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Welcome to today's episodes. And

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we are going to dive into

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the fear of failure and the fear

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of embracing mistakes.

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Now let's start by saying

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that the fear of failing,

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the fear of making mistakes, their learned

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behaviors. As humans,

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we are only born with the fear

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of falling down and the fear of

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loud noises. Every other

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fear that we've experienced come from something

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that you have learned typically

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in your childhood and this will define

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what you believe today and it will

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impact how you feel

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today. Now, when you look at

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society. There are consequences

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to making mistakes, especially at work,

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right? So consequences in terms of your work,

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in terms of your reputation,, so

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we're not going to pretend like

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society doesn't judge and punish.

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Making mistakes does bear

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consequences, right? But.

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I've worked with thousands of leaders

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and the fear of failure can really

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paralyze even the most ambitious people.

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It's a common misconception

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that mistakes are setbacks rather

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than an opportunity for growth. And I, and you

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know, I find that people find that difficult

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to believe because they don't know how

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to transform a mistake into an opportunity.

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But When you are

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scared of making decisions, when you're scared

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of being creative, when you're scared of taking risks,

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I mean, these are essential components

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for thriving personal life, for

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thriving career, and

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for thriving business, right? I remember

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this very, very, very, very distinctly.

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I used to have a physical reaction, when

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I realized that I made a mistake. And

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You may have learned from childhood that

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making a mistake is bad. I

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certainly did. when we made

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mistakes in my house, as a

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kid, we, we had consequences

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and very often it involved

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a belt So of course you

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will be scared to make

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mistakes when you're an adult. All this to say

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that I do understand that it

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is, something that is ingrained

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in your mindset and in your beliefs.

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but I'm here to tell you

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that embracing

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mistakes can radically change

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not only your personal growth in your personal

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life. but it also,

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will, affect your capacity to

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innovate and your capacity to grow inside

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of your organization. the truth

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is that when you work in a culture

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where people are afraid, they're afraid of

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sharing their opinion. They're afraid of speaking

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up,, they're, that really creates,

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a culture of stagnation.

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People miss out on opportunities

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and potentially on providing

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groundbreaking ideas that will make a difference

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inside the organization. And this is

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proven, right? Big organizations like

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McKinsey and Gallup, they've all done

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research around this topic. And

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they do say companies

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where people are afraid, they

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don't foster innovation. They

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don't grow. they, their profits

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are capped, right? So you

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can't necessarily change the culture

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of your organization yet, but

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you can change how you feel about

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making mistakes and how you

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treat your team when they make a

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mistake. So here are some things that

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I'm going to talk to you about that will help

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you identify. How

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you behave when a mistake happens

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and will potentially help you shift your mindset

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about failure. When you make

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a mistake, it will trigger

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a stress response in you and

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this will make you feel unsafe.

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Unless you have done some intentional

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work on your mind, if

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you've done mindset work, you're

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likely to go into one

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or more of these four

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typical stress responses.

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So your job here is to identify,

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and I'm going to share them with you in a minute, I

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want you to identify which one

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of these you go into, because

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the minute you identify what's going

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on, you have the power to change

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it. And the issue

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here is that when you're, when

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you don't identify them, what happens

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is that the emotion runs you instead

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of you running the emotion,

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instead of you, you,

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proactively leading,

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you're reacting to your emotion.

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Alright, so here are the four types

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of responses. they

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are fight, flight, freeze,

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and fawn. And I'm gonna give you examples

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for each of them. Again,

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what I want you to do is to listen and to

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see how do you behave? How do

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you react? Now, One other thing

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that is really important that I me mention at

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this point is that when you

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have a reaction,

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when you have an emotional reaction,

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what will happen is at work you'll

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be, you'll be fine. You, you're not gonna,

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you know, be rude to the people at work. But

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then what happens that you go home and

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you will lash out on your spouse,

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on your children, on your loved ones. Because

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that's how you'll empty up the stress

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response that is all over your body.

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And this is what creates,

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um, tension in your

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personal relationships that are linked to

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your responses at work. Okay?

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It's not your boss's fault, if

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you have something happens at

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work and then you go home and you shout at your spouse

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or your kids. Right. It's the way that

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you're processing

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the emotion of what happened at work

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that is affecting the way that you're

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behaving at home. Okay. Really, really

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important. And again, no

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shame here. It's happened to all of us. All right,

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let's go to the four responses. So fight

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is when you get confrontational,

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you just, the three things

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that are mainly confrontation, justification and

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denial. So you start fighting and you may

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become defensive and confrontational

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and you're arguing or blaming

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other people to defend your actions,

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without even looking at

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the situation or anything. Number two, justification

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is when you become aggressive and

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you're justifying the mistake and you're insisting

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that your approach was the best and the most most logical

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choice at the time, number three

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is denial. In some cases, you might completely

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outright deny that the mistake was made,

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even if it's in everyone's face.

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And even if it's in the face of

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evidence, Okay, the second

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response is flight, and flight

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is characterized by avoidance, withdrawal,

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or distraction. So, you may

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try to avoid,, discussing the mistake

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or the consequences of your

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actions, possibly even

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physically leaving the situation, leaving

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the room, because you're like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna talk

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about this, I'm not gonna discuss this, right?

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you're avoiding it, right? Or you might

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withdraw from conversations about

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the mistake or from responsibilities

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to avoid facing the issue.

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Or you may engage

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in,, unrelated activities

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or tasks to distract yourself and

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others from the fact that there was a mistake,

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these are stress responses.

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We behave in that way.

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Automatically in most of the time we

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don't realize this is what's going on, right?

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Okay, number three is freeze. Freeze

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is characterized

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by inaction, silence or overthinking.

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So you may become unable

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to make a decision or

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take action to correct the mistake.

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You can't make a decision. You can't, Take

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action. Like you just, you're stuck, right?

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You're stuck. Number two is silence.

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So you do, you go into silence

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when the mistake is brought up and,,

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you're unable to find a word or respond

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to the questions about what happened. Another

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thing that I've seen actually is kind of

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similar is when people,,

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they start ignoring others. For example, I work with

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a manager once and you know, he,

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he would, he would.

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When people in his team made mistakes, he would

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completely ignore them. Like, he

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would stop, literally stop, give them

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the silent treatment and it's like, what are you doing?

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You can't do that, right? You need to address the

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situation. But that was a stress response.

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People behave in this way. It's not because

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they're evil or they're horrible people.

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They're stress responses, they're automatic

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responses that, they're not even many

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times aware of what they're doing

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or the consequences of what they're doing. And sometimes

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they are aware. They do it on purpose, but they

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do it on purpose because it's a response.

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That's how they cope with their own

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emotional dysfunction. And so

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again, no judgment here, but

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being aware of what you're doing will get

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you a step closer to being able to

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deal with it in a different way. All right, overthinking,

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you maybe get stuck in the loop

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of overthinking the mistake

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and you think about it over and over and over again

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without moving towards a solution.

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You have no intention of bringing, of

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coming up with a solution, but you just stay in

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the loop of, feeling bad about

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it, thinking about it, again and again. Okay,

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the next and last one is fawn.

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So this one is very typical. With

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women and where the three kind

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of things that characterize it is pleasing,

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overcompensating and seeking reassurance.

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So you made a mistake and then

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now, you may immediately

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attempt to make amends by

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excessively apologizing or trying

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to please. Those

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who were affected by the mistake,?

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Or, or even overcompensating.

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You take on additional tasks

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and responsibilities beyond what is necessary

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to make up for the mistake that you made.

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and then seeking reassurance is all about constantly

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seeking approval, constantly seeking

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reassurance from others that the The mistake

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is forgiven or that the mistake is

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forgotten these are stress responses.

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We don't do it on purpose. Nobody wants

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to be insecure. Like nobody enjoys

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being insecure and doing these things. The

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thing for me here is that you

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need to understand that these responses

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they either run you or you run yourself

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and that's why self leadership for me is

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the most powerful tool

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that a manager can have because when you identify

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the things that are running you

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then you can you can make a powerful

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decision to take your power back

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so what I'd like you to do is to

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reflect and go, okay, take

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a few minutes and say, okay, I

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typically either I

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fight or I phone,

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right? I, I

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either overcompensate and seek reassurance,

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or I freeze

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and I. I stay in silence

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or I take no action I don't make any decisions

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and I kind of sit there and wait, right? What

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is your MO? Because again,

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when you know your MO, the minute

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you identify what's going on, you

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have the power to change it. But the

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issue is when the emotion is running you,

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you're reacting and you're not leading

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yourself. Cool.

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I hope you find this helpful. Let

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me know. and I would

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so, so, so, so appreciate to hear

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back and I'd like to see what, if this is resonating

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with you. So lovely to have

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you here again and I'll speak

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to you soon. Bye for now.