0:00

Man, that sunset is gorgeous.

0:03

Grill, patio, sunset? Hard to get

0:05

better than that. Unless you're browsing

0:07

Carvana's inventory while you soak it

0:09

all in. in. Oh,

0:11

burger time. So sit back,

0:13

get comfortable. Carvana's got thousands of cars under

0:15

$20,000 just waiting for you. just

0:17

waiting for you. I could stay

0:20

here forever. Carvana. Where

0:22

car buying meets comfort meets

0:24

convenience. Download the app or

0:26

visit carvana.com today. Hey,

0:36

guys, before we start the show, I just

0:38

want to tell you our live show has

0:40

moved into the main room at

0:42

the Stan Comedy Club. Monday nights, 8

0:45

p.m., big guests, big

0:47

laughs, big food,

0:49

the big room. Big

0:51

room. It's huge. It's

0:54

really a big deal. We've been here for a long,

0:56

long time and we love the Stan. They're great partners

0:58

and we've been selling out for so long that they

1:00

decided to move us into the main room. That means

1:02

we need you guys to come and pack it out

1:05

every single week. So make sure you get those tickets

1:07

at the stand. nyc.com. We promise you that we're going

1:09

to keep on growing the show and bringing you big

1:11

laughs from the big room at the

1:13

stand. You have to be there live to get

1:15

the live experience now. So get tickets

1:18

at the stand. nyc.com and be a part

1:20

of the live taping every Monday night at 8 p.m.

1:23

All right, let's start the show. Before

1:26

we start today's show, let's take a

1:28

quick moment and thank the best sponsor

1:30

in the fucking business, yocranum.com. Thank you.

1:32

Come on. yocranum.com.

1:36

They are home of

1:38

the $60 kilo. They're the best in

1:40

the business. They support us. If you're over 21

1:42

years old and you're in the market for Kratum,

1:44

you got to get it from yocranum.com. They're the

1:46

marquee sponsors for Skankfest and all things here at

1:48

the Gas Digital Network and they support us. So

1:51

you got to support them as well. It's

1:53

truly the best deal in the world. $60

1:55

per kilo. There's no promo

1:57

code or anything needed. So go there right now.

2:00

Just go to yocranehim.com. All right, let's

2:02

start the show. Fill

2:05

her up. You are listening

2:07

to the GAS Digital Network. Oh!

2:11

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

2:14

Oh! Oh! Oh!

2:17

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

2:20

Oh! Oh! Oh!

2:23

Oh! Oh! Oh!

2:26

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

2:28

Oh! Oh!

2:31

Oh! Oh!

2:38

Oh! Oh!

2:49

Yeah! I'm so tired

2:51

of the monologue. Oh, my headphone's gotta be

2:53

way up. My mic's down low. I am

2:55

pissed. I'm not. My mic's down low. Oh,

2:57

it's a little better. And my headphones. I'm

2:59

not happy. Jake, do you know how fucking

3:01

early that was? That was ridiculous. It was

3:03

so early. That's crazy, dude. Everybody

3:05

had to cheer for so long. He did great,

3:07

though. Welcome. There's something in front of Dave's face.

3:09

I don't know what the fuck. I'm not on

3:11

the monitor. Or actually, I'm probably not in the

3:13

shot at all. What is this? What is that?

3:15

What is across Dave's face? Stuff, man. What

3:18

are all these things? My face is the money maker of

3:20

the light. Is that a light? It's the light. Alex, are

3:22

these the lights in the corners? Yes. It's

3:25

the light. Yeah, pull them to the side. You're

3:28

going to edit this perfectly, because I'm not even

3:30

going to let the people on Reddit tell me

3:32

that you should not have a job here, Alex.

3:34

I mean, it is. I've never heard a studio

3:36

show that starts, and they're like, oh, the light's

3:38

in front of the camera. Oh, the headphones and

3:40

the light. The other light, Alex. The other light.

3:42

Obviously, the other light. The other side.

3:45

That's cutting off Lewis's head. There

3:48

we go. How are you going to see that whole

3:50

bucket hat? He wore it. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I'm celebrating

3:52

summer right now. Summer of Lindsay. This is how you

3:54

know Lewis is cool. Look how you're bumming. You're bumming

3:56

out the crowd. Jake was all off with his fucking

3:58

timing of giving everyone to a party. applaud Alex

4:00

now bumming out the crowd you

4:07

think that was that my new problem

4:09

you think hold on whoa Alex just

4:11

put you in your fucking place bro

4:13

you think that was on my new

4:15

someone explained to Lewis what my new

4:17

means smallest how would they ever

4:19

find that out on reddit how it

4:21

was that not cutting off the that's

4:24

not on the that's in front of you oh

4:26

that's not a problem at all then it's been

4:29

every week for a month oh you

4:32

thought of the camera too I yeah I'm

4:34

not smart either yeah I thought it was

4:37

on camera wow and me one idiot and

4:39

me I know I mean

4:47

I'm I'm as retarded as that person that's a I

4:49

literally I'll say I had both thoughts I went oh

4:51

well it's just not on the monitor up here and

4:53

I'd like to be able to see myself and then

4:55

I went it was not on the monitors playing out

4:57

in the things are in

4:59

front of the projector the

5:11

only reason it's gonna get to Reddit is

5:13

because we told right we look like fools

5:17

yeah it's fine it's okay sometimes we're gonna have

5:20

dust-ups that don't go anywhere everybody's

5:24

Luigi's gang's podcast coming to you from

5:26

Stan comedy club on Memorial Day Memorial

5:28

Day we take a day off no

5:31

we almost said we almost canceled the live show

5:33

well well don't say anything yet Lewis cuz I

5:35

I've got a bone to pick quite honestly a

5:37

little bone to pick please but let me first

5:41

say that I'm big jail girl here

5:43

everybody back Davey Smith hey

5:46

how is everybody good to

5:49

be back back from libertarian

5:51

inning I sure was I say

5:53

that right libertarian inning nailed it

5:55

everybody you know I'm in love him he is

5:57

the reigning defending Els mania champion father of the

6:00

the human liability, the Puerto

6:02

Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez.

6:05

Hey now, hey now, what

6:07

do I say now? Happy

6:09

missus just around the corner.

6:11

Hey now, hey now. Started

6:15

strong. We

6:19

have two amazing guests that I'm very excited to bring out here. Two

6:23

favorites actually of the show everybody. The

6:25

first you know from the Yannis Papasal

6:27

everybody. How about we make some noise

6:29

for the hilarious Yannis Papasal everybody. Other

6:43

American songs. That's what's happening. America

6:47

dude. His

6:49

mic isn't on. Is that on

6:51

the camera? Yeah, I'm sorry. Am I

6:53

an idiot for not hearing his microphone

6:55

Alex? Is Yannis's microphone not working because

6:58

of the cameras? Hi

7:00

guys. Yeah. Hello Yannis. How you doing?

7:02

We're at odds with the production staff

7:04

today. It's the skanks versus the producers on

7:06

today's show. Yeah Louis had them in

7:08

his house and got them all loaded and then sent them into work.

7:12

It's their fault probably. Everybody, our second guest, you know him

7:14

and love him everybody. From the

7:16

league make some noise for the hilarious Steve

7:18

Renazese. Oh,

7:26

it's all crashing down and it

7:29

hurts inside. Good

7:31

memorial band. Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve,

7:33

Steve, Steve. Steve Renazese. Ooh, I like

7:35

that. Guys,

7:37

I'm glad you're both here and I want

7:40

to right away apologize because

7:42

before the show I was able to find

7:44

out what I should have,

7:46

I should say. I should have seen coming a mile

7:49

away. But last week

7:51

towards the end of the week I said to Louis, buddy,

7:54

Monday's Memorial Day, we've

7:56

had this before, we should not do the show. I

8:00

go Steve and Janice both have

8:02

families. I'm sure everyone said yes to

8:04

this. I texted him and said, are you coming

8:06

to the show? He said, yeah. Yeah. You

8:09

didn't mention it again, it's Memorial Day or whatever. No, I didn't go

8:11

anywhere. See what Jay was looking for was for you to go, hey

8:13

look, I know you probably didn't realize this was Memorial Day. Like do

8:15

you still want to come out to the show? Would it be easier

8:17

if we did it at my place? No, I figured Janice was 47

8:19

years old. He can figure out his own

8:21

calendar. And if he didn't want to do it, he could tell me he didn't

8:23

want to do it. Yeah, I mean, my kids were crying. Janice was fucking young

8:25

for 47. Yeah, God damn. Yeah,

8:27

God damn. Yeah, Stamos

8:29

is baby blooded. It sounds like Greek. I'm on

8:31

the tap right now. I knew it, dude. You

8:33

fucking ID baby. We're the same age. Oh,

8:36

you're honest. You look good too. I

8:38

got it. Steve looks like he should be reading you a

8:40

bedtime story. Are you kidding me? You

8:42

might be the same age. Because we're

8:44

dressed. He's dressed like he's at a bar in Miami

8:46

and I dress like I'm his son. He's stuck in

8:48

the end. I'm 40, Steve. I'm 47.

8:51

I feel like Steve has like, you guys look

8:53

like he's the same age. You look like you

8:56

drink a lot more hard liquor. We

8:58

did this last because I have bad

9:00

skin that stays in the sun too.

9:03

So I got red nose. I look like these are

9:05

blood vessels that are popped from alcoholism. But

9:08

they're not yet. Yet. You

9:11

have that Irish fucking. The gin box of.

9:15

You have Greek though. You're Greek. It's different. It's

9:17

just absorbent. Northern Europe, after a certain age, you

9:19

guys all just look like you climb Mount Everest

9:22

for a living. Yeah, just very

9:24

weathered and red. But you

9:26

used to look like shit when you were younger.

9:28

You were kind of a fat dude. I don't

9:30

know. Oh, Greek age is well though. Yana's moved

9:32

to Miami like years ago for no reason. Yana

9:34

for a year. No reason. Well, he was at

9:36

the time. John has fucking

9:38

made it like you're looking

9:40

back. I'm going to go. You got

9:42

a gig. You honest at one time

9:44

with the biggest working Hispanic comment in

9:46

the world. But

9:49

we had a fluffy came in. But

9:52

dude, we were all so broke at the

9:54

time. Like the fact that Giannis was making

9:56

a little bit of money was fucking. Yeah,

9:58

look at that. Young young. I'm honest. Oh,

10:00

yeah, I peeked early dude. Then my eyes just

10:02

kept growing into my know like gravity just pulled

10:04

them into my nose I met how were you

10:06

so trying to get the same age When

10:09

I met you the first time like we cross pants first in

10:11

the black circuit. Yeah. Yeah I

10:14

remember when yeah, I remember you won like a Newport

10:17

contest like Salem cigarettes. Yeah, you're a

10:19

big J. That's what got me smoking.

10:21

That's what got him smoking Yeah smoked

10:23

ever since yeah, the worst thing Jay

10:25

ever did a thing they were I

10:28

won that car This makes me two

10:30

cases cases of cigarettes

10:32

Salem's and Salem lights. What's a case?

10:35

So it's like a lot of card a

10:37

box of carton 10 car. Yeah, wow. That's

10:39

a lot of the starter kit right there

10:41

I'm sure I didn't I go to the the regulars

10:44

were really harsh I couldn't get it going and

10:46

I started the same light that I started the I smoked Salem

10:48

lights for a year and Kurt

10:50

Metzger's girlfriend goes Joe commercial

10:52

girl at the time goes uh, she

10:55

goes yeah, you should stop smoking It's

10:57

like coughed a lot and everything. I was like

10:59

why She was open smoking

11:01

for a year. She was yes the point It was released

11:04

switched like Marlboro ultra lights and Jay went there are other

11:06

cigarettes I swear to you she was really which the Marlboro

11:08

ultra lights at least there either I mean you're like been

11:10

smoking for a year and you still like you're fucking dying

11:13

So I switched the marble ultra lights to smoke those for

11:16

years and years until I quit and then it came

11:18

back to American spirits Nice,

11:20

what a journey. How long did you quit for?

11:24

Like almost two years and when

11:26

those two years I was like, why would I ever

11:28

go back to smoking cigarettes? Dude, I quit for seven

11:30

years and fucking uh, I

11:32

mean, I just do the vape mostly now,

11:34

but I got back to worse Yeah, which

11:36

is worth it. I think okay. Well, dr.

11:39

Drew told me it's better and he's a

11:41

TV doctor. It's certainly Yeah, it's

11:43

so you're just a podcast. It's not war. I shouldn't

11:45

say no one could say no one could say definitively

11:47

It's what to say. It's worth. No one could be

11:49

better. There's not an odd dirt Drew said it's definitively

11:51

better. Who are you that you think you're better than

11:53

dr. Drew? It is crazy that you're better than dr.

11:55

Drew. I do think about it. Dr. Drew. I'll say

11:58

to his face By

12:00

the way, I will box dr. Drew's gang fest if

12:02

he's down I will fuck him up dead ass dr.

12:04

Drew's in good shape by the way Yeah, I saw

12:06

him like a YouTube ad yeah, I'll fucking jack God

12:12

if you got fucked up by dr. Drew at

12:14

your own festival dr. Drew does an ad for

12:16

like some like weight We'll knock the motherfuckers out

12:18

dude. I got excited about it. I was like

12:20

oh shit dr. Drew's endorsing this and I looked

12:22

it up And it's a goddamn scam dr. Drew's

12:24

endorsing a scam so I don't believe whatever dr.

12:26

Drew says I hope dr. Drew

12:28

beats the shit out of you and medically explains what he's

12:31

doing while he's doing oh Cranium

12:34

shut I'm crushing the thorax. Where's a

12:36

guy where a contusion on your He

12:40

goes now. There's a spot right here Shut

12:45

you off in a heartbeat Dave

12:47

welcome back dude from fucking speaking at deliberate

12:52

Thank you it was it was a fucking

12:54

wild A Very

12:56

wild weekend, and I know they're gonna boo Trump

12:58

that badly yeah, you had an indication Oh, yeah,

13:01

I know those people like I knew what the crowd was

13:03

gonna. Yeah, the second you walked up there You knew that's

13:05

what they were oh yeah Yeah, and I knew

13:07

and then I knew it going in and

13:09

then so the Vague Ramaswami spoke the night

13:11

before I thought of a position So

13:14

the Vague if you know him who's the new

13:16

the Vague Robiswamy? Did

13:18

they just we know him? No,

13:20

I'm saying if you've heard if you know who but

13:22

they correspond we don't we are You

13:25

do know I actually I happen to know that Lewis does

13:27

all right now I know who is when I really like

13:29

so I can't if you can't drive it is taking you

13:31

here before That way you

13:33

know from Lewis Lewis explain to me the thing

13:35

Robiswamy Be all

13:38

around me like He's a

13:40

young Rambo strong me vibrant for strong me So

13:43

imagine like a young baby. You are

13:45

the man. I love you David Not

13:49

fucking Romulan pastrami Yes,

13:53

correct you can be a doctor

13:55

a limo driver You

13:58

should have just made up who he was someone else just had

14:00

them believe you were someone else's little thing.

14:02

So basically if you- I take my children

14:04

to different doctors. So

14:07

if you don't know him, but

14:09

if you don't know him, he's

14:11

a young, skinny, Indian Donald Trump

14:13

but who reads books. Like

14:16

who knows stuff. And so he

14:18

knows what a libertarian is. And so

14:20

he comes, and the libertarian party doesn't hate him,

14:23

but they hate Donald Trump. So he comes and he starts

14:25

saying a bunch of shit that he knows libertarians are

14:27

going to like in his speech. The night before Trump,

14:29

and he's getting tons of cheers, they're loving it. He's

14:31

saying all the shit they want to hear. And then

14:33

he goes, and that's why you got to vote for

14:35

Donald Trump. And the room of 2,000 people goes, boooooo!

14:40

And he was just killing. So I

14:42

was like, then it was like pretty confirmed

14:44

like, oh, Trump's walking into a fucking just

14:47

nightmare situation here. They're not going to listen to a

14:49

word he has to say. That

14:52

has to be the most hostile crowd he's spoken to

14:54

in the last five years, right? Ever, I think. Maybe

14:57

ever, yeah. They booed him at the 2016 debate. But

15:00

like, that was like, he talks and then they

15:02

boo him. That wasn't like, as he's going, we

15:04

did so much good thing. Everyone's like, God, I'm

15:07

a fucking war criminal! You're a piece of shit!

15:09

It was insane, dude. Yeah, but I was

15:11

laughing. I was sitting there in the middle

15:14

of it, just fucking laughing at everyone because

15:16

the fucking libertarians are being so ridiculous and

15:18

he's so ridiculous. And I'm just sitting there

15:20

laughing while they're half the libertarians are heckling

15:22

and they're giving like the wrong heckle. If

15:25

that makes sense. Like it's not even like,

15:27

you smoke on the water! Why? That's

15:30

not even the thing to say. It's not our band,

15:32

dude. Fucking

15:35

idiot. Anyway, it was a wild scene.

15:37

I was just in the middle of cracking up laughing. It was

15:40

hilarious. Did he walk through after and

15:42

like take pictures? No, dude, I fucking

15:44

didn't even get, he, I

15:46

spoke before him, but it was like a while,

15:49

it was Like an hour before he went

15:51

up. We had some speeches and then he went up.

15:53

but I had to get secret service cleared to be

15:55

in the green room. And then I was like, I'm

15:57

in Donald Trump's fucking green room now. And Then after

15:59

I, Spoke I came back and then they went.

16:01

okay. will take you out now. I

16:03

was like items as loud as

16:06

a shit about how are they

16:08

are those going to get the

16:10

fuck you alert Mississippi squared away

16:12

new his a Do Not Do

16:15

We Do I. Do

16:18

Blaze! To

16:20

visit from profession. So fun! And.

16:22

There were those muslims around to put his edges.

16:25

And Nathanael that assesses the business didn't

16:28

sell. It was amazing know

16:30

I mean he like a furs up front of

16:32

usually read a teleprompter like he typically just like

16:34

does does like Riven with the crowds to came

16:36

there read a teleprompter speech he had I was

16:38

getting booed out of his mind and. Broke.

16:41

Ones for like a second.

16:44

And the whole rest of it uses read

16:46

the speech at one point. Dude, he goes

16:48

our egos. That's why you got it. Either.

16:51

Nominate Me or endorse me as angry. That

16:53

and a Blue Moon so hard And then

16:55

in end the fed chant broke out to

16:57

that's what we care about And so Jenny

16:59

and the set and the said after boon

17:01

the shit out of A and then from

17:03

Just Goes. Thank. You. For

17:09

it was so funny that you really does

17:11

the greatest thing as of hagel back a little

17:13

be that that was only one I have

17:15

will be three percent eighty three percent a sea

17:17

of for a weird because of three percent

17:19

of time for you define a winner it with

17:22

Amazon Rain or as that was the only

17:24

time he broke from the teleprompter guy mans they

17:26

were booing so much that he went. You

17:28

know that he was like uses for me in

17:30

a by Coors. Yeah I bet he be

17:32

lives as faggots. You know it he has it

17:34

out wage and he got off says. You

17:36

must have the I guess the South

17:39

Bronx and now here but when of

17:41

Podium I play an hour and a

17:43

also as a producer of Room Together

17:45

I'm just east of still get paid

17:47

right have you may. I don't think

17:50

he knew he was walking into that.

17:52

Everyone same as he knew what he was a time

17:54

of either. Know. I.

17:57

Mean, I don't know that for a one hundred censorship, I'm.

17:59

Concerned. I'll. Bet on our words, he's

18:01

trying to fog and still rate. The margins are so

18:03

thin that he's trying to convince every group of organs.

18:05

Didn't hurt that you couldn't even meet him. Really?

18:09

We. Were on that not hurt as a was

18:11

your ego little bit like that would have in

18:13

of they fucking Smith Amanda Donald Trump around these

18:15

are some kind of this has a Libertarian I'm

18:18

that guy now because wasn't it? It becomes a

18:20

secret service event and on is not any of

18:22

my people. it's the secret servitude. I should have

18:24

shown up as your secret service and told them

18:27

to have desires. Very on the public service if

18:29

they I am are so low team is there

18:31

are hundreds a little are you going to myself?

18:33

be honest sort? I mean I can keep secret

18:35

service talking to one insert myself because up a

18:38

year money Blue Gomez Riverside. On as up ordering

18:40

rounds like not on earth day Gomez can

18:42

keep a secret service have had herpes as

18:44

the house at the same time as that

18:46

what seems to be a router with my

18:48

i had a stocking to his wrist it

18:50

has never microprocessors I got my gonna want

18:52

to do aware of this is deceptive with

18:54

me. Be your secret service now on it

18:56

and I'll I got a good offers Both

18:58

you think I wouldn't take a bullet better

19:00

than one of these are those your a

19:02

suitable have as an adventure. One more thing

19:05

about this which is a phrase was a

19:07

crazy detail of this. Or is that so

19:09

this was in Washington D C at the at

19:11

the Hilton that the was in health and which

19:13

is dotted I'm in member regen. that is where

19:15

Reagan got shot. So it's a secret service event

19:17

and you know that's just kind a looming over

19:19

them to that. This was the spot that they're

19:22

like are right we get outta here more one

19:24

for to you know and I mean my favorite.

19:26

Oh yes they had a bad night here once

19:28

and or try to not have that a dead.

19:31

A couple people got take that one dude I

19:33

think got roughed up in southern kicked out for

19:35

weapons are just no notice. like just like doing

19:37

a little too much like standing on a chair

19:39

and yelling at him and they're like sorry to

19:42

down from the chair and these these are the

19:44

wacky Libertarian. so their luggage my.your I's doesn't have

19:46

his chair not as on a good way to

19:48

handle the secret service. Did. It

19:50

how you how to do to Jerry Springer audience as

19:52

my pillow your own roads. Or

19:56

how proud. Is so

19:58

easy forget know he seven years. The yeah.

20:00

Doesn't feel as do his job but when you

20:03

see him when he also Mcdonalds won't be really

20:05

easy for the I gotta say now he's not

20:07

going to be like hey guys I'm sick It's

20:09

going to be like year but Seabees desk and

20:11

I have a war by divided Is it like.

20:14

He's. Like almost like. Was. Like one

20:16

offs he said they were was like you guys are

20:18

also like to put of what a miserable now. So

20:22

it's like what it looks like winter grandparents

20:24

are dead were held know he's clearly world health

20:26

as my things will be like if it

20:28

came with as an outsider sort of my picture

20:30

of had it on top of the corpse

20:32

a cast it was his own is that was

20:34

wrong to been like put out announcement that

20:37

he said and in like four hours later display

20:39

hey guys now you know it's like without

20:41

me of how we have have run our backs

20:43

don't worry now be better enjoy this case

20:45

after the. Only thing with like I

20:47

return the. Conspiracy. That is

20:49

not the person they are We so the

20:51

side profile with their ears to look for

20:54

years ears are different beset figures. This week

20:56

you can pill that another Joe Biden but

20:58

you haven't figured out years. Yes I somehow

21:00

this is a do every the if the

21:03

A I have fingers are they were on

21:05

our fucking time constraints are thought or historic

21:07

protesters. The hell are we were up years

21:09

for photography. Years is a grown. you're right

21:11

wingers. The on of on what is your

21:14

phone aperture were the first I figured out

21:16

at it. I can and I get it

21:18

right. A professor. The thing about job

21:20

I was a it's a sign of

21:22

a real conversation with stood his ground.

21:24

I remember see that relies on out

21:27

of your hypothetical he saw the wires.

21:29

We like that what is your fucking

21:31

party feel about your growing on my

21:33

ass or less pro it listed that

21:35

rest was swarm of. I

21:37

haven't heard a decision on that. He goes, are you

21:39

think people are lobbying for big year. As

21:43

they are we supposed stop that. Cover.

21:45

Idiots. Very dumb. It was

21:47

yeah, but even even retards like you can

21:50

appreciate how wilde it was to just be

21:52

in the middle of the smoking thing as

21:54

just very fucking bizarre. A. Service

21:56

run ins or anything like that. I as be

21:58

sir, I've known and unknown. Inevitably, they kind of

22:00

like got me into more like he's one of

22:03

the speakers in the clear you that you added

22:05

summit like all your information like the day before.

22:07

how does every layer and have had to submit

22:09

as credits. Him all free speech

22:11

or from free to stay wherever I want You

22:13

talk Zoc all the guy I want to get

22:15

in all the guess they're how to get past

22:17

to like the people that had known and unknown

22:20

to me like backstage out it'll just be like

22:22

of in have years and I don't think they

22:24

did have crazy whiskers didn't we could metal detectors

22:26

same for guns mail detectors they to everything happy

22:28

hour's drive go through with my spiky belt the

22:30

like you good. The younger one of the was

22:32

able to signals all of us access all my

22:35

jingle jangle hours from now. they're if I don't

22:37

find the ghost of Christmas past wound up on

22:39

Ios Trump's fair to. Speak ninety minutes late

22:41

to this. Going to take a while for

22:43

jeans and a half hour. We're my cigarettes

22:45

and soil I know who were the guy

22:47

came in with a plastic continue like fucking

22:49

are clear and present danger and yes he

22:52

may. Great movie was like of. Yeah.

22:54

Maybe not very gonna be added. Now I'm I arrived

22:56

at. I was going to leave. It

22:58

was the guy and I wasn't. As a nick

23:00

of time with with or Journal Yes, Clint Eastwood

23:03

wasn't Yeah, I think Nick of Time with Johnny

23:05

Depp was also a plastic gun. I was significant

23:07

kids they can't you arms? yes three really worry

23:09

like a classic guns and shit Yeah. See.

23:12

Now is Louis on your. Saturday.

23:14

Night i but I did plastic test for

23:17

everybody right when it all metal detectors or

23:19

I'll just brought my plastic the fact that

23:21

for his crew together to protect you dance

23:23

music I've never have to.ran plastic detective or

23:25

this earth day my mother was designed with

23:27

a metal gun because we was only had

23:29

my way that what I want them to

23:32

my circus secret service is sep one get

23:34

a plastic guy that works out a real

23:36

one of hey. Nick

23:38

a Time also featuring a screen legend Christopher

23:40

Walken. Plastic. Gun?

23:43

Or really, What's. that

23:45

about seemed unnecessary i was even quite

23:47

they take his daughter they say they're

23:49

going to kill if he doesn't kill

23:51

the out session with this question god

23:53

plastic gun i never saw clear and

23:55

present danger so eastern i stayed on

23:57

my they get the nick of time

23:59

i like Where Johnny Depp plays

24:01

the main character named Nick

24:04

yeah, Nick. It's all

24:07

nice gameplay. Thanks. Jay. You're welcome guys

24:09

check it out Christopher Walken and that

24:11

has been trivia with big J. O Christian. Oh, yeah, I

24:14

got a whole bunch of a movie trivia Oh,

24:16

I got my stuff like that gentlemen. Let's take a

24:19

quick moment to thank Mando for supporting today's

24:21

show. I love Mando They have entire whole

24:23

body deodorant that keeps you clinically proven to

24:25

control your odor for over 72 hours Wherever

24:29

you sink whether it's your pits your armpits

24:31

your package your feet and everywhere in between

24:34

Jay, I mean you we have a lot of

24:36

crevices I'll tell you I don't have that many

24:38

crevices, but I I'll say this. I'll be honest.

24:40

I Think I smell more than

24:42

I used to Really?

24:45

Yeah, I feel like I just like

24:47

I'm noticing it your masculinity a little

24:49

I need a little bit of help

24:51

Well, there's somebody who spends a lot

24:53

of time nosing around Lewis's junk. It

24:56

smells fucking delightful Thank

24:59

you, Mando dude. Did you get your hold on

25:01

this is audio only so they can't see this

25:03

But J put your put your nose right? Oh

25:05

right in my balls. Oh my

25:08

god. He's doing it I got essential

25:10

oils. You love that dude, right crazy.

25:12

It really ain't anymore. Is that baked

25:14

apple pie? Well,

25:17

look they are this story comes up I'm

25:19

voting for you to thank you They are

25:21

baking soda free paraben free their pH balance

25:23

for safe use below the belt And they're

25:26

clinically proven to control odor better than showering with

25:28

just soap alone Mando sent me an entire line

25:30

of their products and I'll tell you right now

25:32

They're truly the absolute best in the business and

25:34

you should check them out as well All you

25:37

got to do is go to shop Mando comm

25:39

that shop Mando comm and use

25:41

the promo code legion and you're gonna save

25:43

$5 off their starter pack today What's gonna

25:46

shop Mando comm and use that promo code

25:48

legion for $5 off your starter pack? All

25:50

right, where were we look we've had a

25:52

great day. Did you guys hang out with

25:55

the family today? Drink a little bit. So you're

25:57

dragging the fuck out of their houses. Yeah here I do

25:59

not me dragging them out of their house. You have

26:01

to stop saying that. I was throwing my kids up and down in

26:03

the pool and I was like, Hey, daddy's got to go. He threw

26:05

them up and I'm like, Oh,

26:07

he's a diving board went over. I got to hit

26:09

the Long Island railroad with the rest of the fucking

26:11

loser. Daddy's got to go do something you can't watch

26:14

when you're old. It's

26:16

what it's like. Kid, are you going to hit the sticks? Yeah.

26:19

And, uh, I wanted to give these lovely people

26:21

a fucking show. Yeah. We're all over here. Not

26:23

you. You're not

26:26

like you're you. Every time I do the

26:28

show, I feel like fucking Monica cellist. I'm

26:30

always worried somebody's got a butter knife stabbed

26:32

me in the back. I

26:35

know that's the worst guy. You want it to be a sharper

26:37

knife. It's gonna be a plastic knife. Watch it. Then you look

26:39

around, look behind you and you're like, Oh, it's a

26:41

little 50, 50. Yeah. Why? Because

26:43

everybody here probably has stabbed someone.

26:46

Not many fatal, but definitely some superficial

26:49

shit. Oh,

26:52

is that the, that's what we were told

26:54

is not everyone. I don't know.

26:59

I think some people aren't here, but there's

27:01

some people are. And I stepped on this guy's shoe before

27:03

and I was like, Oh dude, I'm sorry. And then I thought he was going

27:06

to look up and be like, Oh, Louis, that's all right. And he looked up

27:08

at me and give me a nasty look. And I was like, who

27:10

the fuck is this guy? And I was just on

27:12

his fucking phone. I saw this guy behind you, you

27:14

directly behind you. And I was like, Oh, this guy's

27:16

not here for us. And you know, this guy's here

27:18

for us. He's an autistic Nick Mullen fan for sure.

27:20

A hundred percent. It's got the come down. Look at

27:22

him. Look at him. He's

27:25

fucking weird out here out of your mind. He can't take

27:27

a picture. That's enough for that point. Dude, it's stuck to

27:29

price. It's stuck to me. Get a job as a fucking

27:31

popper. I must ask the camera the old time. I don't

27:33

know why. I just feel like he's about to hang that

27:35

up in a room full of Louis pictures. Finally

27:38

got him. Blackboard.

27:40

It's got fucking connecting yarns between them all.

27:42

I can't ignore the fact that these guys

27:44

are just out of their phone. Now pay

27:46

attention to this. No, that guy's passed out.

27:48

No, we just, do you know us?

27:54

Do you know who we are? No,

27:56

you don't know who the fuck we are. He Said, big, he lied

27:59

to my face. Then I vaguely

28:01

vaguely I've heard those other comedians

28:03

as as yeah I know what

28:05

comedy has affected by. Now.

28:08

We're not as good as a fair

28:10

points or through that he said we're not

28:13

very good. Guide us is that your users

28:15

been saying for many years assess things were

28:17

going on the sars and I thought perhaps

28:19

announcement third story or oh really resign

28:21

as it were arguing with the one point

28:24

is members it oh noes are painted and

28:26

and evidently j i will not there without

28:28

their goods it different a burger to

28:30

sit at remembering all member all those years

28:33

where we thought we were very goes as

28:35

five for their why are they say he's

28:37

been really paid. Attention I saw says

28:39

he says nice so much I know

28:42

those i something like hey I'm like

28:44

have run glad I stepped on your

28:46

says it says hi yourself This is

28:48

a high moves. With. With

28:51

it would be about wanted to be right

28:53

now seems like we don't have this crazy

28:55

border is it a players get a fight

28:57

Blue suit my my my don't ask him

28:59

if I have the what is buttered. Also

29:01

you watch some thought lose one bucket hat

29:03

day to day. I

29:06

got to hear my hair on the been down

29:08

on say that right now. Listen, I know you

29:10

think loses a very good a comedy and and

29:12

I'm just don't you. He's. Better at

29:14

fighting. Alongside her

29:16

life so I don't I know where

29:18

the maps you want to go down

29:20

as subjective. Was

29:22

on a deserted amazing of a

29:24

living in either. but. They

29:27

are going to fucking. You know I hope

29:29

this guy's lessons Gracie to lose that with

29:31

Ephedrine with fluid you have a moral that

29:33

do that for to be a let me

29:36

just give him It seems to put our

29:38

i would have the funds you I can

29:40

have them beat the shit out of there.

29:42

Are you mad? What are you out? Your

29:44

mom little as twelve wasn't it stop you

29:46

to fuck the deaf you pussies about? That

29:49

is alright. Alright alright so I like fish

29:51

as well as calm down like protest was

29:53

in. This guy doesn't what is about to

29:55

tell you his hands are registered. i wouldn't

29:57

i might do anything happen often have them

29:59

future fucking else. All

30:01

right. I know you're sitting turned into

30:03

the libertarian convention. Calm down.

30:07

That's over. Dave here. We're

30:09

all the same team. We've all agreed on all

30:11

the ideas we all believe in. But you know,

30:14

I wouldn't have been beat your ass. I'll just

30:16

beat your ass myself. Here we go.

30:18

We'll go upstairs

30:20

and I'll have them right through fucking arms

30:22

around and I'll fucking stop you. American Memorial

30:24

Day. Do it for the soldiers. Where do

30:26

you celebrate the memory of this twisty after

30:28

tonight? I do love, I do love, I

30:31

do love that Lewis involves that. Calm down. I

30:33

like Lewis is involved. Everybody in his crime. Then

30:35

he goes, everyone will link arms around by the

30:37

way, which he just pictured the fight scene from

30:39

days and confused. You know, I can only reference

30:41

things I've seen in the past week. And

30:43

he's represented these guys and he goes in

30:45

his mind like this days and confused in

30:48

his mind, we're all linking arms and going

30:50

Lou went, Lou went and this guy's like,

30:52

what have I gotten myself into? And then

30:54

Lewis hits him in the ground like a

30:56

calm thing, like a hammer. Lewis,

30:59

same guy that reprimanded me in the green room

31:01

said it's not happy Memorial Day. There's nothing happy

31:03

about it. I'm like, oh, what

31:06

is the correct way? He did say happy

31:08

Memorial Day. I'll choke you out. You fucking

31:10

come back. I think, oh, what was happening

31:13

about it? You've never seen war. It was when Lewis

31:15

choke that guy out in the middle of comedy. Is

31:17

that the crew that we were told before we came

31:19

in? There's no, I don't think that's even the crew.

31:21

I think that's just a different guy. Yeah, it's not.

31:23

We're good. We're good, sir. We're

31:25

good, sir. Because if we're not,

31:27

and if we're not, what are you going to do?

31:30

Please tell me if we're not good. What are you

31:32

going to fucking do? I would love

31:34

to know. We're not good. We're not

31:37

good. All I know. All I know.

31:39

One time I was on the

31:45

show one time when Carrie Pian

31:47

came in and the original character. Yeah.

31:49

Just so you

31:51

know, sir, we beat the shit out

31:53

of her. And he said one thing

31:55

over the line and we just rewade

31:57

her. She's a girl that we like.

32:00

We jumped her. Well, we didn't like her then. So

32:02

all I know is I expect in three weeks, Lewis

32:04

is going to be dating this guy. This

32:08

doesn't mean anything, sir. I'd say get some more

32:10

shots, because Lewis is going to be fucking you

32:12

later. How about your father? Sir, have you ever

32:14

been to Jamaica? Because I'm going to tell you

32:17

right now. Dude, buckle up for the best eight

32:19

months of your career. And then somehow he's just

32:21

going to have 100,000 followers. Yes,

32:23

sir. How are you with podcasting?

32:27

Well, the bright side is you're going to be more successful than

32:29

Lewis at the end of these eight months. But the

32:31

downside is for some reason, you're going to want him

32:33

to commit, and he's just not going to. That's so

32:35

funny. So it's a different crew than

32:38

the people they were like, oh, these people said they like the

32:40

defense. There's a bunch of people in here who just came

32:42

out for comedy tonight that aren't here for the Legion of

32:44

the Skincare. So I was actually right. Well,

32:46

it's not them. I think it's a different group. I

32:48

like them. 30 of them, according to Lewis, bought tickets. I love

32:51

the fact that Lewis was like, and we got to

32:53

come here and do the show for the audience, and

32:55

then almost fought the audience. And

32:57

then involved the audience as it comes to this

32:59

party. He goes, you guys can all kill him.

33:01

He goes, no, actually, don't kill him. Make sure

33:03

I can kill him. What,

33:05

are they going to subpoena all of us? Dude,

33:08

at the end of a like heist movie, when

33:10

they're like getting someone, and Lewis went, no, no,

33:12

no, he's mine. Well,

33:14

Lewis hates it, and he's side-eyeing so much. No, no, Joe,

33:17

you don't got to kick him out or anything. They're fine.

33:19

They're fine. They're good. They're not heckling. He

33:21

did take it too far, though. Exactly.

33:24

The one with the first- You can't say we're not

33:26

funny. That's the N-word for comedians. And we said the

33:28

N-word, and that's our thing. So-

33:31

I love it. How do you get kicked out of a

33:33

leisure to skank show? You can't. What do you mean? Can

33:35

you threaten one of the guys with violence? No, they want

33:37

you to stay. Yeah, yeah. Now

33:39

you can't- I encourage it. I don't want to kick him

33:41

out if he's going to fuck it just take it like

33:44

a bitch. I mean, if there's no- He didn't- He's saying

33:46

he's not enjoying it. He

33:48

goes, can I please stay and finish watching

33:50

this shit show? Dude, I don't

33:52

think Joe was trying to kick him out. I think

33:55

he was trying to convince him to stay. He's like, no, no, no, it

33:57

gets better. It gets better. They got segments and stuff that's coming up in

33:59

a little bit. fight it all do you know

34:01

any skills what's your skill we can we can we can

34:03

make it happen we'll tell you it's we got you have

34:05

sir do you do you have fighting skills do you are

34:07

you a trained fighter you're

34:09

not a trained fighter if you don't have any

34:12

training I will literally beat you to death with

34:14

your own hands that's crazy if you have no

34:16

skills wait hang on that's right he's exaggerating

34:19

he's gonna use his hands wait Louis can I talk to

34:21

this guy I'm gonna say

34:24

we're saying no

34:27

you're fine he's just trying to

34:30

be cool Louis no you're

34:35

fine we're now we're engaging we're fine you're

34:37

fine if I just want tell you something

34:39

about Lewis what's strange about Lewis what is

34:41

he is a comedian for sure and

34:44

for no reason at all this

34:46

is the this is the accident you find in a

34:48

bar when you're too drunk because you

34:50

go this is just some schlubby fucking

34:52

dude but for no reason whatsoever for

34:55

no financial gain just so you know no

34:57

reason I want to be clear me and

34:59

Jay we're all comedians on the show and

35:01

me and Jay went out and we got

35:04

other shows with different audiences and Louis just

35:06

got really really good at fightin Lewis just

35:08

trains every day going right that's

35:11

all you did and he can't wait to

35:13

let it explode on I don't know what

35:15

to tell you it doesn't make sense I

35:17

understand you should have severe confidence

35:20

looking at a guy in a bucket head joint

35:22

since you've seen him that you should have a

35:24

shot the truth is he's pissing vinegar dude it's

35:26

a Tasmanian devil childhood

35:29

trauma I'm talking to the friend he's got a

35:32

he's got a

35:36

safe full of letters from his mother who died

35:38

who he's never opened those letters you want to

35:40

do what we said you don't want that unleashed

35:42

on you I don't want

35:44

it on me sorry hey guys done terrible things to me

35:46

I forgive it all because I don't want to mix it

35:48

up with them even

35:51

if he'd done me wrong he's already angrier

35:53

hey you know what you know what I'm

35:55

sorry I shouldn't have gone that far man Louis

36:00

bitch down. Louis bitch down. Louis

36:02

bitch down. Louis bitch down. Oh

36:05

man, and I was filming you

36:07

on the far. I'm turning on

36:09

Louis right away. Damn dude,

36:11

you are getting to be a pussy. Yeah.

36:13

Big soft Louis. No, dude. I'm just, I'm,

36:16

I get a little, I get a little

36:18

rained up. You sound like you're Rennazese's age.

36:20

Yeah, come on. To

36:22

be honest, in Rennazese, just room to green

36:24

room, um, getting down in the

36:26

catcher's position to stand me up and see,

36:28

see who clicks and cracks more while we do

36:30

it. We're getting so old. Can you do that? Yeah. Oh

36:32

yeah. I don't know if I click and crack. If you're

36:34

asking if I could do a deep squad, probably the deepest

36:36

in the room. I'm so old now. I just don't want

36:38

to, I don't want to make my knees click like that.

36:43

And they're going to click the whole way up

36:45

and down. Wow. I need blood pressure numbers. If

36:47

I'm fighting somebody, I need eight. Yeah. I

36:49

was at my, uh, my brother in law's

36:51

house and he's got like a 17 year

36:54

old son and he's in kickboxing. And they

36:56

were showing me, they just moved to a new house and he

36:58

had hung up a heavy bag and he just walked over. He

37:01

was like, I was showing me this and he just walked over,

37:03

no stretch and nothing and just threw a high kick. And

37:05

I just, I was like, Oh man, remember

37:07

being 17. Oh my God. You would just

37:09

do something like that. No high kick. No,

37:12

but I mean, maybe 17 you just fucking

37:14

nonstop high kicking. Two years I only fought

37:16

with kicks. No, I mean, I'm not saying

37:18

specifically throwing a kick. I'm saying doing something

37:20

like, I remember like, I think I mentioned

37:22

this on the show, but trying to dunk,

37:25

I was always right at the level where I could like, just

37:27

like try to do it. And maybe one out of 10, I

37:29

would kind of get it. And I love

37:31

running, but the idea of sprinting as hard

37:34

as you can and then jumping as high

37:36

as you can. I know

37:38

right now I would come down to a

37:40

bone popping out of my leg. There's no

37:42

way it would end good. I can't even

37:44

touch the net. I

37:47

rushed. We play

37:49

ball every week, dude. You'd be fine. I'm older than you. Yeah,

37:51

basketball. You don't move much. You're good, but you don't

37:54

move much. No,

37:57

I'm not. You're right. Kind

38:00

of doesn't move the danger things to me are all

38:02

the going for rebounds I do go for rebounds when

38:04

everybody's jumping you're coming down on a bunch of possible

38:06

feet That's the scary part of

38:08

something elbow Much

38:14

more scared of twisting my knee the wrong way Tom

38:23

headbutted me in my fucking tooth today, and I almost

38:25

I literally thought I knocked out my tooth I also

38:28

don't want to be going around for the next eight

38:30

months I'm one of those half scooters that have you

38:32

know yeah, you tear your Achilles or something like 100%

38:36

Having the gayest injury of all time what

38:38

happened here. I feel I'm was on your

38:40

shoulders No, I think I think living

38:42

I think the problem is like Josh enemies will never come play

38:44

with us and stuff He's always like you

38:47

know I don't want to go to the house I'm like you can't

38:49

think about that way we recall never it'll

38:51

have you know I Pick

38:53

up basketball man over 30. I guarantee you that's a

38:55

massive like what would be injury rate I blew my

38:58

shit out playing within three on three tournaments gang fest

39:00

when we had it in Brooklyn Tripoli

39:04

versus when we were you guys Queens

39:07

there was another one who needs Alberstadt

39:09

no no no no no Jackson

39:12

and another Dude

39:21

I remember at that game We used to play in

39:23

Queens Al Jackson came out and

39:25

he tore his hamstring nine months ago,

39:27

and he goes dude I've been doing

39:30

physical therapy for nine fucking months And

39:35

he comes out and Al Jackson you could tell we just

39:37

started warming up you could tell he used to play basketball

39:39

So then we're like taking shots and check and he's like

39:41

talk and he goes he goes to me goes dude It

39:43

is crazy. I feel so good to be out on a

39:45

court again. Just like playing first

39:47

play I

39:50

didn't even move just move like that he went out He

39:53

just limped off and it was like oh are you alright dude he

39:55

goes I tore it again It

39:58

was like For sure. He knew

40:00

exactly what I was. I already have the pain. I

40:04

genuinely, I train boxing all the time. I won't do

40:06

it because there's not a... With basketball, the

40:08

rotation and the way you like sprint back

40:10

and forth and turn your legs, it's much

40:12

of that. That's the danger of basketball. Actually

40:14

what's fucked up with me from basketball, most

40:16

of my hands. My hands like jam shit

40:18

so much on that. Yeah, but you're

40:20

not wearing your finger in the camera. Hang

40:23

on guys. It's stayed with me since he said it. While you're

40:25

honest, I don't move around a lot. I

40:27

put up numbers. Am I right, Tom? I

40:30

put up the numbers, dude. I wish

40:32

you would have put up numbers during the Matt and Shane basketball.

40:34

I wish you would have fucking known how to play basketball that

40:36

night. I wish you would have done anything. I remember I

40:38

asked you to set a pick and... No, remember I asked you

40:40

to put your back against McCuskey. Lewis threw a toothpick at Jay

40:42

and did a rainbow Ramon accent. He picked his hair and saw

40:45

the boy make you fall. I go, dude, set a pick. Jay

40:48

did nothing. He

40:52

did nothing. Lewis, let's

40:54

keep it funny. This topic doesn't

40:56

keep it funny. Never get anywhere funny

40:58

with this topic. It's a black hole on this

41:01

show. We should play basketball three

41:03

on three of like points are 50

41:05

percent, but like how smooth did

41:07

he look and how is he... I don't mind

41:09

that. If we do a

41:11

basketball tournament at Skankfest... If I go

41:13

for pretty, I'd score a lot more points. If we

41:15

play a basketball tournament at Skankfest, we can only play

41:18

around the world. That's it. And

41:21

that's a great idea. I should shoot

41:23

for it. It's not

41:25

as exciting. If you leave

41:27

your feet, you get kicked out of the game. That should

41:29

be the game. Anything more than

41:31

no jumping. Anyone jumps, sets you up

41:33

from three points. No jumping, no dribbling.

41:37

You don't have to dribble. That's fine. What

41:39

are we going to do? How

41:41

are you going to get the ball? Grab it. My

41:45

rules. No running. You're

41:47

thinking the kid way. You're

41:49

talking about around the key. We can just

41:51

play a basketball game. The game would be

41:53

horse to play. I like trick

41:55

shots and fun shit happening. Yeah,

41:57

maybe. Horse. you

42:00

do a bracket. I'm down for three on

42:02

three but pig till the end and then all right

42:04

Jay you know what if we're doing it at Scang

42:06

Fest you'll come. I'll think

42:09

about it you fuck. All right I'll do

42:11

I'll play three on three basketball at Scang

42:13

Fest. Wait but

42:16

I I'm gonna need you more neighbors can dunk

42:18

okay. Oh no I'm not saying I'm gonna win

42:20

anything we're seeing anything you're just assuming. I played

42:23

basketball with him for a while yeah and I

42:25

remember him just jumping. Here's what you do the

42:27

movies you put Lewis on Jamar neighbors and go

42:29

Lewis non-stop foul him.

42:32

Just put your arms all over him and never let him

42:34

get loose. Don't be an asshole. I used to play. You're

42:36

fucking coming at me. I tried.

42:38

You brought up the game Lewis. You knew

42:41

what you were doing. Lewis tried. Lewis

42:43

tried. Lewis tried. That was the

42:45

difference between me and you. I

42:47

tried. You're right. I didn't

42:50

try. I sulked in furious

42:52

anger. Jay cry. Jay cry. Jay

42:54

sulked and cried. Jay sulked and

42:57

cried. I

43:02

had the same feeling of betrayal as when I got

43:04

dosed by Ari. You took that

43:06

harder. You took the game harder. Wait

43:10

he dosed you too? Yeah. Doesn't he

43:12

talk about his mud? Yeah no. Well it was.

43:14

Yeah. I tried to dose Ari. This is a

43:16

classic. This is a great moment. You're like the

43:18

Waynes brother movie. No I don't think Ari dosed

43:20

things. You're like way. I actually I don't think

43:22

it's right for you to say that Lewis dosed

43:24

you too because this was settled at Skank Court.

43:27

No I said Ari. Oh I'm sorry. I mean

43:29

I tried to dose Ari and I put the

43:31

acid in his beer and I told Shane like

43:33

an idiot and then Shane told Ari and then

43:35

it's all on camera. Like we're doing it on

43:37

the show and we went back and watched the

43:39

footage. Ari switched beers with Big

43:41

J. Big J having nothing to do with it. I

43:45

was unaware that he unwittingly drinks the

43:47

beer. The crazy thing about it is

43:49

so Ari played this so masterfully that

43:51

I think Jay would certainly concede this.

43:54

If he had just made it Lewis's drink instead

43:57

of Jay's drink it would have been the most

43:59

like Just pure

44:01

master because literally I

44:03

didn't know any of this until Lewis leans over to me in the

44:05

middle of the show and goes I

44:07

just dose and he had dose spurt

44:10

so it was kind of like okay. We're getting payback on

44:12

Ari today He's now are you and I look

44:14

over and are you but for the record? Dave

44:16

agreed out with me the

44:18

me and Dave said we didn't want to get into the dosing game whatsoever

44:21

I was nobody wants to get into

44:24

the dose you remember I find yourself in

44:26

the don't you guys you remember in that

44:28

you remember in the godfather where we go

44:30

there was that? By

44:36

way Jake went to go check him after he would on in the

44:38

air Fucking

44:41

Jake Jesus

44:43

Jake you let him get back. Oh

44:45

great great. Jake you could tackle them

44:51

Well first he's here with a butter knife, and then

44:53

I tackled him after He got

44:55

up and went deep into this left pocket I

44:57

go and oh boy he's gonna pull out a

44:59

knife dude right in the neck with a sickle

45:01

That's a crazy weapon. Yeah sickle.

45:03

Oh my god, dude This may be

45:06

very ridiculous don't allow utensils in here anymore

45:08

at like a plane get plastic plastic work

45:11

Oh, can I give like a Chuckie cheese in here from now

45:13

on? You gotta take your shoes

45:15

off like at the airport gentlemen Let's take a

45:17

moment and think she's underwear calm for being a

45:19

longtime supporter of today's show I'll say right now

45:21

she's underwear make the best underwear on the market

45:23

It's not bullshit by a pair. I wear so

45:25

you so I'm not gonna buy another pair I

45:28

was at the libertarian party National Convention this week

45:31

Everyone told me they were wearing sheath underwear

45:33

Hell yeah people who cheered for Trump people

45:35

who booed for Trump they were all comfortable

45:37

taking balls separated You know what I love

45:39

next time you watch that video think about

45:41

that That's easy because Dave as a lot

45:43

of people don't know this while your

45:45

balls are very libertarian your dick leans a

45:47

little more, right? So

45:50

it's good to keep them apart in your balls are

45:52

like fuck you Trump You didn't drain the swamp and

45:54

then your dicks like you did the best he could

45:56

the best he could what he had man He was

45:58

handed a real shitstorm They're

46:00

comfortable, they're high quality, they can be worn as

46:02

boxers or briefs. They're moisture wicking and I'll tell

46:04

you right now, they keep everything cool and separated.

46:06

It's their dual pouch technology which separates them from

46:08

the pack. No pun intended. Try them out. It's

46:10

going to be the best Father's Day is coming

46:12

up. This is going to be a great gift

46:14

for your pop or your brother or your cousin,

46:16

whoever else. Hey, Dad, I've been thinking about your

46:18

dick and balls. Go

46:20

to sheathunderwear.com and use the promo code

46:22

skanks when you check out and you're

46:24

going to save 20% off your order

46:26

today. sheathunderwear.com, promo code skanks for 20%

46:29

off. All right, where

46:31

were we? Hang on, I have a shout out

46:33

and also a bone to pick with Dave. First

46:35

of all, Dave Smith on World Star Hip Hop

46:37

twice this fucking week. Twice. Congrats. Wow.

46:41

Alma Rogan. Listen,

46:43

this is always what it was all about and it's a

46:45

weird thing to have because you're like, what's even the journey

46:48

anymore? Yeah, we're going to go from here. It's

46:50

like, what am I? Dave, keep your cynicism, but

46:53

it's pretty neat to be on World Star Hip

46:55

Hop. It's Jay, and I know

46:57

this because I know Jay better than just about everybody

46:59

in this room. Up there, it

47:02

actually does bother him. You want

47:04

it. He's actually upset. There's a little bit upset. Jay

47:07

wanted to be the first one on World Star. And

47:09

we all thought I was going to be the first

47:11

one on World Star for punching a woman. Dave,

47:14

I was taking a shit. We

47:16

thought Lewis was going to turn the camera to himself

47:18

and go, World Star, son of a bitch. Just punch

47:20

a woman, World Star. I understand there's a point

47:22

of my life where that could have been the case, but I

47:25

was telling me you've grown and evolved. That's what

47:27

you're telling me. When I was taking a shit

47:29

and I saw that, and

47:31

then it made me smile again because it came in and everyone came

47:33

out today. I don't know about the

47:35

second one. The first one made no sense whatsoever

47:37

that it was up there. I didn't watch it.

47:39

We should probably watch it. I didn't watch it.

47:42

One made World Star. It was on Rogan, and

47:44

it was the first one. I don't know what

47:46

the second one is, but the first one,

47:48

so Jay told me, oh, you're on World Star. And

47:51

I was like, oh, probably I talked about a conspiracy

47:53

theory because I know black people love them, some conspiracy

47:55

theories. I

47:57

know it wasn't anything like that. It was really.

48:00

It was Rogan asking me what I

48:02

thought happened with the president of Iran

48:04

whose helicopter crashed and I was like

48:06

Well, it seems like bad weather Yeah,

48:09

it seems like a guy was going above board and that

48:11

was equipment. I had nothing other than that But he said

48:13

but he agrees that it just kind of goes nowhere The

48:16

the next one is about Israel, but the one I would

48:18

like to see is because also I saw

48:20

the thumbnail I didn't watch it yet with Rogan

48:22

and Nate and The caption says

48:24

something about I know Nate Bargatz. Wait, was he

48:26

on again? Or is this the first time he

48:28

was on? I don't know. No,

48:30

he's been on before. Yeah, but you know, I know but I'm saying I

48:33

think this is the new one I think that's that one. I think it's

48:35

a new and it's uh, I think

48:37

cuz I saw the first and it's Rogan Talking

48:40

to I haven't watched yet, but this is my guess Because

48:43

the caption says Rogan blah

48:45

blah blah about aliens that live in

48:48

the deepest recesses By

48:51

the way, I look Nate's face says it all I

48:53

promise you that this is Rogan talking they goes. All

48:55

right I

48:58

know Nate Bargatz. He very very very very

49:00

well. I tell you Nate's face right now

49:02

is going Did you

49:04

know there's aliens who lives under the sea and Nate's going

49:06

Jesus lives up in the sky? He's

49:09

just going like that much for my dad's sake. I'm gonna

49:11

keep my eyes looking at you, but I What

49:15

happened a world star didn't used to only be fights

49:17

in like daddy. Yeah burger king. I thought it was

49:19

not powerful Like

49:23

Joe Rogan pretty cool. Yeah, I think something

49:25

this is genuinely what I use it for.

49:28

It's a great There's several sites to do this. I

49:30

believe but it's just a good comp. They compile the

49:33

things of the day whatever is going on if

49:35

there was a Someone says the uf there's

49:38

UFO shit in Vegas like it's just the video that

49:40

is on there It's kind of just and then I'll

49:42

just stop fight everything you see this like viral that

49:44

goes is on that site Also, just a good way

49:46

to like kind of catch it Wow

49:57

Point why be a burden with all the awful

50:00

thought it was like to watch a knockout. Yeah, that's why

50:02

I didn't realize that. There was a time when it was

50:04

like, there's still that. There's still that. There's still that. Wasn't

50:06

there a time when it was exclusively like black shit? It

50:08

was. No, it was always kind

50:10

of. There has to be a world star

50:12

documentary. Now for fights. For fights I go

50:14

on a Reddit sub, a subreddit, that was

50:16

called Thunder Thoughts, which is just girls

50:18

fighting most of the time a tit popping out. Thunder

50:22

Thoughts. I love that. I follow

50:24

all of the X like fighting. Oh, there's fights all over. I do. See,

50:28

those are good because there's such, there's

50:30

such small time investments and it just

50:32

now becomes in your feed and every

50:34

now and then you just get a

50:36

great fight. Alex, are they fighting? Oh,

50:39

is it she loving? Is

50:41

it she watching? When

50:44

you watch fight video, let

50:46

me tell you something, how

50:48

everyone's so pumped on Austin.

50:51

Oh, girl. Everybody's so pumped

50:53

on Austin. I'd say 90% of the fights

50:56

in America happen on 6th street and Austin. She's

50:58

fighting no one right now, dude. What is

51:01

she doing? She's like a baby. Thunder Thoughts,

51:03

everybody. Who is she fighting? What is happening?

51:05

She got knocked out. Oh, well, American Psycho

51:07

twists you up and you're just on the

51:09

ground with your tits out, Lewis. I've had

51:12

a wherever, whenever I've

51:14

like in Austin, whenever I'm at

51:16

like one of the clubs there, I'm always at

51:18

a hotel like three blocks away. You know, if

51:20

you're at the Creek or the mother shipper, like

51:22

you're always like three blocks away and it feels

51:24

ridiculous to take an Uber. Oh, I do. I'm

51:27

just saying you don't want to walk through that shit.

51:29

I've done it many nights where I'm just like, fuck,

51:31

I'm not calling an Uber for three blocks. It's ridiculous.

51:34

I'll just walk. But walking through three blocks of

51:36

that, it's not usually that. I walk with Tony

51:38

Hinswell. I'm going to call you. They won't bother

51:40

you. You're with me every time because I want

51:42

to see the fights. Like I love, I

51:45

love watching some shit go down. I do too.

51:47

I do. If it's going down, I'll

51:49

enjoy watching it. But when I'm about getting attacked by like

51:51

people, like as you're walking up the street, you're not going

51:54

to get randomly attacked. We're big dudes. None of us are

51:56

like small, like pussy dudes. I know. I

51:58

just don't want to. I really, I seek

52:00

it. If

52:03

I hear, if I'm driving by and

52:06

people are screaming on the street each other, I'm

52:08

like, please, red light. I

52:10

mean, no, am I running late enough that I can

52:12

stop and just literally just sit here and smoke a

52:14

cigarette and watch and see if it goes anywhere? A

52:16

couple months ago, I came, I was

52:18

on a train coming into Penn Station and I'm

52:20

walking out to exit and then I just see,

52:22

I hear yelling and I see three

52:25

cops go sprinting to the other side of Penn Station. And

52:27

of course I had to just like walk back to the

52:29

other side, because you're just like, oh, am I about to

52:31

get to watch a fight breaking

52:33

out, some actions happening, something. Yeah, you're like, come on, I

52:35

want to see it. But

52:38

when I'm leaving late at night and I'm done, I'm

52:40

not like going around looking for it. I'm like, I'm

52:43

trying to get. But I would say that late at

52:45

night, this is it. I

52:47

don't know if I'll ever escape this person. I'm

52:49

gonna take that two to three block walk. I might

52:51

see a fight. I might see a girl with

52:53

a short skirt and it might blow up and I might see her asshole. No,

52:57

no, that's not what you look for, Lewis. Just

52:59

to add on to that for you, you're number

53:01

two. Plumbing, I'd like to know. A great Austin

53:03

move is just peek around. Some

53:05

block, getting, some block

53:08

walk, jetting off of that sixth street,

53:11

there is a girl sitting on a

53:13

curb crying and her skirt's

53:15

way up and you can just stare at

53:17

her, gash for 15 minutes. I did it

53:19

with so many comics at Moon Tower. I

53:21

swear to you, I'd be like, come here, come here, come here.

53:23

And just sit there and just like eat a slice of pizza

53:26

and you just watch a girl's gash for 15 minutes while she

53:28

cries and then we go inside. You're like, oh, you had a

53:30

rough set? Come here, come around the corner with me. Get over

53:32

here, kid. See that gal right there? She has no idea we

53:34

could stare at her pussy. That

53:37

was also my thought process

53:39

on Halloween in New York for

53:41

a lot of years because it was the shittiest night

53:43

if you're not a child or a fucking dipshit that

53:45

wants to go to a Halloween party. And

53:48

just watching people, like the end of the

53:50

night, girls crying, just dressed in a

53:52

stupid fucking costume for the best. And their ass

53:54

is hanging out and they're crying because it didn't

53:56

go the way they wanted. But they're a fucking-

53:58

There's a little red crayon. sexy crayon. It

54:00

was the Burt cruise and we met

54:02

up in New Orleans and we met up in New Orleans

54:08

on Halloween and I

54:10

remember I was dressed up as a ninja turtle I was

54:13

dating Kim Kong at the time she was dressed up as

54:15

Chiquita Banana she was a great Chiquita Banana by the way

54:17

it was fucking she looked exactly like Chiquita Banana. Well she's

54:19

an Arab. She doesn't make

54:21

Chiquita Banana girl not Chiquita Banana. No, the girl.

54:23

Yeah, the girl. The fruit on her head. Yeah,

54:25

yeah. And we uh I remember like

54:28

it was just like you know a sloppy drunken night

54:30

in New Orleans and I remember there was a

54:32

guy and a girl in an argument and they were

54:34

ninja turtles and I was Raphael and it was Michelangelo

54:36

and Leonardo and the girl was like crying and the

54:38

guy was like you know come on what do we

54:40

do and they were going and then I had somebody

54:42

videotape me and then I went over to them and

54:44

I was like guys come on. What

54:47

are we doing? This

54:49

isn't what splinter taught us.

54:52

We're supposed to work together. There's shredders

54:55

out there. I

54:57

saw a homeless guy get hit with a brick in

54:59

New Orleans. Oh, like a guy came

55:01

up and hit him with a brick right in the

55:03

head. In the middle of like the madness in the

55:05

middle of the day. Did you see

55:08

like a lead up to it? Of like what

55:10

caused it? I just turned around and a guy

55:12

ran out with a brick and just banged him

55:14

on the head. Wait, were you like it could

55:16

have been you or is it like? No, I

55:18

think it was personal. I think they knew it.

55:20

A brick is way worse than a bottle over

55:23

the head. A brick, that's just fucking... Brick iron.

55:25

The guy took it. Really? They were on meth,

55:27

dude. They can take it. See, there's a guy...

55:29

Also, I feel like on meth you can

55:31

take more and also you don't like hit

55:33

the brick quite as well. Like I feel

55:35

like you hit the bricks. What's the side

55:37

drug of New Orleans besides obviously booze? Jazz.

55:39

Like you know how you play... Janis,

55:42

can I say something? You always... You

55:45

have one of my Mount Rushmore favorite

55:47

funniest things I've had in the conversation.

55:49

It was Montreal. We saw

55:51

each other walking down the street in Montreal and I was

55:53

like, yo, these fucking

55:55

homeless out here. We live in New York and

55:57

I would say this is a problem. how

56:00

aggressive the homeless are out here. And Yana's...

56:03

This is a couple, I mean, five, six years ago.

56:06

And Yana's just goes, he goes, yeah, well, because

56:08

they don't act like this in New York because

56:10

once a year someone sets one of them on

56:12

fire to remind them, there's still a piece of

56:14

shit that wouldn't fuck in the air. And she

56:16

goes, you know what? Don't get crazy aggressive. Somebody

56:20

here will just kill you. You just gotta set

56:22

one a year on fire. It works for everybody.

56:24

I always love that. It's been a

56:26

great contest to have. You called me so hard because you

56:28

just called me off to a gauntlet of like, get your

56:30

fucking hands off of me already. Like, I don't have a

56:32

quarter. Yeah. Or whatever, a

56:34

fucking loony. Oh, I hate Canada.

56:37

You have to do that. You have to do

56:39

it to just keep them everywhere. Oh, I hate

56:41

Canada. They fight so hard to be different from

56:43

us. They're five hours drive away. It's stupid. They

56:46

want to be so... They're like, we're gonna have much

56:48

shittier television because we don't need your

56:51

television. Yeah, you do, you fucking

56:53

ice-skating piece of shit. It

56:55

wouldn't even be a problem. The issue these

56:58

days, that was like the big thing with Canada

57:01

back in the day was your television stations are

57:03

garbage. But now it's like the issue is that

57:05

you also restrict our websites. YouTube. So

57:08

if I just try to like, hulu, you try to watch up there,

57:12

they're like, ooh, I don't think so. Porn?

57:14

I don't know about porn. I swear to God, I

57:16

said to somebody the other day, I go, oh, this new thing

57:19

just came out on Max. And

57:21

they were from Canada. They go, oh, that's

57:24

crave.net or something. What

57:26

the fuck are you talking about? You

57:28

can drive there and your phone's different

57:30

immediately. It's such a dumb thing.

57:34

Yeah, it's weird. And now particularly Montreal, thinking

57:36

they got rid of that fucking festival. I

57:40

got booked this year. Oh,

57:42

Steve, I have terrible news. The

57:45

Montreal festival, I don't know why they want to do

57:47

it in that city wherever you're like, to Nufay. Oh,

57:49

hey, can I get a... I'd like to order a

57:51

sandwich, please. Yeah. American

57:54

Pizza State. They hate us. Yeah, I

57:56

know. I would get into camp and they would hate

57:58

us. They're getting into speaking English. And then you'd be like, hey... Can

58:00

I get to the club soda wherever the fuck

58:02

it's over the other like dude. I know you

58:04

know what the fuck I know you know Man

58:07

Montreal specifically is like they have

58:09

like like good dirty. Yeah

58:14

Scuzzy like you're always ever go to a French

58:17

restaurant all the mirrors are dirty for some reason

58:19

They look like fucking a French fucking dried up.

58:21

It's like when you rip your own jeans It's

58:23

just a fucking stupid look you're doing it on

58:25

per someone's got a town like you guys are

58:27

lucky You're not speaking German. Just allow me to

58:29

speak English The only

58:31

thing hot Montreal is the Asians the Asians

58:33

hold up, but fucking the women The

58:38

gals are hot but they look dirty. There's like

58:40

a film on the people. Yeah. Yeah,

58:42

you have to wash her You

58:46

gotta make her cleaner so American Psycho

58:49

you go That

58:51

I mean I swear to God that in the

58:53

history of this show Might have

58:56

been the most bigoted moment because there was no

58:58

joke attached to it. There's no anything People

59:01

in Montreal are kind of dirty and we all just went

59:03

I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly They're

59:06

a dirty people Although

59:09

again dude moment. I've gotten the share of my

59:11

life always was doing that first with that comedy

59:13

works Club Jimbo, I mean the

59:15

amount I was paid was felonious, but I remember

59:17

that I hope but he used to let me

59:20

go sure For some

59:22

reason he would accept this deal for six hundred

59:24

dollars plus we had two hundred more

59:26

dollars I'll put you and your

59:28

three friends in a one-hole cell room If

59:31

that's what you want your friends that bad and we do the

59:33

show but it was the odds It

59:36

was the odds. What are we gonna do? I knew it was

59:39

one time Dave I don't know if you were there for this one

59:41

But there was one time on that balcony out

59:43

back where you can smoke a cigarette where we just

59:45

watched a girl In

59:47

the snow who just was we were way

59:49

high up on a fight a basically a fire escape

59:51

I can't remember if I was there for this you

59:53

told me this story. Yeah, you know what happened. Yeah

59:56

I've been there when you saw we just saw a

59:58

girl like looking around and she's looking everywhere to make

1:00:00

sure there's no one around, not

1:00:02

looking up at all. And then just drops

1:00:05

pants and starts taking a fucking long piss.

1:00:07

Dumper? No, not a bummer. But

1:00:09

while she's taking a piss. We weren't that lucky. But while

1:00:11

she's taking a piss, we started

1:00:13

clapping and watching someone like

1:00:15

this. You may have been there for that,

1:00:17

yeah, yeah, yeah. Very possibly. We started clapping

1:00:19

and then she like, just almost fell, walked

1:00:22

pissing, dude. It was so fucking funny. Oh,

1:00:24

but that was a good Montreal memory. It's hard to stop when you

1:00:26

start. I quit smoking. I

1:00:28

quit smoking in Montreal once. Lewis and Justin

1:00:32

gave me no reason not to. Justin

1:00:34

bought back the pack I bought from duty, the

1:00:36

carton I bought from duty free. And

1:00:39

then if you quit smoking right now, I'll give you the money back for the cigarettes

1:00:42

you bought. And I was like, all right. And then Justin had

1:00:44

to walk over to like a golden retriever and be like, I

1:00:46

need 50 bucks. But

1:00:48

then I didn't overthink the lack of stimulant that

1:00:50

I'm putting in my, for the first time, I'm

1:00:52

not putting in my body. And

1:00:55

I was exhausted. And that was the weird night

1:00:57

where like, Lewis became friends with Joe Daddy Stevenson

1:00:59

from the UFC. They just

1:01:01

met in the streets of Montreal and

1:01:04

I kept falling asleep. And every time I was like a

1:01:06

movie, every time I'd wake up, it would be foggy. And I

1:01:08

would see like, Lewis, Joe Daddy Stevenson

1:01:10

and his friends. And I forget who else who

1:01:13

was with us, like laughing and having a good

1:01:15

time. And then I would fall asleep again and

1:01:17

open my eyes and Lewis would be like tapping.

1:01:19

I was like, oh, oh, they got like in

1:01:21

a walk and Lewis is tapping. I'm like, what

1:01:23

the fuck's happening? Weird club,

1:01:25

but we had a good, that was, let's

1:01:28

do everything. Let's do plugs and then play the game. Yeah, let's do plugs

1:01:30

and then. Fuck yeah. Mr. Renazese, what do you want

1:01:32

to plug up, buddy? I'm going to be, well, at

1:01:34

the stand, most of June, a lot

1:01:36

of spots here. And then the last

1:01:38

weekend in June, the 27th, eighth, ninth

1:01:40

and 30th at Phoenix. What's

1:01:45

the one Scottsdale, the copper,

1:01:47

blues. CB live. CB live,

1:01:49

there it is. CB live. Last weekend in

1:01:51

June, tickets at cbrenazese.com. Brand new

1:01:53

website, by the way. Hell

1:01:55

yeah. Mr. Poppins. Yeah,

1:01:58

just show them my podcast. Janus

1:02:00

Papisour and my

1:02:02

website januspapisour.com Is

1:02:06

Janus Pappas...I dated a girl once and

1:02:08

the last name was Pappas but it

1:02:11

was short for Papa Fotis There's some

1:02:13

movement back there What the

1:02:15

fuck's happening? Did the next games break out? Was that

1:02:17

the Jews finally? I

1:02:20

think it's Pro-Palestine Pro-Test Oh no, River to

1:02:22

the Sea people? This

1:02:28

is Papa Fotis, that's not short for anything

1:02:30

No, my grandfather changed it from Pippis, which

1:02:32

is in slang Great for penis

1:02:34

It means little penis No My

1:02:37

real name is slang for little penis No Yeah,

1:02:40

my grandfather thankfully changed it Janus Little Penis?

1:02:42

That sounds like a great Indian name These

1:02:48

picture plugs, I'm so sorry, fuck it No,

1:02:50

that's it, just go to my website januspappascomedy.com

1:02:52

for tickets and my podcast, Janus Pappasour Next

1:02:57

Sunday I got the depraved at the stand I'm

1:03:01

sorry, the stand at the depraved at the Creaking Cave

1:03:03

in Austin, Texas Sunday, June

1:03:05

2nd, 8pm show, Sal

1:03:07

Valcano, Shane's going to be on the show, Kim

1:03:09

Congdon, Matt McCuster, Sean Gardenia, give me an incredible

1:03:11

show I think it might already be sold out,

1:03:14

we might be adding a second show, look out

1:03:16

for tickets at thecreakingcave.com Then

1:03:19

I got, I'm doing the depraved

1:03:21

here, I'm doing it Sunday, June 9th Very

1:03:24

excited, 10pm, Dave Smith on this one,

1:03:26

Sam Hyde on this one Possibly, Dave

1:03:28

Smith said he was on this one

1:03:31

If you actually check the text messages, you said

1:03:34

can you do this show, I said

1:03:36

call my management, you said fuck you,

1:03:38

you're on it That

1:03:41

was our actual text exchange Dave will be on

1:03:43

it, and then I'll be there A bunch of

1:03:45

other incredible comedians, Sackler's on it, Colin, who else,

1:03:48

I don't know Go to the stand's website, get

1:03:50

things there, then I'm back on the road, June

1:03:52

21st, 22nd, Point Pleasant, New Jersey I

1:03:56

got Ontario, California coming up, Los

1:03:58

Angeles, Oxford, California Fort Worth,

1:04:00

Texas, Dallas, Texas, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and many more.

1:04:03

Go to lewisofstinks.com, grab those tickets, subscribe to

1:04:05

the new gasdigitalgasdigital.com,

1:04:07

use that promo code LOS14. You

1:04:10

get over 800 episodes that are not available anywhere

1:04:12

else in this show. All the episodes are uncensored

1:04:14

and ad-free, plus you get a bonus episode every

1:04:16

Friday night. Make sure you use that promo code,

1:04:18

it does help the show out. We get paid

1:04:21

for you guys to subscribe. Wow,

1:04:27

good stuff. Word up. Vlogmaster.

1:04:29

bigjcomedy.com for all my dates,

1:04:32

everybody. 7th and 8th

1:04:34

of June, I will be at the Irvine Improv,

1:04:36

so come fucking check that out. Four shows, two

1:04:38

nights, the 7th and the 8th. Tim

1:04:41

Tung is going to be down there with me on that one,

1:04:43

so make sure you check that show out. It's going to be

1:04:45

a lot of fun. If you live in LA, it's only a little

1:04:47

bit of a drive, right? Yeah. If

1:04:49

anybody could get into the Comedy Store, come check

1:04:51

it out. After that, I'll be

1:04:54

on the fully loaded tour for the entire run,

1:04:56

and then after that, I have the Borgata, Atlantic City,

1:04:58

coming up, Music Box. First time doing that, so

1:05:00

please come check that out. One

1:05:02

night only, I forget the dates, my

1:05:04

calendar's gone on my phone, I think my

1:05:07

phone's gone virus. Someone's hacking my shit. Oh, my dick pics.

1:05:11

Oh no, my dick pics. Well,

1:05:13

it's the best it's going to look. I took a picture, so

1:05:15

it's the best it's going to look. If

1:05:17

it's out there, it's out there. Whatever, dude. Dick's

1:05:20

pretty cool. Listen

1:05:22

to the bonfire five days a week, Faction Talk,

1:05:24

Sirius XM103 with me and the great Robert Kelly,

1:05:27

and of course the SDR, some of you on the guest digital network. CrowdWorks

1:05:30

special news hopefully coming soon. Hell

1:05:34

yeah. Davey. June

1:05:37

1st, everybody. At, what,

1:05:39

Harrah's? Am I saying that right, Jay? Yeah. Harrah's,

1:05:42

right there. Yeah! Harrah's

1:05:45

Resort in Atlantic City, doing

1:05:48

a theater show out there. Very,

1:05:50

very limited tickets, so grab those tickets right now, but

1:05:52

as big a group as you want to bring, we'll

1:05:54

probably be able to fit you in there, man. So

1:05:57

go grab those tickets right now. You get your clothes

1:05:59

seriously? I'm your friend. There's urgency, but don't let that

1:06:01

turn you away from it. But like, if you want

1:06:03

to do it... Isn't that a weird position to be

1:06:05

in? Do you have to create urgency? No, no, no,

1:06:07

you better get these tickets right now. But seriously, even

1:06:10

if you didn't, and like you stumbled, maybe check back.

1:06:12

There are very few tickets left for huge groups. Always

1:06:14

check back. But definitely check back. Get those

1:06:16

tickets. And even if it's been crazy late, it's the

1:06:18

last minute, still just try. It's not going to work

1:06:20

at all, but just try. Definitely try. I think we

1:06:22

only have about four 100 tops left. So...

1:06:24

All right, guys, you know, whatever. You do

1:06:26

experiments in different markets, you find out what

1:06:28

works and what doesn't work. You do, don't

1:06:30

you? Anyway, guys, June 1st, come on out

1:06:33

to Atlantic City. And then

1:06:35

June 14th and 15th, I'll be

1:06:37

out in Las Vegas at Wise Guys Comedy

1:06:39

Club. And in

1:06:41

July, the Comedy Mothership, there's like... Last I

1:06:44

heard, there's like 40 tickets left for the

1:06:46

Sunday show. So if you want to come...

1:06:48

I don't have trouble selling tickets in that

1:06:50

one place. Anyway, but I

1:06:52

do want as many of our

1:06:54

people in there as possible. So please go grab

1:06:57

those. And then a bunch of stuff coming up.

1:06:59

Zany's Nashville. I

1:07:03

got Orlando, Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Kansas

1:07:05

City, a bunch of stuff coming

1:07:07

up. But before any of

1:07:09

that, in just a few days on

1:07:12

Friday, the 31st, I will be going down to

1:07:15

Fort Lauderdale on Patrick Bette Davis Show

1:07:17

and debating Chris Cuomo for three hours.

1:07:19

Is that pay per view? I

1:07:23

think they're putting it out on Patrick Bette

1:07:26

Davis. You've got to call Fredo at some

1:07:28

point. I'm going to try to work in Fredo

1:07:30

if I can. But

1:07:32

it's a whole debate about... Or just at least go, I

1:07:34

knew it was you at some point, just slip it in.

1:07:36

I will do my best to make... Very low key. Low

1:07:39

key. Who's going to get it? I

1:07:41

will make a reference at some point. But anyway, that's going

1:07:43

to be a lot of fun. So

1:07:46

check that out. comicdavesmith.com for all

1:07:48

those ticket links. And

1:07:50

I got two comedy specials up on YouTube for

1:07:52

free if you want to watch those. Part of

1:07:54

the problem right here on the Gas Digital Network.

1:07:58

Let's play a game. Oh yeah. Yeah

1:08:00

was. Very brilliant

1:08:03

we are. we doing this when when as easy

1:08:05

as though isn't by one of the ones who

1:08:07

knows that way when we know you're coming over

1:08:09

the so far we have such a fun time

1:08:11

by this game with you know as nice as

1:08:13

it is it was is that we bring it

1:08:15

up each time and then go know raises his

1:08:17

great the plane with words. topic is i'm not

1:08:19

good at the i was while but maybe I

1:08:21

didn't realize until it by ways as a meeting

1:08:23

every one point that out ago was these terrible

1:08:25

things always lose so when he swore he would

1:08:27

never make up another story had that's the thing.

1:08:30

And when you when you ever saw

1:08:32

okay I'm a get very bucket the

1:08:34

messages and I'm okay with another man

1:08:37

crush on air gone all right My

1:08:39

bad my mat when he submitted his

1:08:41

story the oh god community notes underneath

1:08:43

him from death. About.

1:08:47

It's it's who story is that Anyone who's

1:08:50

I or is it any everybody, Where everybody

1:08:52

is a myth of several stories. the theme

1:08:54

being summertime. Summertime. The opening

1:08:56

a summer memorial then using separately rights. yes

1:08:58

how we had a sin. It's different summertime

1:09:01

stories. Is it is that right? Is it

1:09:03

isn't. Is the twenty first to go Summer

1:09:05

was that next month technically rather sort of.

1:09:07

If it marks the decline over Japanese it

1:09:10

on the beach, it definitely does. Yeah my

1:09:12

my are on arrive you do your eyelashes

1:09:14

astro soon as I see black people Long

1:09:16

teacher Seahorse One summer's here associates your and

1:09:19

and you're done without. Ivorian had have one

1:09:21

of these as our new ground hogs that

1:09:23

are does not affect them. Started smelling unsolicited.

1:09:25

Part Barbecues ads on

1:09:27

Yeah for assistance or

1:09:29

bark mortgages. Fuck. The upper

1:09:31

hand as you know one bases are talking a

1:09:33

full volume on purpose were both better to no

1:09:35

no sleep before. Do you know it on purpose?

1:09:38

I know. So what's going on over there was

1:09:40

this. I thought we'd

1:09:42

be escalated. have these guys are was napping

1:09:44

tonight so you guys have so much more

1:09:46

money than everyone else in this room along

1:09:48

with Louis. Can I say this as a

1:09:50

were both close right now. If we're at

1:09:53

a slightly entertaining now to fight these guys

1:09:55

are get a T first sentence, the first

1:09:57

strike if it goes to my abs and

1:09:59

analysis. I believe you're very good. I

1:10:01

hope he would. We don't know I'm fine and

1:10:04

wizard of the fight that I got a p

1:10:06

Like you've ever tell point if we're going to

1:10:08

fight with lose vows to think you'd maybe I

1:10:10

see p now I met with say i hold

1:10:13

on to Huckabee knows my own eyes else not

1:10:15

be me as a father was on to I

1:10:17

will take to honest went on to bring the

1:10:19

family aka I were to search for not the

1:10:22

do not get involved I have a we don't

1:10:24

fight without we fly Have enough pick a girl

1:10:26

here just pretend she's with that of gas. That's

1:10:28

fair enough. You're not going. To do your bit are

1:10:30

so you're not. What

1:10:33

do you premium? When I was my work

1:10:35

for the show hosts are I was still

1:10:38

still don't deny his I'm didn't live in

1:10:40

a much slower I just get more fucking

1:10:42

set and ready to go to an alarm.

1:10:44

Sounds good Hour nap for forty minutes three

1:10:46

day telling a story before so has said

1:10:49

it would do more for as to. I'm.

1:10:52

Sorry tells Lamborn stories do with

1:10:54

Garbo I mean, well the fuck.

1:10:59

Away as the idea set up for Thomas

1:11:02

said we showed up for a coffee shop.

1:11:04

Cases is not what. Am

1:11:07

I wearing headphones or damn out out

1:11:09

defend him. It's a specific type of

1:11:11

comedies as Restore the My Roger, the

1:11:13

I'm Not and you know. The.

1:11:16

Data tell you that it was a they are like

1:11:18

a stand up comedy shows that was leper density telling.

1:11:23

Sedans like Added Celtic is threatened by one

1:11:25

of the stars has a movie. That's what

1:11:27

he meant. That is a fair point. As

1:11:29

I started I'm getting pages the closest so

1:11:31

he knows this guy's try to take food

1:11:34

at a James as well as I feel.

1:11:37

I'm famous a hurt my the Nazis bread

1:11:39

or it's also you oppress you always

1:11:41

had a source read or see the belly

1:11:44

ruin my a heck of a shit happened

1:11:46

right I hear thought he writes guys cycle

1:11:48

much like there's any kindness and reckless What?

1:11:50

I don't post a the crowd that much.

1:11:53

but if you want to meet me outside of

1:11:55

blood soaked the fuck is sit at a good

1:11:57

such a fucking mouth and the guy did say

1:11:59

a word after that. Is it

1:12:01

weird that at my age I'm worried if we have

1:12:03

to fight that I didn't take afrin? Well I gotta

1:12:05

pee. I'm gonna go pee before we fight. Christine can

1:12:07

I have afrin? Alright, listen we're gonna

1:12:10

fuck you up dude but just

1:12:12

let Steve pee and let Lewis

1:12:14

take some afrin first. Oh J.D.

1:12:16

is afrin. Oh no you can't.

1:12:19

I cannot mix it up without my

1:12:22

afrin. I can't mix it up without my

1:12:24

afrin. Oh

1:12:27

they hate you dude. Is it weird that I miss

1:12:30

them? They hate

1:12:32

you dude. Oh

1:12:34

look. What happened? They pushed out

1:12:36

they didn't want to fight. You

1:12:40

think it was a threat of afrin? I

1:12:42

was like yo this guy's high on afrin I'm

1:12:44

not gonna fight this guy. I'm gonna clear my

1:12:46

passageways for you with no pain. Yeah dude J.D.

1:12:48

is afrin. J.D. can pick up a cop car

1:12:50

on afrin. Dude if I have afrin they can

1:12:53

punch me in the face and I'll keep laughing

1:12:55

at them. J. went

1:12:57

Christine bring me my afrin and then that guy

1:12:59

went to Harari and it was like dude he's

1:13:01

got P.E.D.s up there. This is crazy. Yeah dude

1:13:04

I'm juicing up dude. You wanna see me

1:13:06

go Mr. Hyde? Give me my afrin. You

1:13:08

had the passageways? He wasn't he was fine

1:13:10

but he was just too

1:13:12

cocky. No it was. Here's the thing from

1:13:16

his uh listen he was just

1:13:18

a dude who is in white

1:13:20

khaki pants and is trying to

1:13:23

convince the world that he's a winner and

1:13:25

I don't hate that dude necessarily but as soon

1:13:27

as Lewis did a little thing that challenged him

1:13:30

he had to be like well

1:13:32

I just think the show's not funny. And

1:13:34

then at one point he went well then fight

1:13:36

me then. And then Lewis did say fight me.

1:13:38

I think that's what Lewis did. No no no

1:13:40

he said fight me right? Yeah I

1:13:43

don't know I don't know what's crazy. No no no

1:13:45

he went 100 percent dead. And then Lewis started Lewis-ing

1:13:47

out and then he found himself in this position where

1:13:49

he was trying to be like the cool guy but

1:13:51

then he was like ah fuck there's

1:13:53

an outside chance I might fight this guy

1:13:56

and then kinda like his energy changed but then he still

1:13:58

he it's like one of those guys who only know the

1:14:00

truth. one speed and so once you brought it back to

1:14:02

him it's like well my only speed here is to tell

1:14:04

you you're not funny or I'll fight you. They went outside

1:14:06

to get their Tommy guns. He's

1:14:10

not that guy was not a problem at all it was

1:14:12

never gonna get to a level of fighting you know. I

1:14:14

don't know it could have. Yeah well I guess you

1:14:16

never know for sure but I don't

1:14:19

know we killed him Steve. Yeah. I uh. He just

1:14:21

raped me in the bathroom. Oh my god we set

1:14:23

him up so pissed. I love how this place lets

1:14:25

him out but then they let him into the bathroom

1:14:27

with me alone with them. He's

1:14:33

like can they can we pee he's like yeah go

1:14:35

ahead. Just me and my cock now. How's

1:14:40

that for a summertime story huh? I

1:14:44

got fucked in the bathroom. It was a

1:14:46

birthday weekend so technically it's a summer story.

1:14:48

I told him I go Louis is a fag dude.

1:14:50

I don't know what to tell you. I

1:14:52

don't like him either. Yeah I don't like

1:14:54

him either. He sucks. He goes dude he's

1:14:56

always talking like shit you could have dropped

1:14:58

his ass. But not yet now you are.

1:15:01

Now that I'm back. Oh shit that's

1:15:03

hilarious. That's so funny. Yeah. All

1:15:08

right let's uh let's get some solid time to point. Why

1:15:10

won't Christy give me an effort? She wants me to get

1:15:12

knocked out. How does the point system work one more time?

1:15:16

I get the least. That I know for a fact.

1:15:18

So yeah we have to explain the whole game to

1:15:20

be honest. Okay so we all we all submitted stories.

1:15:22

Producers tell me. Yeah we told them about what we

1:15:24

were like. Okay so if the audience

1:15:27

doesn't know the way it works is they're

1:15:29

gonna tell a story. Now we

1:15:31

all have to guess whose story that is.

1:15:33

We are all submitted from your story. If

1:15:35

it's your story that's being told the idea

1:15:38

of the game is to get other people

1:15:40

to think it's someone else's story. If

1:15:42

for if you guess the person's story you get

1:15:44

a point. If someone guesses

1:15:46

a different story when it's your story you

1:15:48

get a point. Got it. So when it's

1:15:50

your story you could clean up with four

1:15:53

points theoretically if everyone guesses a different story.

1:15:55

And if it's not your story you can

1:15:57

get maximum one point by guessing whose story

1:15:59

it is. Do you get a point for

1:16:01

somebody guessing it's your story, but it's not your story?

1:16:03

Yeah, that's always been the game. How much drugs do

1:16:05

you do? Christine does that by the way, I'm so

1:16:07

hot and I know it. That guy could have fucked

1:16:10

me up right now. Oh Lewis,

1:16:12

we might have gotten a house. I just found out

1:16:14

that Christine doesn't even have my emergency fighting effort. Christine,

1:16:17

what if shit goes down and

1:16:19

I need to open my air

1:16:21

passages? Wait, hold on. I'm sorry

1:16:23

because They're probably in the witness restroom too. Jay's gonna

1:16:25

be a lack of a sock. Yo, that guy was

1:16:27

a cock in my mouth from shutting down my entire

1:16:30

breathing possibilities. I

1:16:32

honestly think they were pretty cool. I talked to him

1:16:34

for a minute. Alright, yeah. He was outside of your

1:16:37

common hate group. We were information. I was like, I'm

1:16:39

on your guy's side. He goes, dude, you're

1:16:42

leaving? That sucks, dude. Those guys couldn't fucking... They don't

1:16:44

miss. You know what, dude? They do suck. Those guys

1:16:46

weren't that good actually. We're not good,

1:16:48

remember? That's our thing. Wait, did

1:16:50

I... Lewis was so like, what are you talking about?

1:16:53

Did I get that wrong? You explained it perfectly. Lewis

1:16:55

is just confusing that. You don't get a

1:16:58

point if it's not your story and you

1:17:00

convince someone that it is your story. You

1:17:02

don't get like a tag along. Right, right, right,

1:17:04

right. Oh no, it's simply if it's your story,

1:17:06

you're trying to pin it on someone else. Got

1:17:09

it. Got it. And then so

1:17:11

everybody who you fool, it doesn't guess you right,

1:17:13

you get a point for. You also

1:17:15

get a point if you guess the person right. Right. Okay,

1:17:18

so you need a little bit of a poker face with

1:17:20

this as well or Mr. Face. Yeah, if it's your story,

1:17:22

you're acting like it's not your story. You're

1:17:25

putting it on somebody else and then you get more

1:17:27

points. The big game changers usually come in if it's someone's

1:17:29

story and everyone guesses wrong and then they get four

1:17:31

points in one round and then try to win your way

1:17:33

back. Does Lewis have an unfair advantage though? Because

1:17:36

he probably doesn't remember the stories he submitted. I

1:17:38

mean, he doesn't remember the rules to the game.

1:17:40

We can only remember my story. What

1:17:44

the fuck did that happen to? What?

1:17:46

That happened to me? Oh, okay. That

1:17:49

poor child. That poor little boy. All right,

1:17:51

let's play. fire

1:18:00

hydrant outside our home. Oh,

1:18:02

that's the Philly trash shit right there. That's Jay.

1:18:05

That does seem like Philly trash. Philly trash.

1:18:08

Philly trash. Rent is easy. Rent is

1:18:10

easy all day. It's like pool or a left side. Nah, you know

1:18:12

what? Jay said I never did anything for him.

1:18:15

You're right. Yanna's dropping Queens. Brooklyn, yeah, yeah.

1:18:17

There's no pools in Brooklyn. Yanna's dropping Queens.

1:18:19

No, no, no. By the way, me and

1:18:21

Yanna's growing up in the neighborhood. So

1:18:24

any neighborhood stories we have could be us. This isn't

1:18:26

above ground pool. This isn't above ground pool for sure.

1:18:28

I love to say. We don't know. It

1:18:31

has to be. What did he just say? Did it say above

1:18:33

ground or below ground? How could you fill

1:18:35

with a fire hydrant if it wasn't going right by

1:18:37

it? It said a 20 by 40 pool, no other

1:18:39

details. 20 by 40. How

1:18:41

do they get water into a hose? Rent

1:18:44

is easy. This is rent is easy. But it sounds

1:18:46

like rent is easy. They connect. It's definitely

1:18:48

rent is easy. You know what? This is

1:18:50

interesting. Enough bullshit to maybe be steved with

1:18:53

it. He could have a good poker face.

1:18:55

He's perfect. This is why he's been in

1:18:57

the game. Can I

1:18:59

say something right now? I love

1:19:01

this game. He

1:19:04

was so bad. He didn't say anything. Look,

1:19:06

it's Giannis. We've done this many times before.

1:19:09

He could still be saying it's not him. He could

1:19:11

have went. He might as well been going. Giannis. Giannis,

1:19:14

he could still currently be doing that. But

1:19:16

he just starts telling us in the middle of it that

1:19:18

it is definitely him. No, no, no. I'm not saying it's

1:19:20

me yet. I'm just

1:19:23

saying that. He's

1:19:29

questioned in the way you're saying them out

1:19:31

loud the answers. If

1:19:33

you guys go, he didn't have a pool. He didn't

1:19:36

have a pool. All of a sudden I'm like, I

1:19:38

didn't have a pool. Steve, what I did. Final

1:19:41

answer. Final answer, Steve. Everybody

1:19:44

gets a point with Steve, I guess. So

1:19:47

what am I supposed to do? Giannis,

1:19:50

your official answer. I don't know where you grew up.

1:19:53

I want to go, no, Giannis had a pool. Giannis had

1:19:55

a pool. Giannis, you may know him. They came to my

1:19:57

house. We sat in an apartment. By the way, I'm picturing

1:19:59

you. By the way, I was thinking it was I

1:20:02

consider a lot of us being like city

1:20:04

more like like inner city people With

1:20:06

David Brooklyn and that I thought like it was more

1:20:08

like I lived in a place where somebody would drag

1:20:11

An above-ground pool, but 20 by 40 started

1:20:13

sound pretty big was never said well the

1:20:16

point is like when I get these questions

1:20:18

I'm like Well,

1:20:23

I told everybody else I

1:20:26

told John is all the gun is don't say like

1:20:28

when I was visiting Greece as a little boy This

1:20:30

is obvious. I guess the pool's obvious, but I just

1:20:32

know they don't have a pool. He grew up in

1:20:34

Brooklyn He know cool. I don't Hindsight

1:20:39

Lewis's family couldn't afford a pool

1:20:41

stick. I Know

1:20:47

in hindsight, I just said pool not 20

1:20:49

by giving a dimension Like

1:20:51

that was so the point What

1:20:55

happened? How do you do it? We got a home? He

1:20:57

was a fireman. So he hooked it up to the fuck

1:20:59

Oh, no, I pulled my pool in like two hours beautiful.

1:21:01

We were swimming like the next day. It's Steve. It's Steve

1:21:04

All right, so everyone here. Oh,

1:21:06

we still haven't even gotten the official answer

1:21:08

you go you always give it away before

1:21:12

Alex Yeah,

1:21:14

Alex, thank you Yeah You

1:21:18

didn't have to lead off You know what? Here's

1:21:20

what I'm doing next time cuz I know you

1:21:23

said it's a mic sent it out Hey, give

1:21:25

me five. I give five stories. No

1:21:27

one else gets five I'm

1:21:29

giving one from now on So

1:21:32

you get a plant in the middle you Those

1:21:34

fucking cocksuckers were bad juju as soon as

1:21:36

they left the energy in the room uplifted.

1:21:39

I had

1:21:41

a negativity for them like suck their cocks

1:21:43

in that bathroom and change the whole fucking

1:21:45

vibe of what Let's

1:21:49

have another story, please. Please. So

1:21:52

it's one we all have one point. Yeah,

1:21:54

we do ten stories right Alex Yeah,

1:21:57

so it's random. It's not everything story goes. Yeah Sure.

1:22:02

When I was six years old, my mother took

1:22:04

me into a woman's bathroom off the boardwalk at

1:22:06

the beach. There was a mom in a stall

1:22:09

with a toddler. The toddler sprinted out of the

1:22:11

stall and the mother followed her completely naked and

1:22:13

ran right by me. Just by the sentence

1:22:15

structure, that's Louis. Short, stupid, d- It's

1:22:18

Louis. I was gonna

1:22:20

say, y'all have women

1:22:22

naked. She was fat

1:22:24

and naked. Her skin was brown

1:22:26

and naked. I think it's Louis now. All

1:22:30

of her was naked. I

1:22:32

liked it. It was

1:22:35

fat. I move butt. Whole

1:22:37

thing. I went to

1:22:40

the boardwalk, period. Around the world.

1:22:42

Can I say? I'm not gonna-

1:22:45

That story could happen to anyone. But the cadence does

1:22:47

sound like Louis. I think it's

1:22:49

David Louis. Can I tell why I think it's

1:22:51

Jay? Because seeing naked women is

1:22:53

such an important thing in Jay's life. Not wrong.

1:22:56

That's a great argument. Or

1:22:58

is Louis just trying to throw it off again? I don't know.

1:23:02

Please, all vote for me. I'm

1:23:04

gonna get my point for Jay. I

1:23:06

know it's not me. This

1:23:08

is the best part of the game. We know it's not

1:23:11

you because you didn't give it away. You're already off the

1:23:13

board. By the way, you got

1:23:16

it. You already did. The

1:23:18

best part of this game is when Louis just went, well

1:23:25

I hope you all vote for me because I'll get my point for

1:23:27

voting for Jay. I've learned right

1:23:29

now. I love that. By

1:23:32

the way, I love that because it's not me. So

1:23:34

if Louis convinces you all and I pick Louis,

1:23:36

then that's right. I'm

1:23:40

the only one who gets a point this way. It's

1:23:42

a problem, dude. I'm

1:23:44

going Jay. Jay didn't

1:23:46

sell that well. I'm gonna trust him because I'd

1:23:49

be ahead of everybody. Wait, hold on. I'm gonna

1:23:51

go with Louis because I'm behind. I'm going with

1:23:53

Louis. What are the

1:23:55

final votes? I'm Louis. Everybody else is

1:23:57

me. I'm going Jay's final vote. Try

1:24:00

to convince us and is jewish and some going to

1:24:02

set it. Up

1:24:04

though. would you like Louis? You're wrong

1:24:07

with Jerry. Jerry votes for day. He.

1:24:09

Gave it away my tried to art. It.

1:24:11

Was Dave Smith.

1:24:14

Ah. Well

1:24:22

he said that was really wonderful. Ah

1:24:24

I see the could have been they

1:24:26

were lose your room and am against

1:24:28

it. Was a lot when

1:24:30

I when it was a lot cheaper in

1:24:32

those this city and it's and the crying

1:24:34

game and I'll get and I was I

1:24:36

will say that it was it wasn't with

1:24:38

my mother it was with my sister but

1:24:40

I I did was a sister to that

1:24:42

gives away like you're ever going to my

1:24:44

ford who has a sister who does not

1:24:46

have. Started to

1:24:49

success was that's a twenty by for those

1:24:51

it. Was you

1:24:53

had puppies? Are afraid to

1:24:55

ask why Zopa had a

1:24:58

personal space. Physical Therapy.

1:25:02

I would say six. I might have

1:25:04

been far as I was I was

1:25:06

young and might have been five to

1:25:08

five or six businesses and will go

1:25:10

under a bridge too far for. Know

1:25:14

personally Very loose. Go see charges you

1:25:16

with a high dose. Gonna hurt from

1:25:18

ten feet away. Ah up. So

1:25:21

I go in. And

1:25:24

this is just a moment that a either use a

1:25:26

Jays obsessed with New Leaf Blue the moment I know

1:25:28

little boy will ever forget and there's a few details

1:25:30

that I'm a little sis I don't know. My mother

1:25:32

was in there with us and see when and and

1:25:34

I don't remember is it might have been like it

1:25:36

was on your mother was a naked woman from her

1:25:38

favorite not a busy health of the story right Father

1:25:40

was no it what will it was it was the

1:25:42

beach so it might have been like of I don't

1:25:44

have it was just like a stall where you would

1:25:47

p I think it might have been a story like

1:25:49

you change in type deal. But. We go into

1:25:51

the ladies one and I'm a little boy

1:25:53

and they took me into someone's Got To

1:25:55

Be With me and then this little toddler.

1:25:57

Like just. com sprinting out

1:26:00

and then a mom, she had a

1:26:02

towel around her, but nothing

1:26:04

else, and then that fell quick. And

1:26:07

she's just running, this is maybe 1987, 88.

1:26:11

It's Fighter, Fighter, Fighter, Fighter, Fighter. Full

1:26:13

Bush, yeah. Your kid could get

1:26:15

kidnapped, and you have to

1:26:17

show those kitties. And she's sprinting, so it's

1:26:19

like floppy teeth, and

1:26:25

full bush, and I believe this is

1:26:27

our future. I

1:26:30

was so young that I didn't know what to

1:26:32

make of it, but I was old enough to

1:26:35

know it was awesome. And round

1:26:37

and round, and round and round.

1:26:39

Do that. So

1:26:42

they put it on glasses, this summer's gonna

1:26:44

be all right. Woo woo.

1:26:47

They big natural things. Oh

1:26:50

yeah, yeah, yeah. And

1:26:52

so my sister grabs her towel,

1:26:55

and she goes to put it, it's like scrunched up

1:26:57

in her hand, and goes to put it in front

1:27:00

of my face, like to block my view of it.

1:27:02

You at the original cop club. I

1:27:04

mean, I was so young, I'm like

1:27:06

six years old, and I remember on

1:27:08

instinct, I went, be cool. I was

1:27:11

like, daddy-o. I

1:27:13

was like, come on. And

1:27:16

then she went, oh my God, I'm so sorry, and

1:27:18

I think I just had an ear-to-ear grin. Like

1:27:21

I was like, you have nothing to apologize

1:27:23

for. Lady. Well now we can't

1:27:25

catch Dave in this fucking thing. Yeah, he's a haggard. No,

1:27:28

no, no, no, no. No, he's a head-but- Anyone can do

1:27:30

that. Anyone can do that. All

1:27:32

right, if that's it. So Dave, do you have the worst

1:27:35

poker face in the field? He's falling apart. You guys, if

1:27:37

I do something, it's Steve, you go. Now

1:27:41

you should do that when it's not you. Throw

1:27:44

people off the set. Trust me, you're

1:27:46

not gonna get me. I won one

1:27:48

round. They

1:27:50

gotta finish this up now. That's it.

1:27:52

I'm gonna go see those guys in the bathroom

1:27:54

again, man. This game, thank you. I'm gonna see

1:27:56

those hecklers are still hanging out. They got fancy

1:27:59

football, happens behind clothes. I think I know the story. It's

1:28:02

a good game, man. It's really great. No, no. This

1:28:05

should be the whole podcast. We get rich like, are you garbage? Let's go. Yeah. Forget

1:28:08

it. Whose story is it anyway? Reasonless things presents.

1:28:11

Alex? I once had sex. Someone's

1:28:13

keeping score, correct? Yes. Okay. Dave's killing

1:28:15

it. You want to score up? No, we know Dave by a

1:28:17

lot. It's very early. I had one good round. Very

1:28:20

early. I had one good round. I

1:28:23

once had sex with a girl under the boardwalk

1:28:25

at the beach. My condom

1:28:27

penis came out and hit the sand

1:28:29

and I put it back inside her.

1:28:32

Oh my God. I have

1:28:34

Lewis. Lewis. I have

1:28:37

heard this story before and it

1:28:39

is either Lewis or Jang. Lewis. I

1:28:42

love it. I feel like one of you guys would

1:28:44

love this story. I love this story a

1:28:46

lot. I'll tell you why. Because

1:28:48

it's filthy. Ah shit. Ah

1:28:52

shit. No, no, no. Don't you fucking

1:28:54

try to... Dude, I'm just saying I'm... I think

1:28:56

it's Lewis. I think it's Lewis. Me too. How

1:28:58

about that? Okay. Now I kind of think

1:29:00

it's Jay. Because I feel like Steve wasn't really giving anything away and then Jay tried to

1:29:02

push it off. I changed my game

1:29:04

up. Well now it's Steve obviously. I don't trust anyone. Whoever

1:29:06

speaks last, I don't know if it's the big person. You're

1:29:10

all the big. It's not me. For sure.

1:29:12

Everyone put their blood on the Petri dish.

1:29:15

The story is the guy was fucking with a condom. And his

1:29:17

dick slid out and dipped into the sand. I once

1:29:19

had sex with a girl under the boardwalk at the beach. My

1:29:22

condomed penis came out and hit the sand and I put

1:29:24

it back inside. Oh so

1:29:26

on top of the condom. Alright here's why.

1:29:28

Say six to the condom. Like an ice

1:29:30

cream cone just put in the sprinkler.

1:29:33

You want rainbow or chocolate? Can

1:29:36

I say... I threw the

1:29:38

condom with pussy juice. Did you

1:29:40

run away? No. I didn't. I

1:29:43

didn't. I didn't. I

1:29:45

threw the condom with pussy juice. Did you

1:29:47

run away? I'm thinking you or

1:29:49

Giannis. You grew

1:29:51

up in Brooklyn. Now I feel like Lewis. But you don't

1:29:53

be a beach guy. Dude I don't

1:29:55

care whose right and whose

1:29:58

story this was. Giannis is the best. ice

1:30:00

cream cone analogy is the funniest thing I've ever heard

1:30:02

in my entire life yeah you just took a condom

1:30:04

with pussy juice on it and went oh you want

1:30:06

a sprinkle? I don't know you want to do that.

1:30:08

I think that's what I think we just came up

1:30:10

with new sections. Do you have to answer questions honest

1:30:13

about like did you go to the beach with your

1:30:15

family a lot? Sounds like a guy who wrote a

1:30:17

new bit. Here we go. See honest. Hold

1:30:20

on. Boardwalk, South Jersey,

1:30:22

Philly, fucking it's

1:30:25

Jay. I'm going Jay too. I'm going

1:30:27

Jay. You technically don't have to answer

1:30:29

anything honestly. No you don't. If you

1:30:32

want to throw people off, the whole game is to knock you

1:30:34

out. I said what about you and your parents? I

1:30:37

don't remember this story. Me personally, I don't

1:30:39

remember. That's why I don't think it's you or you. I've never

1:30:41

heard this story. Oh, glues, dude. Why

1:30:43

are you talking to yourself right at the very end? I

1:30:45

was almost ready to not say you. Please

1:30:48

continue. I don't think it's Jay because

1:30:50

Jay would not be using a condom

1:30:52

for the most part. Any

1:30:55

of his younger days, Jay was a nerd.

1:30:57

And he might not fit under the boardwalk.

1:30:59

And if he could fit under the boardwalk,

1:31:01

even if his big fella out of her

1:31:04

pussy, it's not long enough to dip into

1:31:06

the sand. Wait, now you're changing up the

1:31:08

whole thing. He has to press it. He

1:31:10

had to get off her rollers, furl around her and

1:31:13

tell her you didn't say anything. Dude, this is the

1:31:15

most fucked up thing that Lewis just convinced me to

1:31:17

make out of each other. Take

1:31:20

her out of your way. Well, why would

1:31:22

Lewis take the heat off me if it's Lewis?

1:31:25

It's not Jay. I think it's one of these. See, he's over here.

1:31:27

Oh, bring it. Please. It's

1:31:32

the only way I'm getting back in this

1:31:34

game. All right, I'm going Jay, final answer.

1:31:36

I'm going condom.

1:31:38

Condom is a Yannas fucking move. I feel

1:31:41

like I'm going Yannas. I care about the

1:31:43

feelings of others. I'm

1:31:47

going Yannas, boardwalk, Brooklyn. People

1:31:50

do that shit. That's a move that he would do.

1:31:52

Bang and the chick under the boardwalk. It's an old

1:31:54

Yannas-Pappas move. Yannas-Pappas final answer for me. I'm going Yannas.

1:31:56

I don't think Lewis was a beach kid. I'm

1:32:00

sticking with Jay. I'm sticking

1:32:02

with fucking Jay. I was

1:32:04

gonna go Giannis until Jay went Giannis.

1:32:07

And now I'm gonna go Jay. Big Jay. Even though

1:32:09

it all makes up... It's the wait,

1:32:11

wait! It's Giannis! I said, I said Jay. Hold

1:32:13

up! It's... You

1:32:18

have to make it like... I'm going to! He's

1:32:21

ready. You

1:32:23

say man, I'm saying yes. The guy that got kicked

1:32:25

out came out and went, It's me! Fuck

1:32:29

you guys! No, it's Jay. It's

1:32:32

Jay. I'm saying Giannis.

1:32:36

Final answer's in? Yeah, it's Jay. Yes!

1:32:41

Yes! Yes,

1:32:43

fucking you! Also, fucking awesome

1:32:46

move right there. Excellent,

1:32:48

excellent. Jay, before...

1:32:50

I knew I had heard the story once before.

1:32:53

I didn't remember who it was, you or Lewis. Before you

1:32:55

tell this, can I say one of the other crazy things

1:32:57

about this game is that we

1:32:59

all get weirdly competitive. Yeah,

1:33:02

you are. I don't want to fucking... I want

1:33:04

to win! I don't know why! I mean, I

1:33:06

swear to God, I just... I just had this

1:33:08

moment where I was in

1:33:10

my own head and I went, Three in a row,

1:33:12

David. Keep it together.

1:33:15

Keep it together, buddy. You're not kidding. You

1:33:17

said this time, Steve. And when

1:33:19

she said Jay, it means nothing. Oh, you

1:33:21

read the putt right! She ain't did it! I said, no,

1:33:23

it's a little more left to right. It's

1:33:25

breaking. It's breaking. It's breaking. I

1:33:27

mean, just a glimpse

1:33:30

into male human psychology. There are

1:33:32

no stakes. I know, and I want to

1:33:34

write. There are no stakes. We should trade

1:33:36

mark this. How many points? What's the tally?

1:33:39

You really should. I'll tell you what happened. We played this game

1:33:41

the first time. And then the next

1:33:43

time we all talked, we got on the phone or

1:33:45

in text, everyone was like, that game was surprisingly great.

1:33:49

Because we did it for Mother's Day for some. So it

1:33:51

was Mother's Stories and Father's Day. Well, the thing is that

1:33:54

we're assholes. You get to see

1:33:56

all of us trying to lie.

1:34:00

be weirdly competitive and then all of them

1:34:02

lead to a story after it.

1:34:04

So it's got a good thing. This is our

1:34:06

Kill Tony guys. It's all we have. If this

1:34:08

doesn't work out, then it's over. Then we're always

1:34:10

going to duck out, okay? You know how late

1:34:12

my fucking AC tickets are right now? I was

1:34:14

lying when I said high demand. Just an update.

1:34:16

There's a hundred tickets. Four top table tops that

1:34:18

opened up. I don't know. The

1:34:20

story isn't that crazy. It was my wild

1:34:22

prom weekend of fucking the girl I lost

1:34:25

my virginity to and one of the things

1:34:27

she wanted to do was fuck under the boardwalk.

1:34:29

It was a high boardwalk, Yana. It was the

1:34:31

bridge. It

1:34:34

was under the bridge. I

1:34:41

was giving her my best fat little position

1:34:43

where I was up on my knees and

1:34:46

then when I tried to lay on top

1:34:48

of her to kiss and shit, my

1:34:51

wiener slid out and

1:34:53

it hit the dirt and it hit the sand. I put it

1:34:55

back in for a second and she went, no, no, no, no.

1:35:00

That's beautiful, dude. I gave her a light sand. That

1:35:02

made me cry, dude. I gave her a light sanding.

1:35:04

That's pretty. You know what?

1:35:06

Nice job. It

1:35:08

hurt at the time, but that pussy never looked

1:35:11

better. It still looks 25 years old. It's

1:35:13

still a buffed out. It's a

1:35:16

brand new puss. So

1:35:18

the funny thing, it was in a condom, so it

1:35:20

hurt you. It didn't hurt her. No, dude. It's on

1:35:22

the outside. It's buried her out. It

1:35:25

hurt her alive. It's on the

1:35:27

outside. I thought the same

1:35:29

thing at first, that the condoms slipped off, but the

1:35:31

condoms on the whole time. Dude, if you

1:35:33

were dumb enough to take the condom off and then

1:35:35

he went filling with sand and then put it back

1:35:37

on. You

1:35:39

don't deserve to fuck it. It was like a

1:35:41

chicken cutlet. It came out, got breaded and then

1:35:43

fucking zipped back in. I knew for boardwalk. Boardwalk

1:35:46

gave it away for me. Boardwalk, South Jersey. You

1:35:48

got to play the game. You got to, because

1:35:50

you know little things about each other. You don't

1:35:52

know everything. I fooled one person only, so I

1:35:54

got one point. Yeah, point

1:35:56

tally. Dave has six points. Jay has two.

1:35:58

Lewis has one. Steve has two

1:36:00

and Steve has one. Damn it Steve, we're losing.

1:36:02

Who else has one? Someone else has one. Me. Good,

1:36:05

well trust me, I'm gonna beat you this time. I

1:36:07

hate you fuck. There's no, it's

1:36:10

such a game of chance that Steve can't

1:36:12

lose every time. There's no way. There's no

1:36:14

way. This is the fourth. Have

1:36:17

you played all four games? Yeah, I don't

1:36:19

know, but I'm not losing this one. At

1:36:22

least three, at least three. Hey

1:36:26

guys, real quick, let's talk about one of our awesome

1:36:28

sponsors over at the Legion of Skanks and of course

1:36:30

there's Small Batch Cigar. Everyone around me is becoming cigar

1:36:32

people. I love it. So it's a fantastic product, yeah.

1:36:35

It's a fantastic service where

1:36:38

they send cigars right to

1:36:40

your house in the most perfect packaging you can

1:36:42

get in the market. Free Boveda packs

1:36:44

in every purchase and most orders ship

1:36:46

out in two to three days in

1:36:49

the continental United States. Yeah, they have really

1:36:51

hard to find limited edition cigars. I wouldn't

1:36:53

say I'm like an aficionado, but I smoke

1:36:55

cigars a couple times a week at this

1:36:57

point specifically because Small Batch Cigar hooked me

1:36:59

up. They really have incredible stuff. I gave

1:37:01

a bunch of these to Bobby Kelly who's

1:37:03

like a huge cigar guy. My

1:37:06

son's stepfather, I gave him a bunch because he

1:37:08

cucks me regularly. I was like, here, take these

1:37:10

please. And he loved

1:37:12

my baby mama with this. But

1:37:15

they really do make incredible cigars. I love

1:37:17

them. If you guys like smoking cigars, get them

1:37:19

shipped to your door in the most convenient way

1:37:21

possible with Boveda packaging, with the best packaging

1:37:23

on the market. It's really like tight airtight

1:37:25

packaging, which is super important when you guys are

1:37:27

having cigars shipped to your door. smallbatchcigar.com,

1:37:30

the destination for boutique cigar enthusiasts

1:37:32

for over a decade now. And

1:37:34

once again, if you go to

1:37:37

smallbatchcigar.com, use the code Skanks10, you're

1:37:39

gonna get 10% off plus those 5% reward points. One

1:37:42

more time, smallbatchcigar.com, Skanks10,

1:37:45

as the code for 10% off plus 5% rewards. All

1:37:48

right, let's get back into it. Mark

1:37:50

Hockner, you got 12 for Dave. I'm going

1:37:52

with whatever you guys are going because I'm

1:37:55

not trailing again. Whoever it

1:37:57

is. Go to Yana. I think it's

1:37:59

fucking Yana. I believe it's an honest

1:38:01

fucker. I don't know if

1:38:03

David's had two shops in his life.

1:38:06

It's not as a lot of shops. Ever. Definitely

1:38:09

honest. I think he's trying to put me up on

1:38:11

this thing right now because I am not going to

1:38:13

fucking fumble. My answer, Giannis. No, it's not. I

1:38:16

say Giannis, my final answer. Giannis. Dave Smith. What

1:38:20

did you say, Dave? I said Giannis. Giannis.

1:38:23

It was his first job. He got paycheck. He was

1:38:25

taxed on it. Who is it? And he was like,

1:38:27

what the fuck are these taxes? And that's where it

1:38:29

started. Alec? That does sound like this,

1:38:31

but I'm trying to figure out who's all those

1:38:33

thieves. Whoa! Whoa!

1:38:40

Oh! Whoa!

1:38:45

Holy shit! Steve runs the table. I still

1:38:47

got it! Whoa!

1:38:52

Holy shit! I

1:38:54

didn't think for a second. I just kept it

1:38:56

going with this thing. I

1:38:58

love the game. I was all Giannis. And

1:39:01

until you threw Dave on the plate, I was

1:39:04

like, you could be Dave with gelato stuff. I

1:39:07

don't think he's... How

1:39:09

could you feel? Steve! Steve!

1:39:11

You got all the possible points. Steve's

1:39:13

trying. He's so happy. I'm going to

1:39:15

go to Disney World! I

1:39:18

can still mitigate it, dude. I

1:39:20

really do. Steve's odds of coming

1:39:23

in the last just decreased so

1:39:25

much. I don't know.

1:39:28

Probably, I don't know where to work. This is the

1:39:30

beginning of a major fucking Hollywood comeback. The

1:39:32

dynasty. I knew it. I

1:39:35

knew if I just stuck to my line,

1:39:37

fucking wave, I would be okay. Wait,

1:39:40

wait, wait. I'm in dead west,

1:39:42

but I'm so happy for people. I'm so

1:39:44

happy for you. Can I be

1:39:46

so happy? I can't even go to hell. That

1:39:49

was good, dude. I had no clue. That was good. That

1:39:52

was good. I had no clue. That

1:39:54

was great, brother. Steve! Steve! Steve!

1:39:58

Steve! Steve! When

1:40:01

she started reading and everyone's going, Yannas,

1:40:03

you know when you get poker and

1:40:05

you get pocket A's? I

1:40:07

go, I got it! I got it!

1:40:09

Okay. I got it. And everyone's going, I heard you jump

1:40:12

right in. I'm

1:40:14

all in, I'm all in. You jumped in and he

1:40:16

went, Yannas, you jumped right in. Let's vote now. Give

1:40:18

it away. Guys, let's

1:40:20

get in the way. We've got to get

1:40:22

to 10 of these. Let's uh... holster it.

1:40:25

holster it right away. Yannas, quick vote, quick

1:40:27

vote. Yannas, Yannas. Can

1:40:29

I just point out too? Yannas at

1:40:31

the end said, Oh, it's Steve. And Steve, while none

1:40:33

of you listened, he goes, don't do that to

1:40:35

me now. I can't fumble this. Whoa!

1:40:38

I didn't even pick that up. Yeah,

1:40:40

you all ignored it. You could play it back. You

1:40:43

didn't really? Don't throw it away. Don't throw it

1:40:45

away. So wait a

1:40:47

minute. You actually... You gave it away.

1:40:51

I didn't hear that. I don't know why. Wait.

1:40:53

Is there hijinks going on? I

1:40:56

also like uh... I

1:40:58