0:01

Fill her up! Fill

0:32

her, Legion of Skanks! Wow!

0:46

The excitement is palpable. You

0:49

can touch it. What's up everybody? It's

0:51

the Legion of Skanks podcast. We are coming to

0:53

you from the Stan Comedy Club. The Skanks are

0:56

all here. I'm Big J Okersson. Of course,

0:58

always to my right, we got Davey Smith. What's

1:00

up? How is everybody? I'm

1:03

very excited. Very excited for today's episode.

1:06

Very going to be a very, very fun episode. Everybody,

1:08

you know him and love him. He's the heartbeat of

1:10

the Legion of Skanks. The

1:12

reigning defending Elismania champion. The human liability.

1:16

Lewis. Jay. Gomez!

1:20

Puerto Rican Elismane. Puerto Rican Elismane. Couple

1:26

things. Number one, let me make this very clear. There

1:28

was, and I mean this, a booger

1:31

on my microphone. No. I just

1:33

picked it off and I touched it. I rubbed my lip against

1:35

it. I was like, that's weird. And then I picked off. That

1:37

doesn't taste like my booger. And then I know it was a

1:39

booger because I tried to flick it off my finger and it

1:41

landed on the other finger when I tried to flick it. Then

1:43

I tried to flick it again and then it landed on that

1:45

finger. And then I flicked it again. Those

1:47

are booger properties. Those

1:50

are all properties of a booger. It was a

1:52

booger, folks. We

1:54

have, of course, an amazing guest on the

1:56

show tonight, fresh from his triumphant

1:58

performance on... Saturday Night Live everybody.

2:01

You weren't Saturday Night Live? It's the young

2:03

ball! Shane Gillis!

2:06

He's come home to roost! They

2:08

told him not to come here today. And

2:11

we're not going to say who, but we

2:13

know who. I didn't tell anyone else. No,

2:16

no, no. They, I

2:18

think even our shared agent would have been like nah. I

2:21

think we definitely know they would have told you not to

2:23

come, and by they I mean it the way Kanye made

2:25

it. Shane, don't go Shane!

2:29

Shane, there's nothing but trouble those boys. Shane,

2:31

you got a good career now. Guys, I

2:34

don't goof around about it. You

2:39

guys should do it. Fucking

2:42

phenomenal job this weekend man. It

2:44

was so cool to see you.

2:46

Incredible. I

2:50

was at Just For Laughs in Vancouver in the comic.

2:52

Everyone was so excited about it. I was trying to

2:54

get out of there. It's funny,

2:56

I couldn't watch it in Canada because I don't have whatever

2:59

streams NBC there. So everyone

3:01

from my show was like, gonna go

3:03

back to your room and watch the show

3:05

now. I'm like, oh you gotta subscribe to

3:07

Maple Plus. Something shitty. It's always

3:09

shitty. I'm gonna wait and see what NPR says

3:11

about the model. I'm not gonna watch it.

3:15

You know what, let's just fucking find out what Hollywood recorded. It

3:17

was really funny depending on the publication. It's

3:19

either Shane Gillis makes sure I'm from Return

3:22

to SNL or Shane Gillis bombs and offends

3:24

to Epic. I didn't

3:26

even see a fan. That's when I watched

3:28

it, I was like, what the fuck are they

3:30

possibly talking about? I was like, shit, was it

3:32

a rough monologue? And then it was

3:34

not a rough monologue. And it's just weird.

3:37

It was fun. Yeah, it looked like a lot

3:39

of fun. It was

3:41

funny though because I had my phone off all

3:43

week because I was dying to stress. And

3:46

then in the car from

3:49

SNL to the after party, I was like, let's

3:51

see what everyone's saying. It was

3:53

like Shane Gillis bombs. I'm the fuck. I got

3:55

down. I was like, damn, I fucking. Great

4:00

he added added worst. Don't

4:04

worse for posting in history of yourself

4:06

or not. Say. Fuck realize.

4:09

That you. Know really? Set as I. Can

4:11

say for that. Reason: Yeah yeah, don't

4:13

say fuck is violinist behind me that

4:16

won't Last year's great my everyone's doing.

4:18

This was a redheaded schwab. I know

4:20

that bellerive business right here wouldn't laugh.

4:22

I would turn around and spinner fucking

4:24

v slap to see that. that's I

4:27

would react if you're behind. I wish

4:29

I saw that they were laughing. When

4:31

phone by. Wasn't round. Exit band was

4:33

the most either. Lose my they did was I

4:36

always do sea ice so I watched it but

4:38

I was there wasn't paying attention to that sake

4:40

while I watch and and then I saw that

4:42

one freeze frame that's on twitter and I'm like

4:44

was she actually like stone? Nobody could I pay

4:47

System was and moment i pieces were mattered. The.

4:49

Black guy in the back who was laughing

4:51

at every single person I was with. That

4:54

was theorists catch. Read the whole thing. that

4:56

guy's last. Ah I wish we had a

4:58

black person here to last the for five.

5:00

A pretty good why we will here but

5:03

they just neverland. Others

5:05

witnesses subgroup race traitor through

5:07

with this guy's thesis it

5:09

further isis arrived thanks those

5:11

Ah but now is it

5:14

is the dress rehearsal monologue.

5:16

I could see even see

5:18

the whole upper deck. Of

5:20

the room so. I just watched Class

5:22

Love not last seven other about can

5:24

you get a picture of Class Love

5:26

Stone Face and any time since her

5:29

vagina over never thought I'd ever seen

5:31

Quest Love Last speaks really better into

5:33

the guys. The dead face like. Saracens.

5:37

Used. To to seats in front of me

5:39

at Madonna Cancer knew stone face and that to

5:42

a restaurant owner. There. Was never say

5:44

humble bragging. One. That

5:46

Madonna. They weren't that

5:48

great seats for the therapeutic must have

5:51

had he was first robot of like

5:53

the furthest away little. Into

5:55

the stages. Weird, but maybe that's why he

5:58

was in a good mood. Fifth assessment: I

6:00

was hanging out with Questlove at his mansion the

6:02

other day. We hang out a lot. And he

6:04

was laughing at everything on his side. So I

6:06

don't know. Questlove's not laughing. He Questlove's you. Can

6:08

we get a Questlove Stoneface picture for Shane and

6:10

a Questlove laughing picture for Dave? Please,

6:13

can we make that happen? We're not going to find

6:15

a Questlove laughing, but maybe get a smiling Kamau Bell,

6:17

which looks

6:20

a lot like Questlove. That's racist. No.

6:23

We said no racism when Shane's on. From now on.

6:25

We had a meeting. We said no racism when Shane's

6:28

on. You guys are allowed to say whatever you

6:30

want. I don't do this. Okay.

6:36

Now that's the happiest Questlove has ever been.

6:39

He hated that Shane joke. He hated that

6:41

Shane joke. He did finally laugh at the

6:43

end. And I was like, you know, you're

6:46

the comedian. I was like, yes. Shit,

6:48

of course. Hey, Alex, can we get a Questlove

6:50

laughing and play it at Shane's last joke of

6:52

the podcast? What should

6:54

we call it? My first taping of

6:56

Dogbelly, the first show, I just kept

6:59

looking for the gray hair of Everlast

7:01

to keep like moving. And

7:03

I'm like, yes, as long

7:05

as Everlast gets it. Fuck

7:08

these people. Yeah, you're humble brag. You're

7:11

totally relating to Shane. You're

7:14

taping a Skankfest. You're looking for Everlast. These are

7:17

different. Yeah, I know. But the

7:19

fat guy going to a chair in Dogbelly is like,

7:22

for real, one of the funniest things. I think

7:24

it's my favorite thing in comedy. I'm

7:26

just being like, you hear about yourself? It

7:29

sucks shit. It

7:31

sucks shit. It does. We're

7:34

both big guys. That's a nightmare. It's your

7:36

nightmare. We do between like all comics

7:38

do a lot of shows every year. You do

7:40

a lot of shows. And for a fat guy's

7:42

chair to break on a special taping. It's incredible.

7:44

It's like the comedy gods. Yeah, like they did

7:47

for a second. We're like, all right. To be

7:49

comics drawn by a fat guy sitting? Oh.

7:53

On my next special, I'm going to break

7:55

away chairs from all the people. Like, wow,

7:57

everyone's fallen. Have you ever broken one? I

8:02

Broken I've broken metal like like you're

8:05

like a metal folding chair in high

8:07

school where the legs just like Unfixable

8:14

metal channel beach when you just fucking

8:16

destroy the same like your chair just fucking

8:18

sing. Oh, yeah I'm

8:23

sorry. I thought about you'll appreciate this every

8:25

single sketch on SNL where I had to

8:28

sit on a chair I was like You

8:31

know like when you're a fat guy and you sit on a flimsy chair

8:33

It's all you think about putting all my weight on my feet Like

8:36

have you ever had like not now when you

8:38

look at any time you sit like that directors

8:40

type chair Oh, that's a nightmare. I'm like, there's

8:42

no way this thing's holding up. I'm always speaking

8:45

I don't think you should be able to hold

8:47

anybody up While they're putting makeup

8:49

or doing whatever to your hair and you're like,

8:51

please God don't it's always a hot chick You're

8:53

gonna embarrass yourself rub as it crumbles the pieces

8:57

It's like three towels and Sitable

9:03

structure There's

9:06

one more fat nightmare on SNL and it's the

9:09

way you do wardrobe changes is

9:11

the most people have to see you're oh No,

9:13

they see they rip your clothes

9:16

off And

9:20

getting fitted dude I'm

9:25

extra large leave me alone like a half hour. I had

9:28

to change in front of four people

9:30

in a small room Ingest

9:32

it Justin Cheats underwear Cube

9:44

off Shane's microphone. There's the pubes

9:46

and boogers We

9:50

have a huge guest here today shit we get it

9:52

we get his same old Shane does he's just a

9:54

fucking loser Sure

9:57

the first time he graced our doors we said what's

9:59

this half retard This is going nowhere. We

10:02

were wrong guys, we were wrong. You're

10:04

putting great cubes off his fucking mic. You're putting

10:06

great cubes off his fucking microphone. Jesus. I'm

10:09

sorry Shane. I fucking hate you. Sorry King

10:11

Shane. Shane where were you? No don't do

10:14

that. Shane, where were you Shane? Don't do

10:16

that. Shane you are our ruler, where

10:18

do we go next? Don't do that please. Dude if you

10:20

could put it in a good Rogan for me and Jay

10:22

with Rogan, that would be sick. Put in a good Rogan?

10:24

Dave will not pay for a few things. I've been boxing

10:26

the map for years. Are

10:29

you nervous? Yeah dude I'm fucking next to a star.

10:31

The only time I felt this ever since when I

10:33

met Lee in order to Capriella at the gym I

10:37

felt the heat coming off his body and I'm like

10:39

wow he's famous. Yeah but you didn't

10:41

know Lee in order to go. You know what somebody

10:43

who's got like a fucking like an infection like a

10:45

really bad fever you can actually feel

10:47

the heat? That's the heat I'm feeling off of

10:49

Shane right now dude. Star power. Wow. Oh

10:52

man it's like. I hate you guys. It's like being

10:54

next to a window in Florida in the summer. You

10:56

just feel it pouring in. Shane can I have $2000

10:58

right now? Prove

11:01

your power. Prove your power Shane. I'll

11:05

tell you me and

11:07

Lewis went to another big show this week. I invited you to

11:09

this sort of like I knew you were busy as shit. Yeah

11:11

you invited me dude. Can I also say Shane is saying that

11:13

he turned his phone off during the week. We

11:15

all texted him like five times to see if he would

11:17

do it. We all texted him like pleasantries but we're just

11:20

trying to confirm it for the buck. And

11:22

I said he was. Dude we were full

11:24

disclosure. We were talking about him and he was like I

11:26

don't know if Shane's going to come. I go he's super busy right now so

11:28

he's pretty nice to get an answer right now. He goes yeah

11:30

we got to see if we can confirm it on. And while we're on

11:32

the thing I go oh I'll text him. I just

11:35

heard you're doing skanks on Monday. You had heard

11:37

a week before dude at least. You rule. That

11:39

rule. This is what Jay

11:41

was thinking three hours before Shane did

11:43

Saturday Night Live. Yeah the Pantera invite

11:45

was crazy. It was Friday night. Oh

11:48

yeah you were invited to the. It

11:51

was Thursday. It was Thursday night. You were

11:53

invited to Pantera the week that he was on SNL? Yeah.

11:57

That's a disconnected we are from the entertainment. You

12:00

can go run the set afterwards to

12:02

sell it or whatever. It's not Thursday

12:04

Night Live. So I'm sure the problem

12:06

is. You had two more nights

12:08

of not live. You

12:11

have no idea how many people ask me when is it, when

12:13

is the show? No. There's

12:15

just so many. Really? Is

12:18

it like, do you record it during the week or is it

12:20

live? That's actually

12:22

not a crazy question because you guys told me.

12:24

You fucking moron. You could have told me they

12:26

recorded it Saturday afternoons and aired it Saturday night.

12:29

Are you kidding me? I just want to know. You could

12:31

have told me that Saturday Night Live isn't live? Yeah. And

12:34

you wouldn't have questioned that? And you could have told me that Conan

12:36

is live and I'd be like, that also makes sense. And it's not.

12:39

Conan's not live? I know. It's

12:41

not. Jimmy

12:43

Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel's the only live. Nice. See?

12:47

What are you telling me? But because both of those have live

12:49

in the title. Like Saturday Night Live. Live? We

12:52

call this Legion of Tanks live on Tuesday Night Live.

12:54

No, I never do. You are? I

12:56

don't. Look at the fucking poster we created

12:58

for you. Your company is lying to people. Yes. Other

13:01

companies don't do that. Ralph's company. I just fuck you. I'm

13:04

here. Show up. That's

13:06

a good point. Ralph's the liar. Legally, it

13:08

is all Ralph. Well, I'll tell you what you missed at Pantera. Please. It

13:11

was a really good Lewis night. Actually, it was Gomez night

13:13

all around. I rule. Because

13:15

it ended up being... Oh, can I just say

13:17

before you get into the story, it's only because

13:19

it's super topical. And this is

13:22

the way that I describe my energy at Pantera. Alex,

13:24

what I tweeted after that, what I told you to

13:26

pull up. Can you pull

13:28

up that video? Yeah.

13:32

So this was a guy

13:34

outside of the Israeli embassy,

13:36

I believe, this morning. Oh.

13:40

Dude, this was me at Pantera. Like,

13:42

as soon as Pantera hit the stage, this

13:44

is my energy completely. You

13:49

guys, I just got here to see Pantera. Pan-fucking-terra-doggers.

13:53

Shit. Stupid fucking

13:55

liar. I

13:59

really... I did fumble. What's

14:03

happening? You didn't see the show? Are you

14:05

kidding me? You're gonna get it. You're gonna get it pretty

14:07

soon. Free Palestine! Free

14:10

Palestine! Free

14:12

Palestine! Free Palestine! Shane,

14:15

Free Palestine. Hot

14:18

shit! Hot shit! I

14:22

don't want to get too political here, but... I

14:24

can't believe you're still talking. Dave, you

14:27

wish you were this passionate about Free

14:29

Palestine. Oh

14:33

boy. That was terrible, man.

14:38

Dude, he stays up for so long. He's hanging

14:40

in there. This

14:42

is the cover of Wish You Were Here. I don't want to see

14:44

that. Oh,

14:48

now it's not. Why

14:52

would we... Call

14:57

the board! They're

14:59

really not hitting that fire at all, huh?

15:01

Jesus Christ! Hey,

15:04

get the fire, thank you! We got it. Was

15:09

he right outside? Nice. Was

15:12

he right outside of Palestine? Was that where he did

15:14

that? What he did outside of the

15:17

Israeli embassy. I mean, look, say what you will, but he ended

15:19

the war. Dude, you didn't

15:21

hear? It's over. That

15:24

was harsh. How did he hang in

15:26

there? One of the

15:28

best things is, you know, the saying, if

15:31

all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail, one

15:34

of the cops comes with his gun

15:36

drawn. It's just so funny. Cops just

15:38

had no other speed. I should've shot

15:40

him. He

15:42

should've shot him. No, he literally said freeze. He was

15:44

trying to help. That

15:48

was fucking good. That

15:50

fucked me up. I'm burning.

15:52

I'm burning. You were feeling So

15:54

good, and then I brought you down back to life.

15:56

Now You feel how the Legion of Stinks feel every

15:58

day of our lives. Yeah, that's what

16:00

we did Saturday night. yeah this is how

16:03

we see of what was watching her sixties.

16:05

that much made us feel the way you

16:07

feel renounces my someone fireside our gratitude. I

16:09

was happy for you for a while but

16:11

then I had a circus all an oil

16:13

for get up to forty seven seconds ahead

16:15

of force of the ground. just dogs. Well.

16:21

Well. Well before Pantera did, that

16:23

is the most metal way to die. I.

16:26

Was pretty metal bout that. Oh down his

16:28

enemy I've him there are likely medal for

16:30

arm. And you think he thought I'm going

16:32

to put him out quicker? Know I

16:34

thought I was just stay up in they're

16:36

going to have here is making appointed I

16:38

did he was ready to. I will say

16:40

that if you burn yourself whatever your passion

16:42

is you won me over like I whatever

16:44

he believes I one hundred percent believe deep

16:46

can somehow I do. You point to someone

16:48

else can be like lottery than the Israeli

16:50

side and you'd like how much Steve Young

16:52

some is you believe as much know why

16:55

I believe are being triggered. My boss like

16:57

yourself who. Are

16:59

being a smattering of being triggered

17:01

by Tom's abusive stepfather. shoes. And

17:04

on the why Does really seem like they

17:06

seem like aggressive as a combat these kids

17:09

have never seen Tom Pacifist. I

17:12

tom the wrong. There. Was a

17:14

little bit more interested in the. Thing. That I

17:16

thought there was fine. I'm. So.

17:19

Well before Pantera hit the stage,

17:22

We. Met at my. Apartment. To

17:24

go drive over together with me. Lewis's

17:27

sister Christine. Josh.

17:29

Out of Myers. And. Hour

17:32

and a group sort. Of

17:35

record and of air coolers one of the

17:37

effort integrated as out about his for a

17:40

best so I go on. those goes

17:42

from here that have obviously. Never

17:46

would hear that I'm a

17:48

specific group is dead system.

17:51

Of. States

17:54

jealously of every sick or

17:56

they've developed for things references

17:58

children said yeah. I'm

18:00

like I'm miserable. Way to live life right?

18:02

You're gonna pay the or shouted on terrorism

18:04

against your baby Bjorn. Such a week and

18:06

a son or your son would get wrecked.

18:10

Another wasn't making it through any of

18:12

his own is to as maybe this

18:14

mother a lot maybe that maybe that

18:16

out I was more the hardest thrash

18:18

versus of islam versus versus arm. so.

18:21

I'll. Lose. Called me to them and

18:23

your lobby I'm calling and obe are now coming down.

18:26

We. Came right down. Louis. In

18:28

a sister nowhere to be son of my

18:30

love? What is it? I'm looking outside already

18:32

a proper cancer and Jay Z's Wells Aj

18:34

the better friends that he used to be.

18:36

As I realized the jan a problem with

18:38

me not being in a lobby, I would

18:40

have known that neither would have ruined the

18:42

night five years ago. Notice the ruined like

18:44

that this? Ah, this night. Why do we

18:46

were doing this for weeks. I.

18:48

Said to myself. I. Am Said

18:51

document. The. Night. And

18:53

every it makes everything great. I one

18:55

louis to be weird and do weird

18:57

style caused by said you like ten

18:59

tariff. I don't really I don't I'm

19:02

gonna get a we refer. I never

19:04

listen recruited. For pennies

19:06

never with where they play was at those only bladed

19:08

when the guy was done. With

19:10

that's on rules. For consistency wasn't

19:12

a minute. Walk Walk.

19:15

Don't donate him were it.

19:18

Is. elegant of he does affect your

19:20

Mohammed over the lead singers political

19:22

ideas but why is he a

19:24

rally. Oh he gets he is real and

19:26

every time he. Started

19:29

talking outlets such as concert ah like because there

19:31

is fans of are there as if you have

19:33

a high as gone like if is going to

19:35

please just as we talked about his like he

19:37

goes as of reward murray hill he back in

19:39

the day when I wouldn't say whatever he i

19:41

talk to i it would have got fired and

19:43

you still kinda come back to sufficiently as as

19:46

Iraq bad bad by some yes I'm borderline I'm

19:48

he looks like a skinhead Aqsiq a skin has

19:50

the we should we went off in a whole

19:52

thing and one time how Hitler. That's

19:55

offer. Advice

19:57

It. Through. as it was making a

19:59

dog dude Really? Yeah. All right. Get

20:03

dastardied. He's got it in a hilarious way.

20:07

Like, dude, Phil. Dude,

20:09

Phil, chill. Dude, he yells white power in the funniest

20:11

way. What?

20:13

Don't worry, though. One

20:15

of the best screams in the world, no matter what comes

20:17

out of that man's mouth, you have to kind of go,

20:19

you can't argue that. But I will say, one

20:22

of my favorite things in the world is Phil and

20:24

someone's apology for that, when he got nailed with that.

20:27

The next day he goes, what? Because

20:29

his voice is so like that, he goes, what do I do? Was

20:31

ugly? There's

20:34

just no reason for that kind of

20:36

behavior. So fucking hilarious. I

20:39

want to apologize for who I hear. Because I

20:41

did something nasty. Deep

20:43

drive, Casianos. White power. That's

20:52

a long fly ball to see.

20:54

Deep shot from Casianos. I

20:58

was at the dime bash, and it

21:02

was extremely late at night. He's

21:04

on a full night. Excuse the

21:07

grace. It was late. What year is this

21:09

from? A few years

21:11

ago, maybe five years ago? Heavy emotions. He's

21:13

on a half a kilo of Yocreatum. That

21:18

transpired upon the stage,

21:21

and it was ugly. Wait, pause it. Pause

21:23

it as well. That's a lot of dough.

21:25

That's something you got to know if someone's

21:35

skeptical about. He's

21:39

speaking. You're

21:43

probably not sure that those words

21:46

Activate. fueled him. What

21:49

year is this from? A few years ago,

21:51

maybe five years ago? Okay. He's

21:53

on a half a keel of Yoke Freedom. And

22:00

it was dude. There's something about pause

22:03

it pause It's just something about people trying to

22:05

use the biggest words they can use You

22:13

know, it's just like when I was on the stage but it's

22:15

like this is an apology Crocodile

22:26

about to eat me if you remember what he

22:28

first did was first thing

22:31

when that when he came out like in press he

22:33

was like oh it was a running joke on the

22:35

night that everyone was drinking white

22:37

wine. Just everyone was drinking white wine

22:39

so he said white power is the

22:41

white wine. That is right up your

22:44

ass. Let me say this. Do you

22:46

remember Jay? Maybe the first

22:52

year you brought us on shiprock. Do you remember

22:54

this? Sure. I mean tell me the story

22:56

and I'll remember. So we

22:59

went so far you've given them the first year. Do

23:01

you remember that? We went to the beach and

23:03

there was something called beach wars. Yes. Okay. Now

23:05

there was a red team, there was a blue

23:07

team, there was a green team, and

23:09

there was a white team.

23:12

I was on the white team but

23:15

he was wearing a green jersey. The whole

23:17

time. I could not. You just

23:19

giggled all of your weed everywhere. Whatever dude. Pretty

23:21

fucking hilarious. Fuck your green jeans. I

23:28

was on the white team and I could not. I

23:31

just heard the laugh for the first time. That guy's here. He's

23:36

here and evidently hasn't been enjoying the show.

23:38

That guy is. Someone asked me Vancouver this

23:40

weekend if that guy's real. My question

23:43

is he real. And I mean this I

23:45

get daily requests like do please

23:47

ban him from the show. I'll pay you. I'll

23:50

pay you if you don't allow him to be

23:52

there anymore. Gotcha. Once a week I get can

23:54

you please physically hurt him. No one. It's like

23:56

Jackie on stern. No one. No one can fuck

23:58

a set up like that. No, he

24:00

rules. He comes downstairs and watches

24:03

shows sometimes. He does this. You

24:09

just gotta go, alright. I

24:15

call him Dirk Kreischer. Yeah,

24:20

if I see him

24:22

in the room for a stand-up set, I'm like, well,

24:25

this one's a wash. I had a ban on him

24:27

from the tapings of the digital tapings. I

24:29

told him you can't come, dude. You're gonna

24:31

ruin the continuity of the tape. Jay, you're

24:33

gonna love this. Kyla, the whole SNL episode.

24:36

You can hear the entire time. Start

24:39

to finish, you can hear Kyla

24:41

laughing. That's crazy. That's awesome. And

24:44

McKeever was like, she must be under like a mic or something.

24:46

I'm like, no, dude, that's Kyla. She

24:49

goes for it. Kyla's so wild. We went

24:51

to, we went to Louis' MSG

24:53

show and she's sitting with me and she's

24:55

doing that. She's scream-laughing the whole time.

24:58

And I'm like, yo, Kyla. I did

25:00

it so friendly. I was like, Kyla, hey. I

25:03

was like, just, you motherfucker. Tell me to

25:05

fucking be quiet. Fuck you. I was like,

25:07

holy shit. Rest

25:10

of the rest, for the next hour. Hour straight. I'd look over at

25:12

her and she'd be like, fuck you. When

25:14

you throw dirt on someone's shine, dude,

25:17

it kills them. Someone's having

25:19

fun. Me and Christine went to see

25:21

Fleetwood Mac years ago. And we had

25:23

two empty seats next to us. We

25:25

thought we made out about four songs. It's

25:28

not a flight. Was

25:30

that the show I was at? No, that's not.

25:33

No, this was a couple years before

25:35

that. And

25:37

this girl and her boyfriend was so

25:39

short and she came with them and

25:42

they sat. So it

25:44

was now me on the end,

25:46

Christine, this girl and her short boyfriend on the

25:48

other side. This girl

25:50

wore a Stevie Nicks dress and started

25:52

dancing. I mean, swinging arms

25:54

in front of Christine's face. I mean, it was wild.

25:57

And about three songs after that, I went... As

26:00

nice as you could be. I was like, hey

26:02

man. Would you mind switching seats with your boyfriend?

26:05

He's like, I can't see your dress

26:07

is big and he keeps swinging your arms. And

26:10

she goes, oh okay, jeez. And

26:12

she sat down in her chair and never

26:14

stood up again. I had a pat on

26:16

the whole time like, bitch, come

26:18

on. Yeah, it's a severe overreaction. Years ago when

26:20

you're like, I went to Book of

26:22

Mormon with Adam Eget. Yeah. You know Adam.

26:24

Sure. So I'm sitting there

26:26

and there's this couple next this shit-faced lady

26:29

and she was a horse dude. She was

26:32

like, for real six two and thick.

26:35

It was actually, she was actually pretty hot, but she

26:38

was talking the entire time and everybody

26:41

was trying to tell her to be quiet. She was just hammered. And

26:44

then Eget's like, I'm going to say something. I'm

26:46

like, all right, yeah, go ahead. And he was like, hey,

26:48

you giant bitch. And I had to

26:50

be like, yo, yo, yo. I

26:54

was like, what the fuck was that? So he didn't really get

26:56

it out. And then I was like, I'll handle it. And I

27:01

was like, you're talking right now. I'm like,

27:03

she nailed you. You're talking to

27:05

me. She's the rest of the show. If

27:07

I made a noise, she would go, shh. Oh,

27:10

you fucking bitch. I hate

27:13

being in an audience war with somebody.

27:15

Yeah. The movies, I was at the

27:17

movies recently. I've had them at the movies. I

27:19

don't really, I never really cared. I

27:22

never cared about somebody pulling their cell

27:24

phone out and the light

27:26

being bright. It never really bothered

27:28

me. What movie were you seeing? We saw

27:30

Wonka, me and my son. Don't give up because

27:32

you wonka. NWA, 145th Street. Let

27:35

me go see Wonka. And I never really gave

27:37

a shit until somebody gave me shit

27:39

for, somebody gave me shit for once. And I

27:42

was like, all right, dude, I was fucking checking

27:44

my social media wall to watch your movie. You

27:46

can't. And then part of you went, you can

27:48

do that to people? No, something,

27:51

I took that anger for some reason. And

27:53

then I started caring. And somebody gave me

27:55

a cross to the movie theater now. And

27:57

I was like, hey, hey. When

28:00

I see someone's face light up with a phone and

28:02

a movie, I just shake my head. I'm

28:05

like, this is not how you behave

28:07

in public with people. We

28:10

made an agreement here. We wouldn't do this. I used to not

28:12

care at all, and it just happened one day that I now

28:14

care. No. Yeah, it is the worst

28:16

feeling in the world. Getting in a fight for

28:18

no reason in an audience. Like that ruined the show.

28:21

I was like, I never thought I might be a

28:23

little bit of gay. I was

28:25

like, I don't like theaters. Musicals? This sucks.

28:27

I was like, I'm going to the book of Mormon. I was

28:30

dying. It's incredible. It's so funny.

28:33

I was so happy. I was like, I'm going to the theater. I'm seeing Hamilton on

28:35

Wednesday. Well, that's different. Gay.

28:37

Gay. Gay. Realized.

28:40

Gay. Gay. Gay.

28:43

Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay.

28:47

Gay. Gay. Hamilton

28:50

sucks. Hamilton sucks. I bet neither of you

28:52

have seen it. You're just saying Hamilton

28:54

sucks. No. I haven't seen it.

28:56

He likes history. That type of stuff

28:59

pisses me off. Why? What's

29:01

your problem? I don't know. Don't worry. Look,

29:03

no particular reason. Me and Shane could sit

29:05

down and watch a six hour podcast on

29:07

that. Yeah. And fucking learn

29:09

something. But yeah, yeah, yeah.

29:11

I imagine. I watched it. It

29:13

was on like what? HBO or something? Yeah. Yeah.

29:17

But it's not the fucking Broadway show, dude. It sucks if you watch a,

29:19

yeah, if you watch a. It sucks shit no matter what. You suck shit

29:21

no matter what. You fuck you. You've never watched

29:24

a show. You just feel represented. You're like, I could be.

29:26

I was the inner Hamilton. I could be. I'm

29:29

a black, brownie. Poor father. You

29:31

did try a transition from the Book of Mormon being

29:33

a fun show to watch. It was just Broadway. And

29:35

the Book of Mormon. I enjoyed the Phantom of the

29:37

Opera. I like the Phantom of the Opera. There's no

29:39

denying that. Come on, dude. There's no

29:41

denying you the music of the night. We

29:54

love theater. Theater's off. Theater's off. I

29:56

was in musical theater in high school.

29:58

Oh yeah. Bitch. Turn

30:01

your face away from the

30:03

garrant night of day Blah

30:05

blah blah blah blah blah

30:08

blah blah blah blah blah

30:10

blah blah And

30:14

listen to the music

30:16

of the night Yeah,

30:18

you're gay, dude. You're

30:21

gay. You sang that? You left gay

30:23

then also now. No,

30:25

Lewis was in, uh... Wasn't

30:27

anything goes? Anything goes. Meet me in St. Louis.

30:30

No, no, I'm not a fan of him. So

30:32

if I could take you back to Lewis not

30:34

being in my lobby. Oh,

30:37

that's as far as we've gotten into. Wait, so

30:39

did Lewis say he was in your lobby? Yes.

30:42

This is all happening? Everything we just said happened in

30:44

my mind while we were waiting in the gallery for

30:46

a sandwich. Yes, because Lewis

30:48

is not inside. He's not outside.

30:50

Maybe they're in the bathroom. I give that five minutes.

30:53

Uber now is there. And I've given him the...

30:55

Just give me one second, man. I'm looking to...

30:58

I call. Lewis goes,

31:00

hey. I go, where are

31:02

you? He goes, oh, you want anything? I'm at

31:04

your deli. I'm getting a wrap real quick. I'm starving. I

31:08

go, okay. I know that I'm about to

31:10

use a lot of energy being a fucking

31:12

Real House dude at the Penn Harish show.

31:15

So I'm not going to not eat

31:17

something. So, low carb? He goes, I'm

31:19

getting... I go, is it done? Because

31:21

the Uber's here. He goes, oh,

31:23

yeah, dude. He goes, it's almost done. I go,

31:25

three, four minutes I'll be there. That

31:29

was a destination. Six, seven minutes later. Come on. Who

31:33

counts like that? I would. Lewis

31:37

comes out with his sister

31:40

and they have a bag of snacks and Lewis

31:42

is already eating his wrap. Of course, I must. He started

31:44

now in the deli. Sure.

31:48

He's eating his wrap. We get in this car.

31:50

I got us an Uber Black. I got us

31:52

a Nicie. He was Dominican, I think.

31:54

I got us an Uber. That's fair.

31:56

Pretty good, Lewis. I

32:00

guess a nice Uber to pull up in

32:02

style and Lewis gets in

32:04

the car with his open wrap. I

32:17

don't know what this was a wrap of. It smelled like shit.

32:21

Lewis gets microwaved, cat-tastes wrap. What?

32:25

They had a deal. We

32:29

get in the car, we close the door of the car

32:31

and Lewis looks at this, Lewis is eating this

32:37

wrap that is smelling up the entire car.

32:40

The whole car. I was going to say what it was. I

32:42

said what the crap was. And it's because I said the

32:44

deli that I'm banned from next to the gasses of the

32:46

studios makes a number 101. And

32:49

Jorge, you know I get the 101 all the time. I

32:51

had to recreate the 101, dude. Turkey,

32:54

Swiss cheese, coleslaw, Thousand Island dressing,

32:56

and kind of painting socks. I'm

32:59

a spinach wrap. My point is, it's

33:01

got a distinct smell. And

33:04

Lewis gets in the car with the open wrap. He's eating it

33:06

still. He slides behind the driver and does this when I close

33:08

the door. Why is the driver on purpose so he wouldn't see

33:10

me eat the wrap? Right, he does this to me. Rather

33:13

than not eat the wrap, Lewis goes,

33:15

he points at the guy and starts

33:17

doing this to me big time. He's

33:20

going to wave the hand in front of the

33:22

nose. It's your fucking wrap. He didn't smell. He

33:25

didn't smell at all. What's going on with this guy? Is he eating

33:27

a wrap up there? What's this guy? He's not fucking

33:29

serious. He's like Thousand Island dressing. He's close quarters. Fuck, I think he's

33:31

like 30. I should die, dude. Now, Lewis got his body stunk, dude.

33:33

We're on my, so we're on my, we're on my Uber. I swear

33:35

to God, his body stunk. We're on my Uber. We're

33:37

on my Uber. Yeah, you can never take your Uber

33:40

with Lewis. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

33:42

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not

33:44

gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

33:46

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. You're

33:55

the guy. I'm the guy. That's the lesson I've

33:57

learned a lot. Lewis is eating his wrap. I'll pay for, I'll give you

33:59

all the cash. But if your uber

34:01

house or half stars coming off from

34:03

the house and island drippings everywhere And

34:06

that's true. And Jake. Can I say this? We

34:09

only tell the story as it happened. Don't do we

34:11

go drippings drippings? There was no dripping for sure. We

34:13

only said I was not dripping absolutely Should

34:16

not believe moving forward if Jay would just say

34:18

there's no drippings We can move forward

34:21

and say that this might be a truthful story for

34:23

the rest of the night Do you guys if Jay

34:25

will stand by these drippings? Just know everything James about

34:27

to say should be taken to the huge grain of

34:29

salt which also fell on the seat Nothing

34:36

fell on the seat but there were drippings Look

34:49

they're here because law or thousand or a

34:51

mixture probably coleslaw is probably a pink

34:54

coleslaw manis water

34:59

Quick question about the uber ride there. Do you

35:01

guys end up seeing? We

35:06

are 30 seconds in a bit like Dave

35:08

I'm not done with the uber ride yet.

35:10

All right So Lewis

35:13

is eating his wrap and the guy says finally

35:15

about a few minutes He goes

35:17

he goes he goes he goes Sorry

35:21

goes no eating in the car, please and

35:23

Lewis goes what? No

35:26

eating car, which by the way from the second loose gun

35:28

the car I'm not gonna let some Russian dress and smelling

35:30

motherfucker. Tell me I can't eat in this car He's

35:34

like so Oh

35:37

shit, so sorry and he makes

35:39

I wasn't he makes a real He

35:42

makes a real loud Like

35:45

about crumbling his bag up But

35:47

he still has a couple more bites in his hand

35:49

and then he ducks low and looks at me

35:51

like look how I got him drippings

35:55

everywhere I'm

36:00

definitely dripping. They're dripping the whole over. There were

36:02

no drippings. So he's looking at me

36:04

like, where are my sons? But there were no drippings.

36:06

And I go, we pull up. And the guy... He's

36:09

thinking about using the drippings. The

36:12

drippings onto the guy's plastic cover. Pull

36:15

the curtain a little bit here. At

36:17

the meeting this week, Jay goes, I have to

36:19

tell the story about Lewis at the concert. And

36:21

Lewis went, I don't really see how it's going to be good for

36:23

the podcast. You guys have to have a meeting. We've

36:29

had meetings for two months. The

36:35

show has gotten increasingly better.

36:38

Lewis goes increasingly better. I'm going to show

36:40

a guy who dies from hurting. That didn't

36:42

come up in the meeting. That was improper.

36:44

I was doing comedy jazz. You

36:47

knocked it out of the park. There's

36:49

nothing funnier. The guy

36:51

burning the emalation. Emalation? Emalation. Emalation.

36:54

Emalation. Whichever one's right, I don't know

36:56

what it means. That guy knows. He's

36:59

like, Emalation. Let

37:02

me solve this debate. So we're driving

37:05

Lewis. He's still

37:07

burning. Right

37:10

now he's like, I'm shitting. He

37:12

was definitely a regional gangster. So

37:15

Lewis, he eats his few

37:17

more bites. And the

37:20

time he got in the car, I was like, Emalation. No, I

37:22

shoved, it was one. Done. One

37:25

bite. We get there, now

37:27

when we're getting out of the cab, or the

37:29

Uber, the guy says,

37:32

Lewis, what he says is,

37:34

make sure you don't forget anything. Lewis

37:37

thought he heard something like shitty from him and he had

37:39

like a, what? What? He

37:42

goes, oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, make sure.

37:44

Oh, look, I actually, and he did leave something.

37:47

He goes, oh. No, no, he goes like this.

37:50

I thought he goes, he goes, thank

37:52

you, make sure you don't forget anything. And

37:54

I go, I thought he said, I was like, don't, I

37:56

thought he said, don't leave any garbage. And I was

37:58

like, don't leave any garbage. I was like, don't leave

38:01

me garbage. I looked at Jeff, I was like, why

38:03

would only an animal would leave garbage? And then I

38:05

noticed that I left garbage in the side console.

38:08

He didn't even know he just says that when

38:10

everybody gets out. And only because it was Jay's

38:12

Uber, I ran back in and got it. Had

38:14

it been my Uber, I was like, you fucking

38:16

cleaned it out yourself, bitch. Can't take my rating

38:18

lower than zero. You worked for me. As we,

38:20

I'm telling you. You worked for me, Uber. As

38:22

we got out of the cab, I was starting,

38:24

and I told you, my job, this trip, for

38:27

this night, my job was to document

38:29

and report and keep it

38:31

all positive because of that. But

38:33

at the end of that Uber ride, I had a small crack in

38:35

this, where I said to Lewis when we got a car, I go,

38:38

Duke, you do this on your Uber rating and

38:40

not mine, like a little flustered, but quickly

38:43

came out of that. Can I

38:45

say, I don't think that guy gave you anything less than

38:47

a five star. I think

38:49

he did. That feels like a three star

38:51

ride. That was a three star ride. I don't know, because

38:53

you have to, it has to be- Also, I'm leaving

38:55

something out, by the way. Lewis put his wrap away. And

38:58

then, his sister

39:01

goes, oh hey, some

39:03

of these snacks. And he goes, oh yeah, break into

39:05

some of, so then he opens up a bag of

39:08

these gummies, and he's like, oh my

39:10

god. He goes, you want some? And I

39:12

went, no. And

39:14

he's like, oh dude, they're so good, they're vegan.

39:16

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, they're vegan. He's

39:18

chewing so, it's crazy. No, it's not vegan,

39:20

dude, they were sugar free. Sugar

39:23

free, okay. Whatever they were,

39:25

it was crazy. We

39:27

can eat, we can eat. We can eat sugar

39:30

free candy. He goes, me and my fat sister can eat

39:32

sugar free candy. He goes, these things are actually- We're trying

39:34

to lose weight. He goes, these things are actually really good.

39:36

And he goes, they didn't actually nail

39:38

the Swedish fish flavor, though, on these. They

39:41

didn't. You guys know the brand? You guys

39:43

know the brand? They haven't met the

39:45

airports now. It'll be like, Swedish Fish,

39:47

they have fucking, oh, the brand. Thank

39:50

you, guys. So, yeah,

39:52

dude, please. What's

39:55

your Uber rating? I'll say

39:57

right now, can we compare? Yeah,

39:59

mine. Mine's not good. Mine should be

40:01

pretty good. I think I have a good one. Alright, but here's

40:03

the thing. If you have anything less than like a 4.8, it's

40:05

because you're a problem. Yeah. I

40:07

do pay for my friend's Ubers.

40:11

That's good. So I get like Beezer

40:13

in there. Beezer's a motherfucker. Also,

40:15

me and Christine used to go to work all the time

40:17

together in Uber, and that hurt our rings for a while

40:19

because we would fight in the Uber on the way to

40:21

work. Oh no. Sick.

40:25

It's not bad. Dude, your last text message is from Kid Rock. I hate you

40:27

so much. I

40:29

love it. I hate you. I can't stand

40:31

you, dude. Mom. Mom, Kid

40:33

Rock. I'm 4.82. I'm 4.79.

40:36

By the way, I was pumped on that Kid Rock text. What

40:39

did Kid Rock say? What did

40:41

you say? Nothing.

40:44

Dude, come on, dude. Let me call cover. Can I have a summer?

40:47

Can I call him right now? You cannot call

40:49

Bobby. Dude, please. Rob, I'm not there. I call

40:51

him Bob, but not Bobby. What was your Uber?

40:56

I got 49. You,

40:59

you would. Deep fucking play. Yeah, because you fucking take $280 Ubers

41:01

in every night tune. Yeah,

41:06

but a lot of my... That's the

41:08

Saturday Night Live. I

41:11

mean, that's not... 4.79 is like... I

41:13

think that's considerably better than I thought. Can you

41:15

Google what's a bad Uber rating? Well,

41:17

you have to assume it's always... You get one

41:20

or five. Yeah. That's

41:22

it. Can you see how many

41:24

one stars you got? That's the number. Ooh, I

41:26

don't know. Me and Beezer have gotten into so

41:28

many... Beezer, drunk in an Uber. He

41:31

always sits in the front. That's

41:33

his hero out of me. If I'm an Uber driver,

41:35

immediately. Yeah, he gets up there, he's like, What's up,

41:37

buddy? He just is dying

41:39

laughing the whole time. Like, he's

41:42

a problem. Yelling shit out the window. That

41:46

was a fun one, though. How do you have such a

41:48

good rating? I don't know. I was surprised by that. You're

41:50

polite? I am polite. You

41:52

know, my Uber rating... By

41:54

the way, it's probably gotten up a decent amount

41:56

more because I just use it

41:58

now to go to the airport. It's really never a problem.

42:01

When I used to Uber regularly in the

42:03

city, it would be once a day,

42:05

it would end with me leaving an Uber driver's

42:07

door open but close your own fucking door, faggot.

42:11

It could be Austin. It's also Austin, Austin

42:13

Ubers. Oh, it's not New York. You're getting

42:16

Americans. So I'm getting guys that are, yeah,

42:18

they also. And they wanna chat. They chat.

42:20

Yeah. You can't get an Uber

42:22

in Texas without a guy fucking talking. You

42:25

gotta pay the more money for the

42:27

black and say no conversation. I

42:29

do. And they still go. Wow.

42:31

Yeah. That's crazy. They talk to you like it's

42:34

weird that you sat in the back seat. I'm

42:36

yellow, why are you not up here with me? I'm a yellow

42:39

cab driver and van. I gotta keep turning my neck. Just

42:41

like aggressively talking to me to the point where I thought

42:43

I was being pranked. He just kept the

42:46

conversation going. I started taping it, actually. I literally

42:48

have video of me being like just not answering

42:50

him and him being like, well, yeah, there's that.

42:52

I was like, what are you doing? That's why

42:54

I do an Uber is when they're listening the

42:57

crazy shit, I should have zamed it. So

42:59

I have it forever and it shows up.

43:02

It's just like, you know, it's like oombu,

43:04

oomba wah wah. Just fucking crazy, like, you

43:06

know, African tribal dance. I

43:08

had an Uber from the

43:11

airport in Austin. And he,

43:13

the first thing he said when I walked in,

43:16

or sat in, he

43:18

goes, are you on any medication? And

43:20

immediately it was like this question that kind of just

43:22

threw me off. Just went on

43:25

from the airport to my hotel with a

43:27

conversation about how everyone he knows, he tells

43:29

just whatever pills you're taking, stop taking them.

43:31

And then they always get better. He's not

43:33

wrong. All the pills are just killing us,

43:36

and they're crazy. By the time we

43:38

got to my hotel, I was like, he might, he

43:40

has a better track record than Fauci. Like, I'll tell him

43:42

that. And he might be right. Maybe

43:45

that's it, I don't know. Yo, we're

43:47

not even inside Madison Square Garden. We're not even

43:49

outside of the car. Wait, you guys go

43:51

to the concert? Yeah. Oh

43:54

no, by the way, I love all these side tracks. Lewis

43:56

told me on the meeting, he goes, buddy,

43:58

we have to plan a bunch. There's gonna be

44:00

five minutes of the show. I hope somebody lights himself

44:02

on fire outside of the Israeli embassy or we aren't

44:04

gonna be lost. I

44:08

pray for that. Look, I'm not being sensitive about

44:10

that video. It's just for some, it seems like

44:12

now you are being sent. It could have been

44:14

now you're in your head. Somebody burning to death

44:16

is the worst. You don't know that he died. That's

44:20

true. He didn't die, by the way. No,

44:22

he didn't die. No way. He

44:24

did not die. No, that guy's alive. Okay,

44:26

he's dead now. He died now? He went,

44:28

he's dead now. Thank you, annoying

44:30

last guy. But he worried last guy

44:32

was there while he was burning. Woooooo!

44:36

Yeah, that wasn't sirens. Okay.

44:39

That was not the fire department.

44:41

That was him laughing. Woooooo! I

44:47

keep thinking about that cop not shooting him. He's

44:50

like, you could save him from a rhyme with it.

44:52

Like, let him burn. Like,

44:55

shoot him. Shoot that

44:57

guy. He should've just shot him. Would that be

44:59

murder if the cop just shot him? Probably, but

45:01

still. You're going to be dead in your lives.

45:03

Fuck that, dude. No, that's a human. If I'm

45:05

a cop, I'm only going to jail by killing

45:07

your black person. Sorry. Well,

45:09

at least you, you, listen. You make good news.

45:12

Lewis, you draw your own borders, I appreciate it. We

45:17

don't joke like that anymore. No, no, no. That's

45:20

not the game we play. We're friendly. I've

45:23

had lots of loose for a few years. When

45:26

I'm coming back down. I'll

45:29

have stocks and property by

45:31

then. By

45:34

then, I'm going to be a loose candidate. I'm

45:37

a Dr. Ken Rock. So, he's got some pretty good ideas.

45:41

Me and him are going to chat. Gentlemen,

45:45

let's take a quick moment and thank Manscaped for supporting

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Yeah, you had disgusting hairy Gross

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They're gentle. No, not completely. I use I use

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47:15

Let's get back into it. So

47:17

we get out of the uber and We

47:20

meet up with Josh we go into

47:22

the show and We

47:25

go in first without

47:27

incident there at all and We

47:29

go into the show. We watch Lamb of God and

47:33

Then I rule was great and then

47:35

a Christian group Did

47:39

they like God though do they like Jesus I think I

47:43

think so Randy you probably would have heard

47:45

peripheral Because Randy Blythe the singer was president

47:47

for two years because Czech Republic in the

47:49

Czech Republic Push a fan on in Prague.

47:51

He put he pushed a fan. I was

47:53

a big story And the guy

47:55

the kid died like we hit the ground for the kid

47:57

jump down the stage and then he pushed no But

48:00

also the end of that story was the person

48:03

who died wasn't the person he pushed off. Oh, yeah That's

48:06

how we got tell you it wasn't the same

48:08

purse Oh, I didn't know that blows and he

48:10

was in jail for two years years in Prague

48:12

waiting for trial That's like how the thing is.

48:14

Yeah thought they would have figured that one out

48:16

right away. It's pretty wild. I'm sure he's

48:18

got some stories Yeah,

48:21

pretty nuts. We were actually supposed to Legion of Skanks was

48:23

supposed to do a ship rock crew

48:25

Yeah, we have a headlining a lamb of God

48:27

was there and I canceled because they he went

48:29

to prison And it was

48:31

the biggest opportunity in our lives. It was so

48:33

big for us. We were so ready for it at

48:35

that moment Oh, we would have popped so

48:37

much earlier Shiprock

48:40

crew. Oh my god would have been the moment

48:42

for that would have been all right now Are

48:45

you guys dying in the cruise wreck? Oh,

48:47

oh, Eric. I'm leading a skanks cruise We're

48:50

fledged or legend the funniest shit. We're

48:52

legend. There's so much content. We're legends

48:56

Yeah So

49:00

we go into the show so Pantera comes on here's

49:03

now before I even get into like the The

49:05

crazy funny of the night one

49:07

of the sweetest most adorable things in the world and I

49:10

don't even know if he knows He does it Louis

49:13

me. Yeah, it's great. Do I love this?

49:15

This is sweet And

49:18

he means it he's not doing it as a joke

49:20

he means it when a guitarist hey

49:22

little girl with cancer Do you want the end of my

49:24

rap? I Have

49:27

a rap that I put in my pocket I Just

49:35

adorable he when it's a

49:37

guitar solo in a song he knows He

49:40

goes he slaps the bass. He hits

49:42

me. He gets my attention

49:45

aggressively Yeah, and then when I look

49:47

over it's just So

49:50

I'm not looking at him he goes Yeah,

49:56

it's one of the most sweet adorable things and just

49:58

so you know I know all of the

50:01

guitar solos for every pain-titter song. So

50:03

this happened 18 times on Thursday night.

50:05

Yeah, it was active. It

50:07

was active. Let me try again. Look,

50:10

wait. I would say, and I would, every time, it was

50:12

like a new, I thought he was getting me for something

50:14

else. So I turned, every time he'd be

50:16

like this, and I'd turn around, he'd be like, yeah,

50:19

check this shit out. It was wild. You're not gonna

50:21

believe this. You're not even gonna believe it. I don't

50:23

even know where the story's going. Buckle up. I don't

50:25

know where the story's going, but I was watching the

50:28

guy play air guitar. Dude,

50:30

watch me air guitar this part. It's

50:33

so funny. You guys are starting to be mean? Not

50:35

at all. No, it was fun at first. I felt

50:37

like you were celebrating me, and now it just turned

50:39

mean by the way. This story is a celebration of

50:41

you, I promise you. Yeah, yeah. Because no one even

50:43

knows, we haven't even gotten to like the

50:45

thing of the night that dominated the

50:48

night, for sure. I raved her. Far

50:50

more than Pantera. I

50:52

raved the teenage girl at Pantera. But Shane's

50:54

not cool with that. You

50:57

weren't there, Shane. I held her hands. Turn

51:00

down the invitation. You said you wouldn't come. Dodge

51:02

the bullet. You

51:05

didn't wanna spend time with your old pal, just

51:07

being there on Dawn of the Dawn of the

51:09

Biggest Night You Were Right. You

51:11

matrix that teen rape, I guess.

51:19

My entire phone. And

51:22

my teen. Try

51:26

it on the dry paper. Oh, that's

51:28

such a Lewis move, dude. Yeah, in

51:30

the middle of going teen rape. Jake,

51:33

Jake, how are you still standing there, Jake and pal? God,

51:38

so good to be back. There's

51:42

what you've been missing with all your yachts and

51:44

your fancy NFL friends. I

51:46

have so many fancy NFL friends. Any

51:50

Eagles yet? No birds. Yeah,

51:52

that's not true. Jack Soul.

51:55

Okay. Yeah, we got some of those guys. Jason

51:58

Kelsey. Did

52:00

you give me the miss stuff? Yeah, ah, wow. That's

52:02

awesome. We tell her Swift sky. No

52:04

his brother. I met him, too. I Was

52:08

I met them seeing you just on the

52:10

Super Bowl is pretty awesome You should start

52:12

you did you should make Taylor Swift cheat

52:14

on Kelsey with you. Yeah maker Dude,

52:18

I bet you could I bet you could do you get

52:20

Taylor dude, but check it Hey, Lewis, if you were thinking

52:22

of scooping up this weed, just know it's soaked in red

52:24

wine now You know, I met higher

52:27

with my shirt at the Kelsey's I met him at

52:29

the Super Bowl But I was doing a real fun

52:31

bit where I kept walking around with Nate Marshall, you

52:33

know, Nate Mmm, I kept walking around going. This is

52:35

my friend Nate. He's a black pedophile No

52:39

one thought it was funny. I met the Kelsey's I was like

52:41

this is my friend nays black

52:43

pedophile and they were like cool

52:47

You gotta play one more year dude, I did I

52:49

just won the Super Bowl I Mean

52:54

after the game, that's fucking wild. Did you

52:56

see Taylor Swift? I did pretty wild.

52:58

Yeah. Did you like that arise here? Yeah, you

53:00

should have fucking you Chris. Did it do you

53:03

feel that like you feel that thing coming off

53:05

her, right? Yeah, but he feel that

53:07

the shame heat you felt that all the real

53:09

thing like when you I'm saying I'm saying the

53:11

Basilian air world famous can't step out of her

53:13

house. Yeah, you felt that yeah Wow, and it

53:15

was I mean it was after the Chiefs won

53:17

sure in there post Malone was I mean

53:19

it was crazy singing and then you look

53:21

over and you're like, yeah, there's Patrick

53:23

Mahomes and Stand next to Taylor

53:26

Swift. Did I ever tell you the story about dude? This

53:28

is so relatable Dude,

53:30

did I ever tell you the story about when I was

53:32

trying to make Everlast laugh at my dog belly taping? I'm

53:36

out of stories. No, I'm not trying to be related But

53:40

yeah corn I something corn corn corn Corn

53:43

I didn't think with corn back in the call corn

53:46

No, dude never again There's

53:49

no corn. Yeah, so

53:51

I would also tell Chris Rocky sucks if

53:54

you kid rock Chris Rock did Kid

53:59

rock Doesn't suck kid rock fucking rules.

54:01

I love kid rock. Does he rule? I guess

54:03

yeah I mean I get to understand why whatever

54:05

and I'm what I'm sure this political stuff whatever

54:07

that Oh, but whatever it is. I've just like

54:09

kid rock since I saw him in concert the

54:12

first time I was like that guy's fucking he

54:14

undeniably rules. Yeah, you guys are right calm He

54:19

Look he call no, I'm not

54:21

gonna come he was He

54:24

was in the I did a show

54:26

in Nashville and he was hanging out with us

54:28

and before he left He was hammered. It was

54:30

news. So funny took his fucking watch off. She

54:32

handed to my head to me I love this

54:34

this is this by the way, this is how

54:36

cool kid rock rules Let me let me let

54:38

me preface this kid rock rules

54:40

fucking this is the funniest joke you could

54:43

do to me and my desperate for Literally

54:47

took his watch off handed to Nate

54:49

Marshall. It's an amazing. No. No, he

54:51

handed to Billy McCusker first He

54:54

had to Billy Billy's Billy's a good gentleman. He's

54:56

like I can't take this and kid

54:58

rocks a hundred thousand-dollar watch Dude, I want you

55:00

to have it. He was just shit-faced. We were

55:03

like I was so I take it from Billy

55:05

I'm like bro. We can't give this back

55:07

to him See kid rock takes it from me hands it

55:09

to Nate Marshall and it's like I want you to have

55:11

this Nate's immediately like I Know

55:14

hesitation. It's like this is gonna change my

55:17

life this watch So

55:19

then kid rock leaves Nate still got it. I'm like

55:21

making that fucking watch. I'm bringing it back to us

55:23

I'm gonna give it back to him. This is crazy.

55:25

We can't take this he's shit-faced

55:28

so then it becomes the most pathetic

55:32

Argument of all time. Like if we're all in a green room

55:34

Billy's like gave it to me first Then

55:37

it becomes like us like arguing hard about like who

55:39

should get it I'm like, it's my show you guys

55:41

are only here cuz I mean give me that fucking

55:43

watch Everyone's

55:47

played over this watch Finally

55:49

somebody just like holds it for a second. It's like

55:51

it's really light. That's what real gold is and

55:53

we're like, yeah Definitely

55:56

and then a lady just

55:58

googled. She's like on Amazon it's for

56:00

$20. That's a fake

56:03

plastic watch. That Kid Rock just threw that grenade

56:05

in the room and left. That's so funny. I

56:07

love it. Can I tell you a fun follow-up

56:09

to that story? I don't know if I've ever

56:11

told you this. I think you

56:13

were there that night too. The night

56:16

we did the Kid Rock

56:18

show in Nashville, we

56:20

went to his bar afterwards. So Marcus King is

56:25

a big bonfire and skanks fan. He

56:29

was there and that was the first time I met him. He

56:31

came up and he was excited to meet me and Christine. This

56:33

is before I knew that story that

56:35

you told me. He's talking to us for

56:38

a while and he goes, ain't fucking Bob the best

56:40

man. He's the coolest and he Bob I. He

56:42

goes, even though it doesn't fit me because Marcus

56:44

is a chubby guy, he's

56:46

got this watch that is unhooked and

56:49

tight on his wrist. He goes, the

56:51

man gave me this right off his wrist one day. He

56:53

goes, Kid Rock hands you a watch. He

56:59

goes, you wear it the rest of the day. He goes, $100,000 watch. Right

57:02

off his wrist. How

57:05

fucking funny is that? Before I

57:07

knew that was the answer, I was like, that's

57:09

fucking wild. Kid Rock loves you. And then it

57:11

turns out he was telling everyone in the world,

57:13

he goes, Kid Rock gave him this $20 watch.

57:15

He wears that watch. Kid Rock wears the watch

57:17

all day. It shows up every day. It's like,

57:19

is it only for you? Frank? You're not even

57:28

there when it happens. You're right handed

57:30

to someone and leaves. He goes, he

57:32

just leaves that

57:36

grenade. He doesn't watch the funny part. So funny.

57:38

He leaves and then we're all wonder if he knows

57:40

that Marcus King was showing. He goes, right

57:43

there. That's right. That's what

57:45

real gold feels like. The

57:47

second somebody told me that's what it feels like.

57:49

I'm like, oh yeah, definitely. You tell it's real

57:51

gold. It's like nothing. Yeah, it's nothing. I don't

57:54

know. That's true. We have some time left

57:56

in the show. Let's do plugs real quick.

57:58

We're not even at this. We're not even

58:00

at the concert yet. It's crazy. Well,

58:03

let's just see how long's the show? Couple hours. Yeah, let's keep going. We're chillin',

58:05

oh, yeah, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're not, we're

58:07

not, we're not, we're gonna plug, we're gonna plug, baby. We gotta plug, we gotta

58:09

plug, we gotta plug, we gotta plug, obviously, what are you plugging? Uh,

58:13

shanemgillis.com for a tour date. Telling

58:16

it, dude. I'm so proud of you, brother. I

58:18

love you. Yes, me and Schultz are gonna do

58:20

the Staples Center in May. Wow. Sorry.

58:23

So look that up when that happens. I

58:26

should, maybe I shouldn't announce that yet. You

58:29

announced it here, okay. No,

58:31

it's like announcing it in the

58:33

woods. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

58:35

Yeah. Too much of people eating

58:37

each other. Yeah, if

58:40

you announce something on Legion of Skanks, does anybody hear

58:42

it? I got

58:44

some live dates coming up, guys. Go

58:46

to lewisofskanks.com. This weekend

58:48

coming up, I'm gonna be in Tampa, Florida. Very excited

58:50

with Tim Botterly. It's gonna be an incredible show. Shows

58:53

are gonna sell out, so grab those tickets early. Then

58:55

next weekend I'm in Des Moines, Iowa for the first time.

58:58

Then I got The Vogel

59:00

coming up in fucking Red

59:02

Bank, New Jersey, Potsdam, Pennsylvania,

59:04

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, all

59:06

these places. Go to lewisofskanks.com. A bunch of

59:09

other dates being added regularly. Check out the

59:11

other podcasts. They do Realized podcasts and the

59:13

regs with Robert Kelly, Dan

59:15

Soder, and Joe List. And

59:17

make sure you guys subscribe to Gas Digital. We

59:19

do a bonus episode every week, which you can

59:22

only get if you subscribe. That's available every Friday

59:24

night. And we have over 800 episodes

59:26

that are all exclusive and ad-free and uncensored.

59:28

All I can do is use the promo

59:30

code LLS. Get a free trial. Yeah.

59:35

Good, Davey. I'll be

59:37

at Rosemont and Chicago Zany's. Key

59:41

West Florida at the Key West, comedy

59:43

Key West. And then I got

59:46

Portland, Oregon at the Adlin Theater.

59:48

Oregon. Oregon. Oregon.

59:52

Those tickets are Oregon. The Oregon

59:54

Trail. Oh, Providence, Rhode Island.

59:57

I forgot about Providence, Rhode Island coming up. Come die

59:59

with me from. Terry yeah, we're on

1:00:01

my Oregon Breathing squirrel

1:00:03

I got bit by a rattlesnake in

1:00:05

Oregon I was supposed to

1:00:07

be a Seattle Portland, you know

1:00:09

tour, but I guess we're just doing the

1:00:12

Portland part of it Congratulations, Seattle. You're gayer

1:00:14

than Portland Seattle you won you win this

1:00:16

round and then a

1:00:18

st. Louis funny bone Nashville

1:00:21

go vein and the Legion of skanks All

1:00:24

right, and Nashville zany's comic Dave Smith calm

1:00:27

for for all those days part of the

1:00:29

problem right here on the gas digital network

1:00:34

Big jcomedy.com for all my dates this weekend

1:00:36

everybody zany's Nashville Let's fucking sell that out

1:00:38

if we sell them out before in the

1:00:40

middle this week I'll add a show so

1:00:42

let's fucking make it happen out there. It'll

1:00:44

be well do it. I'll do it I

1:00:47

swear to God if you give demand I'll

1:00:49

fucking straight. I'm gonna do it for

1:00:51

real. Yo for real I'll do

1:00:53

it. It's gonna hurt now that I

1:00:55

announced that but nothing happened now three or

1:00:57

five shows. They're good. They're well Yeah, there's

1:00:59

these definitely gonna do bolts on some chairs.

1:01:01

Oh, yeah. Yeah sure somebody's going through a

1:01:03

fucking chair. We gotta stir it up I'm

1:01:10

all over the fucking place some big fun summer

1:01:12

announcements coming up really soon, but uh I'm

1:01:15

gonna be everywhere. I'm doing the forum in

1:01:17

LA with Bert for Netflix is a joke I'm also

1:01:19

doing the original room. We're not the original room the

1:01:21

main room at the comedy store for the festival So

1:01:23

yeah, I guess there's a few tickets left for that

1:01:25

I think so check those out me

1:01:27

and the great Robert Kelly not only do we host

1:01:30

the bonfire five days a week on faction Talk series

1:01:32

sex in 103 we're gonna be co-headlining

1:01:34

the Paramount in Huntington, New York March

1:01:37

21st a Thursday come fucking hang out here

1:01:39

you guys got a really great special guest

1:01:41

popping in we do Mike Fennoy is Confirmed

1:01:43

going to be there. I heard there was

1:01:45

another guy Dave you're

1:01:47

coming through now, Louis J

1:01:49

Gomez everybody Fucking

1:01:53

rattlesnake in Long Island. I didn't want to

1:01:55

announce because I wanted you to come out.

1:01:58

Oh shit. Sorry. I'm not gonna be there

1:02:00

fuck that show don't go until you first time to

1:02:02

get the pop you guys have another show happening in

1:02:05

Long Island and it was like

1:02:07

the basketball game all over again when you go Dave you're

1:02:09

gonna be there I went did I say I'd be there

1:02:11

yeah a whole bunch of stuff come up the bonfire listen

1:02:13

to the SDR show

1:02:18

and those four I did four hours of

1:02:20

crowd work in Denver we don't show it

1:02:23

was a long-ass show no I don't know we're

1:02:25

gonna do but I'm gonna fucking I'm excited man

1:02:27

we got some fun stuff on the horizon coming

1:02:29

out how we release those listen up Netflix Robbie

1:02:32

you fucking jerk off give me something hey is

1:02:34

soda put down special on Friday so

1:02:36

there is also put yes it's right

1:02:38

he's coming to Portland a

1:02:40

little little sort of values our he didn't even ask

1:02:42

to come to

1:02:48

you doing bonfire tomorrow

1:02:51

you catch that tomorrow and then Shane

1:02:53

doing it on fucking Wednesday yeah that's

1:02:55

all let's get back into this fucking

1:02:57

story because

1:03:05

it ain't over three

1:03:07

hours wait I'm sorry are you guys in the uber

1:03:09

now are you we're in the thing just get out

1:03:11

of the uber is already give me a couple of

1:03:14

tap fucking air guitar that's right yeah yeah we're having

1:03:16

a ball show also before this is on the the

1:03:18

energy here is like it's a lot of like it's

1:03:26

aggressive more than I thought let me

1:03:28

say it's a lot of older people that think

1:03:35

it's a crush no

1:03:38

sure no there's like there's for

1:03:41

every 10% of the people

1:03:43

are actually aggressive so but

1:03:45

it's a weird aggressive like you know metal show back in

1:03:47

the night I'm nutty this was though for the age these

1:03:49

people were was I think a lot of people are just

1:03:51

fucking bump each other you hit each other

1:03:57

and that was like 90% of the crowd and then 10%

1:03:59

of the guys I was like, I don't want any part of that. This

1:04:02

is like 10% of the crowd doing that shit.

1:04:04

Then 90% of the crowd is like fucking 45

1:04:06

to 50 year old dudes being like, dude, fucking

1:04:08

chill. So it's not the same

1:04:10

type of energy. So as soon as

1:04:12

we get there, Louis'

1:04:15

sister gets obliterated drunk. She was like,

1:04:18

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Awesome.

1:04:21

Pantera starts, by the time Pantera goes on,

1:04:23

she goes, guys, it's so easy to get

1:04:25

to the right at the front. And

1:04:28

then she just vanishes into

1:04:30

people. And we just

1:04:32

let her go. And we just sit and check. Can

1:04:34

I say what I did learn throughout the night was

1:04:36

because this, dude, let me say this. When

1:04:39

I saw Pantera for the first time, it was

1:04:41

August, 97. Let him

1:04:43

tell it. Let him tell it. It was giant

1:04:45

stadium, okay. I was 15, or I'm sorry, I

1:04:47

was 14 years old. My sister was 16 years

1:04:49

old. We all hear a story like this. Some

1:04:51

epic moment in the country. At that moment, your

1:04:53

sister went, hey, it's a straight line to the

1:04:55

front. And then she disappeared. Keep

1:04:58

in mind, this is the bar Lewis has for Pantera.

1:05:00

This is the bar that I have for Pantera, dude.

1:05:02

Giant stadium. If I try to pull up footage from

1:05:04

Ozfest, 97 Pantera. I

1:05:07

had that when I took Christine to Manson for the

1:05:09

first time in the week. Fat and old and

1:05:11

shitty. I was like, oh no, man, this

1:05:13

guy, it was fucking crazy. You

1:05:16

tying the shoes on the way in? Hold

1:05:20

on a second. Wait

1:05:22

up. Dude, finding out something's crazy in the middle

1:05:24

of it. If you look up Ozfest, Slipknot,

1:05:29

like nine, I guess it was probably 2000. It

1:05:33

was, the hit was like, so

1:05:35

you're like, you shouldn't be in there. I didn't know the

1:05:37

music. I was like behind on Slipknot.

1:05:39

Slipknot had some sick bits, right? It spit it

1:05:41

out with nuts. This is fucking 97. I'm

1:05:44

a teenager. My sister's a couple years older than me. We

1:05:46

don't know what we're in for. The only

1:05:48

concert that I had been to before this, I had been to

1:05:51

three concerts in my entire life. The first two

1:05:53

concerts were poison concerts when I was like a

1:05:55

kid. And what was the pizza party? What was

1:05:57

the private poison pizza party? And the next concert,

1:06:00

was no doubt at Rocky Community College. So it

1:06:02

was no, and then we went to- Some say

1:06:04

you never recovered from no dad concert. We went

1:06:06

to Ospess 97. Pretty

1:06:08

sick. Pantera, fucking,

1:06:11

I mean, it was- Should we do it on the tattoo challenge

1:06:13

or who knows each other better? I feel like I know a

1:06:16

lot about you. You know a ton about me, doggy. Should

1:06:18

we do it on the tattoo challenge? Who opened up Ospess 97 at that

1:06:20

concert? I have

1:06:22

no idea. Well, you just got a tattoo.

1:06:25

Fear Factory. Fear Factory. Gee! Wow!

1:06:29

Now I know that though. And that's where our tattoos are from.

1:06:32

This right here, we did a tattoo challenge. Did you just

1:06:34

tattoo challenge? We did a trivia challenge on each other. He's

1:06:36

done 10. And every time we got a question wrong about

1:06:38

each other, we had to get another one tattooed in each

1:06:40

other's wrists. Louis lost. I knew more about Louis because I

1:06:42

have nine. He had 10 lashes. Oh wow.

1:06:45

Yeah. How badass. That's very fun. Super

1:06:47

fun. We should do another one. I'll do it.

1:06:50

Let's do it. But we have to get a penis tattooed

1:06:52

and it's one line of the penis. You should do like

1:06:54

a- These wrong answers, another part of the penis. Another part

1:06:56

of the penis. It has to be 10 parts of the

1:06:58

penis. I'll do that. You guys

1:07:01

should do like a trivia tattoo challenge. That'd be

1:07:03

very fun to watch. That's what

1:07:05

we've got. Wow, we're gonna get so- No, no, not

1:07:07

about like each other. I'm saying like general trivia. No,

1:07:09

Jay, no. If it's not music or movies.

1:07:11

I might beat Louis. I would love to see you

1:07:13

guys do a geography challenge. You're not gonna beat me

1:07:15

in just- Geography? Geography? Fuck.

1:07:18

Can you show us just the outline of

1:07:21

a country? Any country? A country? Give me

1:07:23

a country. No, pick a

1:07:25

country. Hold on, please pick a country.

1:07:27

I just wanna see your phone guess. Are states in

1:07:29

other countries, dude? If you want a state in not

1:07:31

a country. State in other countries. No, just Bolivia, clearly

1:07:33

that does not count. Nobody knows, right? I've heard of them.

1:07:36

Provinces and stuff. I think there's states

1:07:38

in other countries you don't even know.

1:07:41

Toronto's in Ontario. That's pretty good. Is

1:07:43

that a state though? No, it's a

1:07:45

province. Province. With the province,

1:07:47

with the town? It's all towns, dude.

1:07:49

It's all Polish and- What

1:07:52

even is a town? What?

1:07:55

What? All right, you gotta get that. Australia. That's

1:07:57

Brazil. Brazil. Don't be an asshole.

1:08:00

Fucking shame how I do realize it

1:08:02

was multiple choice. Got the i don't

1:08:04

don't let them see the module know

1:08:06

you had always been whittled. Mademoiselle? No

1:08:08

no no we're not lose. You must

1:08:10

have cities will be so funny kind

1:08:12

of suburbia. was eyes on out of

1:08:14

it as a lot of Australia fleas.

1:08:16

good knowledge of hello are you get

1:08:18

them legally Little Bucket are aware of

1:08:20

my movies Gangland as a say to

1:08:22

my Blue as far as good not

1:08:24

worth having but is he gonna die

1:08:26

A I. Next. To.

1:08:29

Too us. Come on til I'm

1:08:32

very close to my Portugal. Also

1:08:34

smokers the first a shoelace shit

1:08:36

so I honor his Mexico. no

1:08:38

no. It's not was

1:08:41

Yoyos your. Options. Are going

1:08:43

to spelling was starts with the same

1:08:45

with of Go Canada Cambodia. Every

1:08:48

twitter sign of it's a. Nice

1:08:51

a shiny sea level of wouldn't miss

1:08:53

as a boat as as discover three

1:08:56

or four classes at us for have

1:08:58

a real that Sam knows that I'm

1:09:00

me. As. Your lungs, I.

1:09:06

I just amazing that as soon as

1:09:08

I used seize months Ireland's to the

1:09:10

present or not of lazier now. Oh

1:09:13

a art actually no name of the

1:09:15

line of my of mine. I was

1:09:17

wrong. Urgent I think about the same

1:09:19

thing about war. same Argentino it's Ottomans

1:09:22

would have Germany. Now.

1:09:24

I'm saying I thought of as Israel as I

1:09:26

was I racks. Hamas know

1:09:28

it's fucking. That's. And

1:09:31

Gomez Ireland is it on. The guy knows

1:09:33

every night it's sort of Louisiana hood on.

1:09:35

second. North. It's not one. Significance

1:09:38

is reasonable. Can we see the Moto choices?

1:09:42

Iraqi as Iran's right. it's right.

1:09:44

ah. Well.

1:09:47

Said series somebody got serious and when

1:09:49

you for goes you stupid. I don't

1:09:51

like that Iran was worthless else. i

1:09:55

would say the iraqi they got i

1:09:57

got that is now that you had

1:09:59

when i thought you are the Netherlands

1:10:01

oh guys these are all guys I either

1:10:03

oh yes I think you're

1:10:05

right all right let me see the choices

1:10:07

these are all imaginary line green lights on

1:10:10

three are we are we are all we're

1:10:12

all one thing is Iceland we're all one

1:10:14

land is your fucking country not on the

1:10:16

list that's definitely clearly

1:10:21

that's fucking Spain I wear retarded

1:10:23

Germany Spain big

1:10:29

fucking I Louis three nothing I would do

1:10:31

better in Paraguay no is that that's

1:10:38

France you know it's not France

1:10:41

not France no it's not

1:10:43

no it's fucking ah fuck

1:10:45

me no that's that's

1:10:48

a Cambodia that's how I that's how

1:10:50

I see Texas when I'm on acid yeah

1:10:53

Nebraska I think the side

1:10:56

of it looks sort of like Nebraska dude

1:10:58

that's that's how everyone else

1:11:00

is the United States of ones I was

1:11:02

I was confident through the first two yeah

1:11:04

these guys are dummy well they

1:11:06

were dumb on those give me Oklahoma Nebraska hold

1:11:08

on can we get a continent let's

1:11:12

see the choices this

1:11:14

game stinks Colombia of

1:11:16

course dude my daughter's

1:11:18

hair from there Florida

1:11:21

music note that's

1:11:23

Italy I'm just gonna be Italy

1:11:26

you know he's a boot you

1:11:28

stupid asshole I think a boot

1:11:30

not a pump I think that's

1:11:32

Somalia or Djibouti that's a that's

1:11:36

the island of seven wait what is

1:11:38

it Somalia

1:11:44

Molly let's go if you

1:11:46

know by the way give me credit on just saying that's

1:11:48

you guys know

1:11:50

the shapes of African

1:11:53

countries your woke fags

1:11:56

good point that

1:11:58

was an F&L influence on Shane right there

1:12:00

dude. Come

1:12:03

on boys. Alright, don't nobody interrupt. Alright,

1:12:05

you gotta get this. That's a dragon

1:12:07

facing backwards. That's pretty good. Or a

1:12:09

rooster. That's really good. How about a

1:12:11

rooster? Laughing at its own doge shape

1:12:13

button. I know it is. It's the

1:12:15

road runner facing that way. You're close.

1:12:18

No, no, no, no. Boobity boobity boobity. It's

1:12:20

two dogs barking

1:12:23

at an intruder. Okay, I don't

1:12:25

mind that either. Yeah, or it's

1:12:27

two dogs coming out of a ball. Alright, what country

1:12:30

do you think this is? That's

1:12:32

a country though. What country? He's clearly

1:12:34

Canada. Come on guys, this is a big

1:12:36

one. I'll ask you a question. Oh.

1:12:40

That's crazy. It's a big one. So this is definitely. That's the

1:12:42

shape of a country is crazy. I'm high

1:12:44

as fuck, but that's crazy. It's the

1:12:46

biggest shit. Whatever country this is, I

1:12:48

hope it fucking gets erased. China! China!

1:12:51

China! Oh, it

1:12:53

looks like two Chinese people making fun of

1:12:55

themselves. No, that's why dogs running away from

1:12:57

it. Oh, hey, oh. Two

1:12:59

dogs running away. Help, help, help,

1:13:01

help, help. I'm sorry, Shane. We're

1:13:03

creatives. We're not intellect. I felt

1:13:06

like that would be a fun story. Can we go

1:13:08

back to the story? That would be a fun story.

1:13:10

We mean it, Louisa. Can

1:13:12

we go back to the story, please? We sure can.

1:13:15

So, Pantera's wailing. Every couple of

1:13:17

moments, Louisa gives me a slap to let me

1:13:19

know he can still shred. And

1:13:21

then I noticed at one

1:13:23

point I pointed to Louis, his sister's gone. I

1:13:26

pointed to Louis. Oh, that's what I was going to say. I'm

1:13:28

sorry. That's where we're at. Let's take

1:13:30

it back to the Uber. All right. When I

1:13:33

saw Pantera for the first ... You're in the

1:13:35

lobby. It was pure chaos.

1:13:38

Okay? It was like ... People were pouring over

1:13:40

the side. It was pouring over the side. I literally wrapped

1:13:42

my arms around my sister and be like, we need to

1:13:44

leave. And she was like, no, we're not leaving. It was

1:13:46

crazy. And

1:13:49

this time you just let her disappear. My sister wasn't

1:13:51

wrong. She went to the front and I went ...

1:13:53

I could have found my sister, then I walked ...

1:13:55

I literally just kind of like shouldered my way through

1:13:57

people. And then I was in the front of Pantera.

1:14:00

It was crazy Lewis's sisters be story

1:14:02

on this is as good as the

1:14:05

story baby My sister was living

1:14:07

our own sitcom be a story. She did her own

1:14:09

thing She ran through the front Lewis

1:14:11

stay behind that one point I hit Lewis I give

1:14:13

him a tap not to air guitar, but I'll point

1:14:15

out I go and I was disappointed I go like

1:14:18

that's pretty wacky. I go look how little this little

1:14:20

like eight to ten year old kid is

1:14:23

Here with his dad. It looks like in a couple

1:14:25

of his dad's friends While

1:14:28

that's happening. I look

1:14:30

away for a second and I look back

1:14:33

and there's two Mexican dudes in A

1:14:36

fight with this kid's dad I

1:14:38

think kids dad and like his dad's

1:14:40

friend and his dad's friend and

1:14:42

the Mexican guys are Beating no, but

1:14:44

not yet. We saw it was like it was a

1:14:46

great move Dude, Mexican guy threw a

1:14:48

glass goop threw a glass of beer in the

1:14:52

dad's face And then sucker

1:14:54

punched him the most wear punch in the

1:14:56

face. I've never seen him You

1:14:58

hear it. Yeah, no, I can't

1:15:01

tear was way. I couldn't hear

1:15:03

over Lewis's shreds They

1:15:06

you're hurt in between the pantry That's

1:15:13

gotta feel good to punch someone to that dude he got

1:15:16

no no that's why people like you want to punch people

1:15:18

to that Two Mexicans now I

1:15:20

will say well, we got a guy square in

1:15:22

the face so hard But

1:15:24

other Mexicans were just a bald Mexican

1:15:27

panther concert. This is a bald Mexican

1:15:29

and a them. It's just panther So

1:15:32

the Mexicans are like we have to go to the panther

1:15:38

Right Now

1:15:40

for the story's sake is a bald Mexican

1:15:42

and a long hair Mexican The

1:15:44

bald more Scott the bald Mexican while they

1:15:46

were winning the fight with these two dads

1:15:50

I will say that the bald Mexican got

1:15:52

pretty fucked up. His shirt is ripped completely

1:15:54

down He's got scratches and blood on his

1:15:56

thing in his face. The

1:15:58

other Mexican was The long hair

1:16:01

Mexican was fucking this dad. I mean no no the

1:16:03

dad was the one who you're right You're right. So

1:16:05

the longer Mexican was now the kid

1:16:07

I'm watching the kid cry He's

1:16:10

like watching his dad and it's like get

1:16:13

that friend. Yeah, yeah bad that looks getting

1:16:15

the shit Yeah, there a party

1:16:17

that was like whoa. Whoa what this

1:16:19

looks like The

1:16:23

teacher has become the students I But

1:16:27

my work immediately feels for this like oh

1:16:29

god damn it dude, and I'm watching I'm

1:16:31

and I look over you feel immediately Dude,

1:16:33

this Mexican is dad's doing everything he can

1:16:35

he's taking his kid to Pantera shows 45

1:16:44

seconds of me like looking at it this

1:16:46

Mexican is still fucking this guy up like he's

1:16:48

wrecking this guy I know the floor. He's a

1:16:50

Mexican fight. He's taking two to get The

1:16:56

white guy the white guy who everyone's

1:17:01

Man I never thought of that he

1:17:04

slip he slips and this Mexican is

1:17:06

fucking whaling on him Whaling on and

1:17:08

Lewis he went to the ground though. It should be like

1:17:10

a hockey fight. You got to break it up Well Lewis

1:17:13

the guy goes down now you think

1:17:15

we talk about Lewis being you chug that please

1:17:17

talk about Lewis Please

1:17:27

Even your girlfriend's nodding her head to the chain Louis

1:17:33

it's 50% off you won't

1:17:35

even do it you pussy do it half

1:17:37

price that half price Honey,

1:17:41

and you are a wimp. Yo, that's not real

1:17:44

Not real not real sick and not be fake ass

1:17:46

dude Lewis

1:17:57

for the record. I'm on your side, but they

1:17:59

had a better chance Hold on you showed

1:18:01

your beer dude. Maybe you could become a

1:18:03

spokesman for Chardonnay after this That's

1:18:06

Chardonnay you fucking faggot all right turning

1:18:08

a white wine Yeah,

1:18:11

all right great. So oh

1:18:15

That's you said faggot on SNL

1:18:18

No, I didn't you said fat. I like you thought

1:18:20

about it though What

1:18:30

the fuck happened? I said what? What?

1:18:38

What the fuck? What?

1:18:42

I said yeah dude fucking what? MPR is right.

1:18:44

Can I say if anyone hasn't yet Well go

1:18:46

watch on YouTube the uh Chug

1:18:49

that Go watch on YouTube the deleted

1:18:51

uh sketch For

1:18:55

the bros This is what moron producers I have been

1:18:57

to They blew the cameras away from

1:18:59

me chugging the whole glass of wine. Good job guys

1:19:02

Good job guys He's already there. He's already there.

1:19:05

Touching the action Good job guys. You're a fucking

1:19:07

asshole Good job guys It's

1:19:10

crazy. It's fucking crazy. Good job guys Why would

1:19:12

I chug a whole glass of fucking wine without

1:19:14

you catching the action? Dude one glass of wine

1:19:16

is nothing. You're gonna be fine Gentlemen

1:19:18

we must take a quick moment and thank

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like the skanks. All right, where were we?

1:20:31

Yeah, give me another one you chug this one

1:20:33

too. Yeah, please What

1:20:37

do you have to do tomorrow Jeff you take three more

1:20:39

shots of Tila right now I'll tell the next one Christine

1:20:48

did one clap and then just started rubbing her hands together.

1:20:50

What are you gonna go to my wallet or something? Fuck

1:20:53

with that. Yeah Drink

1:20:58

three more shot rubbing rubbing the

1:21:00

hands together rubbing the hands together was

1:21:02

for real what I thought was the funniest

1:21:04

thing to open The model is gone. I

1:21:07

love to see a plan to come together like this

1:21:11

Love it when a plane comes together She

1:21:14

did they give you did you that we do they know you were

1:21:16

gonna say gay and resorted in the monologue they had to Right, they

1:21:18

know what you're gonna do. No, I didn't

1:21:20

do it at rehearsal You didn't

1:21:22

you just sent parking That's

1:21:28

why quest love wasn't laughing you did not

1:21:30

have a rehearsal for that yeah, and uh,

1:21:34

Yeah, there was a lot there was like nobody's ever worn a

1:21:36

t-shirt. You can't wear a t-shirt. You gotta wear a jacket Wow,

1:21:39

I was like I'll wear a watch with it Did

1:21:48

you say anything afterwards some people

1:21:50

knew I told the

1:21:52

right people. Yeah, yeah, the right people

1:21:54

now Lauren No

1:22:00

Shane, I would advise against

1:22:02

it. No, you don't

1:22:04

want to say that. Dick Morn?

1:22:07

Everybody likes you. Dick

1:22:10

Morn, was there a fun

1:22:12

conversation of him telling you, like, it's like, fucking go for

1:22:14

it, man. Yes, he

1:22:16

was very, very supportive. He

1:22:18

was always supportive. I know, I know, but I'm going to

1:22:21

say, there must have been a cool moment. He was like,

1:22:23

because I kept telling him what I was going to say,

1:22:25

and he was literally just like, don't tell me. Because

1:22:28

he doesn't want to have you. He didn't want

1:22:30

to have any more fun for you. He wants to

1:22:32

know what kind of ability. Yeah, he's like, you're here,

1:22:35

I trust you. F-God.

1:22:37

Yeah. He was, yeah, obviously, you know.

1:22:39

And according to Lewis, he said faggot. I did not.

1:22:41

Oh, no, you didn't. Behind the

1:22:43

scenes? But in my head, the entire

1:22:45

time. You were saying, don't say it.

1:22:49

Please don't say it for once. You

1:22:51

can for one time go on. For once. Put it together.

1:22:53

Dude, I was running the monologue the whole time at the

1:22:56

cellar every single time I ran out of deck. Fuck. Shit.

1:23:01

So this Mexican guy is

1:23:03

now on the ground thumping this dude up.

1:23:07

Lewis sees the kid crying. Lewis then

1:23:10

jumps it, which blew my mind. I had

1:23:12

a joint in my hand. And

1:23:14

I was holding two drinks. And Lewis

1:23:17

is in it, and I'm like, ugh. But

1:23:19

Lewis, I see what he's doing is pulling

1:23:22

the Mexican guy off of the

1:23:24

guy and hugging him from behind,

1:23:26

giving him the, I can't hear

1:23:28

the words, but he's definitely white power.

1:23:30

White power, you dirty Mexican. It

1:23:33

wasn't that. It was

1:23:35

words of peace. He was speaking to this guy here

1:23:37

because he got in the calm down for a second. And

1:23:40

then Lewis was like, did you do your thing

1:23:42

where you like over go on his side? Like

1:23:44

you were like, oh, dude, that was so awesome. What you

1:23:46

just did. That kick was amazing. I think he was giving

1:23:49

a little bit of like, definitely like a dude. You got

1:23:51

to tell him. No, no, no. What

1:23:53

I said was the kids here. There's a kid

1:23:55

watching fucking chill dude. He's already done. He's on

1:23:57

the ground. Yeah. And I grabbed him and I

1:23:59

used. a nice deep inside collar

1:24:01

grip. Oh, you got it. I used

1:24:04

jujitsu. And I

1:24:06

did an inside collar grip because he was

1:24:08

wearing a Mexican sort of leather jacket. Obviously.

1:24:10

And I fucking ganged like a deep grip.

1:24:13

Mexican leather jacket. Deep Mexican leather. That's

1:24:15

a specific type of leather. You've

1:24:19

heard of Mexican leather, but have you heard

1:24:22

of Mexican? What was

1:24:24

it, South Park? Southern Mexicans? I'm

1:24:26

watching a lot of South Park these days. South Park's

1:24:28

the best. No

1:24:30

one's close. So Louis stops

1:24:33

this fight, and it gets broken up

1:24:35

ultimately. I saved that guy's

1:24:37

life. He did. I saved the white

1:24:39

man's life. And one white man for

1:24:42

mankind, I saved him.

1:24:44

Clap if you want. This is

1:24:46

far from over. This is just

1:24:48

the appetizer. Jesus

1:24:54

Christ. And

1:24:56

I'll tell you by the way, that's the

1:24:58

appetizer. And I tell you, there's zero more

1:25:00

fist fighting. That's how confident I

1:25:03

am of how this goes. There's no more fist fighting

1:25:05

in this story. That was it. Because

1:25:08

literally, there's no more fist fighting in

1:25:10

this story. Because of me, I've become

1:25:12

peacemaker for the entire evening. Let it

1:25:14

be known. This is

1:25:16

wild. Louis Che Gova's Peacemaker. Dude,

1:25:18

this is wild. Come

1:25:21

on, Shane. Dave. This is batshit.

1:25:23

All right. Yeah. I

1:25:26

don't know how much Louis dressed or where he was at. I thought

1:25:28

this was a good idea. But anyway, they

1:25:30

end up kicking out the guys and their

1:25:32

kids. And the Mexicans are

1:25:34

both removed from the pit. We're all standing. Now, by the

1:25:37

way, you weren't even here for this. I went to go

1:25:39

get a drink and go to the bathroom. I

1:25:41

watched them. I go out. You don't

1:25:43

know this. As

1:25:46

the police and security are all there,

1:25:49

I inject myself into the conversation.

1:25:52

I'm like, hey, guys, I saw everything. If anybody

1:25:54

needs any information, I got it. Wow.

1:25:57

Bitch. Ordering and

1:25:59

f***ing. Right. Rattlefitch.

1:26:02

Excuse me, local... Rattlefitch.

1:26:07

Local putter- Meat maker here. Putter- We

1:26:09

can rack. Oh, fucking rack. Louis J.

1:26:11

Roscoe. Go rack. What

1:26:14

a scumbag. None

1:26:17

of the cops wanted my information.

1:26:20

Fucking... None of them want. Oh

1:26:22

shit. Takashi J. Gomez. Okay.

1:26:27

Well, if you don't want my information, I'll be sending you

1:26:29

the audio on a hard drive. I didn't know

1:26:31

that. Van Lewis played a hundred

1:26:33

percent of sides on this. So...

1:26:36

It's so funny. So then

1:26:38

at one point we're watching Pantera and then we

1:26:40

notice the white guys are back.

1:26:42

No, we- Sans kid. No, no, we noticed the mech

1:26:44

guys are there first. Dude, dude, sorry. We don't. I'll

1:26:46

tell you this. Sorry, I'm kidding. You'll remember. It doesn't

1:26:48

matter. You're right. You'll remember as I tell you. We

1:26:51

saw the white guys are back and they're just watching

1:26:53

the show. And

1:26:55

they're back- And I was so good, I was like, oh,

1:26:57

thank God. Because I still feel bad for the kid. I

1:26:59

was like, dude, this kid wants to see Pantera. The kid's

1:27:01

gone. It's a fucking dream, dude. Kid's gone. Eight years of

1:27:04

his life. Okay.

1:27:06

Well, if you don't want my information, I'll be sending

1:27:09

you the audio on a hard drive. I didn't know

1:27:11

that. Van Lewis played a hundred percent of

1:27:13

sides on this. So... It's

1:27:16

so funny. So then at

1:27:18

one point we're watching Pantera and then we notice

1:27:21

the white guys are back. Sans kid. No, no, we

1:27:23

noticed the mech guys are there first. Dude, dude, sorry.

1:27:25

We don't. I'll tell you this. Sorry, I'm kidding. You'll

1:27:28

remember. It doesn't matter. You're right. You'll remember as I

1:27:30

tell you. We saw the white guys

1:27:32

are back and they're just watching the show. And

1:27:35

they're back- And I was so good, I was like, oh, thank

1:27:37

God. Because I still feel bad for the kid. I was like,

1:27:39

dude, this kid wants to see Pantera. The kid's gone. It's a

1:27:42

fucking dream, dude. Kid's gone. Eight years of

1:27:44

his life he's been waiting to see Pantera. A band that's

1:27:46

only been back together for so long. He did the hospital.

1:27:48

He did the hospital with his dad. No,

1:27:50

no. Dad and dad's friend are back. No

1:27:52

kid. There was a couple of adults with them, so

1:27:55

I think some people left and they stayed somehow. No,

1:27:57

the kid came back. Did the kid come back? Yeah,

1:27:59

yeah, yeah. So what happens is though, what me

1:28:01

and Louis start noticing is these white dudes, they're looking

1:28:05

for these Mexican guys. We see

1:28:08

them just kind of looking around like, remember

1:28:10

the hyenas in Lion King? Yeah. They're

1:28:12

fucking looking around. They're not paying attention to the show at all.

1:28:14

They're talking to each other and choosing a plan

1:28:16

of where we're going to walk to find them. We

1:28:19

don't see the Mexican guys at all. At one point

1:28:21

we go out to get drinks and

1:28:26

we see the Mexican

1:28:28

guys in life. Yeah, you're right.

1:28:31

Are you sure they weren't just Mexican guys? No,

1:28:33

we... Jay, you're getting a little

1:28:35

bit wrong. We had already seen the Mexican guys inside

1:28:37

of the room and then they went out to get

1:28:39

drinks. You didn't notice. It doesn't matter. We

1:28:41

see the Mexican guys in line. What are you guys fighting

1:28:43

about? No, no, no, no. It's fine.

1:28:46

Wait, so you're telling me all these people got

1:28:48

kicked out and all of them are back in?

1:28:50

Yes. Everyone's back in. That's what's

1:28:52

strange. Now we're in line talking to these guys getting drinks,

1:28:54

these Mexican guys, and we're like, that was

1:28:56

fucking crazy. They tell us what happened. They go, yeah,

1:28:58

these dudes were just up in our fucking shit. We

1:29:00

were like... I apologize to the one

1:29:02

Mexican guy. I was like, dude, I

1:29:05

understand you were doing your shit, you were fucking that

1:29:07

white guy up and I get it, dude. But I

1:29:09

was like, if we keep watching, and I felt bad,

1:29:11

I was like, I don't know what to do.

1:29:14

He was like, no, it's all good brother. The other guy's shirt's all torn. He's

1:29:16

like, yeah, what the fuck was that? That was like, they were up in our

1:29:18

shit and then we was a whole thing. But

1:29:20

whatever. We just talked to him

1:29:22

for a couple of seconds. Yeah, but can I say, at this

1:29:25

point in the night, we are hoping that the

1:29:27

white guys find these Mexican guys. At that point,

1:29:29

this is why I know we had seen them

1:29:31

before, because we were hoping that they would clash

1:29:33

and then after we talked to them, after we

1:29:35

talked to them, we were like, I kind of

1:29:38

don't want to see these fucking Mexican guys. Oh, I was still a

1:29:40

little okay to watch them clash. But

1:29:43

when they're all back, we're all back in the pit.

1:29:46

And now again, we see these, now they

1:29:48

found them. The white guys have

1:29:50

now found the Mexicans. They see them, but the

1:29:52

Mexicans don't see them. Mexicans are just jamming out.

1:29:54

Where was this concert again? That's where our guard

1:29:57

is. This is at the guard. They're not doing

1:29:59

a good job. Yeah, this is in the way

1:30:01

game. This is an away game for the Mexicans

1:30:05

Yeah, you're not wrong either. Mexican guys are

1:30:08

just watching the stage doing devil horns doing

1:30:10

this the two white guys are behind them

1:30:12

Like 15 feet back doing like this being

1:30:14

like you're gonna fucking do it a lot

1:30:16

of with Jewish guys All right. Yeah, they

1:30:19

were doing like a lot of like pantomime.

1:30:21

You're gonna fuck you They have bags of

1:30:23

gold on them. We knew that these white

1:30:25

guys wanted to fuck these Mexican guys up.

1:30:27

Okay, this is crazy So

1:30:30

you watch them like they you're gonna love so

1:30:32

you're gonna love this so much I'm

1:30:35

just saying you see them stalking them.

1:30:37

Yes. Okay, we see them plotting and you're

1:30:39

like, yeah You're like on safari at this

1:30:41

point at this point. You're in a Jeep.

1:30:44

You're going we yes It's about to happen.

1:30:46

Yeah But I'm also kind

1:30:48

of the woman who's going like we

1:30:50

should warn this to get there. We should like somebody

1:30:53

like My my own

1:30:55

Mexican side is kind of going because now I

1:30:57

met the Mexican guys in line and I feel

1:30:59

bad cuz I do This

1:31:01

is not fair. Were they clear people? I feel so

1:31:03

great. I feel a kinship with these magazine guys This

1:31:05

gets so great. You're gonna love where this goes and

1:31:07

no one's gonna see any of this I

1:31:10

promise you see none of this while it's

1:31:12

wild. So The Mexican

1:31:14

guys are enjoying Pantera the white guys are

1:31:16

stalking them and then for some reason they

1:31:19

make their way over directly to Louis White

1:31:21

guys they come right up to me and they go Dude,

1:31:24

they're right there goes do we fuck them

1:31:26

up right now or do or do we just let

1:31:29

it go to me? There's like a loose loose goes

1:31:32

And by the way, I see a real Man

1:31:41

or your mouse he fights that with everything

1:31:43

inside of somebody goes Man,

1:31:45

just like let it go and I literally I went to guys like

1:31:47

I was like, dude. I was like, what are you doing? I was

1:31:49

like, you're trying to enjoy Pantera. I was like, we're trying to have

1:31:51

a good time. You got it. You're with a kid I was like,

1:31:54

oh, they just enjoy the show and then I was like, I was

1:31:56

like did this work back? Yeah, I was like you pin terrorists about

1:31:58

love I

1:32:01

didn't hear that. And Terry was so

1:32:03

loud I didn't hear that. Terry's not about love. They're

1:32:05

about hate. They're about hate. And by the way, Lewis.

1:32:07

You did, Kyle, do you remember the beginning of the

1:32:10

show? And by the way, Lewis, and by the way,

1:32:12

Lewis and his story's gonna have to fill in some gaps that

1:32:14

I don't know because I said I was just observing. I

1:32:17

didn't get the full story yet. I'm curious to hear

1:32:19

his words because what happens

1:32:21

next, you'll never see coming. The

1:32:25

white guys kinda make their way deeper into the pit

1:32:28

across the room after talking to Lewis and Lewis.

1:32:30

They took Lewis's advice. They took Lewis's advice. They

1:32:32

didn't do anything. They let it go. Now,

1:32:34

like, listen, you are directly in

1:32:37

between our skin tone. We need

1:32:39

your advice. This is a soap

1:32:41

opera unfolding. Thank you, tall Mexican.

1:32:44

You have given me wise wisdom. So,

1:32:46

this is crazy. I can't wait to get, this

1:32:48

is such a great punchline. There's no, I

1:32:51

couldn't oversell this if I tried. So,

1:32:54

I'm telling you. You're trying. I'm doing my best.

1:32:57

This might be one of the funniest stories

1:32:59

I've ever told in my entire fucking life.

1:33:01

Jay, it might bomb because you've sold it

1:33:03

now heavily. I mean, I wanna know. It

1:33:07

could bomb. I wanna know. I feel like I've

1:33:09

been so obvious and still, this

1:33:13

is gonna be a pop show. I

1:33:15

feel like you're massively overselling. Nothing more

1:33:18

physical, no more fights. All

1:33:20

that excitement's over. This is what I'm gonna have.

1:33:24

This is great. Now, when the

1:33:26

white guys make their way off into the pit, somehow

1:33:29

the Mexican guys have found their way right by

1:33:31

Luis. And Luis tells

1:33:33

him, he goes, he starts to explain

1:33:35

to them. He goes, yeah, the guys came over to me

1:33:37

and they were like, but it's just bullshit. Because everyone's gonna

1:33:39

enjoy themselves. These Mexicans

1:33:42

have fucking vengeance in

1:33:44

their eyes. They feel like they haven't gotten

1:33:46

their due yet. They want to fuck these

1:33:49

guys up. They already destroyed these white guys.

1:33:52

I mean, there's blood on their knuckles. These

1:33:54

Mexicans are savages. They

1:33:56

don't need to prove anything else. I'll give you a

1:33:58

thousand guesses you won't say with Luis. What

1:34:00

Lewis does? Joint forces? The

1:34:05

Browns must overtake the White House. Not at all. You

1:34:08

come with me. Lewis, he sees these guys

1:34:11

are still pretty worked up. Well, can

1:34:13

I say my perspective? Please, please. The

1:34:16

White guys now have agreed to back down. You know what,

1:34:18

dude, you're right. I'm an idiot. We got

1:34:20

a kid here. Let's enjoy Pantera. The Mexican

1:34:22

guys are now seeing me talking to the White

1:34:24

guys, and they look at these White

1:34:26

guys, looking at them, and fucking like, the conversation

1:34:28

happened, and now they're going like, yo, these White

1:34:31

guys want to fucking go again. These Mexicans are

1:34:33

now fucking riled up like monkeys, and I see

1:34:35

them getting all fucking angry. So I see that

1:34:37

it's about to pull... So you're going to start banging

1:34:39

at the glass. It's boiling over again. This

1:34:42

is fucking it. It's boiling

1:34:44

over, and I'm there watching, and I'm the only

1:34:46

one, just so you know, the only

1:34:48

one in 16,000 people at Pantera, we're going, I'm the only

1:34:50

one who knows the truth. These guys just want to love.

1:34:54

We love drugs. What

1:34:57

drugs? What drugs were you on while

1:34:59

this was happening? Just weed, just weed. I

1:35:02

believe it's just weed and booze, but I'll tell you.

1:35:06

Oh, you know what, before I tell you what happens next.

1:35:08

They want to love. Let

1:35:10

me tell you what happens next, because this is in between this. By the

1:35:12

way, in between these moments, at one point, Janice

1:35:16

E. Gomez comes back, she

1:35:19

squirts back out of the pile of people, and

1:35:21

she comes up to us, and she goes, she

1:35:24

goes, I just almost got into a fight. She's

1:35:28

hammered. I almost got into a fight. She

1:35:31

goes, it was this fucking guy. I was trying to touch

1:35:33

Phil on Samo, and

1:35:36

he was in my way, and it was like, dude,

1:35:39

it's not that fucking serious. He was

1:35:41

like, you can't touch Phil on Samo. I was like, really?

1:35:45

And they go, fucking, get away, and I'm like, I'm

1:35:47

not going to do that. And they

1:35:49

go, fucking, get away, and I was like, you

1:35:51

know what, I'm with three dudes who are going

1:35:53

to come over here and fuck you up. My

1:35:56

sister said that. About me, Jane,

1:35:58

Christine, three dudes. And

1:36:00

Josh. Josh is less dangerous than

1:36:02

Christine. So

1:36:08

she goes back and said we're gonna fuck you. And she

1:36:10

tells us that story and everyone just kind of goes like

1:36:12

this. Like, ah, it's crazy. Yeah. And just kept enjoying the

1:36:15

show. So in

1:36:17

the midst of that's going on. And

1:36:19

she runs back up to the front. Lewis now

1:36:21

is the Mexican guys are getting a little heated again. They're

1:36:24

like, wait, these guys are in here now. And

1:36:26

they're talking. He's like, they were gonna fuck us up or

1:36:28

whatever. This is what Lewis's idea is. And

1:36:32

it don't work. No, it worked. It worked. Don't

1:36:35

be a. Don't be a. It

1:36:38

worked. He takes

1:36:41

the long hair Mexican by the hand. By

1:36:44

the hand and walks

1:36:46

him over to the white dude. And

1:36:49

I can't hear it's a mile away. Starts

1:36:51

mediating this thing. But here's what I see Lewis's

1:36:53

hand. Let me tell you my perspective.

1:36:57

Where Lewis tells me what's happening. My

1:36:59

perspective is Lewis is doing like the. And

1:37:02

love everybody. And

1:37:05

who cares. And what's happening is over Lewis's

1:37:07

shoulders. The Mexican dudes are still these white

1:37:10

guys like what's up pussy. And

1:37:12

Lewis is like because the music

1:37:14

is about us being together. And that

1:37:17

Hitler like that one time. Us

1:37:21

forming a union as people. All as one

1:37:23

in one pit. Masha. And

1:37:25

the Mexican guys are up here.

1:37:29

And then Lewis lights that

1:37:31

fire. And this is where

1:37:33

my perspective. You guys should hug. No, I don't

1:37:35

know what he says. I'm just telling you he goes over there. These guys are

1:37:37

not settled down. And then

1:37:40

Lewis walks away back over to

1:37:42

us triumphantly like I really

1:37:44

did something good back there. And

1:37:46

it was not okay over there. Lewis

1:37:49

was drunk. And it was not okay over

1:37:51

there. It

1:37:53

was what. What did you say when you went over

1:37:55

there because they were not into what Lewis was trying

1:37:57

to do. They sure can. No, no, you're right.

1:38:00

Was like guys. I was like what are we doing dude?

1:38:02

Pantera's about love. We're sure Pantera's

1:38:04

not about love It's

1:38:06

clearly about aggression. What are you talking about?

1:38:08

We all came here for the same reason

1:38:10

just fucking shake hands. Let's stop being assholes

1:38:12

boys Let's go and then he begrudging. I

1:38:14

grabbed her. I was a grab to shake

1:38:16

you said they begrudgingly hook shake each other's

1:38:18

hands, right? And that grudgingly

1:38:21

grudgingly because principal Gomez was there.

1:38:23

Yeah, the white guy. It bothered

1:38:25

me so my guy was like

1:38:29

Crazy what he did the white guy's still being

1:38:31

weird the aggressor like course He's

1:38:33

like you think I'm good if you're good, dude

1:38:35

I'm good if you're good Mexican guys like I

1:38:38

guess we're good if you're good. Okay. Okay, we're

1:38:40

good, right? And

1:38:42

then they walk away from each other not If

1:38:47

Lewis even thought he was something good then I hope

1:38:49

he remembers this moment Because why the

1:38:52

last thing I remember from this concert was you

1:38:54

should chug that dude. No the last thing I

1:38:56

remember I'm not a fool. I'm not a fool.

1:38:58

Now you're a fool. I'm not a fool. Well,

1:39:01

you're a fool if you don't know You

1:39:04

should take it down dude. You didn't take three

1:39:06

shots. You didn't take another beer chug. I'll chug

1:39:08

it. I did. It's chugging It's really faggot Faggot

1:39:21

I won't fly here You

1:39:23

know I hate that type of talk Something

1:39:27

you know about me. I'm calling it dude. You know what

1:39:29

I would be saying if you weren't here No,

1:39:34

I don't so if you had

1:39:36

any If you had

1:39:38

any thoughts as if Lewis's move was a success

1:39:41

what I remember next was in

1:39:44

between when Before Pantera's their

1:39:46

one song encore and you

1:39:48

can hear everything These Mexican

1:39:51

dudes came back over to Lewis

1:39:53

still scraped the bleeding And

1:39:55

they come over to loosen it go what the fuck

1:39:57

was that man? What

1:40:00

the fuck was that? You probably oh- I swear to

1:40:02

god on my fucking- They were like,

1:40:04

what the fuck? They couldn't believe it. Why

1:40:06

would you- we fucking wanna kill

1:40:08

those guys. And this isn't over. And

1:40:11

what that was that weird like, shake

1:40:13

hands everyone. We are kumbaya. Well,

1:40:16

you already won, Mexicans. You already got

1:40:18

your fucking victory, dude. Finally.

1:40:22

You got a victory. I

1:40:24

understand you caring when there was a kid involved. But

1:40:26

it's pretty hilarious. Well after

1:40:28

that. The kid was there,

1:40:30

dude. Jay didn't make

1:40:32

that clear. Jay was in his own

1:40:35

world of being an old bitch. And enjoying a

1:40:37

concert. And being a bit in the fucking back,

1:40:39

not even mashing. Not getting into

1:40:41

shit. You didn't mosh? You

1:40:44

didn't mosh? What? I

1:40:48

have a lower lump during fucking hostile.

1:40:50

I have sleep apnea. I'm

1:40:52

not mosh. Have you

1:40:54

ever- have you ever mashed? No. Never in

1:40:56

your life. No.

1:40:59

I played sports. Mashing

1:41:02

is- I'm assuming what it feels

1:41:04

like when you fucking mosh is what it feels like. You're

1:41:07

offensive line too. You mosh. I mosh. I

1:41:10

do real mosh. That's

1:41:14

mosh alright. You know

1:41:16

what Charlie's gonna want, dude? No, I don't

1:41:18

know what I'm trying to say. So to

1:41:20

put a little button- Oh that's

1:41:23

bad luck. On the story

1:41:25

by the way. When we left.

1:41:28

All having a great time by the way. And

1:41:30

we got out into the street and me and Lewis and Josh were

1:41:32

kind of walking ahead of the girls. I

1:41:34

found out from Christine and I don't think Janice will

1:41:36

mind me saying this. It's hilarious. That

1:41:39

she was just sad. Because she was

1:41:41

like I said that

1:41:43

you guys- that the guys were gonna go fuck up

1:41:45

that dude and they just didn't even care. She

1:41:49

was super upset that we didn't go fuck up that guy

1:41:51

still. Did she mention anything in the car about that? Do

1:41:53

you remember? My sister- she was so bummed.

1:41:56

She was like I can't believe you guys didn't go

1:41:58

fuck up that guy who said I can't touch- Phil's

1:42:00

dick. She's an actual

1:42:02

problem. God

1:42:06

damn where. From Louis. No,

1:42:09

like I have to like, my sister

1:42:11

like is an actual issue. Remember

1:42:13

last time we took her to a concert? It was Wayful

1:42:17

Weekend years ago. When I went on

1:42:19

tour, it was the day I was leaving for

1:42:21

tour, we all drove down to Philly. Yeah. It's my first

1:42:23

day. Dude, and fucking, she, we have fuck, we,

1:42:26

I mean, she wasn't even. Also,

1:42:28

you guys slept through Slipknot in

1:42:30

awesome seats I got you. Hold on, hold on.

1:42:33

That was wild. You slept through Slipknot. I do

1:42:35

the fucking said, why is he whispering? I'm gonna,

1:42:37

I'm gonna, I'm

1:42:40

gonna punch you in your fucking faggot mouth. Yeah,

1:42:42

you bitch. Jake, choke him out. Fucking choke

1:42:44

him out, drag him outside right now. No,

1:42:46

no, choke him out right now. Fuck you,

1:42:48

bitch. Christine, fuck her up right now. Fuck

1:42:51

his bitch up, spin her mouth. Spin

1:42:53

her mouth, fucking her kiss. This

1:42:56

is the Mexicans all over again. Fuck

1:42:58

out her tits, Christine. Damn. Is

1:43:01

it bad to say why he didn't tell his, his

1:43:03

girlfriend's here, he didn't ask her to fuck you? Yeah,

1:43:05

dude, my girl, she's an angel, she has to sit

1:43:07

back. She's an angel. Christine, fuck her up. Dude,

1:43:11

chug that. I'm sorry, dude, you're fucking badass, dude. This

1:43:13

is the best fucking Legion of Skanks fan ever. Damn,

1:43:16

dude, celebrate it with a chug, dude, chug that fucking red

1:43:18

wine. I'm not chugging you another glass of wine, dude. Why?

1:43:22

Your girl can drive, you're fine. I'm not a fag.

1:43:24

I would do it. Chug it

1:43:26

then. No. You say you would do it

1:43:28

with shots? No, I'm doing it. I'm doing it with three

1:43:30

more shots and I'll chug it, Jay. That's not the same.

1:43:32

Three, yeah, it is. It's worse. You do two. Three. No.

1:43:35

Three. One. I'll do one more

1:43:37

shot. One for one. I'll do one for one. That's not a

1:43:39

shot. I'll chug it with that. A glass of wine is not

1:43:41

as bad as one shot. Are you out of your mind? It's

1:43:44

not. Chugging, first of all, this is three glass of wine. We're

1:43:46

going to see. Heavy day, poor.

1:43:48

It's a double. That's one. That's a regular glass.

1:43:51

Lewis, keep in mind, you have to pay for this.

1:43:54

I have to pay half for it. No matter which one. It's

1:43:56

the Legion of Skanks account. I swear to God, I'll

1:43:58

pay for all of it if you. It's

1:44:03

like 17 dollars. I got it You

1:44:09

know the other hands on you I'll go ahead I'll do the tip Come

1:44:12

on man. Chug it. Come on and the

1:44:14

show. So also it's been okay. You need to

1:44:16

chug that to make it great I'm not a

1:44:18

fool. Why would you know if you

1:44:20

love the show so much you do? But that's

1:44:22

not the funniest thing the funniest things if you do it. It's

1:44:24

not the right is that the funniest thing? Cuz it's crazy.

1:44:27

He's already chug the other one. You're so zine It's

1:44:31

not wacky. It's not like you're on you

1:44:33

stop the fist fight I could say something

1:44:35

dude. This is gonna be this

1:44:37

is gonna be brought up in the meeting this week

1:44:39

this week's meeting I'm gonna bring out a little bit

1:44:41

why? I'm

1:44:43

bringing something meeting. I goes Lewis dude. Everybody wanted to see

1:44:45

you chug that one No much. Don't you guys want to

1:44:47

see him chug the other? I'm

1:44:52

not gonna make myself. I'm

1:44:54

not gonna make myself sick. Oh,

1:44:56

you're gonna be sick. You glass the wine What are

1:44:58

you fucking Sarah Jessica Parker? You're

1:45:02

so like the sex god you are so Miranda. This

1:45:05

is how Miranda would act Why are you doing there

1:45:07

was also an Alex Alex great producer out you better

1:45:09

earn a raise You just shook her head no at

1:45:11

me, dude. You've only chugged as many glass. Why is

1:45:13

my phone? You've

1:45:17

changed My

1:45:23

phone chug the glass of wine already And

1:45:28

my jeans in my shirt say you're a bitch you

1:45:30

won't even take three more shots no no

1:45:33

no No, I can't

1:45:35

I have to hit Christina. I have to be able to see her Make

1:45:38

it more challenging No, wait,

1:45:40

dude. I'm not gonna let it get a drop on me Here's

1:45:44

a fury one more shot two two

1:45:47

for one who's your boss Jake who

1:45:49

the fuck is it what I say

1:45:54

The fuck did I say I think If yours

1:45:56

boss, why don't you tell him that the We

1:46:00

often wear a fucking Matt and Jane secret

1:46:02

podcast shirt to the Shane show that jail

1:46:04

go guys all day all day Trained by

1:46:06

day that change you can podcast by night

1:46:09

all day trained by day trained

1:46:12

by day Yo,

1:46:14

check that for real though, and then we can Please

1:46:17

three shots. All right, here's the thing. Jada's

1:46:20

three shots you do I'm not in three shit

1:46:22

one and a half One

1:46:25

and a half stop chug. I think this one

1:46:27

app stop. I'd like stop stop We'll

1:46:30

do another half hour now, I know

1:46:32

I have the all I've

1:46:35

let all go. I'm not shoving one to be

1:46:37

all the way around half hour. Wow, dude. All

1:46:39

right, that's fine Remember I put ice you had

1:46:41

on my balls and I so did I know

1:46:43

you didn't know we know it We thought they

1:46:46

do it and then we didn't do it. Okay,

1:46:48

I said the n-word a new Jack clothesline me

1:46:50

fine I already didn't even spin the wheel did

1:46:52

he know? No, he faced

1:46:54

his own death. I Took

1:46:56

that take those two shots Two's

1:47:00

good twos fair. She's not fair

1:47:02

for a chug The one dude change

1:47:04

the way just memory guys to fucking a hand

1:47:06

wrestle the one time Guys

1:47:09

play mercy. You're not stupid Another

1:47:13

Jake you're you're literally fired I've

1:47:16

never met in my life Get

1:47:19

Shane another whole beer. I'll

1:47:21

chug this wine Shane chugs two beers You trust

1:47:23

you do three shots to be doing a half

1:47:25

hour You

1:47:38

touch you beers You

1:47:44

fucking dog to beers But

1:47:48

the fans choose What

1:47:51

are you running from at your house? My

1:47:59

dog start eating itself Oh

1:48:01

my god, I'm not doing this. Dude,

1:48:06

that was fucking... Dude, I can't believe... I thought

1:48:08

you were the point guard of podcasting. I'm

1:48:11

not dumb. You

1:48:13

lose. Who is... Shane just

1:48:15

wrapped his arm. He's got a movie out there. Come

1:48:18

on. Hold on. This is gonna

1:48:20

be a meme. This is gonna be a meme,

1:48:22

dude. This has nothing to do with me. Stop.

1:48:26