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1:04

Hey,

1:12

everybody, it's the Legion Skanks podcast! Coming

1:17

to you from the Stan Comedy Club, the Skanks

1:19

are all here. I'm Big J Ocarson. To my

1:22

right, of course, we got Davey Smith. Counselor?

1:27

Counselor. Of course, to my

1:29

left, everyone, you know him and love him. He's

1:31

the reigning defending Ellis Mainty champion, the Puerto Rican

1:33

Rattlesnake, Luis J Gomez. I'm

1:36

so happy to be here with you guys today. No

1:41

one missed a beat, dude. Got it. Everyone got

1:44

it. We have two amazing guests sitting with

1:46

us today. I'm bombing. All right, you're not bombing

1:48

at all, everybody. She has a new special

1:50

available right now on YouTube, everybody.

1:53

Check it out. It is called Childless

1:55

Milf, everybody. Makes it noise for the

1:57

hilarious Kim Congen. TJ,

2:02

you can't call for order every

2:04

time somebody's applauding. I

2:06

hold you in contempt of court. Turn

2:10

off his microphone for 30 seconds. No!

2:13

The court wasn't even in session. I

2:16

hold David Smith in contempt of hijacking. And

2:19

of course everybody, the judge sitting over

2:21

right now at the end of the table,

2:23

he is the great and hilarious TJ Miller

2:25

in the motherfucking house. Call me Judy and

2:27

I slap him in the mouth. Alright,

2:33

I'm back. Who

2:35

hear ye hear ye? We have a fun show lined up today.

2:38

I'm pumped. A lot of drama going on.

2:40

Well, behind the scenes, we almost left the stand

2:42

this past week. It's

2:45

important for the audience to know this is all

2:47

real. It's all real. Oh

2:49

yeah. We're dead serious. It's all

2:51

real. You're in my hand. Yeah. The

2:54

commitment for this podcast episode cost

2:56

$3,000. The commitment

2:58

in podcasting is unparalleled. Ever

3:02

since video happened, it's true. It can't

3:04

be reversed. So,

3:07

I mean, here's what happened. We've been doing this show

3:10

here for a little while, obviously. We love it. And

3:12

I will say, preemptive, let me say, I love the

3:14

stand. I love the

3:16

stand. I love

3:18

the stand being the home

3:20

of the Legion of the Sings podcast and not the new

3:22

Dangerfield, which is trying to court us. I'm going to put

3:24

that out there. I don't want to go there. I would

3:26

never want to go there. Nobody

3:29

goes there. Nobody wants to go there. But they

3:31

want us. But they want us. I can't leave

3:33

my house without someone from Dangerfield running up on

3:36

me. Please, consider. Bring Legion of Skates. I went

3:38

there. It's called Rodney. It's

3:40

Rodney's. Yeah. It's great. It

3:43

really did a great job with it. It's weird. Wow.

3:46

How's the audio system? It's amazing. Wow.

3:49

I remember I was in there and I was like, it can't be that you've never had a problem.

3:51

And they were like, we've never had a problem. Wow. Wow.

3:54

Okay. New information. And

3:56

I realized when I was there, the gain was

3:58

perfect. Perfectly

4:00

nothing else the game. It's

4:03

nuts because I was only going off how he's the

4:05

greatest comedy legend of all time, but now it's like

4:07

there's the game Okay, anyway So

4:10

we made a few changes if you guys haven't

4:12

noticed in the last like few weeks of how

4:14

we do Legion of Scank for a few months

4:16

I think what yeah, well one of the changes

4:18

that we made is we started charging

4:20

for tickets and That

4:22

sucks for you guys But

4:24

it rules for us. It's so good for us. It

4:26

kicks ass for us. Well theoretically kick ass for us

4:30

Well, the point is this right you see how

4:32

it's fucking sold out in here tonight, so

4:34

we were doing free tickets But

4:37

when we did free tickets It

4:39

would all the tickets would go it'd be sold out

4:41

and then the room would be half full Yeah, the

4:43

tickets are free because you guys are some better shit

4:45

They grab them and then they just don't show up

4:48

But ever since we started selling the tickets everyone

4:50

comes because they also the fucking ticket also

4:52

when it's free They would get six tickets

4:54

and then like mostly just ganks fans found

4:56

out they up. They don't have friends They

4:58

have no friends They

5:02

find out day of They

5:04

don't even check to see if they have friends in the couple

5:07

days before but day of they're like wait a second I have

5:09

no one in my phone. No, I know what I've been there

5:11

before you book it you're like I'm gonna have friends I

5:15

know I'm gonna have friends that night. No one's busy

5:17

on Monday night By

5:19

that time I'll at least have met someone at like

5:21

coffee or something And they'll

5:23

have friends and then I have six And that's

5:25

it but nobody was showing

5:27

off like a joke that exact story

5:29

I heard from people Dozens

5:32

and dozens of times and someone was like I

5:34

bought six tickets I was like, I'll get all

5:36

the boys back from high school. It's a day

5:38

out tonight. And they're all like we're married What

5:40

the fuck are you talking? Their

5:43

wife going who are you on with? In

5:46

20 years podcast

5:48

called Legion of Skank Called

5:51

me like we talked yesterday Hey

5:53

Marcus is it so

5:56

we started charging tickets. Yeah, and now it's been sold

5:58

out every weekend. It's been great But here's

6:00

the thing the stand this is notorious the stand

6:03

notoriously takes a long time to

6:05

pay Their fucking

6:07

producers right and we have not been paid

6:09

from any of the door sales from the

6:12

stand yet now keep in mind also another

6:14

Previously to the when we started

6:17

charging the deal has always been

6:19

since always business since we've been since

6:21

Legion of Skanks Has been at the

6:23

stand we it's always been oh

6:25

you guys and your staff eat and drink for

6:28

free Yeah, I always go with drink free. She's

6:30

always they try and charge me. I say put

6:32

it on Paul Italia's tag It's

6:35

kind of a funny joke cuz the staff is like Like

6:41

why the fuck do I keep eating

6:43

so many pizza? I'm eating veal pizzas.

6:45

That's not even a thing Yeah,

6:49

I want Tomahawk steak

6:52

pizza That sounds fucking

6:54

delicious You eat it

6:56

with a fork and yeah, so yeah,

6:58

that's the deal everybody who has no

7:00

guests to eat and drink for free

7:02

I got great food. The only thing

7:05

that changed was we started

7:07

charging money for the ticket now Let

7:10

me make this point as well the stand the deal with

7:12

the stand We're really fucking letting you guys know how the

7:14

sauce is made. It's a 75 25 split We

7:18

take 75% of the door the stand takes

7:20

25 Holy

7:28

shit, what's such a reasonable

7:30

percentage to have that reaction?

7:37

Worried about this is Dan they only take 25 Sustainable

7:41

business model But on the

7:43

shit-hole They'll

7:46

be upside down in three and a half months hands

7:48

underwater right now They

7:51

charge you $22 for a drink here.

7:53

Yeah, exactly the reason so everyone got

7:55

quiet and Yeah,

8:02

not everyone drinks for free. Yeah, so

8:05

that was the deal. It's a 75 25 split and Now

8:09

since we did this now we're sold out. They make

8:11

money at the door and I was sold every week

8:13

They make a lot more money at the bar. It's

8:15

just it's just money now for the set this in

8:18

now Is it a pop hand talking in my fucking

8:20

face? I hate it so much I

8:26

do it every week. I ask you I

8:30

declare that hilarious Dave

8:40

can you please explain it? 7525

8:46

can you believe it? Can

8:50

I chill in with a good skank thing I was thinking about

8:52

I can't I don't think I can do it in my stand

8:54

I'm for much longer, but you do

8:57

the over-the-head thing and I am sad

8:59

I think it shouldn't be around but

9:01

when you we were younger you Forgot

9:09

about it and I felt like here I felt safe

9:11

to say like it was just fun to do It

9:14

wasn't mean spirit. It was nothing like that, but

9:16

we can't do it. It also cleared out your

9:18

chest really well Yeah, that's true, too As

9:23

a person that lives that person lives in a wheelchair is

9:25

very sad doesn't make it not fun to hop on a

9:27

wheelchair When your legs work once in a while, you know

9:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah wheelchairs. It's kind of fun So

9:33

when I figured out it, you know, we I say people it goes

9:46

It's Sort

9:48

of a loophole, you know It's

9:50

your cancel culture My

9:59

favorite. Where of comedy in high school

10:01

was bullied Jokes you bully your friends yeah

10:04

things year the queer gave a good guy

10:06

but you can't bite your shoulder and such

10:08

your pinky to your some and then are

10:10

retarded hates and loves I as a barrier

10:13

the clear yeah that's good. Yeah I agree

10:15

on old I must have horses So the

10:17

point is they started missing money in the

10:19

past two months as we started doing as

10:22

much more money than were making the past

10:24

six years here. The Stance: So how good?

10:26

All around good stuff. There's more people in

10:28

the crowd. We're. Making more money,

10:31

the stands make more money Again,

10:33

it sucks for you can apply

10:35

for everybody else. involves a good

10:37

situation. Everybody

10:40

the people necessary to do as.

10:43

Well, as a lot of people, I'm home and it means nothing

10:45

to. Them. You know that sir.

10:47

Do this is these the world? A

10:49

number of active from somebody who's non

10:52

biased. From. Somebody that can hear

10:54

both sides of the issue and

10:56

understand it. I think by

10:58

all accounts it look like it was a

11:00

pretty sweet. Deal. To.

11:05

Just get a raise it doesn't

11:07

have. Not yet. That's the gavel

11:10

way. I've

11:12

always had. A

11:14

lot of research yard surface or

11:16

has ever seen you more happy

11:18

lines and her as mostly the

11:20

hear. What?

11:22

You're good at we haven't We haven't even told the

11:24

a result was going on the strays. This is where

11:26

we're going with this effort. It is lovely. Know a

11:29

lot of you guys probably heard the beginning of that

11:31

story and you're like this beautiful bird sir but I'm

11:33

here is the news hour of have I'm Happy ramen.

11:35

I asked her to marry me as well. I think

11:37

after here in that story is are so good. So.

11:40

Than the stands. Are you

11:42

know it's been a few weeks months of

11:44

this? Or would you call Geico? Hey. N

11:47

word on that money from the end of every month

11:49

read as right as a couple times our money for

11:51

know where I must be clear. Weed.

11:54

And asked sure we have Louis out last

11:56

now those and runway I also possibly was

11:58

adjourned. Dave are very the upset at us

12:00

as such you might as well as pleasures

12:03

i swam with your job your beard the

12:05

bring them and as I don't care of

12:07

business as as a hot sauce they won't

12:10

stop. I'll be honest intel this issue came

12:12

up and even though we started charging must.

12:15

Not only was I know as for the money

12:17

as low as a return as of now I

12:19

know and furious. but. So. Lose was like

12:22

whoa, hey, what's the deal with the money? And

12:24

I'm sure he didn't say it like that. Yeah,

12:26

he was polite. Rest. Says the head with

12:28

know it is I said a very boy. I.

12:30

Wasn't as good a good food out of my

12:33

sons now requires until the reserves. So.

12:36

When we were like a was up with

12:38

the money the response from the stand was

12:41

will look. We. May are you

12:43

the door money but you been eating here

12:45

for free. Law. So

12:51

you and you

12:53

owe us. Retroactively.

12:57

Retroactively. For. The month, the

12:59

food and drinks you've been having since we

13:01

change city since we change the deal so

13:03

suddenly the not before and look. Our

13:06

response? Skanks fans ride with us

13:08

on this. Our response was.

13:11

We. Will see you and fuck and skank court of. Law

13:20

flasks just. So.

13:27

I've known as wherever now we were having a

13:29

dwarf we're going to skate who's doing who are

13:31

in other stinks of a court. Well I would

13:33

say that they are were suing the stay on,

13:35

they're trying to charge us and unreasonable bell. And.

13:38

Were suing for our for pay. Were suing

13:41

for a full timers are trying to withhold

13:43

are full pay. Wow. Burrow up

13:45

his recess or or if you want to

13:47

be able to follow the way they wrote

13:49

it out for us, the Sand astute The

13:52

Stand is suing us for all the back

13:54

money that we owe them. I think is

13:56

actually the way that they wrote it out

13:58

on the script at an idea mattress think

14:00

or we make opposes, we gather the rules

14:02

and skank course. I. Declare that.

14:05

Where. I don't have to declare

14:08

soon as I say I

14:10

was here. So for today

14:12

are all the honorable. Judge

14:15

Tj Miller will be the judge and

14:17

are for our. Get

14:20

our for hours following immigrate

14:22

footsteps of the honorable Salvo

14:24

Com. Know that our last

14:26

game for Judge One As

14:28

Cars anymore. He is. You know?

14:30

yeah, you gotta do. And I'm.

14:33

Representing. The stands. Will.

14:35

Be esteemed Counselor Tim Congdon.

14:39

You really can't Esquire accounts

14:41

who also. Has

14:44

a brand new comedy special out there

14:46

are going semi which you should watch

14:48

it depending on what happens in his

14:50

forties. Or

14:52

me lose and Jenner going to be defending ourselves

14:54

was you know what they say. Ah,

14:57

If you defend yourself is rules sending her

14:59

death and take name's realize you're defending themselves.

15:02

You end up with life in prison. Certain

15:05

as receivers as I did as

15:07

it's audience not loud and. Don't

15:13

have that in life in prison

15:16

from state courts. How

15:18

does that even stay home? And there's

15:20

a We have decided that Tj is

15:23

really the judge your Whatever Tj decides

15:25

tonight we will adhere to We We.

15:27

Owe them honest. I

15:29

don't know. I don't know. Write him off

15:32

at another sustained is going to adhere to

15:34

a decent just Joe. we measured the standard.

15:36

Here's to whatever to do besides. Now.

15:39

As I'm not really know, I know

15:41

policy thousand or. Plus

15:44

I like the I do want to be

15:46

for the kids the to be a judge

15:48

do want to make their join. A.

15:51

Do and make clear that takes several

15:54

months to launder money. A

16:02

day. To day I

16:04

don't know how much he's I know

16:06

about laundering money being a mafia jason

16:08

business going over to the but it

16:10

takes a couple of months though. these

16:12

I could sell out. You could eat

16:15

veal for for and. They

16:21

are brought up our backs. Is

16:28

definitely through. Have

16:31

I declare my life in danger to

16:33

help? Them

16:35

haven't I never see if that. So obviously

16:37

what the dinner been? A

16:40

lot of money until his no no

16:42

no no no I drove his house

16:44

or wash my easy when. I

16:47

don't know the light hearted said to me by a judge.

16:52

And the Jerry I want to

16:54

be the South Asia Pacific Visit the

16:56

cyber. So.

16:59

We are. We start with are

17:01

opening statements from can respond i'm

17:03

yeah yeah no objection already. Yeah,

17:05

before we start, just you know, I'm

17:08

defending The Sands night. So I would

17:10

like to start this entire conversation. ah

17:12

by pulling up. Ah. Can.

17:14

We please pull it up. No.

17:18

No No. Well.

17:20

In the tab What do we pulling up

17:22

with with have. That's. Tonight

17:25

bar tab already. Work tonight

17:27

so think he three right right to

17:29

sixty three before the Sars and started

17:31

a cell hasn't started. I got three

17:33

shots are truly and. These guys other

17:36

three hundred dollar. You tell

17:38

than three hundred and what are you

17:40

ever worry about? Olympics? I'm sorry real

17:42

know this is exactly three to nice.

17:44

I've been keeping track of. You

17:47

reading of the. When.

17:50

I also have a few pictures. This is Lewis

17:52

before the south was issued by the way lot

17:54

for everyone watching the mike's didn't work at first.

17:56

I want to say why because the runner up

17:59

the tab and this. That as. Mother.

18:01

Fuckers. Put. Up. To

18:05

the size of a what he was

18:07

very sweet of you or your. Work.

18:14

For losers you know before I get

18:16

your be with your having oysters rockefeller.

18:20

Site when his his latest. I never

18:22

easy but as I just heard are

18:24

says you are just have three shots

18:26

at a true justice A hundred dollars

18:28

with about already doesn't is. No,

18:31

it's not. What is what is the

18:33

sort of peculiar for twenty bucks? Well, bottom

18:36

of your The George, but it's free because

18:38

I'm a person of note xiao that's exactly

18:40

right. specific. I. Will

18:42

also say you guys aren't the only ones drinking

18:44

on sir a dozen or sassy and drink as

18:46

or. I came. calm down we have

18:49

to are opening statement I read would

18:51

lose this is Tim's opening statement was

18:53

was a lot. Of hiring a porter you can.

18:55

I did my research. Were there were

18:57

other be worth of pizzas for the

18:59

interns that everyone before I says he

19:02

ordered individual entourage on an. Individual

19:06

say I. Will

19:08

Andres. Recruiter

19:10

or. Success of your your honor.

19:12

We may be reserves as ordered or snap

19:15

pieces but as of. This.

19:17

Whatever one's ordered so far. As

19:20

other photos and including serious

19:22

about seventy Five Twenty Five.

19:25

Yeah. You see that? I'll.

19:28

Keep in a less and let me

19:30

tell you this is just a nice.you

19:32

and let me tell you more or

19:34

something off menu you fucking psycho. Point

19:39

on his own pizza, a war for

19:41

the show or. Here.

19:48

Are loaded up. and

19:51

as a matter i love or does the

19:53

matters the have been taking on the job

19:55

that just means i don't know about it

19:57

i love off menu and his decision oxygen

20:00

potato potato Can

20:02

you make me up something special? Well, I don't

20:04

know. What do you need? What do I have

20:06

to have? Like something from the

20:09

depression and potato. Yeah, I got a pizza

20:11

with corn and fart By

20:13

the way, something that goes good with scurvy. My

20:16

patient is enough carbs on it, please more carbs

20:18

We will we will be uh 263

20:21

the bill has been noted. I

20:24

think it's wrong They don't have jeez drinks on it

20:27

yet I

20:29

will I will say it's gonna be a little higher because I

20:31

don't like this beer and I need a new one Yeah,

20:35

she's on the podcast Lewis she gets so that is

20:37

a weird It's

20:40

fucked up, but she is Lewis

20:42

we missed that one Declare

20:50

big J one half

20:52

seconds faster than me All

20:56

right I

21:00

don't know what you said. Give me your hand gesture was

21:02

like you went give me something real expensive. No Three

21:06

I thought Hand

21:08

gesture was like, you know at the end of like my

21:10

cousin Vinny like when he's got a wave to someone Don't

21:13

get our surprise witness right now All

21:15

right, wonder if there will be a surprise

21:17

with Alex. I wonder if there will Alex

21:19

I'm emailing you right now the the email

21:21

from the stand like the breakdown Save

21:25

it for our opening state The

21:27

official breakdown of what we are owed from

21:29

the stand and the official breakdown of I will

21:32

say they don't even just they don't Even respect the

21:34

stands time. You should have sent that earlier They

21:37

have other shows after this She's leading

21:39

the jury There is no

21:41

jury. Oh, yeah. Just wait. So do I start with

21:43

my opening point? This is this

21:45

whole thing has been your opening statement. Oh,

21:47

I'm doing my introduction. Oh Okay,

21:51

can I get some court music you have court music

21:54

with court music Is

22:00

that a, oh yeah. Jim

22:12

is the Frito Bandito. I

22:20

declare that good luck. Chillin'

22:26

back here at times. Ladies

22:30

and gentlemen of the court, I,

22:33

Kim Congdon, stand before you to defend our

22:35

client the Stan Comedy Club in

22:37

this civil case. Throughout these proceedings,

22:39

I will demonstrate our client has acted

22:41

responsibly, ethically, and in full accordance to

22:44

the law. I appreciate

22:46

the opportunity to present, well, thank you,

22:48

present a robust defense, thank you for

22:50

the beer, shedding light on the fact

22:52

that that will ultimately vindicate our client

22:54

from the allegations brought forth. Now

22:56

you may be asking yourself, who am I? You

22:59

may be asking, why am I here? My

23:02

name's Kim Congdon, a comedian who

23:04

just dropped her special, Childless Mills on YouTube.

23:12

I am also no stranger to being

23:14

a victim of dickhead male comedians. Don't

23:17

be an asshole. Don't be an asshole.

23:19

I barely touched you. You can't speak, you can't

23:21

speak, you can't speak right now. It's crazy. That's

23:23

crazy. You should say that. This case is very

23:25

simple. The Stan is seeking reimbursement of $6,000

23:27

in unpaid food and drinks. Where

23:31

else in America can you run up a

23:33

huge tab and not pay it off, unless

23:35

it's tax season and you're Chris Tucker or

23:37

Simbat or Kevin Hart? This

23:40

is a simple case of the comedy club

23:42

bending in your backwards for a group of

23:44

imbeciles who don't appreciate the effort. Oh yeah, thank

23:47

you. Thank you. I

23:55

want to say I thought you had great opening. Are you the,

23:57

and this will show you how much of a judge I am.

24:00

Playing Tim for them. I'll get these back

24:02

after hey John. You're prosecuting what is

24:04

three shots? Three

24:09

shots of what to kill sometimes a pregnancy

24:13

Huh 75 bucks

24:16

way more way more than my fucking veal

24:18

Jay what way I

24:21

declare that Incorrect. No it

24:23

is my deal is 38 with roughly

24:25

what I ordered the tomahawk steak before

24:27

and I tried to share it with

24:30

everybody I didn't want tomahawk steak while

24:32

I'm doing my show dude. We're turning

24:34

on each other. This is not We

24:51

stick together we beat this all right that

24:53

was hard Oh

24:59

my god five is that what happened to

25:01

them that motherfucker project he loved

25:04

raping Pj

25:09

quit saying order they're gonna run up the tab Objection

25:23

your honor the tab is clearly running up while

25:26

nothing is happening Jake can I have another Is

25:30

ordering food double angels on the

25:32

rock double angels on the rock

25:34

table. I'm getting nervous We're 30

25:36

hours every time you order no

25:38

not I'll take a Johnny Walker knee

25:43

I'll attempt some more tap water Jake Hey

25:54

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comm all right where were we all

27:15

right from the honorable Kim I

27:19

have more when they're done don't worry

27:21

sweetie well we get to

27:24

call our witnesses after this but I'm gonna

27:26

your opening statement turn it over to the

27:28

plaintiff undefeated in skank court Dave Smith

27:34

give it up for Dave Smith all

27:36

right all right

27:42

honorable judge Miller counselor

27:49

order no whispering sweet nothing to

27:52

date all right so

27:54

retracted my

27:57

two brothers I

28:00

want you guys to ask yourself something. And

28:03

this is a serious question. What

28:06

separates us from

28:08

the savages? White.

28:13

Objection, your honor. While a majority

28:16

white population is a prerequisite, I

28:18

don't think that was the complete

28:20

answer. Sustain, and also because all

28:22

and every one of your fans

28:24

is white, sustain. Thank

28:27

you. This behavior will sustain. Will

28:31

it sustain Lewis's child? This

28:35

behavior will sustain. They all

28:37

came with sustains on their shirt. Go ahead. I

28:42

declare that an excellent pun. Sorry,

28:47

Mr. Smith. I

28:50

feel like all that distracted from the moment a little bit. But

28:52

what? What is the difference

28:54

between a civilized man and

28:56

a Neanderthal? A savage?

28:58

A Mexican? The

29:03

difference is not only, as Kim

29:05

pointed out, a majority white population.

29:10

It's contract. Contract,

29:13

agreements between

29:15

different business interests and

29:18

the expectation that you will follow

29:20

through on your agreement. That is

29:22

what creates civilization. Now, this

29:24

case is very simple. We had a deal with the stand.

29:28

We changed the deal to something where

29:30

we could all make more money. More

29:32

money for the stand. They

29:35

get 25% more of money. The

29:37

stand? We just had money. Ari Shaffir showed up in the

29:39

doorway. Holy

29:43

shit. That's insane. We

29:46

summoned Ari Shaffir. He's

29:49

like a Jewish toucan fan. He followed his nose. Hey,

29:51

I don't know what's going on. Can I just get

29:53

a free drink? I'm 10 on

29:55

our tap. Yeah. On Ari's tap. I got a check

29:57

on Ari's tap, please. Just a double on Ari's tap.

29:59

an art app please for our

30:01

severe you thank you

30:04

I just also came to

30:06

look down Kim sure I

30:10

should be everybody I declare I should be

30:12

a Jewish Wow

30:16

now me my compatriots

30:20

podrars Lewis and Jay were

30:22

reasonable men were civilized men if

30:25

the stand would like to change the

30:27

deal we are

30:29

open to changing the deal

30:31

however you cannot retroactively charge

30:34

us money and that includes the

30:36

entire tab tonight who

30:39

wants to drink on the same day

30:41

where does the entire audience who

30:44

wants to drink all right you know what you double

30:46

to be great actually those are here you know

30:48

what put on the board put on the

30:51

board tequila shot for the audience what's

30:55

the expensive the blue label thing no no

30:57

dude no I want a dual or Johnny

30:59

Walker knee yeah

31:04

blue now if

31:06

this also any any girl in the crowd is willing

31:08

to show her tits free drink free

31:10

drinks on the house and

31:12

any guy who's willing to show the

31:14

back of his wall free drink a

31:16

dick not the front you get

31:19

showed just the back of your balls free drink

31:21

I declare it

31:23

behind that good judge I

31:26

can literally get behind that

31:29

let's get just and I will close I will in

31:31

closing I will say that

31:33

if the stand wishes to establish

31:37

the precedent of retroactive

31:40

charging of services then

31:43

we say okay we are

31:46

countersuing the stand for

31:48

all of the free

31:50

advertisement and promotion retroactively

31:54

That we have given them not since

31:56

we made the new deal but since

31:58

we did. Wow!

32:02

Ever had was a subset of

32:05

the says he operates the stress

32:07

this awful third period right away

32:09

it's have. Built.

32:14

Bar thousand dollars and of my best guess.

32:17

So it's so hard to trace

32:19

the video. And two thousand and

32:22

nineteen I declared it possible to

32:24

decide how much money that's worth

32:26

sister housing is. I had trouble

32:28

getting the microphone summer. Long

32:37

as out as soon as I. Felt

32:41

the for. Though restore

32:43

the day with the countersuit virus. Without that

32:45

we can win this judge over. I have

32:47

a feeling he's not sticking to his standards

32:49

of i don't have a desire to be

32:51

back to his friends. Reports how you want

32:53

to be owners of this place Yeah but

32:55

no unfair as good friends. And

32:58

Paula tell us to friends. And

33:01

Jos around her as I

33:04

declare that we're. A

33:08

man is a should have more friends

33:10

than as unless he can allow himself

33:12

to say certain of the night that

33:14

the boy's family and rather. Than

33:17

its that says you are a viewer.

33:19

Breads and you hold your birds globus.

33:22

but your enemies closer and you're scared.

33:24

spills further apart. Our

33:27

to the total. Money Laundering as

33:29

a. Accepted.

33:32

As. Great I'm or he would have ever

33:34

heard of has already for your i will

33:36

I lose a guy So now that I've

33:39

heard both you're opening statement ah I want

33:41

to say and judges are supposed to do

33:43

this but I thought those were really good.

33:47

advisers was really well researched really

33:49

funny group with some time in

33:51

two and a sixer my god

33:53

damn secure help with the so

33:55

funny didn't everybody agree And

34:00

then David, who could have

34:02

known that you had such poetry of words? And

34:05

this opening move where you went into

34:07

what separates us from the savages, it

34:09

was derailed by the racism that is

34:12

expected by a legion of skanks.

34:15

True! But she had her

34:17

time and killed. And again, fantastic

34:19

joke. But you came

34:21

back with a thunder and you scored. You

34:23

scored hard when you said the word contract.

34:26

I thought that was great. I thought that was

34:28

great, Kim. And I just have to say, as

34:30

the judge, this is going to be a toughie.

34:33

We're starting off even though. Who's winning right now? Louis, I

34:35

don't know if you've been in court very much. You

34:42

dress like you have. You

34:44

dress like you've been in court a lot or you want to look

34:46

like somebody that's in a court a lot. Louis,

34:49

as your head counsel, I'd advise you to talk

34:51

less. You just

34:53

sit there and look nice. Don't

34:55

you tell Domed what to say. I hold you

34:57

in contempt of court for 30 seconds. No, no.

35:00

I don't know. I don't know. I'm

35:02

freaking out. I'm sorry. We're

35:04

guilty. Louis, stop! These are

35:07

guys. We'll just pay the money. I'm out of

35:09

here. We're so sorry. Please don't make us leave.

35:11

I'll make a instant calling since this began. We'll

35:13

pay you guys. We love you guys. We're so

35:15

sorry. Oh man, I knew they couldn't keep it

35:17

together for 30 seconds. I said contempt. Was it

35:19

not up? I

35:21

think 30 seconds is up. All

35:23

right. All right. fantastic,

35:28

excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent,

35:31

excellent, excellent, excellent,

35:33

excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent,

35:36

excellent, excellent,

35:38

excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent,

35:40

excellent, excellent, excellent,

35:46

excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent,

35:48

excellent, excellent,

35:51

excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent, excellent

35:53

and excellent, excellent, great job,

35:56

Kim? Yes. Dave, that

35:58

was a great job. Great

36:00

of you to do that and

36:03

you know what Kim if you object to me

36:05

interrupting you that's the same 2024

36:11

and that's the type of man. I am that's the

36:13

type of white man. I gotta tell you I've never

36:15

been more convinced of like the woke progressive movement. I

36:17

go it would be nice to have a judge like

36:20

oh my god It would be really

36:22

nice if you were looking at like every judge is

36:24

buff every judge is like angry for some reason You're

36:26

right. What's the big friendly and maybe it's funny at

36:28

the end because they think it's gonna be okay And

36:31

it's going great and they have my vote life in

36:33

prison Before

36:38

you're in prison I might as

36:40

well kind of be like hey good for you

36:42

Sam bankman free you just You

36:45

just wanted to eat vegan DJ

36:51

If you don't go out for to be a TV judge

36:53

you're the best you're leaving money on the world yes Well

36:59

that was a great point Dude

37:02

I'm not even he was cheating you had to

37:04

murder him. I'm not even saying dude I don't

37:06

think you're leaving money on the table if you

37:08

don't go out for a TV judge. I think

37:10

you could change the world I

37:15

declare that some great I Amble

37:18

who's going first with who's going the first witness wait

37:21

I don't I think we got a you guys

37:23

are calling witnesses already Oh, we witnesses is

37:25

next and then closing statements and then judgment

37:28

what is this is court as the as

37:31

the stance defense May I yeah, I

37:33

declare. I'm sorry to interrupt you Kim especially

37:35

because you're a woman What

37:39

I'm serious But

37:41

I declare that there will be a recess at 9 10

37:45

p.m.. That's an exactly nine minutes Let's

37:49

begin exactly 14

37:51

minute recess yes, well

37:53

knowing me it'll be a 17 minute So,

38:00

do we want to... I

38:03

declare that an unenthusiastic response!

38:07

All right. Evidence in

38:09

depositions of parties and witnesses. Who wrote this? You

38:11

guys go ahead. You guys go ahead. Oh, fucking

38:13

president? I also want to say... I also

38:16

want to say, if I have to go

38:18

as a judge and do my thing out

38:20

back... What? All

38:24

right, she gets it. Fuck one of the bailiffs. If

38:27

I have to do that, I

38:29

trust that everything said, Kim will

38:31

record and fill me in after I

38:33

come back. Oh, we're going to... She's

38:35

against us. That means completely impartial to

38:37

me. We're going to

38:39

walk away from the trial completely for 14 minutes. Yeah,

38:42

we are. For 17 minutes. No, we are. We are very

38:44

serious about this. We're going to walk away from the trial

38:46

for 14 minutes and we have... We all

38:48

the evidence... We have a who's most justified freaking out

38:50

in court for the time while you're out. Oh, yeah.

38:52

I almost said that in a minute. So do you

38:54

want to call a witness? What? I

38:57

declare you. Tell me. What are you going to do?

38:59

What feels right for you? I love this progressive judge.

39:01

What feels right? Listen, I don't think it over to

39:03

you guys. I don't think it over to you guys.

39:05

You guys, what do you guys... Listen, if you don't

39:07

identify as a guy that's going to call witnesses right

39:09

now, we'll see if Kim can do it. This

39:12

isn't my court. It's your court. And I want to see all

39:14

of our court. No, this is our court. Okay. We

39:17

are emoji love NYC. So we'll

39:19

go into calling witnesses and as

39:21

the witnesses are up, while it's

39:23

relevant, we can submit, you know,

39:27

Exhibit A, Exhibit B, documents into the

39:29

court, whatever... I love

39:31

that. I declare that a great idea.

39:33

Thank you. Thank you. Judge

39:35

Miller, very fair. Thanks.

39:39

Now, I feel like he's going to rule against us, but he's so great so far. It's

39:41

going to make you feel good. Kim, you're in

39:43

the... What

39:46

did you say, Dave? You're doing great. You're

39:50

going to feel good. Even if we lose, you're going to feel good doing

39:52

it. The judge is gentle parenting you. Oh,

39:54

man. Do

39:57

we call it first witnesses? Are we calling first? Well,

40:00

who is your first witness? Well, who

40:02

is here tonight? Do we have a, we

40:04

subpoenaed Chris Italia. A counselor. Chris Italia here.

40:06

But he may have fled the country, I

40:09

don't know. I fucking told you he was

40:11

a flight risk or a fucking, he's

40:13

definitely not a job risk. He said he was back.

40:15

He said he. He said. He

40:17

said. He said. He said. He

40:20

said. He said. He said. He

40:22

said. He said. He said. He

40:25

said. He said. He said.

40:27

He said. He said. He said.

40:30

He said, He said. He

40:32

said. He said he. He

40:34

said he's an annoying laugh guy because you're the

40:37

only person who laughed appropriately. That's saying that Chris Italia

40:39

is definitely not a job risk. I

40:41

didn't catch it. That

40:44

is very funny. I didn't hear it either. Then I

40:46

said, I said, he's not a flight risk

40:48

and Jay said he's the only person who's not a job risk. And

40:50

I gotta say I didn't hear it, but that is a very funny.

40:53

And that's why it's, that is a very funny line

40:56

through really hard. Can I say, can

40:58

I say I I declare it

41:00

incredible. That's

41:02

right. That's right. That Louis J Gomez just held

41:04

his tongue. Yes. Louis, you

41:06

did a good job. You wanted to sell your boy out,

41:08

but you didn't. And I'm going to say for the record

41:10

that I think it was very funny and it's a shame

41:12

that people didn't hear it. And I think

41:15

that most things that Jay says, if people

41:17

hear it, they would laugh. It

41:19

was unquestionably a funny joke. Undeniable. Thank

41:22

you. Unity.

41:26

Okay. So do you want to

41:28

call a witness? You should be in

41:30

Chris Italian incomes. Well, okay. He

41:32

just, judge teaches leaving in four minutes.

41:35

Well, we're going to call witnesses going to

41:37

leave as soon as this witness gets here. Can you hold on. Can

41:39

we, can we push back to

41:41

recess 15 minutes and have another judge go up

41:43

in TJ's place? Oh,

41:46

downstairs there's a judging competition.

41:50

So every judge is doing 15

41:52

minutes of judging and whoever wins gets

41:54

it to me. But Netflix is a

41:56

judge festival. I

42:03

declare that funnier than you understood.

42:07

Oh my god, Netflix is a judge

42:09

festival. Judge, is that okay? Can we

42:11

call Witness? Maybe we'll push back the

42:13

judging. Netflix is a jogging

42:15

risk. No,

42:19

I mean, well, I think... We

42:21

just want to go now and then we can go now. Yeah,

42:25

we have a full piece. We

42:29

didn't need any help from anyone who's back, like, yeah,

42:31

get him out of here. All

42:33

right, listen, I can say... No,

42:35

it's gonna be... Let's do 10 minutes. All

42:38

right. 10 more minutes. So we can have one witness. All

42:41

right, fine. One witness. Fine. Our first

42:44

witness, Tom. Tom. Tom.

42:47

I call Tom to the stage. Ladies

42:50

and gentlemen, an actual genuine former Broadway.

42:52

Tom, everyone. Tom Marmon. He's

42:54

still wearing the colors. If

42:56

I was Tom, I'd try to disassociate and not wear

42:58

the colors anymore, but not Tom. Non-convicted

43:00

date rapist Tom has...

43:04

Never been found guilty because they truly believe

43:06

he didn't remember either. Oh, he just tried to

43:08

put the mic around my neck. I

43:11

declare that creepy. All

43:14

right, Tom. Tom,

43:18

you gotta sit down and then I'll stool. You

43:20

gotta swear like an oath to life. Yeah,

43:22

I swear it. Where's the bailiff? Bailiff, Jake.

43:24

If you... The oath has gotta be like...

43:26

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be

43:28

thy name. Tom, Tom. No, no, no, no,

43:30

no, no. Tom's trying to be funny. Everyone

43:33

boo Tom right now. Boo. Two

43:36

of us are Jewish, you piece of shit. Jake,

43:38

Jake, Jake, Jake. Make

43:40

him swear on this florist

43:43

farm five-pack half-gram joint mimosa.

43:46

I swear. All right.

43:52

That worked. You put your fingers down like it was

43:54

a pulse. Tom. It's

43:57

a very dainty swear. Thank

43:59

you, Jake. Thank you very much, Jake. Tom,

44:02

you understand that you are at

44:04

Skank Court, and this is the

44:06

highest level of integrity tech

44:08

that Skanks have to offer. That when

44:10

you are at Skank Test, you swear

44:12

to tell the truth, the whole truth,

44:14

and nothing but the truth. Or you curse

44:16

the name of the Legion of Skanks. Uhuru.

44:20

I do. Okay. Once

44:22

again, Tom, stop talking to the funny. Bye, buddy.

44:24

See how sweet a did it. Dita's a fucking

44:26

warm up jacket you got. How much that set

44:28

you back? Withdrawn. Contained.

44:32

Was a gift. Same as everything else tonight.

44:34

Damn. Wow.

44:38

How is this going up so fast? I haven't gotten anything else.

44:40

It's crazy. It's like you guys don't notice how much money you spend. I've

44:43

worked in bars. These numbers are much too high. Order!

44:47

Order in the corner. Can we call... What does this

44:49

cost to stand though? It was $19. It

44:51

cost him nothing. No, it's much more

44:54

than that. It definitely does not cost him $9. All

44:58

right, Tom. Have you ever,

45:01

in the years that we've been

45:04

here at the stand every week, have you

45:06

ever had drinks

45:09

or food on the Legion

45:11

of Skanks tab? You know what?

45:13

Redirect? Have you

45:15

ever not done that? Jay's

45:19

question fused me. My initial answer is I

45:21

have. How consistently

45:23

would you say that you

45:25

come here and have drinks? Dude, what are you doing? No,

45:28

I'm... Believe me, don't worry. What are you

45:30

doing? I'm helping. I'm making us look good. How

45:32

consistently would you say... Order! ...that you

45:34

come here and have drinks and

45:37

food on the Legion of Skanks tab? I

45:40

often drink drinks before, but

45:43

the answer is almost always. He's drunk now. I

45:47

bet it's gonna say I often drink before, during,

45:49

and after the show. Okay, and it's all on

45:51

you, Fag. Do you ever do it when it's

45:53

not a show? It's a Monday night. Louis. I

45:56

got you. Tom. And

45:59

I will remind you that you... are under oath at

46:01

the highest level of Legion of Skank.

46:03

You're under oath. You're under oath motherfucker.

46:05

That's an amazing, I declare that an

46:07

amazing hero. Specifically in the Legion

46:12

of Skank contact. Other

46:15

people would it would have been eww

46:17

over there. Tom this is

46:20

my final question for you. Has

46:23

Luis de Gomez, Jason

46:26

Okerson or

46:28

myself ever given

46:31

you permission to

46:33

drink and eat under the Legion

46:35

of Skank tab? Wow that's good.

46:37

Dave permissions one of those things.

46:40

No further questions your honor. Thank

46:42

forgiveness and ass reactions. Wow I

46:44

got no more use for this

46:46

guy. Order order order. Some of

46:49

that tab

46:52

was fucking weird. How much? How much

46:54

of that tab is in our response?

46:57

No. Your honor I

47:01

moved for a mistrial. Order!

47:03

Order in the fucking court. Half

47:05

of this goddamn tab is our

47:09

shit. Kim, Kim

47:12

you're now the defense

47:14

so cross examine the witness. One

47:18

guy. Whoa. Tom

47:24

do the Skanks know that you drink

47:26

during the shows? They

47:29

do yes. I got his

47:31

order order. I had a problem with what I know. I got

47:33

a lot of questions.

47:49

Order order order.

47:51

Order order order.

47:53

Order order. This

47:56

is literally what it feels like to be a

47:58

judge in a three student. This is

48:01

the strangest out of body experience

48:03

I've ever had in my life.

48:06

Your honor, may

48:08

I approach the bench? Yes, but you actually physically

48:10

have to move. No,

48:12

no Dave. That's reasonable. Tom,

48:15

Tom, you have to say, is that, are those no further

48:17

questions for Tom or no? Um,

48:20

Tom, yeah, no, I did have further questions. Well,

48:23

I didn't even get to finish my time. You're not

48:25

done. I'm approaching the bench. You

48:27

can just approach the bench whenever? I asked

48:29

if I could approach the bench. You

48:33

can use mine too. Your honor. That's

48:35

a white way to approach a bench. Your

48:38

honor, this lawyer, Mr.

48:40

Tom Schenk, is she's asking

48:43

what he knows about other people. This

48:45

is speculation. We don't know who's drinking. We're sitting here doing

48:47

a show. There's no way he

48:49

could know what we're drinking. Look at this

48:51

guy. He's fucking retarded. He's probably always drunk.

48:53

I don't know. It's okay. I'm going

48:55

to go back. Great.

48:59

Yeah. You know your cousins when they approach

49:01

the bench because they're throwing themselves out of

49:03

their hair. My

49:06

cousins are your cousins. Goddamn it. They

49:08

are. We are family. That was determined by a 23 and

49:10

a half. Order. I

49:12

declare that ancestry.com. All right. Excellent.

49:14

Again, any further questions for Tom?

49:18

Tom, are you an official employee of Gas

49:20

Digital? Assigned contract

49:22

employee? Uh-oh. What if the judge

49:24

did that? You

49:27

swore, so you have to tell the truth. I signed contract with none

49:29

of us are employees then. Are you an official

49:32

employee of Gas Digital? I'm an independent

49:34

contractor. Contract to myself and no one

49:36

else. Oh,

49:40

fucking backfired in your face. You

49:43

don't give people salaries. I declare

49:45

that confusing but confident. So

49:53

you're telling me not only do you have your employees

49:55

drink for free, you have them bring their friends and

49:57

they drink for free as well. I'm

50:00

a friend of no one. We

50:02

had won. The

50:04

lottery. We had some. Some.

50:07

Have you ever taken a personal vacation

50:09

with Louis? A Gomera? Ah this

50:11

is this is bloated thousand yards you

50:13

to purchase or would suggest. What did.

50:19

He say. You're.

50:23

right? It doesn't help bury my do

50:25

with the case but lose. Everyone in

50:27

here once know what that we're to

50:30

Everybody know if you've never was like

50:32

zebra of in. That

50:36

order. I was. I

50:39

was. I

50:42

was. Like

50:45

the. That we're thing happening well with

50:47

life and like where did they go and

50:50

who asked to do it in the last

50:52

twelve I when i was like a water.

50:56

Pump stuff. Is

50:58

sure Florida. So. With Louis

51:00

or he you are going of exists in

51:02

like a really good evening going otherwise or

51:05

with song like Lewisville ever thought ago and

51:07

I know thy in Mexico. Or

51:11

your honor. Yes, let let the record

51:13

state for people who know Louis, they

51:15

will all testifies Louis Ah goes on

51:17

a vacation every three days. It means

51:19

he will go on vacation with a

51:21

woman who he met earlier that night.

51:23

A made me know nothing Emmys Other

51:25

I said Blair that are mostly Hello

51:28

Jessica. Shorter

51:30

as fast skill casualty source of

51:33

revenue for service and support their

51:35

made available. Louis is where are

51:38

we meeting with and and as.

51:40

With other flat track Harper is hop in and

51:42

of his ears and with me in his room.

51:47

For her or not, we all either

51:50

I declare that the judges not going

51:52

to be kind of my class that

51:54

I've never entered. My

51:57

entire exists. My entire

51:59

pointless. I said that not only is your

52:01

staff ringing, their friends are, and you said he's not

52:03

our friend, and then you proved that you've been on

52:06

vacation together. So you don't bring strangers on vacation.

52:08

I did feel... By the way, TJ, probably... Your

52:10

Honor, we've established he brings strangers on vacation

52:12

all the time. No, these were all friends.

52:14

It's what he's known for. Big J, your

52:16

Honor. Your Honor, hey, what's up, Louis? Probably

52:18

for the best, though, that Louis hasn't taken

52:21

you on vacation yet, because there'd be conflict

52:23

of interest because you have vacationed with

52:25

him now. So it's better... For

52:27

the trial. I can't wait to go, I think, the

52:29

new one in the judge. A true point, but a

52:32

weird one to make, J. Here it is. Louis.

52:34

Still, that's the point. Uh,

52:36

the vacation was a gas digital

52:39

company trip for 16 producers

52:41

for the past. We're going to actually want it in

52:43

another few weeks. We're going to... I'm not a producer.

52:45

Excuse... Well, you're part of the team. You're part of

52:48

the gas digital world. Exactly what I said. Ah,

52:50

shit, Louis. Louis, you got it. Stop

52:53

talking, dude. Louis

52:55

has... Louis... Louis

52:57

has... Louis

53:00

has never called me a friend, and I don't

53:02

think ever will. Oh,

53:04

he works for the ad sales team, and

53:06

we invite the ad sales team. Louis, can

53:08

you buy it? It's a Halloween bite, Louis.

53:10

Keep drinking, keep going, idiot. It's

53:12

hard to see Kim slaying it so

53:15

fucking hard. I must

53:17

call a recess now, please. Let's

53:19

all together, I declare, watch

53:22

videos of people freaking out

53:24

in front. The Honorable TJ

53:26

Miller will return in 15

53:29

minutes. I want to make it really clear.

53:31

Two things. One, my album, Smooth Peanut

53:33

Butter, drops at midnight tonight. And

53:37

two, the second thing is I will

53:39

be doing stand-up in this

53:41

wig. Thank you. Someone

53:43

go film it. One of

53:45

our guys go down. One of our...

53:47

Just film him going on stage. Dude,

53:55

alright, wait, Tom, by the way, I'm going

53:58

to redirect after Kim's done with her. uh,

54:00

questioning. So you can- You can go sit down- You

54:02

sit there, you little bitch. Now you

54:04

get- Why would you say that, Tom? You know, you're not

54:06

a producer, you go fucking sales. Lewis. Lewis.

54:08

I don't want any evidence of intimidating Lewis. I'm not

54:11

intimidating him. Lewis, we sit, we walk away completely. We

54:13

said we walk away completely. The deal is we walk

54:15

away from- We're in a contest. We're in a contest.

54:17

But if I saw Tom in a- No, no, no,

54:19

no, no, no, no, no. If I saw Tom in

54:21

a recents- You wouldn't be- I would start freaking out

54:23

on him. I would- Lewis, you're intimidating

54:25

the witness. We're gonna get fucked. This is gonna

54:28

fuck us. I'm not- Tom, are you intimidated? Ah

54:31

shit, dude. Why would you ask

54:33

him like that? Tom, Tom, why would

54:36

you say that? I'm not intimidating you,

54:38

Lewis. Tom, I'm not intimidating you, right?

54:40

She's recording it. She's recording it. She's

54:42

recording it. You happy? Keep

54:44

going, bitch. Hello, Tom, I

54:46

love you. Let's change subject. We're gonna go-

54:48

Jesus, Lewis, you're just- Damn it, dude. Motherfucks.

54:51

Alright, gentlemen, let's take a quick moment

54:54

and thank yokereatem.com for supporting today's show.

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yokereatem.com, this is what a kilo looks

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this whole time. These little fucking

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fleas. Jay! Jay, you're snorting the whole cratum.

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you're over 21 years old and you're in the market for

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a cratum, guys, it's not a thing to joke about. What

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are you being assholes for? It's

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a serious thing, dude. It helps people. Yeah, dude, I'm

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46 and I can snort all the cratum I want. You're

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not supposed to- guys, do

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not snort cratum. How do you get

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into your bloodstream faster than feel that

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oh my God. A mucky drug juice? Your

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all right where were we? we're gonna

56:11

intro a new segment if it's the courtroom

56:13

theme show today so we're gonna do our

56:15

courtroom themed version of this who's

56:17

most justified what's it called are you okay but

56:19

no but everyone has to say it because we

56:21

don't have our thing Oh freaking

56:24

out court justified freaking out

56:26

court ready so it's time

56:28

for another edition of who's

56:30

most justified freaking out in

56:32

the wall Harry

56:38

can't mouth the words but

56:40

he's mouthed it wrong it's

56:42

how I sing Pearl Jam

56:45

lyrics boom

56:48

boom boom boom boom boom boom boom

56:50

boom boom boom boom

56:52

boom boom boom Kristina

56:55

follow TJ downstairs little weirdo was that not Pearl

56:57

Jim the program

57:00

he sure yeah

57:08

even flow jumping

57:11

on my number fly yeah

57:13

I don't know butterfly yeah

57:19

that's the only word is that

57:21

if it's not butterfly I don't know

57:23

butterfly yeah Alex

57:26

what's our first video so

57:30

here's the stuff you guys don't know we're not

57:32

saying that everyone's justified here maybe no one is

57:34

maybe no one is but we're looking for who

57:36

is most justified freaking out in a courtroom experience

57:39

all right this is a I

57:41

know five hundred and fourteen dollars is one

57:43

of my favorites half a grand in the middle

57:45

of the show that's crazy that's crazy I

57:54

still we had three shots in a truly

57:57

imagine doing four of these a month It's

58:00

expensive. This is a great

58:02

one. I

58:08

would

58:12

ask you to, as part of this

58:14

sentencing, to

58:16

grant me five minutes in a lock room

58:18

of this demon. Pause

58:20

it for a second. Would you do that? Let's give

58:23

context for each video. This is a famous one with the guy raped

58:25

his daughter or something. It

58:28

was Larry Nassar in 2016. That's

58:30

right. He was one of the dads. There was 265 young

58:32

women. Oh, the gymnast suffered. Yeah. He

58:35

didn't fuck them, Kim. He didn't fuck them. And

58:39

I'll say, there's a reset button inside

58:41

their pussies that made their ankles heal

58:43

up if they were hurt. And

58:46

then that's what he did. He

58:48

would finger them in front of their hair. Yeah. He

58:51

IT raped them. Yes. He turned

58:53

them off and on. Look, wait, how many... He

58:57

was playing in traffic. Now, you

58:59

see, guys, I'm the doctor of the show, and there's

59:01

a reset button. Is that true? Yeah.

59:04

Inside teenage pussies, there's a reset button that you

59:06

could push. Well, I'll tell you, if

59:08

you weren't the doctor... Add it to the tab. If he

59:10

wasn't the doctor before... I'm trying to do it secretly. A

59:13

single though, a single. Now, put it on the tab. I don't care.

59:16

I don't care how heavy charge these are. We're not paying

59:18

it. I don't care. Throw another dollar, Jake. I'll have a

59:20

Diet Coke. How

59:23

many victims were there that came forward against that guy? Two

59:25

hundred and so. Two hundred and so. Two sixty-four, and his

59:27

daughter... Two sixty-four, you know what? Three of his daughters were

59:29

the victims. I think he did it. Yeah,

59:31

probably. That's less than your tab. Where

59:36

there's smoke, there's inter-vaginal reset buttons. Substantially.

59:41

You need to get to half our tab before

59:43

you go. All right. Well,

59:45

if that many people did, then probably. It

59:47

juries out on Cosby. All right. So

59:50

that's five

59:53

minutes. If you

59:55

combined all the girls, we'd

59:57

still be less than our tab. Oh

1:00:00

my god, I wonder if it was Larry

1:00:03

Nastas how many girls Larry Nastas

1:00:05

finger to combined 467

1:00:11

years of girl. We're gonna

1:00:14

you guys have drank two weeks worth of girl Things

1:00:18

that are less than a region of thanks tab Bobby

1:00:23

Kelly's currently I I

1:00:28

Don't know why that was sad. Yeah, I was actually

1:00:30

positive. I really took that the wrong way I went

1:00:32

although I'll tell you what if I was thinking of

1:00:34

old Bobby if you don't weigh much less than our

1:00:36

tab You are dangerously fat Right

1:00:41

now we owe we owe zakamiko who's

1:00:44

drinking who's drinking wine behind this is

1:00:46

not a wine event This

1:00:52

fucking cat lady All

1:00:55

right, let's go let's go to this video So

1:00:57

this guy this is daughter was finger banged by

1:00:59

Larry Nastas three of his daughters Three

1:01:02

of his daughters. Yes. Oh, well honestly, dude stop

1:01:04

making such hot daughters What

1:01:07

poor you have to look in the mirror and go

1:01:09

I'm just making fucking finger factories Yeah, you can't do

1:01:11

gymnastics with that fine ass But

1:01:13

he was putting all of his daughters into

1:01:15

this like gymnastics program that had this creep

1:01:17

in it I'm not saying at all. It's

1:01:19

his fault You trust that you

1:01:21

trust the doctor didn't one of you 11

1:01:26

year old boy, I would never he's not ever examined by

1:01:31

My hot 10 year old dude, you know, what

1:01:33

do you know what? You know

1:01:35

what? What he did that was crazy Was

1:01:38

how he would get them to like trust them was

1:01:40

he would let the parents come into

1:01:42

the examination room and like block them With his

1:01:44

body while he was fingering them

1:01:47

and like the parents And he

1:01:49

would do that because he said that the kids

1:01:51

would assume that it was like, okay You know,

1:01:53

I mean like oh he's doing it. I get

1:01:55

these Tony's roof. It does fix. It's fucking crazy

1:01:57

Yeah, I did I did watch this documentary and

1:01:59

it was It was watching the

1:02:01

documentary. Imagine having to do a backbend after that.

1:02:05

Well, you've been reset, so your knee's better. I

1:02:10

don't remember the details because it was a few years ago. But

1:02:12

watching the documentary, you're like, oh, you wish that

1:02:14

the judge would be like, yes, give

1:02:18

that dad a few minutes with him. Oh, yeah,

1:02:20

but we didn't even watch the freak out yet.

1:02:22

Let's watch it. Are

1:02:26

those his daughters? Would

1:02:29

you do that? Yes

1:02:32

or no? Would

1:02:34

you give me one minute? Well,

1:02:40

I'm going to have to get someone. Take

1:02:42

your money. Take your

1:02:44

money. Hell, yeah. But turns out

1:02:47

he's kind of a person. Let

1:02:50

me have it. I want that.

1:02:55

Can I tell you why he did it the wrong way? I

1:02:58

don't know why they picked the fattest volunteer

1:03:00

firefighter dad to make the move. How

1:03:02

about all the dads get together and find the most

1:03:04

athletic one? Pick a black

1:03:06

dad. Yeah, get a black dad. Did he even fucking

1:03:08

flip over that? Yeah, dude, a black

1:03:11

guy just flies over the fucking thing. Oh,

1:03:13

yeah. Black guy's freaking out in court rules, dude. I'm

1:03:16

sure we'll have one here. I would buy sneakers

1:03:18

with the emblem of the guy jumping over the

1:03:20

fucking thing like Jordan. Fucking

1:03:25

air courtrooms. I'll

1:03:28

tell you, the dad... That face, he's like,

1:03:30

I wasn't going to do shit. He's,

1:03:33

I'll tell you, it's going to be very difficult

1:03:35

to say anyone is more justified

1:03:38

than him. But

1:03:41

it's so stupid the way he

1:03:43

went about it. Like the way if you

1:03:45

want to attack the dude, you don't fucking

1:03:47

stand up there and go, Your Honor, will

1:03:49

you let me beat the shit out of

1:03:51

this dude? And then everyone in the court

1:03:53

is looking, all the fucking court marshals are

1:03:55

looking at you. This guy might freak out.

1:03:58

And obviously there's zero... chance that

1:04:00

the judge goes you know what that

1:04:02

hasn't been the state of justice and Western

1:04:04

civilization for 400 years you know what I'm

1:04:07

gonna let you have your shot

1:04:09

at this guy the only thing you could

1:04:11

do in that case you can record me

1:04:13

I'm not talking about how to

1:04:16

manipulate a court I'm

1:04:19

just saying if you know if

1:04:21

a Kim Cogden raped your

1:04:23

daughter and then keep

1:04:25

it keep it recording no no no it's

1:04:27

off now my phone

1:04:29

died but what you do is is

1:04:31

you casually move up to the front

1:04:34

of the fucking courtroom like you're handing

1:04:36

a paper to someone you pretend you're

1:04:45

gonna forgive them yeah you

1:04:47

don't lunge when everyone's got

1:04:49

their eyes on your

1:04:51

honor can I just ask one thing I'd

1:04:53

like to shake this man like

1:04:56

pro wrestling the 80s you know what now

1:05:16

it matters less she

1:05:19

was gonna be a lesbian anyway video

1:05:23

number two little context so this next case it's

1:05:26

the famous one from last month of Vegas man

1:05:28

was in court he was there for

1:05:30

battery he asked he's asking the judge for leniency and

1:05:32

this is what happened I

1:05:36

love it I appreciate that

1:05:38

but I think it's time that he gets a

1:05:40

taste of something else because I just

1:05:43

can't with that history of course with the

1:05:45

logic pause it for a second pause it all

1:05:47

this guy's thinking as you go but I love

1:05:49

the pause oh and I don't know why I

1:05:51

feel this for some reason this video All

1:06:00

this guy who she's talking to is thinking

1:06:02

right now is like yo you

1:06:04

would never talk to me like this If

1:06:07

you saw me like in a fucking parking lot, you know

1:06:10

I mean, it's like the confidence of her being like you're

1:06:12

gonna get a little taste of something nice Oh, so they

1:06:14

also pause it where they pause it is exactly the moment

1:06:16

where she realizes she's in deep shit Fuck

1:06:21

rewind it was started over the sort of from

1:06:23

the very beginning. She was certain. Oh break dancing

1:06:25

in the court Oh, you're coming at me the

1:06:28

very beginning the

1:06:30

very beginning He

1:06:37

wore that to court a biggie smosher Wait,

1:06:41

did he really? Is

1:06:43

that biggie smosher? No But whatever

1:06:45

it is, you wear that to court? Future?

1:06:47

Yeah, I don't know It's

1:06:50

not it's not good It's

1:06:53

nice to watch it. And let's just pause it

1:06:55

right now just dude what he's wearing and

1:06:58

the way his head is cocked Yeah for

1:07:00

about to get a sentence is the craziest

1:07:02

if I'm if I'm a white woman judge

1:07:04

I'm about to put this guy in his

1:07:06

place. I don't know where

1:07:08

to put him the stone age Well, that's where

1:07:10

I'd put him he's dressed for action. He's like

1:07:13

look I'm probably gonna be guilty So let me

1:07:15

dress in appropriate fashion that I could leap over

1:07:17

a bench Paco, can

1:07:19

we not do that light? Yeah,

1:07:22

it's really bright Paco. We're all shiny

1:07:24

Paco. I think you're doing a great job. Just buy your bad

1:07:26

job Go

1:07:30

ahead play. I'm sorry ability to

1:07:33

do pro-ish I

1:07:39

appreciate that but I think it's time that he

1:07:41

gets a taste of something else because I

1:07:44

just can't with that history According to the law of

1:07:46

the state of out of Oh He

1:07:56

didn't even get it he didn't like the way she talked

1:07:58

to him he didn't even get Fuck that bitch. Yo,

1:08:03

can I say a pause there for

1:08:05

a second? Bro, he's still fucking around.

1:08:07

That rules. Hey, um, I'm

1:08:10

gonna- We last due to

1:08:12

the week? Definitely. That

1:08:15

guy, I will say right now,

1:08:17

and I have a child, okay?

1:08:20

That guy is more justified,

1:08:22

and I don't know much about

1:08:24

the details of the case, based

1:08:27

on the passion in which he threw himself

1:08:29

at the judge. He cared more

1:08:31

than the father who had a story below. No, he had-

1:08:33

I gotta tell you, this guy, can we go back to

1:08:35

the picture of him? You're right, this

1:08:37

guy believed him, so wow. Go

1:08:40

back a little bit. Right

1:08:43

before he hits her, her face. She

1:08:46

sees him coming. This guy had a reason.

1:08:48

He was like, my mom tried for

1:08:50

years to sell your makeup. Look

1:08:53

at Adam Devine to her right. Refusing

1:08:56

to get involved. Could be Brian Sklar, I'm

1:08:58

all set. He deserved it, I think. And

1:09:01

then the bailiff, Sam Jay. This

1:09:05

guy, I can say right now, he

1:09:07

wanted it more. He wanted it so much more, dude. He did, like,

1:09:09

there's a- If that

1:09:11

guy wanted to get at the guy who

1:09:13

fingered his daughter in gymnastics, he would have

1:09:15

got to her. He got to the fucking

1:09:18

judge. If

1:09:20

his daughter was fingered in gymnastics,

1:09:22

that would have been done,

1:09:24

dude. Can you pull the video

1:09:26

back up and then pull it back to the beginning?

1:09:28

I just want to see a picture of the judge

1:09:30

in the beginning. Before it happens, before any of the

1:09:33

violence happens. Okay, I

1:09:35

want, dude, to clear this

1:09:37

hurdle. Yeah, it's great. Just how impressive.

1:09:39

You literally have to have an extra

1:09:41

bone in your foot. I mean, not

1:09:43

as wide. Mike, the rumor. My teeth

1:09:46

would have hit right on the K of

1:09:48

Mary Kay. They're just athletic. Dude,

1:09:51

I mean, it's- I would have whipped that. I

1:09:53

would have cut- Wow. I would

1:09:55

have caught that fucking death. I would have rolled into the

1:09:57

computer monitor. This is- He's

1:10:00

never going up for 15 seconds. This

1:10:02

never get tried. I don't understand why they're like, this guy's

1:10:04

about to get sentenced. You'd be like, let me block just

1:10:06

to make sure. Like they walk you out of, and then

1:10:08

she sat down and she was like, listen,

1:10:11

you fucking black piece of shit. I'm

1:10:13

going to tell you something. That's all she heard. Or I

1:10:15

thought he heard. Oh, she said the N word

1:10:17

that night. I mean, cause for, oh yeah, for

1:10:19

sure. There's certain, I'm the next edition of- This is

1:10:21

why you can't judge anymore. This is on the next edition

1:10:23

of who's most justified saying the N word. Wow.

1:10:27

It's double whammy. Okay.

1:10:29

That's a great video. Wow. That's

1:10:31

amazing. I love that guy. All right. Well, I

1:10:34

have a feeling that guy is going to get

1:10:36

a lot longer than whatever she was about to

1:10:38

say. Yeah. Probably. She was like, you're doing community

1:10:41

service. She goes, you're about to

1:10:43

get a taste. That'd be really serious. She goes, you know what?

1:10:45

I'm going to give you a taste of something a little bit

1:10:47

worse. You're going to wear an ankle monitor for two months. You

1:10:50

can go wherever you want. We just need to know where that

1:10:52

is. He was- I'll kill you,

1:10:55

bitch. He was facing, I think

1:10:57

like seven to 10 years. And he got 30 now

1:10:59

for that. Like for like a public official.

1:11:02

I'm on that guy's side. Seven, seven. So

1:11:04

wholeheartedly. What was the original crime? That's what's

1:11:06

up so from battery. That's actually great. What

1:11:09

was the original crime? Battery. Battery.

1:11:12

But what do you mean? We all have battery.

1:11:14

Dude, that's so vague. Louis battery of everyone. For

1:11:16

every vacation he takes, he batteries someone. He's like,

1:11:18

that's not a crime. Just kidding somebody. Did

1:11:20

you seven to 10 years? I mean,

1:11:22

he must have really fucked someone up. I don't know. I don't know

1:11:25

how the court works. You killed them with a battery. It

1:11:29

was double A motherfucker. Yeah, nine volt

1:11:31

battery. I think that's just his name.

1:11:35

Was that okay? What's the third one? What's

1:11:37

our third video? Oh,

1:11:39

another core one. This

1:11:44

guy assaulted their father. The

1:11:47

all the people sitting in the back is one family. And

1:11:49

then this gentleman. Oh boy. And

1:11:52

this was- Here we go. They're

1:11:54

already, they're already standing up in

1:11:56

order. motherfucker

1:12:00

don't fuck up their african

1:12:02

nesting doll by

1:12:13

the way that that's one of the best jokes i've ever

1:12:15

heard the one they are the

1:12:17

one really abracadense that we don't know

1:12:20

if one two three four five perfect

1:12:23

by the way your four-year-olds would love

1:12:25

that gift the most the

1:12:28

most ready to pounce seems like he's holding a

1:12:30

baby i feel like something to be quite a

1:12:32

bit uh... correct

1:12:35

the figure the figure

1:12:39

i go ahead well

1:12:44

it's not here on the number first

1:12:46

we're going to talk again about the

1:12:48

public defender all right

1:12:51

all right thank you good

1:13:00

why high

1:13:10

hand warmup

1:13:25

are amazing that all that a

1:13:27

female judge has is yelling and

1:13:30

a winner when

1:13:33

ordering the court also that said no I have

1:13:36

one chance to block and just didn't do his

1:13:38

job as a lineman he was

1:13:40

like they saw them coming he was like no no

1:13:42

no get him out and they didn't get him out

1:13:44

it was an unrealistic expectation for him to block all

1:13:46

eight of them I also like that the

1:13:48

family didn't get the outcome they wanted and still

1:13:50

didn't go after the judge they're like fair but

1:13:55

that is true none of them thought to be like fuck you

1:13:57

betch what was that what was did he get

1:13:59

let off or was Well, we're gonna kill

1:14:01

their mom. He killed his

1:14:03

stepdad, which was their dad dad. He

1:14:05

killed his stepdad Oh, it's their dad dad

1:14:08

like the way Lewis is Tim Butterley's dad

1:14:10

like that type of dad. They killed me

1:14:13

What? All

1:14:15

right. I mean for me. This is

1:14:18

a pretty easy one second guy

1:14:20

No, it's just if you're

1:14:23

saying justified It's obviously the first one,

1:14:25

but if it were awesome or athletic

1:14:27

guys are justified Most justified

1:14:30

Don't killing your mom

1:14:32

versus molesting your daughter. That's

1:14:34

debatable. That's not that dad. Oh

1:14:37

a dad Sorry killing dad not killing

1:14:39

daddy. We should cry. No brothers. You

1:14:41

gotta step up killing that isn't it?

1:14:43

Killing dad versus my I don't have a daughter. I'm just

1:14:45

a dad Killing

1:14:48

dad something to show on TBO. Hold on who? Clap

1:14:51

your hands right now if you have a

1:14:53

dad and a daughter, okay now Watch

1:14:58

now clap your hands if you've killed the dad in

1:15:01

the dog stop it. That's not what it is Oh,

1:15:03

we got one there was a lot of back Michelle. You have

1:15:05

a dad and a daughter What would

1:15:07

you rather your dad be murdered

1:15:10

your dead alive or dead? No,

1:15:13

but you can't he's dead already you get it you

1:15:15

tell the grief Delicat or

1:15:17

your or your hot daughter being molested

1:15:19

Oh David

1:15:22

yeah, that's an easy any parent

1:15:24

would answer that that's the correct

1:15:26

answer I also have

1:15:29

a dad. What is that? Yeah, you're doing

1:15:31

molested. She'll never lose She's one my dad

1:15:33

would prefer to die then have his

1:15:35

granddaughter molested. Well. He's about to get the chance real

1:15:38

ass dude of the week Grandpa's

1:15:42

grandpa's for a little try that okay. I know

1:15:45

you don't have a daughter or a dad But

1:15:51

hold on hold on Lewis you have

1:15:53

something all right well, let me try

1:15:55

to help you understand you

1:15:58

have a son and a mailman true

1:16:02

okay I got it okay rape

1:16:05

your son ooh or

1:16:08

like calf

1:16:11

kick your mailman I am

1:16:14

I've waited for a couple checks

1:16:16

right now it's a hard decision

1:16:19

okay no you have

1:16:21

what's the okay your aunt and

1:16:23

Emory and rape and Emory or

1:16:26

yes torture her ring or just

1:16:29

just hurt James torture

1:16:32

and Emory are hurt James how bad

1:16:34

do I hurt James versus torturing an

1:16:37

but with a penis oh no that

1:16:39

hurts every that's a great answer you

1:16:43

heard him right in his butt or

1:16:45

torturing and Emory yeah torture and Emory

1:16:49

but it's not even

1:16:51

a close conversation wait around his face a little

1:16:56

rubbing a penis around his face

1:16:58

versus torturing her like precoming yeah

1:17:01

he's precoming and all but also it's

1:17:03

a nice dick though nice right good

1:17:07

point that's a good point yeah versus physically torturing it

1:17:09

not for the record it's not that nice of a

1:17:11

time I already think it's

1:17:14

a nice dick no no and

1:17:18

there's and there's something weird about the pre-come where it

1:17:20

like it stains a smell on James's face for at

1:17:22

least four days oh yeah

1:17:25

Mark nice James don't

1:17:45

wait an hour father would choose to not

1:17:48

have his granddaughter molested baby

1:17:51

James would choose to not have his aunt and girls we all through

1:17:53

to the week we're not there to the way we take that thick

1:17:55

off the face I love I

1:18:00

love Auntie. I'll suck that guy's dick.

1:18:02

No, no, he's gonna rub it on your face. No,

1:18:04

no, no, I hear what you're saying. Thank you, I'll

1:18:06

suck it. Let me tell you, uh. I'll make sure

1:18:08

it didn't happen again. Let me tell

1:18:10

you why that's bullshit, Luis. Don't put me in

1:18:12

this position. You don't get to know. What

1:18:14

Alex said, what Alex said was that she

1:18:17

would easily pick her father, and

1:18:20

then she said he would pick that too.

1:18:22

So these are two different things, Luis. It's

1:18:25

not you get to warn Aunt Marie about

1:18:27

the awful fate that you- Aunt Marie, you

1:18:29

don't disrespect her. Whatever her name is.

1:18:31

Aunt Marie. You don't

1:18:33

get to warn her, and you don't get to

1:18:35

ask James what he wants. You just

1:18:38

have to pick. I know what he would want. Without

1:18:40

explaining- James wants that dick rubbed right on

1:18:42

his face. I know, I

1:18:44

know what my dad wants. Aunt Marie hates

1:18:46

it. My son would want a father. Two

1:18:48

things I can tell you from limited knowledge.

1:18:50

Aunt Marie hates torture, and James loves dick.

1:18:54

It's a no-brainer, dude. It's a

1:18:57

no-brainer. It's a tight- Stupid question. It's

1:18:59

a type of molestation. Is it full

1:19:01

fucking fudge penis penetration? Because that's crazy.

1:19:03

Or is it a little diddling? Because

1:19:06

that's- Oh, right on fucking guitar.

1:19:08

So your daughter- Put him in guitar class.

1:19:10

Alex, Alex, your daughter who doesn't have

1:19:13

any memory being diddled versus your dad

1:19:15

being dead, he's dead forever, he's dead.

1:19:17

Well, no, if she was- Diddled.

1:19:20

Pre-memory, this is really bad. Pre-memory, oh, really? Oh,

1:19:22

no. You sick fuck. Oh,

1:19:24

no. People are dark. I don't like my

1:19:26

dad. I had to die. Bad mother. First,

1:19:29

please remember- No, no, no. Terrible mother. Call

1:19:31

Shout, whoever it is. Louis, you

1:19:33

broke her down. God damn it, you broke her down. I

1:19:36

can't believe you did it. I mean, this is dark, but he's making

1:19:38

a good point. It's like, my dad- No,

1:19:41

no, no. Does my dad have to die? Don't let

1:19:43

someone siddle your baby to save your father. I mean,

1:19:45

clunk down the head with her soft head with this

1:19:47

hard dick. I mean, her soft head with this hard

1:19:49

dick. I mean,

1:19:51

her soft spot never heals. I've

1:19:54

got a forever soft spot. I don't remember why

1:19:56

exactly, but every time I bring it up, people

1:19:58

get weird. There's a- levels of molestation

1:20:01

okay? That I'm just saying a

1:20:03

little bit of luck. How many levels?

1:20:06

There's a lot dude. Diddling, penetration,

1:20:08

you could probably you could get James over a

1:20:10

facial dick rub in about three months. Now he

1:20:12

no for to see what I would tell afterwards

1:20:14

if I could say doesn't you have to give him like

1:20:16

a plaque or something yeah but you know what

1:20:18

here you go here you go son

1:20:20

bad news your aunt's about

1:20:23

to get tortured again and this time he's

1:20:25

asking for more. I'm

1:20:27

just saying there's like being penetration you're

1:20:29

right dude I guess being anally fucked I'd rather

1:20:31

my aunt be tortured than my son be

1:20:34

anally fucked but having my son diddled versus my poor

1:20:36

aunt being tortured she's an old lady she had a

1:20:38

hard life as it is dude let him take a

1:20:40

little bit of it probably feels good for him. Alright

1:20:42

Lewis this is gonna be awkward

1:20:44

to tell you. It already happened. But just

1:20:47

so you know both of these things have happened. Your

1:20:50

aunt was tortured and your son was dead. Here's the reason we brought

1:20:53

it up. You're gonna have

1:20:55

to adjust to both these things. Alright well obviously

1:20:57

I mean look if you're saying the most justified and

1:20:59

I have to play by the rules of this game

1:21:02

number one was the most justified. His

1:21:06

your dad getting killed isn't like your daughter

1:21:08

getting fucking raped. I disagree dude. You don't

1:21:10

have a dad or a daughter. Your daughter

1:21:12

was killed. You don't have anything. You did

1:21:14

nothing. You watched it happen. I didn't watch

1:21:16

it. I was at home. You never got

1:21:18

revenge? You never got revenge or nothing. Dude

1:21:20

I tried to get them on my podcast.

1:21:22

I tried to get them on the real

1:21:24

ass podcast. Oh yeah he was broadcast with

1:21:26

him. That's the revenge I need. And you

1:21:29

couldn't even get that. I tried to platform

1:21:31

him but he died. He died? He died.

1:21:33

The guy died. Of what? Smiling. Natural causes

1:21:35

getting dicks sucked. Get

1:21:38

a dick sucked by a hot chick natural causes. He

1:21:40

died of coolness. Fucking

1:21:42

living a rad life. Watching your podcast

1:21:44

and fucking jerking off. He came to

1:21:46

death? You know that guy who had that

1:21:49

festival? I killed his fucking dad. TJ

1:21:53

you pussy you took off the costume for the

1:21:55

spot. Thank

1:22:00

you for hanging with us, Ariz and Beer. Check

1:22:05

out you available. I'll be back for Ramadan.

1:22:11

We do have already booked on a future date, but we're not gonna

1:22:13

say which one, cause it's all surprise guests from now on. Yeah,

1:22:15

don't say the date. Did

1:22:18

you say the date? Oh,

1:22:21

fuck. You know

1:22:23

what, I did take off

1:22:25

the whole thing, cause there's certain people that you

1:22:28

can follow and do whatever the fuck you want, but I had

1:22:31

to follow Ariz, so I had to actually take it

1:22:33

seriously. So that's a fucking bummer, to be

1:22:35

honest. CJ, you missed a fun segment. Fuck you, Ariz.

1:22:37

Well, let me just ask, let me just ask you,

1:22:39

if you put yourself in this mindset, you have a

1:22:41

daughter, you have a dad, both, okay?

1:22:44

What would you rather? Your dad be

1:22:46

killed, your daughter just be diddled. Not

1:22:48

like penetrated or hurt, just diddled. Penetrated

1:22:50

with fingers. One finger. One

1:22:53

finger. It's just so funny that you guys are doing a-

1:22:55

But there's a long nail on it. Would you rather, and

1:22:57

I've looked up, would you rather things to ask you guys,

1:23:00

like what would it take, this isn't a would you rather, but what

1:23:02

would it take for you guys to shit the bed

1:23:04

and sleep in it for eight hours? A

1:23:09

little more of that Johnny Walker. Yeah, that's all

1:23:11

it takes, right? Kim will do

1:23:13

it after a tough night at the craft station.

1:23:15

For free if I'm proving a point to Johnny

1:23:17

Depp. Yeah! That's

1:23:20

true. Anything, what would it be, Dave? For

1:23:22

$10,000, would I shit the bed and

1:23:26

sleep in it? I

1:23:29

would. I think maybe- $10,000,

1:23:31

yeah, I was like, you're in your own bed? Just

1:23:34

myself, not like anyone's in it with me. I

1:23:36

would do that for like a

1:23:38

lot less. I guess $2,000 is the number. I

1:23:41

gotta tell you, $10,000? No, you would not do it for $2,000. This

1:23:44

is going in my defense, how much money these people are

1:23:46

making. I know you just well enough to know you would

1:23:48

not shit your bed for $2,000. Would you all not just

1:23:50

shit your bed for $10,000? I would not,

1:23:52

I think $10,000 was the number that

1:23:56

I went. I can't look at myself

1:23:58

in the mirror and go, I'm not. gonna

1:24:00

just yeah I declare this a great question all

1:24:02

right I'll say this I'll call

1:24:13

I'll say this at my apartment it cost me 225 to wash

1:24:15

125 to dry so I do it

1:24:20

for about 15 bucks as

1:24:23

long as I'm making a couple of us this

1:24:25

is a quick laundry DJ Christine's

1:24:27

gonna be gone for the next two days are

1:24:29

you offering ten thousand dollars from me to shit my

1:24:31

bed and sleep your free down nine

1:24:35

thousand no I

1:24:37

declare that a perfect interaction

1:24:39

all right guys let's take a moment

1:24:42

and thank our sponsor for today's show which is

1:24:44

this is only for responsible adults over the age

1:24:46

of 21 oh yes

1:24:49

oh here we go what's up dude

1:24:51

vampire yes I'm getting ready to go

1:24:53

cruising for bitches with Lewis he

1:24:56

says he's GTG good to go for

1:24:58

the road you're

1:25:02

gonna have to drive if you're taking

1:25:04

Lewis home you're no no way don't

1:25:06

forget my dick sucked in the back

1:25:09

flat out black all right you know you're

1:25:11

Delta vampire let me ask you this Lewis

1:25:13

why are those lights getting so close to

1:25:15

us okay

1:25:18

funny joke Lewis now get back into the

1:25:20

right lane oh there's the last time I'll

1:25:22

ask you but yo Delta vampire if you

1:25:25

knew someone who is over the age of

1:25:27

21 I do living in

1:25:29

states where Delta 8 is legal you

1:25:31

know it dude and do

1:25:33

not get somebody tackling for his

1:25:36

keys Harrington take his keys all

1:25:38

right well hypothetically if this person who

1:25:41

you know living in states where Delta

1:25:43

8 is legal probably over the age

1:25:45

of 21 and they

1:25:48

were looking to stock up on Delta 8

1:25:50

all day long baby where would you tell

1:25:52

him to go Lewis

1:25:54

is going to be sleeping whether he's driving or

1:25:56

not on his way home And

1:26:00

for the sake of the ad, Joe, there were definitely

1:26:02

not... Oh yes, but Delta 8 would probably snap him

1:26:04

back into shape. Delta 8. But,

1:26:06

J, not just like... Fapes and gummies to

1:26:08

cure you from being too drunk to drive.

1:26:12

Again, Yo Delta Vampire, let's say

1:26:14

you weren't just trying to sell Delta 8... Sure,

1:26:17

sure. But there

1:26:19

was a specific website that you

1:26:21

were trying to direct people to

1:26:23

go. Oh, yes. Maybe someone who

1:26:25

paid money for you to sponsor...

1:26:27

Oh yes, yodelta.com for sure. Yes,

1:26:29

yes, Dave. Snap me back, dude.

1:26:32

I'm worried, dude. We're going to have to give Lewis one of those

1:26:34

pulp fiction needles in the chest. The

1:26:39

bitch, YoD, they'll be screaming. Again,

1:26:44

but in the short

1:26:46

run... But in the short term,

1:26:48

you go to yodelta.com, the official

1:26:51

Delta 8 sponsor of the GAS

1:26:53

Digital Network. And if they

1:26:55

wanted to get a discount, what promo code could

1:26:57

they use? GAS,

1:27:01

GOMES and SUTTON. Awesome

1:27:03

name, by the way. Just...

1:27:09

The bitch, YoD, they'll be screaming. Again,

1:27:14

but in the short run... But

1:27:17

in the short term, you go

1:27:19

to yodelta.com, the official Delta 8

1:27:21

sponsor of the GAS Digital Network.

1:27:24

And if they wanted to get a discount, what

1:27:26

promo code could they use? GAS,

1:27:31

GOMES and SUTTON. Awesome

1:27:33

name, by the way. Yeah,

1:27:35

and then you get the 25% off, Dave. Yes, yeah. But

1:27:38

that's not for saying... GOMES and SUTTON, just for saying GAS.

1:27:42

GAS, yes, promo code

1:27:44

GAS. Okay. I

1:27:46

was giving it to you like military code. What's

1:27:48

the plate? GOMES and SUTTON,

1:27:51

alpha, delta. Again, so if I'm

1:27:53

trying to say back to you

1:27:55

what you're saying to me, you're

1:27:58

telling me, go to yodelta.com. Use

1:28:00

the promo code GAS and you'll get 25% off. Yo

1:28:04

Delta, gummies and vapes and all that

1:28:07

stuff. Yes. Well that sounds

1:28:09

good enough. Lewis is going to

1:28:11

throw up mid-masterbation and then continue

1:28:14

masturbating. He's in a drunken

1:28:16

text war as we speak. During

1:28:18

ad-read time. He would scream at

1:28:20

the Delta vampire if he was

1:28:23

doing that. He

1:28:26

would call me tomorrow and say bro you

1:28:28

have to take the show seriously. Everyone's

1:28:32

looking and you look disinterested. But

1:28:37

he is on his phone doing

1:28:40

Christ no spot. Hopefully

1:28:44

ordering some Delta

1:28:46

H from discutedelta.com and hopefully

1:28:48

he's using the promo code

1:28:50

GAS. Don't be that way.

1:28:53

25% off. Let's get back

1:28:55

into it. I'm trying. So

1:28:59

where have we left off? Tom.

1:29:01

C I

1:29:12

will say just a couple quick questions before I'm done

1:29:14

with Tom. Tom,

1:29:39

when Lewis took you on vacation

1:29:42

did you feel like you were one of the

1:29:44

only people who had ever been on vacation with

1:29:46

Lewis? Remember you're still under of. No

1:29:51

I wasn't one of the only people. There

1:29:54

were lots of people who worked for GAS Digital.

1:29:57

We already did this. No, no, no. I

1:30:00

want to say he's one of the friends and that was the

1:30:02

whole point of that. I was just saying, objection

1:30:04

sustained because I know what's the other one.

1:30:06

Okay. Not sustained. Overruled.

1:30:09

Overruled. Overruled Kim. Go

1:30:11

ahead Dave. Overruled. I

1:30:14

have two more questions and then

1:30:16

I'm finished if you want to

1:30:18

ask another question at Tom. Tom,

1:30:22

there were lots of people who work

1:30:24

at GAS Digital who were on these

1:30:27

vacations who wouldn't think they could get

1:30:29

free drinks at Legion of Skanks at

1:30:31

the stand. Is that correct? That's probably

1:30:33

true, yes. Okay. And I'll

1:30:35

ask you one more time as we asked before, have

1:30:38

I or Jay or Lewis ever

1:30:40

told you that you can get

1:30:42

drinks and food on

1:30:44

our tab at Legion of Skanks?

1:30:49

No, the three of you have not told me that, no. Has

1:30:51

any one of the three of us ever told us that? I

1:30:56

thought you were on our list. One more question. I

1:30:58

want you to have one more. Has

1:31:01

any one of the three of us ever told you that?

1:31:05

No, you have not, no. Can I

1:31:07

ask a question? Devastating. The court room

1:31:09

isn't off. Tom,

1:31:12

has anybody that's an employee

1:31:14

at GAS Digital told

1:31:16

you you could get a drink on the tab?

1:31:21

Tell the truth. You're under a joint of...

1:31:23

No, no one's ever told

1:31:25

us. It

1:31:27

backfired, no one's ever told us. I don't think it's

1:31:29

true. I think he's lying. Well, that's a big lie.

1:31:32

I don't know. I actually

1:31:34

think it's true. It's

1:31:36

so ridiculous. No one, he never

1:31:38

asked. Can I get free

1:31:40

food? No one ever told him you can have

1:31:43

free food, but Tom was like, I'll have the

1:31:45

Tomahawk pizza. Tom,

1:31:48

Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom,

1:31:51

Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom,

1:31:53

Tom. Tom Orman, one last question, please. Yes, sir. Jay would

1:31:55

like to ask a question. You

1:31:58

believe the... The present lineup

1:32:00

of the Philadelphia 76ers can sustain to

1:32:02

the playoffs until... That is

1:32:05

rough. Am I on the... Jay, come on! Am

1:32:07

I on... am I on... Jay? Jay? Jay? Am

1:32:11

I on the lie detector? Objection, you are on

1:32:14

a... No, I do not. No,

1:32:16

I do not. I do not. Irrelevant.

1:32:18

Jay, there's thousands of dollars on the

1:32:20

line. May I? Yes, Kim.

1:32:23

Will you have more for Tom? No, Tom,

1:32:25

get out of here. The

1:32:27

witness is released. Sandy. I've

1:32:31

done a lot of help out here. Can we do

1:32:33

it like a set? Tom, everybody. They had me. They're

1:32:36

welcome. Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom. The rep on

1:32:38

Tom, everybody. Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom. Give it

1:32:40

up for Tom, everybody. Tom, Tom, Tom. Okay.

1:32:44

Every court should be around us. Your next witness coming

1:32:46

to the stage. Who

1:32:49

are you calling next? You know

1:32:52

him from Middletown, New York. Did you have another

1:32:54

witness? You guys are going to keep going? Well,

1:32:57

who are you calling? I forgot. Did we split this up? Do

1:32:59

you guys have anything else? I would love

1:33:01

if real court was like this. I

1:33:04

don't want the two lawyers to be like, wait, what were you

1:33:06

going to do? Oh,

1:33:08

you want me to go first? Let me see if my

1:33:10

witness here. If he is for sure. And the judge is

1:33:12

like, guys, don't be self-critical. Well, I

1:33:14

know we want to do what you need to

1:33:17

do. Are you done? He has a totality to

1:33:19

be here. He's not. He's not. Oh, you know

1:33:21

what? Go ahead. You

1:33:23

call your witness. Kim

1:33:26

Congen calling the stage. Instead

1:33:29

of calling the stage. You

1:33:32

know this next witness from... Kim

1:33:40

has never smoked a cigarette. I'm

1:33:42

going to get dizzy immediately. I

1:33:49

can't see in this guy's glasses. She's not inhaling

1:33:51

her. All right. Legionist

1:33:54

Gangs claimed that the stand owed them

1:33:56

$10,000 for the last three months of

1:33:58

ticket sales. During those last three

1:34:00

months, they have ran up thousands of

1:34:02

dollars worth of food. Well, your objection,

1:34:05

your honor, she's calling a witness. Wait, I'm

1:34:07

not done. This is my statement of facts.

1:34:09

Just because you missed a part in the court process

1:34:11

doesn't mean I have to. Your honor, we're

1:34:13

calling witnesses. This isn't a

1:34:15

part of it. Bam, thank you,

1:34:17

man. Your honor, objection, objection. May I continue? Objection,

1:34:19

she lit a thing right at the courtroom. Louis,

1:34:23

shit motherfucker, shit shit goddamn.

1:34:26

Some motherfucker just stole your man. Circle,

1:34:30

circles, dot, dot, now I got my cootie

1:34:33

shot, bitch. What is happening?

1:34:36

Okay. Kangaroo court. I call kangaroo court. It's

1:34:38

real money to us. All right. The

1:34:45

last three months, they have ran up thousands

1:34:47

of dollars worth of food, drinks, and damage

1:34:49

to the property. Oh, Louis, you can't.

1:34:51

What'd I do? What'd I

1:34:54

do? Smoking in a non-smoking building

1:34:56

will eventually cost thousands

1:34:58

of dollars to fix the air systems

1:35:00

from all of the smoking every week.

1:35:03

You're smoking right now. I'm on the show. Shit, she's

1:35:05

not wrong. She's not wrong. Damn

1:35:07

it, you're right. I'm almost done. I'm

1:35:11

going to throw up soon. The

1:35:14

Stan Comedy Club is agreeing to pay the difference

1:35:16

of $4,000 because of the excessive amount

1:35:20

of dining and dashing done by

1:35:22

these professional comedians. Wow, professional

1:35:24

comedians. The Stan has dealt

1:35:26

with many issues with the Legion of Skanks

1:35:28

podcast and it has let them all fly

1:35:30

until they turned, until

1:35:33

they were fucking turned on. I don't know what

1:35:35

I said. I can't

1:35:37

believe you're still using the glasses that you

1:35:39

can't see with. Oh, that's a problem. No,

1:35:42

that's commitment. She's smoking a cigarette, she doesn't

1:35:44

smoke a cigarette, she doesn't wear a cigarette.

1:35:46

I'm almost as retarded as you. It

1:35:54

works better if you have a gavel. So

1:35:58

they've cost the Stan at least $6. $1,000

1:36:00

in food and drinks. They've made it incredibly

1:36:02

difficult to run a business here to

1:36:04

be honest an ethical business and They

1:36:08

have been playing so much gay porn

1:36:10

the club actually had to purchase this

1:36:12

very expensive curtain system Because

1:36:14

they were running out customers true or false

1:36:17

True or false so much gay porn people were

1:36:20

eating spaghetti dude. Are we under are we

1:36:22

under oath? You're on a week to do

1:36:24

that. We're supposed to be cold Last

1:36:27

week they ordered Was

1:36:31

with mr. Smith shall be heard I'm about

1:36:33

to call We're supposed

1:36:35

to call witnesses, and then we have a closing

1:36:37

statement. She's talking about these curtains We have no

1:36:39

way of knowing how these curtains got here was

1:36:42

it gay porn Mr..

1:36:44

Smith, I know exactly how they got

1:36:46

here because my wife chose to call her Thank

1:36:49

you to quiet yourself I

1:36:53

know it's a dark deep blue velvet

1:36:56

This judge is so much harsher than Sal Last

1:36:59

week they ordered three desserts back to

1:37:01

back to back before the show pigs

1:37:07

$500 they averaged $500

1:37:10

a night tonight. They're trying to keep it

1:37:12

cool So I think it's actually higher than

1:37:14

$500 a night four times a

1:37:16

month for the past three months. They're

1:37:18

also cheap fucks Their

1:37:21

numbers rely heavily on committee

1:37:23

and funnier than them childless milk YouTube

1:37:28

And they don't pay us Ari

1:37:30

Shafir he pays and he's a

1:37:32

Jew I'm turning on them. They're like

1:37:34

oh fuck I told you I did

1:37:37

my research. She's not wrong. Ari is a Jew 65,000

1:37:40

downloads an episode I googled CPM raids cuz I

1:37:43

don't get paid enough. I don't have enough views

1:37:45

wait hold on we do better than that I Know

1:37:48

I did the low rate. Thank you for making my

1:37:50

point You guys know I don't care. I don't

1:37:52

have it help circuit you guys make a lot of money And

1:37:55

don't pay the tab just because you get free

1:37:57

meals doesn't mean you get to take advantage of

1:37:59

it a club that's trying to help

1:38:01

out comedians. You have no ethics. You

1:38:03

don't take over. You have ties to

1:38:06

the Proud Boys. You read it wrong.

1:38:08

Good one, Lewis. You

1:38:10

make fun of retarded people, which is

1:38:12

bad for business, generally. And you

1:38:16

know what? This is not the

1:38:18

only small business you ever run. Can I have

1:38:20

another free drink? Because they're free.

1:38:23

They're free. I'd like to call

1:38:27

up my first witness, who has been so traumatized by

1:38:30

one of the skanks that he had to actually

1:38:32

send a voice note. He couldn't come in person.

1:38:34

Don't say sloppy on God. No. He

1:38:36

actually... Jesus Christ. I

1:38:39

kind of hope it is,

1:38:41

but I really hope it

1:38:43

isn't. Oh, no. He

1:38:45

actually hasn't been out of his house since this happened.

1:38:48

It's a true story. In December

1:38:51

of 2021, Louis J. Gomez took a walk down to

1:38:53

a deli, and he had

1:38:55

a problem at this deli. I did. And

1:38:58

he got banned from this deli. I did. Yes, it

1:39:02

is. Yeah. And we have my first witness, the owner of

1:39:04

Sunny and Annie. No way. Wait, you're kidding.

1:39:10

Pull it up. Oh, no. I've had it out with this guy. Audio

1:39:12

loud, please. So I saw a

1:39:16

skinny, fat, Hispanic

1:39:18

man come into my business a couple years ago, and

1:39:20

he asked for keto bread.

1:39:23

I told him I didn't have any. So he just started flipping the

1:39:25

tables and started yelling.

1:39:28

And he was like, hey, you probably serve

1:39:30

keto dog. And he just

1:39:32

called me chink and gook and then news

1:39:34

slurs. He made up news slurs somehow. I

1:39:37

don't even know. They were for Asian people.

1:39:39

I told

1:39:41

him I was going to call the cops, and he said,

1:39:43

if I called the cops, I would be taking food out

1:39:45

of his friend's mouth, which I didn't understand. I just

1:39:48

can't tell you the emotional damage he did to

1:39:50

me and my family. My son was only five

1:39:52

at the time, and my son, to this day,

1:39:54

still hides behind me whenever he sees a Puerto

1:39:56

Rican wearing a MAGA hat, which is a lot

1:39:58

more often than you think. Luigi

1:40:01

Gomez is a menace to society. Oh

1:40:04

man. Okay, that was nice. My

1:40:07

first witness, everyone. The

1:40:09

owner of a small business. Thank

1:40:11

you. Objection

1:40:14

as... I

1:40:17

was the prosecutor, Smith. As accurate as

1:40:19

that does sound. As

1:40:23

accurate as that does sound. We have no

1:40:25

way of cross-examining this witness. We have no

1:40:27

way of knowing that this is true. And

1:40:29

again, it does sound like it was true.

1:40:31

Can I add something? It

1:40:34

was 100% sure. I called him a chink, a kike,

1:40:36

a gook. You should have seen me that day. I

1:40:39

started tearing all the fucking candy bars down from the

1:40:41

thing. I was like, fuck you, fuck your whole family,

1:40:43

you pieces of shit. You know what? He banned the

1:40:45

staff from going. He was on

1:40:47

fire that night for sure. It's irrelevant

1:40:49

to the case. Well, I

1:40:51

want to say it was

1:40:53

irrelevant to the case. It

1:40:55

was clearly fabricated. And an actor

1:40:57

playing... Hold on. But then,

1:41:00

Louis J. Gomez said, oh no,

1:41:02

that was all true. And

1:41:05

so it doesn't matter. So, I

1:41:08

don't throw the evidence out. But I

1:41:10

push it a little ways away from what

1:41:13

we're talking about. Can

1:41:15

I ask this guy to stand the glass thing he served me

1:41:17

a drink and is chipped. This could cut my leg. They're

1:41:20

trying to kill you. They're trying to kill me as we speak.

1:41:22

Oh my God. We have a murder weapon. Don't

1:41:24

drink that. All right. Don't drink it in case the piece of

1:41:26

glass is in there, you nitwit. Oh, you're being serious.

1:41:29

Yes. I declare Big

1:41:31

J saying nitwit. I

1:41:36

was going to drink it. Can

1:41:39

I just... Please

1:41:41

do. Can I

1:41:43

add that J's pussy and he wouldn't drink it but

1:41:45

I would have drank it. Louis, stick together. Same team.

1:41:48

I'm sorry, J's rules. I'm trying to save

1:41:50

your life, you piece of shit. Come on. You

1:41:52

saved my life, dude. I love you, dude.

1:41:54

Look, unity. He's fighting every week. We need

1:41:56

to stop. Oh. Unity. Kim

1:42:00

gonna call a witness that's actually here.

1:42:02

Order, order Kim. I

1:42:04

am. Do you care to call another

1:42:06

witness? I do. Or is there gonna be more kissing? Oh.

1:42:11

Oh. There was kissing.

1:42:14

Oh no. Not only

1:42:16

have these guys ruined this business,

1:42:18

they have ruined entire careers inside

1:42:20

of this business. Oh no. Not

1:42:22

all of you, but you guys work together. Birds of

1:42:24

a feather, do you agree? Oh, we're

1:42:26

eating real with this shit. We're not on the stand.

1:42:28

We're not on the stand right now. Call a witness.

1:42:30

I'd like to pull up. You're gonna be your shit,

1:42:32

you piece of shit. It's not my shit. My next

1:42:34

witness has also been so traumatized. She has not

1:42:37

left the house in

1:42:39

years. Kim, these are not recorded witnesses, they're

1:42:41

not witnesses. This is a video. You're

1:42:43

just recording a real video. Hey, wait,

1:42:45

I, video. Order, order. That's

1:42:48

pretty cool, she did an audio recording and

1:42:50

then a video. Thank you. That

1:42:52

was a good call. I see it, I see it.

1:42:54

Pull up the video. I didn't want to use

1:42:56

my hand. Who

1:42:59

is that? Hi, I used to look

1:43:02

at the stand, I was a waitress. That

1:43:04

is until I fucked Louis and

1:43:06

I lost my job. Did she? And

1:43:09

now I don't know what my future holds. I

1:43:11

genuinely don't know if I've had sex with this girl.

1:43:13

Yeah, this is what I've made for her. Is this

1:43:15

a girl from Fiverr? I don't know if

1:43:17

you noticed, but she dropped a tear in

1:43:19

the beginning of the video, she's so traumatized.

1:43:21

There's a lot going on, by the way. This could have

1:43:23

just been somebody you got on Fiverr, or

1:43:26

it could be a girl you know that Louis fucked,

1:43:28

or it could be a girl you hired on Fiverr

1:43:30

who happens to also be a girl that Louis fucked.

1:43:32

For Fiverr, yeah. It

1:43:35

also could be you in sort of a

1:43:37

different kind of look. Objection,

1:43:40

the court and Louis have no way of knowing

1:43:42

if he ever fired him at all. Can

1:43:45

we start the video over? Can I not

1:43:47

be interrupted during my witnesses? I mean, I

1:43:49

didn't speak when Tom was speaking. It's fair, but

1:43:51

can you put a picture or did you go up also?

1:43:53

Start from the beginning. Your honor, I don't

1:43:55

know if I fucked this girl. Well then

1:43:58

look at her deep in the eyes. Order!

1:44:02

And bring up picture of Ray DeVito? Here we

1:44:04

go. If you can, bring up

1:44:06

a picture of Ray DeVito right next to her. I

1:44:09

mean, that's pretty. She does look like Ray

1:44:12

DeVito. That is pretty goddamn true. That is

1:44:14

not wrong. Order!

1:44:16

That is really strangely true!

1:44:20

I declare! I don't know who that is. No

1:44:23

one knows who it is. Alright,

1:44:25

come on. Hi,

1:44:28

I used to work at the stand. I was a waitress.

1:44:32

That is until I fucked Lewis. And

1:44:34

I lost my job. And now

1:44:37

I don't know what my future holds. And

1:44:40

the worst part about it is, is I

1:44:42

didn't even come. You

1:44:45

bitch. I don't care if you came. I

1:44:47

believe her now. It's probably true.

1:44:49

You know what? Your honor, I'm

1:44:52

going to allow that witness. It

1:44:54

seems accurate. Order!

1:44:56

Order! Order! Another

1:44:59

example of her

1:45:02

presenting something completely false from

1:45:05

an actor, and then him just

1:45:08

proving it. He

1:45:11

always admits it. I mean, these are just

1:45:13

perfect examples. Lewis, stop raising your hands for

1:45:15

objection or something. Stop healing Hitler in the

1:45:17

courtroom. Is he a reenactment? I know that

1:45:19

could be an accident. Your honor, your honor,

1:45:21

Kyle Hitler. Your honor, Ziggio?

1:45:23

Yep. Nothing

1:45:26

further. Nothing further. Okay. Next

1:45:30

witness to be called. Are we finally calling your star

1:45:32

witness, or? Kim, do you have any more witnesses to

1:45:34

call? I'm not real witnesses who are

1:45:36

here to testify under oath and be subject to

1:45:39

cross-examination. Yes. Do

1:45:43

you know what any of that means? Yes.

1:45:48

I'll call the biggest victim. Oh,

1:45:54

shit. Amazing

1:45:58

physical comedy. I

1:46:00

second that notion. That was

1:46:04

good physical comedy. It

1:46:07

was great physical comedy. I literally

1:46:09

always wanted to do that. It was undeniably great

1:46:12

physical comedy, obviously. I also would

1:46:14

have accepted one of

1:46:16

these. I

1:46:18

second that emotion. What do you want to add?

1:46:27

Why did you call yourself as a witness? What

1:46:31

information do you hold that you believe helps your

1:46:33

case? I'm abusive,

1:46:35

yes. This means nothing to... Louis,

1:46:38

stop just saying... I didn't

1:46:40

say that. I didn't

1:46:42

say that. I didn't

1:46:44

say that. In that case, Your

1:46:46

Honor, we'd like to dismiss this as the witness's fault.

1:46:50

Let me ask you something, Kim.

1:46:52

Dismiss it, but don't forget it. Let

1:46:56

the jury strike that from the record. They still

1:46:58

heard it. You

1:47:01

can believe in your kooky-town that it got forgotten,

1:47:03

but they heard it. All right,

1:47:05

fine. The striking they had from

1:47:08

the record or whatever is weird, because the jury heard

1:47:10

it. Yeah, that is weird. Why did they do that?

1:47:12

All right, fair enough. Louis abused Kim,

1:47:14

but anyway, back to the matter. That's not the

1:47:16

point, but he didn't dismiss it. We abused each

1:47:19

other. Oh, interesting. First

1:47:23

question, Kim, without answering

1:47:26

the reciprocal, did

1:47:28

you ever, while you were dating Louis,

1:47:30

did you ever abuse him? Yes. All

1:47:34

right, there we go. She's

1:47:36

under oath. She can't lie.

1:47:40

She can't lie. Well,

1:47:42

you know what I realized? I realized you are not

1:47:44

under oath. Nobody put you

1:47:46

under oath, and you don't know why you

1:47:48

proud of it. I

1:47:51

would have paid to have been under that, yeah. Kim,

1:47:55

you've been doing the Legion of Skanks

1:47:57

podcast for years. Is that true?

1:48:00

Have you ever paid for

1:48:02

food or a drink while you've been on

1:48:05

this podcast or ever offered to give money

1:48:07

for the food and drinks that you've had

1:48:09

on this podcast? No, no, no,

1:48:11

no, because I come, I do it

1:48:13

for free. Oh, Louis owes me just,

1:48:15

you know, just because you guys hang out with him.

1:48:18

And have you, but I do

1:48:20

tip, have you guys? I

1:48:23

just started last week. Wait, are you, are

1:48:25

you taking the stand or grilling us? What's

1:48:27

happening here? I'm Puerto Rican, so both.

1:48:31

Damn it. Yes, we tip all the time. That

1:48:33

was an excellent ethnic joke. All

1:48:36

right. So then if we have to answer, yes, we

1:48:38

all tip all the time and probably a lot more

1:48:40

than we would if they were charging us for anything.

1:48:43

No, no, I just did for the first time last

1:48:45

week. I didn't know. I'm under oath. I'm under oath.

1:48:48

I'm under oath and I will tell

1:48:50

you if we're telling the truth about the

1:48:52

stand, if

1:48:54

my, if my research is correct,

1:48:57

you guys send the interns to get the drinks, but

1:49:00

nobody tips at the end of the night. Everyone assumes

1:49:02

everybody else. Well, are you going to call

1:49:04

one of the staff, the servers? You can

1:49:07

call a server. You can call someone. They're

1:49:09

all dead. No, Ethan's in the room right

1:49:11

now. Ethan. We're going to

1:49:13

call Johor. Ethan, Ethan. We're going to call Ethan to

1:49:15

the stand. Ethan!

1:49:17

Ethan! Ethan!

1:49:22

New waitress. Ethan! New waitress

1:49:24

as I call him. Wait, hold on. Tell the

1:49:26

truth. Okay. No, no, by the

1:49:28

way, Ethan, but if we were gay, we would all be

1:49:31

harassing Ethan. Ethan, where to tell the

1:49:33

truth? Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing

1:49:35

but the truth? Yes, sir. So help

1:49:37

you, Ethan. So Ethan's handsome and he's like, he

1:49:39

prefers a short short. Do you? Yeah, swear to

1:49:41

myself? Ethan. Ethan, uh,

1:49:44

the first question, uh, I'm sorry, did he swear? Do

1:49:46

you swear under oath that you will tell the truth

1:49:49

and nothing but the truth, Ethan? Yes.

1:49:52

Okay, because I can tell you the truth about your haircut if you want

1:49:54

to. How

1:49:58

long have you been working here for? Peter Smith?

1:50:00

Okay. Ethan. First

1:50:02

of all, I'd just like to say I like the haircut. And

1:50:06

I didn't say I didn't, Dave. I also

1:50:08

like it. Your Honor, I would never claim

1:50:10

that. Look at my hair and tell me

1:50:12

how you feel, Dave. Your

1:50:15

Honor, excellent. Well, I'm gonna continue the question. Excellent

1:50:17

hair. Ethan. We've

1:50:20

heard some wild accusations today in this court

1:50:22

about how no one from the Legion of

1:50:25

Skanks ever tips you. Would

1:50:27

you say that that's a fair characterization

1:50:29

that no one from the Legion of

1:50:31

Skanks ever tips you? Couldn't

1:50:33

be more false. Wow. Couldn't be

1:50:35

more false, Your Honor. Wow.

1:50:37

Well, I'm sorry. Let me pause while

1:50:40

the gasps in the courtroom. Where's

1:50:42

that? Ethan, also, does this hit a little crazy

1:50:44

that we've already spent close to $600 fucking dollars on a date?

1:50:47

You've run your biggest tab yet tonight. Ethan,

1:50:54

may I ask a question? Of course,

1:50:56

Kim. Ethan, does everybody from the Legion of

1:50:58

Skanks tip you? Yes,

1:51:01

they do. Yeah. Wow. Good job,

1:51:03

Ethan. Ethan! Yes, Ethan. Ethan, Ethan.

1:51:05

Ethan. Ethan.

1:51:08

Ethan. Ethan,

1:51:10

Ethan. I was gonna say. Ethan. Ethan,

1:51:14

who... Stop. Stop. Who tips you the most?

1:51:16

Louis? Louis, we're supposed

1:51:18

to be on the same team. This is

1:51:20

the competition. Ethan, can't see them. Ethan. Ethan.

1:51:24

Dave Smith by a mile. Whoo! I

1:51:30

just found out last week we don't prove tips.

1:51:32

This is by a mile. No way. Ethan. That's

1:51:35

why I'm head attorney. Ethan.

1:51:37

Ethan, I want you to look at me

1:51:39

and tell me in the eyes that you're

1:51:41

telling the truth. I'm

1:51:43

speaking facts. Ah.

1:51:46

All right, Ethan. I

1:51:49

have no further questions for Ethan.

1:51:51

And can I also make this point, Your Honor? I

1:51:54

would barely tip Ethan if we were being

1:51:57

charged for his strength. Ethan,

1:51:59

we can almost... I would give

1:52:01

him five bucks, maybe ten bucks. That's crazy.

1:52:04

But Ethan, what do I say? I say, Ethan, Venmo me. And

1:52:07

then he sends me what he wants. Wait, you asked

1:52:09

him to Venmo you? I was gonna say, you want

1:52:11

him to choose what he fucking deserves? What

1:52:14

kind of fucking saw games are you

1:52:16

playing with a waiter here? Louis

1:52:21

comes on a weird tricycle. Ethan, would you

1:52:23

like a temper? Would

1:52:25

you like your sister to laugh? There's

1:52:28

a safe in the corner of the room that

1:52:30

has your tip in it. I declare that hysterical.

1:52:33

The key is inside your penis. The

1:52:37

key is inside your penis? Will

1:52:39

you cut your penis open to get the key to retrieve

1:52:41

your tip? The key inside

1:52:43

your penis is a great name for anything.

1:52:45

Now that you've cut your penis open, you've

1:52:48

seen there's no tip in there. Or will

1:52:50

you wait to pass the key and

1:52:52

your rent will be passed too? Kim,

1:52:55

if you have any further questions, I think I've got everything

1:52:57

I need. Kim, Kim, how'd that feel? It

1:53:01

felt great because by the end of it,

1:53:03

it felt like we all agreed that Ethan

1:53:05

is more of a victim than on this side.

1:53:07

No! Ethan was nothing but

1:53:10