0:00

Okay, Hi Catherine, Oh, hello Chelsea,

0:03

Hello our listeners. I am currently

0:06

in Maths Vinyad with

0:09

my family Vaca, and we have cousins

0:11

coming. We have I just got

0:13

here, so I'm solo and my

0:15

family arrives and starts to ruin everything

0:18

probably in four to six days. And

0:20

I have my show coming up at the East

0:24

Hampton club House August twenty six,

0:26

so that's right around the corner. If you haven't got tickets and you're

0:29

in East Tampton, get them. It's an intimate

0:31

show and there are still tickets

0:33

left, so I'm not really sure what that's about. But

0:35

anyway, my family is coming

0:38

and we added some people. I always like

0:40

to add randoms into the mix on family

0:42

vacations because my family's always like that's kimming.

0:44

It's like none of your fucking business. So

0:47

yeah, so we but my cousins are coming this year. And

0:49

my aunt Gabby, who's my queen bitch

0:51

in our family. She's the one who created

0:54

the bitches in our family.

0:56

We blame her her. Yeah, she's very

0:58

antisocial.

1:00

And yet she wants to be with everybody.

1:01

Yeah, she likes to be there, but she doesn't want to be in the mix.

1:03

She wants everybody around her, just like my mom did.

1:06

My mom would go upstairs and bring a liverwort

1:08

sandwich.

1:08

It's like so gross.

1:10

I wouldn't even go into her bedroom when she had one of those

1:12

until it was consumed, and she would

1:14

just keep her door open, and my mom would

1:16

just sit there and listen to us. She's like, the best joy

1:18

in my life is to listen to my family. I'm

1:20

like, but not be interacting with any of us.

1:23

My dad is a little bit like your aunt where he

1:26

at family gatherings, like he loves to be there, but he

1:28

wants to like sit quietly in the corner by himself

1:30

and to sort of like watch everybody.

1:32

Which is you know, just sort of weird dad move.

1:34

But now my sister's husband, who

1:37

is friends with my dad, he's kind of the same way,

1:39

so they just like sit quietly in the corner, and like, sometimes I'm.

1:41

Not interested in being quiet, like you know, if

1:43

you're I am, like, I like to be quiet,

1:46

but in solitude. But like when you're in a family

1:48

gathering, we have too many people in our family that don't

1:50

fucking talk and they're not really

1:52

yeah, yeah, my sister's husband barely

1:54

talks.

1:55

Ever.

1:56

My sister's son is very shy,

1:58

but he's warming up at the tender age of ten

2:01

or twelve or thirteen. I'm not really sure

2:03

how old he is. I have too many nieces and nephews to keep

2:05

track, but he's not ten. But

2:08

yeah, we have there's a lot of quiet, and

2:11

I'm like, we need action, you know, we need

2:13

action within the family, Chelsea.

2:15

I stumbled upon an

2:17

architectural Digestive video of one

2:19

of your home tours, like your

2:21

old house, and you're

2:23

like, really into design an architecture.

2:26

I'm into it. I like what I like?

2:29

Yeah, I mean I like, yes, I'm into it,

2:31

but I'm not like somebody you know, who's going.

2:33

To be designing their own furniture.

2:34

Although I did design my new house in a way, yeah,

2:37

I'm into design. I like very specific

2:40

vibe when I go somewhere

2:42

and when I live somewhere. So yes, I'm

2:44

into soft contemporary,

2:47

like I like modern.

2:48

I do not like traditional. That's not my vibe.

2:50

Although my new house is kind of traditional.

2:52

It is traditional, but we modernized it.

2:54

So it's like it was white and we painted

2:56

it all black. My designer kept trying

2:59

to take me back down traditional fixtures,

3:01

and I'm like, that's just not the way that I

3:03

like things I don't like.

3:05

How do I say, like, how can I describe

3:08

boring?

3:09

No, it's not boring because it's really nicely

3:11

done in certain people's homes.

3:12

It's just not my style. Like, I don't want

3:15

it to feel family.

3:16

I want it to feel a bachelorette pad,

3:19

you know what I mean.

3:20

Like, I don't want it to feel like.

3:21

Okay, everybody gather around the dinner table.

3:23

It's like, I don't sit at the fucking dinner table,

3:25

you know. So that's not in the main feature in my house, the

3:28

dining room. And I like it casual,

3:30

but you know, nice stuff.

3:32

Yeah, And it seems like you like communal

3:34

in a way of you like to entertain and I

3:36

like openness.

3:37

I like everything to be open. I like lots

3:39

of glass.

3:39

I like a lot of black borders, you know, like

3:41

the stain the chrome, the stainless steel glass

3:44

borders, glass windows that have

3:46

the black trim.

3:47

I love that, yes, but I need it to

3:49

be sexy. Yeah.

3:51

Do you think it's going to be done by the time you come back

3:53

when I'm homeless now?

3:55

So I mean I'm just basically, I'm like on

3:57

the lamb. I haven't had

3:59

a home yet. It's supposed to be done in September.

4:02

I'll be in my Raca for the month of September.

4:04

After this, I go to Myorca after my show in

4:06

the Hamptons, and then I come back

4:08

and I do on my fall dates. So if you haven't gotten

4:10

tickets to shows in Columbus or Cincinnati

4:13

or New York or d C or any of these

4:15

fun places that I'm going get them.

4:17

And I'm really looking forward to getting back on

4:19

tour.

4:19

It's so nice to do my stand up

4:22

for three months and then take a three month break

4:24

and go back to it. It's the best way

4:26

to do stand up so that you never for

4:28

me, so I don't get sick.

4:30

Of my own material.

4:31

Yeah, I mean, I can imagine you could burn out because you're

4:33

so busy and it's like so

4:35

draining to be traveling all the time at least.

4:37

Yeah, but now I'm on vacation. I've been on vacation

4:39

for so long. My life has been so luscious. I'm so

4:41

grateful.

4:42

Awesome.

4:43

Okay, So our guest today is a personal friend

4:45

of mine. I love and adore this girl. I

4:47

shouldn't say girl.

4:48

She's a woman, but to me, she's a girl

4:50

because I'm so much older than her. She's a Grammy

4:53

nominee and as CMA Award

4:55

winning Pop Country Artist, and

4:59

an extended version of her new album Rolling

5:01

Up the Welcome Matt came out this week. Please

5:04

welcome Kelsey Ballerini. Oh

5:06

oh oh, there's my chequita banana,

5:09

chaquita banana. Hi

5:12

friend, Oh my god,

5:14

welcome home from that vacation.

5:18

Thank you, it was a nice little

5:20

break.

5:21

Tell us about your vacation with Kenny Chesney.

5:24

If you didn't have your new boyfriend there, I would have thought

5:26

you and Kenny had become a couple.

5:27

FYI, that was a hot take.

5:29

For a minute. That was not true.

5:31

Kenny's He's become my brother, which

5:33

sounds insane, but I'm from Knoxville. He's

5:36

from Knoxville, and I grew

5:38

up listening to him. So I had

5:40

a song about my hometown a couple of years

5:42

ago, called half of My Hometown, and I just

5:44

like out of the blue Caldon.

5:46

I was like, will you be on the song?

5:48

He said yes, And just through that

5:50

we became really good friends

5:53

and then I toured with him this last

5:55

summer and we just became family.

5:57

And so he took me to his

6:00

house, which house.

6:01

Isn't even the right word.

6:02

It's just like he owns like a full mountain range.

6:06

Mountain is wild. This is Captain.

6:08

By the way, my co host,

6:10

so Kelsey and I became friends because our name's

6:12

Rhyme, and that was what brought us together.

6:15

Off the topic, I wanted to ask you something

6:17

about the country music industry because

6:20

every time I go to Nashville, I actually

6:22

performed in your hometown recently Knoxville, and it was

6:24

the most fun ever.

6:25

I mean, all the cities in Tennessee, I had the best

6:27

time. I went to Dollywood, I performed at

6:29

Graceland.

6:30

I was like, oh my god, I was getting the full

6:32

Tennessee treatment. I was like, oh my god, if I go

6:34

to Tennessee and come out of this alive, it'll be a miracle.

6:37

And then I did and they were the best

6:39

audiences.

6:40

Like I just every time I go to a community

6:42

or a part of the country that I think is going to be like,

6:44

you know, resistant I end up having

6:46

the best shows.

6:47

That makes me so happy.

6:49

Yes, Well, so I guess my question

6:51

is, so every time I go to Nashville,

6:53

which is you know, usually I warm up my tour

6:55

there.

6:56

I always go to Zanies Nashville.

6:58

And the music community just shows up

7:00

and droves to my shows. And it's so

7:02

sweet because I don't know all of these people,

7:04

but I know some of them, and I

7:07

want to know, Like, I know you have a

7:09

lot of friendships within the music community, but

7:11

if it feels like a much more supportive

7:13

community, then, say, Hollywood

7:16

and actors and actresses, what

7:18

do you think about the support that

7:20

you get from other country stars? Would

7:23

you say that that's kind of the attitude across

7:25

the board or what.

7:26

Yeah, there's a lot of camaraderie.

7:27

I mean, I feel like the last few

7:30

years, just like every other part of pop

7:32

culture, there's definitely been more division.

7:34

People kind of pick teams and sides

7:36

on things, and you've seen that in.

7:38

Country for sure.

7:39

But yeah, I mean, like I look back, I've put out

7:41

my first thing, Old Radio nine years ago, and

7:45

kind of the biggest turning points of my career have been

7:48

mostly the women, some men, mostly

7:50

the women that I grew up on turning

7:53

around and either reaching out their

7:55

hand and being like, hey, come share my stage with me, or

7:58

calling me out of the blue and being like, what do

8:00

you need, how are you steeling? Let me give you advice,

8:03

And that to me is the most telling

8:05

part of the country music that I grew up

8:07

on. That I was like, I stars in my eyes.

8:10

I want to be part of that. It was the warmth

8:12

in the community that I felt

8:14

when I was listening on the radio, and

8:17

that has translated to me. I mean there's still

8:19

like competitive energy.

8:20

I think there has to be listen to be successful,

8:23

you have to be competitive.

8:24

That's just the way it is. And it's really

8:26

nothing actually to be ashamed about. It's

8:28

actually part of the motivation. It's when

8:30

you're jealous or envious and

8:32

you let that come out more so

8:35

than being just healthy competition.

8:37

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had to learn that too,

8:40

just especially as a woman in

8:42

entertainment, especially country music. There's

8:44

such a deficit of space,

8:47

I guess for us historically,

8:50

and so yeah, I've really had

8:52

to retrain my brain to go, am

8:55

I feeling competitive with myself or

8:57

in a healthy manner with kind of where

8:59

I'm matt in my career and in the

9:01

game, Or am I feeling jealous

9:04

because you know, historically

9:07

there's only been three spots, and there's

9:09

thirty of us and we all deserve it. So like

9:12

I'm having to like undo a lot of the things that I've

9:14

sent in the last ten years feeling really.

9:17

Yeah, but it's also something to remember

9:19

that it is like a human It's a totally natural

9:21

human emotion.

9:22

It's what you do with it.

9:24

You know.

9:24

You can use it as a motivator, or you can

9:26

use it as a divider. And it's like, oh,

9:28

the people that learn that quick more quickly,

9:31

you're better off because you can get consumed

9:34

by another person's success if you're not where

9:36

you want to be.

9:37

For sure, I had seasons of that too, but

9:39

I don't know, I feel like I've just recalibrated in my

9:42

life the last three years really,

9:44

and I feel like I got to kind of shed

9:46

that skin because I still I've pent a lot of that

9:49

on my youth, and I feel like the last

9:51

few years I shed that skin.

9:52

Yeah.

9:53

The last time we saw each other in person, you and I

9:55

were both broken up with our significant others,

9:57

but we didn't tell each other because coming

9:59

on we were both You're like, how's Joe,

10:01

And I was like great, Meanwhile we were broken up because

10:03

I was hosting guests, hosting Jimmy kimble This was almost

10:05

a year ago, and Kelsey was on and I

10:08

was like, how's yours and she was like great, and we

10:10

both were just like we just couldn't even

10:12

tell each other because it wasn't public on my end

10:14

and it wasn't public.

10:15

On her end.

10:16

And now we're a year out and you're in a

10:18

new relationship with your adorable

10:20

boyfriend Chase, and you seem happy

10:23

as a pig and shit, So I want to say

10:25

I'm happy for you, and

10:27

I want to ask you, what is it about this

10:29

relationship that is making you so abuliant?

10:33

Oh my gosh, Well, I was wondering

10:35

if you were going to bring that up, because we haven't talked about

10:37

it, but I think about that often because like

10:39

I would consider as friends, like we've offline,

10:42

we've hung out, you and I, And it

10:44

was so funny to me that we both

10:46

went into our public personas.

10:49

To give it context. We weren't hanging

10:51

out alone.

10:52

I had Kelsey on as a guest on

10:54

Jimmy Kimmel, and yes, Joe and

10:56

I literally had broken up like the night

10:58

before I started guest. So

11:01

I wasn't telling anyone

11:03

really except because I was like, I

11:05

was just still just trying to focus on the job at

11:07

hand, and you and we were backstage, and

11:09

it was a moment. If you and I had been to dinner

11:12

or something, we I'm sure we would have been

11:14

a little bit more honest, but yeah, we

11:16

went into pure Hollywood bode.

11:19

I don't want my thing that week was

11:21

I didn't want anyone at on staff

11:23

to know that I had broken up with Joe because

11:25

I didn't want them to feel like I

11:27

needed special It's.

11:28

You know what I mean.

11:29

I didn't want I just I work best

11:31

when I'm under pressure and I have to hide

11:33

something.

11:38

Both.

11:39

Yeah, I you know, to

11:41

be honest with you, I don't even think I think I was still

11:43

kind of in my turmoil, like I hadn't even

11:45

gotten to the place of like hitting the

11:47

breaking point yet, but I'd say,

11:49

yeah, my life's a lot different than last.

11:51

Time we hung and thank

11:53

god. I just feel.

11:56

Like making that decision for my life

11:58

was really daunting and scared for

12:00

a lot of reasons. My parents got divorced

12:02

when I was twelve, and I'm an only child,

12:05

and navigating that was traumatic,

12:07

and then also like growing up in the South, growing

12:10

up super religious, all these things, being

12:12

in a relationship with another public person in my

12:15

industry, like all these things were telling me like just

12:17

figure it out, stay.

12:18

Where you're at.

12:19

But everything in my heart and soul and body was

12:21

like this isn't it.

12:22

You know, Yeah, good for you for following

12:25

through on what you need.

12:26

I mean, and you're very young to be able to

12:28

even make that, especially being in the spotlight,

12:30

Like it adds a whole dimension of

12:32

pressure.

12:33

I mean, you and I have spoken about it.

12:34

And I'm like, just you know, I'm always telling

12:37

her now that I'm older, like be yourself,

12:39

Like you're only going to get rewarded for being yourself.

12:42

I was saying this to Drew Barry more recently because

12:45

I don't know if you saw her New York magazine

12:47

cover, but like she's, you know, the

12:49

talk show. She's finally being rewarded

12:51

after probably so many notes and so

12:53

many people telling her how

12:56

to do it, how to behave, how to be less

12:58

of herself on TV, and guess

13:00

what, the only thing that works is to be yourself.

13:02

Drew does want to sit on your lap and touch your eyeballs.

13:05

That's who she is.

13:06

And so now the fact that the whole world gets

13:08

to see her shine because of her

13:11

effervescence and because of truly like her

13:13

personality is so much more meaningful

13:15

than succeeding in somebody else's

13:17

shoes that you're pretending are your own.

13:19

Yeah, yeah, it's the I

13:21

kept going back to the quote the right thing and the

13:23

hard thing, or usually the same thing. And

13:26

so when you honor yourself and you do the hard

13:28

thing, that is the right thing.

13:30

I mean, my God, I.

13:32

Could tell you a million stories just in the last

13:34

eight nine months of just life,

13:37

God, in the universe, whatever you believe in rewarding

13:40

me and making it very obvious, and

13:42

it's just been great and I'm super happy.

13:44

I love that. I love that. Can you share

13:47

one of those stories with us? Oh?

13:48

God, yeah, this is my favorite. So I

13:51

lived a couple of years ago in Covidhead. I

13:53

was downtown in this area of Nashville

13:55

called the Gulch.

13:56

It's like right between Music Grow and Broadway.

13:59

And it was nice because I was throwing

14:01

all the time, My ex was throwing all the time, and.

14:03

It was easy to just shut the door and leave it. But then COVID

14:06

happened and it.

14:07

Was like a ghost town and felt apocalyptic

14:09

and I have a dog. I was like, it's time for

14:11

some green a need dr so

14:13

started looking for a house. And I'm

14:16

such a gut girl. I will follow my gut

14:18

into the depths of the universe. I don't

14:20

care if I'm wrong. I just I believe in

14:22

trusting it. And I found this house and

14:24

before I walked from the door, I was like, this is the house. This

14:27

is the house, and long story very

14:29

short, didn't get the house, bought

14:31

a house point nine miles down the road, and

14:34

another artist who was going

14:36

through a big life change bought

14:38

the house.

14:39

So in fast forward two years.

14:41

I been having you know, I'm

14:43

going through divorce and I

14:46

just could texted this artist and I

14:48

was like, I don't know if you ever knew it was me bitting

14:50

against you, but it was. And I've

14:52

always loved this place. If you ever thought about selling

14:54

it, would you let me? Now? Two weeks later, I

14:56

found my dream home. Are you serious

14:58

about the house? And long story short,

15:01

it's my house now?

15:02

Oh oh ah? I love that.

15:05

Yeah, it was just like it wasn't meant to be

15:08

mine. Then it was meant to be mine now in like

15:10

this new chapter. So just like stuff like that over

15:12

and over again.

15:13

Yeah, it's always interesting when you like look at timing

15:15

of things, right it doesn't work out the way

15:17

you want it to, or what's that saying?

15:19

Like God doesn't come when you want him to, but

15:22

he comes just in time. I mean, I

15:24

don't really subscribe to the God, but I

15:26

understand that. It's like the universes does

15:28

have your back, Like things are working in your favor

15:31

the way in ways that are unseen and that will

15:33

never understand. You just have to trust it,

15:35

like you have to trust in it right, which

15:37

is a big leap sometimes. And I

15:39

know that this, your most recent album,

15:41

is a testament to that because I

15:44

know you've had like experiences where you've

15:46

been kind of directed about what kind of music you should

15:48

be putting out versus exactly authentically

15:50

what you want to say, and your breakup

15:53

and everything that's happened in your life led you to want

15:55

to say, Okay, this is what I want to put out,

15:57

And now you're being celebrated for your music

15:59

for that very reason as well.

16:01

Yeah, it's the same thing you were

16:03

just talking about with Drew. You know, I've

16:06

always tried to be a commercial country

16:08

artist, but I also like, I grew up on a farm

16:10

in East Tennessee, but my first concert was Britney

16:12

Spears, and so I'm like, well, how do I

16:14

do this? Because I want to write music

16:17

that feels good to me and I think

16:19

it's country, some people don't, whatever, But

16:21

I always wanted to fit in a lane

16:23

which is a country artist.

16:25

And I do.

16:25

I always will ding my heels in here, but I

16:28

would write with people that would kind of keep me in

16:31

the lines, you know, and that kind of stuff.

16:32

And then this last project rolling up.

16:34

To welcome Matt, it had nothing to

16:36

do. It doesn't even count on my record

16:38

deal, it doesn't count towards my label.

16:41

It was truly just a me project

16:43

for therapy, and it's been

16:45

the most successful thing I've ever put out, and

16:47

so it's caused me to recalibrate

16:50

in such a major way of like

16:52

my artistry, the way I share

16:54

what I want to share with the world, all of it. I'm

16:56

like, oh, man, I need to care

16:59

less about what it sounds like, if

17:01

it rhymes correctly, all the things

17:03

that I've told myself that make the craft good

17:05

and just write the truth more.

17:08

What do you mean it doesn't count towards your record deal?

17:10

Like is it?

17:11

I mean it's under the same label, right, but it

17:14

doesn't count about what in terms of what you

17:16

owe them?

17:17

Right?

17:17

Yeah?

17:18

Like it's an extra that you just did ex

17:20

Yeah yeah, cofy of that just in case

17:22

I want to get into the music industry. Everybody, I know everybody's

17:25

waiting for me to come out without a country rap album

17:27

because I can just see it

17:29

now. So can you tell me about

17:32

some of the things about Chase that make you so happy

17:34

to be in this relationship or the things

17:36

that he brings out in you?

17:38

Mmm, I

17:41

feel silly again, And that probably

17:44

sounds stupid, but it's like not

17:46

hard to find the heaviness in life. It's

17:49

really hard to find the play. It's really

17:51

hard to find like the things that bring you back

17:53

to like your childlike self, that make you google

17:55

and like feels silly and

17:58

I feel like I get to be silly. And I've

18:00

had that in my friendships and my female friendships

18:02

for years and they've always kind of been

18:04

my refuge when I don't feel that in my

18:07

whole life. But I have

18:09

that very much. So with him, and that's

18:11

been really, really beautiful to reconnect to

18:13

that part of my relationship.

18:16

I mean, I could tell you in Milia's stories he's

18:18

the best. We we talked for

18:20

a month and then we met and as

18:22

soon as we met, it was like we were

18:24

in it. And the second time

18:26

we ever hung out, he asked me to be his date

18:29

to a wedding in Charleston, and

18:31

I was like, fair enough, I guess

18:33

we'll figure out really quick if we travel

18:35

well together, if I like your friends,

18:37

like all these things.

18:39

I was in.

18:39

Nashville, he was in LA and I

18:42

had sent him rolling at the walcome out before it

18:44

came out, because I'm like, you're gonna ask about this, so

18:46

here you go. And he messaged

18:49

me and he was like, hey, I was thinking maybe I

18:51

could I could fly to Nashville before

18:54

Charleston. That way you don't to fly

18:56

by yourself. And I know, like your

18:58

dog means a lot to you, and I know you just

19:00

gott in your new house that you really love. I'd love

19:02

to meet your dog and whoever else you want me to and

19:04

then we can find together that way, like

19:07

you don't have to plan it, you don't have to think about it

19:09

from context clues.

19:10

I'm attracted to him now I

19:12

know.

19:12

And he's hot and he's nice and he

19:14

loves his mom.

19:16

Yeah, yeah, that's very cute.

19:18

That's cute, you know, That's what I mean. It's

19:20

nice to be pursued in that way. Also as a

19:22

woman, you know, like everyone knows people

19:25

constantly are now like I'm hearing these arguments

19:27

from my friends, but going on dates about like chivalry

19:29

and men are like, well, we'll just split

19:31

the check, you know, now that women want equal

19:34

rights, It's like wait, wait what what Like

19:36

there's still dating and courting,

19:38

and like, come on, you would do that in

19:40

a same sex relationship, somebody would

19:42

take the lead, Like it doesn't have anything.

19:44

To do with that. Don't take that shit away.

19:47

Like how hot is it to be on a date

19:49

and somebody say let's split the check? It's like, no,

19:51

fuck you asshole, Like I mean, yeah,

19:53

if I'm on a date with somebody who actually

19:55

that's not true because I sometimes pick up the check before

19:57

the man could get it.

19:58

But no, I wouldn't do it all date situation.

20:00

Not usually when you just want to get out of there, yes,

20:03

exactly.

20:05

When they're like, oh, where's the chuck im, I got it, let's

20:07

go. Yeah, I made up. I

20:10

did that in New York recently, I was on a date and

20:12

I was like, no, this is no longer a date.

20:14

And the check was taking the card down, yeah

20:16

right away. Yeah.

20:18

I feel like one of the most important

20:20

milestones was literally

20:22

having like my mom and my father

20:25

tell me seriously, like

20:27

how impressed they were with my drive and

20:30

my success. And I

20:32

feel like that is one of those seminal moments

20:34

when you do make it and you start to really

20:36

feel the success, to hear

20:38

it from the people that raised you.

20:40

What do your parents have to say about your success.

20:43

It's interesting because my parents are really

20:45

different. My mom moved

20:47

me to Nashville when I was fifteen to pursue

20:50

music, which was like her uprooting

20:53

her life, her friends, all that to get me

20:55

here. My dad's still in Knoxville,

20:58

so my mom was she's walked much

21:00

closer with me, you know, this whole journey.

21:02

She used to like drop me off at meetings

21:05

or co writes or whatever. So my

21:07

dad's farther removed from like the intricacies

21:09

of this whole thing, but he sees the big moments where

21:11

my Mom's kind of seen the whole thing, and I

21:13

invite them to different things, mainly for

21:16

my own mental health. I can't handle them in

21:18

the same room. And so I

21:20

think because we're both I would say

21:22

workhorses. Like I like to be head

21:24

down and go all the time. There

21:26

are not many moments that made me slow down and look

21:28

up, but a lot

21:30

of the ones that have are because

21:33

my mom or my dad are in Rome and I

21:35

know that they're watching it.

21:36

Yeah.

21:37

One was when I got inducted into the Grand

21:39

Ole Opry. I was like the newest member, the

21:41

youngest member, and

21:43

my mom was there and I just knew.

21:46

She bought me tickets for Christmas one year when we

21:48

still lived in Knoxville to go to the Grand Ole Opry one

21:51

year, you know, like that full Ceverle moment

21:53

I was like. To be able to share that with

21:55

her made me look up. Being

21:57

able to go back to my hometown where my

22:00

sweet dad was like, yeah, go you're fifteen,

22:02

but I get it. Go and play a hometown

22:04

show and like have him be there

22:07

and like walk around like the mayor because he was so

22:09

proud.

22:09

Like that was the moment and then.

22:10

Me look up. So I definitely feel like the big

22:12

pillar moments so far have had him in

22:15

the room.

22:15

Yeah, it's much more meaningful when you have somebody

22:17

in the audience. I know you don't have siblings. I have

22:19

so many, So those moments happen a lot. But it's

22:22

nice to know, like when you have someone

22:24

special at the show, like that you're performing

22:27

for them, you know, like you're like, look, look I

22:29

peek.

22:30

Mok so big, especially when my friends

22:32

are there, Like I have like just a group

22:34

of girlfriends that I'm so right or die for, and

22:36

when one of them come out to a show, I

22:39

mean I strut a little stronger.

22:42

Totally. That's so true.

22:46

Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break.

22:48

We'll be right back and we're gonna take some callers.

22:50

Okay, I'm ready, So put your.

22:52

Therapy hat on. Girl, it's coming and

22:58

we're back. We're back so quick.

23:01

Lucky us.

23:02

Well, our first question comes from

23:04

Harriet. She's not on the phone, this is just an

23:06

email. Harriet

23:09

says, Dear Chelsea, Basically,

23:11

my father's dating a woman who's married and

23:14

has a whole other life in another province.

23:17

Province that means Canada.

23:20

My father is aware and they've been together

23:22

for about six years.

23:23

Obviously the father's aware if she has a family.

23:27

If you're aware, the father's aware, I

23:29

don't respect it. But I am a person who works

23:32

very hard to keep the peace. I recently

23:34

got engaged to my partner of ten years,

23:36

and his family is very religious.

23:39

My family is the opposite. I do not want

23:41

my dad bringing his quote unquote girlfriend

23:44

to my wedding. My partner's family

23:46

is very interested in others' lives and ask

23:48

a lot of questions to people they meet, so I

23:51

know they'll ask about her life. My

23:53

mom is remarried and obviously will be bringing

23:55

her new husband. My dad is very sensitive,

23:57

so I know he won't want to be alone. But he's also

24:00

very social and has many friends who could attend

24:02

with him. Basically, how can

24:04

I keep the peace, get my dad's girlfriend not

24:06

to attend and not make anyone feel

24:08

bad?

24:09

Please help Harriet.

24:10

First of all, your dad's girlfriend should not

24:12

attend.

24:13

No, Matt, She's married with

24:15

a family, and that's all you have to say to

24:17

him. That is not acceptable to be

24:19

flaunting in front of a whole group of people.

24:22

I think if just one person that's acceptable

24:25

to offend it would be your dad on this one.

24:27

You got to throw a boundary down. It's your

24:30

day. Don't avenge yourself and don't avend

24:32

your partner.

24:33

It's your moment.

24:34

You're going into a new chapter of real life. You can't

24:36

you can't bring that in. That's fine.

24:38

And also I know it seems like there's

24:40

billions of people in the world, which they are,

24:42

but like when you're dealing with communities like

24:45

that, him bringing his girlfriend, everyone

24:47

is gonna find out at some point that

24:50

she's married to someone else. There could be a chance

24:52

that somebody at the wedding knows her.

24:54

And that what the fuck are you gonna do?

24:56

You don't even know every single person who's probably

24:58

coming to the wedding, who's bringing a place You

25:00

don't know one person, You don't know if every person

25:03

doesn't know this woman or won't connect

25:05

the dots or won't figure it out, like it's too

25:07

dangerous of a situation and all you have

25:09

to do is position it to your father as

25:11

first of all, this is something that I don't

25:13

want overshadowing my special day.

25:16

I don't want your affair that is illicit,

25:18

she's married to another person.

25:20

I don't support that Obviously

25:23

I want to keep the peace, but this is my day and I need

25:25

you to respect it.

25:25

And that's it. Like he can't argue with

25:28

you about your wedding day.

25:29

And if he doesn't really respond

25:32

to that, this might be going for the jugular, but also

25:34

saying you clearly don't respect

25:37

the boundaries of a marriage. You clearly don't respect

25:39

what that means. So why would

25:41

I want that energy in

25:44

that room when I'm trying to.

25:45

Start that great, great

25:48

point exactly boom yeah.

25:51

And I think even be specific

25:53

about which one of your dad's friends you would want

25:55

to attend with him, Like I love you know, quote

25:57

unquote uncle Larry whatever. Why don't you bring

26:00

him? That would be you know, he'd be great to have at the wedding. He's

26:02

not already invited whatever, and he'll.

26:03

Have plenty to do.

26:04

He's the father of the bride, Like, he's gonna have plenty

26:06

of people to interact with. And you

26:09

know it's not your this is your day. Do not forget

26:11

that this is the only day you get. Don't

26:13

let it be besmirched by something like Tawdrey

26:16

like that. You know, if he wants to have an affair with

26:18

a married woman. Fine, great, but not at your

26:20

wedding, agreed.

26:23

Our next question comes from Jessica.

26:26

Jessica says, Dear Chelsea, I'm

26:29

not sure if I need your advice or if I just need

26:31

to be talked off the ledge. I just ended

26:33

my six year relationship. It was one of the healthiest

26:36

breakups I've ever had. We entered

26:38

the relationship knowing that I don't want to have kids,

26:40

and he is the fifth generation in

26:42

his family, so he has decided that he

26:45

needs to have a son at some point in his life.

26:47

Since ending the relationship, I've found the perfect

26:49

place to live, started a new job I love,

26:52

and I've grown closer to my friends and family. I

26:54

feel so free, and I know us breaking up was the right

26:57

decision. Now here's the problem.

26:59

We haven't even been broken up for two months, and

27:01

he's apparently dating someone new and

27:03

someone I know. I found out

27:05

because the girl he's dating posted a piece

27:07

of furniture from his house on Facebook

27:10

marketplace for sale. Eventually,

27:12

one of our mutual friends admitted that they are in fact

27:14

dating and it seems like they'll be moving

27:17

in together very soon. Am

27:19

I crazy to feel like I'm boiling over

27:21

with rage about this. I don't really

27:23

feel like I'm jealous, just pissed off.

27:25

We've known this girl for a long time, and it feels like

27:27

she was waiting for the second we broke up to pounce

27:29

on him and move into the house we lived in together.

27:32

Do I even have a right to be mad about this? I

27:35

want to act like I don't care so badly, but

27:37

it's hard. We have a lot of mutual friends,

27:39

and I know i'll see him soon, and I do have

27:41

a temper and honestly don't really like holding

27:43

my feelings back. I'm concerned that

27:45

when I see him, I might freak out or at least

27:48

throw around a snide remark or two. Even

27:50

though it didn't work out between us, I really did love

27:52

him, and with him moving on so fast, it

27:55

makes me feel insecure about how he felt

27:57

about me. How should I control

27:59

myself when I inevitably run into him.

28:01

I'm ready for any stage wisdom you're willing

28:03

to give. Thanks Jessica.

28:05

Wow, Okay, Well, luckily I've been through

28:07

this exact same situation.

28:10

Hi Jessica, Hi, how's it going?

28:12

Hi?

28:13

Keatie.

28:13

This is Kelsey Vallerini, our special guest

28:15

today, amazing him.

28:17

Great to be eat both of you all.

28:19

Hi, that's so annoying.

28:21

First of all, it's so fucking annoying

28:23

to spend six years with somebody and then find

28:26

out that two weeks later that they're.

28:27

Dating somebody else. Was it two weeks or two

28:30

months?

28:30

It was two months,

28:32

but they basically started dating

28:35

right after. I just found out two months later,

28:37

so like it pretty much was

28:39

I media. I just found out a little bit later. So

28:41

it's lovely.

28:43

Okay, Well, this exact situation happened

28:45

to me, not exactly, but very similar.

28:47

I dated somebody for four years. I broke

28:49

up with them, and two weeks later they

28:52

were moving in with someone else. So

28:55

I understand exactly how you feel. And

28:58

good fucking riddance, because that

29:00

is not the person for you. That says

29:02

everything you need to know about that person,

29:05

everything you need to know. And as

29:07

you said in your letter, you knew you made

29:09

the right decision.

29:10

You're in a new place. Don't let his

29:13

weakness throw you off kilter.

29:16

Now you have the full picture of the fact

29:18

that the decision you made was absolutely

29:20

the right decision. Just him

29:22

being with someone, and of course there are feelings and if

29:24

you want to make a snide remark, fucking go ahead.

29:27

Who gets a shit about that? You

29:29

know what I mean?

29:30

It is silly, but he would take a lot of pleasure

29:32

in you being jealous about it.

29:33

So remember that.

29:34

You know, if you let him, if you let him see your jealousy,

29:37

then he'll be like, oh, yeah, I got her.

29:39

So it's up to you. But I

29:41

mean, you absolutely made the.

29:43

Right decision in every way, right Kelsey,

29:45

don't you agree?

29:46

Yeah?

29:46

The whole there was so much positive affirmation

29:48

in the beginning of that letter. I was like, there's no advice

29:51

here, and then I was like, Oh, my question

29:53

is.

29:54

Are you close with the girl still?

29:57

So I was never really good friends with

29:59

her.

29:59

They actually I know her

30:01

through mutual friends, and then he started hanging

30:03

out with like another friend group towards the end of our relationship,

30:06

and she's in that friend group right. So honestly,

30:09

when we first started dating six years

30:11

ago, they were kind of hanging

30:14

out, and I think he kind of stopped

30:16

talking to her then was dating me.

30:18

So he's always been a little questionionable.

30:20

It just is unfortunate that we spent that

30:22

much time together and now he's dating

30:25

the same girl.

30:26

Or like she was hanging out. I just feel really

30:28

weird about it all, so I don't know, well.

30:32

Her feelings are valid.

30:34

I would just say, like find a safe friend

30:36

and or scream into a pillow, because that is

30:38

annoying. That's super annoying and

30:40

like low key a little bit shady. But

30:43

yeah, what Chel said, like, it's you're exactly

30:45

where you need to be, thank God, like to

30:47

be with someone for six years and.

30:49

Move on in two weeks. There was a disconnect.

30:51

There was a bigger disconnect that happened.

30:52

And the first page

30:54

and a half of your letter said that you are

30:57

happier where you are now. So just screaming

30:59

to a pellow, talk to a friend, and then stand

31:01

in the place that you're at right now.

31:04

Yeah, and if you see them, you know what

31:06

would really even drive him more mad

31:08

is to be happy for them to go. I'm so happy

31:10

that you guys found each other. I'm glad

31:13

to hear that you're together, even though it's a

31:15

lie and you don't feel that way. That takes

31:17

all of the emotion out of

31:19

it, and you're gonna walk away feeling so fucking

31:22

good about yourself, better than if you make

31:24

a snide remark. You're gonna feel empowered.

31:26

You know, you're going to tell your friends the truth, but

31:28

he wants you to be upset. You you

31:30

know, you left him because you didn't want to have a child,

31:33

so obviously he can't be alone.

31:35

This is so many men cannot

31:37

fucking be alone and they

31:39

can't even be a part, whereas women, we're

31:42

alone and we're so happy, we're like, oh, thank

31:44

god, we have this minute to

31:46

breathe, and men are just kind

31:48

of weak like that, and like, if

31:51

anything, it's like, I know it hurts your feelings,

31:53

but it won't for very long. I promise you're already

31:55

like past the bad part of your breakup

31:57

and all of that. You're not gonna be upset for a

31:59

while, and it will be empowering for

32:02

you to just when you're able

32:04

to see.

32:04

Them, kind of give them your blessing.

32:06

I'm glad you said that, because I've been battling, like

32:08

I have a feeling I'm going to see them. Florida

32:11

is weird and small, so it's

32:13

like I know I'm going to bump into them at some point,

32:16

and I go back and forth like I want

32:18

to have a confrontational moment just

32:20

to be like, this is really disrespectful

32:22

to me as a person, right, But I do

32:24

want to kind of just continue on because I'm

32:26

not upset, like you said, I'm not like sad

32:28

the relationships over. I know, we ended it because

32:31

I didn't want a family and that's apparently

32:33

the only thing he needs in life.

32:35

Yeah, because he doesn't want to be alone, so

32:37

he needs a family.

32:39

Yeah. So I think you're right, I

32:41

just need to kind of like move on.

32:42

It's so hard to hold that reaction in and

32:44

that's actually why I reached out, because I'm like, I know

32:47

you've been dealing with the reactivity, and I'm like,

32:49

oh, just take a breath. Don't acknowledge. It's

32:51

probably the best way to handle it. But it's hard sometimes

32:55

it's.

32:55

Of course it's hard.

32:56

And thank you for not saying reactionary, because

32:58

people keep saying that, and that's a civil or reenactor.

33:01

It's reactivity, not reactionary

33:04

like that. People don't understand what that board means.

33:06

First of all, you should get out of Florida as soon as possible.

33:09

But in the meantime, like I think, listen,

33:12

I'm looking at your face and I'm looking at your vibe.

33:14

And your energy and your positive and your upbeat,

33:16

like, don't belittle yourself by even saying

33:18

anything negative to them. Obviously, talk

33:21

to your friends and just deal with it on

33:23

your own. And when you have these feelings,

33:25

one of the most powerful things you can do is

33:27

to sit with negative feelings and let them

33:29

work through your body instead of trying to stuff

33:31

them away or distract or deflect. If

33:34

you literally sit and think about how

33:36

ikey this is, you will be amazed

33:38

at how quickly that feeling goes away ton

33:41

and yeah, and then you know, I had my friends

33:43

say to me once like, do you want to be on your highest

33:46

like soul path or do you want to be down?

33:48

Like you can let people take you down by

33:50

reacting to their negative behavior, or

33:53

you.

33:53

Can just be on a higher path and

33:55

rise above it.

33:56

And actually, when you do interact

33:59

with them, be you know, be as nice

34:01

and fake or whatever it takes to

34:04

make sure that they know that they didn't get you

34:06

or that he didn't hurt you in that way. And

34:08

I promise you when you because that's really the right thing

34:10

to do. Anyway, it doesn't matter, it's not your business

34:12

anymore. He's not your boyfriend. He doesn't have to protect

34:14

you in the breakup, so you

34:16

wish you would. But anybody who gets together

34:19

with somebody that quickly isn't worried about

34:21

protecting you. They're worried about themselves. So

34:23

I think you're going to be pleased with yourself if you

34:26

just get to your higher soul path, so to

34:28

speak, and just do the right thing, you

34:30

know, and not be a cunt and just be cool.

34:33

I have to say, the petty part of me wants to do both.

34:36

I don't.

34:36

It's so hard, but

34:38

you have to understand it's an impulse. That's

34:40

an impulse when you want to say something

34:42

to somebody. It doesn't mean it's right. It's

34:44

just an impulse and it feels good. But

34:46

it doesn't feel as good as taking the higher road.

34:49

And that's true. It doesn't last as long

34:51

that feeling.

34:52

Yeah, you can walk away and then say the petty part

34:54

to your friends afterwards.

34:56

It's really easy to be petty with him because

34:58

I don't know what's going on. But he like turn

35:00

thirty and then bought a mullet and dyed the tips

35:02

of the mullet blonde, and I just really truly

35:04

don't know, like what in the world is happening.

35:07

So I'm happy that's not the section

35:09

of him I got, but it does

35:11

make it a little bit easier.

35:12

It's bizarre. Onward

35:14

and awards, baby, not the

35:17

mullet with blonde tips.

35:18

No, no, no, not anymore,

35:21

no more. No.

35:22

I know that's some real Florida shit, But

35:24

it is happening.

35:26

How long?

35:27

But within what time frames did he'd get that mullet

35:29

and frosted tips after you broke up with him?

35:31

It was it was transitioning into a mullet

35:34

towards the end, and then we frosted the tips,

35:37

like right when they started dating.

35:39

I think. Okay, so I really

35:42

just to be happy that this is over, you

35:44

know what I mean.

35:45

Yeah, if you judged so many bullets.

35:48

Yeah, you doudged a lot of bullets.

35:50

And just be happy that you're free, Be

35:52

happy that that's not you with him.

35:54

Be happy.

35:55

I appreciate it. Yeah, that's great advice.

35:57

I definitely think, keep it inside, Let

36:00

live their lives and kind of move onward and

36:02

upward, like you said, so I appreciate it.

36:04

Okay, Thanks Jessica, thanks for calling.

36:07

Thanks so much. It's great to meet both of you. Hi,

36:10

Da isn't.

36:11

It funny to see how happy people are when they break

36:13

up? She was just

36:15

so happy.

36:17

And she's not even she's upset about this, but she's

36:19

not really.

36:20

She was all.

36:25

She got the post break up glow. Well,

36:31

our next caller is Gina. She

36:33

is calling in from Wisconsin, she

36:36

says to you, Chelsea. Two months ago, I

36:38

quit my soul sucking job at a big four

36:40

public accounting firm. I felt so

36:42

empowered by leaving, and I thought it was a perfect time

36:45

to do something. I truly love architecture

36:47

and design and exterior design. Not

36:49

sure about you, but I just about orgasm every

36:51

time I skim my architectural digest mags

36:54

or scroll through the hundreds of design accounts I follow

36:56

on Instagram. I didn't pursue it in

36:58

college because I was afraid of risk of job

37:00

and security, sucking at it and ultimately

37:03

not making any money. My question

37:05

lies between two different life paths.

37:08

One getting a remote, lonely accounting

37:10

job that I may not see much growth in as I don't

37:12

plan to pursue the CPA like my dad wants

37:14

me to, but gives me flexibility

37:17

to travel or potentially buy an old home.

37:19

I can fix up myself, or staying

37:22

in my hometown, getting a lower paying accounting

37:24

job and attending community college to get an associate's

37:27

degree in interior design. Although

37:29

I've been looking at programs to pursue elsewhere,

37:32

I'm horrible at making decisions and take everything

37:34

into account to the point where I stay stagnant.

37:37

But I need to get a move on because I'm twenty six

37:39

and already started late. Recently,

37:41

I've been living by the lines of everything happens

37:43

for a reason, and you are where you're supposed

37:45

to be. Yet here I remain unemployed,

37:48

living in the room I grow up in. Would love

37:50

your suggestions. Sincerely, Gina,

37:53

Hi, Gena Dane,

37:55

How are you good?

37:57

This is Kelsey Ballerini. She's our guest

37:59

today.

38:00

Hi. I know a song or two.

38:02

I think.

38:04

I bet you do your

38:06

country Brett.

38:07

I Ah, I'm going line dancing

38:09

tonight. So if you're Nana sing what's

38:12

your bro not?

38:13

I love that big Ye.

38:15

What's the name of that single? The most recent

38:17

single Kelsey.

38:19

If you go down on going down to Yeah?

38:21

Because I was hearing it on the radio and I hadn't heard it

38:23

before.

38:24

This was a few months ago and I was like, oh my

38:26

god, it was so fucking good.

38:27

I'm like that sounds like Kelsey.

38:29

Oh maybe I don't know.

38:30

It's hard to keep track anyway.

38:32

Okay, So to your problem excuse on set,

38:37

I feel very passionately about following

38:39

your passion and whatever it is that you are

38:41

most passionate about. Twenty six years old

38:43

is nothing you have time to explore.

38:46

And I don't think staying

38:49

in an accounting job that just gives

38:51

you the freedom to get

38:53

a house you're gonna like and fix that up.

38:55

That sounds like like a B plan,

38:57

not an A plan. Right.

39:00

Yeah, I've kind of just gone with when

39:02

my parents kind of expected of me.

39:04

Yeah, but don't do that.

39:05

That's not important.

39:07

I'm gonna make excuses, but I'm

39:09

I don't want to say I'm the pride enjoy a family,

39:12

but it's like I have to. I'm at

39:14

this pedestal. It's like I have to

39:16

have that stable, steady job

39:19

that you know, is the nine to five sort

39:21

of thing that's gonna have the four on one k all this

39:23

bullshit stuff. It's not bullshit, but it's

39:25

like it's what's expected. So

39:28

I have to be that person. I feel so my

39:31

mom said.

39:31

Just to clarify, is that more of an expectations

39:33

thing or is it like you're actually providing for

39:36

your folks and your other siblings.

39:38

I guess it's the expectation. I

39:40

don't know if it's my purpose to be

39:42

like their role model. I have a twin sister, so like

39:44

she's kind of doing whatever she wants. I love how she's

39:47

living, but.

39:47

I think you do love how she's living because

39:50

you're taking on the responsibility that she's not taking

39:52

on as the oldest she's

39:54

polt it in me bye a minute.

39:57

Three, Okay,

40:00

well listen, it is not your

40:02

responsibility to fulfill your parents'

40:04

dreams. That's not why people have children.

40:06

Even though people get confused and it becomes very

40:09

obfuscated, it is not your

40:11

reason for living to make your parents

40:13

happy. They that's what their life

40:15

is for. You know, you have to search for

40:17

your happiness because I have to tell you, when you really

40:19

are true to who you are, the rewards,

40:21

it's abundance, like rewards come your

40:24

way when you follow your true dreams.

40:26

I mean, look, Kelsey and I were just talking about

40:28

this. You know, she's doing everything she wants

40:31

to be doing, and you're probably happier than you've

40:33

ever been Kelsey, Right.

40:35

Yeah, but I did have to make the decision to not

40:37

do what was expected of me. And I

40:39

think two things. I think I

40:41

really would love to believe in my heart arts

40:43

that your parents just

40:46

actually want you to be happy.

40:47

And I think they've probably.

40:49

Projected what they've known to be sustainable

40:52

to them in their life onto you. That

40:54

doesn't have to be what you choose. And

40:57

at the end of the day, you.

40:59

Have to tay the fear of failure out

41:01

back.

41:02

Failure sometimes is like the best thing, but you

41:04

have to jump to know you know, and like twenty

41:07

six, I'm twenty nine

41:10

and my life is unrecognizable

41:13

in three years from where I was at twenty six because

41:15

I decided to change it. And you

41:18

just have to open up to what you know

41:20

is.

41:20

Right for you.

41:21

Because I listen to this podcast all the time, I'm such a

41:23

giant fan. And one thing both

41:26

Catherine and Chelsea talk about all the time is like

41:28

we know what's right if we're in tune with ourselves,

41:31

we know what we're meant to do, we know like the

41:33

next step, we know, Like there's this little

41:35

gut feeling that I have that I need to shift here, like

41:37

and it sounds like you know, so just

41:40

trust yourself, trust yourself,

41:42

don't be scared to veil, and don't be

41:44

scared to disappoint your parents, because at the end of the.

41:46

Day, you're not honoring your

41:48

knowing.

41:49

This right now and your happiness

41:51

is pursuing what's going to make you feel fulfilled.

41:54

And at the end of the day, I really want to believe

41:56

your parents.

41:56

Want you to be happy. I think now kind

41:58

of the goal is to not the goals

42:01

to disappoint them, but the goals to like

42:03

do the opposite, do what I want

42:05

to do, and not fare so much

42:08

about what they or their friends think

42:11

because it doesn't matter and

42:13

it's just going to keep me more unhappy

42:16

than where I am. So

42:18

luckily, like I've really come

42:20

to know myself and like become the person

42:23

that I want to be. It's just finding

42:25

where I belong and what's

42:27

really going to push sheet

42:30

out of that box even farther.

42:32

But I think you describe like what your passion

42:34

is, you know, which is design, architecture.

42:36

You're interested in all of those things, and

42:38

it's a good example to set for your younger

42:41

siblings and your family anyway. Sounds

42:43

like you're going to have a conversation with your parents about it

42:45

anyway because of your a close relationship

42:47

with them. But you know, in speaking with your parents,

42:49

it's like, I have to go after my dreams, like

42:52

I have to. I'm gonna support myself

42:54

while I pursue my dreams. This

42:56

isn't a reflection on or this

42:59

isn't an indicator that you're gonna have to start supporting

43:01

me or I need your financial help.

43:03

Right, You can do all of this on your own, correct,

43:06

Yes? Yeah, So there's really

43:08

not any input from them that has any

43:10

merit in my opinion, because

43:13

you're not living your life for them, and there's so many

43:15

regrets that come with that, and so many

43:17

people who are older that didn't go pursue

43:19

their passion and now they're forty

43:22

five and forty six and looking at what you're

43:24

looking at. So you have to take your age into

43:26

consideration. There is

43:29

no bad decision. You're going to succeed,

43:31

you know what I mean. You just have to make a decision.

43:33

When you say you're bad at.

43:34

Decision making, the key ingredient

43:36

to making a decision is making one and going

43:39

for it. You know what, I mean, it's

43:41

not one is going to be the best or the

43:43

other. It's like, what do you feel is

43:45

your purpose? And it's very

43:47

clear that you know and I have identified

43:49

what that is. And by the way, that's a huge advantage

43:52

too. So many people don't even know at your age

43:54

what they want to do or where they want to be. So

43:56

I think you should look at it in terms of setting an example

43:58

for your younger siblings and for

44:01

your sister or your twin, and

44:03

even for your parents, like I'm doing this my

44:05

way. I'm going to do it, go after my dreams

44:08

and support yourself by going to community

44:10

college and studying design. I think that's a great

44:12

idea and I think you're going to be much more fulfilled.

44:15

There's often a stepping stone, like Chelsea

44:18

said, like making a decision, taking a step.

44:20

Maybe it's not interior or exterior design

44:22

that you're going to be and maybe it's something beyond that. For

44:24

me, I was like throwing shit at the wall

44:27

seeing what would stick. I thought voiceover was the

44:29

next thing for me, and then I was like, wait, if I can

44:31

edit my own voiceovers, I can start a podcast.

44:33

Started podcasting, and here I am.

44:35

Here's another thing too.

44:37

Parents.

44:38

Sometimes the things you think that they expect

44:40

of you are all in your head. One

44:42

of the best days of my life. My dad's

44:44

a lawyer, my aunt's a lawyer, my sister's a lawyer,

44:46

my sister's graduation from law school. I

44:48

had all these expectations about what my parents wanted

44:50

for me, and my dad said to me, you

44:52

know, I actually don't think that you would

44:55

like fit really well as a traditional lawyer

44:57

of any kind.

44:57

And I was like, thank god.

44:59

I I thought he had this expectation of me that I

45:01

was gonna, you know, go to law school whatever, or

45:04

that I was a failure if I didn't, and he was like, no,

45:05

no, that's not for you. So

45:08

sometimes it really is like coming from us, even

45:10

though we think it's our parents' expectation.

45:12

And it's also very typical for the oldest sibling,

45:14

even though you're your twin is three minutes older

45:16

than you, like you're considered one of the oldest. It's

45:19

very typical for you to feel this kind of sense of responsibility

45:21

to your parents. And that's just the architecture

45:23

of a family. You know, the oldest is supposed

45:25

to be the most responsible, and then it falls

45:28

apart as you go down. Like

45:30

for me, I never once thought about what my parents wanted

45:32

for me. I'm like, I have my plan. I knew what was

45:34

happening from a very young age. I'm like, this

45:36

is what I'm gonna do. And their opinion

45:38

had no impact on me whatsoever.

45:41

In fact, when I said, I went to community college

45:43

for like half a semester and I was like, I

45:45

think I'm going to move to Los Angeles, like I feel

45:47

like I should just be famous or something.

45:49

I was nineteen years old, and my

45:52

parents.

45:52

Were like, go, please go.

45:55

That's exactly where you belong with those

45:57

lunatics in California, you know, Los Angeles.

46:00

So you're just letting all this pressure, you

46:02

know what I mean. It's the pressure of being the oldest, it's

46:04

the pressure of being like modeling the behavior. But

46:06

I would say that you have an opportunity

46:09

to really model true happiness and go after

46:11

what you want. So the decision has been

46:13

made and that's what you're gonna do.

46:15

Do it.

46:16

Okay, Okay, thanks, and.

46:18

Your parents have a problem, tell them to call into the podcast.

46:21

Oh I will, I'll send

46:23

them your way have fun line dancing.

46:26

Yeah, thank you.

46:28

I'm going by myself. But that's

46:30

fine. Shouldn't have disclosed that.

46:32

I like that too. Good for you.

46:34

You're a ballsy I like that.

46:36

Thank you.

46:37

Yeah, doing new things this year,

46:39

so I like it fun

46:41

to have fun.

46:43

Thanks for taking my calls. So great to meet you

46:45

all.

46:45

Yeah, of course, Artina fight

46:49

well.

46:49

Our last question comes from

46:51

Kate. She says, Dear Chelsea,

46:54

I'm a huge new fan of the show, and

46:56

something I've noticed both of you mentioned during the advice

46:59

segment is how I and it is to trust your gut

47:01

and follow your instincts. Here we are again. This

47:03

is an idea I've heard time and again from

47:05

people I admire, but I've literally never

47:07

been able to understand it on a personal level.

47:10

As someone who lives with chronic anxiety,

47:12

it seems like those times I think

47:14

I have a gut feeling, it's proven wrong

47:16

and is actually just my anxiety talking.

47:19

So my question is how do I differentiate

47:21

between my gut instincts and anxious thoughts.

47:24

My doctor has diagnosed me with anxiety and I'm

47:26

on medication. While this certainly

47:28

makes my anxiety manageable, I still

47:30

deal with it internally on a daily basis

47:33

because I know you'll ask. I'm not in therapy, and

47:35

I hope and plan to regularly see a therapist

47:37

someday, but it isn't financially viable for

47:40

me at this point in my life. Thank you so much

47:42

for all the entertainment and inspiration you've given me.

47:44

Your podcast is such a light in my life, and I cherish

47:46

hearing your insights each week.

47:48

Much love, Kate.

47:49

Okay, Kelsey, what do you think about that?

47:51

Ooh? I would say having

47:54

people that know you well they can

47:57

hold you accountable and help you decipher between

47:59

the two until you kind of get into a rhythm

48:01

where you learn to trust yourself and decipher

48:03

for yourself, whether it's a dear

48:05

friend or a family member or a therapist,

48:08

which I think is a great idea to bring

48:10

those gut feelings or thoughts to and

48:12

say, you know.

48:13

Me, what do you think this is?

48:15

Can you help me kind of relearn to trust

48:18

myself and decipher between the two. I

48:20

feel really strongly about reaching

48:23

out to the people that know you deeply and giving

48:25

them that responsibility like they've given

48:27

you in their life too.

48:29

Yeah, that's a nice idea too.

48:31

I think also with anxiety,

48:33

you know there's impulse and there's instinct,

48:36

and those are two different things, and

48:38

anxiety can make you feel very impulsive.

48:41

So like, if you're deciding.

48:43

Between two things and

48:46

you have to figure it out right, it's

48:48

good to say, Okay, I'm going to sit with myself

48:51

and here are my two options, right, and

48:53

then do it not once, but you have to repeat

48:56

this exercise over and over, Like

48:58

you give yourself ten minutes just to think with a

49:00

thought, like to try and understand what your

49:02

actual gut is telling you. Because

49:04

anxiety is repetitive and it will keep telling

49:07

you the same thing. But eventually,

49:09

if you give it time instead of just giving

49:11

it one opportunity, I feel

49:13

like the growth that you'll.

49:14

Have in the answer will come.

49:17

So I would say to sit down

49:19

with this idea, say like five days in a row,

49:21

and just go, Okay, I'm just gonna sit with this

49:23

and try to recognize where your

49:25

anxious thoughts are coming. And you might be

49:28

surprised at the way that they abate. Once

49:30

you give yourself enough time with the subject

49:32

matter and the decision you're making, your

49:34

anxiety will quiet. From what

49:36

I've learned about anxiety, the

49:38

more time you give it with the same question.

49:41

So instead of answering something as a one

49:43

off or like oh I gotta do this, revisit

49:46

it, keep asking yourself what do I

49:48

do, and not throughout the day like

49:50

that's your anxiety. You have to set aside

49:52

a time and be like, Okay, I'm going to think about this.

49:54

If you like to write it out, that's great.

49:57

If you just want to sit with yourself kind of like a meditation,

49:59

but you're not meditating, You're just thinking about

50:01

what the decision is and trying to

50:04

hear your anxious thoughts versus

50:06

your gut and I think the anxiety

50:08

will quiet if you just keep revisiting

50:10

it.

50:10

That's great advice For me.

50:12

Something that helps is asking myself

50:15

literally to the feeling that's coming up.

50:17

You ask yourself, what are you trying to

50:19

tell me?

50:20

And when you ask it that somehow

50:22

the anxiety kind of falls away or you

50:24

realize, oh, I'm this is a gut feeling

50:27

I'm having, but I'm anxious about the gut feeling

50:29

of like Okay, I need to go do this new, fun,

50:31

exciting thing that's a little bit scary. You

50:33

might be having anxiety about that, but

50:36

underneath, you know what your gut is telling

50:38

you. So I think, yeah, getting still checking

50:40

in with a friend like seeing is

50:43

this anxiety or is this the path forward?

50:45

Yes?

50:46

And I think recognizing Something that really helped

50:48

me is impulse. Understanding

50:50

what impulse is is an

50:52

immediate reaction. You kind of want to like, oh,

50:55

there's a situation and you have.

50:56

To act now. No, no, no, you don't. Most

50:58

of the time.

50:59

You don't unless there's a fucking fire, you

51:01

know, like, you actually don't have to act now.

51:03

And the longer the amount of time, the longer

51:05

duration of time you give yourself, the better

51:08

you get at coming to it, like, you know, a sound

51:10

conclusion. So I think time

51:13

and yeah, I guess that's it. That

51:16

does make sense.

51:16

Yeah, awesome, Well, thank you for writing

51:19

in, k thank you for writing in.

51:21

Do we want to take a quick break and we'll wrap

51:23

up?

51:24

Yes, and

51:29

we're back. We're wrapping up with Kelsey

51:31

Ballerini.

51:32

Kelsey, So wait and.

51:33

Kelsey and Chelsea Ballerini, tell

51:36

me about some of the places that you're excited to

51:38

go that you've never been.

51:39

Are there any places that you haven't been yet?

51:42

Well, I'm doing headlining again, which

51:44

is nice, so I'm kind of in like the in between venues.

51:46

So I'm doing like the Santa Barbara Bowl, like

51:48

all these beautiful like that is the

51:51

best venue.

51:51

The Santa Barbara Bowl is the best venue.

51:54

I can't wait. I can't wait.

51:55

It's all less post the letter is gonna be great, So

51:58

I start there. And then also I'm

52:00

dropping an extended

52:02

version of the EP that we were talking about earlier,

52:05

the Rolling Up the Welcome Matt with some

52:07

of the stuff that's just become a fun thing during

52:09

the shows or like my SNL performance, some

52:11

live versions of stuff. I'm really excited

52:14

about that too.

52:15

Where did you come up with the title rolling

52:17

Up the Welcome at.

52:18

It's in one of the songs called Penthouse

52:21

and kind of the this is an

52:23

awful word to use, and I don't know why I'm picking this word,

52:25

but the climax, what of the Holy key

52:28

is?

52:29

I hope is that line?

52:31

It says and it stings rolling

52:33

up the Welcome Matt and knowing you got half. So

52:36

that's kind of like the big bomb of the whole

52:38

thing. So I wanted to kind of just make

52:40

that the centerpiece.

52:42

And do you write all your music, Elsie?

52:44

Yeah, I write everything, and I've I've kind

52:46

of gotten into the game of co writing a

52:49

lot because Nashville's built around that. Yeah,

52:51

I love that, I did too,

52:53

but I will I will stay the EP. I

52:56

wrote the whole thing, either by myself

52:58

or with one other person. I've made a whole

53:00

thing was one other woman, from production

53:03

to instrumentation to songwriting.

53:05

So it was like the most close to the chest

53:08

thing I've gotten to do. And it brought me back to trusting

53:10

myself as a songwriter too, which is nice.

53:12

Oh, I love it.

53:13

I'm so happy for all your success. You can go see

53:15

Kelsey on tour.

53:16

Please do.

53:17

She's delightful. I love you, honey,

53:19

Thank you so much.

53:21

You're just being my friends.

53:22

Nice to meet Yocath.

53:23

Likewise, bye, thanks

53:25

so much, by y'all.

53:27

Bye y'all.

53:28

Okay, guys, we have added more shows to

53:30

my Little Big Bitch tour because I'm coming all

53:33

over. We add a second show at the Pantagius

53:35

in Los Angeles, so that's October twelfth

53:38

and Friday at thirteenth. We added

53:40

a second show in Boston at the Waging

53:42

Center. September twenty ninth and thirtieth

53:45

is two shows in New York. I also have a show

53:47

in Eastthampton, New York, August twenty

53:49

six.

53:50

We added a.

53:51

Second show in Portland, So Thursday November

53:53

tewod Friday November third, and Portland

53:56

November fourth and fifth.

53:57

In San Francisco two shows there. We

53:59

added a second show.

54:00

Seattle November tenth and eleventh. Two

54:02

shows Boston are November sixteenth

54:05

and seventeenth at the Boch Center

54:07

Wang Theater. And

54:10

I'm also coming to Toronto

54:13

and Montreal and Ottawa

54:16

and so many other cities Columbus,

54:18

Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville.

54:21

So I will see everybody at all

54:23

of these shows. Thank you.

54:25

Get your tickets at Chelseahandler

54:27

dot com.

54:29

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

54:31

email at Dear Chelsea podcast at

54:33

gmail dot com and be sure to include your

54:35

phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

54:37

and engineered by Brad Dickard executive

54:40

producer Catherine Law and be sure to check

54:42

out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com