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Let's create. homes.com

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right experience and ultimately the right home for

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you. homes.com, we've done

1:26

your homework. Hi,

1:28

Catherine. How's my Orca, Chelsea? Sunny and

1:30

beautiful. Everything's going very well

1:32

in my Orca. Who did you have this

1:34

past week? I have my sisters, and I

1:36

have about five girlfriends. Oh, that's wonderful. Yeah,

1:39

exciting. So that's really nice. We've been having

1:41

a really nice time together. I've been training

1:43

everyone, physically training. Oh, yeah. Because I'm the

1:45

ang of my group when Ang is not

1:47

around. Ang is my lunatic friend from Whistler,

1:49

who runs marathons in three and a half

1:51

hours. Truly the amount

1:53

of e-bike hours that we logged when we were there.

1:55

And I only did like half of them, and I

1:58

still logged plans. I know, I know. What

2:00

I love about it being in my Orca

2:02

is my thighs are so firm. They

2:05

are so firm from riding my fucking

2:07

bike all day long and exercising and

2:09

walking up and down to the lighthouse.

2:12

My legs almost get thicker and I

2:14

love the density. I

2:16

don't want, it's like when I ski a lot,

2:18

my thighs get bigger, you know? So I'm just

2:20

trying to keep my thighs big all year round

2:22

for skiing. You know what they say, thick thighs

2:24

save lives. Oh, is that right? Okay, well I'm

2:26

saving lives left and right with my thick thighs.

2:28

I have been working out with a trainer and

2:30

like all she has me do is squats and

2:32

my ass is like round and fantastic now. It's

2:34

so hard. It takes two weeks to get your

2:37

ass lifted. If you want to do, get your

2:39

ass lifted, all you do is butt exercises for

2:41

two weeks and your ass lifts. I never had

2:43

an ass. My sisters don't have asses. I am

2:45

the only one who's cultivated one because I realized

2:47

you could make one out of nothing. Out

2:49

of a pancake. Chelsea

2:52

I have a little... A Dibsie Doodle? A

2:54

Dibsie Doodle. So this is somebody

2:56

who wrote in after our Jane Fonda episode. We

2:58

had that email from Jen who had been a

3:00

sex worker and was having trouble dating. And

3:03

this is from Jill who was also a sex worker. She

3:06

says, dear Chelsea, I'm a

3:08

former stripper who met my husband in the strip club

3:10

20 years ago. And

3:12

yes, we're still together. I know

3:14

two other women who met their husband in strip

3:17

clubs and are still together because their relationships morphed

3:19

over time. They picked people who could

3:21

quote, see who they were. I

3:23

don't think these men are all that rare because

3:25

I've been out as a stripper throughout my work

3:27

and have had relationships with men who respect me

3:29

all my life in work and in friendship. Was

3:32

it easy meeting a partner? No. But

3:35

if you carry yourself with confidence and self-assuredness,

3:37

people will see that you demand respect. If

3:39

anyone says anything out of line, read them.

3:41

We all develop that skill on the job.

3:44

Finding a good partner in general is difficult. What

3:46

are the key characteristics you want to find in

3:49

a partner? Put those first. Don't be

3:51

ashamed of your past. Wear it like a badge of

3:53

honor. Good. Be resilient and amazing and

3:55

have done it and then started your own business. I

3:58

went on to make documentaries, write plays. screenplays,

4:00

win awards doing that, and then became

4:02

a boxer. 2015

4:05

National Golden Gloves champion. My

4:07

husband accepts and loves all those versions of

4:09

me. You can find that too. So... Ah!

4:12

Look at that! What a

4:15

positive, optimistic note. Thank you!

4:17

Fantastic. We have such fucking great

4:19

listeners. I know. That's awesome.

4:21

And it's great because if someone out

4:23

there has had this very specific experience,

4:25

there's somebody else out there who knows

4:27

exactly how they feel. But

4:29

anyway, should we get to today's guest? Our

4:32

guest today is a hilarious comedian who is

4:34

on tour right now, and her new special

4:37

Big Guy debuted in the top 10 of

4:39

Netflix, now streaming on Netflix. Please welcome

4:42

Rachel Feinstein. Rachel, how excited are

4:44

we that we're going to get to tour together?

4:47

I know. I'm so excited to

4:49

be in Hawaii. We're going to Hawaii together

4:51

in July, right? We're going to July. We're

4:53

going to Honolulu and Maui. I can't wait

4:56

for some Hawaii whoring. I know. It's going

4:58

to be amazing. I love to get my

5:00

groove on in Hawaii because it's

5:02

filled with my type of men. What's

5:05

that? Large

5:07

Samoan. Large Samoan-looking men. That's my type.

5:10

A hefty Samoan. I had no idea.

5:12

I like elderly men and large Samoan-type

5:14

builds. I like that build for a

5:16

friend or for a lover. I

5:19

like a corpulent figure. You know what

5:21

I mean? Well, you're worth it. Thank you.

5:24

First, I want to congratulate you on your

5:26

new special, Big Guy, which was just

5:28

recently premiered on Netflix where everybody can

5:30

stream it. Congratulations. Are you

5:32

happy with your special? Did you love

5:34

it? It was hard to watch myself, but

5:37

now it's the worst. Yeah, it's hard. When

5:39

I was editing it, I was just like,

5:41

shut up. What have I ever needed to

5:44

say? I kept screaming

5:46

at myself and calling myself a pig. And

5:49

I screamed that so much that I

5:51

asked one of the producers if

5:53

I could call the special America's Favorite Pig.

5:56

And they said no. But I still think it would be a

5:58

fun, loving name for a show. America's Favorite Pig

6:00

is great and I think you could have called it

6:02

that. Thank you Chelsea. Yeah, why

6:05

would anyone stop that? That's up to you.

6:07

That's like saying I want to name my

6:09

book America's Favorite Pig. What is they gonna

6:11

say? No, that's not gonna be popular maybe

6:13

but go for it. I

6:16

had to watch, I was listening to a set of mine the

6:18

other night because I did a bunch of new stuff and I

6:20

was like, oh, can you guys give

6:22

me the recording of that? And I was listening to

6:25

it for less than two minutes before I

6:27

was like, who fucking cares when I said

6:29

I cannot listen to this bitch for

6:31

one more second. I want to close myself like

6:33

a box when I listen. I'm like, what if you

6:35

ever needed to get out there, especially when

6:38

I really use the stage and just kind

6:40

of like saunter around. Yeah, I do that

6:42

all the time. I saunter. I

6:44

think it's better to use a stage. You know, Zach

6:46

Galifianakis once said to me, you have to use the

6:48

stage as a comedian. And before he said that, I

6:50

didn't walk around on stage and I was like, what

6:52

does he mean by that? And then

6:54

I started walking around on stage and I'm like, I think this

6:56

is more dynamic than just standing there. I

6:59

don't want to just stand somewhere. Like you

7:01

are talking. You would normally be moving around.

7:04

So these are profound core self-esteem issues

7:06

that I have and nothing else. What other self-esteem

7:08

issues do you want to work on? Let's get

7:10

to it because I can help. What

7:13

kind of bathing suit equipment do you think you'll be

7:15

bringing to Hawaii, Rachel? When

7:17

you mentioned on Instagram that I should wear a thong,

7:19

I was like, no one needs that. I don't think

7:21

I look good in a thong. No one should be

7:23

wearing a thong. First of all, thongs are so disgusting.

7:25

I don't even want to wear them myself. I don't

7:27

even want to wear them as underwear anymore. It's too

7:29

problematic. There are too many things. I

7:32

have to phase out into a full panty. The

7:34

problem with a full panty though is that when

7:36

you wear very tight jeans, it flattens my ass

7:39

and I don't have a bulbous ass. So I

7:41

need all the lift I can get when I

7:43

wear a full panty. It does a mush, you

7:45

know? Yes, me too. There's a sadness to

7:47

a full panty. I agree. It smushes me.

7:50

But a thong, no one needs that. I'd

7:52

send somebody into a low grade depression. There's a

7:54

real supply and demand issue with my dumb ass

7:56

in a thong. Yeah, there's

7:58

not really. I mean, I don't really think. that I've

8:00

ever seen a thong and thought, that

8:02

looks good. Yeah, it's hypothetically good. Yeah,

8:04

but no. Yeah. I need like, unless

8:06

I'm like Paris filtered, like triple Paris

8:09

filtered, nobody, no one needs that at

8:11

all. But I'm excited for Hawaii. Like,

8:13

that's something I need right now. Like,

8:15

I've been. Well, you've been hustling, yeah.

8:17

Yeah. I've been hurling my body to

8:19

every dumb place on the road. And

8:21

I'm like, yeah, I need to lay

8:23

still on a beach. Right, right. Well,

8:25

I know that you're special debuted in

8:27

the top 10. So that's

8:29

very exciting, which means people are loving it.

8:31

That was cool. And your DMs this, in

8:33

the last year, you sent me a couple

8:36

of messages about some dumb video I made

8:38

like, made my day. And I

8:40

can't explain to you how much. Because, you know, I

8:42

mean, I've been doing stand up for what feels

8:44

like 70 years. So I

8:46

really feel like I'm just in the winter

8:48

of my life right now. So the fact

8:50

that I'm like, oh my god,

8:52

OK, people watch it. I was just like, didn't

8:54

want it to get buried. So it felt really

8:57

cool that like, people are actually watching it now.

8:59

Like, I just want to start riding Uber blacks

9:01

at least. You know, that's kind of my goal

9:03

with this. It's been, I did

9:05

everything the long way. Like, I've been a road

9:08

woman for a lot of years. So

9:10

like, I need this. Did you

9:12

sleep with a lot of comics on the road? Just

9:14

so much head, Chelsea. There wasn't a moment I wasn't

9:17

on my hands and knees. So much dick sucking, I

9:19

know. That's where dick sucking really comes into its own.

9:21

It's on the road. My

9:23

whole family too. Yeah, just generations of

9:26

Feinstein's. Just really getting passed around, just

9:28

so that I can get this heart.

9:30

Generations of dick sucking? Wow,

9:33

that's amazing. A

9:35

long line of godless whores. My

9:38

grandmother said when I was a very small

9:40

girl, I never met a dick that I

9:42

wasn't fond of, not one. Not

9:44

one dick. No,

9:46

I don't know. I didn't have, I wasn't

9:49

good at any aspect of the

9:51

business. There's no business left, it's silly to even

9:53

say that. But whatever it was, I wasn't good

9:55

at it. I was just on the road forever.

9:57

So it feels, I'm just hoping this

9:59

helps. and it can move some tickets for me.

10:02

Changed my life a little bit. Right,

10:04

absolutely. How long have you

10:06

been doing stand-up, really? Like 24, 25 years, yeah.

10:11

I moved to New York when I was 17 with

10:14

this guy in his band called Dick Sister.

10:16

And then Dick Sister dumped me,

10:18

and I stayed in New York. And he kind

10:21

of like undump me and redump me a few times.

10:23

I wasn't really taking the dump. And

10:25

I would just try

10:27

to kind of hang near his house

10:29

in Staten Island, where he lived

10:31

with the rest of his band. And then I

10:34

just stayed here and started doing open mics and

10:36

stuff and getting fired from different jobs first. And

10:38

I felt like at best I was going to be like

10:40

homeless if I didn't do this. I wish

10:43

I could have been one of those people that was

10:45

about to be a doctor, but I made this like

10:47

noble choice to leave it all for the arts. But

10:49

this was it. I was failed wildly in school. And

10:53

your husband's a fireman, which you talk

10:55

about in the special. So he's an

10:57

American hero. He is. He's a technical

10:59

hero. But he infuriates me. He's an

11:01

emotional desert, but a fun-loving guy, a

11:03

good hang, for sure. Yeah, firemen are

11:06

great for you could say anything to

11:08

them. That's what works. My husband's almost

11:10

like an accidental feminist. He doesn't care

11:12

what I do. I

11:15

could be out doing whatever with stand out. I

11:17

could spend the night at some comics house, get

11:20

passed around. No, but just really just some platonic guy

11:22

that doesn't even see me as a woman. But Pete

11:24

wouldn't question that. He's just kind of like you're on

11:26

your own. But if I ever explain

11:28

what a feminist was to him, he probably thinks

11:30

they're like Nazis or something. They run a little

11:32

dumb in that way. But strangely enough, it

11:35

took a fireman. Because every other guy, they got a

11:37

kick out of what I did for a week. And

11:40

then they were like, forget this. She's working

11:42

on Christmas. And Pete is working

11:44

on Christmas. So it's kind of like he gets

11:47

the life. And they have their thing. And in

11:49

a weird way, firefighting,

11:52

they have a kitchen table where they hang. And

11:54

when you walk in as a regular person,

11:56

you can feel the chemicals in that room

11:58

change. And it feels like a dream. the

12:00

seller when a normal person, we call them

12:02

civilians, which is hilarious, but when a normal

12:05

person walks into the room, you can feel that

12:08

whole energy change in the room. Like

12:10

somebody, a comic said this recently, they're like, oh,

12:12

he brought his civilian girlfriend and she had to

12:14

sit at the table. But it's

12:16

kind of similar, and he has that weird world

12:18

that we have, so there's not really

12:20

any envy there. And comics and firemen,

12:23

they don't want anything the other one has, so

12:25

he's a pretty good hang with comics. He doesn't

12:27

try to be funny. I think he's a good

12:29

laugher. You know, he doesn't step on anything they're

12:31

trying to do. So strangely,

12:33

it works. Yeah. What

12:35

about your child? How long have you had your child?

12:39

Oh my God, where is she? Oh

12:42

my God, where is she? She

12:45

is four years old. I have a little

12:47

kid. So you've had her for four years.

12:49

Is that correct? I've had her for four

12:51

years. That is correct. How is motherhood going

12:53

for you as a comedian, as a working

12:56

woman, late night working woman? It's hard. I'm

12:58

not pulling anything off completely, but I have

13:00

a lot of female comic friends, and I

13:02

still relate to comedians more than regular moms.

13:05

So I'm on a chat with

13:08

Rosebud and Whitney and other comic

13:10

moms that kind of help each other with weird tips on

13:13

how to do it. Michelle Wolf as a kid, I was

13:15

just talking with her at the cellar last night. So that

13:18

helps me try to figure it all out. I'm not

13:20

in any way pulling it off. Just before we got

13:22

on this Zoom, I bribed my daughter with a series

13:24

of things just so that she wouldn't walk in this

13:26

room. There was a bribe, and then there's a threat

13:28

of a bribe to being taken away. I'm like, I'll

13:30

give you this. And if you walk in here, I'll

13:32

take this away, which I call a thrive. So

13:35

there's a series of hard negotiations that went

13:37

on before I brought that random teenager in

13:39

here to do the audio. So

13:41

I'm not pulling anything off, but I

13:43

feel like she kind of... At this

13:45

point, she's not... I'm not a scheduled

13:47

person. She's grown up half in a

13:50

firehouse, half on the road with me. So

13:53

she's not expecting that. She

13:56

looks at me like she can tell I'm not

13:58

in charge of anything. Yeah, that's how I felt.

14:00

growing up I knew my parents had no say

14:02

like I was like this is you guys are

14:04

not making decisions around here like I'll come in hot

14:06

and take over I think it's

14:08

good to know I mean because first of all

14:10

nothing bad comes from a girl especially that grows

14:12

up a little faster I think that's always yields

14:14

good results yeah you know what I agree with

14:17

you yeah shake it out you shake out your

14:19

naughtiness when you're younger and then by the time

14:21

you're like in your 20s you're over all that

14:23

well maybe that I completely agree with you because

14:25

I was a really bad kid I did acid

14:27

when I was like 13 like

14:29

every weekend I have like an appointment to do acid

14:31

with like six of my friends and

14:34

I mean we were just deep pigs we

14:36

would go up on like some sign in this neighborhood

14:38

and just moon people in the area we're like oh

14:40

we're mooning now like we had our asses out all

14:42

the time we were always doing drugs and then by

14:44

the time I was like 17 and moved to New

14:47

York with dumb dick sister I was like yeah

14:49

I'd done all the kind of ridiculousness I got

14:51

an out of my system and I was able

14:53

to like focus a little more and like stand

14:55

up I do think it's those kids that like

14:58

really run a tight ship in high school then

15:00

they start their real problematic whoring later on or

15:02

drug use or whatever yeah I agree with that

15:04

better to get the whore out soon yeah

15:06

early get rid of the whore early so

15:08

that you can really start to thrive in

15:11

your 20s and 30s for sure yes I

15:13

was definitely

15:16

like I was a problem I know somebody

15:18

that knows you he said you were very cool he

15:20

grew up in Jersey near you he said you were

15:22

always cool and could kind of like hang from young

15:24

like you seemed like a comic at the table very

15:27

young were you like hanging with a group of guys

15:29

or like what was your high school situation who knows

15:31

I mean I in my mind I was in high

15:33

school when I was born like I was trapped in

15:35

a baby's body and I felt like a woman the

15:37

minute I was born and all I wanted to do

15:39

was woman be a woman I was like when can

15:41

I get be a woman like that was my favorite

15:43

line to say like as soon I'll be a woman

15:45

and you won't be able to tell me what to

15:48

do I don't

15:50

you mean cuz like I love I used to love the show when

15:52

I was a little kid called moonlighting because

15:54

I loved office tension I was like I want

15:56

to grow up one day and have sexual tension

15:59

in office those Those were my goals. Totally,

16:02

totally. First of all, working in an

16:04

office, when you were watching moonlighting, working

16:06

in an office seemed sexy. You

16:09

were like, oh, that's sexy. Like an

16:11

office job with these skirts. I'll wear

16:13

skirts and heels, and then I'll fuck

16:16

my colleague. You seemed

16:18

so fun, right? So fun,

16:20

yeah. I played this game. I

16:22

talked about it like my first half hour many years ago.

16:24

But I used to play this game with my Catholic friend.

16:26

I wanted to be Catholic so bad. One

16:28

of those names, like Rachel O. Feinstein or

16:30

some shit. And we would play this game where she

16:32

would throw me on the bed, and we worked in

16:34

an office. Her name is Harry Company. She was the

16:36

boss. And we would play this game in

16:39

her dad's office. He had no idea we were playing

16:41

this weird whoring game in his office. And

16:43

she would go like, Chrissy, get

16:45

me my briefs. And I'd be like, I'm doing

16:47

the best I can, Mr. Company. My tits

16:49

just get confused. I think that was

16:51

all for moonlighting. It was very much like a porn. Yeah,

16:54

I know. Porns were not dissimilar to

16:56

those programs. I guess maybe because it

16:58

was set in the same time frame.

17:01

But there is a lot of porn

17:03

represented, like porn-like vibes in shows like

17:05

moonlighting. And what was that other, not Dallas

17:09

and Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara was awesome. That was

17:11

a soap opera, though. That was during the day.

17:14

I once tried to call Kelly Capwell

17:16

directly because I was so obsessed with Robin

17:18

Wright that I looked up Kelly Capwell. I was

17:20

so young, I didn't understand that was the character's

17:22

name. And I looked her up in the phone

17:24

book in Santa Barbara and called someone named Kelly

17:26

Capwell. I was obsessed

17:29

with that bitch, Eden and the Hulk.

17:31

Fucking gorgeous. The most beautiful family of

17:33

all time. The actress's name is Marcy

17:35

Walker. I was completely and utterly obsessed

17:37

with her. I would just hump a

17:39

pillow and pretend it was Cruz, that

17:41

hot Latin cop. Also, they were sending

17:44

so many weird messages with that show

17:46

because something happened to her. She

17:48

was assaulted or something. And then she was

17:50

always on this bed getting extra attention from

17:52

men. That post assault. I didn't

17:54

know what that was. She was like trying.

17:57

She had a concussion for nine weeks. whatever,

18:00

like 90 weeks soap opera at the time,

18:02

where you know you've been kidnapped three times

18:04

in between that time. But she was like

18:06

lying in bed every episode so she could

18:08

go just basically to set her up for

18:11

more sexual assault. And we're tuning in like

18:13

we can't wait to see it. We're like

18:15

when when is it gonna happen next? It

18:17

was so sick. And she was always kind

18:19

of dewy and hot and just everything I

18:21

wasn't just like blonde and fucking like straight

18:23

silky blonde I wanted to be her. And

18:26

she was always laying on a bed and

18:28

then this hot cop would just keep coming

18:30

back and tending to her. I'm like this is

18:32

the life I want. I'm ordering this life. I

18:34

want to lay on some kind of bed and

18:36

snack on it and just have somebody avenging something

18:38

on my behalf. Have your husband avenge a fire?

18:40

Why can't he avenge my husband? I wanted to

18:43

go missing for weeks before he would look for

18:45

me. It's like he's not jealous to like such

18:47

a problematic point. I've tried to make him jealous

18:49

and he's like, yeah, he could give

18:51

a shit. Like it would be somebody could make

18:53

a suit out of my skin and he wouldn't

18:55

follow up. He's very anal need about like how

18:58

stuff like I feel like if I was missing

19:00

he'd be emptying the dishwasher first. Like he'd finish

19:02

emptying the dishwasher. Yeah, he's not plussed by everything.

19:04

That's the word for it. Not plussed when you

19:06

have no reaction. Although it

19:08

also says it's also the opposite of having

19:10

no reaction. It's having no reaction

19:12

and having the opposite of no reaction.

19:15

I'm like, isn't that two different artist's

19:17

antonyms? What the fuck are you

19:19

talking about? That's what I do though. In my

19:21

spare time I look words up in the dictionary

19:23

to understand why I can't speak clearly or correctly.

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21:32

week, we'd love to hear about your

21:35

conundrums with parents. If there's something you're

21:37

working through with a parent or need

21:39

some help navigating a relationship issue, write

21:41

into Dear Chelsea podcast@gmail.com. And

21:43

we're back with Rachel Feinstein, whose

21:45

new special is called Big Guy.

21:48

Big Guy, yes, my husband's a

21:50

nickname for me. He calls

21:52

you Big Guy. Your husband calls you Big Guy. He

21:54

does. Would you consider yourself the

21:56

man of the house? No, but I think he might.

21:58

I mean, he just doesn't know how to compliment a-

22:00

He's like just worthless romantically. He gave me, Chelsea, I'm

22:02

not making this up, a $50 Amazon gift card for

22:05

my birthday. Like

22:07

50 bucks. And you know there was a mom

22:09

where he was like 75 and then he was like nah. Not

22:12

for her. 50 feels right. My driver once told me it was

22:14

her birthday. I said, what did you get, Carolyn? He said, I'm

22:16

just gonna give her some cash, Chell. I

22:20

was like, no, no, no, you're not, you

22:22

fucking idiot. Yeah, his wife. Cash.

22:27

Cash is the toughest thing. I

22:29

was like, Billy, pull over. We need to

22:31

talk. I'm like, you're an idiot. Nothing

22:34

makes me more delighted than when you trash

22:36

men for their nonsense. It's like my specific

22:38

brand of what delights me more than anything

22:40

else. When you call men

22:43

to task on their utter horseshit, it makes

22:45

me so happy. Cash is somehow worse than

22:47

Amazon gift card. It's worse. It's dumber. Yeah,

22:49

it's like, do I work for you? I

22:52

don't understand. Is that a tip? What

22:54

is that? He lives

22:56

with men at a house for half

22:58

his fucking life. Like, he doesn't come

23:00

back smarter from this house he lives at.

23:03

So not hot. Men

23:05

are so good at being not hot. You know what I mean? It's

23:07

like, that's not hot. I need to explain to

23:09

you that that's not hot. Okay, what do we

23:12

have in store for us, Catherine? Oh,

23:14

so many things. Well, our first

23:16

email comes from Richie. Richie

23:18

says, dear Chelsea, I'm

23:20

not sure whether or not I should be upset with my

23:22

partner. We've been together for over three

23:25

years and currently have a house together and two

23:27

dogs. Our lives are very intertwined, and while I

23:29

love him and care very deeply for him... What

23:32

do you mean you live together? This is a weird thing to imagine,

23:34

you're right. Clearly,

23:37

yeah. We spend a lot of time

23:39

together, but some things from our past

23:41

have come up. Recently, while chatting with

23:43

a mutual friend, I learned that in our first year of dating,

23:46

he didn't take us very seriously and was

23:48

constantly hitting on and flirting with other people.

23:52

I would like to believe he isn't anymore, especially since he's been

23:54

honest about how he was in the first year of dating, but

23:56

since I'm just finding out about it, I'm

23:58

feeling betrayed and honest about it. pissed.

24:01

But we're a couple, literally a couple years removed from

24:03

this, so do I have a right to be

24:05

upset about it? Do I need to just move on

24:07

and accept what happened in the first year? Oh, I

24:10

like this question. That is an interesting question. It is

24:12

interesting because that would piss me off. Retroactively finding out

24:14

that something happened would piss me off. That's just the

24:16

kind of recipe that would

24:18

piss me off. Also, I also

24:21

feel like admitting to something and admitting to just

24:23

a little bit of what you actually did, that

24:26

is like one tried and true tactic

24:28

of a lifelong liar. Like I've been

24:30

wildly cheated on, just like insane, unimaginable

24:33

shit that I was like, wait

24:35

a second. I would ask this question to her.

24:37

Is he jealous? Because I do feel like the

24:39

most jealous guys are often cheating. And the guy

24:41

that I remember, I dated a guy that was

24:43

always, always in my internet history. Every

24:46

time I would go away, he would accuse me

24:48

of all manner of things. And you know, like as

24:50

a comic on the road, I'm doing nothing but just

24:52

laying still with throbbing loneliness after my shows. Like I'm

24:55

just laying in bed as alone as I've ever been

24:57

in Des Moines. And he was inside of someone every

24:59

time I was out of town. Like I got an

25:01

email with the dates of the other girl he was

25:03

fucking. She's like, I was with him from 212 to

25:05

214. Like

25:08

an email. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

25:10

And he was very jealous. And whenever I would come

25:12

home, he would accuse me of all

25:14

kinds of insane things. I remember

25:17

he used to chase me around the apartment

25:19

with my laptop. I would try to pull

25:21

it back from him and he would make

25:23

these wild like noises. He'd be like, like

25:25

these Howard Dean tries. She was

25:27

like, I

25:33

put my laptop in the

25:35

freezer. For some reason I was used

25:37

to this too. Like I was like, oh, he's probably going to

25:39

make a left here to head to the freezer. And he

25:42

was always kind of jogging over there. I was like, I didn't

25:44

suck a stick. And

25:46

then he was putting the laptop in the freezer

25:48

and you know, it was just constant. He was

25:50

always accusing me of some insanity and he was

25:52

doing it. So my only I have no idea

25:54

if this guy is still cheating or not or

25:57

what he's up to. But I do feel like

25:59

it's one of the signs is. Is he extremely

26:01

jealous and suspicious of you? And

26:03

if he isn't, I feel like there's less likely, it's less

26:05

likely that he's cheating. Yeah. What

26:08

are they asking? Do they have a right to be mad? Yeah,

26:10

they already do. I do. I think you

26:12

can kind of be mad. A year's a long time to be

26:14

hitting on other people while you're supposedly in

26:16

a relationship, or maybe they weren't in a relationship. I

26:18

don't know. It sounds like they were.

26:20

I like the question. I don't really have a good answer.

26:23

I feel like three months you got to

26:25

cut off the flirting with other people. There

26:28

can be some overlap, but a year is

26:30

too long. Yeah, I think that's good advice.

26:32

It isn't so ideal. Yeah. So

26:34

be pissed, but maybe don't break up with him.

26:37

What do you think? Well, definitely don't acknowledge it.

26:40

You don't have to break up with him, but you have to

26:42

make sure he knows that you know that and that that's not

26:44

cool and you're upset. You have every right to

26:46

be upset about that. Make him make it up to you, I think.

26:49

Couple nice baths, a couple nice dinners. A bath? That's

26:51

not going to make anything up to me. A bath

26:53

is amazing. I love when someone draws me a bath.

26:56

Really? Oh, yeah. A

26:59

friend of mine is starting dating this guy that draws

27:01

her baths. I think you were going to say that

27:03

drew her a bath is what you were going to

27:05

say. I was going to say that. Yeah, you should

27:07

go for it. She drew her a bath. I didn't

27:10

go to college. I went to fucking Dick's sister. What

27:12

do you want? I was going to

27:14

say that, but a friend of mine was dating a guy

27:16

for many years. Then their courtship started

27:18

by him drawing her a bath and I

27:20

think that's disgusting. Started?

27:23

Like they were friends and he drew her a

27:25

bath? Then he started turning the bath water on

27:28

when they were hanging out. I

27:30

think this is so strange. She

27:32

said that a few months into their friendship,

27:34

he would just turn on a bath and

27:37

be like, hey, and that was

27:39

how we pulled her in. Fuck her? Yeah.

27:42

Then they would fuck in the bath? I think

27:44

this is really- I would like to have sex

27:46

in baths or water. It's a hassle. It's because

27:48

it's confusing because you think the water will also

27:51

serve as a lubricant and that's not how it

27:53

works at all. It's

27:55

the opposite. It's kind of frantic. It's like

27:57

a lot of sexy situations. It

28:00

sounds like a very dry situation, ironically,

28:02

in a pool of water. Yeah,

28:05

he would draw her bath, and then he would

28:07

bathe her for months. Oh, no.

28:09

And that's unacceptable, right? No, it's totally

28:12

unacceptable. Nobody's bathing me. Draw me a

28:14

bath. Get the fuck out. Well,

28:17

our next caller is Allie. And

28:19

Allie says, dear Chelsea, my

28:21

husband and I moved away from home about four

28:23

years ago. We recently had a baby and have

28:26

decided to move closer to family and friends as

28:28

we both work remotely and could use some interaction

28:30

with other people. We're about an

28:32

hour's drive away from family. My

28:34

husband's family obviously missed us, and his mom from

28:36

time to time can be a bit much. However,

28:39

my mom is next level. Prior

28:41

to me being pregnant, we never really talked as she

28:43

was kind of a crappy parent. I'm

28:45

having a ton of anxiety about being closer to her. And

28:48

when we lift 11 and 1,5 hours away, it's

28:50

been easy to keep her at arm's length.

28:53

But now she texts, calls, sends videos, et

28:55

cetera, multiple times a day. When

28:57

I say it's too much, she doesn't listen and says, well, I'm

28:59

the mom or grandma, and I'll do whatever I want. Then

29:02

she proceeds to act like a toddler or spread gossip

29:04

through my family. She's the kind of

29:06

person that works in customer service but yells at waiters

29:08

every time we go out to eat. I'm

29:10

wondering how to navigate this relationship without blowing up

29:13

so she can see her granddaughter. Every time I

29:15

see her, after 10 minutes, I'm going crazy. Help,

29:17

Allie. Oh, sorry, Allie. That

29:19

sounds like a fucking nightmare, another reason

29:21

to never get married. Yeah.

29:23

Yeah, that's not good. She sounds

29:25

like a pretty. She sounds like

29:28

a pretty unbearable twat. But I think you're, I don't

29:30

know, trying to do the right thing by letting

29:33

her have access to your child. But I feel like

29:35

as little as you can have to do with those

29:37

plans, the better. Have her be

29:39

with the kid the week you're going away. The

29:41

week you're going whoring

29:43

in Hawaii. Have her take care of the

29:46

kid that weekend. Do you have any plans to whore

29:48

in Hawaii coming up? Not as of right now.

29:50

OK, well, obviously, that can change in a minute.

29:52

Anything can change in an instant. So

29:54

what has been your, like, when you've tried to

29:56

put up a boundary with her before, what has

29:58

happened? She basically said. No,

30:00

or she ignores it and will text me like the

30:02

next week and say, so can I come this week?

30:05

Like just ignore the whole thing. Yeah. I

30:07

find that to be incredibly annoying people who don't listen to you

30:09

when you're setting up a boundary. So I

30:11

think you have to have like a more formal conversation

30:13

with her about it just for your own sanity. Like

30:15

it, don't worry about how she's going to react to

30:18

it because people end up respecting boundaries in the long

30:20

term. They just don't like them in the beginning. You

30:22

know what I mean? So it works.

30:24

And so you're going to protect your like mental health

30:26

and the health of your

30:28

family because you don't want to be fucking annoyed at her

30:30

all the time, but you have to be firm because she's

30:33

not used to anyone telling her that there is a boundary.

30:35

It's 100% true. Also, I feel

30:37

like the thing with people that don't respect boundaries

30:39

is that when you draw them, it's this big

30:41

lead up to saying something and it's

30:43

not that big of a deal at all because first

30:45

of all, they might not even listen to it to

30:48

which you have to double down on it. But that

30:50

moment isn't that big because like they don't care. Like

30:52

they're used to bulldozing through those things. So the very

30:54

least you can do, like this is the beginning of

30:56

a longer stretch you have to go through with her.

30:59

The very least, just say something and be it clear

31:01

when you're that ludicrous, when you're acting that insanely like

31:03

this person has been told this many times before you're

31:05

not. You know what I mean? This isn't like so

31:08

don't worry about that. Just say it. Yeah. Say

31:10

it quick. Say it fast and

31:12

say it in as few words as

31:15

possible. I feel like that's true for

31:17

everything. I always over explain, apologize, defend.

31:20

Somebody told me this recently, like

31:22

justify, apologize. Just like some acronym

31:24

I'm forgetting, but defend. I think

31:26

it's Jade or something. And

31:28

try not to do any of those things and

31:30

say it in as few words as possible in a text

31:32

or talk to your friend before you talk to her. Know

31:34

exactly what you're going to say and nothing extra. Yeah.

31:37

And hold your ground. You know what I mean?

31:39

Like don't say it and then get scared and

31:41

run away. Like say it, hold your ground so

31:43

she understands that you mean business. Like maintain eye

31:46

contact and be firm. You have every right to

31:48

do that for yourself. It doesn't have to be

31:50

like a big deal. Exactly what Rachel's saying. Just

31:52

like you standing up for yourself. You're going to

31:54

feel really good afterward and you might have to

31:56

tell her again, but that's okay. Just

31:59

practice advocating. for yourself. Yeah, I really like

32:01

that advice. I think too, like just holding

32:03

my ground, I like the eye contact too

32:05

and not seeing the face of it. Or

32:08

I get crazy eyes, so they get really fucking scared. And

32:10

then they're like, all right, all right, all right. I won't

32:12

fucking bother you again. Except for her level of craziness, I

32:14

already saw. Yeah. I dated a

32:16

guy for a while that like his mom was

32:18

just upset about absolutely everything about me. And a lot

32:20

of the things about me were just things that

32:22

were never going to change, things that she thought

32:25

I would find insulting, like that I'm not domestic or

32:27

that I'm not clean. I'm like, tell me a better

32:29

story, I've been

32:31

a pig my whole life.

32:33

And she was like, just kind of making these

32:35

passive aggressive comments about what I didn't do around

32:38

the house. And I'm like, that's not, you could

32:40

say a lot of things that will immediately hurt

32:42

me. And I learned

32:44

to just say to her very directly, oh, I'm not going to do

32:46

that. Oh, I'm never going to do that. She'd be like, you know

32:48

what you should do? You should start

32:50

gardening. I'm like, oh, that's not going to happen. That's

32:52

not going to occur. I would say

32:54

it in the dumbest, simplest way

32:57

possible. And I felt like she just kind of stopped

32:59

after a while. Like she would come over and clean so

33:01

much, like in front of me to piss me off. But

33:03

I was like, no, that's helpful. I had a friend over

33:05

once and she was doing it. And he was like, if

33:08

you want to get behind the couch, she was a comic.

33:10

He's like, if you want to get behind the couch, you

33:12

just get that corner right there. Like he was directing her.

33:14

So I feel like, I feel like with people

33:16

like that, like, yeah, as direct as

33:19

you could ever be. And

33:21

she wants what you have, like she wants access

33:23

to that kid. You know what I'm saying? So

33:25

like, you're in control in the situation. When we're

33:27

more vulnerable is when we don't need something. You

33:29

need very little except to be left alone more.

33:31

Is your partner somebody who can tolerate being around

33:33

your mom? For a

33:36

short amount of time, yes. But he is

33:38

a lot more comfortable being direct with her.

33:40

So maybe I just like kind of follow

33:42

his lead because he does do that and

33:44

it does work. She does listen to him.

33:46

I'm so sorry. Is this your mom or

33:48

his mom? This is my mom. I was

33:50

going to fucking tell her to fucking back

33:52

off then. I was thinking this is his

33:54

mom the whole time. I'm like, no, you

33:56

tell your mother to fucking stop it. She

33:58

doesn't get to overrule you. adult

34:00

woman now with your own kids. Yeah. Yeah.

34:03

What I've tried, I've recently tried being like,

34:05

I'm not asking, I'm telling. So I'm just

34:07

going to stick to that. Yeah. You

34:10

have to be very firm with your own mother. I didn't

34:12

realize that either. That if it's until just now, I was

34:14

waiting for that party too. But yeah, if it's your own

34:16

mom, yeah. It slipped in the mother-in-law thing there

34:19

and it kind of confused you guys. My mom

34:21

is here right now and she does a thing

34:23

when I tell her something clearly. She gets

34:25

wounded immediately and starts like weeping. So

34:28

I was like, hey, can you get something for

34:30

my daughter's birthday party to fill your bags? Because

34:33

I was on these Zooms yesterday and I was like, just get anything

34:35

to put in a goodie bag. She came

34:37

back with sheets of shit stickers, poop stickers. I

34:39

was like, mom, I can't put this in her four-year-old goodie

34:41

bag. It's that shit. She's like,

34:44

well, I'm sorry, Rachel. I did the

34:46

damn best I could. She starts weeping.

34:49

Five years ago, I would have felt like I had just

34:51

assaulted my mother because she always weeps if you give her

34:53

a note. But now I'm just

34:55

like, mom, you can weep or not, but I

34:57

can't put shit stickers in here. I'm going

34:59

to get on the Zoom now. Can you get something else? I

35:02

also realized she's always going to be

35:04

weeping. It's not about me. It's about her alcoholic

35:06

mother or something. I

35:08

don't take it personally anymore. My mom

35:10

always has it vaguely muttering to herself

35:13

for weeping. I just know that that's

35:15

what she likes to do and she probably won't stop. She's

35:17

here. She's helping out. I'm not

35:19

taking on her day weeping. Yeah, that's very good advice.

35:22

Yeah, we have a better relationship now. I like

35:24

to advise them not taking it myself, like not personal

35:26

at all. Not personal. Yeah.

35:29

My friend Jessica Carson, really funny comic.

35:31

She always says like people are insane.

35:33

They are walking around furious all day.

35:35

It doesn't have anything to do with

35:38

you usually. People are

35:40

just not okay. They're not well. Yeah.

35:43

So if you can imagine a little sticker, she always says that

35:45

to me. Just imagine a little sticker on this person's forehead that

35:47

says sick. And that's always

35:49

a helpful tool for me when I'm communicating to

35:51

not personalize. Yeah. All

35:54

right, Ali, is that helpful? Yes, so helpful.

35:56

I'm excited to share if it works. Okay,

35:59

thank you. Sally. OK,

36:01

bye. Bye. I think it's funny

36:03

that we both missed the main part of that. Oh,

36:06

yeah, I know. You should have seen me last

36:08

week. I was like, I got the whole story

36:10

backwards. I'm like, I'm listening and then I'm confused.

36:12

I don't understand. Well,

36:15

our next caller is Ryan and he's

36:17

calling in from Norway. He

36:19

says, Dear Chelsea. Hi, I'm Ryan.

36:21

I'm originally from Vancouver Island and I've been living

36:23

in Oslo, Norway for the past four years. I

36:26

originally moved to Scandinavia for a wonderful Norwegian

36:28

man, although they're all in trouble. They're extroverts.

36:30

They can be very intoxicating. However,

36:32

our four year relationship ended last autumn.

36:35

I've been on a beautiful journey of healing and self love

36:37

lately and have been filling my own cup. But I'm unsure

36:40

of how much I want to include my ex in my

36:42

life. Any advice on how to navigate

36:44

this? Cheers and a big hug

36:46

from finally sunny Oslo, Ryan. Hi, Ryan.

36:48

Hi, Ryan. Hello. Hi,

36:51

Chelsea. Hi, Cameron. Hi. I'm

36:54

coming to Oslo. I'm coming to perform there, I think

36:56

in the fall. No way. Oh, my goodness. I

36:58

was there last summer. I was in Springsteen in

37:01

Oslo. It was so fun outside at that outdoor

37:03

park. You and all my lesbian friends. Amazing. I

37:05

know. I was. I

37:08

get confused with lesbian a lot, actually. So

37:10

what's the status of the relationship now? Yes,

37:12

the status is we, I mean, we're our

37:14

lives are no longer entangled at all. He's

37:16

a truly incredible person and a really lovely

37:19

guy. We broke up about just under eight

37:21

months ago. We were friends for four years

37:23

and then we dated for four years. And

37:25

now I'm like, oh, could we be friends again? Is

37:29

that realistic? Do you feel attracted to him? Like

37:32

sexually? Yeah. Not

37:34

right now. No. What

37:36

do you mean, right? Not right now. Like it can

37:38

come back, though, this autumn? This afternoon? I

37:40

think no. I think so. We broke up

37:42

because a couple of reasons. But the main reason was

37:45

I wanted to explore something more open and

37:47

he, although it was very willing

37:50

to have a discussion, didn't. And

37:52

so when we did open our relationship,

37:54

we brought in a mutual friend, which

37:57

then led to the demise of our

37:59

relationship. What an unusual

38:01

ending. I know. I

38:05

mean, honestly, so sounds a little bit like you're

38:07

still hung up on this guy, are you? I

38:09

wouldn't say I'm hung up on him anymore, honestly.

38:12

The thing is, we have a lot of like,

38:14

in common. And so when I moved to Norway

38:16

with my ex, I'm originally from British Columbia, Canada.

38:18

And so when I moved here, like all of

38:20

my network was through my ex, I don't think

38:23

I'm hung up on him anymore. But I do

38:25

think there may be a place in my life

38:27

for him. But I'm not sure how to even

38:29

approach that topic right now. If you guys were

38:31

friends for four years, and you dated for four

38:33

years, I think it's totally realistic that you can

38:35

be friends again. It's hard to be friends with

38:37

someone when you haven't been friends with them ever,

38:39

and you've only been romantic. But if you're friends,

38:42

you can always go back to that. Yeah, people

38:44

do it all the time. And I

38:46

mean, you have the perfect excuse, or reason.

38:48

It's not really an excuse. It's a reason.

38:51

How would you approach that conversation with

38:53

him? To reconnect? Yeah. I

38:55

would just say, I'm here living in Norway, and obviously, this is

38:57

how we're connected. And I'm here,

39:04

and it's been a long time. I hope

39:07

you're well. Send him a really thoughtful, nice

39:09

email, checking on him, and you'd love to

39:11

see him. But make it clear that you're

39:14

coming from a friend's perspective. Don't make it

39:16

flirty or weird. Yeah. You

39:18

could even say, you could refer to some earlier

39:20

period of your life, or I mean, earlier time

39:22

when you guys used to be friends, something used

39:24

to do then. I miss when we were whenever.

39:27

I know things didn't work out with, but I

39:29

just enjoyed talking out and hanging out, or whatever.

39:31

Just so it makes it really clear that I

39:33

think that is important. But that's not making it

39:35

clear, Rachel, because that's making it confusing, I think,

39:37

to say, I really enjoyed hanging out with you.

39:39

Oh, you mean in addition to fucking you, like

39:42

the other things I liked? Oh, I don't- You're

39:44

absolutely right. You're right. You're absolutely right. No, yeah,

39:46

you do want to make it say, when you

39:48

weren't inside me, I guess is what you should

39:50

add in parentheses. When we weren't inside

39:52

each other. I think just connect. Don't tell him you

39:54

like anything about him. Don't say that right now. Just

39:59

reach out. and send a really nice email

40:01

checking in how he's doing. You love Norway,

40:03

bring up things that there's going to be

40:05

a response to. Right? Like

40:08

all the cool things about Norway that

40:10

you've discovered or that you love, that

40:12

you've rediscovered, or that remind you of

40:14

him, whatever, but in a non-romantic attitude.

40:16

OK? Yeah, and I think that that's probably the

40:18

right way. So the last time I saw him,

40:20

he mentioned that his father had health problems. And

40:23

I burst into tears, and I thought, oh, this is

40:25

someone I've spent four Christmases with. This is someone I

40:27

really used to care about. And I asked him, oh,

40:29

do you want to hug? And he just said

40:31

no. And I thought, oh my god, you're being so

40:33

Norwegian right now. What

40:35

he wanted to hug you before, was he never a hugging

40:38

guy? I

40:40

mean, it's funny. Maybe I forced him to

40:42

be a physical person when we were together,

40:44

because I'm quite in the cold. But

40:47

I mean, that's probably a good sign that

40:49

he, in a way, because the fact that

40:51

he wasn't immediately like, yes, maybe

40:53

when you do set those clear boundaries, again, take

40:55

none of my instructions now that I think about it.

40:58

I second that. Pretty awful. Don't take

41:00

anything Rachel says seriously. And I'm right

41:02

behind her. You've got

41:05

Catherine left. Take

41:07

only a Chelsea's instructions, but I feel like he

41:09

might take it well since then. This is instruction

41:11

only. I still think you're hung up on him. I don't

41:13

know what it is, but you are giving off a vibe

41:15

that you're into him, and you want to get in, and

41:17

you're pretending that you want to be friends, but you want

41:19

something more. I'll tell you what it is. It's because why

41:21

would there even be a talk? The fact that it's being

41:23

discussed at all. Like, you wouldn't

41:26

be thinking about it this much if you're thinking

41:28

about talking to somebody again that you aren't attracted

41:30

to anymore or have no lingering feelings for. It

41:32

would just be like, you do or you don't.

41:34

I feel like you wouldn't waste this precious time

41:36

with my brilliant advice. But

41:39

I mean, I don't know. There's probably something there. So maybe

41:42

take a look at it. I

41:44

think there is probably something there. I

41:46

don't think I want to pursue anything like

41:49

we had. We were living together for four

41:51

years. I don't think I want to pursue that again. And

41:53

I do want to pursue something more open

41:56

with other people. And I've started recently dating

41:58

again, which has felt interesting. and nice.

42:01

But I think Chelsea, you might be right

42:03

that there are some lingering feelings. Yeah, the

42:05

way you're talking about it, it's just like

42:08

you're something you want unfinished or something's unfinished.

42:10

Yeah. It's too whimsical. It's

42:12

too whimsical or something. Something's not tracking.

42:14

Go get your tarot cards read. That's

42:16

for a real answer. I like

42:18

that. I like that answer for this. Yeah.

42:21

If you want the truth, go get your

42:23

tarot cards read. And if

42:25

he's not interested, I think you got to

42:27

give him space, like months before you reach

42:29

out again. And there's a lot of other

42:32

beautiful Norwegians out there. That's what I say.

42:34

That's how I start my day. That's my

42:36

morning affirmation. You're very handsome, Ryan. I

42:38

feel like you'll do well. I'm not worried about your

42:40

numbers. It's very generous.

42:42

Thank you. All right.

42:44

Thank you so much, Ryan. Thanks Ryan.

42:47

Thank you three. Thank you. Bye.

42:50

He's like, I'm in Norway. It never gets dark here.

42:52

No. Yeah. He said he was like, it's the midnight

42:54

sun now. So well, let's take a quick

42:56

break and we'll be back with a quickie to wrap up. Okay. Hey,

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45:04

And we're back. We are back. Now this email is not

45:06

very quick, but I think the answer will be quick. Let

45:08

me try and stay focused. Rachel, you and I will try

45:10

and focus. If we both try to focus

45:12

at the same time, who knows what kind of focus

45:14

we can gather. Amanda says,

45:16

dear Chelsea, Chelsea, I adore you and

45:19

I hope my life looks like yours one day. My

45:21

best friend of over 25 years got married

45:23

last November. I planned the bridal shower because

45:25

she lost her mother the summer we

45:27

were going into high school, so my mother and I spent over $2,500 on

45:29

the bridal shower. She

45:32

then had a destination bachelorette at Walt

45:34

Disney World, which ended up costing me another two grand,

45:36

and not to mention she convinced me to get an

45:38

annual pass because she claimed we would go back together

45:40

in the next year, which was an additional $500. Her

45:44

wedding was a destination wedding in Mexico, which

45:46

cost me over four grand, and I photographed

45:48

her wedding, which is about a $5,000 value.

45:52

There was a lot of drama leading up to the wedding. Price

45:55

is right with the money. No. There

45:58

was a lot of drama leading up to the wedding. wedding with

46:00

her and another bridesmaid being very selfish. And she

46:02

proceeded to make my life a living hell for

46:04

the rest of the year. I think this is

46:06

the other bridesmaid. My best friend, the

46:08

bride, continued to ask me to be the bigger person

46:10

through all of the events and bite my tongue and

46:13

not say anything to her. And I did just that.

46:15

The wedding, everything went off without a hitch. I was

46:17

the maid of honor, so I hired someone to come

46:19

with me and be able to shoot the wedding since

46:21

I was in it. Fast forward

46:24

to the last day of the four-day weekend we spent

46:26

in Mexico. I admittedly got a little

46:28

too drunk, which is something that is very uncharacteristic

46:30

of me. And I haven't been that drunk in

46:32

like seven years, and I lost all my inhibitions

46:34

and said things to that other bridesmaid and her

46:36

husband basically made a fool of myself.

46:39

I have since apologized, but me and my best friend

46:41

have not spoken since the wedding. Now

46:44

to my question, since I obviously have her wedding photos,

46:46

I assume this is something she probably wants, as it

46:48

has all of her photos of her guests and her

46:50

and her husband, and I don't want to just give

46:52

her these photos for free. My

46:54

question to you is if I should send an

46:56

email stating if she wants these photos, the dollar

46:58

amount is XYZ, and if she doesn't, I'm happy

47:01

to delete them. I understand that

47:03

money is not everything, but I'm a single woman running

47:05

my own small business, and she has way more money

47:07

than I do, and I've wasted over $13,000 this last

47:09

year on nothing. It

47:12

was a waste of my time, a waste of my money, and I

47:14

did all those things for her because I thought we were important to

47:16

each other. Obviously, over the last few months,

47:18

I missed her occasionally, but not quite as much as I

47:20

thought I would. So please let me know if you think

47:22

it's worth it to ask her to pay for the photos

47:25

or if I should not contact her unless she contacts me

47:27

or if I should not talk about them. Thank you so

47:29

much for your time. I love you all. Keep doing the

47:31

good work you do. Sincerely, Amanda. And no need to keep

47:33

me anonymous. Let that bitch hear it.

47:36

A journey. Jesus fuck.

47:39

What do you think, Rachel? I think you

47:41

should do a little less accounting, a

47:45

little less tallying. Yeah,

47:48

I think if you give somebody something, you

47:50

just give it to them. You're acting

47:52

like an accountant. These are like the commission statements I

47:54

get from my agency. You just got to give it

47:56

to them. And you can't be like, if I was

47:58

this, if we were friends. than A, B, and C.

48:01

Personally, I think you

48:03

might want to just give

48:05

her her wedding photos and

48:08

work on your business. That's kind of what

48:10

I think. I agree. I agree. I understand

48:12

if you can't find it

48:14

in your heart or financially, you can't

48:17

not get paid for this, which

48:20

you already agreed to do it without getting paid. So

48:22

now you're adding a price for not talking to her.

48:24

It's the same thing that Rachel's talking about. It's like

48:26

tip for tap. You should give them to her. And

48:29

if you don't feel comfortable, you can't do that, then

48:31

wait until she contacts you for them and then give

48:33

them to her. But you

48:35

shouldn't contact her and reach

48:37

out to her at all. Unless it's with

48:40

a Dropbox link with all her wedding photos.

48:42

That, I think, is the only communication here.

48:44

Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't really be in the

48:47

business of charging. I mean, you got to

48:49

walk out of this as a bigger... If

48:51

it really was only a mistake that you

48:53

made and you were completely provoked, then your

48:56

behavior in this instant should be to show

48:58

grace so that she can detect or infer

49:00

what really happened in the long run. You're

49:02

just shutting the door on the friendship another

49:05

way by saying, hey, you owe me money for

49:07

this. So yeah, release the wedding

49:09

photos. This isn't the advice you wanted to hear,

49:11

but skip it. And when you have lists that

49:13

long of what people have done

49:16

to wrong you, it's also

49:18

the time to take a look at yourself. You

49:20

can't just keep score all the time. It

49:22

doesn't work that way. Yeah, no. I mean,

49:25

this is the kind of stuff that I

49:27

do believe, although I love the chapter of

49:29

the email where you kind of

49:31

drunkenly said some things. That was the most

49:33

fun part for me personally. I

49:37

like when shit hits the fan in a

49:39

fun loving tale, sure. But I think that

49:41

that might be maybe connected to holding on

49:43

to all of this resentment, all this telling.

49:46

You don't want to be that tightly wound

49:48

that you're crunching numbers every time you're hanging

49:50

out with your friends. No, no, not at

49:52

all. I would let it go. Let it

49:54

go. Everyone let it go. Rachel Feinstein. What

49:56

a dream. What a dream, Drew. You've been.

49:58

Thank you guys. Nice to spend time with

50:01

you. I look forward to spending more time with you

50:03

in Hawaii. I can't wait. And everyone else who's listening

50:05

that we'll see in Hawaii. So I'll see

50:07

you in your thong, and you'll see me in your

50:09

thong as well. Thank you guys

50:11

so much. This was so fun. I had the

50:13

best time. Bye, Rachel. Congrats. Okay,

50:16

so upcoming shows that I have,

50:18

you guys, Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington,

50:20

New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane, Australia,

50:22

Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows

50:24

to places that have sold out

50:26

the first. And then I'm gonna

50:28

be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahului,

50:30

and Honolulu. I will be there in July.

50:33

Also in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls

50:35

on July 27th. I'm coming to

50:37

Hollywood, Florida for my only show in Florida

50:40

on July 28th. I'll be in Auburn,

50:42

Washington on August 1st. And then Santa

50:44

Rosa, California for my second show, August 2nd.

50:47

August 17th is the Santa Barbara Bowl.

50:49

You do not wanna miss that. And then

50:51

I will be all over Maine, Charlotte,

50:54

North Carolina, Charleston, South

50:57

Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm

50:59

coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. And

51:01

then I will be in Las Vegas

51:03

performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the

51:05

Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in

51:08

Vegas are September 1st, Labor Day weekend,

51:10

and then November 2nd and November 30th.

51:13

I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the

51:15

King's Theater on November 8th.

51:19

And I have tickets on sale

51:21

throughout the end of the year

51:23

in December. So if you're in

51:25

a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem

51:27

or San Diego or New Orleans

51:29

or Omaha, check chelseahandler.com

51:31

for tickets. Okay. If you'd like

51:34

advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

51:36

email at dearchelseapodcast@gmail.com. And be sure

51:38

to include your phone number. Dear

51:41

Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad

51:43

Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be

51:45

sure to check out our merch at

51:48

chelseahandler.com. Did

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