WE'RE BACK BABY!!!! And this time around Chip is off the hook as we're no longer reading his teenager ramblings. Instead, we'd like to present our Bargain Basement Audible series where we bring you the best of the worst fiction out there.

We begin with Chapter 1 of Pirate written by 90's male model Fabio. Can we expect frolics on the high seas? Or more bollocks? Let's find out!