0:00

Give a little time for the child within

0:03

you. Don't be afraid to be young and

0:05

free. Undo the locks and throw

0:07

away the keys and take off your shoes and

0:09

socks and run you. It's Jordan

0:11

Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart.

0:14

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan Matt. Yeah.

0:18

Happy Father's Day to you every day.

0:21

Aw, thank you. The traditional

0:23

Father's Day greeting of Jordan and

0:25

Jesse Go as once said to me, and

0:27

I'm going to say August by

0:30

a man walking in front of the parking

0:33

garage at Kaiser Permanente while I had my

0:35

kid on my shoulders. Happy Father's Day to

0:37

you every day. Aw,

0:39

that's sweet. Why

0:42

were your kid on your shoulders? No

0:45

legs. Aw, right,

0:47

I forgot about. Something I've

0:49

never mentioned about my children. None

0:51

of them, not a leg between the three of them. Very

0:55

hard to sit on the shoulders if you

0:57

don't have those legs to wrap, huh? Oh,

1:00

well they have lower arms. Oh,

1:03

lower arms. It's actually really easy for them to

1:05

sit on the shoulders because they're fully opposable hands

1:07

and the whole nine yards, yeah. Adorable

1:10

freaks. They

1:13

really are. They're my

1:15

beautiful little nightmares. Yeah.

1:18

Jesse, Matt, we're recording

1:21

this on Father's Day. It's going to

1:23

come out a little bit later, but

1:25

how many breakfasts in bed have y'all

1:27

had today? I imagine we're recording this

1:29

at 8 p.m. PST. Have

1:32

you had six or seven breakfasts in

1:34

bed by this point? If you're asking me, no, none.

1:37

I've not had a single breakfast in bed. In

1:39

fact, I was awoken

1:42

early to take care of my

1:44

child. I

1:47

do not like this holiday. It is a

1:49

bullshit holiday. This should be a

1:52

day where you don't have to see your children. That's

1:55

what Father's Day should be. Instead,

1:57

you just have to spend more time.

2:00

with your children, which is not fair.

2:02

Yeah, my children are not capable

2:05

of generating net positive experiences for

2:07

me. Because

2:09

of all the arms. Yeah. I

2:14

mean, they're great at counting up to 20, I

2:17

promise you that. I

2:19

think I've talked about this on the

2:22

show before, but I have this stepdad

2:24

that I love. Yeah, talk about Brad.

2:27

But he's a late in life stepdad.

2:30

And there is no late in life

2:32

stepdad card. All

2:35

the stepdad card, there are stepdad cards for

2:37

father. Dearest stepdad, as you hurdle toward the

2:39

abyss. Yeah. Like

2:44

all of the stepdad cards are

2:46

so sappy. It

2:49

would be so inappropriate to give these

2:52

stepdad cards to my stepdad

2:54

that I got six or seven years ago

2:57

or whatever. It's like,

2:59

I am your foundling. I fell

3:01

from the nest and

3:03

you scooped me up even though

3:05

I was not yours. Like, I

3:07

just need, thanks

3:10

for paying it out back six times a year.

3:13

Thanks for picking up the check at the out back. I'd

3:17

like to see for your stepdad

3:19

Brad, what about a card

3:21

that says happy trombone? Oh

3:24

yeah, sure. Because he plays the trombone. He

3:26

does, he does. Yeah, I

3:28

mean obviously the trombone is so

3:31

associated with wah wah these days.

3:33

Yeah. But there's a

3:35

lot of joyful noises the trombone can

3:37

make. Yeah, we should rebrand it. Wah

3:39

wah wah. For sure. Would

3:42

be a great trombone sound. Let's leave the

3:44

sad shit to the tuba. Yeah.

3:47

I had a nice Father's Day. I- Oh

3:49

yeah, tell me all about it. I went

3:51

to the Morrie Sendak exhibit here at the

3:53

Skirball Center in Los Angeles. Like

3:57

all exhibits at museums

3:59

about children. screen

10:00

has a little logo

10:02

down at the bottom for the sponsor

10:06

and often it

10:08

has been Casamigos

10:11

tequila the legendary

10:13

tequila of George Clooney and his

10:15

friend Casa George

10:20

Clooney and his friend motorcycle owner

10:24

his friend similarly handsome

10:26

man rich

10:31

because of oil yeah exactly

10:34

rich just all those

10:36

all those guys

10:38

in the agave fields just yucking it

10:41

the fuck up in those

10:43

commercials anyway we

10:45

never go out to an agave

10:47

field we're friends oh I

10:49

know I like to motorcycle by

10:52

myself Jordan why you'll never truly

10:54

be close to anyone those commercials

10:58

would be way better if George Clooney and

11:00

his friend that he makes tequila with rode

11:03

the same motorcycle together that would be like

11:05

that level of kind of side car

11:08

or arms around no arms

11:10

around just real serious no

11:13

no okay what

11:16

I mean obvious Clooney high

11:18

status guy yeah you know

11:20

hunk movie star yeah get

11:23

him in the side car hey he

11:26

can he can take a joke he can you

11:28

know and also why not both yeah

11:30

side car around and no one driving the motor you know

11:32

the more I think

11:38

about this the more I'm actually feeling I used

11:40

to like those Casa Migos commercials because they made

11:42

me feel like I was friends with George Clooney

11:45

but now when I think about them I'm

11:47

mad that George Clooney's friend that he makes

11:49

tequila with isn't Richard kind how

11:51

much better would those be if George

11:54

Clooney's other best friend real friends yeah

11:56

the real real-life best friends how come

11:58

they don't make a tequila together. That's

12:00

not what I'm here to talk about

12:02

though. Lately when I open

12:04

the app, there's a picture

12:06

of a submarine and the

12:08

sponsor is buildsubmarines.com.

12:13

The national sponsor for

12:16

Major League Baseball is

12:19

buildsubmarines.com.

12:22

Is this just like how

12:24

there are commercials for things

12:27

like milk and eggs? Is

12:29

there just a submarine advisory

12:31

council? A building council. Or

12:33

are they trying to fix their PR

12:36

problem after last year? They're just like,

12:38

we had a rough year last year.

12:40

We got to get in with the

12:42

MLB crowd. Always choose real

12:45

Wisconsin submarines. Don't

12:48

choose unlicensed millionaire submarines. And

12:52

isn't the next Mission

12:55

Impossible movie, didn't they just have trouble

12:57

with a submarine? They shut down because

12:59

the submarine they had maybe

13:01

wasn't built right. Perhaps they didn't use build

13:03

submarines. Maybe evil

13:05

AI took over the submarine. Those movies

13:07

all run together for me. But

13:10

I think evil AI took over the submarine. I

13:12

think they had real life submarine issues of some

13:14

sort. Okay. We're

13:16

living in a golden age of submarine problems,

13:18

I think. Do they know you don't really

13:20

have to film it in a submarine? If

13:24

they know that, they do not care. Tom

13:26

Cruise does not give a fuck. He's

13:29

like, I'm not going to do the

13:31

safer version. If there's

13:33

a safer way to do it, I will not. Tom Cruise

13:35

is like, put holes in the submarine. Let's go. I'm

13:39

looking at, I just went to build submarines.com

13:41

because I was not planning on bringing this

13:44

up here. And I

13:46

had not visited the website. This

13:48

appears to be a website convincing

13:51

people to build submarines. Look

13:56

away, Jesse. If you started too long, you

13:58

will become convinced. Here's,

14:00

so by specialty, additive

14:03

manufacturing, CNC machining,

14:07

metrology, non-destructive

14:10

testing and welding.

14:12

Now welding is the one where that

14:14

makes a ton of sense to me. Oh

14:16

yeah. These things have to be welded. These things

14:19

have to be welded. Yeah. You've got to weld

14:21

these things. Can I also say, I've never been

14:23

to this website. I typed in build and it

14:25

finished it with submarines.com. So

14:29

they've got good SEO. That's

14:33

why we sponsor Major League Baseball is to build

14:36

that SEO. Well,

14:39

I'm convinced just hearing about it. I'm

14:41

going to start building a submarine probably

14:43

tomorrow. Yeah. You

14:45

build a legacy, build bragging rights, build

14:47

your network, build

14:50

giants. Build a submarine. I

14:53

consider all submarines to be my legacy. Yes,

14:57

yes. We

14:59

got to think about what we're leaving behind for our children.

15:02

Patrick and Connor, I have a question

15:05

about the George Lucas talk show. Yeah,

15:07

sure. A lot of the

15:09

humor in the George Lucas talk show,

15:11

which is a very funny

15:13

show. I imagine people are, people know that

15:15

at this point, but a lot of it

15:17

comes not at

15:19

the expense of, but like it

15:21

is directed at specifically the Star

15:23

Wars prequels. Where

15:26

do y'all stand? Are

15:29

y'all, the prequels were

15:31

hilarious fiasco or are y'all team, George

15:34

was playing 4D chess

15:39

and we didn't get it and they're actually brilliant. Before

15:42

you answer that question, I'm just

15:44

going to say for those of

15:46

you who don't know what the

15:48

George Lucas talk show is, this

15:50

is a live stage talk show

15:52

in which Connor portrays George Lucas

15:54

hosting a talk show alongside various

15:58

co-hosts and... Who?

20:00

Oh, he's being the child. Okay. Sure.

20:02

Oh, sorry. We mean Grogu. I'm

20:06

still calling him the child. This is

20:08

something that, this is something that we came up

20:10

with a number of times on the show that

20:13

I still haven't had sorted out. Our

20:16

listeners know I'm a medium Star Wars guy. Is

20:19

baby Yoda a

20:22

Yoda or

20:24

the Yoda? Yeah. Honor,

20:27

do you want to answer or do you want me to? I

20:30

would say if I had to answer, I'd say a Yoda.

20:33

OK, thanks. I think, yeah, that is. I'll take

20:35

that from you guys. He is not the Yoda.

20:37

He is a whatever Yoda

20:40

species is. Yeah, and

20:42

we don't really have a name for that.

20:44

Yoda is just a name like Tom or

20:46

Richard or whatever. You know, Yoda is just

20:48

that pretty much equivalent to those names. Yeah.

20:51

But because he was the first Yoda

20:54

we met, we tend to

20:56

think of any other Yoda as Yoda's. It's

20:59

like it's like Q-tip, you know, it's like

21:01

all cotton. Yeah, you call all cotton swabs.

21:03

Xerox. Yeah, I call all rappers Q-tips. Xerox

21:07

is not a bad name for Grogu. Could

21:10

have called Grogu Xerox and it would have been fine. Yeah.

21:12

As far as the prequels, though, I

21:14

was seven when Phantom Menace came

21:17

out. So it's it was kind

21:19

of like the perfect age for me. I was

21:21

I was pretty much on board, you

21:23

know, throughout all of it. I went

21:25

through a phase where when everyone was saying that they

21:27

were bad, I was like, yeah, of course they're bad.

21:29

But then came back around once I

21:31

realized I was just trying to fit in with the crowd. Yeah.

21:34

And as for me, like I I'm

21:37

older than Patrick. So I'm of the generation where

21:39

I was like three when the first Star Wars

21:41

movie came out. So I love

21:43

the Star Wars movies as a kid. And I loved

21:45

all George Lucas stuff. And

21:48

the reason I started doing a George

21:51

Lucas character was because

21:54

when the special edition started coming out and

21:56

there was the the the word was spreading

21:58

that George Lucas was. finally going to make

22:01

more Star Wars movies. Me

22:04

and my friends, you know, they had all the

22:06

new scenes that were added into the special editions

22:09

and none of the new scenes were good.

22:13

And so we kind of were getting a feeling like

22:15

maybe these new movies are not going to be to

22:17

our liking. So I would start

22:19

to imitate George Lucas and my friends would sort of

22:22

ask, we'd just be like, walk around somewhere

22:24

and they'd be like, hey, George, why did you do this? And I would

22:26

give an answer like, oh, well, I did that because of this order. And

22:29

by the time the prequel started coming out,

22:31

it was just, it

22:34

was really fun because we had this

22:36

care. It was as if this character

22:38

that we'd created, our version of George

22:40

Lucas, um, had made these

22:42

movies. So it was really funny that they

22:44

were not the movies that most people wanted.

22:48

And I have a certain amount

22:50

of respect for what a big

22:52

swing the movies

22:54

are in some respects. Like I think

22:56

it's pretty crazy that the

22:59

one movie that you could have just made a

23:01

normal Star Wars movie and everyone would have been

23:03

happy that he devoted

23:05

so much of it to this

23:07

broadly comedic character that

23:09

was not like anything that was in

23:11

the movies that people already liked, that

23:14

it always struck me as like an extremely

23:16

confident thing to do. Like this is, we're

23:18

going to take up this Jar Jar Binks

23:20

character is going to take up so

23:23

much real estate in this movie. Um,

23:26

but it was not for me. Like those movies were, uh,

23:30

they were for me. They were for little kids. And,

23:35

um, but I always, you

23:37

know, a lot of fans

23:39

were really angered by those movies because they

23:41

had been waiting so long and they, you

23:43

know, there were people who waited in line

23:46

for a month to see Phantom Menace. And

23:49

for me, it was just funny because I'd

23:51

already had the pleasure of the growing up

23:53

as a kid with the Star Wars movies.

23:55

And to me, there was something that, um,

23:58

was so, um, and

46:00

Mario's left hand. Oh my God, I

46:02

didn't even notice that. Oh

46:04

no. It's like a horrifying MC Escher

46:06

hand. Turned

46:09

inside out. The

46:11

top comment says one of my friends

46:13

dated a guy with a fluffy tattoo

46:15

like that. She said she hated how

46:17

it looked like he was touching her

46:19

boobs. And then the response

46:22

to that was, aw man,

46:24

I imagined that. Which

46:26

is, Reddit is the

46:28

weirdest place. You know

46:30

what? I mean, you know what the little Mario tattoo

46:32

would say when it was touching boobs, probably. Here we

46:35

go, let's hear it. Woo

46:37

hoo. Right.

46:41

Holy cow. Luffy,

46:44

well monkey D. Luffy, also

46:46

known as straw hat Luffy, is

46:50

seven years old. Oh no. Then

46:54

17 years old pre-time skip, then

46:57

19 years old post-time skip. Still

47:01

not okay until post-time skip. Why are

47:03

we, Connor, you're a little older. You

47:05

would probably know Monkey D. Luffy as

47:08

the grandchild of Monkey D. Garp.

47:13

Hold on, where are we? What are we talking

47:15

about? What happened? Did

47:19

I go to sleep for a couple seconds? Yeah,

47:21

this suddenly feels like we're talking in

47:23

like clockwork orange future speak. Monkey

47:26

D. Garp, what is this? He's trying to

47:28

activate the winter soldier. Of

47:31

course, Jordan, you're one of

47:33

Monkey D. Luffy's contemporaries, but you might

47:35

know him because he's sworn brother to

47:37

Port Gas D. Ace. Okay,

47:40

I think this is shit from one piece.

47:42

Why are you saying it? I don't know,

47:44

I just looked up what Luffy is. I

47:46

didn't know what Luffy was. Jordan,

47:49

he acquired the properties of rubber

47:51

after accidentally eating one of the

47:53

devil fruits that belonged to red

47:55

hair shanks. See,

47:57

Patrick gets it. This guy knows what's going on.

48:00

It's come on guys. You know is about the straw

48:02

hat pirates. I know what I'm talking about What's

48:04

the idol is fucking ready? I organized

48:06

ahead of time Man

48:11

I'm more into you stop Frankly

48:15

just I don't know you stop you

48:17

lost. Oh, you might know him by

48:19

his moniker sniper King and God you

48:21

saw Oh

48:23

God you stop. Yeah Say

48:27

things I

48:32

Why did you start saying it though? I don't

48:34

know Can I tell you what can I because

48:37

I because it's it cuz he cuz the fluffy

48:39

was in the comments Somebody said that they got

48:41

a tattoo of fluffy and it looked like I

48:43

had to look up what Luffy was I

48:48

Just exhaled there. Okay. Okay. I Like

48:52

it when half the podcast sounds like you they had

48:54

a stroke Bring it on

48:57

Not my words the words of

48:59

Luffy in episode 284 of One

49:01

Piece the blueprints aren't past Frankie's

49:03

decision Oh, no Jordan, you're

49:05

all a page of of Luffy quotes one

49:07

of them one of my most famous quotes

49:10

bring it on Can I

49:12

can I take this opportunity? to

49:15

say that if you

49:18

enjoy being baffled by

49:21

odd literal literal

49:23

translations Things I

49:26

cannot recommend enough the movie journey

49:29

to the west conquering the demons

49:32

Which is I mean anybody who's listening to this show

49:34

for a while knows how I feel about the Monkey

49:37

King and his journey to the west I wonder what

49:39

this monkey wonderful mythology. This guy's got a this guy's

49:41

got a Staff that he keeps behind

49:43

his ear. It's the size of a pin until he

49:45

takes it out Then he can make it so big

49:47

he can jump from cloud to cloud. This guy's out

49:50

of control anyway, I Watched

49:53

this movie last night. It

49:55

is a Chinese film directed by

49:59

Steven Chow who people might

50:01

know from making Kung

50:03

Fu comedies, some

50:06

great ones. And

50:08

I watched this movie comfortably, the

50:10

most bananas movie I've ever seen,

50:12

it had some banana scenes in

50:14

it. Oh, okay. But also just

50:16

an absolutely wild movie where

50:20

I think I was missing a lot of cultural

50:22

context, even as a guy who knows a fair

50:24

amount of stuff about the Monkey King, but

50:27

also absolutely fucking

50:29

tremendous. If you wanna see

50:32

an unshaven monk comically battle

50:34

against a terrifying, like,

50:37

carp demon, this

50:40

is the movie for you. I can't recommend it

50:42

enough. It's called Journey to

50:45

the West, colon, Conquering the Demons.

50:48

But here's the thing, I don't wanna conquer anything. I

50:50

just think the guy with the most freedom in the

50:52

entire ocean is the Pirate King, which is of course

50:54

a quote from episode 400 of One Piece that's

50:58

fire. Man,

51:01

you know, From the Mouths of

51:03

Luffies, that's what they always say.

51:06

The greatest wisdom comes from the mouths

51:08

of our Luffies. They say

51:10

the darkest things. We found the

51:12

episode title. Anyway,

51:17

there's a shiny face pig demon in

51:20

this movie, you would not believe, this

51:22

is a family film with this shiny

51:24

face pig demon that's roasting humans into

51:26

pork cracklins, fucking

51:30

ape shit movies was really fun,

51:32

very funny. Recent film? 2013,

51:35

2013. Apparently it had

51:37

a sequel called Journey

51:39

to the West, The Demons Strike Back. In

51:44

2017, best believe I'll be watching that

51:46

fucking movie because I love the shit

51:48

out of Crazy Ass Journey to the

51:50

West, colon, Conquering the Demons.

51:52

Okay, when something momentous happens to you, give

51:54

us a call 206-984 for fun, or

51:59

just send us a voice memo. JJGo at

52:01

maximumfund.org. An example of a person who's done

52:03

so is this person. This

52:06

is Christopher and Abby calling

52:08

from Kansas for momentous occasions.

52:12

Oh, we just had our first home

52:14

invasion. We, somebody tried

52:16

to break in. Okay.

52:19

That's all. Love you guys. Bye.

52:24

Come on, guys. Let's

52:26

rehearse this a little bit. I

52:28

was like. Get this tighter. I

52:30

know you're dealing with your complex PTSD

52:32

right now. You

52:35

were, I mean, and you were in

52:37

two different registers. Like it has to

52:39

be like home invasion, home

52:42

invasion. Get a pitch pipe.

52:44

Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Maybe the, maybe the

52:47

home invaders stole their pitch pipe. He

52:51

only took one thing. They

52:53

said he tried, he tried to break in. Yeah.

52:56

I think so. Sounds like they must

52:59

have, he must have failed. Yeah. Call back

53:01

when he does. I

53:03

was positive too. I was like,

53:06

Oh, here we go. Another

53:09

fucking threesome. Congratulations. Listeners, you're

53:11

just having threesomes calling us

53:13

to tell it, rub it

53:15

in our faces that you're

53:17

having all these threesomes. Well,

53:20

I'm going to the Maury

53:22

Sendak exhibit. That's

53:26

pretty hot too though, right? Oh

53:28

yeah. Very hot. Yeah. Very hot. So

53:30

they call it the ultimate fantasy. We're

53:35

sorry. That's it's fucking awful. I've had some of that

53:38

shit happen too. It's, it's, it's terrible. I don't know

53:40

that I would be able to call and

53:42

harmonize with it. It's killing

53:45

some home invasions. I have. Yeah. I

53:47

have had a couple. I've had a couple

53:49

of like people try to get in and stuff. Wow. Really,

53:51

really scary. And then I had, I had somebody break in

53:53

and steal all my stuff when I wasn't there. That

53:57

was, that was pretty awful. That creates

53:59

a weird. feeling when you're trying to

54:01

sleep. But yeah,

54:03

it's the worst. It's really just the worst thing

54:05

in the world. Can I ask a question about

54:07

when they did take everything? Sure. Was there anything

54:09

that they left where you were like, you should

54:11

have taken that. Oh,

54:14

boy, I think that was, you

54:17

know, listen, I'm still not a

54:19

man with valuables.

54:21

Sure. Sure. Have

54:24

a hard time accumulating them, but they got a

54:26

lot, they left with a lot

54:28

of PlayStation games, including one that I was playing.

54:31

And, you know, I never went back

54:33

to Persona 5. I was just like, you know what, maybe

54:35

I'm never going to finish Persona 5. Wait

54:37

for Persona 6. Yeah. Or,

54:40

you know, Persona 5 Golden. The

54:43

Game of the Year edition, of course. Yeah,

54:45

I love all the DLC. When

54:48

it comes with the DLC, it's like sort of

54:50

too good a bargain to pass it up. You

54:52

got to. I bet they broke

54:55

into my house and were bummed. Sure. Come

54:58

on. Oh, they didn't take like marijuana

55:01

stuff, which I thought. But I mean, like, I

55:03

mean, I think at that point marijuana, nice and

55:05

legal. But I just assume that like, you

55:08

know, if you're going around breaking in, you're

55:10

probably hopped up on drugs. And so, you

55:12

know, are you talking about

55:14

your blacklight posters and stuff? Yeah.

55:19

So, OK, here's I had a CD

55:21

of Pink Floyd and a DVD of

55:23

Wizard of Oz. And

55:25

if they took both those and started

55:27

them at the when the lion roar.

55:29

They left behind my Lazarium. Hey,

55:35

you guys want to see if this podcast syncs up

55:37

to Wizard of Oz and come back for some more?

55:39

We'll be back in just a second. I'm on George

55:41

Jesse. Go. Hallelujah.

55:48

Hello. Welcome, everyone. Step right up.

55:51

We're going to heal you. We are the

55:53

healers, Ross and Carrie. Yes. Yes. You

55:55

there. You look like you're upset.

55:57

Come up here. Yes, you are healed.

56:00

you've listened to our podcast. Yes. Have you

56:02

been having trouble with demons? Are you sleeping

56:04

too much, too little, just right? We have

56:06

the solution. It is to listen to Oh

56:09

No Ross and Carrie. A

56:12

show where we examine unusual claims. We

56:14

show up so you don't have to.

56:16

Find us on maximumfun.org. We

56:19

won't actually heal you. It's

56:21

Jordan Jesse go. I'm

56:34

Jesse Thorin America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris

56:36

boy detective. Patrick Hautner who

56:38

ate maybe bad salmon for dinner. Conner

56:41

Ralif subject of reason documentary. You

56:44

know what I'm thinking? Hmm. Jordan,

56:47

I think it's possible that you

56:49

might make a good integrated submarine

56:51

imaging system engineering technician. Is

56:53

this from the one piece wiki again? You're

56:56

just still reading the one piece

56:58

wiki. Journeyman

57:01

marine propulsion engineer ability

57:03

to obtain a secret

57:05

clearance. I'm

57:10

just going to apply for grinding setup first

57:13

and second shifts. Well,

57:17

you got a little experience if you know what I mean. Hey,

57:22

Jesse, you know what keeps me

57:24

alive in this world is neither bodily organs nor

57:26

muscles. It's my soul. That's

57:31

another another lovely quote

57:33

from submarines.com. You

57:40

know what? Luffy always says developing

57:43

the SSN. Aukis a

57:45

trilaterally created submarine combining technology

57:47

from all three nations and

57:49

utilizing the UK's next gen

57:51

design. Yep. Well, we've had a

57:54

lot of fun. We sure have. Don't allow

57:56

to promote this this documentary. I think people

57:58

are going to be crazy about it. A

1:08:01

worker-owned network of artist-owned

1:08:03

shows supported directly by

1:08:05

you.