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Media. So

0:42

have you heard about the new

0:44

trend in parenting called gentle parenting?

0:47

Here's how a video on one big Instagram

0:49

account describes it. The secret to getting your

0:52

toddler to stop hitting? It's not threatening them.

0:55

It's not shaming them. In gentle

0:57

parenting, instead of punishing your kid, you

0:59

try to talk through situations in a

1:01

way that helps them understand their actions.

1:04

Come in calm, confident, I know that part's

1:07

hard, and okay the feelings. So

1:10

say very calmly, can you tell me

1:12

why you're ripping off your sister's necklace?

1:14

Then let's resolve those deeper issues and

1:16

problem solve as a team to stop

1:18

doing it again. This

1:20

is how we're going to raise a resilient generation.

1:24

Now whatever your thoughts about gentle parenting, and

1:27

it has its ups and downs, I'm

1:29

sure you've realised by now that this is

1:32

not what Ruby was doing. She

1:34

was not a gentle parenting follower. No.

1:38

She was doing something much more old

1:40

school. Something that

1:42

felt more in line with 50s

1:44

style strictness than contemporary YouTuber parenting

1:46

content. I'm going to

1:48

play you a clip of one thing she put on her

1:50

vlog. If you cut

1:54

one more thing in my house. Ruby

1:56

is holding a wide eyed stuffed animal in

1:59

front of her youngest child. child, Eve. I'm

2:01

going to take the scissors, look at me, and

2:04

I'm going to cut its head off. Ruby

2:06

almost seems like the complete opposite of

2:08

gentle parenting. Maybe that's part

2:10

of what made her so popular. She

2:12

was appealing to parents who wanted strict rules

2:14

that had to be followed. Otherwise

2:17

there were serious consequences. But

2:20

it was all for the kids' own good. Right?

2:26

From Sony Music Entertainment and

2:28

Campside Media, this is Infamous.

2:31

I'm Vanessa Rigoriadis. And

2:33

I'm Natalie Robamed. So

2:36

last week, we met YouTuber Ruby

2:38

Franke and her brood of children

2:40

in Springville, Utah. We heard how

2:42

Ruby's Mormonism informed her turn to vlogging.

2:45

This week, we're continuing the story of Ruby

2:47

and what happened when she met a woman

2:49

who supercharged her life. And you

2:52

could also say her powers, both

2:54

positive and negative. This

2:56

is part two, the gift of

2:58

repentance. So

3:03

Ruby was getting more and more popular

3:05

on YouTube. Tons of people were watching

3:07

her, and they were watching the birth

3:09

of this very specific brand, the

3:12

Disciplinarian Mom. Ruby

3:15

was all about the moments before everyone

3:17

gathers in the backyard to take that

3:19

Instagram photo in their Sunday best with

3:21

a freshly washed labradoodle at their feed.

3:24

She was the YouTube vlog. The

3:26

moments of chaos and unwashed faces when

3:28

voices are raised and hair gets pulled

3:31

and tempers flare in both adults

3:33

and kids. Ruby

3:35

wanted to be authentic. That's what's

3:38

supposed to work on YouTube, an authentic voice.

3:40

So she showed the times when she punished

3:43

her kids. But

3:46

the threats and the punishments began

3:48

feeling extreme. Like one

3:50

year, she cancelled Christmas for two of

3:53

her kids. The two

3:55

youngest are showing

3:57

long patterns of selfishness. So,

4:01

Kevin and I have decided that we are

4:03

going to give the gift of truth to

4:06

them this year for Christmas. We are going

4:08

to give them the gift of boundaries and we're

4:11

going to give them the gift of repentance. And

4:14

we told them that this

4:17

year they are not going to be

4:19

visited by Santa. Christmas

4:22

morning, therefore, older siblings will be

4:24

getting Christmas presents to open and

4:27

that they will have the gift of love

4:29

from their dad and I. Because

4:32

we want them to really have

4:34

a visceral experience that hits them.

4:37

Now, among all of the moms at home

4:40

consuming this content, maybe some of

4:42

them were impressed. I mean, watching

4:44

a mom actually hold the line with her

4:46

kids and winning is certainly something. But

4:50

Angie Wilson, the fan from Massachusetts,

4:52

had mixed feelings about it. Well,

4:55

at first I thought she was just strict.

4:58

And I grew up with parents who I

5:00

always described as strict but fair. But

5:02

then I started seeing things like she pulled

5:04

her oldest son out of school for some

5:07

odd reason and was homeschooling him and

5:09

he was miserable. Angie was

5:11

put off by Ruby's parenting style, but

5:14

there was one incident that really stood

5:16

out. Here's

5:18

what happened. Ruby's daughter, who was around

5:20

six at the time, was supposed to

5:22

pack her own lunch. But

5:24

she forgot it at home. I

5:26

just got a text message from

5:30

Eve's teacher and she

5:32

said that Eve did not pack

5:35

a lunch today and can I bring a lunch over

5:37

to the school? I responded

5:39

and just said, Eve is

5:42

responsible for making her lunches in the morning and

5:44

she actually told me she did pack a lunch. So

5:48

the natural outcome is she's just

5:50

going to need to be hungry.

5:53

And hopefully, nobody gives her

5:55

food and nobody steps in and gives her

5:57

a lunch. Ruby decided to let her

5:59

kids in. Ryan

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Wireless. get

12:00

a second opinion, to talk to

12:02

a licensed therapist about her child and how she

12:04

can best help him. Because

12:07

Jodi and Ruby begin speaking more often

12:09

on the phone and over video chat.

12:12

And Jodi starts working with Chad directly.

12:15

The first conversation that Jodi had with

12:17

Chad was in June of 2019 while

12:21

we were on a trip to the East Coast. I

12:25

had a phone call yesterday with

12:27

my therapist and

12:30

she taught me about truth and distortion.

12:33

Mom probably talks about Jodi all the time. I've

12:36

mentioned Jodi a few times. She has a podcast

12:38

called Connections with an X. Anyway.

12:42

What did you learn? Well, I learned about

12:44

the three different types of pain and

12:48

we can feel pain in ways

12:50

of our own choices, other

12:52

people choices and just like random

12:54

events. And it's our way to choose

12:56

to see things in truth. Now

12:59

Jodi wasn't just a therapist. She

13:02

was something of a multi-hyphenate, an influencer, as

13:04

I said, in her own way. In

13:07

addition to her therapy practice, she

13:09

owned an LLC called Connections Classroom,

13:12

which held workshops, had a series of

13:14

workbooks and eventually even made

13:16

a podcast, which you heard a little bit

13:18

of earlier. You buy

13:20

into lies, you cannot live in truth.

13:24

You can't love because

13:26

love requires truth. And so all

13:29

of this fear that you have

13:31

of offending someone is another

13:33

lie. You can't

13:35

live like that and then claim to

13:37

be in truth. Jodi did one-on-one therapy

13:40

and couples counseling, working on all sorts

13:42

of family and relationship issues. Now

13:45

Jodi herself was divorced. She'd

13:47

been married previously and had two kids,

13:49

but it didn't last long according to

13:51

a family member. Still, other

13:54

people's marriages were her specialty and

13:56

her real focus within them was sex

13:59

and pornography. Here's

14:01

a clip of Jodi from some of her online

14:03

videos, which you'll be hearing throughout the series. And

14:06

it's called Lust. I

14:08

can lust after anything. And

14:12

lust is inside marriages between men and women.

14:15

Lust is inside marriages between men and

14:17

men and women and women. You can

14:19

lust after anything. It's a

14:21

form of selfishness and

14:23

aggression and hatred. And

14:27

it turned out that not only

14:29

was Ruby having problems with Chad

14:31

and his behavior, she was also

14:34

having a problem with

14:36

Kevin and a secret he was

14:38

keeping. Specifically

14:40

that he was watching

14:43

pornography. Jodi saw

14:45

the need for me to

14:48

get help, to face

14:51

my own addictions with

14:54

pornography. But

14:56

Mormons deem porn or sex addiction most

14:59

people would consider totally normal

15:01

sexual appetite. The

15:03

religious standard is complete chastity before

15:05

marriage. And after marriage sex

15:07

can only happen between a husband and

15:09

wife. No porn and

15:12

no masturbation. In

15:14

fact, the church's views on sex are

15:16

so extreme that sexual sin is considered

15:18

as serious as murder. And

15:21

Mormons are even required to confess

15:23

masturbation to their bishops. So

15:25

for Kevin to watch porn was a big breach. But

15:28

Jodi had something to offer him. She

15:31

ran a therapy group for guys with just

15:33

this problem. The group? I

15:36

don't know if you've ever been like an addiction

15:38

recovery group but that's what it was. That's what

15:40

it felt like. I mean there were probably 10

15:42

men in there. All

15:45

of them were like working

15:47

through various stages of

15:49

like sex addiction, porn

15:51

addiction, drug

15:54

addiction. It was like

15:56

a 12 step group but intended

15:58

just for general addiction. My name

16:01

is Scott Burdendoe. I live

16:03

in Saratoga Springs, Utah. Scott

16:06

is an attractive guy with short brown hair

16:08

and a neatly groomed beard. We

16:11

want you to hear about his experience so you understand

16:13

the kind of men who were in the group that

16:15

Jodi was running, and how she

16:17

was running it, though Scott didn't overlap with

16:19

Kevin. Scott

16:21

was introduced to the group via a friend of

16:23

his wife's. I

16:26

was practicing a

16:28

member of LDS faith. One

16:30

thing that I had struggled with was

16:33

addiction to pornography use, and

16:35

it's a pretty taboo topic to

16:37

talk about, especially in this church

16:40

culture. And we get there, it's

16:42

a really nice office. I've been

16:44

to a few therapists, and it seems pretty par

16:46

for the course as far as like, having

16:49

a nice couch, having blankets, books and whatnot,

16:51

and her desk. Pretty typical. Scott

16:54

and his wife sat down. He was nervous. Jodi

16:57

asked me questions that nobody asked before, and I'm

16:59

just like, oh jeez, I was just not prepared

17:01

for it. She's like, do you look at gay

17:03

porn? Do you look at child porn? I'm like,

17:05

oh shit, no, I don't do that. Like, what?

17:07

I don't know how to say, I feel like

17:09

it's pretty straightforward and normal porn that I look

17:11

at. She cut to the chase and was like,

17:14

what you're doing here is wrong. She asked me to commit

17:16

to some things. I just remember it's like, you're going to

17:18

have to do this and do this and do this. It's

17:22

going to be work and I didn't like it.

17:24

But Scott felt like his marriage was on the

17:26

line. He wanted to save

17:28

his relationship, so he committed to doing the

17:30

work. I jumped

17:32

right into therapy, weekly

17:34

group therapy, and

17:37

weekly couples therapy, as well as

17:39

individual therapies. In

17:42

these sessions, and all other parts of

17:44

Jodi's practice, there were lots

17:46

of the kind of therapy language that's

17:48

pretty commonplace today. Like

17:51

the concept of boundaries. She's

17:53

big on boundaries and holding boundaries. She

17:56

encouraged very strict boundaries between my wife

17:58

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