0:13

hello and welcome to hike to fail

0:15

with elizabeth day the post costs

0:18

that celebrates the things that haven't gone

0:20

right this is a

0:22

podcast about learning from mistakes

0:24

and understanding the why we fail

0:27

ultimately makes us stronger

0:28

because learning how to fail in

0:30

life

0:31

actually means learning how to succeed

0:34

better

0:35

i'm your host author and journalist elizabeth

0:37

day on every week i'll be

0:39

asking a new interviewee what they've

0:41

learned from failure

0:43

when he was eighteen stephen bartlett

0:45

was in his own words a

0:48

black broke lonely insecure

0:50

universe he drop outs for a bankrupt

0:53

somebody

0:54

born in barcelona and raised in plymouth

0:56

keeping kicks out of school for poor attendance

0:58

and quit higher education after one

1:01

seminar that he dreams

1:03

of the different pizza the time

1:05

he at the time thought that wrote that he wanted to

1:07

be as happy sexy millionaire

1:10

by the age of twenty five he

1:12

achieves the money and assets by

1:14

twenty five he had created one of the world's

1:17

most influential social media companies

1:19

from his bedroom by twenty seven

1:22

he had taken the social same public a

1:24

market valuation of over three hundred

1:26

and fifty million times forbes

1:28

, named him one of the thirty under

1:31

thirty am he was the entrepreneur

1:33

rising star at the block which is

1:35

business awards the

1:37

happiness parts of longer the him

1:39

to come by bartlett began

1:41

to realize that almost everything he

1:43

been told about success

1:46

the fast cause the private jets to

1:48

design a watches was allies

1:50

the material wealth didn't for sale

1:52

him obama had

1:55

to find his the answers the result

1:57

is europe's most downloaded business put

1:59

come the diary of a c o

2:02

in which he interviews everyone from professor

2:04

green chili and pain and me

2:06

about what drives them the podcast

2:09

spawned podcast sunday times bestselling self

2:11

help book and book and media following on

2:13

instagram of over one point four million

2:16

with whom he says daily nuggets of

2:18

insight and wisdom now

2:20

, twenty nine year old part that is the youngest

2:23

ever dragon on the bbc hit business

2:25

investment so dragon's den den

2:28

he's about to go on tour with live

2:30

states including the london palladium and

2:32

venues in glasgow newcastle

2:34

and birmingham it would seem

2:37

then that stephen bartlett is

2:39

living his life that

2:41

of he writes the most

2:43

convincing sign that someone is trudy

2:46

living their best life is that

2:48

lack of desire to show the world your

2:50

back my we seek validation

2:54

the impart that welcome to hide the fact

2:56

what an honor to be here that was really awkward for me

2:59

at it's finest certificates of

3:01

never get used to that scientists

3:03

hearing nice things in in the review

3:05

real man not renewed i

3:07

was an award show last night and and the night before

3:10

and they read those things are it seems like it'll

3:12

come us in the us i did internalize any

3:14

the stuff what has really helped me

3:16

i sleeping because i don't really

3:19

care like i did you don't care so

3:21

i don't care what people think and it it can nicely

3:23

go both ways i didn't always

3:25

give always ways back and generally goes both

3:27

ways

3:28

the about thing about validation and not

3:30

seeking some validation each genuinely

3:32

mean and feel that

3:34

i definitely still seek validation for

3:36

sure but it's like ten percent

3:39

and when i was younger and over the last

3:41

twenty seven years whenever it was probably

3:43

at like sixty or seventy

3:45

percent is really stupid sniffing naive

3:47

to kind of consider these things like a light

3:49

switch that such as on and off it is never dies spot

3:52

getting to the point where you don't like run by

3:54

validation to the point that you making unsettling

3:56

life decisions to me is the gone

3:59

and unjust hundred not say when

4:01

it away from i do that now consciously as whenever

4:03

i make a decision i'm asking

4:05

myself for the first time ever why making the decision

4:07

a year ago i said as it's my girlfriend my

4:10

team and might get by rolls royce and

4:13

then i have a conversation about why

4:15

i wouldn't buy it and it's not valid reason

4:18

and then you get more than what was influence you to feel

4:20

like you want to buy a rolls royce and then you can get to the

4:22

bottom of it and you can make better decisions but that

4:24

was just like a glimpse right that's not every

4:27

day i was just a glimpse i always use that example

4:29

because even though i understand this stuff and

4:31

i spent my life talking about it and i've written about it at length

4:34

these things like never really go away especially when

4:36

you're living in the cold and of the western world where i

4:38

come on down the street and have a billboard

4:40

or a car convince me that there's something

4:43

that like there have been neat so it's

4:45

like a practice it's never going to

4:47

you know

4:48

there is all about ego because i

4:50

had a not quite a rolls royce comparison

4:53

but hey i was meant for games

4:55

with dennis an eye on i was really sucks it's have

4:57

been invited to the dinner and when i said yes

4:59

to it a couple months ago those

5:01

little voice in the back of my head that was like you wake up

5:03

she wants is either when it comes the times

5:05

where you'll feel stressed the guy you're not

5:07

like i'm so flustered style

5:09

been invited to the saying and it's really special only should

5:12

go there are you cancel

5:15

you can the comic book was like what is it

5:17

in me that requires some

5:19

and it was a sense of

5:22

fitting in and being respected amazon

5:25

actually but the do all i elizabeth

5:27

desire , you have exerted on you'll

5:29

never catch matinees i

5:33

going to dinner and sweet from avon

5:35

as from skunk passed away but

5:37

be rich as he could probably means concerts

5:39

i just have no interest and interest don't care how

5:41

many celebrities or perhaps even to be that's exhausting

5:45

going small talk with talk bunch of people that don't

5:47

matter to allies and aren't necessarily gonna add

5:49

gonna tremendous ah tremendous to my from i could go hang out

5:51

with my nieces or just with myself

5:54

okay to the gym or have gym or like is

5:56

a lot said about networking and business i

5:58

never know but

6:00

never hundred expands your network say that are the

6:02

way to expand my networks are costing

6:04

producing content doing really one of my business

6:06

and all these other digital reputation fact is

6:08

expand my that will out in a way which is much more

6:10

considerable an easy ten during

6:12

and flex looking around dream for introducing

6:15

myself say i've never networked

6:17

i find exhausting and pointless i think there's

6:19

a much more scannable way to network which is

6:21

either doing something that were added value

6:23

to the world and then you don't really have to network

6:25

or using the internet which

6:28

is one of we seventy bucks scale tell

6:30

you i'm the exact same i'm a very

6:32

violent no off a ,

6:34

chancellor i cancelled something this morning

6:37

morning it is also as bad as bad

6:40

, of noah is games with my

6:42

name ambitious we

6:44

can't be mad that point i mentioned has been

6:46

stepson lay web bright plainly

6:48

in secure excited that seal

6:52

most of my life i think in fact like so for me

6:54

ages very and maybe ten years olds

6:56

about twenty three probably

6:59

when i was back in plymouth in devon living and

7:01

smashed up house contrast

7:03

is really the thing that makes you feel like crap we

7:06

didn't smile crossed you can tell you from arkansas

7:08

yeah it's like taking

7:10

usually go since one of the house i'm yeah

7:12

contrast is the thing that i think makes you feel like rubbish right

7:14

so comparing yourself to whatever

7:16

environment you're in and for me like that

7:19

is what i always think about with my nokia phone and i write

7:21

about this in the book is my nokia phone was

7:23

the bee's knees until i find showed up like i

7:25

was proud to like pull the aerial up and

7:27

like play snake and do my polyphonic ringtones until

7:29

a world existed when my nokia amongst

7:32

iphones and growing up i was the

7:34

nokia set amongst iphones we lived

7:36

in a perfect middle class neighborhood need

7:38

go on google maps you can still see my name is

7:40

still perfect google maps were probably taken

7:43

from i street seven or eight years ago and it's like

7:45

a have you back in time every houses

7:47

perfect everyone was whiter than white

7:49

like it just needed to picket fence and then someone

7:51

would probably rent it for like a movie but

7:54

my house which that right in the middle of at neighborhood

7:56

was the grass with six foot high

7:59

the when the the front of the house was smashed

8:01

the one of the miss master fifteen years my brother's bedroom

8:03

window the back of the house is the worst

8:06

that was well at people couldn't see necessarily

8:08

seventy or two neighbors and that was maybe on

8:10

an at six ten for high grass

8:12

fridges tv than that half

8:15

of a house with dilapidated safe at one

8:17

point with decided to do an extension

8:20

and just not the back of a house down but

8:22

just never did extension say wanted

8:24

a dog inside the house if you opened each man's

8:26

gotten like a wooden don't like a proper outside

8:29

of that with company but the fact that i was very

8:31

black in my school as the my brothers and sisters and

8:33

was the youngest to face veil last immensely

8:35

my as kylie ever known as straight

8:38

was super poor i can never bring someone

8:40

home tonight meet my family or

8:42

at minimum i send the became a my house in the whole

8:44

atheists i was that never had a girlfriend

8:46

comeback i was always lying and

8:48

as line because even that eight and a playground

8:50

or you want to do said you want to be

8:52

like the other kids and that survival so

8:55

i was learning how to like lie and

8:57

say i was getting things the christmas season pretend

9:00

and making up things like off my birthdays and and

9:02

relaxing my housemate restraints

9:04

and stuff like a long time at sixteen

9:06

years of that a month or so the relationship

9:09

with money like i had an unhealthy relationship with money

9:11

because my parents taught me that it was the cause

9:13

of the pain in our household with the reason they screamed each

9:15

other series next really did love each other as

9:17

the reason i was i saw some a shame going

9:20

to school every day or you know not having

9:22

the things a renaissance of is a contrast

9:24

was the thing that made me sell side

9:26

i guess insecure and you know i never knew

9:28

it than me and secure cats

9:31

in at a football team did really

9:33

well with the opposite sex i was a

9:35

cool kid i was running all the parties

9:37

by the age of sixteen or eighteen holes of schools

9:39

have some of the party for op and high school

9:42

didn't have any missing deal sex or school finally

9:44

made money from vending machines they didn't have to buy them at

9:46

all which may commission and someone gave interests

9:48

and eternity things as i was cool kid but i

9:51

was in secure a kid said to me

9:53

back then i was in see code appointed it when

9:55

of the kids that was being quiet and

9:57

the typical kind of like little bit maybe najdi

10:00

kid or those the insecure ones like

10:02

know i was only i only realized this

10:04

may be when i was like twenty three or twenty four twenty

10:06

five and i understood why security was tight

10:08

manifests itself and behavior when

10:10

i was definitely and secure he

10:12

will wear a mask and the way clears

10:14

up your life of pretend and you present i posted

10:17

before mine and my friends back home

10:19

like what you talking about people back then

10:21

cause i posted something saying that like i had

10:23

to leave environment to finally be myself and

10:25

they will i were you talking about see this isn't tray

10:27

like you had loads of friends if i want you don't

10:29

understand the reason why

10:32

very very different now how i was

10:34

back then

10:36

can we bought your entrepreneurial spirit because

10:38

that thing about the vending the end of

10:40

story where do you think that came

10:42

from did it come from your parents

10:44

your family background or was it something that

10:47

was uniquely within

10:48

the yeah i think there's a couple of

10:51

fact is i think to say that it's like a mate

10:53

is probably not true because i'm i'm the youngest

10:55

of four and it was only present in

10:57

may so i zoom in and say okay so what happened

11:00

to me of all my brothers and sisters while

11:02

we were poorest when i was youngest and my parents

11:04

were most abstinent when i was youngest

11:06

because what tends to happen with parents

11:08

sometimes is a parent

11:10

the first couple of kids and then

11:13

when one of them like eighteen nineteen

11:15

be kind of assume their own eighteen or nineteen and

11:17

that's what happened in my household say when i was growing

11:19

up a ten eleven twelve years old i

11:21

wake up and neither of my parents without and then when

11:24

i went to see neither of them with that said

11:26

my dad was working in london five days a

11:28

week was about four hours way and my mom

11:30

see was trying to stop her businesses

11:33

they say and to get broken in for loss

11:35

to he just decided to sleep in the business

11:37

overnight to sleep business the back cream and on

11:39

back bag of rice service cray the huge

11:41

like void of independence but

11:43

it also taught me taught time when time really

11:46

wanted stones and stones fit in

11:48

and to have lunch money whenever money

11:50

whenever me that you can have anything it comes as direct

11:52

consequence of your behavior so

11:54

yeah the shoes void of independence to having a parent

11:57

or member went to do the junior apprentice

11:59

in london and forty we are denied

12:01

left the house of a hour round trip on the train

12:03

to go and contest in a huge business competition

12:05

in london and they made no idea

12:08

and even gone didn't even notice i

12:10

got the final and they didn't even

12:12

know the i left the house and i cannot speak to what

12:14

it was like back then was just like telling pets talking

12:16

to school twenty percent of time fade

12:18

sometimes why they expelled and my

12:20

parents had no idea i was forging my report

12:23

cards every color or whenever they don't have them

12:25

i'd like collect in the past and scania my

12:28

, and described as

12:30

described was running my life and life had the seasons and

12:32

it's nuts it's think the comedy shipping

12:34

really insecure i'm wanting started having the huge void

12:37

of independence was there kunis

12:39

there fact is i came together the funny because

12:41

you think of ambition eyes dislike

12:44

intense you know really

12:46

authentic drive to achieve

12:48

some things whereas what a come to

12:50

learn is most of the time it's like just insecurities

12:53

and in six years he's one of his immense

12:55

drivers of motivation

12:57

people have a say i feel like of as snow fraud

13:00

but when people asking that question how you so

13:02

motivated by say nauseous and secure and you

13:04

can see the panic in the face when that's something that very

13:06

hard to replicate but fastest

13:08

way to i am succeed

13:11

pain in that respect i'm on a big believer

13:13

that fuel is seal and will ever get seats

13:15

a way you need to be such

13:17

an adequate enough driver an adequate

13:19

enough motivating force if

13:22

your mouth yeah

13:24

without a huge affection so

13:26

my parents i've always called them by

13:28

their first names my dad is quite

13:31

typical of a quiet

13:33

older now white male father

13:36

just say well done the

13:38

not the most you ever getting out of a man very

13:41

true save my mom is very enthusiastic

13:43

i shall i say in , is

13:46

for a passionate pretty and way to describe it she's

13:48

from nigeria never really

13:50

affectionate with either them they don't know anything about my

13:52

life they didn't know what was going ham and i subtle that it

13:54

may find it girlfriend if girlfriend was doing

13:56

well doing school nothing said as the always been

13:58

this distance which has been made a hard

14:00

to relate to them especially if i left home and

14:03

and start building businesses on the think the internet

14:05

which they don't understand either i never

14:07

had a conversation with them about what i do if they've learned

14:09

about what i do it's from reading something online then

14:12

, never had that conversation about what i do

14:14

a be really difficult hours of facing some of the things

14:16

i'm doing my with the block chain and web three

14:18

and then a dragon's den cycle my mom

14:20

as i can a dragon's den and i'd

14:23

put the dragon so throne and i message when i called

14:25

her and she was like a yes i understand as

14:27

like i'm going to be it's arguments i can sense the okay

14:29

okay so when are you putting ally none and

14:32

and am going to be a dragon to as it

14:34

was to mis les a pretty funny jokes but

14:38

yeah love spinach place

14:40

okay your community someone

14:42

who have to

14:43

that is incredible degree of

14:45

self resilience from

14:48

an early age which is why

14:50

you are why are you all know

14:53

do you think that that's a difference before i

14:55

got on she often failure between

14:57

the longing and sitting in

15:00

yeah for sure so when i think about

15:02

belonging summit somewhere where you're supposed

15:04

to be so my you belong say some

15:06

my last that is in line with your intrinsic

15:09

joys passions the things that are so

15:11

you that is where you belong that is why you're meant

15:13

to be sitting in his

15:16

first attempt to like socially conform

15:18

with a great and adding one of those

15:21

paths which is belonging would result in

15:23

getting something in your life in your mind and

15:25

the other is often a temporary mechanism

15:27

of survival by youths he transits

15:29

in a while can turn city on the playground but

15:32

it doesn't appear to be sustainable in a

15:34

long time come , with i

15:36

split assets of lot lot just

15:38

from after him i

15:41

spent a lot i'm thinking about these things right say

15:43

nobody to topic nobody just like

15:45

the terminology and yeah mean you get

15:48

it from same with pocus guess right to see plans

15:50

and people in it becomes quite

15:52

easy to communicate which is like the really unexpected

15:54

upside of running a picasso just helps at all facets

15:56

of hindsight business and talking and explaining

15:59

your ideas and ideas concise the way so i

16:01

, in either way call it running a podcast it makes

16:03

me feel like a ceo ceo

16:06

feel like a like for enjoyable job

16:08

and it's a business for us and it's like we got a team

16:11

and we got standards and we guy

16:13

cetacean that is a well oiled machine from fucking

16:15

augustus that transport getting them

16:17

here than the promotion off base agree and to end

16:20

get me going to look a lot of business

16:33

broadly speaking how to use you

16:35

failures success is it different

16:37

the way you view it from a business perspective

16:39

from the way easier personally

16:41

probably yeah i think personal failure

16:44

is a lot harder to take

16:47

because it's so close to home said

16:49

is a real strong emotional impact

16:52

whereas business failure you typically

16:54

talking about profits

16:56

and bottom lines and or that's

16:59

what is less emotionally sensitives

17:02

implications so yeah

17:04

i mean that both emotional but person failure

17:06

is just a little bit closer to home say which

17:09

ones you feel is easier to deal with the business

17:11

side of the show okay good business

17:13

for me as a game you're playing out in front of you said

17:15

like a chessboard on friend to be a bus or

17:18

like if i got a playstation i'm holding

17:20

a remote control and plane was on the screen on conducting

17:22

at the , dies in the game is

17:24

not fatal bus with the

17:26

puzzle failure i'm inside the game and

17:28

is me that is playing inside the

17:30

screen safe i can feel close

17:32

to home say businesses you know they

17:34

can come they can fool but at the way that i've always

17:36

played my business and with the things that give me brazilians

17:38

and hottest times is like this video

17:41

game once i was referred to as i

17:43

am not to business i'm disassociated

17:45

from i'm looking down on it and in hard

17:47

times my job is to like navigate

17:50

the pieces on the board to a better place

17:52

as a priest tough internalizing was happening

17:54

and that's really helped me and i know me and my business on

17:57

a dorm when we both social time we

17:59

had two different approaches because we went

18:01

to the same thing is in the same house where the same age

18:03

and he became an alcoholic and was finding him in a

18:05

loans your aim drinking alcohol it's

18:07

ran and dragon about to is bad and he signed

18:09

a bottle of me whereas i was

18:11

super common situation and for me

18:14

the agony of business wasn't touching

18:16

me that was outside of me so so

18:18

it almost like each her what that

18:20

from wearing a mask in childhood and he switched

18:23

it so that it becomes like a medicine to

18:25

practice element a detachment

18:27

than sometimes be really healthy and helpful

18:29

here con yeah as in the right

18:31

contacts running will come on said i had his

18:34

, is not healthy but yeah i think

18:36

muscle resiliency resilience is this slow

18:39

habit of learning how to deal with

18:41

adversity adversity a way

18:43

that will help you to survive so i'd probably

18:46

been surviving a lot longer don't hide and i

18:48

went in ma'am he was in a very nice invest

18:51

in a nice area with a very very very nice

18:53

family and was like coming join me i'm starting a business

18:56

and then i went dropped him straight the deep end and

18:58

maybe hadn't developed the same level of like

19:01

mental resilience to cope

19:03

with the extremists of when it was

19:05

like tough hundred some point of a to have of like

19:07

of like on the day of payday to

19:09

know that you couldn't pay anybody still always

19:11

make pay for like a years we never missed

19:13

it but there was literally remember sometimes

19:16

were running the business week

19:18

i know that and an hour we have to release wages

19:20

as the end of the month is friday but i know there's no

19:23

money in the bank the i know i've got to find

19:25

a way to get my western i give me alone in

19:27

an hour and this didn't happen once

19:29

this happens twelve fifteen times

19:31

sometimes month after month we

19:33

never missed it but it was just like got a nice and

19:35

divine intervention something always happened

19:37

there was one particular time as i took about now

19:39

that last were not with cool beans and the

19:41

anyway will release wages for three hundred

19:44

people is if you can get

19:46

a client to sign a contract saying

19:49

that they're gonna pay for million and i

19:51

met this event with his be klein of us can

19:53

we do have a big big piece of were coming up with say

19:55

i'm trying to get them drunk and on as i can

19:57

deaths of the south downs medici

20:00

is one of them gonna adobe he signed my

20:02

sign and i and we did it when

20:04

the and every one of the because they'll be about fifteen feet

20:06

into business you fuck mastery hundred

20:08

dave christian dom they will wait and in

20:10

is what's that greets me to get our signature we got

20:12

a signature they sent it said elliot

20:14

nat west and she released the fans don't have any and

20:17

it's funny cause you go in the office on that friday haven't

20:19

celebrated beers dinner dinner and you to say the

20:21

thing and up and are you buy some sort

20:24

of semi ask such said than all questions

20:27

how do you deal with a level of anxiety in

20:29

an interview at endure it physically

20:32

you do even i did not

20:34

as extreme as other people around me dead but

20:36

even i got to the point where sick of it is

20:39

sick of being in a situation if

20:41

you're not situation once for oh my god that was what works

20:43

best you're in that situation fifteen times

20:46

over , course of many is and you also don't know when

20:48

that situations gonna come see a living in a sense

20:50

they have like uncertainty is difficult

20:53

and you just gotta get some tomorrow he got

20:55

enough he is so easy of

20:57

the same height either and it

20:59

also changes you it makes you

21:01

a bit of a dick in what way

21:04

because he become a little bit morrow

21:06

emotionless because emotionless can't say

21:08

those really those really

21:11

anxious emotions to my team i

21:13

think you find yourself for treating a little bear and

21:16

you'll also find it hard to celebrate the the

21:18

ups rights people think about this when you

21:20

like emotionally desensitize yourself

21:23

you doing it both ways you can't just pick to

21:25

light the camps going into the bad stuff you end

21:27

up developing like wanna come

21:29

within the chaos into trying to stay in the middle

21:32

from the best days i was in the middle and west a

21:34

them in the middle and that was my coping

21:36

mechanism so and it does it was down

21:38

to as it on as a human and in

21:41

let's go on to your first failure which is the

21:43

failure if your face business ballpark

21:46

so this is predating

21:48

naturally from that

21:49

in the face of same is natural one from little

21:52

pockets so the university doesn't

21:54

have much raw power coma mom mom

21:56

drop an awesome never speech against i get back

21:59

there

22:00

the way and then i had this idea

22:02

for the student otis voters are going into university

22:04

of into one that just my so that they still

22:06

used physical notice board with like pieces of paper

22:09

on my for that matter in two thousand

22:11

maybe thirteen or two thousand and twelve and

22:13

we still easy physical night is both and

22:15

i've been to the university down the road

22:17

manchester university and they had the same

22:19

thing so when i have it's a sofa to invest

22:22

in the had the same thing some idea was

22:24

i can make an online notice

22:26

for the website for , a

22:28

city of like manchester for example where this one hundred

22:30

thousand students and three universities he basically

22:32

go on that you click the button insight

22:34

and mm you and sulfate

22:37

if those the students went ahead you put

22:39

in a category and you might be posts three simple

22:41

some hundred and for football team player to my

22:43

university football team and it can be from any

22:45

university i'll just go into my

22:48

at enemy at euro am at

22:50

your last or for universities the gun for

22:52

for the past sunday dinner with death that

22:54

was the idea launched it i was super

22:56

broke here say i was at this point

22:59

stealing lexicon become pieces to feed myself

23:01

in finding ways to get

23:03

testy to give me free feed die

23:05

and noted super bright see the painful period

23:07

of my life in terms of like physical pain pain

23:10

had this idea safe minister race money

23:12

from some investor just by sending an email

23:14

and maybe twenty thousand pounds loads

23:17

the website built it for a couple

23:19

years and we just couldn't get people

23:21

to stay so this stay when

23:23

i learn about marketing muscle to me what became

23:25

social scientists couldn't get people to stay so

23:27

one day i go on facebook i see this facebook

23:29

page with five thousand students commences

23:31

the students on it a satirical manchester

23:33

soon face the pace i go meet the arena

23:36

i buy the page of him for fifty quid

23:38

i placed on it and it's the

23:40

most people that we have had some for website

23:42

but they don't stay i then decide

23:44

on can make all of the facebook groups that all

23:46

the fuss is joining university across the country this

23:49

yes make these fresher grapes

23:51

and the fresher groups become my website

23:55

everybody is doing what i planned

23:57

my website to be in these grapes and i'm

23:59

innocent much

24:00

at the time if we can get them to do that on our

24:02

website all websites with hundred million

24:04

that's because there was a post every

24:06

single ten seconds

24:09

and some of the groups in a big like university groups

24:11

students were using it to buy stuff trades dos

24:13

sell stuff interact to organize

24:15

whether going to my accent from our didn't get them

24:17

to leave face books comes my website i

24:20

even close to the grapes and poppins

24:22

cover facing you have to do some more pot and

24:24

let people didn't do this and at that point

24:26

you realize that you're fighting and

24:28

incumbent you can't beat facebook

24:30

was the platform for a variety of reasons

24:33

which i could guarantee but isn't worth it facebook

24:35

was solving the problem i was hoping to south and

24:37

a cool my investors i said multiple times

24:40

said we need to build social media pages they

24:42

want to folks in the website steve had the over

24:44

and over again and then i remember being

24:46

in london one night when i was twenty years old

24:48

districts miss glass of wine living in his

24:51

and seven as and five thousand

24:53

slight never leaving no rain and

24:55

it isn't even us i'm i quit that's

24:57

a good social media pages with me the i

24:59

built a time and

25:02

they didn't care they didn't value them and i said

25:04

i'm gonna do social media said media believe in it

25:06

more because of wide scene and

25:08

this was and time and people didn't really believe in social media

25:11

that was hard because might and he was that business

25:13

i was will pop guy even it was my shoe

25:16

to be successful i was on bbc newsnight

25:18

of your your friends now you for it and

25:20

i quit completely abruptly ah the blue

25:22

and i just knew this was an aunt

25:25

mckenna university wasn't it

25:27

have you always know when to quit and the

25:29

thing about valuable

25:30

skill i've always known when to quit

25:32

but not known why i've known when to quit i've always

25:34

been such a comfortable peaceful quitter and

25:37

it's always been quite terrifying say people around

25:39

me because it doesn't make sense on paper say even school

25:41

like i affectively quit going to school my

25:43

tenants had that ibsen expel me i went

25:45

to university was excellent lecture i quit

25:47

i see decide never went back and the

25:49

my first article park i quit as well and to

25:51

me i think i'd rather the uncertainty

25:54

than the sutton misery of the current situation and

25:56

seventy people would rather the sat miserable situation

25:59

and inside the and for me like

26:01

this is something of developed to the time but i'm

26:04

not brave for quitting my i think people are brave

26:06

sustain yeah and it's that people is

26:08

asking that the so you're so brave as he learns

26:10

equipment and in an inner staying in

26:13

university in a course that was sucking the

26:15

solar me and enduring getting a job in

26:17

a place that was sucked the saw me as well during the korean

26:20

that was bravery why did was like

26:22

cowardice i don't have the bravery

26:24

to not follow the north star of my life

26:26

which is happiness i'm a coward that

26:28

you look at what i've done i've literally just and

26:31

the easy thing be easy thing that voice inside

26:33

me told me with is this exists selfish easy

26:35

thing that's what i do my life

26:37

i think what you said that is so for find

26:39

it rather uncertainty than says

26:41

misery just you can apply that everything

26:43

in life he can apply it

26:44

the relationship because i think so many people

26:46

get stuck in relationships because

26:49

they think one it's better to put up

26:51

with this sadness because then i went be alone

26:53

and he knows this i'll find someone else

26:56

or people are happily single obviously

26:57

but that is such a good mindset

27:00

like that

27:01

it just gotta remember what the north star

27:03

is of lies in it's just to be happy and

27:06

if you met during in that direction when you're not

27:09

happy than you are taking the biggest

27:11

risk and see some me in my view something

27:13

needs to change save come for isn't the north

27:16

star dust are gonna get you there a big

27:18

pay packet isn't gonna get you there and

27:20

if you how far as the like framework in

27:22

which you make we're decisions happiness

27:24

than life should be fairly easy it's

27:27

not because of all this extra noise and all

27:29

of his like sea urban society

27:31

telling you that life has to be a certain way space

27:33

you can kind drama and just listen to that

27:35

as you like guiding northstar ten

27:38

essentially queasy nice but we complicated

27:41

for going but as a war park and a failure for

27:43

part you said that you are done the took her hair

27:45

because it was so impressed with this business

27:48

so high that manifests itself

27:51

were you depress know

27:53

was committed myself backpackers it for you to

27:56

be fair by the end of the i was miserable life

27:58

i really wasn't enjoying it

28:00

that's why i quit again it's the same schooling university

28:02

i just didn't like working with people were made

28:04

the investors didn't really understand me respect me i

28:06

, believe in a company anymore and it

28:09

felt like work again i selected

28:11

jump an idea that attacks

28:14

since then the say i suppose

28:16

let's you and see what the cane the social change

28:18

yeah so

28:20

with social chain how

28:23

did that

28:23

fashionable park experience to did not

28:26

feel like work when you doing it yeah

28:28

one of the most important things is going to businesses going

28:30

well it's much easier to enjoy it i'd

28:32

learn a lot lessons in a company was set up with a different

28:34

structure had a lot more control a that decision

28:36

making and because it

28:38

it's a while but the highlights of people i really like

28:41

straight way that had no experience asshole

28:43

for they were friends were my friends three business they

28:45

looked some of them had been a will pop briefly as well and

28:48

it just was like a rocket ship it was a rocket

28:50

ship we were super early known replete and social

28:52

media and two thousand and twelve france doesn't he didn't we

28:55

did wide less ballpark i

28:57

went travelling the world with don't say

29:00

it , super into have over in thailand got

29:02

spa cycling as saying hey can you help us

29:04

into social media thing with mrs amazing when

29:06

i will watch and then go in part

29:08

yet the full moon in copenhagen the wherever it

29:11

is the demand from clients became

29:13

so strong eventually we went around the world

29:15

and and came back to london with a client's a key

29:17

be here for the loans loans that business

29:19

or businesses making a lot of money back then maybe one

29:21

hundred thousand a month and of succumbing to have me

29:23

come to my bank account account actually

29:25

from that from along emphatically

29:27

as a semi lay and for something things got difficult

29:30

but one of my clients it will give you three hundred thousand

29:32

pounds to ten what you don't present for business

29:35

and business said nice to meet him in my life was him in

29:38

the is money why would i do that by

29:40

for five months later i see gum persuaded

29:43

me to take the tech he walked downstairs to

29:45

not western paid and and then

29:47

we began and i was about seven years ago

29:50

sorry for my ignorance but the social same

29:52

he would do social

29:53

yeah for big companies yeah but our stomachs

29:55

who jr a young these huge social media

29:58

pages sites we had about our

30:00

peak about one hundred million followers

30:02

we were doing seven million video views on on

30:04

china will say on one hand where this agency

30:06

that helps apple and amazon and whatever

30:08

and coca-cola do that social media marketing on

30:11

the other hand with a really big media oh no

30:13

we are in the biggest sports page on twitter

30:16

and instagram and the biggest food page

30:18

in the well back then in the biggest student

30:20

page with eleven million students on facebook

30:22

which was actually from ballpark we have a huge

30:24

offsets the biggest fitness page the biggest harry

30:26

potter page in the while the biggest seems page i'd gone round

30:28

when i left the ballpark and met every kid

30:31

that had been a big social media page of with the my

30:33

job and hide them and

30:35

so we were this chain of social media pages

30:37

at a time when their parents were forcing

30:40

them to get a real job because they didn't

30:42

think social media was a real job so it was an opportunity

30:44

we came together and , became social

30:46

change now is this massive e-commerce company as well

30:48

and and you know doing seven hundred

30:51

million in revenue and it's very different

30:53

and you yeah i resigned

30:55

last year so and neither your

30:58

on driving san

30:59

i phrased the question the i once asked

31:01

you is relevant to based business and like and sen

31:03

how easy to find it's makes sense because

31:05

he must have people coming to you every single

31:08

day needy the to make a million different

31:10

seasons of a million different things yeah

31:12

and i noticed when you walked in here with

31:14

your lovely taking you just meet anyone

31:17

else your question what the answer would be i

31:19

think i would really struggle and i've been on i did i

31:21

would he say hi

31:23

, you do that since

31:25

hosting service a couple of things

31:27

i'd try and make a little decisions as

31:29

i possibly can and i put systems in place so i don't

31:31

have to make decisions one of the ones i have

31:34

my team is when they message

31:36

me they have to message me and say i'm

31:38

gonna do this unless i hear and

31:40

his sons really strange bucks so you've got

31:43

hundreds of people must be you or even twenty

31:45

people messing a file looked down

31:47

and mrs my preval can be to seeing

31:49

it actually requires actually lot of mental energy

31:52

to think about the decision and

31:54

then to respond and even say know

31:56

it like it takes you out of your flights

31:58

sesame all of my team as team stephen the

32:00

center for here i'm going to do this and i am going

32:02

to book isn't as i hit and so i can just look at what's

32:04

happened to see what's happening without having to do

32:06

or say anything so i'm trying to limit the amount

32:08

of isn't after make him and of as he me to have

32:10

good people in set promises that they can make

32:12

as many decisions as you possibly can however

32:14

there are some decisions with see you have to make and

32:17

make a quick is kind of be peace with it because

32:19

most of the time in a the greatest

32:21

cost is mean come on the decision it's the procrastination

32:23

of the decision obama said this to me from

32:26

enough not to name's up not like we're friends may

32:28

an angel my i read about in the book because

32:30

it was it really profound thing like how does obama

32:33

make the decision to kill osama bin laden

32:35

when he doesn't have all the information and

32:37

the implications of being wrong or right here

32:40

as significance and we were a conference

32:42

in brazil where he said this he said

32:44

i get for fifty one percent certainty and

32:46

them and i'm at peace with that i

32:48

thinking about that because he goes unit in life

32:51

generally whether it's relationship decisions of business

32:53

decisions he never gonna get one hundred percent

32:55

and the endeavor to get two hundred percent is

32:58

gonna potentially cost you a more significant

33:00

ways than being wrong of fifty one

33:02

percent so he was making that point

33:04

to awesome that degrade mean that you get to fifty

33:07

one percent and then you are at peace

33:09

that you made the best decision with the information

33:11

you had at that time and you move on and

33:14

, noticed i do that in my life and

33:17

you as a unit with even know she writes

33:19

but make a decision foster and in my business

33:21

and especially working with clients you

33:24

see very very clearly from a bird's

33:26

eye view the cost of

33:28

did the ring and procrastination about to

33:30

clients in mind both pause

33:32

the same family business one of the clients

33:35

when couldn't climb a they

33:37

make decisions so unbelievably quickly

33:39

sometimes they're wrong but they at least find

33:41

out if they're on if right so fast that they

33:43

can make another decision and decision seen

33:46

that business just absolutely explode

33:49

they have this really have this team the

33:51

css that i sit there with him

33:53

give him advice they make the decision that

33:55

in that know waiting around know day

33:58

know thinking let's make a decision they

34:00

have exploded that probably the fastest and business

34:03

mci great not a business with in the same

34:05

family i also work with them if

34:07

i went in approach them with the same idea it

34:10

could potentially take nine months of

34:12

trying to get it through twelve different people in all the red

34:14

tape and bloodless and business is dying i

34:17

know why because i just across

34:19

the meeting on these decisions and it's the procrastination

34:21

in the last opportunity that comes with acts of

34:24

cussing have any supplies to everybody's life either

34:26

has denied the right answer like get sore

34:28

point we are fifty one percent say yes

34:31

and then find out and then seek

34:33

problems like take that crappy job spend

34:35

a week their find out that it's not the

34:37

one and a good point the next one

34:40

or someone else is going to spend nine months

34:42

getting to put where they accept the crappy job which

34:44

they've waited on month and then are going to spend another nine

34:46

months deciding whether to resign and

34:49

then licenses flying possum i

34:51

mean by bring a an aggressive know or whenever

34:53

i said i was sure with university

34:56

i was so with will pox i was so social

34:58

change the mean i was sure send

35:00

email there was no

35:02

long drawn out to crack or got to fifty one percent

35:05

say , done something because i

35:07

have to be a bit procrastinate nevertheless have been

35:09

a tv for a he some of the sub bio

35:12

decision yellow to play chess right

35:14

so on from see what peter institute

35:16

for us and with efforts gonna do and you know

35:18

some some sort of know something about business endeavors

35:20

and interrogating him i'll just be quiet and just

35:22

learn about be eco credential successor

35:25

yeah what about tests right and then you're

35:27

right the untrained eye books who the door sometimes

35:29

the pitch for twenty minutes sometimes it's two hours

35:31

three hours are you gonna make gonna decision my

35:33

then now with you're going to give this person you do not know

35:37

what makes me investment i can't say the

35:39

second asda i'm concerned that lines

35:41

were micrometers of mind the a arbor a big

35:43

six figure number then in that of

35:45

my money isn't like the bbc money

35:47

any people sometimes think that's my money is

35:50

funny to you are springing subpar the castle

35:52

as a reply it's i i

35:55

was either sort of like let the how

35:57

the bags as like as longstanding

36:00

they like two thousand people always ask which is

36:02

about the left and about the pile of money

36:04

i say that less he my

36:06

films in that same state the aim for

36:08

you know the answer yes miss don't like

36:11

it will witnesses against comment

36:13

, easy favorite dragon dragon

36:16

that's a tough one the rules so wonderful

36:18

for so many different reasons of as a diplomatic

36:20

concepts like a little to some so family

36:22

in many ways i would say that

36:24

deborah and pizza are the ones

36:27

that i've watched for the homeless people

36:29

miss twenty years i think temperament sixteen years

36:32

and i watched him since him was twelve on tv

36:34

on dragon's den same thing between

36:36

them and games you know them so well they

36:39

just remarkably surreal amazing

36:42

i mean peter jones is the world's

36:44

most nice human being i've ever

36:46

encountered and it's like so nice

36:48

it's only suspicious and either identity because

36:50

i'm like how can a human being be back like

36:52

much of a gentleman and a sweetheart phantom

36:55

with him for twenty five days i'm a family

36:57

last week as well and that just to to

36:59

said lovely and deborah she's

37:01

i just love everything about oh

37:04

she's you need a mess with opera

37:07

can we get bad numbers of god i'd

37:09

sometimes when someone comes in and then i'm the zero left

37:11

the placed on my i want to just jump

37:13

in front of them because he and

37:15

the or cringing t it's do you have anything

37:17

on your rider and

37:18

the dragons like t have a folders

37:20

blue eminem nice and

37:22

sunny fashioned like that when we go in the green room

37:25

that we all have our and smith ross

37:28

was about yeah and we all

37:30

have different things different things snack trust but also

37:32

doesn't mean i was in your snuck trust because pittance

37:34

going to come in trying to invade it and he's like seven

37:37

foot five say a seat and he will

37:39

tear out your snacks often and deny it which

37:41

he did multiple times deborah's is all like

37:43

reagan same with me normally

37:45

once has not from flying back

37:48

and you little hugh mine is yes

37:51

mind like of fitness bar and polish

37:53

you're having that's having twenty five days

37:55

with the nets are you the best thing about that young enough

37:57

to have known as i pointed a sweet

37:59

anything

38:00

nah i'm in between pitches they'll come

38:02

and take our orders for lunch it's long you know i woke

38:04

up at six am and i go to bed at one am i

38:06

do that for twenty five days so

38:08

it is really a very long wait

38:11

before i get unseal second favorite compete the change is

38:13

not sure if they say like hunting tea cakes nine

38:15

if he could get in there like get kind of coke

38:18

suites are you going to put

38:21

everything like it's like a seven year

38:23

olds buffet pi yeah

38:25

that live in get away with yeah

38:28

your second sadia is

38:30

i'm so interested in this one when

38:33

you ended the relationship with your

38:35

now girlfriend when you encountered

38:37

a problem the reason i'm so

38:39

into in there if the case the

38:41

last time we met i it's on your brilliant

38:44

podcast has such a wonderful conversation

38:46

with you and you had just

38:48

gone through a breakup and we had

38:51

a little conversation when we weren't recording

38:53

about what might have happened and

38:55

your communication style because i'm married

38:57

to see oh and it took me a really

38:59

long time to learn his communications

39:02

and , to feel that he was just pissing me every

39:04

available he was she just like

39:06

getting communication across in already swift

39:09

way so

39:10

how me what happened

39:12

and my you tasers

39:13

the second failure i met someone

39:16

funnily enough from instagram this is he a crazy

39:18

story and i don't mean anybody from instagram any

39:20

dating apps my life i've i don't do any of us dost

39:23

thou i made a video coldest as anybody out

39:25

there and it was his kind of like sarcastic v of

39:27

me explaining that there's a lack of son

39:29

valleys in the world and at the end devices

39:31

anybody out there he doesn't bodies valley

39:33

slide into my dams and this person

39:35

says into mediums and she's cool melanie

39:38

and my middle name you guys

39:40

their own brother home with melanie is a fantastic

39:43

the i'm assuming various isn't which has

39:45

about compasses like a super clean you

39:48

win i'll come to you if i when

39:50

you fly to london for she flew to london classic

39:53

the queen say that of them by snacks

39:55

and we gone really well and she's the first person

39:57

i've met who to pass the like purist

40:00

most to real values

40:02

kind of like driving her brother to school

40:04

in the morning in hop beats

40:07

up sits in sack say is

40:09

the most important thing to have family values

40:11

didn't care about anything material

40:13

i couldn't buy us federal or leave it

40:15

on bag or something she would look at me

40:18

like a sucky day might even

40:20

if we get like a nice hotel in my to make

40:22

us so want to stay in dar

40:25

jamaican i told that's like one star

40:27

she's like the purest human being of us doesn't

40:29

care about anything about a lot of people that

40:31

grew up in my generation on instagram can't

40:34

, but care about about

40:36

it's really refreshing beautiful him

40:38

being had long distance relationships

40:40

is living in france of living in new york at a time of

40:43

nc you know with them when we're trying to get them and

40:45

then one day when we're in france

40:48

we encounter that we have a problem in the bedroom

40:51

with sex is with for a guy

40:53

it's very easy to misunderstand something

40:56

about sex because it's so my secretary

40:58

gates and see had

41:00

a situation with sex which was

41:02

making i think it made me for them as glad

41:04

that i didn't understand i can understand

41:06

it but never experienced it before i

41:09

remember saying to highlight what's

41:11

the matter and she said i'm not comfortable talking

41:13

about it with you and i thought wow

41:15

came i can talk about it then solicitors ever

41:17

did say that than a nap i left france and

41:19

i could turn was like by relationship say that because we

41:21

can't i don't know what this isn't said that was ended

41:24

the relationship and that

41:26

was like the bus pass off pass of of meet my life like

41:28

for sure for sure she was good in every

41:31

way she was the most supportive passing

41:33

work remember times where i'd to fly

41:35

into new york to see me and i got cool that

41:37

day singer how to fly to san diego

41:39

to buy a company for sixty million and

41:41

i remember telling her with the fear of my past

41:44

relationships where you just get punished and

41:46

she was so happy speed tests

41:49

and good luck paid and then i flew

41:51

came back today's lay are and expect maybe

41:53

a bit of like new look at his know from the life

41:55

so happy and just time

41:57

and time again the most supportive amazing in

42:00

without one issue we had in france which

42:02

i can have seen coming i made

42:04

made abrupt decision just and the relationship and

42:07

or then or that isn't me but i definitely shouldn't

42:09

have done that and i regretted it for an

42:12

entire year that feeling

42:14

of regret started to build my my other people

42:16

in iran i said they would never compare then

42:18

, the pandemic happened and she was really struggling

42:21

being in france to the lockdowns with severe she

42:23

was always wanted to go back to bali

42:26

to spend some time mcafee years ago she she wants

42:28

to me that that sets and problems

42:30

of the app was called me saying up

42:32

with his problem with as miss miss miss sides by

42:34

the tickets centered half hour and a friends

42:36

and i just me to the bali says live in live

42:39

didn't really talk a lot and of

42:41

inside of the regret overcame inside of cigar

42:44

do something about it i'm feeling

42:46

that also the nation's as usual cake

42:48

if eating them yeah it's

42:51

really amazing so

42:54

thankful for your honesty such

42:56

a beautiful thing that you've offered us and

42:59

a really difficult things talk about and i'm say

43:01

sides you have a menu the same when

43:03

you come on my podcast use his blog completely honest

43:05

and is liberating for me liberating

43:08

for the audience side ravages

43:10

live in honesty and

43:12

why the think that you did

43:14

ended abruptly was it

43:16

my security fell two months

43:18

and it was easier not to be vulnerable

43:20

for two reasons so i'd never experienced

43:23

an issue is sex before where someone

43:25

doesn't wanna have sex with you before

43:28

so i think as a guy he

43:30

don't know what that means if you don't

43:32

understand that being a possibility the

43:34

only way that they're like man the whole brain

43:37

of brain man will default typically

43:39

to understanding that is well

43:41

that's the problem with me or there's

43:43

something wrong with her or something it's just

43:45

it's all very binary and the conclusions you

43:47

draw a very unhelpful instruct it's especially

43:49

they want to talk about it is your pride

43:52

sentences yards person but also like when

43:54

you asked them what the season they go i

43:57

don't feel comfortable talking about this with you that's

43:59

like the problem and i'm not coming

44:01

on the light switch yeah so you really are

44:03

going to be left with your own unhelpful conclusions

44:06

here i thought well if we see not comfortable talking

44:08

about it with me then whenever , real to

44:10

solve it and it's an important part

44:12

of a relationship like intimacy insect

44:14

say at his house easier

44:16

to staff further away not of difference when us

44:20

it strikes me that you were very strong

44:21

forward communicator and sometimes

44:24

a straightforward communicate so which is such an honorable

44:26

thing to be can meet someone

44:28

maybe is straightforward for other reasons

44:31

like might be saying something that isn't

44:33

why exactly what they mean that

44:35

they want someone to get some time to

44:38

get there is , what was happening

44:40

soon as that we shall we don't have buses as it were

44:43

not one of them to absent from my business

44:45

plane as well as like very condition to be efficient

44:47

say to him talk about it fine with that one

44:49

of the say i'm not going to hang around and wait for someone to the comfortable

44:51

talking about our is just while dozens

44:54

of the when i came with him it's like a flowchart said

44:56

yes no yes no yes no he gets immutable

44:58

i can't do anything about the situation so

45:01

sad situation whites this is that a very immature

45:04

version of me that i've now

45:06

in hindsight undisturbed and

45:08

of same and of supported me through can talk about it

45:10

because had i not understood

45:12

the situation and the faults i made in our situation

45:15

he wouldn't be getting the set of the story you'd

45:17

be getting one where i'm blaming the the process and

45:19

where i'm taking know like accountability bucks

45:22

have developed this understanding of what mature love

45:24

is and i know that not

45:26

situation i was like really naive immature

45:29

and it like that as

45:31

a philosophy the the as a behavior pan for the rest

45:33

of my life will destroy everything as good because

45:36

i've come to line that all relationships

45:38

they are i encounter stones and

45:40

it's in fact how you get through those storms it in get

45:42

through their stones and he'll the relationship to one hundred

45:45

and one percent versus ninety nine

45:47

percent every single storm should make you

45:49

ultimately strongest resolve something

45:51

which binds you together that's ,

45:53

what a relationship is mcgough that he uneasy

45:55

been in your pockets perform and

45:58

he and a lot of i said to him one

46:00

of the people i mentioned him he talks

46:02

about how you gotta love and you've got relationship

46:04

new really have to work on one of them the really

46:06

want to work on mullahs like it doesn't

46:08

take much effort but the relationship you

46:11

, have to work on and you can be madly in love and

46:13

have no for relationship and

46:15

i was madly in love but i wasn't willing for

46:17

whatever reason to work reason the relationship

46:19

i didn't think it was something you worked on

46:21

so wise it so wise and we will

46:23

be done and must decide

46:25

by romantic comedies that we grew

46:27

up with where you think

46:29

that being madly in love is

46:31

the thing do you say right that's such

46:33

a good point that even may make so

46:36

many to event services

46:38

eric as even more than i'm actually

46:40

giving away the flip of is to sabotage

46:43

your life so i miss pasta

46:45

the story of the end of the sex stuff

46:47

later indonesia and

46:50

one of the things i'd like come to learn as well is

46:52

that when you really love someone you truly

46:54

love them like also says much of its ups on

46:56

and you truly love eating picking up the grounds that transcends

46:59

your manipulate it were trying to force it

47:01

to be how you want it to be because then you end up

47:03

killing the thing you love the end of like stifling

47:05

the plan would have a sex awfully to indonesia

47:08

and with no expectations a tool

47:10

and sort of suicide living this really happy

47:12

life now very very happy life now i

47:15

knew i was going now you don't fly twenty two hours

47:18

without some kind of objective round the back to your

47:20

mind and that when in my heart and she said

47:22

to me seventy six be cheaper we had like some really

47:24

really nice days to get a ransom dinners and stuff like that

47:26

there was no like it wasn't romantic you could tell

47:28

it was like an elephant in the rain but to really nice like

47:30

name dinner dates and months whenever

47:34

and , an avenue to speech about something so cemetery

47:36

a currency on and she said to me sit and

47:39

i was with someone else i was with someone else like

47:41

turn the gaps one came out to into these

47:43

are met someone and of them with someone else

47:46

and in and moment that was

47:48

the first like tested my ego

47:51

again like my chance to go either way

47:54

and that's when you like but comes

47:56

up as someone has an ego and you met

47:58

when he decides like punished them on where

48:00

you make them feel like success and

48:02

for whatever reason i

48:04

gave her a kiss and i said thank you so much for telling

48:07

me and i know how hard that is to tell me those kinda

48:09

things and guess it that's

48:11

the end of it when your way that day for

48:13

the day after had a really nice day and and today

48:16

she said you know what seemed like i ,

48:18

really know what the future holds for us but like it's been

48:20

like amazing to see accept her and you

48:22

never know what the future holds and i said to sounds

48:24

had a complete incentive to be nice to see

48:26

here and has a happy happy that was it

48:28

and in the day off them as it's well

48:31

i'm flying on saturday but i said

48:33

of israel lovely message saying how wonderfully is

48:35

to see a so happy and in her an element

48:37

and how much all of the like internal changes

48:40

in the battle she had in other parts of allies have been overcome

48:42

and i was proud of her nose always gonna be

48:44

here for here and she's almost

48:46

as leaving area of a bmi flights on saturday

48:48

it's just my to say fighting for you go that's

48:51

another moment when we come up sin and

48:53

it has since she's not run

48:55

the since she's not taking you back

48:58

tell us you can't see before you go to make i feel

49:00

like shit the reduces as well you may be

49:02

somewhat i'm at the moment where i could manipulate

49:04

herons and try and and

49:06

again again like my message back with lack of course of

49:08

the before i go and it's when we met that

49:10

time everything look

49:12

back when it and say that was like multiple tests

49:15

that where i could have been a

49:17

mature again i could have been manipulative

49:20

i could have tried to force the outcome i wanted

49:23

and on every single occasion even when she

49:25

said something's me was really i reflect on it

49:27

sucks i gave her really say

49:29

space on camera case i sense thank you for

49:31

telling me and , was on the last

49:33

moment where she when i saw where are we going

49:35

and i said of course a committee of hi guys seems

49:38

like a to plans big itinerary we had

49:40

the best a together and i'm successful enough again i

49:43

like final hour this is your trust

49:46

me either know what it is it was like i've

49:48

proven to have died was finally able to

49:50

love her more mature way and that's

49:52

probably what she's looking for this whole time and

49:55

we've been together ever since in like like

49:57

our relationship is the it's like

49:59

strong an understatement and

50:01

it's because of the techniques we've learnt about

50:03

dealing with storms and it's about what have

50:05

to set their it's like creating a safe space

50:07

to be the person to communicate

50:10

how they're feeling and not like attacking

50:12

them were trying to win but just trying to crack

50:14

open space a communication and being really mature

50:16

about all , these situations

50:19

that is honestly the single thing that seems to for

50:21

me is learning how to communicate

50:24

and away without my ego and

50:26

to express how i'm feeling i think

50:28

that comes on sort of the point for them sick about

50:30

they don't want your that failure but before we

50:32

get on that i just one the off you one final

50:34

question about styles of communication because

50:37

i think that's one area where relationships

50:40

sydney full sir

50:42

especially in the early days and

50:44

i asked me how to love my partner's

50:46

communication style which because

50:49

he has a high the job sometimes

50:53

communications staff in the boardroom

50:55

sell since he attacks he might

50:57

send me

50:58

and i go east to their and now i find it funny

51:00

and sometimes i'll like under fire

51:02

cool what you think what this is like saying kind

51:04

regards have , navy's

51:06

on it for

51:09

you tonight

51:12

you also like is there a dirty

51:14

the he has to make when you have

51:16

romantic a relation shit type setting

51:19

versus business texting

51:21

yeah for sure so in

51:23

my business contacts is what about this and say again

51:25

it's about use a little images

51:27

i can to get the message across and

51:30

to make to make as i count as well no

51:32

democratic environment business

51:35

or your you have to make especially the top levels

51:37

decisions if businesses make most

51:39

of the big decisions by consensus they

51:41

will say oh you can't establish

51:44

company culture by consensus if you're

51:46

sonics ferguson annually to manchester united

51:48

he can't ask the dressing room how do you think because

51:51

should be a you think it should be beat him steed four

51:53

days weeks he didn't misty one you're trying

51:55

to every be there for you please navy and get three

51:57

fragmented unclear

52:00

environments so in business there

52:02

is a level of like or

52:04

carried his i'm i guess like very like clear

52:06

instructions and this

52:08

is the way we're doing it and people need and like

52:10

that clarity specially when you're in a

52:12

and focus the prison in which are making your

52:15

decisions is always about saving

52:17

time in efficiency pretty much all the time to

52:19

generate some outcome however

52:21

in a relationship michael from months ago in

52:23

santa parks or two thousand meditate the

52:25

can't use the same framework

52:28

of whether that's a yes or no that i use

52:30

for the other sixteen hours of the day

52:33

i can't wait on up on the potential return

52:36

is there is no return in

52:38

terms of like financial tangible or

52:40

whatever so i had to become these

52:42

two different mindsets were

52:44

in one of them it's like optimized for efficiency

52:46

and in the other one keep your eyes

52:49

are much different and there really isn't kp

52:51

eyes just like you want to go and do ecstatic

52:54

dance or contact dance where we kinda like dance like

52:56

ferries and in , dog it is

52:58

but yeah it's like hideous hideous

53:00

and i do i feel really uncomfortable doing it i'm

53:02

going to say yes and i'm going to go and dance for three

53:04

hours or in bali with a bunch of strangers

53:07

during the day i'm gonna the day that because

53:10

i realized that i like i said

53:12

earlier about you invest in relationships and go to work

53:14

on that it's not always about me and this is like

53:16

not the i should i take into business like

53:18

of course you're like nice in business and you want your

53:20

teams to be happy but at the end of the day

53:22

it's very focused on your objectives and there's

53:24

a prism in which you're making this objectives

53:26

in a relationship does not it's

53:29

like trying to make the other person happy trying

53:31

to understand them and i'd say compromise

53:33

but i don't like the word because it kind of alludes

53:35

to you drink something you don't want to do it

53:37

is more being open

53:39

the plans into yeah what's the right

53:41

thing like a c meeting a

53:43

soul a perpetual changing scene of

53:45

fetch the jersey shore and ,

53:47

i haven't sown cheaper as a surprise

53:49

offer this podcast kennedy two hours of

53:51

access to our differences differences

53:54

spots on our made more minutes

53:57

by now so i can lead can huge appetite

54:00

wisdom of neatly ring up on to your

54:02

size failure which is such interesting when

54:04

i'm really got a taste that we've never had a on the poor costa

54:06

fool which is that you failed at not

54:08

being in touch with your feminine side

54:11

yeah tell us about that i

54:13

see like the masculine energy family

54:16

governor says to as well as being the like highly

54:18

competitive aggressive

54:21

colds less terry most sensitive

54:23

energy and then i see the feminine side

54:25

of me as being more caring and more

54:27

emotionally and thoughts and those

54:30

kinds of things and as i'd like

54:32

risen through my childhood trying to survive

54:34

and sit in on the playground on playground football pitch

54:37

and then three business i'd really like

54:39

lenten to that like deeply competitive

54:42

masculine emotionless

54:45

sorry the my feeling much

54:47

as persevere side of mates

54:49

and have come to learn as i kinda described before

54:51

that that's really self destructive

54:54

over the long time i spoke with patrice evra and

54:56

he grew up in the streets of france is it drug dealing

54:58

his presence is is dying construct overdoses

55:01

is being molested in school by had marked

55:03

his can see some really extreme or flynn

55:05

thinkable things to he learnt

55:07

to shut down and survive which

55:09

meant like that really intense masculine

55:12

toxic masculinity and

55:14

i think i've done too much about two and also

55:17

i never really learned that the effects

55:19

and sonic said ali my parents when really affecting with

55:21

me says if someone called someone that best friend

55:23

when friend was like eighteen and names like

55:25

really uncomfortable seem calling my

55:27

mom and dad mom and dad to their face makes me feel

55:30

uncomfortable it's like it's don't know that i

55:32

don't know that and like and also need also side

55:34

of it when it was from the ages

55:37

ten to twenty two if

55:39

a girl wanted to be a relationship with me even if

55:41

i had pursued her diminish you wanted

55:43

to be in be relationship with me with would do

55:45

everything in my power to and that situation

55:47

even if situation pursued her for like years like

55:49

would persuade her out of it with

55:52

the hiding from opening up a most unless

55:54

it was ruining my chances of like having proper friends

55:56

it's proper relationships being open

55:59

even having carson speaking to

56:01

the world you have to be vulnerable and open

56:03

up i just haven't done that and

56:05

there's no chance to be of having a relationship when i could never

56:07

say the what love is no no chance

56:10

past steve would have sent the when love is

56:12

too uncomfortable for me so i was

56:15

like this little like rock and that's probably

56:17

why i survived in

56:19

a lot of the hottest situations because

56:21

situations wasn't an outcry mostly vacant when

56:23

have had have month i'm i'm learning

56:26

as we speak and so i've gone

56:28

that journey to open up more and to not allow the

56:30

demons from my past oh the things are in the back cream

56:32

or them at united things from my childhood

56:34

to be running the show is much and the allows

56:37

you to have a much more full life like

56:39

it means that you can be successful in more than one thing

56:41

of not just business you can be successful in your

56:43

relationships and friendships your

56:46

family relationships and what

56:48

a full life is if you have a meaningful

56:50

connections and toxic masculinity

56:52

of i experienced and as i betrayed

56:54

it is a a barrier to

56:56

having meaningful connections

56:58

do you think the the earlier it's

57:00

ration of steve would have even

57:03

admitted the concept to say the as you think he

57:05

would have admitted that he'd ever failed

57:07

no no no she

57:09

will have admitted to most things he was just

57:11

an idiot like and knew very little about very

57:13

little say very cliche

57:16

very lamborghini as the way for weights

57:18

and it's make a million pounds of a kind of my my book like

57:21

i needed a million pounds a girlfriend and

57:23

a lamborghini or range of a spore i think

57:25

was actually range of a sport with the thought somebody is it expensive

57:28

but that was it that was life

57:30

the for the really that simple and

57:32

everybody that didn't want some days a week like me

57:34

was an idiot and they were going to be unhappy because

57:36

i'm gonna be rich and they were wrong

57:38

i would look down on people that had much seven days

57:40

a week like me and that when giving up

57:42

everything side and sunday in

57:44

the office and sleeping the office and saturday nights

57:47

and sleeping in the office and sunday night wake up before the

57:49

employees comments like iso everyone else is

57:51

wrong about everything the avocado

57:53

i do but i don't drive side my daughter

57:55

that she outside of can see the car but misses

57:57

any two weeks old but and to the last

58:00

very for years to have let us hope

58:03

i saw my range over when i was twenty six

58:05

twenty five the , of a that i read about

58:07

eighteen and then i got elected bicycle bicycle

58:10

is interesting for the talked about the rolls royce decision

58:13

everybody my team center and macguffin was

58:15

like why would you buy rolls royce now that me really

58:17

embarrassed because i am sorry by lightning rutelli

58:19

rights but an eighth or signed off

58:21

on me getting a van and to be

58:23

driven around since like have gone office in there's

58:25

coffee machine in our seen habits

58:28

and gravel and we use it twenty

58:30

four seven to put my using it too much now

58:33

say of the last twenty four hours have been

58:35

an essay hours and then all of all podcast

58:37

guess synoptic company and or

58:39

team move around in and yeah it's

58:41

like my office on will say so internet

58:43

and tv and as you mentioned it's lazy

58:46

it's sign and sign know that were running at the time

58:48

i just went onstage stay here all day

58:50

whole thing keen on

58:52

mm so amazing that wanna see

58:54

job so many trees

58:55

on the i just want to keep on talking shit

58:58

authenticity the i did want to ask

59:00

you something specifically about masculine feminine

59:02

see spoken about your family but i wonder why

59:04

you think you got the

59:06

office

59:07

i'm a voice mail and the angst high

59:09

voice email when you were growing up

59:11

beyond your parents everywhere like

59:14

a calming have some i were at would have got a more

59:16

healthy archetype everywhere i

59:18

see older brother is i watched

59:21

him every movie game internet

59:24

every advantage everywhere everyone

59:26

is happening but it's gonna require gonna

59:28

lot as sf from a lot as men

59:31

that are inadvertently or adversity

59:34

per trying aka type to kind of rewire this

59:36

is actually one of the things i now see as one

59:38

of the biggest services biggest can do

59:40

to them in them follow me to

59:43

have conversations and to be really open

59:45

about it and i started

59:47

that in the last like months pretty much

59:49

all of my male guess i asked him if this

59:51

question and enemy amputee sat

59:53

there and we basically cried and on the podcast

59:56

talking about this topic and i know that

59:58

that's a service i can do in matters the

1:00:00

in a different a deal with penguins did have a back

1:00:02

i think it will heavily be about that topic

1:00:04

of like how to create a new type

1:00:06

of man let look at the numbers men are

1:00:08

killing themselves out ridiculous rates and

1:00:10

it's no surprise as to why that is when you think

1:00:13

about that unsustainable

1:00:15

toxic masculinity that is depriving them

1:00:17

of the chances forming meaningful

1:00:19

connections expressing himself and pursuing

1:00:22

who they actually are whatever the answer is

1:00:24

say it feels like one of the greatest services

1:00:26

i can do for men now

1:00:28

whereas former steve would have been of

1:00:31

the opinion the greatest them as i could have done is like

1:00:33

teach him how to get alarmed by now

1:00:35

it seems like the great some second is like teach them

1:00:37

how to cry with their girlfriend so

1:00:41

portuguese for night to end on

1:00:43

and i cannot thank you enough

1:00:45

amazing time and i know is a have

1:00:47

to keep busy schedules come and talk to me long

1:00:50

may you and your exotic don't think

1:00:52

any you are and city

1:00:55

pleasure to talk to you and you and for good stephen

1:00:57

bartlett thank you say so much thank you

1:00:59

for huge huge on are all of my team

1:01:01

are freaking out been invited me to come on this for concert

1:01:04

means a lot thank you

1:01:13

if you've enjoyed this episode of hired

1:01:15

to fail with elizabeth day i would so

1:01:17

i appreciate it if you could rate review

1:01:20

unsubscribe apparently

1:01:22

it helps other people know that we exist