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books are sold. Dear listener, I need to

0:52

tell you something. Which. Is this.

0:55

Kendra. Came. To the

0:58

Austin, Texas you. And.

1:00

Then Kendra met back up with

1:02

us in D C for the

1:04

Dc show. What? It kendra

1:07

do. Between the awesome show in the Dc

1:09

show I had the time. Of my life,

1:11

I got on an Amtrak train

1:13

at nine thirty am on Monday

1:15

morning after the often show ah

1:17

at one pm on Tuesday I

1:19

arrived in Chicago, I took a

1:21

shower in an Amtrak station. Which

1:24

is it. Which was a

1:26

luxury actually. And the shower at

1:28

the Amtrak station was better than the

1:30

shower at the sinister hotel in Dc.

1:32

No lie, hands down. cleaner, nicer, Great.

1:36

Take that sinister on. And then so

1:38

yeah. I took a shower at the Amtrak

1:40

station and then got back on the train

1:42

in Chicago at six pm and arrived in

1:44

Washington D C at one pm on. Wednesday

1:46

and when I tell you. That.

1:49

Kendra off of a fifty

1:51

hour train ride. Was.

1:53

In No Joke. The

1:56

best! Mood I have every. i held

1:58

and his lack that was public And I was

2:00

like, I was in a good mood. I

2:03

admit that I was happy that I had done it.

2:05

I just genuinely didn't know that I was. You were

2:07

radiating happiness. That trade made you happier than I've ever

2:09

known you. I've lived for three years and I'm like,

2:12

my God. You had the same experience. We didn't talk

2:14

about this. We did not talk about this. Yeah, I

2:16

was like, wow, Kidder did a great move. Also, tour

2:18

is exhausting. I was just shocked that this

2:21

was the show where you're like, you know what? Hey,

2:23

it didn't make me wanna go on a

2:25

train. I love taking the train across

2:27

country. I highly recommend that everyone do it at least

2:29

once. It's a great experience. And there's

2:31

different routes that you can take. None of them are

2:34

direct because our train system does suck. Yeah. Are

2:37

there showers on the train? How are there showers

2:39

on the train? There are showers on the

2:41

train, but only if you're in one of

2:43

your, if you get a roommate or a private

2:45

car. The pictures go by to them. Because

2:48

you don't need to. My only concern about being in a train is actually

2:50

in it when you get on the train and then an hour

2:52

in, you're like, actually, I hate this. Actually, I'm not a

2:54

great person because I lived in a fantasy and now

2:56

I'm here. You are stuck if

2:58

that happens. Yeah, okay, well, I

3:00

don't know how to, what you do about that. But you're

3:02

seeing the Ozarks and you're seeing the Mississippi and like you're

3:04

going through, I went through a little bit of West Virginia.

3:07

It was like great times. It's a great way to see

3:09

the country. Okay, I'm good to know. I'm

3:21

here with Kendra, Halle,

3:23

Sarah, Pundit, David

3:26

on the ones and twos. Let's

3:28

get into it. What a weekday. Over

3:32

the past week, President Biden has put down the ice cream

3:34

cone and taken some more direct swings at Donald Trump. Biden

3:37

delivered this one liner at last week's

3:39

North American Building Trades Union Conference. By

3:41

the way, remember when he was trying to deal with COVID? He

3:43

suggested just a little bleach in your van. He

3:48

missed it all, went to his hair. I

3:55

drove Kilburn. God have ever crushed that heart.

3:58

Biden then transitioned into his crowd work segment. by

4:00

asking people in the audience if they're quote fucking or sucking

4:02

or what What

4:06

do we what else what else I

4:08

just keep thinking about it I'm

4:11

like looking at I want to talk to his skin person. I want

4:13

to know what he's on skin looks good

4:15

great Yeah, great. I'm in person

4:17

right? He looked great. I did I did he

4:19

looks great. I need a great nation We

4:22

got it. What he looks great. That's the

4:24

info. Yeah there were

4:27

canapes How

4:29

is the White House good I didn't need

4:31

anything okay, I Don't you

4:33

know? You don't yeah

4:36

During a campaign speech in Tampa last

4:38

Tuesday Biden mocked Trump's Bible salesman sidekick

4:41

He said there has to be

4:44

punishment for women exercising the reproductive

4:46

freedom. He described the job

4:48

decision as a miracle Maybe

4:50

it's coming from that Bible. He's trying to sell I

4:59

almost wanted a Bible and just see what the hell's in it I Mean

5:05

it is possible that if you're looking for

5:07

retrograde ideas about how to treat women there

5:10

are worse books to check You

5:12

know when you think about it Wait,

5:16

there are worse than what's in the Bible.

5:19

No, they're worse books to check that aren't the Bible Like

5:22

the Bible will have those ideas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

5:25

that was clear from the grammar of it All right,

5:27

well like laugh out loud clear. I was it

5:29

definitely was a laugh out loud True

5:32

observation observation a Biden campaign spokesman said

5:34

that the president is coming up with

5:36

his own tons himself saying this isn't

5:38

SNL We're not writing jokes for him

5:41

This is an SNL a creaking institution that kind

5:43

of works, but also is somehow immune to time

5:45

in all competitors I hope it is SNL Biden

5:49

is SNL He's as immortal

5:52

as Laura Michaels. Yeah. Yeah, they they got the

5:54

same skin guy go the

5:56

same sandblaster The

5:59

chanting continued its Saturday's White House Correspondents' Center.

6:02

But look, age

6:05

is the only thing we have in common. My

6:08

vice president actually endorses me. You

6:16

bet, said Kamala Harris, glancing up from her jigsaw

6:18

puzzle. Trump fired back in a

6:20

Truth Social post, writing that the White House

6:22

Correspondents' Center was really bad, Colin Jost bombed,

6:24

and Crooked Joe was an absolute disaster doesn't

6:26

get much worse than this. I

6:29

don't know, I actually tuned into the Truth Social Correspondents'

6:31

Center for a bit, and I would say it wasn't

6:33

much funnier. No, no, no, no, no,

6:35

no. No, come on guys. That

6:38

wasn't it. Can we get the

6:41

actual clip from the Truth Social Correspondents' Center? I

6:44

am your redeemer. It

6:46

is by my hand.

6:48

You will rise from the

6:51

ashes of this world. Nice.

6:54

That was sort of the serious close. Biden

6:57

also gave an interview to Howard Stern on Friday,

7:00

where he was asked if he'd be willing to

7:02

debate Trump before the election. Biden replied, I am

7:04

somewhere. I don't know when, but I am happy

7:06

to debate him. Howard Stern capped off

7:08

the interview by asking the president if his tits were real,

7:10

and if he'd ever be open to sleeping with an older

7:12

man. It was

7:14

really funny to be on the East Coast when

7:16

that dropped, because I'd kind of forgotten the scramble

7:18

that happens when you wake up and something unexpected

7:20

shows up. Because when we wake up here, everyone's

7:23

kind of taken care of it already. Yeah, we're

7:25

three hours behind. People were like, seemed to just

7:27

be like freaking out. Yeah, the

7:29

news broke. Yeah, that's nice being on the West Coast. You

7:31

can miss a whole new cycle. Trump

7:33

advisor Chris LaSivita responded in a quote

7:35

tweet, writing, okay, let's set

7:37

it up. For those listening who

7:40

aren't from Los Angeles, let's set it up. It's

7:42

code four. It's never going to happen. Oh,

7:47

and we all know what that sound means. A

7:50

Republican politician murdered a dog. An

7:52

excerpt from South Dakota governor Kristi Noem's

7:54

forthcoming memoir Rent Viral this week in

7:56

which she describes killing her dog cricket,

7:58

a wire-haired pointer in a gravel

8:00

pit near her home. You can't

8:02

treat a dog like this. You can't treat

8:04

a dog like their life is nothing to you.

8:06

This isn't a woman with preeclampsia. Oh. Whoo!

8:12

According to Noam, the 14-month-old puppy

8:16

went out of her mind with excitement during a

8:18

pheasant hunt and attacked a neighbor's chickens before biting

8:20

Noam when she tried to pull her away. You

8:22

know what they say, you can't teach

8:25

a young dog new tricks after Kristi

8:27

Noam executes some gangland style. Besides,

8:30

that puppy should have known that we have

8:32

an elaborate system of rules for different kinds

8:34

of birds, like pheasants and chickens. You can't

8:36

not kill a pheasant and then kill a

8:38

chicken and expect to live. Wrote

8:40

Noam, I hated that dog, calling cricket

8:42

untameable and dangerous to anyone she came

8:45

in contact with and less than worthless

8:47

as a hunting dog. I

8:49

can't help but think that a skilled ghostwriter would

8:51

know that I can make tough decisions as an

8:53

angle works better when you admit the part about

8:55

how much you hate the dog. It's like if

8:57

in the Sully Sullenberger biography he said crashing the

9:00

plane into the river was the only way he

9:02

could come. It

9:06

would take away from the heroism. I'm only took out. You'd

9:09

have to wonder if he always wanted to crash

9:11

and land in the river. In the back of

9:13

your mind. He wouldn't be sure. It's like, oh,

9:15

one goose got in there? You gotta land that

9:17

thing? All right, brother. Noam concluded her anecdote by

9:19

pointing to it as proof that she is willing

9:21

to do the things that are difficult, messy and

9:23

ugly. But you don't need to tell us you

9:26

killed a dog to show us that you're willing to

9:28

do things that are difficult, messy and ugly. We got

9:30

that from the fact that you want to be Trump's

9:32

VP. That's worth

9:34

it. We spent so much time.

9:37

No. Delaun,

9:41

I just want everyone listening at home to know

9:43

that to produce that sound effect, Ali,

9:46

Sarah and I and Delaun. Delaun is

9:48

playing horn after horn and bark after

9:50

bark. And we're like, no, no, how

9:53

I make the sound. How do you

9:55

Google that? How do you Google that?

10:00

Delaun Googled clown car and that's

10:02

how we find it and then and then

10:04

it was time to also affix a bark

10:06

to it What kind of bark Delaun had

10:08

selected a howl didn't work Couldn't

10:11

buy it was all kind of ominous and we're

10:13

like no we need a we need a we need a higher bark and

10:16

Finally we realized it had to be a specific breed. It

10:18

has to be a Jack Russell Terrier Wouldn't be funny wasn't

10:21

Jack Russell Terrier and listeners I want to

10:23

know from each and every one of you in the

10:25

comments was that worth it? They're

10:27

gonna say yes well, I guess

10:29

the people who come been commenting are people

10:32

who enjoy to see how the Sausage is

10:34

made and only a pervert would want to

10:36

see how the sausage is made Like

10:41

okay, I don't need to see all that hey

10:44

don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it

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11:58

it award-winning comedian John

12:01

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12:03

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on Netflix no

12:23

mom also said she shot and killed a nasty

12:25

and mean male ghost that like to chase

12:32

her children saying it took two bullets to put

12:34

it down I don't mind the

12:36

dog thing but goats too she's lost my support

12:38

said an extra dark chocolate bar um

12:42

I got a grape I just feel like she

12:44

can't keep accusing the

12:46

animals of being bad like a

12:49

certain point it's like well you're either the

12:52

dumbest person in the world or you actually

12:54

think this it's like they're just animals there's no

12:56

maliciousness happening they're not thinking about it in that

12:58

way your kids out of the coke pen I

13:00

don't know also who hates a dog okay

13:03

so no I love my no

13:06

no I actually like what

13:08

I think that this is worth

13:10

saying I have a lot of

13:13

friends from non-white cultures who

13:15

do not like dogs they don't want to be around them

13:17

they don't want them in their offices they don't want them

13:19

in their home like that's not like a

13:22

blanket statement but I'll know I have quite

13:24

a few friends who like to feel that

13:26

way and this is like something that is

13:29

just such and it is very

13:31

American it is it's very us I'm not

13:33

saying what she does is right by any

13:35

means like that is not I mean

13:38

you cannot like dogs but then you don't get a

13:40

dog and execute it I also think when people say

13:42

right I think and that's such an

13:44

important point but I also think that like when

13:46

people say I don't like dogs they're

13:48

not saying that's a that's

13:52

a shorthand for I don't like

13:54

being a rat being around dogs

13:56

to have an animosity for

13:58

the animal itself specific animal. It's more

14:01

that I don't want to have a dog. Dogs

14:03

scare me. I don't feel safer on dogs. Dogs

14:05

are dirty. I don't like being around them. You

14:07

can have all those feelings. You can hate the

14:09

experience of being around a dog without being like,

14:11

I hate that dog. Also, you

14:14

can't name a dog cricket if you're gonna murder it.

14:16

It's too cute a name. Right. It just

14:18

I don't know. It's just very interesting. I mean, there's, there

14:20

is a moment in the show Fallout

14:22

on Amazon where a care. Watch the

14:25

stream it now. Sure. No

14:27

spoilers. Okay, I'm just gonna

14:30

you cover your ears because spoiler alert, everyone

14:32

watching this. Yeah, wait, but if you're

14:34

listening and you don't want to spoil it for Fallout,

14:36

I'm covering my ears. Okay, there's just a very interesting

14:38

moment where Walton Goggins character who was a character that

14:40

is a scene to where he's everyone is

14:42

really enjoying him. He kills a dog. That

14:45

happens. And then by the end

14:47

of the episode, they have him specifically they take

14:50

a moment to have him bring the dog back

14:52

to life. And it was just very interesting for

14:54

me to see them do that. And I'm sure

14:56

it's a plot point or something. But it felt

14:58

to me in the moment like they felt like

15:00

they had to do that in order so that

15:03

people could continue to enjoy this scene chewing. Otherwise,

15:05

very fun character that he was playing. And that

15:07

just like struck me as all of this Christie

15:09

known stuff was coming out the same weekend that

15:11

I was watching this. Can I come back? Yeah,

15:14

I'm back. I do think that there is

15:16

there's a level of depravity to this that I

15:18

think what is shocking is that

15:21

she's admitting it and seeing it specifically like

15:23

that would be in the show the thing you don't

15:25

know about like it. It is something

15:27

that this would indicate in a TV show

15:29

or a movie that this person's evil. Like

15:31

this is an unequivocal. This

15:34

is a horrible thing to do. This person's horrible.

15:36

And then to see this as a governor who's

15:38

then going to try to explain it. And I

15:40

will say, right, I'm talking to someone who's from

15:42

a semi rural area where we've had a lot

15:44

of animals and animals were dying left, right, center.

15:46

It's just part of living out with animals. This

15:48

is bizarre. Like this is I this is something

15:51

that someone who cared about animals would not

15:53

be doing this, nor talking about it in

15:55

the way that she is, which is that

15:57

she specifically hates these individual animals. That's insane.

15:59

Like an insane way to think about this

16:02

and again, she's the governor and this again

16:04

like do it Don't tell don't

16:06

tell any of us announcing it is the insane part like

16:08

you know, what? No, I don't do it around this don't do

16:10

it. We wouldn't be happy to know we would be happy to

16:12

know We

16:14

don't know this she she just missorted

16:16

this story For

16:18

the same reason I think she murdered the puppy which

16:20

is she'd understand how

16:24

How what what it revealed about her by

16:27

the way, she also had to go back to her truck To

16:30

reload to kill the goat because the first shot

16:32

didn't kill the goat which just means that the

16:34

goat went out bad Yes, wait, that's not and

16:36

that's not her like it's a goat you should

16:38

be if you can't kill a goat with one shot

16:40

That's on you. Yeah, Kevin Costner did

16:42

that horse immediately in the first episode

16:44

of of Yellowstone and

16:46

we all remember that Listen,

16:48

I was trying to watch what the people were

16:51

watching. I wanted to understand now I guess in

16:53

a statement calling itself the dog-mocratic party Well DnC

16:58

declared If you

17:01

want elected officials who don't brag about brutally

17:03

killing their pets as part of their self-promotional

17:05

book tour Then listen to our owners and

17:07

vote Democrat Democrats

17:09

couldn't be further from Republicans on this issue They

17:12

wouldn't put down a dog even after it

17:14

mauled 600 secret service agents Noem

17:17

defended herself in a social media post saying even if

17:19

it was hard and painful I followed

17:21

the law and was being a responsible parent dog

17:23

owner and neighbor as I explained in the book

17:26

It wasn't easy, but often the easy way isn't

17:28

the right way first of all I

17:32

think the word the phrase followed the law is

17:34

very interesting there because the law

17:36

may have allowed her to murder a puppy

17:38

But it didn't require her to murder a

17:40

puppy This is a situation in which she

17:43

isn't saying the law bound her conduct, but

17:45

I'll permitted it. That's not a defense That's

17:47

the you know there's all kinds of things the law

17:50

allows like it was interesting because I saw and I

17:52

was like oh I never haven't thought about that But

17:54

when people say they follow the law it can either

17:56

mean that they did something the law

17:58

required them to do or they did did something

18:00

the law allowed them to do, or they did

18:02

something in a way they wouldn't have otherwise done

18:04

it in order to comply with the

18:06

law. In this case, she just means the

18:08

law allowed her to do it. Yeah, they did something

18:11

that technically is not a criminal action. Well,

18:13

I think, unfortunately, like you said earlier,

18:15

like, oh, she misunderstood how this comes across.

18:18

And what I would argue is

18:20

that's her understanding of how this comes across.

18:22

It's like, I have done something that I

18:24

am allowed to do by the law,

18:26

and if the law allows it, then it

18:29

is permissible with no interest

18:31

in what other people would

18:33

think about it emotionally, morally,

18:35

just as animal lovers. Like,

18:38

it is exactly that. Like, she wants you

18:40

to know, I am willing to do these

18:42

things, provided I am legally allowed

18:44

to. Like, it's going up to the

18:46

law. But unfortunately, we live in America, so the law

18:48

can be changed and has been changed. And like, they're

18:51

attempting to change the law specifically for that reason.

18:53

Like, oh, I'm allowed to do these horrible

18:56

things. The law says I can't. Once the

18:58

law allows me to enter a home without

19:00

cause, rip a family apart, and forcibly deport

19:02

them, I am willing to do that. Right.

19:05

Yeah, unfortunately, that's sort of their worldview

19:07

about it. Like, when someone says something terrible

19:09

and people get mad at them, and they're like, it's a

19:11

free country, we got free speech. It's like, yeah, you're allowed

19:13

to say whatever you want, but people will get mad at you. Like,

19:16

we could see you and hear you, and we're also people.

19:18

Like, that's what you don't seem to understand. There's

19:20

just an ideological part of this where it's

19:25

a kind of cruel politics. And she,

19:28

that like, it's

19:30

interesting, because I was surprised she is in

19:32

her statements, clearly this is like, she is defensive

19:35

now. Like she's not doing the kind of Marjorie

19:37

Taylor Green style, like, come at me, Liz. Yeah,

19:39

she feels like this is a real issue. She's

19:41

responding as though she has a genuine problem. And

19:45

I feel like the larger,

19:47

like, she's back

19:49

to the, like, she's sorted this into the like, I

19:52

know Republicans. And

19:54

these days, Republicans want justice without

19:56

mercy. And that if I can call

19:58

this justice, I don't need to. to worry about mercy

20:01

because we don't care about mercy anymore. And

20:03

actually we view mercy as a form of

20:05

weakness and a way of

20:07

being taken advantage of. And everything about

20:09

Trump, everything about Republican politics is

20:11

to say Democrats are

20:14

merciful because they are weak and

20:16

pathetic and dupes. Every

20:18

time you're compassionate, someone's going to take advantage

20:20

of you. Don't be compassionate. Don't be merciful.

20:23

All you need is justice. And

20:26

this was I think a reminder that while

20:28

there might be some subset of the Republican base that

20:30

has gone so far that they get to the point

20:32

where like, yeah, sometimes you got to kill a 14

20:34

month old puppy because it's easier to do that than

20:36

to find a better home and stop asking me to

20:38

do don't it's woke to demand you save a dog's

20:40

life or whatever they'd have to get to like, they're

20:43

not that far yet. And

20:45

but I do think the like, to

20:47

Kendra's point, like there is a kind of like

20:50

100% justice,

20:53

0% mercy, political agenda

20:56

and she just misfired

20:58

because people love dogs. It's a puppy. That's

21:00

like the one thing like there's so many other things

21:02

she could have a scenario she described. And

21:04

it's like you described the one scenario where even the most

21:07

brutal person like, like they didn't have to like, shoot the

21:09

puppy. And I think that's the thing that says

21:11

more to me about her than

21:13

the actual murder of the

21:16

puppy, which again is bad. We

21:18

all agree. We all agree. The

21:20

full miscalculation. Yeah, he is not

21:22

smart enough to realize how that

21:24

would come off and thought

21:27

to herself, this is a good story to

21:29

release for him and that this would come

21:31

off well. And I think that that not

21:33

a great sign that a great sign or

21:36

just as much as

21:38

the shooting of the dog. Yeah,

21:40

yeah, can't argue with that. No, I think the

21:42

shooting of the dog is still worse than even

21:44

telling us about it. Number one, number

21:46

two, I think they're right. Number

21:48

three was that adverb in here she put on.

21:50

Yeah, first the dog murder to the

21:53

book, three the veneers. Anyway,

21:56

as you know, she claims that sometimes the right

21:58

thing isn't easy. ways and

22:00

always ride either. I would find

22:02

it hard to hunt the lover to leave it crew

22:04

in the woods with a crossbow but that wouldn't make

22:06

me a hero for doing it even if they do

22:08

maul a few chickens when I let them leave the

22:10

office. Also you'd find it hard simply because I don't

22:12

believe that you can use a crossbow. Also we're too

22:14

fast. No you're not too fast.

22:16

You're not too fast. I think you just ran

22:19

in wrong shoes and then we barely outrun you.

22:21

Yeah. The three of us versus love it in

22:23

the woods. The three of us are taking it.

22:26

We're taking it. We just start to run in three

22:28

different directions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not so much

22:30

time I have. You have to put some

22:32

branches of the crossbow now. Wrote Nome in

22:34

another tweet. We love animals but tough decisions like this

22:37

happen all the time on a farm. Sadly we just

22:39

had to put down three horses a few weeks ago

22:41

that had been in our family for 25 years. But

22:44

what was she supposed to do? The horses tried to

22:46

unionize. In the end

22:48

Nome had dug herself quite a

22:50

hole to bury her pet but

22:52

also a metaphorical hole because of

22:54

the scandal around killing her pet.

22:56

The New York Post reported Monday that

22:58

an anonymous Trump ally claimed Nome

23:03

now has no chance of being Trump's

23:05

VP following the story. Said the post

23:07

source, Trump isn't a dog person necessarily.

23:09

No fucking shit. I love

23:11

that qualifier. He's not. But I think

23:14

he understands that you can't you can't

23:16

shoot but I think he understands

23:18

that you can't choose a puppy killer as

23:20

your pick for blatantly obvious reasons. This

23:22

is not important. I hate

23:26

the phrase blatantly obvious. It

23:28

just means obviously obvious and

23:30

I don't know maybe

23:32

this is wrong maybe there is an answer but

23:34

is there something that can be

23:37

obvious without being obviously obvious? Is

23:40

there something that can be subtly obvious? Because

23:42

isn't it obvious? No if it's obvious.

23:45

Like obviously obvious is like

23:47

the derivative of obvious. Like

23:49

obvious obvious is the

23:52

curve and obviously obvious

23:54

is like the the the

23:56

slope of the curve and it's like we

23:59

get it I don't I just I just think it's doing

24:01

too much. Are you suggesting that Trump allies aren't

24:04

smart and good at language? Well,

24:06

sure. But it's a little bit of a different topic. Yes, that is

24:08

something I would have led. I know,

24:10

but I just don't know why you... Take

24:14

this, how can something... If he said,

24:17

you can't choose a puppy killer, and I think the reason

24:19

is obvious, that's better than saying blatantly

24:21

obvious. I don't think it makes it seem more...

24:23

Well, blatantly almost feels like he's acknowledging that

24:25

some people won't think it's obvious. Blatantly

24:27

almost undermines the obviousness of it, which

24:30

makes sense because she doesn't know it's obvious. That's what

24:32

we're ready to give it to you. It's like, it

24:34

is obvious, and yet she's publishing it in a memoir.

24:37

If blatantly obvious means anything, it wouldn't apply here,

24:39

because this is a situation in which they're saying,

24:42

to us, this is obvious. To her, it was

24:44

not. It wasn't blatantly obvious. It was just obvious.

24:46

And actually, that argues with the fact that there

24:48

is a place for a phrase like blatantly obvious

24:50

in a situation where you don't have a disagreement

24:52

as to whether or not it was obvious. You

24:55

turned yourself right around. Yeah. I

24:57

didn't think that. This

24:59

is like if adverbs is definitely coming from the one

25:02

person here who did not grow up reading Harry Potter.

25:05

Is that thing a lot of adverbs? She loves adverbs. They're

25:08

all over those books. Nothing.

25:11

Just look, I don't believe in any kind

25:13

of like firm and hard... There's no rules,

25:15

but as a rule of thumb, going

25:18

through and crossing out adverbs makes anything better.

25:21

Almost always. Uh-oh.

25:24

You don't know.

25:26

You know what that sound means. It's time for an update

25:29

on Arizona. Last

25:31

week, an Arizona grand jury indicted a number of

25:33

Trump allies, including Rudy Giuliani and former White House

25:35

officials Mark Meadows and Boris Epstein, over their efforts

25:38

to overturn the 2020 election. Wow. Who

25:41

would have guessed that 9-11 would actually turn out to be

25:43

the best day of someone's life? In

25:45

addition to Trump's day-to-day cronies, Arizona also indicted

25:47

every single fake elector who agreed to take

25:49

part in the former president's scheme, including two

25:51

state senators, Anthony Kern and Jake Hoffman. I

25:53

think it's cool that Arizona really took its

25:55

time with this. No one expects to be indicted

25:58

four years later. Probably startled Rudy into squirting. as

26:00

ink. Far from distancing themselves

26:02

from these clowns, the Arizona GOP has

26:04

elected indicted fake elector Jake Hoffman to

26:06

serve as national committeeman for the RNC,

26:09

or, as accused co-conspirator Rudy Giuliani keeps

26:11

calling him by mistake, Jack Offman. Wonderful.

26:15

Jack Offman. Jack

26:18

Offman. In

26:21

other Arizona news, the state Senate is poised to

26:23

approve a bill to repeal Arizona's Civil War era

26:25

near total abortion ban this week. Once

26:28

that ban is repealed, Arizonans will finally

26:30

be free to live under a 15-week

26:32

abortion ban that is already in place.

26:35

So I hope people understand what Republicans just

26:37

fought tooth and nail to save, because they

26:40

had to beg to finally get three Republicans

26:42

to cross party lines. On the third try.

26:44

On the third try, which alienated them from

26:46

their own party, got them stripped of their

26:48

committees to repeal an

26:51

abortion law, not to put in

26:53

place a policy where people are free to

26:55

make decisions about their own bodies, but to

26:57

allow a different abortion ban,

26:59

less draconian than the 1864 ban,

27:02

to go into effect. That's what Republicans were

27:04

fighting for. They had a choice to fight

27:06

between a 15-week ban and

27:08

a near total ban on abortion, and

27:13

that's what they've been fighting for. That is the

27:15

policy choice that they were trying to make that

27:17

thankfully Democrats were able to stop. I

27:19

hope people understand that. They don't have

27:21

anything except for more control.

27:24

That's the problem. They don't have anything to offer.

27:26

So it has to come down to these insane

27:29

scenarios. That's

27:31

all they can do. This is it. I

27:34

don't think they got the dog murder stuff. They could lean on

27:36

that. I think there's different kinds

27:39

of horror. I don't need to compare them, really.

27:41

But yes, in the grand scheme of things, one

27:44

dead dog in the past versus the future suffering

27:46

of a state full of women, I'd take that.

27:48

Well, the nice thing about Republicans in America is

27:50

you don't have to choose. You get murdered dogs.

27:52

You get women bleeding out in the Starbucks bathroom.

27:55

You get to have it all, maybe if you're

27:57

going for them. USA.

28:00

And finally, a cat would sound

28:03

alive after sneaking into an Amazon

28:05

returns box and being shipped from

28:07

Utah to California after

28:09

enduring dehydration and extreme physical distress. It

28:11

must have been nice for Amazon employees

28:14

to see a cat. And

28:17

I just want to congratulate Hallie and

28:19

Laz on finding an alive animal story.

28:21

USA. USA. USA. A

28:26

quick note about the story

28:28

is that she was shipped in this box

28:30

that had, they were returning five pairs of

28:32

steel-toed boots. And my dad's

28:34

reaction story is, I just want to know more about

28:36

why were they returning five pairs of steel-toed boots. And

28:38

also, I just want to say that thing I like

28:41

about it, is it the cat's name? The cat's name

28:43

is Galita. That

28:45

was the cutest name. Of all the things to get stuck

28:47

in a box being shipped across the container. Oh, I mean,

28:49

I would assume the cat would be crushed. That's a million

28:52

dollars. That's a runt tumbler. That's

28:56

a great tumbler. It's going to be a dead

28:58

cat falling out of a box in the Amazon

29:00

warehouse. Yeah, I guess it's really it's, it's

29:03

a Schrodinger, it's Amazon's

29:05

cat, you know, like Schrodinger's cat.

29:08

Is it alive in there, pulverized?

29:10

Or is it alive in there

29:12

or has it been pulverized by

29:14

ten steel-toed boots? And

29:16

the thing is, the story isn't even surprising. I

29:18

don't know if you've ever returned anything to like

29:21

an Amazon fresh store. They truly like they don't

29:23

even look at it. They just scan the thing,

29:25

they take the box and they toss

29:27

it over their shoulder. They don't care. You could

29:29

return whatever the fuck you wanted. It's probably a

29:31

great way to strip drugs, frankly.

29:34

Okay, well, you know, put that in the fucking, put

29:37

that in the brainstorm, I guess. I also

29:39

believe that the cat looks like you just

29:41

told it about what's about to happen to

29:43

her. A

29:45

thousand yards there. Why

29:48

do you buy all those boots? And

29:51

that's our show. Thanks to

29:53

Kendra. Thanks to Helen. To be

29:55

clear, I love dogs. We know you

29:57

do. I

30:00

think I think if you're ever at a point in life where you

30:02

have to say to be clear. I love dogs You've done everything right.

30:04

No, great. Lazer it.

30:06

I love dogs. There we go.

30:08

Me too. Me too. Alright

30:10

See you sluts on Saturday Oh

31:01

I Believe

31:03

it is a crooked media production It is

31:05

written and produced by me John Lovett and

31:07

Lee Eisenberg Kendra James is our executive producer

31:09

Chris Lord is our producer and Kennedy Hill

31:11

is our associate producer Holly keeper as our

31:13

head writer Sarah Lazarus and Jocelyn Kaufman Peter

31:15

Miller Alan Pierre Will Miles and Mahanad Alshiki

31:18

Are our writers Evan Sutton is our editor

31:20

Kyle Seglen and Charlotte Landis provide audio support

31:22

Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer and Milo

31:24

Kim is our videographer our theme song is

31:26

written and performed by sure sure Thanks to

31:28

our designer Bernardo Serna for creating and running

31:30

all of our visuals which you can't see

31:32

because this is a podcast and to

31:34

our digital Producers David tolls Claudia shang Mia

31:36

Kelman and Matt de Groot for filming and

31:38

editing video each week. So you can They

31:47

would seem like they would have the popcorn machine which is

31:49

famously apparently Laura Michaels has a popcorn machine It's in his

31:51

part what's the popcorn is that in his office? Oh just

31:53

like a popcorn like a like an actual popcorn machine. They

31:55

make it before he arrives So you don't always get about

31:58

to arrive because you smell the popcorn I

32:00

thought you meant some kind of like some good

32:02

Lauren lore I thought you meant that it was

32:04

like some kind of I thought it was like

32:06

a euphemism for some kind of getting treatment I

32:08

wish I was against your skin and clears the

32:10

pores I love passion getting called into Lauren's office

32:12

and he's telling you you're fired and just smells

32:14

like popcorn Just ruins that

32:16

experience whenever you go to the movie. I've had weirder

32:18

experiences at work