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Los Angeles! All

1:03

right, I can muscle you

1:05

into being enthusiastic. I've done it before. I'll do it

1:08

again. Welcome

1:10

to Love It or Leave It. We're in a new theater

1:12

today, so if anyone at home hears more boos than usual,

1:14

it's not that we've gotten less funny. It's that the audience

1:16

is just much closer to the mics. Paula

1:20

Poundstone is here. And

1:24

she's agreed to come out here and assess

1:26

how the monologue is going. While

1:29

the monologue is going, Hari Kondabolu is back

1:31

with some tiny, tiny complaints. And

1:34

James III will join us to savor the best

1:36

of the bad boys. Before

1:41

we get started, I'd like to invite my

1:43

first guest out here to join me for

1:45

the monologue and either shower me with praise

1:47

or roast me beyond recognition. You know her,

1:49

you love her. It's the incredible Paula Poundstone!

1:52

John, how are you? Hi, Paula. Hey,

2:00

I'm... Bob Hansel. Okay,

2:05

I live in Santa Monica, California,

2:09

and it'll be so good to

2:11

get back to California. All

2:14

right. We've done the show before

2:16

in another location, right? Is this your first time in this

2:18

club? That's right. We've never been to

2:20

the Liripore. Are there first time here? Are there people here

2:22

that have been to the other, the typewriter place? So

2:26

we've brought three people. That's

2:30

your base. That's your core. Yeah,

2:32

and that's where we build from. Yeah, you don't want

2:34

to piss them off. You want

2:36

to say and do whatever your base, your

2:38

core, enjoys. And where do you all live?

2:41

West Hollywood. West Hollywood. Nowhere fucking

2:43

near where we are, right? Yeah,

2:46

so what did you do? Do you have like a

2:48

Winnebago? Did you head out? Did

2:50

you stay the night nearby last night? We're

2:53

okay. We're in... We're

2:55

not in Bakersfield. No, we are

2:58

a long goddamn way. I

3:01

left two days ago. I left. If

3:04

the wagons... Who are the people that ate the

3:06

people in the wagons? Oh, the... Donner

3:09

party. If the Donner Party were here, they

3:11

would have said, we're so close. Let's

3:14

just wait. I know we're hungry, but let's keep going.

3:16

That's how close we are to the ocean. To

3:19

the ocean? Yeah, that's where you live,

3:21

the ocean. And I'm saying we're very close to

3:23

the ocean. We are not close to the ocean.

3:25

By any standard, by any standard in America. We

3:27

are close to the ocean. Absolutely not. For most

3:29

people, this is close to the ocean. No, it's

3:31

a really long drive. How long was it for you to

3:33

get here? An hour. Spot an

3:35

hour. But that's the way Betsy drives.

3:40

Do you know your base? You know her name?

3:42

Yeah, I know Betsy. Here's the thing. Listen, I

3:44

know Betsy. In fact, I was, I believe, on

3:46

an electric scooter and I

3:48

passed Betsy on... With a helmet? Did

3:50

you have a helmet? I happen to not have a helmet. You know

3:52

what? This is driving me crazy. You

3:54

gotta wear a helmet. Okay, you know what? Next

3:57

time I ride one of those scooters five years ago, I'm gonna wear

3:59

a helmet. Yeah. But I went

4:01

by Betsy and Betsy said, John, John. And I

4:04

just waved and I did not stop. And you

4:06

knew it from being part of your base? Yeah.

4:09

Did you guys meet because you come to his shows? Five

4:13

years. Five years. Every venue.

4:15

Because he's been doing the show for about two.

4:18

So, which was

4:21

better, the first three years or the last

4:23

two, would you say? Don't

4:25

put her on the spot. They're

4:27

all great. Yeah. No,

4:30

let's get into it. What a week. Have

4:35

you ever wanted to cede medical decisions about your

4:38

body to a bunch of frontier maniacs

4:40

writing laws before genetics or viruses were

4:42

discovered? Boy, do Arizona Republicans have a

4:44

treat for you. The Arizona Supreme

4:46

Court on Tuesday upheld a near total abortion ban

4:48

from 1864 in a ruling that

4:51

said that the 160-year-old law is now

4:54

enforceable. So saddle up, women folk. We're

4:56

going down the path to get a

4:58

potion from a little trading post called

5:00

CVS or the border with New Mexico.

5:05

That's good. No, I... You

5:11

know, you've got a good joke in your

5:13

hands when Paula Poundstone isn't sure it's over

5:15

before she compliments it. No. No,

5:19

I was just thinking about the

5:21

future for Arizona. Yeah, yeah. It's

5:23

going to be great. You know, their new license plate

5:25

says our women are hot. Yeah,

5:30

that one's over. That was it. The

5:34

law, which was on the books before Arizona

5:36

became a state and before women had the

5:38

right to vote, outlaws abortion from the moment

5:40

of conception except when necessary to save the

5:42

woman's life and it includes no exceptions for

5:44

rape or incest. Rape and incest didn't really

5:47

exist as concepts at the time when

5:49

this law was written. Both were simply called

5:51

sex frontier style. Yeah,

5:56

that's what we felt before and we

5:58

discussed cutting it and we decided not to. It

6:00

originally had said sex Arizona

6:03

style, and then we decided that

6:05

that was more of a Florida joke, and then we

6:07

decided even that was too much, so we made it

6:09

frontier style. So you had

6:11

meetings about that? Arizona

6:15

had already had a perfectly

6:18

cruel 15- You know how

6:20

you would hand a paper in in school and the teacher

6:22

would say, well how much time did you spend on this?

6:25

You say, wow, huh. The

6:28

whole frontier sex thing. I want you

6:30

to know that there is a rigorous

6:33

multi-hour long meeting where we go line

6:35

by line through everything that you're hearing

6:38

right now. I know I make it

6:40

look easy and thrown away. No,

6:46

everybody in this room right now thinks, well I

6:48

could fucking do that. This

6:52

is what I wanted. This is good. Arizona,

6:55

this is honestly being- There are dominatrix, what

6:57

do they call them? Dense?

7:01

Don't act like you never heard of this. Dungeons? I

7:04

didn't even know there was a section over there. How

7:06

are you? Yeah,

7:08

there are dominatrix- What about them? Dungeons

7:10

in downtown LA. No,

7:13

I agree. Your

7:15

point being that being mocked

7:17

and criticized is my kink.

7:20

But only on a stage while being

7:22

also lauded. I need a

7:24

little bit of both. Arizona had a perfectly

7:27

cruel 15-week ban that lawmakers enacted in 2022

7:30

but they went ahead and reached back 160 years

7:33

to enforce something even more fucked. You

7:35

didn't need this abortion ban, Arizona. You

7:37

had abortion ban at home. Arizona

7:40

governor Katie Hobbs had this to say about

7:42

the ruling. It is a dark day

7:45

in Arizona. Let me be clear. Arizona's

7:48

2022 abortion ban is extreme

7:51

and hurts women. And the

7:53

near total Civil War era ban

7:55

that continues to hang over our

7:57

heads only serves to

7:59

create more- chaos for women and doctors

8:01

in our state. Continued Hobbs, and

8:03

God help us if they dig up that

8:05

1799 law that says you can drown

8:08

any woman in a well for making eye contact with

8:10

a man she is not married to or

8:12

ignoring an eligible man's attempts to make eye

8:14

contact. Oh God, I shouldn't even have mentioned

8:17

that one. Forget I said anything. Arizona's

8:20

Democratic Attorney General Chris May said in a statement

8:22

that she would not enforce the ban, which she

8:24

called unconscionable, writing today's decision to reimpose a

8:26

law from a time when Arizona wasn't a state,

8:29

the Civil War was raging and women couldn't even

8:31

vote will go down in history as a

8:33

stain on our state. Chris May's

8:35

has single-handedly changed my assumptions about women

8:37

named Chris, spelled with a K. Whatever

8:39

Chris Jenner did to my brain, Chris

8:41

May's has reversed it in a fraction

8:43

of the time. Continued May's, let

8:45

me be completely clear as long as I am

8:47

Attorney General, no woman or doctor will be prosecuted

8:49

under this draconian law, and that's really what you

8:51

want these things to hinge on. One elected official

8:53

holding their finger in the dike like the little

8:56

Dutch boy. Paula, have you ever held your finger

8:58

in the dike like the little Dutch boy? No.

9:02

Anyway, if you're

9:05

ever on the fence about whether or not to bother voting,

9:07

May's won her election by just 280 votes out of more

9:09

than 2.5 million

9:13

votes cast. That's

9:15

0.01%. Also, if you're

9:18

on the fence about voting, how did you end up

9:20

here listening to this? Did you

9:22

think I was on SNL in the 90s that I'd somehow become

9:24

younger and hotter but equally

9:26

Jewish? Meanwhile,

9:28

MAGA Senate candidate Carrie Lake arranged her

9:30

face into her best human impression and

9:32

said in a statement, I oppose today's

9:34

ruling and I am calling on Katie

9:36

Holmes and the state legislature to come

9:39

up with an immediate common-sense solution that

9:41

Arizonans can support. But Lake praised the

9:43

very same near total ban in 2022

9:46

when she said this. I'm incredibly thrilled

9:48

that we are going to have a

9:50

great law that's already on the books

9:52

so it will prohibit abortion in

9:55

Arizona and I think we're going to

9:57

be paving the way and setting course

9:59

for other states to follow. Which you have to understand, Paula,

10:01

this was from all the way back in 2022. It

10:04

was a completely different time. The Cybertruck wasn't even

10:06

out yet. We'd only seen pictures. Yeah,

10:09

yeah, no. You know, they

10:11

also, Arizona has been really ahead of

10:13

the curve on a lot of the

10:15

spit-tune laws. Yeah. Right.

10:18

Yeah. Where

10:20

they should be, how often to be emptied.

10:22

Yeah. How many per. How many per. If

10:24

you have a factory, there has to be

10:26

a certain amount of spit-tunes per factory

10:29

worker. Because that's basic. That's OSHA.

10:31

That's OSHA. Yeah. That's, yeah. You

10:34

know, when Charles Dickens came

10:36

to the country, he said that, because

10:39

people used to spit on the ground, and

10:41

he said it was disgusting, and that it

10:43

looked like a carpet. Yeah.

10:47

Yeah. I think as a good rule of thumb,

10:50

I don't think laws about human anatomy

10:53

should be made by

10:55

people who are spitting on the ground. That's

10:58

a good point right there. We

11:00

have Paula Poulson here, and there's no spit-tunes.

11:02

I could have a spit-tune. Where's our spit-tune?

11:05

OK, well, I didn't literally bump

11:07

into Carrie Lake, but I think I was in,

11:09

I guess it was the Phoenix airport one morning, and

11:11

I did see her. And

11:16

she was like holding court with a bunch of people

11:18

around her. I assumed she was just

11:20

traveling somewhere, and people gathered around her. But

11:23

she had a fake background. Yeah,

11:26

like a gauzy step and repeat

11:29

back there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Who's

11:33

running against Ruben Gallego? Ruben Gallego,

11:35

yeah. Ruben Gallego. He

11:37

always sends out tweets going, this is not

11:39

the tweet I wanted to send. Do you

11:41

get that one? I've

11:44

seen it, yeah. Yeah, I wish someone could help

11:46

him find

11:48

the tweet that he does want to send, because

11:51

I've gotten several of the ones that he didn't

11:53

want to send. There's a certain, there's a larger

11:55

issue. Not to criticize

11:57

anything about Ruben Gallego's tweets. I do

11:59

see. often posts on social media

12:01

where someone says something like, I

12:04

really didn't want to make this video or

12:06

I really tried to avoid having to tell

12:08

you all this. It's like, not hard enough.

12:10

Yeah, exactly. You'd be amazed how easy it

12:12

is to not share this personal anecdote about

12:14

someone who wronged you. You'd

12:16

be amazed. Yeah, no, they're not

12:18

responsible in any way. Once

12:22

you've given money to any candidate,

12:25

your feed just

12:27

fills with emails

12:29

from the candidates asking for

12:32

money. And I tried to support them back just today.

12:34

I sent a donation to,

12:36

I'm going to say

12:38

it wrong, Vote Save

12:41

America. Vote Save America. Oh,

12:43

yeah. I sent a donation to

12:45

Vote Save America today because you guys figure

12:48

out where the money can be best

12:50

used. Yes, we do. With

12:52

candidates around the country. Absolutely.

12:55

And go to votesaveamerica.com. I can. And

12:58

we'll help you find the best ways to donate when there are

13:00

so many people asking. Go to Vote Save America and they'll tell

13:02

you the best ways to donate. You can donate to our Senate

13:04

fund, which sends it to the Senate races where we got the

13:06

best shot. You'll send it to

13:09

the anxiety relief fund, which is where you can

13:11

donate to local organizations that are on the ground

13:13

doing really good work. And once a month, you

13:15

get an update about where your money is doing

13:17

the most good. It's a great resource because you

13:19

know, you were getting all these taxes too much.

13:22

It is too. And it's, but I

13:24

love that I can turn to people who know

13:26

what they're doing because I don't, I don't know

13:28

the races all around the country. How could you? How

13:30

could any of us? How could you put you

13:33

guys all together there? You have that collective wisdom

13:35

and I assume that you hire people to help

13:37

with that as well. And so I have

13:39

to be clear. But if I start, if

13:41

I start getting emails

13:43

from John Levitt saying, you know, I didn't

13:46

want to have to send this email. All

13:48

right. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry.

13:51

But to your point, all of these Republicans spent

13:53

their careers fighting for this exact

13:55

outcome, ran election after election, promising

13:57

to achieve abortion bans, keeping anti.

14:00

abortion laws in place for when Roe would

14:02

be overturned, only to discover that as many

14:04

predicted it's of course deeply unpopular and terrifying

14:06

to take away basic human rights in a

14:08

democracy. You can't buy a ticket to Avenue

14:11

Q and then be mad when it's puppets.

14:15

Also on Wednesday, Arizona Republicans in both houses

14:17

of the legislature blocked Democratic efforts to repeal

14:19

the 1864 ban. Republican

14:22

leaders said there was no need to rush as the

14:24

law probably wouldn't take effect for a few weeks. Oh,

14:27

no worries then, said a 16-year-old who doesn't know

14:29

she's pregnant yet. Speaking

14:33

of freaks trying to return us to the

14:35

good old days of the 19th century when

14:38

phones couldn't even transmit pornography, House Speaker Mike

14:40

Johnson spent the week scrambling to protect his

14:42

job from Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, who

14:44

renewed her threat to oust him over his

14:46

intention to send more aid to Ukraine. Whether

14:49

it's Mike Johnson's job or Hunter Biden's hog,

14:51

no one's safe. From

14:54

MTG. You know, okay, I

14:56

just want to say a little something.

14:59

It's not timely, but about

15:03

Marjorie Taylor Greene at Thanksgiving,

15:05

she kept sort of goading

15:08

the PETA organization

15:11

because PETA makes a, you know, it's a

15:13

good time of year to make a

15:15

plea to people not to eat turkey.

15:17

And the truth is turkeys are very nice.

15:20

I mean, some might say it's the absolute worst time of

15:22

year to try to get people to not eat turkeys when

15:25

you think about it. Because getting them to not eat

15:27

turkeys in April, no big lift. But

15:30

that's the one time we're all pretty committed to it. Yeah.

15:33

It's actually the stupidest day to argue against turkeys. No,

15:35

the truth is people don't really eat turkey any

15:37

other time of year. Maybe

15:40

at like Subway or something. But maybe if they convince us

15:42

to not have turkeys in June and August, there'll

15:44

be more people to eat turkeys in June. They

15:46

eat a little. A little sliced. I'm

15:48

just saying. A thin sliced turkey

15:50

at the Subway. I'm just saying. Like if you're going to

15:52

argue to tell people not to have trees in their home,

15:54

you'll be more successful if you do it in October than

15:56

if you do it in December. But

16:00

the tree is in front of you

16:02

in December. It's a good time of

16:05

year to bring people's attention to the

16:07

problem. And so, PETA does

16:09

so. And so, Marjorie Delagreen was

16:11

trying to goad them. And

16:13

so she made this post where she

16:16

showed her turkey in the

16:18

pan and it had some foil

16:20

around it. And I looked at it

16:22

and I said, look, it's wearing her

16:24

hat. And

16:31

you know, it's a joke that, you

16:37

know, there's only a few days you can tell

16:39

it usually, right around Thanksgiving. Well, it's

16:41

a very specific joke. It requires Marjorie

16:43

Delagreen to post food with thin foil.

16:46

Otherwise, you can't really do it. No,

16:48

no. There's no good time to bring

16:50

it up. There just isn't. So,

16:53

you know, you were talking about... Well, you did, honestly,

16:55

but it killed here. Which is

16:57

amazing. Don't you wish you could

16:59

time travel? Oh, all the time. Mostly

17:01

to go back in time and do sick cleats.

17:05

And kill Hitler. Kill Hitler as an

17:07

adult, obviously. Why would you do

17:09

it as a baby? You just could get in trouble for

17:11

killing a baby. Yeah. What would the

17:13

Democrats do, you know, right up? Yeah.

17:17

Yeah, the Democrats would be like,

17:19

every fucking time somebody said something

17:21

as stupid as the Democrats, when

17:24

you're on the pro-abortion people, they

17:26

want to make it... They'd kill

17:28

the babies all the way up until

17:30

birth. I would like some names. You

17:34

know, you need to cite a specific, because that's

17:36

just absurd and no one ever did that. That's

17:38

just absurd. It's absurd. I

17:40

think it would be amazing if Vice President Kamala Harris went,

17:43

because she's going to Arizona and gave

17:45

a speech about how important it

17:47

is to protect abortion rights and

17:50

how disgusting it is that Donald Trump is saying this,

17:52

that Democrats want to kill babies after they're born, and

17:54

then just comes out and says, there's only one baby

17:57

I would kill, and that's Hitler. Not

18:00

just totally serious, just leave it out there.

18:02

Just get it out there, you know? I'm

18:05

so glad you're not her consultant. No,

18:07

no. That's

18:09

why I do this now. Anyway,

18:13

said Mike Johnson about his attempts

18:15

to woo Marjorie Taylor Greene. I'm going to

18:17

try reasoning with her as he strapped on

18:19

a flak jacket and doused his sensitive areas

18:21

in Wolf urine. Greene

18:24

released a five-page rant on Tuesday on why

18:26

she filed a motion to vacate, accusing Johnson

18:28

of working with Democrats to advance by its

18:30

agenda. Remember Paula when politicians used to brag

18:32

about reaching across the aisle to serve our

18:35

common interests? I don't, because I'm

18:37

extremely young. Well, they

18:39

did. They used to reach across the aisle to

18:42

serve our common interests. Yeah, they

18:44

did. Yeah, there was some reasonable—I

18:46

remember watching the Iran-Contra

18:49

hearings, and I'm going

18:51

to screw up on the names. It

18:53

was Daniel Inouye, because it was

18:55

co-chaired. It was Daniel Inouye, and there was a

18:57

guy from New Hampshire whose name I can never remember,

18:59

but he was a Republican. I mean,

19:02

I don't know about his voting record, but in

19:04

terms of how they ran those hearings, he was

19:06

a straight shooter and a good guy. It was

19:08

very possible for that to be done back then.

19:11

And then John Leavitt was born into the

19:13

world. I remember when I

19:15

was in the Senate— You're always a hell of a handbasket.

19:18

Daniel Inouye was a member of the Senate

19:20

then, and it was always one of the great

19:22

names to hear. It would always be like,

19:24

Akaka, I. Inouye, I. It just

19:26

sounded nice. Akaka, I. I

19:30

don't remember Akaka, and that's why I went first

19:32

hearing it from you. You

19:36

don't remember Akaka? I don't. There was

19:38

a guy named Akaka? Yeah. Oh my

19:41

God. Imagine how rough the second grade had

19:43

to be for that guy. Yeah,

19:45

no. I remember Representative

19:48

Dooduhead. One

19:52

of the best ever to do it. The ball

20:00

Johnson to death to reauthorize Section 702

20:02

of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, which

20:04

lets the U.S. government spy on the

20:06

communications of non-Americans located outside the country

20:09

for intelligence purposes. Far-right Republicans

20:11

tanked the bill shortly after Donald Trump directed

20:13

them to kill it because he said it

20:15

was used against him, even though the part

20:17

of the FISA law used in a Russian

20:19

investigation Trump is referencing was a

20:21

different section. He was just wrong.

20:25

At last texted a terrorist to another terrorist he's

20:27

secretly in love with. As

20:31

Johnson tried to get back in Green's Good Graces,

20:33

he also made plans to visit Mar-a-Lago on Friday

20:35

to join Trump for a major announcement on election

20:37

integrity, and good luck to him. Mike Johnson does

20:39

not look like someone who would thrive in Florida.

20:41

He looks like someone whose top half will be

20:43

third degree sunburned and whose bottom half will be

20:45

inside of an alligator before he's left the airport.

20:48

He's not made for Florida, that guy. There

20:51

are alligators everywhere there, too. Any

20:53

body of water in Florida, there's

20:55

a fucking alligator in there, and they are gross.

20:58

They're just creepy. I'm an animal lover, but

21:00

you know what? I draw the line at

21:02

alligators. They're horrible, awful creatures. Big

21:05

old mouths and ugly eyes and big

21:07

teeth and just rah, rah, rah. I mean,

21:09

I know it's a radio show, but for

21:11

you guys, rah, rah, rah. Yeah,

21:15

no, they're horrible. They're horrible.

21:17

Horrible. And, you know, I

21:19

used to live in Orlando briefly. I lived

21:21

in Orlando. I didn't fit in. I wasn't

21:24

weird enough. And

21:28

about five o'clock every day, it poured

21:30

rain. And because on the sides

21:32

of the highway, there's like gullies so that

21:35

the water drains off. And all the alligators

21:37

from one side of the gully would cross

21:39

the street to the other side of the gully.

21:42

And there's tons of them, tons of them. You

21:44

can't go anywhere near water there. You ever go

21:46

to Florida? Yeah, yeah, my parents were there. Jesus,

21:49

call them. Nah, they're all right. Do they

21:51

have a pool? Yeah, no

21:54

alligators in there, though. They have a

21:56

little dog. So they don't walk close to

21:58

the edge. They did have a little dog. They had two. But

22:01

they used to have three. But you don't have to tell them twice.

22:06

Johnson has also offered Green a seat on his

22:08

kitchen cabinet of top advisors he plans to put

22:11

together. You know, speaking of kitchen

22:13

cabinets, I remember watching

22:16

the news one time and there was a lady

22:18

in Florida and she was up on her kitchen

22:20

counter because a fucking alligator would come in the

22:22

kitchen and it'd come from outside

22:24

into the kitchen and she had climbed

22:27

up on the counter to get away from

22:29

the alligator until somebody could come rescue her.

22:31

Did you ever see that? No, but

22:33

it is making me feel this, which is

22:35

how alligators, sure,

22:37

they're very scary, but you're always,

22:40

as long as there is

22:42

something about two feet off the ground,

22:44

you're kind of invincible. They're

22:47

very, obviously they're scary, but they can't go

22:49

up. You don't know that.

22:51

You don't know that. They

22:54

don't bend like that. Yeah. No,

22:56

they can break it. Have you ever seen an alligator

22:58

do like an up dog? Yeah. No,

23:01

they don't go up. It's just calling my parents

23:03

right now. I am so worried. It's 1 a.m.

23:05

in Florida. I can't, I'm not going to call

23:07

my mother at 1 in the morning. She might be on the

23:09

kitchen counter. She'll think someone's dead. I'll

23:12

call her, she'll pick up, then she'll die of a

23:14

heart attack, then my father will die of a heart

23:16

attack, and then I got to find out what their

23:18

fucking passwords are. They'll

23:21

be dead and I don't know how to get in anything. CNN

23:23

reported this week that one of RFK Jr.'s campaign

23:25

officials, Rita Palma, attended the Stop the Steal rally

23:28

in DC on January 6th and told a meeting

23:30

of New York Republicans that getting Kennedy on the

23:32

ballot would help get rid of Biden, which she

23:34

said was her top priority. Of course,

23:36

her strategy to peel away Biden voters is to

23:38

make Kennedy as much like Trump as possible. We

23:40

continue to luck out, Paula, that many of our

23:42

most evil people would also take the most time

23:44

to solve a Monday crossword. The

23:47

New York Times crossword, the Monday is the easiest. Oh,

23:50

I have no idea. After

23:53

that video circulated, RFK Jr.'s campaign

23:55

manager and daughter-in-law announced like a

23:57

Mensa inside face. You

24:01

know, that's a little overachiever. That's

24:03

a child prodigy joke right there. That's

24:05

what that is. The

24:08

Monday crossword puzzle is the

24:10

easiest. Yeah. Saturday's

24:12

hardest. Oh, Saturday's.

24:14

Sunday's big, but not as hard

24:16

as Saturday. Yeah. Such as more.

24:19

Just more. And Thursday's cheeky.

24:21

Thursday will trick you. Thursday's got bits.

24:23

Thursday's like, oh, you want to do a crossword? Some

24:25

of these boxes, they're six boxes. They

24:28

call it a rebus. Okay. I'm

24:30

not familiar with any of what you're talking about right

24:33

now, other than the New York Times. I've

24:35

heard of the New York Times. I

24:37

wait too slow to read the New York Times. Here's the

24:39

thing about the New York Times, which a lot of people

24:41

don't realize, is that New York Times is a thriving game

24:43

company with a newspaper that occasionally

24:46

makes news along the side of this

24:48

game app that is the core of

24:50

their fucking business. Like it's just the

24:52

whole New York Times out that big

24:54

building, all those reporters traveling around the

24:57

world, getting all their little scoops, gathering

24:59

their scoops together. All

25:01

that work, all that effort, the

25:03

editing, the fact checking, the traveling,

25:05

the digging deep, the meeting with

25:07

sources in the back of scary

25:09

buildings, all of that is

25:12

secondary to the

25:14

project of the New York Times

25:16

financially, which is the crossword, the

25:18

wordle, and now more

25:21

important to them than their international

25:23

section connections. Like in

25:25

terms of what people do on the New York Times,

25:28

they go and they play games, and

25:30

if you're lucky, one of their eyes

25:32

will accidentally catch a story about the

25:34

economy, and that's a win. That's

25:37

a win for the New York Times. It

25:39

is a crossword app with a little

25:41

news operation attached to it. Okay, do

25:44

you remember, was it the Washington

25:46

Times that had the guy that counted Trump's

25:48

lies? Yes. The

25:50

New York Times has a guy who counts

25:52

the days in Biden's life. You

25:56

got to automate it. Yeah, no, not at the New

25:58

York Times. Thank you. They

26:01

need, you know, boots on the ground.

26:05

Anyway, they fired that RFK Jr. person I was talking about

26:08

a few minutes ago, said the

26:10

campaign manager, she failed to stick to

26:12

her very basic campaign message, which is

26:14

that Tylenol causes fibromyalgia. While

26:18

speaking at Georgetown University on Tuesday, former House

26:20

Speaker Kevin McCarthy blamed Matt Gaetz for his

26:22

ouster from the speakership. I'll give you the

26:24

truth why I'm not speaker. It's because one

26:26

person, a member of Congress, wanted

26:28

me to stop an ethics complaint because he slept

26:31

with a 17-year-old. Did he do it

26:33

or not? I don't know. McCarthy went on to say, he

26:35

showed me photos on his phone, but that could have been

26:37

anyone's micropenis. Amy

26:40

Harris, a Florida woman who four years ago

26:42

sold Joe Biden's daughter's diary and sold it

26:45

to the far right group Project Veritas, has

26:47

been sentenced to a month in prison and

26:49

three months in home confinement. This

26:51

is why you don't keep a diary. You never

26:53

know when James O'Keefe might get his slimy little

26:55

hands on it. At the end of the day,

26:57

I take all my swirling thoughts and feelings and

26:59

experiences and I crush them down like a trash

27:01

compactor. Gotta get them real deep. Gotta really push

27:03

them down in here. Gotta get them fucking down.

27:05

Gotta push them all the way fucking deep. Get

27:08

them. Just crunch them. Crunch them.

27:10

You just keep working. Diaries

27:13

are from a time before smartphones. Diaries

27:15

are from a time before phones. You don't

27:17

need a diary. Everybody should have

27:19

one friend they treat like a diary. And

27:22

that friend treats you like a diary. That's the deal.

27:24

That's the one friend who you call on the way

27:26

home from work and basically trauma dump on them. Everything

27:29

that happened that day. And then they do it to you. You

27:32

need that. And sure, you can have a

27:34

friend like that and then eventually she says, hey, I have kids

27:36

now. Maybe you could

27:38

tell this to a

27:40

therapist. Where was I? The

27:44

judge who sentenced the diary thieves,

27:46

Harris, called her theft and the sale of

27:48

the diary, despicable. Continue the

27:50

judge. This must be the worst thing that's ever happened

27:52

to someone with a diary. Yeah,

28:00

the judge said that. He said, this must be the worst thing

28:02

that's ever happened to someone with a diary. Huh?

28:08

Was it a Nan Frank reference?

28:11

Well, it was

28:13

sort of an oblique one until this very moment. I

28:15

think it was sort of like out there but not

28:17

out there, then it was sort of, you know, sort

28:19

of like letting everyone kind of enjoy the thought

28:22

of that without ever saying the name. Yeah, it took me a

28:24

minute to come around to that. Okay,

28:26

wait, I have to tell you something about... I

28:31

have to tell you something about diaries. Okay,

28:33

it's a very long story but I'm going

28:35

to shorten it. Oh, wow. Because I

28:37

understand that there are some other guests. So

28:41

years ago, I was

28:43

in a restaurant in

28:45

New York and Alan

28:48

Rickman came in and I

28:51

went over and spoke with him. And

28:54

I...it was not good. I

28:57

shouldn't have...it was wrong. I

29:00

shouldn't have done it. But, okay,

29:03

the worst thing that I did was I

29:05

said, you know, I'm

29:08

at a table with other people and we all know all

29:10

these movies that you're in but no one can remember your

29:12

name. Oh, yeah. Okay, all right. It's

29:15

good. No, no, hey, hey. I

29:17

shouldn't have done it. And

29:20

he went like this, Alan Rickman.

29:23

And I was like, okay. And by then I

29:26

really knew that I messed up. And I was

29:28

like, okay, thanks. Okay. And

29:30

I was, okay. So

29:32

there's more to the story but I don't want to tell

29:34

you... So Alan

29:38

Rickman's diaries got published.

29:43

And I had told this story

29:45

on my podcast and some people

29:47

wrote to me and said, you're

29:49

in Alan Rickman's diary. And

29:56

he said that I think it was that I was... unspeakably

30:01

rude, I think is what he said. Well,

30:03

that's an oxymoron. You

30:05

can't- Well, maybe it wasn't unspeakably. Maybe

30:07

it was something else. Because he certainly wrote it down.

30:09

He thought that I was very rude. He gave voice

30:11

to it for sure. Well, I just picture him

30:14

sitting on the edge of his bed, you

30:16

know, with the little diary and the little lock

30:18

and the key that he- you know, just,

30:21

you know, dear diary. Right. How

30:23

soon after- Paul Puzder was so rude to

30:25

me. I don't want to actually- I don't want to

30:27

insinuate anything, but how soon after you're running with Alan

30:29

Rickman, did he die? I

30:33

was nowhere near Alan Rickman many

30:36

years. Okay. The EPA on

30:38

Wednesday finalized the nation's first

30:41

ever rule requiring water utilities to remove

30:43

toxic forever chemicals from drinking water, which

30:45

officials say will help prevent thousands of

30:47

illnesses including cancer. Wait, when did they

30:50

decide to do that? Today

30:52

I guess. Or this week. This week

30:54

they decided. To take forever chemicals- Out of

30:56

the water. Did they say toxic or just

30:59

forever? They're toxic forever chemicals.

31:01

And they just decided today to take

31:03

them out? I

31:05

think they decided- they've been trying to get to the

31:07

point where they could issue this rule. Who decided to

31:09

put them in? That would be my first question. Well,

31:11

I think kind of- well, sure. I think we can

31:13

get it just sort of the- Yeah. So

31:15

anyway, Arizona can take us back to toxic forever

31:18

chemicals in our water we hope against Tulp. My

31:21

fingers are crossed. It was just weird

31:23

that today they decided to take out the toxic

31:25

forever chemicals. Well, I think we've been learning more

31:27

and more about how dangerous these chemicals are and

31:29

the way in which they last. Forever.

31:35

I guess forever doesn't mean what it used

31:37

to, said a molecule of perfluoro-octane sulfonic acid

31:39

that entered your bloodstream when you played blocks

31:41

on a carpet protected by Scotch Garden 1993.

31:45

And in other poison news, Consumer Reports has

31:48

called on the USDA to remove Lunchables from

31:50

the National School Lunch Program citing

31:52

a test of the snack kits that found

31:54

relatively high levels of cadmium, sodium, and lead.

31:57

I love a warning about lead and sodium in the same

31:59

breath. These children's meals have poison

32:01

in them, toxic brain damaging poison. Also

32:04

too salty. You know what? I

32:07

read that last night and I

32:09

texted my daughter. I said, look

32:12

up lunchables right now. I said,

32:14

I'm so... Because I dropped the

32:16

hammer on lunchables.

32:19

I think I might have let my kids have them twice.

32:22

And then I'm just like, no. And they would beg

32:24

me. It was the siren song

32:26

of the fucking lunchable. And those

32:28

ads, those boxes, there's something about

32:31

the idea of a fully contained

32:33

meal that you can carry in

32:35

a box that it was intoxicating

32:37

to the child's mind. And then they came

32:40

out with the ones that also had a

32:42

Capri Sun in them and you're like, my

32:44

God, it's all there. It's all there. They've

32:46

cracked it. Everything you

32:48

could need. Cracker, meat, cheese,

32:51

brownie, Capri Sun. It's all fucking

32:53

there. They did it. They did

32:55

it. Those bastards at Oscar Meyer,

32:57

they fucking did it. And you

32:59

try to get it in that

33:01

cart. And what happens? All

33:03

but the worst moms get it right out of there. Some

33:07

moms are busy. Please don't stay out of

33:09

the car. I'm just kidding. Good moms buy

33:11

lunchables except now they can't. Now

33:13

they have lead. And they had like a separate little...

33:16

Because I did like compartments when I was a kid.

33:18

I love... You do. You love

33:20

a compartment. I love camping dishes that had

33:22

compartments. But the lunchables had

33:24

a different section. Like you're right.

33:27

It had the meats, it had the crackers, it had

33:29

the cheese. It had a whole divot in there. A

33:31

whole section just for rival flavor. Yeah,

33:35

to dip for those who wanted to dip. Speaking

33:37

of bone damage, on Thursday the Tennessee House

33:39

passed a bill that makes it illegal to

33:41

marry your first cousin in the interest of

33:43

public health. The bill doesn't say I can't

33:45

fuck her though, said one of the members of the House who

33:47

didn't realize his mic was on. That's just a joke.

33:49

No one actually said that. One

33:54

representative, Geno Bolso, whose grandparents were

33:56

first cousins, fought

33:59

against the bill. arguing that incest should

34:01

be okay if a genetic counselor approves.

34:03

Said Mr. Bolso, and that is especially

34:05

clear if you glance here at my

34:07

family tree, oh I'm sorry, my family

34:09

tangle of spaghetti. See

34:12

personally, and maybe this is just me, if

34:14

my grandparents were first cousins, not only would

34:16

I not announce it, I would go out

34:19

of my way to avoid suspicion. I'd be

34:21

the one standing up during the incest bill

34:23

debate saying not only should marrying your first

34:25

cousin be illegal, it should be against the

34:27

law to marry anyone who looks like, even

34:29

a bit like you. Marrying someone who shares

34:31

zero genes was good enough for my unrelated

34:33

grandparents, and it's good enough for me, Geno

34:35

Bolso. Bolso also

34:38

argued that this bill could violate same-sex marriage

34:40

rights, saying is there a public health issue

34:42

with a male marrying a male first cousin?

34:44

Obviously, I think the answer is no. Hey,

34:48

thanks for the help, Geno. But speaking

34:51

for the gay community, that's

34:53

not our culture. Marrying your cousin is one

34:55

of the straightest things a person can do.

34:59

It's right out there with four couples going out

35:01

to dinner, and even though it's one table for

35:03

eight, really, it's four women having dinner and four

35:05

men having another dinner. Not

35:09

comfortable with that, because you do that.

35:11

And then the interesting thing, Paula, when you see

35:13

four couples, four straight couples going out to dinner

35:16

at a restaurant, and they're at the table for

35:18

eight, and it's basically two women on each side

35:20

here and two men on this side here, what's

35:22

interesting is which couples get to sit together, right?

35:25

Because there's always two couples are separated, and two couples

35:27

get to sit with their spouses. And it's always interesting

35:30

to see which spouses sit together, and which ones are

35:32

like, see you later, honey, I'm going to sit on

35:34

the other side of the table, get the fuck away

35:36

from you for two hours. Did you get

35:38

this from the New York Times? Look,

35:42

it's one of those puzzles. It's one of

35:44

those puzzles you were talking about. Which couple

35:47

sits, and there's two women on one side and two men.

35:50

I'm not good at math jokes. I'm

35:54

sorry. No, that was a lot.

35:56

I was trying to like hell to follow.

36:00

Speaking of bad relationships, former NFL player,

36:02

broadcaster, and friend of the show, OJ

36:04

Simpson, died

36:06

Wednesday at age 76. Ass

36:08

not for whom the glove fits. Paula,

36:12

we have so many OJ jokes. More

36:14

like no J Simpson. Paula,

36:20

it is with a heavy heart, we announce that the juice is

36:22

loose. Dance

36:25

like no one's watching, love like you've never been hurt,

36:27

and stabbed like you won't be convicted. Live,

36:30

laugh, glove, Paula Poundstone. I'm

36:34

so sorry. We'd like to take

36:36

this moment to acknowledge the victims of OJ

36:38

Simpson's crimes, which, legally speaking, were sports collectors.

36:41

It's a tough break for Trump. Now he'll

36:44

need a new running mate. TMZ

36:47

has obtained a video of OJ's death and

36:49

warning the footage is graphic. Oh

36:58

no. He

37:00

falls out the fucking boat after. And

37:03

I just want to say, obviously, given

37:06

this OJ news, it's like, fuck cancer.

37:13

Is that what he died from? Yeah. Cancer? Yeah. Uh-huh.

37:15

That's why that book's coming out by cancer called,

37:17

If I Did It. Before

37:25

he died in an arctic prison, Russian opposition

37:27

leader Alexei Navalny wrote a memoir titled Patriot,

37:29

which will be published in the US in

37:31

October. This is a personal attack on anyone

37:33

who's ever said, I can't write under these

37:35

conditions in regards to somebody using a leaf

37:37

blower outside. The Vatican released

37:39

a new document on Monday which says that any sex

37:41

change intervention is a grave violation of human dignity. And

37:44

we're the experts in dignity, said the pope, from beneath

37:46

a giant gilded hat while sitting in a glass enclosed

37:48

throne on the back of a pickup truck. The

37:51

document states that gender theory intends to deny the

37:53

greatest possible difference that exists between living beings,

37:55

sexual difference, and here I thought the greatest

37:57

possible difference that exists between living beings is

38:00

being an uptight, overworked female executive in the

38:02

big city, he travels through her rural hometown

38:04

to finally sell her family's decrepit old house

38:06

for Christmas Eve versus being a hunky but

38:08

disheveled contractor sent to fix the leaky roof

38:10

of a decrepit old house who hates close

38:12

elites chugs beer and swears no woman could

38:14

ever tame him. Anyway,

38:16

Mr. Pope, we've got cousins marrying over here. If you

38:19

care to focus on that. Speaking

38:22

of gross emanations from Europe, the Paris 2024

38:24

Olympics may have to cancel or postpone the

38:26

swimming portion of the triathlon if France can't

38:28

clean up the filthy river again, after a

38:30

nonprofit warned that the river had higher than

38:33

permitted levels of bacteria including pollution of fecal

38:35

origin. Wow, well, I can't just use tap

38:37

water. The French public. The

38:40

French public are against cleaning up the river because they are

38:42

afraid it will lose its perfect flavor. Said

38:46

French officials, we were doing so well,

38:48

it had been so clean until Zadev

38:50

Matthews Ban Torbus drove across the bridge.

38:54

The plan to fix the river involves placing signs that

38:56

read, Welcome to the Aries 2024 Olympics.

38:59

Notice there's no P in it. Please keep it that

39:01

way. Italy's

39:06

Mount Etna has been puffing a record number of

39:08

perfectly circular smoke rings into the air for the

39:10

last week or so. Volcanologists

39:12

believe this may be an indication that the volcano

39:15

is trying to impress a girl volcano. If

39:18

you listen closely Paula, you

39:21

can hear a faint noise coming out of the volcano

39:23

that says, I make of the smoke. And

39:27

finally, State Farm canceled 30,000

39:29

home insurance policies in California to reduce their

39:31

financial risk in areas prone to wildfires including

39:33

Tony areas like Bel Air, the Palisades and

39:35

Beverly Hills. So when it comes time to

39:38

eat the rich, at least they'll be served

39:40

well done. Doesn't

39:44

really make sense because just because

39:46

your house doesn't have fire insurance doesn't mean you're more likely

39:48

to die in a conflagration. Well, that's

39:50

yeah, that's true. Thank

39:53

you, Paula. You

39:55

get to call at town hall in

39:57

New York on April 19th. Adnup, we're

39:59

getting paid. with Hari Condobolo. Oh

40:01

boy! Paul Palzano. That was so nice meeting you! Paul Palzano,

40:03

that was so much fun. Hey don't

40:06

go anywhere there's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

40:08

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42:21

That's au.org/crooked. And

42:26

we're back! Hey! The

42:30

world is full of big important

42:32

problems. Democratic backsliding

42:34

wars, that fungus that's turning off a

42:37

cicadas gang, probably some other stuff. But

42:39

if you only ever think about our biggest problems, eventually you

42:41

start looking like shit and stop getting invited to parties where

42:44

people are doing cool drugs. So

42:46

here to go deep on some problems so tiny we

42:48

feel silly even bringing them up, it's Harry Conobolo! Hello.

42:51

Oh. Hi. Oh, thank

42:53

you. Oh, what

42:55

a full applause that was. That

42:57

was... Yes, and just purely earned

42:59

off their excitement and expectation for

43:02

your comedy. For the thing

43:04

they know you'll bring. Not guilty in

43:06

any way. Not at all. Not at

43:08

all. Clapping harder. What's the smallest thing that

43:10

bothered you today? Mine was that the coldest Diet

43:12

Cokes weren't at the front of the office fridge because

43:14

someone didn't move up the cold cans before they loaded

43:17

in more Diet Cokes. But don't worry,

43:19

I fired them. Well,

43:22

this is an ongoing thing, but why do

43:25

we have to sign the receipt when we

43:27

use credit cards? I mean, the government has

43:29

our eyes and they have our fingerprints just

43:31

so we can avoid a line, kind of,

43:34

because now everybody has clear. And

43:38

like, you're telling

43:40

me with all that security

43:42

technology, we still gotta sign the receipts? Who's

43:44

checking the receipts? Who's checking the receipts? Who's

43:47

checking the receipts? It also, I've been just... This

43:50

is... I'm just gonna say it. We're just gonna deal

43:52

with what I'm about to say. Okay. And I'm

43:54

putting enough ironic distance on it to make us all feel

43:56

comfortable and not hate me after I say the sentence. I've

43:58

been signing a lot of books like this. lately. And

44:02

I told you. Did I tell you? I told

44:05

you. And so one thing that we've noticed, the

44:07

three of us have been just signing these

44:10

pages, is my signature is completely different every

44:12

single time. It's a new one every fucking

44:14

time. I don't have a one signature. I

44:16

have 5,000 signatures. And we're doing voter signature

44:18

verification. Everybody's signature looks fucking different every goddamn

44:21

time. Especially when you sign the receipt, fuck

44:23

off. Yeah, you sign it, fuck off. That's

44:27

a lot of time. I think it's just put

44:29

a squiggle. Yeah, just a squiggle. But nobody's checking.

44:31

Why are we doing it? Why are we doing

44:34

it? Why are we doing it? Like

44:36

when is the last time someone looked, turned over your credit

44:38

card, said, no signature. Where's your ID, sir? Doesn't happen. No,

44:40

never happened. Not in this economy. All

44:44

right. Now we're going to pet peeve for the gold.

44:46

In a game we're calling, I think you should peeve.

44:49

That's a cicada sound. Oh, well,

44:51

there we are, a Statler and

44:53

Waldorf. Look at that. In each

44:57

round, I'm going to tell Hari about one of my

44:59

tiny grievances. Hari will tell us about one of his.

45:01

And we'll decide once and for all who's the pettiest,

45:03

peevee-est bitch on his stage. It's

45:06

a peeve off. Are you ready, Hari? Yes.

45:08

All right. Why don't you kick us off

45:10

with a peeve? Okay. The

45:13

true crime genre. It's not true

45:15

crime. It's just crime. It's

45:19

just crime. Why? Because

45:21

there's already a crime genre. Why are

45:23

we saying that it's true crime and

45:25

crime? It should be crime and that

45:27

should be fake crime. Because it's fake

45:29

crime. What do you mean?

45:31

Like all like crime films,

45:34

like Lauren or all that stuff.

45:36

It's fake crime. If you're going

45:38

to have a true, there is

45:40

no crime in fake crime. Not

45:42

crime. And true crime is reality.

45:44

The default is reality. It's like

45:46

fiction and nonfiction. Nonfiction? Fuck you,

45:48

fiction. Like

45:51

it's fiction and reality. Reality

45:53

is the baseline we should be using.

45:55

Fiction is one section. It's a kind

45:57

of thing. Everything else should just be

46:00

true, right? There's history and

46:02

geography and several

46:05

other different kinds of... Yeah, other genres. ...of ways

46:07

people get read by. Listen, you know, we all

46:09

know all the kinds of books. All

46:14

right, I think that's a good one. I'm gonna go. Taking

46:19

your cart to

46:21

the self checkout at the

46:23

grocery store, I agree that there's no

46:25

sign that says, and this is not for carts,

46:28

but it spiritually runs counter to the

46:30

philosophy of the self checkout. The self

46:32

checkout should be for baskets or nothing.

46:34

It should be for moving quick. If

46:36

you've got a cart with all different

46:38

shaped items, if you're at the cart

46:40

level at the grocery store,

46:42

you go to a cashier who's a

46:45

professional at finding the fucking coats. You're

46:47

not a professional at finding the coats.

46:49

You're a moron. I agree. The system

46:51

we've built where we check out our

46:53

own groceries in order to save Albertsons a tiny

46:55

bit of money that we're all participating in because

46:57

we all could choose to wait in line for

47:01

the cashier, but instead we choose the

47:03

robots so that we do the job

47:06

for Albertsons and subsidize Albertsons in their

47:08

efforts to, I don't know, eke out

47:10

another fucking dirty penny. But

47:17

if we're gonna live in that world, you've

47:19

got a cart full of shit, you go to the cashier. If

47:21

you have a basket and you're gonna have five items, okay, you

47:23

can just find one on the can, one on the thing, one

47:25

on the thing, and you're gonna get out of there. That's

47:28

my pet peeve. Also, why

47:30

are the shopping carts not like

47:33

controlled by remotes? Well,

47:39

I think we should, should we, alright, audience,

47:41

whose peeve was bitchier?

47:45

Can I give him another peeve? Well, we're gonna go

47:47

back and forth. We're gonna do a couple. Okay, okay,

47:49

gotcha guys. Shopping carts are for the main

47:51

lines, not the self-checkout, or true crime

47:53

should just call crime. Shopping

47:55

carts? Wow, crime.

48:00

Not even close. I didn't have them. I

48:03

didn't have them. They don't know.

48:05

They don't go to the grocery store. They're personal shoppers. Go

48:08

to the grocery store. That's your

48:10

one. Okay. I hate

48:12

when you're having a conversation with somebody like

48:14

at a party and then someone they recognize

48:16

shows up and interrupts your conversation. And then

48:19

those two people start talking and neither of

48:21

them acknowledge you like the person you were

48:23

originally talking to doesn't introduce you. And they're

48:25

like, hey, this is my friend, hurry. And

48:27

the other one's like, hey, my name is

48:29

so sorry for interrupting. And you're just standing

48:32

there like a fucking asshole with your dick

48:34

in your hand and you're like just waiting

48:36

to get included and you're not. So do

48:38

I go back and get some snacks? Do

48:40

I, is it rude to leave? And then

48:42

finally the person who interrupted leaves

48:44

and then it's just you and the other guy.

48:47

And the other guy is like, well, where do we

48:49

leave off? It's like, you just assume I'll come back

48:52

to you. You

48:54

assume after you dump me all of a

48:56

sudden. Yeah, I don't know anybody else at

48:58

the party. Yes, this is, I am coming

49:01

back, but it's bullshit. Well,

49:03

usually I find that that is often because

49:05

no one having any interaction knows the right

49:07

name. They don't know the names. You

49:10

should jump in. So my rule is

49:12

if somebody is, if I'm talking to a friend and

49:15

someone comes up and says to the friend, oh, hi,

49:17

friend. I see you and they

49:19

don't immediately introduce me. I think that you

49:21

have to have a baked in assumption that

49:23

your friend is desperate for you to be

49:25

their friend and jump in before anyone could

49:28

suspect that they didn't know the new person's

49:30

name and say, hi, I'm John. So

49:32

that your then your friend gets to do the performance of

49:34

a lifetime, which is this move. Oh, my God. I'm being

49:37

crazy. And because by the time you finish that, oh, my

49:39

God, I'm being crazy. That new person has already said

49:41

their name and you get to do what I think is one

49:43

of the most disgusting things we all do, which is just say

49:45

the name, Fred, on the count of seven. One,

49:48

two, three. Fred. This is

49:51

Fred. Hey. I don't

49:55

know. That's a little victim blaming. Here's

49:58

mine. I

50:03

don't know what happened to this society where

50:05

we decided it was acceptable at restaurants for

50:07

the first interaction you have at that restaurant

50:09

for someone to come up the table and

50:11

say, would you like free water or would

50:13

you like to buy expensive water for no

50:15

reason? It is absolutely fucking

50:17

bananas. It is so insulting because you're

50:20

like, what? There's

50:23

no other point in the restaurant experience where someone

50:25

comes up to you and says, hey, do

50:28

you want something or do you want something good and expensive?

50:32

If you order, I'd like a chicken salad. And

50:35

they're like, oh, you like the chicken salad?

50:37

But would you also like a lobster tail

50:39

on top or something? I didn't

50:42

land it. You

50:47

kind of did some. Yeah, I got it back.

50:49

But you know what I mean? The water thing

50:51

is fucking crazy. It's a crazy thing that we've

50:53

all accepted. Like, hi, look, we're trying

50:55

to get seven extra dollars onto every bill that

50:57

we can. That's the nature of this business. And

51:00

I think the restaurant business is terrible. Wouldn't

51:03

do it. Wouldn't want to be a part of it. Don't want to

51:05

be in the restaurant business. Wouldn't want to

51:07

be a college professor. Neither

51:09

job appeals to me at all. Why not a

51:11

college professor? Oh,

51:15

summer vacation. Once

51:17

you get tenure, fuck it all. Well, that's the

51:19

whole thing. Sure, you got tenure, but you got

51:21

to get tenure. Oh, yeah. You

51:24

know, being a tenured professor

51:26

would be nice. But I'm starting at

51:28

fucking zero here, Hari. I'm not anything now. I

51:30

don't even have an advanced degree. You

51:33

don't have an advanced degree? I mean, I have a

51:35

college degree, but I don't have an advanced degree. Oh,

51:37

OK. I

51:42

think my peeve was better. I don't

51:44

want to know what they think. All

51:47

right. All right. Was

51:50

it the thing about the names? Or

51:52

was it the thing about the water?

51:54

Names? Water? Size.

51:56

The size. All

52:00

right, let's do another one. I

52:02

hate when people refer to

52:04

me as Southeast Asian. I'm South Asian.

52:06

All right, those are two very different

52:09

places. South Asia is India,

52:11

Pakistan, Sri Lanka, so forth. Southeast

52:14

Asia is Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos. Like

52:16

South Asia has like a

52:18

fourth of the world's population. So

52:20

technically, you're all minorities in this

52:23

room. And

52:25

it's fucking ridiculous. And also,

52:27

secondly, Americans know who

52:30

you bombed. You need to

52:32

know where you

52:34

bombed, right? You

52:36

bombed Vietnam, you bombed Laos. You haven't

52:38

bombed India yet. You

52:42

got to know the victim's name. Otherwise, it's

52:44

just more disrespectful. That's

52:47

right. I think that's right. I

52:49

agree. I agree. That

52:52

went into a deeper and larger kind of

52:54

geopolitical peeve. Yeah, yeah. So I'm sort of

52:56

pressing up against the boundaries of the rules

52:59

of the game. But you're safe. You're

53:01

inside the boundaries. It's been ruled. It just

53:03

seems ridiculous. Imagine if someone came up to me and was

53:05

like, hey, are you Vietnamese? I'm like, that's a

53:07

bit of a jump. But it's in

53:09

the world of Asian. But it's in that, why

53:12

are you asking me if I'm Vietnamese? Are you

53:14

Vietnamese? Why are we having this just,

53:17

I'm Indian or South Asian? Why

53:19

is this complicated? Yeah, why is

53:21

it complicated? Oh, god, damn it.

53:23

I was born in the wrong fucking country.

53:25

Here's something that bugs me. It's

53:28

not the legacy of 50

53:32

years of American hegemony, but it

53:34

bugs me. And

53:36

it's the phrase non-comedogenic on

53:41

skin products, which is a

53:44

phrase that should mean won't clog your pores,

53:46

but actually is not FDA anything. It's just

53:48

a phrase you get to put on there.

53:50

And it means absolutely fucking nothing. And

53:53

as somebody whose skin kind of breaks

53:55

out, if you just think about putting

53:58

it anywhere near somebody. something that could clog

54:00

up horror. If you just think to yourself, I touched

54:02

my face yesterday. If you just think it, pimples.

54:06

Popped up. Terrible skin. But

54:09

also very dry, Hari. Very

54:11

dry skin. Very, very dry, very, very dry skin.

54:13

So it must be moisturized. But the second moisturize,

54:15

even the smell of it touches my face. Pimp,

54:17

plump, plump, plump, plump. So

54:20

non-comedogenic says it won't clog pores, but

54:22

it will, Hari. It will every goddamn

54:25

fucking time. It clogs every

54:27

pore it can get to. Non-comedogenic. They also

54:29

put it on there because it's like a

54:31

fancy sounding term. It sounds medical. It sounds

54:34

rigorous. It sounds like

54:36

it proves something. Like it's based in something.

54:38

It's not. It's simply not.

54:41

You know what? Fuck them. I give you the round

54:43

right now. Oh, stop it. Stop

54:46

it. That was petty. Non-comedogenic.

54:50

Petty and irrelevant. Yeah. Can I tell

54:53

you something? I've been using a bunch

54:55

of very fancy skincare products and I

54:57

love it. And I'm

54:59

going to buy more and I'm going to use this brand

55:01

for the rest of my life. And the brand, which I

55:03

will not say here because it's a

55:05

jerk and it's because pay me. But

55:08

they will never know that the reason

55:10

I am a lifelong customer is because

55:12

some PR team tried to get a

55:14

lip balm to Vanessa Hudgens three years

55:17

ago. And then they

55:19

mailed it to where Vanessa Hudgens used to live, which is

55:21

where I live. And

55:24

after calling after sending package after package after

55:26

package of PR box of nonsense to her

55:28

assistant would come by in a mini Cooper,

55:31

fill it all the way to the roof

55:33

with free garbage and drive away. And eventually

55:35

that stopped happening. And

55:37

so now literally I can't stop it.

55:39

I send every package that comes back

55:42

to sender, but then people literally just

55:44

drive by my house and throw free

55:46

shit over the fence for Vanessa Hudgens

55:48

like invitations, a box of cupcakes,

55:50

Hey, pop up West Hollywood restaurant

55:52

trying to get Vanessa Hudgens to

55:55

come throw in

55:57

a box of cupcakes. Does

56:00

not result in the enticing advertisement

56:02

you would have hoped it would.

56:06

What it results in is a bag of

56:08

chocolate fucking garbage I have to throw away.

56:10

Not a big problem. A little peeve. That's

56:14

a really good humble brag. I

56:17

used to live in Vanessa Hudgens

56:19

old place. I used to

56:22

live in Suzanne Zhang's old place. She

56:24

writes for the Atlantic. Want

56:27

to do one more peeve? Can we do

56:29

one last peeve? I don't know

56:32

if this even counts as a peeve. Oppenheimer

56:35

was overrated. It's

56:37

absurd. They had

56:40

the big kaboom two thirds into

56:42

the film. The last there

56:44

was just them talking. We've seen the

56:46

explosion. I don't care

56:48

about Oppenheimer's sex life. Most people didn't

56:50

know who Oppenheimer was in this country

56:52

until the film came out. The film

56:54

came out. The only reason I feel

56:56

that people cared was Albert Einstein

56:59

makes a cameo. Oh, this must be a real

57:01

guy. Albert Einstein made a cameo

57:03

in the film. Spoiler

57:05

alert. Then there's a

57:07

big explosion. The last third is

57:10

just them talking and feeling bad about

57:12

the explosion. Even though Oppenheimer

57:14

had ample time to think this through. What

57:17

I agree with is

57:20

specifically that the

57:23

first two hours are very interesting. Then

57:26

all of a sudden it becomes the story about Robert Downey

57:28

Jr. Robert Downey Jr.

57:30

wins the Oscar for

57:32

that performance. The

57:35

movie would be better if he just

57:37

cut Robert Downey Jr. out of the

57:39

film completely. He has no relevance to

57:41

the core story. He's not

57:43

involved in the making of the bomb really. The

57:47

whole hinge of what was

57:49

Einstein saying had

57:51

nothing to do with Robert Downey Jr. Robert

57:54

Downey Jr. was like, Einstein was mad at me

57:56

and one day I'll find out why. Albert Einstein

57:58

wasn't even thinking about him. He was

58:00

thinking deeper thoughts about Robert Oppenheimer's guilt.

58:04

But this movie also suffers from a problem

58:06

of movies that we all have to deal

58:08

with right now, which is, audience, we don't

58:10

trust each other at all on any level

58:12

as human beings. We don't let each

58:14

other entrapic. We don't believe we understand

58:16

each other. We don't believe anyone else is smart. Everyone

58:18

thinks this way. And so every movie has some point

58:20

in the movie where someone turns to camera and says,

58:23

here is the thesis of this film. Like

58:28

there's a moment in Barbie where someone has

58:30

to turn to camera and say, this is

58:33

what Barbie's about. There's an Oppenheimer where someone

58:35

has to turn to camera and say, the

58:37

bomb, boy, maybe it was worth it, but

58:39

probably not. I guess we'll be haunted by

58:42

what we did forever. And no matter what

58:44

awards we get, we'll always remember that what

58:46

we did maybe wasn't the right thing to

58:49

do. Isn't that right, Albert Einstein? Boy,

58:51

isn't it J. Robert Oppenheimer?

58:54

You Jewish man played by

58:56

a very not Jewish man. The

58:58

least Jewish mannerisms I've ever seen in the

59:01

history of film. The

59:05

dude from Peaky Blinders is very good in that.

59:08

Well that's the, I mean, sure. That's

59:12

another thing. I'm a Paul

59:14

Giamatti man. I'm

59:16

a Paul Giamatti Oscar man in a Peaky

59:19

Blinders Oscar world. You know? His

59:22

father banned Pete Rose. Whose

59:24

father? Paul Giamatti. Paul Giamatti's

59:27

father is the guy that banned Pete

59:29

Rose for gambling. And

59:31

then the idea was he was going to ban Pete Rose

59:33

in a few years, probably reinstate him, you know,

59:36

but then he died. And

59:38

then, you know, that was that. And

59:41

then Paul Giamatti made sideways at some

59:43

point. Pretty much the authority to allow

59:45

Pete Rose back in, could have invested

59:47

to a new person. And it wasn't

59:49

like, they didn't bury Pete Rose in

59:51

Giamatti's dad's sarcophagus. No,

59:54

But after that nobody wanted to bring him back. They

59:57

Kind of like, Giamatti had a plan, but the plan

59:59

was a mess. The reg the cuticle because he

1:00:01

died and I knew hari of. Us

1:00:05

as. And

1:00:07

shot is why I have had our his next

1:00:10

few shows on May twenty Third and White Eagle

1:00:12

how in Jersey City and May twenty fifth at

1:00:14

off Cabot in Beverley, Massachusetts We come back to

1:00:16

be boys. Talk about bad boys. Still

1:00:19

go anywhere. Love it or leave. It is

1:00:21

more on the with. Everyone

1:00:24

it said from Consumer Cellular the guy in

1:00:26

the your sweater and this is your wake

1:00:29

up call. If you're paying too much for

1:00:31

wireless service, you'll have to keep having that

1:00:33

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head to netsuite.com/podcast25 for more

1:02:21

information. That's

1:02:23

netsuite.com/podcast25. There's

1:02:33

one important date on all of our minds in 2024. One

1:02:36

pivotal square on the calendar when for better or

1:02:38

worse, America and her future will be changed forever.

1:02:40

That's right. I'm talking about June 7th,

1:02:42

the release date of Bad Boys 4 Ride or Die. Here

1:02:45

to help us prepare for what is, again, the single most

1:02:47

important thing happening in 2024 is the wonderful

1:02:49

James III. Hello. Hello.

1:02:52

How are you? James, you're

1:02:54

one of the hosts of

1:02:56

the excellent podcast, NetSuite. You're

1:03:00

one of the hosts of the excellent podcast, Black Man Can't Jump in

1:03:02

Hollywood. The excellent podcast. Yes, I am. And at the end of the

1:03:04

episode where you review the original 1995 Bad

1:03:06

Boys, you personally gave the movie two raised black

1:03:08

fists. Yes, we did. And that's good? That

1:03:11

is good. Well, so it's interesting because

1:03:14

it's not so much about good

1:03:16

or bad, but I guess positive

1:03:18

in that it promotes

1:03:21

black actors in Hollywood. So

1:03:24

that's what the fist is about. So

1:03:26

two, I guess, out of three black

1:03:28

fists. Oh, right. Unless only two

1:03:30

of us reviewed it, which I don't remember.

1:03:33

Bad Boys 2 is a rating of 23% of Rotten Tomatoes. Does

1:03:35

that feel about right to you? Yes, it does. Potentially

1:03:41

high. Here's my, I have

1:03:44

a problem with these kinds of radio systems

1:03:46

because they're a little bit like percentage chance

1:03:48

of rain. Does that mean the percentage

1:03:50

of chance it's going to rain everywhere or

1:03:52

the percentage of

1:03:55

the airy is going to rain at any one time? Will

1:03:57

it rain 23% of the time or is it going? to

1:04:00

be rating 23% of the places. Yeah, what if...

1:04:02

Or some combination. Am I in a lot of 23% of

1:04:04

this movie? Or like, what does 23% mean? Right.

1:04:07

Did 100% of the reviewers think it was 23% good?

1:04:10

Or did 23 reviewers think it was good and 77%

1:04:12

thought it was 100% terrible? Right.

1:04:15

Yeah, and I don't know. We don't know. I do not

1:04:17

know. I don't like these rating systems.

1:04:20

I don't like the algorithm. I don't like the

1:04:22

society we're building. No. In

1:04:24

the 17 years between Bad Boys 2 and 2020's

1:04:27

Bad Boys for Life, the debate on the

1:04:29

depiction of copaganda in media has shifted so much

1:04:31

that people were using the word copaganda. Has

1:04:35

that affected the way you watch these movies? Yeah.

1:04:38

Has it changed how you watch them? I think absolutely.

1:04:40

I, as a kid, particularly

1:04:44

when that first Bad Boys came out, Martin

1:04:47

Lawrence and Will Smith could do no

1:04:49

wrong. They were my heroes. And

1:04:51

then between Bad Boys 2 and

1:04:54

Bad Boys 3, I was like, oh, are

1:04:56

they the villains of the movie? Because

1:04:59

in the first and second movie, they have a bunch

1:05:01

of informants that they just beat the shit out of.

1:05:04

These people that are giving them information

1:05:06

about letting them know the things that

1:05:08

are going wrong in society, and they

1:05:10

go up to them and they pull

1:05:12

guns on them. They

1:05:17

commit all kinds of crimes, I think, crimes

1:05:19

as cops. So

1:05:22

yeah, it makes it hard to watch. In

1:05:26

the film Face Off, starring John Travolta

1:05:28

and Nicolas Cage, Nicolas

1:05:33

Cage as John Travolta,

1:05:36

he's the Nicolas Cage... Wait,

1:05:38

no, John Travolta as Nicolas Cage.

1:05:41

Sorry. John Travolta, wearing Nicolas

1:05:43

Cage's face, has to escape from a

1:05:45

maximum security prison. That's right. And

1:05:48

he shoots his way out of that prison. He's a

1:05:50

law enforcement official shooting his way out of a prison.

1:05:53

But all those prison guards are just at work.

1:05:56

They don't know they've got the Face

1:05:58

Off technology. They're just like, hey! One

1:06:00

of the worst terrorists in the country

1:06:03

is trying to escape Let's stop him

1:06:05

and then this this federal law enforcement

1:06:07

figure dressed up as a bad guy

1:06:09

just kills everyone He can't do escape

1:06:13

It is wild It is infuriating in these

1:06:15

movies when story is supposed to matter more than

1:06:17

like real people's lives Like well, but he

1:06:19

has to get out of that prison doesn't

1:06:21

he? It's like well sure but

1:06:24

but that every single person we saw needs

1:06:26

to go home to their families or just

1:06:28

or Just their lot or just

1:06:30

their empty apartments like they need to go home After

1:06:33

this yeah, and a lot of them didn't know

1:06:36

cuz they got killed like in one of the

1:06:38

mission impossible movies Tom Cruise's

1:06:40

plan is to basically like

1:06:43

his involvement in the plan means

1:06:45

a nuclear weapon Basically

1:06:47

almost destroys. I think Moscow. Yeah

1:06:50

the Kremlin and it's like whoo.

1:06:52

We did it again Okay,

1:06:54

cool. It worked out but a little

1:06:56

close for comfort right I've been involved

1:06:58

at all this risk probably would have

1:07:00

been less I think it's actually within

1:07:08

Accomplished you know when he like hits the thing It's

1:07:11

a good movie. I like that movie Did

1:07:13

you know that the producers of bad boys too had

1:07:15

to go to then Florida governor Jeb Bush to get

1:07:17

an emergency stay of Florida's Manatee protection law so they

1:07:20

could film high-speed boat chases in the Miami River I

1:07:23

did not know that I Think

1:07:25

that's cool. Do you know do

1:07:27

you know that over 375 manatees were killed during the

1:07:29

making of bad boys? You cannot tell me this You

1:07:34

can't tell me any number of manatee any number

1:07:36

of manatee was killed let alone. What was the

1:07:38

number 375? No way Can't

1:07:41

accept. I won't accept it. Well you shouldn't I made it

1:07:43

up. Okay. Good moment I The

1:07:48

bad boys still bad boys if they both start

1:07:51

taking therapy seriously So

1:07:53

I would say yes, I would

1:07:56

say there may be even the baddest

1:07:58

boys also considering how the

1:08:01

movies are sort of rendered, it's like therapy

1:08:04

is bad, like to do therapy is

1:08:06

bad and we don't do that because we're bad boys.

1:08:08

So then in turn it's like as

1:08:11

bad boys to do therapy, they're

1:08:13

perhaps the baddest of boys. Right,

1:08:15

right, right. Like

1:08:18

ooh, I'm going to my

1:08:20

hour. Exactly.

1:08:22

And I'm perhaps listening to

1:08:24

the things that I'm being

1:08:26

told and I'm perhaps exercising

1:08:29

some of the things that have come up in

1:08:31

that like I'm more bad than anyone. Right,

1:08:34

sometimes it takes a lot

1:08:36

of badness to realize you

1:08:39

need help, I

1:08:41

think. The most, yeah exactly, the more

1:08:43

down you are, you have to hit

1:08:45

rock bottom before you know anything is

1:08:47

wrong at all. Now

1:08:49

it's time for a classic Love and Relievit game

1:08:52

called OK Stop. Here's

1:08:57

how it works, we're going to get ourselves back in

1:08:59

the bad boys state of mind by watching a few

1:09:01

choice clips from Bad Boys 2 directed by America's sweetheart

1:09:04

Michael Bay. When either of us want to pause and

1:09:06

comment on it we'll say OK stop. I want to

1:09:08

point out that one of the reasons we're doing this

1:09:10

is we were talking about this and Kendra

1:09:13

asked me like have you seen Bad Boys 2

1:09:15

and I said of course I have. When

1:09:17

did you see it? The last time I saw it was

1:09:19

when it came out. I have not

1:09:21

seen a frame of this since it was

1:09:24

in the theaters. I'm very interested in your

1:09:26

reaction. So I don't, and

1:09:29

there we are in the film. We look great. We

1:09:31

look great. Look at us, look at us. Alright

1:09:34

let's see the clip. Why

1:09:37

don't you tell me the derailleur. White

1:09:43

power,

1:09:46

white power, white power. OK

1:09:51

stop. This

1:10:01

only has a 23%? This

1:10:04

movie is awesome. That's so

1:10:06

cool. What are you talking

1:10:08

about? I have to say, no, look, I

1:10:10

have to say, the first Bad Boys, at

1:10:12

least my understanding of it, I don't know

1:10:14

what happened to the script once these men

1:10:16

were cast. But my understanding of the first

1:10:18

Bad Boys movie is that it

1:10:20

was written it, and they were like, you know what? Dana

1:10:22

Carvey's going to be great in this and another. And John

1:10:25

Lovitz is going to be great in this. These white

1:10:27

actors are going to be great in this. And

1:10:30

then somehow it got to Martin Lawrence

1:10:32

and Will Smith. And the movie is

1:10:34

fantastic. Not

1:10:37

about the fact that they are black. Bad

1:10:39

Boys 2 essentially opens with, you

1:10:41

know what, a Ku Klux Klan. Black

1:10:44

cops, well, we've got to show them that a Ku

1:10:46

Klux Klan. That

1:10:50

is an infuriating reaction. It is fun

1:10:52

to see the, look at this shot.

1:10:54

Look at where we fall. It's

1:10:57

classic. That is fun as hell. I

1:11:00

don't need to ever see that, I think. But

1:11:03

I think what I appreciate about this is

1:11:05

that Michael Bay

1:11:08

brings the same

1:11:10

nuance and understanding to race in

1:11:12

America as he does to there's an

1:11:14

asteroid headed towards the Earth. And he's

1:11:16

like, oh, they're black cops. They're going

1:11:19

to be in a Klan suit, and

1:11:22

they're going to reveal themselves. They're

1:11:24

the ultimate undercover cop because they're

1:11:26

black. They're not. Yeah, exactly. There's

1:11:29

nothing about them that should be there. Right.

1:11:31

Like, it wouldn't be interesting if

1:11:34

they were white cops. Yeah,

1:11:36

it's like, I don't even know if police

1:11:38

would actually be written

1:11:41

on their vest. They put it there just to make

1:11:43

sure you know, not only are they black, they are

1:11:45

cops. Me

1:11:49

power, motherfucker, is my M.E.P.G. Oh,

1:11:52

dang. Yes, the Nick. Casper

1:11:55

dropped it back. Alperly to bring them

1:11:57

in. Bad boys, bad boys.

1:12:00

What you gonna do when we come for you? The

1:12:04

next step, the next next, Miss Nose,

1:12:06

now hey. Dude, you gotta

1:12:09

learn the words. We usually only do the chorus. I love

1:12:11

this, I have to say. I

1:12:13

mean, the thing is, it's like they're so charming. They're

1:12:16

holding this whole thing up

1:12:18

on their shoulders. Exactly. Exactly.

1:12:21

And also, I can

1:12:24

imagine that this sort of also

1:12:26

comes from a situation of like, if

1:12:28

we're gonna do it again, if we're

1:12:31

gonna come back, if we're gonna suit up, we

1:12:33

gotta go as hard as possible, right? And so

1:12:35

that's why we're here. I also just

1:12:37

like, this is a moment where Martin

1:12:39

Lawrence was one of the

1:12:42

biggest stars in the

1:12:44

country. Absolutely. He

1:12:46

was fucking huge.

1:12:48

Absolutely. Next

1:12:50

one. Next one. You trying to get my

1:12:52

daughter high, you smoking shit? Nigga, who

1:12:55

that ass is, y'all? It's Reggie. Who

1:12:57

the fuck is Reggie? You can't take Megan out.

1:12:59

What you want, nigga? I'm here

1:13:01

to take your food, throw that out. What's

1:13:04

your name? Reggie. You

1:13:07

want me to take Megan out. How old is you? I

1:13:09

just like the food. Shit. Nigga, you leave 30.

1:13:12

This is me. You fight? You can

1:13:14

fight. Oh, you're moving, motherfucker. You can't

1:13:16

fight. Look at him. No, I want to know if

1:13:18

a nigga want to know. Somebody going to take my

1:13:21

nigga out. Okay, so is Will Smith playing this

1:13:23

drunk? Okay, yes. So he...

1:13:26

What? So yes, if I remember correctly, because

1:13:28

I have seen this since it came out,

1:13:30

is that they knew that Reggie

1:13:32

was coming over and he

1:13:35

has now become a character. This is

1:13:37

not how he was acting moments ago.

1:13:40

He's now become a character in order

1:13:42

to scare the brother. Oh,

1:13:44

and this is to me... Okay, so I feel

1:13:46

like this is Michael Bay. So we did... Michael

1:13:48

Bay was like, wow. Two

1:13:52

black cops infiltrating the Ku Klux Klan. That's

1:13:54

the coolest idea I've ever heard. Absolutely. Now

1:13:57

we're in a different... kind

1:14:00

of Michael Bay thing which is imagine

1:14:03

if your dad was a cop.

1:14:06

I bet he would use all of his

1:14:08

cool cop skills to scare boys in

1:14:11

a gendered way around what

1:14:13

women need to be protected

1:14:15

from. Absolutely. And I think if I remember

1:14:21

correctly speaking of in a gendered way,

1:14:23

if I remember correctly, they

1:14:27

play with that in a... Somebody

1:14:30

come say something, nigga can't fight, she can't

1:14:32

go. This is me, his godfather, okay? He

1:14:35

just got off the joint. Why you putting

1:14:37

all my business on the street? Why you

1:14:39

putting all my business on the street? Okay,

1:14:41

wait a minute, actually, okay, pause here. First

1:14:43

of all, why is the gun out? Why

1:14:47

is the gun out? This movie is awesome.

1:14:49

You don't need to pull your gun on

1:14:51

a... He's just a kid, this is a

1:14:53

kid. This is a... What is he... He's

1:14:55

15. He's 15 years old. He's just tall.

1:14:58

Pull out the gun. The

1:15:00

reason I didn't even realize the gun was coming out, the

1:15:02

reason I pause here is actually a thing that has bothered

1:15:04

me about this movie. This is just my time

1:15:06

to say this. None of you care. But the thing that

1:15:09

bothers me about this part of this movie

1:15:12

is they are clearly improvising. Martin

1:15:15

is saying that this man, they got him from out the

1:15:18

pen. They call him, they call him,

1:15:21

we never hear what

1:15:23

they call him. We never hear

1:15:27

the joke that Martin had. It

1:15:31

never comes, we never hear that

1:15:34

he goes, they call him, they

1:15:36

call him. And

1:15:40

it never is revealed what

1:15:42

the nickname was that was on the tip

1:15:45

of Martin's tongue. And this hasn't infuriated me

1:15:47

since 2002, 2002. So

1:15:53

they're loosely following something

1:15:55

like a script. And

1:15:57

he's doing a bit about Will Smith.

1:16:00

Nickname and Will Smith interrupts

1:16:02

with his own bit and they

1:16:04

never went back and got anything usable

1:16:07

we never hear his his prison nickname

1:16:10

and the and it's and that's it

1:16:12

and that's and that's and

1:16:15

that's not even the part that I was talking about before

1:16:17

but I I Have

1:16:19

just never been able to scream about how much this

1:16:23

That is not bothered me for no I can't know

1:16:25

it really I I'm glad you I'm glad

1:16:27

you told us It's because

1:16:29

it like it opens a loop that

1:16:32

it never closes Yeah, like that happens in real

1:16:34

life like somebody like like that's why

1:16:36

it's sad That's why when there's always somebody that's very

1:16:38

good at this in a dinner That's like well, they'll

1:16:40

be up. They'll be back and forth back and forth

1:16:42

and somebody like Jennifer you

1:16:44

were you were in the middle something and

1:16:46

it feels so good for Jennifer Jennifer fuck

1:16:48

it like I was Thank

1:16:51

you. Yeah, my mother is a bitch And

1:16:53

like whatever Whoever

1:16:56

it was because he's about remembered that and then

1:16:58

everybody gets the relief of that closed loop. Absolutely

1:17:00

This is just an open loop. Nope. We never

1:17:02

know when we and in bad boys 3. I'll

1:17:04

tell you they don't talk about it We don't

1:17:06

know what I'm talking about. They don't talk about

1:17:08

it Okay,

1:17:12

just setting this up direct Guantanamo fucking

1:17:14

Bay because that's where they had to

1:17:17

go I'm gonna toss it right at your feet

1:17:23

Right next to the mine Oh

1:17:50

Just got shot in the head You

1:18:01

Why is this midriff exposed? You must be

1:18:04

because of what happened tonight. Oh!

1:18:17

So I'll also just say

1:18:19

that this part ends

1:18:22

on Will going, now that's how you're supposed

1:18:24

to shoot! From now on,

1:18:26

that's how you shoot! Okay? And this is

1:18:29

a callback to two things, the end of the first movie.

1:18:32

That's how you're supposed to drive, from now on that's how you

1:18:34

drive, for those of you that don't remember. And

1:18:37

how dare you. It's you, honestly. But

1:18:39

it is also a callback to earlier

1:18:41

in the movie, another

1:18:43

frustrating thing about these, that

1:18:46

sort of underlines how these guys are villain cops, which

1:18:49

is, earlier in the movie, Martin

1:18:52

Lawrence is in the passenger seat

1:18:54

of a car chase, and Will

1:18:56

is driving. And

1:18:58

Martin is, instead of shooting, he's

1:19:01

pulling out his badge on people trying to get them

1:19:03

to stop, and he's like, that

1:19:06

guy has a gun, you're supposed to shoot him. And

1:19:08

then later Will shoots

1:19:10

a guy and says, now, show

1:19:12

him your badge. Like, shoot, kill,

1:19:16

kill, then show your

1:19:18

badge, okay? This is, these

1:19:20

guys were my heroes. They

1:19:24

were my heroes, and now it's

1:19:26

like, oh my God, have you

1:19:28

been, are you Lex Luthor, like,

1:19:30

what have you? It's, I, some of

1:19:33

the, you know, when people, you know, the long arc of

1:19:35

history has been sort of just, it's like, okay, sometimes. But

1:19:37

the, I always think that like, oh,

1:19:39

things get better. Could you make

1:19:41

Serpico now? I don't think so. I think

1:19:43

you make Serpico now. Why is Serpico better

1:19:46

about like, you know, like the

1:19:48

dangers of unaccountable police, and then we just

1:19:51

never, you can't make a Serpico again. I

1:19:53

mean, it is boring Serpico. This is way

1:19:55

more fun. Nobody blows up by landing on

1:19:57

a landmine at Guantanamo Bay in Serpico. They

1:20:00

just have a hearing at the end. Sorry

1:20:02

spoiler alert for Serpico. The end of the

1:20:04

movie is a hearing Fucking

1:20:08

Serpico, I hope they never make Serpico

1:20:10

again Serpico sucks, but I want a

1:20:12

downer all the cops are corrupt Hi,

1:20:14

but I don't see that I need

1:20:16

to see them dirty but in a

1:20:18

positive way for their daughters But

1:20:24

if I would even say if it was I Would

1:20:27

even say if the movie was more the

1:20:29

positive for their

1:20:32

daughters dirty way for

1:20:34

two hours, I

1:20:36

would appreciate that more than like

1:20:40

Then like them having carplants to do whatever they

1:20:42

want, you know bad boys for life. I'm excited

1:20:44

about that I'm I hope I'm excited to see

1:20:46

them back. I'm not man. I'm gonna see it.

1:20:49

I'm 1000%

1:20:51

gonna see it. I'm nervous about it Just

1:20:54

I'm nervous about the new bad boys for two

1:20:57

reasons One is they announced that they were gonna

1:20:59

do three and four back-to-back But

1:21:01

then when three came out they called that one

1:21:03

bad boys for life and I was like, oh

1:21:05

this I'm already They are not

1:21:07

excited about whatever the fourth one could be if you're

1:21:09

gonna name your third one bad boys for life You

1:21:11

know sounds like the end that's the one you could

1:21:14

you could also make but you can do it Life

1:21:17

like the two bad boys

1:21:19

two bad boys for life exactly, right Too

1:21:22

bad bad to life or like

1:21:24

you bad to like to bad

1:21:26

for life to lives equals for

1:21:29

Fourth movie title and this is this

1:21:31

is what you get on

1:21:33

James's podcast. This is Exactly

1:21:37

this kind of deep dive on films is

1:21:39

what you get on our country James.

1:21:41

Thank you so much for being yeah We come back. We're gonna end

1:21:44

on a high note I

1:21:49

Now because we all need it here it is I know Hey,

1:21:52

I am a teacher in Scenic

1:21:57

Arizona and I am heading I attended your

1:21:59

life show. And

1:22:02

I, my high note this week

1:22:04

is that I am working with

1:22:06

my like advanced ESL

1:22:09

students on writing an

1:22:11

argument essay on a topic of

1:22:13

their choice and they had

1:22:16

some different choices to pick from and about

1:22:18

12 of my let's

1:22:20

say 60 students decided

1:22:23

to research, write, and argue

1:22:25

on the topic of abortion

1:22:27

access in Arizona and

1:22:30

the, I had conferences

1:22:34

this week with them on like where they

1:22:36

ended up with their, their

1:22:39

perspectives. I tried to stay really

1:22:41

neutral. I presented lots of information

1:22:43

for them in their research and

1:22:45

I'm happy to say that they,

1:22:49

all of my students that selected

1:22:52

abortion as their topic are staunchly

1:22:55

arguing the importance of

1:22:57

remaining on

1:23:00

the side of access for

1:23:02

abortion in the state of Arizona.

1:23:04

So shout out to you,

1:23:07

shout out to teachers, shout out to

1:23:09

Gen Z. They give me hope. I

1:23:13

love it. My sister Leland and I love listening

1:23:15

to your show and sending cryptic texts to the

1:23:17

other referencing lines from the show before the other

1:23:19

has had a chance to listen. She

1:23:22

and I were both born with the bracket 2

1:23:24

gene giving us a very high

1:23:26

risk of developing breast and ovarian cancer

1:23:28

like our mom did at age 40.

1:23:31

As of a week ago, my sister

1:23:33

completed her fourth and hopefully final surgery

1:23:36

to eliminate her risk of breast cancer. This

1:23:39

is on top of the eight surgeries I've had

1:23:41

through which my sister has been my primary

1:23:43

caretaker. So hooray for

1:23:46

sisters, hooray for preventative care and

1:23:48

genetic testing, and hooray

1:23:50

for comedic relief which we so dearly

1:23:52

needed during that process. Get

1:23:54

your mammograms, know your risk. Thanks

1:23:57

so much. Thanks to everybody who sent

1:23:59

you the high note tonight. If you want to send

1:24:01

us a message about something that gave you hope

1:24:03

send us a voice memo to lowly high notes@gmail.com

1:24:06

That's lol. I high

1:24:08

notes@gmail.com Or if you're a friend

1:24:10

of the pod subscriber you have the exclusive ability to leave

1:24:12

us your eye notes Without the hassle of a caller email

1:24:14

simply head over to the friends of the pod discord And

1:24:16

you can leave us one in the love it or leave

1:24:18

it channel You've all been so supportive of our upcoming book

1:24:21

democracy or else how to save America and ten easy steps

1:24:23

And we think you're gonna really love it. We really do

1:24:26

Every single one of you has grabbed a copy isn't just getting a

1:24:28

useful and funny guide to making it through 2024 You're

1:24:31

also gonna help make a difference because cricket will

1:24:33

be donating its profits of the book from the

1:24:35

book to support both save America Plus to

1:24:37

support votes of America and 2024 campaigns plus

1:24:40

the more of you who jump on board the closer We

1:24:42

will get to hitting the New York Times bestseller list and

1:24:44

you know who's been on the New York Times bestseller list

1:24:46

Donald Trump jr. And we don't have a dad who can

1:24:48

make the RNC buy our book in bulk So if

1:24:54

you haven't already please go to cricket

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comm slash books to pre-order your copy

1:24:58

now again We're doing all the proceeds

1:25:00

to vote save America and 2024 campaigns

1:25:02

get us on that fucking list. We

1:25:04

worked hard on this book It's actually

1:25:06

very good. I'm shocked. I'm shocked

1:25:10

All right, also Like commander

1:25:13

Biden lying in wait for Secret Service agents love it or

1:25:15

leave its April tour dates are just around the corner We'll

1:25:17

be at the moon tower comedy festival in

1:25:20

Austin, Texas on April 21st with the delightful

1:25:22

Joyce Nicole Johnson Zach Zucker the Sklar brothers

1:25:24

and Tim Miller so to get your tickets

1:25:26

at the cricket comm slash events That is

1:25:28

our show. Thank you so much to Paul

1:25:30

Pounce on Hari Kannabale and James

1:25:32

the third There are 205 days into the

1:25:34

2024 election. Have a great night and

1:25:36

have a great weekend. Thank you coming out I

1:25:51

Love it or leave it at it forget media

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production It is written and produced by me John

1:25:55

Lovett and Lee Eisenberg Kendra James is our executive

1:25:57

producer Chris Lord is our producer and Kennedy Hill

1:25:59

is our associate producer. Halle Keeper is our

1:26:01

head writer, Sarah Lazarus and Dawson Cauffman, Peter

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are our writers. Evan Sutton is our editor,

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Kim is our videographer. Our theme song is

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written and performed by Sure Sure. Thanks to

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our designer Bernardo Serna for creating and running

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and Matt DeGroat for filming and editing videos

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each week so you can. Angie's

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list is now Angie, and we've heard a

1:26:59

lot of theories about why. I thought it

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was an eco move. For your words, less

1:27:04

paper. No, it was so you

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could say it faster. No, it's to

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be more iconic. Must be a

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tech thing. But those aren't quite right.

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It's because now you can compare up-front

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