0:01

Fill her up! The

0:30

Regan Snake in Nashville Village leads you

0:32

to Skanks! Whoo!

0:36

Whoo! That's

0:38

hard! Alright!

0:42

Yeah! I

0:45

forgot how great Paco is at being here a

0:47

lot. Paco gets him turnt up everybody. What's up?

0:49

It's the Legion Skanks Pocket! Coming

0:53

to you from the Stan Comedy Club everybody. The

0:55

Skanks are all here. I'm Big J Okersson. That

0:57

over to my right of course is Davey Smith.

1:00

What's up everybody? How are we?

1:04

How's your new year going? Fantastic!

1:07

I'll speak for them. We have

1:09

of course the reigning defending Elismania

1:11

champion, the human liability, the Puerto

1:13

Rican rattlesnake, Luis J Gomez! Hell

1:17

yeah dude! Point guard of podcasting

1:19

in the motherfucking house, freshly shaved

1:21

dick. Whoo! You

1:24

shaved the top? I shaved it all like literally

1:26

everything bald. No way. Like a porn star. No

1:28

way. That doesn't look good. My

1:31

dick looks sickly. Dude, between that

1:33

noise and your bald dick, you are

1:35

one sex machine right now. At some point tonight, show me your

1:38

dick in the bathroom. I'll show you my dick in the bathroom

1:40

dude. It feels good dude.

1:42

My dick feels extra slidey from the balls

1:44

to the top. I want to touch your

1:46

above dick. Touch it dude. See if the

1:49

hairs are so soft. I have a new

1:52

challenge for Skankfest for you this year but let's introduce our

1:54

guest first. Because you know them and you love them everybody.

1:57

From the RU Garbage Podcast. makes

2:00

noise for the hilarious it's Kippy

2:02

Kevin Ryan and

2:04

Dave Foley in

2:06

the house. Thank you. Great

2:09

to be here. This

2:11

is Smoke and Stogies on a podcast and

2:13

a comedy club. What is this? They call

2:15

them heaters. They're heaters in our world. You've

2:17

got gum on the table. I know. I

2:19

don't know what's in there but it's like

2:21

the end of Goodfellas. What

2:24

am I going to do with these? What's

2:26

the senator that killed himself? Budwire.

2:30

Yeah dude, just fucking pull this out. Now

2:32

everybody stay calm. Don't get hurt. This

2:34

is crazy. You guys haven't been on

2:37

the podcast since you weren't doing us the

2:39

favor. Hey dude. You guys are blowing up.

2:43

It's good to be here man. Yeah, happy to be

2:45

here. Thank you. Great to have you boys. Very excited.

2:47

Yeah dude, I did shave the top of my dick.

2:49

Is that garbage? Who knows? That's pretty

2:51

classy I think. Also, do

2:54

you bleed in cremate? How did you get a bare

2:56

bone? Well no, here's the thing. I used... What did

2:58

the barber say? It's the last time I'm doing this.

3:01

Hey, I'm just here for a tighten up.

3:04

No, I use my... I don't even want to...

3:06

I don't even sponsor the show anymore. So I

3:08

use a product to turn up my dick. Sure.

3:10

That's what happens when you drop us. It

3:14

does scaping for man. They

3:17

still send me a new one even though they don't sponsor

3:19

the show anymore. I get a new thing

3:22

in the mail. I did

3:25

once when I was younger and got my above

3:27

dick hair and it's never again. What happened? I

3:29

usually use a number two... Sure. Clipper.

3:32

What do they call it? Clipper. Number

3:35

two clipper. Guard. I

3:38

used a number two guard and this time I

3:40

couldn't find a guard. I was like, I wonder what it

3:42

looks like? And then I went, and then once you do

3:44

one little thing, that's it. That's gonna itch. No,

3:47

it feels nice. When it comes back in. It's gonna itch.

3:50

It's days ago. Oh wow. It

3:52

looks like an old detective. So you still bald? I got

3:54

a little five o'clock shadow. I don't think George Clooney's face

3:56

right now. Just dropped out. There you go. I used to

3:58

blade and cream as a kid. Really? That

4:00

came off weird. The top? Everything.

4:03

Really? Yeah, I didn't know

4:05

what I was doing. No

4:07

above the weird. Unless

4:10

you're muscular and black, it works. Well, I'm neither

4:12

one of those guys. I couldn't get into all

4:15

the crevices and all that stuff. I'd have like

4:17

long ones sticking out. An old

4:19

man that changed right before Thanksgiving. Your

4:22

dick has chin hair. Yeah, no good. Yeah,

4:24

it is what it is at this point.

4:27

Yeah. My balls only. Just

4:29

your balls. You keep the whole above dick hair.

4:32

Fully woolly bush. It's not that

4:34

woolly. I'm not very hairy. But I also... You have

4:36

hair on your balls, actual balls, like long hairs coming

4:38

out of the testicles? We'll never know. You can actually

4:40

get the shit out of it. Those are always shaped

4:42

down and the base of my dick all around. Really?

4:46

Yeah. That's just base. You gotta pull it

4:48

out. Yeah. That's what

4:50

I do. Yeah. Pull it up. Give it a

4:53

little tease. This way, even if some of the hair that I'm

4:55

taking off is on the base, actually at the body part, it

4:57

still gives the impression that all the not hair

4:59

parts are dick. It's an optical

5:01

illusion, sir. You are. I feel a real smokey mirror show.

5:03

I get away with that a lot. I keep the hair...

5:05

Like the copper feeling of some mirrors. No dick. Dick!

5:09

You can't look at it from the side. I get away

5:12

with that a lot, man. But just the pouch at

5:14

glance, he looks like he's doing all right. Did

5:16

you see... The balls are doing the heavy lifting.

5:19

Did you see the guy on Burke

5:21

Reicher's cruise that showed his picture to think? So

5:24

that guy... I have the video. They

5:26

send it to the group, yeah. That guy

5:28

sent me and Christine, weirdly, a Christmas card.

5:31

How strange is that? And it's the picture

5:33

of him and his bikini bottoms that he wore to show

5:35

his little dick. How did he have your address? He

5:38

didn't. He sent it to my management or

5:40

something. And they sent it to me. So they were thrilled? Yeah,

5:42

yeah, yeah. Here you go. Well, no picture of

5:44

his dick. It's just like a normal... What, you're using

5:46

up to this year? Yeah. Timmy got in

5:48

the lacrosse camp and I'm

5:50

shaving my asshole now. He had to have regretted that

5:52

right after he did it. But I also kind of

5:54

shave my asshole now too, like in

5:56

my own way. Now is that

5:58

garbage? I got that good feeling though,

6:01

I'll pay you that. No, no, what I do is it's the same

6:03

thing. All right, there's almost,

6:05

I wish you guys could understand this. Anybody

6:07

who's used these clippers. I think

6:09

you're gonna have to show them. When you get under

6:11

there, you're almost getting under there, and you kind of

6:13

look in between your legs. You can

6:15

kind of see the hair hanging down into your ass.

6:18

Sure, I'm familiar. And I open it

6:20

up a little bit. I just sort of open the

6:22

whole ball to S area. It looks like a predator's

6:25

mouth, that whole area. Or like

6:27

the vampires in Blade. The

6:29

big ones. The head

6:31

vampires. There's four

6:33

mouths in there. And I stand

6:35

over the toilet bowl, and then I ying, ying, ying,

6:37

ying, and then it all falls in and around my

6:39

toilet. And my girlfriend gets furious. Yeah,

6:42

it's your ass hairs. Yeah, like my ass and bowl hair.

6:45

I don't think I have a super hairy asshole either.

6:48

But I mean, I would probably do something about that if

6:50

it was. But my above-de-care

6:52

stays. What? Okay.

6:55

It's a weird move. I feel like

6:57

you're very calculated with all the choices down there. From

6:59

what I've learned about you. Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. James

7:02

Dick is not going to lose his mustache. Yeah. It

7:05

won't give it up. It's always Movember down there. He's

7:08

got his play off beard going. No, I just –

7:11

He can never play for the Yankees. No, when you

7:13

have like Fuba, you can't have a

7:15

bald – it just looks like you have two bellies.

7:18

Yeah, you got to keep – yes, of course. You

7:20

got to keep something. Oh, I got a little poop

7:22

down there. Why not, dude? So I have to –

7:24

so my Dick hair lets you know you are now

7:26

out of stomach area and approaching Dick. It's

7:30

the rumble strip for you, Dick. Hey,

7:33

wake up! You're

7:35

going to blow this fat guy. Here's

7:39

a lot of pubes, dude. That's

7:41

not his belly anymore. I was just

7:43

sleeping on this man's belly. A

7:45

pro tip I heard from the comm is shave at

7:47

the hotel room. Don't do it at home. Always shave

7:49

your pubes at the hotel room. That's when I do

7:52

an anal. Okay. Only in

7:54

a hotel room. Only in a hotel room, dude. Wipe

7:56

your Dick on the pillow. They get their problems. You

7:58

know what's funny? Seems a little rude. Blood short

8:00

because Christine's razors were always in the shower I

8:02

would use her razors to shave my balls nothing

8:04

she knew I thought I cleaned them out really

8:06

good after all But she's our mania and they're

8:08

just fucking rusted and covered in hair. It's sheep

8:11

shears But now

8:13

she uh one time we were fighting She

8:16

called it out Jesus anything when

8:18

you use my razor and your dick hairs are all in it's

8:20

looking like first of all their ball hairs And I was pretty

8:22

sure I got all those out Rubbing

8:24

your finger across you cut your finger a little bit on

8:26

it. I know that all do well no no I'm

8:29

sure what she could hear is me slamming it against

8:31

the wall of the shower The

8:34

top pops off I've

8:37

had to repot a top on so many times You'll

8:40

never know you'll never know Fucking

8:42

violently shave yourself No,

8:44

no the bags I shave with another bang them Oh, yeah,

8:47

no, no, no, no, he's finally back gets the hair.

8:49

Yeah, I back it won't get the hair No,

8:51

no, no, I know gently shave this ball. I

8:53

understand what you're saying when I do it Hands

8:55

off to Christine a razor full

8:57

of ball hairs No,

8:59

I'm on her side in this when I do

9:01

it I fucking wipe it on a towel like

9:03

an old Italian bar. Are you using a straight

9:05

razor? Big

9:10

blue jar gotta sharpen this up for my

9:12

dick shaving You know I've had

9:15

I've had a shave. This is some fucking classy

9:17

shit I've got I've gone to a

9:19

barbershop and had a fucking dude shave me with

9:21

a straight razor like hot towel On the face

9:23

actually every two weeks you do that every two

9:25

weeks. Did you say that like it was an

9:27

experience? None of us have had I don't have

9:29

a beard. Look at this shit. Why would I

9:31

do it? Oh, yeah, cuz that's all your above

9:33

dick hair is coming out on your face No,

9:41

I but I mean no, it's just crazy to do for

9:43

your head I'm gonna do that every three days for my

9:45

head in that case No, sure sure, but when you go

9:47

to a barbershop though, I haven't tightened up the beards.

9:49

Nice Yeah, it feels good I'll do the back of

9:52

the neck with the straight razor real nice very nice

9:54

freaked me out the first time I ever had it

9:56

So though But got a lot better.

9:58

Yeah, I mean it still gets me a little bit But it

10:00

got a lot better after that used to freak me

10:02

the fuck out while my bar Show

10:07

me your neck you I'll tell you why why

10:10

it's a little scary to a real good barber

10:13

They open up those blades like fucking the butterfly

10:15

knife and karate kid to I

10:18

already like they do all kinds of flipping with it, and then

10:20

they go very quick. Just grab Screaming

10:23

they're already doing it, but I'll tell you right now Like

10:26

a barber is just not a no offense any barbers

10:28

that are out there It's not a career that I

10:30

feel like you wouldn't murder somebody

10:32

like out of nowhere like I feel like it's

10:34

not a great Won't

10:41

be good for their word of mouth these are a

10:43

lot of prisoners that get out of prison They start

10:45

barbering and shit dude. We're going to different barbers. Yeah

10:48

Front of a haircutter you go not prepared to

10:50

die you know I go to a gorgeous Dominican

10:53

ex-model guy Now but dude

10:55

there is something in you where there's like

10:57

I think there's a billion years of evolution

10:59

that tells me I'm not supposed to extend

11:01

my neck like this unless you're a stranger

11:04

With a fucking razor he's not

11:06

having intrusive thoughts in the

11:08

whole time. I should I should slice this

11:10

juice throat I Assume

11:13

every time it's a he fights himself to not

11:15

just flip my throat watch me bleed out I

11:19

Love the videos where they do that do where they put a

11:21

prank on people. Oh, yeah Like

11:23

a fake blood thing and they'll be shaving his neck Please

11:27

pull it up That's

11:31

a nice Tuesday fuck that Well,

11:36

there's just a person that is gonna go crazy

11:38

at one point You're just such a fucking no

11:40

just a fucking duck in water funny happening more

11:42

if it was gonna happen I bet it happened,

11:44

dude. I bet a barber's not Actually

11:47

the third leading cause of death Port

11:56

Beat out heart disease yeah

11:58

the place called throat slit saloon But

12:02

you see like, when I was young my

12:04

barber was like, build a barber. I still

12:06

remember until I was like, build a barber?

12:08

Like build a bear? You built your own

12:10

barber? Yeah. He's got a fill in his

12:12

jersey on. The

12:14

real long arm, the voice of your

12:16

dead grandfather. He'd sit outside forever. Build

12:19

a barber. He pressed his belly, your hair looked

12:21

great. But he- Your

12:23

dad loves you. So he was just like, you know,

12:26

he gave me little kid haircuts all the time. And

12:29

then as I got a little bit older, right before I

12:31

decided to start going to the salons, I

12:34

went to build a barber to get the- It

12:36

was before I was playing percussion in

12:39

this holiday school show.

12:42

Sure. That your sweet gig. And I was

12:44

like, got to get a haircut. And I go, it's time. It's

12:46

time to get the shaved up

12:48

sides. The long top.

12:50

Oh, okay. The skater. Definitely

12:53

am. I go, yeah. So I go, so I want it

12:55

shaved up like high under and then

12:57

have the top come over it. And

12:59

he just combs all my hair down, like

13:02

flat, and just goes, do you want

13:04

it, you want the line like here,

13:07

crazy high, cutting into the actual hair that

13:09

would go over. He didn't like put hair

13:11

up and shave underneath. He just goes, you

13:13

want a line here? And I looked retarded.

13:17

Sure. Retarded. And I

13:19

had to play jingle bells the next

13:21

day. My mom was in a hairdresser.

13:23

My mom went to the junky process.

13:27

She also wasn't a scientist. She's

13:29

never been a stenographer. She was never going to barber. She could cut

13:31

my hair for 20 years. She's a crazy lead on that. I knew

13:33

that license was fake. You're just going to cut back to Louis here

13:35

in four hours. She wasn't a

13:37

lady. She wasn't a... Well, I talked

13:40

about my mother before like she was a hairdresser. I

13:42

think I might have even said that because it was

13:44

a simpler way to play. We

13:55

don't want to give people the false impression that Louis had it

13:57

better than he did. That

14:00

well, she never did she never she went

14:02

to hairdressing school and she never took the

14:04

test Well, it's nice. No, it really I

14:07

don't know why she did the hard part.

14:09

She hasn't played my society's rules I'm gonna

14:11

take your fucking race

14:13

re-bias Shouldn't

14:15

want the government track It

14:18

was crazy. I lost the grid. I

14:20

don't get TSA pre-check Fucking

14:23

Barbara's life I get you She

14:26

did the whole hairdressing school then she just wouldn't go get

14:29

the what she wouldn't take the test to get

14:31

her actual license So she just worked in

14:33

a hair salon as the shampoo girl She

14:35

shampoo people's hair and it was such a

14:37

pathetic fucking job, but she didn't so anybody's

14:39

throat So you're fine. But here's the thing.

14:41

I think my water board a couple of

14:43

people Big

14:45

on over conditioning. I don't think

14:47

how over your face I

14:50

don't think she was very

14:52

good at cutting hair. I

14:55

think that was the ultimate problem Yeah, it

14:57

does take some artistry. Yeah, yeah. Hey guys

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fantasy sports made easy. Christine

17:07

was a junkie prostitute. She

17:09

got a cosmetology license. Thank

17:11

you. Christine,

17:14

were you a hairdresser? Really? I wanted

17:16

to cut my hair. How did you fucking

17:19

shape up Jay's face? Now, Christine, also

17:21

I hear you were a junkie prostitute. Tell me

17:23

about those things. She was so

17:26

afraid over COVID when there was no, I go,

17:28

it's insane. Cut my

17:30

hair like you're a hairdresser. You have a license. No,

17:32

she's definitely going to cut your throat. Maybe.

17:35

But she, we sat down in front of the mirror

17:37

and I just saw her face when

17:39

she just like started brushing the hair and I was

17:42

like, let's never do it. And she was like, and

17:44

she was so relieved that I said that. She

17:47

didn't want to do it at all. Because she knows

17:49

you'll hit her. But I do challenge the fact that

17:52

flat out Christine, in fact, does not know how to cut

17:54

hair at all. I will say. I

17:56

will challenge you to a hairdressing competition.

18:00

I really like this are you have what

18:02

will get dummies and we have to decide

18:04

I'll with the style their hair about. This

18:07

analysis loses and I don't really. I got

18:09

him stylus off. I'll do a hairdresser off

18:11

of your North Georgia out a guardians his

18:13

own model for them. Are ya dominates you

18:16

in a hairdresser off and Cruz? no training

18:18

Chris the your the train meters. I.

18:20

Have no my mom said but I have

18:22

a hazard so can train your through the

18:25

law. She never has a wants to sit

18:27

on a dummies here that. I

18:30

worked my way. Or citizens because of that, you

18:32

could eat a fucking piece of take on other.

18:36

Studies on he's as do braves can you

18:38

bring somebody? I agree I am radio yeah

18:40

that was always a move piercing and woman

18:42

skimmer when he but system your hands. To.

18:44

Air a letter or has a daughter that

18:47

makes sense Not now her friends come over

18:49

time to do the or know we're both

18:51

do her hair was given me that I

18:53

wasn't as a better for Oh my god

18:55

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19:04

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19:06

most him or not as impressive as a

19:08

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19:11

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19:13

for gets breda cloth. so. We're good hours

19:15

in a grab girl who are part of

19:17

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spot. As a sick fuck it is I

19:22

was ready to touch women in America Cancel

19:24

his talk about isn't he hates often about

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have been incidences to points pretty he was

19:28

written for hydrant you brought up to now

19:30

those making a joke because you and bring

19:32

other potential uber of version of i did

19:34

like I do I'm still mad at it's

19:36

been brought up like us on our position.

19:39

ah. Your. Dad was

19:41

a barber. What a moron. He

19:43

probably was this close of murdering

19:45

people. What a loser will we

19:47

see? Took the test batsman would

19:49

have some. I'm also reveal himself.

19:51

Also a throat slit. My. First

19:55

currently in school. How long as

19:57

train hits like a week? Seventeen

19:59

weeks. From what kind of is

20:01

over Harvard Golden Retrievers Pragmatic: A cop

20:03

is only like two more weeks. Apart

20:07

as you get a gun ever. The

20:09

played a part of. The

20:12

I know, I know daily the and Ninety

20:14

Seven was doing. We raise our same like

20:16

way to. Lose your

20:19

women are had I wouldn't wouldn't wish

20:21

I knew what was one denser he

20:23

was moment other side. And if you're

20:25

corn rows first one hundred k good.

20:27

I've lots of you know I'm pretty

20:29

fast and going. To.

20:31

Say magazine. Okay as you have to.

20:34

We can never been more intrigued my

20:36

life. I'm Susan. Some latino stupid music

20:38

playing blues. To

20:40

we did some consequences for the

20:42

lose. Yeah okay okay so Mars

20:44

Antenna. Will be judging

20:47

on here I think speed test me

20:49

how much is turned on by is.

20:52

Going to work. Yeah

20:54

that is part of it. I can't believe Jay

20:57

just as that question that we're about to do

20:59

is hold competition of them were going to go

21:01

what are we judging off of there any some

21:03

sort of already own pretty well as it was

21:05

as a how fast the greatest honor her nice

21:07

two thousand and nine of can be both as

21:09

have to be both yet time will go into

21:11

if he takes and I let's let's give a

21:13

damn near as I don't know it says it's.

21:15

Hard right away at an example they had thirty

21:18

seconds if they would authorize actions. Thirty second time

21:20

One hundred a minute. Now give a minute timer

21:22

but it's to a minute or I find a

21:24

minute time when whoever looks better the and I'm

21:26

I'm in response to the end of a minute.

21:28

Yet. Another man's the three of us will judge.

21:31

How. You to do a good braver

21:33

than a rubber man said assert

21:35

was get roman general had a

21:38

rubber band joins got us rising

21:40

sun to throne room. Extra points

21:42

for whoever makes the ribbon or

21:44

is recovering Mrs you have a

21:46

strategy to come on lady some

21:49

on this is this unattractive American

21:51

Indian woman she definitely Wisconsin are

21:53

familiar with vulgar his ass. Assess

21:55

assess, Assess assess. as

21:59

a latina still music please so

22:02

it's not a star plants and checkers or something

22:04

like that dominos we

22:07

have one minute walk alright

22:16

the way you

22:18

are under the toad loses

22:21

pretty good technique dot they that there's no

22:23

way they're making any progress in a minute

22:26

now no i've been reading his son you

22:29

play you top

22:32

you go all of us

22:34

is looking pretty good over here today though

22:36

jay is great like a professional as far

22:38

as i'm concerned about those has he's got

22:40

the fingerless gloves which are perfect for this

22:42

job that has school

22:44

going you

22:47

see anyone iraq will come

22:49

around anymore with the get their cut somewhere else

22:52

over there at supercut time at the men's health

22:55

well i am fucking done i have

22:57

a yes they're both pretty good they're

23:00

both very incredible i can from where

23:02

i can see my vantage point i'm

23:04

leaning jay i think

23:06

the little four three two

23:09

one i type i

23:11

type get the rubber bands

23:14

on the guitar and the other but i was

23:16

just trying or a little bit now

23:18

i'm sorry i'm thrived

23:24

that with

23:26

with those are not stable

23:31

to put on the time with your bre marginal

23:35

hall all thought

23:38

we kept reading e

23:42

HUNICK right now got it

23:45

i except allah

23:49

wallston on the Mineral rage

23:52

totally come-up adding a month on the

23:56

Nexus start due basil is broken bridge cemetery

24:00

I love you both equally

24:03

and I've lost respect for

24:05

you both equally. You

24:30

were both able to do that. But Jay

24:32

takes this in a land of lies. Did you show

24:34

me what you would do with braider hair? Did you

24:36

braider hair? You're a daughter. And I have a

24:39

wife! So

24:42

he does all the hair braiding in your house? How

24:45

did you acquire that skill? I

24:48

always knew how to do it. That's a fun. He's

24:50

a picture. That and back rubs. He's just

24:52

a fat guy. He was just at six

24:54

feet and like in a... He

24:58

was in crown heights on a stoop. Whatever

25:00

gets you to a girl's house. Dude,

25:03

that was like a daughter. That was like

25:05

Caribbean level. That was a good braid.

25:08

You should be doing parasailing. You go fuck that. I don't

25:10

know if you guys noticed, but there's three beads in there

25:12

too. He's

25:14

subtle but quick. Don't

25:16

tell your boyfriend that. I put a puka shell. I

25:18

put a little puka shell for flair in the middle.

25:21

So where did he go to school back in the states? He's

25:24

Scottish apparently. Oh,

25:27

ROTTT. I can always come

25:29

touch a man. I'm not happy about that.

25:32

Why? You don't even

25:34

have hair. Don't beat yourself up. That started off

25:36

very close. No, Louis lost it on

25:38

the top. He would have been way closer.

25:41

Jay's were tighter, but Louis made some nice braids. I

25:45

think as a Puerto Rican, that's embarrassing. Louis made

25:47

some big, thick, loose braids. Look at her.

25:50

The first time I saw a thick, loose braid, dude. I hope there's

25:52

not a slight wind outside. Not that out. It's a thick, loose woman.

25:55

It looks like we're a thick, loose braid. No. You

25:57

made Gabby... Look at it. You gave her

25:59

a fucking... Jewish pay us on the side

26:01

of her head she was good I did a

26:03

different style you do like a little fucking

26:05

black girl femme fucking braid like she's fucking trying

26:08

to fucking do you are not happy about

26:10

you get you see this that's correct

26:13

you see that he was like you like you did

26:15

a fucking fucking little black

26:17

bitch fucking mouth small yeah

26:20

what are we doing on the show we're fucking

26:22

picking winners and losers on her friends totally object

26:24

to fucking stupid I don't even know it's like

26:26

fucking judging paintings on a parade

26:29

bullshit this is why your mom didn't

26:31

take the test your lips first up and

26:45

a great competition happy dude that was real

26:47

I thought I'm hitting out I hate losing

26:49

the jet fucking just did a little fucking

26:53

breathe dude I'm over trying

26:55

to make thick braids I

26:57

don't think for it until fully made that

26:59

joke I really appreciate how hilarious it is

27:01

that your mother went to school to be

27:03

a farmer and failed on the top she

27:05

just went I

27:08

have a theory that's probably when you have

27:10

to pay another 120 like fuck that the

27:17

class is like 300 of the test look about a book

27:19

80 I didn't want to call you out early on I

27:21

knew I knew goddamn but my

27:25

mom would she gonna borrowed the money she was very

27:27

into borrowing money from other family members choose into it

27:29

what do you in here doing away before I

27:33

like dramaties I like borrowing

27:35

money from practicing

27:37

to cut hair but not so much

27:39

as a taking subject your stupid test

27:43

no I cut hair the way I feel

27:45

I just feel like that's a very like

27:47

low level profession well

27:50

now you feel that way do you lost the

27:52

braid off I mean who cares like why would

27:54

anyone want to braid hair you wanted you did

27:56

you're the way to go buddy I actually just

27:58

bought it a public I just Accidentally beat you

28:00

down with you looking your girlfriend. I'm gonna hit you later Why

28:03

don't you teach me to braid better? I'll tell you this

28:06

no we're gonna hair I was like I'm gonna braid her

28:08

hair later practice I'm gonna come

28:10

back next week bigger stronger make her

28:12

ugly somehow at the point and

28:14

all it look you don't feel too bad These are

28:16

all pretty girly things that I defeat you in dancing

28:19

Braiding, but I do take the cake

28:21

in those things pretty good NBA 2k NBA

28:24

2k I'm saying first of all, let me all let

28:26

me real quick. Let's make a quick announcement I Just

28:32

saw that September 25th today September 27 They

28:38

keep me in the dark on purpose because I'll tell everyone September

28:41

27th to 29th, Las Vegas, Nevada 26

28:43

is gonna be the kickoff party the

28:45

presale No, nobody's being announced just yet,

28:47

but the presale be there is Big

28:51

J's on the marquee this year, I think I

28:55

January 17th at 2 p.m. Eastern go

28:57

to your creative comm slash stank fest

28:59

and grab your ticket That's right. See

29:01

you in Vegas January 17th for staying

29:03

fat. That's what I thought am I

29:05

get 2 p.m. Show Jesus? No,

29:08

that's a presale guys. Make sure you grab your tickets

29:10

They will sell out they always sell out in minutes

29:12

every year So make sure you grab them at 2

29:14

p.m. Eastern your creative comm slash tank test Shut up

29:16

to your freedom for supporting us once again. I think

29:19

for the fourth year in a row That's best in

29:21

the big. Thank you. Not even fucking close. Thank you.

29:23

Not even close also for five dollars Even they'll

29:25

be a little boosted up where me and Lewis will braid your

29:27

hair Both

29:32

practice I feel like

29:34

there's only so good at braiding hair you can get

29:36

and if you're actually gonna practice until then you'll just

29:38

be good That's okay. Oh my

29:41

phone. That was only slightly garbage I

29:44

almost ruined my cracked phone. You're

29:46

for ticates on the table. We've been here ten minutes

29:50

You my mother shut the fuck up nine places of

29:52

pizza earlier today In

29:58

the fucking rise and fall of how you how

30:01

are you garbage documentary this is gonna be

30:03

a great scene yeah that's when the trouble

30:05

started that's nothing turned on each other as

30:08

soon as the brain off ended you know

30:10

you break my hair no more the most

30:14

offensive podcast that earth we do not a break yeah

30:16

we guys are real tough guys let

30:18

me tell you you got emotionally taken out of yeah

30:21

why did that everyone was so big on the idea

30:23

of bringing in the dummies with the hair care

30:25

about doing a hair thing contest and now I

30:27

think you don't want to do that anymore now

30:30

because I mean if I can't beat you to braid off you're gonna

30:32

be doing a whole to do even

30:35

that was I believe I can make a

30:38

wig on a dummy look like Farrah Fawcett maybe I

30:40

can't feather it out I don't know as I'm talking

30:42

about it dude that breed

30:44

gave me some real if you look at the

30:46

way that the fucking I put the little elastic

30:48

on at the end it's really

30:51

bad dude it's the way it's like the way

30:53

I wrap Christmas gifts well you're not supposed to

30:55

do braids that small with a

30:57

rubber band that's because you're a tiny little scrunchie or

30:59

turn a little crazy you know that well

31:01

I mean it took a mind's not even

31:03

on tight and it was 17 twists I

31:06

love it now he's just bragging I'm like

31:08

inside industries yet this is real inside baseball

31:10

Jay well listen let me tell

31:12

you with braids that small you don't use that big

31:14

of a rubber band that's quite a cross-brain I do

31:16

because I'm a pro but we have a foreman clip

31:18

in here you want to do French braids

31:21

I can't I can't do a French braids what's

31:23

that where you do blow each other did you

31:25

want to kiss each other's dick mine's got hair

31:27

though did you

31:32

know anybody that wore the the hair on

31:34

the side they had the ponytail on the

31:36

side when you're a girl yeah yeah for

31:38

sure that's what you knew you were that's

31:40

real trash oh see I always equate that

31:42

to like a like a girl

31:44

try to be cheerleader II yeah it was

31:46

like funny yeah but it

31:48

also used to have a one in the other so which

31:50

is out no you just one one or two in the

31:53

back ponytail yes brought on

31:55

the side of it yeah not pigtails just now I

31:57

always thought it was I was gonna grab her on

31:59

the side I'm not gonna fucking smack her head

32:01

at all with it. I feel like it was

32:03

pretty girls who were young mother didn't want them

32:06

Didn't want to look hoary so they kept him like

32:08

little kids looking yeah I kind of get that did

32:10

you know and this was a very 90 thing I

32:12

might have been in New York as well But Philly

32:15

white girls in the 90s teenagers

32:17

wanted to be Puerto Rican so bad Hair

32:22

this All

32:25

of my cousins Show

32:27

up the Christmas looking like a Puerto Rican dude.

32:29

I knew one that fell

32:31

into it so bad that she became Puerto

32:33

Rican Listen

32:38

this girl I know And

32:40

so she was like I knew her in in

32:43

middle school and high school And

32:45

I knew her from being a little

32:47

Jewish girl into becoming I'm acting like

32:49

a Puerto Rican like She

32:52

was yeah, yeah, no, but not like like real

32:54

Street, Puerto Rican Not like that bitch is trying

32:56

to act like she's like you know rich Puerto

32:58

Yeah, she was trying to be a she was

33:00

fucking thugs who peering the name in all yeah

33:02

Yeah, I started doing the hoop earrings and all

33:04

that shit and then for what she like reached

33:06

out to me on Facebook this month Ten years

33:08

ago or something like that. Oh, look oh You're

33:13

doing stand-up comedy and blah blah blah and I was

33:15

like and I invited her actually came out to a show

33:17

and I talked To her afterward, and it's just a Porter

33:19

a ghetto Puerto Rican show Yeah, she was Rosie Rosie for

33:21

a Stooky

33:26

brothers I'm

33:29

gonna get on Japarti She

33:31

decided 14 to be a Puerto Rican chick

33:33

instead of being a Jewish chick the year

33:35

before I was at her bat mitzvah Mm-hmm

33:37

14 she got the money and poured. Yeah,

33:40

and I met her at 30 And

33:43

she's just a Puerto Rican father and Zeta were pissed

33:46

They took all my fucking I

33:55

Remember having this weird moment where I was

33:58

talking to this ghetto Puerto Rican chick who

34:00

I used to know is this little Jewish girl. And

34:02

I'm talking to her and I'm like, oh yeah, but that was when she was 13.

34:05

And she's 30 now. So she's had more time.

34:07

She lived more years. As a Puerto Rican girl. As a Puerto Rican

34:10

girl. As a Puerto Rican girl. If you look at it. Then she

34:12

was the Jew and I go, this is just hurt, she's not acting

34:14

anymore. She was acting when she was 14. Yeah. But

34:17

now she's just living this fucking life. She's like

34:19

haban de gila motherfucker. Yeah. He's

34:21

like when a wig. Oh, you know what

34:23

I'm saying? About 36 for a wigger when

34:25

they make the turn like, I'm wigger forever.

34:27

Yeah. I got a couple of

34:29

them. I'm going dad. Yeah. Or I'm going to go

34:31

full dad. He's like, please go dad. Dude,

34:33

adult wiggers, the only people who say adult wiggers

34:36

are junkies. Like, and this guy.

34:38

Where? Oh, you? Oh.

34:41

First of all, Jay has red tims on right now, which

34:43

is crazy. Yeah. You're not really an

34:45

adult wigger. You're like. There's things that I was

34:47

today because of these red tims. Dude, the red

34:49

tims are like. He's a former junkie bro. That's

34:51

like grill rapper Bronx shit. That's crazy. He's a

34:53

former junkie prostitute. He's a former junkie prostitute. Turn

34:55

salon school drag jet. Yeah, buddy. Let's

34:57

not throw stones over there. that

35:00

says still able to cut hair legally. Are

35:04

they actual tims or are they lugs? Tims.

35:07

Okay. Yeah. All right. He's got

35:09

Tim's money now. What are you talking about? He's

35:12

got $89.99 at Fresh Footwear. Are

35:15

you near about Jay? Jay's making that Tim's money

35:18

now. He's making that Tim's money. Dude, red Tim's

35:20

is nuts. How many colors do you own? Black

35:23

in this. Red? That's a big

35:25

choice. Red's aggressive. Yeah, it is. Is this

35:27

your first time wearing them? Yeah.

35:30

Did you get them for Christmas? No.

35:33

Just bought them. I didn't even notice them when you came

35:35

in. Dude, I noticed them from fucking 13th Street. They

35:38

are pretty, they're pretty bright. They're

35:40

loud. Look at them leaning

35:42

into it. Yo, what's up? Yo,

35:46

and if you're wondering how wigger it is,

35:50

kept the, The dang or

35:52

the little hole in the way. You know what I

35:54

want though? What? I want fucking

35:56

red cat eye contact and it'll all

35:58

come together. I could and I

36:00

mean would you guys laugh? Would

36:05

you guys just blindly get that I wear my

36:07

cat eyes like flaming eyes Targets

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off. Alright, where

38:02

were we? You were never a colored contacts

38:05

guy. No. Ever. Who

38:07

was a fucking colored contacts guy? Who reps that? Who

38:10

knows that? What type of man- Back in the day.

38:12

I mean it is the next logical step. I could

38:14

maybe see that on Jay as a young man. Boy

38:16

no, he rolled in with colored contacts now and everybody's

38:19

like, oh cool choice. Yeah, I did not. Was it

38:21

your birthday? If you showed up tomorrow with like Marilyn

38:23

Manson, one red eye, one white eye, not

38:25

only would I think it's badass- No,

38:28

you're trying to get me to do something. No, no, how much are you doing? No,

38:31

you're trying to rope me in his hands. No, it sucks. It sucks,

38:34

but I would also think it's badass. Dude, I

38:36

had an idea and I told Jay this. I wanted

38:38

to get the legion of skanks, the X from the

38:40

mouth tattooed under my eye right here and

38:42

Jay told me, he was like, no dude, that totally sucks,

38:44

but then he admitted to me that he thought it was

38:46

awesome. I said you right away that it was awesome. I

38:49

said you shouldn't do it probably. You said you probably shouldn't

38:51

do it. I go, you think it's awesome? I go, I

38:53

do think it's awesome. Then I was going to just do

38:55

it. At

38:58

Skankfest. Then I was talked out of

39:00

it by- Who? That

39:02

junkie whore. She doesn't know

39:04

anything. She doesn't know how to cut hair. Oh

39:07

my God, Jay, you listen to anyone with a

39:09

license to cut hair. She has

39:11

a master's in haircutter-y. That's

39:14

a doctor in gay world. I'm not

39:16

going to take her advice. Doctors, do you

39:18

think- She's got her degree

39:20

hanging on the wall. It

39:23

really is. They give you a fucking degree and

39:25

the dumb fucking hairdressers, they put it up- I

39:27

feel like you recently got in a fight with

39:29

a barber over hair. No, I didn't, dude. The

39:31

way you're sitting on it- I worked at a salon

39:34

when I was 11, dude, and it's just a bunch

39:36

of dippy fucking 25-year-olds that are just cutting hair. Then

39:39

they put their little- And one

39:41

42-year-old Washington. She

39:43

died in 32. Unless

39:45

she was young, right, because she was 30 at the time. My

39:47

mom was, remember, she was 20 when she had me. But

39:51

they're just funny, am I right? I

39:53

know. I know it's not real. No,

39:57

it's way Saturday. They put

39:59

their diploma- I think

40:01

you have to legally. You have to show that you have

40:03

the license. Like a cabbie. They have to have the license

40:06

there. But it's fucking crazy. The fact that

40:08

there's a license, why do you need a fucking license to

40:10

be a hairdresser? And why does it take, what did you

40:12

say, 17 weeks? That's

40:14

way too long. You should learn how to cut hair

40:16

in three weeks, man. I think if you did it

40:18

all day, you could get a hang of it. Because

40:20

one day, like give me eight hours at it, I'd

40:23

walk out being like, I can do this. If someone

40:25

goes, I went to three hours of

40:27

hair cutting school to 17. No,

40:29

not on me, Jay, but the week. The pores. If

40:31

it was 17 weeks, you'd go with a 17

40:33

week person. Yeah. I

40:35

mean, at what point are we, what are we doing at week 15?

40:39

What else could you possibly learn about cutting

40:41

hair? All right. I'm going

40:43

to say it again. Don't split their

40:45

throats. All right. You're going

40:48

to want to. Week 17 is Brady. Yeah,

40:50

actually. Yeah, I was going to say, you better hope

40:52

you get the week 17. Well, we're on week 14,

40:55

the beehive. Like, what are we doing? We're going through

40:57

history. Week 15 is a different

40:59

flavor as a mountain dope. Gabby,

41:01

do you want to take Louis? The shitty one out because

41:04

you should be humiliated. No, she took Jay's out.

41:06

She took Jay's out and left mine in you

41:08

moron. No, mine's out of that field. Mine's in

41:10

there. Just on their ball. It's not a big

41:13

old clunk in front of her face like Tank

41:15

Girl. You

41:18

gave her a fucking braid like Victor Bernardo

41:20

in that fucking Schwarzenegger movie. Fucking end of

41:23

days. Cocksucker. Well,

41:26

I knew if we just podcasted together for 15 years, Jay

41:29

would stumble on a reference one. Yeah, it

41:31

should have went for a deeper cut. Victor

41:34

Bernardo and End of Days. The

41:36

third lead. Damn, not even,

41:38

dude. He was one scene, but memorable

41:40

scene. Wait, Victor Renato, the comic? The

41:42

Lazy Adalbino. Black Albumin. OK, yeah.

41:44

Was it the last action hero? No, he was an

41:47

End of Days. Oh, End of Days. You ever saw

41:49

him in End of Days? I don't think I've ever

41:51

seen End of Days. He plays a and this is

41:53

a straight. I know he's a good actor. He

41:55

won't watch any Victor Bernardo. He plays

41:57

a freaky, homeless albino with a lazy.

42:01

on the train. It would be weird if you played a

42:03

professor. Yeah, he's like, I'm

42:05

playing a guy with straight eyes. Don't

42:07

contact work. He goes, I'm in the

42:10

chair for eight hours before we shoot.

42:14

I'm a man with a lot of pigment and

42:16

straight eyes. I'm playing a dark-skinned gentleman with straight

42:18

eyes. Why would they book him on this? I feel

42:21

like there's so many

42:23

people with straight eyes and pigment. Do

42:25

you have the scene with Victor Bernardo in End of Days? Great. So

42:28

scary. We've been there for a while. No?

42:31

All right. End of Days subway

42:33

scene. End of Days subway scene. Minute

42:36

38. I like Victor. Victor, we... He's

42:39

a nice guy, right? I think I've only met him

42:42

once or twice. Didn't we have a weird thing with

42:44

him at one point? I feel like you guys have

42:46

a weird thing with most people at some point. We

42:48

did. Didn't we have a weird thing with everyone at

42:50

some point? Yeah, it's whoever goes... It's when someone decides

42:52

like their lane now is gonna be policing

42:55

the woke police. Listen, it was around

42:57

2017 and

43:00

you remember like the year after Donald Trump was

43:02

elected president like how the whole fucking comedy scene

43:04

went a little nutty for a little bit. Do

43:06

you remember what it was though? It was all

43:09

like rape culture. I remember

43:11

exactly what it was. They made a video called How

43:13

to Not Rape. No, I remember this. I

43:16

was just saying like it was during this nutty

43:18

kind of like almost pre-Me Too time or right

43:20

around that. I was saying it was a video

43:22

called How to Not Rape. It was an

43:24

instructional video. Like a community construction video

43:26

to guys on How to Not Rape.

43:29

Now us as rapists took like... We

43:31

know how to not do it. We

43:33

do it. Duh. You just

43:35

don't do it. Yeah,

43:38

How Not to. It was so funny. It was

43:40

one of the funniest videos ever. Meant not funny

43:42

at all. We trashed it a lot because it

43:44

was like Victor was in it and he's like

43:46

saying these things like, you know what I do?

43:48

If I get a girl drunk home after the

43:50

first night meeting her... First of all, I've got...

43:53

...till the next morning to see if she wants

43:55

to hook up still when she's sober. Victor, if

43:57

a girl sees you sober... in

44:00

the morning she's going to run out of the

44:02

apartment screaming. If a girl wakes up in the

44:04

morning and then decides she's the one to fuck

44:06

you, she's still drunk. She has alcohol poison,

44:09

get her to the fucking hospital. Been there.

44:13

I love it. It's funny. We work with him.

44:15

He does some shit with Rebecca and Skankfest. Yeah,

44:17

but that was good. And the other weirdo. He

44:19

committed a woke crime six years ago. Well, no,

44:21

we had Milo on. There was a little... Natural

44:23

limitation. When we had Milo on, he did a

44:25

little... He got a little shitty too, I think,

44:28

but like it's all whatever. Yeah. I

44:30

think that's behind us. Did you guys see that scene? There it is. Oh, here's

44:32

my guy. Guys, I'm in... Minimal makeup.

44:35

Eat no makeup, dude. Who are you? Victor Bernardo!

44:37

This is how you not rape. You fall to pieces. Oh,

44:39

not. He's going to find you, Kristy. Oh,

44:42

I'm not going to be able to do that. Oh, yeah, I'm going to be able to do that. Oh, yeah,

44:44

I'm not going to be able to do that. Oh, yeah, I'm not going to be able to do that. Oh,

44:46

I'm not. Oh, yeah, I'm not. Oh, yeah,

44:48

I'm not. He's going to find you,

44:50

Kristy. That was pretty good. Yeah, that was actually really

44:53

great. Yeah, it was great. Damn.

44:55

Crazy scene. Never seen End of Days.

44:57

Wow, who's in it? Schwarzenegger. Has

44:59

everybody had the weird glasses in the poster? Maybe. They're

45:01

like... Very possible. But, yeah, it's him

45:03

fighting Heaven and Hell. Schwarzenegger, he'd already

45:05

handled every country on this globe.

45:07

Time to start taking it down to Hell. Interdimensional?

45:09

Yeah. I'm not going to be able to do

45:12

that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going

45:14

to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to

45:16

do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not

45:18

going to be able to do that. Time to start taking it down

45:20

to Hell. Interdimensional? I think at one point I just wanted to accept

45:22

that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a good actor, but he's

45:24

not, right? No, he's

45:26

like... He's well casted usually. No,

45:29

he's terrible. He's a horrible actor.

45:31

He's terrible. Great governor. Yeah.

45:34

Great question about that. Great public speaker. But

45:38

if you were looking at it, you'd be like, it's

45:40

almost an impression of bad acting. Yeah. But

45:42

there is something to the somehow it works

45:44

quality or... It's a theory. It's a theory.

45:46

Well, The Rock was a really bad actor,

45:49

and I think he also got either... Either

45:51

I'm convincing myself that he's good or he

45:53

got good. I wouldn't say Schwarzenegger's a bad

45:55

actor. Kindergarten cop. A

45:57

lot of a range of emotion. a

46:00

lot there. No scenes. Dude, I mean I loved

46:02

the movie. I read his book, I

46:05

listened to Shore Seenecker's audiobook. Oh

46:07

man, did you read it? So

46:09

in the original, what's the bodybuilding

46:11

movie? Pumping Iron. Pumping Iron. There's

46:13

a scene that they cut from

46:15

the movie where he talks about

46:17

how he appreciates how Hitler speaks.

46:21

Like he's straight up like he does a whole chapter and

46:23

he talks about how his dad's depressed because they lost the

46:25

war. Well his dad was like a Nazi. His dad was

46:28

a straight up Nazi. Well, I mean it sucks to lose

46:30

anything. Look how much sex he

46:32

had. You got all small mouths

46:34

on me for free. Still your

46:36

team. I don't know. He had

46:38

a good season. I'm not saying

46:40

the Patriots didn't

46:43

deserve to be in the Jets, but it sucked being a

46:45

Jets fan watching them. Do you want to

46:49

talk about this Cat Williams thing? I think it's

46:51

pretty funny. Sure. I love it. You want to

46:54

talk about a great actor, Cat

46:56

Williams. Love him. He just doesn't get cast and shit

46:58

because he's got a virgin booty hole. Did

47:01

you watch a... That is on his resume. I

47:03

saw the clips.

47:05

I've just seen clips. Who just done 36

47:07

million in like three days. The actual

47:10

episode on YouTube has done 30 million views. Who's

47:12

podcast is it? Shannon Sharpe. Shannon Sharpe.

47:15

Shannon Sharpe was one of the best tight ends to ever

47:17

play. Asking that question is

47:21

gayer than braiding. What?

47:24

He knew Shannon Sharpe. He had no idea

47:26

Shannon Sharpe was a great, great

47:28

football player. I have no idea who he was. And

47:30

now he's like a football player. You guys should have

47:32

had me guess who Shannon Sharpe is. We thought he

47:34

was a barber. We really knew he was a barber.

47:36

What does that work? Dude, the three of us went

47:40

out to dinner the other night and it was

47:42

like... You and Shannon Sharpe? Yeah. Me, Shannon Sharpe

47:44

and Cat Williams. Let me tell you. That's when

47:46

he really let it fly. They're totally different

47:49

off the camera. The three of us went out and it

47:52

was pouring rain. Me and Jay got

47:54

there first, obviously. So we

47:56

were sitting there waiting under an awning for Lewis

47:58

and we were just walking like no. umbrella just

48:00

in the pouring rain and he just

48:02

goes to cross the street away from

48:04

where the restaurant is. It's like this

48:06

huge intersection. And

48:08

I just six minutes round trip. And I

48:11

remember what Nate Bargetti

48:14

used to always say about pranking people was that

48:16

it was all about just in the moment seeing

48:19

it happen and going with it and

48:21

he was the best at that and I just

48:23

in the moment when I went, we're over here

48:26

and the second I said that I went, I

48:28

should have just let him walk. Me and Jay

48:30

could have just sat here. That would have been

48:32

dinner conversation for six years. I

48:34

could have watched him probably go around the park a little bit. Ask

48:37

for direction, yell at someone. Well

48:40

fuck you too. I'm not from here, asshole. It

48:44

would have devolved into such a thing if

48:46

I had just not been like, hey friend,

48:48

we're right over here. I'm trying to get

48:51

pasta. By the way, right there with Shannon

48:53

Sharp, it was the same thing. My instinct

48:55

is not to, I don't have the date.

48:57

We still probably isn't certain. Well now he knows. He

48:59

would have thought it was a guy. He would have

49:01

thought it was a girl at first. No,

49:04

it was a guy and it was a black

49:06

guy. I would never have guessed an athlete. He's

49:09

the biggest man in the world. He

49:12

never guessed a musician. Musician?

49:15

I would have said, oh yeah that guy plays the

49:17

flute problem. That

49:19

guy's in account for sure. That's not

49:21

a fucking interview you bitchhead. Yes you

49:24

do. His arms are blasting through his

49:26

dress. You're in that particular interview. If

49:29

he did the interview like that, yes I would

49:31

have said maybe. Go to the cat with me.

49:33

Go to the cat with me. That's not necessarily

49:35

an average black person. Have you ever

49:38

seen black people? I can't argue with you

49:40

there. Black people are fucking ripped. Yeah,

49:42

there's homeless guys out here that look better than that. Is

49:45

that Greer Barnes from the Comedy Cellar? Where

49:49

did you guys go to dinner? Root

49:51

Steakhouse. Who picked up?

49:53

It's all slaves. We love it. I pick it. Who

49:56

picked up the check? It's one of those theme restaurants.

49:58

We got the whip. We

50:01

go, before I put in my order, what

50:03

is your name sir? He goes, don't make me say

50:05

it man. Kunta Kinte. I

50:07

go, Toby. I'll have the snow

50:09

crab. We said it was one

50:11

of our birthdays, we watched them have to

50:14

sing a sad slave song. You

50:18

guys use these. Nobody

50:20

knows. Oh that's

50:23

the sound of the man, working on

50:25

the train. Happy

50:27

birthday. Oh,

50:30

Lord help me. Happy

50:33

birthday. I'll take the underground railroad special

50:35

please. Wait, Lewis

50:38

picked up the check? No, we picked up the check.

50:40

No. We three weighed it.

50:42

Three weighed it. Three different cars. No one picked

50:44

up the check. Really? The check

50:46

came and we all were like, alright Jay. And

50:49

then Jay goes, so we're splitting this? Yeah, I

50:51

guess we're fucking splitting this. Wow.

50:54

That's not a guess digital. That's

50:56

actually, I'm just fucking with you. I think I

50:58

might have offered and then you offered and then

51:00

we all split. I was outside

51:02

in the rain screaming. I think, why?

51:04

Why rain? What do you mean

51:07

you don't take cash app? Do you coordinate the

51:09

tip? No, here's what happened

51:11

last time. I like this. They're all

51:13

talking to me. I

51:16

have to coordinate and then I fucking, I

51:18

said, let's all coordinate. What are you guys

51:20

leaving? And then I tipped more because I

51:22

thought that was just hilarious. But then I

51:24

wrote it wrong. Like I did the math

51:26

wrong. He tipped less. No,

51:29

so then I wrote the total as being

51:31

more than what I tipped more. So then

51:33

I had to change my tip to higher. Even more than

51:36

he was doing. And it stopped being funny to me at

51:38

that point. I was like, what is this joke I just

51:40

pulled? I'm just giving away money for it. Last time when

51:42

we did the tour, we did credit card roulette. And

51:45

then I think, I don't know exactly how it landed, but at least

51:47

a couple of us took a hit a couple times. And we were

51:49

like, let's just not do this. Let's split up the railways moving forward.

51:52

We did it, but just for the tour, we had the

51:54

whole crew with us too. We were

51:57

like doing the bad retelling though. Lewis

51:59

lost when we were up there. in the thing and

52:01

he does not like losing. I got a little mouth.

52:03

Do you remember the hair braiding? Yeah. He

52:05

got a little mouth. Imagine when you lose $1200. Let me

52:07

check my notes. It wasn't $1200. It

52:10

was maybe $200. It was that small

52:12

little restaurant attached to the hotels where we went.

52:14

It was a Domino's. I gotcha. Then

52:16

what happened, what Lewis was thinking about

52:18

$1200 some odd dollars was he goes,

52:21

dude, you have to come with me and my

52:23

chick, you and Christine. This place makes amazing drinks.

52:26

It's just like she, she play. Okay, we make

52:28

plans and reservations to go to this place. It's

52:31

one of those like they come and

52:33

over explain the drink to you and like, you

52:35

know, sure. And they pour dry

52:37

ice and everything. Sure. Sure

52:39

ain't garbage. No, not garbage at all. It

52:41

is garbage to fight over the bill though.

52:43

No fight. Lewis goes, let's do credit card

52:45

roulette for this. And I said, okay. And I lost. So

52:48

I ate a much higher check. Sick.

52:51

I forgot about that. But it all blends together. I felt like

52:53

I lost that. You invited them to dinner and a couple. I

52:56

feel like this little loser I am. I never feel like I

52:58

won. Just so you guys know, I don't walk

53:00

around being like, I had a win that day. Never

53:02

feels that way. Lewis, you're winning at life, dude. You're winning

53:04

all the time. Look at you. I'm

53:06

serious. What are you talking about? I ain't got

53:09

no stinking red boots. You're,

53:12

dude, no, I'm saying you do what

53:14

you fucking love to do and you're

53:16

fucking, you shave the top of your

53:19

dick hair now, dude. You're winning compared

53:21

to new money. Compared to

53:23

everyone except 10 Shane and these

53:25

guys. You've done

53:27

so much better than your parents. Your

53:31

mom didn't finish fucking

53:33

barbers. Your dad couldn't

53:35

finish one day to pull at a fucking bar. Jesus

53:40

Christ. I

53:44

have no rematch for the guy he beat. That

53:47

guy's in there like best of three. He's not

53:49

a champ, huh? Wait,

53:51

hold on. I don't want a nitpick

53:53

here. So you hit him up and you say, hey,

53:55

there's this really great place. You guys want to come

53:57

to dinner with us? Yeah. There's no

53:59

roulette on that. pick that up it wasn't

54:01

that you it was like it was

54:04

drinks and hundred-dollar pieces of sushi yeah

54:06

that's dinner yeah yeah yeah yeah

54:09

like a restaurant I

54:11

was like how we can go to this place it

54:14

wasn't like hey I really bent

54:16

you over and fuck you that let me take a coin flip on

54:18

if I have to pay

54:22

and then he goes he goes this is

54:24

so great because last time I came here

54:26

I brought my girl's family and

54:28

I picked up the bill and she goes no you didn't she

54:33

was my father did he goes oh double zero yeah

54:35

you think you always lose come on

54:43

dude hey the Gomez always wins is what

54:46

they say the casino you lost credit card

54:48

roulette when we ate at a place that

54:50

none of the chairs match for the record

54:54

I wasn't at the first place but I was at the second

54:56

no you were and no I wasn't at the fancy place I

54:58

was at that

55:00

place I know yeah got a free meal out

55:03

of it that was pretty cool that's pretty good

55:05

Jason pretty gentlemen let's thank your credom comm for

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55:59

a calm I was about this place. Cat

56:01

Williams. He went

56:04

on there... Excuse me. Truth. Well

56:06

no, not about the Kev stuff. I just did

56:08

Kev's radio show recently coming out very soon. Listen

56:11

for that. And so like, he

56:13

rules. He's not an industry plan at all. That's bullshit. What

56:18

does that mean? It's also like, I don't know, isn't there like 25

56:20

years of him documented working like crazy?

56:22

Like, I mean, how many of course car rides you've

56:24

been in with them? Well, not even that much. Like,

56:26

I mean, he had like a sitcom that essentially failed.

56:29

So he just never stopped going. I want to

56:32

say I love the Cat Williams interview. And

56:34

I've only seen clips of it, but I

56:36

love it. And I do believe he is

56:38

telling the truth as he sees it. But

56:41

if you remember, but there's a lot of bad

56:43

facts in there. When Chris

56:45

Rock was on Oprah, I'm sorry, when Dave

56:47

Chappelle was on Oprah, and he said the

56:49

thing about like them putting black comedians in

56:51

dresses or whatever. And he started it by

56:53

being like, sometimes I connect dots that maybe

56:55

you shouldn't connect. And then he went on

56:58

his whole rant. And you're like, I think you're connecting

57:00

dots. You shouldn't connect. Like, I don't think any of

57:02

this actually makes sense. And you're just like this thing

57:04

was like, well, how did Kevin come out here and

57:06

just blow up right away? And you're like, I don't

57:09

know, because he's the most likable. Hardest working. Like, I

57:11

don't know. He's just that

57:13

guy. It was so casual. Somebody's got

57:16

to blow up. It's not like it's

57:18

a weird thing. He's super talented. And

57:20

not just talented, very talented, but the

57:22

most castable person you've ever seen. No,

57:24

he got everything from like first shot

57:27

parts. Like what he was in 40 year old.

57:29

Oh, he's so I mean, it was just so good. Like,

57:31

he's one of the last people that like went to Montreal

57:37

and then had to move to LA right away

57:39

afterwards. Because like, that's what that's what the industry

57:41

was. And they were giving like he had on

57:44

the prep sheet. I put little excerpts. Oh, okay.

57:46

All right. If you want to pull up. It

57:48

was also very like lack of it. It was

57:50

a very conspiracy theory. I think he said a

57:52

lot of true shit for sure. Like all that

57:54

Steve Hardin shit. Yeah, Kanye and P Diddy fuck

57:56

for sure. Yeah. But yeah, come out that it's like, oh

57:58

yeah, like these bits were. Used before stolen

58:01

or not the weird ones were like Kevin Hart's

58:03

never had like a sold-out show or a line

58:05

for a show I've seen a line for his

58:07

movie like stand-up movie. It was very like lack

58:09

of proof He'd be like well then prove that

58:11

I don't have my documents. I think that's personal

58:14

I think he's they just don't like like you

58:16

Say he's never liked them. So whatever the thing is, but

58:18

I said, I love cat Williams, but I said,

58:20

what you got? Kevin's

58:23

Kevin's manager said to me years ago in Montreal

58:25

when he first was out there I did like

58:27

a excuse talk to Dave Becky. I was

58:29

like, hey taking care of Kevin out there in

58:31

LA He was like, oh, yeah, it's great He

58:34

goes everything can't Williams crazies himself out of Kev

58:36

just slides right into so that might be a

58:38

little bit of the personal Thing it's funny Kevin

58:42

asked me if I've seen the cat William thing it came out that

58:44

day and I was like no He's like go watch it because it

58:46

was fun I said that thing about him

58:48

saying he slid into the cat Williams thing and

58:50

I never knows cat Williams said but he Worded

58:52

it so differently. This thing was like, yeah,

58:54

I won't be a you know, a dancing

58:56

clown So Kevin Hart went and did it,

58:59

you know, I mean like yeah, we watch some of it cuz I

59:01

haven't seen any of it Oh, okay. All right. Let's get we could

59:03

start with the Kevin Hart one if you want to show You

59:06

guys the actual steering wheel is boat home Tori

59:10

did a beautiful special about the comedy

59:12

store and fat Tuesday where he said

59:14

that Steve and Cedric and Kevin Hart

59:16

and Tiffany Came through

59:18

there and made all lies

59:21

Steven Cedric never performed at the comedy

59:23

store at all Tiffany was only seen

59:26

at the lab factory in 15

59:29

years in Hollywood No one in Hollywood

59:31

has a memory of going to a

59:33

sold-out Kevin Hart show They're being aligned

59:36

for him ever getting a standing ovation

59:38

at any comedy club I

59:47

mean you're trying to tell me this six six

59:49

two forty five black dude was an athlete

59:51

dude It looks like it while he's talking

59:54

they could just gun footballs your

1:00:00

friend you talk about what what what what

1:00:02

up what up player player now you

1:00:06

know I actually get what he looks

1:00:09

in this pit but no I know

1:00:11

he makes cat Williams look like a

1:00:13

little person like an actual midget how

1:00:15

weird is a little no no he's

1:00:18

very little but he looks like midget

1:00:20

proportions compared to Shannon Sharpe's hand can

1:00:22

touch his ankles I'm handing I will

1:00:24

say Shannon Sharpe's like demeanor and and

1:00:26

kind of like lispy voice and everything

1:00:29

and if you didn't know that he put

1:00:31

like if I didn't know that was Shannon Sharpe

1:00:33

because I watched him fucking through it the prime

1:00:35

of his career if I didn't know that I

1:00:37

don't know the old spice commercials I would have

1:00:39

led athlete though if you're sitting yeah

1:00:41

maybe I maybe he plays a sport I don't know

1:00:43

about people are specimen have you

1:00:48

ever seen a black person look at this black guy

1:00:51

back here I'll tell you right now if you think

1:00:53

the short off you'll impress everybody or sure can we

1:00:55

see sir can we see your muscles sir let's

1:00:57

see your body's very low no that guy's

1:01:02

no Shannon Sharpe I

1:01:05

do think by the way I think and you tell me Jay because

1:01:07

you may know this better than me right but I

1:01:10

think he's kind of right in the sense that

1:01:13

at least what I remember of it was

1:01:15

that Kevin Hart went from like he

1:01:17

was gone when I came in yeah just gone to

1:01:19

LA and you got and he had just started like

1:01:21

getting bit parts and

1:01:24

he kind of went from that to

1:01:26

like superstar very quickly so it might

1:01:28

be true that there was never a

1:01:30

level where Kev was just like killing

1:01:33

and just like like just at a

1:01:35

sellout comedy club level now happens though

1:01:37

and that doesn't mean that you can't

1:01:40

go from no like even I think

1:01:43

maybe even like you guys to some degree

1:01:45

you guys kind of went from like almost

1:01:47

like not selling that many tickets you're a

1:01:49

hero theater

1:01:51

theater so much of like an in-between

1:01:54

but that doesn't really mean anything it

1:01:56

could just pop off like that of

1:01:58

course you can just take off and

1:02:00

you're just go from this level of like selling no-takers

1:02:02

to selling a ton of Tim. No, I'll say this.

1:02:04

I'll say this without a thought. One, he was, I

1:02:06

mean, sending off 15-minute

1:02:09

tapes and headshots and resumes when we had no, I

1:02:11

was, we were hanging out there on the day and

1:02:13

he would go to the post office. When Jay was

1:02:15

like, dude, you got to dye your hair to match

1:02:17

your shoes. You got

1:02:20

to, Kev, what are you doing focusing

1:02:22

on the wrong shit, bro? What do

1:02:24

you think of these red Tims? Yeah.

1:02:27

But no, he was like, just like, and again, like

1:02:29

when he didn't have 45 minutes

1:02:31

to an hour material and they, he got this like

1:02:33

college agent and he would just go and he's like,

1:02:35

I'll figure it out. He

1:02:37

believes in himself. It's like

1:02:39

all of us. Not like

1:02:42

that though. Stop kidding. Yeah, I'm saying, listen, we

1:02:44

all believe in ourselves to some degree. We're all

1:02:46

high in drunk comedy clubs. I fucking, I fucking

1:02:48

suck, man. We

1:02:51

all have that for sure. We start this over. But

1:02:55

he, listen, he put the work

1:02:57

and what the thing is with Cat Williams is right

1:03:00

about in what he's saying is

1:03:02

I feel like all those fucking like

1:03:05

documentaries, like fuck that shit up. They're dumb.

1:03:07

They're just saying names of

1:03:09

people who are at the time, Kevin Hart, he's

1:03:11

right. He's absolutely right. Kevin Hart was like, didn't

1:03:13

come up through the, so like he was never

1:03:15

selling out like he would sell out Carolines

1:03:18

or whatever before he would sell out the comedies. Like he

1:03:20

was just east coast at the time. No, I don't even

1:03:22

think he was, no, but he was like, by the time

1:03:24

he was like known, he was like, no, it was kind

1:03:26

of like, it was quick,

1:03:29

but it was slow ish. Do

1:03:31

you know what I mean? It wasn't like, he didn't pop like

1:03:33

five years in. It's just that every level that he

1:03:36

was at, he got the thing. No, he

1:03:38

just got the thing. You know what I mean?

1:03:40

So it's like he came up to New York and the club

1:03:42

started just like booking them like

1:03:44

very, very quickly. You know,

1:03:46

I mean, he went to Montreal, he got a deal for

1:03:49

a pilot. The pilot was Judd Apatow. Didn't

1:03:51

go. The pilot didn't go. And then he was like,

1:03:53

what, the young man at that point, but he brought

1:03:55

some things. So exactly. So he's in the, because he's

1:03:58

that pilot, then they put him in undecorbed. And

1:04:00

then just in LA if you're on TV

1:04:02

shit He's gonna work. He was just

1:04:04

doing good He would and he would like I was saying

1:04:06

with 40 year old virgin he did it a bunch He

1:04:08

would like steal the scene yeah like every time he was

1:04:11

in a thing along like that's what you were talking about

1:04:14

I'm so high. I literally don't know what the fuck was

1:04:16

on it. I Shit

1:04:18

you not I swear. I swear to God those

1:04:20

hundred milligram edibles. You're taking don't know what you're

1:04:23

doing a hundred Louis

1:04:25

just went am I reffing a boxing match right

1:04:27

now? Did I braid a woman's hair

1:04:29

tonight? Can we bring up more crazy shit the cat Williams?

1:04:31

I thought I thought we're gonna talk about crazy shit. Cal

1:04:33

William said yeah. Yeah that what

1:04:35

those were crazy things yeah Now

1:04:38

let me tell you something Literally

1:04:41

looks my arms can't wipe

1:04:43

my own butt hahahahahaha

1:04:46

hahahahahaha They're

1:04:48

pulling up, pulling up Oh my pants fell down

1:04:50

to my ankles can you help me pull them

1:04:52

up? I can't reach them Pull up, pull up

1:04:54

I'm talking about Rogan I gotta be real

1:04:56

quick Comedian that

1:04:58

cussed you were ridiculed by

1:05:01

the mainstream Comedy

1:05:03

guys that would be like me being

1:05:05

on Joe Rogan and Joe don't want

1:05:08

me on there I need

1:05:10

to be on Shannon Joe Joe got

1:05:12

six comedians that never been funny. He

1:05:14

want to push out That's all the

1:05:16

speculation now. Who's he talking about? But

1:05:20

that's really how I'm

1:05:22

so sorry I'm sorry Um,

1:05:24

well I just wanna say for the record I

1:05:26

think Joe Rogan has very funny comedians on the

1:05:28

show and sure Sometimes they just want to

1:05:30

talk about the war in Yemen, but you know what

1:05:32

it's like whatever It's like what if Cal William and

1:05:35

maybe come fucking by take it to a stand up

1:05:37

show Is specifically

1:05:39

talking about Dave like what if he

1:05:41

just tuned in today, but this motherfucker's

1:05:43

just not funny Why does it keep

1:05:45

saying comedian under his face? He

1:05:51

ain't never never nag said nothing no

1:05:54

funny From

1:05:58

Cal Williams perspective of watching Joe

1:06:00

and Dave Smith on Joe. I would

1:06:02

understand why he's like what the fuck

1:06:04

is this? What the fuck is Israel?

1:06:08

Say a funny thing Well,

1:06:15

I might I mean my guess is what

1:06:17

he's taking shots at Shane and already don't

1:06:19

think those guys you think I don't think

1:06:21

what I mean what or maybe Burton Tom

1:06:23

as I heard they say they gave maybe

1:06:25

you're just taking shots at all these Speculate

1:06:28

the speculate. Well, what I mean are the

1:06:30

comedians who are like regular biggest regulars on

1:06:32

fucking Rogan and like You can't leave his

1:06:34

opinions and shit. I'm like, I mean, yeah,

1:06:36

I go on and break down foreign policy

1:06:38

and shit But like whatever there's no way

1:06:40

cats talking about me. He doesn't even know

1:06:43

these Look, I

1:06:45

like when he has on a little pencil head

1:06:52

He's not funny but his small Sharpest

1:06:54

attack I like what he's saying,

1:06:56

but he spares more morbid things

1:06:59

and funny Hasn't been

1:07:01

be laughed one day You're better

1:07:03

be clear. I have nothing but respect

1:07:05

for historian Dave But

1:07:11

this Stop

1:07:13

talking to the comedian's Dave and start

1:07:16

having political satirists coming on like

1:07:18

Dave Smith I Dave

1:07:22

Smith ain't never known Shob

1:07:39

Shobs been on 89 that's with a fight So

1:07:44

much he's overexposed are we should fear is 64 Wow 64

1:07:50

I don't really 59 Wow Redman

1:07:54

53 he worked on the show He

1:07:57

worked on the show for only 53 of us This

1:08:01

is wrong. You think? Yeah, I

1:08:03

don't think. I just found it on the internet. I'm

1:08:05

not going to swear by the way. Who's Aubrey Marcus? How

1:08:09

did Aubrey Marcus get in there as well? Who is that? I

1:08:13

just... Maybe I don't think

1:08:15

this is right. Why? Because I thought... I thought

1:08:19

he had more appearances than Aubrey Marcus. I'm

1:08:22

of the 37 for Aubrey Marcus. I

1:08:25

thought Brian was on for way longer than 53. I

1:08:27

think that means it's a guest maybe. What

1:08:30

is this? Dave! 11 times!

1:08:33

Dave! Is

1:08:35

that the number 11? We can fact-check it. Dave!

1:08:39

Dave! Dave! Dave! You

1:08:42

and Graham Hancock. I'm pretty sure they got

1:08:44

my number right. So,

1:08:47

yeah, yeah. Two with you guys.

1:08:49

And then nine. Where was

1:08:51

I? I think just for a

1:08:53

chance to giggle. Yeah,

1:08:56

you know, while we're peeking around, what do we

1:08:58

do today? I've been on four times with you

1:09:00

guys total. Four with us? No,

1:09:03

no. Two with me and the two with you. Two

1:09:05

solo, two with Skanks. I did.

1:09:08

Two solo, one with Ari and

1:09:10

Tessa, five. Yeah,

1:09:12

we don't even want to do it over here. No big deal. What?

1:09:18

We got to come in here. We got

1:09:20

to go see Shannon. We don't know what

1:09:23

Amazon. I mean, I'm going to do Shannon's

1:09:25

job. I'm going to do Shannon's job.

1:09:27

That's a fucking... Everyone wants to do

1:09:29

Shannon's job. Hey, Shannon. You really played football? Yeah.

1:09:31

Are you an athlete? Try to get by me,

1:09:33

dude. Try to get by me. Try to get

1:09:36

by me. Go on. Oklahoma. It's

1:09:42

not a foregone conclusion that any jacked black dude

1:09:44

is an athlete, so I'm just going to put

1:09:47

that out there. Put that

1:09:49

one out. Let's do

1:09:51

plugs. Some of the responses, too, have you

1:09:53

seen a... Did Gary Owen

1:09:55

do one? That's a

1:09:58

goodie. What's his response? Rogan

1:10:00

tweeted out that he loves I

1:10:08

feel like Gary Owen's always knows how to like sidestep

1:10:10

is we do with Ari He like

1:10:13

sidesteps it and then go and it just stands

1:10:15

with like the people Who are

1:10:17

like getting angry and just go like hey, right?

1:10:19

You see mother this last thing when did I

1:10:22

pandering and he was like you see black people

1:10:24

when black people come together What

1:10:26

could happen you just take more drugs? You

1:10:28

were so high Don't know what

1:10:30

we're talking about What

1:10:32

do you want me to say to him trying to

1:10:35

get back to eat some chocolate some sugar in them

1:10:38

My blood sugars love Let's

1:10:42

do plugs real quick. We have a

1:10:44

game for you guys. We decided to do our own game.

1:10:46

Okay guys, let's do plugs surely

1:10:48

a kibbe We

1:10:52

are off the road for a little bit The only

1:10:54

show we have on sale right now is May 9th

1:10:56

at Town Hall and fucking New York City Yeah, our

1:10:58

biggest show today Tickets are available

1:11:00

now get them. They're going quick. And also we have

1:11:03

an a YG card game for sale at our you

1:11:05

garbage Fuck

1:11:07

yeah, holy We

1:11:12

got to we got two things we're plugging we didn't

1:11:14

have an off-broadway play Checking

1:11:18

my one man show First

1:11:22

of all, I want to say we're only without Kibbe fully

1:11:24

a man Oh,

1:11:26

it's called Foley. Where's Kibbe? Kibbe-less

1:11:32

Once again skank fest presale January 17th got the

1:11:34

tickets at 2 p.m. Eastern You'll create them comm

1:11:36

slash skank fest also subscribe to the new gas

1:11:38

digital We have a brand new platform brand new

1:11:41

website brand new apps. We've been fucking killing it

1:11:43

We did a skanks We have an exclusive show

1:11:45

that we do every week just for subscribers to

1:11:47

gas digital you can come that every Friday night

1:11:49

at 8 p.m So subscribe to gas digital

1:11:52

never come the Friday night Subscribe

1:11:54

to gas is on the front of that

1:11:56

hang get the entire on-demand library hundreds of

1:11:58

episodes that are not available anywhere Where else

1:12:00

all advertisements entered in one place and check me

1:12:02

out live on the road the meaty ogre tour

1:12:04

come to a city near You I'll be this

1:12:06

Saturday night emas, Pennsylvania with the great Mike figs

1:12:09

Then I'll be January 25th to 28th

1:12:11

comedy Key West then I got Saratoga

1:12:13

Springs the tipsy Tampa Des Moines East

1:12:16

Providence Red Bank and a bunch of other shows

1:12:18

coming up go to Lewis and skanks on comic grab

1:12:20

those tickets and check out both of my Other podcasts

1:12:22

real ass podcast and the regs and check out

1:12:24

both my specials that are available on YouTube I

1:12:32

Got a Brea

1:12:35

Brea Brea Brea Brea

1:12:37

Improv. I'll be there

1:12:39

next week Then

1:12:41

stress factory in Bridgeport, Connecticut zanies

1:12:44

and Rosemont Chicago also zanies in

1:12:46

a Nashville Key

1:12:49

West comedy club And

1:12:52

a bunch of other stuff coming up comic

1:12:54

Dave Smith calm although my website is down

1:12:56

right now for some reason because fuck my

1:12:59

life And of

1:13:01

course I did a half-hour comedy special

1:13:03

last year 30 minutes with Dave Smith that's

1:13:05

up for free on YouTube as well as my

1:13:08

first hour special libertas is up there for free

1:13:10

and Part of the problem

1:13:12

right here on the gas digital network Yeah,

1:13:15

but yeah, you know what yeah Deserves

1:13:19

a slow clap big J comedy comm for all

1:13:21

my dates a lot of fun stuff coming up

1:13:23

this weekend everybody Salt Lake City wise guys Saturday

1:13:26

is sold out Friday is closed. So we added

1:13:28

a Thursday show Thursday 8

1:13:30

o'clock get tickets for that big J. Comedy calm

1:13:32

the weekend after that everybody It's

1:13:35

here. I'm doing my crowd work special at the comedy

1:13:37

works in Denver We're

1:13:39

filming Friday and Saturday. There is the Sunday

1:13:41

show though. It's just I'll probably do

1:13:43

material on that one I'm not taping it, but

1:13:46

come check out and be a part of the

1:13:48

fucking fun out in Denver Those are gonna sell

1:13:50

out quick. So get your tickets for that If

1:13:53

you didn't know close to the date look anyway, there might

1:13:55

be some You

1:13:57

never know after that I've McGoobee's

1:14:00

coming up in Baltimore. I'm all over the place all

1:14:02

through the summer Or up

1:14:04

until the summer big j. Comedy calm

1:14:07

look for a city near you and

1:14:09

watch my special dog belly That's currently

1:14:11

out to mill to

1:14:13

mill. We just hit 2 million views Wow There

1:14:17

we go and then Sdr

1:14:19

straight on the guest digital network and the bonfire

1:14:21

five days a week with me and Robert Kelly

1:14:23

the great Robert Kelly on faction talk series section

1:14:25

103 dude dude

1:14:29

did I'll

1:14:32

play this game Yeah, let's

1:14:35

rock it dude. Yeah, so you

1:14:37

guys we love you. We love your show

1:14:39

Are you garbage and we've all been on

1:14:41

multiple times great show we've decided to do

1:14:43

I'm in the middle of a series

1:14:45

of volume We gotta have you back. Yeah, we barely made

1:14:47

it out of the bath. Yeah, we're just out of the

1:14:50

bathroom That's not even a joke

1:14:54

Doesn't have to go on the show the answer is yes We're

1:14:58

at minute 48, I'm like can we get

1:15:00

to your living rooms? That's

1:15:03

right the door man crazy the doorman in

1:15:05

the building goes. There's some garbage here to see you

1:15:10

So we decided to do our own little

1:15:12

spin on your show, okay Alex Welcome

1:15:16

to another exciting edition of

1:15:19

are you gay? You

1:15:22

find out Great

1:15:25

individuals or totally

1:15:28

gay now here

1:15:30

are your hosts the leader of

1:15:32

skanks podcast Great

1:15:40

great job great production welcome to are you gave him

1:15:42

of three people I to put that together I'm

1:15:46

not shitting you there was the vo guy you

1:15:49

I I voted for gay bitch, but we

1:15:51

got gay bitch All

1:15:54

right, it's it's gonna be a good show so

1:15:57

here. We're gonna find out whether you guys and all

1:15:59

of us really are gavage.

1:16:01

Yeah, a little bit of gavage. Okay. Yeah.

1:16:04

So, you know, uh, we have

1:16:06

some questions here. I don't know if anybody wants

1:16:08

to jump in. Sure. Can you braid hair is

1:16:10

the first one? Should

1:16:15

be. We're just going to find out. It's

1:16:19

gay to get mad at it. There

1:16:23

I asked Alex and Mike, do we have like a point

1:16:26

system on how it works? Like if we answered, we're just

1:16:28

going to answer out. Yeah. And I think you should get

1:16:30

bonus points for if you're, um, gay and

1:16:32

garbage. Wow. At the same time,

1:16:34

I thought it was like garbage where at the

1:16:37

end everyone would just vote over. If you're gay,

1:16:39

but you're not fair enough. But I would say

1:16:41

if you had a braid hair, that will put

1:16:43

you in the gavage category. But I was, I

1:16:46

was raised by it. If you're not able to

1:16:48

braid hair because your mom failed out of barber

1:16:50

school, you're kind of gay and garbage at the

1:16:52

same time. So I'm just saying that's, that's real

1:16:55

gavage can walk in both worlds. I

1:16:57

just tried to call balls and strikes here, Louis. I'm sorry. You

1:17:00

guys couldn't, you couldn't braid hair. I

1:17:05

feel like Louis is looking at the word smoking. Two

1:17:09

cartoon heads. Holy

1:17:12

shit. Holy Kevin. When'd you guys get here?

1:17:16

Great hair. You

1:17:19

guys know Shannon Sharpe. You

1:17:22

know, we did athlete. I got played.

1:17:24

I got played spark. All

1:17:30

right. You want to jump into some of

1:17:32

these questions? Yeah. Let's put it. I'll

1:17:34

start it off for everyone. Let

1:17:36

me all jot down. Like do we have Pam? Maybe we

1:17:38

jumped in a wire and end for, uh, I'll keep up.

1:17:40

I got my fingers for me. I think you don't want

1:17:42

it. You really

1:17:45

want to point system here. I think we just, I'm going to

1:17:47

need, I'm going to need a calculator and

1:17:49

a butt plug. If you got it, just like

1:17:51

you guys want to create an app real quick. Take

1:17:54

care of this. We called it a game. It should

1:17:56

be a winner. It's not

1:17:58

real. Uh, where's the

1:18:01

freakin' loser here? I'm fuckin'

1:18:03

more gave-age than you, motherfucker. Uh,

1:18:07

alright, yeah, I'll- Cher, Cher, you-

1:18:09

Please, please. Alright, I'm just not

1:18:11

sure you can read in your

1:18:13

state. I'm good. Um, alright. Alright,

1:18:15

when you were a child or

1:18:17

teenager, what posters, if any, did

1:18:19

you have on your bedroom walls?

1:18:22

Britney Spears, right away, was the first one. No,

1:18:24

you didn't. Yeah. What? What?

1:18:28

Fucking liar. I didn't say Luke

1:18:30

Skywalker, what the fuck? You

1:18:32

really had Britney Spears on your wall? Dude, you stole

1:18:34

my Britney Spears poster? Mine

1:18:37

was missing from my wall. What are these? Then,

1:18:39

yes, your game page. I don't need any more posters.

1:18:42

Alright, well that's pretty bad. I'll tell ya, I have

1:18:44

some bad fuckin' posters on my wall at different points.

1:18:46

What did you have- what posters are they doing? Dude,

1:18:48

I mean, I think- Yeah, man.

1:18:51

I think in the seventh grade, I- I-

1:18:53

maybe eighth grade, I made like a collage.

1:18:55

Ron Cola. A collage of- nah, it was

1:18:57

before I- it was before I found the

1:18:59

truth. That was Ron Cola. Mike

1:19:01

Dukakis. He had

1:19:03

a shot! He would have

1:19:06

turned the country around! Did

1:19:09

we go down the line and everyone stayed their posters?

1:19:11

Dude, I remember my posters specifically. I did a mon-

1:19:13

mon- at one point- I did a mon- You're Ron

1:19:15

Perot for Halloween every year? It

1:19:18

was all the leaders of the Fed? No,

1:19:21

dude, that's the opposite of my thing. No,

1:19:24

but it was Halloween. You were spooky.

1:19:27

I'll destroy your currency! I'm

1:19:30

gonna raise interest rates! Inflation!

1:19:36

Trickle down economics!

1:19:39

Give me your money, I'm taxin'!

1:19:44

Shannon Sharp! Shannon

1:19:47

Sharp! Ooooo! I

1:19:54

Feel like it was just getting smaller too.

1:20:00

A privilege to do things smaller as

1:20:02

the silly because of the hey guys?

1:20:04

What's about how. The

1:20:08

system other than method.

1:20:14

Of us over let's assume plugs zip

1:20:16

Europe where he wrote her a subset

1:20:18

of that's what I Will program has

1:20:21

a deliberate ago. When

1:20:23

I was hired me like a hot

1:20:25

shirts, a slight collage almost the right

1:20:28

out just putting words for whatever magazine

1:20:30

with accents and all that normal a

1:20:32

straight guy, just guy at a certain

1:20:34

and wasn't us at a certain point

1:20:37

I tore it down. assess was in

1:20:39

anger, know it was like I was

1:20:41

building and from stop coming, Minnesota or

1:20:43

never to get six thoughts doesn't lead

1:20:45

me on ssssss. I still fit for

1:20:48

like six months and then in one

1:20:50

moment I was. Spotted some

1:20:52

splurge. I have no dealing with

1:20:54

what did you go through ago?

1:20:56

And go. Of. She's in the wall. Or

1:21:00

he would someone else is roughly be

1:21:02

like may be outside in an oblate.

1:21:04

Be terrorists do it Was there was

1:21:07

no. Process. Like that the Spice

1:21:09

Girls were a bit like owners of does

1:21:11

Whatever with it's if it was it a

1:21:13

picture with cleavages nothing like ours is up

1:21:15

there and the your mom was summoned, clean

1:21:18

your room and zero little forties who was

1:21:20

I moan and way my room. Ah,

1:21:22

but I know I would. Sushi wasn't because.

1:21:26

Our i missed it was

1:21:28

proven as he was like

1:21:30

what is going on here

1:21:32

Home this year has surfaced

1:21:34

sweeps a bedroom with approve.

1:21:38

Such. As

1:21:41

if you live on fatty else about. Had

1:21:44

an emergency with a leaf blower to clear

1:21:46

my room that Uma Uma Thurman sweep up

1:21:48

after she was Sun Herald for both. As

1:21:52

a result lab term health officials that was

1:21:55

when I just or is this though the

1:21:57

quick sweets I can tell us as as

1:21:59

as out. I thought there was something

1:22:01

in my my seventh grade eighth grade. As

1:22:03

a nice girls I remember talking cool dude

1:22:05

movie pictures, the hot chick on my wall

1:22:08

recovery to see the highly vertical have ever

1:22:10

thought about six Us? I mean am I

1:22:12

an asshole here when hot six on a

1:22:14

wall? what are we talking about? It might

1:22:17

have been divide your house, my dorm room

1:22:19

with those little have free poses, a hot

1:22:21

shower. yeah the old one zero but it

1:22:23

might have been the height of my koumas.

1:22:25

Great there when I was doing that and

1:22:28

then I've been declining ever since that is

1:22:30

certain point. I was like. This. Isn't

1:22:32

cool. I fucking sucks. and then I just

1:22:34

tore the whole thing down from. throw it

1:22:36

out on that would I had. I mean,

1:22:39

whoever was up there, I just. i remember

1:22:41

the Spice Girls. And I don't know,

1:22:43

it was just any other tissue I was

1:22:45

with. I'd rather my usual Maxim magazine. it

1:22:47

was the week before your little before we

1:22:49

backs of yeah I'm I'm your man and

1:22:51

his the I got the Desperate Housewives addition

1:22:54

know read all they were on the wall

1:22:56

with how old are you. Out

1:22:58

of my arm. Thirty Seven Realign

1:23:00

A Hollywood. Hesitated.

1:23:03

Ice free talking about me? Right

1:23:07

now, Kevin Reilly thirty seven

1:23:09

years old posts here. And

1:23:15

up as far as soon as. His

1:23:19

mother fucking never met

1:23:21

Britney Spears? see how

1:23:23

they say. Are

1:23:26

backwards out on I'm young. Woman

1:23:30

eyes as bad as a physicist.

1:23:32

stiffer time this as ah but

1:23:34

I had. I had the Blues

1:23:36

Brothers and Co naked. Assess

1:23:43

Assess silver alfresco.

1:23:46

Now, but I think we're How are you guys? Not

1:23:48

the blues brothers from home with. Me

1:23:51

they were sitting robotic

1:23:53

arm. George Michael's was

1:23:56

real. in

1:23:58

the gay community The fucking

1:24:00

public bathrooms to bug chasers. Funny.

1:24:05

It was Ellen John. Did

1:24:07

you hear the record? He didn't die from AIDS,

1:24:09

like I told everybody for like a decade now.

1:24:12

Maybe we get my news from you. Boy George,

1:24:14

didn't Boy George have AIDS? He got an issue

1:24:16

or an attraction. No, he's alive. I don't think

1:24:18

he's got AIDS and he's alive. They just like

1:24:20

to apologize to the estate of George Michael. I

1:24:23

had George Michael from Faith, who was big when

1:24:25

I was a kid. Wow, the dangling earrings. Oh

1:24:27

man, he was something else. That

1:24:30

guy was a goddamn artist. I

1:24:34

can't believe you got an old finger. Can

1:24:37

I give you mine? Because I'm going

1:24:39

to go through the errors. When

1:24:41

I was little, little, when

1:24:43

I was little and

1:24:46

lived primarily at my grandmother's house in my room

1:24:48

there, I had a

1:24:51

big poster of he's

1:24:53

the DJ, I'm the rapper, Fresh

1:24:55

Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff. Okay.

1:24:58

That's just cool. I had a

1:25:00

pennant. You remember the pennants?

1:25:02

Sure. Eagles, Phillies,

1:25:04

Flyers, Sixers. Then

1:25:07

my ripouts were like fans I

1:25:09

thought were cool and like Debbie Gibson, Tiffany.

1:25:12

Those were the girl ones. Did you ever

1:25:14

do a remember slam magazine?

1:25:17

Basketball. And it would have

1:25:19

the like two page. The centerfold. Yeah.

1:25:22

Like you were the male centerfold basketball

1:25:24

players? Not even dude. How are you

1:25:26

going to get the full dunk? Jack

1:25:29

Seven feet. You hold it up to two pages. He

1:25:31

can't fit on one page. And then you move the

1:25:33

hand and the third one falls out. You assume it's

1:25:36

all dick. Oh, hello. Not

1:25:38

just looked at them. I mean, looked at them,

1:25:40

tore them out and taped them up to my

1:25:42

fucking wall where it would just be like fucking

1:25:45

Stefan Marver. Yeah, it's way cooler than ever. I'll

1:25:47

tell you what, as an adult now, because I

1:25:49

get given so much stuff too, I will

1:25:51

eventually have a room that's got a bunch of like

1:25:54

Eagles stuff hanging on the wall and shit. So I got

1:25:56

a bunch of that shit. Your Philly trash. You got it.

1:25:59

For Sure. We moved to

1:26:01

Allergy. likely my number comes in. I'm

1:26:03

getting a second bedroom and good Iowa

1:26:05

with memorabilia reversing Abyan Pennant Pacific Warehouse

1:26:07

where is the and you'll be sleeping

1:26:09

in the minority view. It. As

1:26:12

Crazy Susana says on the cruise like it

1:26:14

was your goal. When

1:26:17

I was just like new illegal

1:26:19

so bedrooms see Ron Jaworski jersey So

1:26:22

good. Luck

1:26:24

charms. Love jobs Going to break the grand

1:26:26

autographed picture Him get in the sack. You

1:26:29

are Going. Through your memorabilia on ironically, I

1:26:31

believe it. Yeah, But.

1:26:34

My peers and I was a gimme

1:26:36

ever for Christmas. We'll give me some

1:26:38

I got sick of look a picture

1:26:40

of Brian Dawkins aren't printed out as

1:26:42

up one day success as arm themselves

1:26:44

autograph on at now that smiles back

1:26:46

Most of the time live my mom

1:26:48

my step up on the back of

1:26:50

my door I'd have full length John

1:26:52

Bon Jovi poster where this is at

1:26:54

what age is more now that now

1:26:56

we're getting the like the their teens

1:26:58

August Thirteen Fourteen. Ah, then we

1:27:00

move. While that fifteen was last year, I

1:27:02

probably had posters and I say those, where

1:27:04

are. The. One I remade

1:27:06

Beavis and Butthead. Okay, And at

1:27:09

Sandy Corn? who was the girl

1:27:11

you is Amazon? Look up Sandy

1:27:13

Corn poster. You'll. Remember this just

1:27:15

was one of the ones that was it's Spencer's

1:27:17

all the time cause damage. Say you're not gay

1:27:20

at all you just cool. Add a Bon Jovi

1:27:22

and on about that are you give me the

1:27:24

double gun barrels women else going to be idea

1:27:26

that as I did air as that one right

1:27:29

there with the. Pink. Yeah like

1:27:31

that are I'd say it was

1:27:33

written day i. Britney Spears s.

1:27:36

C. That I I I had realized you

1:27:38

were there for me for the for the

1:27:40

memorabilia room. Ak my

1:27:42

fuckin. when I have a Tory and I'll.

1:27:46

Look, I'll have to repost suzanne

1:27:48

organ of the Her and Randall

1:27:50

Cunningham the first works. At

1:27:54

a football for. Your

1:27:57

support us. Are

1:27:59

the first former use a teenage mean is

1:28:01

your last movie poster Rovers like they're they're

1:28:03

they're the silver kept with are like face

1:28:06

is coming up now. It's

1:28:08

had I have one. Nothing at all some

1:28:10

jazz. ah I became a pervert than there

1:28:13

was I. The next one I had was

1:28:15

my neighbor died. am I right We're terrified.

1:28:17

Okay I had his dead body from as

1:28:19

effective as a killer put up know my

1:28:22

neighbor died and are they took all of

1:28:24

his furnishing they are putting it out. So

1:28:26

me and the other is couple of because

1:28:28

the never took all the furniture. And brought

1:28:31

it to my house and have a

1:28:33

yard sale of the great maybe my

1:28:35

favorite Louis story that Lewis was a

1:28:37

thing as hit back over their money

1:28:39

grave robber due to the Centers on

1:28:41

a cease and worry we sold all

1:28:43

this furnaces the stuff So Louis and

1:28:45

four years old is he was like

1:28:47

I see a market opportunity of Warren

1:28:49

Buffett one of these one of his

1:28:51

gold fillings second one is now services

1:28:53

that is that that he had that

1:28:55

I want to damage to the dead

1:28:57

years. As as I.

1:29:00

Can walk last five months. Those those two

1:29:02

things that the guy has and I wanted

1:29:04

to keep. One was a dartboard over get

1:29:06

started bad as and the other one was

1:29:08

a poster and it was for models or

1:29:10

know who the models radio show their faces

1:29:12

we care what the first resist their asses

1:29:15

from behind they were any top your secrets

1:29:17

that but they were were beginning as I

1:29:19

am a you just saw their fucking pussy

1:29:21

lips just a sec pussy lips I know

1:29:23

that house a calming be like it was

1:29:25

that with a rabbit see me bottoms yes

1:29:28

and you saw it Also almost Testicles Yeah.

1:29:30

It was fat lip sat more apps around

1:29:32

pussy and I put that I'd. Like

1:29:35

to their rhythm her one of my mom's

1:29:37

best have club or deal with manager of

1:29:39

a bigger with nothing. Day. at

1:29:41

all about that instill you said they

1:29:43

were almost like testing they were obama

1:29:46

am i met me wrong i made

1:29:48

the gayest their online real nice he's

1:29:50

testicle and how old was our some

1:29:52

zone japan not all resellers the i

1:29:54

wish i could our knowledge forties of

1:29:56

the i have no idea he said

1:29:58

eyes on you If you got Ruby, we

1:30:01

got a door for her to put this poster. These

1:30:03

clips could have been at home. Who's alive? My mom.

1:30:06

But then the other poster, I had one more

1:30:08

poster, because at that point, I opened Pandora's box.

1:30:10

I was a little pervert. So then I went

1:30:12

to Spencer's, and I got a poster of the

1:30:14

Barbie twins. And she's too

1:30:16

big-titted for us. Oh, I remember those girls. And

1:30:19

it was just like that poster. They were very Spencer's, yeah.

1:30:21

But then I kept them up. The Ninja Turtles, those bitches,

1:30:23

and then the Barbie twins were just up on my wall.

1:30:25

Oh, yeah, Sandy Corners, Livin' with Beavis and Bowhead. My

1:30:28

mom used to, a dude,

1:30:30

young guy, used to work for her

1:30:33

smallest formal wear tuxedo rentals. Stop

1:30:36

by anytime. In the Cityline Center Mall. A

1:30:39

guy worked for his name was Charles, but

1:30:41

Chaz. And he looked every bit of

1:30:43

Chaz. But she would have him babysit me.

1:30:45

And I would go, he just told

1:30:47

me to go upstairs and do my homework in his

1:30:49

room, which was awesome of him, because I would

1:30:51

just put Inspector Gadget on his TV. I had fond

1:30:53

memories of that song. And his room,

1:30:56

all four walls with cutouts for

1:30:59

light sockets and shit of

1:31:02

just hardcore pornography

1:31:04

of the time. So it was just girls. It

1:31:07

wasn't like sex, but it was girls. It was

1:31:09

like spread pussies, spread asshole. His

1:31:11

whole wall. It was so

1:31:13

awesome. It was such a

1:31:15

magical thing. I don't know if my mom ever knew,

1:31:17

but. Yeah, your mom sells worse than Lewis's mom. No,

1:31:20

no, no, no. I'm kidding. And he would send you

1:31:22

after. You were like, no. Don't

1:31:24

fucking. You just burst your lips out

1:31:26

there. Relax. Don't fucking sue

1:31:28

him. Then I would, at

1:31:30

my mom's hair salon that she washed hair

1:31:32

at, Bruno's. There was. Bruno's.

1:31:35

Bruno's, yeah. How was it garlic notch? Yeah, it

1:31:37

was good. I

1:31:39

went. Bruno's barber

1:31:42

and pizzeria. Bruno won.

1:31:44

Bruno won. And you said in New York. Try this

1:31:46

looking barber. We

1:31:50

could have a vodka slice in a cleanup, huh? But

1:31:55

there was downstairs in the laundry

1:31:57

room. There was a

1:31:59

calendar. on the wall where it was just a

1:32:01

but it was topless shit you are and I used

1:32:03

to literally just go downstairs in this salon because I

1:32:05

used to work there on Saturdays. Did you stand whack

1:32:08

off? Yeah. I

1:32:10

stand whack off. Walking in on a

1:32:12

little boy's stand whacking off has to

1:32:14

be crushing for everybody

1:32:16

involved. There's a little

1:32:18

Lewis with his naked tan ass. Hey

1:32:20

Kelly your son's jerking off downstairs again.

1:32:24

Hey you uncredentialed idiot. Stop

1:32:27

washing hair. Stop doing a monkey's

1:32:29

job and go downstairs and collect your

1:32:31

idiot's son. You're just a hairdresser. Why

1:32:33

is your overweight 11 year

1:32:35

old beauty his dick in the biggest

1:32:37

metal? Your retarded son is smooshing his wiener

1:32:39

on the dryer right now. He's

1:32:42

got mascara on and he's fucking beating off the

1:32:44

marks. Now we know what happened to

1:32:46

all the conditioner. Wait

1:32:49

what beauty parlor has a calendar like?

1:32:51

Bruno's dude. It has a

1:32:53

barber shop. A bunch of Russian Muratas. It

1:32:56

was a classy barber. I

1:32:59

think your mom was washing hair in an auto

1:33:01

body. Your mom was washing hair in a

1:33:03

fucking bunch of snap on tools. A 15

1:33:05

minute loop. It

1:33:07

was a nice hair salon in New City New York.

1:33:09

It was all Jewish ladies that would go there and

1:33:12

get their hair done. And flick their bean to the

1:33:15

nice Portogrif. It was just

1:33:17

whatever at one point there was a male employee that

1:33:19

was like, we're going to hang this calendar in the

1:33:21

basement. Man what a better time it was than I.

1:33:25

You hired your first day you hang up

1:33:27

naked. This place

1:33:29

needs some pitch. This

1:33:32

is the only thing that's going to stop me from

1:33:34

raping all of you. If

1:33:41

I don't look at this, I'm going to do something

1:33:43

in here. I'm

1:33:45

going to lose it. Look

1:33:48

at you with your tits and all your stuff out. That

1:33:51

was one of my first jobs. First

1:33:55

day Tony walks in. You

1:33:57

got a hammer? 11.

1:36:03

I got a paint sprayer in the back

1:36:05

but you know do it with

1:36:07

a roller. Is the hair salon still open? Did

1:36:09

you just figure this out? No way! It

1:36:13

doesn't look like it. No way that survived COVID! Is this where it

1:36:15

was? Oh that is where it was. Oh they closed down.

1:36:21

I was thinking be sad right now

1:36:23

dude. They filled in the pool! The

1:36:26

goddamn town ship shut them down. I

1:36:28

don't know who did those bushes but

1:36:30

they're fantastic. That was a nice salon dude.

1:36:34

Of course it was. I'm gonna let your Puerto

1:36:37

Rican get painted while it's full. So

1:36:39

it was a nice salon. You guys closed down

1:36:41

after that pool job I did? I

1:36:43

did all that pool work just for you to shut your

1:36:45

doors. And then the pizza

1:36:48

place over there was called Rocco's and they

1:36:50

had a great taco slice. That shit was

1:36:52

fucking fire. Out of control. A taco slice?

1:36:54

Dude hiring an 11 year old? That's a

1:36:56

fucking purchase right there dude. A taco slice

1:36:58

is an 11 year old. Let's not get

1:37:01

past a taco. I've never heard of a

1:37:03

taco slice before I went to the gym.

1:37:05

I have it in tilt right this minute

1:37:07

dude. A taco slice? That's going on my

1:37:09

wall. So it was

1:37:12

sauce but it was ground beef like cheddar

1:37:14

cheese, olives, all the shit that's on a

1:37:16

taco. Lettuce, tomatoes, all that shit dude. That's

1:37:19

how we got the idea. Wait

1:37:21

please Mr. Gomez explain it slower. Cucumbers, peanut butter,

1:37:23

no more taco stuff. I

1:37:31

don't know why they called it a taco because it was just

1:37:33

pineapple in hand. It

1:37:37

was pepperoni they told him it was taco. Go

1:37:39

back to that picture. It's a taco slice. Lewis

1:37:43

goes what is this? It's exactly

1:37:45

what you described. Sauce, ground beef,

1:37:47

cheddar cheese, let

1:37:49

us say tomatoes. My shit, let me say some

1:37:52

rockers made that shit festive. It looked like it was

1:37:54

fucking. Can I break your heart Lewis right now? I'm going

1:37:56

to break your heart and this is the thing I've noticed

1:37:58

a lot. Tell me you're always. Chasing some

1:38:00

taste you had when you were young

1:38:03

But you're gonna cry dude. You're never gonna find out

1:38:06

it. Not you did not you also labeled I

1:38:08

want to borrow your arms as like the second

1:38:10

thing But

1:38:12

I was on tacos I thought they had always on

1:38:14

the pizza. What do you want me to say? I

1:38:16

was on tacos We're coming like this black olives on

1:38:19

the fucking side. Are you on here? I'm on

1:38:21

the side of Taco pizza I Said

1:38:25

I'm leaving the Bruno gang it

1:38:28

was rock both. Oh, he's loyalty has always

1:38:30

been This

1:38:33

is what it look like yeah And

1:38:37

why are those fuck where they get this giant

1:38:39

olives from I think those are

1:38:41

a little bit bigger than my country is Is

1:38:44

Rocco still their large to show texture

1:38:46

is Rocco's? Across in that

1:38:48

house with no people places do not close Rocco's is

1:38:50

still in fucking New City, New York look that shit

1:38:52

up right now You want

1:38:54

to be there? I want to be there so that's the Uber Eats

1:38:56

if they're open dude. I'll go there Talk

1:39:00

about you know you did hit it you did hit

1:39:02

a thing. I chased that too. No, I'm

1:39:04

telling 100% It's a big thing the best Chinese

1:39:06

I ever had in my mind And

1:39:08

it's yeah, and I've had better Chinese since I'm

1:39:11

certain of it It's just not whatever it is.

1:39:13

I pictured when every time I had you I

1:39:15

have fried rice I think of the Aloha and

1:39:17

actually you know what it is though someone actually

1:39:19

told blue belt Thank you somebody actually answered this

1:39:21

for me. Why everyone's goes to Chinese with that

1:39:24

MSG yeah Why

1:39:27

it tasted better so I've heard that theory

1:39:30

before but there is something like every one

1:39:32

of us will agree That the

1:39:34

Chinese food you had when you were a kid

1:39:36

was the best Chinese food you ever had so

1:39:38

and it might be the MSG Thing but I

1:39:41

also never had like is good again though. I

1:39:43

never your emotional leave Kids

1:39:45

we were like 5050 that it was gonna be it was

1:39:47

cat meat And

1:39:53

then when I got a little bit older I was like alright that was like it

1:39:55

was an old wives Tell us I don't really

1:39:57

can't meet then I found out that yeah, they were really

1:39:59

using cat meat regularly in a lot of these Chinese

1:40:01

restaurants. Well sure, at your barber shop. You

1:40:04

gotta cut costs. Your

1:40:07

barber butcher shop? Dude,

1:40:09

it might be the MSG, but a big part

1:40:11

of that is just like when you're a kid,

1:40:13

you just live life. Like you experience it in

1:40:15

a way. What is MSG, Ethan? I don't even

1:40:17

know what it is. It's something

1:40:19

delicious out there. It's a stadium on 34th

1:40:21

Street. What is it? Is

1:40:25

it fucking an anvil? Someone

1:40:27

literally just recently told me what

1:40:30

it stands for. I think

1:40:32

the S is sodium, right? Monosodium gluteus.

1:40:34

Yeah, why is it bad for you?

1:40:36

Glutahy. The flavor enhancer, canned vegetables,

1:40:39

soups, deli, meats and other foods. Hell yeah, dude. A

1:40:42

headache, flushing, sweating. Yeah, that's

1:40:44

Chinese food. By the way, this is

1:40:46

literally everything that happens after Chinese food.

1:40:48

It's supposed to happen. Face pressure and

1:40:50

tightness. My feet hurt. I feel sick.

1:40:52

Chest pain. I'm tingling.

1:40:55

Fluttering. I thought that was love.

1:40:57

By the way, and then you burp and all this goes away.

1:41:00

I should do not do it. An

1:41:02

egg roll might be my favorite food in the world. A good one. A

1:41:05

good pork egg roll. I think everything

1:41:07

should be an egg roll wrapper. It's

1:41:11

muscle memory of also just your pot. When

1:41:15

I was younger, when you don't grow up in New York,

1:41:17

the pizza that was near me was barely Italian. It

1:41:21

was like Greek places made all the pizza and they were

1:41:23

great. I

1:41:25

thought it was fucking great. But

1:41:27

also, on nights where you'd also

1:41:29

just go, let's get Domino's or Little Caesars. I've

1:41:33

had Little Caesars recently after like 30 some

1:41:35

years of not having it. I will

1:41:37

say, it's so disgusting, you're like, is it? But

1:41:39

I bet it didn't taste better then. Little Caesars

1:41:41

in the 80s and 90s was fucking on point.

1:41:44

Now they just don't give a shit anymore?

1:41:46

No, I think that our taste buds were not

1:41:49

developed. That's worse colorblind. We had a limited amount

1:41:51

of good pizza in your life Where

1:41:53

Domino's, I used to love Domino's. I still

1:41:55

love Domino's. Domino's is probably the same flavor

1:41:58

today that it was 30 years ago. No

1:42:00

emigre. Why you're roms the gear supply

1:42:03

chains gotten bigger. Let me tell you

1:42:05

why? Wrong with a license and Muslims

1:42:07

now and now I'm a government office

1:42:09

or so you? Why you're wrong about

1:42:11

that? Because no, actually no person puts

1:42:14

more effort into their advertising to let

1:42:16

you know they changed their changing. Yet.

1:42:19

Again, love and at one point they refer

1:42:21

dominoes we sought to perform sort of i

1:42:23

don't want to go hey we dropped the

1:42:25

ball but look at us words are gonna

1:42:27

ride horse like those slobs over pizza hadn't

1:42:29

stopped in front of your energy as a

1:42:31

stabbed him in the monitor spurred my for

1:42:33

your money back dominoes. The dominoes is like

1:42:35

you knew what this was. This is how

1:42:37

you know on regular a group effort a

1:42:39

whore of the brumback annoyed and then they

1:42:41

said that are the noise that was when

1:42:43

he back for minute. We're not say this.

1:42:46

They. Are going to pizza do so they want to

1:42:48

remove my microwave. We the know it or English is

1:42:50

annoyed by this Halloween. what would they? They wanted you

1:42:52

to try their pizza again so bad you member. At

1:42:55

one point they were like. Ah, By

1:42:57

the way, on our route. We're. Going to

1:42:59

report any potholes and are Gamma knows

1:43:01

team of street repairs If they come

1:43:03

out of six your potholes if they're

1:43:05

doing is that. Sounds

1:43:08

and or die without Snow Plow snowplows

1:43:10

don't have some you adjust Dominoes who

1:43:12

will build the roads Domino to say

1:43:14

out. Orations dominated you heard it here

1:43:17

first as as as dominoes will come

1:43:19

on fucked your wife I'm pro.dominances I

1:43:21

just as we started as a lot

1:43:23

of the show Dominoes is way better

1:43:26

than Pizza Hut. Dude with has it's

1:43:28

san. All and it's not even for her to ensuring

1:43:30

that are you gay beach. We. Are only

1:43:32

have one on my way to

1:43:34

show so that they had an

1:43:36

figure out a formula like mother

1:43:39

fuckers but I will say they

1:43:41

are come out the pastry on

1:43:43

are you Gay Beach featuring us

1:43:45

he is a full on steals

1:43:47

their ah i will say how

1:43:49

or. Whatever. You could say that

1:43:51

Dominoes, I. Remember. When.

1:43:53

I was in high school. Late. Night

1:43:56

ordering dominoes and when I was

1:43:58

in college the full. year

1:44:01

that I was there. Flip bragging. They

1:44:03

are there it was the only

1:44:06

place that was open until like 1 a.m.

1:44:08

sure everything else closed and we would order

1:44:10

Domino's when there was literally no other option

1:44:12

if you wanted to eat and

1:44:14

those late night Domino's were

1:44:16

it's the best food I've ever had in

1:44:18

my life. Whether it was really good

1:44:23

or really not good but when

1:44:25

you were like fucking drunk and

1:44:27

hungry and it was one in

1:44:29

the morning and your Domino's showed

1:44:31

up there was nothing better. Louis

1:44:33

wings and fucking just another hundred

1:44:35

milligram edible. Well I'll

1:44:37

tell you guys relax I'm good here.

1:44:39

When we were first friends I'm not

1:44:41

gavage. I'll tell

1:44:43

you what happened with Domino's also

1:44:46

they started making the same garlic

1:44:48

butter sauce that Papa John's has

1:44:50

and then blue Papa John's is

1:44:53

confusing on the what the fuck.

1:44:55

You can simply make that at

1:44:58

home you can just take a little

1:45:00

bit of butter take a little bit of fucking yeah will

1:45:02

the CEO drop the n-word we've done it before it's not

1:45:04

drop the n-word yeah not to say it's not to

1:45:09

say perfect it's you can make french-residone

1:45:11

name McDonald's all right yeah and cat

1:45:13

William to tell you that yeah why

1:45:16

do you say McDonald's consistency

1:45:19

all right

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North yeah for my era Ron

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Jeremy sure Mm-hmm. I

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think that's it for me. Yeah,

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