0:00

How can a story feel unique? The

0:02

Latin American and universal. You'll have to

0:04

listen to Rumble Anti and Peers award

0:06

winning Spanish language podcast to find out.

0:08

For over a decade we've told stories

0:10

of love and migration, use in politics,

0:12

the environment, food and family's from everywhere,

0:14

Spanish spoken, His coach our a podcast.

0:16

I'm glad did this. The N P

0:18

R. E. Are listening to Life Kit. From

0:22

Npr. Hi

0:26

everyone I mean and mit up

0:28

there Sedaris infirmary else again for.

0:31

And I'm here to talk about

0:33

something uncomfortable. Literally, few years ago,

0:35

I had a bad day at work.

0:37

A conflict erupted with my boss that

0:39

left me feeling anxious and panicked and

0:41

I couldn't get rid of it. My

0:44

chest fell tight. My stomach hurt,

0:46

had trouble sleeping and focusing, and I

0:48

felt like I was on high. Alert.

0:52

I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know

0:54

what it was. Actually, don't even

0:56

have clients say I'm coming to you

0:58

because I'm in a state of distress.

1:01

Dr. Kelly Cyrus is a psychiatrist based

1:03

in Washington Dc. Dr. Kelly says that

1:05

when we are triggered by something in

1:07

our lives, it is hard for us

1:09

to decipher between what is discomfort. Meaning

1:12

something we can tolerate and work

1:14

through. And what is distress? In

1:17

thinking about those words? One seems

1:19

like a precursor to another. discomfort.

1:23

At extreme. Levels are high.

1:25

Levels can lead to distress.

1:27

it's ratcheted in. intensity, his

1:29

past discomfort or I think.

1:31

And frequency is when it starts

1:33

to transition into the. Unhealthy,

1:36

which is when I think of

1:38

distress. distress has the word stress

1:40

in it for a reason, and

1:42

when we're in a state of

1:44

distress for longer periods, it puts

1:46

a negative impact on our body

1:49

that can become toxic, leading to

1:51

a high blood pressure, elevated hormone

1:53

levels, and conditions like chronic fatigue,

1:55

depression, an immune disorders. Thankfully, there

1:57

are techniques to help mitigate. Does.

2:01

In this episode of WifeKit, we're going to

2:03

talk about how to get our bodies more

2:05

comfortable with being uncomfortable, so that we

2:07

can avoid getting to a state of distress. This.

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3:25

MGM Studios with the new series,

3:27

Expats, from filmmaker Lulu Wang, director

3:29

of The Farewell. Starring

3:31

Academy Award winner Nicole Kidman,

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Expats premieres January 26th, only

3:35

on Amazon Prime Video. Dr.

3:38

Kelly, let's talk about what happens when my

3:40

body is really uncomfortable. For

3:43

me, it feels like my body's on fire.

3:45

It's hard to focus because I'm so overwhelmed. What

3:48

do you recommend people do to dial

3:51

down that feeling? In these moments, if

3:53

you were really panicky, you need to change

3:55

the scene. Change

3:57

the scene. Go outside. Go to the

3:59

bathroom. call a friend, you

4:02

need to neutralize your nervous

4:04

system that is over activated because

4:06

it's not seeing things accurately, which

4:09

means you might send an email,

4:11

you might curse someone out, you

4:13

might spend a bunch of it, you

4:15

might do something because your nervous system

4:17

is like, you just want to calm down.

4:21

And so try to do something that

4:23

that changes the context that might be

4:25

triggering what is going on. So go

4:27

outside, take a few deep

4:29

breaths. I say sometimes like even just

4:31

get on Instagram. I love this. You're

4:33

encouraging people to go on Instagram. What a different.

4:37

But it's right. You're stopping what's going on in

4:40

the moment, right? Yeah, you're recognizing why you're going

4:42

on there. You're not just like doing this growing.

4:44

So when it's happening, you need to interrupt it.

4:47

That's takeaway one. When

4:49

you're feeling that level of discomfort, and it feels

4:51

like you can't get out of it, take

4:53

a change, do something to break it up.

4:56

But I know it's easier said than done. So I

4:59

asked Dr. Kelly, once you're ready

5:01

for more analysis, how do you do that? Try

5:03

to put a story or a

5:05

narrative to what you're feeling. And sometimes

5:07

you have to think back

5:10

to something that you may even

5:12

think is insignificant and and start

5:14

there and kind of trace back

5:16

your steps. Because in with the

5:19

unknown, our brain wants

5:21

to tell us a story, filling

5:23

in the blanks about why

5:25

there's discomfort there. Got

5:27

it. Usually probably with the worst case scenario

5:30

or something really stressful. And

5:33

what you have to do is is to kind

5:35

of back up and actually get your

5:37

front brain like the brain that puts words

5:39

to things that tells us how to do

5:41

complex steps and tasks that

5:43

is like no, you're being

5:45

irrational, you have to get

5:48

the front brain involved and

5:50

say, Hey, no, this is the thing

5:52

that happened at work. She said this, he said

5:54

that my boss did this. While

5:56

You're also examining how your

5:59

emotions feel. Or that

6:01

fear or that thing you're worried

6:03

about is influencing what actually happened

6:05

from your perspective. And I love

6:07

it. And so you put those

6:09

things into words. It's it's it's

6:12

there. so take away to. Try.

6:14

And put words to your feelings.

6:17

You can talk to a friend or family

6:19

member or a therapist but you can also

6:21

do this on your own sites of to

6:23

journal. Yeah or I even. You

6:25

know what I do as I speak out loud when

6:28

I'm walking the dog because I can get myself to

6:30

sit down and journal for the life of me about

6:32

what you have to do is get it added as

6:34

a place where you have to do is you have

6:36

to name and. Sometimes you

6:38

know that's why. so uncomfortable because it doesn't

6:41

have any words attached to it. Yeah, yeah,

6:43

See you that I. Think of it is

6:45

like pulling it out of a cabinet and

6:47

actually like naming what's that thing as. So.

6:49

By telling the story which awesome my mind

6:51

goes to like to stating the facts here.

6:53

the facts that happened, the things that I

6:56

know. Is. That how you would

6:58

talk about it like do you say Saxon

7:00

without the emotion. Just for example, I was

7:02

at work and my boss said this thing

7:04

to me and then I felt this way

7:06

and then I went here and like kind

7:08

of like retracing. Her staff? Yes, no that's

7:10

exactly it. Amazing here. You also did a

7:12

thing that was really stats and good therapy.

7:14

Orchards is very self aware and right the

7:16

years I've got a lot to fit as

7:19

as as. Most

7:21

people missed the feelings part. So.

7:24

Yes, go through and explain what

7:26

happens. On your point of view twenty

7:28

to see it just as the way

7:30

it happened. But yes you have to

7:32

name the same that you were feeling

7:34

on but his that's what's the asset

7:37

is the same as being stored on

7:39

and so by naming it like I

7:41

felt really angry. I felt really insecure,

7:43

have felt like I was stupid and

7:45

I think this is the hardest part

7:47

actually as having to say the feeling

7:50

out loud arms and I'm a huge

7:52

proponent of the feelings. Will I bring

7:54

it up I surmise. screen with my

7:56

clients. and i say how did you feel when

7:58

this happened google let people is so helpful and

8:00

it feels so cheesy, but

8:03

it's really useful because then you can say I

8:05

felt stupid and then you say to yourself,

8:07

you know what? I'm human. Is

8:09

it? I'm allowed to feel that way. I felt

8:12

that way. It's okay. I'm looking at it from

8:14

another angle and I can see that I

8:17

was at this. It's realistic. I felt that

8:19

way. I was entitled to feel that way.

8:21

It actually makes sense that I felt that way.

8:23

Um, and then

8:26

you keep going. Now I

8:28

went into my conversation with Dr. Cali

8:30

thinking we'd be parsing up the difference

8:33

between discomfort and distress. But

8:35

what I learned is that if you don't learn

8:37

to deal with normal levels of discomfort, you will

8:39

be in distress. So takeaway

8:41

three is practice sitting

8:43

in discomfort. Discomfort is really

8:46

important to think about as, um, not

8:48

something that's completely negative. Everyone

8:51

should try to encourage themselves to, um, to

8:54

calm their fear response and

8:56

try to understand and take up information

8:58

about why they might be feeling discomfort

9:02

because that's telling you something about

9:04

this moment and it might be

9:06

something exciting that you're about to

9:08

learn. So this is my way of saying, I think

9:10

if discomfort is like a low

9:12

intensity of

9:14

something being brought up in you, of an

9:17

intensity of feelings that you might be having

9:19

to something your brain is perceiving

9:21

and your body's picking up on. But

9:24

if, if it is a

9:26

thing that maybe you don't have control

9:28

over stopping and

9:30

it continues to grow and you have to

9:32

sit in this state for long

9:35

periods of time and you maybe don't

9:37

see an end or it continues to

9:39

grow every day and it's

9:41

there, you know, you go to work, maybe something

9:43

happened, you go to work the next day, it

9:45

builds and you're still not getting any other information.

9:48

That's really scary. That is the state in which

9:50

this becomes distress. And that's

9:52

when your, um, your nervous system

9:54

gets dysregulated, which is not good

9:56

for your body because then that

9:58

messes up the. Balances of Hormones

10:01

and the Way about your nervous

10:03

system is responding as ideally supposed

10:05

to help you regulate in these

10:07

times of need not every day.

10:10

Yeah. Was you have any get like

10:12

high cholesterol? You have blood pressure. You get

10:14

all these weird things that happened to your

10:16

body over time. So I'm curious.

10:19

When do you. Know How do

10:21

you know? When something

10:23

is. Too much. Because.

10:26

I'm thinking about the fact that for myself,

10:28

I am. As many people listening like you

10:30

want to grow, you want to become more

10:33

resilient. You know these are things that we

10:35

hear about, read about, we long to. Be

10:37

people that are. Getting better and

10:39

better idea. But how do we identify

10:41

with things are just. They're.

10:43

Just not for us. Or they're They're not going

10:46

to be areas of growth. The are actually. Too

10:48

distressing is that is that even a thing

10:50

that we should think about? Yeah, it's when.

10:53

Your body is super chance.

10:55

You're. Really tired you are

10:57

snapping at everyone because he

10:59

said like everyone is being

11:01

snap edu see you you

11:03

feel really irritable wine but

11:06

also targeted and unsafe your

11:08

preceding hyper like threats. To

11:11

probably not sleeping while you're not

11:13

eating well. when your body is

11:15

not functioning, your do something is

11:17

not. Working. Something

11:19

is that working at it again? Like

11:22

me, think about depression or some folks

11:24

who just having says brains better shape

11:26

that were there may not always be

11:28

a reason. That. You can

11:30

fight back to it. Could be

11:32

a season. You. Know it

11:34

it but when you are

11:37

not ceiling good. You

11:39

trying to tell you something? and

11:43

that's when you really do duty to

11:45

seek medical help yeah yeah so easily

11:48

do is once i the encouraged posts

11:50

ago the primary care doctor first if

11:52

we hadn't had a physical get old

11:54

blood tests taken the mixture it's not

11:56

a thyroid bangor an anemic thing going

11:58

on that is making this

12:00

happen and then after that, it's

12:02

really telling your nervous system something

12:06

is going on, something in your life

12:08

is shutting your body down or

12:11

is putting you in and

12:13

out, in and out of like

12:15

a danger response and you need to

12:18

find ways to stop that. And

12:20

it might be the first thing you only have is

12:23

medication to calm down in the moment. Again, because if

12:25

you're too triggered, you can't do anything. Exactly.

12:28

So some folks need medicine, even if

12:30

it's temporarily, to get them to the

12:32

state when they can start to do

12:35

the processing and being

12:37

able to like actually stop and leave

12:39

the room without engaging

12:41

too much or take that break

12:45

or be able to practice their

12:47

breathing skills or practice other things to

12:49

see if it works. But

12:51

when you're in the thick of it, you have to find

12:54

a way to bump yourself down

12:56

a level from distress to something else.

12:59

Yeah. So that

13:01

you can even be in a place where you can be

13:03

uncomfortable because you're not even uncomfortable. You're

13:05

just in a whole other level. You

13:07

were terrified probably. Yeah. Or

13:11

shut down. Are

13:13

there preventative steps, things that you can do

13:15

in your daily life to, I

13:19

don't know if prepare is the right

13:21

word, but just kind of build the

13:23

ability to be uncomfortable, to

13:26

be in that place where, like we

13:28

were just saying, we all have to deal with this

13:30

every day of our lives. Anyone who interacts with another

13:32

human being is gonna be uncomfortable

13:34

in some way. Because they're unpredictable. We

13:37

are so unpredictable. Oh my

13:39

God. So how do you build that ability

13:41

to be present to that, to be resilient

13:43

in it? Yeah. So your psyche

13:45

is trying to protect you from distress.

13:48

You wanna find healthy ways to

13:51

confront that or cope with it.

13:53

Sometimes you have to resort to

13:55

avoiding it, being numb

13:57

to it, but not for too long. If

14:00

you put it in the cabinet, you have to come back and get it and

14:03

look at it. You can't just keep it there for years

14:06

and years until it's fired because it's not going to still

14:08

going to sit there. You

14:10

have to come back to it. So you have

14:12

to know it's a thing that's there. And

14:15

this is where the kind of evidence collection comes from. And this

14:17

is what I'll say to clients. You're not going to immediately be

14:19

able to fix this. So what

14:21

I'll say is let's understand it. That's

14:24

takeaway four. To get

14:26

more comfortable with being uncomfortable, get

14:28

curious about yourself and your triggers.

14:31

Start noticing what's happening around you.

14:34

What happens right before this thing? What

14:37

happens that morning? What do you notice

14:39

when it doesn't happen? When

14:42

do you feel at your best? Yes.

14:44

What in general makes you happy? Um,

14:47

and you just try to latch onto those. And so

14:49

it might be if you know

14:51

you have parable road rage, and this is a

14:53

very difficult one because you still have to go

14:55

to work. Still

14:58

got in a car. Yeah. I had to get

15:00

in the car and I'm still working with some

15:02

clients on this one. What about if you exercise

15:04

that morning? Does it

15:06

matter what you listen to in the car

15:08

or what you eat? Um,

15:10

and what can you

15:13

place in your day? Multiple things

15:15

that might help. Um, kind

15:17

of like when you're playing Mario Kart and you have to

15:19

gather some like stars or fruit, you

15:22

just have to, yeah. Yeah. I think if we're

15:24

talking about going into a situation that I know

15:26

will make me anxious, like let's say I'm going

15:28

to meet a relative of

15:30

someone or going to an event that I may

15:32

be unsure about. I will, I'm

15:34

going to be insecure about what I'm wearing.

15:37

Do I look like them? Do I look like I'm

15:39

wearing something cheap? Do I, am I overdressed? You

15:41

know, am I going to be the only black person and I

15:44

have a little spiel for each of these women to wear something

15:46

that makes me feel like who I am today,

15:48

I don't want to wear something too tight or

15:50

button is broken. Shoes are

15:52

uncomfortable. Um, I want to get there

15:54

early. Yeah. Uh,

15:56

I want to make sure I have something that

15:59

can come. me down if I feel like

16:01

I might get there immediately even if I don't use it.

16:03

I tell my partner ahead

16:05

of time I'm gonna need you to keep an

16:07

eye on XYZ. I might tell a friend

16:09

there, you know, I might

16:11

say you know you can leave, you can call

16:13

an Uber, you've thought about the phrases that

16:15

you can say, you've asked

16:18

whatever info as much as you can to

16:20

find out about the event. So

16:23

when trying to get info about the

16:25

thing that might be distressing you and

16:27

then also literally just doing the things

16:29

that you know might calm

16:32

you or help you feel more

16:34

prepared. But the patterns that

16:36

you're talking about though talking to yourself and naming

16:38

the things that seems to be the place

16:41

you begin to build that resiliency is really

16:43

getting comfortable with having a conversation with yourself

16:46

about what you notice and

16:48

your feelings. Exactly and you have to recognize what's

16:50

happening in your body as well which

16:52

is why things that get you in your body

16:54

and aware of your senses and what you're

16:56

experiencing are really useful like working out. It

16:59

also helps you health wise in general but

17:01

this is the logic of why we

17:03

do those things. Again kind of hard

17:05

for me to access sometimes but

17:09

I know clients who say I started working out

17:11

in the morning and I realized I could look

17:13

at this hard report. It really

17:15

hits me I don't know how but I realized that. So

17:18

really knowing your body, talking

17:20

to yourself and being able

17:22

to get information about what works or

17:24

what doesn't work. How

17:26

would you say that sitting with discomfort

17:29

has made a difference in your life?

17:31

I suppose what I've benefited from is

17:33

I'm able to when

17:36

I'm triggered or start to recognize this

17:38

thing happening I

17:40

know that that means I

17:43

need to come up with a way to address it. When

17:45

I'm feeling so despairing that means that I'm

17:48

not doing something creative or

17:50

I'm not having fun or play rewarding

17:52

myself with these things that bring

17:55

me out and so I think sitting

17:57

in it can help me appreciate. I'm

18:00

going to get out of it later. You know, it'll

18:02

be easier next time. Yeah. And

18:05

then it'll help me explain the

18:07

next time I get to this place. But

18:10

I know I can get out and I understand why

18:12

I'm here. And it's okay. But

18:14

it's not scary anymore. Thank

18:17

you, Dr. Kelly. You're just amazing. I love talking with

18:20

you. Oh no, this was really great. I like

18:22

talking about this stuff. Yes, same.

18:25

Okay, deep breath, y'all. We can do this.

18:28

To recap, when you're feeling really

18:30

uncomfortable, make a change. Then

18:33

name your feelings, either by journaling or

18:36

talking it out with a friend or

18:38

by yourself. After you've

18:40

put words to it, practice sitting in

18:42

the discomfort. And lastly, get some

18:45

data about what makes you uncomfortable. Think

18:47

about the things you need to prepare in

18:49

advance for situations like getting

18:52

enough sleep, meditating, moving your

18:54

body, or bringing a friend along.

18:57

For more Life Kit, check out our other

18:59

episodes. We have one all about

19:01

not taking things personally, and

19:03

another about how to cope with seasonal affective

19:05

disorder. You can find

19:08

those at npr.org/Life Kit. And

19:11

if you love Life Kit and want

19:13

more, subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org

19:16

slash Life Kit newsletter. Also,

19:18

we'd love to hear from you. If you

19:20

have episode ideas or feedback you wanna share,

19:23

email us at lifekit at npr.org. This

19:26

episode of Life Kit was produced by Sylvie

19:28

Douglas. Our visuals editor is

19:31

Beck Harlan. Our digital editor

19:33

is Malika Garib, and Megan Kane is

19:35

the supervising editor. Beth

19:37

Donovan is the executive producer. Our

19:40

production team also includes Andy

19:42

Tagle, Audrey Wynn, and Claire

19:44

Marie Schneider. Engineering

19:47

support comes from Quacy Lee, Robert

19:49

Rodriguez, and Stacey Abbott. I'm

19:52

Liana Maria-Persi-Ruiz. Thanks for listening.

19:56

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20:49

Your mattress has a birth date. As

20:52

you order it, Nothing sits

20:54

in Mcgee warehouses. Nothing sits

20:56

in Mcgee basements of stores.

20:58

When you order it, you're

21:00

getting your product made fresh

21:02

for you. and people love

21:04

that. To. Learn more. Got

21:06

it? S W A T V

21:08

All that Com/and Pierre. Listening

21:11

to the news concealed like a chimney.

21:13

The One A Podcast is here to

21:15

guide you. been the headlines and cut

21:18

through the noise. Listen to One A

21:20

are we celebrate your freedom to listen.

21:22

I get into the hearts of the

21:24

story together. Only.

21:26

From Npr.