After my faith transition tipping point – you know that point you get to that you couldn’t even go back to believing in the truth claims of the LDS church even if you wanted to…I started to delve into the concept of a Mother in Heaven. I am ashamed to really admit that I didn’t give her much thought, if any, during my active years (and there were 33 of them to choose from). I was too busy knowing what I believed I knew and thinking I was better than everyone else because they didn’t know what I knew. Difficult not to think about how idiotic I was. Oh well.

In order to really appreciate my evolving viewpoint, there are a few things you need to know about me.

FIRST: I have always hated – loathed – polygamy. It was a disgusting practice that I never believed in. I knew it was a part of the past, but was unaware of the facts surrounding it. I was blind to the truth because I didn’t want to see it. I wrongly believed I didn’t have to deal with the idea of my husband taking another wife because it wasn’t relevant (or even an option right now – in this life). I made it clear to my husband that I married him because HE is the only one I wanted, and I fully expected him to feel the same. None of this polygamy in heaven bullshit. I remember when I started to feel how unfair and patriarchal it was that men can be sealed to more than one woman, but a woman had to get a temple sealing broken in order to remarry…in every single instance. To be forced to make this decision has over reaching implications that can tear families apart – especially if you really believe in the eternities.

SECONDLY: I always wanted kids. But I always wanted to be somebody…DO something with my life. I wanted my legacy to be because of me and my contributions. I wanted to contribute to this world that I live in. I wanted to matter and be important and fulfill my dreams…not just grow up and create kids that grow up and in turn make more kids. Women have great potential…not just in rearing and raising children, but separate and in addition to being a great mother. In Young Womens the focus is on being pure and perfect and getting ready to be a wife and mother. There was virtually zero emphasis on being a great woman in and of itself. Always in relation to being a mom and wife…and that bothered me. Men were instructed on how they contributed to society and would make a difference in the lives of humanity. But a woman would only contribute thru her children? So, I was to only raise boys that would make the world a better place and raise girls who would only contribute by raising more children. Really? WTF! My only value was in popping out children and making sure they knew their gender specific roles in the world and throughout the eternities. Yippeee.

LASTLY: When children did come (and it took us 6 years of infertility and tears) the thought of not being there for them was unthinkable. My husband joined the Navy as an officer and was deployed a few times during his years of service. I want to say this respectfully. *I* would not be a good military candidate. I know we do what is necessary as parents, but the gut wrenching heartache to not see my children daily would be too much to bear. My desire to be the one to comfort and guide in their daily lives is very strong. Whether taught or natural desires of women to nurture our children, it is super important to me be be an integral part of my childrens lives.

To recap: (1) Polygamy was a hot button for me but I didn’t think it affected me or I had a choice in participation or not. (2) Women can do more than just raise children. We are amazing in and of ourselves. We CAN do it all. (3) The thought of being absent from my children’s lives is an unthinkable nightmare.

With that information, let’s consider a vital communication from the corporate LDS church on September 23, 1995 – which is The Family: A Proclamation to the World. While I am going to review this proclamation, I will be referencing a few other items as well, namely the Mother In Heaven essay on lds.org…lds scriptures…and of course the family proclamation — see the show notes for links to these references.

To be clear…this family proclamation IS official doctrine and it is written and endorsed by the first presidency and and quorum of the 12 apostles (which is an important note to remember). Now, as an aside…just because it is “official” doesn’t mean you have to believe it. It could just be official shit…but shit none the less.

So the proclamation starts by insisting that “marriage be between a man and a woman and is ordained of God and that family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” Apparently the LDS leaders conveniently forgot that previous “prophets” received contrary revelations directly from god…and tried to legally change the definition of marriage to: a man and a woman, another woman, another woman, another woman, times up to 55. Women just added to the glory of men. Just remember that polygamy, even tho current leaders still insist that polygamy isn’t doctrinal (enter eye roll now) and not practiced, just look at the temple sealings still being done today. My mom will be an eternal polygamist. She needed to break the seal with my dad to get resealed…but her current husband just added another woman without batting an eye.

So God has a plan for us. The second paragraph of the family proclamation reads:

“All human beings – male and female – are created in the image of god. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

The big takeaway here is that we have heavenly PARENTS. Meaning a mother and a father..and that we have a purpose in our gender. We all know that doctrinally, we will be able to become gods and goddesses in the life to come. So, our eternal identity indicates men will become gods and fathers in heaven. Women will become goddesses (well, not on our own, we need a man in order to get into heaven) and we become mothers in heaven. I went to the topical guide section of lds.org and looked under: “Man, potential to become like Heavenly Father.” to further research the diving nature and destiny of each of us. More than a few things made me irritated with this. No scriptural reference was about women…only men. And the idea is to become like heavenly FATHER…but nowhere about becoming like heavenly MOTHER.

The popular response to this is that “man” didn’t mean male, but rather mankind…which would include everyone. Two problems with that. (1) I can’t become like a heavenly father, because I am a woman, and gender has its own specific purpose – as we will get more into that soon. And (2) back when the scriptures were written or revised or whatever…women didn’t really count…we were literally just property…things to own, sell, whatever. So, changing the meaning of the words just to make it easier to swallow means that god really isn’t the same yesterday today or tomorrow. Or, he would have just said so in the first place. If not…he didn’t correct it for thousands of years. What a bastard!

Paragraph 3 states that we will “progress and realize his or her divine destiny…and family relationships to b perpetuated beyond the grave. Paragraph 4 is all about getting busy and procreating! The practice of which is really fun! So, we are to be parents on earth and then parents in heaven. The concepts of family and divine destiny are used significantly in the text of the proclamation.

Paragraph 7 explains that “by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Let’s just break this down. Many mothers that I know in this life that are Mormons, choose to stay home and raise their young children because they feel strongly how important it is to be present in their children’s lives. There is nothing wrong with that. I completely agree! I did the same for my family. I wanted to be with my kids…especially when they were young. So, husbands/fathers are supposed to preside and provide…wives/mothers are supposed to nurture. This is our eternal divine roll. Remember this.

Before we go inside the temple, let’s talk about procreation. The idea that we are divinely called to multiply and replenish the earth…that this sacred power is to be employed ONLY between man and woman. This is vital.

So now let’s take you inside the temple. If you have not been, just look up New Name Noah and you can see what goes on inside. And yes, they are true and real. It’s creepy and culty and nothing good happens inside those walls, no matter how beautiful and ornate or how much money was spent to make it gorgeous.

Back to procreation…now I’m going to reference the Mother in Heaven essay on lds.org. The opening paragraph dictates that the understanding of heavenly parents, and a heavenly mother is rooted in scripture. Roots indicate something with stability and strength. However, the scriptures they referenced (as footnotes – no one faithful reads those! They just feel safe and secure thinking there are references.) Every scripture, every lesson, every bit of information from lessons to temple teachings: creation of people/humans/mankind was carried out only by males. Females/women were not involved in the creation of the world, creating mankind or anything involved in the creation narrative. I find that more than a little disturbing.

If you need further researching into this fact…look no further then lds referenced Mother In Heaven essay on lds.org…the essay was approved by the 1st presidency and quorum of the 12 apostles…and remember, that was very important to know about the Family Proclamation.

In Moses 2:26, “God said unto mine Only Begotten (which we know was his son…a man), which was with me from the beginning. Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And it was so.” 2 dudes creating a person. Then the 2 dudes make a woman. No female needed in this procreation story. So, why is it essential that the sacred powers be only between a man and a woman? Or, the Family proclamation is a fraud…and not actually mandated by god. Since god doesn’t actually follow his own rules.

Now the temple endowment depicts three being speaking in heaven about the creation of man upon the earth. Again, dudes only. Elohim (God the Father), Jehovah (Jesus Christ) and Michael (Adam). This is what they say:

Elohim says to Jesus and Adam: “Jehovah, Michael, let us go down and form man in our own likeness and in our own image, male and female, and put into them their spirits, and let us give them dominion over all things on the face of the earth.” The film then depicts Elohim and Jehovah on the earth with Elohim saying to Jehovah: “Jehovah, see the earth that we have formed. There is no man to till and take care of it. We are here to form man in our own likeness and in our own image.” Jehovah then says, “We will do so, Elohim.” The endowment goes on to say that both Elohim and Jehovah put the breath of life into Adam and then they both create Eve.

So, again…in the most holy of holy places where god could and should teach his most correct doctrine…there is no woman involved in creation.

Is god living his own central plan? Does he have a wife in heaven for us to call mother? And if he is following his own plan, and we do have a mother in heaven, why is she hidden from us? Are we to live on this earth with the primary purpose to nurture our children and then when we have spirit children that we send to earth…we should be absent from their lives? Are we to be invisible and kept away from our children? This makes me feel like we are just spirit baby making machines with no interaction with our children. Sounds like hell to me! And then to make matter WAY worse…if a man can have more than one wife (and should – as the prophets in the early church taught was the only way to eternal progression) – is god polygamous? Do we have more than ONE mother in heaven? That sounds like eternal damnation and hell to me!

So, mother in heaven is either (1) non existent…which would scare the tar outta every woman who is being honest with herself – because if she doesn’t exist, then what is our purpose? Who do we emulate? (2) mother in heaven being abused by her husband (our supposed loving father in heaven) by keeping her away from her children. What kind of sadistic person gains pleasure from keeping a mother and child apart? And why do we worship someone so infinitely awful?  OR (3) mother in heaven is just one of many wives and pulling the veil open to see the grotesque truth would prevent any wonderful non mascicost woman to keep the hell outta the lds church.

The best option is that she is non existent…but then that would mean gender has no meaning, and divine roles and purpose are man made ways to keep women down and at the mercy of those men. All outcomes just make me madder than a hornet! Mormon women love to think such beautiful thoughts of a loving mother in heaven being protected by our heavenly father…but these women don’t take the thought a few steps farther…because that would burst their sweet bubble and then the purpose they have been living is viewed as untrue and they see how they have allowed themselves to be damaged by men.

Men go to the temple as see their entire purpose and plan laid out in front of them. Women go to the temple and see nothing. We are being raised to not matter in the eternities. To be kept locked away for the use of a controlling and manipulative abusive spouse to have zero input in anything that matters. No thank you. I reject this idea…and pronounce myself divine on my own account…no church or religion or dogma needed.