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do take note of the gay colors of more

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upmarket security systems. Hello

1:20

and welcome to another

1:23

series 5 episode of Keeping Up

1:25

Appearances the luxury podcast. This is

1:27

the companion podcast for exploring the

1:30

world of Hyacinth Bouquet in the

1:32

hit BBC sitcom Keeping Up Appearances.

1:34

My name's Jonathan Vernon-Smith and with

1:36

me is someone who's never been

1:38

disappointing even as a Roman. It's

1:40

William Hanson. Hello Jonathan and I

1:42

are here for the final series

1:44

because as you know by now

1:46

we absolutely love Hyacinth Bouquet and

1:49

her world in Keeping Up Appearances.

1:51

In each episode of this luxury podcast

1:53

William and I take you through an

1:55

episode of the BBC sitcom Delving Deep

1:57

Into the World of the Bouquets. And

2:00

today is the fifth episode of the

2:02

series, Skis! Can

2:05

you take us through the synopsis please, William?

2:07

I can. Lovely. Hyacinth spots

2:09

a pair of skis on the roof rack

2:11

of an upmarket neighbour's car. And this immediately

2:14

gives her the idea of buying Richard a

2:16

pair for his birthday. This

2:18

will mean that they will be able to

2:20

drive about with them on their roof rack

2:22

and thereby impress other people. Unfortunately,

2:24

they have to borrow Violet's roof rack

2:27

and during the process of getting the

2:29

skis over there, things start to go

2:31

pear-shaped. Not helped by the fact that

2:33

Hyacinth insists on giving two ladies a

2:35

lift, which they don't need. She then

2:37

discovers that Violet and Bruce's relationship has

2:40

completely fallen apart. Rose also has

2:42

men problems, which makes Daisy and

2:44

Onslow consider their own day-to-day lives.

2:48

And there we go. There we go. It's

2:51

a nice episode. It's solid.

2:54

I don't think... There's a bit of hesitancy there.

2:56

It's not my favourite, to be honest with you.

2:58

Okay. Of series 5. Yes,

3:01

I think there are stronger ones. Oh, yeah.

3:03

Alarmed. And I think, to be honest, and

3:05

we'll get to it, but the end for me

3:07

is a little bit weak. Hmm. But...

3:10

Yes. You know, let's be positive about

3:12

this. There are some wonderful moments. There

3:15

are. And it starts, as so many

3:17

of them do, outside Weyne elm. But

3:20

this time Richard is in the garden pruning his roses.

3:22

He is. Hyacinth comes out. She's

3:24

rather concerned that he doesn't look as if he's

3:26

enjoying what he's doing. But she does what I

3:28

thought was quite nice, is that she starts with

3:30

a look of love to Richard.

3:33

There's a real love

3:35

there. And I think, again, that maybe

3:37

lacks a little bit. And in later

3:39

episodes in this series, you

3:41

know, there's a bit of... There are a few comments

3:44

made. But in that moment, she loves him. She does.

3:46

But she's concerned that because it

3:49

looks as if he doesn't enjoy it, people

3:51

will think that he doesn't

3:53

enjoy it. And if he doesn't enjoy it,

3:55

why wouldn't they have a gardener? Exactly. I

3:57

mean, in fact, they can't afford a gardener.

4:00

is another matter. That's why he should look

4:02

as if he's enjoying it. This is probably

4:04

the biggest example of literally keeping up appearances.

4:06

Yes. And that you have to look like

4:08

you can afford a gardener. But

4:10

you don't because you love gardening so much. Do

4:12

you have a gardener? No. Can

4:15

you afford a gardener? Could

4:17

I afford a gardener? I wouldn't

4:20

want to afford a gardener. Do

4:23

you enjoy gardening? No I don't enjoy gardening.

4:25

But do you look as though you enjoy

4:27

gardening? But you know when

4:29

I came across just Jack, the decorator?

4:31

Yes. So a bit like

4:34

I always used to do my own decorating

4:36

because I felt as if I couldn't justify

4:38

paying someone else to do something that I

4:40

could do myself. I feel a bit the

4:42

same with gardening. Okay. I don't enjoy

4:45

it really but I just can't

4:47

justify while I'm a fit and athletic young

4:49

man I... I

4:52

didn't say a word. You didn't have to say

4:55

a word. Your face said it all. While

4:57

I'm a fit and athletic young man

5:00

I can't justify paying someone else to do it

5:02

for me. No. Okay.

5:05

I can still hoe. Well

5:10

that's good to know. I saw a comment

5:23

on the way people can leave

5:25

reviews for our podcast. Oh yes.

5:28

Someone... someone complained that we both laugh

5:30

too much and it goes too quiet

5:32

which is not good with an audio

5:35

recording. Oh. Sorry. Oh

5:38

dear. Funny. Is

5:43

it maybe with your garden that you haven't... fat

5:46

like Jack you just haven't found the right person

5:49

and then when you find the right person... Oh yeah.

5:52

...that does the garden you're gonna go why have I

5:54

been bothering to do my own? Maybe.

5:57

Maybe. Yes. Charlie

6:00

Dimmock She

6:05

could come I don't I don't want

6:07

Charlie Dimmock in my garden Tommy Walsh Any

6:15

other 1990s gardening

6:17

experts from BBC TV you'd like to

6:19

talk about Oh Christine

6:21

from the one show you remember her No

6:27

Alan Titchmarsh eight now, I would

6:30

like Alan Titchmarsh Kim

6:32

Jong-un hates him What

6:36

was that all about I'd love to think of

6:39

him in my garden hoeing like a thing possessed

6:41

with Kim Jong-un seething with rage Feel

6:45

his gong-yang rising Anyway

6:48

the smiling thing reminds me of when I on

6:50

my other podcast I've talked about and when I

6:52

was detained by the Swiss authorities Oh, yeah, I

6:55

find any few months ago, but it reminds me

6:57

of when I was released from by the Swiss

6:59

authorities I did nothing wrong I should just hasten

7:01

to add for those that don't know the full

7:03

story and I was then

7:05

escorted to my gate at Geneva Airport

7:07

and I had to make them smile

7:09

and laugh in case anyone saw me

7:13

That they knew that I was not up to

7:15

no good. Yes. It was just maybe I got

7:17

some sort of advanced diplomacy Yeah, I peed security.

7:19

Yeah So we've all done it. Yeah,

7:21

go on That's

7:26

all the more reason why we should look as

7:28

though we can afford The

7:31

caladines drive past yes in or is

7:33

it the caledines or the cara dying?

7:35

Cara dying the cara dying and Jonathan.

7:37

I hope you're proud. I Wrote

7:40

down the brand of

7:42

car. Oh Good,

7:44

right. What is it a saw a saw

7:46

what a red one? It's

7:49

green It's

7:57

a green salve 9000 registration number M945KWK.

8:00

I did look I got the brand

8:02

that's more than I did well done

8:04

well Okay, but I can't believe you

8:07

didn't even get the color no

8:10

however I looked it up and

8:12

it would have been of course it is when this

8:15

Episode was recorded it would have been

8:17

a brand new car. It was registered

8:19

in March of Although

8:22

it is now sawn and I gather

8:24

hasn't changed ownership since 2010. Oh So

8:28

there we go. Okay quite what happened

8:30

to the carradine sob Maybe you could

8:32

buy the carradine sob I could do

8:34

I could do I quite

8:36

like sobs Yeah,

8:39

they don't make them anymore. No what happened

8:41

to them? I don't know they

8:43

stopped making them I think they make something else

8:45

aeroplanes or something. Oh, yeah, but

8:47

they don't make cars Maybe the carradine's

8:49

got a private jet. Maybe Mrs.

8:58

Carradine was a Baxter's biscuit

9:00

apparently. Yes We've had a Proctor's pickle and now

9:02

I've got a Baxter's biscuits, right? Which is nice

9:04

and hyacinth gets parked out the road because she

9:06

goes into way She's

9:13

furious and she's very furious

9:15

because she thinks of how furious Sheridan

9:17

would be somebody honking at his mummy

9:20

manna leo Sheridan

9:22

would be furious if he knew that strangers

9:24

were honking at his mummy Over

9:27

in the other side of town. We have onslows

9:29

sitting room and Rose is wondering

9:31

about life after death And I wondered

9:33

Jonathan. Do you believe in reincarnation? Seriously

9:40

Seriously, what this conversation now?

9:43

Yeah. No, I don't you

9:45

don't know you don't think

9:47

you're coming back or something else. I hope not Once

9:51

is enough No,

9:53

why do you I don't

9:55

know I'd like to think maybe there is something else but

9:57

then you know You might come back as an ant or

10:00

something. Oh yes. Or something a

10:02

bit disappointing. Yes. Right. If

10:05

you were going to come back as something, what would you like to

10:07

come back as? Um... Ahead

10:10

of state. I

10:13

think. In

10:15

a monarchy, not in a

10:17

republic. Or Kim Jong Un. Yes. You could come

10:19

back as Kim Jong Un. Kim Jong Un. Yeah.

10:28

I don't know if they speak French in Korea. You're

10:36

kind of dressed a little bit like Kim Jong Un

10:38

today. I

10:42

wonder if... I'm going to talk about your outfit you're wearing. I'm

10:44

going to talk... Well, you talk about my outfit with staff on

10:46

your glasses. I'm gearing

10:48

up for it. Yes. Okay, good. Where did you

10:51

plan this outfit? So why don't you describe to

10:53

the list what I'm wearing? You're dressed as I

10:55

was dressed when I was four years old and

10:57

I was a page boy for my auntie and

10:59

uncle. You're wearing a page

11:02

boy's outfit. No, I'm wearing chinos.

11:04

Maybe chinos. Is that right with that? Oh,

11:07

you see, I'd call them actions. Okay,

11:10

well actions like chinos. Yeah. From

11:13

gallery Lafayette because I have a problem in the

11:15

trouser department and I can only buy trousers in

11:17

New York or Paris. Why is

11:19

that? Because I've got funny calves. I

11:23

do. And

11:25

no British... What's wrong with these calves?

11:30

Look like they swallowed a grapefruit. They do.

11:32

They do grapefruits. Right. And no British trouser

11:34

fits me. Do you know why that is?

11:36

I've noticed. Is it because I have what

11:38

is sometimes called Mintz's Gate? No, it's because

11:40

you walk on your tiptoes. Yeah, well, that's

11:43

what I said. You walk on your tiptoes

11:45

and that builds the calf muscles. Well, it's

11:47

hereditary because my grandmother, not

11:49

etiquette granny, the other granny. She's

11:51

got calves like Fatima, which... And

11:56

do you know where I found that out? I

11:59

didn't know because she was... for skirts. Do

12:08

you know where I found out? At her

12:10

funeral. How

12:12

did you find out? It wasn't an open

12:14

casket. Such

12:17

a casket! It

12:21

was that my cousin made a reference. Did they have

12:23

to expand the coffin in the coffin? No.

12:32

It was that my

12:34

cousin made a reference to it and we all get our large carbs from Grandma. So

12:40

I discovered that it was from Grandma. Huge! That's

12:44

lovely. So,

12:46

yeah. Back at Wayne E.

12:48

Elm. We haven't seen any of that yet. It's

12:52

a bit of a surprise. It's

12:54

a bit of a surprise. Back

12:57

at Wayne E. Elm. We haven't done the top

12:59

of my outfit. Oh yes, the top of your outfit. It's

13:02

a Piazza Resistance. It's

13:04

a navy, cotton wool, double-breasted,

13:06

cardigan waistcoat. It is. It's

13:09

lovely. And a white shirt. A

13:12

white shirt with button-down collars. And

13:15

just a smidge of makeup

13:17

on the collar. You'll be pleased to know because I'm speaking

13:19

at an event this evening. I've got a fresh shirt over

13:21

there. Thank goodness for

13:23

that. And I'm getting in with

13:26

the comments before you start on my glasses because

13:28

I know we're going to get to that. We'll

13:30

get to that. And I've got plenty of ammunition

13:32

still left up my skis. Back

13:34

at Wayne E. Elm. Just the final

13:36

thing about Onslow. New t-shirt.

13:40

Do you notice he's in a different outfit? He's

13:42

in that green t-shirt. First time we've seen that. I had

13:44

not noticed that. Yeah, he's normally in the vest. He's in

13:46

a t-shirt this time. Is he? I shall have

13:48

to go back and watch. So

13:50

back at Wayne E. Elm. It's night time. And

13:53

Hyacinth is bringing a large box in

13:55

from her back door. Very, very... I

14:07

like to go

14:15

to school

14:17

boys. Very

14:19

come silly. She

14:23

is Richard wants to know what's going on. And

14:25

she says she's emptying the petal bin. Yes that's

14:27

right. What are you liking a bin? Do you

14:29

like a petal bin? What a

14:32

fudge. I

14:36

thought a

14:38

bin chat would be good. What do

14:40

you mean? Do you like

14:43

a flip lid? You

14:46

are literally, you're going there are

14:49

you? Yes. Do you like a

14:51

pull out recycling? Different compartments or a

14:53

separate bin for each? Are

14:55

we talking in the kitchen? Yes. So

14:57

kitchen I have a luxury

15:00

drawer bin. You

15:02

pull out the drawer and I have

15:04

two bins. I don't use

15:06

the second one. I use it as a storage facility.

15:09

But the first one is there

15:11

and I have a Spanish bag.

15:14

Lavender. Lavender scented. In fact I

15:16

think at the moment I'm using the roll you gave

15:18

me. Oh nice. Carpool.

15:20

Yes. So

15:22

I have that and that's what I

15:25

put everything in. But where does all your

15:27

recycling go? That goes in my recycling bin. Where's that?

15:29

Outside. Oh okay. Outside

15:32

my back door. I'm

15:43

sorry to the person on my phone. We

15:46

can have a fall about every

15:48

time we mention bag doors. So

15:54

immature. She's

15:58

outside my back door. Oh

16:00

dear. My

16:03

sense goes to hide

16:06

the... I'm so

16:08

sorry. Sheridan.

16:15

We see

16:18

Sheridan's bedroom.

16:22

Talking about... Sheridan.

16:26

We see Sheridan's bedroom. Talking

16:29

about... Oh,

16:38

come on, we didn't see anything. I'm just

16:40

catching the bag of monkeys to make sure

16:42

we haven't received any more leaf

16:44

ones about deep summer glazing. So

16:47

we see Sheridan's bedroom. We do.

16:50

Well, I assume it's Sheridan's bedroom, because it

16:52

looks childlike, and I think that fits the

16:54

narrative that I think that's keeping Sheridan mentally

16:57

as a child, not wanting

16:59

him to grow up. And she hides

17:01

the skis under the bed. She does.

17:03

And it's the same room, we talked about this

17:06

a couple of episodes ago, it's the same room

17:08

that Ian Lavender, the alarm salesman, goes

17:10

in, but we don't see it at that point, we just see him

17:12

go in. But geographically that

17:14

is that room. Yes, and

17:16

of course we've learnt that it is Richard's birthday

17:19

the following day, which is very crucial. But he's

17:21

not excited, because he normally gets slippers. That's

17:23

true. And he's like, well, why get

17:26

excited about slippers? The phone rings,

17:28

and it's Rose, calling to ask if

17:31

there is life after death. And

17:34

Hyacinth then, when she goes back to Richard, says that

17:36

they're going to be an entity for eternity. Richard

17:39

looks slightly forlorn at that. Quite. Onslow

17:42

and Daisy are also in bed, and

17:44

they are discussing afterlife. Yes, and will they

17:46

be slimmer? Yes.

17:48

They suspect they probably will. Well, Onslow does,

17:51

because they'll probably have fewer chips there. I

17:54

hope in the afterlife they'll have more chips.

17:56

Yes. I love a

17:59

chip. Do you like a chip? What's your

18:01

favourite chip? I like it thick cut.

18:08

How about you? Anyway

18:11

they come. That

18:27

is daytime now. It's the morning

18:29

of Richard's birthday. You

18:45

brought the bicep stage and you can see it.

18:58

Would you be able to wrap skis? I

19:00

would find it hard to wrap skis, as indeed

19:02

I found it very hard to wrap a wok.

19:09

Did a wok not come in a box? I

19:11

said no. I bought my father. He's

19:14

got a new luxury induction hob. And

19:17

he needed a new luxury

19:19

induction wok for his induction

19:21

hob. So I bought him a new

19:23

wok and it didn't come in a box. So

19:25

I had to wrap it. Have you ever tried

19:27

wrapping a wok? No. It's quite hard. What was

19:30

wrong with it? Well

19:32

it just looked

19:34

a bit childlike by the time I wrapped it

19:36

up. It didn't look executive. And you probably knew

19:38

what it was before he unwrapped it. It

19:41

was fairly obvious what it was. It

19:43

wasn't my finest wrapping work at midnight.

19:48

Well that's good to know. The

19:50

person is more excited I think than Richard.

19:52

Very excited for Richard to throw it. She

19:54

is. She's thrilled at the idea. We cut

19:56

to Liz and Emmett who are discussing going

19:58

to wish Richard a happy birthday. Which I

20:00

think is rather nice isn't it for your neighbours to

20:02

come over and sort of say something

20:04

I don't think my neighbours have ever knocked on my

20:06

front door to say happy birthday So I think it's

20:09

rather nice Have you ever had a neighbour

20:11

knock on your back door? There

20:18

is a reference to In

20:21

Emmett's, Hyacinth being the creature from

20:23

the black lagoon, which I

20:25

looked it up was a 1954 American horror film About

20:29

the Gill man, and actually when you Google

20:31

creature from the black lagoon It

20:34

doesn't look very scary by today's standards. It

20:36

looks like a man in a Gill sort of monster

20:38

suit Richard opens the box

20:40

to discover that Hyacinth has bought

20:43

him skis Yeah, and

20:45

he's a bit confused. Well as you would be

20:47

yes I mean why on earth

20:49

would he want skis it becomes apparent that the

20:51

reason that Hyacinth has bought him the skis is

20:54

because she Thinks they'll look very good on the

20:56

car a bit like the Carradines

20:58

Yes And we and I quite like

21:00

that because there was no mention of the skis

21:02

on The Carradine's car and

21:04

it's just a subtle little detail that obviously we

21:06

pick up on because we've watched this episode a

21:08

million times But if you are

21:10

coming to this fresh you wouldn't have seen But

21:14

it's a nice it's a good bit of writing I think

21:17

yes They decide that

21:19

actually it's necessary to go to Violet and

21:21

Bruce's to borrow their rack for the skis

21:23

You can't just stick the skis on the

21:25

roof. No, you can't. No, they're gonna fall

21:27

off All right, and it

21:29

is one of my favorite moments in this is

21:32

when a hyacinth keeps walking into the skis From

21:35

the front and she gets what

21:37

I have diplomatically written down here as a front wedgie

21:43

Hankenstein created a monster and

21:46

it's things The

21:49

phone goes it's Rose who

21:51

wants the vicars number Hyacinth

21:53

says that she can bring the

21:56

vicar to her house as Richard can show

21:58

him his skis and

22:00

Rose thinks that the vicarage might be unfriendly.

22:05

Um, the heist and the dust town,

22:07

actually I sort of... paused it

22:09

and thought about it, that, oh you don't

22:11

imagine everyone who has skis on their car

22:13

actually skis. And I did think, I

22:16

think there is some truth in that. Because

22:19

skiing is sort of seen as this sort

22:21

of social marker, maybe less so now. But

22:24

sort of the girls that were sent to finishing school,

22:26

the ones that went to Switzerland and Europe, you know,

22:28

you did skiing as part of it. And it was

22:31

this sort of terribly sophisticated thing. It

22:33

was sport without being too sort of

22:36

sweaty. You just sort of slalomed down a

22:38

hill a little bit. And

22:40

I suspect, I bet you there are people out there who

22:42

have bought skis to go on the car to

22:44

look like they go skiing. Have you ever been skiing?

22:48

Once successfully, I was six. And

22:52

then when we went back when I was eight, I

22:54

said to my parents, if I'm... Never

22:56

again. I said, if I'm skiing, this is before we

22:58

got there, I don't want to go to ski school

23:00

because I don't want to ski with the other children.

23:04

So they said you can come and learn

23:06

with their instructor. James,

23:08

my brother, went off to ski school. And

23:11

on day one, I was waiting with my father and

23:13

the ski instructor outside the shop for

23:15

my mother to finish taking James to ski

23:17

school. And as we were waiting for

23:19

my mother to come back, I fainted from the altitude.

23:23

And I fainted onto the concrete and

23:26

dislodged half my teeth. Oh, William. And

23:29

I had to be airlifted to hospital in

23:31

Innsbruck. Of course you do. You are such

23:33

a dramatic person. Yes. And I

23:35

had to do two nights in Innsbruck hospital whilst my parents got

23:37

in the car and drove from

23:39

Obergurgl, which is where we were skiing, through

23:42

Undergurgl, all the way to Innsbruck. And

23:45

I was literally in a private ward. Well, it wasn't private. It

23:47

was actually a public ward, but it wasn't very busy. So it

23:50

was sort of on my own. And I was in the car

23:52

for two days. And my parents could visit for a couple of

23:54

hours. And they just gave me a

23:56

little water syringe to play with and a bucket

23:58

list of the nurses. Have you got dentures? No,

24:01

because a lot of them were baby teeth.

24:06

So it's all my own teeth. Oh,

24:10

OK. But I

24:12

say I might have been younger. But

24:15

it was, and after that, then the third time

24:18

we went skiing, I'd been to my

24:20

friend Ashley's party the day before and got

24:22

the stomach bug that was going around. So by the time

24:24

we arrived in Courcheval, I

24:26

was violently ill and spent the whole day

24:28

in bed. And then the fourth time I

24:30

decided I'm not going to ski. I don't

24:32

need to have that hideous experience to know

24:34

that I would hate skiing. Yes, it's awful.

24:36

I will never, ever go skiing. I couldn't

24:38

think of anything worse. No. And

24:41

I definitely would not want skis attached to

24:43

my car. No, what a waste. Absolute waste.

24:46

We cut to the scene where Richard is

24:49

now trying to get the skis into the

24:51

car. And there's a really nice line,

24:53

a very dry line, where they're making

24:55

some reference to going to

24:57

see Violet and Bruce. And then it says,

24:59

I didn't know they lived that far north.

25:01

I think it's a funny, dry line. Hyacinth

25:05

appears from the front door. In what

25:07

outfit? Ooh.

25:11

We've seen it before. It's

25:13

the very colourful one, isn't it? Multi-coloured.

25:15

It's the one that my grandmother used

25:17

to own. And where did we see

25:19

her wear that? On the

25:21

queue, E2. Exactly. Yes,

25:24

it's her tea outfit that she's in for a

25:26

little bit. She announces they're off to my sister

25:28

Violet's. She's the

25:30

one with the Mercedes, the sauna, and room

25:32

for a pony. Because

25:34

at that moment, one of the skis goes

25:36

out her bottom. Yes, indeed. And we get

25:39

that nice high note. Yes. It is lovely.

25:41

It is good. Over to Onslow's. Rose wants

25:43

to know what she wears for a vicar,

25:45

whilst Daisy and Onslow play cards. And Rose

25:48

misses companionship. And there are, again, some really

25:50

good underrated Onslow lines here. No wonder your

25:52

bed is lonely. You're always in someone else's.

25:55

I think that's a nice. It's a

25:57

fun line. OK. I know she's you often

25:59

pick a line. on their dialogue from Onslow. Yeah.

26:01

I often find the Onslow scenes pass me

26:03

by a bit. I'm waiting to get back

26:06

to Heinesynth. It's because I've done a podcast

26:08

for six and a half years of Jordan

26:10

North. Oh, ow. No, no,

26:12

no, I don't mean that, isn't it? No, he's

26:14

funny. But he's more

26:17

like Onslow. Are you suggesting

26:19

Jordan is like Onslow? Have

26:21

you told him that? Yes. And

26:23

how does he feel about that? Oh,

26:28

nice. That's

26:30

what he says. Richard, please be more

26:32

careful. I think that's the highest note

26:34

you've reached in quite a while. Richard

26:39

and Heinesynth set off. Yes. With

26:42

the skis that are sticking out of the window

26:44

of the Rover 216. Yes.

26:46

And Richard is supposedly making difficulties. And I

26:48

also love, there's earlier on in the sitting

26:50

room when they're talking about, oh, not everyone

26:52

that has skis on their car skis. If

26:55

everyone, I think the line is not everyone who has a

26:57

feather in their hat as a partridge cut

26:59

to her hat, which has a feather

27:01

in it. Now, I don't know whether that was on

27:03

purpose or as a callback to that line, but I

27:05

sort of like that little detail. On

27:08

the way, they see the two

27:10

Miss Pillsworths. Yes. Two

27:12

old sisters. Hinge

27:14

and Bracket-esque, I think. They are a little

27:16

bit, but sort of maybe less, um, how

27:20

would you describe Hinge and Bracket? In fact, people may

27:22

not know who Hinge and Bracket

27:24

were. Well, they were men. Men

27:29

who dressed as ladies for light entertainment

27:32

on the BBC. Miss Pillsworths are

27:34

not men. No, no. Um, they

27:36

are Lois Pencil and Claire Kelly.

27:40

Oh, I knew you would have looked at that.

27:42

Yes. Hinge and Bracket, they were sort of,

27:45

it was drag. Well, it wasn't really drag,

27:47

not by today's standards, but it was, it

27:49

was men dressing as women. So, you know,

27:51

um, I have a, you know, my friend

27:53

Ernie, who sadly died. So he

27:56

used to run a club and

27:58

they used to book Hinge and in

28:00

their early days to perform. Yeah. And

28:03

it was sort of gentle. They were very talented

28:05

musicians. Look them up on YouTube.

28:07

There's not a lot on YouTube, but there's bits.

28:10

And I think they're really, really good.

28:12

And sort of Dr. Hilda Brackett is,

28:15

sorry, Dame Hilda Brackett is sort of

28:17

slightly more extrovert and

28:19

Evadne Hinge. Dame Evadne Hinge. Doctor

28:21

Evadne Hinge. Doctor Evadne Hinge, Dame

28:23

Hilda Brackett, that's it. Is slightly

28:26

more restrained. Portly.

28:29

Yes. Maybe.

28:32

But they're great. There's a nice line

28:34

because Hyacinth says, when she sees

28:36

the two Miss Pilsworths, that she'd

28:38

invited them to one of her

28:40

candlelight suppers. But

28:42

they couldn't come because the older of the

28:44

two is allergic to naked

28:46

flame. And she says, I promised

28:48

you'd extinguish her straight away. And I think that

28:50

line is a bit lost. It gets no reaction

28:53

from the audience. No, no. And

28:55

it's a really funny line. It is a

28:57

funny line. This old woman on fire. Yes.

28:59

Which is a bit Miss Havisham. With Richard

29:01

dousing her with water. Hopefully not

29:03

petrol. Why

29:05

would they have petrol as candlelight

29:07

suppers? Well, I don't know, Miss

29:09

Tom. You can't see what you're doing. Well,

29:12

it's like this actually talking of fire. Again,

29:14

we've talked about him before. Our luxury producer,

29:17

who used to be my luxury flatmate, we

29:19

had a fire. And the one

29:21

thing in Manchester at the flat, and the one thing he

29:23

handed me, because he couldn't see, was actually exactly this, while

29:25

I was at the drive. Why could he not see? Because

29:27

all the power had gone out. We turned off all the

29:29

light. And so I said,

29:31

go and get, like, I think someone practical said,

29:34

go and get, like, powder to

29:36

throw on. It's an electrical fire. So he

29:38

went into the kitchen and found the flour. But

29:41

he handed me the self-raising flour, because

29:43

he couldn't see all my identical, you

29:46

know, labeled containers. And

29:49

self-raising flour has bicarbonate of soda in

29:51

it. Which turns out is

29:53

not what you throw on naked flame.

29:55

What happened to it? No.

29:58

And we ended up with a lovely rustic. loaf. But

30:03

the fire continued. Hyacinth

30:08

bullies the old girls into

30:10

the car and they

30:12

nearly face a little bit of decapitation

30:14

from the skis as they try to

30:17

get in. Yes and also

30:19

I wondered one of the Miss Pillsworths, the

30:21

sort of the slightly more the slightly daffier

30:24

one talks to Richard assuming he's the chauffeur

30:26

is what I thought and forgetting the actual

30:28

arrangement. She says doesn't she how long have

30:30

you driven for this woman? Yes and

30:33

I yeah I wondered I thought maybe that's because

30:35

she thinks he is the chauffeur. I think she

30:37

probably does. They end up in the front of

30:39

the car because there's no way the two

30:41

of them can get in the back of the car with the skis

30:44

and one of them is clearly sitting

30:47

on the gear stick. Yes. I

30:49

mean it looks to be firmly up

30:51

her bottom. It does yes and Hyacinth

30:53

is lodged in the back. She is.

30:55

And she's talking about oh you must

30:57

come over and try my gentleman's relish.

30:59

Yes. Have you ever tried gentleman's

31:02

relish? Not

31:09

frequently. No it's got fish in

31:11

it. We won't like it. Has

31:13

it really? Yeah. I don't think

31:15

anything like

31:17

it. I bet

31:19

it is. Probably someone very important.

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365 day returns. And

33:22

then you get a couple of hours of

33:24

drive at the village and the church. And

33:26

the vicar is singing like a rhinestone cowboy.

33:28

Don't know what a rhinestone cowboy is. He's

33:33

also digging. Yes. With his hoe.

33:35

And they're talking about, has

33:37

he got a hoe or has he? No, I think he's got a spade.

33:41

I was going with it to bring back the hoe analogy

33:43

for me. Oh, OK. You

33:45

need to be factually correct. Well,

33:48

I need to really put my glasses on to see that. Talking

33:51

of glasses. Oh,

33:54

here we go. Jonathan, as you

33:56

have said previously in this earlier in the series,

33:58

you are getting a bit of a getting to

34:00

that age. I'm going blind.

34:03

31, where you need glasses. And

34:07

which high-end store did you buy

34:09

these glasses from? I went to

34:11

very exclusive opticians. OK. And

34:15

describe them for us. But you haven't got

34:17

them today. No, because I, well, I forgot them,

34:19

because I was reading a small print. I

34:21

mean, I should explain. I've decided I hate them.

34:24

OK. Why? You hate the

34:26

design or hate wearing glasses? No, I hate

34:29

wearing them. OK. So I can't wear them

34:31

for several reasons. Because firstly, they

34:33

are only for close-up work. OK.

34:37

And what's wrong with your vision? I

34:39

just can't read small print. OK. It

34:42

all goes blurred. But you can see over

34:44

into the distance. Long distance is absolutely fine.

34:46

It's only very small print up close I

34:48

can't read. So these new

34:50

glasses, they work perfectly for reading small

34:52

print. Yeah. But anything further away. So

34:54

for example, where you're sitting here, about

34:56

a meter away from me now, you

34:59

would be all blurred. No. So

35:01

I have to either put them

35:03

on the end of my nose, like Victor Meldrew,

35:05

or like Dr. Avadni Hinge, like Dr.

35:07

Avadni Hinge. Or I have to keep taking them

35:10

on and off. But

35:12

with headphones on that I wear for

35:14

work, I can't put them on

35:16

easily and take them off. No. So

35:19

they just irritate me. And I find if I

35:21

leave them on and I try and cope with

35:23

the fact that I'm looking at you, I

35:25

just feel sick. How about

35:27

some Pintsnays you could get? What are they? The

35:29

ones that balance on the end of your nose

35:32

and they don't have the arms. Well,

35:34

maybe I could go for those. Or

35:36

laser eye surgery. Laser eye surgery.

35:40

Can they do just the bottom half of your eye then? Possibly.

35:43

But I've got, as we go back to

35:45

the Switzerland thing, I've got a USB clicker

35:47

with a laser in it. So

35:49

if you want me to come around. What,

35:51

laser my eyes? And do it for you.

35:53

No, thank you. No? Very much. No. But

35:56

when I sent you a photo of me.

35:58

Yeah. In these glasses, you will. They're less

36:00

than positive. No, you

36:03

looked very handsome.

36:06

You look very special. Ha ha

36:08

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

36:10

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The

36:12

vicar's wife emerges with some tea. Yes. And they

36:14

have a bit of tea chat. Yes. And

36:17

it's been a whole week without the bucket.

36:19

Mmm. The bucket woman. The tea chat I

36:21

find interesting because they're complaining about the tea

36:24

bags that the ladies from

36:26

the church have bought them. Yeah.

36:28

I've also had a bit of tea problems

36:31

recently. Oh really? Yes, I

36:33

have. What's happened to your tea? So you

36:35

know that I love a PG tips. Call

36:38

me old-fashioned, but I do. I know

36:40

you probably drink Fortnum and Mason's.

36:43

I don't drink a lot of tea. No, you don't.

36:45

No. But if you did, it would be Fortnum's. Yes.

36:48

Countess Gray. Of course. And

36:51

I don't know what's happened to PG tips. They changed

36:53

the bags. And I don't like

36:55

the new tea. So

36:58

I tried all the different brands of

37:00

tea to see which one was more

37:02

suitable to my palette. I've gone back

37:04

to PG tips, but this time, PG

37:07

tips gold. Oh. Which

37:09

I think is the executive PG tips.

37:11

Yes. From the extra tippy part of

37:13

the tips. You

37:16

should try them. They're delicious. OK. Every

37:19

cup of tea is bright orange in colour.

37:22

That sounds disgusting. No, it's lovely. It's

37:25

exactly the colour you want from a cup of tea. Bright

37:28

golden orange like the sun. Have

37:30

you ever done a sort of the cliche about

37:33

local radio is that everyone talks about biscuits or

37:35

tea. You ever done a phone in on tea? Probably.

37:41

And biscuits. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I

37:43

think I've heard that. Yeah. Yeah. Funny.

37:46

Custard creams. Is that your favourite? No.

37:48

What's your favourite biscuits? Do

37:52

you want a job? Yeah. But

37:56

they have problems because the lady's circle buys the

37:58

tea and obviously they're too polite. to

38:00

say no. I've written here, I'm

38:02

not going to ask you, have you ever been in a later circle?

38:12

But I feel this episode has

38:15

been difficult enough. I'm not. William.

38:29

They're in the car, Hyacinth and Richard are popping

38:31

into violets. I think it's very rude to give

38:33

people a lift when they don't want it and

38:35

then do your own thing first. I

38:38

mean, I think in the grand scheme of things. It's

38:42

very rude. It is. She

38:44

wants to take the violin assist to violets. So

38:47

she can show violets house off

38:49

really. That's what it's all

38:51

about. And then there's a lovely accolade. Violet

38:53

wants her tea with the postmaster general. She

38:55

still has the plastic spoon. That's

38:59

really dull. I like

39:01

the fact that as Richard goes to

39:03

change gear, because the gear sticks up

39:05

one of the ladies' bottoms... It's

39:14

him! Oh,

39:18

I didn't know... Yes, she

39:20

goes to change gear and she wallops him. Because

39:23

obviously he's grabbed her bottom. Have

39:25

you ever been hit by an old lady? No,

39:30

I don't think I have. I don't

39:32

think I've gone near her. I have?

39:34

Have you? Yes. Who

39:37

hit you? When I used to work at

39:39

Radio Northampton, I did a phoning program on old drivers.

39:43

Should they be taken off the road? That kind of thing.

39:45

You shouldn't hit you in the car. No,

39:47

as I came out of the studio

39:49

after the program, I came out of the studio door.

39:52

You know, what a bit of a high. We'd

39:54

had a good show. I was quite happy. And

39:56

as I came out, there was this old lady

39:58

who had a... a handbag

40:01

over her shoulder and

40:03

she was standing there in reception with a

40:05

face like thunder and as I

40:07

came out of the door she turned to the receptionist

40:09

because she had to come through reception to get out

40:12

the building she turned to the receptionist she said

40:14

is this him and the

40:17

receptionist said yeah that's him

40:20

with that she got this handbag

40:22

off her shoulder and she literally smacked

40:24

me full on in the face with it she'd

40:28

come to the reception of the

40:30

radio station to smash me in the face

40:32

with her beige handbag why

40:34

because she took offense that you found it

40:36

so furious that she thought i was telling

40:39

the listeners that people like her shouldn't be

40:41

driving and were you yes yes

40:51

wow yeah did it scar

40:54

you no it really hurt

40:56

was it leather well

40:58

it was a soft leather it was a bit like

41:00

cam huyson's uh pique de l'incaise okay but i don't

41:02

know what she had in it rick

41:06

dumbbell but it really

41:08

hurt as she whacked it into my face you

41:10

poor thing yeah well

41:15

he was just looking to see my

41:17

face is wonky yeah richard seldom goes

41:19

far without his skis he

41:21

likes to be ready for the first flakes i'm

41:25

just a beginner we arrive at

41:27

violets which locate i think

41:29

we sort of have seen this house before

41:31

um it's newbald

41:34

terrace easton lemington spa

41:37

maybe if we ever do i'm probably not but

41:39

if we did another location for potter

41:42

we could go to newbald terrace east we

41:44

could indeed um unfortunately things

41:46

get off to a bad start

41:49

because as they arrive violet

41:51

and bruce are clearly in the middle of a row

41:54

violets on the balcony bruce is

41:56

downstairs violet then tips a jug

41:58

of water all over bruce Bruce's

42:00

head. Yeah. And it's the same Bruce now

42:02

for the rest of the series. We've had

42:04

different Bruces when we've seen just

42:06

fleeting glances of him in the

42:08

past, but now it's John Evets. Is it? Yes.

42:12

Right. In case you wanted to know. He remains Bruce, doesn't

42:15

he? He does. In three episodes. Yes.

42:18

She says to Richard, REVERSE! She

42:21

needs to get out of there quickly. She realises this is

42:23

not a good look. Yes. And she

42:25

wants Richard to show the Miss Pillsworth the

42:27

beauties of the area and the gay colours

42:29

of the more upmarket security systems. Lovely. Which

42:32

is lovely. It's a bit hilarious. So,

42:34

so funny. wants

44:00

to talk to a vicar, and Hyacinth says, I

44:03

can arrange that, and then gives her a

44:05

lovely sisterly hug. Although then suggests

44:07

that maybe their marriage would be better if she

44:09

dressed them all like a jockey, which is maybe

44:11

the least practical piece of advice she ever gives.

44:13

As they pull out of the drive, Richard's

44:16

skis fly off the car. Because

44:18

Hyacinth says, very dramatically, god, stop,

44:20

because they realize they have gone

44:23

off without balance. They've forgotten her.

44:25

She then appears dressed as a jockey.

44:27

Well, with the hat on, with a

44:29

whip. Yeah. Meanwhile,

44:35

Daisy and Rose are trying to fix

44:37

the Cortina that is now broken down.

44:40

And Onslow is in the car smoking and reading

44:43

his paper. Yeah, and they're sort of doing it.

44:45

It's quite up the women sort of thing.

44:47

But Rose suggests that the starter motor is

44:50

gone. Let's see. Joke's

44:52

about Daisy and Onslow as well. Richard

44:55

and Hyacinth are now at the

44:57

church with Violet. They've arrived with Violet because they're

44:59

taking her to see the vicar. Yes, and in

45:01

the vicar's kitchen, the vicar is

45:04

putting up architrave, which, as we

45:06

have previously discussed, is common. It

45:10

is, I'm afraid. That's what you have told me.

45:12

And I have now looked at my caving. I'm

45:14

so sorry. Mentally ripping it out. It is common.

45:17

I don't know if it is. I

45:20

have it. I have it. Well, it's definitely

45:22

common. But it's common. I'm afraid it is

45:25

common. And if you've noticed,

45:27

when he then at one point gets quite

45:29

annoyed, he snaps the caving, showing that it

45:31

is, in fact, just polystyrene. Ah,

45:34

OK. So hang on. My

45:36

caving's polystyrene. Probably. No, I think it's wood.

45:39

Wood? Yes. I very much doubt it. I'm

45:41

going to go and knock my caving when

45:43

I get home, and it's going to sound

45:45

hollow. Jack has painted it. Well, I'll find

45:47

it inconspicuous bit and tap it with a

45:49

clean knuckle. No. I guarantee

45:51

you it will be a kind

45:54

of a cheap cardboardy

45:57

material. I'm going to send you a video later

45:59

of me. me knocking

46:01

my coat. I

46:09

quite like the moment as they pull into

46:11

the vicarage have you noticed Hyacinth and Violet

46:13

are wrestling in the back of the car?

46:16

No I didn't. Have you not noticed? They're

46:18

fighting over I

46:20

think the whip. They're

46:22

kind of wrestling in the back. It's quite funny.

46:25

And quite why Hyacinth is in the back with

46:27

her I don't know. No. They're

46:29

all girls on there are they? No they've gone now. She's

46:32

been quite violent, she's been quite needy and indecisive. She

46:34

now doesn't want to look like a jockey. And

46:37

she has second thoughts about seeing the vicar so

46:39

she does a runner. Doesn't she

46:42

outside his house? Yes. Run

46:44

past him. Hyacinth chases her. Now

46:46

this is, you know I mentioned earlier that

46:49

the end of this is a bit weak.

46:51

But this is quite funny this bit. Because

46:54

I find Hyacinth running funny.

46:58

Yeah it's funny. It's just funny isn't she?

47:00

The way she runs with her dress on

47:02

and her shoes it's just funny. It

47:05

is nice. I can watch her

47:07

run all day. She's so funny. Rose

47:09

and Daisy they kind of arrive

47:11

in the car. Pushing

47:14

it. Yes. Pushing the car and

47:17

Violet runs past followed

47:20

by Hyacinth. Yes. And

47:23

I mean it's just really really amusing. And

47:26

Richard pulls up, Hyacinth gets in the car

47:28

and the end is Richard follow that sister.

47:31

And they've sort of encountered them as Pillsworths

47:33

who are walking the other way and get

47:35

very confused. Yeah the dialogue to end it

47:37

is not as good as it could be.

47:39

It's weak. If it wasn't for the running

47:42

it would be a very weak end. True.

47:45

But the running saves it. Yes and we don't

47:47

like a weak end. We don't. Watch

47:50

it back. Find it and just watch

47:52

Hyacinth as she runs down that pavement. Now

47:55

If you want to keep up with the

47:57

bouquets, you can listen to William and me

47:59

chatting. Every episode of Series

48:01

One, two, three, and four. You.

48:04

Should know by now that the fifth

48:06

and final series we have a second

48:08

weekly serving. Have the Luxury podcast with

48:10

genuine bonus embellishments. Guess we'll be back

48:12

tomorrow with an even more is your

48:15

his fifth episode. Relief.

48:17

Continuing Athena this episode will

48:20

be looking at and not.

48:23

Involving. Mr. Blobby. And. Somehow.

48:28

The by go by. Rub

48:40

up here thrills! A summary: Cedar Point

48:43

on the all knew how thrilled to

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privatise guy on the world's have a

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sin. Fast smoking laws forbid all speed

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was and now for a limited time,

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get more Cedar Point Fun for less

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with our limited time bundle for just

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forty nine maybe nine get admission, parking

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and all they drinks or one low

49:01

price. but you better hurry because this

49:03

bundle won't last long. See them! As

49:06

feeder food that. He

49:12

has. shown.

49:16

Are we? Winning

49:20

is an everyday mindset and

49:22

we're here. I'm

49:25

Frank Robinson. Join me in coach

49:27

John Calipari for ways to when

49:29

we're kicking off during March Madness

49:31

sales Kentucky Wildcats or in the

49:34

has so throughout the tournament. I'm

49:36

gonna call up my friend to

49:38

ask about his wins, losses and

49:40

especially when he sell it is

49:42

players in the locker room gotta

49:45

win every day, find ways to

49:47

then podcast anywhere you listen. A

49:51

cast helps creators launch grow

49:53

am honest.