Matt Brauer Column
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Matt Brauer Column
Episodes
Matt Brauer Column
A weekly podcast
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Episodes of Matt Brauer Column
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There are plenty of writing guides available for the serious writer, containing plenty of rules for the serious writer to follow. Most rules are common sense, such as using correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation, a few are more obscure, li
I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio yesterday. That may not seem like a big deal, but my radio station likes to repeat the same crap every hour, with one “oldie” thrown in to appease adults forced to listen to the station by their...
I’m scared. Not exactly frightened or afraid, certainly not terrified. Perhaps a tad fearful. But fearful doesn’t capture the feeling exactly. I’m not alarmed or apprehensive, hesitant or nervous. I’m not jittery, panicked, or petrified. I’m no
A message box appeared on my monitor with the words “smoked lettuce.” It was one of those pop-up boxes similar to when the computer executes what it calls an “illegal instruction,” which I know isn’t “illegal” and bugs the heck out out of me, b
Good day, class. Today I’m going discuss how to ask your employer for a raise. Before we go into the mechanics of how to ask for a raise, let me begin by saying the era of asking for raises is dead. Today’s corporate and business-ideal-minded
It’s official. My hearing has been permanently damaged. Well, perhaps not really, but that is certainly how I feel after standing next to the guy swishing his hands under the gazillion decibel hand dryer in the restaurant washroom. I have no
Communication to mission contact on home planet from agent Matt Brauer, 5/1/2017: I understand my mission on this planet is to observe and report general human behavior. However, I feel I must report a finding I have been researching for severa
We like to laugh. We all know this. It is why children take amusement in clowns, cartoons, and big, goofy animals. Though the antics may be silly by adult standards, children see genuine surprise and actions unexpected. Even infants not yet ab
In keeping with the “business policies are great and obviously apply to everything” idea, I decided to apply another business principle to my life. Over the past couple months, I’ve worked to achieve at least fifteen percent growth per year.
I used to think sleep was overrated. Think about it: Eight hours of the day is spent unconscious. That’s fifty-six hours a week, more than the typical full-time employee works in a week. It’s also four months a year, longer than it takes a...
There is a thought experiment called The Chinese Room used to determine if machines like computers have an understanding of the tasks they perform. The experiment runs like this: Suppose a computer is constructed and it behaves as if it underst
I sat with my feet on my desk trading words with my partner Tony, chewing the fat that accumulates over the course of days filled with routine assignments and mundane investigations. It had been weeks since either of us had seen the type of bus
The status of Pluto as a planet is back in the news. According to news outlets that care enough to keep reporting science news (though displays of even moderate amounts of intelligence have fallen out of favor in our current society), scientist
Note from Matt: This piece was read at the first "Wednesday's Way with Words" event at the Lakeside Arts Park in Crystal Lake. For best effect, imagine Matt at a podium speaking the words below in full stage fright mode. If you cannot imagine
We need a new sense. The old ones are failing us. Consider our sense of hearing. Despite having two ears, they are both tuned to the same frequency spectrum, offering us only the benefit of stereoscopic listening. How much better served would
It's tax time again, and I ventured down into my tax hole to finish mine last week. Since the experience is fresh in my mind, I'd like to offer up some tax tips to readers who complete their taxes on their own. (Note to readers: if you are unfa
How would today's corporate wizard manage the needs of Dorothy and her cohorts of Oz? The scarecrow wants a brain. For the corporate wizard, this is the easiest problem to solve. After all, companies need brainless individuals to perform the un
One of the most valuable services the internet has brought to me is the ability to purchase on-line the things I use. I delight in the idea of staying at home to buy my needs and avoiding crowds of people at the stores. However, there are some
Lately I’ve been receiving emails from outside companies selling seats to seminars with the latest workplace threats as topics. Most refer to threats of low probability: Several have been related to how to combat ransomware, which I have no int
Recently, a friend of mine left his job to move on to “greener pastures” at another company. I assume he meant he left for personal development reasons, or in other words, a dissatisfaction with his company’s inability to promote him. So he tak
I’ve never been successful with diets. This past week I’ve figured out why: It’s not due to any fault of my own. The problem is how societal influences are imposed on the dieting process itself. To improve my success at dieting, I am going to
I admit it. This past year I have become complacent. Lackadaisical. Lazy. I have published fewer essays in 2016 than I have since I first started in 2008. I could distract you from this fact by engaging in socially accepted forms of cognitive d
It is a few days before Xmas, and time for the last minute gift buying frenzy. The real dilemma is what to choose. Do I go for the easy buy, the bargain that is shoved into my face the moment I step into the store? Or, do I risk precious dwi
There are three things one can count on. There used to be only two, but a third now pops up every Xmas buying season. It is just as severe, as certain as death and taxes. This third surety I'm referring to is prepackaged gifts. No matter wh
Good day, class. Occasionally your workplace will want you to participate in team building seminars. Today I will be discussing how to attend such seminars effectively.
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