2:00

On each episode of How to be

2:02

Fine with Friends, we dive into a

2:05

different aspect of friendship or loneliness. In

2:07

some episodes, we'll talk with an

2:10

expert and learn about how a

2:12

specific issue like geography or social

2:14

networks affect our friendship and wellbeing.

2:17

And in alternate episodes like this

2:19

one, we'll take the advice from

2:21

our experts out into the world,

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record ourselves enlisting that advice, and

2:25

report back to you with the

2:27

results. So last week we talked

2:30

with Dr. Louise Hockley from the National

2:32

Opinion Research Center. Dr. Hockley

2:34

is a field leading expert on

2:36

loneliness and social isolation, and

2:39

she walked us through some of the facts

2:41

related to the loneliness epidemic and explained some

2:43

of the factors contributing to it. Along

2:45

the way, she also gave us several

2:47

tips to consider trying in our own

2:49

lives. They included, Tip

2:51

1, Get the generations together.

2:54

Doing so allows older people to flex

2:57

their nurturing muscles and younger

2:59

people to benefit from that nurturing. At

3:01

the same time, it helps us to see

3:03

people as people, not stereotypes. And

3:06

bonus, having younger friends safeguards us

3:08

against loneliness as we age and

3:10

lose our same aged friends. Tip

3:13

2, Active people are less

3:15

lonely. And people who are

3:17

less lonely tend to be active. So go

3:19

out and be physically active. Talk your dog

3:22

as it will likely lead to social connection

3:24

with other dog owners. Exercise

3:26

or play sports with friends as it

3:28

can build closeness with people who don't

3:30

love plain old face-to-face talking. Tip

3:33

3, Go into the world believing that

3:35

it's a friendly place. When

3:37

you approach the world as socially dangerous, assume

3:39

the worst in others, or view yourself as

3:41

a victim, you send the message to your

3:44

interaction partners that you're not ready for

3:46

any closeness, and thus, make them withdraw

3:48

rather than connect to you. So

3:50

go into the world smiling with positivity. by

4:00

saying hi to your bus driver and striking

4:02

up an interaction with a seatmate. Studies

4:05

have found that even if you go in

4:07

scared, you'll likely experience a boost afterward that

4:09

will carry you for the rest of the

4:11

day. That's what Dr. Louise

4:13

Hockley recommended, and so that's what we

4:15

each tried. Alrighty,

4:18

JoLenta, it is time. It's time

4:20

for me and our listeners to

4:22

hear how Dr. Hockley's tips went

4:24

for you. Which ones did you try on

4:26

for size? What happened? Alright,

4:29

well, I started small

4:32

and I worked on developing

4:34

my face-to-face social skills. That

4:37

would be tip four. Right. And

4:39

I did that because I feel like my face-to-face

4:41

social skills are lacking. I don't interact with that

4:44

many people anymore. When I'm out

4:46

in public, I generally kind of keep a

4:48

low profile because honestly, I don't want to

4:50

draw attention to myself wearing a mask, a

4:52

little self-conscious about it, and I'm worried that

4:54

I would pop off if someone gave me

4:57

trouble about it. That makes

4:59

sense. It does. I get it,

5:01

JoLenta. Yeah. Yeah. So

5:04

in order to follow Dr. Hockley's advice, I

5:06

tried to engage more with the people I

5:08

do interact with. So while I was in

5:10

a cab going to my mom's house, I

5:12

worked up some courage and complimented the man

5:14

driving me when I got out. Take

5:17

a listen. Thanks, you too. You

5:20

got a dress case and I like your

5:22

glasses, by the way. Thank you. Thank

5:24

you. They're cool. Thank you.

5:27

As you can hear, that was a super short

5:29

interaction, but normally I would just kind of mumble

5:31

thanks and like run away. So I stayed

5:35

longer. I gave a compliment, seemed to bring

5:37

a little smile to his face, and it

5:39

brought a little smile to mine too. Oh,

5:42

JoLenta, that sounds really genuinely like

5:44

a great interaction between you two. And like

5:47

Dr. Louise Hockley said, it doesn't

5:49

have to be huge. It really can be something as

5:51

simple as that. Right. Give me

5:53

like a little boost. Like I felt like

5:55

a little like social interaction buzz, like a

5:57

little serotonin bump. So like that was good.

6:00

Nice. Nice. As a personal lover

6:02

of small talk and complimenting people,

6:04

I think that's a great way to

6:06

get started. I'm a little biased, but that's how

6:08

I feel. Right. Yeah, that's true. So

6:11

what did you do after that? After

6:13

that, I combined two of our tips. Going

6:16

out into the world believing it's a friendly

6:18

place. That would be tip three. Yes.

6:22

And staying active to be less lonely.

6:24

Ah, that is tip number two. So

6:27

Dr. Hockley mentioned that staying active by

6:30

walking your dog can lead to social

6:32

connection with other dog owners. So

6:35

I took little Frank out for a long

6:37

walk. All while trying my best

6:39

to believe that the world is a friendly

6:41

place. You know, I didn't have headphones in.

6:44

I was open and ready

6:46

for conversation. I was

6:48

smiling. But Kristen, I didn't see any other

6:50

dog owners on my walk. It must have

6:52

been like off peak dog walking times. Oh

6:54

my gosh, that's not how I think of

6:57

your neighborhood. I think of your neighborhood as

6:59

always having dogs. Full of dogs. Yeah.

7:02

But there were none on the block. Oh no.

7:04

And just as I was giving

7:06

up and heading back into my

7:09

building, I saw a little girl

7:11

coming down the street with her parents and she

7:13

was waving at me. Okay,

7:15

that might even be better than a dog.

7:17

Yeah. A little girl waving

7:19

is just fantastic. That's great. Also, by

7:21

the way, that's an intergenerational interaction, I

7:23

think about to happen. Oh my gosh.

7:25

I didn't even think about that. So

7:28

the question is, did you wave back? Of

7:31

course I did because I was believing the

7:33

world was a friendly place. Yay,

7:36

that's great. And after I waved,

7:38

it became clear she also wanted Frank's attention.

7:40

So I like picked him up and made

7:42

his little paw wave to her and that

7:44

made her crack up. And then she started making

7:46

dog barking sounds and that made me crack up.

7:49

It was a fun little interaction.

7:52

Oh, that is so sweet. You're putting a smile

7:54

in my heart right now, Jolinta. Oh my

7:56

gosh. I'm glad. I'm glad to be

7:58

of service. And what did you do? catch

22:00

the eye of several people we knew.

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Multiple old coworkers of deans, neighbors we

22:05

hadn't seen in a long time. So

22:07

our big old smiles at the end of

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the day gave us what we like most

22:11

about the 5th Avenue Street Fair anyway, seeing

22:14

friends. Well, that's perfect. Yeah. It

22:16

sounds like you had a very good time living by these

22:18

tips. I know you love your free stuff. Yeah,

22:21

there were some ups and some downs, but I'm

22:23

not gonna get into all of that quite yet

22:25

because that has to be saved for

22:27

the verdict, but before the verdict, we need to take

22:29

a quick break. Hey,

22:36

everyone. We are back, and now

22:38

it's the moment you've all been

22:40

waiting for, verdict time. Did Dr.

22:42

Louise Hockley's tips work for us?

22:44

Would we recommend them? Are we

22:46

better friends with everyone around us?

22:48

Well, Jelenta, since you shared your

22:51

experiences first, let's hear your verdict

22:53

first. I thought these

22:55

tips were pretty solid. I'd

22:57

say they helped me stay aware of

22:59

the opportunities I have day to day

23:02

to connect with people when I'm like,

23:04

oh, I should work on face-to-face interactions.

23:06

Those little interactions became more prominent in

23:08

my mind. I started noticing them more.

23:11

And my mom was super appreciative of

23:13

us taking her to industry city. She

23:15

had a good time. She texted Brad

23:17

and I a little thank you for

23:19

taking her out. And then she even

23:21

texted me again the next day another

23:23

thank you. So if

23:25

anything, that was worth it just to

23:28

help get her doing something she wanted

23:30

to do. Plus, Frank

23:32

made friends. Everyone was making friends.

23:34

So it was pretty solid advice.

23:36

It made my life have a

23:38

bit more pep in it. Oh,

23:41

good. Oh, I'm so glad to

23:43

hear that. What about

23:45

you, Kristen? How did you feel about

23:47

Dr. Hockley's tips? I

23:49

loved her tips. I think

23:51

they worked great for me. Note

23:54

to listeners, not every tip is going to work for

23:56

every person. We don't expect it to. But

23:58

because of her.