0:01

I think I was

0:03

so young that it was hard for

0:05

me to really accurately

0:07

register what exactly

0:09

was going on. In the moment,

0:12

it was just fun. It was

0:14

just a wild ride to be on. I

0:17

felt loved and appreciated.

0:20

I'm a people-pleasing personality,

0:23

so it felt good. We

0:26

were just thrown into

0:28

this whirlwind that lasted years.

0:32

That is what developed me,

0:34

placing value in the

0:36

wrong things for me that only

0:38

were going to end up breaking

0:40

my heart. In the moment, I

0:42

was totally fine with it because

0:44

it was all positive, playing a

0:46

role, and that's what

0:48

I needed to do to maintain

0:51

playing this role. It's a lot easier to

0:53

maintain a body that looks like that when

0:55

you're 17, 18, 19 years old.

0:58

It really just had a massive effect

1:01

on my self-esteem, which caused

1:04

me to never want to leave

1:07

my house. It only got worse.

1:09

I definitely suffered with

1:11

body image issues

1:13

in recent years. That

1:16

probably was a massive part

1:18

of it. I just always felt

1:20

the need to be perfect. It's

1:23

Mayim Bialik's breakdown. She's going to break

1:25

it down for you because

1:28

you know she knows a thing or two. So

1:31

now she's going to break down. It's a

1:33

breakdown. She's going to break it down. Hi,

1:37

I'm Mayim Bialik. And I'm Jonathan Cohen.

1:39

And welcome to our breakdown. This is the place where we

1:42

break things down, so you don't have to. This

1:44

is exciting because today we are breaking down

1:46

two people with the same first name who

1:48

happen to be married to each other. That's

1:51

right, folks. Taylor Lautner and

1:54

Taylor Lautner. The

1:56

first Taylor Lautner is an American actor known for

1:59

his role as Jacob Black in

2:01

one of the world's biggest movie

2:04

franchises, the Twilight series. He

2:06

also was in the Adventures of Sharkboy

2:08

and Lava Girl and has

2:10

done a ton of other things. But

2:13

with his wife, who's also named Taylor,

2:15

he has a mental health podcast called The

2:18

Squeeze. And his wife, Taylor,

2:20

who goes by Tay, is

2:22

a mental health speaker and activist. She's also a nurse.

2:25

And she worked through the height of

2:27

the COVID pandemic and she ended up

2:29

leaving her job due to

2:31

depression and anxiety and post-traumatic

2:33

stress disorder. But together they

2:36

have started this podcast called The Squeeze, which

2:38

I've been on. And we're very

2:40

excited to get to speak to both of them.

2:43

If people don't know the

2:45

Twilight series because they didn't

2:47

read the news for a while, I

2:50

think it's appropriate to say that

2:52

it was like a massive international

2:54

phenomenon where grown

2:56

people were sleeping on the street just

2:59

for a chance to be at the

3:01

premiere. It was crazy.

3:05

It was a real, it was

3:07

actually, social media was still

3:09

kind of newish. And the reason I remember

3:11

this is I was invited to the premiere

3:13

of Breaking Dawn. My kids were just old

3:16

enough that I could leave them to go

3:18

for a premiere. I had never read the

3:20

books. I didn't know anything about this. I

3:22

was living under a Big Bang Theory rock.

3:25

I had no idea. And I got all

3:27

dressed up and we did like a vamp

3:29

lip not knowing that the

3:31

person who did my makeup knew what I was going

3:33

to and I wore all black and like it was

3:35

very kind of goth. Anyway, I go there and there's

3:38

like people sleeping on the street

3:40

for weeks. They left their children

3:42

back home with the papa so that they

3:44

could sleep on the street. It was madness.

3:46

I think it was the largest premiere

3:49

I'd ever been to. But social

3:51

media was like still kind of

3:53

a newish thing. But it

3:55

was a global, I mean, it was

3:57

a phenomenon. People were insane and you

3:59

were. either a vampire person or you were

4:01

a werewolf person. And I went to this

4:04

premiere, I literally think, I think I went

4:06

alone and I just like had my popcorn

4:08

and I had the best time. I was

4:10

like, this is a fascinating movie. I loved

4:12

it. Like, you know, it's not like, it's

4:15

not like, oh, high complicated drama. Like it's

4:18

not like a little soap opera feel to

4:20

it, but like the acting is fun. Like

4:22

Kristen Stewart, she's pouty and I loved it.

4:24

And like, it's a love triangle and the

4:26

effects are great. I was just eating my

4:28

popcorn. I had a great time. It was

4:31

great. From that series, Taylor

4:33

has launched into a massive

4:35

global start on his entire life

4:37

changes. He's on the cover

4:40

of Sports Illustrated. He's an international sex

4:42

symbol, which has

4:44

a lot of complication. People think, oh,

4:46

that would be great, but it has

4:48

a dark side to it as well. And

4:51

this interview gets into, even beyond that, it

4:54

gets into really fascinating aspects of being

4:56

a couple, what his life is

4:59

like with Taylor. Also

5:01

the other Taylor. Yeah, like,

5:03

should we talk about? He dated Taylor Swift.

5:05

He was on stage when Kanye came up

5:08

and stole the mic. He's gonna talk all

5:10

about it. And he talks

5:12

about his relationship with his body, how it

5:14

changed from the time when the whole world

5:16

was looking at it to the time where

5:18

he's at now, where he's the one looking

5:20

at it and his wife's the one looking

5:22

at it. Do you think his wife thinks

5:25

his body is perfect? I ask it. I

5:27

ask a lot of things in this interview because

5:29

they're so sweet. They're so nice. They talk a

5:31

lot about their relationship, why they started a

5:33

podcast together, what it's like to work

5:36

together. And they also, they're very reflective

5:38

about the other and how they relate

5:40

with the outside world. It's a really,

5:42

really fun interview. Let's welcome to the

5:44

breakdown Taylor and Taylor Lautner. Break

5:47

it down. Thank

5:50

you. It was really,

5:53

really fun to get to be on

5:55

your podcast. And especially because

5:57

we are, I can see. Consider

6:00

us cousins in the podcast universe

6:02

in that we're in the family

6:04

of You know doing

6:07

podcasts to talk about difficult things

6:11

in the mental health and well-being space

6:14

And you you both tae in

6:16

particular you have been incredibly vulnerable

6:19

In even wanting to start you know a

6:22

podcast because of you know this really

6:24

specific experience that you went through which which we'll get

6:26

to but I'm

6:29

gonna start with an obvious question because

6:31

you're both named Taylor is

6:34

the tree real Quite

6:39

a few people Ask us

6:41

or I think it is real. It sadly

6:43

is not it's a very realistic

6:46

Looking fake one entry.

6:48

We do have some real lemon trees

6:50

outside, but sadly there's no sunlight in

6:53

this room Sorry, he's

6:55

yeah, well that was not my question, but I think

6:59

we should get a tree mine That's the real

7:01

takeaway We could we could have

7:03

a Christmas tree year-round because I don't have a

7:05

Christmas tree at Christmas time But it could just

7:07

live here year-round Jonathan

7:12

is already trying to do what you do on

7:15

your podcast so well, which is be casual and

7:17

act like normal people I

7:20

Usually jump right into the questions like

7:22

we're in a war zone and I

7:24

need to interview you about what's going on

7:26

boots on the ground Straight to

7:29

it. Why not? Jonathan

7:31

have I acted like a normal person enough You

7:34

have a list no one will distract you

7:36

from that list everyone get out of the

7:38

way. Let's go You

7:42

know, I'm sure it's happened other times in the

7:44

history of the world that people with the same

7:46

name get married Hey You

7:50

go by Tay all the time or

7:52

just for like these purposes when people have to talk to

7:55

both of you in one room Yeah,

7:57

both I did I didn't normally

8:00

go by Tay before

8:02

we started dating. But he

8:04

also kind of did too. Yeah,

8:08

really. I was the one who took a

8:10

loss there. We

8:13

both kind of did go by... Well,

8:15

I mean, just like for me

8:17

it was a nickname. Like my close friends and

8:20

sister, family, they'd call me Tay.

8:23

But now we kind of had to lose

8:25

that and she's just Tay and I'm Taylor.

8:28

Or boy Tay and girl Tay. Yeah. I

8:33

don't know about that. That sounds like your

8:36

song. Like, I would like

8:38

to order the boy Tay. Yeah, we've

8:40

gotten that. Or BT and GT. Or

8:45

just boy and girl. Or boy and girl. Okay,

8:47

that's also taking it to a different level.

8:50

Our friends will call us like, I'm just

8:52

girl. I feel like even when we're not

8:54

with him, they're like, girl, what do you

8:56

want? And it's just like, it comes from

8:58

girl to... I don't know. I

9:01

hope that you're both comfortable with your

9:04

gender and sexual identity because this could

9:06

get really complicated. Yes, yes.

9:10

Thankfully, we're good there. Okay. So

9:14

the other thing that's Taylor

9:16

adjacent, you dated Taylor

9:18

Swift, which first of all is like, everybody

9:21

needs to know because I had forgotten

9:23

this in history. You dated Taylor Swift,

9:25

but everybody needs to realize that was another Taylor

9:27

you dated. I know. It's

9:29

been a lot of Taylor's. Did

9:32

she go by Taylor? Yeah.

9:35

Yeah. Were you Tay then? I

9:38

mean, not really. No. You

9:41

were just both Taylor. Yes. Yes. And

9:43

we did a movie together. Someone shouted

9:46

out, Taylor? Yeah. That's what we

9:48

had to deal with on set all the time. Is

9:50

it why you broke up? You

9:52

know, looking back probably

9:54

was. And

9:56

then I jumped right back to another one. Yeah. So you were already

9:58

used to it. It was more of a... an adjustment for

10:00

me. Yeah. I had

10:03

practice. Yeah. You had practice. So,

10:05

Tay, you've never dated a tailor. I

10:07

have not dated a tailor before my husband. No.

10:09

Okay. This was a first for me. Okay.

10:12

Another question. Because it's, I'm sorry, it

10:14

just begs the question. Did you date

10:16

someone between Taylor Swift and Miss Taylor?

10:18

What's, I don't know the chronology. Oh

10:20

yeah. That was many, many moons ago.

10:23

Many sailors ago. Many. Been through a

10:25

lot of Taylor. Okay. Well, you know

10:27

what? That sounds weird now. Now you

10:29

made it weird. Now

10:32

you made it weird. Okay. I'm still

10:34

gonna ask, and then I promise we'll

10:36

talk about mental wellness

10:40

and also I got a couple other questions.

10:42

So Tay, I need to ask you

10:44

a question. When, did

10:47

you know, you knew that he dated Taylor Swift?

10:50

Oh yeah. Like

10:52

everyone but me was part of pop culture

10:54

at that time. I mean, yeah,

10:58

I'm a big Taylor. Yeah. I grew up.

11:00

Taylor is a

11:02

diehard Swifty. Yeah. I'm like one

11:04

of them. She knows her track

11:06

record. But I also like Valentine's Day

11:08

is one of my favorite movies and that's the

11:10

movie that they did together. So I did watch

11:13

that movie. Okay. So this is

11:15

a question that I'm asking as a person who

11:17

is on television and in films

11:19

and things like that. And I just think

11:22

it's the whole thing is

11:24

weird about celebrities. But this

11:26

is interesting to me because like I

11:28

wonder for you and I guess we

11:30

could ask Jonathan as well, you know,

11:32

as the non public celebrity person, meaning

11:35

as like the non actor person, you

11:37

know, was this like, Oh, that's interesting.

11:39

He dated someone else who's also really

11:41

famous. Or was it just like, whatever,

11:44

like people date people. Cause like, that's

11:46

like a big one also. Like if

11:48

Jonathan had dated Taylor's with, I might

11:50

be like, I don't even know what are

11:53

we doing here? But how do I like what

11:55

do I like? Can I write you a poem or are

11:58

you going to want a song? what

12:00

I don't always wear castles and

12:02

fun boots. Are you going to

12:04

expect that? I

12:07

would love to see you in some castles. I feel like

12:09

you could rock that. But like was

12:11

that a thing of like I'm a normal

12:13

person, like you're a nurse, you know, like

12:16

and you were entering a whole different world.

12:19

Oh yeah, for sure. I mean, I'm

12:21

pretty, I'm a pretty chill person.

12:24

So it wasn't as like, I

12:27

wish I had a better answer. It wasn't as like

12:29

jarring, I feel like as people would expect.

12:32

But yeah, I mean, I definitely, you

12:34

know, whenever I want to watch a

12:36

movie or TV show that he's done,

12:38

it's one of his exes is this

12:41

co-star. So he had a

12:43

bad history. But

12:47

I'm just kind of like, I have no

12:50

beef towards anyone. So I'm just

12:52

like, you know, like weirdly cool.

12:54

Like I'm, I get

12:56

like 10 times more starstruck by people than

12:59

Tay does. Right. Like I

13:01

remember when we first started dating, we would

13:03

be around, you know, very famous people and

13:05

I would like, you know,

13:07

we just started dating and I was like

13:09

a little bit nervous to introduce her to,

13:11

you know, some people because I'm like, you

13:13

never know, you know, I don't know if

13:16

she's gonna start like freaking out or something.

13:18

And she's just like, literally

13:20

like, yeah, what's up, Justin Bieber, like, just

13:22

to tear her last. We

13:25

had met him right when we had started dating. I

13:28

think it was like our first date, we maybe like

13:30

sat next to him like at church or something. And

13:33

we got in the car and he was like,

13:35

so I was like, he was nice. And Taylor's

13:37

like, that's it. And I was like, yeah. And

13:39

I knew like growing up, she was

13:41

a diehard believer. So

13:44

I was expecting some like

13:46

crazy fandom reaction. But no,

13:49

she's just cool with cucumber. We

13:51

went to the Super Bowl before

13:54

the pandemic in early

13:56

2020. And

13:58

that was in Miami. was

14:00

a little bit of a surreal situation. We

14:03

were in the Fox box because they

14:06

were sponsoring it. There

14:10

was a handful of people that you normally

14:12

see on television and you had some version

14:14

of a relationship with it. I

14:16

find though that Maim gets so nervous

14:18

and those, really any

14:20

public situation, but especially celebrity-laden public

14:23

situations that she's like it was

14:25

kind of managing her anxiety around

14:27

it so I didn't have any

14:29

sort of space or

14:31

opportunity to be starstruck. You're like, are you

14:33

going to be okay? And

14:36

then Jamie Foxx rolled in and all of

14:38

a sudden that was, he

14:40

was a pretty big deal in terms

14:43

of just the movies and

14:45

cultural influence he's had. More

14:49

than anything is more for me has been

14:52

a little bit just a strange surreal moment

14:54

because all of a sudden you're like, oh

14:56

that person is there and it takes a

14:58

minute to register that they are who they

15:00

are. But

15:03

I find what I think Tay is saying is

15:06

like it's really about are they a normal person

15:08

or not or do they interact and sometimes

15:10

they don't. I

15:13

don't see anything outside of this

15:15

periphery and you don't exist.

15:22

It's important to us that the supplements we take are of

15:24

the highest quality and that's why for the last three years

15:26

we've been drinking AG1. Our gut and immune

15:28

health have never been better. Unlike many

15:30

supplement brands, AG1 conducts relentless testing to

15:32

set the standard for purity and potency.

15:35

So many people have asked, is AG1 really the

15:37

real deal? Trust us, there's a reason we've been drinking

15:39

it so long. Quality for AG1

15:41

isn't just a buzzword, it's a commitment

15:44

backed by expert-led scientific research, high quality

15:46

ingredients, industry-leading manufacturing and rigorous testing. At

15:48

each step of the process, AG1 goes

15:50

above and beyond industry standards. You

15:53

can trust within every scoop of AG1 because it's been tested

15:55

for 950 contaminants and banned

15:57

substances. The industry standard typically only tests

15:59

for... Number 10, AG1 is

16:01

NSF certified for sport, one of the

16:03

most rigorous independent quality and safety certification programs

16:06

in the supplement industry. Taking

16:08

care of your health shouldn't be complicated.

16:10

AG1 simplifies it by replacing multiple health

16:13

supplements like multivitamins, digestive aids, immune support,

16:15

and more in one simple scoop. AG1's

16:17

ingredients are research for efficacy and quality,

16:19

and every scoop has prebiotics, probiotics, and

16:22

digestive enzymes for gut support, also vitamin

16:24

C and zinc to support immune health.

16:27

We've partnered with AG1 for so long because they make

16:29

a high quality product that we genuinely look forward to

16:31

drinking every day. If you want to replace your multivitamin

16:33

and so much more, start with AG1. Try

16:36

AG1 and get a free one-year supply of

16:38

vitamin D3 plus K2 and five free AG1

16:40

travel packs with your first subscription at... drinkag1.com/Breakdown.

16:44

That's drinkag1.com/Breakdown. Check

16:47

it out. Mind

16:51

Balax Breakdown is supported by Delete Me. I

16:54

think that more of your personal data is out

16:56

there on the internet for everyone to see.

16:59

More than you might think. It is out there. Things

17:02

like, oh, you know, your name, contact info,

17:04

social security number, your home address. There's

17:06

even information about your family members, all

17:08

being compiled by data brokers and

17:10

openly sold online. Anyone

17:13

on the web, effectively, can get

17:15

your private details. This can lead

17:17

to identity theft, phishing attempts, harassment,

17:19

unwanted spam calls. I recently

17:21

found a solution to protect my privacy with

17:23

Delete Me, a subscription service that removes your

17:25

personal info from the largest people search databases

17:27

on the web. The process

17:30

helps prevent potential ID theft, doxing, and

17:32

phishing scams. So many people are

17:34

victims of identity theft. I know a few just

17:36

off the top of my head. Everyone

17:39

is annoyed by robocalls on at least

17:41

a weekly basis, if not daily, and spam.

17:44

Privacy matters. Now that we've found

17:46

Delete Me, Jonathan and I both rest assured

17:48

that our private personal information is safe. It's

17:50

especially important if you're a person who exists publicly, but

17:53

it's important for all of us. Delete Me's

17:55

interface is incredibly simple to use. They

17:57

quickly find and remove any personal info

17:59

you don't want online. online and they make sure it stays

18:01

off. Sign up and provide Delete Me

18:03

with exactly what you want deleted and their experts

18:05

will take it from there. They'll send you regular

18:07

personalized privacy reports showing what they found, where they

18:10

found it and what they removed. And it's not

18:12

just a one-time service. They're always working for

18:14

you, constantly monitoring and removing personal info

18:16

that you don't want online. Take

18:18

control of your data and keep your private

18:21

life private by signing up at Delete Me.

18:23

Now at a special discount for

18:25

our listeners, today get 20% off

18:27

your Delete Me plan when you

18:29

go to joindeleteme.com/breakdown and use promo

18:31

code BREAKDOWN at checkout. The only

18:33

way to get 20% off

18:36

is to go to joindeleteme.com/breakdown

18:38

and enter code BREAKDOWN at

18:40

checkout. That's joindeleteme.com/breakdown

18:43

code BREAKDOWN. I

18:49

find a lot of times that, you know,

18:51

Jonathan thinks, and this is sort of leads

18:53

to my first question for you, Taylor. Like

18:56

a lot of times Jonathan wants me to

18:58

be a lot more comfortable with my celebrity

19:00

than I am. Meaning like, oh,

19:03

that person said hi to you. Like go talk

19:05

with them or like go open up a conversation.

19:08

And, you know, I think you can actually probably

19:11

both speak to this, you know, for

19:13

different kind of reasons. Let's start

19:15

with you, Taylor. Like what is your sort of,

19:17

you know, at this point in your life, what's

19:19

your relationship to fame? Like

19:22

to being recognizable that way. Yeah,

19:25

I'm that same way. We have

19:27

the exact same

19:31

partnership there because yeah, I

19:33

don't like, I

19:35

always, I never

19:37

like want to bother people.

19:39

And I think maybe that

19:41

comes from just going through

19:43

what like I went through

19:46

and like, that's the last thing

19:48

I ever want to be

19:50

to somebody else. So I am overly,

19:52

overly like, I will

19:54

never go up to anybody. And

19:56

you're also just like a humble human. So I feel like

19:58

a lot of people are like, a lot of the times, I'll

20:01

be like, go say hi. And he's like, they're not

20:03

gonna know who I am. I'm like, dude, they're gonna

20:05

fricking know who you are. Go say hi. He's like,

20:07

they're not gonna know. And then sure enough, like the

20:09

person ends up coming over to us and they're like,

20:11

big fit. So that's his other thing. He's like, they're

20:13

not gonna know who I am. Yeah,

20:16

so I do get in my

20:19

head about that. I never wanna

20:21

bother anybody when I am in

20:23

those like social, you know, crazy

20:25

rooms or places.

20:31

Yeah, I feel like I get in

20:33

my head and like insecure about it and

20:37

yeah, she's always the one like pushing me

20:39

to go interact and mingle with.

20:42

And he's always happy that I did push

20:44

him. Yeah, that's 99% of the time. I

20:48

wanna know who the most famous person

20:50

is that he thought wouldn't know him,

20:52

Tay and Di. Easy, easy. Well,

20:57

this is most famous in the sense

20:59

of most famous to you. To

21:01

me. Yes. Right. Barry

21:04

Sanders, who is a legendary

21:06

football player for

21:09

the Detroit Lions. Why would Barry

21:11

Sanders have any idea who the

21:13

teenage wolf from Twilight is? I'm

21:16

with you. I would be totally

21:18

on team sailor and be like, he's

21:20

not gonna know him. Yeah. He

21:23

has his jerseys and we were at a Lions

21:25

game this past season and Taylor was freaking

21:27

out. He was like, Barry's here, Barry's here. You

21:30

gotta go say hi, like take a photo with him. He's

21:33

not gonna know who I am. I'm like, this is your

21:35

one opportunity you need to go. And he ended up

21:37

like, we ended up, I think his team came

21:39

up and was like. Well, I ended up, yes, I

21:41

ended up saying I'm not going up to

21:43

Barry Sanders. So I left it

21:46

and then what happens is I get

21:48

a tap on my shoulder and some

21:50

guy who is his agent is

21:53

like, hey, Barry would love to meet you. Would

21:55

that be okay? Wow. And

21:57

I'm like, Barry who? And he like steps to the.

22:00

side and standing there right behind him

22:02

with like hands waiting. Barry Sanders. So

22:04

funny. And then he followed Taylor on

22:06

Instagram and he was like, I can

22:08

die happy now. Oh man.

22:11

Yeah. At like athletes. Yeah.

22:13

Athletes are what does it for me.

22:16

Yeah. Like Caitlin Clark just

22:18

followed me on Instagram and I almost

22:21

passed out. Yeah. He literally,

22:23

yeah, he was very excited about that one.

22:26

Actors and actresses. I'm like, yeah.

22:28

For me, it's I think musicians

22:30

and I'm deeply connected to lyrics

22:33

and all the sadness. And

22:36

so that's often a connection, which

22:38

could be a reference to Taylor Swift, but it may not be.

22:40

I would never go out to Taylor Swift in

22:42

case anyone's curious. She would not know who I am.

22:44

I tried to get her to follow me when I

22:47

was on a show called Call Me Cat because she

22:49

likes cats. But anyway, So

22:51

sweet. Cat. How

22:54

old were you when you were cast in the first

22:56

of the Twilight saga? Sixteen.

23:01

And how long had you been acting

23:03

before being cast? Um,

23:07

a bit. I started acting

23:09

when I was like eight,

23:11

still living in Michigan. Um,

23:14

in four to

23:17

three years. I

23:19

would literally fly with like my mom or

23:21

dad from Michigan to LA

23:23

for a single audition, like a

23:25

Burger King commercial and then fly

23:27

right back to Michigan. It

23:30

helped and was only possible because my

23:32

dad was a commercial airline pilot. Um,

23:36

but yeah, that was exhausting. I'm

23:39

sure much more exhausting on my parents than me. But

23:43

after a few years of doing that, they like

23:45

sat me down. And I mean,

23:47

just amazing support.

23:49

But they were like, if you want to keep

23:51

doing this, we're going to have

23:54

to move out to LA. We can't continue

23:56

doing this from Michigan. Um,

23:59

then, uh, yeah. Shortly after we moved

24:01

out when I was 11, I did

24:04

my first lead in a feature film

24:06

when I was 12. And

24:10

then that was a movie

24:12

called Sharkboy and Lava Girl. Then right after that, I went

24:14

in Achiever by the Dozen 2. And

24:17

I thought things were looking up. And

24:19

I was like, wow, this is going to be easy. This

24:21

is great. And

24:24

then right as I was entering high school,

24:27

I just hit

24:29

a dry spell and I could not

24:31

book anything to save my life. And

24:35

going through school and being

24:38

somewhat bullied for

24:41

being an actor, I just,

24:44

in not being able to book anything

24:46

else, I was this

24:49

close to giving up and just being like,

24:51

you know what? That was a fun thing

24:53

to do when I was a kid, but I

24:55

don't know if it's for me anymore. And

24:58

right as I was coming to that

25:00

decision, I got

25:02

this screen test for actually

25:05

two movies on the same day. I got

25:07

the screen test for it. So it was

25:10

down to three people for Journey

25:12

to the Center of the Earth starring The

25:14

Rock, big Disney movie. I was dying to

25:16

get it. I was like, if I get

25:18

this movie opposite The Rock for Disney, this

25:21

is the best movie I've ever seen. This

25:23

is going to save me. This is going to make my career.

25:26

And this little film at the time,

25:28

it was a smaller

25:31

budget that was

25:33

based off of books and volume

25:35

vampires. And

25:38

I told my agents, I was like, I

25:40

really want that rock movie. And they were

25:42

like, yeah, but I mean, don't be so

25:44

sure this other, this Twilight one, it has

25:46

some steam. People are talking about it. And

25:49

I'm like, never heard of it. Good

25:53

news and bad news. Bad news. I didn't book

25:55

Journey to the Center of the Earth, but I

25:57

did get the Twilight. You

26:00

booked this film at

26:02

16, and over

26:05

the course of the next stretch

26:07

of years, this

26:10

became really

26:14

the center of a

26:17

career that no one could have

26:19

planned, meaning like, you could have done

26:21

that movie and nobody would see it, it wouldn't be

26:23

a thing, and they'd never make a second one, right? But

26:26

this, it became a saga, it

26:28

was a moment in our culture

26:31

that you were one of the main faces

26:33

of. And when I think about this,

26:36

as Tay describes you, this

26:38

very good-hearted, optimistic, it sounds

26:43

like a very positive person, you

26:45

land this role and it really

26:47

does, it changes your life, it

26:49

changes the whole perspective that you

26:51

get to see your life through.

26:55

And in particular, that

26:57

kind of fame, I mean, you

26:59

experienced an exceptional degree of fame

27:02

to the point that you had a

27:05

lack of movement, a lack of freedom, it gets

27:07

really, really big

27:11

and then your life gets really, really small, right? What

27:14

did that positive,

27:16

hopeful, wanting to find

27:19

the best, what did that kind person experience,

27:21

what did that feel like? In

27:24

the moment, in the

27:27

moment, nothing, or I shouldn't

27:29

say nothing, in the moment, it was

27:32

just fun, it was just a wild ride

27:34

to be on. And

27:37

I felt loved and

27:39

appreciated and I'm

27:41

a people-pleasing personality, so it felt good. But

27:50

I think I was so young that it was

27:52

hard for me to really accurately

27:54

register what exactly

27:56

was going on. just

28:01

thrown into this

28:03

whirlwind that lasted

28:05

years. But

28:07

yeah, I mean, while it was going on,

28:11

it was great. But I think

28:13

that is what developed me

28:16

like placing value

28:18

in the wrong things for me.

28:21

That only were going to end up

28:23

like breaking my heart. Mind

28:29

Balance Breakdown is supported by Song Finch. You

28:42

know when you're listening to a song on the radio and

28:44

you feel like the song was written about you? Well,

28:46

imagine having the power to gift that

28:49

feeling to someone with an original song from

28:51

Song Finch that actually is written for them.

28:54

Jonathan and I worked together. We created our own

28:56

song with a Song Finch musician, the song you're

28:59

hearing now. It turned out incredible. First time we

29:01

heard it, we both cried a lot. We couldn't

29:03

be happier with it. The process was simple and

29:05

fun. You get to choose the genre and artist.

29:08

And this is literally what I'd like to do

29:10

as a living is just have Song Finch make

29:12

me songs. Song Finch lets you create an original

29:14

radio quality song inspired by your

29:17

own life and the people you love. It's completely

29:19

unique, personal, and lasts forever. It's

29:21

so simple. You just tell them who the

29:23

song's for, what style of song you want.

29:25

Then you share whatever personal details you want

29:27

about your relationship. And then you choose a

29:29

Song Finch musician who will write, record, and produce

29:31

an original song in four to seven days. There's

29:34

unique add-ons to make it even more special like

29:36

a vinyl record of your song, one of a

29:38

kind art made from your lyrics. Also, you can

29:40

add your song to Spotify with more than 350,000

29:43

happy customers. Song Finch is proud to be the

29:45

number one custom music company in the world. Whether

29:47

your songs for Mother's Day, Father's Day, an upcoming

29:49

graduation or wedding, or just to show a loved

29:51

one how much you care, start your song now.

29:53

Block in the top Song Finch artists. Don't

29:55

waste another dollar on more stuff. Get a

29:58

radio quality original song that's totally unique your

30:00

relationship. For a limited time Songfinch is

30:02

letting our listeners upload their song to

30:04

Spotify for free so you and the

30:06

lucky person you gifted to can listen to

30:08

it anywhere, anytime. Go to songfinch.com slash break and

30:10

start your song. After you purchase you'll be prompted

30:12

to add Spotify streaming for your original song for

30:14

free which is a $50 value. Again

30:17

our URL is songfinch.com/break. Don't forget

30:20

to share your song with us

30:22

to songfinch.com/break.

30:28

My MB Alex breakdown is supported

30:30

by Airbnb. Jonathan

30:32

and I both love staying in Airbnb

30:34

especially when we're away for somewhere longer than a

30:36

day or two. Helps me keep my nutrition

30:38

on track if I have a kitchen where I can

30:41

you know cook and do all the things that I

30:43

need. One of my other favorite things about staying in

30:45

Airbnb is you get to stay in

30:47

a novel place every time you never stay in

30:49

the same place twice and it kind of feels

30:51

like your home away from home. I know so

30:53

many people who could be hosting their spaces while

30:55

they're away so that other people can enjoy them

30:57

and a lot of people don't realize they might

30:59

have an Airbnb of their own right under their

31:01

noses. You might be thinking my space couldn't be

31:03

an Airbnb but you know what that's not true.

31:05

If you're concerned about the time commitment you can

31:07

Airbnb your place even just like a few weeks

31:09

a year when you're traveling especially if you're someone

31:11

who loves to host all those little details that

31:14

really elevate a space and make it unique that

31:16

really matters. Airbnb hosting is a way to earn

31:18

extra money and make sure that your space is

31:20

being utilized even if it's just when you're out of town. Your

31:23

home might be worth more than

31:25

you think. Find out how much

31:27

at airbnb.com/host. Mind

31:31

be Alex breakdown is supported by better help. Many

31:34

of us are walking through our days burdened by

31:36

the weight of something we need to get off

31:38

our chest. Maybe something we need to tell someone

31:40

in our family or a romantic partner a friend

31:42

or our boss. Everybody carries different

31:44

stressors. There's big they're small but keeping

31:46

anything like that bottled up can actually impact

31:48

us negatively. Therapy is a safe space to

31:51

get things off your chest and to figure

31:53

out how to work through whatever's weighing you

31:55

down. I really rely on therapy as

31:57

a place to reason things out and to be able

31:59

to. figure out if I need to take

32:01

action or if I need to do some more

32:03

work on myself before I decide to take action.

32:06

If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a

32:08

try. It's online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and

32:10

suited to your schedule. You fill out a brief

32:12

questionnaire, they'll match you with a licensed therapist, you

32:15

can switch at any time for no additional charge.

32:17

Get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/break

32:19

today to get 10% off your first month. That's

32:23

BetterHelp, help.com/break. Can

32:29

you say more? Because obviously there's a

32:32

lot of attention paid to the buffness

32:34

that you acquired and

32:37

that role really lent itself

32:39

to you growing with the

32:41

role, as it were. Are

32:44

you talking about that? Are you talking about,

32:46

I mean, also you were worshiped as a

32:48

sex symbol. And people talked

32:50

about you before you were 18 in

32:52

ways that we don't talk about young

32:54

girls and should not talk about young

32:56

people. That became also like

32:58

a huge part of this kind of

33:00

fame. Is that sort of what you're

33:02

talking about? Was that appealing to you?

33:04

Is there conflict around it? Yeah,

33:08

I think, yeah, again, in the

33:10

moment, I was totally fine with

33:12

it because it was all positive

33:14

and, you know, I was playing

33:16

a role and that's what

33:18

I needed to do to maintain playing

33:21

this role. And it

33:24

was great because it's a lot

33:26

easier to maintain a body

33:28

that looks like that when you're 17, 18, 19 years old. I

33:33

mean, that's what I looked like when I was 17, 18 and 19. But

33:38

yeah, then time goes by and

33:40

this wasn't until years later, but

33:43

time goes by and I'm pushing

33:45

30 and it's

33:49

much more difficult to look like

33:51

that. And,

33:54

you know, anytime, like, I

33:57

would just be embarrassed to

33:59

like... Like,

34:01

go to the beach and like, take my

34:03

shirt off. Like, I had

34:06

had that happen before where, you know,

34:08

those pictures wind up online and it's

34:11

just like people obliterate you

34:13

because you don't look like

34:15

you used to in

34:17

the movies when you were 17, 18. And

34:21

it really just had a massive effect

34:24

on my self-esteem, which

34:27

caused me to never

34:29

want to leave my house and

34:33

really just ended up rebelling

34:35

against the gym and anything

34:38

I used to. So I

34:40

feel like it only like got worse. But

34:43

yeah, I definitely suffered

34:46

with body image issues

34:50

in recent years. And

34:54

I think, yeah, that probably was a massive

34:57

part of it. I'm

35:01

curious when we kind of talk about

35:03

expectations, you know, what people expect of

35:05

us. I don't

35:07

know if you saw the documentary Quiet on

35:09

Set, which, you know, talks

35:11

about the dark side of children's television

35:13

in particular, you know, what occurred at

35:15

Nickelodeon. But it wasn't just

35:17

at Nickelodeon. This is something that

35:19

wasn't also just happening on sets. This is

35:22

part of our culture, you know, in terms

35:24

of what we expect of children or young

35:26

people. And I wonder just in light

35:28

of that, you know, like what we

35:30

know about that documentary, I wonder if you can speak

35:32

a little bit about, did

35:35

you feel any sort of

35:37

pressure either from the outside or even

35:39

internally generated, you know, a certain pressure

35:42

to behave a certain way or to

35:44

live up to what the public wanted or

35:47

what the producers wanted? You know, like Kristen's

35:49

very, very known for being kind of like

35:51

rebellious and like that's like a brand thing

35:53

that you can, you know, but I'm curious

35:55

for you, did it feel like

35:57

you, you know, I was an actor when

35:59

I was. was that age and even though I

36:02

was in a very positive environment for the most

36:04

part, of course you feel a need to be

36:06

obedient, you know, like to be

36:08

in a good mood or like, I don't need to go to

36:10

the bathroom. I'll wait. I'm fine. I'm

36:13

not hungry. Like I can do one more

36:15

take. I'm curious just not for not for

36:17

salacious reasons. Like I'm gonna ask you for

36:19

that reason, but I'm curious because there's a

36:21

person in there. You know, you were a

36:24

kid in an adult world. I'm curious what

36:26

your experience was. Yeah.

36:28

Yeah. I never, like

36:31

you, like, you know, my sets, I

36:33

never had anything, you know,

36:36

strange or inappropriate.

36:39

Like, you know, we saw in that

36:41

documentary. But yeah,

36:43

for sure. Like I always, I think

36:45

what it really did to me was

36:47

I just always felt the need to

36:49

be perfect.

36:53

And a lot of that did come from within.

36:56

I, you know, I always, like I grew

36:58

up playing mini sports, you

37:00

know, always having to, you know, please

37:02

coaches and be

37:05

the best version of myself. And

37:08

I would, you know, push myself to

37:10

be that every day. And

37:13

yeah, in this industry, that's a

37:15

tough thing because it's, it's

37:18

impossible to be perfect. But yeah,

37:20

I was. That

37:22

was what I was trying to achieve. And

37:26

yeah, like I said, most of those expectations

37:28

were set by myself. But

37:31

it was, yeah, definitely reinforced, though,

37:33

by the environment, right? Yes,

37:36

for sure. And then you, you

37:38

know, you have a speed bump in the road and then

37:41

people ridicule

37:43

you for it. And

37:46

those, yeah, those moments were, were tough. This

37:49

is a, I mean, a perfect opening. I like

37:51

when you follow the list without having the list

37:54

in front of you, Taylor, I appreciate it. I

37:56

want to talk to you, Tay, about perfection.

38:00

and the standards that others

38:02

hold us to. Because

38:06

part of your journey that led

38:08

to your podcast and led to

38:11

you speaking so openly is you

38:14

are a nurse and you entered nursing

38:18

essentially at the time when a

38:21

global pandemic struck. And

38:23

you ended up in a position

38:25

of tremendous responsibility and I'm

38:28

sure in many cases authority in

38:31

healthy ways, meaning that was your role.

38:34

And what you experienced

38:37

was what we were all experiencing

38:39

but your perspective obviously very different.

38:41

You were actively responsible

38:44

for caring for people who

38:50

were very, very ill and in many cases

38:52

did not survive. And

38:55

I wonder, you've been so

38:57

open about what that brings

38:59

up for people who are

39:01

in that position, the depression, the anxiety,

39:03

the trauma. You reached a

39:05

point you've talked about where just like you

39:07

couldn't even like just the protective gear, like

39:10

it needed to come off. I

39:12

wonder if you can talk about it in sort of

39:14

the framing that Taylor just spoke about. What

39:17

did that expectation feel like in

39:19

terms of your responsibilities and

39:21

what did it feel like in your

39:23

body when it started crumbling? Like

39:25

when it felt like you were crumbling? Yeah,

39:29

I mean, I think nursing as a profession, I

39:31

would encourage anyone to go into it, it's

39:33

amazing. But

39:35

the environment of the hospital

39:39

and being a nurse in the hospital is you

39:42

just like, you just go and you

39:44

just do it. Like nurses are some of the

39:46

strongest people I've ever met and like, we'll go

39:48

shifts. Like

39:50

sometimes I'll go like eight hours without going

39:53

to the bathroom or eating. Like there would

39:55

be times where that would happen and

39:57

you just don't think about yourself. There's

39:59

patience. that they're dying and if you

40:01

don't care for them properly, they

40:04

could die. So it's

40:06

a lot of pressure in that

40:08

regard because this

40:11

is life and death that we were talking about.

40:13

So I felt so much

40:15

pressure, especially as a new nurse, to

40:18

even get there earlier or to pick

40:20

up extra shifts because we were short

40:22

staffed and I mean, everywhere still is

40:24

short staffed, but I

40:26

knew what it was like to be on the

40:29

receiving end being short staffed and not even have

40:31

enough people to take vitals. And

40:33

so I would go in at like two, three in

40:35

the morning just to go help and

40:37

take vitals. And

40:39

I think that's kind of the standard or, I

40:46

guess it's very easy to not

40:48

have a boundary with nursing, especially

40:50

during that time when it is like

40:53

a pandemic and it's an influx and you need

40:55

to go in as much as you can. When

40:57

you get that call from your... My manager

41:00

being like, we need help, please, can you come in?

41:02

And it's like my first night off in like four

41:04

days because they ended up picking up an extra shift

41:07

even just for a couple hours, like can you come in?

41:10

We need it. What do you do?

41:12

They know that's what you are dealing with. Yeah,

41:14

yeah, it was a lot of that. Not

41:16

knowing like how to properly

41:19

put that boundary there, especially

41:21

when it is during the

41:23

pandemic and you're like, am I being selfish

41:26

by putting this boundary here? Or is this

41:28

something that I actually do need to do?

41:31

And I think my lack

41:33

of boundary knowledge is a big

41:35

reason why myself and many

41:37

other nurses got so burned out

41:40

from the pandemic because

41:43

I can't prepare you for

41:45

something like that. Like it

41:48

was probably one of the hardest things I'll ever have to

41:50

go through. Hopefully, hopefully I

41:52

don't have to go through much worse than

41:54

that. I

41:56

also wanna be clear, I'm not comparing,

41:59

obviously, nursing during... pandemic to being,

42:01

you know, a sex symbol. What

42:03

I was interested in, which I think you

42:05

both spoke to, you know, in a way that I think will

42:07

make sense to a lot of people

42:09

is no matter what situation we find

42:11

ourselves in, right, whatever pressure we put

42:13

on ourselves and whatever stuff we come

42:16

to that situation with that's going to

42:18

impact how it impacts us.

42:20

Right. The the

42:22

follow up question I had is,

42:24

I'm curious about your relationship

42:27

because I'm curious where getting it

42:30

right fits in. I'm curious, you

42:32

know, what, what each of your

42:35

respective kind of ways that

42:37

you communicate, like, you know, what

42:39

are your love languages? Do those line up?

42:42

And do you feel like these aspects of

42:44

the other parts of your lives, you

42:47

know, have an impact on then

42:49

how you relate with each other? Those

42:51

are great questions. I think I think it's

42:53

cool. We've I mean, as of

42:55

recently, you know, we got married a little

42:57

over a year ago, and people are always

42:59

like, how's the first year of marriage like

43:01

still holding on? And we're like, great,

43:05

like, no, no complaints here.

43:08

But I think it's because I mean, we've

43:10

been together for like, six,

43:12

seven, somewhere in there, six and a half

43:14

somewhere in their years, we've been together a

43:16

while and we've been through a lot of

43:18

life together. And, you know, I think going

43:21

through COVID as, you know, even if I

43:24

wasn't working just as a couple, you know, is a

43:26

task on its own, but then, you know, but on

43:28

top of that, me working, we've definitely

43:30

been through a decent

43:32

amount of life together, and

43:35

had to learn how the

43:37

other communicates. And

43:40

so I feel like we've kind of got that somewhat

43:42

figured out now, which is nice. Yeah,

43:45

we balance each other out very well.

43:47

Yeah, we are. We're similar

43:49

in a lot of ways, but we

43:51

are different in ways. But

43:54

I think the balance is what

43:58

has helped us come together. Like we have very

44:01

different love languages. So,

44:04

you know, figuring out how

44:06

to, you know, be

44:10

there for her love languages and her being

44:12

there for mine is, yeah, it does take

44:14

some thinking. And communication too, because like, you

44:17

know, if we get, you know, in an

44:19

argument or if, you know, we're in a

44:21

conversation, Taylor like knows his emotions and he

44:23

knows them right now and he's like, he

44:26

knows what he wants and he's like very clear. And I'm

44:28

like, my head's spinning, I need to

44:30

think about this and like, we'll talk tomorrow. Like that's how

44:32

I process things. And so

44:34

when we first started dating Taylor was like, well, no,

44:36

tell me. And I'm like, well, no, I don't know.

44:39

I can't even tell you what my last name is

44:41

right now because I'm so flustered. Just because that's how

44:43

like I process, I sleep on it. And then I

44:45

have full clarity or like, you know, I take an

44:47

hour and I'm like fine. I don't like that. I'm

44:50

just gonna tell you that. I don't like that at

44:52

all. I know I'm with Taylor. I

44:55

don't have, I don't wanna wait overnight. I

44:57

wanna think about what you're thinking about while you're

44:59

sleeping. What do you mean, Jonathan?

45:02

Sometimes it takes a minute to digest.

45:04

Shut up. And I would bet you

45:06

thinking that for

45:09

all those people who are super

45:11

certain of themselves in the moment,

45:14

I do think that taking a

45:16

beat, digesting, sleeping does change how

45:18

certain you are of something even

45:21

if you are supposedly clear. Okay,

45:24

so I'm gonna call on Taylor

45:26

here to give me some dude

45:29

support because not only

45:31

did you just say that you

45:33

need time, you just cast doubt

45:35

about those of us who don't

45:38

need time. He's like,

45:40

your clarity will change.

45:43

Exactly, that is so rude.

45:49

Well, I was trying to be really nice

45:51

about it. What I was trying to say

45:53

is that sometimes people,

45:56

and I don't know about Taylor, I think

45:58

he's probably very clear. But

46:00

sometimes you

46:02

might get a little bit hot. And

46:06

maybe I need to sleep on it. And rush

46:09

to a decision or a conclusion

46:13

about how you feel. And in

46:15

time, you have been

46:17

known to soften a little bit,

46:20

to relax, to maybe see multiple

46:22

sides of a situation. And that

46:24

certainty that you may have had

46:26

in the moment, can

46:30

lighten potentially. Here's

46:33

what I'm hearing. And I need Taylor

46:35

and Tatum away. And what I'm hearing

46:37

is, if I'm from the Midwest, and

46:40

I'm certain about my feelings, I'm allowed

46:42

to say them. If

46:44

I'm not from the Midwest, you

46:47

don't like what I say, I have to

46:49

sleep on it, so that I forget why

46:51

I was upset and you put me in

46:53

my place, because that's what people do to

46:55

women. I

46:58

feel a little bit mis-categorized. Okay.

47:01

Okay, well, okay. But

47:03

in all seriousness, so Tay, I do

47:05

wanna ask you, as a woman who

47:08

does not understand what you just said,

47:12

was there a time in your life where you

47:14

felt like you had to like, just

47:17

like react? Or do you

47:19

find that you just get flustered by conflict and

47:21

you can't react and just need time to

47:23

process? I think I do. I've

47:26

always been like that. I think also in

47:29

past relationships, I've never had, my

47:31

opinion has never been asked, or I've

47:33

never, my

47:36

opinion hasn't been valued, so to say. So

47:39

when we're talking, Taylor

47:41

actually wants to, genuinely wants

47:43

to know what I feel about the

47:45

situation. And I'm like, I just

47:47

don't know, because I'm also

47:49

a very indecisive person. So it

47:53

takes me a second to figure out what

47:55

I actually do want.

48:00

And I also think because The

48:04

way I am is you know If someone

48:06

does something and like i'm like always the

48:08

devil's advocate and I always like see things

48:10

from a better perspective And so

48:13

that is how I am too So

48:15

I think those two together maybe don't They

48:18

mesh well in the sense of we're opposites and

48:20

we balance each other out, but yeah Yeah,

48:23

the other side of it is you got

48:25

to figure those moments out Yeah, but I

48:27

feel like we've we've done that like I

48:29

I now know If

48:31

we're wanting to have a conversation and figure

48:33

something out That

48:36

We may just go nowhere We might

48:39

just be sitting here spinning our wheels

48:41

if I don't give her time

48:44

to process and figure out What

48:46

exactly she is feeling and

48:48

as difficult as that is

48:50

sometimes? Um, you know, you

48:53

just gotta realize The

48:55

smartest thing to do because also I feel

48:57

like sometimes, you know when we first started dating he

48:59

would be like well No, what do you feel like

49:01

what's like tell me and then I would say something

49:03

and then it would just make the conversation even worse

49:05

Because I I didn't I didn't like I

49:07

just said something And then

49:09

it would spiral even worse. So now we're

49:12

like, okay, let's just Figure

49:14

it out. It's not necessarily in the morning

49:17

Sometimes I have I feel like i've gotten a little

49:19

quicker At my processing time

49:22

because I know you're not I know

49:24

you're genuinely wanting like You

49:27

mean you say I need to sleep on it and you

49:29

don't wake up like Awake in

49:31

his face like whenever you wake up i'm

49:33

ready to tell you that's not what happens.

49:35

You make him wait till lunchtime No,

49:38

i'm saying sometimes that I Sometimes

49:40

I don't need to fully sleep like if

49:42

we're having conversation mid-day a little bit like

49:45

I can come to me my space She's

49:47

like her space. Got it. I'm also like

49:49

i'm an only child I didn't

49:51

come I do love a nap. I'm an only child. I

49:53

didn't come from a family that Talked

49:55

about conflict at all. So when

49:57

Taylor is like talk

50:00

about it, I'm like, who,

50:02

where, what? So it's, it's been,

50:04

it's, it's been a little bit of a

50:07

learning curve for me, but we're getting there. I

50:10

hear a lot of positive skills

50:13

being practiced here that are

50:15

very practical to

50:17

a lot of people. So I appreciate

50:20

how you're describing, navigating that. And I

50:22

think a lot of people can relate

50:24

to not necessarily knowing exactly what they

50:26

feel. I mean, I have

50:30

suggested that mine

50:32

who has been in therapy for many,

50:34

many years, will quickly go to an

50:36

explanation of something. And then I'm like,

50:38

well, what's actually even more

50:41

underneath it and that how

50:43

we actually show up and, and how

50:45

we feel can change even when we start

50:47

to be in relationship and communicate

50:49

it. So it's like, you know,

50:52

I'm wondering if you've ever had that

50:54

experience where you're like, Oh, discovering how

50:56

you feel, then you talk about it. It

50:58

goes into the combination of, or

51:00

the zone of the relationship that

51:02

is created with the two people.

51:05

But then that even can shift, like just talking about

51:07

it can then even shift to something else. So I

51:09

don't know. Maim has said to me, I'm, I have

51:13

a hard time necessarily picking one thing and

51:16

being decisive. And so she'll

51:18

be like, ah, let's make a decision right away.

51:20

And sometimes I'm like, let's just throw it into

51:22

the pot and let it

51:24

simmer for a while, turn it around and

51:27

actually like not make a decision and see

51:29

what happens. Yeah.

51:31

That's her. Yeah. Yeah. Or he's

51:33

like, sometimes he'll just really want my

51:36

opinion, like like stagecoach. We were looking

51:39

at Airbnb for stagecoach. He's like, okay, these four

51:41

houses, there's this, this one's cool. Cause of this

51:43

and this and this. And then he's like, which

51:45

one do you like? I'm like, all

51:47

them, whatever you want. And he was like, no,

51:49

but pick one. I'm like, but I don't, I

51:51

don't care. He's like, no, but which one's your

51:53

favorite? I don't have a favorite. I, they're all

51:55

equal. So it's things like that sometimes where he's

51:57

like, no, do you have one that you like?

52:00

I'm like, no, I don't care what

52:02

everyone you like. Very, very easy and

52:04

go with the flow and sometimes. Well,

52:07

actually, I want to poke at

52:09

that a little bit because you've described

52:11

yourself as indecisive. Is

52:13

it that you don't care or that you

52:15

don't know? That

52:20

is the question. Maybe

52:26

I just don't care majority of the

52:28

time. Feel like the majority of the time you just don't care.

52:30

Like, are there things that you're like, oh, I

52:32

really like, I need this kind of English muffin.

52:34

Like, are there things that you're particular about? I

52:38

am particular about having things clean.

52:40

Yeah, that is true. I

52:45

do like clean things, but it's something

52:47

that I don't, I

52:50

think is undiagnosed, but I know quite

52:52

a few nurses who have worked as

52:54

nurses and have developed OCD tendencies

52:56

from it. And

52:59

I feel like I have not yet been

53:01

diagnosed with that, but I find

53:03

myself getting stuck in my head a lot with that. People

53:06

will do something and I'm like, I'll

53:08

brush it off and be like, I don't

53:10

care, whatever. If they want to act that

53:12

way, whatever. And Taylor's like, no, it's justice.

53:14

Yeah, somebody will like, if

53:17

somebody like wrong does her, like

53:22

what I feel like a lot of

53:24

people would be like, that's not cool.

53:26

Like, why are you not? I

53:28

find myself a lot being like, why aren't

53:31

you more upset? And she's

53:33

always just like, you know, I

53:35

don't care. And I'm like, what?

53:38

If I were you, I would be pissed off. I

53:41

would either never talk to that person again or

53:43

go right up to their face and talk about

53:45

it. If it's someone in like

53:47

my very close circle, then I will care.

53:50

But I think if it's, you know, not one

53:52

of five people. But then on the

53:54

flip side, if someone does something to Taylor,

53:56

then I'm like frickin mama bear.

54:00

I'm destroying them.

54:03

So it's kind of for myself,

54:05

I'm like, yeah, whatever. But if it's someone that

54:07

I care for, then I'm like, see

54:09

you later, alligator. If this is a game

54:12

that we're all playing at home, which

54:15

is which tailor are we? I'm

54:18

having a hard time deciding which

54:20

one I am. Because I have

54:22

times where I'm like very

54:24

sort of laissez-faire and I don't

54:26

care and things roll off my back. And

54:28

I'm like, Mayim is like, you should be

54:30

upset about something and you should set a

54:32

boundary and talks to me about what action

54:34

I should take. And

54:37

then on the other hand, if I'm looking at

54:40

AirBnBs, I'm more this tailor,

54:42

where I'm like, well, the beds are

54:44

like this and it has

54:46

this amenity, but it's this far away. And I

54:48

go to Mayim and I'm like, let's try and

54:50

process this together. She's like, I don't care, just

54:52

pick one. I'm like, you can't just pick one.

54:54

There are all these factors to consider. And

54:57

she's just like. The pros and cons.

54:59

Yeah. We need a detailed pros and cons

55:01

list. We need an official meeting. We need

55:04

a spreadsheet or some like we need to

55:06

be in this together in some way. And

55:08

when she dismisses it with not caring, what

55:10

I hear is all of

55:12

the ways that I analyze and try to

55:14

make the right choice for us so

55:17

that we have the best outcome are

55:19

not appreciated. Yeah. Yeah.

55:22

I feel you there. Yeah. Our

55:26

personalities are confused. Well,

55:28

I'm going to call you from now on. Yeah,

55:31

exactly. You call Taylor and Tay and I

55:33

will be on the phone and not talk

55:35

about anything because we don't care. You

55:39

guys will just be not caring together. There

55:42

you go. But I

55:44

do want to ask a little bit because I know

55:46

that part of your interest, Tay,

55:49

in mental health does come from a bit

55:52

of the way that you were raised and some

55:54

of what you experienced. I wonder

55:56

if you can talk a little bit about your awareness. of

56:01

mental health challenges. You've talked about

56:03

growing up, knowing

56:05

people who were impacted by addiction and you

56:08

had a friend commit suicide. You've

56:10

definitely experienced a lot of intensity

56:12

in this arena. Can you talk

56:14

a little bit about what

56:17

that was like growing up and how

56:19

you think it might impact maybe your

56:22

personality? Yeah. Yeah,

56:25

I mean, I was definitely surrounded by

56:27

a lot of mental health struggles. Obviously,

56:31

I never personally, maybe

56:33

I never personally realized I dealt with it

56:35

until after working in the hospital. But yeah,

56:38

I had a lot of family members struggle

56:41

with addiction, whether it was alcohol, like all

56:43

the way to heroin. My cousin who

56:47

still is on and off addict

56:49

today, he

56:51

almost lost his life twice. He was like

56:53

full life support. So

56:56

I've just seen him go through a lot of stuff.

56:58

And I remember thinking, the

57:00

first time he was in the hospital, I was probably

57:02

like around the age of 10, maybe

57:04

nine, eight, around there. Full

57:07

life support tubes, everything. And I

57:11

remember leaving the hospital and I

57:13

felt two things. One, I think that

57:15

was the first time I ever felt

57:17

sadness, like true heartache. Because

57:20

I remember my chest hurt really bad. I felt

57:22

like my throat was hurting. I

57:25

felt like I had, because he was intubated, I

57:27

felt like I was having pains for

57:29

him. It was a weird

57:31

feeling that I had never had before, but the

57:33

other part of me was like, why doesn't he

57:35

just stop? Like why can't he just,

57:38

why did he let himself get there? And

57:41

I wasn't able to process what

57:43

addiction was at that age. And

57:47

then fast forward, my best guy friend

57:49

in high school, he ended

57:52

up having bipolar

57:55

and he was kind of like on and off

57:59

meds, trying to figure out. bigger things

58:01

out, but he ended

58:03

up taking his life during a

58:05

manic episode. His bipolar, he

58:08

had a very

58:10

rough, interesting

58:13

upbringing. He's actually

58:15

raised by his aunt, who's his mom. They are

58:17

family, so super close. We actually had them on

58:19

the podcast and they got to share his whole

58:21

story. And I got to learn some stuff about

58:23

him because in high school we didn't know that

58:26

he had bipolar disorder. I learned

58:29

it after he had already passed because he had

58:31

developed it later on in life, which

58:34

was something

58:36

that we just did not know. But

58:39

after his

58:41

passing and learning more

58:43

about his story, that's kind of

58:46

where my passion for it started.

58:49

I knew I really wanted to help

58:51

people, which is I think why I

58:53

got into nursing. I really loved psych

58:57

nursing too. That was

58:59

one of my favorite rotations. I loved getting

59:01

to work with kids during

59:04

that rotation, so that was super awesome. But I

59:06

think I've just been around it so much that

59:09

I really just have taken a

59:11

love for trying to learn more about it

59:13

and help people with it. So

59:16

is that sort of the reason then for

59:18

starting this podcast? Tell me about how that

59:20

came about. Yeah,

59:22

I think working

59:25

through the hospital

59:27

and then developing my own mental health

59:30

struggles is kind of what really, because

59:32

I had struggled with it, I was like, okay, I

59:35

actually need to talk about this

59:38

more because there's so many people dealing

59:40

with it, not just healthcare workers. Everyone is having a

59:42

rough time right now. This is end

59:44

of 2021. Before there ever was a podcast,

59:49

there was a little blog called Lemons by

59:51

Tay, which is just like me sharing my

59:54

thoughts, still wanting to just help

59:56

people and share my story and try to give

59:58

people a voice to relate. relate to and

1:00:01

that turned into our nonprofit, the Lemons Foundation.

1:00:04

And then I probably say

1:00:06

end of middle to end of

1:00:09

2022 when we got married. I

1:00:11

don't know why my brain decides to do new things

1:00:13

when we're busy, but I do tend to

1:00:15

do that. Um,

1:00:17

I did also hear that I'm supposed to,

1:00:20

what was, what is that here on TikTok?

1:00:22

I'm supposed to create something new based off

1:00:24

of the clips and cycles. Anyways.

1:00:26

Yeah. A lot of newness. That's what I

1:00:29

told you last night. I said, I'm

1:00:31

supposed to, I'm creative and I'm supposed to do new

1:00:33

things. Like people in general. Yes,

1:00:35

yes, yes, yes. Not just me. I

1:00:37

was centered towards women with their cycle

1:00:39

and the clips and anyways. Um,

1:00:42

but I tend to dream of

1:00:44

things in my sleep and I woke up one day and I was

1:00:46

like, Hey, I think we need to start a podcast. I don't listen

1:00:48

to podcasts. I have no clue how to do it. I don't know

1:00:51

how we're going to do it, but we're going to do it. And

1:00:53

he was like, have fun. Um, and

1:00:56

I was like, no, you're going to do it with

1:00:58

me. He was like, Oh, okay. Um, interesting. Um,

1:01:01

I knew he would be hesitant to it because

1:01:03

he does not like new things. Uh,

1:01:06

but we filmed our first two episodes, him

1:01:09

interviewing me, me interviewing him. And then he was

1:01:11

like, okay, can I be your full time co-host?

1:01:13

And I was like, I knew you would want

1:01:15

to do this. So that's kind

1:01:18

of where that's how, how we

1:01:20

ended up getting to the podcast was all these little

1:01:22

things, but I think it's cool because of my

1:01:25

whole mental health journey and then me finally

1:01:27

going through it, going

1:01:29

through, you know, therapy and different tools that have helped

1:01:31

me and Taylor

1:01:33

kind of at the same time, we both

1:01:36

kind of went through our mental health journeys at the

1:01:38

same time and got to grow in that together. And

1:01:41

it's just kind of become a passion of ours that

1:01:43

we've seen, you know, us work through as individuals

1:01:45

and as a couple, um, that

1:01:47

is something we're just passionate about sharing. Yeah.

1:01:50

Taylor, maybe you can talk a little bit about sort of

1:01:52

your side of it. Um, you know, you've obviously

1:01:54

touched on a lot of different aspects and you

1:01:56

know, my feeling is like throw fame

1:01:59

at any human. and you'll see all sorts

1:02:01

of things surface, you know, that you might not

1:02:03

have seen before or even,

1:02:05

you know, thought would, you

1:02:08

know, would occur for you. Can

1:02:10

you talk a bit? I mean, I know that there was, you

1:02:12

know, kind of a stretch of about a

1:02:14

decade, you know, where you sort of

1:02:16

took some time outside

1:02:18

of, you know, wanting to leave your house

1:02:20

or having, you know, sort of this notion

1:02:22

of, I don't want to say a threat,

1:02:24

but, you know, if something kind of looming

1:02:26

just outside of what felt safe. Can

1:02:29

you talk a little bit about sort of your mental health

1:02:31

journey as you see it and

1:02:33

then sort of what it's been like to, you know,

1:02:35

to get to talk about it in this arena on

1:02:37

your podcast? Yeah, yeah.

1:02:40

For me, growing up,

1:02:43

I wasn't surrounded by

1:02:47

many, much mental

1:02:49

health struggles

1:02:52

in my life. But

1:02:56

I think it was once I

1:02:58

took a step back from the

1:03:00

industry is when

1:03:03

things really like seem to hit. I think,

1:03:05

you know, I started at a

1:03:07

very young age and it was just go,

1:03:09

go, go, put your head down and, you

1:03:12

know, keep going. And

1:03:14

then I think once I finally was

1:03:17

a little bit burned out and just feeling

1:03:19

like I, you know, missed

1:03:22

out on some normal aspects

1:03:24

of life that I wanted

1:03:26

to kind of go back

1:03:28

and just experience. I

1:03:32

think that is when, you know,

1:03:34

I started to struggle.

1:03:39

And, yeah, thankfully it was around

1:03:41

the same time that we were

1:03:43

meeting. So

1:03:46

I think we just both, I mean,

1:03:48

I started to notice, hey,

1:03:52

just acting differently and sometimes

1:03:55

just like on random days,

1:03:57

just being

1:03:59

a little sad. And I

1:04:01

remember one day I asked her,

1:04:03

I was like, are you okay? And

1:04:07

she was like, yeah,

1:04:09

I'm fine, yeah. And I was like, no,

1:04:11

but like, are you really okay?

1:04:15

And it just like hit her. And she

1:04:18

started to think about it. And I mean,

1:04:21

that's what opened up her

1:04:24

mind to maybe there's something going on

1:04:26

deeper. What were you picking up on?

1:04:28

Can you talk about it? What were you picking up on? We

1:04:32

were in the car one day driving. Yeah,

1:04:36

it was just, you know, I had worked a, I

1:04:39

come home from a night shift. I don't know. I think, I think

1:04:43

looking back on it in hindsight and

1:04:46

once I removed myself, I think that's where we, you know, relate

1:04:48

even though it's two completely different fields. When

1:04:51

I removed myself from the hospital, all of

1:04:53

the feelings sunk in of what I was

1:04:55

actually feeling. Like I went into depressive state.

1:04:57

I was dissociating really bad. I felt very

1:05:00

numb. Like all of those things hit me

1:05:02

once I left. And not

1:05:04

to say that you went through those things, but

1:05:07

you, we both took a step back from

1:05:09

our respective industries. And that was

1:05:11

when we were both like, oh, okay, well now I can actually

1:05:13

process how I'm feeling. But

1:05:15

at the time I think I was just

1:05:17

really dissociating. It was just, you know, keeping

1:05:20

my head down, grinding the same thing you were.

1:05:22

I was picking up those extra shifts, doing what

1:05:24

I could. Yeah. And I

1:05:27

just, I think I felt, I

1:05:30

think I felt sad during that time, but I think it

1:05:32

was masked by being tired because I was working night shift

1:05:34

and it was an adjustment on my body, which my

1:05:37

body did not like. So

1:05:39

I think that is what

1:05:41

it was. Like I'm normally like a

1:05:44

happy person. Yeah.

1:05:46

I would say it was all of that. And

1:05:48

also maybe the biggest

1:05:50

part, I

1:05:52

sensed that you just were

1:05:55

getting and going through the

1:05:57

days without feeling. too

1:06:00

much, whether it was

1:06:02

positive or negative. Yeah,

1:06:04

it just, you always were just

1:06:06

here. And I

1:06:09

think that is what I noticed was a little

1:06:11

different. It's like the highs weren't

1:06:13

there and the lows weren't there.

1:06:17

When I know she's sad, she

1:06:19

wouldn't really let herself get too

1:06:21

sad. She just always was here.

1:06:24

And I think that is when I

1:06:27

started picking up on, you know,

1:06:30

are you really okay? Like, you know, I would ask

1:06:32

her at the end of each shift and, you know,

1:06:35

are you okay? You know, just about

1:06:37

the last 24 hours. But

1:06:40

this was the first time that I was asking like, no,

1:06:43

not like last night's shift, like

1:06:45

in life, like right now, are

1:06:47

you okay? And

1:06:50

I think it was eye-opening for me too. So

1:06:52

we both, we both... That was the first time I

1:06:54

think either one of us had been asked or heard

1:06:57

that question. That was

1:06:59

never like a... No

1:07:01

one's ever asked me, you know, I feel like

1:07:03

now it's so easy to consider mental health is such

1:07:06

a talked about thing now. It's like, you know, how

1:07:08

are you doing like on like a deeper

1:07:10

level? But I mean, even just

1:07:12

like a couple of years ago, I feel like that

1:07:14

wasn't like a deep, you know,

1:07:16

how are you doing wasn't really

1:07:18

a thing. The

1:07:20

conversation has definitely changed in the

1:07:22

last few years. And

1:07:25

what you're describing is so common.

1:07:28

People are just getting by,

1:07:30

they're compartmentalizing what

1:07:33

they're feeling in order to

1:07:35

show up at work in order to get through

1:07:37

the day. And you just

1:07:40

do that. And then you try

1:07:42

to rest and try to do it again.

1:07:44

And over time, we begin to reduce

1:07:47

our emotional register.

1:07:50

So you do keep

1:07:52

the highs lower and the lows get a

1:07:54

little bit lower and we start to get

1:07:56

stuck there. And then we forget that we've

1:07:59

done the compartmentalization. And

1:08:01

we just start to feel numb. So

1:08:03

really powerful that you were both able

1:08:05

to sort of put your finger on the

1:08:07

pulse of each other and say like, wait a

1:08:09

second, what's that check in? Because it requires someone

1:08:11

else to reflect back and say,

1:08:13

wait a second, what's really going on here?

1:08:16

Because you're not the person who

1:08:18

I am used to seeing. I

1:08:21

also want the story to be that Taylor

1:08:24

can just sense things about people. Like I want him

1:08:26

to walk around the street and be like, that person's

1:08:28

not okay. They need something. They

1:08:30

need a hug. The discernment that he

1:08:33

has on people and their character

1:08:35

and like their, what's the

1:08:38

word, like their intention behind things. Like

1:08:41

he is very good discernment, but he

1:08:43

doesn't always share his like opinion or

1:08:46

thoughts with his, with people. He'll

1:08:49

share them with me obviously. But you know,

1:08:51

if our friends are like asking advice on

1:08:54

something. Where does that come

1:08:56

from Taylor? Like are either of your parents like this? I

1:08:58

think you have a superpower and we just didn't know it.

1:09:01

He definitely does. That's what, that was the whole

1:09:03

reason why I wanted him to do the

1:09:05

podcast with me because he's so wise beyond

1:09:07

his years. And like he just like when

1:09:09

he opens his mouth, he just fused out

1:09:11

wisdom and like, yes. Yeah,

1:09:16

I don't, I don't know. I take

1:09:18

it as a compliment, but yeah, I

1:09:20

don't. It's tough

1:09:23

for me to, yeah, just start

1:09:25

throwing my opinion at

1:09:27

people. But

1:09:30

yeah, it has been doing

1:09:32

the podcast has helped a lot. I

1:09:36

mean, we say, I'm sure, I'm

1:09:38

sure you both feel the

1:09:40

same maybe, but we

1:09:43

started the podcast hoping that we could,

1:09:46

you know, help a few people out

1:09:48

there that might listen. Whatever

1:09:50

did, I think that it would

1:09:52

end up being good for me

1:09:54

personally. And it really has just

1:09:57

been, it's been free therapy

1:09:59

for us. It's been eye-opening

1:10:01

having conversations with our guests

1:10:04

or experts or whoever it

1:10:06

is and really

1:10:08

just like understand

1:10:10

teaching me about myself

1:10:12

and you know, why I Maybe

1:10:16

do some things or take a certain way So

1:10:19

it's that that's been it. I

1:10:21

don't want to say the greatest gift but the most

1:10:23

unexpected For sure from

1:10:26

the podcast. I want to hear

1:10:28

from each of you. What's your favorite thing? That

1:10:30

you've learned on your podcast about

1:10:33

mental health. I mean I

1:10:35

would probably go straight to

1:10:39

to dr. Amen We've

1:10:43

had we've had him on twice

1:10:45

and he was actually our first

1:10:47

repeat guest first

1:10:49

animal only so far first animal, yeah,

1:10:52

and Yeah

1:11:00

Open my eyes and really like put

1:11:02

things into place for me. I'm trying

1:11:04

to remember a specific one right now

1:11:07

You like that you like he has like

1:11:10

so many little things But I know you like the one

1:11:12

of waking up and being like today's gonna be a good

1:11:14

day like going into it with a positive intention.

1:11:16

Yeah, he really like

1:11:19

speaks into like your

1:11:21

brain like you need

1:11:23

to tell Your brain your

1:11:25

brain needs to tell you at the

1:11:28

start of every day because it's just a brain

1:11:30

is so powerful like So

1:11:32

if you can just wake up each

1:11:34

morning and tell yourself

1:11:36

he's like, I know it sounds silly

1:11:39

I know it sounds ridiculous But

1:11:41

if you can just wake up in the morning and before

1:11:44

you roll out of bed tell yourself Today

1:11:46

is gonna be a good day Just

1:11:50

getting that out there and getting

1:11:52

it in your brain will

1:11:55

affect how you go about your

1:11:57

day and it just will it

1:12:00

will be with you. If the

1:12:02

first thing you think is, like,

1:12:05

I got this to do today and I got this

1:12:07

to do and this

1:12:10

happened yesterday and whatever,

1:12:14

that's going to also affect how you

1:12:16

go about your day. And I

1:12:19

have noticed it. I've

1:12:22

told myself sometimes when I wake up in the

1:12:24

morning, not always, but sometimes

1:12:26

I've just been like, wow,

1:12:28

I pulled a curtain

1:12:30

back and it's beautiful outside.

1:12:33

I'm thankful I

1:12:35

get to go downstairs and hug my

1:12:37

wife and our dogs. And yeah,

1:12:40

today's going to be a good day. I

1:12:42

typically always do have a good day. And,

1:12:46

Tae, what about you? I

1:12:48

think mine is an

1:12:50

analogy that Lindsay

1:12:53

Vaughn told us on

1:12:55

an episode of, you know, her

1:12:58

whole thing is if you,

1:13:00

you know, care, you know, your

1:13:02

ACL, you'll go have surgery

1:13:04

on it. You'll go do your physical

1:13:06

therapy. You'll do these exercises. You'll do

1:13:08

this, this, this, whatever it is. And

1:13:11

we need to be treating our brains the

1:13:14

same way. You know, if I break my

1:13:16

arm, I'm not just, you know,

1:13:18

I'm going to go to the doctor. I'm going to get

1:13:20

it fixed. I'm going to get, you know, pins in it.

1:13:23

I'm going to get a cast on and then I'm going

1:13:25

to go do rehab and the therapy that I need to

1:13:27

for it. And we need to be

1:13:29

doing that same thing for our brain when our

1:13:31

brain, you know, isn't working properly. We got to

1:13:33

take those same steps in order

1:13:35

to, you know, help heal it. Why

1:13:38

are we not treating one

1:13:41

of, if not the most important organ

1:13:43

in our body the same way we're,

1:13:46

you know, treating our Achilles tendon? Yeah.

1:13:50

It's just a really like put things

1:13:52

into place for

1:13:55

us where it was just like, yeah,

1:13:57

what? Like what? When you put it

1:13:59

in layman's turn. like that. It's like

1:14:01

a no-brainer. Why wouldn't I eat

1:14:03

the right foods? Go to therapy.

1:14:06

Not even therapy. Things that

1:14:08

you can do at home. Why wouldn't I

1:14:10

get enough sleep, eat healthy food, meditate,

1:14:12

do affirmations, pray, whatever it is. Why wouldn't

1:14:14

I be doing those things that are going

1:14:17

to better my brain? What

1:14:21

is each of your favorite tool? You know, you

1:14:23

just listed a bunch of things. Do

1:14:26

you have a favorite one? Mine's

1:14:31

exercise. Yeah,

1:14:33

I can just tell for

1:14:35

sure when I am

1:14:38

going through a rough patch. I'm

1:14:40

not exercising. And

1:14:43

as soon as I start

1:14:45

to get back consistent with

1:14:47

that, whatever it is, going

1:14:50

to the gym or just

1:14:52

getting outside, going for walks,

1:14:54

runs, I

1:14:57

notice my life and

1:14:59

my outlook on life immediately

1:15:01

start to change. So

1:15:03

yeah, I think exercise would be probably

1:15:05

the biggest for me. Exercise

1:15:08

is one of those things that there's been

1:15:10

some really, really compelling studies where exercise

1:15:13

goes toe-to-toe with SSRIs

1:15:15

in terms of treating symptoms of

1:15:17

depression. And I like to

1:15:19

point out that there are certain types of depression

1:15:22

where you're not getting out of bed to exercise.

1:15:24

That's like a different level. But for people who

1:15:26

have a certain level of depression or for people

1:15:28

who are prone to it, there's

1:15:31

some unbelievable research showing

1:15:33

that literally the endorphins,

1:15:35

the adrenaline, all of that

1:15:39

can do very, very miraculous

1:15:41

things for your mental health. And it

1:15:43

may not be true for everyone.

1:15:45

Obviously, you have to find something that you

1:15:47

love and something that can keep your interest.

1:15:50

But the fact is, you're not just exercising your

1:15:54

body or your muscles. You're not just staying

1:15:56

fit. It's actually encouraging

1:15:58

chemicals to flow through your

1:16:01

body that is sort of

1:16:03

a, it allows you to naturally

1:16:05

tap into some of those anti-depressive

1:16:07

features of

1:16:10

that exercise. And Tei, what about you? What's

1:16:12

your favorite tool? Yeah.

1:16:15

I mean, I love going to

1:16:17

therapy, so there's that, but

1:16:19

one that is accessible

1:16:21

for everyone. I

1:16:23

have a very loud brain that doesn't

1:16:25

turn off. So

1:16:28

things that can kind of hyper-focus

1:16:31

my brain on things gives it

1:16:34

rest in a weird way. So

1:16:36

like reorganizing something or I

1:16:40

just learned how to make the kasha bread and

1:16:42

like things that

1:16:45

isn't sitting, but things that

1:16:47

are kind of like

1:16:50

a hyper-focused thing that is,

1:16:52

I love Taylor whenever I go organizing, he's like,

1:16:54

that's not rest. I'm like, but it is rest

1:16:58

for my, like, it just turns off a

1:17:00

side of my brain that is really loud.

1:17:03

I feel like in it, I

1:17:05

just, it's quiet when I do stuff like that. So

1:17:07

little things like, you know, organizing. I

1:17:11

love, but cooking recently has been, yeah, I

1:17:13

get that. Because cooking is that for me. Yeah, you

1:17:15

love, I'm getting into the exercise thing.

1:17:19

I danced my whole life. So I feel

1:17:21

like I haven't learned to love to exercise

1:17:24

again yet. I think I

1:17:26

kind of like built up a little wall to

1:17:28

it. But

1:17:30

he is really good at getting me to go.

1:17:32

We worked out this morning and I feel great

1:17:34

today. So I know it's there. It's just, I'm

1:17:37

learning to love it again. Yeah,

1:17:39

I don't always love it. Actually,

1:17:41

yeah, but I do

1:17:44

love and notice deeply

1:17:46

the way that it makes me

1:17:48

feel. And so much more, not

1:17:50

my physical body, my mental. Yeah.

1:17:53

Yeah, I do want to ask before we let you go. I

1:17:55

do want to ask about the, I do want

1:17:57

to ask about your physical body. I just said it.

1:18:00

But the reason that I want to ask about

1:18:02

your physical body is, you know, you've talked about

1:18:04

how much attention was paid, you know, to what

1:18:06

your body didn't look like, and then what it

1:18:09

did look like. And obviously, this was, I mean,

1:18:11

I, you know, seen some of

1:18:13

the movies, like, it's a big deal, like it's a thing.

1:18:15

And, you know, meaning it's

1:18:17

it is a focal point, you know, of

1:18:19

many aspects of the story that you're telling

1:18:22

as a character. I wonder,

1:18:24

what is your relationship like with your body

1:18:26

now? What is it like to also

1:18:28

be a grown up, you know, as you said,

1:18:30

our bodies do different things when we're older? Does

1:18:33

working out feel like a recreation of some

1:18:35

of that, you know, so I don't want

1:18:37

to use trauma, but a recreation of some

1:18:39

of that conflict? Or does it feel completely

1:18:41

separate? What does it feel like now to

1:18:43

have, you know, to be in

1:18:46

a relationship with with your body? Yeah.

1:18:51

I'm much, much

1:18:53

better mentally

1:18:56

with my body than

1:18:58

I used to be. But I'm

1:19:01

not near perfect. I still I

1:19:03

still struggle with it. I

1:19:05

still, you know, I'm very hard

1:19:07

on myself and it does

1:19:12

affect me. But I've I

1:19:15

have made great strides over

1:19:17

the last few years in

1:19:20

my outlook on it. And

1:19:23

just it really is

1:19:25

like just having to

1:19:27

rebuild the way my

1:19:29

mind works, where

1:19:32

I just I need to care

1:19:35

less about what people think

1:19:38

of me and my body and

1:19:41

care more about how me

1:19:44

myself is feeling and not

1:19:48

just physically when I'm naked looking

1:19:50

in the mirror, but how I

1:19:52

how I feel. So

1:19:55

it has it's taken rewiring

1:19:57

of that thought process, which.

1:20:00

It's been cool because

1:20:05

I feel like I've gotten to

1:20:07

witness this through like through Taylor over the years

1:20:09

of like, you know, I was with him like,

1:20:11

you know, when he decided he didn't want to

1:20:13

leave the house, like we were together like I

1:20:15

was with him when he was, you know, feeling

1:20:18

too embarrassed to go out and I, you know,

1:20:20

like that to now someone

1:20:23

you know, he's learned, I think he's, it's

1:20:25

cool because he's learned to love himself and

1:20:29

kind of put value in different things. And it's, I

1:20:31

love, I love bragging about him

1:20:33

in this regard because it's been really cool

1:20:35

to watch his brain shift

1:20:37

over the past few years. How

1:20:40

has it happened? I'm curious. Is this something you

1:20:42

like, we're done in therapy? Is it like, did

1:20:44

you read a book? Like, how do you rewire

1:20:47

that? I know.

1:20:50

I feel like, I

1:20:52

feel like time and I think him,

1:20:55

I mean, this is my observation on the

1:20:57

situation and living it next to you, but

1:20:59

I think also him

1:21:01

removing himself like from the industry

1:21:03

and being with someone that

1:21:05

has literally nothing to do with anything

1:21:08

of the industry. Like that was

1:21:10

the first time you ever like, I think

1:21:12

you just kind of shifted like where like

1:21:14

the value was. And I

1:21:17

think, I think just over like throughout

1:21:19

that you kind of learned to be like,

1:21:22

yeah, I am, I am cool. I

1:21:24

do love myself. Like, I think that's

1:21:27

kind of what the process was. Yeah,

1:21:29

I agree. I think it definitely just took

1:21:31

time. And yeah, I think, I think taking

1:21:33

a step back and not

1:21:36

being, you know, constantly judged each,

1:21:38

you know, and every day or

1:21:40

each and every project or whatever,

1:21:42

I think that was helpful.

1:21:45

Also community and

1:21:47

surrounding yourself with people that

1:21:50

genuinely like love you for,

1:21:52

you know, the human that

1:21:54

you are on the inside.

1:21:56

Yeah. Not for the celebrity.

1:21:58

Yeah, I think that was.

1:22:00

Definitely a major part of

1:22:02

rewiring the way that I thought about

1:22:04

myself. I Have

1:22:06

to ask because you know, obviously this is the industry

1:22:08

that I also was raised in and

1:22:11

you know revolve in is it possible

1:22:15

To be in Hollywood and not

1:22:17

hate your body You're

1:22:25

never gonna be perfect. Yeah.

1:22:28

Yeah, so I think as long as you

1:22:30

leave I come live with you now I

1:22:36

think you just as long as

1:22:38

you are okay and

1:22:40

in strong enough to

1:22:43

know that no matter

1:22:45

whether you're Too

1:22:47

skinny too fat to whatever

1:22:49

there's always gonna be a

1:22:52

side of it that people are tearing

1:22:54

down So I think

1:22:56

you just for me It's just I

1:22:59

needed to just know that and now

1:23:02

like it's still you know seeing

1:23:05

Mean comments and opinions or whatever. It's

1:23:08

still maybe will will sting a little

1:23:10

bit but not nearly as much because

1:23:12

I just I know

1:23:15

that now I know there's there's

1:23:17

no version of pleasing

1:23:19

everyone and You

1:23:22

know being perfect this somebody's always

1:23:24

gonna find a way. Yeah Hey,

1:23:27

do you think his body's perfect? Oh,

1:23:30

yeah You

1:23:36

two are my two favorite tailors I just have to say

1:23:39

Thank you really so nice to see how

1:23:41

you interact and how you support each other.

1:23:44

Thank you very much Can

1:23:46

I do a quick rapid fire with both of you? Yeah.

1:23:49

Yeah rapid fire

1:23:51

breakdown style with Taylor and

1:23:53

Tay What was

1:23:55

your mother right about? everything

1:23:59

Good answer There it is. Is

1:24:02

that your belief or is that what you think

1:24:04

she believes? Good point. She's

1:24:08

listening, mom, you're right. You were always right. Sorry,

1:24:15

mom, but not cooking, so let me move on

1:24:17

from that. She

1:24:21

knows it. Yeah, other

1:24:24

than cooking, my mom is a

1:24:26

saint. I mean, yeah, an

1:24:28

actual saint. From the Lord above. Sweetest

1:24:31

person ever, so I will say caring,

1:24:33

like just caring for us

1:24:35

or anyone. Okay,

1:24:38

what was your father right about? Probably

1:24:41

something with taxes. The

1:24:46

rapid fire is something that my

1:24:48

brain gives, I don't know. I'm

1:24:52

surprised you haven't asked to take a nap. I've

1:24:55

been at a fireplace when we were on the,

1:24:57

the sick of giraffe in a fireplace, when

1:24:59

she was our last podcast. That's right,

1:25:01

that's right. Yeah, mine

1:25:04

I would, yeah, either

1:25:06

numbers, something numbers, finances

1:25:09

or advice. Yeah.

1:25:13

Location that promotes your best mental health? Outside.

1:25:16

Yeah, I'm trying to think. Nature. Sun.

1:25:20

Yeah. Do you have a mantra

1:25:22

or a saying that you like? Yeah,

1:25:24

you always tell myself like, like,

1:25:26

I'm bigger than my anxiety, it's going to

1:25:28

pass like you're fine. It's just your brain.

1:25:30

Let it pass. So

1:25:33

little things like that are, you know, saying that I say

1:25:35

to myself when I'm feeling anxious

1:25:37

or panicky. Yeah,

1:25:40

I actually, yeah, I actually do have one.

1:25:43

And I thought about it maybe

1:25:45

day before yesterday on

1:25:47

one of my, I don't know if it's

1:25:49

a full mantra, but it's two words. But

1:25:52

on a coffee mug of

1:25:54

ours that we have, it says, love big.

1:25:58

And every time I pulled this out, I was like, oh, I'm going to get this. that

1:26:00

coffee mug, it makes me smile. Just

1:26:03

because nothing brings me greater joy

1:26:06

in life than

1:26:09

loving people. If

1:26:12

I'm ever down, I mean, it's

1:26:15

just, I don't know. I

1:26:17

just, I love people and I

1:26:20

just think loving, big, loving,

1:26:24

massive, there's no greater

1:26:26

way to cure anything

1:26:29

than love. It's beautiful. Who's

1:26:33

been your best spiritual teacher? My

1:26:35

first response was to say my therapist. I

1:26:38

want someone to say Justin Bieber right now. You have to

1:26:40

say Justin Bieber because you were hanging out with him in

1:26:42

church. No,

1:26:46

mine would probably be my mom. Yeah.

1:26:50

Yeah. Moment of best intuition.

1:26:54

Night that I met you. No, brother. Oh,

1:26:57

that's sweet. That's not happening.

1:26:59

You said that one. I

1:27:03

said, pick me please. That's

1:27:07

very sweet. How about a fake that? Say,

1:27:10

can you top that? Oh, nope.

1:27:12

No, there's no topping that one. Wasn't

1:27:15

putting the draft on the fireplace. No, it was

1:27:17

not the draft on the fireplace. Who

1:27:20

are you most competitive with? Myself.

1:27:23

Myself, for sure. Okay. And

1:27:26

last question, what do you know to be true?

1:27:29

Is that whatever is going on will pass? I'll

1:27:32

go with love conquers all. Beautiful.

1:27:37

Tay, you said something about dreaming

1:27:41

the podcast and

1:27:43

that you dream things. And I

1:27:45

can't end this interview before hearing

1:27:47

what else have you dreamed up

1:27:49

and have you brought it into

1:27:51

existence? I have

1:27:54

done a few things. The nonprofit was a dream.

1:27:57

And I woke up and I said, I'm going to start. nonprofit.

1:28:00

I didn't have any intention of doing that and

1:28:03

I did that and that's been one of my favorite

1:28:05

things. The Lemon Foundation.

1:28:07

Yes. Yeah, same thing

1:28:11

with the podcast. I have a few things that are

1:28:13

in there. I'm trying

1:28:16

to figure out how you start

1:28:19

dreaming about which Airbnb you want.

1:28:24

Yeah, her dreams are powerful.

1:28:27

I gotta figure out how to get

1:28:29

that in there. Get

1:28:32

the Airbnb in there? Yeah, you

1:28:34

know, or wanting to talk

1:28:36

about things, you know, right

1:28:39

away. Yeah, we're getting there.

1:28:41

The podcast is the squeeze

1:28:43

and it's really been so much

1:28:45

fun talking to you. I hope people will check

1:28:47

out my episode of your

1:28:49

podcast and now you've been on our

1:28:52

podcast. It's really, really a pleasure to

1:28:55

talk to you and check out the squeeze and

1:28:57

from our breakdown to the one we hope you

1:28:59

never have. We'll see you next time.

1:29:03

I'm gonna risk being that guy.

1:29:05

Taylor, have

1:29:11

you tried pickleball

1:29:16

by any chance?

1:29:23

Oh, hey, do you play also

1:29:26

play pickleball? Okay, yes, but not.

1:29:28

That's a no. Taylor

1:29:32

and his friends that, you know,

1:29:34

are like tennis and are

1:29:36

like, yes, athletes. I

1:29:39

am not allowed to play because they get really

1:29:41

competitive, but we have friends that I

1:29:43

can play with. I'm so competitive, Jonathan doesn't

1:29:45

let me play with other people. Jonathan

1:29:48

also does not enjoy himself

1:29:51

unless it is like cutthroat people at

1:29:53

his level or better. He does not

1:29:55

know how to just like play for

1:29:57

fun. Like play with my kid who

1:29:59

like isn't super good but wants to

1:30:01

learn. It's like it's a whole other

1:30:04

level. This is a couple's podcast that needs

1:30:06

to happen about the challenges that come up

1:30:08

with Pickleball and the way that it is dividing

1:30:10

our nation. I

1:30:13

don't mind going and playing Pickleball with

1:30:15

Maim, with her kids. Thanks.

1:30:18

It's just not the same as

1:30:20

playing at like a

1:30:24

404.5 level where it's super

1:30:26

aggressive and like that level

1:30:29

of intensity, it's not the same

1:30:31

as going and connecting and

1:30:33

having fun and I need

1:30:35

both of those things. I'll tear

1:30:37

someone's face off but I also know

1:30:39

when children need to learn and want

1:30:42

to engage with adults. Love

1:30:44

and Pickleball, Conqueral.