My daughter has been asking to do ballet or gymnastics for several years. It wasn’t that we didn’t want her to do ballet. I mean, is there anything cuter than little ballerinas in those frilly pink tutus?! There have been several reasons we’ve held off on putting her in a class.

• Money: In case you don’t have girls let me clue you in, dance classes are expensive! It’s not just the dance class either. It’s the tights, shoes, leotard, recital costume, extra tights when the first $20 pair get a hole in them after a month because you haven’t taken the time to wash them, etc.

• Age: I think little ballerinas are stinkin adorable. The only thing with putting them in at a young age is that they are mostly going to be getting ‘fun’ out of it. We are a budget loving family. Ok, well we practice a budget anyway, who actually loves living on a budget? Our thought was if we were going to spend the money, why not wait until she was older and would pick up more advanced skills that she could build upon. Hear me when I say, there is nothing wrong with putting little girls in dance class! It is a worthwhile sacrifice for the social skills and entertainment value for your child. Heck, all activities for boys and girls are expensive. For our situation, it didn’t seem to make sense. It’s hard to sacrifice money when you don’t have it!

• Time: We have 4 kids under 10. While I cannot even imagine what our schedule is going to look like when they are older, (and I know some of you Mom’s reading are laughing and shaking your head at what’s coming down the pipeline) right now, it’s hard to commit to something every week for an entire school year.

Do I believe extra curricular activities are important? Yes.

Do I believe that some things are worth sacrificing finances for our children’s benefit? Absolutely.

Do I believe that we should feel any guilt for not putting our kids in activities? No.

Our daughter is loving ballet. This is her first year. She is 8 years old and every Wednesday from 7-8pm one of us trucks out of the house with our little sweet thang in tow for her lesson. Luke typically sits in the waiting room like a doting Dad, I think that’s adorable! I usually sit in the car and talk to my Mom or read a magazine. It’s actually been a really nice break in our weekly routine. Tonight I decided to bring my laptop and work on my new passion project, this website. I’m in a silent car with heated seats and the only thing missing is a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato. It was MY turn to get out of the house. Thank you Jesus!  

On the drive here I was thinking of all those years I’d see other Moms post pictures of their kids in activities and how I loved seeing the recital pictures and team photos. I was tempted to feel guilty for the years that my daughter might have missed out on. I even put my daughter in Awana for a short season at our church and we just couldn’t keep up on getting her there every Wednesday. Talk about Mom guilt! We also had a newborn that year. The reality is, this is the first year that we could feasibly commit to a weekly class and set aside the finances for it. The same can be said for any of our children, and any activity.

We live in a time where many people wear busyness as a badge of honor. I remember talking to a Dad once who was telling me that his family had an activity every night of the week. One night was a volunteer night, one night was men’s ministry, one night children’s ministry and I think there was a sport thrown in there too. There was almost a tone of pride in his voice. This struck me as odd. These were all good things they were doing, honorable things even. The problem is they were taking priority over family time. There is no activity, act of service, or group that should take the place of quality time spent together. It pains me to say, this story ended in divorce a short time after this conversation. I’m not saying it was the years of overloaded activities that caused the divorce, because I don’t know their story.  However, I do believe, the lack of quality time may have contributed to it.

Whether you believe it or not, the family unit is under attack. We are quick to point the finger at exterior influences, people or situations that come along and destroy our happy families. It’s a lot easier to play the victim than take some responsibility.

We live in a time where many people wear busyness as a badge of honor.

– Live Wise Love Well

Make it Personal – Quiz

I challenge you to ask yourself these questions, give yourself 1 point for each day of the week you partake in these activities:

• How many nights a week does our family eat dinner together?
• How often do I sit and talk, really talk with my spouse…. with the T.V. off?  Take that a step further, how many nights am I intimate with my spouse? It’s ok girl, be honest.
• How many nights do we actually sit and read a book to our children even though it’s the last thing we want to do at the end of a long day

Got it? Of the possible 21 points, what’s your score? I think it’s safe to say the lower the score, the more at risk your family unit is of being in an unhealthy state.

This is a judgement free zone! There will be exceptions to the rule. Maybe you’re sitting closer to zero than 21 but feeling like your family is just fine and not appreciating the insinuation that you’re about to fall apart at the seams. That’s GREAT! If the busy badge works for your family and each member feels loved, valued and important then you do you girlfriend! On the other hand, maybe you are closer to 21 and feeling like your family unit is falling apart. There are exceptions, I get it. This is not a blanket statement, just a heart check.

“We have to jealously guard our family time. Nobody else is going to. The pace of the world is going to pull your family in a hundred different directions. If we aren’t intentional about cultivating relationship with the people inside our four walls, we  naturally drift towards isolation. ”

– Live Wise Love Well

We have to jealously guard our family time. Nobody else is going to. The pace of the world is going to pull your family in a hundred different directions. If we aren’t intentional about cultivating relationship with the people inside our four walls, we will naturally drift towards isolation. Like an iceberg that slowly melts over time, so will our families slowly disperse and be consumed by outside influences. It’s OK to not be agreeable with your spouse or children if it protects the health of your family.

We don’t do everything well. I’ll be the first to admit that I have some serious work to do in the Mom department. Particularly when it comes to yelling. We do, however, make each other a priority. Even if it’s pizza or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we sit around the table every night if we’re home with the T.V. off. I remember when it was just Luke and I sitting around the table before we had kids. Dinner has always been a priority. I use dinner time as a measurement of how many things we can say yes or no to. Are we in a season where we’re only home 2 nights a week? Then you better believe everything else is a no.

Ballet? No.

Girls Night? No.

Sports? No.

Volunteering? No.

Music Lessons? No.

Reserve your YES for the things that will add the most value to your family! Hold a family meeting at the beginning of the year and map out the goals you have, the health of your family unit and determine the slots that are even open BEFORE you say yes to x, y or z. This way, everyone is on the same page and your spouse or kids have a better understanding of why the answer might be no for this time frame. Everybody is empowered because everyone has given input. You may have to re-evaluate throughout the year or as sport seasons come to an end.

We are a family of 6, which means there is not enough time in the week or money in the bank for each of our 4 children to pursue every interest they have. While they are still young, we are trying to be intentional about setting a standard for how many activities they each get to do. Our plan is for each child to choose one main interest they want to pursue for the year.  A secondary activity is possible IF it fits into our family schedule and doesn’t affect another child’s primary activity. I can’t guarantee this will be a perfect system, but 4 activities seems much more manageable than 8 or 12!

Mama, it’s ok to tell your children no. It’s ok to show them the importance of focusing on one thing and crushing it. They will have a lifetime of multi tasking ahead of them! Maybe next year they choose something different and they learn new skills until they find the activity they are most passionate about. There is so much value in the lessons they’ll learn in whatever activity they choose. We want our kids to learn teamwork, perseverance and pride in achievement…. just not at the expense of the lessons we can teach them at home.

Here are some creative ideas of how you can implement or reclaim time together as a family:

• Find an activity you can do together: Our family enjoys BMX. We recently got a family membership to a local chapter of the USA league that has an indoor track for winter and an outdoor track for summer. Every Saturday night we are taking our entire family to the races where 3 of us are racing while the others cheer! It’s become the best part of our week. We’re being active and supportive of each other! Choose an activity that you will all enjoy.
• Join a gym: What a great way to get out of the house together and be active, especially in the wintertime if you’re in a cold weather state like us. Many gyms have family memberships with daycare included. You could check your littles in, work out and even take the whole family to the pool afterward. It’s an investment, but worthwhile!
• Start or Join a small group: We have an amazing church! We LOVE the people and the different ministries! That being said; Men’s group is Monday, Women’s Group is Tuesday and Kids ministry is Wednesday. If we each wanted to grow in our respective groups, that would be 3 nights away from the home. We decided to consolidate and start a small group in our home. Men and women are growing in faith together while our kids play in the basement (with a babysitter, score)! This has been the single best decision we’ve made for our schedule and personal development this year! If your church doesn’t have a ministry that supports this, maybe you should start one! Be the change! If your family has a need, other families in your church probably have the same need.
• Reserve one day/night of the weekend for family night: Bust out a board game, see a movie, or take turns planning activities. I heard a fabulous idea on Focus on the Family podcast where each child is assigned a different week and parent to plan an activity within a set budget.

“We want our kids to learn teamwork, perseverance and pride in achievement…. just not at the expense of the lessons we can teach them at home. ”

– Live Wise Love Well

If you’re reading this and your schedule is over extended but you are committed for this season, that’s ok! If you are unable to drop something, just be conscious next season and put some of these ideas into practice. Start with a family meeting. You won’t regret the closeness open communication brings, even if schedule chaos is inevitable.

If you’re reading this and you’ve been feeling guilty that your kids are not in any activities, enjoy the rest and togetherness! This season won’t last and there will ALWAYS be opportunity when it works for your schedule and your finances.

Join the conversation

What side of the spectrum does your family fall on? Is there anything that your family does to cultivate connection amidst the chaos?! I’d love to hear!

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