23:48

I've done enough work that I can enjoy it and

1:23:51

I should enjoy it.

1:23:52

Yeah, beautiful, It's

1:23:54

been very nice to watch you, just like amass

1:23:56

all these followers and your specials doing so

1:23:58

well. So because you know, we're

1:24:01

we're all petty bitches in this and we

1:24:03

keep do we keep tabs? And like there's people

1:24:05

who you're like, man, that person worth their fucking ass

1:24:07

off and goddamn do they deserve that? And then there's

1:24:10

people yeah's and then

1:24:12

there's other people, yeah, but in

1:24:14

the first group. So congratulations

1:24:16

on all your success and continued success and

1:24:19

tell people where they can watch your new special

1:24:21

and where to find you on tour and all that good stuff.

1:24:24

Yeah.

1:24:24

So Murder Sheets, it's my new special. Its

1:24:26

on YouTube. I have four

1:24:29

free specials on YouTube if you want to see all of them.

1:24:31

And then I'm touring a whole new hour called space

1:24:34

Camp. Did

1:24:36

you want to space Camp?

1:24:37

No?

1:24:37

I went, oh did you? Yeah, I'm

1:24:39

talking. I'm like, I just I love it was great.

1:24:42

It's so fun.

1:24:43

It's so funny. It's about washing my cat

1:24:45

in the washing machine and how I think I sent

1:24:47

it to space Camp. That's

1:24:50

awesome.

1:24:51

Oh my goodness.

1:24:53

I was like, kind of fine. Literally,

1:24:55

before I tell the story, I go, Before I tell the story, I want

1:24:58

to preface it with He's fine, we

1:25:00

can all enjoy it. The whole run through is that I

1:25:02

think I think I sent him to space Camp. That's so cute.

1:25:05

Definitely all right, Thank

1:25:08

you so much, Liz.

1:25:09

Watch Murder she's on YouTube and all her other specialtyer

1:25:12

on tour.

1:25:12

She's a great watch.

1:25:13

This has been guys, We fucked The anti

1:25:16

slut shaming podcast We will talk to you next

1:25:18

Friday. Bye, guys. We Fucked is presented

1:25:21

by Luminary, Created and hosted by

1:25:23

Karin Fisher and Christina Hutchinson. Editing

1:25:25

and music coordination by Mike Coscarelli.

1:25:28

Theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake

1:25:30

Cozen Stuck my wet ass pussy, Christina

1:25:34

said the cup before, but now it's in their Yeah, let's

1:25:36

keep it.

1:25:37

I've been running on fumes, just

1:25:39

spent the last of them.

1:25:46

And if you'd ask me now, let's say

1:25:48

I don't care to start again.

1:25:55

If I stay still enough, I

1:26:00

can't fill time. Because

1:26:03

love, if you're not here,

1:26:09

been anywhere is fine. Love

1:26:14

if you're not here anywhere

1:26:19

is fine. There's a portion

1:26:21

of my tongue that's now immune to

1:26:24

swede. I

1:26:29

should have taken market.

1:26:31

To watch what I eat. You

1:26:38

see this as a fake world, but

1:26:43

I see this as a sign. But

1:26:47

love, if you're not anywhere.

1:26:52

Then here is just fine. Love

1:26:57

if you're not anywhere, he

1:27:02

is just fine.

1:27:03

Oh.

1:27:24

The conversation that this bar is

1:27:26

shallow wind absurd. But

1:27:33

the emphasis tonight I find

1:27:36

is not upon words. Charts

1:27:43

about mu standard show.

1:27:47

Steadying the Climb's

1:27:51

love if you're.

1:27:52

Not my everyone.

1:27:56

Than anyone who's fine.

1:28:00

Hello. If it's not mine,

1:28:02

every one.

1:28:05

Vanny one is fine looking,

1:28:08

not gonna chamber out.

1:28:09

That's game is the players all ball,

1:28:17

So then I ain't gonna When they won't

1:28:19

tell me about there, I.

1:28:26

Will say, sing up ball. It's

1:28:30

a prison, not design because

1:28:34

love.

1:28:35

If I can shar space, Vannny,

1:28:40

space is fine, Hello

1:28:45

the Falcon shar spaces.

1:28:49

Any space is fine. Indifferental