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To help keep it that way, consider heading

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and pledging a dollar or more

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a month. What

0:13

you are about to hear is

0:15

big, large, huge,

0:19

and broad dinged megan.

0:35

Hello, and welcome to the Kakos Industries

0:37

corporate shareholder announcements. Pets,

0:40

Kakos Industries, we help our clients science

0:43

and everyone everywhere to

0:45

do evil better. My name

0:47

is Corindith the third. Sharehold

0:51

were you aware that it has now been

0:53

nine years since I first took over as

0:55

CEO after the death of my grandfather? While

0:59

there is nothing specifically remarkable

1:02

about that length of time in

1:04

the scope of long lived entities such

1:06

as Kakos Industries? It

1:09

is still a nice milestone for me personally.

1:11

In those nine years, I've been shot,

1:14

eaten, and who knows else that I've

1:17

blocked out of my memory. And

1:19

here I am still in charge, still

1:21

here bringing you these announcements. To

1:24

begin a new year of work here at

1:26

Kakos Industries, I feel like it's appropriate

1:29

to reintroduce some of what we do

1:31

here and what that means for

1:33

you shareholders. And

1:35

should emphasize that if you are

1:37

hearing these words right now, then

1:40

you are a shareholder in trees.

1:43

What does that mean exactly? Well, not

1:46

to state the obvious, but it means that you

1:48

own some piece of our company. It

1:50

could be a fraction. A share, it could be hundreds

1:53

or thousands. Does that

1:55

mean you're entitled to profits? Not

1:57

exactly. The shares that you own,

2:00

dear shareholders, pay dividends exclusively

2:03

in evil. And you cannot

2:05

sell your shares, they can only be transferred

2:08

in event of your death. So

2:10

you're stuck with us, and

2:12

we're glad to have it. Last

2:17

month, we introduced a segment

2:19

to these announcements covering some

2:21

basic questions about

2:23

who we are here at Kakos Industries and

2:26

a bit about how things work here. We've

2:29

carefully screened the questions this time

2:31

to keep me mostly out of trouble I

2:35

am the CEO. I also sit

2:37

on the board of directors which is mainly composed

2:39

of genetically modified insectribuses.

2:42

They're kind of like octopuses, but they've been

2:44

engineered to be more evil

2:47

and to intrinsically understand business.

2:50

They also spend most of their time outside

2:52

of board meetings. And what

2:54

we've been referring to as a

2:57

giant sex pile They are

2:59

technically elected to the board by you,

3:02

the shareholders. If you

3:04

don't remember ever voting, then that's

3:06

okay. Don't worry about it.

3:08

It's not healthy for you to worry.

3:12

Many of the other sea level members of Kakos

3:14

industries prefer I don't talk

3:17

about them at all during these announcements. For

3:20

that reason, I can only confirm a

3:23

few details about each. We

3:25

do have a chief information officer. I've

3:29

never actually met our chief technology

3:31

officer, Our

3:33

chief compliance officer is a golden

3:36

retriever named mister SNiffs.

3:38

He has never explicitly told me not to talk

3:41

about him His job is

3:43

making sure we live up to our values and

3:45

that we are treating each other the way that

3:47

we need to. I

3:49

don't know how mister SNiffs knows

3:51

when there's trouble, but he's often there

3:53

mediating conflict and making sure that departments

3:55

are getting along. We also have

3:58

a chief of human resources. That

4:01

one might be an algorithm. I'm

4:03

honestly not sure. Stranger

4:05

things have happened, I suppose. There

4:08

are some rumors that our chief operations

4:10

officer is some kind of slime

4:12

mold I can neither confirm

4:15

nor deny this information, though I will

4:17

say that our COO is incredibly

4:19

good at finding the shortest route between

4:22

a and b. Then

4:24

we have a whole host of managers and

4:27

sub managers and micro managers

4:30

and a lot of people who can't even manage

4:32

themselves if we're being completely honest. The

4:39

Kakos industry's building is,

4:41

as you know, if you've been following along

4:43

a complicated edifice

4:46

torn apart and put back together

4:48

hundreds of times by mad science.

4:51

Sometimes to get where you want to go,

4:53

you have to go the opposite direction. Sometimes

4:56

to get where you want to go, you

4:58

have to stop wanting to go there and

5:00

it will come to you. Sometimes

5:03

to get where you want to go, you push the correct

5:05

button on the elevator and it takes

5:07

you right there with no issues. Other

5:10

times, you end up where you need to

5:12

be no matter what you do. If

5:16

you've been paying attention recently, then you

5:18

may know that we have been dealing with an

5:20

issue here in our building. We

5:23

have this black ooze that

5:25

we've taken to calling the Matmos that surrounds

5:27

the building. And fills

5:29

many of the caverns below. It's

5:32

kind of everywhere and we haven't

5:35

thought too much about it until recently.

5:37

It just made sense that it was there.

5:40

We are evil. Why shouldn't we be

5:42

swimming in bizarre black boos? We've

5:45

fed it to our evil children. We've

5:47

given it to certain employees to expand

5:49

their minds. And

5:51

only recently, has it been causing

5:53

a problem? The

5:56

ooze seems to be able to think

5:58

and plan and conspire when present

6:00

in large quantities. We've learned

6:03

that there are factions within

6:05

the ooze, pools that have

6:07

separated themselves off to maintain individuality.

6:11

These factions seem to control people

6:13

by infecting them with the Matmos and

6:15

then changing their ways of thinking. They

6:18

have also inspired these people to

6:20

wear cloaks and to give me

6:22

bizarre and disgusting gifts that

6:24

I would rather not have. But

6:27

we'll talk about that bit more later. Before

6:33

I get any further, we should talk

6:35

about today's radio. We like to send

6:37

our shareholders a new radio each month

6:39

for their announcements, which helps

6:42

to prevent accidental Reintroduction

6:44

of these important and confidential

6:46

notices. I am told

6:48

that our new radios may allow you to see

6:51

things even if that doesn't actually

6:53

make any sense. If you

6:55

are seeing anything because of these announcements,

6:58

that may be on us. And if it

7:00

is, My best to just roll

7:02

with it. Today's broadcast

7:05

is coming to you from an electric kettle

7:07

that you plugged in a few minutes ago. After

7:10

reaching temperature, I am told that it began

7:12

to whistle these announcements.

7:15

These specifications I was given

7:17

indicate that the kettle has a variable

7:20

aperture that allows it to whistle at many

7:22

different frequencies. But that

7:24

does not explain how it can whistle in stereo

7:27

nor how it can whistle lower frequencies that

7:29

should require a huge opening to

7:31

reach. The answer I was given

7:33

when I asked about these details was that it

7:35

uses really complicated physics and

7:38

that I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about

7:40

it. I can tell when someone

7:42

is complimenting me with the hope that I will

7:44

forget I asked a question, but

7:46

I felt it was more judicious to Let

7:49

it go. This radio comes

7:51

to us from a collaboration between Needa's

7:53

Kitchenwares, one of our clients, and our

7:55

division of Steam. I'm

7:57

told that the vapor coming from the kettle is

8:00

not exactly water, but there

8:02

is little to worry about. That

8:04

is, of course, unless you're not actually

8:06

evil. These announcements are

8:08

strictly for Kakos industry shareholders

8:10

and you must be evil to hear them.

8:13

If that is not the case, then I would recommend

8:15

doing something evil quickly to become

8:17

evil yourself or the steam might

8:19

be more of a problem for you than

8:22

for others. If

8:25

you are new to Kakos Industries, then

8:28

you should know that we like to party. We

8:30

have festivals and celebrations all

8:32

of the time and many of them are on

8:34

the wild side. How wild

8:36

you might be wondering? Well, we just wrapped

8:39

up the celebration of the moon where we did

8:41

some actual witchcraft. And

8:43

by actual witchcraft, I mean, the sort of

8:46

thing people think of as being witchcraft even

8:48

though it doesn't really do any anything. At

8:50

least not anything metaphysical. It

8:53

still makes us feel nice. We

8:55

like to do things that remind us just how

8:57

evil we really are and solidify

9:00

what we're willing to do in the name of

9:02

evil. There was

9:04

an animal sacrifice, Dea.

9:06

Type of animal is still up for debate even

9:09

though we could see with our bare eyes. It

9:11

had too many horns,

9:14

Maybe one too many legs. We

9:16

also had a bonfire and did a lot of screaming

9:18

in the woods. There were altars

9:21

and candles some chance that the division of Dionysia

9:23

gave us to read aloud. They were

9:25

likely gibberish, but boy did they feel

9:27

like some unholy syllables? Afterward,

9:30

we sat down and had a discussion about how

9:32

all of this made us feel and what we liked and

9:34

what we didn't. And we talked about the

9:36

ways that we might to felt uncomfortable, but

9:39

we were able to move past that and really

9:41

just experience things as they were

9:43

happening. Quite a few of you

9:45

really enjoyed yourselves like more

9:47

than at nearly any other festival.

9:50

It was medalist fuck.

9:56

And of course, I'm burying a lead. In

9:58

addition to the celebration of the Moon, we

10:00

also had the Shareholders Ball.

10:02

This is the best celebration all

10:05

year. It is the one that people wait

10:07

for. And if you are a Kakos industry

10:09

shareholder, then you were in attendance

10:11

whether you had intended to be or not.

10:14

This celebration is for all of us.

10:16

It is a time where we at Kakos Industries

10:18

celebrate you, our shareholders, and

10:21

really show you how much you mean to us.

10:23

We pull out all of the stop in terms of

10:25

food, entertainment, and of course,

10:27

the mind altering substances. To

10:30

begin with, we started with the

10:32

feast. As always, we made

10:34

to have options available for meat eaters

10:37

and also for those of us who prefer

10:39

only to feast on the suffering of plants,

10:41

fungi, and algae. We brought

10:43

in chefs who specialize in the cutting

10:45

edge of food science and molecular gastronomy.

10:49

We had deep fried dumplings featuring

10:51

just about every animal known to

10:54

live on Earth. They took one

10:56

of each since, sometimes not even a whole

10:58

one of each, and blended them to the right

11:00

mixture to give us the sense that what we

11:02

were eating was the very

11:04

essence of what it means to

11:06

be an animal. There

11:08

may have been a little bit of human I'm

11:10

told that this was actually a culinary

11:13

accident. And at any rate, it wasn't

11:15

enough to make you a cannibal. You

11:17

consume more of your own cells daily.

11:21

We served a salad made from rare

11:23

and difficult to grow greens grown exclusively

11:26

in places deemed to be haunted. Curt

11:28

store just off in some way

11:31

without regard to the local inhabitants. There

11:33

were dumplings made from these blended

11:36

vegetables that gave us all

11:38

the distinct feeling that we were tasting

11:41

the earth itself and consuming its

11:43

nutrients more selfishly than usual.

11:46

When sampled together, these two dishes

11:49

gave us the feeling that we knew some things

11:51

we could never forget. And perhaps

11:53

we might long for the time before we had

11:55

known them. Still, we

11:57

were transformed and we could only

11:59

see the world the way that we were from

12:02

that time on. For

12:05

entertainment after our meal, we

12:07

were immersed into an interactive light

12:09

show using the latest and greatest in

12:11

technologies ranging from robotics to

12:13

drones to light emission itself. The

12:17

basement ballroom came alive with

12:19

seemingly glowing creatures that

12:21

changed constantly while observed. I

12:24

am told that they were procedurally generated

12:26

using the inputs of all of us watching.

12:29

It was a bit like having one astonishing

12:31

never before seen spectacle melts

12:34

and transform into another,

12:36

astonishing never before seen

12:38

spectacle and That was without any

12:40

mind altering substances. At

12:43

least we didn't give you any. You could have

12:45

brought some with you, sure. I

12:48

don't know why you would bother pre gaming

12:50

for the shareholders' ball. Are are you afraid

12:52

that we're not going to get you sufficiently fucked

12:55

up? Do you even know us?

12:57

About midway through the light show,

12:59

we decided to kick it up a notch and

13:02

we brought out the party favors. They

13:05

were bowls of neon blue pink

13:07

and green pills. The class

13:09

of psychoactive drug they belong to

13:11

is known as the experience intensifiers.

13:14

They are not uppers or downers, but whatever

13:16

you were experiencing, it will become

13:19

two to ten times more intense. Vividness

13:22

of the lights, the intricacies of the transformations,

13:25

even the feeling of satisfaction from

13:27

your meal, all of it was turned up as

13:29

high as you could handle. If you couldn't

13:31

handle it, we did have other pills for that

13:33

of course. We want you to have a nice

13:35

time. We don't want you to feel like you

13:37

have to show everyone how cool you are

13:40

by doing a fist full of fluorescent pills

13:42

and then suffering with the consequences.

13:46

The point is to have fun. Not to worry

13:48

about how your teeth feel for six hours.

13:52

If you are new to Kakos Industries, this next

13:54

part might have you feeling a bit squeamish, but

13:56

it is tradition and we have to do it.

13:59

Slowly, these sprinklers in the ceiling of

14:01

the basement ballroom start to spray all of us

14:03

with blood. You might wonder

14:05

what kind of blood and how we got

14:07

so much of it. The answer

14:10

is that the blood came from deextinction and

14:13

reextinction giant slots. This

14:16

selection wasn't exactly on purpose,

14:18

but there was another issue that left us

14:20

with a lot of interesting blood,

14:22

and we decided to roll with it. This

14:25

part of the celebration is referred to

14:27

as the Blood Orgy, but that's

14:29

mostly because it involves being covered

14:31

in blood and engaging in sexual

14:33

activities that you enjoy. Doing

14:36

actual violence during this time is frowned

14:38

upon. When you've got unique

14:41

and extremely rare blood like the blood

14:43

from giant sloths, adding

14:45

human blood is actually diluting the product

14:48

and in general, a waste.

14:51

We'd like to encourage our shareholders to

14:53

dabble up to and maybe only

14:55

a little bit beyond their comfort level.

14:58

The point isn't to go home having an argument

15:00

with yourself or a significant other.

15:03

The point is to have as much fun as you want,

15:06

and there is plenty of fun to be had with

15:08

interesting and exciting people.

15:11

Mask are permitted to conceal your

15:13

identity if that's what you're after. I

15:16

have to wear a mask because otherwise I

15:18

won't get a moment of peace. I'm

15:20

not bragging about my physical form. It's just

15:23

that evil CEO is on more

15:25

sex bucket lists than you might guess.

15:28

All in all, the shareholders' ball was

15:30

everything it needed to be and more and

15:33

I don't think single person went home disappointed

15:37

The celebration of affirmation is

15:39

coming up again. We are looking

15:41

forward to seeing you there at

15:43

your Eve list. And accepting you

15:45

completely. Last

15:48

year, we took a look in the book of any

15:50

time festivals, those festivals that

15:52

we can whip out anytime think we need

15:54

one, and we had the festival of errors.

15:57

While this festival was great, it isn't

16:00

one that we feel like we have to have again.

16:03

So instead, we took another look in the book

16:05

and decided that the festival of cold

16:07

might be more fun. It's

16:10

cold here at Kakos right now, at

16:12

least on most of our lawns, so

16:14

it should be relatively accessible. That

16:17

being said, it seems like the division of

16:19

Dionysia is looking into ways to make

16:21

things even colder and to

16:23

give us the experience of the cold cold

16:25

so we can withstand. I'm

16:28

sure they're going to find a way to add a

16:30

sexual component, but nothing comes

16:32

immediately to my mind at least.

16:36

The Big Black Hole celebration is also

16:38

coming up. Many years ago, our

16:40

branch in New York was destroyed due to

16:42

a science act event and ever since then

16:45

we take this time to marvel at the

16:47

perfectly cylindrical hole in the ground

16:49

where the location used to be. If

16:51

you've never stared at a big hole in

16:54

the ground, there's just something charming

16:56

about how deep it goes and how

16:58

dark it is down there. We hold

17:00

hands around it and we and

17:03

just try to absorb some of the energy

17:05

from its darkness. We

17:07

do occasionally send people down into

17:09

the hole to see what's there. Sometimes

17:12

they end up somewhere in Latin America. Sometimes

17:15

they end up nowhere at all. Sometimes

17:18

the hole turns into an Audi instead of

17:20

an Ini and we have no idea where

17:22

our explorers went. It

17:24

is always a great time.

17:28

I have updates from the division of erotic

17:30

experiences. One of probably

17:33

several divisions dealing with sexual pleasures.

17:36

If you're wondering why we talk about sex,

17:38

when maybe to you it isn't intrinsically

17:41

evil, then I will remind you that the

17:43

good headed one and they didn't

17:45

want it. And now it's ours,

17:48

and they can't have it back. So

17:50

there. So

17:53

we have several divisions working on erotic

17:55

things, but the division of erotic experiences

17:57

is a bit of a pet project of

18:00

mine. I like to keep track of them

18:02

and the division heads Dr. Dunkelhorn in

18:04

Jasmine Ochsner. They

18:06

spent a lot of time trying to figure out

18:08

what was most sex and it kind

18:11

of ended up in a situation where we all had

18:13

to decide to let it go because

18:15

the obsession was endless and it

18:17

wasn't healthy to continue. Now

18:20

they are working on what they are calling the

18:22

satisficer, which is intended

18:24

to be a sex toy that can satisfy

18:27

every need It can reach all the

18:29

spots and it can touch things in just the

18:31

right way. It can apply pressure while

18:33

being delicate. It can make only the noise

18:36

you wanna hear. It seems like

18:38

a lofty goal to achieve and current

18:40

prototypes have been a bit on the unwieldy

18:43

side. It may be better to

18:45

have multiple tools that do one

18:47

thing rather than this single tool that

18:49

tries to do everything. That

18:51

being said, the newest prototype slips over

18:53

your legs like pants and secures around

18:56

the waist. Once attached, programs

18:58

can be selected and it'll get to work.

19:01

Now, the current device only has

19:03

few programs included. I was

19:05

able to attend a demonstration where a volunteer

19:07

was connected to the device. They

19:10

certainly got something out of but

19:12

I can't say exactly if it was what

19:14

they had hoped for in the beginning. The

19:16

words they used to describe the device

19:18

were relentlessly satisfying flying

19:21

and efficient. While

19:23

they raided the experience overall as

19:25

a pleasant one, they were hesitant to say

19:28

that they would the device again or

19:30

recommend it to a friend. The

19:33

team gave me some more details on the current

19:35

reception of the project, and it does seem

19:37

that some people really enjoy

19:39

using the device, but in the words of Jasmine

19:41

Osha, they tend to be

19:43

super subbing. This

19:45

is a bit far off from their hopes of making

19:48

a device that pleases everyone completely,

19:50

but I told them to keep their notes and diagrams

19:53

in case we need something like this in the future.

19:56

I've said before that if they make

19:58

a device capable of pleasing most people,

20:01

or even just lot of people, we

20:03

can still make money off of that and

20:05

spread evil throughout the world. And

20:08

that's what it's all about. Right? I

20:13

began to speak a bit earlier about the Matmos,

20:16

the Inky Black substance that lives

20:18

all around Kakos Industries. Bissaga

20:20

began over a year ago when I came face

20:23

to face with what we call the heart of

20:25

Kakos Industries. In

20:28

the process of meeting the heart I became

20:30

infected with the Matt Moss and began

20:32

having some intense dreams about

20:34

it and the people associated with it. I

20:37

was eventually released from its influence

20:40

when I met some people who lived with the Matt Moss

20:42

and seemed to care for it and worship

20:44

it deep within the caverns below Kakos.

20:48

I have been given two liaisons to

20:50

the Matmoss, but they don't seem to want to do

20:53

anything. Let alone their jobs.

20:56

During Halloween, we had a ton of the

20:58

stuff just soaked through the entire building.

21:01

It was frustrating for me as there was

21:03

nothing we could do. And perhaps

21:05

more frustratingly, people in cloaks who

21:07

seem to be agents of the Matt Moss and its

21:09

various pools have been showing

21:11

up and giving me gifts and

21:14

doing dances for me and killing

21:16

small animals, at best

21:18

it has been annoying. At worst

21:21

it has been a box filled with dead mice.

21:23

It's gross and I don't like it. We

21:26

have developed some new techniques to try

21:28

to reduce the Mat losses influence in

21:30

certain individuals. We cannot completely

21:33

remove it, but we can cause the levels in a

21:35

person's body to go down substantially. This

21:39

involves a number of herbs and spices,

21:41

mainly ginger. We are looking at

21:43

some chemical derivatives that we may be able

21:46

to used to amplify this effect. It

21:48

has given us some confidence at least that

21:50

we can reduce the potential danger.

21:54

Last time, we us to the devices we

21:56

are developing that should hopefully allow

21:58

us to communicate with the Matmoss without

22:00

ingesting it and becoming infected by

22:02

it. The people who are in affected

22:05

with the Matt Moss share something like

22:07

a hive mind or at

22:09

least a collective network of

22:11

thought. Those communication devices

22:14

use a solid crystallized version

22:16

of the Matmos, and while it is difficult

22:18

to say whether the people running the tests

22:20

are communicated with the Matmás, Clarissa

22:23

and Hedera, the liaisons I mentioned

22:26

before, did appear to testing Site

22:28

two, slap the shit out one of the test subjects.

22:31

So it's possible communication occurred

22:33

and that defense was taken. Then

22:36

there is the question of the people in the cloaks.

22:39

We have discussed the magenta cloaks

22:41

which are the people who belong

22:44

to the princess. They

22:46

are the ones that bring me dead things.

22:49

I don't like it. The people in the very

22:51

dark purple cloaks belong to Buddy

22:53

whose influence seems like a strong

22:56

drug. We've had to

22:58

find creative ways to make sure these people

23:00

eat. Then there are the hoods

23:02

with the cat ears. They belong

23:04

to pause, who is not a pool of Matmass,

23:07

but rather one of the Lords. The

23:10

Lords all seemed to be monsters mutated

23:13

and otherwise altered by the Matmass us

23:15

to suit its needs. The followers

23:17

of Paws just act like

23:19

cats and I find it annoying. Everyone

23:22

else seems to think it's cute and I guess that's

23:24

fine. My guess is that pause

23:26

isn't all that sapient and that reflects in

23:28

its followers. But we have no way

23:30

of knowing just yet. And

23:32

now, there are people in greenclothes.

23:36

This does make me wonder the hell these people

23:38

are getting these fabrics and dies,

23:40

but maybe that's better left

23:42

unexplained. I checked

23:44

with Clarissa and Hedera they don't seem to

23:46

know who the people in the green cloaks are.

23:49

I asked Kimi who is well,

23:53

We're close anyway, to see if

23:55

she could figure anything out. She

23:57

was getting Clarissa and Hedera drunk to try

23:59

to get information out of them, but they

24:02

only like shit boos and

24:04

Kimmy was worried about them drinking so

24:06

much so that stopped. Last

24:08

I saw them they were smoking dark mega

24:10

grass which is sort

24:12

of like cannabis, but experienced

24:14

users insist that it is different in

24:16

important ways. Those

24:19

ways are apparently difficult to describe. Guinea

24:21

explained to me that she hasn't been getting any

24:24

useful information, but she has

24:26

been having a lot of fun with Clarissa

24:28

and Hedera, and I guess that counts

24:30

for something. We

24:33

did the same thing we've been doing with the cloaked

24:35

figures. We abducted a number of these

24:37

green cloaked wearers and we hold

24:39

back their hoods and we ran biometric

24:41

scans and took blood and fingerprints. They

24:44

have only been able to identify one

24:47

person than a Fiona Graham.

24:50

Her husband has apparently been

24:52

looking for her for some time. She

24:54

has been moved to the front of our d

24:56

mat mossing line, but it

24:58

is an uphill battle, especially when she's

25:01

been under the influence for years. The

25:03

science continues, of course.

25:09

Did you enjoy and weak shareholders.

25:12

A few weeks ago, the division of Kaiju

25:14

battle reenactments introduced what

25:16

they were calling Dragon

25:18

Week, which was a week filled with

25:20

dragon fights that they enacted with

25:23

costumes and props. Dragons

25:26

don't actually exist at least not

25:28

as we typically think of them, so this is

25:30

less reenactment and

25:32

more just enactment. We

25:34

were told that the battles could happen at random,

25:37

so I was prepared at all times. Then

25:40

finally, I was walking down a hallway in

25:42

between meetings and Around the

25:44

corner came two people in

25:46

enormous dragon costumes. I

25:48

could barely contain my

25:51

pruitment. I froze where I was as the

25:53

two dragons started to brawl. It

25:55

was incredible. They

25:57

held nothing back throwing each other against wall

25:59

calls and swinging chairs at one another.

26:01

There were only a handful of us in that particular

26:04

hallway, and I was maybe the only one who

26:06

was really all that interested in

26:08

the fight. But it was the

26:10

perfect unexpected break from

26:12

my day. The bluish dragon

26:14

eventually triumphed over the orange dragon

26:17

then the bluish dragon dragged the orange

26:19

dragon away, and work resumed

26:21

as though nothing had happened. It

26:24

was incredible. I cannot wait

26:26

to see what they come up with next. The

26:31

division of figuring out what all of these keys

26:34

go to has finally unlocked the aquarium

26:36

in lobby sixty three a.

26:39

The fish have been dead for a very

26:41

long time we were all wondering how best

26:43

to handle the situation. Unfortunately,

26:46

the key opened one of these side panels,

26:48

so all of the rotting fish water was

26:50

dumped onto the floor. And the

26:52

division of figuring out what all of these keys go

26:54

to doesn't really clean up their messes.

26:57

They unlock the lock and

27:00

then they leave. The janitorial

27:02

department was not pleased. It

27:06

is now time for another employee

27:08

spotlight. We'd like to take this time

27:11

to spotlight some of our employees who are

27:13

really going above and beyond in name

27:15

of evil. Today, we would like

27:17

to acknowledge Simon Gersch,

27:20

who is apparently the only employee brave

27:22

enough to clean the seahorse enclosure.

27:26

The sea horror is a monster that

27:28

we made somehow, and upon making

27:30

it, we were instantly repulsed and

27:32

frightened to the extent that we essentially threw

27:34

it into a tank and tried to forget

27:36

all about it. Sometimes,

27:39

that tank needs cleaning and Simon

27:41

Gersh is the person who gets in there to

27:43

do it. We make sure the seahorse

27:45

is well fed before he goes in there and

27:48

he says that he has only seen it twice

27:50

while in the tank. One time,

27:53

it waved. Simon Girish

27:55

is made of stronger stuff than most of

27:57

us. That is for sure. They

28:03

say that evil once did that one

28:05

sex thing with enough people that it became simply

28:07

expected that everyone would do it after

28:09

that, and thus it entered the sexual

28:12

canon. This is things we're taking credit

28:14

for now. Today, we're taking credit

28:16

for wheat corn and

28:18

the agrarian lifestyle that really led

28:21

to every problem we're having today.

28:23

Of course, we can't know with one hundred

28:25

percent certainty we did these things

28:27

and they do seem to be awfully

28:29

far back in the past. But

28:31

we are confident that we at least had something

28:34

to do with them and you had better believe

28:36

us. Otherwise, that steam

28:38

coming from your kettle might start to smell

28:40

little different and there's

28:43

very little help for you if that happens.

28:48

Anastasia has won today's ruin

28:50

a life drawing. As a result of

28:52

the life of Anastasia's nemesis will

28:54

be ruined. The nemesis is Dan

28:56

Bartlett. We gave the of misery,

28:59

a sturdy firm spin, and it eventually

29:01

landed on the space for moths. We

29:04

had to discuss how this would play out but we

29:06

decided that Dan Bartlett will

29:08

be far more likely to be surrounded by

29:10

moths, followed by moths

29:13

and touched by moths. Dan

29:16

Bartlett's clothing will not be safe.

29:18

It will just be a life ruining

29:20

level of moths. For

29:23

evil measure, Anastasia will be

29:25

thirty percent less likely to encounter moths,

29:27

which kinda sucks because moths

29:30

are cool. Congratulations on

29:32

the win and best of luck. The

29:35

damnation and ruination squad, the

29:37

team responsible for making the life ruining

29:39

declarations reveal of misery come true,

29:42

are currently wearing only mom

29:45

jeans. These wardrobe

29:47

changes are also handed down by the wheel

29:49

of misery using a much less intuitive

29:51

process. But the damnation and drudination

29:54

squad are pretty much required at that point

29:56

to wear what it tells them to. They

29:59

could wear other things, but they tend to go

30:01

with just the minimum. So

30:03

right now, they're wearing high waisted kind

30:06

of pale blue jeans that look like

30:08

they came from a budget department store.

30:11

Nothing up top? Just the

30:13

jeans. Not even wearing shoes.

30:15

This is Well,

30:18

it's actually the most put together they've

30:20

looked in a long time, half naked as

30:22

they are. This

30:25

brings us to the end of these announcements, shareholders.

30:28

I want to take this opportunity to thank

30:30

you for listening. In

30:32

my nine years as the CEO of this corporation,

30:34

one thing has been clear. We can

30:36

do what we do because of you.

30:39

And it is with your support that we continue

30:41

on. Thank you for spending these

30:43

nine years with me. And may we have

30:46

a hundred more together? Okay?

30:52

I am told that the green cloaked people have

30:54

just turned their cloaks inside out and

30:56

they're now wearing navy blue cloaks.

30:59

Is that really much of a change is it?

31:02

Well, I would certainly like the number of

31:04

people in hooded cloaks to decrease and

31:06

that's not something I ever thought I would say

31:08

as the head of an evil company. The

31:11

numbers are next shareholders. Two,

31:15

twenty two, thirty three

31:18

four, fifty five,

31:21

six, sixty six, seven,

31:24

ninety 9844.

31:44

Kakos Industries is written and produced

31:46

by Conrad Mishuk, who is also the

31:48

voice of Corin Death and the composer

31:50

of the music. Reintroduction are

31:52

read by Ryan Jenkins and the credits

31:55

are read by Brianna Kittle, a box

31:57

of chocolate raisins, and

31:59

rage. Please visit cakosindustries

32:01

dot com for news, extras, and

32:04

more episodes. There are also transcriptions

32:06

on the website if you'd like to read along

32:08

with the cakos industry these announcements. That's

32:11

KAK0SINDUSTRIES

32:17

dot com. Please visit

32:19

store dot cocosindustries dot com

32:22

for merchandise and special offers and

32:24

get wonderful benefits by becoming a subscription

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donor at industries dot com

32:29

slash patreon. You can submit

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one time donations at paypal dot

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me slash Kakos industries. You

32:35

can also purchase gear and other items

32:37

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32:40

com slash wishlist. Join our

32:42

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32:44

com slash discord. Questions,

32:46

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32:49

Drop us a line at inquiriesacacosindustries dot

32:52

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32:55

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33:03

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33:07

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33:10

Instagram at cuckosindustries, TikTok

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at cuckos industries, and Twitter

33:16

at cuckos industries. We encourage

33:18

fan art and listener participation on

33:20

all our social media platforms.

33:23

Special thanks to our esteemed shareholders,

33:25

Alfredo Raffioli. Jack Attack

33:28

and Deandre. Also thanks

33:30

to honored employees Calico who

33:32

stirred the pot, rocket who added

33:34

the salt, Christina Kirkland who

33:36

tested the pasta and Anastasia

33:38

Kaye who added the jar of store

33:40

bought sauce. The

33:42

Division of BP's, Moody's, and Construction projects

33:45

that are probably too large for yarn, directed

33:48

by Theo Cornett, has

33:50

knit a bunch of snacks for the sports

33:52

arena. They are all inedible.

33:56

The division of obscure vintage technology directed

33:58

by Craig Sizz, has purchased

34:01

an old tape machine with

34:03

v u meters that Bob hypnotically.

34:06

The division of subtle efficiency increases

34:08

directed by Daniel r Smith has

34:11

increased the amount of caffeine in the

34:13

coffee. The division of saying

34:15

it the long way directed by Dyno Schroeder

34:18

has been workshopping, not

34:20

ever, not even once, never

34:23

and no. The division

34:25

of Kakos cafeteria reviews directed

34:27

by Seth and Josh has reviewed, we

34:30

have no idea how to make Mexican food.

34:32

It's probably not Mexican food, but it

34:34

is interesting. Nine out of fourteen.

34:37

The division of improbable cookbooks directed

34:39

by Hayden NEF has been working on knitting

34:42

dinner. The first step is making

34:44

edible yarn. The division

34:46

of more Monday, Mondays directed by ODi,

34:48

has made Mondays that much more

34:50

Monday by introducing a new

34:53

version of a form that

34:55

is somehow worse than the last

34:57

version. The division of

34:59

villainous introspection directed by Sarah

35:02

has been taking long walks and

35:04

wondering why evil is just so

35:06

easy. The division

35:09

of new card game mechanics led by Finn

35:11

has developed a card that does six

35:13

skateboard tricks for extra points.

35:16

The division of even weird bugs directed by

35:18

Franco El Tardibay has discovered

35:20

a bug that collects the corpses of its enemies

35:23

as trophies and carries them

35:25

everywhere. The division

35:27

of animal stacking by the one true

35:29

Dave, has stacked one bear. We

35:32

are currently arguing about the definition

35:35

of a stack. The division of

35:37

things with switches that shouldn't have switches

35:39

directed by miss doctor indigo esquire

35:41

the thirteenth has installed an

35:44

on switch for a cardboard box.

35:47

We are not sure what happens when it

35:49

is off. The division of

35:51

unwanted board game expansions directed

35:53

by Kevin Rowland has created an expansion

35:55

set that requires players to drink

35:58

spiced liqueurs in large quantities

36:00

before playing the next round. The

36:03

division of post apocalyptic delivery

36:05

directed by cave hill, king kill of

36:07

the murder valley in Mountain's accepted

36:10

the return even though there was

36:13

no one there to hand it over and

36:15

no one would be there to receive it.

36:18

The division of perspective exoplanet

36:20

tourism directed by Victoria Wood

36:22

has started working on a pamphlet for

36:25

Garbanon Nexus. This

36:27

planet may have been named by hack science

36:30

fiction writers, but it is still

36:32

a place you can go someday.

36:35

Our esteemed shareholders, honored employees,

36:37

division heads, and other Patreon patrons

36:40

are the best. If you want a thank you

36:42

in the credits, your own division or other

36:44

great wards that helped to keep this

36:46

show running. Please head to

36:48

cakosindustries dot com slash

36:51

Patreon. That's

36:52

Patreon, PATRE0N.

36:56

Kakos Industries can be dark. Don't

36:58

trip when navigating the halls.