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1:00

Was a Los Angeles. Great

1:05

to see you all. Welcome. To Love it

1:08

or leave it Recording Live in the shambles of

1:10

May Day when I accidently brought bagels to work,

1:12

not realizing the union was also bringing bagels to

1:14

work. I guess that

1:16

one was just for us. It's in

1:18

a comedian. Jenner Friedman is your to

1:21

crown head, cancel or get a gasp

1:23

of excitement from the front row actress

1:25

Rose Abdu puts the i hell yeah

1:27

in I Am Db and to gay

1:29

mats drink from the fountain of hate

1:31

arrayed. Why?

1:34

Is it a fountain of hatred? Because. Gator

1:36

Eight never comes from a fountain. So. Think the

1:38

fountain of something. Then. Gator

1:40

Raid, Then Hater Eight. Best

1:43

not to dwell on it. But

1:45

first. Let's. Get into it. What a week?

1:51

Pro: Palestinian demonstrators at Columbia University took

1:53

over Hamilton Hall, a building on campus

1:56

early on Tuesday. Hamilton Hall was also

1:58

taken over by students protesting. The Vietnam

2:00

War Nineteen Sixty Eight. During the protest, students

2:02

used furniture to barricade the doors and prevent

2:04

the acting dean from leaving his office, holding

2:07

them hostage for a nice be acting the

2:09

and commented that he wasn't planning to stay

2:11

overnight anyway and hadn't been sleeping. They're due

2:13

to issues with his wife Paula and it

2:16

was no reason to inquire as to why

2:18

you already had a pillow in a blanket

2:20

and of sad little zoc guests. In the

2:22

wee hours on Wednesday, hundreds of N Y

2:24

P D officers descended on to Colombia's campus.

2:27

A University officials requests and arrested one hundred

2:29

and nine people. As they cleared the whole

2:31

of protesters, Com Be also began suspending students

2:33

who refused to leave the main encampment. We

2:35

now go lives you Columbia University President Minutiae

2:38

Feet for her reaction. Am I so out

2:40

of touch? Know.

2:43

It's the children who were wrong. You

2:47

Cla cancel classes on Wednesday after a

2:49

large group of seemingly pro Israel counterprotesters

2:51

violently attacked a pro Palestinian encampment on

2:53

Tuesday nights during at least one firework

2:55

into the camp. In total, more than

2:57

two thousand people have been arrested on

3:00

approximately sixty American campuses as the protests

3:02

continue to spread. Now. This is

3:04

why I became a cop said

3:06

a police officer wrestling a wondered

3:08

and five pound bisexual psych major

3:10

to the crafts. Protesters

3:13

at Brown University reach an actual deal

3:15

with the university, announcing that it's corporate

3:17

board will vote on a proposal to

3:20

divest from Israeli interests in exchange for

3:22

students taking down there encampment. our kids

3:24

from Brown doing deals Cornell Hibs. Pen

3:27

kids? sure, But brown those kids

3:29

negotiated? Do what? Spoken word? poetry?

3:33

President Biden waiting on the campus protest

3:35

from the White House on Thursday. we

3:37

are not enough archery mission where resources

3:39

force cost us. The

3:42

American people are hurt, in fact,

3:44

peaceful protesters In the best tradition

3:46

of how murders respond to can't

3:49

control issues. But.

3:52

Neither are we a lawless country

3:54

where our civil society and order

3:56

must prevail. Spoken like a man

3:59

who's never. The into the air conditioner section of

4:01

a target during the first heat wave of the year.

4:04

Fight Him Went on to say first right

4:06

to protest. But. Not the right

4:09

to cause chaos. There is no place

4:11

for hate speech. Or violence of

4:13

any kind where there's anti semitism from

4:15

a phobia. Or. Discrimination against Arab

4:17

Americans Are Palestinian Americans Simply wrong has

4:20

no place for racism in America. While

4:22

Biden just lost the Chaos caucus that's

4:24

what I call my friends who let

4:26

their phones get down to two percent

4:29

battery. Speaking of

4:31

people running out of juice on Thursday,

4:33

Trump's denied ever falling asleep during the

4:35

trial, despite multiple outlets reporting every time

4:37

he does, the former President wrote on

4:39

true Social contrary to the fake news

4:42

media, I don't fall asleep during the

4:44

crooked Da's witch hunts. Especially not today.

4:46

I simply. Close my beautiful blue

4:48

eyes, Sometimes

4:52

listen intently and take it

4:54

all in. says.

4:56

Is funny though we have to just

4:58

as soon as they said. that's funny

5:00

Also, I guess I just never noticed

5:02

that Trump's eyes are blue. They're just

5:04

so many more urgent features of a

5:06

spaces. And had you'd ever attend his

5:09

eye color. This

5:11

follow judge one person's decision to find

5:13

Trump a total of nine thousand dollars

5:16

for nine violations of the gag orders

5:18

and warned that the court will not

5:20

tolerate continued willful violations of it's lawful

5:22

orders were shown that issued a warning

5:24

again much louder before signing and asking

5:27

Trump's lawyer to Najim awaits more importantly

5:29

the judgment on to say that if

5:31

necessary and appropriate under the circumstances he

5:33

was prepared to sent from to jail

5:35

if he continues to attack jurors and

5:37

witnesses Trump and made the my lips

5:40

are Sealed gesture. And of lock him

5:42

throw away the key gesture for for tweeting

5:44

out an artist's rendering of the Judge is

5:46

why it's getting plowed by Alvin Brag. for

5:51

donald trump also somehow phone time between court

5:53

appearances to outline what his second term would

5:55

look like in a lengthy interview with time

5:58

magazine and spoiler alert it would not tight?

6:01

Tight? Why did we say tight? With

6:04

the exception of the Diet Coke button. That's

6:07

tight. Trump said he would build detention camps

6:10

and deploy the military in order to deport

6:12

more than 11 million migrants. He also told

6:14

Time that he would permit states to monitor

6:16

women's pregnancies and choose whether to prosecute women

6:18

who violate abortion bans. Way ahead of you,

6:20

said Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, watching a

6:22

woman by a pregnancy test from across the

6:24

Walmart parking… parking fucking fuck. Leave it in.

6:26

Walmart parking lot through a parabenocular. You get

6:28

it? He's being a fucking freak. Trump

6:33

refused to say he'd veto… nice, thanks.

6:35

The pity. That's perfect. That's that interview.

6:38

Trump refused to say he'd veto a national abortion

6:40

ban because, quote, number one, it'll never happen and

6:42

number two, it's about states' rights. Trump has always

6:45

been clear on this. If women want rights, they

6:47

must first become states. But

6:50

if it's about states' rights, then it

6:52

should be no problem to say you'd

6:54

veto a national abortion ban. It's

6:56

almost as if he's just saying stuff.

6:59

When pressed, Trump acknowledged the possibility of violence surrounding

7:01

the 2024 election and seemed fine with it, saying,

7:03

I think we're going to win. And if we

7:05

don't win, you know it depends. It always depends

7:07

on the fairness of an election. Hard to believe

7:10

that Trump inciting violence after he loses again is

7:13

our best case scenario. That's

7:15

the best we can do. He won't have the

7:17

National Guard at his disposal this time, just a

7:19

bunch of middle-aged Facebook warriors who don't have a great

7:21

relationship with their kids. Anyway,

7:23

speaking of loud mouths with beautiful blue eyes,

7:25

Georgia congresswoman and lady in athleisure making a

7:27

scene at the state fair because she thinks

7:30

the whack-a-mole was rigged against white people, Marjorie

7:32

Taylor Greene said Wednesday that she will force

7:34

a vote to oust House Speaker Mike Johnson

7:36

next week. That is, unless one of Johnson's

7:38

new Jewish friends taught him how to neutralize

7:40

a golem. Just

7:44

in the event that a desperate Jewish person made her

7:47

out of mud. Greene's

7:50

announcement came a day after Democratic leaders released

7:52

a statement saying they would vote to table

7:54

Greene's motion to vacate, saying the time has

7:56

come to turn the page on this chapter

7:58

of pro-Putin Republican obstruction. So Green's

8:00

effort is doomed, which I imagine she's used to

8:02

by now. Marjorie Taylor Green is a human leaf

8:04

blower. In theory, she has a job to do,

8:07

but her main contribution is noise. Anyway,

8:12

speaking of maniacs with beautiful blue eyes,

8:15

in a new Wall Street Journal profile,

8:17

former members of RFK Junior's presidential campaign

8:19

revealed that the operation is full of

8:22

grifters and opportunists in addition to being

8:24

financially and professionally dysfunctional. Ugh! Well,

8:29

you could knock me over with a feather, is

8:31

what one of these grifters on the RFK Junior

8:34

campaign said while explaining how taking penicillin to treat

8:36

an infection can actually dissolve all your muscles. In

8:40

one bizarre incident, a campaign potluck ran into

8:42

an unusual problem. Several

8:44

staff members feared the electromagnetic

8:46

radiation from microwaves. The campaign

8:48

advised staffers to bring crock

8:50

pots for the event, which

8:52

is insane because everyone knows those things make your dick

8:54

fall off. But, it's

8:58

not a crock pot guy. It's

9:01

like, how busy are you? You gotta make dinner and

9:03

then live a whole day and come back to find

9:06

it? Come

9:09

on. How can you meet a crock pot

9:11

if your phone says you look at it for seven and a half

9:13

hours a day? If your phone says

9:15

you look at it for seven and a half hours a day,

9:17

you don't need the crock pot to save time. Congresswoman

9:21

Elon Omar is getting the business after

9:23

saying this while visiting Columbia to stand

9:25

in solidarity with student protesters, which included

9:28

her daughter. I think it is

9:30

really unfortunate that people don't care

9:32

about the fact that all Jewish

9:35

kids should be kept safe and that

9:37

we should not have to tolerate a

9:39

high temperature zone or be a chain

9:42

for all Jewish students. Oh great, seems

9:44

like a perfectly made point. Nothing else to

9:47

talk about. No other issues. She did it

9:49

right. She said a good thing. Let's move

9:51

on. Oh wait, that wasn't the end of

9:53

the clip. We should not have to tolerate

9:56

a high temperature zone or be a chain

9:58

for all Jewish students. they

10:00

are pro-genocides or anti-genocides. Oh, come

10:02

on. No, Elon, you had it.

10:06

You were right there. It's like I

10:08

always tell myself and fail to listen. Stop

10:10

talking sooner. Then

10:15

that leads to a whole news cycle about that

10:17

comment. And it's like, I

10:19

could sit here and tell you

10:22

about Bernie Sanders telling Dana Bash,

10:24

who asked Bernie Sanders about Elon

10:26

Omar's comments from that college campus

10:28

about the protesters and what the

10:30

protesters are saying about their position,

10:32

about what's going on in Gaza.

10:34

But that's pretty far from what's

10:36

going on in Gaza. And we

10:38

really prefer conversations about conversations about

10:40

conversations about something than conversations about

10:42

something. But I'm doing it as

10:44

we speak. Speaking

10:50

of people who should have stopped talking sooner,

10:52

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem defended her decision

10:54

to murder her dog, Cricket. I just hope

10:56

people will read the book, find out the truth, because

10:58

this is a dangerous animal. And I

11:00

had a choice between keeping my small children

11:02

and other people safe or a

11:04

dangerous animal. And I chose the safety of my

11:07

children. This is the Republican worldview in a

11:09

nutshell. There is no gray area. There is

11:11

no calling a dog trainer or taking her

11:13

to a pet rescue. There is the complete

11:15

annihilation of Kristi Noem's entire family at the

11:17

hands of an uncontrollable beast or spraying a

11:20

dog's brains across a gravel pit before heading

11:22

to church, which is a rib restaurant. But

11:26

it wasn't all laughs this week. According

11:28

to the wrap, the Christmas action movie Red

11:30

One is a year behind schedule and mass

11:33

will be over budget, due in part to

11:35

the unprofessionalism of its star, Dwayne The Rock

11:37

Johnson. The Rock would reportedly show up late

11:39

to set sometimes by as much as eight

11:41

hours. Do you smell what

11:43

The Rock is cooking? It's traditional mole rojo,

11:45

a sauce that must be lovingly simmered for

11:48

many hours. Eight

11:50

hours? That's not arriving late. That's arriving the

11:52

next day. And That's

11:54

even with all the time he's saved Not endorsing Joe

11:56

Biden. But it gets better. According To their sources, The

11:58

Rock Likes to pick up. The water bottles. Here's

12:01

a quote: onset away from his trailer be

12:03

needs to be he doesn't go to the

12:05

public bathroom he pees in avast water bottle

12:07

at his team are p A has to

12:09

dispose of it there see some people like

12:12

it said Amazon Chairman Jeff Bezos. Speaking

12:15

of celebrities who arrive when they are

12:17

ready: Barbra Streisand peter collective interest this

12:19

week when she as Melissa Mccarthy and

12:21

a since deleted instagram comment if Mccarthy

12:24

was taking as impact. Of.

12:30

Later. That the He's Streisand wrote on social media.

12:32

Oh Em gee. I went on Instagram to see

12:34

the photos we posted of a beautiful flowers I'd

12:36

receive for my birthday. Below them was a photo

12:39

of my friend Melissa Mccarthy who I sang with

12:41

on my Encore album. She looks fantastic. I just

12:43

wanted to pay or compliments. I forgot the world

12:45

was reading. For. Is what we didn't have a joke

12:47

for. This. She. Sells had to explain why

12:50

she was on Instagram. And the

12:52

reason was to look flowers

12:54

she had received it. realize

12:57

it's. In. Other celeb news

12:59

on our show this we Drew Barrymore

13:01

revealed she left a list of every

13:03

sexual partners he's ever had a Danny

13:05

Devito House. Oh wait, this said Danny

13:07

De Vito pulling a small piece of

13:09

paper that only had his name Business.

13:11

You know they say you're a complete list

13:14

of sexual partners is always in last place

13:16

you look. Danny Devito House. During.

13:19

An appearance on the Jennifer Hudson show Share

13:21

explained that she dates younger guys because men

13:23

are age are all dead. So. I

13:25

guess he doesn't believe in love after life. Stress.

13:32

Because of like after she believes in life after love. while

13:34

she asked a question. To

13:36

share. Doesn't. Want to date mentor own age

13:38

because they're all dead? I'm I'm newly

13:41

single and ready to mingle said

13:43

Jimmy Carter swiss. Speaking.

13:47

of ancient communications this week a team of

13:49

researchers revealed that for the first time they

13:51

were able to decipher parts of a pirate

13:53

scroll that was buried in ash after the

13:56

volcanic eruption of mount vesuvius in the year

13:58

seventy nine it's a technique there calling cleaning

14:00

the schmutz off. The

14:03

team was able to decipher the text by telling a

14:05

bunch of Swifties that Taylor wrote the scroll, and they

14:07

came back with it fully deciphered in two hours. Incredible.

14:11

It's about Joe Alwyn. According

14:13

to the American Time Use Survey, the average

14:15

person in the US has gained 10 minutes

14:17

of sleep per day since their previous survey,

14:19

although it's possible outliers are driving up the

14:21

average by napping in courtrooms. What?

14:25

That doesn't make sense. A

14:28

North Carolina toddler who was convinced there were monsters

14:31

in her closet was, it turns out, hearing the

14:33

sound of more than 50,000 bees in

14:36

the walls. White

14:39

noise machine, move aside. There's a new ambient noise

14:41

in town, and it's called 50,000 bees

14:44

inside your walls. Child,

14:47

you're being crazy. It's not a monster.

14:49

It's 50,000 bees. Go to bed. There's

14:52

nothing to be afraid of. It's not a monster. It's

14:55

50,000 actual bees. Go

14:57

to bed. Dave and Buster's

14:59

announced this week that its app will soon

15:02

allow adults playing their arcade games to place

15:04

bets against each other. Said a Dave and

15:06

Buster spokesperson, we're just doing our part to

15:08

demolish America's few remaining friendships between straight men.

15:11

The skee-ball machine is running hot. I feel

15:13

it. Please, just front me a few more

15:16

tickets, said former New York City Mayor Rudy

15:18

Giuliani. All

15:20

right, we come back. Rose Abdu is

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Please welcome to the stage

18:44

you've seen her in literally

18:46

everything. It's the incredible Rose

18:48

Abdu. Come

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on out. Nice to see you. Thanks for being

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here. Hello, everybody.

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Very nice to be here. Lovely to see

19:00

you, Rose. The third season of Hacks is upon us. How

19:02

does it feel to be in the last television show to

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ever get a third season in the history of Hollywood? Feels

19:08

wonderful. And I did watch episode 301 and 302

19:10

right before I came here tonight.

19:13

And I have to say if you're Hacks fans, you're in

19:15

for a really fun time. Everybody says it's the best

19:17

season yet. I think they're saying it's the best season

19:19

yet. Well, I'm in at the least. So I don't know

19:21

what that. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm in it plenty.

19:23

I'm in it. I'm a

19:26

series. I'm in it plenty. And I'm

19:28

very thrilled to be here and very thrilled

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to be a guest of yours. And if

19:32

you think I brought you popcorn, I didn't.

19:36

Oh, OK. I surprise you now. Sure.

19:38

OK. So I have something special for

19:40

you, John. I've got a

19:42

candy bar. Do you like chocolate? Love

19:44

it. Do you hate gerrymandering? I can't stand

19:47

the stuff. It's

19:49

unfair share. Oh, easy

19:51

to enjoy. Hard to share. Why? Because most

19:53

candy bars break into equal pieces in a

19:56

grid, like, let's say a Hershey bar. Not

19:58

this one. Not this one, John. It's a

20:00

gerrymandered chocolate bar? It's a gerrymandered chocolate bar,

20:02

a tactile representation of political

20:05

inequity. I love that. That's

20:07

for you. Game call. There you

20:10

go. Now this is Ben

20:12

Blount and Brian Ket. They make these bars somewhere

20:14

in Michigan. I'm from Michigan, Birmingham, Michigan, and I

20:16

just had to bring you a couple of bars.

20:18

Can't wait. Had to get that out. Thank you

20:21

so much. Right? I love it. So we're

20:23

gonna play a game in a bit about

20:25

all of the many roles you've had, but

20:27

being a working actor for a long time,

20:29

were there any stretches where you were like,

20:31

fuck it, I'm out? No.

20:34

Really? No. You just ran the whole

20:36

time. There was no way, there was no dragging you out of this. No.

20:39

No bad auditions, no moments where you wanted to, I

20:42

don't know, pack it all in. One

20:44

time, an audition for a

20:46

show that Brad Garrett did, till

20:48

death, I think it was called, and I

20:51

thought he would really be charmed because I knew

20:53

he did a Ralph Cramden impersonation, and I do

20:55

an Alice Cramden impersonation. So I went in and

20:57

I was like, you're not going down to that

20:59

store tomorrow morning, Ralph. There isn't a manhole in

21:01

New York you could fit through. And

21:04

I thought, thank you. It was great. They

21:08

don't know. They don't know how good

21:11

that was. Brad Garrett was not that impressed.

21:13

He was just, although maybe he

21:15

was, and he just didn't let his face. So after that audition,

21:17

I was kind of like, I'm not doing

21:19

this anymore. No, I never was. But I want to

21:21

tell you something. You were talking about Danny DeVito. He

21:24

went to his house for a movie

21:26

reading. You guys, there's a theater in

21:28

the back. You go down this little

21:30

path, and there's a whole freestanding theater

21:32

with a candy counter and a popcorn

21:35

machine. And it's really nice.

21:37

And I worked with Barbra Streisand. You did?

21:39

Yes, on a movie called The Guilt Trip, which you might be

21:42

asking me about. Maybe. It

21:44

was called My Mother's Curse, and they changed it

21:46

to The Guilt Trip. But I worked with her.

21:48

Oh, that was Seth Rogen. Seth Rogen, exactly right.

21:51

And we worked together, and while we were working

21:53

together, she was bidding on a painting from Sotheby's.

21:56

Excited. Did you get it? I

21:58

don't know, she got it. She goes, I don't

22:00

know if I should buy it or not. Should I buy it? I don't

22:02

know if I should buy it. I go, you know, Barbara, I'm bidding on

22:04

an eBay necklace for $38,000. And

22:09

again, not amused. It's

22:11

like a just sort of Barbra- It's

22:27

a Van Gogh! It's a Van Gogh! It's just funny.

22:30

It's just like, ah, Babs, go for it. It's a

22:32

steal it twice the price. Right.

22:34

It was really fun to watch, though. So

22:37

speaking of hacks, Jerry Seinfeld

22:39

shared his- that's unfair. Shared

22:42

his thoughts on why there are no good TV shows anymore this

22:44

week, explaining it used to be you would go home at the

22:46

end of the day. Most people go, oh,

22:48

Cheers is on. Oh, MASH is on. Oh, Mary

22:51

Tyler Moore is on. All in the family is

22:53

on. You just expect it. There'll be some funny

22:55

stuff. Well, guess what? Where is it? This

22:57

is the result of the extreme laugh and PC crap

23:00

and people worrying so much about offending other people. What

23:02

do you- Here are my thoughts. Okay.

23:05

With Mr.

23:07

Seinfeld, I feel like he's got a

23:09

movie called Unfrosted. I'll promote his movie.

23:12

I don't care. His Pop-Tart

23:14

movie. And I think

23:16

he said that on purpose to be in

23:18

the news cycle and be controversial. I think

23:20

it's all about publicity for his Unfrosted movie.

23:23

It's all goes back. It's Cui Bono. You know,

23:25

follow the money. It's all

23:27

about the Pop-Tart movie. It's all about the Pop-Tart movie because he

23:30

said that and it gets everybody going, who does

23:32

he think he? You know, it gets people riled

23:34

up and talking about him and everyone's like, I'm

23:36

going to watch that just because I want to

23:38

see what's going on with- you know what I mean? Yeah,

23:41

I think that's right. You guys hearing a squeak? Somebody's

23:43

rocking. I don't hear it now. Do you

23:45

hear it? I've

23:48

been doing this show for eight years. I

23:52

get to say I was there the night of the squeak. Gross.

24:01

Nice. You

24:03

have been in everything. It's

24:05

pretty nice. That's so nice, thank you. And

24:08

a lot of it was great. So

24:12

it's time for a beloved, love it or leave it

24:14

classic. Was I in this? Here's how it works. You

24:16

and I will take turns trading off asking members

24:18

of the audience if you were in this. An audience member will

24:20

reply if you were or were not. Can

24:22

we get a volunteer? Ooh. Give

24:26

it up for Holly, everybody. Yay. Hey,

24:32

what's your name? Lalo. Your name is

24:34

Lalo, and you took a long time to remember it. I

24:37

was expecting like a... What

24:39

were you expecting? I was like a family feud kind

24:41

of. About your name?

24:43

What did you think? I said, what is

24:46

your name? And then you stared at me

24:48

for a long time. For

24:51

a second. It was a long time

24:53

to not know your name. Less than a second. All

24:56

right. Lalo, first up. I

25:00

portrayed Gypsy, the stars' hollow auto

25:02

mechanic, on Gilmore Girls. No

25:05

help. Yes. Yes.

25:09

What was that like? It is true. I'm sorry, man.

25:11

You're getting really bad for this. Kind of hurt that

25:13

Lalo didn't know that without help, but

25:15

whatever. Well, when they go

25:17

Lalo. Did

25:21

something, what was your experience as

25:23

portraying Gypsy on Gilmore Girls? I

25:25

enjoyed it. I really

25:28

learned that for television, they

25:30

use Worcestershire Shire Sauce for

25:32

motor oil because they think it's less

25:34

gross than motor oil. And after the

25:36

83rd take of Worcestershire Shire Sauce, you

25:39

never want to smell that again. Hmm. It

25:42

has umami. That's right. Maybe

25:44

it was like A1 steak sauce. Whatever it was,

25:46

I never want to smell that again. I

25:48

think A1 steak sauce is very... Has a lot

25:50

of... Hundreds. It's a similar kind of

25:53

energy. It's exactly right. You just put a little

25:55

dab of it, and make good Caesar dressing. Ooh,

25:57

John, good recipe. I'll

26:01

start calling on people. I don't

26:03

care. Hi, what's your name? My name is Adam.

26:06

Did Rose appear in my best friend's wedding? Ooh,

26:11

I'm gonna say yes. That's correct.

26:14

Rotate a seamstress and

26:16

we have a clip. Tell me this. I

26:18

think it's beautiful. Isn't that perfect for her? Now

26:21

this is going to be tighter. You know, you

26:23

don't want those things to fall out. No, you can

26:25

blend it easier, okay? That's

26:28

so nice. That was me. Thank

26:31

you. That was me imitating my

26:33

own Dominican mother, who was a seamstress,

26:35

and I improvised all those lines. Because

26:38

she used to make wedding gowns for

26:40

people. I'm from Detroit. She beaded Bob

26:42

Seger's wife's gown. Wow. Do you know

26:44

that commercial like Iraq, bad man? That's

26:47

what she said to me. His wife. And

26:50

she beaded a dress for Aretha Franklin, that's true. And

26:52

she's 96 years old. And

26:55

I imitated her, and that was kind of a precursor

26:57

to the Josefina character on Hacks is just me. Do

26:59

you know honey, if you don't imitate mama, you really

27:01

don't have a career. Hi,

27:05

what's your name? John. Hey John.

27:07

Hi. I voiced Captain

27:10

Mahaffey in Madagascar, a little wild.

27:14

No. That's true. Ah.

27:18

And you know why that guy should know? That's

27:20

my husband. What

27:23

the fuck John? I can't keep track.

27:27

I can't keep track. I can't keep up. Boo.

27:30

Let's say with John, actually, this is good. What? We're

27:33

not leaving. You cannot keep up. Rose

27:36

voiced Leatherhead last year in Teenage Mutant

27:38

Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem. Did

27:41

not. That's right. It

27:43

was Rose Byrne. Excellent.

27:46

OK, this one. I

27:49

played a go-go dancer Cherry

27:51

Darling in Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse

27:53

Planet Terror. She

27:56

did not. That's

27:58

right. Correct. False. Uh,

28:01

did Rose depict Senorita Rodriguez

28:03

on Nickelodeon's Salmon Cat? Trick

28:07

question, that's so raven.

28:10

Correct. Wow. This is good.

28:12

That's so good. I married the hell out

28:14

of her. I know. This is

28:16

good. That's when we met. That's when we met. That's

28:19

when you met. This one is,

28:21

I channeled, ah, Señora Maria

28:23

de los Angeles Pons Montes Garcia y

28:26

Perez on a show called Strangers with

28:28

Candy. Yes, she

28:30

did. Oh, you're kidding me. John's playing

28:32

Gamezang. He's playing Gamezang. And

28:36

I did that with my Second City

28:38

alumni friend, Steven Colbert, Amy Sedaris

28:40

and Paul Danello. Mm-hmm.

28:43

You didn't know her then? I did

28:45

not know her then. I just knew

28:47

her from TV. I shot that in New Jersey.

28:50

How'd you meet? I was saying Dave. How did

28:52

I meet John Mada? Yeah. At a

28:54

gallery called Fake in Silver Lake. Wow. And

28:56

there were a lot of people there that night. And one real

28:58

thing. One real thing. John Mada.

29:01

A love connection. That's right. A

29:03

love connection. Was that as an art gallery? An

29:06

art gallery, yeah. Were you buying art, John? Well,

29:08

it was an art gallery and also performance

29:11

space. And then Rose came up

29:13

to me and started, we started talking and then

29:15

she said, what smells so good? He

29:17

said, it's me. And I go, I don't think

29:19

so. But it was. And

29:22

then he said, you're from Chicago. All you Chicago people come

29:24

to LA and y'all go out and get drunk and then

29:26

you marry each other. Which

29:29

is kind of true. And then he

29:31

said, I got to ever stand on line

29:33

in your board and you just swallow money. I go,

29:35

no, nobody does that. Nobody does that. And he goes,

29:37

oh, one time I swallowed quarters and I could feel

29:39

him going end over end. And

29:42

then I became obsessed, John. I was like, I got a

29:44

Heimlich you. I need to feed my meter. I mean, I

29:46

was like, what? Fucked

29:49

up pickup line is that? Every

29:52

change that works. Wow. I got

29:54

nervous. I knew she was on train seats.

29:56

And then I said, OK, we

29:58

were going to go to the Sklar brothers. show,

30:01

friends of the show, and I was really

30:03

far away from him and he said alright

30:05

Chicago and he threw a quarter across this

30:08

art gallery and I reached my hand up

30:10

John I have no athletic ability whatsoever and

30:12

I caught the quarter. Boom.

30:17

That's how you do

30:20

it. That's

30:23

how you do it.

30:25

And then we went on on one date to the Sklar

30:27

Brothers show and then at the end they

30:29

said pretty much I'm gonna call you every day

30:33

and I said that's I didn't know if that's something he

30:35

just said because he said I pretty much want to eat

30:37

sushi every day and I'm like is this just how we

30:39

talk or does he really want to call me every day

30:41

and then he did and it was December 1st 2001 and

30:44

we live in a house 1201 is our address. So 1201. And

30:50

we talk every day. Except one day maybe.

30:53

Yeah we miss one day. I had

30:55

diverticulitis. She had to drive me

30:57

off at the hospital. 120101. What

31:00

a loud story. Started with a quarter. Yeah

31:02

I love that. I want

31:09

to go back to this silly little

31:11

game of art. You

31:15

ate quarters? Yeah. What do you

31:17

mean? I had like three of them in

31:19

my hand and four of them in my

31:21

hand. Were you in the first grade? No.

31:25

I think I was like

31:27

19. But

31:29

then I kept saying but did you pass them?

31:31

Did you pass them? And he goes I don't know and I'm like

31:34

how could you not know? And this was

31:36

the beginning. Could still be there.

31:38

Couple years from now silver dollar

31:40

comes out. You know? Exactly.

31:48

And then you pelted me with quarters. That's what it

31:50

was. He threw so many quarters. I

31:55

see why you were single. Because

31:58

I feel like you had a You know what the

32:01

kind of thing is? What you were offering, there

32:03

was only going to be one customer. And

32:06

thankfully, you were both at this art gallery. I

32:08

have an actor friend that said, you need

32:10

to find someone who's as weird as you

32:13

are. So she said, you and John, you're

32:15

both so peculiar, you're lucky you found each

32:17

other. I love

32:19

that. That's true, isn't it? You got to be as

32:21

weird as each other. Or find someone a little

32:23

bit weirder than you. That's hard for me.

32:25

That was hard for me. That was hard for you. And

32:27

John had been throwing quarters at people at that gallery for years.

32:32

First you picked up a quarter. All

32:34

right, well, honestly, this has turned into quite

32:37

a delight. You've been in so many things.

32:39

But honestly, I feel like maybe figuring

32:42

out what was going on with him was like, maybe

32:44

one of your great performances. Yes. Well,

32:46

it was the night before I did the Gilmore Girls.

32:48

And he said to me, what are you doing tomorrow?

32:51

I said, I'm going to work on a show called

32:53

the Gilmore Girls. And it was before it was hugely

32:55

popular. And I said, it's my first appearance on it.

32:57

And he goes, work my name in. And I go,

32:59

OK. And I'm like, why did I say OK? Work

33:01

my name in. What the fuck is wrong with you? What

33:04

are you doing? I didn't think she'd work my

33:06

name into it. Then I did. And then I

33:08

said, so if you have anyone, is anyone fan

33:11

of the Gilmore Girls thing? Thank you.

33:13

See, Lalo, there's people who knew I was

33:15

gypsy. Anyway. It's Langlo. Langlo.

33:19

Oh, excuse me. Yes, perfect. All right, so

33:21

now I did the. I

33:24

did that. Langlo.

33:28

What is your name? It's

33:31

Langlo. Langlo

33:36

with Lalo. I don't know what I'm happening. All I

33:38

know is I said. Get Lalo out

33:40

of here. Get him out. In

33:42

the episode where I say, I can't look at

33:44

this car anymore, I went, muh-rah,

33:46

at the end of it. Because that's his last name.

33:49

So the director says to me, could you try one without

33:51

that weird word at the end? I go, OK. So

33:54

I really did. I mean, go. I

33:56

know. You met the day before. Met the

33:58

day pretty much. Yeah. You

34:00

changed at a woman.

34:03

Helped in me with quarters. At a woman. Yes.

34:05

And said, say my name on TV.

34:07

Yeah. I eat sushi

34:10

every day. I will also call you every

34:12

day. Correct. And then the

34:14

next day, you're at your job. That's right. And

34:16

you say this man's name. Mada. That's

34:19

cool. Yeah. That's cool. And then

34:21

the rest, it all came

34:23

together. We've been together since 2001. Well.

34:26

Thank you. Thank you. Rose,

34:28

thank you so much. Hacks, season three is

34:30

streaming now on Mac. We'll

34:33

be right back. Thank you. And

34:40

we're back. These

34:42

bugs on the stage. The

34:45

killer lady from Lady Killer, the American

34:47

cunt herself, Jenna Friedman. Hi.

34:52

Good to see you. I thought about

34:54

pretending that American Cunt was just like your

34:56

nickname for me, that I have nothing to

34:58

do with. But it's actually a show. Did

35:00

you tell them? No, I just said the

35:02

phrase. And I was going to hopefully get the context up

35:04

here now. But thank you for telling them. Oh, so nice

35:06

to be here. You did a show called American.

35:09

Yeah, American Cunt. Yeah. Right.

35:12

Yeah. It's so nice to see you. I'm

35:15

sorry. No. Jenna went

35:17

to the other theater. I went to the wrong venue. Can I

35:19

tell you about it? Because it's kind of funny. Sure. I

35:21

showed up. It was a there's a lot

35:24

of Netflix as a joke signage. And

35:26

I was like, huh, that's really weird, because this isn't

35:28

a Netflix as a joke show. And

35:31

so there's a huge line. And

35:33

I went in, and they were like, stop, ma'am. And I was like,

35:35

I'm on the show. And I

35:38

go through. I

35:40

see people I know. I'm saying hi. They're like, oh, we're

35:42

so happy to have you. And then I go into the

35:45

green room. And I'm looking around. And no one on the

35:47

show is on that show. And it took me a couple

35:49

minutes. I saw Guy Brownham. And I was

35:51

like, are you on? You're doing Love It or Leave

35:53

It Tonight? And he was like, no. I

35:57

mean, honestly, that is like, if you'd, there was like, oh.

36:00

must be here, because guys here. Yeah, because

36:02

guys, yeah. And it's just, I don't

36:04

know, I feel like I just need to live my

36:06

life. Like I'm, like every venue I walk into, it's

36:08

like a show I'm on, you know, because, but

36:11

I wasn't on it. My

36:13

parents would say that I've been living that way since

36:16

I was five years old. That's great. So

36:18

you have a new book called Not Funny. In the book,

36:21

you talk about cancel culture from

36:23

the perspective of someone who was writing for the

36:26

Roseanne reboot when she and her show got canceled.

36:28

Is that at least kind of funny to experience? Yeah,

36:30

it happened my first day on the job.

36:33

I was heading onto the lot at CBS

36:35

Radford, so happy to have a job. And

36:38

I'm looking at Twitter when it was still

36:40

called that. And Roseanne tweeted that horrible thing.

36:42

And I was like, oh no, hmm. And

36:45

then I was like, this show feels like this show is

36:48

gonna get canceled at show. But then I was like, you

36:50

know what, Wanda Sykes is in the room. Like, you know,

36:52

if Wanda's still on the show, like I'll feel better about

36:54

that. And then like, I get into the office and I

36:56

look back at my phone and Wanda Sykes is

36:59

no longer doing the show. And I was just like,

37:01

this is awful. And so then we ended up, the

37:03

show, like, it got canceled like

37:05

the day that it started. Didn't it live

37:07

on for a while without her? Well, they retooled

37:09

it and called it The Connors and

37:12

it's still on. The Connors is still

37:14

a show on ABC without

37:17

her. I had no idea.

37:19

Yeah. Huh, learn something every

37:21

day. You,

37:23

so you also- I'm not on it, but

37:25

thanks for clapping. I'm not

37:27

writing on it. So

37:30

speaking of things that were canceled, you

37:34

were actually set to host the Penn Awards this

37:36

spring. The organization- Two nights ago. Two

37:38

nights ago, it had been two nights ago.

37:40

Yeah, whatever the 29th was. Oh, wow.

37:43

So it was just about to happen. The

37:45

organization canceled the event because dozens of writers

37:47

withdrew in protest. I went down a rabbit

37:49

hole and came out the

37:51

other side being even more confused about

37:53

what happened. What happened? A

37:56

lot of writers were upset with Pan America

37:59

for their stand- on the war in Gaza.

38:03

Without getting into the fray of that, I

38:07

personally, when they

38:09

asked me to host, I was like, that's interesting

38:11

because I've had Seth Meyers and Cal Penn hosts,

38:13

and I was like, what's the catch? And

38:16

I said yes right away, and then I looked at

38:18

the news, and I was like, fuck. This

38:21

is just entering this really kind of scary

38:23

moment where people are really mad at this

38:26

organization, which is a preeminent defender of

38:28

free speech, and they did

38:30

a benefit for the survivors of

38:32

the Charlie Hebdo massacre in the

38:34

wake of that. So this is

38:36

a pretty fearless organization, and

38:39

I really thought about it, and

38:41

I thought about the moment that we're in. We

38:45

were leading up to an election,

38:47

which could be our last, democratically

38:49

speaking, and I

38:51

really wanted to support this organization that

38:54

supports writers and freedom of expression

38:56

and sites, book bands, all over the world.

38:59

So I said yes, and I wrote a speech that

39:02

I was very proud of, and then they canceled the

39:04

event. So there's

39:06

so much talk about people not being able

39:08

to say things that they're allowed to say,

39:10

and then you have

39:13

an organization devoted to free speech, and

39:15

then writers are angry at them because

39:17

they removed somebody for protesting at an

39:19

event. Yes, there was a situation

39:21

in LA where there

39:24

were people protesting, and then

39:26

one of them was forcibly

39:28

removed. I

39:32

wrote a joke about it in my speech, if

39:34

you want to. Yeah, let's hear it. No,

39:38

I just tried to cover my bases because

39:40

I was going into a hostile environment. So

39:44

that joke was at the end of the speech. I say

39:46

just one quick announcement before we begin. Please

39:48

keep in mind that heckling at a free speech event is

39:50

like jerking off at a strip club. They

39:52

may not stop you from doing it, but it'll be far

39:54

less awkward for everyone if you just wait until you get

39:56

home. That's

39:59

pretty good. I like it. It works.

40:02

You want to hear another joke? Yeah.

40:04

Let's hear another joke from the speech you couldn't get. No

40:07

one's ever gonna... No, let's hear one more joke. I like that.

40:09

Thank you. For those of you who

40:11

don't know, PEN is an

40:13

acronym for poets, essayists, and

40:15

novelists, but it recently broadened

40:17

to include poets, playwrights, editors, essayists,

40:19

and novelists, which means it should

40:21

actually be pronounced peen. I

40:24

feel like you might want to lean into that, PEN. People

40:27

might cut you a little more slack if

40:29

you started going by your actual acronym, PEN.

40:32

Everyone is so critical of PEN, but no

40:34

one would be hard on PEN. Unless,

40:42

hard on PEN is the title

40:44

of a book in a Florida

40:46

library. Pretty

40:49

grand. You're

40:52

gonna crush. You're gonna crush. As

40:55

you're putting together your segment this week, we couldn't help

40:57

but notice a VEN diagram between two very loud, very,

40:59

very mad groups of people, all of whom stand

41:02

against wokeness, cancel culture, and keeping your shoes on

41:04

while sleeping on an airplane. That's right. It's time

41:06

to play a game we're calling No Participation Trophies,

41:09

in which you must answer the question, is

41:11

this quote from a Republican politician currently in

41:14

office or a working comedian with vast influence

41:16

and success? Huh.

41:18

Okay. I'm excited. That's us, and look at

41:20

that. No soup for us. Oh, that's

41:22

me? Next to you? Yeah, it is.

41:25

Wow, that took a minute. Okay. Yeah.

41:29

They do a really good job. They do. They do.

41:33

All right. Is this a Republican or a currently touring comedian? You

41:35

can get some people fired, but if you decide that

41:37

you're gonna pile on to someone because you don't like

41:40

what they said or what they did, you can get

41:42

them fired. I

41:44

feel like that that was a Republican. Incorrect.

41:47

That was Joe Rogan. Really?

41:49

He used the same word twice in a sentence? So,

41:52

like, not comedian-like. Fired, fired?

41:54

I guess. Okay. All right. Fine. It's

41:56

about take- I wish you'd- Well,

41:58

he has a stand-up comedian. Okay. I don't- All right,

42:00

okay, keep going. God,

42:02

I don't want to say... It's about taking

42:04

individuality, merit and achievement and subordinating that to

42:06

a political agenda based on identity politics. I

42:08

think it's important that we fight against it

42:11

because our society does need to be rooted

42:13

in truth. He has five hours a

42:15

day to fill, so I feel like, yeah,

42:17

that makes...that tracks. You know? Well,

42:20

that was a new quote. Oh, that was a new quote?

42:22

I thought that was still Joe Rogan. Okay. No. I

42:26

thought that that was just like a really long Joe Rogan quote

42:28

because he has so much time to fill. He has so

42:30

much time to fill. All right. Sorry. I dropped

42:32

that card. So you just have to guess? I'm

42:34

guessing it was a Republican. It was. It was

42:36

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis talking to a potential voter

42:39

who asked what he meant by woke. All

42:41

right, next quote. A

42:50

Republican? Correct. That was Marjorie Taylor Greene

42:52

tweeting about Tucker Carlson getting fired. Next

42:56

up. Ignore them. They don't count. They have no

42:58

effect on me. They don't count their hecklers. Was

43:01

that Louie? That

43:03

was Ricky Gervais, but comedian. You got it.

43:05

Ricky. That

43:08

was about a petition against his most recent

43:10

Netflix special, Armageddon over his jokes about Make-A-Wish

43:12

kids. Oh, okay. What

43:15

are you going to start a petition against Ricky Gervais? What's that

43:17

going to do? Nothing. He's going

43:19

to love it. Nobody's going to love it. Yeah,

43:21

it's going to help. It's going to help him.

43:24

It's going to help the special, yeah. Yeah, petition.

43:26

The analogy of the evil planet from the movie

43:28

The Fifth Element is a very good

43:30

one. If you

43:33

fire rockets at the evil planet, the

43:35

planet gets bigger. Rocks don't work. You

43:38

need Mila Jojovic. She

43:41

was great in that. She was great in that. Yeah. And

43:44

that's what this is really about. We will

43:46

not allow reality facts and truths to become optional. We

43:48

will never surrender to the woke mob. I

43:51

guess as a politician. That was a

43:53

politician. If this is

43:55

being canceled, I love it. That's a

43:57

comedian. Yeah, that was Dave Chappelle. I

44:01

dug really deep into my soul to find the most

44:03

offensive way of saying things, the things I want to

44:05

say, because I think it's very important that we try

44:07

to preserve free speech in America. I

44:10

guess a comedian? Yes, that was

44:12

Roseanne. While promoting

44:14

her most recent special, cancel this. Did

44:18

you meet her? I never met her. You never met

44:20

her? She had

44:22

seen a set of mine that I did on Conan

44:24

and she hired me off of that and I never,

44:26

and then I just, I

44:29

do believe that if you're not at the table,

44:31

you're on the menu. I did want to sit

44:33

in that writer's room in

44:36

2017 Trump era and write

44:38

for her and it just didn't happen. It's

44:41

interesting to think, because that reboot was in the works

44:43

before Trump. I

44:45

think it would have been a really cool

44:48

show in that time to have

44:50

a family that is at political odds

44:52

still existing as a family. I think

44:54

that would have been really helpful and

44:57

hopeful for people to watch. Yeah,

45:01

it's interesting because if James Comey

45:03

doesn't send a letter, Hillary

45:06

Clinton wins. That show still

45:08

proceeds. And

45:10

then there's just a Roseanne reboot. I'm glad that

45:12

you brought up Comey. People

45:15

don't talk about him enough because he's so tall. It's

45:17

because he's too tall. People forget that because they forget him

45:19

up there. They forget him up there. Yeah, they just see

45:21

clothes. You don't get him all the way up. There

45:23

he is. There's that smug mug. What's

45:26

he doing? He's seeing plays and stuff, I

45:28

bet. He's seeing stuff. I mean, he's not seeing

45:30

stuff because Hillary Clinton produced stuff. Oh, right. What

45:34

if he is seeing it? God, you go to

45:36

see fucking stuffs. Hillary Clinton's produced

45:38

Broadway musical. You sit down. There's a big

45:40

fucking tall oaf in front of you. You

45:42

can barely see around. Turns you out

45:44

of James Comey with a fake mustache

45:47

to sneak in. Yeah, and then like a

45:49

monocle or something. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah,

45:52

I can see that happening. The vibe is interesting tonight. Has it been

45:54

commented on? No, it's a late show. It's a late show. They're

45:57

doing great. I told you to stop talking. I'm

45:59

sorry. talking while I'm... You

46:03

want to use my heckle jokes that I told?

46:05

Yeah, I liked it. I thought it was good.

46:08

Jenna Friedman everybody. Jenna we back for

46:10

the Rat Wheel. Oh yeah,

46:12

thank you. The

46:14

book is not funny. And

46:20

we're back! Please

46:24

welcome to the stage the only podcast host more gay

46:26

than me? I don't think that's right. I'm

46:29

not going to be my defense. That's just because there are two of them.

46:31

Oh, thank you. Matt Palmer

46:33

and Matt Steele. Two gay Matt! Oh

46:35

hey, come on out. Which

46:42

one of you is gayer? I think we're

46:44

different types of gay. Similar level, very high. But

46:47

different types. Yeah,

46:49

hi key gay. I'm like the musical theater gay. He's

46:51

the pop music gay. That's sort of our

46:54

shtick. Does your TikTok algorithm show you defined

46:57

gravity in every form it's ever taken, every

46:59

language? I actually don't go on TikTok. I

47:01

know. He's of a certain age. I am

47:03

of a certain age. Well,

47:06

so am I. So I just, you know, I don't belong there. I

47:11

feel weird being on TikTok in the same way I

47:13

feel weird if I ever step into an Urban Outfitters.

47:15

But once in a while, you go. I go into

47:17

an Urban Outfitters occasionally and I look at everything and

47:19

I'm just like everything is so cool I can never

47:21

wear this because I will look like... So

47:24

I will look like an old man trying to be young. Yeah. Which

47:27

I am. I am desperately trying to

47:29

be young, but like I can't do

47:31

that within my wardrobe. I think that's

47:34

right. I think that's right. Oh,

47:36

yeah. No, no. I think no.

47:38

Sorry. Harsh me back. I'm done.

47:43

Hold on. Hold on. I think that's

47:45

right. I think I relate. That

47:48

is right about the theory. That

47:50

is right about the feeling. Not about you.

47:52

I'm saying that is the right feeling. You're

47:54

describing what I was describing. We share something.

47:57

Listen, I'm not offended by this because it's

47:59

a fact. You were correct. I'm

48:01

not yeah, I don't have any pride. It's fun

48:06

Hey, what are your thoughts on the Valley? Okay,

48:09

so this is the show on Bravo with

48:11

the spin-off of bandit pump rules It

48:13

is all the people that got fired for being

48:15

racist now get back to get to come back

48:17

on the show Oh like a super group. Yeah,

48:19

exactly. Sassy doesn't come back because she's Elsewhere

48:22

but whatever the other two are back. It's

48:24

the worst people you've ever met and it's

48:26

riveting It's like all of their marriages are

48:29

crumbling They have like one kid a beast

48:31

two of them before the season even started

48:33

airing announced their separations So it's

48:35

dark, but it's great. Best show

48:37

on Bravo. No house lives on now, but the values great

48:40

I just I like a little competition. I can't

48:42

believe they just have conversations over and over again

48:44

And they never vote anybody ouch. I

48:47

got it. We got to vote somebody out That's the

48:49

thing about Bravo is like you secretly are voting each

48:51

other out by like who's sitting closest to Andy at

48:53

the reunion Who like didn't have a storyline man who

48:55

didn't bring it? Thank

48:58

you. I'm so glad you get it Matt

49:02

s yes this week

49:04

glee actor Darren Chris declared that he is

49:06

heterosexual but culturally queer care to comment. I

49:11

Don't think that's a craziest thing to say cuz anyway

49:13

who watches him on TV is just like oh, yeah,

49:15

he's gay, right? But hadn't

49:17

he also announced that he wasn't gonna be playing

49:19

gay characters anymore. He has Okay,

49:21

but yeah, but is that not queer? I guess where

49:23

it's kind of like okay, you're not officially gay But

49:25

like you're queer something's queer

49:27

about this Yes, yes,

49:30

I think there is but it's interesting

49:32

right because someone who's so comfortable Take

49:35

him at his word He's so comfortable

49:37

in his heterosexuality that for a very long

49:40

time He embraced the fact that he played

49:42

these gay roles and played them very well

49:44

and like that has made him gay

49:47

coded But in reality

49:49

all these straight guys being terrified

49:51

of being perceived as gay I

49:53

think is more revealing right like it's

49:55

like he's so rooted in being straight

49:58

that he's comfortable ending to

50:00

be gay for years on end. Is

50:03

that isn't that ultimate heterosexuality in

50:05

a sense? That

50:07

was really deep. You

50:10

kind of just broke my brain with that and since you're on

50:12

TikTok, you can make a TikTok about that and like break that

50:14

down. The kids will love it. That

50:18

was an answer. Mad

50:21

in that. New polling released

50:23

this week reveals 70% of potential voters

50:25

are double haters for voters who

50:27

reject both Biden and Trump as their next president.

50:30

What better inspiration we thought for a

50:32

game with two professionally judgmental gays. That's

50:34

you. Thank you. I

50:36

mean two gays of taste and refinement. Either

50:38

one's fine. A game we're calling double haters.

50:42

Oh, look at her. Wow, we

50:44

look great. You look good. That's

50:47

really good. I need that wig. I like it.

50:51

I will give you an either or scenario. You

50:53

can pick either option or

50:56

you can be a double hater and reject both of

50:58

them. And if all three of us

51:00

hate both the options, well, we've got ourselves something special.

51:02

That's right. It's the worst sound effects. Love to leave

51:04

it is ever made. Matt and gay or

51:06

Matt. Are you ready to play? Yes.

51:09

Yeah. Wait,

51:14

that's the double hater sound effect. I guess we'll save

51:16

it. We'll save the other one. All right. Beyonce's

51:21

cowboy Carter or Taylor

51:23

Swift's the Tortured Post Department. How did I know

51:25

this was going to be the first? I mean

51:27

that. So look, we

51:29

love Taylor Swift. She's a talented

51:31

artist. Everyone becomes a fucking senator.

51:37

I've never seen anything like this. It's

51:41

unbelievable. Nobody can just give you an opinion

51:43

about Taylor Swift anymore. It's like it's like

51:45

as I have long said as to

51:48

my dear colleague from Minnesota, I implore

51:52

you to see my long and distinguished record of

51:54

bills and resolutions in support of Taylor Swift. And

51:57

yet I

51:59

bought the red. beats the box when it was released at

52:01

Papa John's. I am a fan of her, I'm just saying.

52:04

The Tortured Poets department's a little too long. 31

52:06

tracks is a lot for our human brain to take in

52:08

in one sitting. Cowboy Carter is a

52:11

triumph. You can make a great

52:13

12 track album from Taylor's. Cowboy

52:15

Carter is... You

52:17

need all those tracks in Cowboy Carter. Yes.

52:20

And the thing is like, we have also said about Cowboy

52:22

Carter, it can be, some of those tracks could be like,

52:24

maybe like 30 seconds short, and there's a couple of them

52:26

near the end. Sure. It is

52:29

a triumph. Like Beyonce's release is

52:31

nothing less than a triumph at

52:33

all times. But Taylor, the thing

52:35

is like, we love, we love. We

52:39

have each made our own version of the

52:42

Tortured Poets department on our Spotify playlist. Mine

52:44

is about 17 tracks. Mine

52:46

is 12. And it's excellent. It's an excellent

52:48

17 tracks. I mean, it gets even better if you take

52:50

some tracks from folklore. The

52:53

two game ads have a very complex

52:55

relationship with folklore evermore. And the Taylor Swift fans,

52:57

you're just gonna get the Taylor Swift fans to

52:59

be on there. I'm gonna do the same fucking

53:01

thing. I really like Taylor Swift. There

53:04

you go. I really do. I really do. I

53:06

love a lot of her music. I do. And

53:11

that's all I wanna say. Are you gonna answer it? Yeah, are

53:13

you gonna answer it? Oh no, I love Cowboy Carter. Oh,

53:15

a triumph is the word. Absolutely. The

53:18

first song is my favorite song. Oh.

53:20

No, well, we're

53:23

back on Taylor Swift. You've taken, but yes, I

53:25

agree with you. We're still finishing the folklore part

53:27

of it. But yes, but no, I

53:29

love Cowboy Carter. I choose Cowboy Carter. And they

53:31

know we're not supposed to care. But she's gonna

53:33

win Alma beer, right? And I should let it

53:35

go. I've been burned so many times. I

53:37

don't care about this. Oh, I care. Oh, we care. To

53:40

quote Beyonce, I know you don't care too

53:42

much, but. I care. Okay. Okay.

53:45

So that's just something we like. All right. Next

53:47

up, having kids when you're not

53:49

exactly sure you want to only to find yourself trapped in

53:51

a life you resent, resentment you will

53:54

try to hide from your children, whether they will

53:56

nonetheless perceive or dying childless, full of regret that

53:58

only truly revealed itself to you after. you had

54:00

60. Which

54:02

would we prefer? Well you can

54:05

either like one or both or hate both. I

54:11

think I hate both. I don't like either. I

54:13

think yeah don't do something you don't want to

54:15

do like have a kid and then

54:17

regret it but also do the things you want to do. Like

54:19

don't have a kid or whatever I

54:21

don't know. Right. The question was really long. No

54:25

it is confusing. It is confusing. I

54:27

think it's that both the

54:29

path of having children and the path of not

54:31

having children I don't want to choose

54:33

either. You know that's the challenge. They both scare

54:36

me. Is this personal? It

54:39

seems like it. Sure

54:42

seems personal. So I'm

54:44

gonna call myself a double hater. We're right there

54:46

with you. Okay sure. I wouldn't say like I

54:48

hate the first one. The first one's kind of

54:51

just like uh but like at least

54:53

you know I'm sure you had like some semblance of

54:56

happiness. Okay. We don't have to agree. I think

54:59

there are different levels of maybe regret for

55:01

both. I don't know. I wouldn't say I'm a double hater.

55:03

I would say I'm a double. Ooh that

55:05

could be better. Okay all

55:07

right. Next up.

55:10

Ryle Reynolds and Mikey Day dressed as Beavis and

55:12

Butthead on the fall guy red carpet or 50,000

55:15

bees in the wall of your home. Oh no.

55:18

I missed you.

55:20

I like but. Ryan

55:25

Gosling. Ryan Gosling. Sorry Ryan Gosling. I meant to

55:27

say Ryan Gosling. Okay I definitely hate the second

55:29

one. The first one was unpleasant but

55:31

I feel like I could look away. I like

55:33

it. Okay. Yeah I like it too. I think it's fun. Yeah

55:35

we think it's fun. I would do more of that on red

55:37

carpet. Wow I don't. Next

55:40

up. South Dakota

55:42

Governor Kristi Noem shooting her dog or

55:44

President Joe Biden not shooting his dog.

55:53

I mean a certain point.

55:55

At a

55:57

certain point there's blood there's blood all

55:59

over Rose Garden at

56:02

dogs take it down people left and right cricket

56:04

did cricket could have been trained There's

56:07

no training commander I'm

56:10

definitely a single hater with this one smart

56:12

answer. Thank you Yeah,

56:19

I'll say that I love dogs

56:22

all right well they gave the right answer We

56:25

love dogs Everyone

56:27

here the upcoming sequel

56:29

Beetlejuice 2 starring Michael Keaton or

56:31

the live-action Aladdin 2 starring Will

56:33

Smith Is that happening the second

56:35

one no? No,

56:39

Aladdin 2 is return of Jafar. They

56:41

are making a live out Lord They're

56:44

doing a sequel to that unholy text

56:46

Wow I gotta say I hate the

56:48

worry I feel about Beetlejuice 2, but

56:51

I will so I will call myself a double hater I I

56:56

Just because Beetlejuice means a lot to me and Michael Keaton

56:58

is actually one of my favorite film actors of all time

57:01

So I desperately want Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

57:03

to be good So

57:05

I am like worried that it might not be

57:07

but I mean like I would I would still

57:10

rather have it out there and experience It okay,

57:12

then not I hate a second one. I

57:14

really don't like that the second of the

57:16

last two I can't say I

57:18

hate the second one either because you know the

57:20

strike happened. We need people good jobs, okay?

57:23

Okay, a job will Aladdin 2

57:25

Disney jobs program the um I

57:29

Had a bet I had a bet

57:31

after I love Michael Keaton And I had a bet

57:34

with with my friend Spencer which is

57:36

after Michael Keaton didn't win for Birdman I

57:39

had a bet that he would win best

57:41

actor in the next five years And

57:44

the only time I had a chance was that

57:46

McDonald's movie I didn't know that had so much

57:48

Oscar buzz, but it didn't happen for me didn't

57:50

I love that good He was a great in

57:52

spotlight Yeah, but it wasn't like

57:55

a yeah, he just he never get never happened. Yeah, so

57:57

he I still wanted for him though Beetlejuice

58:00

Beetlejuice, so he's got under maybe he'll win

58:02

one for Beetlejuice Beetlejuice That would be iconic

58:04

throwing the lever changing the track and allowing

58:06

the runaway trolley to mow down one person

58:10

Knowing you chose their death or not throwing

58:12

a lever allowing the trolley to run over

58:14

several people. I hate both. I hate both

58:17

I don't want to run over people. I hate

58:20

both. Yeah That

58:24

was it that was the triple haters down You

58:30

know, I always thought was interesting is when people say they

58:32

would pull the lever because obviously then you say okay It's

58:35

not a lever anymore. You have to shoot that person in

58:37

the head, you know, and then it's a

58:39

driver somebody I

58:53

think we should leave it there Give

58:55

it up for Matt and Matt. They're gonna stick around

58:58

for the rear wheel This is a two-game at wherever

59:00

you get your podcast when we come back the rant

59:02

wheel Don't

59:06

go anywhere love it or leave it and there's more on

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1:00:14

Each pan they make isn't just designed to

1:00:16

perform, it's crafted to last. As a mom,

1:00:18

I love that I can trust made-in. It's

1:00:20

made from the world's finest materials so I

1:00:22

can feel good about what I'm feeding my

1:00:25

family. I'm Chef Rick Williamson and I use

1:00:27

made-in cookware. Shop chef quality pots and pans

1:00:29

at madeincookware.com. And

1:00:34

we're back. Los

1:00:36

Angeles, you're in luck. We just dropped new summer

1:00:38

dates for Love It or Leave It live show

1:00:40

recordings in LA now through August. Can I tell

1:00:42

you something? Really pumped off with these bookings. Just

1:00:44

we're not even going to say anything yet. But

1:00:47

we've got an incredible lineup of guests

1:00:49

now through the summer. Head to crooked.com/events

1:00:51

to get your tickets now. Before we

1:00:53

say goodnight, why it's time for the

1:00:55

rant wheel, please welcome Jenna and Rose

1:00:58

back to the stage. Hi

1:01:04

everyone. Hi. Lovely panel. And now it's time for the

1:01:07

rant wheel. You know how it works. You spin the

1:01:09

wheel wherever it lands. That person rants. There.

1:01:11

Oh, and it's already begun. Great

1:01:14

graphics here. I got a fact. Yeah, great graphics.

1:01:20

Lalo. Shut the

1:01:22

fuck up. Rose, it

1:01:24

has landed on you.

1:01:26

Not Lalo. What do

1:01:30

you care to rant about? First of all, I do

1:01:32

not like when younger people say, okay, boomer

1:01:34

to me because I was two years old

1:01:37

at the end of the boomer generation, which

1:01:39

was 1964. So I'm too young to be

1:01:41

a boomer. I'm the Jones generation, the forgotten

1:01:43

generation. It's called generation Jones. Google it. Look

1:01:45

it up. It was such a relief. Okay.

1:01:48

I don't like when people in my age

1:01:50

range say, I can't learn how to say

1:01:52

they, they, the people want to be called

1:01:54

they now really, you don't want to take

1:01:56

in any new information. You don't want to

1:01:58

learn that you're done learning. You don't

1:02:00

want to take in anything new. So you

1:02:02

can go on Instagram and learn a whole

1:02:04

new way. It's the golden age of massaging

1:02:06

fucking chicken and putting like a piece

1:02:09

of bursan. You want to take

1:02:11

your bursan. Nobody knew what that was before. And

1:02:13

they're the same suburban people that go, oh my

1:02:15

bling. So you can learn how to say bling

1:02:18

and yes queen and all these other things that

1:02:20

make you think you sound popular. But

1:02:22

you can't figure out they. So I don't,

1:02:25

I can't with these people. I can't.

1:02:27

They are very evil. Yes.

1:02:33

It's my hat. If

1:02:35

you could find out what miso is, you

1:02:37

can figure out pronouns. I totally agree. All

1:02:39

right. Let's spin it again. It

1:02:50

has landed on Matt S.

1:02:54

Thank you. I

1:02:58

just feel like the culture of

1:03:00

hydration culture has actually become a

1:03:02

cult. I'm tired of people

1:03:04

acting that like drinking water is like

1:03:06

this new code we've cracked in terms

1:03:08

of surviving. And the people who

1:03:10

have to talk about how much water they drink,

1:03:12

how hydrated you should be. And they have an

1:03:14

opinion about how much water you drink, how much

1:03:16

water they drink. They carry around the giant damn

1:03:19

bottles with the little nooks on

1:03:21

them saying, not enough. Almost there. Halfway

1:03:23

there. You can survive for the day after you

1:03:25

finish the entire thing. I can't handle

1:03:27

the people who make the water bottle their entire

1:03:29

personality. Y'all saw the family cup shit at Target.

1:03:32

The people beating each other up over the cups.

1:03:34

The people who walk in so excited. I just

1:03:36

got a reusable straw. I will

1:03:39

never give a shit about your reusable straw

1:03:41

ever. I just, I don't understand. Like

1:03:43

we've been drinking water since the dawn of time.

1:03:45

And we've learned that like when you're thirsty, you

1:03:48

drink water. That's your body naturally wants to do

1:03:50

that. It's the thing we've been doing for all

1:03:52

of humanity. Don't act like it's this new religion

1:03:54

that you just discovered. Thank

1:03:56

you so much. Before We move on. What?

1:04:02

Are what? Are. You

1:04:06

don't know there was one of my summers

1:04:08

Central Jersey. I'm from Trenton, New Tank, I

1:04:10

also Philadelphia, no doubt. the I like we

1:04:12

bonded over that. I had a family. Law

1:04:15

so easily say water and no no I

1:04:18

just great And I came in knowing that

1:04:20

everyone would be confused as hell and I

1:04:22

was like needs I should say water for

1:04:24

the people but I was just in it.

1:04:26

so uneasy I think it's a beautiful accent.

1:04:38

And Atlanta and me and I am I

1:04:40

have just it's sort of Iran's it's just

1:04:42

something I want to tell you all which

1:04:44

is that I i saw the film Fall

1:04:47

Guy and Dumb and ah is is is

1:04:49

very good said but this and that we

1:04:51

should all go see it because I just

1:04:53

wanted to be movies. That

1:04:55

are just movies and as no other things like

1:04:58

there's no after credit about how the person and

1:05:00

you're movies going to be in somebody elses movie

1:05:02

and that there's comic book in it's and is

1:05:04

no. there's no laser beams and is no final

1:05:07

fight sequence. It a big purple haze in the

1:05:09

sky and I just want the movie to succeed.

1:05:11

So it is upsetting to me that I had

1:05:13

a great time. Loved the movie, had a blast

1:05:16

and then you know you're in that mode. you're

1:05:18

driving home from the movie. I had this hayes

1:05:20

after I see a movie. I love every movie

1:05:22

for ten minutes after a Cs and then I'm

1:05:24

driving home and. It's. Like. Why

1:05:26

did that woman appear in the

1:05:28

apartments and like movies to work?

1:05:31

Think you. Assist.

1:05:36

Their so charming, the so charismatic

1:05:39

they could hold up anything. Doesn't

1:05:41

matter, the plot doesn't make no

1:05:43

sense. As so charismatic Emily

1:05:45

Blunt and Ryan Gosling. It.

1:05:47

Is legit and maps. P.

1:05:50

Map eve of me saw eye to

1:05:52

say this year I'll Rock and Roll

1:05:55

Hall of Fame fail to induct the

1:05:57

best person alive Mariah Carey and this

1:05:59

is just. You might have

1:06:01

been eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall

1:06:03

of Fame for years now. This would be

1:06:05

first year Smith even nominated is discussing the

1:06:07

thing is steroid causes make rock music school

1:06:09

terror. See of my see number one singles

1:06:11

all of which she has so produce wrote

1:06:14

all of our be there by does exercise

1:06:16

and right that. That's okay since she's been

1:06:18

around for me for such a long time.

1:06:20

Getting a such beautiful arts and people love

1:06:22

to distance the music of women, the music

1:06:24

of people who don't get same instrumentality over

1:06:26

there are Rome is A since this is

1:06:28

a person who beyond. Like a big number

1:06:31

of notes he can sing on a keyboard

1:06:33

is riding every song, every melodies coming from

1:06:35

horse. As you've been around since, Ninety Nine

1:06:37

Beats and we're still seeing yourself every Christmas.

1:06:40

It's not a coincidence and such Mariah Justice

1:06:42

for my parents. That.

1:06:50

Christmas songs. It's a great song. Every

1:06:52

pops has been say center for Saruman

1:06:54

up as a cast as well. As

1:06:58

it is. Landed

1:07:06

on center. While

1:07:10

I I just found out

1:07:12

that the way that Navy

1:07:14

Seals I will train navy

1:07:16

tags or whatever they're called

1:07:18

junior navy seals. As. Soon

1:07:22

as san Torture, they'll make them sit

1:07:25

in a room and listen to the

1:07:27

sound of a baby crying for hours.

1:07:30

On As a new mom I'm like oh

1:07:32

my god how many allies few hours is

1:07:34

a listen to a baby crying Like I

1:07:37

just. Sit at all. No. On

1:07:40

know Navy Seal and three out

1:07:42

here. I just. As.

1:07:47

And zig, Why are you raises higher? Mom's

1:07:49

like we need worse, you know? And

1:07:52

they'll be like whoa the Navy Seals can

1:07:55

hold their with a new mother would to

1:07:57

Ms., you know, like Arrow, what war the

1:07:59

Uni that? anymore. We're not Vietnam.

1:08:02

I don't know why. I don't know.

1:08:04

Moms are invisible to every man

1:08:08

on the planet. That's how's that for national

1:08:11

security. I wish Navy

1:08:13

fields would just hire moms.

1:08:16

I wish all private security firms would

1:08:18

just hire moms. Our brains change to

1:08:20

assess threat. I

1:08:23

think everything is going to kill my son all

1:08:25

the time. I feel like I'd be really great

1:08:28

in the secret service. Do you

1:08:30

remember when Obama went to Cartagena

1:08:32

and he had the secret

1:08:36

service workers and they all fucked sex workers?

1:08:38

Moms wouldn't do that. We don't want

1:08:42

to hang out with moms. We're not fun. I'm not fun now.

1:08:45

John knows. I just wish more people

1:08:53

would hire moms. I

1:08:57

was thinking about it as you were speaking

1:08:59

the whole time, just imagining everything

1:09:01

about the bin Laden raid is exactly the

1:09:03

same, but it's new moms. It

1:09:07

would have happened sooner. They

1:09:09

wouldn't have fucked up that

1:09:11

helicopter. No, they wouldn't have fucked up the

1:09:13

helicopter. They might not have. They would have. Yeah. I'm

1:09:17

sure that I don't know. I haven't thought about that,

1:09:19

but I

1:09:22

think that they would have got him sooner. You

1:09:24

know, there's a whole mom network. I'm sure they

1:09:26

would have gotten moms closer to the inner circle

1:09:28

to do something where we are.

1:09:30

We all talk. All the moms

1:09:33

song. I

1:09:35

love that. And that's

1:09:38

the rail wheel. This

1:09:49

week, here it is. Hi,

1:09:53

love it. This is Savannah from Louisiana.

1:09:55

My high note this week is that I

1:09:58

am being sworn in later tonight. as

1:10:00

a new member of the Jefferson

1:10:02

Parish Democratic Executive Committee. I'm

1:10:04

super excited to help recruit local

1:10:06

Democratic candidates in my own parish and

1:10:09

help get them elected. Thanks

1:10:11

for everything. Hi,

1:10:13

Love It. My name is Melanie. I live in

1:10:15

Ohio. My high note is that my wife and

1:10:17

I started our monthly donations through Vote Save America

1:10:20

last week. And it truly has

1:10:22

alleviated the feelings of helplessness that an election

1:10:24

year can bring. I'm so glad

1:10:26

to know that my money is making a difference

1:10:28

for the rights of my family and the well-being

1:10:30

of our country. Thank you for being the hilarious

1:10:33

soundtrack to my Saturday mornings. Bye.

1:10:36

Thanks everybody who sent in a high note tonight. If you want

1:10:38

to leave us a high note, you can

1:10:41

send us a voice memo to

1:10:43

lowlyhighnotes@gmail.com. That's L-O-L-I high notes@gmail.com. Or

1:10:45

if you're a Friend of the

1:10:47

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1:10:49

ability, exclusive, to leave us your

1:10:51

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1:10:53

in the Love It or Leave It channel. Hashtag high

1:10:55

notes. You'll find it. If

1:10:58

you're happy enough, you'll find it. And that's our show. Thank

1:11:01

you so much to Jenna Friedman, Rose Abdu,

1:11:03

and 2 Gay M.A.T.S. There

1:11:05

are 184 days until the 2024 election. Have

1:11:09

a great night and have a great weekend.

1:11:12

♪ Love it or leave it, love it or

1:11:15

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1:11:23

It or Leave It is a Cricket Media

1:11:25

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