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0:32

it's Lovett. Before we get to the show, a few housekeeping notes. This

0:34

Pride Month, Crooked has a $100,000 fundraising

0:36

goal for our Pride or Else Fund. We're

0:39

aiming high because Lord knows these right-wing freaks,

0:41

they're going low Tommy. Donate

0:43

directly or pick up an item from our new

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Pride or Else collection and let Crooked do it

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for you with a portion of proceeds going

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directly to the fund. Learn more at crooked.com/Pride. Now

0:52

let's get into it. Please

0:57

welcome to the stage, your host

0:59

for the evening, Ian Carmel!

1:11

Welcome to Love It or Leave It.

1:13

I'm your guest host Ian Carmel. If you think

1:15

the Love It or Leave It team had the

1:17

foresight to book a gay host for the first

1:19

show of Pride Month, you'd be

1:21

wrong. I'm straight. I

1:24

am straight as hell. I am so straight that

1:26

I brought my wife Dana Schwartz with me tonight.

1:30

Yeah I'm the one with the emotional attachment issues.

1:32

We're progressive that way. My good

1:35

friend Preacher Lawson is also here

1:37

to set some puppies aflame and

1:39

Hallie Kiefer and I discuss the

1:41

tragic combination of t-shirts and the

1:43

pool. Then we'll all put on

1:45

our Popat and say I'm a

1:47

sardy. But first let's get into

1:50

it. What

1:53

a week! Obviously

1:58

we're going to start with the biggest news of

2:00

the day, the new Deadpool

2:02

and Wolverine popcorn pocket. Boy

2:07

is my mouth watering. No,

2:10

of course I'm talking about the Manhattan jury

2:12

finding Donald Trump guilty on all 34 counts

2:14

in his Stormy Daniels House running trial.

2:20

Guilty. We

2:24

did it Joe! Guilty on all 34

2:26

counts. Do you know what this means? No,

2:29

I'm seriously asking. There have never been

2:31

any consequences of any kind, whatever this

2:33

stuff happens. Does this actually, does

2:35

this one actually mean anything? No.

2:38

Okay. Well, the ruling officially makes Donald Trump

2:40

the first president to become a convicted felon.

2:42

Unofficially he's like the 40th. But

2:47

can he become the first felon to

2:49

be elected president? The jury is still

2:51

out, but probably. All right. Uh,

2:54

Hey, let's give it up for a Stormy Daniels

2:56

really quick. Make some noise for Stormy Daniels.

3:00

Bad sex. Incredible outcome.

3:05

In the end, twas beauty that killed

3:07

the beast. Judge

3:09

Juan Marchand has set a sentencing hearing

3:12

for July 11th. And that's smart.

3:14

Give him a few weeks to yell himself horse first. Let

3:16

him get all the zoomies out. Right. But

3:19

I'm just glad we're getting one last 4th

3:21

of July in there before the nation erupts

3:23

into civil war. Yeah.

3:26

What? Too dark, too dark of a joke. Too

3:30

real. All right. Okay. We're moving on. Trump

3:32

addressed the press after the verdict. This was

3:34

a disgrace. This was

3:36

a Greek trial by a conflicted

3:38

judge who was corrupt. Well,

3:41

well, well, look who's awake. Do

3:45

you think you struggled with that one? By the way, should

3:47

I say a corrupt judge who was conflicted or

3:50

a conflicted judge who was corrupt? What does everyone

3:52

think? Should we take a bowl? Fox

3:56

news pundits also took the verdict and

3:58

tried. Here's Janine Pirro. have gone

4:00

over a cliff in America. And

4:04

I agree. But like when you go over a

4:06

cliff on a roller coaster, I can't stop giggling

4:08

and I really want a corn dog. The

4:12

Biden campaign reacted to the convictions in

4:14

a statement saying, there is still only

4:16

one way to keep Donald Trump out

4:18

of the oval office at the

4:20

ballot box. Convicted felon or not,

4:23

Trump will be the Republican nominee for

4:25

president. The Biden campaign is like your

4:27

friend who you tell about your big

4:29

raise and they're like, you know, that's

4:31

pre-tax, right? But

4:34

the Biden campaign makes a great point. Nothing

4:37

means anything. It

4:40

was the perfect end to a perfect

4:42

week. In case you somehow missed it

4:44

on Tuesday, president Biden and Donald Trump

4:46

held dueling press conferences outside the hush

4:48

money trial. That's

4:54

right. It's the three most exciting

4:57

ways in politics. Dueling press conferences.

5:00

This is like Coachella for people who fall

5:02

asleep to this podcast. I

5:07

actually think this is a great idea. We

5:09

should start doing more stuff outside of the

5:11

Trump hush money trial. Have the NBA draft

5:13

there. The Spurs drafted Victor

5:15

Wambeniamma here with analysis than the

5:17

Crotic corpse of Steve Bannon. Biden

5:21

came out swinging at his press

5:23

conference, dispatching actor Robert De Niro

5:25

and former Capitol police officers present

5:28

on January 6th to attack Trump

5:30

in the press. And yeah,

5:32

Robert De Niro was the name that Biden tossed out

5:34

there when he was trying to remember Pete Buttigieg, but

5:37

you know what? But

5:41

it just goes to show you whether it's

5:44

a movie or a Biden, Robert De Niro

5:46

is always ready to promote an Irishman. Said

5:51

De Niro. We New Yorkers used to tolerate

5:54

him when he was just another grubby real

5:56

estate hustler masquerading as a big shot. I

5:58

love this city. I don't. want to destroy

6:00

it. Donald Trump wants

6:03

to destroy not only the city

6:05

but the country and eventually he

6:08

could destroy the world. And De Niro

6:10

has skin in the game here. His

6:12

kids are the next generation and

6:15

also the generation after that. He has

6:18

so many kids in so many

6:21

generations. Trump

6:24

later responded writing on Truth Social.

6:26

I never knew how small both

6:28

mentally and physically Wacko former actor

6:31

Robert De Niro was. And

6:33

just like that Trump has lost a

6:35

short King vote. And

6:38

look not to give Trump any credit but actors

6:40

are shorter than you think. Barry Keohin is sleeping

6:42

peacefully in my pocket right now. Ranted

6:46

the former president Robert

6:48

whose movies, artistry and brand have gone

6:50

way down in value since he entered

6:52

the political arena at the request of

6:54

Crooked Joe Biden. Looks so pathetic and

6:56

sad out there. Where have you gone

6:59

Joe DiMaggio? The

7:04

last line is lyrics for Mrs.

7:06

Robinson which is from The Graduate

7:09

which suggests that Trump is mixing up

7:11

Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman. Hey

7:15

idiot! Jews and Italians aren't the same. We

7:17

just happen to share almost every physical trait

7:20

and cultural stereotype and also play each other

7:22

a lot in movies. And you know what

7:24

actually it was a reasonable mistake. Meanwhile

7:27

closing arguments concluded inside the courthouse.

7:29

Trump's defense hammered home their main

7:32

points. Michael Cohen is a liar

7:34

and there was nothing wrong with

7:36

using an NDA to silence Stormy

7:38

Daniels during the campaign. Trump has

7:40

long maintained that he never had sex with

7:42

Stormy Daniels at all. On Wednesday however

7:44

the Daily Beast published an account

7:46

from an anonymous celebrity athlete who

7:49

says Trump publicly bragged about sleeping

7:51

with the adult film star at

7:53

a 2006 golf tournament. Apparently it

7:55

was in response to the question,

7:57

do you play golf? Speaking

8:01

outside the court, as the jury

8:03

began their deliberations Tuesday, Trump told

8:06

reporters, Mother Teresa could not beat

8:08

these charges. But we'll see. In

8:11

the alternate reality where Mother Teresa had

8:13

sex with Stormy Daniels and

8:16

tried to cover it up because she was running

8:18

for president, can she beat the

8:20

charges? Isn't even my tenth question. Supreme

8:25

Court Justice Pamela Lito sent in letters

8:27

to Congress this week that he will

8:29

not recuse himself from the court's January

8:31

6 cases despite having flown stop-the-steel flags

8:33

at two of his homes. Is

8:35

he prejudiced in favor of Trump? I'd say just

8:38

a little bit. I

8:49

know this isn't a point of the story, by the

8:51

way, but recuse sounds like a word a toddler makes

8:53

up because they can't remember the word excuse, right? Recuse

8:56

me, do you like whoa blocks? It's

9:00

cute, it's a cute show. Wrote

9:02

Alito, the two incidents you cite do not

9:04

meet the conditions for recusal. As I have

9:06

stated publicly, I had nothing whatsoever to do

9:08

with the flying of that flag. I

9:11

was not even aware of the upside-down flag

9:13

until it was called to my attention. Alito

9:15

once again claimed that his wife was solely

9:17

responsible and wrote, my wife is a private

9:20

citizen and she possesses the same First Amendment

9:22

rights as every other American. She makes her

9:24

own decisions and I have always respected her

9:26

right to do so. Now

9:28

as far as some of my wife's other rights are

9:30

concerned... No,

9:33

he didn't actually say that. I

9:37

think it does say something that some of the people in the

9:39

audience were like, oh my god, he said it out loud. But,

9:43

admittedly though, my wife is fond

9:45

of flying flags. I am not.

9:48

How do these crazy kids make it work, right? It's

9:51

a classic story, really. Original

9:54

originalist boyfriend, flag enthusiast girlfriend.

9:58

Over in Tennessee, Republican candidate... for state

10:01

senate, Charlie Cooper was dinged after

10:03

potential voters noticed him posting AI

10:05

headshots of himself in which he

10:07

looked appreciably hotter. Take a

10:10

look. Eagle Eye of the Observer's first suspected something

10:12

was amiss when it came to light that Cooper

10:14

is not in fact a Los Angeles area real

10:16

estate agent. Can

10:19

someone please send me some good things that

10:21

AI is doing? Because so far it just

10:23

seems like it's ruining art and making

10:26

politicians look like the fifth league on

10:28

the CBS procedural. Speaking

10:32

of stuff

10:34

getting ruined. Florida declared its

10:36

bridges will only display red, white

10:38

and blue lights as part of

10:40

the state's Freedom Summer, preventing

10:43

the use of rainbow lights for

10:45

pride month. Happy Freedom Summer! Purple

10:47

is now illegal. The

10:51

burden of representation now lays only heavier

10:53

on the world's preeminent gay bridge. Mario

10:56

Kart's Rainbow Road. That's

11:00

my Stonewall. I

11:03

threw the first red shell. Breaking

11:07

news! A red, white and blue Florida bridge

11:09

has been spotted flying upside down on the

11:11

Alidos flagpole. Meanwhile,

11:14

over in Italy, Pope

11:16

Francis publicly apologized for using a gay

11:19

slur in a closed door meeting this

11:21

week. The Catholic Church has

11:23

quickly responded by condemning the Pope's actions

11:25

and promising he will be transferred to another

11:27

Vatican. Pope

11:30

Francis said, quote, my language was

11:32

hurtful. What I should have said

11:34

was, which one of you proud LGBT men wants

11:37

to suck the Pope's dick? What

11:46

asked what he thought of gay men entering

11:48

the priesthood? The Pope reportedly said there

11:50

was already too much proccigini

11:52

in the seminaries for his

11:54

liking. I want the audience in

11:57

here and at home to know that I did not

11:59

enjoy repeating that term at all, but

12:01

hey, when in Rome. Scientists

12:08

have found evidence that Canada's invasive

12:10

wild hogs, often referred to as

12:13

super pigs, are poised to

12:15

expand their population into the United States.

12:18

I have just one question about this. I

12:21

don't want to see that shit.

12:28

The only wild Canadian hogs I want

12:30

to see are the following in order.

12:32

Ryan Gosling, Keanu Reeves, Joshua

12:34

Jackson, and purely out of

12:36

curiosity, Jay Baruchel. In

12:40

entertainment news, Furiosa, a Mad Max saga,

12:42

came to a screeching halt last weekend,

12:45

making only $31 million in theaters on a

12:47

budget of over $168 million. Damn.

12:52

More like Anya Taylor's sad. More

12:57

like a sad Max saga. Better.

13:02

Wow. Well, I

13:04

knew there were a lot of films in the Mad Max saga, but I

13:06

didn't realize we were already up to chapter 11. As

13:16

of Sunday, Furiosa was neck and neck with

13:18

the Garfield movie, with Sony and Warner Brothers

13:20

each claiming their film took the number one

13:22

spot. It's interesting because these two

13:24

movies could not be more different. One

13:26

is a harrowing blood-soaked vision of societal collapse,

13:28

and the other is part of the Mad

13:30

Max franchise. In

13:33

the end, Furiosa just barely eked past Garfield,

13:35

which earned around $25 million. Sorry,

13:39

Garfield. Sounds like Mondays don't like you

13:41

either. On

13:44

an episode of the Honestly with

13:46

Barry Weiss podcast, Jerry Seinfeld called

13:48

for the return of traditional masculinity,

13:50

shouting out guys like JFK, Muhammad

13:52

Ali, and Sean Connery, and

13:55

saying this. I miss a dominant

13:58

masculinity. Yeah, I get

14:00

the toxic, not care that I can't. But

14:03

still, I like a real man. Seems

14:09

weird to miss the kind of guy who would have dunked your head

14:11

in the high school toilet, but to each of their own. Also,

14:14

why is this on a podcast? Put it on your hinge

14:16

profile and keep moving. Seimseld

14:19

said he was nostalgic for a time when

14:21

there was a clearer sense of social hierarchy.

14:23

Ah, yes, the good old days. When

14:26

it was real men at the top, all the

14:28

other men second from the top, then rich white

14:30

women, then purebred dogs, then Italians, and everyone else

14:32

in a big pile at the bottom. Seimseld

14:36

also raved about Hugh Grant, who

14:39

stars in Seimseld's new pop-tart movie,

14:41

Unfrosted, as an example of a

14:43

real man. He knows how to

14:45

dress. He knows how to talk.

14:47

He's charming. He has stories. He's

14:50

comfortable at dinner parties. Knows

14:52

how to get a drink. You know what I mean?

14:54

That stuff. Oh,

14:56

I get it now. Seimseld likes real men,

14:58

like the Afteet British Dandy from the pastry

15:01

movie. Director

15:03

Ryan Johnson dropped a teaser this week

15:05

on X for the next installment of

15:08

the Knives Out franchise, titled Wake Up

15:10

Dead Man, A Knives Out Mystery. Knives

15:12

Out, a franchise I like to call,

15:14

what if Fogg Horn Leghorn was low-key

15:17

sexy? Don't

15:21

worry. We weren't just teasing

15:23

you up top. Ryan Reynolds really did

15:25

debut a Deadpool and Wolverine popcorn

15:27

bucket to rival that of Dune's sandworm

15:29

popcorn bucket, shaped like Wolverine's open mouth.

15:31

Here it is now. I'm

15:40

old enough to remember when you put your penis in

15:42

the bottom of the popcorn bucket. And

15:47

just in time for summer, a new

15:49

study came out revealing that rivers and

15:51

streams in Alaska have been turning rust

15:54

colored over the last several years due

15:56

to fine permafrost releasing toxic chemicals into

15:58

the waterways. This

16:02

is bad news for those of us who had a

16:04

ton of money riding on, the rivers are turning orange

16:06

for some sort of non-apocalyptic reason. Personally,

16:09

I had my money riding on cross-promotion for

16:11

the Garfield movie. A

16:14

deep sea explorer and billionaire real estate

16:16

investor have teamed up to develop a

16:19

new submersible that can visit the Titanic

16:21

wreck site to prove that it's actually

16:23

super safe. Okay, when I point to

16:25

the audience, we're all going to say

16:27

uncontrollable boner together, okay? All

16:30

right, here we go. You know what they say? Those

16:32

who don't learn from history are doomed to have

16:34

an... Uncontrollable boner!

16:37

For the Titanic for some reason. You

16:41

guys didn't have any problem with it, was it? Once

16:45

they can come up with a design that's

16:47

safe, the team plans to move on to

16:49

other challenges, like designing one that isn't a

16:51

costly, tedious ordeal that's desecrating a mass grave

16:53

from inside a drainage pipe filled with other

16:55

people's farts. And

16:58

finally, a Michigan woman has named

17:00

her baby Lily after the seafood

17:02

restaurant where she wound up giving

17:04

birth. Lily was

17:06

then introduced to her older sister,

17:08

Basta Betteradison. And

17:12

now a little segment we're

17:14

calling America's Least Wanted. This

17:18

week we're headed to Pennsylvania, a place

17:20

whose chief exports are the Declaration of

17:23

Independence and football fans who huck batteries

17:25

at people. The

17:27

Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, don't you dare call it a

17:29

state, you no good sons of bitches, is

17:32

back in the headlines because Joe Biden

17:34

needs those sweet, sweet electors come November.

17:36

But Democrats also need three-term incumbent Bob Casey

17:39

to hang on to his seat as well.

17:41

And his Republican challenger, Dave

17:44

McCormick, who like all of

17:46

our greatest champions of the common man,

17:48

is a former hedge fund CEO. McCormick

17:51

famously spent $14 million of his

17:54

own money to lose a 2022 Senate primary to

17:58

Dr. Oz. that's right

18:01

pennsylvania's g l p voters found a

18:03

mccormick less appealing the tv doctor who

18:05

killed hundreds of dogs and fully lived

18:07

in new jersey for

18:11

fourteen million dollars he could have bought a

18:13

yacht invited doctor ross on it and then

18:15

pushed him overboard international waters and

18:18

here i am giving away ideas for free voters

18:22

did change their tune about mccormick this year

18:24

when he ran against a slightly less permissible

18:26

primary opponent nobody but

18:30

mccormick might run in the same pesky problem that

18:32

the fell doctor ross not living

18:34

in pennsylvania he does own a

18:36

home in pittsburgh but

18:38

reviews of public records indicate that

18:40

he still almost exclusively lives on

18:43

connecticut gold coast which is

18:45

one of the dentist concentrations of wealth in

18:47

the country his house in

18:49

westport connecticut featured a fifteen hundred

18:51

bottle wine seller and i bet

18:54

this cask of a montelado ass bitch lures his

18:56

enemies down there but

18:59

not to kill them just to talk about

19:01

the importance of the carried interest tax loopholes

19:04

also sorry why does mccormick even

19:07

want this job you have

19:09

a net worth of over a hundred million dollars and you

19:11

want to hang out with ted cruz all day you

19:15

want to have to stare into mitch mcconnell's

19:17

jowls and have them stare back into you

19:20

if i hadn't gave mccormick's money you would

19:22

never hear from me ever again we

19:25

know this race may not strike you as particularly

19:27

sexy we know bob casey versus

19:30

david mccormick sounds like the finalist for

19:32

the iowa state fairs backgammon tournament but

19:35

holding onto the senate especially in the bed

19:37

of a donald trump presidency couldn't be more

19:39

important bob casey loses will

19:41

be replaced by a guy who opposes

19:43

abortion and gun control and looks like

19:46

he wants to imprison the x-men so

19:51

if you want to stop this rich son

19:53

of a bitch and conservatives just like him

19:55

then head over to vote save america.com/twenty twenty

19:57

four to find out what the hell to

19:59

do about it. This has been

20:01

America's Least Wanted. Coming

20:08

up, Ryder and my wife, in

20:10

that order, Dana Schwartz. Hey,

20:15

don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It

20:17

coming up. Love

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24:00

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24:33

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a Mad Max saga. It's hard to

24:43

tell just from looking at them, but

24:45

all the crazy trucks are Subaru's. Please

24:54

welcome to the stage a very smart lady,

24:57

Danish Watts. More

25:00

clapping, it's my wife.

25:04

More clapping for my dad. I

25:10

am his wife. Also New York

25:12

Times two-time number one best-selling author,

25:14

host of the Noble Blood podcast,

25:16

television writer. Way

25:19

too good for me, smart in everything

25:21

except picking a lifelong mate. Fingers crossed.

25:24

Dana, we're married and live in the same house. How's that

25:26

going, do you think? I think pretty

25:29

good. Both of us

25:31

aren't super neat, which is good. We're

25:33

sort of the equal levels of messiness. It's

25:36

nice of you to include yourself in that. I'm

25:38

more type A, but I don't think I'm obsessively

25:40

neat, which I do think would be a... I

25:43

like that you don't make a big deal when I

25:45

leave things around and vice versa. You leave the

25:47

counters very dirty and I will leave clothes

25:50

and boxes in every part of the house.

25:53

Yeah, so it balances out. That's very nice of you to say it

25:55

balances out. So if you had to grade me on someone to

25:57

live with. Like an

25:59

A-minus. very much. I'd

26:02

give you a C+. You told

26:04

the Love and Elieva producers, you

26:06

told the Love and Elieva producers,

26:08

you believe TikTok is ruining restaurant

26:10

culture. Oh yeah. And maybe even

26:12

food entirely? Yeah. What the hell

26:14

are you talking about? I don't think TikTok

26:17

is good for anyone's brain. Sure. Like if they

26:19

ban TikTok, like I'll be happy. Yeah. And

26:21

I- Well you often find yourself in league with

26:23

Republican congress people, right? Yeah, I'm not a man.

26:25

I'm the most agree with things. I

26:27

think that if you've

26:29

ever gone on TikTok, you see people posting like,

26:32

oh, just found this restaurant. And they

26:34

just try to find like things that

26:36

are the most outrageous, like a burger

26:38

that's like six burgers still and covered

26:40

in cheese. And it's not even good.

26:42

The whole point of it is just

26:44

to be more than whatever came before.

26:46

Yeah. We're in this arms race of

26:48

like new shapes for croissants that actually

26:50

we don't need. They do have

26:52

like cube croissants now. No. And you know

26:54

what it is now? I don't know if anyone's

26:57

seen this. It's like flat croissants that you fry

26:59

in caramel. And I'm like, the whole point of

27:01

croissants is that they're like, no,

27:03

don't. Why,

27:05

why flatten the croissants? I don't know.

27:08

So it gets juicy? I don't know.

27:10

Like, do you never, do

27:12

you never just sometimes I'll flatten the croissant to

27:14

any, like those Costco croissants that were just like

27:16

dripping with whatever it was Costco was putting in

27:19

those croissants? Well that's, that's what these tic

27:21

tacs are doing. They're taking the Costco croissants, they're

27:23

rolling them out, they're frying them in butter and sugar.

27:25

And now you're going to do that. You know what

27:27

I am going to do. And

27:29

I'm going to leave the mess out for a week too. Do

27:32

you know what is mission got started? Where? I

27:34

feel like in Bloody Mary's. Oh, I was going

27:36

to say Salt Bay. No, I think this, this

27:39

predates Salt Bay. Yeah. Even predates Salt Bay, although

27:41

he is definitely a perpetrator of this. You

27:43

like a Bloody Mary used to just when

27:45

I was a kid drinking Bloody Mary's, you

27:49

know, sometimes there'd be a piece of celery

27:51

in it, right? And then this Bloody Mary

27:53

arms race started. You put the full hamburger.

27:56

Yeah. They first they started adding like there's

27:58

a pepperoni stick and like, Oh, that's cute. But that's

28:00

fine. I'm already devastating my sodium for the day. So

28:02

why not add that and then all of a sudden

28:04

it is started like Olives too and then yeah, and

28:07

then it was like a cheeseburger and then like an

28:09

entire Chicago deep dish pizza So

28:11

I've I've actually never had a Bloody Mary because I

28:13

don't like I don't really like alcohol and if I'm

28:15

going to have it I want it to be like

28:18

delicious and like sweet and I'm like I don't like

28:20

it's like a savory tomato You know like it's like

28:22

tomato soup. You can give a grilled cheese sandwich in a blood.

28:24

That sounds good I would rather just dip a grilled

28:26

cheese and tomato soup, but that won't get you drunk But you

28:29

know what I like You know

28:31

what? I like more than this Bloody Mary arms race

28:33

is the the milkshake with like the slice of cake

28:35

I have ordered one of those and I have II

28:37

have we had one you ate the entire thing No,

28:39

I shared it But but I have ordered one of I

28:42

partake it in the culture like I took a picture and

28:44

posted it of the giant the Milkshake

28:46

wearing a Kentucky Derby lady hat. Yeah, it's

28:48

going to the Royal wedding So

28:52

you think okay, so it's good take good

28:54

take see post in In Happier

28:59

news for our household Claire Saffitz is

29:01

going back to her gourmet makes roots

29:03

on YouTube. Oh, I know what that

29:05

well Yeah, you said Not

29:09

to break not to break the illusion of show business,

29:11

but you did this these were the questions

29:13

you asked me to ask you There's

29:16

things I'm really excited about teaming up for

29:18

Claire Saffitz. All right. What does

29:20

Claire Saffitz mean to you? And do I have to

29:22

fight her? I? Don't

29:25

know if anyone followed the whole bone apetit

29:28

saga But the loss of the

29:30

bone apetit test kitchen which really did sort

29:32

of keep me afloat during the pandemic was

29:34

personally Devastating to me and so the fact

29:36

that Claire Saffitz is back Recreating

29:38

gourmet treats. It's like the only

29:40

like a sequel that I want.

29:43

So what is it? So When you say

29:45

recreating gourmet treats, what do you mean? What does she do? She's

29:47

a pastry chef We're just like a professional chef

29:49

and she's also not like super cheer. She's not

29:51

like a food network chef She's like kind of

29:53

mean in a really good way. Oh, she doesn't

29:55

come with like cute little nicknames for everything in the kitchen

30:00

You know like that none of that and

30:02

she like gets visibly frustrated when things go wrong

30:04

Oh perfect in like a good way Yeah And

30:07

she takes like grocery store like ho-hos or whatever

30:09

and like tries to make them at home in

30:11

the most accurate recreation Oh gourmet versions

30:13

of oh hell. Yeah. Yeah. Why hasn't that happened

30:16

at our house? I She

30:21

loves baking I didn't say made for

30:23

you on multiple occasions what those grocery store

30:25

cookies yo Oh I

30:28

request they're like a real challenge

30:30

to make that I have to like pull out

30:32

like a spice grinder to get like powdered You

30:34

can probably like jam some gum from the internet.

30:36

Yeah, you're really specific and I've made those for

30:38

you multiple times Please reassure the audience that I didn't

30:40

just yell at you to bake me something and that you

30:42

actually enjoy baking I

30:44

do if you can tell by my obsession with close

30:46

evidence I bake a lot I feel like I

30:48

was putting some real Ralph Cramden vibes out there for a

30:50

second Dana

30:54

yeah, you've written two books that

30:57

I am both contractually obligated and overjoyed

30:59

to shout out These

31:01

books are called Anatomy

31:06

a love story and immortality a love story

31:08

as someone who has written romance Yeah, by

31:10

the way that out on paperback

31:12

out of paperback get him wherever paychecks are sold three

31:14

weeks in a row on the indie Bestseller list there

31:16

are any bestsellers back on the list

31:19

after two years As

31:21

someone who has written romance tell me what makes

31:24

for a good love story Oh Tension

31:27

a little bit of tension

31:29

at the beginning and waiting just

31:31

long in a book. This is not in

31:33

real life Okay in a book tension and

31:35

then waiting just long enough that the reader

31:37

really wants it to happen And then and

31:39

then letting the characters come together.

31:41

How long is too long to wait? Mark

31:51

60% feels right. Yeah, like 90% of

31:54

the way people are like what the head what even you

31:56

have to it the formula sort of 60%

31:58

and then another obstacle and then they come back together. People

32:00

are agreeing. People have read romance books. They

32:02

know. It would be very funny to write a

32:04

romance book and then set up like you're like they're

32:06

about to hook up and then just end the book

32:09

right before it happens. Has somebody done like a romance

32:11

Blue Balls novel yet? I mean they would make them

32:13

by the sequel. They make them by

32:15

the sequel. As a quick follow-up, do you think

32:17

we have a love affair for the ages? Yeah,

32:19

of course. Even though we did like

32:21

pretty much immediately start dating. Yes.

32:24

And then pretty immediately I moved in and we

32:26

got married. You came on my podcast. We talked

32:28

about Shrek. You roasted me for liking it and

32:30

then bing, bang, boom we were married. I wanted

32:32

to defend myself because the Shrek thing has gone very

32:35

far. No, no, no. We'll move on. Great. You

32:39

can host this show next time and I'll

32:41

sit there and then you can talk about

32:43

Shrek. Great. Me too. Which is why we're

32:45

going to play a game we're calling. I

32:47

want everyone to shout it out with me.

32:49

It's called Love is Blind, which is why

32:51

we're going to play a game that we're

32:53

calling Love is Blind.

32:55

Oh, that's fun. Oh, you have a logo

32:57

there. You look so beautiful in that picture.

33:00

Thank you, baby. I'm going

33:02

to tell you about a beautiful love story

33:04

and I'm going to ask you to rank

33:06

it against our relationship. Oh, okay.

33:09

Which again started with Shrek. In

33:12

terms of passion, is this a

33:15

more passionate love affair than ours or not? Does this

33:17

game make sense? Yeah. It makes sense to you.

33:20

Well, love doesn't make sense, baby. So let's

33:22

play. Is this love

33:24

affair more passionate than ours? Millie Bobby

33:26

Brown and Jake Bon Jovi. Oh,

33:29

no. I feel like the answer has to be

33:31

no, because I know they're adults, but they're just

33:33

children in my head. Boy, that dude looks

33:35

a lot like Bon Jovi. It

33:37

looks like he felt like the mother wasn't involved at

33:39

all. Like he fell off of Bon Jovi at some

33:41

point. He reproduced via budding. In

33:43

2001, he fell off of Bon Jovi while he

33:48

was on a jog and really tight shorts.

33:50

And we just started following him. Yeah, I'm

33:52

going to say less passionate because unfortunately I still think

33:54

of her. I know that this is on me and

33:56

it's not right because she's an adult woman, but I

33:59

still think of her. as a child. Well

34:01

she's 20. You know that's

34:03

pretty young. Yeah. 20's pretty young. That's like people

34:05

got married at that age in the 40s. Yeah.

34:07

Is our relationship better than

34:12

Ron DeSantis and Donald Trump? More

34:17

passionate. Is our relationship more passionate? Go

34:21

back together. Honestly I think no

34:24

because they have sort of like

34:26

this kinky thing happening. Yeah. There's

34:28

like a humiliation fetish happening. It's

34:30

the breaking up, getting back together.

34:32

Like there's a we're a pretty

34:34

simple straightforward love story. Again like

34:36

met, got together, got married, moved

34:38

in, you know, live in a house. This

34:41

is like some like psychodrama happening. No

34:43

this is more passionate. Also we've never

34:45

been to Fort Lauderdale together. Those two are

34:48

always in Fort Lauderdale. What's happening down there?

34:50

In Fort Lauderdale? Yeah. She

34:52

can't afford it. Can

34:55

you? We

35:00

have the same bank account. No, no,

35:02

no, no, no, no. No

35:05

we don't. Just

35:09

a reminder, Trump has called

35:11

Ron DeSantis de sanctimonious, tiny D,

35:13

shut down Ron, and although he

35:16

publicly denied it, reportedly, meatball Ron.

35:18

That's the cutest. You have

35:20

almost no nicknames for me. No. He has

35:22

like four nicknames for him. They're calling you meatball Ron.

35:24

Say no more. Is

35:27

our love of him more passionate than Ben

35:29

Affleck and Jennifer Lopez? I'm

35:33

gonna say yes just because Ben

35:35

Affleck's face always looks so deeply

35:37

unhappy. There's no,

35:40

it doesn't look like there's passion and it doesn't look

35:42

like there's life in there. It looks like a Dunkin

35:44

Donuts iced coffee is the only thing keeping him

35:46

going in the morning. Who

35:49

among us? Their marriage is reportedly

35:51

on the rock. Yeah, that's what I've heard. Entertainment

35:54

Weekly's reporting on Wednesday that Ben

35:56

feels like Jen has a hard time

35:58

feeling satisfied and that's one of the... issues

36:00

they're facing. I find it hard

36:02

to believe that Jennifer Lopez is a

36:04

difficult woman to please. I

36:07

think she's an easy-going. Everything about

36:09

her seems easy-going. If we've learned

36:11

anything this year, it's to not talk trash about Jennifer

36:13

Lopez on a podcast. Oh no! It's

36:16

okay, I'm not a performer. I'll never be honest, no. That's

36:19

okay. We're to

36:21

call Jennifer Lopez Jen. Jen? Did I

36:23

say Jen? No, they do. Things

36:26

are considered the only thing dreamier than getting swept away in

36:28

a wave of nostalgia is a man who will carry fresh

36:30

Dunkin' to your door every morning. Oh, that is sweet. That

36:32

is sweet. I

36:35

don't think she's drinking that. I don't

36:37

think Jennifer, Jen Lopez as I call

36:39

her. I don't

36:41

think Jen drinks or eats Dunkin' Dunkin'. You don't

36:43

think she's having a 1600 calorie iced

36:45

coffee in the morning? No, I think if

36:48

you have that body at 50, she's

36:50

on like a medical, there's like pipettes

36:52

making her breakfast in the morning. I'm like

36:54

good for her, she looks amazing. We saw her in

36:56

Hustlers' Pulled In, like God be

36:58

with her in everything she's doing. That's

37:00

just for him. She's phenomenal. She's a

37:03

female. Do you think our relationship is

37:05

more, so we're more, we're better off than Jen? Yeah.

37:08

Oh, fantastic. What about, are we better off than Ben

37:11

and Dunkin' Donuts? Are we more passionate? No. That's the

37:13

most passionate relationship on earth. And it's also longer. We've

37:15

been together like coming up on four years. That

37:18

is a long term relationship. I feel like he had

37:20

that before he had his mother's milk. Yeah.

37:24

Are we more or less passionate than Shrek and

37:26

Fiona from the Shrek franchise? Probably

37:32

less, but

37:34

I don't want to get involved in whatever they're doing.

37:36

Off to winning motion picture. Anyone

37:38

should rewatch it as an adult and just like

37:41

it was fine, it was good for the time.

37:43

It just didn't hold up is all I'm saying.

37:46

Classically spawned four sequels. Yeah, go

37:49

watch those sequels. They're wonderful.

37:51

And now the Puss in Boots movies as well? I've

37:53

actually heard that. I haven't seen it, but I've heard that the last

37:55

Puss in Boots movie was really good. Oh, okay.

37:57

Yeah. I had. One

38:01

moment, it didn't win an Oscar, you know what

38:03

it did? Shrek. Yeah, but that was one before

38:05

people actually took animation Oscars seriously.

38:08

No, it wasn't before, it was the first time they did

38:10

it. Yeah, so it's like they didn't know what to

38:12

do, they just threw whatever, they were like, oh, a movie

38:14

came out this year, it's nominated. Okay, alright, I'm sorry,

38:16

it's not Ponyo or whatever. Ponyo's

38:19

really good. I know Ponyo's good, but

38:21

so Shrek. Sorry,

38:23

sorry you guys have to watch this fight like this. So

38:27

is our relationship more or less passionate than Shrek

38:29

and Fiona? I think less, because you've

38:31

never like rescued me in a

38:33

position of peril. You've never been in peril?

38:36

That's true. Yeah. And maybe then we

38:38

could test that, but until then... I picked you up

38:41

from LAX, so actually I think you're wrong about

38:43

that. You're right, I understand, that's true. It's just

38:45

as bad as the dragon. Honestly,

38:47

yeah, if that dragon was in Burbank, I'd take the

38:49

dragon. Is

38:53

our relationship more or less passionate than Missouri and married women? Oh,

38:57

this one just makes me sad. You said that you

38:59

wanted to talk about this. Not

39:03

in this context, this is a very jokey

39:05

context. Yeah, well you can get theories for a second. I

39:07

will get theories and say, everyone, please go

39:09

vote to protect women and their basic human

39:11

dignity. Because... The

39:16

reason we have this in here is because in

39:18

Missouri it is currently illegal for a pregnant woman

39:20

to obtain a divorce before they give birth, which

39:22

is insane. Yeah, it's insane. They

39:24

just won't grant a divorce until they give

39:26

birth. And it's like, oh, because if you're

39:28

pregnant you're not actually a person anymore. You're now

39:31

this like vessel that we're

39:33

funneling into your Christian

39:36

heteronormative marriage. I just hate it. It

39:38

really makes me sad. It makes me

39:40

genuinely... I don't have a jokey thing, but it

39:42

makes me genuinely nervous for the state of our

39:44

country the way that our

39:47

cultural views on women are still

39:49

here. This is still in law.

39:51

And it's like people pretend because these little

39:53

liberal enclaves are happening. But no, throughout the

39:55

country, this is still how people view women.

39:57

And it's really sad and really scary. Very

40:00

sad and very scary. And now for

40:02

a massive change

40:04

of pace, is our

40:06

relationship more or less passionate than me and

40:09

the video game I'm currently playing, Baldur's Gate 3? You've

40:13

been playing a lot of Baldur's Gate 3. I

40:15

just got it. How late did you go to bed

40:18

last night? I go to bed really early. I went

40:20

to bed at 1230. Well, that's late

40:22

for me. Yeah, yeah, that's late for you. That's when that

40:24

gets reasonable. This is what I'm curious about. This, as

40:27

soon as you got it, I was like, this is the

40:29

video game you can have sex in. And you're like, no,

40:31

it's not. And then you were making your character and you

40:33

were like, choose the penis of your character. And I was

40:35

like, I think this is the sex game. I turned out

40:37

to be wrong. It is the game you can have sex in. Has

40:39

your character had sex? You have to be honest. My character has not

40:42

had sex yet. Are you being honest? I'm being 100% honest. Well

40:44

then, us. My character was turned down last night.

40:47

Aw, I'm so sorry. I defeated this

40:49

big fort full of goblins and I was like,

40:51

all right, now's the time, right? And then, nope,

40:54

friend zone. Friend

40:57

zone by a half-elf. So

40:59

then the answer is us. Yeah,

41:01

definitely. Maybe defeat more

41:03

elves or goblins or whatever. We'll see

41:05

what happens. There's like three penis options, three

41:07

vulva options. Yeah. Amazing.

41:10

Technology's great, isn't it? We've

41:14

hit the mark where we need to wrap it up. Okay, I have

41:16

a few more. Let me get us a good one to go

41:18

out on. Are we more or less

41:20

passionate than RFK Junior and Confederate Satcheys? Ha ha ha

41:22

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

41:24

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. The presidential hopeful

41:27

said on right-wing nut job, Tim

41:29

Pool's podcast this week, I have a visceral

41:31

reaction against the attacks on those

41:33

statues. They were heroes in the

41:35

Confederacy who didn't have slaves and you

41:37

know, I just have a visceral reaction

41:39

against destroying history. I don't like it.

41:42

Oh, they didn't have slaves? Some

41:44

of them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

41:46

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Couple of them. Maybe. I

41:48

think we're more passionate but less passionate

41:51

than RFK and the worm that I

41:53

still believe is in his brain. Ha

41:55

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah,

41:58

I think we are, yeah. than him in

42:00

statues less than him in the brainwork. And finally,

42:03

are we more or less passionate than Ian and

42:05

Dana? For

42:07

a question. Is that a trick question? We are me and

42:09

Dana. Yeah. Yeah, that's great.

42:11

That's what's at prom. Yeah. Things

42:15

to consider. I love you and thank you for playing this game

42:18

with us. Thank you, baby. This is dope. Thank

42:22

you, Dana. Check out Anatomy Immortality

42:24

in all her other books. Up next, Hallie

42:26

Kiefer goes off the deep end in a soaking

42:28

wet t-shirt and not in a sexy way. Woo!

42:37

And now. Oh no.

42:40

Another word from Furiosa, a Mad Max

42:42

saga. Hola

42:45

fellow homosexuals. I'm so sorry.

42:49

Just checking in that you're definitely planning to

42:51

see Furiosa, a Mad Max saga during the

42:53

first week in the prize. Remember

42:56

how much you twinks love challengers?

43:00

This movie is basically challengers. If

43:03

you read between the lines, you'll find there's

43:05

a very sexy love triangle between Furiosa and

43:09

two other characters. No spoilers. It's

43:12

whichever two characters you're thinking of when

43:14

you see it, which again, you should

43:16

really do during this beautiful pride weekend.

43:19

Look, think of it this way.

43:22

Challengers have Zendaya, Mad Max has

43:24

Anya Taylor-Joy. Two gay icons, right?

43:27

A gay icon is any beautiful

43:29

actress, right? Listen,

43:32

these movies are interchangeable and that's on

43:34

period. You

43:37

fucking sluts. Furiosa,

43:43

a Mad Max saga. Please,

43:45

if Garfield sells more tickets again, they're gonna

43:47

put Anya Taylor-Joy down like a dog. Oh

43:49

my God, that was an ad? Horrible.

43:56

Oh God, help me. You

43:59

did a scuss. My new book t-shirt

44:01

swim club. It's love it or leave

44:03

it head writer. Halle Kiefer make some

44:05

noise everybody And

44:15

Thank you for writing this book. Of course my pleasure.

44:18

Do you want to explain what it is first

44:20

before we get into it? I realize I should let

44:22

you in your own voice It's a bunch of pages

44:24

with words written on them bound together

44:26

into a no It's

44:31

so I was a fat kid I

44:33

was a fat teenager fat adult at my

44:35

fattest I got up to around 420 pounds and

44:41

Right around the pandemic. I I lost a bunch of

44:43

weight. I got to kind of healthier weight and

44:48

Standing on the other side of that I was looking

44:50

back at that experience and I used to my talk

44:52

to my Little sister all the time

44:54

who's also a fat kid a fat adult. We're

44:56

both still fat And we

44:59

were talking about that experience and we my

45:01

little sister's a has a

45:03

doctorate in clinical psychology I'm a

45:05

stand-up comedian and we were talking about it We were

45:07

like, you know if those minds together put those minds

45:09

together and I was like, I think we could you

45:12

know Tell I think we can write our story

45:14

and make it very interesting and

45:16

also potentially through just being very specific

45:18

and very personal And then

45:21

having her apply her expertise to it

45:23

possibly Help some other people

45:25

who feel the same way we do and

45:27

it's not a weight loss book or like anything

45:29

like that It's more a book about being fat.

45:31

Honestly. Yeah, I The reason

45:33

I wanted to talk about the book is I too

45:36

is a t-shirt in the pool kid Yeah, and

45:38

I did want to ask Okay, but

45:40

with that and how did we all think of that

45:42

because it doesn't work everyone could still see your fat

45:44

You know what? I mean? Do you

45:46

think the first kid who wore the t-shirt in the pool?

45:49

do you think that they knew they were starting a trend I

45:51

I Don't think so. I

45:53

think they I think it was just an anti-port in the

45:55

storm kind of thing raw desperation I gotta be wearing something

45:57

in the pool. I can't be out here like this It's

46:00

the same thing we do to ourselves. If

46:02

anything, it accentuates the curve. Oh, you can

46:04

see every inch. It draws the eye.

46:06

What are we doing? It also becomes a

46:08

thing where it's like, well, now a lot of people

46:10

wear T-shirts in the pool because of skin cancer. Shout

46:13

out. Thank you, skin cancer. Shout

46:15

out skin cancer. Are they

46:17

here tonight? They're here tonight. They're here tonight.

46:19

I'm sorry, my agents are, I'm with CAA

46:21

and skin cancer. Right, yeah, well, you know,

46:23

listen. Again, any porn store, you know? But

46:26

I feel like now more kids wear

46:28

a T-shirt and pool, but it's still almost a

46:30

signifier. It's like saying, I am fat, I wear

46:33

a T-shirt in the pool. And I

46:35

think there is a little bit of a beauty in finding

46:37

other people who wore T-shirts in the pool so we can

46:39

relate to one another. But as far

46:41

as logic goes, it is one of the sillier things. Yeah,

46:44

we were up to a bunch of stuff. I will say,

46:46

I was like, oh, I'm really excited. Like, I've also been

46:48

on a quote, listen if I was like,

46:50

what do you have to say? Weight loss journey. But

46:52

what's interesting about it is, it is the

46:54

journey of the self because when you start to lose weight, a

46:57

lot of stuff happens. For me, a lot

47:00

of my weight stuff that I am currently

47:02

under-juring about is related to ADHD, which I

47:04

also didn't know I have. So reading this

47:06

book really brought to mind sort

47:09

of the same stigma around weight that I felt,

47:11

I look back now and having ADHD, where it's

47:13

like, okay, something's wrong, but I

47:15

don't know what it is. And whenever I

47:18

interact with other people, I immediately stigmatize. Which

47:20

also I think is how I think of

47:22

like queerness as well. That's what I get

47:24

immediately telling my life, but I didn't, I

47:27

please Google comp, compulsory heterosexuality. I didn't

47:29

know I was queer until I was 38. I

47:31

came out really late. And then looking back, and

47:33

we're both millennials, looking back at that time period,

47:35

it was like, oh, I knew that I didn't

47:37

want to be a lesbian before, I even know

47:39

what that word meant. And so, and how similar

47:41

that is to being fat as a kid, especially

47:43

in the 90s. You find out at

47:46

the same time. It's like those snack

47:48

packs where the crackers and the cheese come

47:50

with it. It's like, you're fat and also

47:52

it's bad. Like, you know, they're, they're

47:55

packaged together. Like I remember the first time, like

47:57

I really understood

47:59

the. concept of what being fat meant was when

48:01

someone made fun of me for being fat on

48:04

the playground at recess. And through the

48:06

context, I was like, oh, so that's bad and I'm

48:08

that? Okay. But we didn't really understood

48:11

that bullying was a thing that,

48:13

I mean, it was like psychological torture. Yeah.

48:16

It's- And also the result in my, like,

48:18

of kids are terrified, right? Yeah. They're

48:21

terrified animals and if they can,

48:23

they seek hierarchy and if they can find

48:25

anything about you that they can

48:27

latch onto and attack. And when you're fat,

48:30

you're wearing it right out there. Right. They

48:33

can't hide. They don't find that out. It's just right

48:35

there. So you immediately start getting sort of piled on

48:37

as a kid and it can really affect you. And I

48:39

feel like, like, I think it's a

48:41

good point, like the idea of building a hierarchy because

48:43

then it does continue into adulthood

48:45

where you do meet people who

48:47

genuinely think that being fat is

48:50

like morally wrong. Yeah. A

48:52

lot of people on the internet, even sometimes in real life, people say

48:54

something like, well, you know that that's not real,

48:56

right? That there is something that exists

48:58

in all of us that is fat phobia and

49:00

like that controls all of our actions. I think

49:02

for me, you know, it intersects with like being

49:05

a woman for sure. Oh yeah. But

49:07

you know how much of that we learned young.

49:10

And then I think with the introduction of

49:12

the internet, we sort of had

49:14

more body diversity and you know, body positivity.

49:16

But then how that immediately is co-opted by

49:18

capitalism. So it's like, well, you can be

49:20

fat, but you got to be hot and

49:22

baby, you got to be selling something. It's

49:25

like, well, that's not going to help kids. It's going to make

49:27

them crazy in a different way that now like younger people have

49:29

to deal with. I also, I

49:31

was talking to my sister and we, uh, about this

49:33

very thing and we, we like noted that the, like

49:35

they will put fat people in commercials and they will

49:38

even put fat people in commercials for like Gatorade or

49:40

for Lululemon. Weirdly now that kind

49:42

of thing. But they'll only let us do sports where

49:44

you don't juggle. Right. They can't,

49:46

they can't see our big old body. You have to

49:48

be like every time you see a fat person

49:50

in a commercial, you'll notice this. They're doing like

49:53

very slow yoga. It's like very intentional

49:55

move or they're doing Tai Chi. They would never

49:57

show us on top of an exercise bike, no

49:59

matter how. how often we get up on top of

50:01

an exercise body. That's a really good point. It's

50:03

sort of similar to, do you remember at

50:05

the Oscars, John Cena came out like basically

50:07

nude. And he was totally hairless. And

50:10

I think there's like fatness is connected like some

50:12

animal part of ourself in the way that like body

50:14

hair is. So it's like we can depict you, but

50:16

you better not be moving. Like you better not be,

50:18

ooh, you better not make me think about your

50:20

fat ass body. And what's crazy about this conversation

50:22

is we're not even as fat as I, there

50:24

must have ever been. I was like, people seem

50:26

to be like, we're not that fat and I

50:28

still think of myself. Of

50:30

course I wanna ask about the book is like, you were

50:32

fat as a kid and then now you're less fat.

50:34

But then I was fat as a kid, then

50:37

less fat and then fat again as an

50:39

adult and then less fat now due to

50:41

like medical intervention. And I still think of

50:43

myself as fat to the point I was

50:45

speaking to someone and I referenced a fat

50:47

person, they go, and I'm like, oh no,

50:50

I was, I mean. I was like, oh no,

50:52

I'm not just insulting this person. But once

50:54

you use the word, I still think of

50:56

it as like, well yeah, fat. Yeah,

50:58

I mean, I think especially if you

51:00

are fat younger, but honestly,

51:03

really any time, if you sort of

51:05

cross that threshold and start to realize

51:08

what it is like to live life like that in

51:10

a world that is designed

51:12

primarily for people

51:14

of regular size, even

51:16

all this language, right? Like regular, skinnier

51:18

people, right? People who aren't fat, that

51:21

never leaves you. From the set, like, and

51:24

there are so many experiences that are shaped

51:26

by it or affected by it. Whether

51:28

you're just walking down the aisle

51:30

of an airplane, you know, and

51:33

you see all these eyes looking back at you like

51:35

begging you not to sit next to them, just like

51:37

hoping, and then you sit down and it's like a

51:39

heavy sigh. And you're like, listen, lean in, you know,

51:41

I'm soft, get in here, I'm not shy, like please.

51:44

But you know, there's that experience, but the

51:47

way people are kind of rude to you

51:49

or assume you're dumb or lazy or any

51:51

of these things, like whether it's

51:53

a moral failing or it's a lack of effort

51:55

on your part or a lack of knowledge, like

51:57

you're some idiot who goes to Arby's for like

51:59

five meals. the day, right? And you're like, it's

52:01

like, no, nobody knows how to lose weight

52:03

more than a fat person. Right? Yeah. Cause

52:05

it's sort of like given to you as like your

52:08

lifelong mission. Yeah. And if you're not doing it, which

52:10

for a while I actually wasn't like, I kind of

52:12

was like bent like actively like I

52:14

can't, I just can't do this. But then

52:16

yeah, like it's like by interacting with you,

52:18

it brings up everyone else's like all what

52:20

all this available to me fat. And I

52:22

did want to bring about, you do talk

52:24

about fat bastard a lot. And I was

52:26

like, boy, that really wasn't good. And the

52:28

time, in a time where you had no

52:30

fat people on movies and TV at

52:32

all, it was like, what if, what if a

52:34

fat person was the most disgusting person in

52:36

the world? In the nineties, in the

52:38

nineties, as a, like I had John

52:40

Goodman and Santa Claus and I'm Jewish.

52:42

So I had John Goodman, right? Like

52:44

it's that like, that's kind of,

52:47

and I guess the notorious BIG and those

52:49

were like the good fat people like in

52:51

the 1990s. Fat, the fucking thing about fat

52:53

bastard is he was also

52:55

funny. That's true. It's funny as hell.

52:58

It was funny. Cause it's Michael

53:00

Myers at like his creative peak,

53:02

channeling all this energy into this

53:04

character. And he's funny and

53:06

was devastating about like Michael Myers as ill

53:08

or is a fat bastard character. Like

53:10

even in the movie, like he would say, like,

53:13

I'm, I'm sad because I eat

53:15

and I eat because I'm sad. Right.

53:18

Which touches on something that like as a kid

53:20

in a movie that you've never seen that expressed

53:22

before. Yeah. You're like, Oh, I wish it wasn't

53:24

fat bastard thing. Well, yeah,

53:26

exactly. And then he says it three

53:28

seconds later, he farts for 15 seconds.

53:31

Yeah, absolutely. And you're like, fuck, that's

53:33

funny. What was that thing I was

53:35

feeling right before he farted? Well, I

53:37

think it's interesting. Dave Schilling, a really

53:39

talented writer. Oh yeah. He, he made

53:41

a point having watched all the Oscar

53:43

powers movies with him. He, he

53:46

was like, Oh, you, you could tell from

53:48

that bastard that that this is like real

53:50

life, Mike Myers body, like his own weight

53:52

stuff. Yeah. It feels very genuine because of

53:54

that. And like a lot of the comedy

53:56

that he did was about being fat or

53:58

like maybe being fat as a kid. And

54:00

do you think being fat is why you

54:03

and Elgos don't go wheat work in the

54:05

entertainment industry? Yeah,

54:07

yeah, I mean yeah, I

54:09

think there are I think fat is

54:12

one of the holes and there's other There's other

54:14

ones that like it created in people that

54:16

we will spend the rest of our lives trying

54:18

to throw Affirmation into

54:21

you know not to like break down the comedies comedy. It's

54:23

funny a lot of people get funny for a lot of

54:25

different reasons They're all bad You

54:31

really don't develop self-defense mechanisms unless

54:33

something's attacking oh exactly But

54:36

we yeah, I think I kind of think it

54:38

is I think you keep seeking out like affirmation

54:40

And then you get so good at seeking out

54:42

affirmation that you're able to turn it into a

54:44

career in Some way and in your

54:46

brain gets wired like in such a way And

54:49

then you end up participating in like in a

54:51

in a system that the one that

54:54

devalued you in the first place Speaking

54:56

of I wanted to talk to you about

54:58

a quote because a Nicola Colon-cocklin

55:00

I give her I don't I I've never

55:02

said her name out loud until now I realized from

55:04

Bridget in she's fat like all this conversation

55:07

about like oh, she's not a tractor or

55:09

whatever and she talks about I guess

55:11

there's a Sex scene that she shot and she's

55:13

like I really wanted to be fat and naked

55:15

it meant a lot to me She said it's

55:17

like it felt like the biggest fuck you to

55:19

all the conversation starting my body. It was amazing

55:21

empowerment I feel beautiful in the moment. I thought

55:24

when I'm 80. I want to look back at

55:26

this I remember how fucking hot I looked how

55:28

much of your personal negative feelings about being fat

55:30

stent from feeling unfuckable Like

55:34

it was just it was what once you like reach puberty

55:36

like as a kid You don't know anything but like after

55:38

that I was like oh no no one will ever have

55:40

sex with me ergo No one will love me. Yeah,

55:42

if you're fat it's and that was it.

55:44

You're just like okay. I guess we all agreed on that it's

55:46

a massive part of it like the Pursuit

55:49

of sex and and just any kind

55:51

of like romantic relationship in like Completely

55:55

unavailable to me for like you know it from

55:57

just like getting a smooch in grade school, and

55:59

then middle school, I guess, hand stuff. I don't know.

56:01

I don't know what other people would do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

56:03

Everyone would know. Give it up. Yeah. And

56:06

then like sex in high school, like the

56:08

pursuit of all that stuff. Of course, obviously,

56:10

your hormones are saying, go get that anyway.

56:12

So you're already dealing with those feelings. And

56:15

then you're kind of, you're seeking

56:17

the relationships and you're seeking the sex, but

56:19

you're also seeking the feeling of I'm not

56:22

different. You know, like I'm okay.

56:24

And I, for me personally, like a

56:26

lot of my bad feelings absolutely came from that.

56:28

And I think a lot of like the most

56:30

fucked up things I ever did in relationships came

56:33

from me turning, uh,

56:36

the fucked up things that I had

56:38

that I did in relationships and also that I allowed

56:40

to happen to me came from this idea of being

56:43

desired sexually means that you're

56:46

okay. You know, rather than

56:48

starting from a place. Yeah. Where it's like, I

56:50

am affirming myself through your relationship with me. So

56:52

then when you, and then especially

56:55

if you start to get like a little bit

56:57

successful, like in any field and then you become

56:59

more confident and people are just naturally more drawn

57:01

to you because you're confident, you feel good about

57:03

yourself, but you've been so fucked up for so

57:05

long that when somebody starts liking you, you're like,

57:07

you only like me because of I'm

57:10

successful. Yeah. And I think both of us, I

57:12

would say we're very privileged that we could

57:14

even like have access to therapy

57:16

or like a medical, uh, intervention.

57:18

None of us individually can,

57:21

can be the person who solved it. It's

57:23

just a hundred percent, right? And

57:25

this is a strange thing where you

57:28

do feel like compelled to, you know,

57:30

like, it's like I, you,

57:33

you almost feel like you're abandoning fat people. If you

57:35

lose weight or you're like, I am then a part,

57:38

you know, you're like, I'm siding with the people who

57:40

say it's unhealthy and you peop, you lazy fat asses

57:42

need to like glue some weight. They're like, is this

57:44

weird feeling of guilt about it?

57:47

Um, but I just think I

57:49

was talking to somebody the other day and they, they were,

57:51

we were talking about fatness and they said, you know, I

57:53

was talking about how I lost a bunch of weight because

57:55

I needed, I needed to lose a bunch of weight for

57:58

my health. And they put it to me like, They

58:00

said, you started being healthier,

58:03

and you lost weight as a result, right? And

58:06

that's fine. I think that's a better way to

58:08

look at it. You start behaving healthier, you start

58:10

eating a little healthier, the way even, because there

58:12

are very unhealthy people who weigh 130 pounds, you

58:14

know? Exactly, you can't

58:16

punish yourself in health. And whatever

58:18

your weight is or how you look at it, that's what

58:21

we're constantly asked to do. We're constantly asked to punish

58:23

ourselves. And so it's in your childhood,

58:25

it's like, oh, I'm gonna punish a child, and that's

58:27

somehow we will grow up to be like a healthy

58:29

adult. That never works, it's not working for anybody. And

58:31

I think the one nice thing about the internet is

58:33

at least to have like different depictions

58:35

of the body in and of

58:38

itself is valuable. And, I don't

58:40

know, I does really, but get the book, read the book.

58:42

Thank you. Get the library. It's all the neighborhood.

58:44

People are talking to me a her about this. You've got to

58:46

do the library. Thank you for talking to me about it. Of

58:48

course. Hellen Keefer, everybody. Hey. Thank you so much. Woo!

58:52

Listen to her horror movie podcast,

58:54

Ruined, wherever you get your podcasts.

58:56

Next on the list, Preacher Lawson

58:58

offends dog owners everywhere. Woo!

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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. If yours has

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gone by so quickly. Want something you're proud of

59:41

in 2024 so far? It's

59:43

all right. Our book's about to come out. Yeah. Democracy

59:46

or Else. Yeah, and you were telling me about all

59:48

the sexual exploration. That's, was I?

59:51

You're right, Tommy. I forgot. I almost forgot to mention

59:53

here in this ad for therapy, All

59:55

the conversations you and I have been having lately

59:58

about sexual exploration. I'm

1:00:00

so glad you brought that up. Obviously, Bloom

1:00:02

Tommy are not as boring as we're having

1:00:05

season intimate conversations about sexual our sex the

1:00:07

worse and. Getting. To

1:00:09

know our bodies? society does or

1:00:11

does. How about trump biden and

1:00:14

physical pleasure? Anyway,

1:00:17

everyone needs therapy, especially I.

1:00:21

Agree, I think you're starting their be

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good better. Alba tries entirely online. designed

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1:01:05

A final words: Imperials are Mad Max

1:01:07

saga. Alright,

1:01:11

listen up you little shit, you when?

1:01:13

Okay, you fucking when. We released a

1:01:15

new part of the movie where every

1:01:17

sounds you have been replaced with Sabrina

1:01:20

Carpenters Espresso. Okay, We're

1:01:22

talking two hours and twenty eight minutes

1:01:24

of wall to wall that that me

1:01:26

a fresco. whatever the fuck that means.

1:01:28

Please see this movie. We used to

1:01:31

make it look like for example at

1:01:33

his word slut a little sorts of

1:01:35

a slave for you monsters about what

1:01:37

it's gonna take. Begging

1:01:44

Nudity. On

1:01:46

Broadway. We may

1:01:48

not. a sexy way if that

1:01:50

does anything for curiosity. Prosthetic arm

1:01:52

is rainbow colors now please! Refrain.

1:01:55

Of Hollywood. Rest of your gender fluid hand.

1:02:00

a Mad Max saga. What if every ticket

1:02:02

came with free poppers? Huh? Let's try that.

1:02:05

Thank you. Thank you very

1:02:07

much. Please

1:02:13

welcome to the stage the nicest working

1:02:15

man in show business, Preacher Lawson. How

1:02:25

are you doing, man? I'm doing great. Just

1:02:27

found out I'm not the father. I got

1:02:30

us good. Fantastic. Congratulations. I'm joking. I'm joking.

1:02:32

I am, but I'm not sticking around. I

1:02:35

got stuff to do. I got similar plans. Did

1:02:38

you and me get a room at the Moronga

1:02:40

casino? Better than all. I

1:02:42

don't gamble. Anyway, sorry. You don't gamble? No, I

1:02:45

don't gamble. If you just find out, finding out

1:02:47

you're not the father, I think you do gamble.

1:02:49

I think you're starting to do it in a

1:02:51

different way. You're right. Just not with money. That's

1:02:54

right. Just with lives. You

1:02:58

blink. I've seen you. I'm a bitch. You blink.

1:03:00

I won. Preacher, we have known each

1:03:02

other from doing stand up years ago. I know.

1:03:05

In a few sentences, we met when you were 19. I

1:03:07

think we should give the full

1:03:09

story in Portland, Oregon. Yeah, 19. Forever ago,

1:03:11

you were 19. I was 20. Five.

1:03:20

Preacher, in

1:03:22

a few sentences, what have you been

1:03:25

up to since you were 19 years

1:03:27

old? Oh, man. A few sentences? I

1:03:29

don't know. I mean, I had a couple

1:03:31

girlfriends. Very nice. Very cool. I

1:03:33

went on a couple of TV shows. Fantastic. List your

1:03:35

credits right now in order of how proud of them

1:03:37

you are. Okay. How proud of them? Like the least

1:03:39

proud and then goes to- Least

1:03:42

proud to most proud. Actually, start at most proud and

1:03:44

then work your way least for that. Obviously, obviously,

1:03:46

Americans got talent. Okay, perfect. We were hoping you

1:03:49

would say love it or leave it. Oh,

1:03:52

my bad. You're banking on that. Yeah, you

1:03:54

know what? I apologize. I was actually gonna

1:03:57

put you on like nine. Okay. That's good.

1:04:00

Out of three. Oh

1:04:02

no! America's

1:04:04

Got Talent, of course. America's Got Talent is what

1:04:06

I get recognized for the most. I

1:04:09

hosted a show called World's Most Made in Dog.

1:04:11

That's pretty cool. That's a good one. And

1:04:14

honestly, I don't remember about other ones. Yeah, they all

1:04:16

play music. Yeah, they kind of forget. But

1:04:18

yeah, I like my specials. Speaking of

1:04:20

your specials, you dropped a new special in

1:04:22

March named My Name is Preacher, in which

1:04:24

your mother introduces you. That's right. That was

1:04:27

really cool. My brother introduced my

1:04:29

first one on Amazon Prime. Who

1:04:31

got Netflix? Make some noise! Hey,

1:04:34

my second one's on YouTube, so

1:04:36

you should watch that. It's free

1:04:39

for everybody. So

1:04:41

I thought it'd be cool that my brother did. He's like my

1:04:43

best friend. He introduced my first. My mom does my same. And

1:04:45

my mom, she goes on the road with me, so she

1:04:47

does comedy. She opens? Or what? She opens. Yeah, she does

1:04:49

just. She's been coming. You're kidding me. I'm dancing here. Your

1:04:51

mother goes up and opens for you? My

1:04:54

mom does stand up for me. It's great. And she

1:04:56

sells merchandise. It's fantastic. Have there been a... Yeah, I

1:04:58

know, bro. You got to get you one. You got

1:05:00

to get the mom, man. They're great. You

1:05:03

got to get one that likes you, though. Is that

1:05:05

a Nepomami? What is that? What are we talking about?

1:05:07

First off, I know what a Nepomami is, but if

1:05:09

I didn't, what would you say? How would you explain

1:05:12

it? What, a Nepomami? You know like a nepotism, baby?

1:05:14

It's like a Nepo baby. Oh, okay. When,

1:05:16

uh, I don't know, Randy Quaid's kid

1:05:18

shows up in a TV show? Yeah,

1:05:20

not Randy Quaid's. He's my favorite one.

1:05:24

Um, so yeah, I mean, yeah,

1:05:26

he's great. So she usually goes up, then I

1:05:28

have my brother, then me. It's a whole family

1:05:30

show. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, it's great. He's cheaper.

1:05:32

Do you have everybody? Yeah, he has. Yeah, she

1:05:34

doesn't even know they make money. Uh,

1:05:36

while discussing your comedy head of the show, I realized

1:05:39

you don't really cuss on stage at all. No.

1:05:41

Was that a conscious decision? Why did cuss growing up?

1:05:43

I didn't start cussing until 2020. What

1:05:47

happened then? I'll tell you what do you mean, what happened then? I

1:05:50

was stuck in the house. I also became an

1:05:52

alcoholic. A lot of things changed when I was

1:05:54

20. I don't drink anymore because it's the best.

1:05:56

You know what I'm saying? Oh, it's great. So

1:05:58

I had to stop. You know, I had to

1:06:00

stop drinking because I was drinking one day and I was like, I

1:06:02

think I like drinking more than my children. And

1:06:05

that's a problem because I don't have kids. Yeah.

1:06:07

So why do I, I just say weird things.

1:06:10

I usually, I just say weird things when I'm,

1:06:12

I just, you know, anyway, but you imagined and

1:06:14

then abandoned the entire family because you like alcohol.

1:06:16

Yeah, that's what I did. You know, but I

1:06:18

just, I, um, I started Cusman in 2020 because

1:06:20

I was just in my house and then I,

1:06:22

you know, had a little wine in me and

1:06:24

then I was like, I'm gonna try it out.

1:06:27

What would you pop your cherry with? Damn. Mother

1:06:31

damn. You know, I just, I

1:06:34

just tested it out. My brother thinks I'm not good at it, but

1:06:36

I'm pretty good now. I've had years. I felt

1:06:38

that. I felt that damn. Yeah. Yeah.

1:06:40

Yeah. You're on your best day ever stand up tour.

1:06:42

I am. You can learn so much about

1:06:44

a place from doing comedy there. What are you learning about the

1:06:46

US in 2024 from touring? I

1:06:48

don't know. I think that we're a lot

1:06:50

more similar than, you know, everyone.

1:06:53

It's kind of like, okay, so imagine your family,

1:06:56

right? Everybody has a family member. Most people have

1:06:58

them. Some people left you, but

1:07:00

sorry about that. That's all right. But, uh,

1:07:02

people have families. And so there's some family

1:07:04

members that you're like, man, you know,

1:07:07

I love this person because they, they're great to me.

1:07:09

And then you have some family like, I kind of

1:07:11

don't like you, you know, you know, even though you're

1:07:13

my family, like I love you, but you kind of

1:07:15

trash, but they're your family, you know? So

1:07:17

I just think that that's America is

1:07:20

that we're all family. And then some

1:07:22

of our family members are trash. Yeah.

1:07:24

Yeah. I just, that's it. I

1:07:26

do think that's true. But I still love them. I

1:07:29

kind of think that's what, like, I wish people didn't cut,

1:07:31

like, I know it's, it's very popular right now to like

1:07:33

cut someone out of your life. If you disagree with them,

1:07:35

like people will cut their like parents out of their lives,

1:07:37

if they go for Trump or whatever. I think you gotta,

1:07:40

I think you've got to keep those people close if you can bear it.

1:07:42

Cause I think it helps to have like a

1:07:45

friendly face to associate with a dumbest thing you've

1:07:47

ever heard. I

1:07:49

really think it does. No, I agree with that. I'm

1:07:52

not, I'm not, I'm not for cutting anyone

1:07:54

out unless they make your life worse. Yes.

1:07:56

That's the only way of their life bringing

1:07:59

you down. She's like, okay, I just know

1:08:01

how to navigate around that person. So like if your

1:08:03

mom bombs a couple sets, that's somebody you cut out

1:08:05

of your life. Yeah, she's got to go. Yeah,

1:08:07

I got to hire a new mom. Well,

1:08:10

I love that you've made clean comedy your

1:08:12

brand, which is why we are forcing you

1:08:15

to play a game that we're calling Roast

1:08:17

This Puppy. Alright. I'm

1:08:20

going to show you someone or something absolutely

1:08:22

adorable and we're going to need you to

1:08:24

completely destroy them. Okay. Alright,

1:08:26

also I'm going to provide some points of attack if you

1:08:28

need them. Are you ready to go? Let's go. Alright.

1:08:32

First, we have a literal puppy,

1:08:34

Bo, the Miracle Basset Hound puppy.

1:08:38

Look at him. Make fun of the puppy. Yeah, that's right.

1:08:40

I'll give you some information first. According to

1:08:42

the New York Post, Bo's owner dropped him

1:08:44

off to be euthanized due

1:08:47

to a neurological illness. A year later,

1:08:49

she saw Bo back on a pet

1:08:51

adoption website. Turns out he had a

1:08:53

treatable illness and is now doing just

1:08:55

fine to his former owner's confusion

1:08:57

and relief preacher. Roast the shit out

1:08:59

of his bitch. You should

1:09:02

have died anyway. Right?

1:09:04

Oh no. Okay. Alright.

1:09:07

You're so stupid looking. Look at you, dumb

1:09:09

dog. Get his ass. Yeah. Yeah.

1:09:12

Yeah. I'll bite you, man. I

1:09:14

would, man. Yeah. You're not even big enough

1:09:16

to ride like I do horses or something. That's right. Yeah.

1:09:20

He's clearly a liar. He made up. He

1:09:22

had this devastating defeat. Why would you lie to your owner, you dummy? You

1:09:24

know what I mean? Bro. I

1:09:26

wish you look, you know what you look like.

1:09:28

Your momma so ugly. Right? That

1:09:31

if she went into a store, they'd give her

1:09:33

a discount, I think. Yeah. I'm

1:09:36

not good at this. I'm not. I don't

1:09:38

know, man. How did your heart stoop here?

1:09:40

I don't think that. But I... Alright.

1:09:44

We're gonna move... Everybody's a little

1:09:46

evil. Come on, man. Yeah, absolutely. Including

1:09:48

this dog. Yeah. You're

1:09:50

really evil. Yeah. Yeah. Alright.

1:09:54

Alright. We're gonna move off the

1:09:56

dog. I'm gonna be euthanized. Right now. I

1:09:58

wanna be euthanized. Alright, go ahead. we have

1:10:00

19 more of these. The

1:10:03

Four Seasons Orlando Baby. I have

1:10:05

a question for everybody. Who

1:10:08

wants to go to the Four Seasons Orlando? Alright,

1:10:15

just a little info. The Four Seasons Orlando

1:10:18

Baby, also known as the Fully Sentient Baby,

1:10:20

set TikTok on fire by answering a direct

1:10:22

question in a non-babylike way. Subsequently,

1:10:24

People magazine published photos of her trip

1:10:26

to the Four Seasons Orlando. She's

1:10:30

so cute. For those at home, they are just

1:10:32

photos of a baby at a hotel. Preacher? Preacher,

1:10:36

roast this little genius. She's

1:10:38

adorable. But

1:10:40

when she grows up, I feel bad whoever's

1:10:42

gonna date her. She just seems like she's

1:10:44

gonna need a lot because she's a baby.

1:10:47

Why are you excited about the

1:10:49

Four Seasons? You should want carrot

1:10:51

juice or something. Right. Right? That's

1:10:53

kind of... yeah. And I don't know,

1:10:55

I don't want to make... Why are you doing this

1:10:57

to me? Alright. Preacher, go

1:11:00

ahead and roast this grandma who

1:11:02

set a new swimming record. Where's

1:11:05

she at? She's one of them. This

1:11:10

month, Anna Appelhan's gobser,

1:11:13

Anna gobser, a grandma from Pacifica, California, became

1:11:15

the first person to swim from the Golden

1:11:18

Gate Bridge to the Farallon Islands, a distance

1:11:20

of 29.6 miles in

1:11:22

treacherous water. Her friends and family

1:11:24

celebrate her achievement. We, however, do

1:11:27

not get her ass, Preacher. Okay,

1:11:29

since I don't know who it is.

1:11:31

It's one of them. And they all

1:11:33

look like they went to the prom with

1:11:36

Jesus. Let's just

1:11:38

say that... I don't know. I

1:11:40

think she was trying to prove to Moses. She

1:11:42

was like, hey, I can also part some water.

1:11:45

Yeah. Right? Yeah. And now I'm gonna swim through

1:11:47

it. Yeah. Her last name's gobser.

1:11:49

Anything, any meat on the bone there? Gobser? Yeah.

1:11:51

You want me to tell you now? Yeah. Yeah,

1:11:53

I'll tell you. the

1:12:00

joke so about his gups there right?

1:12:02

Gups is her name. Yeah what kind of name is

1:12:04

that? Get her. What

1:12:06

is that right there man? Put her on the rack.

1:12:09

Yeah I'm gonna put her I'm gonna put you on

1:12:11

the rack gups sir you know. Yeah

1:12:13

gups sounds like uh something you

1:12:15

take when you have like some

1:12:18

acid in your stomach. You know let me let me

1:12:20

get some gups sir. Let me

1:12:22

get let me get out of here because this

1:12:24

is not working. Comminissary return. Comminissary return. Let me

1:12:26

give you I'll say you open another one. We

1:12:28

only got 16 to go. The

1:12:31

Mars Perseverance Rover. All

1:12:33

right yeah. At a meeting this month

1:12:35

NASA scientists excitedly revealed that the Mars

1:12:38

Perseverance Rover has collected hydrated silica which

1:12:40

they say is the material most likely

1:12:42

to hold traces of ancient life on

1:12:44

Mars. Preacher rip this cheap little wally

1:12:46

knockoff a new outlet please. I should

1:12:48

let y'all know now I got a

1:12:50

GED. So yeah yeah you said some

1:12:52

words in there and that it

1:12:54

made me realize why I chose commas. This

1:12:57

isn't roast yourself Preacher. Okay you're right you're

1:12:59

dumb. Yeah yeah because at

1:13:01

least I got my honors GED. Yeah

1:13:03

you probably didn't even graduate

1:13:05

from GED school. Um

1:13:08

your rocks look dumb. Yeah you

1:13:10

if I got a rock from

1:13:12

your Mars wouldn't even use

1:13:14

it to propose to my wife. Yeah.

1:13:22

Musician Richard M Sherman who along with his

1:13:24

brother co-wrote songs for Mary Poppins The Jungle

1:13:26

Book The Sword and the Stone and Disney's

1:13:28

Iconic. He's dead. He's dead. Okay yeah gotta

1:13:30

be. I'm not saying he

1:13:32

should be. Yeah no he died. Well he should be.

1:13:34

He died at 95. Okay cool. So I'm looking

1:13:37

at the picture and it looks like your etch and sketch. Put him

1:13:39

in the grave one more time. Oh

1:13:41

yeah yeah so he wrote the

1:13:44

Disney Disney uh. He

1:13:46

wrote uh Mary Poppins The Jungle Book The Sword

1:13:48

and the Stone and It's a Small World After

1:13:50

All. Okay well first off never watch any of

1:13:52

those because I'm black. Got him. Yeah

1:13:55

that's not true I did watch Mary Poppins and a

1:13:57

lot. I watched them all. I

1:14:00

was just trying to, I apologize for making fun of it.

1:14:02

No, I don't apologize. Yeah. Let

1:14:05

me see. Your hair looks so

1:14:07

stupid. You know what I mean? It's

1:14:09

like, this is how he made his hair. And

1:14:12

then he was like, let me put it over to

1:14:14

the side. And it looked like he was on a

1:14:16

windy day. He walked outside. And then the wind was

1:14:18

like blowing. That's his hair

1:14:20

blowing. And then, you know. I

1:14:27

don't care that you're not laughing with me. I'm

1:14:30

loving it. No. I'm loving with you. You're laughing

1:14:32

at me drowning. No. Which is probably how he

1:14:34

died in his bathtub. That's true. Let's go. Got

1:14:36

him. Let's go. Come on. Let's go. Come on.

1:14:38

Yeah. That's right. We almost missed the high five.

1:14:41

I could not have given you a high.

1:14:43

It don't matter. Oh, man. I

1:14:45

lagged it. All right. Extremely Caucasian

1:14:47

high five on my part. I apologize for that. What's

1:14:49

a black high five? I'm going to let, what's a

1:14:52

black high five? High five on a black side. Is

1:14:54

that it? That's it. Is that a thing? Because it's

1:14:56

black. Hey,

1:14:59

what up? How you doing? You know what I'm saying? You

1:15:04

know what? Finally, I'm going to actually improvise this. I'm going

1:15:06

to have you roast me in this game for making you

1:15:09

play. Oh, no, man. Come on, Preacher. You want me to

1:15:11

roast you? Roast me. Roast me. I'm

1:15:13

not going to say you look like Baloo from

1:15:15

the movie Jungle Book. I'm not going to say

1:15:17

that. I'm not going to say it. No, no.

1:15:21

I think you look great. Honestly, you look phenomenal.

1:15:24

And I would absolutely go on the train

1:15:26

that you drive. Because you look like

1:15:29

a train when dusted. No,

1:15:32

you're awesome, man. You're awesome. Preacher, I love you

1:15:35

so much. Thank you so much for this.

1:15:37

Thank you, Preacher. Scream, my name is Poochel

1:15:39

on YouTube. And God bless

1:15:41

you for the best day ever, Pia. When

1:15:43

we meet, man, let me at the Holy

1:15:45

Spirit compels us. Please

1:15:53

welcome back to the stage both other guests, Dana

1:15:55

and Hal. Thank

1:15:59

you. Welcome

1:16:02

back. Inspired by Pope

1:16:05

Francis' apologizing for that homophobic slur this

1:16:07

week, we're going to close out the

1:16:09

show with a game we're calling spoozy.

1:16:12

Each of us will take turns apologizing

1:16:14

for something while doing so. We must

1:16:16

wear this Pope's hat and we must,

1:16:18

must, must apologize in our best Italian

1:16:20

accent. You have to apologize for saying

1:16:22

the slur earlier in the monologue. You took

1:16:25

my one! Oh no! I'll come up with another

1:16:27

one. I have a

1:16:29

lot of things to apologize for. Are you

1:16:31

all ready to play? Yeah. I'm

1:16:33

gonna sound racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay,

1:16:36

you're about Italian for another decade, we decided.

1:16:38

Okay. All

1:16:42

right, Halle goes first. We have spun the love and

1:16:44

her leave it wheel. Halle goes first. Halle, what do

1:16:46

you have to apologize for? My

1:16:49

mama mia. Excuse

1:16:51

me for what the inside

1:16:53

of my refrigerator looks like. I

1:16:56

wasn't expecting you to stop by. They got in

1:16:59

a toilet paper. You said, oh, can I get a

1:17:01

cell phone as I share? And I heard you open the

1:17:03

refrigerator door and

1:17:05

I realized, oh God, you're

1:17:07

seeing the inside of my refrigerator. There's,

1:17:10

there's a no severed head inside it

1:17:13

because that would mean there was something

1:17:15

in there other than slime and

1:17:18

just sort of things that have dripped

1:17:20

into the produce drawer that I see

1:17:22

and I've accepted. But you,

1:17:25

my friend, you're here seeing

1:17:27

it. I'm so sorry! I

1:17:30

apologize, I was so sorry there. I don't know

1:17:32

what I was thinking. There

1:17:34

are 14 half consumed diet

1:17:36

Coke cans. I guess you could have one if you

1:17:38

want. Excuse me.

1:17:45

Let's go ahead and spin the love and leave it

1:17:47

wheel one more time. See who's apologizing next. Oh

1:18:00

my gosh. I want to apologize to

1:18:02

my friend earlier. I was in the

1:18:04

bathroom and I destroyed

1:18:08

it. I destroyed it. She's laughing because it was her.

1:18:10

I'm sorry you had to go in after me and

1:18:12

I'm glad you made it out because I

1:18:14

gave birth to what I ate earlier. You know? Alright,

1:18:17

you're next. Alright. You became Jamaican. I know, I know.

1:18:19

I don't know. I know. I'm a

1:18:22

little bit of a freak. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, I want something.

1:18:24

I would love a Jamaican Pope.

1:18:26

If we could get a Jamaican Pope, that would be

1:18:28

fantastic. We really do. Thank you, Pritchard. Let's spend a

1:18:30

love and leave a wheel one more time. I'm

1:18:38

so intent. Like, I don't know. There's

1:18:40

only two options. Oh my gosh. Dana

1:18:42

Schwartz, your best Miss Koozie. Miss

1:18:49

Koozie, I am so sorry for leaving

1:18:51

every party before 9 PM

1:18:53

because I get very sleepy. I

1:18:56

will socialize for an hour,

1:18:58

90 minutes, stops and then I will

1:19:00

want to leave and go home. And I am

1:19:02

sleepy and I'm sorry. Miss Koozie.

1:19:04

Go home. Let's spend that wheel one more

1:19:10

time. No, it has to be me, right? Oh,

1:19:12

we are spending it. They

1:19:14

have the technology. It's

1:19:18

pundit. There we go.

1:19:20

Good Matt. Oh, thank

1:19:22

you very much. Miss Koozie, I'm

1:19:25

so sorry. It's

1:19:27

Ian Carmel hosting the Donald Trump Get

1:19:29

Out 34th conditions. Love it. I know

1:19:32

nobody has heard of who I am before, unless

1:19:34

you are one of the dozen

1:19:37

or so people who watch the

1:19:39

L.A. show with James Corden. And

1:19:41

Miss Koozie, I'm so, so sorry.

1:19:43

I have no information about the

1:19:45

electoral system or the judicial system

1:19:48

or really any current events happening

1:19:50

whatsoever at all. The only news

1:19:52

I've read in the last, how

1:19:54

you say, six months is that

1:19:57

there is a new college football video

1:19:59

game coming out. Timings your last

1:20:01

I heard you say Live

1:20:03

My Life according to the

1:20:06

television show Entourage. Heard

1:20:09

Keepers entourage with a third of

1:20:11

the in the ah, this is

1:20:13

the other guys and by societies.

1:20:16

Hopefully next time from kids convicted

1:20:18

Emmys Important to remember: it will

1:20:21

happen again. Jon Lovitz won't be

1:20:23

on some island somewhere recovering from

1:20:25

his tape worm. My. Or.

1:20:30

I. Didn't

1:20:34

And now because we all need it here.

1:20:36

it is the head as. Love

1:20:41

you so much and very excited to

1:20:43

share my hideout! I just accepted a

1:20:46

job yesterday at an incredible conservation organization

1:20:48

and I am just over at the

1:20:50

Moun and I wanted to college or

1:20:52

the high now because obviously I'm excited.

1:20:54

But also for anyone who's trying to

1:20:56

make these like mid career Cs or

1:20:58

pursue something that is in or out

1:21:01

of your experience, go for it. Just

1:21:03

do it. This took me so long

1:21:05

of a trying to make this have

1:21:07

it for like four. Years now I

1:21:09

work and communications. They don't have

1:21:11

a conservation background but just a big passion

1:21:13

for the outdoors and for preserving our planet's

1:21:15

so both a high now and also little

1:21:18

bit of encouragement if you're trying to make

1:21:20

a set and it's taking so long line

1:21:22

to the long time but it is sir

1:21:24

or said so Just wanted to share of

1:21:26

love everything you all do thanks to you

1:21:28

and the team for are keeping us law

1:21:30

saying lossless to do and twenty twenty five

1:21:32

order to get their that guys. I

1:21:36

love it! This is Becca from Albany, California

1:21:38

and I know is that in one week

1:21:40

I will be. Graduating high school.

1:21:44

Of I want to come on to

1:21:46

thank you and my parents for making

1:21:48

me and informed member of society. And

1:21:51

also for raising me and feeding nice and

1:21:53

be nice to me even when I was

1:21:56

a city teenager. But as you didn't read,

1:21:58

near Phoenix but they did. So

1:22:00

I'm thanking them. Love you guys. Mwah!

1:22:02

Mwah! Thanks to everyone who

1:22:04

sent in a high note tonight. If you want to send us

1:22:06

a message about something that gave you hope, send a voice memo

1:22:08

to lolihighnotes@gmail.com

1:22:12

That's lolihighnotes at

1:22:15

gmail.com Or, if you're a

1:22:17

Friends of the Pod subscriber, you have the

1:22:19

exclusive ability to leave us your high notes without

1:22:21

the hassle of a call or email. Simply head

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1:22:25

server and post a comment or voice memo in

1:22:28

the hashtag loveitorleaveit

1:22:31

channel or hashtag highnotes

1:22:34

channel for a chance to hear it featured on the show. That's

1:22:36

our show! Thank you so much to Dana Schwartz,

1:22:38

Preacher Lawson, and Hallie Kiefer. There are 156 days

1:22:42

until the 2024 elections. Have

1:22:44

a great night and have a great weekend. Woo!

1:22:50

Kendra James is our executive producer. Chris Lord is our producer. And

1:22:52

Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. Evan

1:22:56

Sutton is our writer. And, of course, we have a

1:22:58

lot of great people in the pod. I'm sure you'll

1:23:00

all love to see what we do. We're going to

1:23:02

be doing a lot of fun stuff. So, stay tuned. We'll

1:23:06

see you next time. Bye! Our

1:23:18

editors, Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis, provide audio support. Stephen

1:23:20

Colon is our audio engineer. And Milo Kim is our

1:23:22

videographer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sure

1:23:24

Sure. Thanks to our designer, Bernardo Serna, for creating and

1:23:26

running all of our visuals, which you can't see because

1:23:28

this is a podcast. And

1:23:30

to our digital producers, David Toles, Claudia Shang,

1:23:33

Mia Kelman, and Matt DeGroat for

1:23:35

filming and editing video each week so

1:23:37

you can. Thanks

1:23:49

for watching. See you Next

1:23:51

time. However,

1:24:07

Leave Listeners! I have joined the

1:24:09

cast of Nobody Listens To Paula

1:24:11

Poundstone a comedy podcasts on to

1:24:13

very funny episodes. Wow! I

1:24:15

didn't want these were cast their polymer me if

1:24:17

I guess technically for people talking an interview and

1:24:19

x for guests on a significant topic is not

1:24:21

a cast, it's on Shakespeare the Comedy Podcasts. But.

1:24:24

I love this train wreck of Usher in a

1:24:26

huge fan. Become a nobody and listen to nobody.

1:24:28

Listens to Fall Pounce on the comedy podcast on

1:24:30

Apple Pie, guest Spot of Ice or ever you

1:24:32

listen to podcasts you know much. I love boss.

1:24:34

What are your motherly that? It's a delight. Go

1:24:36

check out that. I guess. The

1:24:40

only thing worse than a pitcher running out of gas

1:24:42

on amount is your old phone running out of storage

1:24:44

for your photos in the same. Switch

1:24:47

to variety and get a great deal on

1:24:50

a new I phone Fifteen Pro with success

1:24:52

for all the ballpark Pixie was just reading

1:24:54

your I phone any model in any condition

1:24:56

so you'll feel like you're winning even when

1:24:58

you're seems not trade in any I phone

1:25:00

in any condition for a great deal on

1:25:02

I phone Fifteen Pro with unlimited ultimate and

1:25:04

get I've had an Apple watch and see

1:25:06

with eligible service where only amber eyes and.

1:25:09

We know powerful gifts come

1:25:11

from power from places like

1:25:13

Jefferson's Ocean, Jefferson's Ocean Rye

1:25:15

or age to see on

1:25:17

moments on Roman to. Move

1:25:21

rich more harm. Last

1:25:23

gift a new adventure.

1:25:25

Jefferson's of aged as

1:25:27

a moose.