Episode Transcript
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loss. Hello
1:08
and welcome to Hell By Sex and
1:10
My Boss Todairies. The
1:13
podcast where we help you navigate the challenges of
1:15
modern life. Answering your 21st
1:17
century questions and finding solutions
1:19
to those everyday dilemmas. And as we're
1:22
on tour every yet now and then
1:24
we're releasing a little behind the scenes
1:26
episode every day. We're currently on the
1:28
banter bus. Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
1:31
And we are heading into Bristol. Who
1:33
are yes my hometown although not everyone
1:35
towns. We had another fabulous night in
1:38
Birmingham last night. My throat's going. My
1:40
voice is really going. Bless
1:42
you. Yes I'll need to make
1:44
sure my eyes are popping again tonight. Yes
1:47
Jordan is experimenting with a little
1:50
bit of eyeliner. No
1:52
William said to me yesterday in the
1:54
change room he's like put a bit of eyeliner
1:56
on. I did not say put eyeliner on. Put a
1:58
bit of eyeliner on. Oh, should I do
2:01
some eyeliner? Do you think they'll like that?
2:03
No, basically. I don't
2:05
want to winch, because I'm... You're
2:08
not known for winching. No, I don't want to
2:10
winch, because I genuinely love what I do, and
2:12
I love my job, and I love my life.
2:14
And if you'd have said to me... Can
2:17
I say this? On the other episode, if you
2:19
said to me you'd be on Capitol Breakfast, the UK
2:21
National Breakfast Show, which is always what to do, and
2:24
touring big arenas with
2:26
your podcast a few years ago, I'd never have believed you.
2:29
But I am knackered. I
2:32
am shattered. So, my
2:35
eyes look a bit... dead. So
2:38
I put a bit of eyeliner on for last night's show. And
2:41
as soon as we walked on stage, William went,
2:43
Jordan's wearing eyeliner. Well, I mean,
2:45
I thought they'd probably notice. It's
2:47
like being on stage with Jared Leto, although
2:50
it was less 30 seconds to Mars, and more
2:52
in the case of Helen, 60
2:55
minutes in Uranus. Oh, yes. Yes,
2:58
very good. But, yeah,
3:00
we've just... We just entered
3:02
Bristol, who are. And
3:04
we had a great night in Birmingham. Yeah.
3:06
We did. And we just had a great
3:08
little pit stop at
3:10
everybody's favourite service station, Gloucester.
3:13
I'd never been before. Isn't it lovely? Now,
3:15
remember, a couple of years ago on the
3:18
podcast, I said, and I stand by this,
3:20
and you'll probably want yours there as well.
3:22
That's where I'm having lashes scattered. I just...
3:25
It's like that scene when they all walk
3:27
into the chocolate factory on
3:29
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Right, yes.
3:31
Come with me, and
3:34
you'll be in
3:36
a world of pure imagination.
3:39
It was literally like... It's well
3:41
nice. It's lovely. So posh. Lots
3:43
of rugby types there, isn't there? These
3:45
neck and a ones. I've noticed. I
3:48
thought, yeah... I
3:50
thought, like, Wigan, in Wigan, they're all big
3:52
lads. Like, they all look like... There's something
3:54
in Walter in Wigan. Like, they
3:56
play rugby. But I think it's the same
3:58
here. Cholera. We
4:01
went, we stopped at Tea Bay a week
4:03
ago, I just felt like a year ago, but
4:06
it was when we were going up to Glasgow.
4:08
Nice, perfectly nice, love
4:10
Tea Bay, Gloucester is better,
4:13
better lose. Better lose. Tea Bay,
4:16
very underwhelming lavatory. I would say that Gloucester
4:19
Service is probably the best service I've ever
4:21
been to. Yep. It's beautiful. So
4:23
nice, it's like sort of describe it, paint a picture,
4:25
be our eyes, Jordan. It was in
4:28
like a, under a hill
4:30
and you go in a hillock. A
4:33
hillock. And it was just like
4:35
a big farm shop and instead of like
4:37
a WH Swift or
4:41
like your usual Starbucks and stuff. KFC.
4:44
Yeah, Aaron Burger King, which don't get me wrong, it's what you eat sometimes.
4:47
It was like proper posh. Was nice.
4:50
And expensive, but they were doing salads
4:52
and flatbreads. I've got some sausage
4:54
rolls here, does anyone want some sausage rolls? No,
4:57
I've had a cookie dough brownie. Some
5:00
Dolce Verde. Some what? Dolce
5:03
Verde. Cucumber, apples, spinach,
5:05
kale and lemon. And
5:07
they say you've changed. How
5:10
dare they. Yeah. It's
5:13
marvellous. Birmingham, can we talk
5:15
about the Symphony Hall? What a lovely venue. Beautiful,
5:17
isn't it? I mean, I loved all of, I
5:19
mean, I love the Palladium, don't get me wrong.
5:23
I love Manchester Apollo because it was the biggest
5:25
venue, but very sticky floors. None of
5:27
that at Birmingham Symphony Hall. Quality. It's quite a
5:29
posh venue, isn't it? It's
5:31
very posh, yeah. What sort of acts do they have there,
5:34
like Mozart and that? I don't think Mozart tours at the
5:36
moment. I know. Yeah,
5:39
but they had a picture of Mozart up there, so
5:41
I think it's like a lot of classical. Yeah, but
5:43
I don't think Mozart had ever performed there. I think
5:45
it's like classical acts and Beverly Knight and stuff. Right,
5:48
yeah. And us. And
5:50
us. Yeah, which is lovely. My
5:54
Favourite moment from yesterday is, as we always do when we
5:56
can, we went out into a stage dorm. Or
6:00
or or the equivalent area to to me
6:02
those that want to say hello. Lovelies met
6:04
lots of lovely people and I know I
6:06
sort of noses It was going on for
6:08
little bit longer than it normally words and
6:10
it was during one of our one of
6:12
the pages I was doing some of the
6:14
yeah that the people at all what are
6:17
you doing in Birmingham. Isotopes
6:19
them completely confused rubble. I'm.
6:22
Left on the show and it turns out
6:24
they would take that fans from the arena
6:27
down the road that Will had walked past
6:29
seen us and just decides to get on
6:31
the axe yet? So and it was that
6:33
point I'd draw the line. Yeah no
6:35
I will be here forever. Ah so if
6:38
this people I would pop up quickly as
6:40
we have to leave. And get. On
6:43
the rumble with proper quick example:
6:45
guess he pins and. And
6:47
yes, a. Lot I
6:49
was never ending. And
6:52
it doesn't matter into it. We were sending like that,
6:54
some in some way of. Take. That Vip
6:56
line yard on them and I was i
6:58
ah you can see take that the A
7:00
T V I pay. Very.
7:03
Anonymous person. And
7:06
she was like ah as gotta love
7:08
Took a picture gallery above the old
7:10
the Martha as I say think you
7:13
are Howard Cs. Put
7:15
us in. a student was a lot
7:17
of a howard about it was never
7:19
end and wow look at the scaffolding
7:22
on that tesco of that sounds cancer
7:24
risk that that's the roof. Not
7:27
Moscow's design feature that Tesco looks
7:29
like go as stadium guess. Oh
7:31
and were about bush rounder? Yeah.
7:33
We're about to go past the showcase and
7:36
we would. This is the showcase that we
7:38
will sit with Stream didn't say what stadiums
7:40
out there that seems that we asked and
7:42
gate I was up. Bristol Rovers resources. Oh
7:45
I'm whispers the Rover's play somewhere else and
7:47
a nano they'll pick behind the curtain. I'm.
7:50
The. In the. South. As a pet
7:52
rat William. Mentions. Where we are in and. Gives.
7:55
Up as a bigger a Local activists in
7:57
of. People. known for being a bit
7:59
rough know my way in the world, not our only
8:01
country, there was an area within a city or a place
8:03
which I know is not fair but it gets
8:05
a laugh, it's a cheap one but it gets a laugh. And
8:09
William, William's
8:11
been racking his brains for a rough
8:13
part of Bristol for the past twenty
8:15
because everywhere in Bristol is lovely. Looks
8:20
it. Well maybe. Oh,
8:24
oh Jordan North. Oh there you are!
8:26
There's me on a bus. Capitol
8:28
Jordan North has entered the chat. That's
8:31
mad innit. I stand by the fact you are the
8:33
world's worst person on messaging so they shouldn't have gone
8:35
with his enter the chat. He's entered the chat, he's
8:37
not read any of the messages but
8:40
he's in the chat. How does it feel
8:42
that I'm on buses in your home city?
8:44
I'm very proud of you. Oh bless you, you
8:46
said that free gritted teeth. Do
8:49
you want to give us a
8:51
little tour guide now as we're coming into? I don't
8:53
really know which area of Bristol this is. What's that
8:55
big church there? That is the
8:57
church of St Mary the Virgin. Is
9:00
that actually? Nope. But
9:02
over there is Cabot Circus or
9:05
as we call it, Carboot Circus. Where's the
9:07
big suspender bridge? The big
9:10
suspender bridge. Yeah where's that? The suspension
9:12
bridge is in Clifton
9:14
over in that direction. Which is nice. What
9:18
else did we do? We have been
9:20
brave today on this tour bus because we've
9:22
taken away the plastic sheeting from underneath your
9:24
chair. The colonic
9:26
irrigation episode which was yesterday's tour
9:29
diary is brilliant. Helen is amazing.
9:31
I haven't listened back to it
9:33
yet. It's very good. It's
9:36
when she's describing putting a
9:38
casser audition soak. I think
9:41
it's a particularly nice moment. We
9:44
had a couple of leakages yesterday. Let's
9:48
not go into it too much. Let's absolutely not want to
9:50
go into it. I feel like, good
9:52
God. But yes look this is the last
9:55
night of the main bit of the tour. We've got Belfast
9:57
and Dublin in a couple of weeks. a
10:00
big homo coming this evening, which
10:02
is nice. I'm very excited
10:04
to be in Bristol. And I've never even been in
10:06
the Bristol weekend, even in its previous life, so I
10:08
vaguely know where it is. You've never been. Say
10:11
that again. You've never been? No. What
10:14
sort of shows did he do there? Lots of concerts,
10:16
really. It's a bit like the Symphony Hall. It's that
10:18
sort of vibe. Five. I went to
10:20
the Hippodrome a lot. I went to the Old
10:22
Vic. I've been to the
10:25
other theatre, the Redgrave. But
10:28
I'm excited for that. There's lots of vegans
10:30
in Bristol. Yes. Yeah, there's a lot
10:32
of vegan cafes there. Let's put it this way. If
10:34
London didn't exist, I think Ben would live in
10:36
Bristol. Ah, okay. We're
10:39
coming into Cottom now, and that's very,
10:41
very Ben. Is it? Yes.
10:45
Yeah, look, I mean, it's all Ben.
10:47
Cotton, there's a cotton in Preston as
10:49
well. Is there? Is it
10:51
nice? Yeah, is that so? It's all right.
10:53
Okay, yeah, Cottom's all right here. Someone lives
10:56
there, I think. Cottom borders Clifton. Clifton is
10:58
obviously quite nice. And
11:01
then Cottom is what borders that. After the
11:03
show yesterday, we went up
11:05
to the bar at the hotel, but it was
11:07
too busy, because the boxing was on. Yes, there
11:09
was nowhere to sit. So we all cramped into
11:12
German Emeritus Stew's room. Yes. Had
11:14
a beer. And we, Stew and I, we got
11:16
on the bed, and we were so, so gay
11:18
together. We watched the Wicker trailer, which
11:21
was nice, it was a big gay moment. Can I
11:23
just say as well, when you've, all day
11:25
I was craving a pint yesterday. Because
11:27
I didn't have a drink yesterday. I didn't have a beer.
11:30
So I'll have a nice cold pint after the show. Nice
11:34
cold pint. And then the bar was too busy.
11:37
So we get up to Stew's room, and they had a
11:39
nice warm bottle of
11:41
IPA. Is
11:44
IPA meant to be kind of... I'm not
11:46
a big fan of IPA. Right. Yeah, it's
11:49
a very bad drink. Yeah. So
11:51
I'm gonna, do you know what? It's got some lifestyle.
11:53
What time, if we can check it? I
11:56
might go for a run and then a bit. Well,
11:58
it's the Bristol Half Marathon. You could tag on that. the back of
12:00
that. Is it quite hilly Bristol?
12:02
Well Clifton, which is where I'm from, means
12:05
down on the cliff. Oh
12:07
okay. To give you a rough idea of how hilly it is. Well if
12:09
I can go down it. And how about the cliff?
12:13
We're very tired. So we shall bring
12:15
this episode to an end but Bristol
12:18
we can't wait to see you this evening and thank
12:21
you to everyone who has come to see us whether
12:23
it's in Bristol, Birmingham, Manchester or any of the other
12:25
wonderful cities or if you came into
12:27
the cinema. We are back touring as we say in
12:30
Belfast and Dublin next month
12:33
and we will have an episode out on
12:35
Tuesday where we relive some of our favourite
12:37
tour moments and dilemmas.
12:39
Yes it's been a wonderful week.
12:42
Wonderful. There's more graffiti
12:44
in Bristol than I remember I'll be
12:46
honest. No that's not graffiti it's street
12:49
art. Street art. It's been a wonderful
12:51
tour so thank you to everyone who's
12:53
come. He's probably a Banksy. Everybody does
12:55
listen. He's from Bristol isn't he? I
12:57
know, yes. Okay. Don't tell
13:00
anyone that I'm actually Banksy. Oh,
13:03
are you Banksy? I'm Banksy. Okay. That
13:07
would surprise me if you were. Anyway,
13:10
who are, we're in Bristol. Cheers
13:12
Drive. We'll see you soon.
13:15
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