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On radio. You know the

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scores, cats and giddies. You can go

2:00

to Patreon. patreon.com/Magic Tavern to become a

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and support this independently produced podcast. But

2:10

enough of the soft sell. Coming right up,

2:12

it's all time fave, offices and bosses. Get

2:14

ready to enjoy the first episode of season

2:16

4 from earlier this year. But before that,

2:18

let's check in with Craig and PV3. Wait,

2:22

that's... that's me. Oh

2:28

Yeah, I don't trust it either maybe we

2:30

should try poking it. Oh Looks

2:34

like it's time for today's transmission Sorry for the

2:36

delay folks after our stint is planet eating gods

2:38

PV3 and I landed in this tranquil meadow Only

2:41

this time the glowing purple orb that zaps us

2:43

to the next dimension is just sitting

2:45

here right in front of

2:47

us This is

2:50

my to I know PV3 it usually takes us

2:52

the entire arc just to get near it can't

2:54

be this easy, right? There's not even

2:56

a velvet rope around it. Oh Okay,

2:59

you go find a poking stick and I'll intro the episode

3:01

looks like it's the first entry in season 4 of offices

3:04

and bosses This time around

3:06

Chunt is running a game set in high

3:08

school answering the age-old question What do very

3:10

very old people think teenagers act like you

3:13

folks find out while we figure out what to do with

3:15

this orb? Enjoy You

3:26

Hear not marketing manager

3:29

IT professional sales

3:32

rep and temp

3:34

I Am

3:37

office manager your guide in the realm

3:39

of offices and bosses you Sir,

3:48

I haven't seen you this excited in

3:51

a long time Well,

3:54

I must admit. It's been a long

3:56

time since we've played offices and bosses

4:00

And in this campaign, why

4:02

none other than our dear friend, Chauntyz, decided

4:04

to run the game for us. Can you

4:06

believe it? Wait, is that, wait, hold on.

4:08

That's today. Yes, it's

4:10

today. Aren't you prepared? He

4:12

gave us a whole list of things to

4:15

prepare. Yeah, can I borrow, I just need

4:17

to add some notes. Can I borrow your

4:19

quill? Yes, let me

4:21

remove my hat and reach

4:24

deep down into my hat and pull out

4:26

this rabbit. It's

4:28

Momo. Oh, sorry,

4:30

Momo. Not a rabbit, it's okay. No, that's

4:32

okay. Hey, Momo. Hi, are you

4:34

ready to play? Yeah, I am, I'm

4:36

ready. Momo, do you have a quill I could

4:38

borrow? I know there's a quill in here. Do

4:41

I? I am ready. I've

4:43

been preparing all week, probably like you

4:45

have. I don't like letting Chauntyz

4:47

down. What?

4:52

It has to be one person. I have a piece of

4:54

chalk, will that work? I guess

4:56

so. Ah,

5:00

stretching, stretching, stretching. It's

5:02

been a while since Momo played, I forget how physical

5:04

this is. Oh, Momo, I prepare

5:07

to be transported to another world.

5:09

It shall be so delightful. We

5:11

shall be required to go

5:14

into offices and file paperwork

5:17

and fax things. Oh,

5:20

I can't wait. Ah! Nervous.

5:25

Oh, I'm so sorry, Arnie, Eusidor, Miss

5:29

Rabbit, I'm so sorry I'm late. I have

5:31

been up, huh? The heck, what? Do

5:34

I have a rabbit vibe today? Something about?

5:36

There's something about your ears. Are your ears

5:38

longer than usual? Oh

5:41

my God, they're a little stretched out. They're

5:43

a little stretched out, I'm feeling it. I

5:45

think for me, it's the supreme confidence you

5:47

have leaning up against something with your legs crossed

5:49

while you crunch into a carrot? What do you mean?

5:51

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,

5:54

la. Is

5:56

that what the noise that he makes? La, la, la, la, la, la, la,

5:58

la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I

6:01

have been up for the last week

6:03

trying to perfect my offices and bosses

6:05

campaign Do you remember maybe like

6:07

seven years ago with metamorph? We did

6:09

an expansion called classrooms and teachers? Yeah,

6:12

I think so. Well, I've been working

6:14

on an updated version You

6:16

know, I just wanted to raise the stakes a little

6:18

bit really make sure we're getting into our roles So

6:22

not only are we doing an expanded

6:24

version of classrooms and teachers But I

6:26

had Claudia the witch cursed this spin-off

6:28

so that if you die in the game you die in

6:30

real life So are we all ready to play? Stakes

6:35

and rolls I'm hungry as hell. I'm

6:38

nervous laughing. What did you say with

6:40

your mouth? I'm so hungry

6:42

stakes and rolls. He keeps talking about these things and

6:44

now I can't stop eating at dinner Maybe

6:47

I should change the campaign to stakes and rolls.

6:49

That's a pretty good spin-off, too Oh, are

6:52

we all gonna play food? I'm kind of into that

6:56

Look if this campaign goes well Maybe

6:59

we'll add on and maybe we'll set aside some

7:01

time to do another campaign where we're all articles

7:03

of food You know articles of food is that

7:06

how you say it if it goes well, or

7:08

if it goes medium well Okay,

7:13

is everybody ready have a seat have a seat

7:15

gather round, okay, here

7:18

we go We

7:22

start we wouldn't chun go no, I'm behind

7:24

this I'm sorry. I'm shorter than I remember

7:27

Oh, yeah, okay the rumors about Arnie

7:29

not having object permanence are true They're

7:32

true use the door people keep saying it

7:34

behind his back, but it's true. I started

7:36

that rumor Guess

7:38

Chun's gone forever Momo

7:40

pretend to throw your keys, but just keep them in your

7:42

hand and see what happens. Oh, here goes my

7:44

keys What see

7:47

you sit or now

7:49

jingle them at him All

7:54

right, let's do this I'm ready Okay

7:58

Shape shifts a little bit bigger so I didn't can see the

8:00

top of my ears. We start where

8:02

any good stories are. Is there a rabbit back

8:04

there? Oh, brother. We

8:07

start where any good story begins, Ohio,

8:10

specifically middle Ohio

8:13

and more specifically, middle

8:15

Ohio teenager high school. Oh,

8:18

exotic. Where the three of you will

8:20

be entering as freshmen. Arnie,

8:23

you know how we spent some time in Ohio in

8:25

the 1980s? Well, I snuck

8:27

out and I was a sub to tits

8:29

teacher for a while. And what's this now?

8:32

And I learned that's a sub to tits teacher.

8:34

What am I saying? No, sub to tits. Yeah,

8:36

I was a sub to tits teacher for a

8:39

little while. I learned the lay of the land.

8:41

So I'm very excited to set this in middle

8:43

Ohio. OK, so you're into sub to tits. Yeah,

8:46

it's kind of like soup to nuts. Aren't we all? What

8:49

are we even talking about, gentlemen? Mommy,

8:52

you put a sub between your tits. Yeah.

8:54

What are we even talking about? OK. Arnie,

9:00

Eusodor Momo, it is that most magic of days.

9:02

If I could bottle this feeling up and sell

9:04

it as a candle, I would. Guys,

9:07

it's the first day of school. Wonderful.

9:12

And here we are in middle Ohio, me

9:14

smoking my pipe, getting ready to do

9:17

some fireworks for a birthday party. Sounds

9:20

like fun. I should

9:22

explain it's called middle Ohio teenager high school

9:24

because everyone here at this high school is

9:27

in agreement that they're playing a teenager, even

9:29

though they're a little bit older. Arnie, I'm

9:31

using what you said are grease rules. Everyone

9:33

here is like 37. But

9:36

we're all committed to the illusion. I don't want

9:38

any fucking weirdness. Try

9:41

10 times that age. OK,

9:44

we start our journey in the pulsating

9:46

hordes of the parking lot at

9:48

middle Ohio teenager high school. Thousands of kids

9:51

are running hither and tither as you three

9:53

make your way to the front entrance of

9:55

the school. You don't know each other yet,

9:58

but you notice a. marble

10:00

slab sign that says Middle

10:02

Ohio Teenager High School, go

10:04

screaming moths! And

10:06

underneath that is the school motto, You

10:09

Can't Hold a Candle to Us. You

10:11

notice that moths is an

10:13

acronym for Middle Ohio Teenager

10:15

High School, and your eyes wander down the

10:17

sign until you are struck by the image of

10:20

the moths mascot, which is a

10:22

nightmarish moth beast with its

10:24

mouth open wide and a rectus scream. Ooh,

10:27

yeah, kind of fun. Moth mouth. Yeah,

10:30

oh, do I have a moth

10:32

mouth? You

10:34

look great. Thank you. I ate a

10:36

sweater earlier, I just was worried. This

10:39

imagery is seemingly plastered on every

10:41

door, the screaming moth. It's

10:43

on every door, every car bumper, t-shirt, jacket, and

10:46

hat that you pass. As you finally get through

10:48

the giant main doors of the school, you

10:51

see endless rows of lockers being

10:53

opened and slammed shut by a

10:55

grotesque gaggle of clumsy

10:57

hormonal freaks. These

11:00

are teenagers. Tell

11:03

us how you really feel. The three of you

11:06

find yourselves all standing agog

11:08

in the main corridor, and you kind of notice

11:10

each other, and I'll give the

11:12

three of you a chance to talk to meet

11:15

each other. Hey, if

11:19

any of you guys want to come over to

11:22

my parents' house this weekend, or

11:24

having a radical party, and

11:27

you know, you just go over to my parents'

11:29

house, just go

11:31

up to the mailbox

11:33

that says Master Chief, I'm Lloyd

11:35

Master Chief, and

11:38

you know, everyone comes

11:40

over there, Shannon, Shane,

11:44

Shania, everyone's going to be there.

11:47

And Lloyd, would you mind just describing

11:51

Lloyd Master Chief to us? Of

11:53

course. Lloyd is, of course, wearing

11:56

his three polo shirts, all

11:58

one on top of the other. He's

12:00

wearing four button-up sweaters. One, he

12:02

is wearing the way he normally wears a

12:05

sweater. One is tied around his waist. One

12:08

is tied around his neck and hanging over his

12:10

shoulders. And the other is in a crook of

12:13

his finger, hanging over

12:15

another shoulder. I'm

12:18

just gonna predict now that that's

12:20

gonna become a problem for you. You think?

12:22

Yeah, you're gonna get stuck on things. Or

12:24

a solution. Well, to make up for it.

12:27

To a or a solution, very good

12:29

Momo. Yes, make every weakness into a

12:31

strength. And of course I'm wearing a

12:33

parachute pants. So

12:36

I have a way to get out of here if I

12:38

need to. Oh, smart. And

12:41

as you continue to mingle, Momo,

12:43

why don't you introduce your character? What's

12:47

up fellas? I'm Stony Rivers.

12:50

I don't know if you remember me from middle school.

12:52

Probably not. If

12:56

you all need weed. Or

12:59

anything like that. I'm sort of your guy

13:01

for that. Sounds like your party has all

13:03

the sound people. Sounds like you're gonna need

13:05

a lot of weed. I'm your guy.

13:07

He should come over to our party. That'll

13:09

be great. And

13:11

Stony Rivers has an unruly

13:14

mop of curly hair, a

13:17

bright tie-dye t-shirt, baggy pants,

13:19

and a perpetual cloud of

13:21

sweet smelling smoke trailing him.

13:24

And he carries around a skateboard with a

13:26

little, on the little hook of his finger

13:29

over his shoulder. But

13:31

no one's ever seen him ride it. And his

13:33

dad is a state senator and his mom's on the

13:36

PTA and he's on a quest to get high and

13:38

break some rules. I should also

13:40

clarify, even though Lloyd said

13:42

you should come to the party, he's very nervous

13:44

about having weed at the party. I

13:47

gotta chime in just as the sort

13:49

of DM here. I

13:51

gotta chime in to say, Lloyd, you

13:53

have parachute pants, Stony,

13:56

you have baggy pants. I

13:58

think the biggest boss in this... game is

14:00

gonna be a huge gust of wind. I think

14:03

that's what we got to look out for. So prepare

14:05

yourselves for that. Momma, have

14:07

you considered just always using that voice?

14:11

What voice? The

14:13

Stony River's voice. Have you considered just making that

14:15

your voice? Is

14:17

it better? I mean, it's something.

14:20

I mean, there's just something to it. I'll

14:22

tell you, Arnie, what a rude thing to

14:24

say. Would you have me speaking

14:27

some other voice other than the one you've come to

14:29

know and love? Yes. How

14:32

dare you. I mean, none of the ones, none

14:34

of the ones yet. We haven't found yours yet. Okay,

14:37

well, I'm working on it, so

14:39

maybe Lloyd Master Chief will be

14:42

the one. Mm-hmm. Arnie, to

14:44

be completely honest with you, I've already forgotten the

14:46

voice that I did. I think it'll change a

14:48

little bit every time I do it. Oh, shit.

14:50

It was so good. It was so good. Why

14:52

don't we finish this game, and then we'll check

14:54

in and see if we want Momo to be

14:56

a stoner rabbit for the rest of time. And

14:58

I will, and I would, and I will, and

15:00

I should, and I probably am going to. And

15:06

as you continue to compare extra

15:10

material pants in the hallway, Arnie, why

15:12

don't you introduce yourself? Okay. Let me

15:15

shuffle my scrolls here. I

15:17

just want to make one caveat

15:19

before I introduce my character, and

15:21

I'm sorry if this... Here we

15:24

go. ...adds

15:26

too much of a burden to the game, but as

15:28

I've said many times, I don't really like the game

15:30

offices and bosses. I come from a world where being

15:33

in an office and being in school

15:35

is actually quite boring and uninteresting to

15:38

me. In my world, we try to

15:40

escape into other types of role-playing games.

15:42

So I'm going to play as a character

15:44

from the very popular role-playing game on Earth,

15:46

Call of Cthulhu. What? Call of Cthulhu? Call

15:48

of Cthulhu? And just to spice it up

15:50

for me, my name is

15:53

Lou. I'm a,

15:55

I'm like a teenage version of

15:57

an Eldritch horror, an Elder God.

16:00

I have a

16:02

sort of a squid face. That's so boring.

16:04

There's like three people in the bar that

16:06

look like that right now. Oh shit, you're

16:08

right. There are so many squid faces in

16:11

the bar right now. Ani, we could call

16:13

a Cthulhu any time between these games. Anytime

16:16

you wanna call a Cthulhu, just ask me and we'll

16:18

call one up. Yeah buddy, you wanna call a Cthulhu?

16:21

Look, I don't wanna call a look. If

16:23

I get into a spot where I don't

16:25

know an answer, I might use one of

16:27

my call a Cthulhu's, but

16:30

for now, I'm sort of a

16:32

teenage Cthulhu named Lou. I'm

16:36

a little bit of a nerd. You

16:38

know, I wear a hoodie that's pulled up over

16:40

my head. I wear

16:42

a hat, I wear very big glasses

16:44

that I don't need, but I'm sort

16:46

of trying to disguise my face mostly

16:49

because when people see it, their

16:52

sanity is shaken if

16:54

not entirely shattered. You

16:58

know, one of those, one of those kids.

17:00

Yeah, I gotta say anytime I'm underwater, what

17:02

makes me not recognize a squid or octopus is

17:04

when they're wearing big old glasses. Yeah,

17:07

that helps, that helps. Hey, sorry,

17:09

Chunt, I know you're running this game, but

17:12

Ani's making up rules where he gets to

17:14

call a Cthulhu. Is it okay

17:16

if he also gets a 50-50 and a bone a

17:18

friend? He gets a 50-50, he

17:20

gets a bone a friend. What

17:23

happens if I bone a friend? Wait, this

17:25

is a trap. Everybody wins, this is a trap.

17:27

Can I ask the audience, and

17:30

I'm just going to gesture to the

17:32

bar? Chunt,

17:34

if it's okay with you, we can probably do most of those things, right?

17:38

Yeah, you can phone a fiend, really anything

17:40

you want. Great. Yeah, pretty loose

17:42

rules around here. Consider these rules like a

17:44

pair of pants. About

17:48

to be blown away. Also,

17:50

because I don't have a, people

17:52

would consider like a human body.

17:54

I'm wearing very big, very

17:57

loose pants. Okay.

17:59

Oh, yeah. Okay, all right, and

18:02

the thing I want more than anything hmm

18:05

is to be popular Arnie

18:09

buddy You're popular.

18:11

Mm-hmm. What no I'm in my

18:13

carrot. Oh, right. Yeah me too me

18:15

too me too I'm

18:19

kind of the charismatic figure at the middle of

18:21

this podcast. I sort of draw you all together,

18:23

but but in this game I'm

18:25

not like a weak unpopular guy

18:29

Okay, we're all just staring at you

18:31

blinking and yes, I'm aware. I'm saying that out loud

18:37

Lou hey, are

18:40

you interested in coming to my party? You know I

18:44

You know I'm I'm one of

18:46

the popular kids But I'm kind of the least popular popular kid

18:49

and I'd really love to get someone lower on the totem than

18:51

me if you know What I mean? Oh,

18:53

I'm sure you're not talking to me. No one

18:55

talks to me because I literally said your

18:58

name What my name? Oh, that's right Lou

19:01

Or you could call me Louie Hey,

19:04

Louie. Am I so high right now?

19:06

Or do you have a face that

19:08

belongs under the sea you

19:10

can't be talking to me? Mojo we

19:12

do need you to roll to see how high you

19:15

are. Oh, yeah, just take a d20

19:17

there And

19:21

unfortunately Mo Mo rolled a natural 20 right out

19:23

of the gate Sort of the worst

19:25

possible time to do that so

19:27

Momo you in your head You're

19:29

still at home, or you're dead. You don't

19:31

know which but you're definitely not at school

19:33

So there are no consequences. You're just floating

19:35

through this day even though you are literally

19:37

here. It's probably good Walking

19:40

in space I feel the

19:42

purpose of peace It's

19:44

from hair Momo

19:46

is high no that's from your brain Momo

19:49

thoughts are from your brain Thoughts come

19:51

from your if your brain not your hair

19:53

from your hair. I'm going method Momo Momo

19:56

me getting high so I

19:58

can play River is better.

20:02

Arnie, you said Arnie, you said Arnie, you said Arnie. Yeah.

20:05

Meet me behind this cardboard screen. Okay. Do

20:07

you think Momo met? It's nice back here, by the

20:09

way. Isn't it? I have a chandelier. There's

20:11

so much candy back here. Where did they

20:14

go? Did they all leave

20:16

at the same time? I'll just keep

20:18

waving. Oh. Do you

20:20

think Momo met H-A-R-E? Oh.

20:22

Oh, with those ears, Momo does

20:25

look like a hare. I think she's trying

20:27

to turn into a rabbit. Let's get

20:29

back out there. Okay, back back to you. Not as directly,

20:31

but as suddenly to find out if she's trying to become

20:33

a rabbit. Okay, okay, okay. It's a

20:35

good thing I can barely read. I didn't see any

20:38

of the secret information behind that. Well,

20:40

speaking of reading, as the three of you, Lloyd

20:42

Master Chief, Lou or Louie, and Stony

20:44

Rivers hang out in the hallway, you

20:47

notice that there's a freshman orientation

20:50

table near the main

20:52

entrance there with some pamphlets laying on there. So

20:54

you all three grab one. And what

20:56

you find out is that at this school, it's

20:59

almost like a, this is a

21:01

word I learned in Ohio, Arnie, it's almost like

21:03

a Montessori school. So the

21:05

classes here, you can kind of pop

21:07

in and pop out at your leisure.

21:09

You can kind of get a

21:11

feel for stuff before you choose what you want to take.

21:14

And what the three of you are going

21:17

to do today is you are going to

21:19

try and become popular. Okay,

21:21

so I have a list of classes here.

21:23

I'm going to let you choose which classes

21:25

you go into. And as a group, the

21:27

three of you must achieve three

21:30

positive class experiences. Cool.

21:33

Okay. Thus successfully fitting into this school.

21:36

Or the game will end if

21:38

you three reach three negative class experiences,

21:40

which way you will all run

21:42

out of the building and return

21:45

to your parents begging to be homeschooled. Does

21:47

that make sense? Yeah, sounds good. Yeah, all

21:49

right. So I'm going to read

21:51

off the list of classes that you can choose as a

21:53

group to go into to try

21:55

and test your metal, test your intellectual metal.

21:58

I'm sorry, I do have one quick question.

22:00

Yeah. Are we trying to get

22:02

three collectively good experiences?

22:04

Yes. Okay. Absolutely.

22:07

And here's what I'll say. So are we

22:09

responsible for one good thing each, kind of?

22:12

Um, well you can use, you can combine resources,

22:15

because I feel like I'm not good to

22:17

say who. I feel like, you know, some

22:19

people should carry deadly. Okay.

22:22

Looks around the room. Not me. Not making that kind

22:24

of thing with the hood. Don't think I was me

22:26

either. And Arnie,

22:29

I should say, um, when you pop into a

22:31

classroom, you have to stay until you either pass

22:33

or fail. So you can't kind of

22:35

pop your head in, see what the challenge is and then leave. Um,

22:38

yeah. So in addition to your freshman

22:40

year goal, which is what I just

22:42

said, your goal overall this entire campaign

22:44

is to quote unquote, rule

22:46

the school. And how else do you do

22:48

that? Then by becoming popular.

22:51

So to help you all gauge

22:53

how you're doing, I'll be giving

22:55

out XP points during the game.

22:57

Obviously XP standing for extremely popular.

23:00

And you all will level up after

23:02

every hundred points. So keep track of

23:04

your own popularity points and give

23:06

a little scream or yell if you happen to level up.

23:09

Scream. That

23:12

sounds good to me. You notice

23:14

on the freshman orientation table, there is a sort

23:17

of a swag bag. So

23:19

the three of you start kind of tearing through it,

23:21

already feeling comfortable with each other. And

23:23

you find a few items in here that might

23:25

help you over this campaign. So in this backpack

23:27

of holding or tote bag, as you see here,

23:30

what you'll find is item number one,

23:32

an eraser. With this eraser, you can

23:35

erase or take back one thing you

23:37

say or do during the campaign. It

23:40

can only be used one time. Okay.

23:43

You also find a 12 inch ruler. You

23:46

can consult with this short King. If you need any

23:48

help or advice along the way, again, a one time

23:51

use item. You also

23:53

have a trap and keeper. This

23:55

is like a folder that traps someone inside of it comfortably for

23:58

up to 24 hours. One time use item. And

24:01

finally, Arnie you'll love this one.

24:04

Finally is a number two pencil. If you

24:06

can convince someone to take the pencil from

24:08

you, they will immediately shit themselves. That is

24:10

also a one time use pencil. Hey

24:12

Chant, these are a lot of fun. I

24:15

like these a lot. Chant, would

24:17

you say of all the words in the

24:19

English language, trap and keeper, the two that

24:21

you find most evocative? I'd

24:26

have to think about it, but it's up there. It's top two for

24:28

sure, if not one. Any

24:30

questions about the items that you found? No,

24:33

I'm all set. I

24:37

would like to go to chemistry class.

24:42

Is there a chemistry class on the schedule that I

24:44

can see? Yes, there is. But

24:46

let me give you the full list of

24:49

classes. That way you can choose just so

24:51

you're not mad that you

24:53

missed out on something. What was

24:55

that bubble? Nothing. Guys,

24:58

he clearly didn't come up with chemistry class. So

25:01

let me go through these pretty quickly. We

25:03

have home economics, shop class,

25:05

basic algebra, even basic

25:08

algebra, math for dumb,

25:11

magic, geography, biology,

25:13

speech and debate,

25:15

chemistry, music, art,

25:18

history, improv,

25:20

sex education, English,

25:23

PE, drive or ed, lunch,

25:25

podcasting, secret party in the

25:27

locker room, random school assembly,

25:30

and wrapping in riddles. Oh,

25:32

no. OK, these all

25:34

sound fun. I can think of a

25:36

couple right near the end that

25:38

would kill me. Momo, did you say wrapping in riddles?

25:40

No, I did not. Let's

25:43

see. I'm tempted to

25:45

do magic. Want to choose

25:48

something basic first? It's just

25:50

like a run-of-the-mill class. You know what

25:52

Momo's saying? History or English

25:54

are one of the basic ones. I

25:57

don't want to get too complicated right out of the game. I

26:00

don't know what you two are thinking, but basic

26:02

algebra sounds pretty easy. I

26:05

don't know about that. Well,

26:08

but then even more basic,

26:10

basic or algebra sounds easier.

26:13

And then there's math for dumb. Letters

26:16

are numbers, and Momo

26:18

hates when letters are numbers. Yeah.

26:22

Look, if we had to do a math one, I

26:24

would prefer to do math for dumb. Let's do math

26:26

for dumb. I worry that that's gonna be too advanced.

26:31

Fine, we'll do improv. No, no. No, no. Use

26:33

your door, no, please, no. Use your door, please.

26:35

Well, I just wanna know, I'm looking into, I

26:37

wanna look at this pamphlet for a second. Can

26:39

I like, I just, can

26:42

I roll perception or something on this pamphlet?

26:44

I just wanna make sure we don't accidentally

26:46

get tricked into going into the wrong class.

26:48

This is very important. Yeah, Arnie, go ahead

26:51

and roll for perception. Okay.

26:56

I rolled a 30. Huh.

27:00

Can I see your die real quick? Yeah, oh,

27:02

I should have said, in Call of Cthulhu, you use

27:04

100 side of die. Oh,

27:07

so that's a lower score. That is, that

27:09

is a lower one, yeah. But

27:13

I guess we're playing with the 20 max. So I'll give it to you,

27:15

Arnie. You examined the pamphlet and

27:17

you sort of noticed there are two

27:20

creases sort of down

27:22

the middle. And as you kind of

27:24

fold the page then, I see, sort

27:28

of fold along the creases, you

27:30

find that the classes smart, that

27:34

I'm observing the

27:36

basic properties of a

27:38

pamphlet. You'll

27:41

do so good in math for that. This

27:43

is not just one picture. As

27:45

you fold along the edges, you realize

27:47

you can turn the pages. There's two

27:49

sides to the pages. There's

27:52

nothing written on them, but you do notice

27:54

that. I see. And you feel pretty, you

27:56

know, Louis feeling pretty good about that. All

27:59

right. I'll go to the secret

28:01

party in the locker room. Okay,

28:03

and the three of you do have to agree. We have

28:06

to all agree? Yeah, so the three

28:08

of you are either gonna pass or fail, can you

28:10

have to sort of get through freshman year and fit in?

28:13

Or if you hit three negative experiences first, you're

28:15

probably gonna go home and be home school. Look, I

28:18

think there's some very easy wins on here. Shop

28:21

class, we're probably just gonna be shopping.

28:24

Drive or ed, you know, it's

28:27

either. That's just a choice. We're gonna, it's just a

28:29

choice. You're either gonna drive or meet a guy named

28:31

Ed probably. Podcasting,

28:34

any idiot can do that. And

28:37

they do. Yes. And let's

28:39

do this. Lloyd will pick first,

28:42

and then Stoney, and then River.

28:44

We each get to pick a class. So. That

28:47

sounds like a good idea. You should do

28:49

it, you're up. Oh, okay. Well. Oh,

28:51

thank God, I didn't factor in choice paralysis to this

28:53

campaign. Oh. Well,

28:58

let's see, magic's tempting.

29:03

I'm gonna have to do,

29:05

I guess, geez, a sex

29:07

education. Oh,

29:10

like you're pretending to, what

29:12

is it gonna be, I guess. Yeah, you

29:14

were squinting your eyes like you were thinking really hard

29:16

about it. It's an easy win for us. I'm not

29:18

gonna learn anything here. If you

29:20

guys think I'm gonna learn something, I'm not. You

29:23

should, or it sounds like you're really hoping to

29:25

learn something. But I won't, because I

29:27

already know all the sex things. No,

29:29

no, by the way, we don't think wizards really understand

29:32

what sex is. I'm

29:34

not surprised. So,

29:38

Lou, having just really

29:40

nailed how pamphlets work, you're

29:43

feeling really confident. You look over at the table,

29:45

and you do notice that there are maps to

29:47

the school, to the layout. You pick one of

29:49

those up, and you pop it in front of

29:51

you, and you make your way, the three of

29:53

you, to the sex education classroom. As you enter

29:56

the classroom, and again, all are welcome

29:58

at any time. There's no awkwardness. Someone's gonna

30:00

call you out. You do notice that

30:02

the teacher is a cheetah who plays the

30:04

saxophone and has sunglasses. He

30:07

welcomes you to the class. Hey,

30:10

come on in. Hey guys. Hey,

30:12

how's it going? My name

30:14

is Casserole, the cheetah. Come

30:18

on in and have a seat. Nice

30:20

to meet you, Mr. Casserole. No, please,

30:22

it's just Casserole. I'm

30:25

a cheetah. We don't go by Mr. and Mrs. You

30:27

wanna come to a party this weekend at my parents'

30:29

house? I was already invited to

30:31

one, my dude. Okay. I don't know if it's

30:34

yours, but I'll be there. Oh, great. Hey, listen.

30:37

Can I ask y'all a favor to

30:39

help me in class here? Sure.

30:43

So here in sex education, we play

30:45

saxophone solo. We do things a little

30:47

bit differently. Sorry for the five minutes

30:49

in between my words there. That

30:52

was a long saxophone solo. What

30:56

I need the three of you to do is, you know,

30:59

normalize sex. I feel

31:02

like there's such a stigma. There's such embarrassment

31:05

around saying certain things. So my challenge

31:07

to the three of you is to

31:10

use sexual words in

31:13

a sentence without smiling or laughing.

31:16

I'll provide the words. Great.

31:18

Okay, I think we can do this

31:20

probably, right? Yeah, and then it's gonna

31:23

make us look cool in front of

31:25

our classmates, I assume. Hey, guys, I

31:27

don't have all the same parts

31:29

as normal humans do, so I may

31:32

not really know what all these things are. Do

31:35

you think this is, I'm gonna get embarrassed in front of

31:37

everybody? Use deductive reasoning.

31:40

Louie, all bodies are beautiful. Here, take

31:42

an iPhone. Have

31:44

I told you guys about my wife, Sarah? Sarah

31:47

and Getty? Yeah,

31:51

sex and post-op. You're a new teacher to

31:53

us, man. We've never met

31:55

you before today. Thank you,

31:57

hey, you, little stoner guy.

40:00

Stony rivers. Stony rivers. Oh

40:03

I'm sorry. Stony, you're a

40:05

legend. We heard that you ate a

40:08

banana in a condom. It's

40:11

tearing me up from the inside out fellas.

40:14

Here take a hacky sack. They're full of

40:16

weed. Wow thank you so much. Yeah thank

40:18

you so much. Thank you so much. Thank

40:20

you so much. We're the two by twins.

40:22

With two by twins. Oh

40:25

pleasure to make your acquaintance. And

40:28

what's up fellas? Stony you

40:30

get 75 popularity points.

40:32

75 XP. So go ahead and make note

40:34

of that. Whoa. What? Okay

40:37

Momo is rich. Wait did I

40:39

not get anything for talking to a

40:41

teacher about 69 on the first day of

40:44

freshman year? That's just a ducked

40:47

point. Am I crazy? That's like

40:49

negative a thousand right? You're absolutely

40:51

right Momo. Guys am

40:53

I insane? Eating a condom is cool.

40:56

I mean it's pretty impressive. Yeah I

40:58

mean. No asking about 69ing is not

41:00

cool. Yeah come on. What do we

41:03

do? So the two by twins kind

41:05

of make their way down. They're super

41:07

impressed. They're trying to figure out hacky

41:09

sack. You three make your way into

41:11

the cafeteria where you see that lunch

41:13

is already in pretty full swing. As

41:16

you enter and sit down at a

41:18

selected table can the three of you

41:21

dig into your backpacks and let me

41:23

know two items that you

41:25

have each brought for lunch? I

41:28

have a six pack of lime LaCroix. Okay. And

41:34

a ham hawk. Okay.

41:38

I have two joints and

41:40

an iridescent slinky

41:43

that's really fun to play with while you're high. Perfect.

41:47

I have a rock that's sort of in

41:49

the shape of a sandwich and

41:51

a clit biscuit. Arnie

41:57

ten popularity points.