0:00

When the world has

0:00

gotcha down, and Alzheimer's

0:04

sucks, it's an equal opportunity

0:04

disease that chips away at

0:08

everything we hold dear. And to

0:08

date, there's no cure. So until

0:12

there is we continue to fight

0:12

with the most powerful tool in

0:15

our arsenal. Love. This is Love

0:15

Conquers Alz, a real and really

0:22

positive podcast that takes a

0:22

deep dive into everything.

0:25

Alzheimer's, The Good, the Bad,

0:25

and everything in between. And

0:30

now, here are your hosts Susie

0:30

Singer, Carter, and me, Don

0:35

Priess

0:40

Hello, I'm

0:40

Susie singer Carter.

0:43

And I'm Don Priess.

0:43

And this is love conquers all.

0:46

Hello, Susan.

0:47

Hello, Donald. How's it going?

0:50

Terrific. It's a

0:50

lovely day outside, we actually

0:53

getting some, you know, actually

0:53

weather more than 61 degrees for

0:57

the first time in forever. Yeah,

0:59

we're not going to talk about weather. Are we?

1:01

No, no, just wanted

1:01

to I looked outside. And that's

1:04

what came to mind. So. So what's happening?

1:09

So not much

1:09

was happening. Well, we're still

1:16

still brain dead from from, we

1:16

didn't finish in our

1:19

documentary, folks. So this is

1:19

very exciting. And we just doing

1:24

like all the spit and polish on

1:24

new country for old people. And,

1:28

you know, I'm gonna want to

1:28

thank everybody for who has been

1:34

amazing supporters of this

1:34

project, financially and also

1:39

just emotionally and spiritually

1:39

and in our in our vision vision,

1:46

you know, and I think that we

1:46

can't thank you enough because

1:50

it this has been a beast of a

1:50

project. And we are, we are

1:55

standing at the finish line.

1:55

Now, what do we do with it?

2:00

That's the next big streamers,

2:00

which is like, you know, a case,

2:08

if anyone isn't in the

2:08

entertainment industry, you

2:11

probably won't know how

2:11

difficult it is. Now, the

2:15

industry is so changed, and it's

2:15

just turbulent. And not you.

2:21

There's no rhyme or reason. in

2:21

it. It's just like the wild wild

2:26

west out there. So we're, we're

2:26

forging ahead and trying to to,

2:31

to navigate this and find the

2:31

best home for No Country for Old

2:36

people so that the most people

2:36

can see it. Because it's really

2:39

important.

2:41

Yeah, because

2:41

everyone just says, Oh, just put

2:43

it on Netflix. Not that quite

2:43

that easy. But Sure. Let's do

2:47

that. Right.

2:48

Right.

2:48

Yeah. And what's interesting is

2:51

that, you know, like, we have

2:51

another film called my mom and

2:55

the girl, which is about the day

2:55

in the life of Alzheimer's with

2:59

my mom with Valerie Harper, and,

2:59

you know, and that, that got a

3:03

lot of distribution. And it's on

3:03

PBS, and PBS. Everyone thinks,

3:09

oh, that's, that's fantastic,

3:09

which it is, but it's really

3:13

more bragging rights, because it

3:13

doesn't really reach the

3:15

audience that we need to reach.

3:15

So so we're trying to to throw a

3:23

really wide net

3:25

very wide because

3:25

everyone needs to see this. It's

3:27

such an important message. Yeah,

3:27

but

3:31

yeah,

3:31

onward. Yes. Yeah. If anybody

3:34

has any connections to the big

3:34

streamers, we welcome them. We

3:38

will. We will. Thank you

3:38

immensely. Yes. We're trying to

3:42

get into all of them. Any of

3:42

them. And, and Hulu and

3:49

Paramount. Apple plus would be

3:49

great. And Amazon, do I mention

3:55

Amazon? And now

3:57

you did. No, I

3:58

did. So

3:58

yeah. Anything with you don

4:02

anything exciting? No,

4:04

nothing. I mean, you

4:04

know, exciting is just the fact

4:07

that every day we get closer to

4:07

finishing, that's exciting. So

4:11

but no, nothing. Nothing in particular.

4:13

Sleep for

4:13

you. Sleep is exciting. Sleep.

4:15

It's very exciting.

4:16

I I would know,

4:16

haven't had it in about 22

4:19

years. But yeah, let's go for

4:19

that. But not now. We are not

4:24

sleeping. Now. We have an

4:24

amazing guest today. Yeah,

4:27

yeah. Who's

4:27

really it's, you know what, I

4:30

have a lot of questions for our

4:30

guests. So get

4:34

she has a lot of

4:34

answers. All right. Here we go.

4:39

Author practitioner, educator,

4:39

management coach, presenter,

4:43

mother and grandmother. Dr.

4:43

Attell. Lord is a pioneer in the

4:48

containment of dementia.

4:48

Spending 21 years in the care of

4:51

her husband Larry living with

4:51

vascular dementia and

4:54

Alzheimer's truly motivated her

4:54

career path. A global Dementia

4:58

Care shaper she has The founding

4:58

president of the International

5:01

caregivers Association, a

5:01

dementia management consultant,

5:05

and creator of the transactional

5:05

dementia intelligence or TDI

5:10

business model of dementia care,

5:10

a whole system, which includes

5:14

management, training, care and

5:14

coaching. She has also authored

5:18

the enlightening book,

5:18

Alzheimer's and dementia

5:20

coaching, taking a systems

5:20

approach and creating an

5:23

Alzheimer's friendly healthcare

5:23

workforce. As Dr. Lord says, one

5:28

of the biggest challenges people

5:28

face is the lack of basic

5:31

information on where to begin

5:31

what to do and how to do it.

5:35

Well, this dementia warrior is

5:35

helping the world face those

5:39

challenges. And we are honored

5:39

to have her with us today. So

5:42

let's say hello to Dr. Attell.

5:42

Lord. Hello, Dr. Lord. Thank

5:48

you for having

5:48

me today. I appreciate it. Nice

5:50

to meet.

5:53

You, you're very I've been looking forward to talking to you for a long

5:55

time. And, you know, social

5:59

media is so incredible because

5:59

it opens our world to people

6:03

that we wouldn't normally get a

6:03

chance to, you know, be be aware

6:07

of, and I've been aware of your

6:07

work. And I'm such a fan. And

6:12

I'm a fan of, of your approach.

6:12

And if you don't mind, I kind of

6:17

want to just jump in and have

6:17

you explain exactly what your

6:21

approach is, in terms of this

6:21

system that you've created the

6:25

trend, the transactional, which

6:25

I want to know why it's called

6:29

transactional dementia

6:29

intelligence. TBI.

6:34

Thank you.

6:34

It's a system because we have a

6:37

systemic problem. You cannot

6:37

approach a systemic problem

6:42

without a systems approach. And

6:42

so the transactional dementia

6:47

intelligence business model is a

6:47

systemic systemic solution to

6:52

the problem we have now really,

6:52

basically to say than one

6:57

sentence, it's opening a closed

6:57

system. We have a closed system

7:03

in dementia care today, and even

7:03

long term care all of it

7:07

everywhere is a closed system.

7:07

And I'm not sure if you're aware

7:11

that anytime you have a closed

7:11

system, you're open to neglect,

7:15

abuse, and death.

7:18

We are aware.

7:22

So we are the

7:22

first ones to propose something

7:24

to open the system with this TDI

7:24

model, and I'm sure others will

7:30

come down the pike. We're just

7:30

one example. But we happen to be

7:34

the first example we have to

7:34

start with one.

7:38

Before you

7:38

go on, can you just tell me what

7:40

a closed system is? So we have a

7:40

framework for what that means?

7:44

Yes, a closed

7:44

system. Let me give you a couple

7:49

of examples. Like we have some

7:49

groups, religious groups,

7:52

they're closed, you have to

7:52

follow all their dogmas and all

7:57

that and the very strict. And if

7:57

you look really closely, there's

8:02

abuse in those systems,

8:02

politically, the same thing. So

8:07

in the long term care system,

8:07

you can put your mother in a

8:11

long term care system or your

8:11

father. They'll welcome them as

8:15

a resident and a client, or

8:15

whatever they may call them. But

8:19

they don't welcome you. Right.

8:19

They don't want your advice.

8:25

They don't want to see you. They

8:25

pretend to want to see you, but

8:30

they are very uncomfortable. And

8:30

if you look at my latest post on

8:35

LinkedIn, you'll see I have

8:35

opened that that can of worms.

8:39

I've published many videos that

8:39

show you the abuse that goes on

8:45

on a daily basis. We don't see

8:45

that. I was just visiting

8:49

nursing home this weekend in

8:49

Maine. And the person I was

8:53

visiting is a lady 89 years old.

8:53

They said she threw herself out

8:57

of her chair just the night

8:57

before because she wanted

9:01

attention. It's horrible. What

9:01

happens. Horrible, it happens

9:06

everywhere. So we want to open

9:06

that system. And by opening it I

9:11

mean, we're going to include

9:11

family caregivers and train them

9:15

as TDI care partners. And they

9:15

will be wearing a lapel pin that

9:21

says that so you can recognize

9:21

that person has taken training

9:25

and is allowed there 24 hours a

9:25

day. So we're going to increase

9:29

the staff we're going to see

9:29

when third person falls down or

9:32

is about to fall down. Somebody

9:32

is going to notice that somebody

9:35

is abused as being beaten up or

9:35

slapped with whatever they have

9:39

to slap them with. It's going to

9:39

stop because there'll be eyes

9:43

there a lot of more eyes and we

9:43

need more eyes. The TDI also is

9:49

structured because I have a

9:49

background in management and

9:52

leadership. I made sure that the

9:52

system the approach that I

9:55

created, was also favorable for

9:55

the ROI return on investment

10:01

because that's what is governing

10:01

the world today. Globally, it's

10:06

money that you can make. Well,

10:06

the turnover and burnout is in

10:12

the CNA, which is certified

10:12

nursing assistant is over 100%

10:17

over 100% in the United States.

10:17

So if you just take that one,

10:23

figure one classification,

10:23

they're gonna make money,

10:26

because the turnover won't be

10:26

there. Why? Because the system

10:30

I've created requires six hours

10:30

of training for CNAs, but eight

10:35

hour pay, they want leave, they

10:35

will be trained every day, they

10:41

will be supported by a dementia

10:41

coach at the center of the

10:44

organizational chart. And

10:44

they'll be trained by that

10:49

person supported everything

10:49

know, even nurses and doctors

10:53

right now, in long term care.

10:53

There's no support for anyone

10:57

you're on your own. Most

10:57

administrators are simply

11:00

managers for the business owner.

11:00

And so they look at at how they

11:04

can fill the beds or not filled

11:04

them, whatever it's it's more

11:07

advantageous. Financially,

11:07

they'll do that. They'll take

11:11

that step. With the TDI it's not

11:11

a program that we sell, it's a

11:16

program we license, why do we

11:16

license it, we license it so we

11:21

can keep control over the

11:21

quality quality control. We want

11:25

to make sure those CNAs do not

11:25

work more than six hours, but

11:28

they receive eight hours pay. We

11:28

want to make sure that the

11:32

dementia coach is there every

11:32

day, to intervene with any

11:37

challenges that come up. When I

11:37

was visiting this weekend, for

11:40

example, one of the resident was

11:40

speaking French. There were no

11:45

workers who could understand

11:45

her. I was there and I converse

11:49

with her. She was very excited,

11:49

she wanted to go home, and she

11:52

wants to get out of her

11:52

wheelchair and walk home. I was

11:56

able to calm her down, but

11:56

nobody there could do that.

11:59

Right.

12:00

Right.

12:00

Right. So, you know, this is

12:04

this is touching very closely to

12:04

our documentary and the kinds of

12:08

issues that we're dealing with,

12:08

right with the systemic issues

12:11

and, and which are pervasive,

12:11

and especially when you're

12:15

dealing with people who have

12:15

dementia with you know, in terms

12:19

of ableism. So, my mom had

12:19

Alzheimer's and in the people

12:25

that are easily ignored are

12:25

going to be ignored. They're the

12:30

first ones to be ignored and

12:30

dismissed and neglected and

12:33

abused. And, and, you know, and

12:33

nobody is trained, like you

12:39

said, in dementia or Alzheimer's

12:39

care. Really nobody is there's

12:44

so much misunderstanding and

12:44

assumptions and stigma. And from

12:50

in the end, it's rampid in the

12:50

healthcare system, it's not just

12:54

you know, the world it is, you

12:54

know, or civilians, as it were,

12:58

it is the health care system

12:58

that really is untrained. So,

13:04

that said, how do you get this

13:04

incredible system to be a part?

13:10

How do you get it accepted and

13:10

embraced to be licensed, when we

13:15

know that these are, you know,

13:15

for the most part, our long term

13:20

care are overrun by private

13:20

equity, who don't really care

13:26

about the quality, they care

13:26

about the profit.

13:29

That's right.

13:29

So that's why including profit

13:32

in it. It's very attractive,

13:32

they're going to make more

13:35

money, there's no doubt about

13:35

it. What's attractive about it

13:39

is that we take the system you

13:39

have now the facility not the

13:42

system, but the facility that

13:42

they that is exist in existence,

13:47

and we adapt to that facility.

13:47

Let me tell you that in 10 years

13:52

from now, 20 years from now, you

13:52

want to see what you see today.

13:57

Because one thing one

13:57

requirement of the TDI licensing

14:02

is to remove not only unlock but

14:02

remove the memory care unit

14:08

doors that are locked right now

14:08

they call them locked units.

14:12

Please remove that that is

14:12

absolutely crucial. That has to

14:17

be removed and has to be free

14:17

circulation. In 1020 years, I

14:22

can see the entire facility open

14:22

and people can walk out for to

14:28

give me an example that lady

14:28

that wanted to go home. I would

14:32

have been able to take her

14:32

outside. Right I would have been

14:35

able to push her wheelchair and

14:35

talk with her until she changed

14:40

her mind and we could return to

14:40

hers her space. The reason that

14:47

those units have been instituted

14:47

is truly to protect the staff

14:51

not to protect the residents. I

14:51

have seen people die behind

14:56

those doors. I don't think

14:56

that's acceptable. Mo, and

15:01

therefore I don't I find the

15:01

system no longer acceptable.

15:05

That's why I created this new

15:05

business model this new systems

15:09

approach to dementia care. And I

15:09

can tell you, Susan, that what's

15:13

the good news about it? Is it

15:13

going to affect the entire

15:16

healthcare system? Because if

15:16

they could put a coach in

15:21

hospitals, in Psych units, we

15:21

would do better with patients.

15:27

So we need to look at the whole

15:27

healthcare system. I know

15:30

they're changing with AI. Now

15:30

there's a lot of changes going

15:34

on, that maybe this is the right

15:34

time to introduce the TDI

15:38

because everybody seems to be

15:38

dissatisfied with what's going

15:41

on. So you were asking me what

15:41

transactional means.

15:45

Transactional means exactly that

15:45

I want a person to be able to,

15:49

like I did this weekend,

15:49

communicate with this person.

15:53

One time I had a man that was

15:53

chasing me down the hall, a

15:56

resident with dementia, and he

15:56

was in tears. And I came back, I

16:01

said, let's go back to talk to

16:01

the nurse. When we got to the

16:05

desk, and the nurse said, I said

16:05

he wants to talk to his brother.

16:10

And she said, Well, his brother

16:10

died. And he was pounding on the

16:13

counter, I want to talk to my

16:13

brother, I want to talk to my

16:16

brother. And I said, and the

16:16

nurse said he died and she had

16:20

tears in her eyes. And I said,

16:20

That's so easy to fix. I started

16:24

pounding with him, and I said,

16:24

You love your brother, don't you

16:27

and He loves you. And the

16:27

pounding stopped immediately.

16:32

Because because your brain is

16:32

hardwired for feelings. It's not

16:37

hardwired for reasoning or

16:37

logic. It's it's feeling sad,

16:42

mad, glad and scared. And so if

16:42

the person that's dealing with

16:46

somebody with dementia cannot

16:46

get down to the right side of

16:50

their brain and look at feelings

16:50

in that person, they never

16:53

understand them. And it's only a

16:53

Skel escalates, goes to, to

16:59

anger, and then maybe some

16:59

aggression as well. Dementia is

17:05

not an aggressive condition, at

17:05

all, is the way that they are

17:09

treated. And misunderstood.

17:09

Right. Is that we want to agree

17:15

with you. No, yes,

17:17

I agree

17:17

with you. 100%. I mean, I

17:20

couldn't agree with you more.

17:20

Again, I just maybe I just want

17:25

to understand, I love all of

17:25

what you're saying everything is

17:30

is spot on there isn't you know,

17:30

like I learned the hard way,

17:34

like most of us because we

17:34

aren't trained in it. Right. And

17:37

and, and, you know, I feel like

17:37

I got really good at it. And my

17:41

mom and I could talk with no

17:41

words from her. We had full on

17:46

conversations, though. For sure

17:46

we did. And you know, I had her

17:51

laughing I had her mug,

17:51

swooning. And you know, the

17:56

whole thing. She She was there

17:56

that took that took, you know,

18:01

patience and figuring out, you

18:01

know, like you do with children.

18:05

And I'm not infantilizing. I'm

18:05

just saying when your brain

18:08

works a certain way it works a

18:08

certain way. So you lean into

18:12

the strengths, which are like

18:12

you said, emotions, feelings. So

18:17

Anywho. How do we get this

18:17

corrupt system to see like you

18:23

said the value financial value

18:23

in it? Is there is that? Are you

18:27

being successful in it now? Or

18:27

are you still working that out?

18:32

I'm fascinated to hear this?

18:35

Well, first of all, it just we've just launched a program late last fall. So

18:37

we're negotiating now with and

18:41

talk in talking sessions with

18:41

larger organizations. There is

18:46

money definitely for them to

18:46

make. But let me tell you as it

18:49

is, right now, those systems are

18:49

unsustainable. They cannot

18:55

sustain those much longer. And

18:55

so the government keeps coming

19:01

out with new regulations and new

19:01

rules. And it's as thick as you

19:06

know, you can you can measure

19:06

it, it's very thick. And so this

19:10

is going to simplify things.

19:10

Because we're putting the

19:14

pressure or removing the

19:14

pressure from management and

19:17

owners, and also the pressure.

19:17

That's the way they're treating

19:21

staff is unbelievable. It's

19:21

almost they're like slaves. So

19:26

please stop that. Please stop

19:26

that. We want to make sure that,

19:30

for example, nurses and CNAs are

19:30

trained but tested on a regular

19:36

basis, not to see if they pass

19:36

or they don't pass. We want to

19:39

keep every one that that needs

19:39

to be there. But we want to know

19:43

where they might need more

19:43

information. They might need

19:46

more support more coaching.

19:46

That's the purpose of the thing

19:49

is not to punish anyone and is

19:49

for for the dementia coach to

19:55

take the pressure off top

19:55

management and The rest of them.

20:01

And the TDI is really training

20:01

everyone from owners, to

20:07

janitors and family caregivers

20:07

in between. Now, we never start

20:12

with saying, Susan, you have a

20:12

nice business we would like you

20:16

to, to introduce a TDI we want

20:16

to serve, we want to assess

20:20

your, your capabilities for so

20:20

we give them a new evaluation

20:25

sheet that they need to, because

20:25

I've already refused some

20:28

people. Why? Because I saw they

20:28

were like slum landlords, they

20:33

were there just to make the

20:33

money. And we don't take those

20:36

people, those people will never

20:36

change.

20:40

So what are such a

20:40

large there's such a large

20:43

percentage now that are the

20:43

private equity that are making,

20:47

you know, handle money, hand

20:47

over fist that won't care, as

20:51

you say, but there's so many of

20:51

them that are that it's it's,

20:55

it's probably the majority now

20:55

by far is private equity. So how

20:59

do we get around that? Or do we

20:59

just say, you know, what, like,

21:02

you just said, we can't fix

21:02

that. But we're going to do as

21:04

much as we can with those who

21:04

are not? That's

21:07

right. That's what we'll do. We'll step over those absolutely will refuse

21:09

them. Eventually, they'll see

21:12

that they're not making the

21:12

they're not getting the

21:15

business. Because, like you

21:15

Susan, wouldn't you rather put

21:19

your mother in a TDI facility?

21:19

Then? Where you know, okay,

21:24

yeah, that's what we're looking

21:24

at. And that's what people want

21:27

right now create competition.

21:29

But it also

21:29

educated Yes, competition, and

21:32

it's educating the public to

21:32

understand that there is a

21:35

difference in care. Right. So,

21:35

so that, you know, they can go

21:40

in and go, Well, do you have

21:40

this kind of service? Do you do

21:44

provide this? And if they don't,

21:44

then you look elsewhere? That,

21:48

you know, one of our one of our

21:48

interviewees who's a simply man

21:52

in New York was saying, that's

21:52

one of his, you know, cries is

21:56

to say, we need competition,

21:56

because without competition,

22:00

everything is just staying the

22:00

same. You know, you'll, you'll

22:05

hear in our documentary how the

22:05

chaplain told me, my mum, don't

22:09

worry about because she's got

22:09

she has dementia, she has holes

22:11

in her brain, you don't have to

22:11

worry about her. She doesn't

22:14

know anything. And I said, I

22:14

think you got it wrong. Think

22:18

you got the holes in your brain?

22:18

You don't know. You don't know

22:23

anything about Alzheimer's

22:23

clearly. But you know, this is

22:26

what you know. And that is

22:26

that's that's, it's a horrifying

22:31

fact. But that you know, that we

22:31

have these professionals that

22:34

don't that are working in elder

22:34

care, where dementia is one of

22:39

the you know, the main issues

22:39

that we deal with as we grow

22:42

older, one form or another, and

22:42

yet they don't have any

22:46

understanding of it. And so

22:46

people are being basically

22:51

warehoused in these kinds of

22:51

situations where they're just

22:55

billing and making money off of

22:55

them. Yes.

22:58

And to follow

22:58

up on Don some message just a

23:01

minute ago, they're not only

23:01

warehouse, they're actually

23:04

doing elder trafficking, which

23:04

is unacceptable. The other thing

23:09

is that you have to when you see

23:09

the holes in the brain, what

23:13

happens with dementia to explain

23:13

it quickly. There's a good

23:17

theory behind it, and I was the

23:17

one to discover it. So I'm

23:20

teaching it now in the TDI

23:20

certification program. We have

23:25

two sides who are bringing a

23:25

right brain and left brain. Now

23:29

both of us are using right and

23:29

left right now when we get to

23:32

emotions, we're into the right

23:32

brain where we get to asking

23:35

questions, answering questions,

23:35

were into our left brain, a

23:39

person living with dementia,

23:39

most of their right brain, and

23:42

they retired their left brain

23:42

completely. Now you can imagine

23:46

if somebody comes to a person

23:46

that's in their right brain,

23:49

they no longer use their left

23:49

brain. And they say to them,

23:53

what did you have for breakfast

23:53

today? That's a question that

23:56

requires left brain information.

23:56

And they don't have it. So all

24:01

they're doing, they're pushing

24:01

them further into their, their

24:05

sadness, of losing memory, and

24:05

then they may get angry because

24:10

they're embarrassed, whatever it

24:10

is. So unless the providers

24:14

which means the doctors, the

24:14

physical therapists, the nurses,

24:19

the CNAs, even your janitor, if

24:19

they do not enter that room,

24:24

with their left brain and

24:24

already functioning, they will

24:29

not be able to communicate with

24:29

that person living with dementia

24:32

is very sad. After that, after

24:32

they communicate with them, they

24:37

can go to the left brain because

24:37

the nurse might have to do

24:39

something a treatment or

24:39

something that's a left brain

24:42

property. It's not right. And so

24:42

we train people like that we

24:47

have a very, like a 10 week

24:47

training to get to become a

24:52

dementia coach.

24:54

It's it's great. It's wonderful. It's something and I think I was

24:56

reading in your in your A PDF

25:00

that you sent about, you know,

25:00

family members getting that kind

25:05

of education because it would

25:05

have saved us a lot of stress.

25:10

You know, my mom lived with

25:10

Alzheimer's for 16 years. And so

25:14

we learned by rote, but it took,

25:14

you know, it took a while, and

25:18

we cared about her. So, you

25:18

know, we were, we were really,

25:22

at least I was in my daughters

25:22

were very interested in figuring

25:25

out how to make the best of the

25:25

situation. And so, you know, but

25:29

not everybody has a family or

25:29

family that has the time to, you

25:34

know, invest in learning as

25:34

they're tripping. So I think,

25:38

you know, in inserting what you

25:38

add your education, that kind

25:43

of, of knowledge is so

25:43

important. And it should happen,

25:47

like early on.

25:49

Yes, actually.

25:49

Very, very good. And I liked the

25:52

point that you raised about the

25:52

family caregiving, because even

25:56

though your mother was in suits,

25:56

institutionalized family

26:00

caregiving, at that point, you

26:00

could have gone to the dementia

26:04

coach, and say, can you tell us

26:04

how to better do here, because

26:09

we see my mother is not, is not

26:09

understanding what I want to do.

26:14

The dementia coach has all

26:14

available solutions for

26:19

families, for workers for

26:19

doctors, I had doctors that came

26:24

in and did not know how to

26:24

approach my husband, and I'm

26:27

sure you saw that with your

26:27

mother. I had to fire a couple

26:32

of doctors, because they just

26:32

didn't seem to want to get it.

26:36

And they didn't ask for it. I

26:36

had the oldest, the only doctor

26:40

that asked me was an older

26:40

Doctor ready to retire. And he

26:43

said, Please teach me.

26:47

Ya know,

26:47

there, it's, it's, it's actually

26:50

horrifying. I mean, I remember

26:50

when my mom was in the early

26:53

stages, and I would take her to

26:53

the doctor and the doctor, would

26:58

they be lose their patients

26:58

really? You know, and, and

27:02

really, it they actually

27:02

exasperated any kind of behavior

27:06

that they didn't want by asking

27:06

her questions that she couldn't

27:10

answer. So my mom being you

27:10

know, the force that she was she

27:14

was trying with, with all her,

27:14

you know, sense of humor and her

27:19

Jawad Aviv to like, you know,

27:19

step up and really, you know,

27:23

meet what they were asking for,

27:23

but it couldn't. And instead it

27:27

just it I know what you said it,

27:27

I certainly did embarrass her.

27:30

And it certainly did hurt her.

27:30

You know, and I did a lot of

27:34

damage control. And that's just

27:34

so unfair. It's so unkind.

27:39

Yes, that's

27:39

right. And even when for dental

27:41

care with my husband, the

27:41

dentist did no know how to they

27:45

were afraid. Why? Because

27:45

Because because there's a

27:49

there's something out there.

27:49

People say, I hear that all the

27:53

time that people can be

27:53

aggressive when they have

27:55

dementia. Or the worst one I

27:55

heard the other day is a woman

27:59

said, my sister is living with

27:59

her husband and he's been

28:03

diagnosed with dementia, and

28:03

they sleep together. Do you

28:06

think she can catch it that way?

28:06

Oh, yes. Yes, yes. So those

28:13

kinds of things, you know, they

28:13

can be answered by the dementia

28:15

coach. Also, when you go to the

28:15

dentist, the dementia coach

28:19

could prepare you to help your

28:19

mother helped me with my husband

28:24

to do better. And I use a lot of

28:24

Reiki, you know, to call my

28:30

husband down and also to

28:30

communicate with him once. Once

28:34

he couldn't speak anymore. Use

28:34

Reiki master Reiki was helping

28:38

me to understand him better.

28:38

That's

28:40

amazing. Can I tell you a really funny story really fast, funny story.

28:42

My mom needed to get a biopsy

28:46

when she was living with me that

28:46

she had, perhaps a mammogram

28:49

came back and they needed to do

28:49

a quick biopsy. And I took her

28:53

to the doctor and they were in

28:53

they said we're in the in, you

28:56

know, waiting and radiation and

28:56

they said, Okay, normos next,

29:00

and I said, Okay, do you want me

29:00

to go in with you? Oh, no, we

29:02

were fine. I said, you know, she

29:02

has Alzheimer's, right? That

29:05

we're fine. Wasn't 30 seconds.

29:05

See here? We're back out there

29:10

with her. She's like, I'm not

29:10

getting on that table. Are you

29:12

kidding me? Get me the hell

29:12

alone. Get away from me. And so

29:17

I said, maybe you need to

29:17

reschedule. I said, Are you

29:19

kidding? No, we're here. I'm

29:19

going in. I put on the coat. I

29:22

got under the table because she

29:22

had to go like sit on this table

29:25

with a hole in it. Right for the

29:25

boob. And I said, I sang songs.

29:31

I made her laugh. I did. We got

29:31

that biopsy. That's like, we're

29:36

not leaving. But I mean, they

29:36

don't know. They didn't know.

29:40

They were like, they had no

29:40

clue. 30 seconds. They were

29:43

like, Yeah, we can't do it.

29:46

But it was

29:46

still traumatic for your mother

29:48

at first. Sure. And one thing

29:48

they asked me for my husband,

29:53

they wanted to do colonoscopy

29:53

and I said no, he has Dementia.

30:01

And there's no more exams of

30:01

that sort for him. He was live

30:06

and he lived for 21 years very

30:06

well.

30:10

So, because because

30:10

family is such a big component

30:13

of TDI, and that Susie said, not

30:13

everyone has family or not

30:18

everyone has family who care

30:18

enough to get involved. How does

30:22

it balance out? For those who do

30:22

not have family? You know, how

30:26

does this a staff have to? I

30:26

mean, how has that worked into

30:29

the equation? So everyone gets

30:29

similar care?

30:33

Right? Well,

30:33

when I was my husband was in

30:35

long term care, I acted as a

30:35

dementia coach, and I was the

30:39

family member for a lot of

30:39

families. Because you're right,

30:42

a lot of them don't have

30:42

families or the families doesn't

30:45

want to get involved period.

30:45

I've heard of a story where the

30:49

man brought his mother in and

30:49

said, Don't call me only call me

30:54

when she's dead. So that person

30:54

was left alone. And with the

30:59

TDI, we look for a small

30:59

percentage, not every family

31:03

caregiver will qualify to be a

31:03

TDI care partner, they have to

31:07

be well balanced, they have to

31:07

be intelligent enough to

31:10

understand the training. And

31:10

they have to be willing to show

31:15

up. So we have a lot of people

31:15

that wanted me out, we have a

31:18

lot of people that want to do

31:18

that, because they want to be

31:22

there for the last breath. They

31:22

want to be there to the end of

31:26

life. That's what commitment

31:26

means. When you're married, or

31:29

you have family. If it's your

31:29

mother or father, you want to be

31:33

there. But some people don't.

31:33

And that's fine. We don't we

31:37

don't discard that we don't look

31:37

down on them. We just take the

31:41

ones just like the

31:41

organization's the ones that

31:44

will pass the assessment and are

31:44

willing to do it and trained and

31:48

they have a dementia coach to back them up.

31:52

Is there any

31:52

component of leaving this to me

31:54

because I know Suzy, when her

31:54

mom lived with her for a year,

31:57

she still needed a caregiver

31:57

with her also to help. And for a

32:02

while she would be going to

32:02

these agencies, and they'd be

32:04

sending over these caregivers

32:04

who were, you know, supposedly

32:08

trained in Alzheimer's. And they

32:08

were just having one of them

32:10

after an hour was like, I'm out

32:10

of here, you know. And Eric

32:17

was walking, talking and she was going to that stage

32:20

wasn't mean she but

32:20

she wasn't mean she was just

32:23

like, I don't have

32:24

Alzheimer's,

32:24

you got Alzheimer's? Not me.

32:26

You're crazy. Yeah. She was in

32:26

denial. And you know, and then

32:30

can

32:32

can this system be

32:32

used? For the I mean, could this

32:35

type of training be used? And

32:35

that because a lot of people are

32:38

in that situation? Where they're

32:38

not in a particular facility,

32:41

but they are utilizing those?

32:41

Those types of caregivers?

32:45

Outside caregivers? Yeah, yeah.

32:47

When we, when

32:47

we, when we say, dementia care,

32:51

we involve healthcare, home

32:51

health care, home care, assisted

32:56

living, long term care day

32:56

brings all those system wherever

33:02

you deal with dementia care, you

33:02

ought to be trained for it. So

33:07

what you just described is I

33:07

went through that as well. So it

33:10

was a one time there was a woman

33:10

that came in and she happened to

33:14

shuffle her feet. And my husband

33:14

said, I don't want her she

33:17

shuffling your feet too much.

33:17

And it was easy to replace

33:23

people because none of them had

33:23

training. None of them had

33:25

trained, right. And so when they

33:25

came into my home, I had to

33:29

train them the best that I

33:29

could, but with limited

33:33

responsibilities, because I

33:33

could see they had no training

33:35

whatsoever. And I understood

33:35

they weren't paying very the

33:39

paid very well as either. That's

33:39

why we included that six hour

33:43

work for eight hour pay is much

33:43

better, right? And we don't want

33:49

we don't want shifts, even

33:49

nurses cannot work long shifts

33:52

in our system, right? They can't

33:52

afford double shift like they

33:56

are asking for them to do now.

33:56

That has to stop. So it's going

34:01

to change everything. But Susan,

34:01

you would be involved you would

34:04

have been trained as a care, TDI

34:04

care partner, and we would have

34:10

welcomed you and you would have

34:10

had a ball.

34:12

Oh, yeah,

34:12

no, I, I was I would have been

34:15

up for it. I was up for it.

34:15

Anyway, I learned on my own. I

34:18

figured it out, you know, but I

34:18

was motivated. I you know, it

34:23

was it was, you know, if I

34:23

wasn't going to cure it, which I

34:26

thought I would try. I thought I

34:26

was going to cure it. That

34:29

didn't work out. So I can't cure

34:29

it. I will teach it who's boss.

34:35

And I tried my best but, you

34:35

know, I would I find it very

34:42

frustrating that and, you know,

34:42

and I'm sure you do, too, that,

34:46

you know, we all know, as

34:46

doctors know this for a fact

34:49

that, you know, a very large

34:49

percentage of our well being

34:56

starts here, right? And so, you

34:56

know and It is it's so

35:01

important, you know, when you're

35:01

going into surgery, and you

35:04

know, you'll hear doctors, you

35:04

know, you gotta go in with a

35:06

good, good, you know, positive

35:06

framework, and we know that it

35:09

helps healing, we know that it's

35:09

not Uyu it's for real, because

35:13

our bodies are our minds are

35:13

very strong. And for some

35:19

reason, you know, after a

35:19

certain age, well, we know what

35:23

the reason is, it's called

35:23

ageism, that component of the

35:27

healthcare system is not

35:27

addressed. And so it just

35:31

becomes, you know, addressing

35:31

the physical needs, you know,

35:37

and, and, and forgetting about

35:37

the other, the other component,

35:41

the, the mental, the emotional

35:41

component of well being, you

35:46

know, and I would often say that

35:46

to the facility, what Ramon was

35:50

out is like, what quality of

35:50

life are we doing here? Like,

35:54

what is the quality? Like, you

35:54

know, let her eat, she wants to

35:59

eat, that's her life is eating,

35:59

you know, if she chokes, she

36:05

chokes, but staring at a wall

36:05

with nothing to do, and that is

36:09

not life. And, you know, and I

36:09

don't know why it is not part

36:16

of, you know, geriatrics that we

36:16

don't deal with that part of

36:22

living, you know, otherwise,

36:22

let's just all take a pill after

36:27

a certain age, right? I'm not

36:27

I'm being funny, but not, you

36:32

know, I

36:33

think you know

36:33

the answer already. So, our

36:35

society does not respect the

36:35

elderly. And yet, it's the most

36:41

beautiful part of life. Because

36:41

by then you have experience, you

36:45

can relax, you can say whatever

36:45

you want, you know how to do

36:49

things, you've seen life, you

36:49

look at the younger ones. And

36:53

you wonder if they're suffering,

36:53

because you have suffered, you

36:56

know, what it's all about, you

36:56

have empathy. So our society

37:00

needs to start to understand

37:00

that, just like they do in other

37:05

societies, that there's a lot of

37:05

wisdom in the elderly. Let's go

37:10

and see what that is. And you're

37:10

right, there is not enough life.

37:14

There's not enough activities

37:14

that are really what they call,

37:19

you know, centered, centered

37:19

care. For, you know, you're

37:24

looking at what the person likes

37:24

or dislikes, and you meet those

37:27

requirements. That's just to me,

37:27

I've seen so much of it. And

37:31

I've heard so much that I think

37:31

it's just words, let me see the

37:35

action. I want to see them in

37:35

action.

37:38

Right? I remember, you know, I took my mom out of memory care, right?

37:40

Like she wasn't supposed to go

37:43

into memory care. My stepfather

37:43

who didn't have dementia, passed

37:48

away, they were just moving to a

37:48

new facility together, assisted

37:51

living. And when he passed away,

37:51

they said, Oh, well, she can't

37:54

go into the regular side,

37:54

because he's not there to be,

37:58

you know, to help out. So they

37:58

said, We're gonna put her in

38:01

memory care. And I mean, within

38:01

a month, I had her out because

38:05

every time I got there, she was

38:05

a my emotional Basket Case, like

38:11

crying. She was like, and I

38:11

remember when we first went in,

38:14

or the first day, just getting

38:14

back to what you were saying

38:16

about activities. There was all

38:16

these people sitting around a

38:19

table cutting paper flowers, and

38:19

my mother said, What am I three

38:23

years old? Get me the hell out

38:23

of here. What the hell is this?

38:27

She goes to Z, don't leave me

38:27

here. And I was like, I was

38:33

like, What am I and you know,

38:33

and then they start in, you

38:36

know, which we addressed. And I

38:36

documented that the gaslighting

38:39

is like, you're just you have

38:39

caregiver stress. This is what's

38:43

best for your mom, trust us.

38:43

She's this is good for this is

38:47

safe. This is you know, it's for

38:47

this is where she belongs.

38:52

Donald tell you because we've

38:52

been friends forever, like my

38:55

daughter's and I went in there

38:55

one day, and I said, grab her

38:57

purses and start shoving her

38:57

stuff in there. She's out, well,

39:00

I'm taking her home. This is not

39:00

a place to live. Nobody should

39:05

live in those places like that.

39:05

It's awful.

39:09

Well, it's similar to what I heard the other day, when you take when

39:10

they take your keys away,

39:14

because they can't drive out of

39:14

safety and so on. It was

39:18

recommended that somebody takes

39:18

your keys for only one week,

39:23

only one week and see how that

39:23

feels. But I understand what

39:26

you're saying. And person

39:26

centered care is not what they

39:30

do today. Most of the time,

39:30

there's just very few instances

39:34

I've seen. I've seen a program

39:34

like that in Australia, in other

39:39

countries, but in the United

39:39

States, it doesn't matter what,

39:42

what how much you pay. I had a

39:42

friend from New York say, Oh my

39:46

gosh. And you know, in New York,

39:46

there are places that are very,

39:50

very expensive. I imagined that

39:50

the care is better. I said Not

39:53

really. It doesn't mean because

39:53

you pay

39:57

It's better. It's interesting. My mom's in assisted living in She pays a

39:59

lot dearly, dearly. And it's a

40:05

beautiful, absolutely gorgeous

40:05

facility. And they've got great

40:09

food, a beautiful restaurant.

40:09

And the one of the things we

40:13

liked is the caregivers, they

40:13

were very social with my mom,

40:16

they just come, they'd sit down,

40:16

they'd spend time with her, all

40:19

of a sudden, they get the

40:19

notice, no more socializing.

40:23

It's taking up too much of the

40:23

of the CNAs time, you know, and

40:27

now they,

40:28

you know,

40:28

don't I'm sorry to interrupt

40:31

you, but it's a matter of time.

40:31

And the people that are there,

40:37

the CNAs, there's not that many.

40:37

They allow them six to 16

40:43

patients per person. It's

40:43

ridiculous. But imagine what the

40:47

TV imagine with a TDI model,

40:47

your mother would have you

40:52

there, or Susan or myself would

40:52

be visiting. And we would help

40:58

her we would do the socializing.

41:02

Right,

41:02

right. Right. Yeah. I mean, and

41:05

in terms of like, in terms of

41:05

just to piggyback off what you

41:08

just said, Dr. Lord, about, you

41:08

know, all of us being involved

41:12

in the system. You know,

41:12

Medicaid, once a person outlives

41:18

their their savings, and they

41:18

have to go into Medicaid. Well,

41:22

Medicaid doesn't account for

41:22

those kinds of extras, which

41:26

they consider extras, you know,

41:26

and so, or Medicare, you know,

41:31

as well, those all become extras

41:31

that that, you know, it's really

41:35

about keeping the body alive.

41:35

And and the other parts aren't

41:41

paid paid attention to that

41:41

emotional component is not paid

41:45

attention to. And it's not

41:45

compensated through the programs

41:49

that we have in place now.

41:52

Yes, it's very dangerous, we're looking at a future that is not very good.

41:54

Unless the system's changes.

41:58

It's very bleak. They're going

41:58

to get rid of those people just

42:02

like that, right? Because, as

42:02

Hitler used to call them,

42:06

they're, they're useless

42:06

feeders. But that's not true.

42:11

I'm telling you, their wisdom

42:11

that each one of those people

42:15

even with dementia, that's why

42:15

my next book, a gift of

42:18

dementia, and the dementia of

42:18

our gifts of dementia, a gift

42:23

that has yet to be unwrapped, is

42:23

because it is a gift. I have

42:28

learned so much from my husband,

42:28

if he had not lived like that, I

42:32

would I would be clueless of

42:32

what dementia is. But it's

42:37

beautiful.

42:38

I second

42:38

that emotion. I second that

42:40

emotion. You know, I think

42:40

everybody that's gone through

42:43

this journey with me and my

42:43

family, my friends have all been

42:46

enriched by it, you know, as sad

42:46

as it was, and is to lose those

42:51

facilities. There's a whole

42:51

nother way to look at life.

42:54

Right? And so, you know, it is

42:54

the epitome of Zen. It is in the

42:59

moment. You can't live any more

42:59

in the moment than that. That's

43:04

all we have. We have. So to

43:08

know that

43:08

they're pointing it to us,

43:10

they're saying this

43:11

is it. This

43:11

is mana. This is mana right

43:13

here. And that's really it. And

43:13

I learned that I learned that

43:18

with being with you know, like,

43:18

I'm getting chills when I say

43:21

that because it's true because I

43:21

can it throws me back to being

43:24

sitting next to my mom's bed and

43:24

just, you know, surrendering,

43:29

not thinking about where I have

43:29

to be or where I was just

43:33

surrendering to the song that

43:33

I'm playing on my phone and

43:38

singing along to and making sure

43:38

that she's liking this song. You

43:43

know, and that's all it was. It

43:43

was that.

43:47

And you were

43:47

sharing a gift that's natural.

43:49

Susan. You were sharing

43:49

nurturing. You're a nurturer.

43:54

And your mother was just soaking

43:54

it up. Yeah.

43:58

Yeah,

43:58

you can see it, you

43:58

know, you can you could see it

44:01

when it was happening. In every

44:01

end. It's just literally moment

44:05

to moment to moment. It's not

44:05

about the past. It's not about

44:08

what's coming that Suzy was just

44:08

saying it's just it's literally

44:11

that moment. And, you know, and

44:11

for both for both the caregiver

44:17

and for the person. I

44:19

mean, we

44:19

learn from our children, right,

44:22

I learned from my children

44:22

watching, you know, my children,

44:25

like take these social risks

44:25

that we don't do because they

44:30

don't have any fears or they

44:30

don't have any, you know,

44:34

filters or they haven't been

44:34

hurt yet. So they're very

44:38

fearless. And like you said as

44:38

you get older, you also get

44:42

fearless, you lose your your

44:42

filters because you you kind of

44:45

got it you get it, you know? And

44:45

I love that. So I love watching

44:51

it and then what you know, we I

44:51

got to I got my mom, we were all

44:56

very grateful that my mom got to

44:56

meet my grandma otter who was

45:00

only got to meet her on Zoom

45:00

because of dementia, I mean,

45:04

because of COVID. And then when

45:04

finally when the doors opened

45:09

up, she finally got to see my

45:09

mom in person. She was two years

45:12

old and crawled right into bed

45:12

with her, and was loving on her,

45:17

looking at her face laying on

45:17

her looking at her face, rubbing

45:21

her patting her and say, Nanny,

45:21

Nanny nanny, and the two of them

45:26

just had a full conversation

45:26

without any words.

45:29

That's

45:29

beautiful. Thank you for sharing

45:32

that. Yeah.

45:34

Yeah, beautiful. Because they didn't need the words they knew each

45:36

other.

45:39

They know

45:39

because, again, I used to say

45:42

CNAs. Before you enter a room,

45:42

make sure your energy is

45:47

positive. And you're relaxed.

45:47

Because people with dementia

45:52

will read energy faster than you

45:52

can blink an eye.

45:56

So true. So

45:56

true. Children do the same

46:01

thing. They get they're very

46:01

perceptive. You know, when you

46:06

don't have language taking over

46:06

you are you connect this way?

46:11

And so it is it's so important.

46:11

I and I always did it in, you

46:16

know, I don't know where it came

46:16

from. But I always walked into

46:20

my mom's room took a deep breath

46:20

and was like, Hi, Mommy, I'm

46:25

here. Your daughter, your

46:25

favorite? Your favorite

46:28

daughter. Okay, whatever. I am

46:28

your only daughter, but I'm

46:30

still your favorite. You know,

46:30

just to remind her who I was

46:35

without her having to guess. And

46:35

be up to be up so that she would

46:41

be up? Yes.

46:43

I remember one

46:43

of the caregivers that my

46:45

husband had. The private

46:45

caregivers when he was still at

46:49

home was she would come in

46:49

dancing and singing into the

46:53

room every time and I ended up

46:53

that he asked to marry her. He

46:58

said he wanted to marry her. I

46:58

said, Well, I think we can

47:00

arrange that. Ah, and he took

47:00

his ring. Your

47:04

Lord, I

47:04

love you. You're so great.

47:07

That's beautiful. Yes.

47:10

And then he

47:10

was he had fallen in love when

47:12

he was a young man, two young

47:12

officers in the Air Force. And

47:16

that came all back because old

47:16

memories come back. And he said

47:19

to me one day he says, I hope I

47:19

won't offend you. I hope you

47:22

won't be sad. I love you. But

47:22

I've been thinking about this

47:26

woman that I was in love with

47:26

when I was younger, was a young

47:29

officer. I said, you know if you

47:29

give me the name, I'm just like,

47:33

Colombo, I'll find her. And so

47:33

he gave me the name. I found her

47:38

in Chicago. And I kind of

47:38

communicated with her and to the

47:43

time of his death. She was

47:43

sending him letters. She was

47:46

calling him when he was able to

47:46

talk. Who

47:48

are you?

47:48

You're so sweet. Oh my gosh.

47:52

Isn't this a great story? You

47:52

guys. I mean, this is the this

47:55

is this is true love. That's

47:55

love.

47:59

Yes, it is

47:59

true love. We don't own love. We

48:01

can only exercise when you want

48:01

to deliver gifts. Yeah, he

48:06

wanted to give her gifts for her

48:06

birthday. And I did that we went

48:09

out shopping so that he could

48:09

have a full experience. But

48:14

here's the gift for me. The gift

48:14

of dementia and that the gift

48:18

was I saw that young officer

48:18

that I never knew. Oh,

48:23

yeah.

48:23

That's interesting. And you know

48:27

what? I Okay, I'll match you

48:27

with that. So all my mom my

48:32

mom's life. I didn't know why

48:32

but all of my great aunts my

48:37

grandma's sisters and brothers

48:37

on those the those who sort of

48:40

CO raised my mom like they did

48:40

back in the day. And she was in

48:44

New Jersey. They all whenever

48:44

they see her they come and visit

48:47

they call her lovey that they

48:47

never called her Norma it was

48:50

lovey. That was her name. Done

48:50

and done. All cards made out to

48:55

lovey. And I never asked why

48:55

didn't know why I didn't think

48:59

about it. Because you know,

48:59

you're self centered child, you

49:01

don't know until you know. And

49:01

as my mom progressed, and was in

49:07

nursing home, and people I'd go

49:07

to visit my mom and every hands

49:12

down without any she wasn't even

49:12

speaking at that point is your

49:15

mom Norma. We love her. She's so

49:15

loving. She's so affectionate.

49:20

She's so and I said, Oh, that's

49:20

where she got the name. That's

49:24

why she's so it was lovey. And

49:24

she was exactly like that the

49:29

whole time to I mean, she's just

49:29

people would walk by and when

49:35

she could still talk. She'd go,

49:35

You're beautiful. You're

49:38

beautiful. And they'd go, thank

49:38

you. Thank you. And she meant

49:44

it. Yeah, she meant it. She

49:44

meant it.

49:47

But that came out

49:47

that was even after she had

49:50

stopped talking. The CNAs would

49:50

always comment oh my gosh, I

49:55

love your mother. I love she's

49:55

so I mean everyone without her

49:59

saying a word heard, that was

50:02

a little

50:02

girl. This was my mom who she

50:04

was without all the other life

50:04

that that weighs you down,

50:09

right? So I got, I got the

50:09

chance to see her as a little

50:12

girl. With that freeze. I got to

50:12

see her like that. So I shared

50:17

that with her. And, and I'll

50:17

tell you one of the things

50:21

you'll love this as a dementia

50:21

expert, when, like three months

50:26

before she died, and she had

50:26

stopped talking, and the only

50:29

reason why she stopped talking

50:29

was because she had been

50:31

intubated. Anyway, they didn't

50:31

give her she could she could

50:34

have still talked. But she, they

50:34

they went out your feed. I was

50:39

talking to her and I was doing

50:39

my dog and pony show and I was

50:42

singing and I was trying to make

50:42

her laugh. And out of nowhere,

50:44

she just leaned forward and

50:44

said, I love you. Like clear as

50:50

day. Like, like it was ever my

50:50

mom. And I don was in the room.

50:55

And I was like, oh my god, mom,

50:55

that was like a marathon you

50:59

just ran, because I know how

50:59

hard it was. But she needed to

51:02

let me know. It never talked

51:02

again. But that he did all those

51:09

things that she had to find the

51:09

words, bring them down, attach

51:14

them and get them out the mouth.

51:14

That's a lot. That's

51:18

a beautiful

51:18

sentence to leave leave you with

51:21

T shirt gave me by the way, I'm

51:21

not a dementia expert. I'm just

51:24

have knowledge. And I don't ever

51:24

want to call myself an expert, I

51:28

see experts on the on the

51:28

LinkedIn program there that are

51:33

maybe 20 years old or 30 years

51:33

old. I can't imagine being

51:37

experts. It's a long, you know,

51:37

you need to live live a lifetime

51:42

almost to say you're an expert.

51:42

But I always say that we don't

51:47

discover. We don't invent

51:47

anything. So experts kind of

51:51

insinuate you invented

51:51

something, but we only discover

51:54

things. They're all there to be

51:54

discovered. It's up to you to

51:57

discover them write

51:59

good correction or

51:59

know if there's any true I don't

52:01

know if there's any true.

52:01

There's so much unknown about

52:04

dementia, that I don't know if

52:04

anyone's really an expert. We

52:08

never, we never will.

52:10

Yeah,

52:10

right. Yeah. And it all comes

52:13

down to, you know, individuals,

52:13

what that what part of their

52:18

everything we you know, there's

52:18

so many factors to that come

52:22

into play. So, yeah, it's

52:22

interesting when to see a movie,

52:26

a screening of a film or another

52:26

film on on dementia last night.

52:30

And, you know, it was it was

52:30

very frustrating, no way been

52:35

been having been through the

52:35

whole journey. You know, and,

52:39

and having made a film, you

52:39

know, about Alzheimer's, and in

52:44

a, in a narrative way, I was

52:44

very careful to be very honest

52:48

and open and, you know, as, as

52:48

true as I could bringing in the

52:53

comedy, but also bringing in the

52:53

truth. You know, and I think

52:57

that that, you know, it does

52:57

just service, it does a

53:01

disservice to the public both

53:01

ways, if you sugarcoat it, or if

53:05

you, you know, like, vilify it,

53:05

you know, so you're only adding

53:11

to the stigma of it. So, either

53:11

way, it's bad, we really need to

53:16

really understand the scope of

53:16

it so that we, we don't, you

53:20

know, dismiss it or, or, or

53:20

ignore it, you know, right. Or

53:25

fear it, you don't want to fear it, either.

53:29

That's right.

53:29

The Oregon we're talking about

53:31

is the brain and it's the most

53:31

complex organ in the body. And

53:35

we'll never understand that

53:35

fully. And what works with one

53:38

person may not work for another

53:38

one. That's why the tips on

53:41

dementia care are so important.

53:41

Because you you can have a

53:45

choice. You can try things,

53:45

different things to make sure

53:48

that you can shift the feelings

53:48

of that person and make and make

53:53

them feel safe and loved. That's

53:53

the only thing they want to be

53:58

safe and to be loved. Yeah,

54:00

yeah,

54:00

definitely. Just

54:02

bringing back to the

54:02

TDI. I just wanted to clarify,

54:05

does the TDI program work with

54:05

Medicare and MediCal facilities?

54:10

Or is it just private pay? Or

54:10

combination? There are no words

54:14

for every

54:14

every facility, it does not

54:16

matter if it's private pay, or

54:16

Medicare or Medicaid. The

54:22

Medicaid situation is that in

54:22

this facility they have they can

54:28

only take so many fill in so

54:28

many beds with Medicaid because

54:32

they pay so much less as less

54:32

pay. So they they want to make

54:37

money. There's billions of

54:37

dollars being made daily in long

54:41

term care. Don't fool yourself.

54:41

They're not running out of it

54:45

and they're not underpaid or

54:45

anything. It's how they fill

54:49

their beds. And of course, if

54:49

you can pay with insurance, long

54:53

term care insurance or if you

54:53

have enough money that's that's

54:58

the best way for them to do it.

54:58

There are some that are totally

55:01

private, the TDI will work very

55:01

well with any system does not

55:07

matter. Okay, great,

55:09

thank you.

55:09

But it is a matter of like

55:12

whether that facility will

55:12

incorporate it. And you know

55:17

whether they're going to bring

55:17

that system into their, their

55:23

facility to use it on a on a

55:23

consistent basis. Can someone

55:28

can families request it and say,

55:28

you know, I guess you can't, I

55:33

mean, you can request it, but it doesn't mean it's going to happen. So what you do is look

55:35

for a facility that that does

55:38

incorporate, it

55:40

wouldn't be nice if families would say, Well, you heard about the TDI

55:41

business model. Have you heard

55:45

about it, let's inquire. But

55:45

remember, they have to pass the

55:49

assessment. If it's a type of

55:49

business that's just in it for

55:53

the money. And they provide very

55:53

bad care and they intend to

55:57

continue, we can detect that in

55:57

the assessment stage. There's a

56:02

period of few weeks that we do

56:02

an assessment. And we're very

56:07

honest about that. We'll tell

56:07

them exactly what's right. And

56:10

how

56:11

many IDI facilities

56:11

are there right now?

56:15

We don't We haven't signed anybody officially, but we're still

56:16

discussing. And we, we will have

56:20

them this year. I'm sure. We can

56:20

have this discussion later on.

56:24

I hope so.

56:25

I really

56:25

do. Yeah, it's like I, you know,

56:29

learning about all these

56:29

different models for like, the,

56:35

the greenhouse model, you know,

56:35

and the the Eden Project, and

56:39

all those different, you know,

56:39

all the person centered care

56:44

for, you know, long term care,

56:44

which is all really good. And

56:48

it's well thought out. And and,

56:48

you know, one of the interviews

56:52

that we did for the documentary,

56:52

I asked a hard question, and I

56:56

said, you know, well, who is who

56:56

is enforcing this, this

57:01

construct this this paradigm of

57:01

teaching? Or you know, or

57:07

that's model

57:07

management model,

57:09

right? You

57:09

know, because because, you know,

57:11

you if you send your child to,

57:11

to a Montessori school, there,

57:14

there is licensing and there's

57:14

and there's, you know, there's,

57:18

you have to adhere to that

57:18

program, or you will lose your

57:23

license. And at the end, you

57:23

know, the woman who was running

57:27

this program, one of them not,

57:27

it's, it's, it's an offshoot of

57:32

the greenhouse, said, there

57:32

really isn't anybody overseeing

57:37

the licensing, or the quality

57:37

control, and it's really up to

57:40

the individual or, well, that

57:40

just leaves everybody

57:44

vulnerable. But

57:44

just right back

57:44

where we are, you know,

57:47

it might

57:47

sound good, you know, we you

57:49

know, we've got a new and

57:49

improved we are the,

57:52

it's just a marketing tool at that point.

57:56

That's why

57:56

we're licensing the TDI we're

57:58

overseeing every step of it.

57:58

They have to even present the

58:02

curriculum, that dementia coach

58:02

has to submit their curriculum,

58:07

the visit that we visit the

58:07

facilities on announced and we

58:11

just straightened out, whatever,

58:11

and we're there to support them.

58:15

Absolutely support them the

58:15

whole year, and is renewed every

58:18

year. It's a yearly license,

58:18

it's not a forever,

58:22

have you thought about going to I'm sure you have going to CMS and and

58:24

you know presenting this program

58:29

to them as as to, you know,

58:29

incorporate into their system.

58:35

Unfortunately,

58:35

there are so large and I've been

58:38

I've been I have approached to

58:38

the government on this, but

58:42

there's other things driving the

58:42

government and not not

58:47

necessarily when it makes sense.

58:47

It's a better thing.

58:51

That's like,

58:53

it's not it's

58:53

not a sure thing, but I don't

58:55

give up on them. I still

58:55

continue. I know the Alzheimer's

58:59

Association has a big say in

58:59

everything that might go come

59:03

down the pike. And that's been

59:03

submitted to them, but they've

59:06

been ignored it completely,

59:06

because they probably feel is

59:10

competition. less fun stories.

59:10

They're their drives. Yeah,

59:15

yeah, yeah.

59:15

Yeah. Yeah. It's it's very

59:18

complicated. But it's people

59:20

like you,

59:20

Susie, that in New Dawn that can

59:24

help us to change the course of

59:24

dementia care. And I beg you

59:29

that you did do that, please.

59:31

I was just

59:31

going to say that, that that's,

59:33

that is our dream, my My dream

59:33

is to, you know, awaken the

59:38

collective conscience and really

59:38

let people know that this is

59:42

their future. And, you know,

59:42

it's all of our future in and

59:47

it's only going to get

59:47

exponentially worse. If we don't

59:51

nip it in the bud now, and we

59:51

are the only thing that's going

59:53

to change it. It's not going to

59:53

be you know, new legislation

59:57

because there's no one there to

59:57

enforce that new legislation.

1:00:01

That's just platitude. So we

1:00:01

really need to take it into our

1:00:05

own hands and really take our

1:00:05

healthcare back. And, you know,

1:00:10

and secure it, and ensure that

1:00:10

we have, if we're going to try

1:00:13

to live longer, which we all are

1:00:13

doing, we really want to have

1:00:17

long longevity. Well, you don't

1:00:17

you want to have quality with

1:00:21

it, too.

1:00:22

Yes, because

1:00:22

we are all going to end up old,

1:00:25

and we may, many of us will end

1:00:25

up in, in a facility. Right?

1:00:30

Because as Don said, we have

1:00:30

neither no families. And one

1:00:34

thing that the international

1:00:34

caregivers Association strives

1:00:38

for is inclusivity. And imagine

1:00:38

those people have less family

1:00:43

than most people. Absolutely,

1:00:43

because sometimes they're

1:00:45

abandoned by their original

1:00:45

family. And if they're left

1:00:49

alone, the partner is past

1:00:49

passed on, I want the TDR care

1:00:54

partner there, to love that

1:00:54

person to support them to offer

1:00:58

them safety. And know

1:01:00

that even if you're

1:01:00

paying 10 or $12,000 a month in

1:01:04

a private, that does not

1:01:04

guarantee the type of care that

1:01:08

these people need, because those

1:01:08

facilities still don't

1:01:12

understand half of what to do.

1:01:12

And, you know, we need

1:01:18

something. It's not something

1:01:18

like or TDI, you know, to be

1:01:22

part of the systems. So whether

1:01:22

you're getting being paid for by

1:01:26

Medicare and Medicaid, or

1:01:26

private pay, the care has to be

1:01:31

correct, it doesn't just have to

1:01:31

pay out a lot of money doesn't

1:01:33

guarantee that

1:01:34

you can't

1:01:34

find a lobby folks don't buy the

1:01:36

lobby, look behind the lobby,

1:01:36

keep going really, really

1:01:40

investigate, because lobbies can

1:01:40

be very deceiving. Absolutely,

1:01:46

right.

1:01:48

Yes, I agree.

1:01:48

I agree. But the fact that we

1:01:51

have a dementia coach in the

1:01:51

center of the organization and

1:01:55

one dementia coach in every

1:01:55

site, that that business may

1:01:59

own, so if they only have one

1:01:59

then they only have one dementia

1:02:02

coach, but if they have 600

1:02:02

different sites, we want 600

1:02:07

dementia coaches right. And

1:02:07

right now as I know it, and I've

1:02:11

seen it all workforce, health

1:02:11

care workforce, we'd love to

1:02:17

have some that kind of support

1:02:17

that kind of training that kind

1:02:22

of person that will come and

1:02:22

fend for them when there's a

1:02:26

problem.

1:02:27

Absolutely.

1:02:27

Wow, I love much better

1:02:30

it is for the for

1:02:30

the care for the health care

1:02:33

provider for those CNAs those

1:02:33

nurses, those doctors, if

1:02:36

everyone you know had this

1:02:36

knowledge in practice, their

1:02:41

jobs would be so much easier.

1:02:41

Well yeah, life would be so much

1:02:45

better. Yeah.

1:02:47

It's like

1:02:47

sticking somebody who's a who's

1:02:50

a manicurist and go here go go

1:02:50

help them out on a fire it's

1:02:58

absurd. It's insanity. It's

1:02:58

insanity. We put unprepared and

1:03:03

uneducated people and to help

1:03:03

people and you know, it's just

1:03:08

it's it's a disaster waiting to

1:03:08

happen. Of course it is.

1:03:13

Absolutely. Of course it is.

1:03:13

Well, I Is there anything we

1:03:17

left out that you wanted to

1:03:17

mention before we wrap up this,

1:03:22

if anybody wants to get a hold of me they can get a hold of me at the

1:03:24

International caregivers

1:03:27

association.com website or ICA

1:03:27

cares.com They can go through

1:03:33

there and there's a Contact

1:03:33

page, a lot of information on

1:03:37

the TDI we have three different

1:03:37

teams there. We have the

1:03:42

leadership team, we have the

1:03:42

Advisory Board, we have the

1:03:47

consulting group also that goes

1:03:47

into facilities and opens the

1:03:53

door for the TDI lovely so very

1:03:53

well qualified people all around

1:03:58

me

1:03:58

take

1:03:58

advantage of it you guys you

1:04:00

know it's there for the taking.

1:04:04

Take advantage push

1:04:04

for it push for it, start using

1:04:07

your voice and say this is what

1:04:07

we need. This is what we want.

1:04:10

Yeah, yeah, let the facilities

1:04:10

know let let everyone know that

1:04:14

this is the type of thing that

1:04:14

we absolutely must have in order

1:04:18

to ensure you know safe health

1:04:18

care from for everybody. Quality

1:04:23

long term care and health care

1:04:23

in general

1:04:25

quality

1:04:25

Yeah, like you have to push that

1:04:29

you know you it's unfortunate

1:04:29

but we do we have to advocate

1:04:32

for ourselves and our loved ones

1:04:32

and it will it takes it takes a

1:04:37

megaphones and don't have the

1:04:37

disease to please like me that

1:04:44

does not work. That does not

1:04:44

work. You have to be strong.

1:04:51

Okay, well, we i You're

1:04:51

delightful. I love what you're

1:04:55

doing. You're are a warrior you

1:04:55

are a warrior with The Heart of

1:05:00

Gold.

1:05:02

Thank you.

1:05:02

Yep. Thank you for saying that.

1:05:04

Absolutely.

1:05:05

Absolutely.

1:05:05

It's, it's, it's a pleasure to

1:05:08

know you, and I'm rooting for

1:05:08

you. And I hope that our

1:05:12

documentary makes some kind of

1:05:12

shift and allows, you know, an

1:05:16

open door for this everywhere.

1:05:16

So important. Yes.

1:05:21

So I think you

1:05:21

want to consider a documentarian

1:05:23

just on the TDI to change the

1:05:23

course of dementia care.

1:05:27

After I get a break. It's like asking a woman who just had a baby when

1:05:28

you're going to have your next

1:05:31

baby I'm tired. No, I there's a lot

1:05:37

of documentaries that need to be

1:05:45

done. I hear you I hear you

1:05:45

know, but it's true. It's true.

1:05:48

Yeah. i Because, you know, I see

1:05:48

that very clearly. It's the the

1:05:54

it would write itself, it really

1:05:54

would, you would write itself.

1:05:59

Well, this has been very lovely.

1:05:59

And it really plays to why we do

1:06:04

the show, which is why don mats

1:06:06

because love is

1:06:06

powerful. Love is contagious,

1:06:10

and love conquers all. We thank

1:06:10

everyone for watching listening

1:06:14

today. Please like, share,

1:06:14

subscribe. Check out TDI for

1:06:18

sure. And we'll see you next

1:06:18

time.

1:06:21

Yeah, and one more thing I know that you guys have a lot of different

1:06:23

podcasts out there. And you

1:06:27

know, right now there's so many

1:06:27

and but you know, we've been

1:06:29

doing this for four years now.

1:06:29

And we we really do it because

1:06:33

we love it. And we really love

1:06:33

to bring you the best people and

1:06:37

I feel like you know, Dr. Lord

1:06:37

is one of them. So how have you

1:06:41

all have a great, great week or

1:06:41

till our next episode and we'll

1:06:45

we'll be you'll hear from us

1:06:45

then. Bye.

1:06:48

See you then bye bye.