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2:30

Welcome. How five's of true

2:33

crime. Bonus.

2:43

Hi. Hi.

2:46

Bonus bonus. It's a bonus

2:48

bonus. Yeah. Okay.

2:50

So listen up guys. So we are

2:52

dropping in your feed on a Thursday,

2:54

which usually you only get us on

2:57

a Thursday if you listen to our

2:59

bonus Patreon or our clink clink club

3:01

on Apple. But today we wanted to

3:03

give all of you a

3:06

special listen to one of our bonus episodes

3:08

that we did a couple weeks ago with

3:11

singer songwriter Stephanie Quill.

3:13

She is an amazing

3:15

human being. She wrote a book

3:17

called Why We Stay.

3:19

Why We Stay and Gretchen

3:21

had the opportunity to read

3:24

it before it came out,

3:26

but it is now out

3:28

where it's going to be out this week. April

3:30

30th. Oh, April 30th. Okay. So in a couple

3:33

of days you can pre-order it now, but

3:35

give us a little synopsis before

3:37

we get into this interview, Gretchen

3:39

about Stephanie's story. Okay. Well, why

3:41

I was intrigued to have

3:43

Stephanie on the podcast was because what the book

3:46

is about is really a crazy story. It's

3:48

that she was involved with a very

3:50

charming man living a pretty light kind

3:52

of glamorous life with him and raising

3:54

his child with him. And

3:56

then he died suddenly in a

3:59

plane crash. And she

4:01

found out after he died that it

4:03

was all kind of a facade. But

4:05

it is really what the actual story

4:07

about is just so much more, so

4:09

much deeper than that on so many

4:11

levels, why we convince ourselves to see

4:14

things that are not there, what it's like

4:16

to be involved with a narcissist, which

4:18

everybody, if you're not, I mean,

4:20

I hope you're not, but you probably know somebody who is, or

4:23

you probably have been at some

4:25

point. And it's very validating to

4:28

read about. And it's just a

4:30

great, it's, it's, it's, it tells a

4:33

good story. Good. Okay. And also, I think we

4:35

talked about this, but she has read her

4:37

own story on audiobooks. So

4:40

download it now. And

4:42

then you can listen or, you know, read

4:44

to. But here is Stephanie

4:46

Quayle with us a couple weeks ago.

4:48

And if you guys like

4:51

this and you like to listen to us

4:53

more, please join our Patreon at patreon.com/housewives of

4:55

true crime. Or if

4:57

you listen on Apple, you can go right

4:59

to your app and it's called our clink,

5:01

clink club and clink, clink, clink, clink guys.

5:06

Hi and welcome to housewives

5:08

of true crime. Welcome. Welcome.

5:12

I am Tabitha. Give me dateline white

5:14

wine and I'll pick up your kids

5:16

in the carpool line the next day,

5:18

right? Yeah, the next day. Okay. I

5:21

am Gretchen. I like white wine,

5:24

true crime, and in bed by night because

5:26

I have a lot of stuff to do in the morning. We

5:31

are Housewives of True

5:33

Crime. Yes, we are. Welcome.

5:42

Welcome, everyone, for your listening

5:45

pleasure today. Yeah, we are mixing it

5:47

up. We

5:57

talked to Miss Stephanie Quayle.

6:00

We just got done talking to her. We can't

6:02

wait for you all to hear it. What

6:04

I loved about this interview was

6:07

that from the get, from

6:10

the second, you know, we're all looking at

6:12

each other via Zoom. I

6:14

was like, this, she's one of us.

6:17

She's our people. And 50%. It

6:20

was so easy breezy. What a

6:22

great conversation. We

6:24

just loved her. We know you guys are all going

6:26

to just love her too. Yes.

6:29

She could definitely be our next best

6:32

friend and your next

6:34

best friend. And she has so much great things to

6:36

say. So you're welcome already for

6:38

this interview. And I just

6:41

want to

6:43

say to Stephanie, just thank you so much

6:45

for sitting down with us and telling us

6:47

your story and just also writing that book

6:49

and being so open and honest. And

6:53

I know you all were enjoyed. So

6:55

here you have Stephanie Quayle. Clink,

6:58

clink. Clink, clink. Welcome.

7:01

Welcome. All right. Today.

7:04

Go ahead. I'm just going

7:06

to. That's okay. That's okay. It's

7:08

perfect. We're going to leave all this in. Amazing. Yes,

7:11

we should. That's our, that's our

7:14

thing. Welcome. Like deep,

7:16

sexy voice. Welcome. You

7:18

know, can you do it, Stephanie? Can

7:20

you do the deep voice? Welcome. So

7:23

listeners, this is Stephanie. It's our pleasure to

7:26

talk with country superstar songwriter and author Stephanie

7:28

Quayle today. Stephanie

7:30

has just written a book titled Why We

7:33

Stay. It

7:35

is the story of her relationship with a man and upon

7:37

his sudden death, learning so much of their life together. And

7:40

that's why I'm here today. I'm very

7:42

happy to have you here. Thank you so much.

7:45

Thank you. Thank you. Thank

7:47

you. Thank you. Thank you.

7:50

Thank you. Was

7:53

a facade, which is why I've got to

7:55

tell you originally, I thought speaking to Stephanie

7:57

would be so interesting to our listeners because

7:59

we are. True Crime podcast, so we

8:01

love a good story. But what I

8:03

found after I read the book and

8:06

what I think we

8:08

really connect with is that often Tab

8:10

and I will describe a relationship's dynamics

8:13

to preface a story. And

8:15

it's so clear before we even get

8:17

into the crime part that

8:19

someone needs to exit the relationship. But

8:22

at the same time, we identify

8:25

with being young and

8:27

so susceptible to that kind

8:29

of complacency. And in the book,

8:32

you really break it down as

8:34

to all the reasons we allow

8:36

ourselves to make excuses for people

8:38

and ignore our gut instincts. So

8:41

can you please tell us about your relationship

8:43

and some of your experience in

8:45

that relationship and how

8:47

you were forced to face the

8:50

reality of it all? And something that you just

8:52

said that just hit me so

8:54

hard in my mind was what

8:56

would have happened if he hadn't? Right.

9:01

So yeah, it was a day like any other

9:03

day. I was in this relationship

9:06

with the man I thought I was going to

9:08

marry, raising his daughter with him.

9:11

And now

9:15

having the book and having the information and

9:17

doing the deep dive on myself, there

9:20

are so many things that had we

9:22

had this conversation while I was in the relationship,

9:24

you all would have been like, run, run, run.

9:26

But I just wanted to believe him. Right.

9:29

Because he

9:34

was charming. And he

9:36

had so many cool airplane hangar

9:38

and the Airstream. I mean, that

9:41

is like speaking my language. I

9:43

love guys like that. And he

9:45

could fly. I mean, it's so cool.

9:47

Yes. And so he went flying on

9:49

a Wednesday night with one of his acquaintances

9:52

or friends. I don't really know. I don't know the person who was

9:54

in the plane with him. I mean, I know the name. I don't

9:56

know the person. Right.

9:58

And Upon take off,

10:01

the engine stalled. He turned back. On their

10:03

own when the plane crashed. And

10:05

they didn't survive. A

10:07

got the call that there's been an accident. I. Get

10:10

there as fast as I can with his daughter, Hoping

10:12

that in the event that there's still a chance right

10:14

that they can have a moment. And

10:17

man, five days later at the memorial

10:20

service there are a lot of women.

10:22

I was his person. We had a

10:24

home together. We're building lives together. She

10:26

had a ring. Threading his.

10:29

Kid with him. And

10:31

that night it was confirmed that I wasn't

10:33

the only woman. While.

10:36

That has got to be a

10:38

bad patch. It was other worldly

10:40

I everything about it was so

10:42

I don't know between the brain

10:45

protecting the brain from trauma. And

10:49

how it compartmentalizes the different

10:51

pains And that. In. A

10:53

Now looking at it I even writing the book. I

10:55

had to ask my mom and my stepmom like did

10:58

this really happened. In. About

11:00

writing a yeah, it's t enough at

11:02

the time. Thirteen years later, fourteen. Years

11:04

later getting into all these little crevices

11:06

of we did He really did. He

11:08

really say that if you really do

11:10

that. Is that really happen? Let me ask

11:12

you when you up when you said you ask your

11:14

mom your some on. I mean

11:16

they saw the relationship from the outside and

11:19

where they like yeah we saw things that

11:21

we just didn't tell you. or maybe we

11:23

did tell you. but you. You

11:26

ignored. Yes, so they

11:28

both. Both were concerned my whole

11:30

family was concerned. I think one of the

11:32

things that narcissist are pro at his isolation

11:35

and I was very isolated in that relationship

11:37

and I knew that if I thought my

11:39

family about it they would be able to

11:41

see right through my fine. I

11:44

written the mine and so they tried

11:46

to you know share like parents do

11:48

and try to prep Nina like try

11:51

to get me to see the things

11:53

that I didn't choose to see art.

11:55

But I'm so in in love and

11:58

just determined to six myself because. I

12:00

was clearly the problem. Well,

12:02

I'm wondering if right at that moment when

12:04

you are, you know, at the funeral and

12:06

you're learning all this, I mean, you talked

12:09

about like the different signs

12:11

about how he was flirtatious with women. If that's

12:13

something we kind of talk about a lot because

12:15

it is and one of the

12:17

things I loved that you said in the book is

12:20

telegral. She's crazy enough times she'll probably believe

12:22

you. And it's

12:25

those moments. It's that flicker in their

12:27

eye. It is that just something where

12:30

it's not like overt, but you

12:32

catch on to something. Did

12:36

any of that hit you? Like I was

12:38

like a validation, like I was right. A

12:41

thousand percent. Like I think that well,

12:44

when I learned the information, I remember my friend

12:46

coming over and all she could say was you have

12:49

to move on. Like, like she was

12:51

just, I love that friend in your book. I love

12:53

her so much. You know, because it

12:55

takes a lot of courage. One of the things that all

12:57

his friends knew, right, for the duration of in some ways

12:59

knew of, I don't know if they knew all, but they

13:01

knew and no one came to me during

13:04

that time. Right. And so when

13:06

I learned about it, it made it

13:08

all make sense. But then it's like how

13:13

many layers of me exposing him in

13:15

those moments saying, like, hey, what, like

13:17

who's this woman or why are you

13:19

doing that or this, that and the

13:21

other and being minimized to crazy insecure

13:24

and just put

13:26

down into this little, you know,

13:28

little flicker of a light that

13:30

I was that was left, you know, and

13:33

I just it was it was heartbreaking

13:36

and validating and how

13:38

do I even sort through

13:41

this this

13:44

crazy situation, you know, and when I was talking

13:46

to my mom and my stepmom, as I was

13:48

writing it, it just I think

13:51

I really realized how traumatic it was while

13:53

I was writing it. I don't think I'd

13:55

ever recognize the impact

13:59

that that had on me, especially being I was

14:01

29 years old when he died. You

14:03

know, his early 20s, when I first, you know,

14:05

met him and then got into that relationship with

14:08

him, I was young. And I was so the

14:10

word you use as so potent and hit me

14:12

to susceptible. Yeah, I

14:14

was blinking light, like, Come and get

14:16

me. And it just yes. And

14:22

also, like my, my truth lens

14:24

afterward, I could, I would

14:28

just look at people and be like, Nope, they're not being

14:30

honest. And I wouldn't even, you know, I just be like,

14:32

No, like, I would have zero tolerance,

14:34

really, for anything that was gray.

14:37

It was very black and white after that. But

14:40

it was also really bad. Like, I didn't realize

14:42

how bad it was. And when I think about,

14:44

you know, like, what, what would have happened if

14:46

he hadn't died? You know, I mean,

14:48

there are times in the book I share where like, my life was,

14:50

you know, I don't

14:53

know, it wasn't I wasn't safe. I wasn't safe. Yeah,

14:57

no, or authentic or you

15:00

weren't being your true self, for sure. No,

15:02

I was one of my friends, a stepford

15:04

wife. She's like, it was like, you were a step

15:06

for what she was just like, you know,

15:09

everything's fine. Robotic. Yeah, yeah.

15:11

Yeah. Well, you mentioned your friends. And

15:13

I was telling you, I love that friend who just

15:15

has the balls to tell you so what, right, you've got to

15:17

get over it. I think

15:19

that having those friends that we can

15:21

keep it real with is so huge. And

15:24

so rare, right? So

15:26

rare. And I'm not friend,

15:28

but I was a friend to myself.

15:30

Yeah, right. Because I think sometimes

15:33

it's really easy to be who

15:35

you want to be to others. You know

15:37

what I'm saying? Like, you can see, you

15:40

can see the imperfections or what's

15:42

going on in somebody else. When

15:45

you're denying it of yourself. I mean, Gretchen

15:47

and I have both been in relationships that

15:49

were very toxic. And, and

15:53

we stayed also and then we went and

15:55

got in nurse into another one that was,

15:57

you know, maybe a little less toxic, but

15:59

still like, we

16:01

shouldn't be on this place. You

16:04

know, thankfully, I think

16:06

all three of us have managed to get

16:09

out of those places, but a lot of

16:11

us still haven't. And we have women writing

16:14

us, telling us about

16:16

their current situations. And

16:18

they're currently in a

16:20

situation right now where they feel

16:23

trapped and they can't get out

16:25

and they see the little, the

16:27

flags, you know, they see the red flags. Well,

16:30

I feel like you need those real friends

16:33

around you. I also think it

16:35

made me think about, you know, I am that

16:37

real with Tab and

16:39

a couple people, but not everybody. Not

16:42

everyone. I know. Well, it's risky, right?

16:44

It's risky because you have to be

16:46

willing to risk the friendship. Right?

16:49

And that's so hard. So

16:51

hard when, and I think that at the beginning of the

16:54

book, you know, my, my dear friend Michelle and who I

16:56

referenced in the book, she goes, I will listen to you

16:59

talk about this relationship and, but you'll

17:01

never leave him. And I think about

17:03

that often, you know, it wasn't like

17:06

the conversations weren't happening, but the conversation

17:08

that never happened was he is mistreating

17:10

you. He's

17:14

cheating on you. You

17:17

have to go because he's not going

17:19

to change. Only you will. And that's really

17:21

the truth, right? We, we don't,

17:23

we can't change other people. Right.

17:26

People don't, people don't change for others. They

17:29

change for themselves. Yes. That is

17:31

100% true. And I feel like

17:33

sometimes, well, I got stuck

17:35

in that in my twenties, right? Like I

17:37

am going to, I can change

17:40

him. Like, why couldn't I change him? Right. Right.

17:42

Can't change him. I think one of

17:45

the key points about this whole thing

17:47

and how we perpetually end up with

17:49

the same guy over

17:51

and over and over again is that

17:55

you bring up What are we

17:57

attracted to? Right. Is it that

17:59

career? My. For. The

18:01

quality of the person night. You

18:03

know, and it's an oblique totally to

18:06

say. Is very tricky see

18:08

ah. It's very attractive

18:10

in a in a very misleading

18:12

right because you know, like. First

18:15

Minute Any of these terms. For.

18:17

New Will of course I ain't got

18:19

love bombing or like oh man look

18:22

into doing soured. Little I didn't

18:24

go so far, right? Like. It

18:26

was so laws. Tricky.

18:29

Say. You know, when I. I guess

18:31

I finally got. Myself.

18:34

Sorted and did the work in. I met an

18:36

incredible man. And with my

18:38

husband, he's just solid. Yeah,

18:41

theres no drama. Yeah.

18:43

Yeah, and I think Charisma

18:46

or. Drama can dress as

18:48

charisma. right? As

18:50

I write make sense like are yeah we

18:52

that we get addicted to it one hundred

18:54

percent. Ah, We

18:57

are all that. It's right Who? Yeah yeah,

18:59

dresses like it. It's It's very interesting because

19:01

that's kind of the same thing with my

19:03

have been like once I met him and

19:06

I'm like. Oh. Yeah,

19:08

this is actually what her a simple

19:10

way to be like. Yes I see

19:12

a healthy is in a someone else

19:14

he says cycle but is it boring?

19:16

I'm like no yes no. Yes,

19:22

I have a yeah, that's what I regret

19:24

that are. Like is

19:26

real. I read it's okay for it.

19:29

To be for a to be boring?

19:31

you don't? I mean I. Like them

19:33

and end the hell. I mean it's it's. Why?

19:35

Told her no because it's so freeing

19:38

to not have to. Be.

19:40

Walking on eggshells. To. Our

19:42

one hundred percent yeah, you're. So cute

19:44

at the meeting said. I

19:47

think back to the release of but I

19:49

had my twenties that have lived through with

19:51

me. Where this guy I use really. Cool

19:53

is surfer art as. You

19:55

know, had this really cool scene and ah

19:58

he did all these like grand just. years

20:00

for me all the time. A woman

20:02

I remember walked into a bar, I dived

20:05

far, was selling the roses, he bought me

20:07

every rose. And

20:09

then he treated me like shit when people weren't around.

20:13

And now I have this

20:15

husband who will

20:17

not remember my birthday, ask me

20:19

every year, what day

20:21

is Valentine's Day? I mean, have asked to

20:24

bang him over the head. Yeah, I said

20:26

I'm such a reminder. And

20:29

like, it's not exciting in that way.

20:32

But it's okay. But

20:34

I would trade it in a million

20:36

times to not be walking on

20:38

the eggshells. Yeah, yeah. I

20:40

think for me, it was

20:43

like, do I get this? Do

20:46

I get to live a life without the

20:49

eggshells, without

20:51

the wondering if I'm crazy?

20:53

Yeah, you know, living the life of you. Yeah, like it's

20:57

actually you without having a relationship with

20:59

someone who you never have to question

21:01

that you know, those feelings we were

21:04

talking about in the beginning. Yeah, you

21:06

never have to question are they I've

21:08

never felt that way in 20 years with

21:10

my husband that he was flirting with someone. Oh

21:12

my gosh, my I like I

21:14

never my husband, I we commute, we've commuted

21:16

to each other now for we'll been

21:19

together 10 years married almost nine. I've

21:22

never had to wonder. Yeah,

21:24

I've never had to have one inkling

21:27

of trust be like, subjected

21:29

to what is he doing? Yeah,

21:31

or where is I feel like that is

21:33

so important for all you single ladies out

21:35

there is like, if

21:37

you are getting those vibes, it's

21:39

not in your head. Ron. Yeah, you know,

21:41

that's the thing too. I think that, you

21:44

know, as we get stronger

21:46

within ourselves, that's when that

21:49

intuition we just we just trust ourselves. You

21:52

have heard me talk about my language learning

21:54

skills with Rosetta Stone, and I'm telling you,

21:56

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22:05

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22:07

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22:10

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22:12

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22:14

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That's ro.co/ clink. How

25:52

did you finally overcome?

25:54

Like how did you I mean, I know

25:57

you got you you saw it right

25:59

in front of you. at the worst possible moment

26:01

of your life, right? But

26:04

then you have to compartmentalize it and then

26:06

you have to free yourself from it and

26:08

then really truly be yourself. How

26:11

did that come and how long

26:14

has it been? Well, I took the long

26:16

way. And my hope with this

26:18

book is that it will shorten others, other

26:22

people's time in doing the

26:24

work to heal because I took the long

26:26

way by getting

26:29

over it without getting

26:31

through it, avoiding it. And

26:33

I got hit in the mouth by... I

26:38

didn't do the work between the first toxic relationship with...

26:40

was the guy that died in the plane crash and

26:42

then I fell into another one nine months later. I

26:45

stayed in that one too long. And that

26:47

was like a carbon copy because I hadn't done the

26:50

work. And when

26:52

I found out that he was cheating

26:54

on me, I immediately said, okay, what's

26:56

the common denominator? Me. So I got

26:58

to go get to the bottom of

27:00

me because this is going to take

27:02

me out if I don't get a handle on this.

27:05

And I put myself in what I call emotional rehab.

27:08

I went to a place in Colorado and

27:10

I worked with psychologists just

27:12

to unwind and get to the bottom

27:14

of. And that

27:17

was such a great experience, but also it

27:19

was just the beginning. There's, I mean, from

27:21

grief counseling, one on one to support groups,

27:23

like I did a deep dive on myself.

27:25

So I think step one is

27:27

going, okay, what is, what do I need to

27:29

do for me to get this out of

27:32

me? Because to your point, I was

27:35

so good at compartmentalizing. I could be

27:37

angry and compartmentalize and just

27:39

get through the motions of work

27:42

or whatever I had going on to where

27:44

I could avoid it. Right? Work was

27:46

the easiest place for me to avoid it.

27:48

That's why, you know, being in country music,

27:50

when my album came out on the edge,

27:52

people were confused. They're

27:55

like, what do you mean you have this

27:57

amazing husband? Like I go, yeah, this is

27:59

my. prequel. Yeah, this was mine

28:01

before. And then it was

28:03

like so many questions because I'm always like, you know, you've

28:05

got it, you'll get through this. And they're like, what

28:08

does she have to talk about? Like, yeah, right, her

28:10

life, she's fine. And then they, you

28:12

know, heard the story. And they're like, Oh, and then

28:14

with the book, it's like, okay, let's create a

28:16

tool. Let's create a tool for

28:18

others. So when you asked how long it took

28:20

me, if I'm being honest, it's been 15

28:23

years. Yeah. And that's way too long,

28:25

I think. But that's because I avoided

28:27

it. I didn't dive into me. I

28:30

avoided it at all costs, because it

28:32

was so painful. And when you talk

28:34

to your husband about it now, and since

28:36

you've, you've obviously been with him, since you

28:39

kind of found yourself. Yeah. What

28:41

does he think and say is he like almost

28:43

like, wow, you're a new woman in the last

28:45

like, five years since he really

28:48

found you are so when we first started

28:50

dating, and then you know, got married and

28:52

all those things, I think he knew that

28:54

there was still healing to be done. But

28:56

he's, he's just a good person. So he's like, you know

28:59

what, you're gonna figure it out. No

29:01

one can force you to heal faster. And

29:06

I say to him, I'm like, you

29:08

get the best of me now. It's like you get a new

29:10

wife. Like

29:13

these last, you know, you know, he's extremely

29:15

patient and very kind. And, you

29:17

know, I don't think I really understood when

29:20

he said, I love you unconditionally, you know, it's

29:22

one thing to say that it's one thing, it's another

29:24

thing to feel that and experience that. And

29:27

now he gets like the, I'm like, aren't you excited

29:29

for the next 10 years? Like, you don't have all

29:31

these like, all this stuff to

29:34

have to like, sort through with me because, you

29:36

know, again, it's, you

29:39

can't just get over it, you have to get you

29:41

have to do the work, right? I had to do

29:43

the work. And this extension, this

29:45

book is the extension of that. So that

29:47

hopefully that can truncate any

29:49

of our listeners, you know, that time, like,

29:51

just read the book. And Keith is, I mean,

29:53

he's a genius, he's an expert, he's one of

29:55

the, you know, former speakers on

29:58

narcissism, he's been talking about for 15 years

30:01

and you know then

30:03

we can identify it and then we can make the move

30:05

to leave. Well I think

30:07

identifying it is really key because

30:09

I think that like I

30:11

mean we all I'm sure will agree is like

30:13

when when you're in it yeah you

30:16

you can't see your way out but what

30:18

I think the book can be like such

30:21

a tool for is and why our

30:24

listeners should all read it is because it's

30:26

it's not just like if you're

30:29

in one of these relationships get out of it first of all it's a

30:31

really good story second of all it

30:33

is learning the language and how to identify

30:36

like if our daughter or

30:38

your friend or somebody is in

30:40

it this

30:42

is what you need to like understand what

30:45

they are going through and how to help

30:47

them see the light yeah yeah

30:49

I bet you we all have somebody in our

30:51

life that are going

30:53

through it and do need someone

30:56

like us to help them realize

30:58

right and I do okay oh my gosh

31:00

oh sorry no I just I agree I

31:02

mean I think that I've always learned better

31:04

through other people's stories yeah

31:07

you know like I see a movie or a TV show

31:09

or I hear a podcast like we learn

31:11

through other people's experiences so I think

31:13

that too because it's

31:15

not like it's just a an

31:18

expert talking about this is what this is

31:21

someone's real-life story and here here are all

31:23

the components of all the things I missed

31:25

the red flags of things you know that

31:28

I overrode my own you know my own

31:30

system going hello this is

31:32

that you know and I think I'm hopeful

31:34

that it will be helpful okay

31:37

I loved the story about

31:39

the Rolex and

31:41

full circle yeah to your dad

31:44

can you tell tab and our

31:46

listeners that little part so the

31:49

last Christmas we had together so this would

31:51

have been December of 2008 I was

31:54

you know we're spending Christmas together and Paulo

31:56

had that it was like the last gift

31:59

he was giving me. And

32:01

he was the one that had passed away. So this

32:03

is the Christmas before. And I'm

32:05

opening this package. And

32:08

it's a blender box, like for a

32:10

handheld blender. And I'm like, wanting me to

32:12

be like, I want me

32:14

to cook like I'm like, yeah, I don't

32:16

get it. And then I open that and

32:18

inside I recognize this green box. And I'm

32:20

like, Oh, this is this is a Rolex.

32:22

Like that's, you know, the green is so

32:24

identifiable. So yeah, pull it out. And it

32:26

is this like, shockingly, you

32:29

know, diamond encrusted, very fancy schmancy

32:31

watch. Now, I mean, he he

32:33

was, you know, he was a

32:35

hardworking guy. So we thought, right.

32:38

But I mean, that was an

32:40

extravagant gift. Yeah, expensive. And

32:43

very unlike or uncharacteristic of even our,

32:45

you know, I'm not like, I

32:48

don't know, it just was very elaborate. So kind

32:50

of overwhelmed by it. All our friends like, how

32:52

can you afford that? And

32:54

didn't really think anything of it. So then cut

32:57

to I'm now having to move out of our

32:59

house, because I wasn't on the lease, which is

33:01

the whole other thing and then get relocated.

33:03

And I don't have a lot of money. I

33:05

mean, I'm working a full time job. But you

33:07

know, go first and last and deposit them. Well,

33:09

I can sell the watch. I can sell the

33:11

watch. That's probably a lot of money. And

33:14

that will like, tide me over, tide

33:16

me over. I give it to my

33:18

friend to take to an appraiser. And the

33:20

watch is fake. And

33:23

it was just like, of course it is. Like,

33:25

why did I even think for a

33:27

second that it wasn't and then I

33:29

had to pay to get appraised. Oh,

33:32

more than the watch costs. Oh,

33:35

it's just, you know, and I just, oh,

33:38

one of those things. So I'm in my

33:40

new little place, my friends and we're navigating

33:42

these days. And this box shows up

33:45

at my house. And it's

33:47

from my dad. And I open

33:50

it up and it's a green

33:52

box. And it's this very

33:54

simple, inexpensive, like on the

33:56

inexpensive spectrum of Rolexes. And he goes, I just

33:58

want you to have some. something that's real. So

34:02

that when you when you don't know like when

34:04

real like you'll get the real guy like this

34:06

is a reminder of what's

34:09

real and I wear it all

34:11

that I don't have it on right now. It's just took

34:13

it off for my shower. But yeah, it's, it's

34:15

a really sweet reminder and it took me

34:18

a long time to get to the real.

34:20

Yeah, that is an amazing story. When

34:23

I was reading like before I you know, I'd

34:25

gotten to the bottom of that when I was

34:27

reading he you were in arrowhead and he'd given

34:29

you the watch. I'm like it's fake. Like I

34:31

know I know this guy immediate. Wow.

34:33

Immediately. Yeah. Yeah,

34:36

but I'm 45. Like

34:40

again, it was it was I mean,

34:43

it was I think that there's

34:45

something about what

34:48

I've noticed is like shock is the shockingness

34:50

of it works in

34:52

their favor temporarily. Yeah.

34:55

Right. Yeah, like that. Yeah, it's, you

34:57

know, looking back, there's just, you

35:00

know, so many things that just

35:02

are like, man, it

35:04

must have been so exhausting for him. Keeping

35:07

up so many story. Oh, yeah.

35:09

Oh, yeah. And you know, his

35:11

daughter is absolutely extraordinary. She just

35:13

turned 28. She is the love

35:16

of my life. And I just

35:19

think about that often, like what he must

35:21

have had happened to him to take him

35:23

to a place where he had to live

35:25

in this constant spectrum of lie and that's

35:28

healing. Right. That's forgiveness. Yeah, because I

35:30

couldn't say that two years ago. Yeah,

35:32

well, I think that it's very it

35:34

serves them because it's very it's

35:37

distracting for you. Sure. So you

35:39

have to, you know, see past all

35:41

of the red flags around you.

35:43

And it's distracting for them because it's keeping

35:45

them very busy. Right. They're not thinking

35:48

about what what's going on with themselves.

35:50

Right. And he only called me by my

35:52

last name and I wondered, you know,

35:55

and I've since reclaimed it, I like put it on

35:57

my jacket. I'm like the coil. Yeah, it's a good

35:59

last name. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

36:01

you. Come down. But when

36:03

my dog was really scratching herself, okay,

36:05

girl. But I

36:07

wondered if he did that so that he

36:10

wouldn't accidentally call me by one of the other

36:12

women's names, that if there

36:14

was something similar enough, right, so I

36:16

always thought it was, you know, like

36:18

what men do, you know, it's like sporty, it's

36:20

like we're teams, you know, he always played that

36:22

kind of little sis card until I wasn't. And

36:25

then as obviously as I learned more after he

36:27

died, I just wondered

36:29

if there was like a Tiffany or

36:31

Brittany or Jennifer or some name

36:34

that just was close enough that

36:36

made him comfortable. There was

36:38

like a Stacy. Something

36:41

like that. You know, but he only he only

36:43

would call me by my last name. And

36:45

it was always Quail. Why are you so crazy

36:47

and insecure? I'm hearing that Destiny's

36:49

Child song in my head right now. Say my

36:52

name. Say my name. Yeah.

36:55

Right. Yeah. Or

36:58

real. Yeah. Yeah. So you stayed,

37:00

you stayed in contact with his daughter.

37:02

Yes. And which is amazing,

37:04

because sometimes that doesn't

37:06

happen when there is a death

37:08

or even a breakup, right? Yeah,

37:11

she I mean, she, she

37:13

was mine in my heart before he ever

37:15

was. You know, I fell in love with

37:17

her the moment I met her. And she's just an

37:19

incredible young woman and to lose her dad at 12.

37:22

So hard. So hard. And just

37:24

the way that she has really

37:26

navigated her own healing through her art, which

37:29

led me to borrow courage from her and write

37:31

an album about this that then led me to

37:33

the book. I mean, her reading the book was

37:35

probably my most like, you

37:38

know, yeah, I was gonna ask how did that way

37:40

on you putting such a it's clear from the book

37:42

how much you treasure your relationship with her and

37:44

just from this conversation right now. But how

37:47

was it putting out such an

37:49

honest account? How did you react to that?

37:51

Yeah, I mean, I have two people when I

37:53

when I wrote the album, the two most important

37:55

people were my husband, David and

37:57

in Eden, that they like if they were

38:00

good with it than I was good. And

38:02

so when I wrote the book, Eden

38:04

had to read it and I had to know she was

38:06

good with it. And she's just so profound

38:08

in her youth, you know, and then she goes, Well, I

38:10

had to grow up quickly. I'm like, I know that. But

38:12

still, she said, Who am I to

38:14

stand in the way of your healing? Ah,

38:16

wow. Just like crushes my

38:18

soul and like, right? Precious

38:21

way. So I remember I was in Montana, I'd sent

38:23

her the book, we were in like

38:25

the last, you know, the last like tweaks of

38:27

edits, and I go, Okay, now it's ready for

38:29

her to read and completion and Keith had all

38:31

his contributions. And I remember like I

38:34

was headed to a concert just outside

38:36

my hometown. And I pulled

38:38

over and I had a text from her. She's like, Hey,

38:40

I finished the book. Can I call you? And I'm like,

38:45

ready? I'm ready. I'm not

38:48

ready. And, and her, she just

38:50

had a couple

38:53

edits. And they

38:55

were so precious. And it

38:58

had nothing to do with anything that you know, you

39:00

would, you know, one would like think maybe like, Oh,

39:02

hey, can you not say that or not? No,

39:04

she, she's just so awesome. And she

39:06

goes, we're gonna help a lot of

39:08

people. And that's, you know, that's, that's

39:10

good. That's a that's a that's a

39:13

awesome human right there. Yeah. Yeah.

39:15

Right. Well, that is, I

39:17

mean, really, really profound for both of

39:19

you guys. I am, I am definitely

39:22

cannot wait to read it. And where

39:24

can everybody else get it? And yeah,

39:26

came out when did it come out today? Comes out? No, comes

39:28

out the 30th of April 30. 30 April. So you can

39:31

pre order it now anywhere you get

39:33

books. So from independent bookstores to all

39:35

the comms and amazon.com

39:38

for sure. And all places. Yeah,

39:40

April 30. And

39:42

we're gonna we did the audio book, which I'm

39:45

a singer, okay, I'm on the microphone all the

39:47

time. I have a book that's a different deal.

39:49

And you read that you read it. We love.

39:51

I love author read

39:54

audio books. Same. I

39:56

don't believe it when it's not the author. I know.

39:58

I'm the same. I get really I get really

40:01

like my ears can't hear it. It's

40:03

the strangest thing. Yeah, no,

40:05

I had to do it. Had to do it. Glad you

40:07

did. Yeah, Tabitha listened to

40:09

the Britney book. I couldn't do it. Because

40:13

Michelle Williams says yes. Yeah, who

40:15

is great. I can't bring

40:17

myself to do it. Yeah, I have

40:19

a hard time listening to I think

40:21

it's one thing when it's fiction, but

40:23

when it's nonfiction, and it's someone's autobiography,

40:25

or it's like an autobiography memoir, it's

40:27

hard to not hear it. In their

40:30

words. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I had

40:32

to do it. But I was surprised

40:34

because during the process of writing the

40:36

book, I had aha moments where,

40:38

you know, I was

40:40

so focused on Paulo and the plane

40:42

crash and that relationship, that

40:45

when I got through that, as I was writing the

40:47

book, and then it kind of

40:49

hit me in the face, wait, you had

40:51

a whole other toxic relationship after that, with

40:53

the guy we call the Prince. And

40:55

that moment for me was like, whoa,

41:00

oh, okay, I'm gonna take a I'm gonna

41:02

take a beat before I you know, dive into this

41:04

one. And and

41:07

then you know, there were some moments that just

41:09

broke my heart for my younger self that, you

41:11

know, I felt so discombobulated. So,

41:14

you know, my there was

41:16

no self worth. That was

41:18

just that was really heartbreaking. Yeah, yeah.

41:20

Well, so you acknowledge, you know, your healing

41:22

journey continues all these years later, and the

41:24

importance of taking care of your mental health.

41:26

What, what does that look like for you?

41:28

Now, today, now

41:31

today. So this is really fun.

41:33

I, I got I was at

41:35

the CMT Awards the other day. And I was,

41:37

you know, like, how do you talk about this

41:39

book quickly, you know, like, you know, like a

41:41

quick hit interview. But what I shared with what

41:43

I shared, and this is something that I think

41:45

is a great first place to start, is

41:50

the book and writing and like going to

41:52

all my places, you know, being

41:54

done avoiding myself, like just going to everything that is

41:56

scary and dark and heavy, and just ripping it with

41:58

a little bit of a wide open and going, okay,

42:00

we have to deal with this. We have to

42:03

take this head on, is that I'm

42:05

to a place now where I like me. And

42:08

that is so freeing. And

42:11

you know, being able to go, okay, how do

42:14

I feel about me today? Just me by myself?

42:16

No one? No influence? Just? All

42:18

right, am I good with me? And

42:20

let that be the foundation. And

42:22

then whoever comes into the picture, has to

42:26

be good and elevating and stretching and happy.

42:28

And I want I want both you guys want to

42:30

hang out. And like, we're like, we're this is a good

42:32

thing, you know, it has to be good. And and

42:36

not be convoluted by other

42:38

people's behavior and let it, you know, pull

42:40

you down and pull me down. And

42:43

that's really exciting. And to know I've, I've done

42:45

the work. And now there's new work. Because

42:48

I think that once you address the trauma,

42:50

at least in my case, I've addressed all

42:52

this stuff. And now other little layers are

42:54

peeking out. And I'm

42:56

like, okay, so this situation that happened

42:58

when I was 19, with a,

43:00

you know, you know, a

43:03

man in power in the entertainment industry, like,

43:05

okay, that that just that just showed

43:07

up. So what do we have to fix

43:09

there? What do we have to kind

43:11

of like, okay, address, like, that'll never happen again.

43:14

And these, you know, these things that as we get

43:16

stronger, our voices get stronger, and we don't put up

43:18

with stuff. Right. And then, you know,

43:20

we don't, I find that bad

43:22

people don't waste their time on us. We're too strong.

43:25

So like, oh, that's too much work. Let's find someone

43:27

easier. You know, so the goal is to get everybody

43:29

really strong. Yeah,

43:31

that's so true. Yeah, we've

43:33

talked, we talked a lot about, like,

43:36

sexual harassment in the workplace and stuff in our

43:38

experiences. I mean, things have just changed so much

43:40

in the world just showed up. So

43:43

what do we have to fix there? What do we have to

43:45

kind of like, okay, address, like, that'll never happen

43:48

again. And these, you know, these things

43:50

that as we get stronger, our voices get stronger, and

43:52

we don't put up with stuff. Right. And

43:54

then, you know, we don't, I find that bad

43:57

people don't waste their time on us. We're too strong.

44:00

So like, ah, that's too much work. Let's find someone

44:02

easier. You know, so the goal is to get everybody

44:04

really strong. Yeah. Yeah.

44:06

That's so true. Yeah. We've

44:08

talked, we talked a lot about, um, like

44:11

sexual harassment in the workplace and stuff

44:13

in our experiences. I mean, things have just changed so

44:15

much in the last 20 years, you know? I

44:18

mean, had I gosh, when I

44:20

was 19, had the things that I saw

44:22

and was witnessed to and thank God nothing

44:25

happened. Where I had to like

44:28

deal with that whole rigmarole, but it

44:31

just, that stuff doesn't happen today

44:33

because social media, like everyone's

44:35

got a camera. Uh, the

44:37

conversation is at the forefront. You

44:40

know, I mean, I'm a very outgoing

44:42

as we, we're all strong outgoing women.

44:44

And I had moments

44:47

where my voice was silent. I'm

44:49

sure in the music business, I

44:51

can't imagine. Yeah. It's that pressure

44:53

pressure of you're going to ruin

44:55

my career, blackball me. Yeah.

44:59

And, uh, we just live in a much different

45:01

time. So it's awesome. You know, it shows like

45:03

yours would be able to expose and

45:05

have real conversation so that

45:07

the listeners have real guidance tools,

45:09

what to look for and just,

45:13

you know, going back to trusting yourself to a

45:15

place where you don't, if you get in something, you know how

45:17

to get out. Right. Hopefully.

45:21

Okay. Well, lastly, I want to thank you on

45:23

behalf of my husband because we just got back

45:25

from a family spring break trip to Hawaii. That's

45:27

why I'm so tan. I'm looking a

45:30

little orangy. I

45:33

wondered if you'd been somewhere. Well,

45:37

I was incredibly annoyed with him. You know,

45:39

it's stressful getting it all together with this

45:41

three kids and he could not have been

45:43

less helpful. Okay. You

45:48

stayed out late, you know, the night, the whole thing,

45:50

right? Thoroughly annoyed, but

45:53

I started reading the book on the plane and

45:56

reliving my past bad relationships. And

45:58

I remember. all those insecurities and

46:00

eggshells, you know, we've been talking

46:02

about. And I thought to myself,

46:05

actually, it is just a damn

46:07

miracle. I ended up with

46:09

this man that is not a narcissistic asshole,

46:11

you know, thank God for

46:13

him, even if he has no concept

46:15

of time, organization and

46:19

the effort that goes into all that traffic for a

46:21

week. All the things, all

46:23

the things. Well, you tell him no

46:25

problem. I was a little more forgiving.

46:28

Yes, yes. Faster than usual on this occasion.

46:30

By the time I got off the plane,

46:32

I was like, okay, let's have a Mai

46:34

Tai and let it go. Let's go have

46:36

a Mai Tai and yeah, so fun

46:38

and wild. It is true. There's

46:41

so much with relationships in life.

46:44

Stephanie, we all want to listen to you. Also,

46:46

Gretchen and I have been listening to all of your

46:48

music. You are an

46:50

absolute disco biscuit and that's

46:52

what we call beautiful

46:54

women. We would hang out with.

46:57

Wait, do you guys have t-shirts? We do.

47:00

Our book is disco biscuit t-shirts. We

47:03

can make that happen. We will send you one. I

47:05

love that. But you

47:07

guys, she is amazing. Your

47:10

music is amazing and inspiring and

47:12

so fun, so easy to listen

47:14

to. And let's all download

47:17

this book as soon as it comes out. I

47:19

am going to do the audio version because

47:21

I am in the car three hours a day driving my

47:23

kiddo to and from school. So

47:26

it is called, again, Why Do We

47:28

Stay? by Stephanie Quayle. Please everyone get

47:30

it. You will not be disappointed. Her

47:34

story is amazing and you are amazing and

47:36

truly a pleasure to talk to. And tell our readers

47:38

where we can find you, our readers, our listeners, where

47:40

they can connect with you online. Yes. So

47:43

stephaniquequayle.com for all of my tour days when

47:45

I'll be visiting all the places. I'd

47:47

love to meet your faces. Any chance

47:49

you're going to be in Nashville around the end of May? Yes.

47:53

I am going to be in Nashville. Are you guys coming? Yeah,

47:55

we're coming for CrimeCon. It's

47:57

a big convention. There

48:00

is crime con. There is crime con. It is

48:02

a thing. I have a nice type of keys.

48:06

Just throw me in your bag. I want to

48:08

go. This is awesome. Yeah, I'll be there. I'll

48:11

be there. Please. Please. This

48:14

will be very cool. And we'll have to have

48:16

a night. The disco biscuits take Nashville. Nashville? That'd

48:18

be so fun. I love it. I love it.

48:21

And then social media in all the places. All the places

48:23

where you can find me, you can find me. Okay. Yes.

48:27

Go find her and click today. Thank you so much, Stephanie. I'm

48:29

so excited that I'm going to see you all at the

48:31

end of May. Yes. We'll be there. I

48:34

love it. Well, hot

48:36

damn. Crutchie. That was about the best

48:38

interview we have had in a, in

48:41

a minute. In a hot minute. Yes.

48:44

That book is

48:46

intense. Yeah. I

48:48

am downloading the audio version because

48:50

I love her voice so much.

48:53

Right. I love her singing voice and I know I'm

48:55

going to love her telling me the story in my

48:57

ear. And

48:59

since I drive so much, just perfect. Oh

49:02

yeah. And listen, it's an,

49:04

it's a, it's a real easy read. Yeah.

49:07

Real easy with your eyeballs or your ears. Either way. It's

49:09

a, it's a real easy read. Starts

49:11

off. The book starts off just

49:14

so you know, there was no like spoiler with

49:18

she's cooking dinner. He, you know, he dies

49:20

in the plane crash. So I mean, how

49:22

do you, and it just, it doesn't stop

49:24

from, from there. It really keeps moving. Wow.

49:27

So you'll definitely enjoy. I also, you

49:29

know, I wasn't like super familiar with

49:31

Stephanie's music and everything. And so I've

49:33

been, you know, stalking her on YouTube

49:36

and she's great. Yeah. She

49:38

really is. Gretchen was sending me all of her videos.

49:41

Yeah. I love her videos.

49:43

The lost years video and

49:46

song I downloaded.

49:49

It is really about her story with Paulo.

49:53

And you know, I just, yeah, we just love

49:55

her. She's great. She is

49:57

great. So definitely go

49:59

check. check her out and check out

50:01

that book and I hope you guys enjoyed

50:03

this episode as much as we did. And

50:06

thank you again for seeing

50:09

our bonus subscribers on

50:11

Patreon if you listen to us there. Click

50:14

link to that and if you are on

50:16

Apple and are listening on the new Link

50:18

Link Club thank you so much. And

50:21

if you are not listening yet on the Link

50:23

Link Club join us there. That's

50:26

all for you two. Click link. Somebody

50:31

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