0:00

This is the BBC. This

0:03

podcast is supported by advertising

0:05

outside the UK.

0:07

BBC Sounds.

0:10

Music, radio, podcasts. How

0:16

long's Jackie been in this mental asylum? The

0:19

correct term is psychiatric hospital. How

0:22

long, Arlo? Jackie has

0:24

been admitting herself regularly over

0:26

the past ten years. Ever

0:28

since Carl. Ever since Carl

0:31

died in the car accident. I

0:34

was trying to save him and now he's dead and

0:36

Jackie's here and it's all my fault. Calming

0:39

breaths, Mary. Right,

0:44

find Jackie, go back in time,

0:46

again, save Carl. Better

0:58

Pill by Michael Patrick and Aisling

1:00

Kearney. Episode 4. Trust

1:03

issues.

1:10

Jackie.

1:18

Jackie, it's me. It's Mary.

1:22

Mary. I

1:24

told them I didn't want any guests. I

1:27

know, but I need you to help me. Help

1:30

you what? Take

1:32

Reset. What's that?

1:36

It's the drug. The drug you made at Abacus. I

1:39

haven't worked there in ten years. What?

1:42

What about Reset? Jackie,

1:45

do you know this woman? No.

1:49

Alright, time to leave. We

1:51

can save Carl.

1:51

Carl's dead, Mary.

1:57

Leave me alone. I'm going back to my room. I

2:00

told you I'd call you a cancer. Hi.

2:04

How do you know that? You told me. Please,

2:07

Jackie. Listen to me. That's

2:10

enough, miss. It's all right, Lauren. Mary,

2:15

let's go for a walk.

2:21

This is lovely. A nice pond in

2:23

the hospital grounds. The

2:25

safe feed in the docks is good for the head.

2:28

Is it? I don't know. That

2:31

brown one's always watching me.

2:36

How did you know that my mum called

2:38

me a cancer? I

2:40

never told anyone. Not

2:43

the doctors, not even the car. The

2:46

other you said? The other me. All

2:49

right. I'm just gonna lay it all out.

2:52

That would help.

2:55

Ten years ago, the

2:57

car accident, originally

3:00

Carl didn't die. He

3:02

went into a coma. You

3:05

developed a drug called Reset. It

3:07

was supposed to cure PTSD, but it was... It

3:11

was time travel. I went

3:13

back to the moment of the accident, and I

3:16

managed to save Carl. But

3:18

I've messed up. And now

3:20

he's...

3:23

dead. That's

3:25

a lot. But it's true. You invented

3:28

time travel. Time travel?

3:31

I

3:33

haven't seen you since his funeral.

3:36

And now you come here with all of this.

3:39

I'm sorry. I've been in and out of here

3:41

for years. And

3:43

now you show up trying to mess with my

3:45

head. I'm not messing with your head. You

3:49

know in the time I've just come

3:52

from, we were friends?

3:55

Where were... you called us besties?

3:58

I would never use that word.

5:55

We'll

6:00

be with you shortly. What's the plan? The

6:03

research should be in the secure storage

6:05

area. We'll need a keycard to get in. Sorry,

6:08

I'm late. I'm

6:10

off to my eyes. I

6:12

want to thank you all for coming to the first day of our

6:14

new addiction medication drug trial. Fell

6:17

out the questionnaire and I'll bring you in one by one

6:19

into the treatment room.

6:20

Keycard. It's clipped

6:22

to his belt. Follow me. Sorry.

6:31

Sorry, I'm not ready for you just yet. We just had

6:33

a question. Hello there

6:35

Owen. Jackie.

6:39

How are you? I haven't seen you since... Getting

6:42

better. Slowly. You're

6:44

not on this trial. Yeah,

6:46

but Jill Mallard is.

6:49

Jackie! We can't

6:51

have people we know on the trial. Never

6:53

mind former employees. We had

6:55

to get in somehow. And I'm

6:58

guessing you're not... ...Josephine

7:01

Quack. Sorry. Warren's

7:03

breathing down my neck and now this. Why

7:06

are you even here? I want to access

7:08

my old research notes. That's

7:11

company property. I know. But

7:14

maybe if I could just have

7:16

a quick look. Jackie. When

7:19

did they lead you out of the hospital? Sometimes.

7:22

I find it's better to play along with my patients'

7:25

delusions. Your patient?

7:28

Oh. I see. It's

7:31

good to see you, Jackie. What?

7:35

I don't know where your research is. Why

7:38

are you talking to me? But if you leave,

7:41

I can have someone deliver it to

7:43

you. Play along. Um.

7:45

Yes. That

7:48

would be acceptable. Owen. You're

7:51

a brilliant

7:52

guy. Well. That's...

7:56

I'm glad you have fond memories.

7:58

Of me.

7:59

I just... I

8:02

just miss the lab. I

8:05

miss you, you know? I

8:08

think Jackie would like it if you'd give her a hug. A

8:10

hug? Yeah, you know,

8:12

it helps with the

8:13

psychological issues.

8:17

Oh, I see. Say

8:24

goodbye to Owen, Jackie. Goodbye.

8:29

You've been very... professional.

8:33

Anytime.

8:39

I cannot believe you. It worked,

8:41

didn't it? Please tell me you got the keycard. Keycard?

8:44

Oh, Jackie. Got

8:46

it here. You're easier to fill

8:49

than

8:49

Owen.

8:56

My research should

8:58

be in here... somewhere.

9:01

Approximately nine thousand

9:04

boxes. It's gonna take...

9:07

One full week, assuming

9:09

no sleep or toilet breaks. What

9:12

am I getting at? Mary.

9:17

Mm-hmm. What was my

9:19

life like? What? In

9:21

these other times.

9:24

Did I have many friends? A family?

9:27

Nope. Same

9:29

as here then. Well, I think the

9:32

day of Carl's accident had a big impact on you.

9:35

Yeah. But when I did save

9:37

him in that time line, you were

9:39

rich. You ran this place.

9:42

Really? Yeah. And

9:44

that Jackie was the one that said we were besties.

9:48

Sounds like I was happy. Yeah,

9:51

maybe.

9:52

You seem

9:54

quite stressed, though. Things

9:56

were very different then. Different

9:58

high?

9:59

Well, we had a child,

10:02

me and Carl. What a wee girl, Kate.

10:06

I was so scared of her at first, didn't really know how

10:08

to deal with her.

10:09

But, well, now

10:11

she's gone too. What made you

10:13

change things? I had too. It

10:15

wasn't right. Why not? Carl

10:18

was threatening to put me in a psychiatric hospital.

10:20

I can't imagine

10:23

what that would be like. Oh.

10:28

I just...

10:31

Kate wouldn't have a mum. I

10:35

didn't ever think I'd want children, but when

10:37

I'm out of here... Well, I need to get back and

10:39

make things right. Here.

10:43

I'll find them.

10:45

Who's that? I'm here. The hospital's

10:48

already with me. It's Owen. Right

10:51

by the door. We should've

10:53

known this. Come

10:56

with me.

11:02

Let us

11:04

out. Lauren.

11:10

Dr. Jackie Hill. It's been a long time.

11:12

And this is? Mary. You're

11:15

the CEO? Yes, I am. Jackie,

11:17

I'm sorry. I never came to visit you in the hospital.

11:20

I got the company, Christmas Hampers. Good.

11:23

They're nice helpers. Jesus

11:26

and, uh... Pate.

11:31

We were all very upset. We

11:34

hoped you would get the help you needed. I'm

11:36

getting there. But

11:39

what's this about? She had an idea

11:41

about her old research. Really? It's silly.

11:43

It's not silly. Jackie

11:46

has an idea that could make a lot of money. Mary,

11:48

shut up. I don't. I'm

11:51

sorry, Warren. Please, just let us leave. Tell

11:54

me about this idea. Humor me. Before

11:57

I left, I was working on a... I

12:01

barely scratched the surface, but

12:03

I've been thinking, maybe

12:07

this drug could really help, help the people

12:09

who I saw in the hospital. It's taken

12:13

me ten years to really deal with losing my brother, you know, and

12:16

a medication, the right medication,

12:19

could speed things up.

12:21

So you break into my lab? I didn't mean to. Is

12:23

a drug like this even possible? Yes,

12:26

it is. Then

12:29

I'll help you. What? I'm

12:32

going to level with you. Abacus is

12:35

in trouble. If you're so convinced

12:37

by this drug that you're willing to break into my lab,

12:40

well, there must be something there. Make

12:42

it for me. Really? I'll fund

12:44

the research. You'll work on it here. You...

12:47

I don't know what to say. Say yes.

12:50

You seriously want me to make reset?

12:54

Reset. Very marketable. No,

12:56

wait. I don't

12:58

know if I can. She accepts.

13:00

Wonderful. I'll have one report to you.

13:03

OK, but I need Mary. She's

13:05

helping me. I can't do it without her.

13:07

Anything you need. We

13:12

did it. Yeah. Now

13:15

I just have to invent time travel. Jackie,

13:29

there you are. I don't know what

13:31

I'm doing, Mary. I

13:34

can't make sense of these notes. They're the

13:36

scribbles of a madwoman. Like, what

13:38

does it mean? It'll come to you. You did it before. It

13:42

takes years to develop a drug, Mary. Years.

13:45

It's somewhere in your head. Why

13:47

are you trusting

13:48

me like this? I'm... I'm

13:51

not the person you seem to think I am. Yes, you are. You're

13:55

Jackie Hill.

13:57

You're smart, and you never give up. I'm

14:00

useless. I'm a waste of space.

14:03

Where's all this coming from? It's

14:06

what my mum used to say. Sounds like

14:08

she really did a number anew. She

14:11

was emotionally abusive. Sounds like it.

14:13

She would... get

14:16

inside my head. Then

14:19

I Carl died. She'd

14:21

called round for dinner and I was so flustered

14:23

I let the potatoes boil dry. She

14:26

was so horrible. I

14:28

almost... Well

14:32

that night was the worst night of my life. I'm

14:35

so sorry. Carl always tried

14:37

to protect me but then when he

14:39

died... Mum took

14:42

whatever pain she was feeling and she inflicted

14:44

it on me. Whatever was

14:46

wrong, it was my fault. She

14:49

died about a year after Carl anyway.

14:51

Carl never spoke about her. He

14:54

wouldn't even let me meet her. She

14:56

was a difficult woman. But...

15:00

she was like that because of the way her mother treated her. Maybe

15:03

it's in the blood. You're

15:05

not like that. Am I not? No.

15:08

It's not in your blood. Wait.

15:12

That's it? What is? The

15:14

answer? It's not in

15:16

my blood. It's in yours?

15:29

Relax your arm. I'm

15:31

trying. I'm afraid of needles. Okay,

15:33

so if what you're saying is true, it's mental

15:35

time travel, which

15:38

means your physical body doesn't travel

15:40

in time, just your consciousness. So

15:44

your body here is the same as it

15:46

always was, but your mind is different. It's

15:50

from another time. But consciousness

15:52

is an emergent property of your physical brain.

15:55

So your consciousness can't change without your mind.

15:59

brain physically changing too. The one thing

16:02

that never changes about you Jackie you'll

16:04

have a lecture. Which means the secret

16:06

to resets in your head. Taking

16:09

the drug will have changed your brain chemistry and

16:12

we can find the key by looking inside.

16:14

Ever had an MRI scan?

16:20

It's quite loud Jackie.

16:23

I'm claustrophobic. Stay

16:26

still Mary. What

16:29

are you doing? Scanning Mary's

16:31

brain. Jackie are you

16:33

okay?

16:34

Yeah why? I'm

16:36

concerned. Why? You're

16:39

vulnerable. I hope

16:43

Warren's not taking advantage of you. I'm fine

16:45

Owen. Just leave me be.

16:47

Jackie

16:54

you're still up. Mary yes.

16:56

It's 11 o'clock at night. 23 hours and 3

16:59

minutes. Shut it Arlo.

17:02

You alright? Seem a bit rattled. I'm

17:05

on the energy drinks but I

17:07

did it. You did it? I looked at your

17:10

MRI scans and blood samples.

17:12

I was right. Your brain

17:14

is still carrying compounds left over

17:16

from reset. I combined them

17:18

with the precursor chemicals I was working with

17:20

before and I

17:23

think I have something. You're amazing

17:25

Jackie, amazing. I knew you could do it.

17:27

Thanks Mary. Thank you. Oh you're

17:30

starting to look familiar bestie.

17:33

I'm still not gonna use that word but I

17:36

echo the sentiment. Here

17:38

it is. It's not a pill. No

17:41

it's a liquid but it's the same thing. We

17:44

need to be a hundred percent before I can let.

17:47

I can't wait any longer.

17:49

Why did you do that? You said

17:51

you did it. I trust you. I said

17:54

I wasn't a hundred percent. I

17:56

don't know what this is gonna do to you. How long until it

17:58

kicks in?

17:59

I don't know. We just have to

18:02

wait. I

18:05

love this one. But I don't know. No,

18:08

sir. What? It's

18:10

really coming down. Something's not

18:12

right. Well, Jackie's okay. Jackie's

18:15

okay.

18:16

Yeah. Yeah,

18:18

what? Yeah, what? Okay.

18:21

Okay. Oh, what are you

18:23

saying? Okay. What are you saying? Oh,

18:26

God, I don't like this. It's

18:29

really making me sick. The

18:33

train?

18:35

I love this one. I don't

18:37

feel good. What

18:44

was that? What happened? Did

18:46

you go back? Yeah, but

18:49

it was messed up. Hi. It

18:52

was backwards. Okay. It's

18:54

unstable, but it worked. Yeah, just a bite.

18:57

Oh, my God. I've

18:59

invented time travel. This is

19:01

unbelievable. Technically, it was the other

19:04

Jackie. It works. Let's celebrate

19:06

with a drink. A drink? I've got some energy

19:08

drinks left. Here.

19:12

So your time travel? To

19:14

prove that Einstein didn't know what he was on about.

19:23

That's not bad. A few tweaks and I'll

19:25

be ready. What are you going to do when you go back?

19:29

I'll get Carl to pull over safely and

19:32

I'll wake up. He'll be alive

19:34

and Kate will be safe. And what about me?

19:36

Well, you were an abacus executive before. No.

19:40

What about me? This Jackie?

19:43

I don't know. Before. You

19:46

said your consciousness might be folded into a new

19:48

timeline or... Or what?

19:51

Or what?

19:53

What? Or

19:55

maybe you might... Well,

19:58

this version of you might... It's

20:00

ceased to exist. And

20:03

you didn't think of telling me. I'm

20:06

sorry. I

20:09

wasn't sure how. But it'll be

20:11

worth it, right? To save Carl

20:13

and to save you from a life of...

20:18

I really didn't mean to hide it from you. It's

20:21

late. Yeah. We

20:24

should get some sleep. It's

20:31

not a dream. It's a dream.

20:35

It's a dream. It's

20:37

a dream.

20:38

Jackie! Joining me for

20:40

breakfast. Warren, sorry. I couldn't

20:43

wait until the office. Must have been important.

20:45

Take a seat. Would you like to order anything?

20:48

I'm fine. We've made a breakthrough.

20:51

You did? Congratulations, Jackie!

20:54

Thank you. It's slightly unstable.

20:57

We'll need to get you on a full-time contract. What?

21:00

I've lost you once, Jackie. I won't do it again. We'll

21:02

get you a nice apartment near the lab. Any

21:04

support you need. You'll be my top scientist

21:06

working on this. We'll get trials

21:09

up and running.

21:09

Yes, it's just... At

21:12

the moment, it's only possible

21:14

with fresh blood samples.

21:17

Blood samples? Mary's

21:19

blood generates a unique chemical. I've

21:22

never seen it anywhere before.

21:24

A miracle? With enough time, I can

21:26

replicate it. But it could take

21:29

maybe a year? Longer?

21:30

I don't have a year. Can

21:33

we begin trials using her blood

21:35

samples? I

21:37

suppose, but even

21:39

making a few doses, that's going to need a lot

21:41

of blood. Well, I'm sure she'll

21:43

agree to help advance science. And

21:46

to help you who? I'm not so

21:48

sure. You'll have to convince her. She'd

21:51

have to be giving samples every day for weeks.

21:54

You know, when I was

21:56

in Afghanistan, I had

21:58

a very close friend of mine. He was an

22:00

interpreter. We went way back. He was

22:02

a good man. One day

22:04

on patrol an IED went off. Oh,

22:06

God. Huge explosion.

22:09

He was injured on one side of the road

22:11

and three guys crying out on the other side.

22:14

There was heavy shooting. I

22:16

had to act fast. I was a medic. I had to make the

22:18

call. What did you do? I

22:21

went to help the three men. And

22:23

I saved them. But I couldn't

22:25

get to my friend in time. He

22:28

died on that spot. The

22:31

way I see it, you have a choice. See that

22:33

you help your friend. Or

22:35

you do what you can to help most people.

22:40

What are you going to do?

22:47

Jackie, what did Warren say? He's

22:50

happy for me to do what I need to. Brilliant.

22:52

I'm almost there. I have another dose

22:55

I need you to test. OK.

22:57

A

22:59

needle. Better to inject. Ah,

23:02

that hurt Jackie. I'm sorry.

23:05

Just give me more warning next time. I can't

23:07

let you do this. What?

23:09

I have to do what's best. What?

23:13

What are you... What

23:17

is this, Jackie? I'm...

23:20

I'm going to save Carl.

23:29

What's going on? Arlo?

23:34

You are in the publicus. A

23:37

hospital bed. What? Cross

23:42

restraint to a hospital bed. You're

23:47

awake. Jackie?

23:52

Warren? Just relax, Mary. What

23:55

are you doing? Have you ever heard of the horseshoe?

23:57

The what? It's

24:00

been around since before the dinosaurs, 450 million years.

24:04

Its blood contains a chemical which we all use to

24:06

make vaccines. Measles, Covid,

24:08

bovine, flu. They've all been created

24:11

with horseshoe crabs. Every year

24:13

we round up half a million of them and milk

24:15

them for their blood.

24:16

Why are you telling me this? You,

24:18

Mary, are my horseshoe

24:20

crab. I'll use your blood

24:22

to recreate reset, cure PTSD.

24:25

Jackie, loosen these straps. Your

24:27

blood donations will help millions. Sometimes

24:30

a few must suffer for the good of

24:32

the many. I'll

24:34

leave you and Jackie's capable hands.

24:36

Why

24:42

are you letting him do this? You used

24:44

me, Mary. You used you? No,

24:47

I didn't. I did this for us. You did this for you? No.

24:53

For you and for Carl to bring him back. And

24:55

then what?

24:57

You take the drug and go back in time,

24:59

mess up again and come crawling

25:02

back to another version of me to get

25:04

more of this drug again and again.

25:07

No. It seems like that's what you've

25:09

done so far. I'll do it right, Jackie. Please.

25:13

You can't just abandon Carl. Don't.

25:16

I'll not be guilted into anything anymore.

25:20

I'm going to get my life back on track. I'm

25:23

not trying to guilt you. I care

25:25

about you, Jackie. You clearly don't.

25:27

You never came

25:29

to see me in that hospital. You barely

25:31

spoke to me after Carl died. And this

25:34

whole time, I

25:36

think you've been using me so

25:39

I can make this drug again just for you. Well,

25:44

I'm going to work with Warren. We're

25:46

going to make this drug work the way it was meant

25:48

to and help PTSD sufferers.

25:51

It won't help. Yes, it will.

25:52

We'll create

25:55

it with a sedative. Allow people to

25:57

view their past but not change it. I've

25:59

seen this. It just makes

26:01

people relive the worst moment of their life over and

26:03

over. I'm sorry, Mary.

26:04

You lied to me. I

26:08

just can't trust you anymore. Don't do

26:10

this! Don't do this! In

26:32

Episode 4 of Bitter Pill by

26:34

Michael Patrick and Osheen Kearney, Mary

26:37

was played by Seanine Brennan, Jackie

26:40

by Charlotte McCurry, Carl

26:42

Sean Blaney, Owen Sheamus

26:44

O'Hara and Warren was Martin

26:46

McCann. All other

26:48

roles were performed by members of the cast

26:51

and crew. Bitter Pill

26:53

was produced in Belfast by Michael Shannon.

26:56

The executive editor was Andy Martin.

26:59

Bitter Pill is a BBC Northern Ireland

27:02

production for Radio 4.